The UNEXPECTED Way to Make Him Want MORE With You

[@JM-ri1em]

AS A MAN PLEASE LISTEN TO HIM. STOP BEING COOL ASK FOR WHAT YOU WANT WE ARE ALL TIRED OF THIS. YES YOU WILL SCARE AWAY THE BAD ONES BUT YOU WILL FIND AND ATTRACT THE RIGHT ONE

[@ichigoMomomyaChan]

While I agree that women should not tolerate having to play the "cool girl" and just embrace their feelings. I think the main problem is the exhausting amount of guys that cannot handle the slightests amount of commitment.... It's honestly just exhausting to date atm and I wish guys would be more aware of themselves and how they affect others

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

As a woman 'thankyou' 🎉

[@RAE-homely-fairy-of-the-light]

Love honesty and transparency 😊

[@vicentemorales2533]

@@ichigoMomomyaChan That's the point, to weed out the bad options, think about it, do you really want a guy that you could never talk to, share or even something as important as just being yourself, that's not even a relationship at that point You want a fake relationship, be fake, you want a real relationship be real, you get what you give

[@azar1520]

​@@ichigoMomomyaChan Wrong. It is only the top 20% of men who will not commitment. The other 80% of men most likely will. However, the real question is if you will be attracted to the other 80% of men or if you will friendzone them after the first in person meeting.

[@deliapasqualini970]

If it works, it works. If it doesn't, don't waste your time and energy in convincing someone that you worth. I'm starting getting into it.

[@kani9284]

this!

[@Patternlogic]

This is so true. I fell into the trap of the "cool" girl persona for a guy I fell completely in love with. When I finally felt safe to be myself it was suddenly too much for him. I realized I set my standards to the minimum and made it easy for him to be the "low effort" boyfriend. I gave so much in that relationship that it left me completely drained on the inside while he made it seem like I was the bad guy for asking for too much. I learned so much from that relationship. Set your standards ladies/gents and set boundaries. Don't be afraid to walk out if he/she doesn't step up or invest as much as you do because they most likely never will and you are just wasting your time!

[@wafflebaffel5919]

Omg this is so me a month ago!

[@catherinegorter8211]

Me too... Only ten years to learn! 🙄 Watched this KZbin video on 'How to make a guy commit ', by Matthew Hussey, and it was exactly what I'd done wrong. Feels like game playing to me because I've always been my true self, but apparently game playing IS REQUIRED to get and keep a guy! They say they hate women like that, then treat the honest, true ones like crap. 😂

[@emilyb5557]

This is the thing isn't it - if you then drop the mask and change your expectations they will be surprised confused. They might even have been ok with it if we could be open from the start, but changing later won't work.

[@andziagreen4922]

Sounds like my story too. Very painfull heartbreak but now healing and learning what I was doing wrong to never let this to happen again💃

[@dawnallison3070]

I played it cool with a guy I always had a crush on, because I figured he was out of my league. This was before I heard about some of the women he dated. He seemed out of my league, so I wasn’t really playing games, I just blew him off, but that was because of my self-esteem issues at the time. He chased me down relentlessly, and when I rejected him, he took it personally, and became very mean to the point where I had to actually block him on social media. He had actually really liked me, I thought everyone told me. Then we reconnected, and he was very fearful. So I started to walk on eggshells, and played the Cole and laid-back chick, And could never just admit how I truly felt and would blow him off when he would tell me how he felt. So I couldn’t use words, and I came on strong as a super friend, who wanted to hang out all the time, but it ended up, making him fearful of me. You really have to be your true and authentic self. That does not mean being crazy and needy, and chasing a man down, which I believe, never works, at least not with the man you really want. But there has to be a happy medium. You don’t chase someone who shows no interest, yet at the same time, you could only play hard to get and play it cool before people start to treat you exactly the way you were presenting herself. Most of us don’t look inward and we just blame the other person.

[@contagiousintelligence5007]

I just told my crush that it disappointed me that he didn’t reach out to me for 2 days. He was so apologetic and made me feel loved and secure. Totally good advice. Don’t suffer, ladies. If he doesn’t step up, he’s not your guy.

[@TheDemsk]

If he didn't reach out for 2 days, then you're not important to him. Move on.

[@lunaslurkingtales]

Move on, please

[@Jojosiwo]

His Apologies could be fake...

[@mariellazavala72]

I have the same situation happen to me with the guy I’ve been interested in ( for months ) & we went on a 1st date after months (& finally meeting up in person ) & we hit it off after that , constantly texting & then he suddenly stopped responding to my messages (& just exactly 2 days ago I had sent him a text. & he didn’t reply after the 2 days ago ) & what I did : ERASED his conversation and DID NOT reply . I wasn’t going to stoop to his level & not feel appreciated. I’m done with that. Although he may be a good guy, but he just need to get his act together. ( I still wish him the best though) hope he finds what he’s looking for ! ( cause it ain’t with me , or at least not at the moment it’s not .)

