4 Lessons From Therapy

Thank you to Privacy.com for sponsoring today's video! Protect your financial identity online using virtual cards and get $5 off your first purchase at privacy.com/ann... :)
connect
Instagram: / annaakana
Twitter: / annaakana
Facebook: / annaakana
Spotify: spoti.fi/2MvmYjE
shot & edited by Eric Lombart
/ ericlombart
produced by Reed Hedani
/ rhedani
grip - Melissa Gasca, John Lee, Megan Pham
sound - John Lee
gfx by Bethany Radloff
/ bethberad

[@mani_stud]

'We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions"

[@tompalmer5986]

I like that. I'm going to remember it.

[@MoreNadia]

THIS is so true!

[@awarenessvillage]

Very true!

[@adelab9909]

YES 🙌🏼

[@robertorayoherrera5354]

Pain demands to be felt.

[@HumansOfVR]

Let's *_break_* the stigma on therapy. You shouldn't feel weak or ashamed for going to therapy. Thanks Anna

[@Aaron-mj9ie]

The stigma surrounding therapy isn't what it once was. Where as people used to be shunned or criticized for seeking therapy, now the shoe is on the other foot. Now it's that *everyone* is going to therapy, or that therapists are overeager to diagnose or keep someone in therapy for financial gain. Therapy is great! Everyone does need to see a therapist, sometimes. But a little bit of self-honesty and introspection is enough to solve most people's problems. We need to be able to talk with people about our problems and help each other out, and recognize when things are beyond normal intervention, when a therapist may be necessary.

[@chrishart5265]

@@Aaron-mj9ie I dunno mate I still have a substantial hatred and distrust for therapists.

[@Aaron-mj9ie]

@@chrishart5265 Well, that's certainly understandable. An important thing to keep in mind about therapists and psychiatrists is that they're just people too. Just as there are good people, bad people, and indifferent people, so too are there therapists. They aren't perfect. I understand why one might distrust them. You're putting all of your concerns and perspective into someone's hands, and you can never be wholely sure that they are going to be mindful of your needs. When I was a teenager I went to see a therapist and a child psychologist. I was having a rough time with my parents and typical teenager stuff. Well, the woman that I spoke to each week was very inconsiderate. She would hone in on bizarre aspects of our sessions and try to come up with really outlandish diagnosis(plural?). After seeing her for several weeks I went to a different person, and it was night and day. This second therapist was very careful before ever speaking or projecting her opinion, and she was able to get me on track with only a few short sessions. Therapists are like carpenters. You might get one that knows what he's doing, or you might get a shitty one that comes up with excuses to extend his work or do thing half-assed. The difference is, a carpenter does a bad job, you get a shitty deck... A therapist does a bad job, you get a shitty life. What do you not like about them?

[@chrishart5265]

@@Aaron-mj9ie short version is it's like taking medicine. If your sick you need them. If your not sick taking them will make things worse down the line effinetly agree with them just bring people at the end of the day. I'm kinda sick at the moment and I've had docs telling me that if I go therapist I'll get better but everyone I've met so far has been so far up there own arse it's ridiculous. Part of it is that I see them looking for something wrong with you. Like they'll try and find something outlandish thing in your childhood that explains away all your problems so they can pat themselves on the back for it. Sometimes there is sure but if there not they seem more willing to assign one for you just to seem like there doing there job. Everytime I've had to see one over the last 7 months has been "are you cutting yourself" "that must make you depressed" "I can't imagine what your going through" "it's okay to cry" "did you have a girlfriend as a child? Yes maybe it's because you didn't get laid at 14 and you secretly resent yourself for it and that's why your in constant pain" I also kinda buy into the "therapy is for weaklings" thing. If you need it then it's about helpful but most people go to it for the silliest things that they could deal with on there own. Everything you could possibly go through someone else has been there and they've had it worse. I think people forget that physically and psychological pain are 2 different beasts entirely. This is deffinetly just me but someone feeling bad about therebclose friend being in so much physically pain they can barely nice or sleep at night is not the same as actually dealing with that pain. I get you don't go into the job without wanting to help people but there's something about them I just can't accept or allow in. Like talking to strangers on the street is easier

[@Meshelanium]

