2 Patterns Of Narcissistic Rage

Narcissists struggle with anger and agitation, often leading to rage reactions. Dr. Les Carter describes two patterns that emerge. The first pattern is the immediate explosion of scorn, and the second is the ongoing simmering contempt. Narcissist want you to think you have caused their anger, but these two patterns are built into their psyche.
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his KZbin channel, his videos have received more than 120 million views.
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[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Anger and rage are unacceptable and it’s impossible to have anything to do with a person who is not grounded in reality.

[@alliebelle3298]

unless it's your mother and you are 2 years old!

[@rubylace9963]

Anger is a normal and healthy emotion. The important thing is how you act on it.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

​@@rubylace9963the main issue is whether you are in control of your anger & able to recognise it, & act on whatever it's saying in a healthy, civilized, reasonable way according to the official legal channels available to you, to implement positive change in a way that is acceptable to everyone, or whether you let your anger rule you like a demonic chimpanzee toddler having a tantrum, & then expect everyone else to put up with you.

[@caroleminke6116]

I hope people will realize this is how a toddler reacts when mother is unavailable or inattentive. This crucial two year old period wasn’t mastered & they never separated from the original caregiver so narcissists simply lack the psychological capacity to understand that it’s them… not you! Everyone is mother to a person with NPD including children or partners. Still stuck @ a developmental stage that didn’t transition to individual patterns of healthy behavior means the ego is afraid & remains in control, punish then reject mode. Literally the train never left the station & it’s beyond our pay grade to move it one inch forward!

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

🎯 This is a very clear description of several of the people i had to work with ... I remember being so frustrated at one (older) co worker that i was struggling not to blurt out "I am not your mother !" "Take responsability for your own behavior !". I actually wish i had said it out loud, instead of suppressing it like i did... i still have the words in my mouth years later. He never did his share of the project preparations (left the slack for others to pick up), systematically one sidedly changed work agreements at the last minute, asked people to make mistakes intentionally (even if that could get them in trouble) ... and if anyone tried to hold him accountable, had a smear campaign at the ready.. He really undermined my emotional safety at work + i ended up clinically exhausted with the constant overwork + eggshell walking.

[@thecustodian1023]

I see variations of this online everywhere now. People that will spend days demanding that others should inform and educate them on things they could go look up and self-educate on in seconds. It makes no rational sense.

[@francesbernard2445]

I do not judge because it must be very difficult to be around a toddler after they have got really big and old with a lot higher status in the world than others do around them. I do not judge people when a whole bunch of people walk into town with an array of military weaponry with them along and they don't like it after one of them from that kind of empty show crowd in town started acting like toddler with a gun.

[@elizabethambielli610]

The replies here are all about everyone is an individual... go figure it out yourself. Sorry, in actuality, what some want to call 'immature' because they ask a question of a 'co-worker' just might be ... RESPECT for those they work with. Perhaps no understanding of the words ONE BODY IN CHRIST and MUTUAL SPIRITS OF ONE GOD. Awhile back, in a decade known as the 1960s the phrase 'do own thing' was latched on to. INDIVIDUALISM and 'COOL' (NO EMOTIONS NO FEELINGS... unless, of course they group gets OFFENDED because someone asks them what THEY CAN'T EXPLAIN. (be honored if asked OR DOES THAT UPSET YOUR EGO who can't think outside the pages of a textbook to individual situations) The Golden Rule: do to others as you wish it done to you. Someday, you may have a question to that co-worker. (would that mean you are then stuck in the developmental stage?)

[@TehaniBlitch]

I have been thinking the same thing! Behaving like 2 year olds when they can't seem to get what they want or need! It's like they are stuck in this developmental stage and can't get beyond it. Do you agree??!!

[@ladyloungealot5119]

I don't want to think about narcissists any longer. My enabling father is dead. My narc mother is dead. So is my narc sister. I am the last one still standing, the scapegoat, but still alive. Good bye narcissists. You can no longer harm me.

[@texaspatty458]

@@ladyloungealot5119 .....I stopped having night terrors after the narcs in my life died . 🕊️ I'm free & getting freer

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@ladyloungealot5119 Peace be with you.

[@turnbacktime65]

🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️🤸‍♀️ Yay! You’re still here and now you can be you. Happily! ❤❤❤

[@kellymackie4836]

Wrong channel then 😊

[@stephanieburgess8217]

The sermon this morning at church the pastor said something that resonated with me and may with some of you who have also been severely abused by narcs. He said you cannot be in their presence until you are strong enough to be in the midst of their bad behavior. I am currently too weak to be around said narc and their bad behavior therefore I have withdrew my presence, gray rock, whatever you want to call it. I am healing and it may take 20-+ years to heal and when/if said narc asks to be back in my life I can at that point evaluate and if I see true change of character.. not lip service of I say I’m not going to hurt you so believe me but they remorse for how they treated you as well as active steps (not words) of action toward restoring trust them and only then would it be healthy to restore any type of connection with this person who’s hurt you and if it never happens so be it and live without them.. it’s up to them to restore the connection they lost. It’s not your responsibility to reach out to them but rather them once they have “fixed” themselves and most never will. You are to never forget.. eventually you will need to forgive as a believer, however that doesn’t mean you go rushing back into the snare. You stay back and keep clear unless you can safely protect yourself when around them from their bad behavior.. which most cannot and need to wait for true repentance actions which either narcs never come so it’s best to cut your losses and move on but if you’re staying in the presence you have to learn to be in their bad behavior and be healthy with that. It will take a lot of work and grace.. I tried it for 14 years and determined I could no longer..

