3 Occasions When A Narcissist Reveals Their True Self

[@rkl3692]

I fell ill and he raged about medical expenses, this led to our separation. Had to get sick to see his real self.

[@TheEllaTB]

I was bleeding to death. It socks that these are the situations we have to face their shit as well

[@Portia620]

Me too and mine abandoned me and the kdis!

[@__-fl3yt]

All my pregnancies as well. I justify him like he was stressed out because we were having financial difficulties because I was only working part time

[@tjthrillajaw]

If you're american though that's an endemic problem... it's not surprising that it trickles down and messes everyone up :( not making excuses! just pointing at the bigger picture. it's the biggest lobby after all. I wish you better times

[@elizabethmadron1336]

My ex got upset because I got ill with Psoriatic Arthritis and 2 other forms of arthritis and fibromyalgia at age 35. We had been married for 11 yrs. No children. Then I had a home accident and fell and tore a disk in my back. That was it . I was damaged goods in his eyes. He would never go to the Rheumatologist with me. The one time he did he called the Dr. a liar because she said at some point I would need hip replacement. He also claimed he did not like Drs or hospitals. WTF! A year later he told me he was unhappy. He was just a big baby that could not handle adult things. I divorced him. Within 6 months he had a new girlfriend and married her soon after. I just hope she does not get sick. BTW, he was the baby of the family. Never marry the youngest. He was spoiled by his mother. He also wore a mask and lied to me about his life. Mirrored stuff back to me.I now have a boyfriend that has a medical background. He is an adult. He was the oldest of his family and not spoiled. Very responsible child growing up. We were very similar growing up.

[@Infrared1967]

True. They say the right empathetic words but are mere children. You would not expect a 3-yr-old to care for a sick adult, so do not expect a narcissist to care for you beyond a few hours or days. Mine flew to his condo in Florida for 3 weeks after I was in a bad car accident. When I felt stronger I deep cleaned his bedroom, dining room and kitchen. Oh, did I mention he is a hoarder and does NOT like his things touched or moved? Oh bad me. Haha. I finally went no contact but it took a long time to let go because I felt protective like a mom. Then I found out he has several mommies so now I'm FREE!

[@ND-or5so]

@Infrared1967: Isn't it sick how they want us to be their mommy?

[@laurenwilson1888]

I’ll bet he moved your stuff and you couldn’t find things that were important to you, or they just disappeared completely. They’re ridiculous.

[@lucyt-c8092]

@@laurenwilson1888 YES !!! ALL the time ! I am in the divorce process now… unfortunately he is still in the house.. moving things, taking good bath towels to clean car motor, giving away my things to people in his church, it just goes on and on …

[@mihaela255]

When you know you were loved, but you played games.

[@Priyanav7]

This is truee.. the are never there in times of severe needs . But they always fake they are always there for you and your family. They don't like to see you happy either. They are cruel demons.

[@ekdaufin1485]

Agreed!

[@LeQuan-ug1gd]

That is true, they spend only few minutes being around people in need and then keep that credit for later use

[@ladybird491]

False. Some are there for you, caregivers can be narcs as well, don't be fooled.

[@Anonymissus]

@@ladybird491 caring with strings attached tho shouldn't even count as caring at that point that's just being used

[@tjthrillajaw]

@@Anonymissus sometimes the only string can be that you let them care for you though... of course as you say, then it's about them more than you anyway... aaanyway... it's weird.

[@kaycampbell8532]

Absolutely true. In my experience, when there was a death, a serious illness or some type of crises..... that was when my sister's behavior was the most vile. It happened EVERY SINGLE TIME! She always made a difficult situation almost unbearable. I used to wonder if I was losing my sanity because of some things she did. Believe me when I say I have seen the devil at work.

[@ND-or5so]

I believe you.

[@gigidayz6936]

Totally relatable. The narc in my life would even pretend he was concerned, find out how bad the situation was, get my hopes up a little, then run even faster. Sadistic and sick.

[@gracegwozdz8185]

You are in good company, we've seen this happen everything there is a crisis in the family. Really evil, sick demons!

[@jesussaves4262]

When my spouse done this to me over my mother's funeral, plus besides wld not let me sleep those two nites, I was about falling apart from exhaustion from the HIDDEN abuse, then at funeral when around others act as if cared. :( Thank God!, I know He seen it all, believes me if no one else will, n will take care of it all in the end. " Vengence is mine, I will repay saith the Lord." Let's let GOD help us so we don't loose our sanity. HE UNDERSTANDS n CARES! ♡♡

[@csc8697]

My brother too. When my Mom died. My dad was a narc, my bro, & I've dated 2! Ahhhhhh

[@naturalhealingmexico]

Never share with them what makes you happy, they do everything to ruin it, they love to see you down...

[@R73949]

Absolutely

[@marciaoh7056]

True. They will ruin your happiness and goals. Never share fears or past trauma with them either. They will then know what brings you down and play that card to terrorize you.