@@chrishart5265 Chris Hart Chris Hart maybe you just haven't found the right therapist for yourself. I started going over a year ago and spent 8 months with one therapist who would cancel on me a lot, and got assigned to a different therapist that I'm working with way better now. I learned a lot from both, but I feel like I'm understanding more with the one I started seeing in January. The part you said about them looking for something wrong with you, I totally understood that. I felt that way with my former therapist, lshe was trying to label me with things o didn't agree with. I wasn't closed minded to what she thought I had, I took the tests and just told her it wasn't me and we moved on. Don't be afraid to tell your therapist they need to back off on something, or that you disagree with what they're saying. Therapy is definitely NOT for weaklings. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and admit you need help with some aspect of your life. There are so many reasons to want to go to therapy, I don't think they are "silly" at all. For example, I started to go because of my depression/anger issues, and we discovered I had some other things I needed to work on as well, and it was super helpful! Those other skills that I need to work on, most people learned during childhood but I did not. That doesn't make it silly, it's just different than most people. Being skeptical is okay too, but I just wanted to say there are other possibilities and maybe don't give up just yet!

[@KevinBuritica]

1. How you talk to yourself can change your life. Self Talk 2. You can't make emotional appointments. Take a step back and reflect. 3. Boundaries are actually a blessing. 4. We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions. Need this for future reference.

[@emmynoether9540]

+

[@awarenessvillage]

Yes!

[@vtr0104]

Here's some more: 1. Don't talk to yourself. It's biased and pointless. Just analyze information and make a solid decision; 2. Feelings are a fabrication of the brain and can't actually hurt you. Concussions, fractures, burns, lacerations or ballistic injuries can hurt you. Temperature variations, dehydration and malnutrion can hurt you over a length of time. So can radiation exposure. Feelings? No; 3. Boundaries are in place for yours and others' protection and should always be enforced; 4. Never expect anything from anyone. All people are blanks until you can gather information on them. Do so indirectly as much as possible before initial engagement. Check body language, potential vices or interests, attire/accessories, etc. Even then, postpone conclusions until at least a few conversations with them.

[@dgamer2185]

@@vtr0104 Feelings can harm you mentally if you dont listen to them and you will always have expectations when meeting someone new right?

[@amytn]

TY! Going to need this for my future reference too haha

[@hyunfloof]

well this is what i learned therapy: expensive anna akana: free

[@the-bruh.cum5]

Lol

[@WritingSch]

You can get free therapy at universities or training clinics. For free. Even if you aren’t a student. And you can talk to LPCs and see if they are willing to do free or discounted therapy depending on your income.

[@vanilla7266]

well, you might pay a small amount- since you pay for internet and all

[@CAPTAIN_CORNETTO]

Also... I had to meet several therapist, untill I found the one I can really feel connected with.

[@rburns1182]

yes. and therapy in japan, not as socially accepted, super expensive, and english speaking therapists even more scarce..

[@drewpimm6634]

I love your therapy talk with your cat that’s something I would actually do 😂😂

[@awarenessvillage]

Me, too. My dog hears about everything!

[@evas4396]

Same here😆😂 fuckin love cats to death

[@jessmith7324]

Projecting your ideal image of people onto who the person actually is: always a classic

[@jaydeprincess2000]

I'm really starting to think about going to therapy, i feel like it's so beneficial

[@RimoltFreeGuy]

Is Anna a certified therapist?

[@7211_]

Jayda D'Amico it is! you should! just don’t be afraid to look for a diffirent therapist if it doesn’t feel right. not every therapist is perfect for everybody, and therapy is for you, not your therapist! I’ve stayed with therapists for longer than I should’ve just because I felt bad for saying it wasn’t working for me. but they were always supportive when I eventually did tell them!

[@adrianaa2767]

Jayda, go go go :) if you started to think about it it is a good indicative that you want to know yourself better and improve on some things -- and to also "fix" some others. Give it a try and dont be afraid to be honest with your therapist if you feel it's not working for you and may want to switch therapists. Best of lucks!

[@vanilla7266]

it is! but remember, a therapist cant change you for the better unless you want to change, and if you want to put in the work.

[@7211_]

RimoltFreeGuy no, not as far as I know.

[@brenda-xb2xz]

Ugh Anna, you’re such a self-aware queen! 👸 🐈

[@aaronsilver-pell411]

then why isn't she married yet?