[@sarahstrong7174]

When I was young I used to clean my mother's house. One day I really put a lot of effort into it. As well as all the usual vacuuming & dusting all the rooms & cleaning all around the bathroom & kitchen sinks & surfaces & appliances etc & doing the washing & drying up, I had polished all the taps & mirrors, even the knocker on the front door. I dusted particularly meticulously, even taking all the dried flower arrangements outside & gently shaking them & refreshing them. I even carefully washed a few ornaments which had dust trapped in their crannies. I had also polished all the wooden furniture & cleaned the insides of all the windows & the outside of the downstairs windows. I went around with a damp rag & wiped off any marks on the skirting boards, doors & paint work. I tidied everything, folding up papers & magazines, plumped all the cushions etc. Folded up sheets & put them away & tidied the airing cupboard. Afterwords I prepared vegetables for tea. It took some hours & I admit to feeling a bit proud of my efforts. However although I should have known better, I made the mistake of telling my mother that I had given the house a really good clean. My mother found one little ledge about one inch wide & four inches long, which I had missed & she went absolutely mad. She screamed & shouted at me that I was completely stupid, lazy, useless no-good, rubbish & any other negative term she could think of. You would think I had just given her a beating, mugged her & stolen every penny she possessed. The interesting thing is that when she went into this tirade she happened to be standing under the kitchen clock. As I watched the hands on that clock move around as she continued her mindless rage, I found myself growing calmer & calmer. I just stood & watched her, I sort of felt detached from her. Somehow looking at the clock hands had managed to enable me not to mind all the insulting & intended to be hurtful words. I watched those hands move round for nearly an entire hour while I observed her totally, utterly, lose her temper & continuse shouting all that time & I finally understood that it was really not about me at all. It was all something that was going on in her head. Her reaction was completely out of preportion. She was mad, insane. Remember the clock hands.

[@maryshaffer5675]

My Mom reacted to her grown children including me cleaning her home by burning her photos and letters.

[@sarahstrong7174]

@@Delacari The affects of trauma on the brain can often leave victims unable to keep up with organising their belongings.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

Sorry to hear you went through that, you did your best, but with these kinds of people it is never enough, being too good & too kind, probably made her feel shame & she couldn't handle it. Some people are just sadistic so there's no point trying to please them. Just leave them to it, it is never about you. It's always always about them.

[@teresacotton7923]

They get in your face and jeer at you, accuse you of the very things they are guilty of. Weaklings and cowards. His passive-aggressive behavior evolves around being inadequate. He blames that on me, but that's on him.

[@fred.k9875]

Once the bucket is full it overflows, always does!

[@Blackcatsrlucky]

Unless it comes to supply and then it's bottomless 🙄

[@turnbacktime65]

For the people offended at the use of the word “toddler” in this setting, I found a few replacements. Petulant and cantankerous. Fractious, irritible. Grumpy, negative and ridiculous also come to mind. The narc I’ve lived with 18 yrs. came into where I was reading to tell me “ The milk went bad. Don’t buy the gallon size.” I said “ when I bought the half gallon you complained it wasn’t enough. Since you can’t make up your mind get it yourself”. (I don’t drink milk) He asked why I was mad. I said I’m not mad. I am tired of the same conversation over and over. Get. It. Yourself. I stopped drinking pop because when I asked him to put his bottles in recycle he said” Those are your bottles”. (Of course they weren’t.) I am laughing as I write this. Thanks, Dr. I watch you daily ,sometimes more than once. I’m still learning but it’s getting easier. Team Healthy, Team Healthy, Team Healthy!😊

[@MelindaStevens-w9y]

I love how he turned it around on you and asked why you are mad. It’s funny how a basic thing like milk can send some people into a rage. A very similar thing happened to me once and I got yelled at because there was no milk in the house. This was about 30 years ago (I just remembered it). I was very upset at the time. Some people really need to get a life - that’s how I feel now. By the way, I loved your choice of words - I found it rather entertaining reading your comment.

[@llhannah9297]

Also obnoxious, asinine, and evil

[@DaisyPusher]

If only we could all be as chill as that dog 😅❤

[@kathleenstoin671]

You really nailed it, as usual. The rage never really goes away, it just smolders, ready to burst into flames again at the slightest provocation! I agree that these people have had that behavior modeled for them. And reason can't penetrate that influence.

