#198

[@user-yn6th4xl4p]

Thank you. I’m a SAHM. Sometimes I feel like what I do is not important. The other day, my son told me I’m the only mom in his friend group who makes dinner. Those are the statements that keep me going. Keeping a clean, orderly, welcoming home is so important. 😊

[@yougetagoldstar]

Trust me, what you do it important. I once walked into a house to do some painting and it smelled so bad that I literally couldn't work in there. Whatever was stinking up the place was so thick in the air that I could almost feel it. That is how important keeping a clean house is. As for making meals for your family, if no one makes meals for the family, the family will die. That is how important making meals for your family is. Also, being presented with a meal lifts your spirit. Is there anyone who doesn't get happy when it's time to eat good food?

[@vintagebeliever5023]

Proud of you, mama - says the empty-nester 😊

[@dianepereira1860]

You are doing a great job. Your child is already reaping the benefits of your nurturing. ❤

[@TrinaFolak]

It is so beautiful to see another SAHM who cooks for her family and keeps an orderly and clean home! Keeping our space beautiful for our families brings a sense of peace and comfort and honor to them!

[@gregvanpaassen]

My sister, a retired teacher, was angsting about not "having a bigger life" a few months ago. I told her she creates domestic beauty--she does: amazing quilts, beautiful and delicious preserves, a great library, and a very peaceful, harmonious garden--and that domestic beauty is more valuable than something you only experience for a few minutes after a long trip. I hope she listened, and sees the value of what she does. To younger women: your children need you, you are literally creating the future with them, and domestic beauty can wait if need be. So can the world.

[@mrsverovalera]

Thank you for this Suzanne. I’m a SAHM with a husband who has afforded us a great life… and still there are days when I feel unaccomplished for not aiding financially nor using my degree.

[@Kunoichi139]

You won't regret it! ❤

[@TheSwissChalet]

You're doing the most important job in the world

[@yougetagoldstar]