[@R73949]

@@marciaoh7056 same here, they used all my information against me

[@Esti-xg7tg]

​@@marciaoh7056 This! It's terrible thing to do. And when you cut contact because of it, it's because you "misunderstood", or are "too sensitive", or both. Their rage has no limits. There is no other way but to block them completely out of your life, or they keep manipulating, hurting and re-traumatising you. Discarding you non-stop, but if you dare to leave them, you will see yet another mask fall off, and it's terrible. 🙄 I know lot of traumatized people who sometimes have anger and depression etc stronger than most, but narcissistic rage is totally other dimension. One has to experience it to know it...and I truly hope that people wouldn't ever have to know it, but most people in this thread do, I'm afraid. 😢

[@gate7551]

Totally true

[@Janeintheok]

There's also a spiritual element to narcissism, they're actually evil.

[@annrodriguez2891]

So true

[@calico-kitty-chrissy]

CORRECT 👹

[@debbielove5993]

Amen!

[@SandraGallagher-h6z]

Definitely out of alignment with God.

[@ssmith543]

They have let demons into their soul.

[@snowbird9660]

#4 When you tell them NO.

[@ang3956]

This one!

[@Midnight-q6h]

​@@ang3956bit late bud

[@melissaflood3276]

💯✔️

[@INFPIlovethebigbangtheory]

​@@Midnight-q6h???

[@aajaylee5481]

You beat me to it 😉😊

[@wandaandre2341]

They are not there for any body, even their own children’s basic needs.

[@Leah-i1e]

Amen. The worst of parents.

[@babetteshaw]

Or in my case, it’s my daughter. (She acts just like her father, a narcissist, whom I divorced when she was 2.) I tried to do everything right to help her (love, care, protection, compassion, therapy, etc.), but she’s just like him. Heartbreaking. Absolutely heartbreaking.💔

[@NSaiyyed]

Correct

[@emc8020]

You can say that again. These people are sick in the head. They even compete with their own children. Absolutely EVIL 😈

[@mema9804]

Me and my brothers were destroyed by our disgusting birth giver I'm sorry i can't call her a mother

[@pepperjonesugoChristian]

Note: Count on living as if alone in party with narcissists. It is true.

[@ND-or5so]

When it was my birthday my Covert Narcissistic husband didn't wish me a happy birthday the whole day or night even though I cooked for him and treated him very well as expected. Not once did he show appreciation.

[@kathryncarter6143]

Add ignoring every single Christmas for years, & graduation from college. True Ahole.

[@aking3624]

20+ years ago..when, after me having a serious accident, he demanded that I set up a traditional (tree, decor, baking& gifts) Christmas!! When I asked him to set up the tree.. he said no & started telling everyone that I refused to celebrate it!! We never had another... Took me another 10 years to leave.🤦

[@cynthiaokeefe8]

Same

[@Mentalhealthmattersthemost]

Mines didn't say happy birthday or happy anniversary not until the day or 2 after. Says "we don't celebrate holidays" 😂 🤡

[@movingsaudade6028]

Mine sent me an impersonal message and didn't see the need to say happy birthday. I tried to nudge them to realisec the message is incomplete without a 'happy birthday' but that got ne nowhere.Imagine dating a person who can't say something as simple as 'happy birthday '? I'm so glad I went no contact and channels like this keep reminding me why I should stay in no contact.

[@chrisg7795]

My mother when I went through sudden heart insufficiency while studying abroad. I had only turned 22. When I called her from the doctor’s office my mother blamed me for burdening her and for probably having done something stupid to get myself into this situation. I had to apologize for disturbing her peace and defend myself against her accusations. I was at the ICU, scared and feeling ashamed because if your own mother turns her back on you and you’re alone at the hospital and only some new friends care you feel that sth must certainly be wrong with you. When she called me a day later it was only to abuse me further.

[@chrisg7795]

@@Lola-tq8nv ❤️ I’m sorry you had to go through the same kind of treatment!

[@GUCC1197]

💗

[@luper432]

Don't doubt yourself Just because is your mother and she's supposed to care SHE doesn't. Is nasty to be hurt like that. You just have to be an adult now and don't let it bother you. Disconnect from her. Self help individualize on your own I did since I was 6 years old I didn't need them any more after they neglected me and then discarded me. They don't want responsibility and accountability. Self love ❤️ 😍 💖 ❣️ is what is helping. I'm learning too how to get better and heal.

[@chrisg7795]

@@luper432 🤗

[@dhvinebeauty]

Aw man @Chris G .. I’m so sorry that she put you through that. How are you doing now?

[@joys6818]

Absolutely 100 💯💥 I experienced everyone of these situations! They don't care about you at all!

[@sayusayme7729]

💯 thank you, yes

[@ewadsworth]

This is literally spot-on! totally ruined birthdays holidays. and the final no-contact breakup happened when I was so sick I can barely move and I was asking for care, a crazy fight and break up ensued. I didn't even have the energy to lay in bed, let alone fight. and the messed up thing is I'm still struggling with no contact, but staying strong.💪🏽😭 pray for me🙏🏽

[@lisaeveleigh1334]

I understand it is hard to do no contact, but over time lessen the contact or only do on your terms, you will be grateful, keep moving forward you got this, my ex left me nearly a year ago I still have minimal contact if he had his way he would’ve moved back in, IM NEVER GOING BACK TO THAT!!