[@texaspatty458]

I'm not a stranger to narc rage , but wow I wish i had filmed that craziness ! The first time I saw that messed up emotional garbage , it took me back a bit . I was shocked that a grown human would behave in such a fashion . Yikes , no thanks . I'm looking forward to this one doc .

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Probably better you didn't. It'd be like a horror movie 😮

[@texaspatty458]

@@amandaliverpool3374 ...or a comedy of errors !!

[@noneyourbusiness7311]

It's like watching a 2 year old in an adult body have a tantrum. Only with foul language and evil LIES!! it's amazing and sickening all at one go!

[@wildhorses6817]

It is terrifying, no one believes you including police because the covert narc is quiet, shy, denies it all, he just grabbed my hand. There were no breaks, no blood. He Won again. Thankfully at peace and divorced but he stole all the marital funds. Laws do not protect innocent people at all. Liars, Cheats, Abusers always win. Protect yourself before leaving, create a bank account, see an attorney and a fiduciary financial advisor.

[@Victoria-c4n]

@@noneyourbusiness7311- The NEX actually had 2 year old tantrums, kicking his feet and thrashing his arms. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@lynnewahl5232]

Finally at 83, I have set a zero contact boundary w/ no explanation. The after effects need to be addressed. Meditation and journaling and professional explanation of the Narcissistic personality and the accompanied damage it may cause to the victim, do help!

[@Reader0071]

Congratulations Lynne, it's never too late!

[@fred.k9875]

Agitation, a prerequisite to rage.

[@duromusabc]

Narcissists show agitation in their faces constantly

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@duromusabc Not all, some covert narcs are VERY hard to spot.... you have to live with them for a longer time before you see the patterns. I believe the weird feeling of unease around them + things that usually go right that start to have unexplained difficulties all of a sudden is a better telltale sign

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

@@duromusabc Oh, yes : and Botox ! in some of them

[@julienatoli8561]

Take them at FACE VALUE!!! .. never their "potential!" because these raging lunatics WILL make excuses and if you stick around, you'll start making excuses too 🙄🤦 Aww they didn't MEAN it ... they weren't raised with love ... they're just having a bad day .. they're just tired, I'll keep praying for them and show them "the healer!" 🙄🤦🤦🤦 Holy cow I made all the excuses!! These rages NEVER lessen, they get WORSE! .. and you might not make it out ALIVE if you stay. Thank you Dr C for always ALWAYS reminding us to choose PEACE. Period. 🕊️🕊️🕊️🙌✝️💞 God bless you!

[@Hatbox948]

I've seen one pattern of narcissist rage and it isn't fun to be around. My nex yelled, threw things, punched holes in walls, drove crazy, tried blocking you from exiting a room, etc. It's incredibly immature, but it can also be dangerous.They work themselves up into a lather and are unpredictable. You just don't know if they'll go full throttle.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

They're predictably unpredictable!

[@Hatbox948]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Exactly!

[@caroleminke6116]

As long as you stay with them then they’ll continue to push it one step forward to physical abuse. Not worth waiting around to be harmed or killed by someone else’s toddler

[@texaspatty458]

@@Hatbox948 ...I was there for all of that 👁️👁️ , didn't know whether to laugh or run for my life . I chose to get away .

[@Softtearsofwisdom...]

@@caroleminke6116 💔I thank you kindly. I am uncomfortable with the term toddler to describe their behavior. Anyone who has truly lived through the nightmare is aware that they are cruel and evil. We are literally destroyed in every way imaginable. We reach a point where we are escaping from their grip to save our lives. We find ourselves surrounded by police officers in an emergency room, and a judge is being woken up out of bed at midnight, trying to help to legally protect us. This is not the rage of a toddler, but a demon. They are no toddlers; they are lethal and extremely dangerous. Once again, I thank you kindly. You truly understand. Blessings...

[@markjayw666]

Physical rage and passive aggressive rage

[@sissi8610]

Yes! And they often use garbage bins, if they have no other way of expression. 2 of my neighbours create so much chaos with the weekly bin collection, it amazes me how creative they are with it, and turn something as boring and low effort, as putting bins out, and bringing them back again, into a weekly drama show (inside their heads anyhow). Amazing.

[@carolmcswain2206]

Yes, my husband was a complete narcissist. He had this rage that would show up but then that passive aggressive. I’m not speaking to you and that would go on for weeks. Needless to say we weren’t even married for two years and I finally thought I can’t take this anymore. he would get so angry he would just be growling at me for no reason. But yes, he was a complete narcissist. Outwardly to most people he seemed like a very gentle, quiet man, but he was a completely different person when we got married. It was probably a month or two into the marriage, where he was the first time that he growled at me. I’m just so thankful to be away from him. I left and I haven’t looked back.

[@edwinrivas7565]

Thank you so much for these videos! I went low contact with my narcissistic family members for 15 years, but a family emergency recent forced me to deal with them, and it did not go well. Since then I’ve been ruminating and struggling, and these videos have been wonderful for reminding me of why I don’t want them to be significant in my life and helping me move back into my own peaceful life separate from them. Thank you, Dr. C, for reminding me about what’s important and what isn’t.