One of the biggest problems is that many women think that the world started in the 20th century. When in reality, women were pressured to this mainly in the 60s in my country. Throughout ALL of world history, women did not routinely go out into the workforce, work for another man and earn a paycheck. For the majority of world history that was unheard of. Don't think about women from the 1960s to the present day, just about 60 years, to the thousands of years worth of women who lived with their parents and lived at stay at home moms. 60 years verses thousands of years. Thousands of years of dress-wearing, lovely, soft, feminine women. Those are the women you should relate to. Watch the movie "It's a wonderful life" and observe donna reed's behaviors. She wasn't a career woman and she was absolutely lovely. Real men do not care at all if a woman is a money making high achiever. If you were to look into my heart, you would see absolutely no desire to marry a woman who can do these things. All I want in a woman is someone to stand by my side and help me raise a family. and of course I want a woman who is as naturally feminine as women used to be. The modern woman is a new aberration from nature. You need to dismiss that woman as an aberration. As a man, I would never, ever marry a woman who thought she was born to go out onto the world stage and accomplish something great in the world. That will completely distract her from her natural purpose and produce discord in the household. Not to mention it will make her utterly unfeminine because it has always been men who went out into the world and provided for their families. It's men who are born to work with the world and develop and produce, and you know this because it was men who built the house you are living in, and discovered the electricity, and built the power grid, and built the university in which all college women are educated, and invented cars, and the internet, and computers, and monitors, and the world wide web. Men were born to do these things, women were born to do different things. Both male and female roles are essential so no woman should think that she is wasting her life when she is not doing as men do. Women of old never thought this about themselves. They didn't have that insecurity. They only developed that insecurity when crazy feminists disturbed women with that notion. If you want to know exactly what a woman is supposed to do with her life, read the Bible and everything it says about women. When you read it, you will find nothing about going out into the world and "changing the world", you will find nothing about achieving some great thing in the world. When you realize that God, someone who is smarter and wiser than we are, wants women to be stay at home mothers, then you can feel relieved that you are actually doing the best possible thing you can do with your life. But as soon as you listen to feminists you will feel disturbed. This tells you that the feminist outlook on life is unhealthy. Don't listen to feminists. I've read the words of feminist leaders throughout history and trust me when I say that they are demented. They are not well in the mind. They are insanely negative, too power hungry, too rowdy, too bratty. *They are the bad women in the world.* We don't listen to the bad women. Take Kate Millet for example. She was sent to a mental institution. Her own sister gave talks in which she said that she tried to kill her, and that she would stay up nights on end and that she would have fits in which her eyes rolled around in her sockets. Take Betty Friedan for another. First of all, that woman said that her marriage was one of "dependent hatred" and she wound up divorcing her husband so that alone should prevent you from taking her advice. I've read her book and that book is full of insane negativity. She was just as unhealthy in mind as all the other feminist leaders. That Simone D'Bu something was also a psychopath who supported pedophilia and unnatural relationships. Take the icon of the "noble first wave feminism" Elizabeth Stanton. She must have been a paragon of morality and sound judgment, right? I mean, this was before "modern feminism" messed everything up right? No, if you actually read her words you will find that she was insanely negative as well, clearly hated men and outright stated that she believed women were superior to men. Normal, healthy women do not speak that way. It was feminists who spearheaded no fault divorce. It was feminists who convinced women not to have children in their prime. It's feminists who tell women to lower their voices so that they can be taken seriously in the workplace. It was feminists who spoke against the dress and pressured women to wear pants. It's feminists who pressure women to get into athletics. And if you don't know, the female reproductive system is more sensitive to physical strain than the male reproductive system. Look into the matter of female professional athletes and soldiers becoming in fertile. Look into the matter of pediatric endocrinologists dealing with young female gymnasts who are disrupting puberty by engaging in intense physical activity. Women are now the people who take anti depressants the most. Divorces are clearly higher than they were in the past and are being sustained to the point where there is now a divorce industry. there was not a divorce industry in the early 20th century. The feminist movement produced MGTOW (men going their own way). Feminism is not making women lovelier, it's making them repulsive. The feminist outlook on life is not proving to promote the health and well being of mankind. It's doing the complete opposite. This tells you that it is the product of unhealthy minds. In short, it's evil. So pat yourself on the back for being smart enough to choose the lifestyle of a SAHM and do not feel guilty about it ever. When I read that you weren't helping financially, I didn't care at all and I didn't fault you for it at all. Your husband naturally should not care either. What he cares about is providing for you. That's how men think. Just as a man wouldn't want you to fight off an attacker for him, he wouldn't want you to go out and work so that he can stay at home and take care of children. Take comfort in the fact that you are doing as the majority of women in world history have done, take comfort in the fact that you are doing the natural, and right, thing.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

I, too, am a SAHM. I agree with you wholeheartedly. My children are school-aged now, so I occasionally work in my field, but I can honestly say that being her for them makes a world of difference in their well-being. Keep up the great work, Mama❣️

[@vintagebeliever5023]

Enjoy the days with your children.. I miss mine- says the empty-nester 😊

[@CarolinaSulick]

Loved this one! One thing that gets missed in the "go out there and become a nuclear physicist lawyer oncologist!" mindset is that those careers are high-level because they carry a great deal of responsibility. They are extremely stressful, cutthroat and difficult jobs, and the economy and conditions of jobs these days are not helpful. The nervous systems of most women cannot handle that stress which will result in mental illness and health problems. I believe we are already seeing this in rising mental illness and falling fertility rates.

[@MadameChristie]

This is utter bullshit with no evidence whatsoever

[@skeinofadifferentcolor2090]

I can honestly say that all my life since I was a very young girl all I've ever wanted was to be a wife and mother. No ambition, no goals, no desire to get a career or further education. I am living that desire. My husband and I just celebrated 7 years of marriage, we are raising three children four, three, and 18 months, and I am very content to raise our children in the way of a quiet life. 1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 "... and to aspire to live quietly, and to mind your own affairs, and to work with your hands, as we instructed you, so that you may walk properly before outsiders and be dependent on no one."

[@dianepereira1860]

Love the bible verse. A quiet life with it's simplicity brings such peace of mind. That in itself is a wonderful way to live.

