11 | How to Fulfil Your Islamic Duties Towards Narcissistic Muslim Parents

A question I often get asked by people is “How can I fulfil my islamic duties towards my narcissistic parents?” This is a difficult and sensitive subject, as we are taught by many scholars that no matter what our parents do, we must obey and treat them well.
We are taught that the best among us are those who are best to their parents and so this becomes very difficult for those who are religious, but are abused regularly by their parents and even abandoned by them from a young age. This can cause severe anxiety, depression and feelings of hopelessness when they feel guilt in being unable to fulfil their duties towards their parents along with their own fears (planted in them by their narc parents) that God will punish them severely for it. This leads to a plummet of faith in God and mental health and resentment towards Him, which leads many people away from being practicing Muslims and eventually from Islam as a way of life.
This podcast will explain what Allah expects from children and how people can safely maintain ties (or maintain a safe distance) with tyrannical parents who are unbearable to live with or be in close contact with. If you don't do this, the narcissism in your parents will have a negative affect on your marriage and children, as it will seep into those relationships too and cause disruptions.
*Important note: Some scholars say that if God requested us to maintain good relations with even our non-Muslim parents then it means we need to tolerate the toxic behaviour of our Muslim parents to get rewards and this is completely incorrect. The non-Muslim parents The Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) speaks of whom we are meant to keep ties with are those who are loving, caring and overall good parents. God is just and merciful and wouldn't request anyone to cut ties with a kind person just because they're non-Muslim. If non-Muslim parents are hostile, narcissistic and anti-Islam and Muslims then it's best to maintain strong boundaries with them so that they don't affect your faith.
If you'd like more details about this subject and more information about similar issues, subscribe to the channel for more podcasts. You can also check out my book 'The Muslim Narcissist' that provides 522 pages of education, counselling and guidance for everyone 📖
You can order your copy today from Amazon, World of Books, Waterstones and Barnes & Noble 😃 ✨
This self-help book is the perfect gift for anyone who is suffering from their own narcissism or is a victim of a Muslim narcissist(s) who is using misinterpreted Islamic teachings to inflict harm on others. This book will help you to understand yourself, your spouses, family members and people in general.
For more information about the book, where to buy it and counselling services please visit: www.themuslimnarcissist.com
#themuslimnarcissist

[@tm.7233]

I had to cut ties, the suicidal ideations were getting dangerous, my marriage was suffering and I had a miscarriage. I still pray for them everyday and pray that Allah makes my relationship with them easier. But since limiting contact, I have gotten closer to Allah, my relationship with my husband has gotten better, and Alhumdulillah mentally getting better. Thank you for this episode, I needed to hear this today. Especially because I have been feeling sad and guilty about the limited contact

[@scentsoftravelmeditation]

They want to push you to suicide Is what psychopaths do

[@user-eu4zb4hh3y]

I am so happy to hear that finally a islamic person is admitting this. It's always taboo and parents are always seen as little angels. May Allah richly reward you. This hurts so much, if you've narcissistic parents. :(

[@liliadam6480]

In my case, when i found out that my mom is a narc, i got flashbacks of how her family treated me, it turned out that my grandma, my aunts, all of them from my mom’s family were showing the behavior of narcs. They all abused me mentally & verbally. And my mom also abused me mentally & verbally, plus physically (behind the door). When outsiders presented, she acted like an ideal mom. But when it’s just me & my mom, she turned devilish. She also always compared me n my sis, made my sis hate me & didn’t want to get along with me. And so many other things that Narcs did that I can’t write all of them here. I grew up with anxiety disorder & depression. Alhamdulillah i am muslim, islam helped me to have patient and not to kill myself when i was at my lowest. Islam also guides me to not lose hope. And islam also taught me that Allah will give me justice and that He loves us more than our parents, so i can rely on His love only. And not be so upset that i didn’t get the love from my mom.

[@nabilahfatinabdrazak2308]

i am going through the same thing here. =) you are not alone

[@GiGtirgumfilmGiGAbdudi-wq7xr]

thus are all that happend to my life bro 😭😭😭but Allah is with us ❤😍😭😭

[@nacirahm1498]

I am hearing you and can’t stop crying… I have been abused for so many years and now I try to understand why I am so depressed all the time

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

I hope the podcast has given you some healing and understanding x

[@AnonymousOne-bb6bq]

Narcissistic parent act as if treating your kids with respect is haraam. I’ve been oppressed by my parents since a child and dealing with depression and anxiety to the point I can barely cope on a daily because of the torture I went through with them. Topics like this should be talk about more in Islam.

[@Taahirnumber1]

where are you from i went thru the same treatment

[@AnonymousOne-bb6bq]

@@Taahirnumber1 from USA (Atlanta, Georgia)

[@AnonymousOne-bb6bq]

@@Taahirnumber1 may Allah make it easy on you.

[@Taahirnumber1]

shukran its been really hard an im in therapy for it @@AnonymousOne-bb6bq

[@Taahirnumber1]

@@AnonymousOne-bb6bq oh wow so this is happening all over the world my mother always uses religion whenever i try to defend myself or make a point

[@silvialatifa49]

Salam Sister.... unfortunately Narcism people doesn't change. We must to be far from them and that's it, cos they drive people around them crazy.

[@taibahmateen9760]

Just hearing you validating the feelings of abused children brought so much peace. Thank you, May Allah bless you.

[@Aysh_khan_i]

Thank you so much... I have narcissist parents and narcissist mother in law and most of my in-laws....i was searching for Islamic point of view on the topic because my all parents ( including inlaws) are pious and religious people and i was the problem..my father is now constantly telling me from last few months to seek forgiveness from him " i forgive you because you are my child but Allah will only forgive you if you seek forgiveness from your parents. Because you are committing a major sin...." These are his words.. and the sin i committed is to just confront him for his cruel behavior. Thank you so much for this effort. You are helping so much Muslim people dealing with it. There is almost nothing on internet about Muslim narcissism. May Allah bless you ❤

[@lissomecoral]

agree, living separately away from them is the starting point 😊. you'll loose most bitterness in your heart & have empathy...

[@Letyourlightshine333]

May god bless you sister… I have been feeling guilty for months for cutting ties with my mother… as my father was dying she turned him and all my brothers against me, the pain was unbearable… instead I’d grieving the loss of my father, I had deal with her drama and turning my brothers against me… she did much more. I cut her off and felt so guilty and depressed but she crossed so many lines and insisted she is innocent. You have relieved me from a heavy burden , may Allah reward you.

[@liliadam6480]

Send hugs for you…. I find the manipulative behavior of my narc mom is burdening too, and making everyone turn against me just to have the control is sickening. I wish you get the healing you need

[@laralara7978]

I wish you all the best this sounds really bad 😢! May allah give you the strength to go through this

[@Miss__Chief]

Allahumma Ameen, we pray for all of us going through something similar. ❤❤❤

[@lilymn1382]

You confirmed my doubts . Im so tired and I still try to show respect by occasionally calling them . Even those phone calls are freaking tiring .

