4 Things a Man Needs to Feel to Fall In Love with You

[@Mat_Shaffer]

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[@nebulanigrimleonis3883]

That last point about encouraging HIM to express emotion... A safe place for him to share. I accidently did this, with him. And he opened up in a way that I've never seen before. He told me painful stories, from his childhood. It was like I loosened a very tight jar. And I could instantly feel him.... more relaxed and content. The way he looked at me was different. Everything was different after that. It was like, he took his armor off. He is stoic and steely. This was HUGE.

[@PK-ms6yh]

this is so poetic. i’m so happy for you!

[@BrooklynBaby100]

I’ve had this happen with a man that i wasn’t ready for… it made things hard for me knowing he needed me emotionally and I wasn’t there yet. 😔

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you for sharing your story!

[@kerenstar13]

How and what did you do to encourage him to open up to you?

[@sharonthompson8406]

I’m so happy for both of you! May the Lord Bless your relationship

[@sonja897]

Become the person you want to attract into your life. Love and respect yourself. Put yourself first. When you start respecting yourself then other people will too. Set boundaries. Don’t settle. A relationship is a two way street.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Fantastic!! I appreciate your opinion on this. 😊

[@grannygoes7882]

Sure respect yourself but don't put yourself first. The world is full of people putting themselves first. It ain't a happy world!

[@Carebear201]

@@grannygoes7882 I agree and if you always put yourself first you will never have a successful relationship with a man cause a man is also a priority when it comes to a relationship but yes a relationship goes both ways as well

[@Carebear201]

You can’t always put yourself first when your in a relationship cause that shows a man that your all about yourself and not him as well yes relationships goes both ways but not always about you you have to show them they are as important to you as your important to them

[@kirstenpeterson3894]

(This is in response to EVERYONE, use of "you" not toward the poster) Become the person you want to BE, not attract. Become your best self. It will take your whole life. This will be a shifting goal as new opportunities and challenges show up. The point is, YOU show up, because life will. Being of service, with your best self and your inherent gifts, is the only way. The only time we ruminate about relationships is when we ourselves know we aren't taking responsibility and action for our part in service to THE WORLD. Don't bog the world down with a narcissistic preoccupation around with keeping a relational tally on everyone in your life. That goes to dark places whether you realize it or not. Especially damaging is analyzing the MOTIVES of others. Just be YOUR best. Appreciate that life will unfold in more interesting ways than any plan you make. Have aims, yes, but you aren't in control of anything except your skills, readiness, and flexibility...so serve people, and if you serve your heart passions about how you spend your day, enjoying hard work, you will automatically serve EVERYONE with your unique gifts. We evolved as social animals, so just throwing up one's hand about men is a cop out. You go it alone and you won't grow. You need the feedback. You need to be checked around the idea of what you have a right to, vs your responsibilities. If you arent in comminity, romantically or otherwise, you will be talking to yourself. It won't be pretty. If you don't have a romantic partner, you should be doing SOMETHING in a group. Have a potluck monthly and invite everyone...people who don't know each other from all corners of your life. You will connect others and It will make you clean up your house! Join or start a book club, go to church, take a cheap class, go sit in the coffee shop or library...you will get to know your baristas and librarians and then you can invite them to your potluck. Point is, these connections will turn your life down unanticipated paths. Trust me. You cannot predict where meeting/ knowing any particular person might lead your life path. It is very exciting and I have seen random blessings unfold time and time again. The only thing you should want to control is skill building and openness. I'm an introvert and on the spectrum. It is often hard to leave the house, but one has to be smart about the long game...and it is FUN. Never be cynical nor contemptuous. That is the sin of thinking you know everything. I DO think women being cynical about men is a basic misapprehension around differences between sexes' thinking patterns and brain function. There is scientific data. We are exponentially more complex mammals around child rearing with longest dependence, so no doubt women evolved different thinking patterns and these are hard wired. So my impression is, our youtuber and many others are just trying give helpful hints about different brains.

[@avishill8613]

My late husband did so much. When i had my stroke he took care of the house me and went to work full time. I miss him everyday. We were married 50yrs

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts! So happy this hit the spot for you. 😉

[@Mat_Shaffer]

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[@joanackerman5830]

Wow buetiful

[@Yasmine91646]

I am my boyfriend's cheerleader, I help him out around the house, I kiss and cuddle him a lot, I give him space and don't smother him, I respect him, I praise him, give him compliments, I ask him about his day, I show appreciation for him and what he does, I show love and care when he's hurt physically or emotionally and he said passionately in my ear "I love you" during lovemaking a few days ago after 8 months of being together. I noticed that my love and care for him has made him feel more connected to me which thus made every aspect of our relationship better both in and out of the bedroom. I just saw this video today and I can attest that what is said in this video is true.

[@Arizona_lilly]

Yay!!!