[@CarolinaSulick]

great Bible verse. I too had the same ambition - when I was 6 I wanted to become a nun because I thought a life of service to others, cooking and sewing and praying sounded great! That was quickly discouraged by everyone around me. My mom told me not to tell anyone that I wanted to go into religious life, and to instead tell them I wanted to go to law school and become a UN diplomat. Nothing would have made me more unhappy!

[@erinhammond3708]

I have this Bible verse on my wall. It hits home all the time.

[@joyhaave6151]

Thank you for sharing that beautiful piece of scripture - it's new to me...am drawn to its sentiment which Ms. Suzanne echoes often. So happy for your family and you!

[@bri2252]

Great advice. I flew down the less traditional path of becoming a flight attendant at the age of 20. Met my now husband at the age of 25. 1st baby at the age of 30. Marriage when my baby was 2 months old. 2nd baby at the age of 33. I became a stay at home mom. My husband provides. I was torn after having my first born to leave work. Flight Attendants get a full year leave unpaid after having a baby. I thought I could make it work, because work was so flexible, but I couldn’t fathom leaving my baby for a day or two. My husband wanted me to stay home with them. I wanted to stay home with them, but the transition was so hard to shake…from working to not working. Finally, I’m seeing the value in what I do…even though sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough. People always ask, if I’m going to return to flying one day or if I’m going to put my kids in daycare to get a “break”. My husband is an EMS pilot that is currently gone for 2 weeks at a time. I’m mothering by myself and managing the household while he’s away. We are looking for jobs that will have him home every night. Until then. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and spreading your message. ❤️

[@NoraGrey27]

Can he work remotely as a recruiter for the same company?

[@bri2252]

He wants to fly. Currently trying to Purge/declutter and get ready for a potential move. We’re willing to relocate to have him home. I’m used to having him away, but it’s just harder with having 2 kids now. His schedule has been 2 weeks on, 2 weeks off since we’ve been together.

[@florencejoy5209]

Of he is having a job making a good income it might be worth it having a break. I have 2 ideas. Find a mom friend where you take turns babysitting one day you have a day off one day the other mom. That you get a break and can do things uninterrupted or rest. Or be yourself without kids. Plan B live close to one of the grand parents and they take the kids for a few hours every week for a break. Or a trustworthy home daycare for a day of the week that you have a day for rest and errands and to recharge. Let him keep the good job. Or a cleaning lady 3 hours a day for the deep clean. This are my ideas from a mom of 2 toddlers .

[@florencejoy5209]

Oh no. I cannot correct messages anymore. I meant let him keep the jobs. There are other solutions that you have a break for some rest and me time.

[@bri2252]

Thankfully we live by my family. I do get breaks or have sitters occasionally. I have a lot of friends who are working mothers, & they think I struggle. 😅 Some days are a struggle, but I’m not drowning. We do want to a job where he is home every night. That is the goal, to have him home while the kids are young. The current job is great pay wise, but it’s not great enough to stay and sacrifice being away.

[@vintagebeliever5023]

My life was big enough for me. Caring for my home, husband, children. Never regretted not having a "bigger" life. - empty-nester

[@breonnawalker7704]

“I don’t want to crush dreams, but I do want to help avoid nightmares” - Suzanne Venker

[@mrs.m4002]

I'm not young (Baby Boom) and can assure you that people making big marks on the world screw things up more often than they improve them. My husband has been involved in national and internation work his entire working life; he's not a big showman but we've known lots of them. They end up like everyone else (retired, doddering, dead) and are forgotten by their families and communities faster than the rest of us. At work they are motivated by ego and make quick, stupid decisions; their marriages splinter, their kids are raised, analyzed, and "normalized" by third parties, and their parents die in the care of more congenial family members; they spend an incredible amount of time giving each other awards; and several of them drink. The Greeks and Romans, Renaissance Italians, Victorian British, and us all have big ideas about personhood, but the empires fell, many of the ideas were warped (conquest, slavery, and the divine right of kings), and the great achievements were usually made by the kind of people you would in no way think were "most likely to succeed." Life doesn't want you to chase it; it will come to you in one form or another.