[@joannajohnson696]

Our area got hit hard by hurricane Helene. My narc husband has never suffered from a hurricane before. He has been raging, ugly anger up all night & screaming.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I have a cousin who lives in Asheville. When I spoke with him today about Helene, he was rational and empathetic toward those who lost so much. All he lost was cell service and electricity, and he is staying temporarily with his daughter. He's normal.

[@MarianneCatherine]

As usual, it's all about THEM! I'm so sorry, but thank God you're ok. I hope there wasn't too much damage to your home. I'm very sorry you're having to deal with your husband on top of the hurricane😢 I will keep you in my prayers 🙏 🫂🙏 God bless!

[@Ratgirl2]

Yes the normal calm people will hold it together. 😮😮

[@BAROMETERONE]

Things get better every day once you separate yourself from someone with this disorder. It's also great to have a resource such as Les to make sense of what's happened if you were unable to get it straight and make sense of it in your own mind. He knows what he's talking about.

[@rwdchannel2901]

Apart of the narcissistic rage is their incessant attempts to get narcissistic supply through reactive abuse. Narcissists are raging inside and taking it out on whoever they're saying mean things to for a reaction, which fulfills their need to feel superior(temporarily). What's really disturbing about this kind of rage and reactive abuse is when it comes from a covert narcissist that doesn't seem upset because it's such an odd combination of behaviors. Normally, someone in rage would express it emotionally, not in a cold and calculating way.

[@kayfitzgerald309]

Soooooo glad I have my peace agai!!😊

[@kby87]

During my 6 years of relationship with a narc, obviously I had seen the rage so many times. One time when it happened at home, I was in the middle of doing my work on my macbook and he kept going on and on. I was grey-rocking him the whole time and after a while I got bored so I turned on the webcam (photobooth app) and started recording the whole shenanigans.... and apparently he didn't like seeing how absurd he looked/sounded and lunged at me to turn it off. Silly.

[@andreacook6000]

Unbelievably nuts! But the pain inevitably forces us to believe it, understand it, accept it and move away. It’s quite scary to have to fully understand the psychology of evil. Thank you for holding our hands Les🌺🍃✨🐾💛

[@danielscott118]

When my ex and now high conflict co parent started on antidepressants (ssri) for anxiety and depression it was like the narcissistic abuse got worse. It was and still is like the narcissist is on steroids for narcissistic behaviour. Straight up court orders for this situation, there is really no other way to deal with high conflict people. Hard life lesson this one.

[@LauraChandler-x7e]

My husband and I would see my mother once a week, after she was widowed. A strange thing started to happen on these visits - standing in her kitchen,, I would feel myself sinking through the floor. The feeling was so intense, I had to put a hand on the counter to be sure I wasn't moving. Bizarre. I knew I wasn't going crazy, but that I was having a stress reaction. Yikes. Her rages were unpredictable, and intense. I cannot remember a time with her when her anger stayed under control. She died over 30 years ago. In the last few years, I've had a few happy memories of her surface, and actually started to miss her. Sometimes.

[@chereeB-hummingbird]

Thank you! Dr✨️💙 I was in jail mentally for 11yrs and didnt realize till i did🙏🏾 I guess when hoover's are unsucessful there is that silent rage No contact 🚫 Forever!! ✨️

[@bohemiasb281]

Dr. Carter, you are a treasure. Thank you for your illuminating presentations about this personality disorder. I have learned much from you over the months and it has helped me sort through those people in my life--that I seem to have attracted over the decades. I'm slowly rearranging their accessibility to me and I am also looking within. It seems to me that this personality disorder reflects the child (the bratty child) that never grew up...

[@Jennyfeather_22]

Remove yourself from all physical jeopardy.

[@janetcaruana8525]

We had a friend that fit that mold, and, after much ridiculous behavior on several different occasions, left that person’s circle of friends ( which has diminished greatly over the years we’ve known him. He got into a major confrontation with a waitress and a female trivia host about the reduced prizes because of the low turnout at the beginning of the pandemic. Everyone else was okay with it. (He never uses the gift card as he doesn’t even eat dinner there!). After they reopened after the pandemic, in a few months, he was kicked out of the restaurant because of his attitude with the staff (only the women, he never would challenge the men with the same dominance) . His girlfriend was shocked and upset. I saw her crying. They went there every week for a few years and was told not to come back! Mind you he was 63 years old- not a kid! In our home he called his girlfriend the worst name you can call a woman because of a move she made in a game!!!! Our jaws fell to the table in absolute shock! We just kept away from the toxic idiot. His gf puts up with the crap because she’s too cheap and lazy to find her own place to live and buy what she’ll need to live alone. Unbelievable.

[@christymartin6281]

I read a phrase recently that really resonated with me: When you get up in the morning and you meet an A*hole, you meet an A*hole, move on. When you get up in the morning and everyone you meet is an A*hole, you are the A*hole ...