[@OO-hs3he]

Woow ❤️💃🏻 Glad for you sis 💚💚💚

[@moop383]

Mmm he must be really good looking then. Lol

[@tonysilva847]

Good for you!! Zaakiya..I sincerely hope that he realizes what he has in you and reciprocates....I chose to date and have a relationship with a woman from another Country We are so happy...she takes great care of me and I in return treat her like a queen. After reading some of the comments you can probably understand why I chose chose another culture. Good luck.

[@stefielove]

Wow woman still lower them selves and there standars for a mans love ??? Wow...Im not a slave to my man but been with my honey for 12 years and the love is still there ... Insecurity really over impowers a woman's identity to be loved that's nuts woooww

[@domesticdiva1045]

I get it . Men need a lot of care and kudos. Sometimes it’s exhausting and you want it to be your turn.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I appreciate your opinion on this! :)

[@Michele-d1z]

I Absolutely 💯 Percent Agree with you 👍 I told my Ex that I'm not raising a third son 😂😂

[@SheriTynes]

It’s throughly exhausting. Especially when unbalanced

[@helentaylor7132]

@@Mat_Shaffer I'm not sure you actually do, but good try?

[@katzoooy]

6:15 „Thanks so much for taking out the garbage. It really means a lot to me when you just do these things for me.“ For ME?! This is OUR trash, not just My trash. So it is our equal responsibility to take it out. No woman get’s a ‚thank you’, when they do everyday chores for their man, so why expect it from her. We can either thank each other all the time after we‘ve done tasks like this or never.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing 🤗

[@peadookie]

Respectfully, I completely disagree. My soon-to-be-ex wife never thanked me for anything. Not once. And I thanked her EVERY time she did anything - no matter how small. I did absolutely everything I could for her, everything she asked for and did it happily. And not a single thanks. It was so clearly one-sided. I hoped for YEARS that she would just be a little nice to me every once in a while. She never took interest in ANYTHING I was doing. She never said thanks EVER. To think that it’s somehow wrong to thank someone for helping the marriage - “us” or “our” - is sad to me. I value kindness and I tried so hard to be nice to her - even when it was, frankly, her thing to deal with. And she tried exactly zilch. I did my absolute best to fulfill my vows and my husbandly duty, but when she asked for a divorce, you know what I felt? Massive relief.

[@TheAttractionTriggers]

*Love is a fire. But whether it is going to warm your hearth or burn down your house, you can never tell.*

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@cutechiangels]

Yikes!! Well put!! 😁😥

[@purplelillyx9895]

RASE 1. R respect ✊🏼 (only if he respects you) 2. A acknowledge for his actions (little things) 3. S safety (emotional safety) 4. E excitement !

[@Mat_Shaffer]

AMAZING! Good tip!

[@Hawaiiansky11]

Weird (sarc!)! It's almost like those are the same things women want from men, too! Huh.

[@dianneciresi7208]

And if he doesn't respect u, then what do u do?

[@princess2772]

@@dianneciresi7208leave his ass find someone who does

[@rapunzelrose68]

​@@Hawaiiansky11I'm definitely wanting the same from a man

[@MULUCAUAC]

That is ríght only when you meet an healty person emocionally be careful about the person you accept in your life

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@Dr.Thandi]

1. Respect; 2. Acknowledge; 3. Safety; 4. Excitement

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@blancaorozco7537]

I’m in a journey to make my husband to fall in love again with me of almost 25 years of marriage. Those thing I use to do long ago and he was an amazing lover and husband. A decade ago I notes him distant and I keep wondering why, now I finely know. There are two thing you mentioned I was wasn’t doing any more. You opens my eyes and I’m so grateful to you and God for being the answer to my prayer. Blessings. ❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Love that!

[@kiradomochi4961]

Men should take these advice too.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@lilianarose5907]

Most men of my age wouldn't ever know what this means, so I've found a younger man, he's just what I need.

[@joanackerman5830]

Good for you ❤

[@catb8661]

I did the same thing! Lol.

[@PinkPeach888]

Same! I’m 30 and my man’s 28. He’s way more mature, caring, attentive and emotionally intelligent and aware than men my age or men older than me!

[@kariblackwood5811]

I did the same. He’s 17 years younger than me but we mesh so well together. We’ve got a connection that I’ve never had before with anyone.

[@brightpage1020]

Taking notes. Your videos in 1 day have already begun to help save my marriage connection from the threat of an affair. Our 8 years married, 11 together, and our 4 kids thank you. Your advice is so immediately actionable. Appreciated.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much!! I really appreciate hearing that from you.🤗❤️

[@KatiesArabVision]

Love yourself first. Set boundaries, if they can’t respect you move on to someone that will. DONT mold or shape yourself for anyone, change for yourself and if the next person isn’t appreciative of who you are break free (and I mean go silent and move on) and pour love into yourself. If that’s hard to do then that might be a signal there’s some co dependency issues YOU need to work on.