[@wildflower-mom]

I praise God I knew early on that a career would not make me happy - not even in the slightest. I've never really ran with the mainstream crowd. My parents were so disappointed when I dropped out of community college because I knew there was no degree I wanted. I know my decision to not earn a degree was frowned upon by many. They all wanted me to join the system and be a work horse. From a young age, I wanted a healthy marriage and thriving family. I didn't feel I could have a thriving home life and wonderful career. It just didn't seem possible to me and I think it's really rare. I always felt that having a good home life would greatly benefit my family and avoid a lot of heartache I grew up with. Life is not perfect, but I feel it is so much better with me staying home with my kids. We live on one income and money can be tight, but I wouldn't trade it. It does come with sacrifices but God has provided and made a way. I hope many more wake up and make a way to have a better life for themselves and the next generation. We've been lied to. I say all of this with gratitude and love! Thank you for your content, Susanne. I always look forward to hearing it.

[@truthjunkie63]

Traditional families. SAHM Moms. Working dads.

[@yingxie6573]

I 100% agree of what you are saying about making personal sacrifices, becoming a stay home mom or live small. But my situation is different, I am the provider of the family, my husband has no skills in the real world to provide for us. I only daydream of becoming a homemaker, get a small farm to live a simple low cost life and etc etc, feeling down all the time that I can’t spend as much time with my Kids like I wished 😢

[@emilywallace9043]

This reminds me of St. Therese of Lisieux’s “Little Way”

[@thatsfunny2051]

I was literally just thinking that

[@emilywallace9043]

@@thatsfunny2051😊

[@1980shameka]

I struggle almost daily. Prior to meeting my husband and having children I was in the military and before that I had worked. We have three boys and the oldest is now 16 and will be 17 in a few months. I am already searching for remote work. Honestly, being home has been rewarding in ways I could not have ever imagined. I love the relationship my children and I have. In the same respect, I have never gotten used to being home and there’s a part of me that questions what I could have done with those degrees I attained. It’s been a constant back and forth situation for me.

[@angeldeath4173]

I just left you a contact message asking for advice because I’m a burnt out SAHM, and I have to admit I make such a good home. My husband and I are closer than ever, even though we are poorer than ever before, and work ourselves to the bone everyday😅

[@sitka49]

Hear you there, ( Burn out, I think it's more common than most would like to admit- Like anything on internet everything's rainbows and sunshine even in sahm world?) we did this yrs ago when we figured out my wife's job was paying for only daycare. We Figured she could quit and maybe watch few kids to supplement income, those years were lean, and we didn't make no 6 figures a year. lot of cheap meals, and there were no date nights or vacation's. ( The only vacation we had in 18 yrs was on our honeymoon, we went to the black hills for 3 days. Lol.)

[@BigDiscussions76]

Thank you for this Suzanne. The career thing is probably the lie of our lifetime.

[@jasminewilksch5727]

When I was a young teenager, I remember saying I just wanted to work at the supermarket until I found a farm to marry, then be a stay at home mum with 10 kids 😅 When apparently that wasn’t an acceptable career path I thought nursing would go alright until I found a husband and could have 10 kids haha. When I told my year 11 physics teacher I was think about nursing, she responded with ‘you can do better than that’. I wasn’t impressed with her attitude, I knew I was t ever going to go out and be career women, when my only dream ever was to raise a family. I did love my work as a midwife before becoming a mum, but now I’m just loving my daughter full time

[@tomjeffersonwasright2288]

Great video. In the highly competitive world of business and sports, to reach the top ranks you must compete with people who dedicate their entire life on one aspect of living, sacrificing almost all other interests, and become a monomaniac yourself. Family life, music, sports, and many other enriching experiences must be skipped over. Women should consider this fact when they desire a husband who is a huge economic success. He will work a lot, and have little time for family and real life. How much happiness will you find there?

[@1980shameka]

Profoundly wise words. Thanks for sharing.

