If A Conversation Gets Boring, Play The Opposite Game

[@oddoutdoors]

The real skill here is making this all feel natural. Most people instinctually know the information in these videos. The problem is most people don't have enough practice to blend the two.

[@karenryder6317]

The trick to being natural with these inquiries is that it can't be a trick. You have to genuinely want to get to know more about the other person.

[@Loltroll8]

@@karenryder6317tbh its not even that. It's practice based, being sociable is a skill like any other

[@xaveragekid]

Just go join somewhere with a laaaaaarge variety and number of people, interact (assuming you are confident enough to do so), and push yourself out of your comfort zone.

[@kaibalfour2318]

It’s gonna be awkward at first because you have to actively think about what you’re doing but the key is doing it enough times where it’s instinctive and you get comfortable doing it. All confidence is is comfort in the situation that your in

[@Loltroll8]

@@kaibalfour2318 exactly. Once you feel comfortable with it, others will feel comfortable with you.

[@marijn17s]

Everyone knows these tips instinctively, but if you’re not confident or comfortable with doing it, it’ll still be awkward

[@jhoco7270]

Just like anything in life, it takes practice. Go out and talk to people. The idea is to have a point of reference to help guide your practice.

[@NameName-dg7nv]

i dont know these things instinctively, that's why i watch these vids

[@AndyWallWasWeak]

right. it's hard enough to keep up dialogue, now they tell you are supposed to laugh, give compliments too. just humans making it more difficult for other humans

[@hollys6299]

I disagree. A lot of these tips i did know instinctively, sure, but i didn't understand why certain conversations went well and some fell flat. Being able to hone and identify why something went well has helped me immensely. Now instead of 50% of convos going well, 75% of them do. And the remaining 25, i can usually see where i dropped the ball and work on reflection and self correction. Hoping to get to as close as 100% as possible before i die and this channel has and will continue to be a huge part of that

[@RebeccaAndreaDixon]

More or less, autistic people or people raised in a low social environment not necessarily at all

[@georgehiggins1320]

One thing I'm learning as a young adult is that it's usually okay to not say anything or be okay with being silent. You don't have to absolutely crush every single interaction with people. Being okay with most get togethers being a little boring, doesn't mean that YOU are a boring person of that other people don't value being around you. I think adopting a mindset of aiming for good enough instead of perfection, makes it easier to relax and then you can really enjoy the moment that you're in.

[@lajbeak9142]

Well said!

[@miriamvegoda1580]

something that I saw in another video was that if possible go into a conversation knowing that it would be fun if the other person liked you but, as you said, just know that you are an intrinsically worthy and amazing person regardless of how the conversation goes. This leads to confidence which often does draw people to you. But your worth is not attached to how other people see you.

[@dominiquewinston4005]

Agreed

[@georgehiggins1320]

@@miriamvegoda1580 Yes! If I may add on to that, one thing I've been thinking about recently is that often, finding a way to think of yourself in a larger communal context can help you realize your value and uniqueness. Even if you aren't close with you immediate family, if you think about your ancestors from many years ago and their stories as they navigated life as well as imagining their similarities to you, it can tend to help you realize that even if there are or were rough patches, you'll always be the unique culmination of that huge history of people whose lives ultimately led to your own. Some of them would have been wise and kind and would have understood you and unconditionally rooted for your success if they had had the chance to meet you.

[@TribalKatz]

Yes! Perfection is the charisma killer. Don’t try to be perfect-it’s impossible (and therefore, unnatural).

[@WilliamJonesChess]

Top Moments 00:45 People want to have fun conversations. They just don't know how. 1:20 How to do this? When someone asks you a Q, answer with a joke How to do this well? Take your answer and exaggerate it so much it is impossible for others to take you seriously 2:10 Example: How was your summer? It was just too much time with my family 25% rule is answer 1 in 4 questions playfully 2:36 If you are worried a compliment is awkward, follow up with a joke to diffuse = Tension Rule 6:08 Ask open ended questions. Joe Rogan asks Why … 6:24 Best open questions are ones they are excited to answer. [Hence ask the correct Why questions] Lewis Howes to Kobe Bryant: Why do you want to tell a great story? Be a likeable listener Oprah to Pharrell Williams: Happy. Boom !!

[@rainerzufall5438]

Thank you kindly.

[@WilliamJonesChess]

@@rainerzufall5438 You are very welcome My favourite point was 2:10 Example: How was your summer? It was just too much time with my family 25% rule is answer 1 in 4 questions playfully 2:36 If you are worried a compliment is awkward, follow up with a joke to diffuse = Tension Rule How about you? What was your favourite point ?