[@PantaRhei-wz5zn]

Ok, mostly. Not always though: if you enter a single group of a Head Narc with associated Flying Monkies Posse, and they turn you the scapegoat, this is exactly what will happen: They will kick you endlessly, while bullying you into believing you are the problem. I did see this dynamic play out in a certain Team at work: Every new person that entered that Team group was bullied into submission & made to believe "they were incompetent and/ or not a teamplayer" Once you see this exact scenario play out 5 times, you understand it just fine... They lasted between a couple of months and a couple of years, then the cycle started all over again with a new person...

[@Karen-f9j1y]

Grateful I no longer have to clean up all the things he broke and destroyed. Good luck to his # 4 supply after me😮

[@AnneReimer]

I agree with gus......Chill team healthy....keep the narcs at a long arms length.😉

[@sharontalley2155]

My daughter-in-law, who was living with me, would all of a sudden jump in my face screaming and calling me names. Then she would tell me "you're going to pay." She finally convinced my son and my grandchildren that I was the problem. My son believed her not me and he moved them out of my house. They have had no contact with me for two and a half years. i live alone and at 80 years old it has been very difficult for me. It's good that I'm not being screamed at and blamed for everything that happens, but this has been a very high price to pay for peace in my life.

[@michelekurlan2580]

What you said about influence,the metaphor of confusing influence with beating others into submission is brilliant,Dr. C. Most picturesque way to explain it. All the points here are lightbulb moments.Thankyou

[@rossanderson5243]

One of the things you've said before Dr C and that is fear is the opposite of trust. I keep that . Thanks.

[@nancymorris3286]

First time I've seen Gus actually lie on his blanket!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

it happens

[@TAnderson-s1i]

Half on actually 😂❤

[@lishmahlishmah]

Well, check video July 6th 2023. I was there watching that video yesterday and today... Unfortunately not for Gus, but I saw Gus on the blanket, completely 😊. (Video about narcissist becoming sociopath 😑 )

[@kerrybernard5668]

I've been watching your videos since Feb. You're a God send. Now that I fully understand NPD, I do wish you'd offer more on how we ended up in these relationships and practical tools on getting out.

[@sarahstrong7174]

Wishing everyone to enjoy peace of mind.🎉

[@MarianneCatherine]

Thank you & to you too!!!🤗🎉😺🌻🦋

[@jeankipper6954]

Exactly my dad. He had so little. But by golly he had power over little kids! Horrible man

[@nannajulies]

Thank you, your videos are really helpful. I knew from an early age my mother’s rages weren’t normal, I’m 67 now, she died 5 years ago, it is a relief. Sadly my sibling is the same however no contact for many months will continue, I am stronger now and relieved not to be scared of what accusations and angry gas lighting is coming next. Your videos have helped me come to terms with it all.

[@150ryder]

Got 2 down the street an uncle and his nephew there are a mess we just leave them alone😊

[@elizabethambielli610]

The mystery of those who SCREAM is 'why they do it to some' and not to every person? Some seem to know who will take their yelling and who will not? What is the pattern on this?

[@llb6234]

They scream out to weaker people or those without leverage. If the person is larger, physically fit, or prominent they may not bother them. They are cowards.

[@elizabethambielli610]

@@llb6234 Thank you. Weaker people? I was thinking 'weak' to some in modern culture are those who are 'meek' aka respectful, obedient to 'rules' or laws. Respectful. Quiet. And yes, I began to think that in modern culture 'status' or 'prominent' in what another can provide TO another is important in how one is treated. A simple example is sales associate to a customer looking to buy. OOOH BOY, don't matter if one is shy, timid looking, quiet...the sales associate will be SO-OOO respectful and friendly. Or 'a waitress or waiter in a restaurant or diner. AKA: 'IF ONE CAN DO SOMETHING for another...they are 'ok' with. In the culture of the 1960s, who is IN and who is NOT, respect is based on how one IS LIKE THEMSELVES. In morality they adopted, fun to 'play' with and 'successful' in power (popularity) place (latest car, home, fashionable of what items are 'in' ...electronics, computer, up on latest movies, position (degree educated) INFLUENCE that will help them 'someday' perhaps. THIS IS 'THE COOL' and to be respected. RESPECT, SLOW AND STEADY worker, follow rules of good order, 'church goer' ... Try to PUT DOWN aka BUST aka invalidate.

[@lisaklein664]

Thank you for identifying what I have experienced for decades, so helpful ❤

[@bereal6590]

My mother's rage was silence and 'looks' and total withdrawal! My father's was overt. Hellish and confusing. ✌

[@stanleydrive740]

Very Dear Doc, how much I thank you for this one! Finally I am starting to understand my narc mom's intense angry rages at my pre-schooler self. You ( & Gus ) are so good so my heart! Deeply grateful🧡

[@yobrojoost9497]

Thanks to you, Dr Les, I have become something of an expert in dealing with my dear wife's narc patterns. I can spot them before they really kick off and often manage to nip it in the bud by distracting her or by calmly standing my ground and proposing to agree to disagree. I'll point out that we have different opinions and that's ok. This gives her a way out without feeling she's 'lost'. Because let's face it, it's not much fun for her either to be so angry, it's just that she can't stop herself. Most times this approach works, when it doesn't, I just walk away, let both of us have some 'me' time. I don't let myself become engaged in her drama anymore.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So encouraged for you! Keep leaning forward!

