#167

[@Cuyt24]

I’m 57. No kids. No wife. Drinking wine out of a Burger King cup. I am still trying to pick up women at local sports bars and getting rejected. Going home alone every night. Watching Tim Dillon videos on KZbin. Life in the big city.

[@NoNippleNarc]

PJ Stone not likely

[@Cuyt24]

GraNOLAbar I paid for a prostitute last week and she took one look at me when she arrived at my house and said no. I’m just a giant blob of fat, sweat and hair. If I lost 100 pounds I would still be 300 pounds. I don’t blame her. I’m a loser. My step dad was right. The single life right? I was going to get married but I broke it off because I thought I would have unlimited supply of pussy. That dried up after the first 30 pound weight gain back in 07. Sigh. Life in the big city. Enjoy! Yes!

[@Vmh1717]

Lol this dude can’t be real

[@roymakescomics]

@@Vmh1717 nah, he's clearly riffing and trying to do a bit in the style of Tim, but not as funny, the material is too similar.

[@saraforney3940]

I’d turn a trick with you. No funny business tho. Ya can’t beat me up or anything & you’d need a condom. I haven’t whored in maybe three years but you’re pulling at my heart strings

[@drgonzo1971]

I love that Better Help still pays for these ads

[@eskimointhisworld]

😂😂😂🤣

[@asopher]

They know the mentally depraved listen to Tim Dillon. It’s a win win 🤣

[@juneack5848]

The fact that they are mentioned in the comments means its working! They are still sponsors btw.

[@exzisd]

I actually listen to the ads. They are hilarious and I've actually THOUGHT about signing up for it went to the page and everything but in quarantine I'm a broke boy.

[@theflowerhead]

@@asopher That's so disturbing. 😅 Love it. 👌

[@AJValentine-uc3pi]

I love this battle Tim's having with the crazy woman yelling in the bushes, unaware of the fact that he's the exact same person but he's got a microphone.

[@paulfroelich1024]

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA

[@FrenchCanadianGuy]

Oh, he knows

[@DannySullivanMusic]

haha dude niiice

[@chuckn4851]

Oh he definitely knew, that's why he kept doing it lol

[@LadyDemo]

That's all I kept thinking 😂 Maybe she heard him first and she's down there talking shit about him and hollering and howling thrashing bushes and limbs to act bigger and louder 😂😂😂 HE has driven HER insane..

[@Daingerous1]

Woke up drunk at 5:30 and made a drink and then saw this just dropped. Life in the Big City.

[@PT-tv9my]

I got into a road rage incident and ran over a cyclist. Life in the big city

[@ewokcardewas3220]

@@PT-tv9my just saw 2 people smoking crack right outside my window life in the big city

[@P1xi3_7]

Life in the Big City is one of the best ones.

[@closer20jc]

Just stepped over human shit...life in the big city

[@sublimelove23]

just railed a line of blow in my cubicle. life in the big city.

[@anonymousconflict2881]

Good god these classic Tim Dillon episodes are absolute gold 😭

[@jg2408]

This was a special time. Fall of 2019 Tim Dillon was on absolute fire. Never has been and never will be a better podcast.

[@yasamanmansoori2789]

I’ve gone back to watch these for the first time and they’re incredible. It’s too early to say he peaked here but they’re DAMN good nevertheless

[@TheSandwich4]

go see him live he is amazing

[@milesbeler3974]

Try the archived episode "Pizza Hut Buffet" or especially "Fat Gay Santa"he was WILD between episodes 10-30!

[@yasamanmansoori2789]

@@milesbeler3974 thanks!! Firing them up now

[@yasamanmansoori2789]

@@milesbeler3974 wait, are these on his Patreon? I’m not subscribed and they’re not on KZbin. Maybe it’s time to pay 😭

[@nowic1tj]

When my Uncle Tommy died unexpectedly of a massive heart attack at a young age, our family was really torn up to say the least, the first 45 min of the showing no one spoke, just crying and sobbing uncontrollably, death was strangling the room. Enter my Uncle Bill, observes the situation and looks to me and my cousins and says , "I don't even know what I'm doing here, he isn't coming to my funeral." To hear 80 people go from sobs to a laughing fit was a beautiful thing.