[@hallokitty8616]

I appreciate you taking this as seriously as me and writing down notes , thank you!

[@WilliamJonesChess]

@@hallokitty8616 You are welcome !

[@tomploger8760]

You left out the most important thing at the end : make the conversation enjoyable for yourself and thereby filter out people you don't want to surround yourself with. Be you.

[@mistermxyzptlk371]

"Dormammu so fat..." Bro I can't 💀

[@k.5425]

I still don't get it

[@TheSultan1470]

ur momma so fat she walks down the street it registers on the richter scale.

[@ARealTaco]

@@k.5425 dormammu sounds like your mama

[@wujek7616]

@@k.5425it's a yo mama joke

[@alonewanderer4697]

@@wujek7616 dor mamma zo phat

[@aaronaustrie]

It's real nice when you speak to people and they don't just hear what you say but fully understand you. That is very rare these days!

[@karenryder6317]

If you ask a truly open ended question you will indeed understand more about the person. Asking an open ended question is more than just avoiding "yes/No" responses. Try to also avoid questions where the person will be tempted to give back what they think you want to hear. For example "How ya doin'?" which generally gets the one word response: "Good." A better choice would be "What do you think?" which usually gains a lot more understanding of what the other person is feeling.

[@Intellectualfreethinker]

I hear you....

[@urlawm]

1. Set playful tone 2. Give genuine compliment 3. Share you imperfections 4. Ask open-ended questions 5. Be a likeable listener

[@einSeev]

Share your imperfections is dangerous

[@albertrazzano2431]

You’ll eventually reach a point in your life where you couldn’t care less. It’s so refreshing to walk away and talk to someone where you don’t Need tips and conversation flows.

[@kensigregory361]

Hopefully this applies to me someday.

[@CrackberryMe]

Facts !!

[@krokovay.marcell]

Agreed…I hate making small talk for the sake of it. Either I’m engaged in the topic or not.

[@RAGNAROKXNEXTGENERATION-by4kh]

me too i hate small talks thats why i ran out of words to say immediately@@krokovay.marcell

[@whatthecinnamontoastfudge]

If you’re learning how to be funny and take a joke cues from Jimmy Fallon…. I think you’ve got bigger problems.

[@MrsAnnThropy]

what gets me about this channel is the numeric value added to the suggestions. i’m autistic and realistically these videos just help me understand how neurotypical people interpret others and act, and how to be more approachable with less masking. being able to quantify the conversation makes it so easy. i struggle with things like knowing *where* to look or when to say something this way instead of that way, or how to be taken seriously without being interpreted as condescending, or literally just what to say next. just the simple tip of answering 25% of the small talk questions will change so much of my ability to casually talk with people without working myself up over nothing. what a time to be alive

[@kitten_with_bad_breath]

Me me me me

[@fridgewhisperer]

For the first time in 60 years people tell they like talking to me. Unbelievable. And thank you.

[@angelonintendo]

My problem is to avoid making the darkest joke that comes into brain

[@holembac]

Let's high five but not too loud

[@savdeb7973]

That’s how I weed out the good friends from the too serious ones LOL

[@shinobu-39]

I lean into it and hope they think I'm weird enough to be cute or cute enough to be funny.

[@Ambersourr]

My people ❤

[@rob99201]

You have problems explaining away the recently displaced 6X6 dirt in your yard too huh?

[@justscarlette1744]

I love the sentiment at the very end about making the conversation a good time for you! Too often I (we?) worry about what the other person thinks, having a good impression- and being overall likable. But it feels like you’re taking back over and it’s empowering to think that “just being yourself” will filter the right people into your life and send away the rest. I guess I needed to hear that

[@lajbeak9142]

So true so true. Being genuine is the most free you can be

[@RussellClausse]

Absolutely, authenticity is one of the greatest ways you can make someone else open up to you, that willingness to share your some hidden truths about yourself is a recipe for success in getting others to connect with you, because those you speak to are more likely to open up following you! Just don't over do it because there's a sweet spot with relatability and authenticity that you have to hit to really hit it off with someone.

[@desktopfan8870]

This reads like AI

[@Martyn_Wolf]

Open ended questions don't always get an open response. I know people you can ask an open ended question too and they still say Yes or No

[@RasheedBarnes]

Right. Some people are experts at keeping a surface-level convo.