[@brenda-xb2xz]

Aaron Silver-Pell because she inherited the title from birth 😉

[@rinsitkeishing1662]

"We are more hurt by our expectations than by their actions" Truth 101

[@KushalLimbu]

Chatter Box than*

[@rinsitkeishing1662]

@@KushalLimbu oh didn't see that thanks

[@KushalLimbu]

Chatter Box you’re welcome😌😂

[@imjasmine8608]

*from someone who cannot afford therapy, I love living vicariously through you* Who else cannot afford therapy?!

[@jasongates-]

I can't afford a bag of chips. So, the answer to your question is "Me."

[@WritingSch]

*whispers* You can get free therapy at a university or training clinic. It’s especially easy if you’re a student or relative of a current student. If not, call and ask about free therapy (it’s free when offered by grad students in their practicum and internship).

[@imjasmine8608]

@@jasongates- i can definitely relate to this! Eating ramen all day!

[@imjasmine8608]

@@WritingSch this is so helpful, thanks for taking the time to write this :)

[@WritingSch]

Jasmine Vo You’re so welcome! I hope it’s helpful. I want those who need it to know what resources are available to them. :)

[@josephmassaro]

The evolution of what the world thinks when you're talking to yourself... 2019: self therapy 2000s: blu-tooth cellphone 1990s: serial killer

[@caramelo997]

2010-... : KZbinr

[@BoMwarriorVlog]

​@@caramelo997, I tell myself that's still true. Helps me post my imperfect/real self easier. 🙄

[@AnoopKumar-hz4uk]

Sometimes I just stare at Anna and my mind goes blank

[@jasongates-]

Yeah, cause she's so pretty.

[@chimmieeyelish255]

hahaha

[@jasont8022]

because bewbs

[@egissimo]

it's like she's speaking in another language or something, somehow it's understandable but my mind doesn't accept it or i could be a bit high, though

[@TheGong00zler]

A few therapy resources for those who can’t afford it: •local hospital or mental health facilities, greatly discounted. Sometimes you can apply for an extra discount with the hospital/organization if you can’t afford it. •most colleges have free therapy if you attend the school •some churches offer free therapy or if your church partners with a place then u could get a big discount Not therapy: but your regular primary care doctor can prescribe you medications if you need them.

[@reina4969]

The expectations advice one is complicated. Having expectations is closely related to knowing what you want, and that helps you figure out that your not getting it. Lowering/removing expectation from someone DOES help you accept them, but that doesn't mean they SHOULD be accepted - like standards. If one's expectation are unrealiatic the improvement is to bring them closer to reality, not dispense with having them. Expectations and hopes/dreams are totally different animals. Yes, you feel shitty when your hopes are let down, but when you develop fairly unrealiatic/unwise/imprudent/biased "expecations" due to a personal need, it is the relentless drive to see those hopeful ghosts that needs to be understood/tempered.

[@devshreepatel7605]

so true

[@KhoPhi]

Last point. Gold! We disappoint our own selves by setting the bar of others too high.

[@keirineverly9621]

KhoPhi yeah, and others are setting it for us. So its a neverending process.

[@pd6805]

I disappoint myself by setting my own bar too high

[@rboehm13]

So do I Venmo you the $150 or do I just write out a personalized check?

[@mikegriego3671]

How about an IOU?

[@wildstyle04]

Mike Griego Shieeet, I was thinking Cashapp smh

[@mellowknee]

Do you take insurance?

[@kittehgo]

Ana accepts tuna or catnip :)

[@Set451]

As her personal accountant you can wire the money to my bank account.

[@ryushizu17]

1) 0:13 How you talk to yourself can transform your life 2) 0:55 You can't make emotional appointments 3) 1:48 Boundaries are a blessing 4) 2:42 We are more hurt by our expectations of others than by their actions

[@rachelmcclain5367]

"If you can't refrain from jumping on my boobs from the headboard" I live how comedy get blended in with a lesson

[@Alresu]

Comedy? That was a serious appeal to Congress!