[@CatnamedMittens]

Fucking hilarious

[@Stoney-Jacksman]

your 'uncle' bill is a hack and youre an id-iot

[@stellar7760]

The ONLY place on the interwebs where I get excited for an advertisement!

[@pread7491]

Stellar Celeste him and a channel called internet historian actually have entertaining ads.... it’s the way to do them tbh

[@T.I.M.Thirteen]

Stellar Celeste When he said he only has one Better Help ad left, I thought they must have finally listened to his reads. Lol

[@flyingstump2938]

Uncle Joey's ads are good as well

[@stellar7760]

comixbrainz zzz But in all honesty, the ONLY time I’ve even considered going to Better Help is BECAUSE of Tim’s ads... Better Help NEEDS Tim Dillon.

[@bullmoosemedia]

His ad reads are more hilarious than most people/"comics" Netflix specials.

[@stellar7760]

“In LA they have silent retreats and yoga, in the northeast we have FUNERALS!” LMFAO

[@colleenlally-ross7105]

It's funny AND true! We just buried my cousin and saw everyone, ate great food and felt happy to be alive.

[@BlekJamal]

@@colleenlally-ross7105 How long was Ol' Cousin Jimmy on the junk before it took her?

[@Aaryan-93]

If that's your photo . You're hella cute.

[@mattstiglic]

My productivity at work has plummeted since discovering Tim's show. Its the funniest fucking thing I've ever heard.

[@frogfroggyfrog2833]

This is Tim Dillon golden era. Have listened this episode about 15 times. A fucking classic

[@matthewstone1362]

I'm also back to soak this in once more.

[@ryanp6999]

@@matthewstone1362 samesies

[@frwystr]

miss the good old days

[@Waveydriver]

@@frwystrI can’t even listen to the new ep’s. These old ones are so good

[@frwystr]

@@Waveydriver yeah new ones arw not even worth tuning into sorry piggy

[@bleedlejuice]

"Is she allowed?... it's too dark to tell, thankfully "😂😂😂

[@travis2050]

"better help is better than nothing" lmao

[@MrsLady-jt4qt]

Travis I died

[@mysticalpineapple7263]

😭😭😩

[@robinjoy2789]

🤣🤣🤣

[@colleenlally-ross7105]

Hard ti believe, I still can't stop laughing 😝

[@ShaneMclane-PrivateEye]

I was addicted to heroin and eventually fentanyl for years up until may 5th of this year. I got hit by a 2001 BMW going 50 mph and woke up a month later. Another month of learning to walk again and im out of the hospital. So if your struggling with opiate addiction and cant quit, just get hit by a car, if you live through it you come out clean... it sucked crapping in a bed pan and having a nurse wipe my ass for over a month but it sure beats being dope sick in the Santa Ana central jail. No brainer.

[@bradleythebuilder8743]

Brah, that’s fucking righteous dude. I was in your same boat except I didn’t get hit by a car and it took me ten years of fits and starts to finally actually quit. You are the man, I hope you are doing well and loving life. Good luck my guy

[@BLK_MN]

Life in the big city.

[@rawn9234]

Big city living

[@frwystr]

im glad the year of the car was included

[@Kzander-ne4yw]

Hey dude are ya still clean or relapsed? Hello from Poland!

[@MrTYLA13]

The fact that better help pays for an ad like this is just fantastic, brilliant work Tim

[@theguythatcould]

What I love about this show is that you can go back and watch the older stuff and still funny.

[@cg5701]

Crazy lady in the bushes thrashing around.......... life in the big city.

[@ericloyd6318]

Joyce Rey

[@ICUP570]

100% accurate

[@jeanbabtisteclamence3018]

Tim Dillon is a fucking lighthouse of clarity, sanity and mother fucking exacting honesty. A palate cleanser, in a world that desperately needs one.

[@TheSpeakeasily]

I always come back to this episode. This was peak Tim Dillon.

[@skreign]

It's in the favorites playlist for sure

[@jamezdean113]

I come back and watch these porch episodes in important moments of life. Helps me to reflect

[@THEG4MINGLEGEND]

Underrated comedian Underrated podcast I'm sure you will make it soon Much love from Saudi Arabia !

[@T.I.M.Thirteen]

Naif MS He’s “made it” already by being one of the best to ever hold a mic, it’s only a matter of time before the rest of the world realizes it.