[@omfgmedic69]

Literally most conversations I have on a dating app, where open questions end up with a closed response. Next please haha

[@Martyn_Wolf]

@@RasheedBarnes That's 100% of "normal" sheepeople

[@KennyWlr]

"Why did you kill them?" "Yeah totally"

[@Bass_Fishing_101]

Mirror their energy more. Use humor to bring them out. Chances are, they’re rude people.

[@leslie6938]

My go-to question to get a conversation started with someone I don’t know well (if nothing else about the current situation comes to mind) is to ask what their first job was and how/why there. It’s an easy subject for people to talk about and almost always results in an interesting conversation. I’m often surprised by the answer and learn things about the person.

[@jujucasar2003]

My go to question when i meet a cute girl is "do u want to watch the titanic? i hear it's a good ice breaker.

[@mikephalen3162]

I agree. Having been a newspaper reporter, I discovered that most people enjoy talking about themselves. Ask one question and they do the rest. On the other hand, it can be annoying if they don't return the favor and ask about you.

[@FightFan-ee4kp]

It’s crazy how I’m watching this because i feel inadequate and insecure around people, but I literally do everything on this list when I talk to people.

[@RcsN505]

maybe you're being too hard on yourself? maybe they like your vibe but you're so nervous you don't feel it?

[@1whitedan]

@@RcsN505 people usually are their own worst critiques.

[@djackson4605]

These skills are just like any, if proficient enough there's a fluency that's beautiful. If just one or two things or off though, it becomes stilted, awkward or even forced.

[@Feex92]

Its like Dunning-Kruger effect but for charisma, not knowledge. Douches think they are perfect and everybody likes them. Charismatic people tend to see how much there is for their social skills to evolve.

[@igormajdandzic7587]

Welcome to the club... yes, it is a very awkward club. But still, welcome.

[@Aceiefer]

rizz on command

[@disky8039]

charizzma

[@bigt5413]

🤣🤣🤣

[@RuNZiT1]

Noooo….

[@pianogeekdan4621]

If you practice enough it'll be autorizz

[@ghostbro7435]

We are in training arc right now

[@jogofin4939]

'Start things off light and funny and filter people in or out of your life based on whether their response drains you or energizes you.' Genius!!

[@annahenning7234]

As someone on the spectrum, I'm drawn to these videos to help me figure out how to "people". They are helpful! At the same time they are confusing because videos like these encourage humor as a way to endear yourself to others, but other videos emphasize how using humor too much, or humor at the wrong moment, can make people dislike you. I guess what I need is a video to know when humor is appropriate and when it isn't.

[@Vi_Vi_1]

It's definitely a tricky balancing act on how much to use, and the worst part is there's no EXACT formula, since people and situations are different XD I'm also on the spectrum so I feel your pain. It's a lot of trial and error, and also just learning to accept it when sometimes it just doesn't land. Easier said than done, I know, but you got this!!

[@donovanbh22]

Neurotypical here, and I’ll be the first to say goddangit its just hard to to know when humor is the right thing. Especially if you’re one to attempt humor as coping mechanism for generally stressful or traumatic experiences. But fortunately, that’s one social faux-pas that is usually easily forgiven

[@two7plumbing]

Totally agree! I’m also on the spectrum and humor is a tricky balancing act for me. I’ve always tried the be a humerus person who others enjoy being around, but sometimes I unintentionally go too far with it. I’m constantly trying to learn where that line is.

[@HipHopTheme]

When you use too much humor/tease and they may look offended, I always say “just kidding” and they calm down almost all the time lol

[@jamesharris7003]

Respectfully, aren’t we all on the spectrum to some extent?

[@DJ-bo4pz]

I might not have everything else that you teach, but boy do I have this predisposition to just push the conversation to some kind of humour. It's natural.

[@JokerCrowe]

These are actually really great tips, and they made me realize that I've been doing these things subconsciously. 😅 Like, I've had people tell me that they find me charming, but I haven't felt like I do anything specific, so it was good to hear specific examples to put words on it, because now I know that those things are what they mean. I'm not saying this to blow my own horn, but rather to confirm that these things genuinely give results. Just starting off the conversation with a joke - and especially the kinds of jokes you mentioned - is something that has really made it easy for me to meet new people. It's not 100% fool proof - sometimes you just don't "Get" each other - but like you said in the video, most people want to have a fun conversation.

