133. From Good to Great: How Supercommunicators Unlock the Secrets to Connection with Charles Duhigg

In this episode of Think Fast, Talk Smart, Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist and author Charles Duhigg shares what he means by the term "supercommunicator" and what it takes to become one.
In his conversation with host and Stanford GSB lecturer Matt Abrahams, Duhigg illustrates his transition from exploring personal growth for his bestselling books, "The Power of Habit" and "Smarter Faster Better," to investigating the realm of communication, his own and others’.
“One of the things that we know about supercommunicators is that they seem to notice what kind of conversation is going on,” Duhigg says. His current book, "Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection" came out earlier this year.
Abrahams and Duhigg explore the precise techniques that distinguish a “supercommunicator:” traits such as active listening, looping for understanding, and identifying someone's true feeling underneath their actual words.
“They've trained themselves to look for the little clues or cues that tell us, ‘oh, this person might be talking about something that seems practical, but they're feeling something. This is an emotional conversation,’ or, ‘that person is talking about a plan they want to make.’”

[@ReflectionOcean]

00:13:19 Listen actively by using the technique of looping for understanding. 00:15:37 Prepare deep questions that focus on values, beliefs, and experiences to foster meaningful conversations. 00:17:49 Recognize the importance of control in different contexts. 00:18:23 Practice giving junior team members a voice in meetings. 00:19:03 Emphasize conversational equity in hybrid communication settings. 00:19:49 Recognize and adapt to different types of conversations: practical, emotional, and social. 00:21:01 Understand the nuances of online communication channels. 00:22:42 Take a moment to consider the mode of conversation before communicating. 00:23:29 Slow down your communication to enhance understanding. 00:23:35 Control the boundaries of a conflict to prevent it from escalating into unrelated issues. 00:25:24 Practice paraphrasing to validate the other person's words and demonstrate active listening. 00:25:34 Embed information in stories to make it more memorable. 00:25:50 Focus on the middle of your stories to engage listeners effectively. 00:29:40 Ask questions that invite more information and show genuine interest in understanding the other person. 00:30:40 Ask questions to show interest and deepen relationships. 00:32:55 Display vulnerability to make others feel comfortable around you. 00:33:00 Take a moment to control yourself, the environment, and the boundaries of the conflict during disagreements. 00:33:36 Listen actively, recognize emotional cues, and adapt the conversation accordingly. 00:34:48 Share your unique perspectives and experiences to make conversations more engaging. 00:37:55 Understand the differences in conflict resolution between personal and professional settings, considering power dynamics and appropriateness.

[@sabashahirdavarpanah2790]

M

[@murthigowda471]

Huu bro you spend lot of time to write this.. Appreciated

[@HienLe-yp4zz]

We need more conversations like this . Excellent !

[@JUDALIONNN]

Didn't know GBS launched a podcast. This is great. GBS should promote this series.

[@stanfordgsb]

We're glad you like it. We have a few podcasts! Think Fast Talk Smart has more than 130 episodes and our newest show, If/then launched earlier this year. Check them out in our "podcasts" vertical.

[@RanmaSyaoranSaotome]

There's a great book on deep conversations called 'Small Talk Small Ideas: Fifty Ways to Have a Deep Conversation'.

[@PhilippBenz]

A very powerful conversation. Tell me more...

[@Pwr2b1]

Nice collaborative discussion filled with caring connection. Well done! Thank you.

[@miguelpazos2334]

Don't confuse language with communication. Language is a super power. Communication is universally on, all the time. You are either tuned in or tuned out. Animals communicate.

[@claumj8428]

Excellent interview! You both shine!🤩

[@k.t8174]

Mad looks an amazing person. His attitude when he listens, he is performing all practices he learned in his podcast.

[@rmschindler144]

agreed!

[@sleepnabox]

Great listen while i was working out. Will listen to this again and take notes when i sit down later this evening.

[@AtandraBhar]

This is a very good conversation. As an aspirent of US MBA course, how conversation helps me to be successful in the said course. Thank you.

[@aja363]

It is so satisfying to watch & listen to master communicators - topnotch articulation! Thank you, Matt & Charles!🎉

[@darshantsdarshan1]

Wow! GSB should promote this content :) Superb and such a critical podcast #2024

[@FeliciaStepanpodcast]

It's fascinating how much the way we communicate affects the message itself. This reinforces the importance of not only being a good listener, but also consciously choosing the right channel, based on the kind of conversation we want to have. This video sparked a lot of thought. I'm curious - what are some subtle cues and habits that help us become a better listeners? I'd love to hear some tips.