[@nikkimiddlekillsday5161]

​@@Alresu 😂

[@nikkimiddlekillsday5161]

​@@Alresu my sister had four cats and they would ANNOY THE HELL out of her when she was trying to sleep

[@LukeAlexander]

This is so helpful wow

[@fudgeycake]

My mom recently told me this that changed my life now and forever She said: [heavy filipino accent] "Anak. N O ekspekktasions, N O dEEsapoynmentsz" me: but-- "Shh shh. Its Dat simple" "NO expectations. NO disappointments"

[@pxieblr]

Lol Filipino moms are the best! You're lucky to be born to one. :)

[@clarissadelrey208]

the first one was something i learned in therapy too! it took a long time to put it into action and actually start treating myself right. it also took a long time for me to start standing up for myself and confronting people about my feelings and realized it was bc i hated myself and always set other people and their feelings above my own bc i had no sense of self worth. the expectations was also a really BIG epiphany that i wasn’t aware of until now! ANNA u multitalented queen these videos help so much. ive never been one to sit down and read/listen to self help books and i cant afford to go to therapy anymore but ive been working on introspection, self awareness, and healthy coping habits and these really do help me so much. i always learn something new and wholesome. i love u cant wait for ur next mv🙏

[@ssn3289]

This is very thought provoking. All your points make sense. However, I kept replaying the fourth point about expectations, and it just couldn't sit well with me so I thought hard about it. Yes, you're right when you said expectations hurt us more than the actual thing people did, BUT when you mentioned something about being in pain bc you expected your friend to be there for you during your hard times, I don't think the hurt you felt was due to YOUR expectation. Anybody in your shoes would get hurt whether there's any sort of expectation or not. I mean don't we all agree that a friend is someone who'll be there for you in your highs and lows (presuming they know about it and they're okay/stable/ not going through something at that time)? It's one thing to not be there bc you didn't know what was happening and/or you were also not okay and going through something; but another thing to know your friend was struggling and you were okay/stable but still choose not to be there just bc you could not care less. That's not him/her being 'just the way they are', that's indifference. But hey, I'm just basing this on my perspective on what a 'friend' is. Next is the part where you got disappointed bc the director changed his mind last minute. I don't think you're at fault for expecting a good outcome to happen. Whether or not anyone has an 'expectation' regarding the outcome, the director did wrong, he was unprofessional, and it's not your expectation that hurt you. Anyone who experienced the same thing would get affected by that whether or not they expected a good outcome. This makes me think about the concept of gaslighting oneself for reacting a certain way, for having 'feelings', or for feeling hurt then resorting to blaming oneself and telling oneself perhaps "you're too sensitive or emotional or was 'expecting'", but maybe that's just me. I do acknowledge that I only know very little, but I just want to share my thoughts.

[@CaptChrispy]

I have to remember "I'm going to honour you by being honest and up front with you and trusting that you can handle it." Because that's the problem, they can't handle it and are going to try to make me feel guilty about it and complain about me to others.

[@DailyDoseOfAgua]

This is my sixth and last year of therapy( i am 19y) i can't believe how much i have learned from life and myself, and how much it has helped me to grow emotional

[@marsroverr]

who needs to pay a crap ton of money for a therapist when you have anna akana

[@theboringkaren]

You're right. You're absolutely right. Everyday I'm learning about my reaction being my expectation of someone, especially if it affects me negatively, as opposed to the actual person. My next step is to uncover why I react the way I do to someone. It's a journey.

[@Mu3azOsman]

Thank you, needed this 😭💕

[@alrockon]

The last one is SO TRUE. Since I realised this, I’m acting very differently with my friends, cause I was obviously expecting them to put as much effort as I was putting in our friendships.

[@MissMadison97]

Anytime anna post we click. I love your videos for like 6 years now. Your like threapy

[@_aiko020]

Deadass that last lesson is so harddddd. I can never face the reality cuz my expectations are either too high or too low. Through therapy I've learned to find a middle ground in which I prepare myself by thinking that I'll try my best and if it doesnt work out it's ok. I have to learn that I could either fail or succeed and it's not one over the other. It's a balance.

[@rea8585]

My mind LOVES to plan!!! I am going planning right now 😀😀😀

[@mikegriego3671]

Uh oh, you must be Anna's twin...don't plan everything right away, save some planning for later...

[@curioscuro]

That last lesson really resonates with me. All I can do is be aware of it and know the difference between my fantasy and the reality in front of me. I think everyone should at least try therapy to learn about their own mind.

[@PurpleSkykt]

Your topics sometimes show up when I'm smack middle of a breakthrough 💪🏾. My therapists may never have told this to me but I did realize #4 on my own! Because I have such expectations of being a good friend to those I've grown to care about, I've expected the same in return. I end up disappointed. I am currently in the process of stepping back from a friend as I type this.....the process feels easier everyday 😁

[@genevievedauphinais9774]

Wow. I just stumbled upon your channel last week. What a treasure you're psychology in a nutshell video's are. So insightful, so true and so funny all at the same time. Thank you.