[@user-hh2kf1ir7z]

Don’t bother it doesn’t get any better 😂

[@nehanigar]

All my life I have felt horrible for not conforming to my mom's abuse. And I have held myself so guilty thinking that if she doesn't love me, how can Allah SWT love me? She always gaslit me telling me if I don't make her happy Allah will never be happy with me, and that used to crush me so much, because I would do anything for Allah's love. I tried and tried and tried maintaining a good relationship with her and fulfil my duties to her but she always abused me in one way or the other. I could never make her happy unless I completely obliged to all her unjust abuse, which one of my sisters did. She always compared that sister to me and caused rifts between me and my siblings, she told them so many bad things about me that they've grown to think I'm disobedient. When I was a kid, my mother would force me to be religious and wear hijab and go to Islamic lectures etc and I would repel it all because the way she made me do it was so abusive. I thought if this is Islam, if it makes you a horrible person, I don't think I want to be like her. My mother told me I will never get anything good in life because I didn't obey her well. So I did, for Allah's sake, for the longest time, do that. Even if she would hurt me, I would still force myself to smile and be kind to her and interact with her nicely like nothing happened (without getting any apology from her, EVER). I always justified her actions and somehow found myself in a Narcissistic marriage, where my husband and my mil, infact the whole family were narcissistic. Now, I'm on the brink of ending my marriage with with my narc husband and my mother blames me for it and blames me for bringing this upon myself for disobeying her. OH GOD. So much abuse. I finally learnt about Narcissism and it fits perfectly with her, my husband, and the mil, infact his siblings too. I learnt how a narc abuse victim ends up in a narc marriage. And that was me. I still live with my mother, and her daily abuse to me is heartbreaking to say the least, but I have answers now. And I maintain my distance, and my boundaries. I found Allah SWT! I strengthened my faith. I finally started Hijab and wholeheartedly, (mainly for Allah, but also because I thought maybe if I showed positive spiritual change, my husband would be spiritually inclined as well and Allah SWT could heal his narcissism). Guess that didn't work for my husband, but I found Allah SWT. Alhumdulilah. I did try to help him though... I have never felt happier, after finding Allah SWT and doing my own research on Narcissism. I am SO hopeful for Allah's mercy. He is the One Who opened my eyes to all of this while brining me closer to Him. ALHUMDULILAH. Truly, life is a journey towards Allah SWT.

[@hajalameh]

Where were you 25 years ago😭😭😭 they have already ruined my life. Am having flash backs and hurting so bad these days.

[@noneofyourbuizness]

This is called complex ptsd my love . This is what they bring ptsd in your life

[@user-je5cd8ys4t]

Me to...ima 41 year old mum with kids of my own...dealing with it now and trying hard to cope ..if u want to talk leet me know xx

[@AK-rw8pg]

I hope Allah makes it easier for you, my mother is the best

[@idilali]

May ALLAH ease your pain sis and bless you immensely for all that you have endured.

[@saiyedatahsin5247]

😢

[@pearleunjoo5439]

The fact that you don't have much subs proves how little muslims discuss about this or watch topics about this....By the way, new sub here. May Allah grow your channel more.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Ameen thank you 🙏 and yes unfortunately channels like mine don’t grow like the ones that aren’t beneficial. Most people don’t want the truth 😶

[@pearleunjoo5439]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook By the way, you could try sponsors (halal ofc) or reacting to trending narcissistic behaviours of celebrities or adding hashtags with your videos. If your views are 20% of your subscription count (example if you have 40 subs, you should expect 8 views per video) then you are doing well & your channel will continue to grow if you keep posting & if not don't worry, that means you need to improve more which is also fine.

[@Miss__Chief]

​@@themuslimnarcissistbook I agree, most people don't want to hear the truth. But I deed the truth sets us free!!! JazakAllah hu Khair Sister, may your words, advice, support and guidance help those who are seeking it Ameen. You have helped me so much in my understanding and I have recommended your book to my sister's as well! ❤❤❤

[@shahedahfornah553]

Jazakallahu Khairan, sister for this discussion. I think it's important, though, that we recognize that abuse can also be psychological and emotional. Which is what I went through. I wasnt beaten at all, much less until I was black and I feel for anyone who that example rings true for. The psychological abuse I dealt with at the hands of my narcissistic mother set me up for my current relationship with my narcissistic husband. Thankful for this resource and discussion.

[@islandgirl.916.]

My goodness this is what I needed to hear this OPENED MY EYES. I am 32 years old and I am going through this still with my stepfather and mother ever since I was little. I am going to buy the book and read it inshallah ❤❤❤

[@danyalk2237]

Thank you for speaking about a topic most in the community ignore and try to justify!

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

You're welcome :)

[@zdares]

Ibrahim (as) used to pray for his father who had him thrown into the fire . It’s a super level of empath or islamically it’s called “ehsaan”. I guess it’s just best to do ur part & remain patience. They’re a test as well. Thanks for this podcast.

[@hajalameh]

Thank you. Am crying. Am deeply hurt.

[@smilingsue4444]

Praying for your healing and inner peace sister

[@haleemaali1121]

My grandmother makes my mother and her siblings go through hell and nobody understands,I've never seen a wicked mother😭😭😭😭😭😭😭,she is sunshine to others and very evil towards her children and grandchildren she is literally firauns sister,relatives pick her side my mom and her siblings are traumatized only us direct recipients of her narcissism understand,we've tried dua nothing works she will never change

[@rogue2210]

She’s a narcissist after all. Moving out and going no contact might be the only solution

[@KingCirclejerk]

Islam has to be articulated in its entirety when addressing affairs regarding the relationship between children and parents. I truly believe that the way this dynamic is being expressed is often one-sided by totally disregarding another important aspect.

[@Sandkhoy16]

Amazing podcast. I learned certain aspects about Islam that I never did before. I feel so alleviated and grateful. There's no doubt in my mind that Allah meant for me to cross paths with you as a form of "with difficulty comes ease". InshaAllah that my MIL is cut off. 🤲🏼🤲🏼🤲🏼🕋🕋🕋

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Thank you so much :) I'm so glad it's been beneficial for you!

[@ummukatheer247]

​@@themuslimnarcissistbook JazaakAllahukhair!!!

[@aminamalik4164]

Glad someone is finally speaking about this in a frank manner

[@tan75061]

My narcissistic family they’re all called me crazy bcuz I have big boundaries for them.

[@nedaaleryani7585]

السلام عليكم ورحمة الله وبركاته Mind you sister, I came on KZbin searching for “how to deal with narcissistic people in Islam, came across this video & thought it was a miracle. I can safely say that 90% of the people in my family that mean something to me have pulled my hair out of my head emotionally but you said something that kind of ticked me out of my love for Allah (swt). You know Allah doesn’t have a give and take relationship because even the very people who continue to deny his existence and curse out his final message he sustains with mercy. Allah (swt) thinks of his creation to the very last moment regardless of who they are and they’re actions just like he did with Pharoah. Best of luck السلام عليكم 🌷

[@starqueenlotus3755]

Islam says that it is not ok to tolerate abuse. And we must walk away from oppressors whosoever they are... its a sin to tolerate abuse by anyone... islam says that Some Human beings just manipulate the islamic teachings..

[@freeyourmindfromtheswarm]

wow! thanks, true actually it's even a sin.

[@janineibz9734]

Another brilliant podcast sister! I've listened to them all now. Touched me so deeply 😢😢 I don't have Muslim mum but still applied it. I read and hear so many lectures obeying our mothers and the guilt is unreal with no contact. You've touched on so many issues for me. Your doing great works. Allah bless you always 💕💕

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Thank you so much I'm so glad it's benefitted you :)

[@anoushakhan930]

This channel is SOOOO needed in the Muslim mainstream

[@someone-bt5lu]

This is SO important, thank you for adressing this topic. I thought like this as well when I was younger and didnt know my father was a narcissist. I realised a few months ago and stopped talking to him. I feel alive after decades. There is a lot of work to do, but now that I know the problem, inshaallah it will be easy. The hopelessness was the worst part.. that ayat about losing hope made me feel so bad, and I tried but couldnt... crying as I write this. Sister, there is a huge need to rise awareness in the muslim community. I dont know much about YT algorhythm and stuff but maybe you can make a interview with another islamic channel with wide range? The views are really not in proportion with the need imho.. jazakallah khair and keep up the good work ❤

[@reality7068]

This brought alot of calmness and serenity to my heart, thank you

[@user-qx4he6gm2u]

Listening to this video made me realize how wrong i have been thinking about myself. I always blamed myself for everything, and after listening to a few scholars, i would cry and be ashamed of what kind of a daughter i am, that maybe my parents deserve someone better and that im not a good muslim. It made me feel like Islam is hard and unfair while it is really not. Thank you so much for this video, it has really helped me alot. May Allah SWT make it easy for all those having to deal with narcassistic parents.