[@jadek5822]

Thank you! 💯 loving yourself has to be where we put our energy. THATS where the love comes from in the 1st place! We will attract who we are, always. 💖

[@edith324]

Never love anyone first only my kids judge me or not co dependcy is not in my books i do what makes me happy im a liberated confident self person amen

[@jannadav1604]

I am leaving a 40 year relationship with someone unable to respect me. exactly. be ruthless about not being co-dependent.

[@monikaballah931]

yup

[@TeeGeeBee83]

Love this!!!!

[@zyranaguio112]

So many requirements.. i think be yourself just be loving and respectful.. and if he doesnt do the same thing to you.. then youre not on the same page

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@theviewfromher5085]

Basically, be a man's cheerleader, his mother and his therapist, but don't expect the same effort in return, because men lack the same capability of emotional awareness...?

[@mercywakesho1515]

😂😂

[@bhavnadear]

So true😂

[@gijane28]

Lol😅

[@lynngarza3489]

So true.

[@billie381]

This is so true!!

[@denisehellmann9712]

The first 2 things you talk about is what I want from a man. I want respect, I want space to do the things (hobbies I do) I want him to ask me about what I do and be interested. If he is not interested in what I do....then I will not be interested in his life. If he tries to get in the way of my passion...he will have to go. I want to feel he is interested in my life. My love language is touch also. I don't need to be thanked for taking out the trash ...that is what needs to be done to keep a household. I am not his mother and should not have to ask him to do basic things.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

yes a lot of what we both want in relationship is fundamentally the same! :)

[@denisehellmann9712]

Yes it works Both ways. I’ve been talking to a man on a dating site he has never once asked about me and what I like and what my passions are. It’s all about him. I will not be going out on a date with him.

[@stormchylde3999]

@@denisehellmann9712 Unfortunately that is extremely common with men you meet online.

[@Angel-tv5lq]

It does no harm whatsoever to thank your partner if you’ve started to do the recycling and he comes in as u get a call and once your finished he’s done ALL the recycling and cleaned the household bin, washed dishes, dried & put away etc etc. I have ZERO tolerance for NO appreciation but as with children, if you want to receive certain behaviors then you must first show what you expect and if he takes it for granted then you explain it... very simple. That way you’re clearly paying attention to him and what he does = 2 in 1 bonus 😁 It’s not called the game of Love for nothing, like it or not Love is a game but you can very easily take a major part of the game out of the Love by good communication and appreciation. It works 🙌🏼

[@wordsculpt]

Spot on!

[@Iamacollage]

I realized recently I don't know how to let the man be the driver of the relationship, I was so used to dating guys who never made much effort and left everything up to me, that I'll just automatically think I have to plan what we will do on our next date and meanwhile my amazing boyfriend has already got something lovely planned...I'm learning to step back and let him plan nice dates and take care of me and be appreciative of that, but I'm so not used to it, so I still feel a little awkward at times letting him take care of me and spoil me!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@QueenBee-gp1jr]

After consuming similar content for years, I came to the conclusion that it's better to invest in myself and to love myself. Relationships are too complicated. Life is good now

[@Mat_Shaffer]

AMAZING love that share!! :)

[@alohakeakua6749]

Be you’re true self, don’t force yourself to play a role, be you’re genuine self unapologetic you’ll know with his response whether he is with it or NOT.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@micheledespland2161]

If you want aman to be attached , treat him as you would. Treat your dog : lots. Of cuddles , hugging , touching , feeding , warmth , love in fact !

[@DANIELLASMASSAGE]

Lmao. Tru That!

[@niierkan2022]

Some is not enough for them

[@wordsculpt]

You forgot food. Both animals respond well to food.

[@Z8terfix]

@@wordsculpt 😂

[@christianpulisic7784]

Michele Despland,You got a lovely smile 😊

[@noubaddi8567]

From attorney to this? That is a story I will love to hear! Probably others too! You really found your thing. Good for you!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

[@MsAnchovey]

Its sooo easy to do all these things. What's difficult is receiving them back from him. It's always that I'm so respectful, emotionally involved and there for him etc etc bit not getting it in return. Ug!! Dating myself now, and feel so good about my relationship with me, I think I'll pop the question soon! 💍👸

[@BravoMentorianaAmerica]

Yes I agree. Things has to do with both.