[@blazedandconfused477]

Mate, can't you get your people to fund Tim so he can subvert the US government and media more effectively? I feel like there's a lot of potential here.

[@MasterTrickShot]

Blazed and Confused glad somebody said it. There’s a hell of an opportunity here. Eventually get him in the Trump 2028 cabinet too. If it’s hell I want hell with a splash of excitement

[@bev_buntu4674]

@@blazedandconfused477 they throw people like Tim off of buildings in his country

[@blazedandconfused477]

​@@bev_buntu4674 So how about, instead of throwing him off a rooftop, throw him at your enemies.

[@edwardchowanes7716]

Which Patreon tier gets me access to the bushes next door so I can yell during the next episode?

[@sealevelbear]

A bag of plasma a month

[@briang9386]

The Epstein tier

[@portlandgoose4727]

Presenting him Hilary Clinton's head impaled on a stake would probably do the trick for Timmy

[@LadyDemo]

Yes!!!😂

[@Vmh1717]

This dude captures the north east so well. It’s so so hilarious

[@tamhas]

I just wanted to say thank you. I've burned through your videos in the last couple months and it's helped keep me sane. Thank you for the laughs. "Little rona'" was the best video of 2020 imho

[@elektrotehnik94]

Lil' Rona skeet: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gZO5o4mYjspjfrc

[@scottgilmour8312]

"I wouldn't advertise a product on this show that wasn't a scam" The honesty speaks to me, shame my fake therapist doesn't

[@billytitus1519]

Please get back together.

[@BLK_MN]

Cry more. Go watch Ben's podcast if you love him so much.

[@frwystr]

@@BLK_MNdont be so angry

[@LazyRare]

True

[@grantguillemette813]

Never going to happen bud

[@streakingclothed]

What happened?

[@joshlockie9285]

Better Help wants to get rid of Tim but since he’s their main source for clients they’re going to let it ride.

[@joanna9856]

😂❤

[@Maizyspringer]

Judge: you’re still looking at 40 years Tekashi: you can flank the Spartans if you take this goat path

[@segamegadrive3903]

XD

[@BlastinRope]

Kek

[@kingheart9555]

😂😂😂

[@alexleonard9052]

Unforgivable

[@FUTANTCOLLECTIVE]

So sick of Covid I just wanna watch Tim Dillon eps from last year all day

[@fastcornbread]

The commercials are so ridiculously long. I love it.

[@bullmoosemedia]

If it is funny, you can say whatever you want. 😎😝

[@SuperHoneyOil]

Looking skinny from that alcohol sugar diarrhea. Proud of you Tim.

[@JackNoman]

stevia is the healthiest artifical sweetener and it's actually way better for u than any other sugar substitute

[@OffGridInvestor]

@@JackNoman you're right. I grew stevia and if you get a leaf and dry it for 3 days THEN sit it on your tounge and gently nibble..... the sweetness nearly blows your head off! It's strange to experience sweetness stronger than sugar.

[@OffGridInvestor]

I honestly can't even taste the sweetness in erythirol.

[@CandyBag]

Didnt age well

[@chrisswinney1319]

Tim, I can’t thank you enough for the advice. I have been canceling my family members who don’t understand the grind and do not hustle. My life has become better ever since.

[@MrPeaves01]

Tim is what happens when a man of the world becomes an American.

[@pancraseash9002]

Each episode is like a flawless special ? Wow its fucking impressive

[@christianleech5772]

These are truly the best ever. His new stuff is still good but these are another level

[@ICUP570]

The best Tim Dillon eps are on the porch.

[@andthenwhat9603]

I always start my day with a td podcast. It's honestly the only way i can get going since i can't have oxys anymore

[@graydays710]

Feeling so great for Tim. Looking great racking up a quick 15k KZbin views. Crushing it

[@professionalpacktaxer]

just started peeping this podcast, always heard of tim dillon saying crazy wild shit but wouldnt think it would be gettin me thru the day at my early ass job at 5am😂appreciate you bro

[@bigfoot7688]

The way this guy does his sponsors are insane lol.

[@leorickt.9604]

Listen to cumtown

[@ponderingimbecile4775]

I wonder if shakeology every advertised again

[@theonlyguiltymaninshawshan7909]

Tim's right. Funerals ARE great. One a month would be ideal for my needs.