[@vintagebeliever5023]

Great chat. I still do not understand why people have children if they don't want to raise them or spend time with them. Just a status thing??

[@haleymoon657]

You’ve been a critical part of changing my thinking during my decision to stay at home with my third child. It’s been really emotionally challenging to transition from a career to being a home maker. It’s not what I expected to feel but there are days when I feel incredibly guilty for being home with my family instead of making an income. I love my kids and new this is what I wanted to do this time around though and trying to figure out how to make it all work💕

[@SuzanneVenkerAuthor]

Thank you for letting me know, Haley. This is exactly why I do what I do. :)

[@Leo-mr1qz]

Bad parenting is being covered up by diagnosis of ADHD, being on the autism spectrum, etc. Yes, some children genuinely have these disorders, but a lot of them stem from the mother too eager to get back on the career track the second the baby is born. We live in such a shameful society. 😔

[@skeinofadifferentcolor2090]

Honestly!! It used to be that ADHD and autism were the exception, not the rule. Now that is being completely thrown out in favor of everyone having a neurodivergent diagnosis so that they can be medicated into compliance. Rather than noticing the problems and addressing them at the root.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

@skeinofadifferentcolor2090 I have a modern-day example of this. My nine year old daughter attends private Catholic school. She has had a young boy in her class since kindergarten. Last week, the boy pushed my daughter TWICE because she erased a number off of a whiteboard that his friend wrote that had her name above it. The incident had to do with the boy who wrote the number and her, no one else. I approached the boy's mother after school to explain the situation to her and politely asked her to have her son keep his hands to himself. She cried, "My son has high-functioning autism. She must've disturbed him!" I was blown away. So, in her dystopia, her son, with whom he is 10 years old, has the right to put his hands on another student, a girl in the case, because he has special needs?!?! Personally, as a woman who has been in education for over 3 decades and has worked with autistic children, I find this to be a fallacy. She is claiming a disorder over her bad parenting habits. 🤪

[@TheSwissChalet]

@@Leo-mr1qz A friend who helps mothers adjust their children's diet to help with behavioral problems told me that once the mothers find out that if their child can be cured with a better diet, then they will lose the monthly government disability check that the child gets due to their "autism" diagnosis...the mothers often drop out of any attempts to help the child. The "disabled" child (traumatized and poorly disciplined child, actually), is a gravy train for the parents. They have no shame in doing this. They would rather get a disability check for their toxic unhealthy child, than cure him.

[@skeinofadifferentcolor2090]

​@@Leo-mr1qz That scenario you just explained is incredibly common. My younger sister-in-law claims that all three of her sons have autism and ADHD, and that society needs to change to accommodate their rowdy behavior because they are neurodivergent. She is the most entitled, self-centered individual I have ever met. She claims to be a Christian, yet she mocks the Bible and God, and not once have I ever heard her apologize for anything, not even in talking with my husband about when they were children. I'm like nah, parents need to do better to train up children to be respectable members of society. And yes, children need to respect those in authority.

[@Leo-mr1qz]

@@TheSwissChalet 🤯 Shame on them!!

[@bamabekah]

I agree wholeheartedly that it’s so important to focus on making your own little corner of the world the best it can be. That is “enough.” However, I want to be sure we don’t overcorrect and stop lauding those who *do* move the wheels of history. Men like our founding fathers, like Plato and Aristotle, like Da Vinci and Edison. They deserve our praise and a recognition that they did something the average person couldn’t. I hope those who are capable of greatness don’t settle for “enough” or we might miss out on the next Socrates or Tolkien or Monet. It’s all about recognizing where we can best serve. For the vast majority of us, that means building and maintaining a strong family with physically and emotionally healthy children. But let’s not forget we also need the “big” lives to move the world.

[@maxwillson]

I have a KZbin video that has over 9 million views and most of my friends never watched it. Even if I mention it to them, they don't care to watch it.

[@doll.ov.poetrii4682]

That's pretty messed up!

[@maxwillson]

@@doll.ov.poetrii4682 I don't care

[@stepheniefleegle2535]

Just want to say this is so good! Thank you Suzanne for putting so eloquently what I have experienced and validating my choice to not work full-time and be home with my kids more!