[@carolyngarcia6292]

I met up with this guy once… and chemistry was there… I was being the cool girl… I feel like he’s ghosting me. Dating sucks!

[@dawnowens1951]

If you are unable to connect via conversations and share your thoughts with him or her. You no longer have a connection. Don’t be afraid of losing a person who is using you. You matter as much as he or she does.

[@gabriellaschmidt3098]

Thanks. I needed to read this.

[@JassyInParis]

I am in that situation he took me fpr granted

[@dawnowens1951]

@@JassyInParis girl, you gotta put on you big girl panties. You know better now. It’s time to go hunting for a respectable man.

[@joannawrzelikowska3273]

I'm not afraid. This person is not letting me go

[@tatianagoncalves944]

Thanko you! God bless you!🥺🥺

[@kiran6690]

It’s shocking how Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest isn’t being discussed. The book is full of life-changing insights, yet no one seems to notice. Time to break the trance and read it yourself!

[@nervouscowjerky1388]

Are you the author 😅you post this on every video

[@chhuh598]

@@nervouscowjerky1388scam

[@sogiki]

If someone doesn’t want you, they will never ever want you. It doesn’t matter how little or how much you invest. You’re either a girl they want to be with beyond a hookup or you’re not. And I’d argue they know that on date one.

[@PaulineMitchell]

Agree

[@Haley497]

Doesn't make it any less painful, but thanks for the clarity.

[@sogiki]

@@Haley497 but I feel it does make it less painful. Before that revelation I would kick myself for eternity for doing or saying the wrong thing and losing the guy when the truth was all along that it didn’t matter.

[@Haley497]

@@sogiki you do have an excellent point. It is a mighty strong epiphany and I do agree it's best to be aware of it beforehand! Problem is being almost in your 50s, with only menopause to look forward to and never having made it to shore. They do know on date one, that much is true.

[@battlerudee]

Typically true…not always, sometimes things do grow naturally

[@SSpitz16]

I just did this of asking for what I want before seeing this video like an hour ago. I called the guy I have been seeing for the last 2 months and straight asked him what he wants which he then said he can’t commit right now and I just stepped away because that is my standard. It wasn’t what I wanted but now he knows that I will not get attached to someone that can’t give me what I want and need. Like Mathew said once he has his reasons, I have my reality. I will not allow myself to wait for someone else. Sometimes it’s all about timing.

[@orianam9835]

It is all about timing 😉😘

[@SSpitz16]

@@orianam9835 Exactly... we decided to continue seeing each other and see where it goes. But one thing I will not do and he knows is act like we are boyfriend and girlfriend. I am single and will act as a single lady. If when he is ready to commit I'm here good for him if in the meantime I find someone that can give me what I want, need and deserve awesome.

[@teresiakagendo469]

8 years of playing cool and still got dumped. This is an eye opener. Thank you so much.

[@marcelapiskorska2573]

same here... we got this!!!

[@emilyb5557]

❤ Hope you find your happiness for the full you soon.

[@lifewithadebanke]

Gosh! I’m so sorry. Better things ahead

[@missvegan1967]

😂

[@gracegathoni2490]

1:25 1:30 😅

[@user-ei9qt2tt2d]

Watching this captivating video stirs up painful memories of the recent end of my 4 year relationship. My beloved partner chose to depart, leaving me with an unyielding ache. Despite my relentless efforts to reconcile, I find myself grappling with frustration and an inability to envision a future without him. Despite attempts to purge him from my mind, I remain haunted by his absence, feeling compelled to express my longing here.

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

Its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 5 years ended, but i couldn't just let him go i did all i could to get him back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring him back.

[@user-ei9qt2tt2d]

Intriguing! I'm curious, how did you find a spiritual counselor, and what's the most effective way for me to reach him?

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

Meet father Akunna, a renowned spiritual counselor acclaimed for his talent in bringing back ex-partners.

[@GorgeTracy-d3v]

Thank you for this valuable information.

[@filledumer8429]

I’m not the cool girl, but if they don’t put effort anymore, if they pull away, if they get distant, I’m just doing the same. It’s about reciprocation. If I ask you directly, you say the good thing but you don’t show it, Imma step away cus I know I deserve way better than that so if they wanna lose a good thing it’s with them, but if they don’t they might step up. That’s all. If you can’t meet me at my level, I’m not going to step down. I’m not gonna be the one always texting first, I’m not gonna entertain more “left on read” and then calling me when they want or need. And no one should. Men or women

[@christinekohler8866]

Absolutely LOVE the way you put this. This is exactly how I feel. Good job! And THANKS!!!!!!😊

[@Diana-kt5gc]

Great message. I have been MARRIED for over a decade and have tired the cool girl thing way too long. It got me into a difficult situation and Im making the changes to my own self concept. This message applies to ANYONE in a relationship.

[@hallyquin6557]

I’m in a similar situation. Pls help

[@Eebydeeby2112]

Leave him alone: stop thinking about him. He will feel the energetic shift and come running behind

[@hipmoma]

and that does not mean the relationship has any more value or will work out. The worst guys love to chase...

