13 things i DON'T do with my kids | Parenting styles I don't subscribe to 2022

[@michellegreene1015]

My first born was born 23yrs ago and I also used the approach of reassuring my son if he said he didn't like it love me. I could never take that personal. I would immediately say, I understand that this is how you feel right now, but never forget that mommy will always love you no matter what. This gives them a sense of security and comfort even when they are feeling out of sorts. It will validate their feelings, making them more comfortable with actually feeling those feelings and later being able to articulate them more extensively. "I don't like you or I don't love you" is just an undeveloped way to communicate that something out of their control is bothering them.

[@RachelRaeAustin]

Pretty much everything you’re talking about has been highly researched and validated in recent child behavioral psychology! Great stuff!!

[@CarlyCristman]

That’s great to know!

[@annaparker6468]

I totally agree with not entertaining them 24/7. I clean while my daughter is playing. As a working Mum I wouldn’t get everything done. She loves “helping” me with her toy vacuum. So cute! 🥰

[@CarlyCristman]

Totally understand! There are not enough hours in the day for all that has to be done. You’re setting a great example for your child! I also think all moms are working moms- some work is outside of the home / income producing, but you’re still working when you are at home taking care of your family and house also!

[@KirstyJonesLouise]

I recently heard the tip that when your child is napping you should do the things you can’t do when they are awake. So now I am much more intentional about using that time for rest and reading etc rather than running around the house trying to get chores done in that time.

[@ELLE-yg6lk]

I love this! Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with every point you made. It’s time we start treating children like their feelings and emotions are valid and not shooing them off like “I’m the boss because I gave you life.” 💛

[@Jenkittypaw]

I’m sure many of us remember the spanking and the “because I said so” moments from our own childhood. I’m glad there’s a lot more education around child development that’s easily accessible these days. A lot of our parents followed what they saw their parents do, and those parents often did not have this education and was reacting out of stress. Loved the video!

[@monalisastewart8219]

Carly, you are being very thoughtful and I am sure prayerful in your parenting; thank you for sharing.

[@bogieboog]

I think we as adults who were spanked can recall the horrible feeling of being afraid of your own parent. That was something I would never want for my own child when there are other better ways to discourage bad behavior.

[@wendyscottkessler6399]

Wow Carly! I totally resonated with the not labeling children. Some in my family have labeled her "shy." Since when did shyness become a character flaw?? I prefer to advise others that she is cautious and reserved, a trait that will serve her well in the future! Loved, loved, loved this video!!

[@michellegreene1015]

I never used "baby words" for example binki, boo boo, yummies etc. This only means that my kids will have to relearn the proper words. They are more than capable to use the correct words and I've found that this helps in communication.

[@kschaeve]

This is amazing and I fully agree on these topics! Thank you for sharing!!

[@dualeks2988]

So many good principles to live by! And I agree. I wish we as adults sometimes offered each other similar kindness ❤️❤️❤️

[@CarlyCristman]

I think having kids has made me sooo much more sympathetic to others- it really does open up your eyes so much!

[@cristinamcmackins5925]

Independent play is so beneficial for kids! And also love not dumbing things down. Kids are so smart & capable of understanding.

[@CarlyCristman]

For sure! And I think it’s the same with kids and adults- you’re way more likely to respect a rule if you understand why it is in place vs just being told “no”

[@ThatsBoujee]

😂 I’m laughing because I remember when you had what I would consider a perfectly decorated kid-free condo so my eyes got big when u said u let your kids make a mess with their food 💕 I think you’re doing a excellent job as a mom! Very good points behind why you do what you do so thanks for sharing.

[@CarlyCristman]

Hahaha I always laugh looking back at my old self like “yeah Carly it’s not impressive that your place always looked nice you lived alone and didn’t have little tornados running around” hahah so funny how much things change

[@cb_5165]