[@freeyourmindfromtheswarm]

the schoolars, are mostly not up to date and understand the issue, it's a very tricky topic, mashallah sister may allah keep helping you with your work.

[@HiraM0910]

I don't have job, single 35 , and I am responsible for not getting married and I never dated. I do hijab, and was recently labelled characterless... for trying to find a spouse by legal halal means

[@Ana-rb7ws]

You can start now. You have a right to have a good, normal married life. If you haven’t done anything wrong, then they should fear the day Allah SWT takes recompense. Start now, sister. Time is short and valuable.

[@nazneen83]

😢may Allah make it easy for you and open doors for you. Ameen

[@muskansiddikee2171]

Sister you are honoured in the eyes of Allah and that's what matters. You are a chaste and loved women. You are a woman of dignity. This is exactly what my mother says to me every time and many for things I feel like my mother is a shame to motherhood. The amount of her and pain she gave me is pain ful

[@rohaayesha5008]

JazakAllah sister for explaining such a touching topic ,I'm from Pakistan and there is no schooler to touch this topic in such a beautiful way as you explain . I asked a Mufti sab about this he said tolerate. tolerate,only a psychologist guide me that your family members are narcist so make boundaries. But our socity have no awareness about this JazakAllah sis always remember you in my prayers you clear the many complications of my matter .I think this video is made for me

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

You're most welcome, I'm so glad it helped :)

[@amarg7657]

Subhan Allah the sheik I asked didn’t help me much but your video is absolutely amazing and you articulated yourself perfectly

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Alhamdulilah jazak Allah khair, glad it helped :)

[@HeyyyWhazzuuup]

May Allah bless you immensely sister for bringing this crucial subject to surface! ❤❤❤

[@TheGoldenBrick_]

Jazak Allahu Khayran ✨

[@smallworld5769]

May Allah bless you Sister! It's sooo difficult to cope from this and havd cptsd too as well but people and even scholars who don't know and leave no stone unturned to blame and guilt us or they don't want to discuss on this sensitive topic anf they often don't know much about narcissism or cluster-B's but thank you sooo much for helping and guiding us..much love to you ❤

[@ilyall7629]

Jazak Allahu Khayran. You speak so beautifully thank you so much for this i needed to hear this! May Allah (SWT) reward you immensely In Sha Allah 🤍

[@iqralala6244]

Jazakallah khair ❤ this is immensely helpful, love you for the sake of allah

[@1love1world6]

Masha'Allah, this make sense... jazakallah kheir... please talk more more about this. Thank you

[@jasonexahmadi9182]

Jazakallah kheir. Eloquently spoken mashallah. May Allah increase your wisdom. Ameen

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Ameen wa iyyak brother thank you for your kind comment, much appreciated. I'm glad you found it helpful :)

[@anoushakhan930]

Thank you so much for this ❤️

[@makeshiftpeach3174]

May Allah reward you for what you do. It’s such a struggle to grapple with this matter and your content has been such a useful guide to navigate this. Jazakallahu Khairan

[@Mindless970]

thank you my dear. finally someone who is open to those kind of subjects. everybody is somehow afraid to talk such a topic. bless your heart

[@c.w6593]

Thank you for erasing the guilt Thank you. May Allah bless you with and exalt your position in Jannah.

[@sammysam6522]

Very good video sister and insightful mashallah!

[@pkTeddyDrolly]

I really enjoyed your video. It was beautifully explained .

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

thank you

[@cookwithzari7300]

Jazak Allah Khair

[@Apeekinmylife]

My parents are extremely narcissistic and they have ruined my life in more ways then one .but my life is not getting better and the test does not end im facing trials of all sorts ...ive tried everything wazifa istaghfar tahajud but the test does not end .im loosing it. Im 32 yrs old

[@freeyourmindfromtheswarm]

yes it feels overwhelming, You are allowed to live the life which provides best dien circumstances. they made you stronger then you know yet. but Allah first❤

[@iSevenWorlds]

Jazak Allah Khair - Again

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

🙏🙏

[@sumithecat91]

Amazing podcast 👏 😊

[@sadaf.s.a]

JazakAllah ❤

[@izzy5093]

May Allah reward you immensely

[@s.afra_f]

Alhamdulillah I've found it earlier and now I'm afraid that they can ruin my life but as a 15 yr old I've no power, they are emotionally abusive too. I'm praying to Allah, He is my Creator and surely Allah will take care of me.

[@joyflowers291]

Thank you🎀

[@laralara7978]

I really needed to hear this soooooo much❤ I also cut ties with my mom but I have to because of my children and husband

[@user-jh2od5dx5w]

Grateful for your heart-warming speech. you nailed it! My narcissistic mother weaponizes Islam against me to enable her abuse as she knows my faith, however, I couldn't let her anyway.. thanks to Allah through you, the invalid heavy guilt burden released 💗

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Alhamdulilah ♥️

[@shehryarkhan2222]

My mother told my crying wife that her tears dont matter to her if her own daughter (my sister) is also crying and complaining. She openly said that she cant be just when her children her own complaining as well. This is a person who is extremely religious, wakes up for night prayer, fasts throughout the year, listens to islamic lectures, etc. Yet she isn't open to the idea that she can be at fault.

[@rosevivo9387]

So true 👍

[@tan75061]

I’m suffering with narcissistic parents been so long. I’m praying 🤲. Alhamdullilah my life gets better easier now. My parents keep saying You should getting out of the house and cursing 🤬 bad words to me. Somehow I’m breakdown in da toilet crying 😭. My parents they’re never stop cursing on me ever though I do nothing wrong 😑.

[@musahabubakar6511]

May Allah help you through this trials

[@saiyedatahsin5247]

😢

[@Safestreet]

Yes, unfortunately it's all about control. This ends up ruining the lives of their children

[@ihsaan4450]

Very insightful video. Wish it came about sooner. I have a question to ask you. Where is the best place to ask if you don’t mind?

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

You can email me: [e-mail] or ask it here, perhaps others may benefit from your question too

[@saramir1]

I'm really really grateful for your book and your podcast. I would like to ask, those people who are healed from the abuse, couldn't they be affected by the narcissist and come back the old feelings and need again therapy? I'm asking this because I think one person can be healed, but not the narcissistic parents, so it's like a gun always shooting!

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Thank you so much I'm really glad :) Once you understand why your parents are the way they are, it's easier to be more compassionate. Yes things they do will always trigger you, but no longer affect you like it once did once you're healed :)

[@bandarof]

May I add something about the verse in surat Al hijr when God says lower the guard of mercy, and God please have mercy on them as they raised me in a younger age..I personally believe Allah is speaking about mercy its mentioned twice in the verse and I think what it's saying is to say God have mercy on them as they had mercy on me at a young age..mercy

[@mrs2297]

Is there any chance we will find your book in audible soon? :)

[@ahmedabdallah9063]

Subhanllah

[@maxmadness0]

Wonderful speech, much needed. Unfortunately the islamic view on parents is generally an automated respond. But there has to be more clarifications on narcissistic abuse to children like this video. Thank you so much on your efforts and expertise on the field

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

You're welcome and thank you for the feedback :) You may find podcast 39 helpful too, it's more focused on the children and how they were raised.

[@truthtobetold9816]

Great content. One point i would like to clarify, is that no where in Quran, Allaah asked children to be "obedient" to their parents, rather he asked them to be "dutiful and kind". Reason being that obedience is only towards Allaah.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Obedience is only given when someone has responsibility over you. Being dutiful and kind to parents is after the age of puberty when we know right from wrong as a result of correct upbringing.

[@truthtobetold9816]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook These issues will only result after puberty, which constitutes major phase of one's life. Moreover, pen is lifted pre-puberty hence the issues pre-puberty are not considered anyway.