[@lila5239]

Can you please elaborate.. I always wonder what people meant by energy shift. So he knows you’re thinking about him even when you’re not around and when you move on they also feel it too? Is it telepathy?

[@cjsparkles1667]

@@lila5239hi Lila. so, thoughts and feelings radiate energy. if you adjust your thoughts and if your feelings also change, the vibration or frequency emitted from those thoughts and feelings is affected. the vibrations emitted from thoughts and feelings are picked up by others, often unconsciously. an example is when, say, person A breaks up with person B. person B is sad, missing them, maybe obsessing, trying to get them back, anything like that where they are giving their energy to that person A still. person A feels repelled by this energy of person B desiring them so strongly. then, you ever notice how when person B finally lets go, moves on, and stops giving to that person energetically (maybe without even contacting them), person A feels that energy shift, or that loss of person B's focused thoughts and feelings on wanting person A, and then person A comes running back...? that is an example of someone feeling an energy shift. it happens on an energetic plane. telepathy, to me, is more when you send thoughts to a person and they can pick up on what you are sending, like communicating to someone without words, for example looking in someone's eyes and having/sending your thoughts and they know what they are, or to me when working with or studying with someone and sharing the same thoughts and even finishing sentences. that is all my perception of these meanings, they may differ for others. ❤

[@rachelross5829]

​@@lila5239yeah I don't buy that soul mat3 stuff.

[@vanessayalung775]

What if he doesn’t, then what? What if he still expects attention and then gives you the cold shoulder?

[@constancep7632]

Truth. He wasn't giving me what I wanted and I let him for a little while. Then, I said "If you don't have space for me in your life, if it’s not possible for your to make me a priority, then I can't go on. I'll be sad because I want to keep seeing you, but I'll be okay, and I'll have space in *my* life to find someone who *can* give me what I need." You should have seen the look on his face. He asked for time to process, and after a couple of days, he admitted he'd taken me for granted, he apologized and said he wanted to make it up to me. Asking for what we want is important, folks.

[@msearch444]

That is SUCH a great comment - i may borrow your wording!!!

[@qunjinglin]

Such a strong statement ❤

[@charmis7254]

I'm going through this rn. He's such a great guy and he has all that I want, but I feel that he has started taking me for granted, because I make time for him based on when he's available. Imma have to step it up and convey this to him. Ugh it's difficult but so important😭

[@flyingdumpling1901]

@@charmis7254 i feel you. stay strong

[@cheryl3898]

I think it comes down to telling yourself “I don’t play games.” When you take that attitude it becomes very easy to see the people who do and stop them in their tracks. If they want you and you don’t accept the game playing, they have to raise their standard. If they’re not genuine or serious about you they will keep up the facade and you know you can walk away

[@melanieross3211]

Took me until 45 to realise this 😂 I'm a super slow learner! I would say what I wanted then feel guilty. In the end I told him he couldn't give me what I want n need. I ended it. I was tired of giving myself n nothing in return

[@Mazystar4sure]

14yrs later of the back and forth and broken promises I think I’m finally getting this. I need to learn to be strong without him just because I love and miss him that shouldn’t be enough reason to put up with it.

[@JoelleMoll]

Same here

[@RoshniChaudhari]

So relatable! I've done this so much, especially when I was younger. Trying to be clear and open about what I want a lot more now.

[@christinajackson3461]

If someone likes you, can say some of the craziest things and get away with it... as long as you say it sweetly and with respect. So SPEAK UP and SPEAK NOW!

[@StArkyBuildZ]

Lol I'm a guy who watched this and I gotta say I really don't care for a "cool girl" 😅. Just invest in me like I invest in you and we good 💯 👍

[@Afternoon99]

I want you to explain more. How do you want her to act towards you

[@StArkyBuildZ]

@@Afternoon99 Just care about me? Lol

[@Afternoon99]

@@StArkyBuildZ I bet if she does, you’d ask her to be yours yeah?

[@StArkyBuildZ]

@@Afternoon99 of course ?

[@amber4027]

I love this. Thank you for being grown.

[@colleengilroy624]

Oh my goodness! This is spot on! This was my entire adult life. 2 marriages later I’m emotionally depleted. 59 years old and just now learning this crucial lesson. Thank you so much❤

[@DaisyBicardi]

I love how clear and well spoken you are ❤

[@xoshelbz]

I love the analogy using the difference between our hotel room, and our own house. That’s a great, simple way to really understand investment. 👌🏻

[@coolbreeze5683]

Playing games is the problem. It's like trying to manipulate someone into liking you and if you're both playing that game, it's a big mess. When I used to date, things would get dragged out for longer than they should have. Mostly because of the guessing games and lack of certainty. You get a sense early on if a person really likes you and if you like them. When I met my husband, it was pretty much like "yup, he's it." within a couple of weeks. Nothing dramatic, no games and no one acted cool at all 😂

[@tjay5178]

Was answering his calls and paying for things here and there an issue? For some reason I don’t see a big deal in that.