[@raftingorange6085]

What kinda jokes do you mean about starting conversations with exactly? If it’s not too cringe for you to spell it out lol 🙏

[@JokerCrowe]

​@@raftingorange6085 Well Sometimes it's hard to literally Start conversations with jokes, but if you can fit in a joke answer to a question very early, it's essentially right at the start. And to be specific, like they said in the video, if someone asks you a question, either answer with such extreme over exaggeration that it's completely implausible, OR give the exact opposite of the expected answer. Make sure you don't sound like you're mocking the person (check your tone of voice), but the examples given in the video "I skate 4 times a day" and "it was Too much time with my family" are pretty good examples. Or doing a "yes! And..." where you fill in the blank in someone else's story; like with Jordan Peterson (at 0:40)"He uses a gun now instead of a Knife". I really like that "yes! and..." one because it can get the other person feeling like they're the funny one; you just 'teed' them up so They can make a smashing joke. For example, a guy at my work was asked about his wrist watch, and he said that he got it from his mom, she apparently just found it when she was out on a walk. And then I said "yeah it was just laying on someone's porch", and he followed up with "yeah, and it was inside a package too.. it was weird". My first joke got a little bit of a laugh, but his Second joke made the whole table laugh. Sort of like Chris Evans' "ribbon routine" joke. It might not seem like that funny of a joke, but it's a way that you can make the other person feel funny. And people will like you if they feel like you're the funniest person in the room, but they will *Love* you if you make them feel like _They're_ the funniest person in the room. That's also why it's good to laugh generously when you think someone is funny, it's very good encouragement. If you want to Actually start with a joke: one way is to ask someone else a funny question. Like if you're at a vegetarian dinner with only vegetarian food - and everybody knows that it's only vegetarian food - you can joke ask: "Oh so I take it the whole roast pig is coming later?" (or.. you know, something Actually funny "-_-). That's also a way to set other people up for giving joke answers. "oh, no the roast pig was too raw, so it ran away" (or again... maybe something actually funny 😅) Were those the kind of examples you were looking for, or was it something else? I'd love to help in any way I can. 😁 EDIT: the tip at 8:36 is also VERY good. If you don't know the people, just make the conversation fun for yourself. Make the kind of jokes You would find funny, and see how people react to them.

[@akwwalker8782]

You literally just wrote the exact same way that you are describing of how you act in real life. Subconsciously.

[@Aaaarussss]

Bro literally same 💀

[@tofferooni4972]

@@JokerCrowethats useful, thank you

[@cameronjadewallace]

This is the perfect way to understand my own brand of humor and why I use it the way I do.... And how I can be better and more real than I feel comfortable being. But really... I find comfort in the people I who have given me hope, and comfort, and inspiration to change.

[@MichaelMiller-jh6zi]

I started doing these unknowingly as soon as i stopped trying to impress people. Once i decided to be myself unapologetically, i started having great conversations

[@AaronLS.]

I like the idea of asking why as an open ended questions. I also like the idea of talking about things you like and jokes you like with new people to filter out who you want in your life. That pretty powerful.

[@KaninTuzi]

The worst, though, is when you try to make it playful and they give you nothing back and act as if you're weird for not sticking to the most boring and strict code

[@rob99201]

Yes.

[@sabrinaerika8818]

Those aren't good people to interact with anyway, so it's also a good filter 😂

[@dahveedb7550]

@@sabrinaerika8818exactly!

[@bikerktmktm21x]

8:30 is truly the key to great relationships and overall happiness. As much as it hurts, sometime you have to remove yourself from others. My best friend is a great example. We were inseparable from age 17-20. I had moved on to different things but when we would see each other, it was as if time had stopped and our lives would pick back up. Her personality evolved to selfish, manipulative and so sad for her. I and my family had to back away because she and her husband became truly draining. I wanted it to work but sometime the stress isn't worth the friendship. Dont let persons bad attitudes be your anchor. Create your own anchor!

[@stephaniemcadie6786]

I was very lucky at Uni to have 2 lecturers who joked occasionally during their lectures. I now make sure to include jokes in my own training materials - not only does it lighten the atmosphere, but I see my audience sit up and pay more attention. I also believe I get more and deeper questions when I ask for them.

[@koolpods]

I like that first tip, just be more fun in the conversation to make them more fun. imma try this everywhere in life, just be healthier, happier, wealthier, smarter and more attractive

[@GodzRemains]

The fact that I've been Googling and trying to learn how to talk to people easier without being so serious all the time, makes me feel like such a failure as a human being. Even with this "knowledge" I don't think it's possible for me to put into practice. It's just not who I am, it's not my personality. I wish I was just naturally like this. Maybe I would have been successful in life and happy.