[@saradigota7201]

can someone give me good advice on this one than?: I have cut most of the ties with both my parents, but got nightmares that this year would be the last year seeing my both parents. So all out of a sudden a day after nightmare my father kept ringing agresively at my homedoor and at the neighbours doors asking for me. I went nuts of the ringing so had to let my father in. He went agressive about why i didnt came by as much anymore etc. But both my parents are narcists, many abuse went on in my life mentally, physically, etc so now i dont know how to keep boundaries when they might die anytime soon and im the youngest sibling and am in my best years of age, but really cannot rely on my parents with almost anything at all cuz they are narcistic.

[@Ihavemadeit999]

Can you put these in the podcast app?Would love to listen to this on my walk

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

They're also in Spotify :)

[@Ihavemadeit999]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook YES

[@viviannebeads]

do you reply to comments? i have a question but i don’t want to say it yet since im not sure if you do reply

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Yes I do :)

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@viviannebeads I’d distance yourself as much as possible and is needed to protect your mental health without cutting ties completely.

[@viviannebeads]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook thank you

[@englishandbiohub6621]

Thank God someone is talking some sense

[@gabbyhorvath6800]

As Salaam alaykum Where is the best place to buy your book that's most profitable to you? Mashallah, I really appreciate you sharing this knowledge Allah blessed you with and would love to support you in the best means possible

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Wa alaikom al salaam Gabby, thank you so much I really appreciate your kind comment :) You can purchase it from Amazon (Book Printing UK Author Arena Seller)

[@HawasHappyHouse]

I agree but what also needs to be understood you can not cut ties completely god will not ask how often you saw your mum or dad and why you didn’t spend x amount of time but that fact that there was occasionally hi how are hope your well, Eid Mubarak, Ramadan that kind of maintenance to say yes there was an element of communication as you can not completely cut ties. Allah will test you in life through marriage, wealth, health and relations everything in life will be tested to an element as Muslims out lives are not perfect and never will be because it’s a test!

[@dedalemy96]

السلام عليكم انا اتابعك من الجزائر و لقد استفدت كثيرا من الموضوع. كنت ابحث في كيفية التعامل مع الاهل النرجسيين مما سمح لي مصادفة قناتك، شكراً جزيلا وبارك الله فيك

[@scentsoftravelmeditation]

I have no duty whatsoever Duty comes when you are raised by a parent who made sacrifices to see you the best version of yourself. Not the other way around I believe good people should only pour energy into cups of goodness

[@NancyHafner]

only a sheikh, victim of narcissism can answer

[@c.w6593]

Very good point, you may have just helped me.

[@nafissadik2754]

Assalamu alaykum, is there anyway we can get this book pdf??

[@saradigota7201]

#narcistic household, advice please djazakallahghairan,Allah will inshaAllah grant you many blessings for helping me out !!!!! :Because Ive went trough sexual abuse done by my sibling and my parents putted it away as if nothing happened, even putted me after that in the same room to sleep in same room of this abusing sibling for two years on a couch at the age of 8-14. My youth was never the same again. I always was depressed and confused of whats happening on young age. I was also never allowed to have friends cuz my parents and siblings would always interfere with it tryna have controle over éverything, so i never enjoyed friendships cuz of their overcontrolling behaviour that i didnt want friendships at all anymore cuz of the negative vibes they gave me. They would have always things to say about any of my friends behaviour and even the clothes they wear when they are with me.They told me i couldnt hang out with this friend anymore and i should thell em that untill they changed their clothed they are not allowed to hang out with me. Meanwhile my brothers were allowed to behave and do anything they liked and go out with any kinds of friends anywhere even if they are convicted criminals, they still were allowed. The opposite of what i and friends wear,behave and location of going was all monitored and controlled and discussed or insulted anytime. My mum would always come in between whenever we had visit of famly or relative, she never allowed me to talk, when i talked she would punish me afterwards instead by insults and arguing of discouraging communication with family or friends. Or had to put me on some kind of pedestal, instead of just be normal. Overeating was also a big thing, she forced me always to eat more than i could every meal, every day, gets angry when i say no i already have enough on my plate thank u. so i was always overweight to just keep the sanity at home. Once a relative noticed and told my mum it is abuse to keep your kid overweight indulging them with to much food instead of letting them just be kids and make them happy or communicate their needs. mum never changed and was always overweight herself too. i was only allowed to go to home or school. All my succeses or wants were either or put away or fully openly told to their relatives, they never kept anything between me and them as an amana,all my personal stuff was always put out there weirdly enough. My brother was even laughing in a bullying way with my father about my first new job and said like gerarrahere,we dont care about you and your job etc.my first job wich i was so proud and happy about.My brothers always would stalk me sometime unto my workplace or school, they would suddenly just show up out of nothing there. I could never keep a job because i never had a stable emotional growth cuz of them and anxieties everytime of the day. i always felt sick on the inside as i had to always keep strong outside. Always felt afraid to connect with people cuz i wasnt able to keep healthy relationships/communication, afraid telling anyone what i went trough as they wouldnt understand as i didnt even understand what was happening sometimes, cuz thats what narcists do, they attack you in very viscious ways,you almost cant even describe what just even happened. They are untill this day agressive and rage unto a point they are pushing me with their hands or even sometimes my mum hitted me when i was in a depressed and sick era after all this struggeling on my own with all this mental abuse when i was in my early twenties, my body just gave up,mentally. My mum was never allowed to work by my father,not allowed to have her own money troughout her whole life, so she relies untill this day on us the children. All the normal kids i knew always got a lil amount of money to buy little stuff but i never got it, not even the childcare money by law meant for the kids. My parents argue and yell at eachother exactly évery time they are talking with eachother,évery meal when together. My father has no compasion or imediate understanding when talking with him about anything whatsoever, hes narcistic and my mum eventually more so too. My mum got breastcancer eventually, and knee replacement surgery, cuz her body couldnt even stand all the damage of her being married to my dad, he was way more narcistic than her and anyone can ever handle. So thats why im very traumatised and wont settle for anyone to be married with cuz i get agatated or anxieties dealing with people who seem to have same narcistic traits. Im im my thirties now, i dont think ill ever marry (happily) cuz of all the traumas and i keep atracting toxic people, my parents and siblings always wanted a arranged marriage for me. Mum has some narcistic traits as well as she never had a mum in her upbringing herself, her mum died at an early age of 7 and is traumatised ever since, cuz she got abused as well by her stepmothers, and eventually fell in the arms of my narcistic father to marry him on a early age of around 16,and got her first kid this young, so it was an escape for her to marry him growing up in poor conditions without her biological mother. She seemed never really happy in her marriage with my dad cuz he isolated her fully of everything and everyone. I dont think mum has much more to live after her last surgery. I am only thankfull for her to have cared for me as she brought me up even if she did it mostly in a narcistic way by love bombing and after that attacking every action and word with my siblings or father but she did it whole heartedly with all she could and had. So im the one in very much pain right now cuz they are all i have left in my life even after all the narcistic abuse. And for my dad even he narcistic, he always tried to teach me about islam. Ive diceded for my own sanity and health when i was around 27 years to became more and more distant with them cuz i dont want to end up all sick to the point as like my mum but its also impossible to fully avoid your parents whom were with you your whole life and not having any other (good) people around as we mentioned above. I always think like, if i were a other kid, they wouldve left lóng time ago when the abuse began around 12 years old, but i probly wouldve ended on the streets, worse than i am now, cuz the help is very bad overhere for (muslim) children.

[@tinkeringtim7999]

Salam Alaikum, would you consider doing a short update video for reverts who have Narcissistic non-muslim parents?