[@AngelasAnythingShow]

me screaming focaccia and naan in my house for 30 min. and yes unleavened bread is matza. and yes i know this ep is a year old.

[@cargocultpod]

lmaooo I was screaming baguette

[@irabernstein]

banana bread!

[@mrinfinitemonkeycage5668]

Yes I know this reply is a year old but it screams Pig fandom

[@davidk.8434]

Matzah is unleavened, but so are tortillas

[@stellar7760]

Tim looking like a whole (Keto friendly) snack!

[@madsketcher]

Get your grubby convict hands off of my Keto Torpedo!

[@leoncort2344]

When you're creasing at an advert more than other comedian's thought out comedy - you know Tim is the real authentic deal.

[@alyssamw06]

I am dying laughing! This has got to be one of the best episodes EVER!

[@brencelt]

Producer Ben is hilarious as a straight man to TDs crazy rants 🔥❤️

[@ross7668]

Going back to watch Tim Dillon episodes is the best entertainment you’ll ever have Absolute comedy gold and it doesn’t matter a fecken iota what year it is Absolute genius 👏

[@adanbravo4722]

I’m sure somebody already said this but Tim’s love for funerals is straight out of Fight Club

[@kushfrancis37]

Tim paints with words as do all the greats.

[@johnnydubz3296]

As someone who watches to mutch Tim Dillon the funeral bit gets me every time

[@Tfwd1891]

I grew up on the island n parents always talked about the “Van” always had my head on a swivel playing outside😂😂😂

[@AlexanderStoinis]

Little did we know, but this was the best Tim of all time.

[@johnmcleod4921]

You make a broken sole actuly feel laughter thanks tim

[@Ziguly]

This is one of the best podcast in the history of podcasts ever

[@karlwithakcomedy]

1:11:00 Did Tim almost predict the capitol building breech? 😂

[@sublimelove23]

Lets be honest, it was a long time coming, and im shocked it never happened before

[@flying_rat]

Tim Dillon predicted everything

[@vdr3846]

I thought I was the only one who felt this way about funerals.

[@adamgardener8624]

I have been listening to these so much lately that now the voice in my head sounds like Tim's voice.

[@valve_is_better294]

Can only picture my dad’s funeral and wake, this episode helps me reflect sometimes

[@CH-ml4rz]

PERFECT TIMING. Good morning from Denmark

[@rayn_0ff]

Yep perfect timing for Europe ☕

[@Daingerous1]

Jensen here, much love you Scandi

[@paulfroelich1024]

"Only for snitching" that's a great description of social media.

[@jamesmurphy8530]

You look thin what have you been doing? “Take a seat”

[@WallhacksYT]

The whole time I was screaming banana bread

[@howhigh0521]

I would love to see Tim’s heart rate during these podcasts 😂

[@gabelogan56]

Back here in 2024. Vintage Dillon is evergreen.

[@bradleykyle6493]

🤣 Just watched 2 bears 1 cave, they spent 20min talking about different peanut butter.

[@waynebunch9167]

I miss these episodes

[@917nyc]

watching this for the first time felt insane

[@burnsplasticbags04]

It’s great to see Jeffrey Dahmer has gone on to have a pretty successful career as a producer for this show.

[@E-Nigma_]

The accuracy.

[@CedricWilliams67]

Just recently discovered the Tim Dillon from tin foil. Holy hell he is hilarious. About to go on a dillon binge.

[@patsansone8971]

One of my fav episodes with Tim randomly ranting about some obnoxious woman yelling the n word lol

[@SeaOrcRonnie]

Could you imagine Tim trying to recruit you for beach body? I'd shut up through the whole pitch just to hear him talk.

[@gnarleygnarlington]

Timmy!! You look glowing!!!! Keep it up man. We need you.

[@michaelhallen2808]

My Mom was a Tupperware lady. Wasn't exactly a scam,but her almost religious fervor for quality plastic containers was rather strange.

[@nerdelf3704]

One of the greatest episodes

[@airsign1012]

1:13:57 I'll allow it, I'm not thrilled with it.." 😂

[@jeffmckone7938]

I literally looked at this comment right as he said it. Bread sticks.. What a basic bitch 😂

[@sethveetaker5474]

"It's better than nothing or staring at a cat." Significant pause* "Maybe not all cats. Some of them kind of have wisdom in their face." That's the most underrated Tim D line ever. I wasn't going to sign up for better help, but now I will.