[@jolanieamparo2142]

Already did everything as what he said but it just made me feel been taken for granted coz i made him so secured with my feelings for him (were not official with the "relationship" title but he keeps on telling me im more than a friend to him.. Dont know what to feel 🤔

[@claire33ism]

Same here

[@richerDiLefto]

@@jolanieamparo2142​​ By saying you’re “more than friends” but not being in an official relationship with you, he’s keeping you on the back burner (but just close enough to keep you around) and considering other dating options. I’d be careful not to invest too much in this guy if I were you.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@16Sirens]

I used to do this with my male best friend, and he opened up. He was happier, although he was 😱 to open up and be vulnerable - he was not ready. Now, he wants to come back and find out more about where our connection can be. Yes, we need to 'play '......and find that magic 🎩 ✨️ ♥️❤️‍🔥🎯

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Good luck Sonja🙏❤️✨

[@pricesunbury59]

I do respect him. I give him his freedom. I do acknowiedge him .I do the emotional safety thing. And I do that touch and hug the right.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re fabulous! Thanks for sharing your thoughts and spreading the love. 💖

[@pricesunbury59]

@@Mat_Shaffer your very welcome

[@Esther-yp5ni]

I love how you recap your videos, to make sure we get it. Love that.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you enjoy it!

[@janetteknox5149]

Great video Mat. Advised a friend to watch your video. Before watching, she was unable to get her husband to do tasks around the house. She practiced the R and A and he responded awesomely. After that, she got good at the S and he responded with E! Thanks!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad it helped!

[@barbdrenth3460]

This is the best information put together in one session. It summarizes a successful Relationship connection with the building blocks.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

YES appreciate that feedback so much Barb!!

[@leisaobrien9979]

@@Mat_Shaffer I shared this to as many of my beautiful friends here in Australia 🦘 you're not just a saviour to us woman but I'm sure the men in our lives want to thank you as well! Keep up the great work 💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

[@beautifulyou5588]

Thank you for the video! Great information, I just feel like as women we are having to “raise“ a man. Maybe it’s just me but I feel like we have to dance around a man’s sensitive emotions but as women we have had to “toughen up.” Once you add in work and kids and marriage and all of life‘s responsibilities remembering to RASE our man becomes another thing “to get done” on a women’s never ending chore list. I understand these are important things to facilitate connection however if the women is so caught up in raising children, cleaning up after everyone, working etc, it will fall by the wayside and men need to get over it and grow a sense of self and boost their own self-esteem. Just as women have had to get over it and do the inner work. Just my opinion but I love what you do Mat, you have great energy, keep up the great work!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

appreciate it so much!!

[@claraht.6999]

This is about him or them.

[@susankeyter1052]

Why must men always be shu-shu! Otherwise their emotions will be hurt!

[@LEfaHB]

Not every woman has to raise their man. That may be your personal experience and observation, but not all men are out of touch with their own emotions. The newer generations only become more emotionally sensitive, for better or worse.

[@dianneciresi7208]

Well stated & very true..

[@sallycrider5528]

I've done all of this! I'm defeated! I stay alone now because I always get left behind. They always try to come back but I won't be treated that way. I have learned so much by being alone. I won't play that stupid love game again!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@rockyayce6485]

You haven't done it with the right person

[@yourfriend8479]

I sense that you are a very caring, giving person. Good qualities

[@kimobrien5523]

I have found that a long hug and a kiss, for example for sending flowers, goes a long way towards increasing the attraction for each other!

[@christianpulisic7784]

Kim Grogan,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷 dear

[@shadiap]

TRUE

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Absolutely right!

[@carolewaller3613]

Very true... it makes a person feel appreciated & loved.😊

[@cherylkapitzke9846]

This was very enlightening because I really didn't know what I was doing to make him/them feel so deeply about/for me. (and things past boyfriends have said about me and to me) I was just being myself. I guess I didn't feel like I was doing anything spectacular. I was being genuine and real. I guess that is just who I am and apparently that is what they liked. :)

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing!

[@jessicarohrbaugh4488]

I feel so sorry for the women speaking negatively in this comment section. There was nothing negative in this video and your watching the video in general speaks volumes. It is okay to need help to understand and attract the man that you desire. I think a lot of you need to let go of your ego, realize that a relationship is between TWO people, not just one. Even if you find a good man, if you don’t do these things, you will not keep him. And then you will continue to be bitter and think “all men are the same”. Women need to work on themselves and find their peace, first. Having a healthy and meaningful relationship with someone does take effort and work. These were great reminders that men desire the same things that women do, but rarely get them. And THAT is the saddest thing. Men deserve love like this too, to turn it into being babied or mothered is vile. Get help, with love.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

[@alexk.8198]

feel sorry for yourself

[@carsonroxanne]

Love love love this validation! Also why I chose to be single for several years now. It f I have to raise an other child to be in a relationship, No thanks universe! You need to be equal to be providing mutual support. If you can’t offer the same actions in return, you are in a parent child relationship.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for dropping by and sharing your thoughts! So happy this hit the spot for you. 😉

[@gwynnielsen5081]

These four things definitely make sense. Women need these as well.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Absolutely! 😊 These needs aren’t just for men-everyone thrives on feeling valued, understood, and connected. Love is all about mutual care and support. ❤✨

[@gwynnielsen5081]

@@Mat_Shaffer I totally agree albeit most would include sex and money :). I am just a recording artist on KZbin. What do I know? Thanks and take care.