Disclaimer: I don’t have children. I work with and must coach and help your children when they have a boss in the real world. I always wonder one thing when I see parents choosing a certain thing to teach or not to teach their children: what’s the main point of rearing children? Is it to teach them to be overly self-confident, overly anxious, anti-empathetic, self-contained, vapid, narrowly-focused narcissists? Before I turn you completely off… I’m not saying that’s where any one method of child-raising will lead, or that’s where your children are headed-but as an observer of how our society is-I’m seeing people who cannot cope with even small amounts of life’s curveballs without depression or anxiety. Believe me, I understand that you will have to pour into humans from birth, I won’t have to do that and I know it’s hard-and my parents were not perfect, and my parents are from the 50s, that means they were only exposed to certain things so they could only impart certain things. But isn’t the point of rearing children to make them productive members of SOCIETY? People today have a world that comes to them, and everything up to the day they have to dig deep and produce, comes very easy. How to relate to other humans, endeavor into teamwork, experience failure and overcome it to still produce and think for one’s self and make informed decisions is rare. Some of what society needs is problem solvers, empathizers, questioners, politeness, approachability, thinkers, fair playing, level, helpful, curious, reasoners-not just people who have been shown only a certain facet of life, but people who can see that problems are a part of life and everything won’t be perfect and protected and tailor-made for you as things are at home. You all are lovely people, and I know these are babies and they have a lot of growing and experiences to have in front of them-but I’ve seen a post on here where someone is not teaching their children the very simple and valuable lesson of empathy by not teaching them the true concept of what an apology is-it’s not only for the child but it is also for the benefit of others for a human to learn empathy and, yes, sympathy. Not just a meaningless apology, but the concept of why we apologize. I just want to interject, is all. Among the things you will do and won’t do with your children… Teach your children how to exist in the world and the reality of a lot of what they will confront when they leave your home.

[@SBSF04]

Never thought about the label thing. You are so right!

[@CarlyCristman]

the snap judgments always irk me! Goes back to the age old saying if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say it at all

[@sankey1988]

Mam of 3 here. I do most of the same things as you but I do use timeout. It's not in the way people typically think of it but it is something that's worked v well for us over the last 11 years. Another thing I don't do is Molly coddle my kids. I give them age appropriate things to do around the house. I don't do absolutely everything for them and try to let them do as much as they can and I offer my help. My 11 year old can do most things around the house and knows how all the appliances work. They clean their own rooms and put away their own clothes etc. Highly recommended starting as early as possible with independent life skills ☺️

[@CarlyCristman]

Love this! I also think it’s great that you shared that time out works for you. I think each child is so different and every parent has to do what works best for their individual kids and their families! What works for my kids might not work for others. I totally agree with fostering independence and skills in your children! You’re setting them up for success!

[@stefanidimauro9040]

Amen to ALL that!! As a mother of kids in their 20’s if I could go back I would do all of these things. Some I did and some not but the baby led weaning is the best to make sure your kids are curious eaters and are allowed to stop when they are full. That will set them up to be healthier as adults! Also they can “play” with you in the kitchen, pots and spoons on the floor and by two they can help with so much more!

[@vickitigg6405]

Thank you for opening my eyes on quite a few strategies.. I wholeheartedly agree 💯 with you on everything you mentioned.. especially now that I've actually had a few things broke down and explained.. thanks again and I'm looking forward to implementing some of your techniques into interacting with my own child who has some behavioral issues so maybe a different and new approach will be positive and more effective .

[@lindsayrenee1063]

I seriously agree with everything you said other than the baby food in the pouches my kid loves those. That was a fun video! Thanks

[@CarlyCristman]

Honestly, I wish my son loved them. They’re so convenient! I have nothing against them, he just has never liked the texture of purées so we’ve never used them!

[@morganhill643]

This was actually so much better than I thought it was gonna be and I pretty much agree with most of it

[@707tich]

Montessori directress from London. EVERY THING you said 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

[@StefanieB22]

Love it! The baby noises were freaking me out tho at first because my 19mo old is sleeping lol but we're working moms so I get it 🤷‍♀️ interesting you guys didn't crawl but everyones different and anything is possible 👍

[@carmenh2168]

Just found your channel with this video and the morning routine of 2 under 2 which I relate to🤣❤️I absolutely love this and the other video so you have a new subscriber mama🥰 I agree with everything you said and I’m making changes myself to how I parent compared to how I was parented as a child.

[@indij007]

You're spot on! I'm not a mommy yet, but I agree with your parenting style.

[@rebeccafalkner2876]

Rarely do I find someone who parents with the same EXACT stances on these issues. I have a 3.5 year old daughter and 7 week old son and parenting this way has been wonderful for us - though sometimes hard for others to understand.

[@LindaWvdP]

Well, we would not have any discussion on this topic! I agree 100% with what you said because that is the exact way i raise my 2 kids. Follow your instinct, was by far the best advice i ever got in regards to being a mom. Keep it up Carly, you are doing great.

[@jordanchavis5265]

Okay. Crying. This video was amazing! ❤️

[@Mulania007]

Carly I haven't watched your videos since your days with Ahanie but you're like the mom I want. I wish i had.

