Author Charles Duhigg explores how and why some people are better at handling conversations

Pulitzer Prize winning author and journalist Charles Duhigg is out with a new book where he explores why some people are better at communicating than others. Jeff Glor has more.
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[@msg3tr1ght]

I miss having full fledged conversations with people and both parties asking questions. Most people just like talking about themselves, asking how are you so they don’t seem selfish and if you say fine, they bring the conversation back to themselves. It’s very lonely and I wish people asked me more questions.

[@bruincatjove24]

Well I got a question, how are you doing?

[@nicolee2649]

Best comment I read all year! I feel the SAME WAY!

[@Bat_Boy]

The reality of this life is...no one is listening, because no one really knows themselves, or others. So...no one is listening. Most are sleep walking in a daze of horrible programming by their parents...they are on autopilot of bad behavior (about 80% of people). 1) do you have self awareness? (if not, don't continue) 2) who are you? 3) what do you want?

[@sirmadam8183]

Ok never described myself as this but I am probably a super communicator. People are always saying, "How do you meet people so easily?"; "Why do you always leave with a number?" I talk to everybody every where and most seem to want to be my friend. It was not always this way. It happened to me when I became super interested in other people.

[@SophieSoSo]

Funny, I always ask questions because small talks gives me anxiety however I've had people say things to me like "you ask a lot of questions ".

[@kristynaw28]

Exactly! Is that good or not?

[@kristopherjohnson-hoyle8789]

Keep questioning. You'll end up with a better grasp on understanding people, and that's a huge advantage in any relationship-knowing how to really get where someone's coming from.

[@MildaMade]

My life story! I'd rather be curious (and annoying) though!

[@NancyMitchell1965]

Yes, yes, yes, ask questions! The loneliest time in my life was raising my son who has autism. It would have meant the world to me if someone--anyone--was caring and curious enough to ask a simple question like: "What is it like to parent a child with autism?" Instead, everyone told me a story about their neighbor's cousin's ex-boyfriend who had a kid with autism.

[@sharontabor7718]

Some people do that as a way to connect. They want to show they understand, and its the only way they know how. And they don't want to pry. My mother discouraged us from asking questions. She always said "If people want you to know something, they will tell you. Don't be nosey".

[@steveconn]

What a burden. Sorry about your child's affliction.

[@christophergraves6725]

I was impressed by the questions that the professor posed to the students. They elicited highly personal, revealing in-depth answers that allowed the two people to connect with each other at more than a superficial level. Small talk while all right for openers, thwarts this deeper involvement so that people have an illusion of contact with another person while they are avoiding the other person as well as themselves. One of the students commented that they felt "uncomfortable" with the questions while another balked at answering a question because it was "too personal." But these sorts of conversation topics are what bring the greatest satisfaction to both people as they open their minds and their hearts to another person and become less guarded. Small talk is a substitute for real interactions with other people.

[@Evermorecurious]

This needs to be nurtured from a very young age. As a child I would’ve loved for my curiosity to be appreciated more.

[@cgrahn8200]

Nobody asks questions anymore. Everyone in America just likes to talk about themselves, one-up each other, and try to redirect topics back to themselves. 🤦‍♂️

[@pattiburkhart4416]

Well said

[@firstlast8258]

Murica

[@msg3tr1ght]

THIS THIS THIS!!! I absolutely hate it

[@unme4728]

It's like they are being interviewed, lol. And being with people can feel lonelier than being alone when it's like this.

[@MNP208]

So… I was just told that my coworkers complain that I ask too many questions. 😂😂

[@teresaharris-travelbybooks5564]

I had a teacher in college that said, " you ask a lot of interesting questions."

[@AJ8888able]

This is an interesting conversation. I wouldn't naturally pick up a book on this topic to read, but I'm going to add it to my list.

[@elena-251]

Thank you 🙏

[@debbralehrman5957]

This is very interesting. Good story.👍🏼🌷

[@mike110111]

I love this

[@gemmeldrakes2758]

Actually I would find the questions in the survey too intrusive for a first encounter. What about small talk? The study seems to be deliberately designed to create a sense of connection by asking rather personal questions from the get go. So of course, the particpants feel a connection. I wonder if the results would be different if the researchers used standard Ice breaker questions, like where are you from? Or what do you fo for fun?

[@kamuelalee]

Question: So, what's your name?

[@gemmeldrakes2758]

@@kamuelalee Exactly. Questions like that.

[@unme4728]

Boring.