[@coolbreeze5683]

@@tjay5178 I'm not sure what the context is here.

[@Florida_gyrl]

Yeah! That’s my issue. Most men I meet either just want the bedroom or they are playing a lot of mind games and it is a huge guessing game. I hope one day I can find someone that I can say is the right person too.

[@limitlesspossibilities444]

​@@Florida_gyrlthen they are not right. Treat a date like meeting a friend

[@arrow1042]

Exactly. When you're attracted to someone, although you wouldn't want to play the game, you just find yourself in it. The guessing game, the silent communication, picking up each other's cues. I don't want that. I don't want to play. So even though it was hard, i really just stopped. Like, stop. Distracted myself in a way that's productive so i won't be thinking about him. And he noticed it. I want to keep it that way. I don't want to be scared losing someone who isn't even genuinely interested about me.

[@Suki-or9pw]

I actually leave hotel rooms extremely clean and organized. 😹♥️

[@YukonFox1972]

The key is to understand that unfortunately most other people do not, so don’t automatically assume that others will behave with the same respect and care. 🫤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Me too!! ❤

[@007jLoSoulGLo]

Same here!! It’s a thing for me!! 😅

[@Healing_Oaks]

Same 😂

[@laura155]

As a woman of fk around and find out. I was a doormat when I was very young and stupid.. if YOU don't value yourself, they won't. That includes if a man buys you gifts or you feel like you don't want to seem like a gold digger. If a man is trying to show you he's a good man, accept it and appreciate it. Don't assume a man knows what you want. Tell him what you want.

[@islandgirl99]

Be you! Authentic! If they don’t like it, then they aren’t for you. 💜

[@porschewalker5652]

🎯

[@andreakusalova9038]

I have this guy with whom i am doing circles, it's been a year now. First i thought we are already dating when I found out he thought we are just friends plus, although we acted as a "normal" couple in every way - besides him sleeping with others too. I stood up for myself,and wanted to quit,then he quickly agreed to be exclusive. Three months later he realized he cannot do that and broke up - but didn't want to let me go. Wanted to get back to this friends plus something which looks actually more like an open relationship. I went with the flow because i still had feelings for him - just to realize he basically doesn't even respect me because I prioritized others and his happiness as well over mine (he still doesn't want to let me go,but would never commit to me). What to add,we should stand up for ourselves and be true to what we want: the wrong people won't respect us either way.

[@iLilith11]

Wtf you're still with that idiot who clearly is just using you... 🙄

[@KajsaBernhardina]

Sounds like this man is not in love with you - he’s just scared of being alone

[@andreakusalova9038]

@@KajsaBernhardina that's actually totally correct.

[@Samanthav814]

This is literally the same situation I found myself in for a year, better yet is that my guy made me move in with him… only for me to find out he’s been texting his ex sexually and some other girls. BY “ACCIDENT” I found out because we didn’t have a tv yet so we watch movies on his tablet and tablets are connected to your phone. And as I turned it on to watch a movie when he was at work in real time I was watching him text her talking about being more secretive. Seeing her ass was a cherry on top too. Oh and rewind literally the day I found out he was telling me how he doesn’t trust women because he’s been hurt LOLOLOL all while he was texting other people. Once he was caught, cried. Said he does “love me” and doesn’t want me to go. He doesn’t love me. Doesn’t respect me. And it was a sad harsh truth.

[@chereseplatt686]

Most of us have made the mistake of thinking that if we really love some one, then we should stick it out. But that's not always the best solution. It really is ok just to realize that while we may love someone, it does not mean that they can, or will be able, to love us back. While we must take responsibility for our own feelings, we also must let them take responsibility for thier's. Whether they choose to or not, is out of our control. Your not being mean by having healthy boundary's. His journey is his own to walk, and you have yours. You are not responsible for his actions

[@mpch6298]

Very liberating to know you dont have to be cool and can make your demands and switch the tables. Loved the movie and the sudden twist. Thanks for bringing this up.

[@peamoon]

Tbh as a woman in the dating scene, when I was "playing cool" I actually didn't want much of the person and didn't expect anything and they would get smh more and more hooked which was very weird for me. It's years of about that made me seemingly so "cold" but now I know that's not true to my heart. Since then I've healed and am a much different person. I had to really invest time and effort to figure out that I actually DID want things, DID deserve good things in life and I was allowed to ask that of a person I like and likes me. My point is 1) first heal then date 2) don't chase after emotionally unavailable people. They either don't like you or have some work to do.

[@marksangria]

Matthew, I'm a 38yo guy watching your videos for about a year. They really help me have more confidence when I'm struggling with social skills and dating. When I'm overanalyzing a situation or feeling unconfident, I watch one of your videos. Thank you. I've watched this one 4 times now. It's one of your best. You have a gift. Thanks for sharing it with us. 😊

[@annamariamazzola7486]

Have my confidence my guy❤.I date you . I'm in ny

[@lihong9389]

Matthew is so intuitive and informative. Everyone should follow him

[@sassysaggimotivation]

❤❤

[@sarap1233]

How great that you are educating yourself and doing the work. Someone will be lucky to be with you. Relationships are hard, communication can be confusing. It takes effort on both sides to nurture and understand each other and the relationship.