[@amy_lee]

this was great

[@koronaantwon]

“We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions.” you are so right. It’s also that one quote, “If someone shows you who they are, believe them.” And if you don’t, that’s your fault for thinking they’re more than what they are or (capable of) something they’re not. You hurt your own feelings.

[@Mukta29ful]

You’re a blessing to this world! Sending you the best, most abundant vibes.💛✨

[@shijiatan]

Anna your videos always helped me at times when I needed it most. Just when I was so troubled about what happened between me and my friend, your "we are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions" really gave me the realization of what's going on. Really appreciate what u do and keep rocking on!

[@SiimKuusik]

I swear if Anna could probably be one of the BEST therapists out there! 👩🏻‍⚕️

[@ashleymariaa]

Lesson 4 is something I have a problem with the most but its not expectations of other people, its more about experiences. Like my expectations out of vacations is what is never met, which sends me into a spiral of "I wasted so much money on this" "this was such a waste of time" "why did I think this was going to be so much better than what is was" Man it is SOOOO annoying. And the terrible self talk I have issues with too. I am very self aware of it, still super hard for me to train my brain to not think so negatively of myself. A saying I have come to say about myself is "Im awfully pessimistic when it comes to my own life and awfully optimistic when is comes to other peoples lives"

[@momoandcoke]

Anna I love your videos. Can you please talk about "Change" and accepting chances? I am suffering and I really need help.

[@jewellewis6824]

Same:'

[@eves5297]

Right

[@DominiqueKayanna]

Gosh, thank you for sharing! your growth inspires me so much! you post, I watch. 'We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions" resonated with me soooooooooooo much!

[@Romantigoth]

It is part of my own nature to plan out EVERYTHING!! I guess as a KZbinr and a goal driven person that I can't seem to break that cycle, but being single for four years is not all that bad right? Depends on all how you look at it!

[@georgedunn320]

Yep, those are the sort of things therapists say, all right. The general message, that we need not be totally helpless victims of the winds of change, is a good one, but like the advice of the athletic coach about the importance of "having heart," it's only good up to a point. While it's certainly true that competitors can defeat themselves by giving up _too early,_ many people who have all the right attitudes still lose. Good therapy is most useful in avoiding making bad experiences _worse,_ but expectations -- the Buddha would call them "attachments" -- don't much improve bad situations.

[@7211_]

Boundaries are so important! And if people get annoyed at you for having them, they’re not worth your time.

[@kericwu]

Yess! We need to respect the boundaries

[@BrotherTree1]

I have to agree with the fourth one. I admit it took me a while too, and realised that it wasn't necessary victim blaming... it's not about pointing the finger about who's at fault when things happen and when one gets hurt from them - the victim or the perpetrator in this case. It's just that, because there is more out there than what we think (seriously... like when you finally understand, it's like taking the "red pill" in The Matrix and the truth, or at least our subjective truths and opinions, about everything isn't always what it seems and there's more than we can even begin to imagine), anything can happen and thus we have to learn the art of being aware of the unknown and reduce forming expectations and hard, and final judgements (which is similar to taking the "blue pill" and resigning to ignorance and limitations - whether by choice or by lack of awareness as of yet)... and it is, this essence, is what we are all individually responsible for regarding ourselves and the feelings and actions we produce - with no excuses or searching for a free pass for anything. And the same goes out to every other individual, whether they like it or not. Take responsibility for your own damn house (ie. The body, mind and it's capabilities), or otherwise, you pay a dire price of even more suffering than is necessary for one to tolerate - capitulating into hell and being stuck there in eternal pain, and from there you can walk down a path of pathology that is not to be underestimated.

[@Mumra2K]

"feelings are facts"... well, at least you put it in context. Them some dangerous words when out of context. :-)

[@sorg3ns]

Or else Ben Shapiro would've had a field day with her 😂😂😂

[@ThatsJustLikeYourOpinionMan]

I'm going to have to disagree with her there. I don't think feelings are facts. In fact, just because you feel something doesn't mean it's worthy of validation.

[@WoziduranJahemter]

Feelings are not facts but important internal and orientational signals that shows the state of actual being that needs to be helped or adjusted in accordance to a more discerned path or way of living in order to be humble, more positive and at peace.