[@Holistretch]

Nice! I agree with that men need women to help them feel safe expressing themselves. My partner finds it extremely difficult to vocalize his feelings and so I’ve been super vulnerable and expressive and listen to him. It has definitely helped us get closer! 💞

[@kimalex9945]

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[@kimalex9945]

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[@kimalex9945]

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[@kimalex9945]

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[@GroUrOwnLadyTender]

We as women, need to be respected in the work force.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I totally agree

[@kiradomochi4961]

Yes, my manager is a woman. It's great she knows her stuff and is well respected.

[@svasianfilipiname6603]

Why are relationships so complicated??! To the point I question if they are even WORTH IT!

[@bibsann861]

I didn't find it that hard.

[@raularmas317]

I believe relationships have become so complicated as you put it bc of the fictional stories about relationships that have been passed down through generations that do not effectively represent the truth. The truth being too many relationships (Parent-Child) are based on over-the-top kind of fear and mis- information (rather than intentional lies) that is used to gain immediate control rather than taking the time to effectively model and teach self-control. People who don't have self-control can not make truly independent choices and therefore they lack the freedom so needed to make decisive and good long-term choices for themselves and others.

[@rockyayce6485]

Relationship are complicated for you because your in the wrong relationships 🤷🏾‍♂️

[@morningglory9288]

Relationships are hard work. We need to understand how our other half is feeling. Some days he/she can be in a bad mood and take things out on you. We have to learn not to aggravate their temperament by lashing out, but allow them to let off steam and you be a sounding board. Knowing when to speak and when to shut up is something I've had to learn. Also I need to be more affectionate, something I've always had trouble expressing.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Exactly! Relationships need patience and understanding. Knowing when to listen and working on affection makes a big difference! By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting next month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/

[@MeganCleland111]

I want to express my immense gratitude towards you Matt. You have helped me unlock mu gifts and start sharing magic to help other women to step inti their true power. I was in tge grouo coaching you did for light workers with Aaron Doughty and Victor Oddo and since July I have been sharing my voice loud and proud. I cant wait to help and inspire women like you do and to the extent that you do❤❤❤

[@hibaanabtawi470]

Everyone needs these things not only men 🙆‍♀️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great point!

[@felicitygrace5113]

My primary love language is physical touch too and your descriptions hit home hard fighting tears back because I identify wanting that when im with my date.. and realised how much it was missing in my previous relationship... 😔

[@Mat_Shaffer]

It’s 100% possible to heal and create something new

I'm usually my best friends teddy bear, the one they always lean on, but it also made me the mayor of the friends zone with my friend the crush

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@king-qo8fi]

RASE Respect Acknowledge his actions Safety (emotional) Excited

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@brightpage1020]

You give the best, most actionable, most effective advice. Thank you!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Your kind words touch my heart

[@Mooncat222]

I do believe unless people are open to receive love it doesn’t matter what you say or do they will not open up and women too - have to work on yourself ✨💖 some men are just hard work -- walk away !

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Well said!

[@jvnd2785]

Actually, the best way is to give him all that and then leave 😎 Pack your things, say "good riddance" and walk away. Men do not value what they have until they lose it.

[@nebulanigrimleonis3883]

I don;t think that trick works on attractive, quality men. Maybe a guy with few options.

[@jvnd2785]

@@nebulanigrimleonis3883, it works exceptionally well on attractive, quality men in particular. And by attractive, I mean men with practical skills and integrity, not a baby face with a career.

[@blank1505]

Not valuing what we have until it’s gone is, unfortunately and annoyingly, human nature.

[@latelengn]

@@nebulanigrimleonis3883 they think they are the price that's why.

[@Tnc874]

Lol.. facts.. or maybe just give him his space and have a life that doesnt involve him and that u dont answer a whole buncha questions about

[@MelanieHubbard-v2f]

Yes, everyday! When you ❤️ a 👨 you think of their feelings equally. Share in their interests, exactly 💯. 😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re making my heart smile with your kind words! Keep being amazing. 💖

[@rikkibowman3196]

This helped me understand why men get so attached to my personality. I appreciate being able to see this from all sides. Thank you !

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad I could help!

[@marian1427]

Can you give samples that made men attached to your personality?

[@rikkibowman3196]

@@marian1427 I find it generally comes down to kindness and the way I handle myself, this gets confused for flirtation and interest. I had to stop feeling like I needed let everyone have access to me, or that I needed to carry on conversations out of obligation. This comment was from 2 years ago so I haven’t watched this video since. Hopefully that explains things !