[@michellegreene1015]

I also never gave tantrums any attention. I've used the technique of extinction and this has worked with all four of me very different children. They learn that, that behavior does not work or merit attention. They learn quickly to take a different approach. None of my children had more than 3 tantrums and quickly realized that I have my full attention when they used their words or communication and this has made the great communicators. My youngest is 10 and an active public speaker in our community, my other three boys are excellent in communications. I don't believe that by giving erratic or overly emotional behavior attention is solution, it just takes them longer to learn how to cope and learn emotional intelligence. Again, this has been successful and worked well with all my very different children. My now 23yr old son my 18yr old twin boys, and my 10yr old daughter.

[@i_comment_on_everything]

I really need to work on the "talking negatively about them to others in front of them" my son is sometimes a pain in the ass, guess it's normal at 4 years old but I need to encourage him instead of discouraging him. My in laws also do that in front of him like saying oh he's behaving really bad sometimes etc and it really is going on my nerves.

[@caitlincloninger3070]

I don’t let family have a say/opinion on how my husband and I parent. at the end of the day, they’re not responsible for them nor do they provide for them. they’re also not allowed to correct/discipline them. ESPECIALLY if I’m sitting right there 😤 another thing is (since we live pretty far from fam) if they FaceTime and my kids don’t want to talk then I don’t make them. as an adult if someone is calling and we don’t want to talk, we don’t answer so why would I make them?

[@shannonhughes1827]

Girl you the best thank you!

[@CarlyCristman]

Thank you for your sweet comment!

[@clairebloom7058]

Honestly, I needed this today. Well, really, I needed this yesterday but I digress. Gentle, respectful parenting is so hard sometimes. Especially during a pandemic where support and resources that make coping easier have mostly vanished. Thanks for the reminder that I can do better, and that regardless of what I’m going through I need to be as constant and consistent with my kids as I can be. But really, how do you do it with two? I feel like I was super mom with my first and after bed rest and an extremely difficult infancy with my second I feel like everything unraveled and I became the mom who gets impatient, yells, counts to 5, etc. Any books you recommend to help me get back on track? At this point I feel like they’d be better off in boarding school 🥴, as embarrassing as that sounds.

[@suggestedlooks]

Loved this!

[@13yorkdukes]

Not a mom but sometimes I need to be away from someone if I'm stressed so I don't say something out of frustration/anger 😂😂 Died when you said "you need a snack girl" because same. Sometimes a snack is all you need

[@elenaramirez8328]

You would've been a great teacher for my mom, sometimes I feel so messed up because of her.

[@lmetzger2011]

I love this! Please do more parenting videos!

[@worthydaily3749]

Good information ℹ️

[@maryellis327]

I love these! I do (or try to do) all of these except the baby food. My son really likes baby food and we are on WIC, so we can get all the baby food we would ever need for free. He does still self-feed solid foods too, BLW style. Trying to get better at letting him make a mess.

[@eyyalex]

I don’t subscribe to making my children say say “sorry”. I want them to feel remorse if they’re hurtful to someone and if they’re sorry they can say it, but I don’t want them to learn to say it just to get out of trouble, which is normally they way I see it used.

[@dianabloomdesigns]

This was great! I am the same where I for sure don't agree with spanking for my child, and I am feeling very inspired by your stepping away from constantly entertaining your child. I am running into a problem where I don't feel like my daughter knows how to play independently with me there because I never gave her that chance, and I'm burning out from trying to always entertain her and still run the house. That is a goal for me right now, to find better balance in that. :) Love your videos!

[@kathrynswan6423]

We would be mama besties in real life!! I do all of these things as a parent of 2 under 3 as well 🥰

[@lisaresmen7082]

Thank you for sharing!

[@saritagomez13]

Love it! ❤️

[@michaelafuchs3299]

i'm very impressed by you as a mother! your kids are very lucky! i hope you are well.

[@caitlinandrew6946]

Hi Carly! Loved this video! Do you have any tips for potty training?

[@judithkoveleskie7476]

I think you make a lot of sense. Too many adults are now overweight because they joined The Clean Plate Club as children and can't let go of that.

[@870scarlett]

I love this!!!

[@aliciavega5358]

I love everything you said I think the same way!