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Wa alaikom al salaam, yes that's a good idea, thank you I will add that to the list :)

[@tinkeringtim7999]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook JezakAllahkhair. May you be rewarded. It really is very tricky as it's not a situation that I'm aware of any of the scholars have commented on which is reasonably analogous. Added to that, I am adopted, which makes it difficult for me to take scholarly opinions "off the shelf" as their logic often relates to bearing you and special bonds around that etc. Also, it's very common for one parent to be narcissist and the other anxious codependent as they sort of naturally attach so perhaps that angle would be relevant to many people in that situation. Salam Alaikum.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@tinkeringtim7999 All noted :) it will most likely be released in July inshallah

[@tinkeringtim7999]

@Understanding the Muslim Narcissist Wonderful! Subscribed!

[@Taahirnumber1]

aslm i am still suffering from my mother till today im 39 yrs old and my son is 3yrs old.....this has been goin on for 25 yrs and i see it effecting my son's upbringing.....i been thru counselling with my mommy an she always manipulates the therapists an counsellers to be on her side then i always look like the crazy ungrateful one....i dunno what to do coz im always told janaah is under the feet of my mother but she jus controls every aspect of my life....i even developed a drug addiction from her controllin and emotional and verbal abuse towards me and all family members in our house....i was married then got divorced coz my ex wife an her family cudnt deal with her

[@AK-rw8pg]

My mother is pressuring me into marriage now and I feel so overwhelmed

[@user-nx4dp9bv8k]

Don’t marry if you don’t want to Remember it’s YOUR LIFE

[@Abcder-ok2df]

My family has gas lighted me soo much, told me im toxic, im crazy, paranoid, over sensitive, cahse all the drama, how i've made my kids like me, they ig ire me, provoke me, do things together and leavee out of it, their kids will nit interact with my kids amd then blame me for teaching my kids to not interact with them....i seem to be the root of all evil for them, and then theyvare surprised that i limit my contact with them andthen they blame me for having no relationships with them even though no will will directly reach out toe for a phone call or to physically meet in person.... Im thinking are they right about me or not...i am to blame for reacting when i cant deal with it anymore, but there are days wether i think how can it be all of them wrong and me just feeling what im feeling....am i the narc??

[@m-adeey1292]

This is scary 😟

[@SaraNNAAEA]

My mom is a narcissist and my dad was complicit to her abuse towards me growing up. He was also neglectful. My mom was brutal and made my childhood alla the way to my adulthood misareble. I’m in my late 20s now and I have suffered from depression, anxiety, low self-esteem my entire life. I’m struggling with my friendships, i hate work, I am not close to getting married and I stay in bed all day. I am so resentful towards them especially towards my dad because he knows something is wrong with her but according to him it’s “whatever” “it is what it is”, he tells me to move on and forgive and forget. I live with them but I keep fighting with them about this because I’m mad that they keep denying that they have ruined me. This affects my deen because I feel like why should I pray if I’m fighting with my parents? Am I in the wrong if I stop talking to them and focus on my relationship with Allah?

[@SaraNNAAEA]

I want to add that they don’t abuse me today in the same extent but I’m angry about the past and therefore I fight with them. However my mom is obviously still a narcissist and humiliates me occasionally, uses her favors to me against me, being mean etc. But

[@c.w6593]

Sister. Get out of there as soon as possible first. You wont see or feel peace in your life in your oppressors presence.You are now questioning your faith. I've been there. Plan your way out ASAP & Leave and WATCH how you turn to Allah. The peace is unmistakeable when it floods in after that.

[@mira99ist]

if you cut ties and during that time they die, it will be unfortunate. I think setting strong boundaries is a better option

[@behtereen4187]

If they die its good riddance to bad rubbish Concentrate on healing yourself and move on

[@iasked-cl8mz]

If only you would come to realization that the moment the child of a narcissist gets to finally accept that their parent/s are narcissistic and emotionally abusive, THAT is the moment that those parents die in the world of the child, despite the fact that they may very much still be alive physically. But speaking of emotionally and spiritually? They're dead to the child. The child then has to spend time grieving and mourning the loss of the parents. Death doesn't always have to be physical to be unfortunate, it can be the death of trust, death of loyalty, death of authenticity, betrayal, and so much more than can hurt just as deeply as the death of a physical body.

[@user-je5cd8ys4t]

​@@iasked-cl8mz going through that now..at age of 41... I have battled for over twenty years to feel loved it wanted but unfortunately I have been ridiculed and shunned to the point my own siblings copy the behaviour of my parents...they alwayade me believe that there was something wrong with me ..that maybe I was the one that has issues as they can't all be wrong...but now I see how much they pander to my parents and my parents enjoy this power trip...to them it's more about what can our kids give us on an emotional level never about what they can give us on an emotional level. My one memory that still brings a lump to my throat is of me as a seven/eight year old reaching out to hug my mum and she peels me off and makes a digustied noise and said get off me..I don't like hugs' even then it was all about her...In the end I used to try and get as much affection from my dad's sister that would visit and I would hold on to her till she would have to peel me off at the door and then come inside...not that she was really bothered about me but atleast she would tolerate the hugs...I'm not sure whyy siblings aren't as affected but we all got different versions of our parents depending on our personalities, and what they were going through at that time.

[@raheemrafiq5991]

It haram to cut ties just keep heavy boundaries

[@saradigota7201]

can someone give me good advice on this one than?: I have cut most of the ties with both my parents, but got nightmares that this year would be the last year seeing my both parents. So all out of a sudden a day after nightmare my father kept ringing agresively at my homedoor and at the neighbours doors asking for me. I went nuts of the ringing so had to let my father in. He went agressive about why i didnt came by as much anymore etc. But both my parents are narcists, many abuse went on in my life mentally, physically, etc so now i dont know how to keep boundaries when they might die anytime soon and im the youngest sibling and am in my best years of age, but really cannot rely on my parents with almost anything at all cuz they are narcistic.

[@behtereen4187]

Do the Holy Qur'an and the Holy Prophet pubh have anything to say specifically about narcissistic sadistic parents of Little Children and the serious damage they inflict upon them? If so please share.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Salaam Tariq, please check out my previous podcast for your answer: kzbin.info/www/bejne/rpObl6uegcaNiM0

[@behtereen4187]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook Unfortunately, in your video, I haven't found any explanation or technique for say, how a 0 to 5 year baby can protect herself from her pathologically narcissistic mother/father. These early years of trauma are often enough to permanently damage and destroy the child. 😪 Just look around and you'll see plenty of wrecks who, but for their parents could have been happy productive adults. Do you really think that repeating "Allah is All Merciful Ghafoor ur rahim" over and over is of any use to the traumatised child ?

[@Ana-rb7ws]