[@TheAttractionTriggers]

*I stumbled upon this incredible video and it completely shifted my perspective! Can't wait to explore this unexpected approach!*

[@FreebornLivingWoman]

11 years ........ I finally learnt he was not able to invest in us as I had always wanted him to. I then found out he met someone else, and got married within 2 years, and inherited 4 children in that process. Dont be me ...... Set your boundaries straight away, invest in yourself FIRST

[@mtamela1855]

Only your videos make me end it with the guy I adore. I adore his body, his messages...over 3 years...and he is now pulling totally away from me

[@victoriamonari]

I’m literally going through a situation right now where I asked for what I want and it didn’t align with him! So the timing of this is great ❤

[@annabarone8727]

Same with me... I tell him he does good then backs off again. I'm trying to be not on top of him and understanding

[@annabarone8727]

I'm just tired of talking that's why I back off

[@victoriamonari]

@@annabarone8727 backing off is the most authentic response especially if you’ve tried a few times 🥹

[@angelstarr495]

Theres 2 in a relationship, why give all the power to them?

[@annabarone8727]

He just texted me after I saw him last Monday a week later hey you

[@athinaironos9009]

This man is literally changing the dating standards for all of us.. Precious. 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

[@RawMountainRunner]

I agree with you but the truth is that “asking for what you want,” will scare a few people away but that’s a good thing, especially if you love them because you might have otherwise spent years waiting for this person to invest in you only to realize it will never happen. It’s ok to test the waters but don’t be afraid to dive in.

[@maryannkeenan851]

I love this, thanks ❤️

[@DomingasJanuário-t5f]

and yes, for a relationship to work, it is necessary to give two people, in the area not only physical, but also emotional and sentimental, I like it when you talk about something that has failed us in relationships: communication, a relationship without conversation is a battlefield doomed to failure, so I I appreciated this tip, thanks

[@soundtravels4348]

There's a lot of "don't chase" advice out there these days and I didn't chase but I'm not afraid to make the first move and I'm not afraid to ask for what I want. It worked well for me in the past except that I was going for guys who were wrong for me. Hopefully it works well with the right kind of guy this time 😏 wish me luck!

[@manalibrahim8013]

A woman operating out of her feminine energy will never make the first move as this is masculine in energy and will put a man off. Men are biological wired to pursue not woman. When you are truly in your feminine energy you won’t need to chase as the magnetism that flows from that feminine energy will attract him without you needing to pursue

[@soundtravels4348]

@manalibrahim8013 you're making generalizations about all men which is stupid. Not all men like the same approach, some like to be pursued.

[@irreplacable1988]

@@soundtravels4348 yes.some men like to be pursued and you may not have what they desire down there.

[@Kay-pb9he]

If a man likes to be pursued then he’s in feminine energy (aka F boy energy) and not masculine energy. You’ll just end up getting hurt in the end.

[@kani9284]

@@manalibrahim8013 EVERYONE has feminine and masculine energy in them. Ideally you get to a point where both energies are in equilibrium within you. Forget what the red pill podcasters spout online about "feminine and masculine energy", it has fuck all to do with reality.

[@aNnAkt1qw]

Self-love =self respect, align with that frequency and you will mirror that to the universe and guess what happens, the universe responds.

[@raggynola]

Just found Matthew's videos and I find them quite enlightening. Although these videos are tailored for women to men dating, they are applicable to virtually any dating dynamic to include male to male dating. His videos have shed a bit of a light on very recent heart wrenching situations I have had with my own dating experiences.

[@happygilmore7935]

thank you for this…i now know i have done the right thing in asking him for commitment and walking away

[@MandatheManiac]

This was actually extremely helpful for me to hear right now. I’m always trying to be the cool girl, the people pleaser if you will. Why do I feel so concerned about asking someone to go out of their way for me for once? I’m always the one that drops what I’m doing to help others. So i am actually throwing myself outside as the doormat, and never even realized it. Til just now. Im 37…why am I just having this eye opener?! Ugh.

[@MandatheManiac]

I need to get in on this virtual retreat somehow.

[@mariumshafqat3826]

Eventually you remained alone???

[@MandatheManiac]

@@mariumshafqat3826 huh?

[@mariumshafqat3826]

@@MandatheManiac what?

[@orianam9835]

Carl Yung said something in those lines: 'once we realise what is in our subconcious mind we no longer call what ever happens in our lifes a fate'. Because of access to psychology via internet we became finally safe aware and there is big shift in global conciousness. I am glad for you. Keep it up and you will be just fine

[@crystalfullerton3908]

Appreciate the apparent lack of toxic advice on your channel. I have read some toxic self help in the past and it probably did more damage than if I had had no advice.