[@Issamadting]

First podcast I’ve seen of this dude and he’s fucking hilarious

[@valve_is_better294]

You get hooked lmao?

[@Gh0stdawg70]

First one of his for me was the gates of hell, and I’ll never be the same

[@nerdcity]

Was the bread-off the keto version of forcing a cellmate to tell you dirty stories?

[@elektrotehnik94]

@PREMED Organic chemistry tf is the video?

[@10gromet]

Love the old porch episodes!

[@kalijuri]

i find myself watching old podcasts. free from tyranny talk. it is so nice to be back in time when the world was just regular fucked up and conversations were wide and fun.

[@OpethTheater3]

You can run, but you can’t hide

[@kalijuri]

@@OpethTheater3 i don't hide from cocksuckers. i am sovereign.

[@ArticulateDegenerate]

2024 and looking for almost anything pre-2020

[@blakem000]

"The point is I have contempt for all you, and I should just start doing garbage!"

[@lst9701]

The bread naming competition is actually great, im gonna use that whenever i cant think of anything to say

[@martinimanz502]

Dude I just started doing a deep dive on this pod. I like this old co-host!!!! Timmy the trashcan roasting him is the most hilarious thing ever!!! New co-host is okay... But I thought this chemistry was better. Love you Tim Dillon, I'm an overnight vet tech and you've helped me through hard times, buddy. Keep it keto brother. You probably won't read this

[@TheRealJDC]

Tim: "I don't even *like* sourdough" Ben: *shakes head*

[@jake_adlay_24s90]

Underrated comment

[@dirtdirtdirtiest9607]

Me screaming at the screen during the bread-off "NAAN. NAAN.NAAN BREAD."

[@gaberondon8757]

I miss these type of episodes

[@lizbrauer3374]

with covid, I have the luxury of watching Timmy all day long, between diarrhea and vomiting

[@zugzwang742]

Ben makes me happy.

[@stellar7760]

Can I book you to speak at my funeral?

[@ProfessorImbakeXBoomshaka]

To show you're serious you have to disown someone you love

[@WitzyZed]

“I’m not saying it’s good! It’s *bad*.. It’s very sad, life is.. a meaningless nightmare”

[@stellar7760]

G G I’m actually introducing Shakeology to my family this weekend...

[@jameswieczorek4239]

Stellar Celeste what an excellent idea.

[@brolo4784]

@ 25:30 that hit hard cuz I’ve actually done that and thought about how hard the music is hitting with a Snapple in hand… creepy

[@airsign1012]

Anyone else catch the 'mybookie' ad spliced in just around 12:39 - 12:40 - I'm kind of impressed they're employing subliminal methods of suggestion in a podcast like they used to do to sell soda before a film's start at a movie theater

[@freebased1780]

I just commented " what is this fucking MK ULTRA"

[@scottt5181]

I’m a personal trainer and a lady tried to sell me on beach body. I had no idea what it was at the time. Once I heard her pitch I explained to her what a pyramid scheme was. She didn’t get it.

[@ElectricGigalo]

Love the new intro, doggie. 🤘🏽

[@stephanieann87]

You brighten my days

[@xandermander6035]

Tim taking mini-breaks to yell at the lady across the way is one of the funniest things I’ve ever witnessed😂😂 like 9:55

[@RoosterOvenMittz6969]

My cat has alot of wisdom in his face, therefore, he's better than staring at the wall. I learned this today, thanks Tim

[@dnbjedi]

Artificial sugars absolutely destroy me. Lactose is pretty rough too but I have some once a week. It didn’t used to be that way-- but I did look into it and it may come from drinking alcohol causing a problem with digestion.

[@dkelly387z]

I've watched this episode 3 times now just because of the bush lady! 🤣

[@Irrationalhumanity]

Old Tim was the best. The rage was real

[@artvandelay3922]

Agree on the funerals. Always really happy after one

[@saltyapostle44]

The best co-host in the business. Perfectly matched.

[@asgardpictures]

I'm 12 years older than Tim Dillon and still remember as a kid the van stories from my Long Island youth. Except it was a blue van in the very early 80's. Had a classmate that insisted she saw a kid get murdered in their driveway by the van guy. Hilarious.