@@behtereen4187 Salam. Trauma done on such a child at such an early age is very unfortunate, especially in that nothing can be done about what has already been done. However, something can be done by the child when s/he grows into an adult. If you’ve looked into trauma therapy, which I have extensively, there are ways to go back into the subconscious mind of the child from that age, and release the pent up hurt and pain and be able to move on with some degree of peace. An abused child and an unabused child will never be the same. However, most people face some form of trauma or other in life, whether at the hands of parents or from elsewhere. Meaning, trauma seems to be a fact of life unfortunately, especially in this day and age I guess. What I’m trying to say is, things aren’t as hopeless as you seem to be feeling (from what I’m picking up in your message). There IS a way out, but it requires a commitment to heal and tremendous work on the part of the abused when they are an adult. Of course, things need to be changed at the parenting level to ensure that this doesn’t happen in the first place, but I am not knowledgeable about that and cannot speak about that. There is a concept in trauma work, that even though I am not responsible for the pain caused, I am still responsible for the healing. Furthermore, another part of healing is to ensure that the abused never gets put into a similar situation again. In the process of healing, the abused will learn of the ways the parents abused their power against their child, and the now grown child will understand the dynamics of power and influence and learn to use it in a way that prevents any more abuse in the future. This is a long process. It does take a lot of time, and sometimes maybe becomes a life’s work, but healing IS possible. Islamic scholars haven’t delved too much into this so maybe you won’t find the answers you seek from Islamic scholars about the nitty gritty of healing, but trauma healing in and of itself has been hugely studied. Gabor Maté, Bassel van der Kolk, Peter Levine etc. have done excellent work on trauma healing. Knowledge is power. As you learn more, parts of your mind that were shut will begin to open, and new feelings will flow in, and healing will come in time God willing. Oh and don’t forget to pray for help and guidance from Allah SWT. He will guide your steps in miraculous ways for complete healing Insha’Allah. Evil has been done, but there is a way to undo it. The mark will always be there, but not the damage Insha’Allah. Don’t give up. Everything good is possible. Edit: I wanted to put in one disclaimer. Everything I’ve written is from my knowledge and experience. And what I’ve seen is, every time some said “so and so cannot be done,” it was proved to be untrue sometime down the line. In other words, if you believe something better can be done than what I said, I believe you’re right. They used to say that trauma can’t be healed without an expert helping and guiding the process. Turned out to be false. They said the brain cannot heal itself. Turned out to be false. So don’t take the limitations in my answers to be absolute, concrete facts. There IS a better way I’m sure, but this is what I know so far. And it’s a good place to start. What I’m trying very hard to get you to understand is: things aren’t as hopeless as you feel they are. Everything has a solution Insha’Allah. Keep at it, and you’ll find it. Others have found solutions to problems that were considered impossible countless before. You can too. As for your specific answer to what a child that age can do: the mind is extremely adept at doing things to protect itself. These are called the defense mechanisms of the mind. So, without you knowing, the child’s mind had already taken measures to protect itself. Sometimes those measures, though appropriate in the moment, can turn out to be harmful in the long run. Therefore, it then becomes the responsibility of the adult to correct those defense mechanisms and adopt healthier ways to deal with the past and the present from an adult’s stance. For example: some people use shopping as a way to relive anxiety (or anything else). In some cases, this is a beneficial thing. Instead of, let’s say, going out and hurting others or themselves, the person chose the relatively benign way of dealing with their problems by shopping. In the moment, this was a good thing. However, if left unaddressed, over the course of time this will have a definite detrimental impact upon the individual. It will then becomes the adult’s responsibility to understand why they shop so much, address the trauma at the subconscious level, then replace that behavior with a more adaptive coping mechanism, for example, exercising. So, Allah SWT has already put in mechanisms in every individual to survive even horrific situations. However, when the person is conscious and noticing that something isn’t working in their lives as an adult, they would then be responsible for correcting that thing in themselves. The mind and body are extremely malleable and adaptable, and geared towards survival. So these are things you don’t have to worry about Insha’Allah. The responsibility falls upon the individual when they realize that some dysfunction lies within them, so to correct that dysfunction to the best of their ability. Also, prayer is a powerful tool. Dua works. Science confirms it many, many ways. We as Muslims are meant to be engaged in dua (conversing with God our Creator about what we need, etc and expressing our thankfulness for His loving presence and guidance in our lives) throughout the day. If you find you’re not able to do anything else for another human being, pray for them. God will find the best way of help them. There is more help available than we can consciously discern with our limited, logical minds. Please keep at it and do your part and keep a positive mental attitude. Worse situations were overcome by people in the past. We as Muslims certainly can overcome this.

[@Ana-rb7ws]

@@behtereen4187 I wanted to add something further hence the second comment. The Sister here has already made it clear that Allah SWT sent Islam to abolish any slave-master relationships. Parents abusing their children are in essence lording their power over their helpless children. By the terms explained earlier, this is impermissible in Islam. The HOW maybe was not described in detail in Islamic literature, however there is ample information available out there from modern psychology that you can use to figure out how (which is what my last message was about). Allah SWT says to repel evil with that which is better. If you are repelling trauma and abuse with therapy and self healing, seems to be you are doing exactly the thing that Allah SWT had asked. The Holy Quran wasn’t explicit about the how, perhaps because it is supposed to be a book for the ages, and the how changes with time - I’m guessing. In either case, that God’s work is Perfect and Without Fault, we can be sure of this much. What isn’t perfect is our knowledge and our understanding. Many of us struggled in our deens because we thought limitations existed where it really didn’t. Why? Because of our faulty understanding. Not because God’s word was faulty (astaghfirulla). So again, I urge you to keep trying. The way is out there. Your situation is unique so I cannot say what you specifically should do. However, I would recommend you to make dua specifically to ask Allah SWT to heal you, AND to seek the help of a caring and knowledgeable therapist. The mind needs a doctor when sick, just like the body. And that’s what good therapists do: help and guide them mind to go towards healing gently. The solutions are out there. Please seek them.

[@behtereen4187]

@@Ana-rb7ws Your comment that Allah SWT sent Islam to end all slave-master relationships makes fascinating reading. Kindly share your thoughts about the Holy Quranic verse and the Hadith-e-Mubarika referenced below. You can Google for further such authentic holy texts: Forbidding Women Already Married, Except for Female Slaves Allah said, وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess.) The Ayah means, you are prohibited from marrying women who are already married, إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ (except those whom your right hands possess)........for you are allowed such women....... Imam Ahmad recorded that Abu Sa`id Al-Khudri said, "We captured some women from the area of Awtas who were already married, and we disliked having sexual relations with them because they already had husbands. So, we asked the Prophet about this matter, and this Ayah was revealed, وَالْمُحْصَنَـتُ مِنَ النِّسَآءِ إِلاَّ مَا مَلَكْتَ أَيْمَـنُكُمْ Also (forbidden are) women already married, except those whom your right hands possess). Consequently, we had sexual relations with these women."

[@riderscastle]

I can't tell if my dad is narcissistic. My parents divorced, and my dad raised me as a single parent after my mom passed away when I was 8. Growing up, my dad often spoke negatively about my mom and compared me to her, which made me feel uncomfortable since I was just a child. He has been married multiple times, and one of his ex-wives was abusive towards me. He keeps recounting that he left her and my half-sister because of me, and in return, I haven't been good to him. He often talks about everything he's done for me and how everyone has wronged him. He accuses me of hurting him and not listening to him, even though I've tried my best to please him and make him happy throughout my life. I have depression, but he tends to dismiss it, thinking I'm faking it or trying to manipulate him. However, he did take me to a therapist when I asked him to, which leaves me feeling conflicted. He keeps saying why are you depressed when I have given you everything. I keep wanting to avoid him because every conversation only involves criticism or manipulation to get me to do what he wants. And then he blames me for staying away. The more i try to get away, the worse it gets. He's gotten me married but still wants. to keep me close to him, doesn't want us to leave the country. He paid for my education and now keeps slapping it in my face, saying I've wasted his money. andit's going to result in nothing, trying to convince me to do what he wants.

[@c.w6593]

Assalaam. Im sorry for your pain.Alhamdullilah for you, you are married and even have a husband who is looking to move out the country. Whats good about it? Your husband is your main mahram now, and the distance from such a parent would be good and can preserve and even grow your emaan. I would- plan the move with my husband and inform my father that I will stay in contact, and contact him on holidays, and send money here and there when I can MAYBE but nothing beyond that. Enjoy the peace. Dont let this matter sway you to be complacent to his abuse. He IS a narcissist. Thats the thing, us victims get to mentally manipulated, we lose our sense of recognizing when our rights are being taken from us.To me? This is not an issue. You are free. You can breath better now knowing you have someone to start a beautiful, loving, non toxic life with and have their support- your husbands. I would like this problem of yours actually ukhti *smiles*

[@c.w6593]

*Id like your problem meaning- the part where you dont know if you should move with your husband not the abuse, its horrible, I've been oppressed too and still impacted. Restarted my life for what seems like many times.

[@IamMonaOfficial]

I’m a new revert and unfortunately I have a very toxic and verbally abusive, narcissistic mother who says she’s a Christian. This has been weighing heavily on my mind because I know that we’re supposed to give our parents respect but how much respect are we supposed to give them if they are abusive? I haven’t gotten through the entire video yet, but I know it will be helpful, so thank you for making it.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Hi :) you need to check out podcast 44 about non Muslim narc parents. That will help you inshallah.