[@Hernameiskalis]

I really dont care what they think of me as a woman. Ive got so much to offer but lets be honest.. most men cant be kept. They are meant to hunt. So just be yourselves. 🤷🏻‍♀️

[@timsimon8995]

Yes, but hunt for food, success etc. Masculine things. Not feminine things like relationships and babies.

[@TerrilynHunte]

I have been approaching dating in a more passive way due to fear, being too needy/ demanding and advice from other dating coaches to allow men to “chase” constantly. I love this shift in perspective. People do appreciate what they invest in. Will be trying this approach and seeing how it goes. I have been suppressing and not messaging first I will focus more on connecting with my value, my standards and communicate those. Great video ❤

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Good luck with the new appraoch! ❤

[@hipmoma]

you and me both :)

[@nandamaharjan2985]

I feel you girl, we all have the fear of being rejected due to being “too much” “too needy” or “too demanding”. I am learning a new way to approach dating now. When I state my needs, rather than doing it intensely or saying “my way or high way” I am learning to state them playfully but with equal firmness. use as few words as possible with a decoration of an emoji when asking for things, which makes it so powerful ⚡️ And also set a standard when to negotiate and when to say goodbye 🤗

[@rosaewilloughby9640]

Definitely be you; if they don’t like it then they aren’t meant for you 😅

[@sweetsquirrxl]

11:14 aka as “emotional intelligence”. dude, ur absolutely right

[@rachelrose9348]

Love and respect yourself and be willing to lose him to keep your boundaries! Keep your body to yourself until he gives you a real commitment! It will weed out the users and save you from wasting time

[@maid7171]

I think this is good advice. When you ask for that tiny investment and you are not getting it, this will help you figure out this person.

[@haileyp4980]

You can never say the wrong thing to the right person!

[@vanessayalung775]

I’ve been married to my husband for 17 years. I’m give a lot of myself to my husband, but I find myself feeling lonely. Like I’m giving and giving and I’m not getting much back. I tried to communicate to my husband about this by using an “I statement “ I said I miss our time together when we used to have deep conversations and cuddle together “ He reacted in a way that made me sad” He said he already gives a lot of energy on me and he thought we were cool” I felt hurt because he doesn’t give me the attention I want and I didn’t think I was asking for much. In reality his priority is always making our 15 year old daughter everything she wants. I’m second. I hardly get anything for myself, to please everyone else. I have very low self esteem. I’m not sure how to get what I want since my standards have been low for so long. We love each other, but I feel things have to change before all my kids are out of the house and it’s just us.

[@mariapilarcikova8068]

Just stop putting everyone else before yourself. Everyone leaves- but you get to live with yourself for the rest of your life

[@ashu1084]

Well explained holding your value even when they step back..thats the confidence & competence ...

[@zumzizumza8963]

What a nice gesture saving the dog.❤ I like you more now❤

[@peamoon]

Being cool with everything, from personal experience, can easily result in being taken advantage of heavily. That will also eventually turn to resentment, which is a guarantee the relationship will not last.

[@mikereilly6215]

Exactly right! If we don't invest in something we don't really value it. Someone who never asks for investment will always just be convenient and disposable and that's sad. Ask people for what you want and that will connect you to your value! Awesome video Matt!

[@pada5992]

Carry yourself with confidence and composture, feeling the tension between your standards and their desire for convenience - so well put. Thank you.

[@amitaudpikar1661]

12 hours of therapy and still no one explained this clearer. Thanks.

[@phyllis2866]

But also, when I finally DIDNT “play it cool”, and was vulnerable and asked for more, it still didn’t work 😢😅😢😅

[@menarentlogical]

Cause he was never the one for you

[@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom]

He’s describing a “doormat”, not a “cool girl”. A “cool girl” would walk away because she knows there’s other men out there that want her because she’s easy to be around.

[@maggiesmith8279]

You nailed it 🎉

[@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom]

@@maggiesmith8279 Thank you 🙏🏽

[@xiao__mao2796]

He is not talking about really being cool but about „the cool girl“ that is pretending being cool

[@The.Hawaiian.Kingdom]

@@xiao__mao2796 Don’t assume to know what someone else “meant”. Also, my comment still hold true.

[@basharalbutseggs8056]

@@The.Hawaiian.Kingdomhe is though. He said “playing it cool” at the beginning. However your comment is valuable as well.

[@BeautiHacks]

Very very good point. It seems like some men have used the manipulative tactic of calling girls with descent standards “high maintenance”, to prevent them from ever asking for their needs to be met. Sneaky sneaky. Great video and topic!

[@Piagranfelds]

Hits homerun...... Right in the storm at the moment 😢🤯

[@CurlyHostile]

I love the part about investing in someone or something is what make us care, and it gives us momentum to invest/care more. It can be applied to everything

[@Analysis_Paralysis]

As much as I love the insight, I'm always annoyed when women or relationships are compared to objects people can own or buy, like cars and houses. Even if it's not the intention, these examples send the subliminal message that women are commodities, and I somehow don't like it. It has a corporate vibe when relationships are compared to businesses or transactional (professional or business) relationships. Please, pick better examples where the private remains private, where people don't have to bring professionalism or neoliberal values into their private lives, or where women aren't mere commodities that men value based on an arbitrary definition of "value" or "exchange value" or "investment". Leave the market at the market, and let the personal be personal, please. The language we use to discuss the private matters! Human relationships should be an antidote to the corporate world, not its appendix.