[@meowmeow7212]

Yes exactly, he was not there during sickness, during the passing away of my close ones and in over 12 years of relationship he has never been there with me for my bday or during any special occasion. He has not celebrated even 1 bday of mine with me. Every year during my bday he would say he is busy and that we will definitely celebrate next year. I would eagerly keep waiting for the next year and he would come up with a new excuse and this would annoy me. I would get angry and then he would tell me "you are so selfish, u are only worried about your bday, u don't care about my problems..."

[@ND-or5so]

They don't want you to be special, important, to feel joy, or happiness.

[@keithwilcox7489]

Run

[@snowmiaow]

No use waiting anymore.

[@GorgyPorgy65]

I bet he did though...when he was trying to woo you into believing he was a great guy.

[@elmarieduplessis9081]

So true, and they leave you feeling worthless and hurt 😔

[@alexanderzex8667]

#5. When you say anything good about yourself or your life. They will get jealous and competitive with you even if you aren't tryna compete.

[@GoWithDaFlowMo]

This one... Spot on!! That was the reason I got brutally punished with new supply and a harsh discard, I had the nerve to be happy and loving life and be confident... I'm still in shock and hurting, but realise it's a blessing... He always said I'm too good for him... Got that right!!!!! ❤

[@alexanderzex8667]

@GoWithDaFlowMo You definitely are too good for him, buddy.

[@GoWithDaFlowMo]

@@alexanderzex8667 ❤️

[@franchi8601]

Yes. When your just sharing some good news that doesn't happen often, with them, they get jealous and cut your esteem down with their disparaging comments 👌 my life story with my narcissist mother.

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

I agree. Yes, especially when you are sick. The narcisists abandon you instantly.

[@jayshreeparmar6388]

My prayers and hugs to all in the comments section who are suffering the same.

[@Mary-lk8eq]

That's very thoughtful ❤. Thank you!

[@sandracrandall4561]

Ditto 🙏🥰

[@CathyKpikpira]

So true

[@Jess-qb3dh]

Yes three months after my father passed away I was locked in a garage… He ripped the clothes off of me and left me with no keys no phone no way to get out… That was two years ago. My birthday is coming up I’m on the other end of healing this year on my birthday this month I will not be thinking about him because I know what he was now. Go no contact get out stay out save yourself… Pray and watch any videos you can it will help you. I’m on the other end and now in a healthy relationship… He understands what I went through and is able to deal with it! I pray that all of you going through this will realize and understand.❤

[@lucyt-c8092]

I am so sorry that you went through that abuse, and so HAPPY that you got out ! Good for YOU! and thank you for sharing a victory story.

[@chautran2588]

The moment we become vulnerable, they will deal the most fatal strike to finish us off!!

[@kathleen6088]

Precisely!

[@Live1959-y7b]

They are sadistic cruel, evil rotten bastards .

[@GoWithDaFlowMo]

Beyond evil and cruel... I was crying my soul out during the discard and his mask TOTALLY slipped, never seen him more evil than in the end... Purposely throwing his new supply in my face, send me a picture of them together and all, even after the discard he won't stop rubbing it in... While I was still in shock... I'm no contact for a month now, but he keeps trying to get my attention and wanna meet up and talk... While I'm in pain and trying to recover and heal... No empathie for the fact I'm deeply hurt and just wanna be left alone... How can anyone be this heartless?! I know the facts, but still it's beyond my comprehension..... 😢

[@Mary-lk8eq]

Dealing with over #500 narcs,from all walks of life,has taught me to *PRE LINE UP MANY diverse METHODS,WAYS,sources to get things done. ALWAY S HAVE #5 back up ways/ plans,if possible.Ex.My narc helper would always (#4 times) jump out my car,during a major move from one storage to the next for no reason, except,hender me.I was very determined to prove him wrong.I would just walk around the storage, hired another guy inside the storage& got the job done.One monkey should never be allowed to stopped the show.

[@keeperandralf1962]

Convinced my narcissist took me out of school to home school just so that she would not be caught as being an inferior mother.

[@gracegwozdz8185]

Keeper Andralf, your narc mom did not want you to get ANY education. Were you her scapegoat? Most probably yes. No worry, it got you stronger and wiser.

[@gracegrace869]

These demonic spirits are unpredictable n ruthless n 😈. On point 💯....they are very very unreliable. Soulless! Please continue to help victims out there 2 open their eyes about narcissistic abuse. Thank you. They are professional agents from the underworld.

[@GwendolynPorter-w6c]

Grace they also activate supernatural occurrences! The fool I'm divorcing, the evilness in him caused imps 👿 to appear in my apartment! I'm not lying Grace ! We both saw them running back and forth across the doorway and they would peek around the doorway of my bedroom! They are dark energy!