[@Debz.W]

I fear for my daughter who just moved in with her father because he’s a full out narcissist. He says he’s changed and she believes him but I’m sure in time his true colours will come out along with his rage and abuse exactly like what was explained in this video. What scares me the most is I believe when her husband is around her father will “behave” but when her husband is out of town for business for a period of time, that is when all h*ll will break loose and she will be left helpless with her two young sons and unfortunately I live out of town and won’t be able to help her.

[@maresnite]

To sit down for dinner, one never knew what to expect. Always a suprise, never a good one. Emotions were high, rarely a chance of boredom, too much chaos.

[@Michael-kn6ti]

This was a God send Dr. Carter. I would really like to know some ways to break away from being financially dependent on someone, when they won't allow it? I realized that I had rage modeled to me from an early age, and that's no way to resolve conflict. I never want to be pulled back into bad behavior again.

[@frannycaulfield9921]

Oh my goodness! Gus was not in your opening. I was beginning to well up. We lost our Franny last week. But there he is, in the vid. Dont scare me like that!

[@yukio_saito]

In other words, overt and covert type of rage. Covert one is insidious. I was unsure what a covert/vulnerable narcissist is. They eroded on me insidiously. 😰

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Soit on!!

[@amandaliverpool3374]

They drain the energy out of you!

[@yukio_saito]

@@amandaliverpool3374 Indeed. It took me years to recharge energy that was drained by energy vampires.

[@noneyourbusiness7311]

Perfect definition but I've learned all narcs are both covert and overt . Most covert go overt when they rage as rage is very obvious!What you describe isn't rage it's the revenge they seek after they feel you betrayed them!! Or didn't obey, found them out etc. They will always try to hurt you back!!! It's evil and childish all at once!!

[@tbunnyshy1]

Hey Yukio, Amanda, Dr. C. ❤🤗 It’s been awhile. I think of you all often. Once I move out, I can imagine needing a month of rest to recover from 53 years of intermittent rage. Its scary (to my inner child). I want to make certain I don’t look at rest as depression. Rest is much needed rest! You know what else? There will be much better days ahead! It will work out. ❤

[@michellehill718]

Happy Monday beloved Dr. C and beloved Team Healthy! 🌎🕊️😊❤️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Michelle.

[@amandaliverpool3374]

Gtsy 😊

[@badomaji]

Yep. Those rage-fits make them feel powerful. And they look so childish - like a two-year-old's temper tantrum.

[@treysmythsandtunes]

Thank you, Dr. C.

[@darinsmith2458]

I would say they are raging all of the time weather it is on the inside or outside..

[@kayfitzgerald309]

Thank you Doc!!!💙🧡💙

[@Arrtists]

Thank you for your message

[@JL-kv2le]

Thanks for all your helpful info Dr. C., and by the way, you have the Best Intro music ever!

[@user-lz9wj4xs5j]

With your training here…. I’m beginning to see this pattern more quickly in folk I deal with. Thank you👍

[@Armygirl4Christ]

Hello Dr Carter 🍫 and Mr Gus! 🥩🧀🦴🦴🦴Thank you for keeping us sane and another great video! God Bless You! ❤️🥩🧀🦴🦴

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You are quite welcome

[@llb6234]

They may die alone because of estrangement from many.

[@MelindaStevens-w9y]

Where is Gus? I miss him! Also, thank you for your excellent video, Dr Carter. I enjoy learning from you and find your voice soothing and comforting - I sometimes fall asleep listening to you but take it as a compliment. (I still listen to the entirety of your videos.) silly suggestion: I think we need a short, 5 mins video of Gus. He is delightful to watch in the background. Perhaps I am experiencing envy, watching your dog enjoying a relaxing, lavish existence in a safe space at home? Have a great day!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Look carefully...he's in the video doing his usual snooze reaction.

[@lisaallen9339]

I find I go there after all the years of “dealing” with it. I have triggers after a time of no incidents and I think things have changed. Then I find out -the gaslighting didn’t stop. It’s just post poned till the next time. Then when I confront, he call me names. I never wanted to stoop to his level. My mom always told me she loved me, but she didn’t like what I was doing. We never told each other in our family to shut up. Ever. (Hush, it’s time to be quiet- let’s have quite time). He tells me to shut up. It hurt so bad. I go from hurt and crying to, I’m done~to this last time I called him a dumba**, I’m ashamed I went that low. But reality what he called me- he has no remorse. He says he’s sorry but he’s not. You know how I know? He will do it again. I’m asking God to help me pray for Him, one day he won’t be able to hide from himself. That will be a very painful day.