[@WoziduranJahemter]

Maybe feelings are more like personal internal expressed boundaries and feedback factors that show your current status of being. Depends.

[@drnephthys5769]

I’ve been watching your videos for a short while but they’ve really helped me thanks for spreading positivity

[@bittermelonleaf]

If you're a college student, take advantage of the FREE counseling resources at your school. I started going to therapy a few months ago to help get over a best friend breakup among a lot of other personal problems. Attending therapy has been one of the most emotional, yet insightful thing I could do for myself. I'll be graduating at the end of the year and will be losing this service so that makes me sad, but I now recommend it for everyone.

[@noworries7490]

You are the bigger sister I never had,love you ! 💕

[@ashleyvictoria5683]

The way you talked to the kitty and how the cat moves his paw is adorable

[@Admirable-Enchantment]

I have a my first theropy appointment tommorow

[@Kareragirl]

Good for you. Therapy is great!

[@marzipan2555]

Wonderful!

[@lavenderdreams.]

hope it goes well! :)

[@avoicecallingout7487]

How did it go?

[@szymon_hyziak]

I love the fact that you are showing this lessons as conversations with cats. So adorable! 💕

[@VocaloidRules101]

the last one is VERY true. I was like that with my ex, i put expectations up to them which was my fault and an unhealthy way of viewing them so I ended up being more hurt when my expectations were crushed.

[@kericwu]

I can relate. Something similar happened to me

[@farahnazwali1508]

I am so freaking obsessed with your videos. I love everything about you. you go girl!!

[@Thefitty]

*I love that you mentioned to feel your feelings becàus I often try to REASON myself to not feel the way I feel! And that's illogical.*

[@ianpolitano07]

The last one resonated with me, and it took me years to realize that I always put expectations with people, sometimes without their knowledge and then got upset at them when they did not meet my expectations of them that they didn’t even know I had.

[@myvu4873]

I want an Anna podcast Love the vid btw Anna. Stay amazing and stay real girl

[@asmallcupofcoffee]

Your 4th point really reminds of when I learned about the concept of fault vs. responsibility and how just because something isn’t your fault, you still have some responsibility in it! Like how it’s not my fault I was in a toxic group but it’s my responsibility to learn the signs now and how to draw boundaries and making sure it never happens to me again!

[@bladewolfvii6383]

"feelings are facts" oh mr. shapiro's reaction to this would be golden xD

[@RiniKiwi]

Anna I've been watching your videos for like 7 years (so since I was about 14), and I'm so glad you've always been open about therapy and how it should be considered normal and healthy for everyone to go to therapy. Thanks to you I've never felt judgemental towards it and learned a lot about how beneficial and important therapy can really be. So thank you for still openly sharing your therapy stories and probably making more people open-minded about it! Love seeing you thrive

[@silentwhisp4r670]

Does watching these videos count as therapy? Because it is about all the therapy I can afford lol.

[@itsDwats]

Crovax Windgrace same!

[@avoicecallingout7487]

Lol, I keep thinking about this. Therapy is really expensive, even if it is partly covered by insurance sometimes. Oh, btw. I am a Psychologist, training to become a Therapist saying this (The training costs for this are cosmic, btw, as well 😏🤦🏻‍♀️) This is why 1. I hope that more and more people speak about their perspectives and their stories with mental health so that we can all learn from each other. 2. I also started a KZbin channel with the goal in mind to educate about mental health. I hope it also helps to alleviate a least a little bit of the overall burden of mental health

[@bluegore9214]

I started the no thing this year and EVERYTHING is so much better

[@AngelsAndButterflies]

I was just thinking about going to therapy to get a professional's point of view on my problems but then Anna uploaded 😍😍😍

[@galleryg998]

The whole permission to feel hurt thing is HUGE to me. My parents are immigrants and english is their 3rd or 4th language, and so being sensitive with their words isn’t natural, while the most direct translation is! So often I get hurt as I’m sensitive to some things because or - you guessed it! CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (yay) - BUT it gets worse because my mum’s intentions are always good, but she would never admit or apologise to hurting me because of that. So letting myself feel that hurt is so important, and hard to remember to do :)

[@MrKuronChan]

wow literally said "ok that was a mistake but now we have learned a valuble lesson yay" to myself yesterday when i did a error at my work on tuesday xD

[@emberjones387]

I love the designs you have. Please give us a tour of the places you make your videos. So inspiring! I've been getting into interior decorating and love your set looks!

