31 Hysterical Dr. Krieger Quotes From "Archer"

[@karlleonis7882]

You missed one of the best scenes: Cheryl: "So? Krieger's a doctor." Cyril: "Not the medical kind!" Krieger: "Not even the other kind...technically."

[@geraltofrivia6461]

Karl Leonis coincidentally that’s the one I came here for

[@escorpianoyqueee]

Krieger's first name looks like is actually DOCTOR, so that´s why the confusion :P

[@hisoka3.14l8]

Krieger the adopted child

[@blahblah8037]

Leonardo F algernon

[@jason11279]

[Zoidberg would like to know your location]

[@1994moviebuff]

I love how Krieger is the only one in the core group who doesn’t even dislike Archer.

[@dreadlordhg360]

Honestly Krieger couldn’t give a shit about Archers personality. He’s kind of immune to most emotions.

[@Captain-Kidding]

Actually Archer has managed too piss Krieger off quite a bit, and Krieger eventually points out how Archer is a self absorbed douchebag.

[@jenlindley7780]

He is very blasé

[@deanwinchester8650]

@@Captain-Kidding yeah, but he's still nice to him. Most of the time.

[@zxtreme31]

In season.....4, I think.... Pam acknowledges that archer is her best friend. They might insult each other but she likes him

[@theperry13]

Best line Krieger: i was wondering Ray: in a bag. I piss and shit in a bag. Krieger: me too! But actually i was wondering if you wanted to walk again.

[@jamesmessina2554]

Kreiger: “yeah, but is it worth it?”

[@M267-z3b]

“I may have wandered pretty far from the church, but I do still believe there’s some things only God should do.” “Like give you an erection?” “I’m assuming you mean give me the ability to have an erection?” “Also, yes.”

[@maxxymrice6200]

Ray: It alarms me you don't know the names of the actual bones.

[@flashfan123campbell8]

"Just let me clear the old *browser history* and-no, no, no, no, no, no, no, *NO!* "

[@zeevee9625]

makes me what was on his browser history

[@Nxtl68]

Trust me, you DON'T

[@Saltici.Saturnii]

@@zeevee9625 the tamest thing I can come up with is tentacles.

[@euonxaxxx662]

Zeevee 96 tentacle porn probably 😂😭💀

[@MM-xn6tn]

@@euonxaxxx662 And hobo death match snuff films.

[@yetiornot5726]

I'm not a... *serial* killer.

[@KyleRayner12]

... Wait, why did you emphasize "serial?"

[@ShimotsukiSaizo1]

Say what

[@flashfan123campbell8]

@@KyleRayner12 I did-WHAAAT?! Uh, hey, did I mention I have something to show you?

[@kevinmael3862]

I have told a few people that.

[@BatMan-ul6gt]

Cereal

[@Ultrakrill2411]

"Is krieger working hard?" "Maybe literally."

[@Graniastopoulos]

Actually, it's "Is Krieger hard at work?"

[@hamsammich8781]

too late, you ruined it

[@seanpeacock4290]

phrasing.

[@abrupt9842]

“Say what you will about him-“ “I did” “He’s discreet”

[@arturdent5168]

He can totally have his own spin off show

[@blueispaniard6513]

He totally deserves to.

[@faillblogkeyboardcat]

As awesome as that would be, I think the less we know about him the better.

[@miriamvlachoulis6875]

It could include his full backstory as a clone in that mansion. Then how he grew up holy shit thaat would be nuts

[@buddy3119]

No, it'll ruin the character

[@miriamvlachoulis6875]

Macho Tach0s thats fair enough. It would detract from his personality

[@Yotarnn]

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE ME ALIVE!" "..On second thought I'd very much prefer to be taken alive"

[@bemasaberwyn55]

Let me clear the browser history

[@tahraethestoryteller6079]

@@bemasaberwyn55 “no no no no no”

[@DigiAkuma]

Just let me clear the ol' brooowser history andNoNoNoNONO...!!!

[@CrunchyKobold]

I live for the day I can use "your authority is not recognized in Fort Kickass" in casual conversation.

[@MrRolyat98]

Forgot my favorite: “Why is [the wet suit] flesh colored?!” “Well, it’s not if you’re black!”

[@thegruesometwosome2831]

hahahaha I forgot about that too

[@thesteadfastduelist6258]

I'm the 666th like

[@bucketinyourwalls]

I want to like, but I can't-

[@Big-Milky-Jugs]

Can we all just agree that Krueger is hands down one of the best characters in Archer?

[@Zaxen117]

That's not a character in Archer...

[@Big-Milky-Jugs]

Sorry, I meant Krieger.