[@user-cs3bi2cj7b]

I have a voice note from my mother where she makes a duaa to Allah to possess me with the shaytan. I’ve been suggesting for her to do ruqya because of her life long patterns of psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse. She preys on my downfall and wishes for me to un alive myself. Which crosses my mind often but I don’t want to go to Jahannam I’m so over this toxic world

[@lali9493]

Im so sorry you had to endure that for so long, may Allah reward you for your patience. Please dont listen to them and ill make dua that Allah wipes all your traumas and grant you Junnah. Please dont unalive.

[@xenarafique8871]

😢may you find ease my dear

[@wanfarahwanzainuddin7850]

Pretty sure there is a hadith saying that whoever utters a curse unto others, if that person does not deserve the curse, it will make the curse reflect on the original speaker. Keep you distance from oppressive cruel people as much as you can. The muslim community in this world may not be much help in getting your mom to be a decent person, but remember you are not powerless and there is no barrier between the oppressed person and God.

[@selhurt]

Like the content but adds every 3mins is too much

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Unfortunately I can't control the ads, but you can sign up to a monthly membership on YT that allows you to watch all videos on YT without ads.

[@remembertruth33]

Assalamualaikum sister, im growing awareness on narcissism in the ummah and its dangers. Do you have a Facebook contact information or any other contact info?

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

You can DM me via Instagram @themuslimnarcissist or email me: [e-mail]

[@egzonaxona6848]

My father hates islam, he hates me and my mother. He hates everything and everyone. He is just scary. I regret trying for years, i should have left with mom but I was young and also afried of allah. He humiliates and destroys people. Iblis has the same traits,so did faraun.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

I'm sorry to hear this, it's your trial in this world :( best to keep your distance as much as possible so he doesn't damage you spiritually and emotionally

[@MrCriterion]

So I guess you pick and choose what follows your desires and you wont accept the heirarchy structure in islam where the MAN is the Amee ( Leader of the ) of the House household. Or you have the Leader of the country and its forbidden to rebel against him and he must be obeyed. Or where Allah talks bout cursing the people who break family ties in the Quran...Being a Dr does not make you a qualified islamic scholar and if you think you can just interpret the Quran and the Sunnah yourself and start giving out Fatwaa then you are no difference to ISIS or other extremists who do exactly what you do. If parents are abusive physically and mentally then of course you have to be pulled away from that situation and other family members need to intervene but at the end of the day we still have to respect our parents even if they are tyrants becuase this is a command from Allah, but that does not mean kids who are being physucally abused, sexually abused, mentally abused should remain in that enviroment becuase in such extreme situations the parents themselves need some form of help, but the general ruling is we need to respect our parents even if they are non muslims, we need to respect our leaders even if we dont agree with them.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

What on earth are you talking about? Where did I say you must disrespect and rebel against your parents? I haven’t issued any fatwas, this is information based on psychology and how to deal with problematic parents that sits safely with Islamic teachings. Distancing yourself from toxic parents is a must to protect your deen and mental health. So many people hate Islam because they are forced to comply with the toxic (and sometimes haram) demands of parents and ran away from home to bigger problems to get away from highly abusive parents. Toxic parents refuse to get their sons and daughters married to good people for selfish reasons and some even do black magic on their own kids to stop them from pursuing a future abroad etc. I don’t really understand what your point is. I never said I was an Islamic scholar either. Kindly get your facts straight before responding.

[@MrCriterion]

My facts are there. Your point 3 minutes into the video clearly mentions that your understanding is not the same as the scholars who state that in all circumstances children need to be dutiful and respectful to their parents and just as you have emphasised in the same speech that you are not a scholar and also in the above message then dont give out rulings which are based on your humble opinion because as muslims we follow what Allah and his Messenger peace be upon him have commanded and i put emphasis on the word commanded / ordered because some rulings are direct commands as in the case of obeying Allah and his Messenger, obeying parents, obeying the leader of a nation, wife obeying husband. As I previously mentioned just like a leader of a nation needs to be obeyed in all that is good the parents also need to be obeyed in all that is good and if the parents are abusive etc etc that doesnt mean the children stop showing respect. In extreme cases then obviously the elders need to sit down with the parents and put them right and stop any forms of abuse that is going on and that is where the a lot muslims lack a family structure where this is available to the kids. If the parents are not fit to take care of the children and physical abuse is taking place then of course even the shariah promotes taking the children out of that environment and letting other family members take care of them who are of a sane mind.@@themuslimnarcissistbook

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@MrCriterion Everything you’ve said I agree with and I’ve talked about it, but there are cases where distancing yourself from toxic parents is absolutely necessary. I never said to disrespect them or totally cut them off, but if they’re abusive the point where life becomes unbearable to be around them then it’s permissible to distance yourself so that they can reflect on their own behaviour towards their own adult kids, as they have rights to respect and kindness too. There is no blind obedience to the parents if they are toxic. Giving them respect is different from tolerating their abuse. In Islam we aren’t taught to respect people by tolerating their abuse, even if they are our parents. There has to be consequences for that too. I have clients who are suicidal from living with parents who are really awful. Imams avoid this subject because it’s a sensitive one, it’s easier to just tell people to obey your parents no matter what they do than actually address the narcissism in them that is driving many people away from Islam. Living with anyone who is narcissistic is seriously depressing, you may not have experienced it to understand fully. Most of these parents avoid mediation and family counselling too, because they just expect blind obedience, regardless of what they do, as a result of the status Allah gives parents.

[@MrCriterion]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook I have many clients also and Islam deals with issues head on like it has for the last 1400 + years. I am sure you are aware of the Sunnah of 2 muslims are not talking to one another that they need to resolve their issues within 3 days....In islam we are commanded to obey the ruler even he is a tyrant and comes into our home and beats us and takes our belongings. If Allah tests us with such a problem we have to be patient but going back to children and parents relations, Of course no child should tolerate any form of abuse but I am focusing on the respect part. Many reverts who accept Islam get abused, scolded, kicked out of their homes and far much more but still when it comes to addressing their parents who are non muslims in this we are commanded to speak to them with respect and with the best manners. As for consequences, these abusive parents will have to stand before Allah in the final court hearing and there will be serious consequences. If parents avoid mediation, then its the duty of the other family members to speak out and sit them down. every situation is different. The problem we have and many Imams are facing is there are too many cases and they dont have hours upon hours or days upon days to sit and council these families. I agree with you but some Scholars, Imams, and people of knowledge do have time. Leaders, Parents and people in authority Allah has given them status so obedeince is to them in good, even if the scold you ...This doesnt apply to everyone .....Because I have seen many children young and old completely disrespect and disobery their mother and father even in good. Its very easy for children to report their parents to the police etc and we know where that goes....its a sensitive subject but there has to be a balance...I am totally against all forms of abuse no matter what shape or form it comes in but at the sametime we cannot play with Allahs commands...Allah says he will test us with our lives, our wealth, our children...If we made dua to get Al Firdaws you dont think we wont be tested in a big way ?

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@MrCriterion Yes we will be tested but the most important thing we need to protect is our iman, so if distance from toxic parents who always use incorrect Islamic understandings to abuse others is needed, then there’s nothing wrong with that. Not everyone is raised with love or raised well with the correct Islamic education and not everyone has a high level of iman… toxic parents can destroy what little is left of the iman of their children growing up when they are always abused and manipulated with incorrect Islamic teachings. Again, I’m not saying anyone should disrespect their parents, but distance is necessary to protect how you view and think of Allah and to protect yourself from being abusive to your parents too in retaliation. I have a client who was sexually abused for years by her own father and he is an imam by the way and he always demanded that she stay silent about it because Allah orders children to obey their parents and if she doesn’t she will go to hell. She hated Islam and resented Allah for many years because of it and has terrible mental health disorders that has affected her marriage. There are many cases where there is no obedience to the parents who are clearly hell bound with their actions. Distance is always favoured over the disrespect and abuse of parents, so that we don’t stoop to the level of oppressors. There are people who are verbally abused everyday by their parents who act all pious in public and are horrible behind closed doors. Their sons will abandon them in old age and their daughters will marry any criminal just to leave the house, which causes more issues. Many Muslim parents need to be held accountable for their narcissism, because they choose to be oppressive when they can be kind, as they enjoy the power and control by being narcissistic. Most Imams and preachers don’t understand these disorders and how living with these people, even if they’re your family, can push others to kufr, major sins and suicide.