[@susanray7768]

Thank you. You have been so helpful. ❤

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad it was helpful!

[@CatLady79]

This! I love all your videos, and they have given me more confidence and clarity in navigating through my marriage.

[@snowbear1877]

My sister is a narcissist but has been married for over 50 years. Not particularly happy but married. Her son is also a narcissist (Christian) and has been married for 17 years. Both are selfish and cruel, but seem to be loving towards their kids.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Hi Snowbear...narcissist, selfish, and cruel are not indications of a Christian. Some people see Christianity as a code of beliefs. I see it as a way of life. I'm not being judgmental, just pragmatic. It's a real pet peeve of mine.

[@snowbear1877]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Yes, Dr Carter, that is the Christian belief, which is good, but the ones professing to believe it, rarely practice it. I would call my nephew's fundamentalism a cult, rather than a religion, and quite evil.

[@llb6234]

You can find narcissists among churchgoers. Churches have many things they like: passive people, opportunities for leadership to push people around, and opportunities to be judgemental. Be careful in church. Many people stay away from religion because of these people. It is sad because churches have a lot to offer. I look for genuine type people and only associate with them. I have left churches when bullies have taken over the leadership.

[@MelindaStevens-w9y]

Further on in the video, I can see that Gus has joined us….I still think we need a video of Gus 🙂 Ideas: when and where was he born, when did you adopt him, who named him, does he like sleeping a lot or does he just want to be with you, why is he so cute and popular? These questions are mind-boggling, besides everything else 😮

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Gus is 10 1/2 years old. We got him as a rescue when he was 10 months. I named him Gus because I was born in Augusta, Georgia. Right away, I began taking him to my office with me and my patients loved him. He's super loyal to me and my wife, and most of the time he's chill. Being a terrier mutt, he needs his exercise so we walk at least twice a day. As to why so many people comment on him...he represents the calm we each want!!

[@MelindaStevens-w9y]

Thank you for that information. That’s wonderful that your patients loved him right away. Yes, he represents the calm we each want! Great dog. Also, I have been listening to you for a couple of years and every now and again I need an answer re somebody’s behaviour and voila, I find many answers in your videos. Thank you. Ps I don’t know if we have any terrier mutts in Australia as lovely as Gus but I will keep searching. Then again, there is only one Gus!

[@robinpresleywoodward]

During a difference of opinion I attempted to hug mom while she was attempting to kick me so she tried to bite my neck so I spanked her then literally I snapped and only God knows what I said… it was a nightmare. My husband took her home and for a year only he has talked to her on the phone while we visited during special times only…This is a pattern on her part but unusual for me to snap like this though I certainly can be vocal. This negative stress is killing me because I crave peace not drama.

[@chrisla2736]

Being dragged through a civil lawsuit with this kind of person, and her lawyer is just as bad. I can't believe he still has a license to practice in this state, after numerous disciplinary actions in courts happened. 152 complaints against him, and the judge, is just as bad as well. Believe me, I would love nothing more than to walk away, but I am stuck, and will more than likely lose, because of epic corruption, in the judicial system favoring narcissists.

[@user-p7k5o]

Brilliance!

[@ginkgo2021]

Bravo!

[@Summer_Harvest]

Neither acceptable

[@aaronkwolfe]

2 tactics - same goal.

[@gioiazucchero]

Hi Sweet Gus🐶

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

woof!

[@skylarmontgomery6181]

Narcissists are the Sith. Their attachment leads to fear. Their fear leads to anger. We are the Jedi. We have the light within ourselves.

[@liliaaaaaaaa]

Thanks, I'm only just beginning to piece together the fact they just don't know how to communicate reasonably, they might have another underlying condition, e.g. bipolar disorder, schizophrenia, schizoaffective disorder, diabetes having a sugar low, dementia or psychosis. Attempting to reason with them logically, sometimes just isn't an option because they've split into a different personality. They might have 2 different aspects of the self, one an infantilised people pleaser, you might have originally thought of as a sweet, kind, charming person.. the other a grandiose tyrannical parent figure they've suppressed in their subconscious attempting to come out & dominate you, they never knew how to objectify & separate from in their own past. Whatever issues they have, their issues are not your problem & the problem of a medical health expert.

[@InezCoco]

Dr. C, I have a video suggestion. Could you please do one on how maybe when one has first confronted a narcissistic friend ( unknowingly before getting educated about it) one might have not handled the first confrontation well. When there mightve been elements of jumping to conclusions about a certain situation. Somewhat. Looking back I felt there was thoughtlessness and insensitivity from the other.. However, then in the aftermath the person did act out the narcissistic patterns. It is incredibly confusing when you confront them, do not handle it as carefully as one should because then you are always left questioning your own integrity about how you handled it. Many of us going in are woefully uneducated about how to confront them if it should be done at all. I've heard your videos on reactive abuse. A healthy person understands each of us should be always looking at ourselves as a work in progress. It is so confusing when you look back at the confrontation and you can see where you didn't act out a healthy assertiveness, they then use that to hold over you and then proceed to act out exactly what you had suspected they would act out to begin with. I wish you would do some more videos or a workshop on how to deal with the guilt or gaslighting after effects of reactive abuse. Thank you so much for all you do.