[@Live1959-y7b]

Fantastic comment.

[@Live1959-y7b]

​@GwendolynPorter-w6 c I believe you.

[@DreamChaserOne]

I can personally agree with you that narcissists show their true colors mostly on two types of occasions: 1. moments of happiness and 2. moments of sadness. I've observed these types of a malignant narcissist in my life. But, I can't say anything about the comparison part as I don't have experience in this reference.

[@elizabethmadron1336]

They will say or do nasty things to ruin your special day. If you are having a bad time or need them they will make it worse or not be available ie wimp out.

[@phililemosia6956]

So true they will never wish u happy birthday 🎂 bt they will hv a nerve to post someone else and wish them happy birthday

[@vertika2n4]

So true...

[@MarissaDavis-s8k]

my dad never came to my graduation with his mother and brother. Turns out years later uncle squeals dad never graduTed though he did get the coatand hat! he was ashamed! Still blows my mind bevUse i got As and Bs and wS told i was stupid and punished, even graduating with 3 honors i believed it. He was too asamed of a shaking in her shoes 17 year old girl! ha! And I thought i was the coward...great gaslighting though.

[@antoniossurvivor]

When my boss at work doubted wrongly, because of his insecurities, that I may move to another branch, which wasn't true at all but for him would mean that he lost direct control over me, he hurled insults and threats

[@Intelligentbydesign]

True. My ex had reserved a hotel room in advance for my birthday before my dad unexpectantly passed away. I was very upset over my dad, but still went on with plans to stay at hotel. This, to not anger my ex. He still got angry because I wasn't happy and joyful. I stuffed in the emotions and tried to please my ex by acting happy. I thought to myself, this is one thing I would never forgive him for. His anger turned into scary rages at a flip of a dime.

[@gigidayz6936]

Completely true. Chillingly true. All three. I had a year of tremendous health issues, live alone, and needed help. He would minimally "help", after the required amount of begging, but just enough to keep the mask on for my surgeon or kids. He prioritizes walking the dog over everything. Birthdays and holidays? HA! He doesn't even believe adults should celebrate birthdays. And he won't share the spotlight with even the baby Jesus. Number 3 is dead-on. Majorly triggers him if I ever dared speak with admiration about ANYONE else. God they are exhausting. Thank you Danesh.

[@Bike4Life231]

All of these, yes. And, they will also reveal their true selves when you decide you've had enough of their BS and try to leave them. It is a complete nightmare, but worth it to get out.

[@teresarudolph1256]

Also, when they see you slipping away, when they sense that they are losing control of you. If you have a narcissist parent who is determined to keep you under their control forever, and they see you taking steps toward independence, that's when the claws really come out.

[@Lxoxo333]

These are FACTS! But you know what it highlights what an incredibly strong person you are. Forces you to let go of perceived attachments.

[@Emmy-vp4wd]

Their disrespect towards you is the only closure you really need. ❤️

[@tg7949]

In the midst of close family members passing away, my narc didn't ever run he stayed in my face arguing with me and criticizing me constantly even after we heard of the bad news it didn't stop him he kept at it as it was nothing and I couldn't think of anything else but my best friend that had passed or my grandmother but he seemed to be unbothered by it but he'll bent on lecturing me and blaming and being critical to exhaustion. That's how I knew something was very wrong because his behavior during it was unbelievable.

[@GorgyPorgy65]

You NAILED this ! ..and it's always YOUR fault you got sick or had a crisis.

[@sitascott8446]

He went to visit his mom. I had nobody to help me with his chores. I was reduced to sleeping only 2 hours every other day. He took his sweet time getting there, and back, knowing that I was increasingly barely hanging onto my health, here. He informed me not long after that he had "come to terms" with my dying soon. The only reason I would die any time soon, rather than 20 years from now, would be because of this sort of crap that he pulls.

[@kmblaschke]

My daughter was diagnosed with leukemia in 2015, age 9. About 45 days from her diagnosis, she was hospitalized for 31 days. A whole month with no immune system, a simple in grown toe nail, and a fungal infection in her lungs. We also had two other little ones at home (5 and 7) whose lives had been turned upside down. During this hospital stay, my husband decided he was going to add on a week vacation in Ireland with his best friend since he was already going to the UK for work. Being away from home for 2 weeks because he needed the break. My daughter finished her chemo in 2017 and is doing great. I'm so thankful that my mom was willing to stay with us and that people in our community were so caring and willing to help with my other kids.

[@sitascott8446]

I'm glad you all survived anyway.

[@gracegwozdz8185]

It's too bad you decided to keep your creepy husband.

[@KBArchery]

Are you still with him ?😮

[@Angela-zf8sn]

That alone should tell you all you need to know uggg

[@erikajentelson1373]

Oh how I wish I knew this so long ago.