[@SmashLiXs]

he's literally the only character in the show i genuinely love

[@KrissFliss]

Jazz hands

[@AJ84291]

i thought is was an unspoken agreed topic XD

[@TBear-ib7pl]

Krieger yelling “Me Too” before it was cool.

[@TinkerTailorSoldier1]

T. Bear 😂😂 Good one

[@1994moviebuff]

Instead of a tweet you just hear a faint yell

[@revan0890]

Nice.

[@racingfanz4762]

Now it is just used to ruin innocent mens lives with no punishment or consequences for the bitches that do it.

[@Spookyboo96]

@@racingfanz4762 Wrong but ok buddy you do you

[@arbaaz_777]

"press that red button" "wait, is that going to kill everybody?" "press that blue button"

[@yixnorb5971]

Reminds me of that "Big red candylike button" on Ren and Stimpy's Space Madness.

[@yixnorb5971]

Or Staple's e-z- button.

[@dontmindme5879]

The fact archer had to ask 🤣🤣🤣

[@petercross1879]

I still don't know what he means

[@Mr3DLC]

XD

[@JasonRobards2]

My favorite Krieger moment is the Pigley bit from 3:28. In the show it ends with Mallory seeing Archer on the floor saying "God, you'd think he's half faiting goat. Krieger goes: "aww, Goatly". It had me in stitches.

[@diamondtron01]

Am I the only one who thinks Krieger is a worthy spirit animal?

[@nathanatkins950]

ME TOO! *i shout From a distance*

[@xaenon]

Worthy or not, he is MY spirit animal/guide! Krieger ROCKS!

[@loveallgirlstheymakemefeel7015]

He's my spirit animal.

[@dabestindabusiness3046]

diamondtron01 The spirit animal I prefer is Archer, but he is worthy.

[@bluelick7578]

ME TOO! (also)

[@Omakeer]

"I call him Fister Roboto!" makes me laugh every time.

[@eternallegacy89]

But it doesn't just fist!!! Best selling point x'D.

[@cesarsalvadormoyaveizaga2906]

Yes it's a multi fetish sex machine, wich just by listening that scares me.

[@anigodess]

cesar moya “and the best part is- he’s learning”

[@LordSvzklx]

"Fister Roboto would never do that. He's just too darn sensitive"

[@larsgeerlings2407]

The best part is that this is actually the first line Krieger says in yhe whole dam show.

[@chadly63]

The best one ever is when Kreiger is showing Archer the rabbit, and Archer says "so, can you put it in a person's brain?" meaning the brain chip, and Kreiger says "he'd suffocate" referring to putting the rabbit in a person's brain. I laughed so hard I almost peed myself.

[@chasjetty8729]

Yeah. That gag was a miracle.

[@InsolentUnicorn13]

Rabert Kline

[@atraxuswraithe6031]

I can't believe they left out the following: Mallory: "Oh, that reminds me. Krieger!" Krieger: "Yeah, I found it." Pam: "Found what?" Archer/Lana: "Don't ask." Krieger: "Can I keep it?" Pam: "Keep what?" Archer/Lana: "DON'T ASK!" Mallory: "I don't care what you do with it, just get it out of here!" Krieger: "Yeah, take that tone."

[@trajan74]

It's not really good for a short video like this because of how much setup is required. But yeah it was one of his better quotes. (For those who don't know, this refers to the dead guy at 0:30. He's the Italian Prime Minister and Mallory shoved a giant eggplant-sized dildo up his ass. He found it while he was dismembering the body.)

[@miriamvlachoulis6875]

"Just say the word." ...nerve gas..

[@christrotter3052]

Perfect!

[@TheBeastr]

I literally came across your comment as Krieger was set off the neve gas :D

[@eoghanfeighery7383]

Jazz hands! 👐

[@michaelmiller2192]

Eoghan Feighery 🤗👐🙌

[@RandomPPerson]

ME TOO!

[@ronswanson7371]

🤗👏🙌👐

[@rhysbailey6827]

👐👐👐👐

[@ivoryholliday670]

*faintly in the background* ME TOO!

[@Autobotmatt428]

Joshua Hopper same

[@reloadpsi]

Ivory Holliday I believe that was a callback to Frisky Dingo where he voiced a group of characters who often said that.

[@DrewSavo]

I’ve turned this into a party game: just shout out ‘ME TOO!’ randomly and see what conversations it sticks to... Play it right and it’s brilliant fun!