[@n2ativebyn8ure83]

It's been unreal and sadly eye opening to me how many times I have been put in a position of feeling like I need to defend my decision NOT to spank my child. It's unbelievable to me how people care so much that a person does not hit their child. Especially given the number of children who have literally died because people turned a blind eye to actual abuse and neglect. I also don't believe in time outs and that seems to bother/stun people as well. My biggest hurdle in disciplining my child as a Single parent has actually had nothing to do with my son's behavior. It's been getting the adults around me to back off and not overstep by taking over/voice opinions on their disapproval in my methods in front of my child/make me feel pressured to handle behaviors when and how they deem fit. Their interference is disruptive not just to me, but my son too and it honestly just makes his behaviors worse. Am I the only one that goes through this? Cause it makes me feel like I'm crazy Lol

[@CarlyCristman]

I totally understand- so frustrating! In those situations, I've just decided to not defend my method of parenting because I know why I have chosen it and I stand behind it. I do not need to convince others why my method is the method I've chosen. So in those moments I say things like 'my method of parenting is not a commentary on how you choose to parent or chose to parent. Ive made the decision that works for us. You don't have to agree with it." And then it's up to you on how you want to continue with that relationship. If they can disagree but respect you, that is one thing. You may need to reevaluate the type of time spent with the people who do not respect your decisions.

[@christinajames8659]

Yes, it makes the children act worse. You are not crazy. As a single parent also, I know how you feel. Do your best to be independent and not allow others to overstep their boundaries. I inform my girls that I am their parent and I have the say-so, not the other people who are clearly over-stepping their boundaries. I pray for you and your family and I wish blessings for y'all.

[@estrellita2912]

Is being shy a bad thing? I agree with not labeling them, I guess I’m wondering if you mean good labels too or you consider being shy a bad thing?

[@CarlyCristman]

being shy is not a bad thing at all, I just don't want them growing up thinking they are a certain way because one adult told them that when they were young instead of discovering who they are for themselves. I think adults label kids when they don't react in the exact way they want them to. That doesn't mean they are shy, just they aren't performing how they want.

[@Truthpursuit2015]

I can’t totally relate to 90% of this, and the other 10% is what you said, certain things work for certain families. We can’t all parent the same. People are not the exact thing.

[@starrypunk20]

I don’t agree with any of it, but yes to each their own style

[@Iamkimdaniels]

Felt like I was listening to myself! Lol

[@heidiolsen7042]

in Norway spanking is illegal. its insane to me how this is legal in so many countries.

[@rettasandifer9896]

Your children are babies you really haven't been doing this long enough to know what works for them and you. I feel like you shouldn't give parenting advice until you have a good deal of parenting under your belt, check back in, say 10 years. You're kind and loving and that's a good start though.

[@jenniferrogers2981]

Most of this was just a no. It sounds like you want to shelter them from reality but also want to stress that you try to be honest with them because they are "so smart". Pick a side.

[@sandral.414]

Very interesting! I disagree about the spanking. Some things... Like running out into the street or trying to put a fork in a light socket...corporal punishment is a must in life and death situations. If it works for your kids. More power to you!

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[@LaurenMichelleMD]

Actually, crawling isn't even a real miilestone! It's totally fine to go straight to walking :)

[@CarlyCristman]

Thank you!! Haha. My son is a very active crawler, my daughter just skipped it. It’s so interesting to see just how different kids really are. My kids are so different from each other but each growing and getting there on their own time!

[@pamb2868]

I’m going to tell my daughter to watch this. She isn’t a bad mom. She’s just overwhelmed. She has six kids at home. She just had the youngest in October. She doesn’t really discipline her kids. She has another grown daughter, she used to kind of discipline her. But my husband and I raised her. And helped with her other three. She has a son who just turned three. He is out of control. I’ve told her to leave him with me for a week and he would be a different child. I do believe in spanking, if it’s needed. But I think he needs attention. And when her kids come here they love it. They think something is wrong with him. But I believe he’s a good kid. A little wild. He was the youngest until October when his baby sister was born. I’m not sure what my son in law does. He has a deep voice, and can give a look, to all the other kids. But not the three year old. I try to keep my opinion to myself. I’ve talked to her before about the older kids. I also have a ten year old grandson who stays here almost every weekend. Because he gets attention here. Maybe next time they can all come over. The three year old loves his grandpa. Maybe he should spend some time with us too.

[@donaldducko6580]

The CDC just lowered the standard for speech in early childhood development. Instead of highlighting the harmful effects masking & social isolation have had on small children the CDC just lowered the bar.

[@cyndiisme4185]

These all sound like smart reasonable things. But if anyone tells you different, it's none of their business! They are your kids! You and your partner are the only ones that have a say in how they are raised.

[@Dgpa]

First

[@aimeegization]

Spanking is legal in the us?! 😳

[@kyliefitzgerald6984]

Unfortunately 😔

[@christmaself60]

A swat to the behind, yes. Hitting to where you leave a mark, obviously not.

[@Staceymendoza]

love this 👌🏼👏🏼♥️