[@bbheart]

100% correct. My own brother used to insult and abuse me on my birthday every year. He always used to hate me having the attention. He was so toxic. I'm glad I don't live with him anymore. 🤦🏽‍♀️

[@sheilamartin8263]

one of my brothers was like this too I told him 4 years ago to give me my inheritance from our dad after 10yrs or I was going to take him to court I got it a week later haven't talked to him since byeeeee

[@bbheart]

@@sheilamartin8263 Sending love and healing to you ♥️

[@ND-or5so]

777flor: No sh-t. I know what you mean.

[@ladybird491]

My narc spouse quickly goes dry and cold and distant right after we are done cutting my birthday cake and then he says hardly anything for the rest of the day. He actually parties the weekend before my birthday and stonewalls me all day, and it's like it's his birthday.

[@AM-..]

@@ladybird491yes, he would do something the day before or week before for himself. Divorced now based on many other things.

[@risikasalifu6885]

You deserve an award for explaining this issue of narcissism. Thank you for helping us. May God reward you abundantly

[@djw8504]

I lost my Best friend/ My Precious Mom January 19, 2022, and he stopped by for abt 15 mins, then went to his favorite place, “The bar to play Bingo” oh he invited me to try and help me to stop crying! They are sick! That killed the last little bit of respect and love I had for him! I’m struggling the loss of my mom every single day, and he only got colder with ghosting me. I’m gonna keep educating myself and doing what my sweet Momma wld want me to do. God Bless this Channel, and each one of you that’s going through difficult times.🙏❤️

[@tpolishgal]

I am so sorry 🫂

[@MarissaDavis-s8k]

apparently you've met my dad and mom, my family and well my former life. ots good to be free and be me. still a work in progress but learning so much that helps with healing and keeps me safe.

[@warwinlee1021]

Exactly right! I had two different sets of Narcissists beating me down…both parents & husband. Such cruelty I have never understood. I feel deep compassion for everyone who has & is experiencing the hell a Narcissist creates for you.

[@melest8611]

YES, he left me alone at the hardest times. He is now out of my life and I can tell you...I am so much stronger for what I went through 👊

[@AV_369-y3s]

💯Yes this happened to me. When I was struggling in the hospital & needed help immediately, they said that I was being an annoying burden & verbally attacked me & shut me out. They don’t care if you are sick or even dying. Such disgusting heartless people. If only there were such a real place as hell for these disgraceful people.

[@sherrymurphy855]

I hear mostly about narcissistic mothers not so much fathers. Wonder why that is. In the cases Ive studied about narc parents, it's the narc father causing great harm to the family most especially when mom is an empath... at a time when she must protect her family most, her intuitions have been compromised without her even knowing. Quite disturbing... If you have children with a destructive narcissist make plans to GET AWAY... GET OUT.

[@eben-ezerndamukunda8171]

Narc Fathers exist too. And I agree with your case study the narc father’s abuses actually cause the empath mom to lose herself coz she is always drained. And might behave like a narc herself

[@snowmiaow]

My father had tendencies. He had to be the center of attention. Even as a small child I could not complain about discomfort. He said he wanted me to be happy, but it seemed like he was happy when I was unhappy. He did not do the trigger thing with the comparison. He loved me in his way.

[@JesuisLord]

Right !

[@KimCarter-pd5lk]

I am extremely ill. In & out of hospital constantly. Then we have MOM SABOTAGING MY FOOD & MEDS. CONSTANTLY. I AM READY TO REPORT HER TO APS. SHE CAN EXPLAIN IT TO THE COPS

[@PaulaSmith-c3r]

I did. The police did NOTHING! She nearly killed me too. Hope you are ok ❤

[@Msnola648]

That’s the Truth left me on the hospital alone got home the Best Way I could didn’t do nothing thank God I had family after family start came back around trying to fake Iam Done😊

[@Mentalhealthmattersthemost]

They truly are fake.

[@renukakhanna550]

Danish you are too good you speak exactly what we are going through been living with a narcissist for the past 40 years

[@antoniossurvivor]

The narcissist friend was supposed to be the most helpful person in my thesis but turned out to be manipulating through drama and crushing me so that I don't finish the thesis. Thank God, I eventually kicked the person out of my life and finished my studies at higher costs

[@ginarobichaux]

👍🏻👍🏻 For sure! I was diagnosed with Stage 3C breast cancer and during my chemotherapy treatments, the mother went on a European cruise for a month. Sent me a necklace from Capri to let me know she was thinking about me…

[@DebYbarra]

Wow 😮 How low can she stoop?!!

[@ginarobichaux]

@@DebYbarraIt is stupefying.

[@theferin22]

Been through it all. Now I just leave my life in God's hands. God let me go through the misery to learn from it. Which I did. I'm grateful 🙏 now I'm just enjoying my daily life peacefully.