[@Manimanito24]

No diga mamadas hombre, solo son herramientas que puedes usar, un martillo o un desarmador no define tu personalidad, ánimo

[@Matt_Alaric]

That very last bit was the most useful for me - Focus on making sure you have fun and talk about things you find funny, and let others filter themselves in or out of your life based on that. Simple but elegant, just like most truths.

[@dylannixon6745]

This channel is very helpful! I'm the shy guy that wants to be a people person. Sometimes I give the wrong impression because I never learned some of social skills I need, but everyone who truly knows me knows that I love people. Thanks!

[@a7dv7en7t]

It's always fun learning about someone. When you make it all about the other person, you gain so much knowledge.

[@justinhopper5941]

Another great way to remember all these tips and put them into practice is starting conversations with strangers. I’m in sales and a lot of these tactics I’ve implemented where it becomes second nature for me.

[@FreeSpirit47]

Having done what this video speaks of, for most of my life, my problem was the opposite. I realized early on to curb my talkativeness. At times I do relapse a bit then, catch myself. Keeping several very brief jokes in my head at all times, I use one or two when I see that someone is having a bad day. Mostly, the ones who seem to need it are people who are stuck where they are such as cashiers in stores, servers, drive through workers. I always hope that I'm made a difference in their day even if only a small one.

[@godisgood540]

Here's a crazy idea: Just be yourself. Being "boring" but authentic is better than being someone you're not. This is coming from someone who's pretended to be someone they're not their whole life. Quit caring what other people think and just be free. I did it and now I'm happier than ever. Ironically, I've grown more charming since abandoning the whole "the world is my stage" mentality, because I'm not so stressed about or focused on performing all the time. Be real. Be you.

[@Vventure23]

That last point is so important. I hate making small talk at work, because I find most people there don't have the same vibe as me. I am super comfortable making small talk and new friends at running events. I should probably stop beating myself up about not having friends at work!!

[@PurpleBouncingBall]

I don’t about anyone else but I felt a lot of validation from this video. Thank you Charisma On Command!!

[@SpicyMelonYT]

This was cool cause it wasn’t just a tips and tricks video but instead still left room to understand what you have to figure out through experience and practice. Like an archer showing you them taking a shot, giving you a bow and telling you that you’re gonna still have to figure out how to land the shot.

[@nuvoclassic]

Even though I had a long successful IT career, including training adults worldwide, I'm an extreme introvert and painfully shy - but I heard a joke/riddle that I use when I'm uncomfortable that ALWAYS works great for me: 'I have a great joke! What is brown and sticky?'.... 🙂great tutorial!

[@XsweetstarliteX]

A great tip, what’s always worked for me is to not take the conversation or the situation seriously. You’re not gonna die from the interaction so it’s never too serious. Just listen and respond, with interest, honesty and playfully.

[@lepidoptera9337]

Listening to some people will kill your brain almost instantly, though.

[@oyuyuy]

_My friend:_ -My dad is very ill, he has high blood pressure... _Me, tactfully mirroring:_ -BOOM!

[@BIGwillTHEGAME]

I tend to do most of these things but still don’t always know what to talk about. However, I noticed that it may depend on the type of person I’m talking to and the mood that they’re in. My vibe is similar to Jim Carrey The Mask were sometimes I come across as confident and funny and others I am awkward and quiet.

[@j9717j]

Just make sure you place yourself in situations where you need to talk to people. My social skills were horrible, then I forced myself to travel alone and to work at jobs where I needed to be very social. I’m not a social beast now, but I feel very confident and people like to talk to me.

[@ryuhanja3415]

You know you are terrible at being social when you are literally watching videos on it, gotta love life :)

[@robpolaris7272]

I discovered in high school almost everyone wants to talk about themselves. If you show genuine interest in them and ask engaging questions, I could get almost anyone to talk and come away with a positive experience. This worked particularly well with females. I could barely get their attention before. Once I started doing this I could get the most reserved girl to engage.

[@lepidoptera9337]

Yes, and both of you will, eventually, notice that you don't give a f.... :-)

[@NathanHarrison7]

Another very excellent video. Excellent editing and content. I’m sure many of us are feeling overwhelmed by all of the great points and desperate to immediately put them all into play. But just start off small. Small incremental wins now equal bigger wins later.

[@TheREALHugo4]

This is a nice example of how to avoid awkwardness.

[@LisaGelhaus]

I’d be careful with “why” questions. While open (which is great) they can sound judgemental, loaded or prying. What and how follow-up questions are more engaging.

[@FurinCine]

Silence is the BEST. Don't scare to be silent.