[@jimstanley_49]

I never noticed the last one. 😂

[@andrefortinipropheta7365]

That's was the most funny shit I've seen

[@JackCooper_Mavia]

This reminds me, one time I was chilling in my dorm room before a party on Halloween, and some random dude I didn't know dressed as kreiger walked in, gave me a full pizza, then immediately left I still don't know who that was.

[@spacecat6022]

And you didn't feel anything strange after eating that pizza? No secondary effects?

[@JackCooper_Mavia]

Afterwards I got shit faced, so I don't think so

[@BarginsGalore]

“Dressed as”

[@atraxuswraithe6031]

Dude, you got a pizza from Krieger himself!!! You lucky bastard. Question, though: did the cheese taste weird?

[@deborahhanna6640]

......and the next morning you woke up impregnated with your own clone....

[@bobbluered8984]

"Neil Peart stands alone" Never were truer words spoken.

[@acemusic8060]

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SEAL THE EXITS!!!"

[@jongaulthero]

"Don't blame Krieger! He's not that kind of doctor!" "Actually, I'm not really, technically, the other kind, either."

[@Quinna5537]

TheMajR Payne Krieger’s not a doctor, his first name is Doctor. Algernop is just his fake name.

[@dikhed1983]

I love how he's a disturbed mad scientist who loves Rush

[@tedioussugar384]

The band, the movie, or the TV show?

[@exmachina1405]

@@tedioussugar384 yes

[@sailtheplains]

I love how Cheryl laughs so hard when he is telling them where to put the parcels of dead Italian Prime Minister

[@edgarsalgado2918]

Press that red button. Archer: Wait, it is gonna kill everybody? Press that blue button. Lol XD

[@Chirpysemperboy]

"Nailed YYZ?" "IT'S ZED! And no, Neil Peart stands alone." AMEN to THAT, brother!

[@mewsingsbynatk]

"And hopefully, when you look at all the different drop points on a map, it'll look like a big smiley face!"

[@MrLuismancei]

Some people has Rick as the best cartoon scientists, but I prefer Krieger as one of my Spirit animals ( a dark, funny, and awkardly relatable spirit animal) he and Professor Farnsworth

[@Bartatron-ru7qd]

Hey, high five, same here!

[@Bartatron-ru7qd]

Limh

[@MrLuismancei]

aguy654 I imagine them as the leaders of the League of the Ambiguously Evil/Mad Scientists

[@batwings388]

ME TOO!!!

[@Autobotmatt428]

Luis Manuel Castillo Jesus I agree. Ricks overrated

[@daconqueror7777]

The way i like my women black, bitter & preferably fair trade XD

[@yixnorb5971]

OMMFG

[@jaroslavjurisin3994]

Me too

[@noveske.2236]

Jaroslav Jurišin I like that I have an erection, that didn’t involve homeless people. Easily the best line of the show

[@gregknight1989]

yep yep yep

[@GaryTurbo]

So h e likes Lana

[@TheSamwhyte]

My favourite Kreiger line is when he’s dissecting the Italian PMs body and after Mallory has a pop at him, you just hear him say off camera - “Yeah, take that tone...” 🤣

[@corvetteguy91]

Krieger needs a spinoff.

[@mewsingsbynatk]

One with Krieger and his clones! *The Krieger Show!*

[@samanthamaselli-jackman4676]

Yup yup yup

[@dendenn7383]

OH DAMN YOU, GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!!! Best running gag

[@Whovian1029]

Krieger's love of Rush is enough for him to be my favorite character.

[@bryanmccallum2378]

Bhiner1029 agreed!

[@dwecktek]

ME TOO!!!

[@dallasmckim4370]

What about when Bilbo had a heart attack and Krieger said "Ha she smacked you so hard you died."

[@Soulxlight]

Bilbo: No, I think I'm really dying Krieger: (Holding back laughter) I knowwww

[@23sexycutie]

That was funny 😂

[@DanMartin67]

I love that (relatively speaking) Krieger is treated with the most respect by Mallory and Archer. They give him shit but definitely the least compared to Lana, Cyril, Pam, Or Cheryl

[@typacsk]

Just the fact that Mallory took him to the theater adds a whole new dimension to both of their characters. (Although I suspect that she does little things like that, to try and make up for some stuff that happened involving them both in the past.)

[@AnthonyMartinez-kr5fn]

Krieger is love, Krieger is life

[@bluelick7578]

ME TOO!

[@coachgoltzbizpro23]

My personal favorite had to be during the flex account rant: "I GUESS I WAS BUSY FANTASIZING ABOUT ARCHER AND LANA HAVING INTERCOURSE!!!"

[@Chris-bl3ep]

An erection that DOESN'T involve homeless people is an erection not worth having, good day sir!!