[@ijs2712]

Please tell me…what if you are the frequent target of your young adult son (who has a tic disorder)-who is often moodyhostile/non compliant/obnoxious- coupled with narcissistic behaviour? I’m so worn out, anxious & resentful. Is this trauma bonding? He was a difficult teen. How do I break free? I’m an empathetic person but I can’t take much more. Could this behaviour perhaps be part of his neurological condition?

[@grnmtns1]

I know a similar young adult who had 'cognitive behavioral therapy,' a fancy term for talk therapy I think, and improved greatly. If you are low income, you may be able to get it for free on Medicaid, for instance Signature Health, a clinic with a sliding scale that accepts Medicaid. Sometimes the help has to come from someone outside the family circle, so they can help the person gain some self-awareness without the defensiveness they may show to a family member.

[@stalphonsusliguori33]

❤❤❤❤❤

[@davidparker5439]

I suffer from neurological disease which you probably know effects the brain I'm spine I get treatment for this what my narcissistic wife does understand how it affects you . Her way of dealing with it he's going down to my daughter's no I am not looking for pity it is what it is so I do my own thing she has no interest . I have always being a positive person anyway I won't bore you anymore it's a long story thank you

[@rickmaria9546]

Is narcissistic rage ever manifested as silence? I endured 28 years of silent treatment from my narcissist ex-husband.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes...that's the passive aggressive contempt I mentioned.

[@Ratgirl2]

Does medication help with this ?

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Medicine can't treat a character disorder.

[@Ratgirl2]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for that awakening Dr Carter in my situation I thought it was a depression disorder of my spouse. Wow this so eye opening I'm in the reckoning stage now. I put myself in this cage. Your videos are so eye opening I feel so cheated and betrayed. 😏😏

[@elizabethambielli610]

Those of faith do not hold on to grudges... but we do not have to be a doormat to those who 'put down' 'disrespect' or SCREAM. Those of 'rage' or 'impatience' to others . . . are nursing many interior difficulties (wounds) . . . and need an 'outlet' to hang their interior wounds on. (those self inflicted or when other loved one's did something to them or are in difficult situation and lay burdens upon and they don't know how to handle their own 'crosses.' So they HANG who ever looks easy to hang anger on. (psychological transference) EVERYONE can get angry at actions...the mature of spirit with conscience, takes the anger within and GIVES IT to HE who died to self... for others. OFFER UP the justified anger and PRAY for those who are 'know nots' of SPIRITUAL GO(O)D ways.

[@kathleenberg9555]

I don’t suppose there have been any positive outcome studies for using mood stabilizers or SSRI’s in treating NPD.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Narcissism is a character disorder, as opposed to a mood disorder. So unless there is underlying anxiety and depression, SSRI's would not make any difference.

[@kathleenberg9555]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Well, that makes sense, unfortunately. Thank you!

[@cynthiawhite1122]

@@SurvivingNarcissism I think it's a character disorder that has a mood disorder in them as well.

[@billywayne902]

It’s not the person it’s the thing that’s made a home in them. When a person has a Trauma of any type the king of lie’s dwells inside of them putting false thoughts in there heads. We are living in a major spiritual war. The demons out number the ones of the light.

[@hartofnixie7060]

Fallen angels did not outnumber those who chose to follow God. We are given the ability to choose. If a demon is in someone, it is because one chooses that path. One must take responsibility for their own behavior.

[@billywayne902]

@@hartofnixie7060 ? Do you get angry ?

[@hartofnixie7060]

@@billywayne902 Even God gets angry

[@billywayne902]

@@hartofnixie7060 Anger is a emotion as is a animated happiness which is both of the devil that’s why the devil will bring you high with happiness then drop you to sadness up and down of emotions. GOD of the most high is a emotionless GOD and loving AND Lucifer is an emotional god of hate and anger. GOD of the most high is stern with love with no anger remember we are his children. Lucifer and his followers what you to think that he has anger so that you think that it’s ok to get angry. People that have anger and hate are a murder as it said in the Bible. People don’t believe the lie that GOD of the most high get angry or JESUS his SON And our savior.

[@Michelehoffman-q7c]

@@billywayne902 seek professional help.

[@Gash_Guru]

Netanyahu narcissistic rage? What do you think?

[@kathleenstoin671]

Narcissistic rage with deadly weapons. Such a great combination! The entire middle eastern suffers for it.

[@shellyqualls3888]

I once watched my narc husband take off his hat and stomp on it in a bar parking lot. I left him there. Some friends of ours brought him home. I had decided I'm not a mother to any 50 year old grown man. Let someone else deal with them.

[@ashleyschwartz9550]

TEAM HEALTHYYYYYY

[@seektruth983]

Thank you for your work! 🙏🏽