[@GlennWD]

So well said, love this. I’m a 35 year old gay man who can relate to this valuable information. Love from Australia.

[@alicegelfand9587]

First of all, love your videos. Second, your videos came to mind while watching the great 2023 movie Anatomy of a Fall. There are themes in it about men, women, raising children & family relationships that are so relevant to the times we live in. If you haven’t seen it I think it’s fantastic.

[@blancheb3533]

Hi Suzanne. I like this advice and I've personally tailored my life to put family first even as a single (but soon to be married woman): I purposefully only took part-time work from home jobs, even if it pays lower than office jobs (considering my academic credentials). It does put me in a vulnerable financial situation. What is your advice so we can have a financial safety net without sacrificing the marriage/motherhood first trajectory? Like should housewives get life insurance, should we continue doing part-time jobs, if there are any resources to help stay at home moms, etc. Thanks and looking forward to your response. P.S. I do think all that money and support given to daycare should instead be given to stay-at-home moms (or parent), but at this point society is too corrupt for that so we basically gotta wing it on our own for now.

[@tomjeffersonwasright2288]

A stay at home Mom can take in a few children and get a good income from providing high quality, personalized day care in her home. Your own children have the benefits of socialization, and can form lifetime friendships. A friend did this, and would keep the same children from entering day care time until school time. Many considered her a "second Mom" right into adult life.

[@MommaBeeb]

If I could go back, I would have focused more on gaining skills that would be beneficial to being a SAHM. Learned to cook healthy meals that taste good, built an exercise habit, maintained a healthy lifestyle & weight. Most of all, I would have studied early childhood development and worked with young children babysitting or nannying as much as possible. We have a financial safety net that includes life insurance on us both (purchased policies shortly before the birth of our first child) and savings/investments. I don’t have any income, and it can be scary. I choose to invest time into keeping our marriage strong rather than worrying about what would happen if the marriage ended.

[@blancheb3533]

@@MommaBeeb it makes sense. For the past few years I 'ruined' my career by developing domestic skills and helping my parents out (honor thy father and mother) and ended up not saving anything for myself. My fiance doesn't earn a lot and my parents have no retirement savings. I've tried leaving it all to God but at this point I realized its been stupid to think this way.

[@MommaBeeb]

@@blancheb3533 I have followed advice from Dave Ramsey for years. The Financial Peace University classes he offers are a great thing for couples, especially just starting out.

[@blancheb3533]

@@tomjeffersonwasright2288 that makes sense. However I am not yet married (soon to be, though) and my fiance doesn't earn a lot and risk living in poverty if I don't work probably. Furthermore my parents have no retirement savings and I've wasted my 20s being a domestically focused, work-from-home daughter being broke all the time. I don't regret quitting my last job to spend time with my fiance (we are long distance) but what most people (and Suzanne) doesn't seem to get is that this lifestyle only works for people with stable income and absolutely doesn't work with folks like me just an inch away from poverty.

[@kristenmoonrise]

I agree 💯

[@monicageller226]

Thank you Suzanne! You just gave me a huge self esteem boost.

[@E_frey]

Thank you so much.

[@nidhi4900]

Amen sis🎉❤

[@saraymsantos]

Could i read the e- book in spanish with some translator?

[@ethxo6734]

I believe women should educate themselves, earn and income and establish themselves financially before having children. There are no guarantees that the right man who is capable of providing for the family will come. And even if he does, let’s not forget that over 1/4 marriages end due to infidelity. Women who have no skills or finances of their own are incredibly vulnerable to abuse from their spouses. In my own experience, my dad did not allow my mom to work and he would beat her near daily. She couldn’t leave because she didn’t have family to help or money to provide for us. Hell, I was in a relationship for 7 years, thankfully no kids but when I tried to leave he assaulted me at gunpoint. No prior violence or warnings beforehand. Just snapped at me wanting to leave. What I advocate for is women having the ability to leave if things don’t plan out like the fairytale trad wife life is portrayed.