[@reenabhartireena8916]

Absolutely right ,I had face this situations

[@ggmazin757]

I was not aware of his true self until he had brain tumor removal. His mask was removed. He came out like the devil 😈 he could not hide. I looked back, and now I see his true self. Even tho he tries to hide. His eyes are dark, and he is demanding. You showed me the truth Danish 🙏

[@cwill8294]

Short and right to the point!! So true!! You can also start saying no to them in all the areas you were saying yes, right from little things to big things and if they’re a narc they will immediately start to unravel and you’ll see their true angry insecure self!!

[@BecauseOfHim1111]

I fell victim to all three from the narcissists in my immediate family (mother and sister). Danish, may God continue to bless you like you are blessing the world. 🙏

[@whn3344]

So true!! My mother-in-law got jealous of A CITY!! My husband and I were trying to incite positive conversation by reminiscing on a trip we all took (which of course was a nightmare with her) where we stayed at a beautiful city in the mountains of her old country. Guess she had too much love for her village because she immediately started criticizing the affluent city we stayed in for a night. (One of which she would never have been able to afford, btw.) She said “I didn’t like that place at all” and I kept saying “Well, we loved it so there’s that.” We both repeated our opinion twice and then she shut her mouth because she’s a covert coward. 🙄

[@lisaeveleigh1334]

I’ve always had Christmas lunch at our place he would never ever help with anything,and if I did ask for help he would always say yeh in a minute I’m busy, yeh busy doing sweet f all, he was always like a child to get ready when we were going away so bloody painful,He also made me cry so many times on my birthdays over the years, thankfully I’m free now, thanks Danish your wisdom is awesome 👏

[@lisadevillers47]

So TRUE! They always have an excuse why they can't be there ... never could have a pleasant family holiday either.

[@MaureenSchmidt-n7k]

He burst every bubble of happiness I ever had!

[@gabymontanari9361]

He remembered everyone else's birthday not mine! My mother passed away and he was as cold as ice! I was going through financial difficulties and didn't even ask me if I need anything! I don't need him in my life it's only about him!

[@louhortonsculpture]

#1. Even better if they’ve built you up to think they will definitely be there when you need them and/or they’ve isolated you from all other possible support before the crisis where they completely abandon you to the wolves.

[@cierrabennett206]

All three happened to me, so I know this to be very true!

[@KathyrnCarrillo]

Your right they don't care

[@Katheryninc2]

Yes, my mom destroyed our birthdays for the most part, she announced and handed my father divorce papers as we sat around the Christmas tree, 🎄and last but not least, she told me at the very last minute that she had better things to do other than attend my wedding leaving me frantically scrambling around at the last minute trying to find another witness. She also ruined my cousin's wedding by being 2 hours late and not bringing my aunts clothing on time leaving her in tears. She was 1-2 hours late everywhere she went and honestly it drove me crazy.

[@michaelhumphrey2476]

So 💯…. I did not know I was stirring up a pot of hot gumbo when I mentioned my x in a scenario..

[@gretchenhejazi9463]

Wow, you speak the truth! I have been in all of those situations. If I ask my husband of almost fifty years of marriage, why he acts this way, he will come up with either a lie, an excuse, or, best yet, nothingness! He is almost eighty, and getting worse with age. He is very deaf, which makes it more complicated. I’ve learned how to retreat when he starts ranting. I refuse to argue. He only wants to dominate and win.

[@angeieAA2584]

I was sick & vomiting in a hotel and needing his help to get someone for me because I didn’t speak Spanish well enough & the phones weren’t working due to construction and ….. he smirked, proceeded to change clothes several times before leaving & coming back 2 mins later & saying that the hotel lobby was closed at 9 am. I pushed him out the way & went myself & found the lobby full & got help immediately from staff. I have never been petty but hearing about how much he sobs now that I’m gone makes me a little cheery. 😊

[@TataShiku]

Spot On .. he abandoned me when I was in my first road accident , and I forgave him and later was with child at night and my car was in an accident with 4 other motor vehicles.he Never care and even when we went home he didn't bother to check on us. God is great in both accidents I escaped Unhurt .all whole. .don't even remind me when he did the same when I gave birth to my child ...he was even being called by head nurse and would not come ..he was just out with the other wolves

[@avantibarve2692]

It's very true...in crisis they leave u ,they leave u alone they don't there with u physically ,don't want to take any efforts but without taking efforts they just show fake care on msg just to that relationship don't slip from their hand ....but there r some emergencies when u want someone physically to support u being actually there for u...