[@Jessiethegirl23]

The real issue is how many "adults" are too scared to have their hearts open, being insecure, being obsessed over surface-level things, and run away from loving romantic interests. lol

[@ΧριστιναΣαντοριναιου-κ9η]

Thank youuu ❤❤❤ Just be always yourself no matter what!😊😊😊

[@Betterboundariesnowteensupport]

Your a great person Matt "the moment someone backs away we break our standard" I am so happy your in the world. Bless you and your family and your lovely mum Pauline

[@ojealism]

Omg i needed this so much this is the biggest mistake i did in my relationships even platonics

[@LilyYuzo]

I have always been a nice cool girl, sometimes I would break when I had a breaking point but until then it would be too late to make the guy understand your needs because you make them easy. I always thought that men need space, let them have a chill life, be easy, let them take, get nothing in return and turns out no guy would stay in a relationship with me cz I was too easy.

[@christellemagnolia7988]

That's exactly my weakness, I accept a lot, I don't want to bother my partner, I am not jealous or anything but then he disappears... So, being cool in the long run, makes you lose your value in his eyes.

[@T-KRD]

I took seriously "not chasing". So after the first date, i believed i should wait and not reach out, and my male friends agreed - if he doesn't reach out to you, "he's not into you". Well I decided to take a chance, why not? I called and guess what, he was interested in meeting up again and we did, had a nice time, maybe he'll feel more like he can reach out to me now.

[@orianam9835]

Men barely refuse an invitation. Now wait for him reaching out 😉

[@T-KRD]

@@orianam9835 ok thanks for letting me know, and yeah had no plans to do it again

[@ChocolatePheonix]

Any update, has he reached out? :)

[@T-KRD]

@@ChocolatePheonix yes, actually, he sought me out at the mutual interest venue that we both attend weekly, we spent a few hours together, discussed a variety of things, felt mutual attraction, in retrospect a few important things are not aligned, but it was nice to have the opportunity to find that out.

[@MarshmilloJB]

To paraphrase Matt, when a man invests in you, it makes him care about you, and caring about you keeps him attracted to you.

[@Squintillions]

Yes, I tidy up hotel rooms before I leave, because I do think about what is happening to that room next. My family owned a motel when I was young and I grew up helping clean rooms. Never forget where you came from.

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Same ❤

[@lindak8307]

I used to be the Cool Girl, not anymore. Now I state what I need and want and I’m very direct and adamant about It. I’m a much happier and more fulfilled person as a result.

[@erics670]

It doesn’t make sense to be chill. Just leads to resentment.

[@__.angel1111.__]

Thank you for this video. I feel better now about being the first to reach out!

[@hadiza1]

Yeah... And speaking about your own wants/needs is literally a muscle that has to be practiced in the first place!

[@ATIF_GAMER_6]

The lack of buzz around Women’s Magic Truths on Borlest is baffling. This book holds the key to amazing secrets, but no one seems to care. Don’t stay in the dark - find out what everyone’s missing!

[@enhimmelskdr0g]

I’ve been the cool girl at work 😬 I ended up absorbing an insane amount of work for years but never getting the promotions. I realised I was never invested in after I burnt out and quit.

[@tlc6756]

I really love this guys wisdom. He gives really great advice. I just wish he didn't have to resort to using cuss words.

[@caseymarlin1856]

I've had a habit of finding really needy and insecure men. This is true. Once I had a need WOW UNBEARABLE. I completely did it to myself by being the super cool helper, wanting to be needed backfired horrendously. Great video, and well said.

[@PurpleChurchMouse]

I've been alone so long, I'm struggling finding anything to ask. We are a LD relationship and speak often during the day...but not of anything more than daily check ins.

[@candysmith8724]

Well after 6.5 years I gave my man an ultimatum, you are either moving in together as we planned for a year, or the relationship is over. He wouldn't commit to the move as we planned after I sold my home at the last moment, so I broke it off. Heartbreaking! There was no way I could be the cool girl and stay together after he pulled that one.

[@chercher304]

Girl 6.5 years not even a ring least living together?? U stayed in that way too long!!!

[@lynn3310]

I did this. While I wasted 8.5 years of my life it taught me what I want and no longer will accept. People make mistakes.

[@Coral781]

Future faking is the biggest trigger for me. I get “invested” easily in a future when they talk that, and then when no action shows up, I get so disappointed. I’m learning to not listen to future faking.

[@charlieann6321]

I’m sorry to hear that 😢. 3.5 years, I’m at that ultimatum phase too. Ongoing broken promises are heartbreaking 💔

[@j.m.221]

Don't sell a home for a loser that hasn't even committed to you or put a ring on it.

[@kamillatajiboy]

So what happens if he wants to be friends with you but doesn’t communicate with you or talk like he used to before.