[@rahaenayatshoar9271]

Your red outfit is beautiful and you made it perfect. If it's fine could you share where did you buy it please?

[@marciavox8105]

Raha Enayatshoar and also what a good deal it was plz

[@Sophieslazy]

I'm officially feeling a bit down today. Part of the realisation of that fact comes from noticing that I've been watching 5 of your videos today, and that the "feel good about feeling bad" one is still in my tasks bar since last year. And the grey weather, and the boredom due to home"working" and quarantine...yeaaaah I think I'd better skip my weekend plans and just stay alone in case I'm too moody!

[@tallasianchick]

I've grown so much through therapy. I actually have group therapy at 4:30pm today. 👉🏼😎👉🏼

[@lois1616]

I really resonate with the last one. We are more hurt by our own expectations of other people than by their actions. This was hard for me to accept too. But maybe for a slightly differen reason than Anna. Because I thougth, "isn't valid to expect something of someone, since I am worth that expectation?" But what you said is true, we should be aware and recognize that someone in reality isn't lining up to our fantasy in our head of who someone is, and what they should do. The others are really good lessons too. Thanks Anna!

[@BlueTengu]

"Feeish" is the new Groot.

[@BoMwarriorVlog]

So true. 😁

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

BlueTengu, yes!

[@sinnCrozz]

Most of the times i watch two or three times your videos. The first time i watch them i get hypnotized by the way your lips and eyebrows moves. And the second time i do pay attention to the subject you are talking about, and the third time i pay attention again because i got hypnotized once again.

[@happybubblemanfan]

OMG i'm early. I Love you Anna☺your such an inspiration

[@Sam-cn8xw]

That last one, I really needed to hear. No one ever really says that tip, and I think it is really important to realize. I definitely wasnt a fan to hear that tip lmao but I really appreciate you saying that. I am a really sensitive person and I can get my feelings hurt easily, and you made me realize it really is unrealistic expectations a lot of the times looking back on some moments

[@joshuamcdonald5850]

im hurting myself with an expectation of an `stay awesome gothem'....

[@shivani6383]

Josh Mc I almost got adjusted to videos without that , why did you have to remind me😭

[@Raixor]

I dated a girl for 2 years, who kept me at a "not too far" distance with certain things. Then she started ghosting me. She still lived at home, and talking to her Mom, she told me that she thought I was "too good to be true and that I must have hiding something". I was like, "If I was hiding something, don't you think you woulda figured it out after 2 friggin' years?". Thing is, every male in her life (family, step family, rxes) were drunks and/or abusive, and I didn't drink, wasn't abusive and her little sisters and Mom loved me, and she didn't know how to handle that. That made NO sense to me, but mental health wasn't a big talking point back then.

[@natoninemilfirepower7996]

Feelings are real, they are not always true. They aren’t facts,

[@drinaldah8770]

Your feelings can't be false. The way you feel is the way you feel and it's a fact that you feel that way

[@MrThunder141]

@@drinaldah8770 You're wrong. It is not a fact. More often then not we are wrong about what we want and what are feelings suggest.

[@stephaniemiranda8545]

​@@MrThunder141 I think the correct term is valid. No one can tell you how not to feel about something. However, ultimately whether or not they are rational feelings depends on the situation. I believe that we have to accept that it's in our nature to be emotional, that what makes us human, therefore, negative emotions aren't necessarily wrong. However, it matters in the way we allow our emotions to dictate how we approach certain situations. I think it's important to be proactive instead of reactive so we don't let our emotions consume us and get the best of us. There's always a cause and effect and I think it's healthy to validate your own feelings so you can have a better understanding of yourself and as a result, be more understanding towards others.

[@KatieoftheNight]

We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions - this IS hard to wrap your head around but the first example that came to my mind is the idea of how like, i expect people to worship me and all swoop together to shower me with appreciation on my birthday but no one comes through, right? I just sit there expecting it and no one really acts. I mean who else cries on their birthday, lmk? lol. That's why this year I've decided the only person who can make my birthday GREAT, is ME.

[@Dreaded88]

@Anna Akana: _"...We are more hurt by our own expectations than by their actions..."_ Here's what I learned so long ago: *Always expect the worst of people; you'll never be disappointed!*

[@jeffreylundin4716]

FEELINGS ARE FACTS. YES, THANK YOU.