[@tron-fan1824]

Som Dum Goi that would be awesome, legendary, and hilarious if he said that to Malory's Face in rage

[@phantomform4171]

The "me too" in the backround kills me everytime

[@Tuturial464]

Kreiger is probably one of Archers friend who sympathizes with him. And just as someone as crazy

[@racingfanz4762]

Krieger: I'm sorry are you addressing me because your authority is not recognized in Fort Kick-Ass.

[@treyconnolly9545]

The "double, double. Toil and trouble-but it's really no trouble. I love my work." moment in dreamland is one of my favorites

[@DevilsAdvocateGaming]

I ADORE the idea of Malory babysitting Krieger to get him out of the lab. She will forever have a place in our hearts...

[@electrobob992]

4:38 Based on his reaction, I think we all can assume he's NOT the one who brings her back everytime. I.e she is such an advanced AI that she keeps coming back even after being deleted all by herself.

[@henry-thepizzaeater-morgan704]

Like Monika

[@maxxymrice6200]

Krieger: And they called me mad. Mallory: Who did? Krieger: I just assumed.

[@mjstory1976]

Krieger is the best thing about Archer

[@johnriley1406]

The best 'me too' comment is when ray is fed up of being in a wheelchair and Krieger is sat there looking at him an ray says 'a bag! I piss and shit in a plastic bag' Krieger: me too!! But actually I was wondering if you'd like to walk again? Gets me every time!

[@kirbymarchbarcena]

He's indeed worthy of his doctorate degree

[@Tyrunner0097]

Not the medical kind

[@charmboy5241]

ME TOO

[@RobMustDie482]

He doesn't actually have a degree. According to his personnel file his first name is Doctor.

[@davidvondoom2853]

He has a PHD in com-ed-y

[@RaoulDuke77]

Tyrunner0097 Not even that other kind...

[@nivniv7844]

5:41 Fisto Roboto - LOOOOOOOOOOOL

[@AlwaysBolttheBird]

“You’ll never take me alive” “Ok breach it” “On second thought I would very much prefer to be taken alive”

[@maroonggirl]

I didn't even notice all the times he said "Me too!" in the background. Thank you, thank you so much. That's priceless.

[@MikeRiderOOO]

SHRINKY-DINK THAT! KRIEGER OUT!

[@sycho-tech5104]

I love all of these, but my favorite by far is a tie between “that’s a thing. Shut up.” And of course “SMOKE-BOMB!”

[@pillowfort1834]

I dont even watch archer and I already love him.

[@seymourbuttz6419]

also yes.

[@unscripted483]

the idea of mallory and krieger going out fro "date night" makes me laugh my ass off

[@jamesb1988]

The first clip being Kriger air drumming to Rush's 'Tom Sawyer' is epic 😂

[@117Jorn]

Am I the only one who wishes Krieger's holographic A.I Wife got more screen time?

[@jonathankeith6971]

117Jorn I think you mean 3D waifu

[@drifter402]

No because then it would probably stop being funny

[@vandread]

Me too, but at the same time he is a really easy to destroy character

[@Voldrim359]

@@vandread Krieger said he kills her every day... Meaning that he is aroused by killing her... Every day... And that's why he also keeps building her again

[@xxbigbangxx1]

@@jonathankeith6971 this guy gets it

[@mitchellculp5623]

So how creepy, inappropriate, and funny do you want the scientist? Producer: Yes.

[@XDlosDominicans]

"Wh-WHAAAAT? I don't have a hybrid pig-boy! (flashback) anymore..."

[@justjohnny9780]

"That'll do Piggly that'll do."

[@eskreskao]

Why, oh why did I take a drink during the last one?

[@bluelick7578]

So, what is the reminder of the drink that stired right into your nose smell like?

[@eskreskao]

Burning, apparently.

[@jordaneggerman4734]

God, those "me too!"s were some of the best hidden gems of the whole show.

[@Longtail626]

Kreiger is better than Rick cups of how much fun he has with his experiments, when you see enjoy what happens you can’t help but feel happy with him

[@SmashLiXs]

krieger is just so fun & funny to watch. rick just brings the anger out of me

[@kirakiryu1020]

0:52 “THIS QUIT BEING FUNNY TWO HOURS AGO!!!”

[@mewsingsbynatk]

“It’s not supposed to be funny.”

[@apushman]

i do the "jazz hands" randomly at work, confuses people every time and i get a lil chuckle

[@willy_b_coyote]

We need to have a Krieger spin-off. Basically Dexter’s Lab for Adults.

[@SuperSonicMaster17]

0:52 Ray: THIS QUIT BEING FUNNY TWO HOURS AGO! Krieger: It's not supposed to be funny.