[@Avary619]

The narcissist I was with almost 10 years wouldn’t even acknowledge my birthday nor Christmas for that matter, at least for our kids and I. Our first Christmas together, I was away from my family, and my birthday is 2 days before, and we went out Christmas shopping for his family and he made sure to spend every last dollar we had buying his sister and her boyfriend expensive gifts. I thought that maybe he would surprise me, but when the time came, nothing and I felt like he had actually had thrown it in my face in some low key covert way. But I still blew it off the first year. The next year, we weren’t together on Christmas because I had gone to a domestic violence shelter with our twin babies who were 7 months old by then. We actually didn’t spend another Christmas together until our kids were 3, and he never ever would pay for anything for the kids for Christmas. EVER. And here’s another really sick, horrible thing- so that year he handed me a somewhat small box and told me that it was from him and his sister and then when I opened it, it contained several pieces of my own jewelry that had gotten stolen from me when we were staying at her house the previous year. Now that’s really insulting and hurtful but at the same time, it’s not like I could say anything because I, of course, would be the ungrateful one or the liar or even crazy but he knows EXACTLY what he did. His sister is a narcissist too and the fake way she pretends to care about people is really disgusting. Then the next 2 Christmases after that he spent at a relative’s house who only lived a few blocks away because I could tell he was mad and jealous that my parents spoiled my kids and me for Christmas and my birthday. Then all I got was rude comments from him and some other of his family members every time I had to be around them. And if anyone is wondering, for the first several years we were together for his birthday I’d bake him a cake and we’d do fun things like miniature golf or whatever he wanted and I made sure that I got him something too. But I quit doing that after about the fourth year. The next year, he was actually starting to get a little angrier every minute after dinner when he wasn’t seeing a cake or a gift. I decided to stop giving him anything. This last May though, really took the cake because our twins birthday is in May and we weren’t together or living together and he told me to not worry about their birthday at all that he would completely take care of it and remarked that it was “his turn” and I knew better than to trust him, so I started planning it. One night I showed him the decorations and he snapped at me and asked me why I bought those that he was going to take care of it. Later that night after he left, I was shopping online with my daughter for her gift. When she found what she wanted, I put in my card information and my card was declined. Which, I knew couldn’t be true because I was saving money for them and their party. When I checked my balance, sure enough, I had like $2, and there was a charge that was made within about 30 minutes after he had left my house that night and I didn’t know who the merchant was. I had left him alone for a minute to go to the bathroom not even thinking that he’d actually steal my debit card clean out my bank account and ruin his own kids’ birthday. I did get the money back, but it was over a week later. I explained it all to my kids and I was crying about it all. They are 10 so at least they kinda understood and when I got my money back in my account, we had a birthday party without their dad however, the next day he came over and helped himself to their ice cream cake and purposely made a huge mess out of it so they couldn’t enjoy any more of it. WHAT ADULT ACTUALLY PULLS THIS KIND OF UNHUMAN COLD AND CALCULATED CRAP MUCH LESS AGAINST THEIR OWN KIDS!!!?!! I can’t comprehend any of it and I’m so glad to be out of the relationship with him because even though that just happened a few months ago, we haven’t been together romantically for almost 2 years and SO MUCH has drastically improved for both my kids and me. I even look younger than I did 2+ years ago!

[@taraarrington2285]

My mom has done all this to me. My whole family actually.

[@BryanCWatkins]

Same

[@THB_M888]

Very spot on, I’ve seen all these occasions where my in-laws revealed themselves to me, number two most especially- they make it a point I could not celebrate any milestone in my life

[@peaceofmyhearthomestead4611]

when I first started getting sick before I was officially diagnosed with cancer my husband took all of our savings and bought a house with an ex. I had to struggle and work through my chemo to keep from being homeless, Whilel he’s living his best life

[@DebYbarra]

🔥👹👺😈 Those Demons are going to spend an eternity in hell. I'm praying for you, dear. 💕💐 🙏

[@sutapadey3940]

Exactly all 3 were experienced, which have alerted about their true intentions. Always have to watch the actions, not the words. I was good at reading these people. Great work Dr. Danish!

[@TameikaSims]

But they want you to be there for them on all levels...smh

[@SaraONeillDesign]

I now understand why I make sure I never need to rely on anyone, and I always keep my expectations very low. It's possible I have always had a narcissist in my life. Thank you for helping me realise this!

[@virtualmedusa]

One narcissist told me he never wanted to see my face again when I was at an all time low. One of his friends had just scammed money from me at a time when I had a lot of bills to pay and two of my friends passed away within days of each other. The narcissist in my family spent close to two hours repeatedly saying she didn't feel good on my birthday and acting angry so she would be the center of attention. Other people noticed her hostile pouty behavior and asked me if she was acting that way for attention! It's not your imagination, they really do need to be the center of attention all the time. They're really awful people. A narcissist an I share a birthday. He won't wish me a happy birthday even if I were to wish him one! But I was expected to drop whatever I was doing to drive him around. Glad those days are over.

[@LauraSchendel-ko1qk]

My very first sign that my date was a narcissist was when he didn’t ask me one single question about myself. I let that pass. I shouldn’t have. He turned out to be a narcissist so I noticed the first sign and ignored it. I won’t do that again.

[@Tealaful]

Ill add onto number two... If they do help you in a crisis, they will make it all about themselves and or will crap all over you and make you feel worthless and like you are the biggest failure for having a crisis and inconveniencing them. 😢

[@SandraGallagher-h6z]

Very true in all 3 examples! Last straw for me was his mocking me in my mother’s death. Low blow even for him - nothing could’ve been worse than this timing & cruelty. Goodbye 35 years = half of my life. Flying solo is so peaceful and restorative ❤

[@ruthslater6364]

Exactly what happened to me. He would make sure he would tell me I was cancer free and he moved out although he wasn't around much while I was still doing my chemo.