[@chrisjackson1266]

This first tip will also filter out people who take themselves too seriously. You don't really want to talk to them anyway.

[@JayM928]

8:29 Introverts all cry out: "you just eliminated everyone... It's all draining."

[@hermanwooster8944]

1. Make compliments 2. Immediately tease the person 3. Tell jokes so outlandish that they can't take you seriously 4. Start confessing your flaws to the person 5. Quiz them about their life Guaranteed to have an interesting conversation! Just maybe not a good one.

[@ekechukwuchidera6321]

I love your videos man. Thanks alot . Some of them, especially this type of videos really help. I really fill more connected to people than before, to the extent some do share some really good secret with me. Thanks alot once again This is a really good video.

[@wesjones1417]

In my experience in both sales and interviewing people, why questions aren't that good. They often lead to mental blocks. Instead, I ask them "what" questions. So, instead of Joe Rogan's "Why Utah", which can lead to people being caught off guard and stump them thinking about reasons, I ask "What brought you to Utah?" or "What is it about Utah that attracted you?". It makes it far easier for them to come up with actual thought out answers.

[@HuugyBearInc]

Do I really need to watch a youtube video about how not to be awkward? Yes… yes I do

[@brewmasterwayne]

Pretty bold of you to assume anyone has ever had a conversation with me.

[@StarlightNkyra]

For putting this into practice: Step 1: Talk to people right after watching one of these videos, or sleep on the information in these videos. Step 2: Get encouraged, rather than discouraged when you fail to apply this knowledge 100% the time. Step 3: Continue watching more similar videos from this channel. Even when the same message is repeated, it will be absorbed into your subconscious. (This channel actually does provide incredible advice all around the board. (ignoring the promos and shilling, which you should already be ignoring if you've been an acquainted user to youtube.) Step 4: Repeat, as you gradually get better. Make sure to be satisfied, no matter your progress, as it is the only way to ensure you don't do this forever.

[@sylph7777]

yeah I feel like these are intuitive and these videos, while helpful, can make human connect seem like something you have to study for like the SAT in order to do well in lol!

[@xpansionteam1537]

What an amazing channel. I've actually watched myself and cringed with my behaviour now you've highlighted it, for example re framing the conversation to make it about me...many thanks dude.😎

[@bambooflute2589]

Same! I made every conversation about me and wondered why I wasn’t likeable. *facepalm*

[@zacharynguyen7286]

Hope everyone doing good and staying safe. If you need to talk to someone or need help, there are people who care. Sending support and hearts. ❤️❤️❤️❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

[@capntibbz5094]

Hell yeah boys we out here learning how to be humans

[@razingrazor8219]

This really is a great video with awesome advices and examples!

[@hodeneofficial]

Set a playful tone early in the interaction - when someone asks me a question, answer with a joke (take the real answer and exaggerate it so much that it's impossible to take it seriously; take what people expect me to say and say the opposite). Do it with the first small talk question and 25% of the questions after that. Give a genuine friendly compliment and follow up with a cold read; mix the compliments with funny teasing Playful jokes, positivity, compliments and funny teases help make a great first impression Share my imperfections to connect deeper Ask open-ended questions - why... Be a likable listener - repeat their words, mirroring. Laugh generously, spend time with people i like. With new people focus on making the conversation fun for myself.

[@abdelrahmansalama7338]

This video is basically saying: "be witty"

[@F00Lsmack]

Starts to use on order to come across witty. If this is too much for you at you at this point, need to practice diving into just one of the starts at a time.

[@heinzyellowmustard5176]

Look at the chapters

[@xcw4934]

The end comment about showing people your interests and being genuine and letting those who are compatible with you choose to stay around and those who have no common interests or mismatching personalities self select themselves out is brilliant advice. We can be natural and charming with people we're relaxed around and we're relaxed around people who we're not trying to get something out of. It's unfortunate if you meet someone for work reasons or on a speed date that you're instinctively trying to get them to like you and so you're very much trying to get something out of them. I'm fortunate enough that I'm at a stage in my life that both professionally and socially I don't really need new people to like me as I have enough people who already do. So I'm naturally very relaxed and sociable in new situations because I come across as being my goofy self without much of a filter and it actually increases the probability that the new person would like to be around me anyway.