[@shadowslime3640]

1:57 The way how it just cuts to her looking all innocent makes me crack a smile for some reason 🤣

[@trevortempleton8715]

On the last one, you missed: Ray: A bag. I piss and s**t in a bag. Krieger: Me too!

[@AnthonyMartinez-kr5fn]

Do you want ants!?! Cause that's how you get them!

[@SoupSnipe]

Me: I love these videos Kreiger: *Soft Echo* Me Too!

[@noway9320]

Holy shit it's brilliant how he's always shown with a GERMAN weapon (MP5, MP40, Mauser C96)

[@daneyal7162]

Krieger needs his own spinoff show. +1 if you agree.

[@booksrule0240]

+1

[@samanthamaselli-jackman4676]

Yup yup yup

[@himothyjones96]

Off in the distance *me too*

[@PrincessofHell666]

Lorenzo Kenway I can't stop laughing at it 😂😂

[@RileyRedbeard]

ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒᵒ

[@Wiccanwolf08]

"I don't have one of those.... ... ... ... ... ... anymore. What were we talking about?"

[@dabestindabusiness3046]

Seril is also a good character. Archer: You killed a hooker! Seril: Callgirl! She was a callgirl! Archer: When they're dead, they're just hookers!

[@erinmiller1433]

Da Best In Da Business *Cyril

[@ggt47]

Da Best In Da Business Ray for me.

[@deanwinchester8650]

It's Cyril, not Seril, that sounds like serial with a capital s and a typo

[@daveb5623]

Krieger: Ray, would you like to be able to walk again? Ray: (yelling) NO, cause this way I don't have to buy new shoes! Krieger: Yeah, but is that worth it?

[@Melomaniac1956]

"Press that red button" "Wait, is it gonna kill everybody?" "...Press that blue button"

[@Thomas.harding]

I love that he loves rush

[@RileyRedbeard]

ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒᵒ

[@Thomas.harding]

RileyRedbeard how you do that?! Amazing

[@B0uff0s]

Neil Pert stands alone got me started the retentacling made me surrender

[@superpan218]

Judging by the thumbnail, you can tell that Krieger is a mad scientist. I mean mad in the sense of the word, meaning "insane".

[@garygamer4506]

"I have a plant... PLANT... plan"

[@seriousbismuth2173]

Until discovering Krieger I was *sure* that my idea of naming all of my Cars after Rush albums was unique. I couldn't have been happier being so wrong. 😆

[@MikeRiderOOO]

It just goes to show: Krieger is chaotically neutral!

[@rammassist998]

Every single noun and verb in that sentence totally arouses me lol I'm so dead 🤣😂

[@611rwj]

"On second thought, I'd very much prefer to be taken alive!"

[@ishish8816]

3:31 box labelled “left socks” and another “right socks” 😭

[@skepticalstuff780]

"I actually made my present" "Me too!"

[@ionceateapinecone]

1:13 The goddamn piggly schematics in the back though

[@ryancarter2959]

“I love you that you know how to do that” And I love that I have an erection... that doesn’t involve homeless people. Also the “me too” Bits are iconic

[@billt8504]

I don't have one of those ... any more.

[@CyclopsWasRight616]

We need a Krieger / Rick Sanchez crossover episode

[@nicktechnubyte1184]

Cyclops Was Right maybe that’s how abradolf lincler was made?!

[@tron-fan1824]

I would watch the fuck out of it

[@SmashLiXs]

i like krieger since he's genuinely nice & helpful while still being the most evil character in the show yet has never had the villain role. i can't stand rick at all

[@unicornkitteh5332]

I have an archer and rick shirt and it is one of my favorite things!😄

[@chuckhoyle1211]

I can only get so erect.

[@acolytesholocron5603]

Pam: how come this heap of shit isn’t going faster? Krieger: I think you meant, heap of bitchin.

[@nosorab3]

Great list, though I would have included the scene where he's smashing things with a robot and Mallory says "Do you have to do that right now?" "Technically, I don't have to do it ever."

[@amandaisbananas420]

I am back on being hooked on this show again..and trying to convince friends that have never seen it to watch it so they know half the shit I quote lol

[@IMfuuffy]

How is fort kickass not #1

[@syntaxusdogmata3333]

**sigh** We live in a twisted, backwards world. Hold me!

[@daconqueror7777]

SuperRedExorcist Sorry dude its..."DAMN YOU! GOD DAM YOU ALL TO HELL"!!!

[@briarmason8737]

I love how Krieger's first spoken lines was the name he gave to his sex robot.