[@user-dw2lt3bd7y]

Thanks very much ❤ I learn English and communication skills 😊 of this good information content! Developmental 😇🍀

[@dindiramamohanarao7344]

Wonderful conversation....

[@luissuarez5845]

This is great! Finally I can see you Matt bravo 👍🏽👍🏽

[@StefDelbecque]

I listened to the podcast, and loved it so much that I came here for the video. Thank you for sharing these amazing pieces of advices.

[@ecofriend93]

The middle arc is the most important is coz that's where the most learning can happen. People have similar struggles so the beginning and the end are things people are familiar to them. What different people do in the middle from beginning to end is what makes the difference.

[@TheWood1965]

I think this captures one of the ideas, I like me best when I am with you

[@shrikantpawar8269]

Thank you so much sir 🙏

[@pierrekambeya2363]

Thanks you matt

[@makersfieldguide]

What's Dan Bilzerian doing at Stanford?

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Excellent performance of experience

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Best way is learning something new hobbies

[@jaydeeppatidar5434]

I have few questions, would love to have conversation 1. When person A talks with person B, for starters it is good to exchange values and belief. However along the way you start developing biases towards next person and your mind become clouded with biases - what do we do then, how to have conversation ? ( what strategies to use then ?) 2. People often are busy in their head and when you think who smiled back at you when you smiled - would it lead to any conclusion then ?

[@Eliyahu-uq3ec]

Can you disclose your bias? If not, consider exiting the conversation. Then, take time to reflect on your bias. Find another person to discuss your bias with. I do not understand your second question. Whether smiling is indicative of emotional intelligence is proven by the video’s claims about laughter. Someone who is in his head is not practicing emotional intelligence.

[@rmschindler144]

“Think Fast, Talk Smart” - I wonder if the name might one day change to: “Think Slow, Speak Wisdom” :)

[@kholoudgherbal2242]

Good!

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Thanks for enjoying 21 century

[@rmschindler144]

I’d be very interested to get any links to learn more about this idea of ‘spontaneous speaking’ which the interviewer raised

[@dsd5705]

New Subscriber

[@couchpotato9497]

Why did the beginning sound extremely similar to Andrew Hubermanns podcast 🤨

[@user-jy5gv8vc2x]

do you have any worksheets to practice communications? Thanks

[@juhigandral7093]

Nice

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Old is gold rate today

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Exposure of journey

[@shrikantpawar8269]

Good morning

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Understand opponents

[@michaelgarcia4100]

In my experience, most people are terrified of actually answering a question. They'll search for an oppprtunity to say anything but.

[@tharandtermountain]

That's interesting...in my experience, I ask 10-20x more questions than the people I meet, to the extent that when someone does ask me a question about myself, I am thrown off guard and can't respond as eloquently as I can ask! To add, I find it's somewhat of a cultural phenomenon because where I am from, I find folks to be much better at conversing back AND forth much moreso to where I live today. To add,

[@heathermc2916]

Marine Corps m.o., "Officers eat last" = senior execs speak last.

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Take it and cuddle

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Listening is different from understand

[@rmschindler144]

interesting: the conspicuous absence of the idea of God or Allah or the Infinite Light & Love of our compassionate unity . very, very interesting that this just doesn’t come up!

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Answer ir family

[@kahea2018]

Explains mob mentality

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Sir (s)understand (u) please (p) every (e)respected (r)

[@sampatel90069]

It’s alarming that these people completed grade school. I will admit that I’m not sure if this is effective communication or not.

[@williamvest209]

ROFL. - that comment is so meta I’m having a hard time unpacking it. Can you explain what you mean?

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Increase oxygen level in immediately increase

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Doctor cannot cure time

[@akkunya]

This guy wrote a book to learn how to talk to his wife lol 😂😂😂

[@narayanaraokdsss4833]

Drink some water

[@pldevries]

Don't waste your time on this vacuous conservation. A lot of empty terminology but no substance.

[@raginald7mars408]

... as a German Biologist - the strangest par DOXXX is we live in crowded dense cities so close to each other and do the opposite to insulate ourselves with huge Ear Phones talking LOUD on the Phone in the streets to make sure noli me tangere stay away from me how difficult it is to talk to a person it is this self destruction that disables all our social emotional abilities - then no relationship will ever develop and we are lonely, frigid, getting addicted to anything making it worse....