[@als7132]

I agree that asking questions is essential in any conversation. However, I heard nothing new or different today from the discussion-only the best with the sale of your new book.

[@teresaharris-travelbybooks5564]

This is all so true. My daughter and I have both noticed that our co workers only want to talk about themselves; their children, their vacations, their problems. No one ever ASKS about US. Or if they do, it's only a superficial interest, they make a superficial reply, and then they go back to talking about themselves. I have one co worker who literally never stops talking long enough for me to say anything! Mabe that's why social media is wildly popular. At least; in KZbin commenting; you can express yourself without being interrupted. I think I'm good at communicating. The problem is getting people to engage with me in the same way.

[@markoo4728]

I find this happens to me too. Over and over. So many self absorbed people. My question is how fulfilled are these people? Are they happy in spite of lacking self awareness?

[@cityonfoot6023]

So the moments of human interaction are the best parts of someone's day, even when they're introverts? Interesting. So is being an introvert mostly being easily overwhelmed by interactions, and needing alone moments before getting back?

[@Hotrodchef89]

I think so, I used to say I'm an introvert, and in some ways I am, but now I think I'm more of an ambivert because I'm in a stage where I truly seek balance. I love my alone time at home but I've learned that I also love my work and my coworkers. I don't think I could fully work from home

[@suzanneemerson2625]

I am an introvert, and the best parts of my day are when people leave me alone. Sorry, I’m not buying what this video says.

[@swikfors]

One major observation about the scene in the University of Chicago classroom was there were hardly any males in the class. There’s a story there too!

[@bucketofbarnacles]

Before people graduate from high school, there are 12 years during which something this basic and critical can be taught. Our society and school systems are missing a golden opportunity.

[@AKBRONCOSFAN007]

Who noticed the guy who did the reporting at the end of the segment was mainly directing his body, eyes and conversation towards the lady on his left (the viewers right). Just something I picked up on.

[@thepromises2882]

People in 12 Step have been communicating this way since at least 1936.

[@jlnapoleon]

To my knowledge they do after drinking as a tool to avoid talking like this. In other words, talking like this is very difficult for many people. I have found we have to become compassionate people to be compassionate and talk like this, compassionately. Good luck to us all.

[@shelbynamels7948]

06:13 pssh, nothing new about that. I've seen it on StarTrek lots of times, it's called the Vulcan mind meld.

[@gaylepeeples9749]

I volunteer drive elderly ladies and to avoid a bunch of questions them, i began asking them questions. I could tell how they light up at just having the opportunity. y

[@KK-pm7ud]

Did all of the men decide to skip class that day?

[@unme4728]

LOL!

[@johnzizzo3976]

No there was a dude in there who thinks he's a chick

[@suzanneemerson2625]

😂

[@AliseIam]

Online/ App Dating brings this to the forefront… Communication is horrible… People have zero clues on how to hold a conversation… After 4-months of trying, I gave up

[@kyraocity]

6:49 indicator of happier at 65 is strong relationships at 45.

[@MildaMade]

Interesting points raised.....but, I couldn't help but notice that not ONE woman was interviewed as an expert on communication?? 😂🤯

[@ilhuicatlamatini]

The problem is people taking that class are already open to and wanting to do those kinds of activities/experiments. In the real world it’s not at all gonna be that successful lol.

[@decencywarrior9598]

People are eager for connectivity- but time isn't being allocated for it. Too darn focused on making a living , or a meaningful life nowadays.

[@ctfamily40]

"anyone can be a super communicator, and for only 4 easy payments of $19.99, you c...."

[@kamu747]

Old wisdom is being repacked as new. These thing have been known. Had they been forgotten? Or do they bear reminding?

[@imacg5]

All 4 questions sound like cult recruiting questions. Maybe that's why cults are so successful at growing at modern times -- vulnerable people have no one to ask them these questions and talk about them.

[@shelbynamels7948]

Is this class room the Chicago branch of Shanghai University??

[@1totree]

Leave me alone.

[@PiOhMy]

This sounds like a rehash of debunked Neural Lingquistics Programming or NLP.

[@firstlast8258]

Talk is cheap

[@kamuelalee]

Cheap but satisfying.

[@firstlast8258]

@@kamuelalee two ears and only one mouth

[@Bodyknowledge77]

and actions speak louder than words..

[@dippingmyfoot]

In Judiasm, when visiting the home of someone in mourning, one is required to approach the bereaved, offer condolences, and then ask about the deceased -- not to pretend as if nothing has happened.