[@alondradelamora0917]

It’s the fact that I have to improvise each line in a conversation that makes the whole interaction on my part draining

[@luchia4tom134]

main thing i remember is the film Hitch when he gave dating advice. Listen and respond. so many people, myself included, will not really listen to what the other person is saying and is just waiting for the chance to start speaking again. its why the repeating the sentiment of what the person has said is so well received. you are listening to them and in a way clarifying that you have understood what they are getting at. this makes them feel heard understood and validated. this means if they disagree with your statement instead of letting it become an arguement figure out where the misunderstanding has come from. did they mean something else or did you not come across well when clarifying?

[@ShyamkrishnanNair]

Spot on! Dreading those awkward silences? Totally been there. Trying too hard to be funny can backfire, but a playful exaggeration can break the ice perfectly. The key is finding that balance! One struggle I have is reading the room - is a playful jab appropriate, or will it land flat? The Habit10x Sense of Humor Improvement Program (highly recommend!) helped me understand different humor styles. The more you practice playful conversation, the more comfortable it becomes!

[@danespilman8213]

im going on a first date and i struggle with just keeping a conversation alive and playful so hopefully this will help me

[@manu1788]

how did it go?

[@danespilman8213]

@@manu1788 this was a while ago, it went really well but me and her really didn’t pair together well, and since then i went on another date with a different girl and it went even better

[@danielreyes-uj2xg]

I heard, The difference between most successful people and your average joe is not knowing when to take advantage of an opportunity. In fact, im willing to bet that most are not even looking for opportunities so how would they know what it looks like if it smacked them in the face@@manu1788

[@HockeyBloops]

Better yet, lean into the awkwardness. When an awkward silence starts, break it by saying “you know the average awkward pause lasts 3 seconds”. It’s not that interesting a fact (and probably not even true but whatever) so the person will give a dull reply like “oh ok”, and then you just stare at each other as another awkward pause begins, but now it’s even more awkward because you’re both hyper aware of it! Try it out for yourself, works great!

[@rmkumarkla]

Thank you

[@MinnIsKill]

what a great way to put someone on the spot...

[@amazinggrace5692]

There’s always toddler talk … “tell me about your drawing”. “That’s sounds hard”, etc. Works on everybody. I’m an introvert so I’d better know how to get others to talk or I’ll have to do some!

[@rob99201]

I tried, "do you need to use the restroom?" once. Just. Once.

[@amazinggrace5692]

@@rob99201 lol

[@Jagdkomodo]

You kidding me? Awkward silence is the best! I actually like it so much, it never happens to me😢

[@MeganeMondeoMX5]

This video made me realise I'm not as bad at small talk as I expected, I do almost all of these things.. I just hate doing it!

[@brendankeen1884]

This is good advice, generally. In more nuanced guidance, I’d argue against “why” as a “great” way to ask open ended questions - imho it’s lazy (there are so many other options) and if applied indiscriminately can make people defensive in some situations. If you disagree I challenge you to try excluding “why” from your questions, get creative! Crafting an appropriately positioned question takes effort (that the other person will never acknowledge), the benefit being higher quality responses. Instead of “why did you do that?”, consider “what lead you to making that decision?”

[@lepidoptera9337]

I am sure "What made you get drunk last night?" is a true panty-peeler... just not in this universe. ;-)

[@joetheperformer]

“If you don’t know if you like the person yet, make jokes that you find funny” That’s the problem!!!

[@14Blackspirit]

4:14 So that is why everybody say that I am so fun to be around. When the conversation goes stale I always do something like that. More of a funny guy but a guy you can have serious conversation with but there is always something to say or joke or tease and so on. I should fix that. Too many people around me at work everytime xD

[@sugarycat6375]

I think the best way is to literally just be comfortable and confident, and all dis will come naturally

[@malcolmmellon8692]

This video will be confirmative for those who don't need it and will frustrate people who do need it :)

[@tulipe5790]

One of the most insightful valuable yet short videos I have watched ❤

[@dianagomez01746]

My problem is that I don't understand social cues very well so it makes me uncomfortable when people make jokes cause I often don't know if they're joking or not. If it's like a really big exaggeration I can easily pick that up but it's more subtle things that confuse me, so I tend not to like to make jokes cause I also don't know how to respond if they joke back (unless I'm with a really good friend)

[@curtisunit]

Good advice for those who take on other people’s unspoken discomfort as their own responsibility. I don’t find that relaxing and being quiet is a problem. If it’s a problem it’s a them problem not a me problem. But then again I lack the cleverness to make up funny things to say and if I did try it would be disingenuous. But I don’t care about any of that.