[@sweetculpa3570]

The emotional thing is so important. Thanks for the great advice. I appreciate it so much! I just started dating again after my divorce and I see it now.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome!! Don't give up on love, Sweet.❤️

[@karentranter7806]

Hi Matt, Great advice. There is nothing more off putting than being needy. If you tell a man to pursue what they like doing and encourage them to spend time with their friends and in the things they enjoy doing. Thanks again Matt xxx 💝

[@christianpulisic7784]

Karen Tranter,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are with a good man!!

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@karentranter7806 You are welcome dearest 🌹🌷🌷😍.I am Christian from the States.You?

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@karentranter7806 Wow!!😍😍😍😍,are you on Hangouts or Gmail so we can always talk?

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@karentranter7806 I'm not on WhatsApp,give me your Gmail let me inbox you

[@christianpulisic7784]

@@karentranter7806 Give me your WhatsApp number

[@TheTropics4]

My good friend and I started dating after two years of knowing each other. I did everything you said to do and we had the most amazing three weeks in our entire lives, we feel in love and made plans & promises for our future. Then out of the blue, he does a complete 180 on me and wants me back in the friend zone. I'm completely devastated and heart broken.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

It breaks my heart to hear what you’re going through. Please know you’re not alone. 💔 By the way, if you're interested, I’ll be part of a FREE live coaching love + relationship course starting this month. It’s a great opportunity to join the beta launch! You can learn more and sign up here: masteryofconnection.com/

[@Huei-YiPan-vj1jy]

As a lady, I am going through this right now with the guy I love and I am devastated and heart broken also.

[@mayrachavez9839]

Practically a list of what we should be. I wonder if there's a video for men of hiw they should beehave too!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much my dear!

[@dianealbert3]

You are just SO GOOD and helpfull in your informations (in your teaching) that I am going through a love that I have never experience. Thank you so much!!! From a french lady in Quebec, Canada 😉

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I’m glad you found the video helpful! If you're thinking about dating again, our 'Are You Ready to Date Again?' quiz can help you determine if you're ready. Give it a try! 😊 mat-nlcmdzyq.scoreapp.com/

[@lex28lush10]

Good grief. Having a man is quite handful. It's like having a son.. Hard work at times.

[@ceciliaramoscastillo2809]

That sounds horrible... 🙃🙃🙃

[@sudsar6830]

😁😁

[@monikaballah931]

lol right

[@bibsann861]

No its not that hard.

[@BrooklynBaby100]

It’s like having a teenage kid in a mans body.. what a turn off.

[@BodySoulDance]

Doing what you suggest about emotional vulnerability will not work with a partner who has an avoidant attachment style, and will make them panic. This is the very thing that ultimately led to my breakup. He was afraid of being open and vulnerable, so every conversation that required vulnerability led to him feeling threatened, reacting defensively, and then blowing it up into conflict that was then blamed on me. Otherwise, the relationship was solid, healthy, connected, safe and loving (when no vulnerability or expression of feelings was required). That doesn't mean that the avoidant partner doesn't need to learn how to be vulnerable---that is the hope and the goal. But it must be approached in a way that is understanding of what the avoidant's fears are, or they will pull away and/or run away. Please make this distinction, or there will be many people getting exactly the opposite and then wondering why giving their partner a 'safe' space to express their emotions actually pushed them further away or away for good--making them actually feeling UNSAFE.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@kimgordon3695]

Respect * give him space to create (Ask * about his plans & dreams) Acknowledge * EVERYTHING 💝 POSITIVE FEELING STATEMENT'S SUPPORT HIM in PRACTICAL WAY'S aka listen/follow thru...This is what emotional safety is! 💝 Finally E = EXCITEMENT (PLAY)

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great tips!

[@nyaphoenix286]

I want to thank you for sharing your advice. I would screw up great relationships because I'm reaction off emotions from childhood and previous relationships. Your videos have shown me that everything I naturally do is OK but my mistake was not knowing how to see the love language of men. Totally different than women. I'm so happy and peaceful now. Thank you!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I'm glad to be of service!! Thanks for sharing, It's a great connection. ❤️

[@jinna0512]

You don’t seem complicated and I find that attractive. Also, you make men’s needs understandable.

[@christianpulisic7784]

Jinn A,You look stunning 🌹🌷

[@jinna0512]

@@christianpulisic7784 thank you 😊 so so much! Such a nice compliment has made my Saturday extra special! I hope yours is as well. Jinn

[@jinna0512]

@@christianpulisic7784 jinna512@ yahoo.com Dallas County, Texas. Paralegal Photo-journalist

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much dear! :)

[@rietterust9874]

Greatest info on relationships ever.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You’re making my heart smile with your kind words! Keep being amazing. 💖

[@bellakim9404]

Treat men as if they are the Pet that you love. When he does well, its 'good boy', when you need something, its 'go fetch', when you want company, 'come here', & when you want to play, go get the leash and collar and he'll understand... Men & dogs are not that different 😊

[@ruthfernandez8801]

So funny but good ☺️

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@maomaogaosiu]

And let him walk in front of you as if he's the one leading you, but in fact, you're the one holding the leash🤣

[@marleneholloway7775]

Women have to be perfect, maybe.