[@craigcostlow6180]

Love your videos man! I know your content is for women but this is super helpful for guys also. Thanks!

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

Great to hear that ❤

[@laniolivia]

Thank you for enlightening me. Keeping a balance with the true self 💪

[@sarah-beruriahbattzion28]

I always played the cool girl something I learned from home , never be the first to call or invest in him he should be the one to do so and I ended marrying twice the wrong person , going to take your tips now ❤❤❤ thank you for these tips .

[@Sunshine-lg7qm]

I am really grateful to you Matthew

[@Catdogcatdog1212]

I hate it. I always play too cool and super uninterested. But actually I CARE and daydream and have butterflies everytime i event think of them.

[@Betterboundariesnowteensupport]

If you actually are authentic, you give them a chance to show you how much they care when they meet your needs. If you play the cool girl you teach someone you need nothing, your over sacrificing and getting nothing. That was a horrific quote, a quote too many men and women live by. Im shocked at it actually. They become numb over time with each heartbreak and ask for nothing and like your saying they are in denial, saying they asked for nothing.

[@mariefrias8293]

I'm watching Gone Girl right now. Sometimes, it ends up messy. Better just leave if it's not worth the time and energy to be happy within the relationship.

[@benithacalloway8286]

The moment you feel devaluation ready to take place you need to run as if a lion is after you. Run Run hard. When someone disposes you it’s no joke. Love bombing devaluation BOOM!!! Disposed 😫😫😫😫😪

[@karenhardie1132]

Women, dont give away your power. If you want that ring after 7 years of dating, let him know that. Put him on a time clock. If he isn't on the same page, then move on. It's okay.

[@Kloops]

Whoa. This is terrifying for me to do. Thank you for this. I want to become more. I need more of this for myself. This is huge. Huge.

[@manalibrahim8013]

Game changer

[@dylliaaa4358]

you’ve got this! ❤

[@gisellcorrea5603]

I love Mat!!!! thanks for what you do!! God bless you!

[@sonnenschein553]

Dear Matt, thank you so much for your warm, peaceful, clear and motivating words for this. I think the same goes for finding true friends and a good job situation.

[@clairexxx0405]

I name everything even my dialysis machine has a name 🙈 I am beyond help. I care too much but know what it feels like not to be cared for. I subscribed years ago Matthew. I lost my confidence many years ago, being physically ill has made things harder. Every day is a new day and all we can do is try our best 🤗✨ Good Luck with the virtual retreat and the video as always is insightful and makes me have many thinkerings. 👍

[@orianam9835]

I do not agree with your perspective with ' being physically ill make things harder'. I watched a tv program about a girl without both legs. She met a guy. Amazing wealthy french guy who also was super handsome 😍 Most suprising for me was that many girls would just settle with no demands. She , on another hand, knowing she will not have that many chances because of her disability asked him if he wanted children because of not hlshe would have to look somewhere else. I was so amazed by this. All we have to do is to have vision for outselfes and not to be scared to execute it. I am still just amazed of such confidence in this woman.

[@clairexxx0405]

@Oriana M and you're totally entitled to that view but you have no idea what my disabilities are or how they effect my daily life.. have a Beautiful day 🤗

[@orianam9835]

@@clairexxx0405 of course ⚘ only you know. Have a wonderful day. This story just came to my mind based on your comment and on a content of the video xx ⚘

[@clairexxx0405]

@Oriana M It's a Beautiful story 🤗

[@manalibrahim8013]

@@orianam9835don’t judge someone unless you’ve walked in their shoes. You may not have been able to endure what she went through so it’s best to be empathetic than judgemental on things you know nothing about

[@mitchy_kles9373]

Came right on time! I've been that girl who's wearing the mask to keep him. But one time, I asked him about his future plan, and he got annoyed. He became distant, changed his relationship status, and blame me for the chaos we were dealing.. He asked me to leave him alone, I gave the space.. I am not sure if I did the exact thing but it is hurting, tbh..

[@ullinelson4343]

Just imagine what he‘ll do when you have a new baby, are sleep deprived, and he is asked to sacrifice so much of his time and effort, relinquishing his outside activities while still keeping down a job. Self sacrifice for a time to protect and nurture his wife and young‘un. I don‘t think he‘s the guy to step up to the plate. Let him go. He is wasting your time. Country Old timers rather crassly used to call it „Why buy the cow if the milk is free?“ Please value yourself more highly. All the Best.

[@BethLove333]

I feel like the videos never give clear examples of what to do- only what not to do and then go to a seminar...

[@Nina-ur3ld]

The sad experience i made is that even if you ask for more, a player will tell you that he will give you more... like promising more committing, meeting friends, do activities outside the bedroom (future faking), but never show action. This shit should be illegal. Words mean nothing. I learned the hard way

[@raghadgh6532]

Wow! Thanks for cooling down all the people's feelings, Mathew , Thank you for translating what we need to understand in a very sweet and simple way (=

[@ThePersonalDevelopmentSchool]

❤