[@IshaqueG]

Let me tell you i have this habit of talking to different people knowing their experience but I would often find myself stumbling at some point and as I watched this video it really helps me specially the why part❤

[@stumpedsuper2014]

For the first part of the video. What would be some good answers to some common questions. Like how are you? What are your hobbies? What music do you listen to?

[@TheSultan1470]

R U GAE

[@stumpedsuper2014]

@@TheSultan1470 *Applause Write that down. Write that down.

[@charles7866-o1l]

My go-to answers are fun words like "Exuberant" or "Effusive" ("with joy", if people would ask) or "Even better now" (followed up with "because I'm talking to you" if people ask).

[@charaznable5552]

That's when you know you've found someone special, when you can both shut up and enjoy silence

[@blenyesipeter443]

I'm glad i found this video. I will meet with my girl colleague and i want to know her more. Thanks!

[@wiiflix]

It’s hard for me-I do these things but so much of the time I get a disconnect. I feel like people are confused by me. At times I wonder if I speak to everyone as if they know me well and will understand my dry responses, quirky takes on things, etc.. Maybe I just need to keep it simple and also keep my interactions as short as possible. I definitely need to avoid intensity.

[@demitv001]

Repeating what someones says does not always work, take thay from someone who was teased growing up for fumbling worlds. It feel demeaning more times as if you don't understand what I'm saying.

[@xMistaDawg]

Yeah, it's a simpler technique. The better (and more advanced) one is the technique he mentioned right after, repeating the sentiment. It strengthens understanding between each other, because putting what they said into your own words shows you're really trying to understand what they're saying, and if you didn't get it exactly right, then they can fix your misunderstanding, which assures you're both on the same page

[@edithflood631]

Paraphrase it, don’t parrot it… “So if I get what you’re saying, that means blah blah (but putting what they said in different words meaning the same thing).

[@TheSultan1470]

Repeating what someone says does not always work, take thay from someone who was teased growing up for fumbling worlds. It feel demeaning more times as if you don't understand what I'm saying?

[@emilymeyers6069]

So…. Are you enjoying the rain?

[@nk-dw2hm]

No no no, why do you enjoy the rain

[@emilymeyers6069]

😭

[@Oozzie]

One of your best videos by far

[@MrSonny208]

I can see my younger self watching these videos like feeling I could learn something but even though it has great insights at the end the applicability is about your creativity and that's something that you don't develop learning about it is about experience and life and being observant and many other factors.

[@kalelson8861]

Instructions unclear - I said hi, laughed then leaned in for the kiss

[@nanashipersonne4151]

Guess I‘m already radiating charisma and confidence naturlly🧐

[@vee3687]

1. Set a playful tone earlier in the conversation (Eg answer a question with a joke) 2. Give a genuine friendly compliment (i.e mix with light teasing) 3. Share your imperfections (Ps: not for sympathy but in a matter of fact or mix with humor) 4. Ask open ended questions (eg why instead of what) 5. Be a likeable listener (eg by mirroring ones words or paraphrasing their sentiment, and laugh generously)

[@lepidoptera9337]

In other words, be a naturally shallow person and if you are not, then try to fake being one. :-)

[@lamaisontokyo4696]

So, basicslly be witty and fun, and a good listener, people will like you. How did I not think of that 🤷‍♂️

[@asadplatypus3940]

Me at 3 am binging how to rizz video and never going out is the kind of irony people get in a steel plant

[@Kloops]

I shared my flaws with my soon to be ex mother-in-law when I first met her with the belief that she would see I had nothing to hide. I was only 18-19 years old. I wanted her acceptance. Do not. And I repeat do not overshare with a love interests family. Or even with your love interest. Lol. 23 years wondering what was wrong with myself when the problem was him and his family. Edited to add that it has to be a give and take. Watch out if the people around you don’t share their flaws too. And be aware of the person uses your flaws against you. Big lesson I had to learn the hard way.

[@qoilmdimibmliopqoilmdimibm7589]

Once I was such a good listener, that my partner doesn't even counter with a single question towards me, for 3,5 hours strait XD

[@CankleCankle]

My worst habit is that I don’t want to say anything unless I have something interesting or funny to say. Part of growing up is that it’s ok to say bland or regular things as the volume of conversation can improve the quality of that conversation.

[@l3nn0x]

SOmetimes you click, sometimes you don't. Never force it, and always be yourself. With those you click with, the convo will flow on itself almost.

[@KavasPVP]

The real truth is that if you're unable to enjoy silence then you need to work on yourself. Silence shouldn't be shunned. It should be embraced. If you can talk to someone without actually talking, then that's how you know you really connect.