[@jacquelinenoel2992]

Mat Shaffer is a very intelligent man. I always enjoy his vlogs. Thank you, Mat! 🌹

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you like them!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

❤️ JOIN MY FREE LOVE COURSE STARTING 2/21/22 - masteryofconnection.com ❤️

[@nicolefreeman4386]

Yessss!

[@corazoncastulo7839]

Wow i learn a lot fr you thnx

[@virgoallthewayvirgoallthew4464]

I have been listening to you awhile now..time to comment😁😎you Are amazing! I just appreciate you sooooo much..thank you for your passion and knowledge** your so kind and giving..I appreciate that about YOU! GOD BLESS YOU ALWAYS!❤🙏❤🙏❤🙏

[@XFlowersX]

Thanks

[@XFlowersX]

Thanks I already got in love with one of my friend he is a boy and he is called Ethan

[@Vaani9497]

I'm doing all these.. He enjoys spending time with me, he loves to talk to me, misses me when we're apart, we enjoy a lot when we are together

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing! love hearing that!

[@larsstougaard7097]

As a man I approve of this message😎

[@Mat_Shaffer]

HA so glad it resonates brother! :)

[@gemma9073]

Matt thankyou for your help , I thought I'd blown it with a guy , He had told me he was Always busy with work , and I got fed up (and paranoid as I've heard that all before ) He seemed different from the others though ....honest and genuine , Anyway , I finished things , Then had doubts and wanted to Not ....finish things , He was genuine and honest again towards me.......he must work hard , because he really did suffer during this global pandemic., He took the time to explain he Work busy schedule Again. And I praised him for his good communication, and told him about my past upsets( regarding men who make up excuses when they don't want to see you ) I expressed that I think he is genuine and honest , and intelligent (to be able to explain emotionally ) He responded well , We are back on track I feel, And now ..... On with R A S E ...... THANKYOU Matt Shaffer, You are clear and genuine I really appreciate what you do , to help Women and Men 💗💕💞💗

[@millissawilcox]

He tells me how happy he is & I tell him how happy he makes me

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Amazing!

[@normamckay1509]

I met a guy through dating site and he’s interested in what I do even want to join me in my church so I appreciate him, give him hugs and kisses and eventually we fall in love even through chatting online, it’s nice feeling to be love and he sent me red roses every day I wake up and will come to marry me after his contact of work.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@Jane-dl3te]

Really like what you are teaching here Matt. At the same time I don’t want to feel like I have a job to constantly be fulfilling him and pleasing him. What does this look like in the reverse. In other words a reciprocal way.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@doricronin1745]

As a women, I ask myself, who's telling the men out there how to respect me, or acknowledge my actions, or make me feel safe? I'm looking for a relationship where we are equal partners who try hard to meet the others needs. I guess I expect to much from the experts, who are all men, to even open their mind, that women have needs too.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

I promise there are good guys out there my dear! Don't give up on love sister. ❤️

[@frankG335]

There are plenty of female love coaches, and coaches telling men what he has to do.

[@Liz-in8lu]

100% agree. Seems like we have to do so much and the men get away scot-free because they’re a man and don’t have to put effort in.

[@keepitmoving4692]

​@@Mat_Shaffermen should be given advice on how to treat women. Most of these videos are usually about what to do for a man.

[@janisnewman1832]

Amen❤

[@luxuryhairstraightening]

Affection, attention, love & respect

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Great Point!

[@km-jx6xz]

This is all outstanding advice, and I love your perspective. The only thing I would say in comment is that it may not be hard wiring in men that makes it so difficult for them to explore and express their emotions so much as it is toxic masculinity in our society.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing:)

[@annettelozano5232]

Love this RASE thing. This video is more than just how-to magnets, but something like a book to understand men more in a video form. I learned a lot. Thank you! This one made me subscribe.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@pricesunbury59]

I give him space. I give him his freedom. I acknolage his actions. I give him emotional safety. Yes I am playing with him. Thank you Mat for this video.❤❤❤❤❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You are so welcome!

[@wellbeingwithwendysmith6651]

State boundaries and make it clear that you are willing and able to walk away if they disrespect those boundaries. Show you respect yourself more.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much!

[@tammyyamamoto9604]

Giving men a right to act stupid and not responding .

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@Adrienne1968]

Respect works both ways and not just for men..Space is important, dont get in my face and i wont get in his...but i will show an interest in what he is doing. Because i know a man loves praise for the things he does. But like ive already said works both ways these days..😊

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Interesting perspective, thanks so much for sharing!

[@susanmohaghegh7218]

OUTSTANDING advice, Mat!! Thank you SO very much!! Keep up your excellence! 🌺

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you! Will do!