[@tiffanypersaud3518]

“Feyesh.” Lol! “I was fully expecting to go in and be a full on movie star.” With that, I get the expectations things now. Yes, of course without the obvious caveats of abuse.

[@evanvincent9356]

I legit found this channel yesterday and I absolutely love it.

[@ryukenjo]

"The idea that maybe it wasn't anyone else who is hurting me but myself" - Dearest lovely Anna, THANK YOU! Gosh I love you! Be my wifey already! :p

[@cecilliorelucio6695]

I also talk to myself as my best friend. Our relationships and how we take care of ourselves is really important Thank you and Take care 💙😃

[@emilymanova]

What do we do to stop hurting ourselves with our own expectations? Is it fair to be asked to lower our expectations of others? Is it fair to distance ourselves from these people even if its us hurting ourselves and not them?

[@alyssalakey]

YESSS like, I’m really having trouble wrapping my mind around that one. I’ve thought it before, that there are definitely times when it’s your expectations more than anything, that get you hurt, but also: how do you know how much is okay to ask of people? How do you know if your expectations are too high or realistic? I kind of feel like your expectations are how you know HOW you want to be treated, and you learn to ask for it. Your standards. I guess if someone can’t give you that, if they can’t give as much as you’re giving, then maybe they aren’t someone you should be expending the energy to have in your life? But that seems excessive, cutting someone out over that. So... I’m really not sure what the solution is to that.

[@emilymanova]

​@@alyssalakey Exactly! I've had a couple partners tell me that my expectations/ standards are too high. But I'm already expect much less than what I am giving. Do I distance people for not reaching my expectations, or do I lower my expectations to where I am basically just settling?? There has to be a different way!

[@alyssalakey]

Emily Manova like, in an ideal world, I guess the answer would be to distance yourself and find someone more compatible, but also, if it’s a thing that happens over and over again you’re gonna feel like “okay, so apparently my standards are unreachable?” even if they aren’t. Because it starts to feel like what you want must not even exist, which is kind of ridiculous if you’re asking for like... decency and for someone to care and show it, which (in my experience) is where expectation stems from. We want to be treated well, and that shouldn’t be too much to ask. But yeah, there absolutely has to be a better way and I wish I knew what it was. Hahaha

[@SocksWithSandals]

Wow! I have never put that much thought into anything, let along beating myself up with my own mind worrying about what others might be thinking.

[@skay6719]

tbh I think lesson four - expectations as a source of pain - is the source of my anxiety, too. thanks, Anna

[@BIGDO13]

Therapy is so needed these days... so needed.

[@winterismyfavseason]

I'm going to a therapist for the first time after 15 years and I feel nervous, idk what it's like to be at a therapist (I know that sounds kind of weird)

[@dasherzchen]

I hope it worked out fine!❤

[@HerAvenue]

I love all the lessons you share from therapy. Though not all therapy are equal, I had bad experience before, but from my latest therpist, I did feel happier. :) I think the idea that we're allow to feel hurt, and acknowledge the feeling, and not having to feel weakness simply because we're human, is so important and healthy.

[@monshosepu9229]

The 4th point tho. That felt like such a PERSONAL ATTACK. I'm just sayin'

[@jasongates-]

I made a comment in response to her 4th point, where I cover how I think those "personal attacks" end up coming to us, in reference to her 4th point. I think it would help explain what you were feeling.

[@LinaLa]

Yeah so true it’s so important not to judge yourself too much.

[@marythiry4387]

With great expectations comes great disappointment. ~someone's uncle, probably

[@calebjboysen]

Anna you are amazing. You're videos really help me understand my mental health issues and things I can do to help make them better. Keep doing what you're doing!! You're awesome and these videos help so many people with what we all struggle with. I'm beyond glad I found this channel

[@not.your.diarey]

$150? For 10 years of wisdom? WHAT A STEAL!!!

[@brygreen1527]

Your content is always my favorite. I love how you always know what to say to make me feel better! Also I finally got to watch youth and consequences recently. And all I’m saying is I need a season 2! Love ya girl, keep up the great work!

[@minadelina]

Her hair looks exactly like Bella Goth in the Sims 4

[@MeredithMynroseUniversalHealer]

Get Anna Akana to act like Bella Goth in Sims

[@Moabkiller38]

YOU ALWAYS MAKE VIDEOS WITH THINGS I NEED TO HEAR AT THE BEST TIMES! Thank you for existing and doing what you do