[@jap126-ic2dk]

So true. My sister tried to steal the show at our niece's wedding because her much older daughters aren't married yet. Also after our sick but overall healthy Mother lived with her for less than 2 years, she blocked us from caring for her in our homes but instead she put our sweet Mother in a nursing home against our Mother's number one request to never live in a nursing home. But our Mother either cooked or helped her cook the dinner my sister ate every Sunday.

[@SometimesitRains578]

Wow this is unbelievably accurate. I need help. After 22 years of marriage I’m finally separated from this demon. Please pray for me. I’m trying to heal but it’s so hard.

[@Theofficial._.immyfam]

When you expose them for their wrong doings and when you tell them no are some other times I have noticed

[@KAT-wo1js]

Yes! They get angry with you for addressing their wrongful treatment toward you. They expect you to just take it, and if you don't, you are on "punishment" and sometimes that was extreme mistreatment, cheating, or neglect.

[@satisfiction]

I remember when I had a sudden serious bought of nausea and constant vomiting... I remember the cold, uncaring, annoyed look on my ex-wife's face sitting in the doctor's office. I will never forget it. Never.

[@gate7551]

And probably your body was nauseous because it knew you were in the presence of a narcissist

[@jyothiramesh2483]

Yes exactly true My husband exactly done that for 3 5 years.

[@janicebullard5774]

You are awesome I appreciate your Truth continue to Speak the truth Thank you Sit I know Several people that fit this Discription!

[@Spruill526]

He dropped me right before my birthday. You are Spot on !

[@ssmith543]

I was living in toxic mold and my lungs had filled about 30%. I couldn't walk and kept passing out for a week. I called my narc mother to help me. She came over. When I crawled to answer the door, she just said" not a good time? I'll come back later."

[@DebYbarra]

😢 I feel so bad for you. You deserve so much better! 🤗 💞

[@Gail-iv7om]

You are the BEST expert on narcissism I have ever come across in my life! THANK YOU!!!!!

[@Live1959-y7b]

He's just absolutely spot on every time.

[@atianazim3968]

So strue. When my parents died , he was worst. Spoiled my kids birthdays. When I gave example of my father , he started hating him.

[@iowamom454]

My dad passed when I was 21, and my husband said “you need to get over it, everyone dies of something”. 😮

[@DebYbarra]

😮 Wow what a heartless individual! He has got a stone cold heart!!! 🪨

[@zsrz4877]

Yeah, they don’t have any empathy

[@deborahkoller9463]

I love you so very much, Danesh!!! I have dealt with that for the better part of my life....thank you for speaking to this!!!! ❤️

[@shweta8213]

True I faced two occasion By God grace I m still survive But eager to freedom 🗽

[@lizzabbott]

Truth ! Bailed / literally went ignito totally when I had cancer , except for when HE could get attention for it / gain others’ sympathy for HIMSELF … & even disclose my confidential medical info !

[@csc8697]

I had dated a narc/ psycho in my 50s...got over that after 2 yrs. Of KZbin research. Then an old lost love popped up. He was several states away. We talked for hours, during the pandemic, hours, every single day. Then on my birthday when I turned 60, I was driving on an overnight trip. He never called on my birthday. He knew I don't have kids & would be driving bored all day. I finally called him at 10 pm. To find out what was wrong. " I thought you'd want the day to yourself" Bam! Right then I knew . Same thing happened on Valentine's day, no text, no call.

[@angelahobbs1280]

Narcs always escape when you need them

[@DebYbarra]

That's shocking but true! 😮

[@kathleen6088]

Before I listened to this short, I paused and made my own list. Two occasions jumped out at me, but no third followed. Total agreement on number one and number two. The third is not something that I have thought about or heard, but I have definitely experienced. Thank you Danish!

[@frugalfitness2896]

#1 is very true except for in the beginning stages of the relationship when they can help you as a means to make you feel indebted to them (save and enslave) and from that point onward tolerate their toxic behaviours because they were so initially wonderful to you. That's been my experience at least.

[@LeQuan-ug1gd]

Same thing happened to me. Back in time during covid pademic, i got covid and she acted like the whole world collapsed. She cried, did everything that u can imagine. I was like " this is the woman that im looking for and i just want to marry her immediately. But time passed, her mask gradually sliped and the rest of the story was horrible

[@sharonparis8916]

Yes, sad but, true.I don’t understand the anniversaries??? Because that’s for “two”I’ve been married 33 years. Our First anniversary my mother watched our daughter so we could go out to dinner. I picked up that he didn’t want to be there if you will, I’m assuming because he had to call out of work. I never again mentioned an anniversary to the”covert narc” again and neither did he. Who wants to be with someone that doesn’t want to be with you. They are so strange-nice,nasty personalities.

[@dhakshayani6457]

True true true i have experienced all the situations 😥😥