[@ozperl]

I enjoyed this thank you 🎧👍

[@Mat_Shaffer]

So glad you enjoyed it! 🎧😊 Thanks for tuning in-your support means the world. 👍✨

[@VictoriaJ7]

You wisdom had truly impacted my life, Mat! Thank you!

[@christianpulisic7784]

patriotgirlvictoria,Your lovely smile 😊 can make the news!!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

My pleasure!

[@debbiemcclure9142]

A man needs the honesty of a woman and trust and I always thinking positive instead of negative all the time

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Absolutely agree!

[@Starry-zy8bb]

This was very helpful in telling me that I'm on the right track. I need to do a better job of asking him how he feels about things, and maybe a little more physical contact, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job of everything else. Thank you! You've put my mind at ease a little. Question: what do you do if you both clearly like each other, and you want to be in an official boyfriend-girlfriend relationship? I'm very stuck on how to approach this.

[@suzanwahlquist3258]

So a man doesn't have to ask his female. Partner How Her day went?

[@antyaier8427]

This video was worth watching. Yes we women must Respect and try to understand men priority and be supportive towards his goals and automatically he will fall in Love with you

[@chanlee1579]

Hello, I want to recommend to you the Mighty Man who allowed me to get my partner back in just 24 hours, and my partner came back to me .............

[@chanlee1579]

What=Zapp=Him=Via=..

[@chanlee1579]

+1=305=662=6014=∆∆,,

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you like it!

[@larzg9873]

Aww i love your video Matt! The content, audio, video, editing, quality, your wisdom, advices and everything..I hope and I will wait for the next videos you will upload. These would be a great help to us ladies to have an idea about the well being of men. Thanks for this Matt!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much!!

[@pricesunbury59]

I am my man's cheerleader. I appreciate all he does. I thank him a lot .❤❤❤❤

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much for your feedback!

[@loj3268]

Definitely not things you should do with a toxic or unhealthy partner.. actual love is not part of the equation in these “relationships.” Just leave those relationships, get healthy yourself, and then attract a health person, it will feel more authentic and reciprocated that way. 🙃

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@MSharizyn]

How do people come to love each other when they've never even met with strictly online relationships? This is something I've never understood, and this video confirms it for me that online love affairs just can't be real.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@kristenmoonrise]

Great info, Mat! I'll rewatch this a few times to really let it sink in! 😄

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks so much my dear!

[@VarshaDwivedi-q5r]

Love the way you talk so joyfully...really light up with giggles in between your talks🎉🎉

[@annstar2793]

Super helpful info, and thank you for the real life examples as well ! Women also need the same in respect, appreciation and acknowledgement. Where is the Mat Schaffer for the men ?

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you!

[@bonnygoldberg5852]

Thank you Mat for your wonderful advice. My first time coming across your video. I Love learning new and better ways to communicate. Thank you again for your words pf wisdom.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You're so welcome!

[@beatricebliss9379]

Men need Appreciation first of all, for what they do and how they think. Everybody needs respect, but it is primarily a feminine need...and a "desert" for men. Also, mens' need for space is part of their Acceptance need. They also need to feel Trusted by the women they love.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@iwantmylauren]

Thank you Matt!!! 🙌🙌🙌

[@Mat_Shaffer]

so welcome Lauren!! :)

[@Janet1975]

Thank you! This is tremendously helpful and I think it came across my screen at the perfect time. I just started dating a guy and the more I hang out with him the more I like him which is very scary. Your intro. on how men’s emotions are different then ours was very insightful and helpful. RASE makes sense and I think I’ve been doing these things already, but I could easily do more. We are very new so there’s no title to what we are yet and I don’t live with him obviously, but I’m going to take this acronym and apply it more. I do acknowledge things (his positive and negative feelings) all the time because we text everyday.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Many thanks!

[@nitagonzales1421]

Makes me more enlighten with relationship. Thanks Matt.

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thank you so much, I really appreciate hearing that from you.

[@vanessahorvat2824]

Wow, Mat, I just found you by accident, and have now just watched a bunch of your stuff back-to-back! Your advice is super insightful, and you’re crazy endearing to boot! Subscribed, and I look forward to powering through more! :).

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Love to hear that Vanessa! Let me know what topics you would like me to explore more!

[@millissawilcox]

He tells me im safe with. I say I’ll never hurt him We’ve both been hurt in past relationships resulting in getting broken hearts. We say how we’ve fixed each others broken heart

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Thanks for sharing!

[@cynthiaholmes4400]

Thank you, Mat; wise sharing - real and inspiring!

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@debrafullerton3319]

I do everything that you have said to my lover in this video automatically and believe me it WORKS 😊Thank you Matt

[@Mat_Shaffer]

You're so welcome!

[@joannelewis8038]

He needs to be capable of feeling that feeling

[@Mat_Shaffer]

Good point!