[@5aledSefarat]

As much as I would like to believe you because I live with a narcissist, your logic is flawed. You keep bringing up slavery, slavery. By the way, slavery itself is not Haram. And slaves are also required to obey their masters. Now that does not mean that they have no rights. But it is not a two way thing. Also, your relationship with god is not a two way thing. When god tribulates you, you should still worship him

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Of course slavery is haram. Every time a sahabi sinned, Allah requested them to free a slave from their master, if they could afford to do so, to redeem themselves. This redemption system was introduced to abolish slavery and to allow Muslims to live as free human beings who aren’t chained to the commands of their masters. And yes, a relationship with Allah is a two way thing, because Allah tells us that if we do good He will reward it and if we pray He will answer our duas during the good and bad times. There is no compulsion in religion, so even if someone doesn’t want to obey Allah they are free to go, but they will face the consequences of that in their life. The only people who will struggle to obey Allah in hardships are those who aren’t true believers. You see, what you’re missing is that when Allah asks us to obey Him, it’s different from a human asking this. Allah is loving whereas a human can be tyrannical. So it’s not the same. Everything Allah does for us is out of love and it’s good, but the master of a slave may humiliate and mistreat him or her - which is why slave master relationships are forbidden among us. Unlike human masters, Allah gives us so much more back when we obey and serve Him as our King.

[@5aledSefarat]

@@themuslimnarcissistbook The prophet himself had a slave and no. Not a single ata says it is Haram. Even ahadeeth. Now, it is recommended not to do it, but it is not haram.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@5aledSefarat Anas Ibn Malik (ra) was not a slave. He was a servant who was paid and rewarded by The Prophet (saw) for his work. Slaves aren’t paid for their work that’s why having them is haram. They lived in poor conditions and were fed whatever their masters wanted them to eat. A servant who has rights is very different to a slave who has no rights. A slave cannot leave their master unless someone buys the slave from them and this is why freeing a slave by buying them out and setting them free is considered to be a charity and redemption for sins in Islam, as you are freeing them from a tyrannical master. A servant has the right to leave if they no longer wish to work for their employer. Therefore Anas Ibn Malik (ra) was not a slave to The Prophet (saw) and he served him out of his own free will for 10 years, as opposed to by force.

[@5aledSefarat]

You are just insisting on something that does not exist. The prophet had several male and female slaves throughout his life, which he let go eventually. But which he had for a period of time nonetheless

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

@@5aledSefarat You keep missing the point but OK.

[@almurabitun]

I see from the comments and its like 99% women claiming they are victims yet I dont buy it from them. I am a guy and I am dealing with narc parent's whilst financially looking after them and physically taking care of them in my house and I know for a fact the levels of narc behaviour towards guys is worse.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Perhaps your level of iman is enough so that you can do that. I don't know why some people keep expecting every Muslim to have a high level of iman and not be affected by abusers, just because they can? Women are targeted the most by narc parents and many men abandon their sisters and leave them with the emotional and financial responsibilities of looking after their abusive parents. Most Muslims now have low iman, hence why our Ummah is crippled with narcissism and mental health problems. If you can look beyond their narcissism and still manage to deal with them in a civil manner you've done well. Many, however, won't do this out of love for parents, but out of moral duty because they feel they have to. When people have loving parents it becomes easier to look after them as they age out of love and a willingness to do it.

[@fifijabs4463]

Narc parents don't discriminate. They will abuse sons and daughters. There are daughters financially supporting their narc families too. I've been supporting my narc family as the main breadwinner for years and I know many women in my position too, we suffer also. We don't speak out because we don't want to shame our families despite how they treat us and because of isolation and the lack of support. Also narcissistic abuse is poorly recognised in our communities and is brushed under the carpet. As women our painful experiences of narcissistic abuse are often dismissed and invalidated from gaslighting by toxic attitudes of men, which is evident in your comments.

[@almurabitun]

Your advice using the prpophets is incorrect. The Prophets cut ties due to tawheed and because of this stuff. Stop spreading nonsense.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Cutting ties for major reasons is different to distancing yourself from abusive parents. Distance is a must to save your own iman and mental health and this is what the Prophets (pbut) taught. You gain nothing good by being in the company of oppressors when you can distance yourself until things get better. If you want people to stay and tolerate the oppression and abuse of narcissist parents, then it's you who is spreading nonsense. Not everyone has enough iman to understand that their parents are themselves facing their own internal battles. Most will grow up hating their parents and developing all sorts of issues, because they did not take the needed actions to save themselves. Tolerance of abuse from anyone, is not from our deen at all.

[@sal13luckyforme]

Thank you for giving a very sensible reply to the person who thinks this serious issue is nonsense!!!!@@themuslimnarcissistbook

[@SK_Esskay]

Okay so you’re talking about Allah you said “ If you be grateful for what you have, Allah says ‘I will give you’, if you avoid the major sins, Allah says ‘I will give you’ etc Please can you tell me where you have gotten these quotes from? Please, it’s very dangerous to say Allah said something when that’s not exactly what he said. You must be extra careful when talking about God especially to all of these other people looking to YOU for an Islamic solution to their problem. I’m paraphrasing but I believe in Islam it is known that ‘do not speak of God what you do not know’. So be extra careful with your words, if you say ‘‘Allah says ‘I will give you’ “ then that surely means that Allah has said the words ‘I will give you’ in regards to reciprocating all of those positives you have mentioned. So PLEASE, tell me or show me where does it say that “ If you be grateful for what you have Allah says ‘I will give you’ “ This is major deception and insincerity and arrogance and manipulation of the scripture AND other people as well as being and SPREADING misinformation on Islam and the word of God all mighty IF you cannot find what I have asked you for. Please, remove this video or make a better, proper one if my doubt is true. If my doubt isn’t true, I apologise, I am uneducated myself. Please reply to this comment, if you wish.

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Wow that was a bit of a toxic rant, considering that this is a very well known verse, but here you go for your own education. I pray this gives you a more loving and positive outlook on Allah, as you clearly don't seem to believe that He will give good things to those who are grateful (and those who are grateful will love Him and do their best to avoid the major sins). This is a common problem with those like yourself who believe that God is tyrannical: "And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will certainly give you more. But if you are ungrateful, surely My punishment is severe.’” (Quran, 14:7). “…If anyone desires a reward in this life, We shall give it to them; and if anyone desires a reward in the Hereafter, We shall give it to them. And swiftly shall We reward those who are grateful.” (Quran, 3:145) “Why should Allah punish you if you have thanked Him and have believed in Him? And Allah is Ever All-Appreciative (of good), All-Knowing.” (4:147) “And whatever of blessings and good things you have, it is from Allah.” (16:53) "...and whoever honors the sacred things of Allah, then that is better for him with his Lord." (22:30). “whoever honors the sacred things of Allah,” - means, whoever avoids disobeying Him and does not mistreat/oppress people and creatures and transgress that which is sacred, and regards committing major sins, as a very serious matter, “then that is better for them with their Lord.” - means, they will attain much good in this life and the next and a great reward for doing that. Just as the one who does acts of obedience will earn a great reward, so too, the one who avoids sin will earn a great reward. Hope that helps to clarify.

[@AK-rw8pg]

So my parents are threatening to kick me out if I don’t get married 🥲

[@themuslimnarcissistbook]

Try and get a local imam involved to speak to them 🙏