5 Key Things I've Learned In 100+ Hours Of Therapy

AD ・Here are the five key things I've learned from many, many hours in therapy! Thanks Sky for working with me on a portion of this video - this month for #SkyCinemaClub I watched To Catch A Killer, a thriller that follows detective Eleanor as she tries to find the suspect after a mass shooting.
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[@jumpysummer2667]

omg the good girl complex...100%, absolutely 100% My therapist and I have talked about it as beng super preoccupied with being a "good person" and how sometimes it actually stops me from doing good things because I can't risk being wrong/doing it badly/someone not liking me because of it.

[@hesfra]

I basically started crying when you said how your world is so much wider now that you are trying to experience uncomfortable things and kept crying all the way thorugh the video. Sometimes I forget how my life was before I started theraphy and then there are some random moments when I realize that I now do things I wouldn't have been able to even imagine just a couple of months ago, let alone one year. I am talking about random and small things too that probably feel normal to everyone, which I think is the reason why I tend to forget that they didn't use to be normal for me. But everytime I realize or I am reminded about it I am just like "wow, look how far I've come"

[@heyifeoma]

1. Everyone gets angry. It’s about how you handle it. - 0:25 2. You don’t grow when you’re comfortable - 3:40 3. Trauma impacts everyone differently. The key to coping is cultivating resilience. - 6:03 4. Habits and behaviours create changes in your thinking. - 8:22 5. The Good Girl Complex is a poison chalice. 9:47 *Bonus: Therapy will not solve all your problems. 13:05

[@feather8894]

About the anger therapist: The most important thing is that you said you did not feel anger in your body and were not an angry person. Your therapist did the right thing for you, challenging your anger and making you notice it. But for people who actually have anger issues, hitting a pillow or renting a rec room is not a good treatment! Anger accumulates, you can't "let it out", as nice as that hypothesis sounds. If you already are an angry person, maybe don't hit pillows, especially (!) if you feel angry at that moment. When you are angry, do the exact opposite: listen to relaxing music, do yoga, meditate, go on a walk - anything that does relax you. (Note: While exercise is not recommended to cool an angry spirit, I personally think that exercise till exhaustion is a different thing an might work.) Thought I might let you know, because people with similiar-but-different issues might pick up on your individual solution, that wont work for them :)

[@emegvf]

Yeah I’m quite an angry person. Honestly just realising when I’m angry and just acknowledging it helps instead of bottling it. Then when I realise I’m angry I go to calm down. I think being physically active helps put that angry energy somewhere.

[@Luaz12]

the whole reason I am in therapy is because my anxiety comes from worrying how I am perceived that has become into obsessive disorders. I am a massive perfectionist myself and I put myself down all the time if my work isn't what I wanted it to be. I am never happy. I thought therapy would be a magic fix but it more just helps me understand why I feel the way I do and giving myself some closure to the trauma I have gone through in life.

[@meltheissa]

Just to clarify, and to paraphrase Brene Brown: Shame means I am a bad person, guilt means I did a bad thing. Shame is identity based, guilt is action based. Therefore, shame is not a healthy motivator, but guilt can be, because it separates you as a person from the mistakes you've made, and provides motivation to improve. Probably a mis-speak there, but I feel it's a super important distinction.

[@sophie_marie25]

Lucy, thank you for putting this out. I love all your content, but this. THISSS. These are lessons I'm learning in therapy myself. Confrontation, good girl complex - ugh. Thank you

[@whenredpigsfly8259]

Whoa. Thinking you're not a perfectionist because they should at least come close to perfect... that unlocked something for me!

[@InnerResearcher]

I finished therapy after 2.5 years and I cannot believe the progress I've made. Sometimes I'll catch myself in experiences (regulating my emotions, having a difficult conversation, being in uncomfortable situations) and I cannot believe that I'm able to handle it myself. I can regulate my emotions. I can hold a difficult conversation and set boundaries. I can handle the discomfort and most importantly I can handle the uncomfortable sensation of experiencing negative feelings. Brilliant video, thank you for sharing!

[@Natalanium]

I've only been doing therapy for a few months but I have learnt so many valuable lessons from it and feel like I am growing so much because of it. It's really difficult to work through everything but so so worth it, especially after bottling things away for so long. A couple of these points resonated with me and were things we've been talking about in my sessions, but some were new ideas and just as helpful. Thanks for this video :)

[@LiminalDoll]

Really excited for this one! I hope that you’re still continuing to grow in beautiful ways and have the courage to share it. Community healing is so beautiful. ❤

[@camillelee-own8380]

I’ve been in therapy long term as well and thought I had a pretty good handle on myself but this definitely brought up some things I hadn’t thought of in a different light… so helpful, thanks Lucy!

[@nataliaalvarez4316]

I feel so connected to so many of the descriptions of yourself you made on the video. But luckily also connect with a lot of the changes and personal work that you have mentioned thanks to theraphy 💖

[@user-vq9lx6zq4k]

I love these kind of videos, they motivate me to take care of myself. I’d love a podcast/series of videos from you about navigating your 20s!

[@karolinaspangenberg9425]

thank you for sharing, Lucy, all the lessons learnt but also saying that the therapy will not fix you. Improving yourself and your life is a lot of work but it has to be done by you. I had a rough start of the year, many things happened just adding to the pile of sadness, anxiety and frustration. It took a lot of effort from my side to get out of that self-pity hole. But I have been working on it... one day at the time. Take care!

[@Alex-ox8iv]

I loved this video, made me really reflect on my own therapy experiences! I have been in therapy on off since I was 17, and over the last 10 years, I have found out so much about myself. I haven't been able to afford to keep up with therapy at the moment but my most recent therapist really worked through anger with me as I also said I wasn't an angry person. But she highlighted to me that anger often hiding other feelings. It's usually the face of hurt or confusion, all things that I didn't allow myself to feel because they did make me angry, and I thought being angry was a bad thing to be. But this video has made me realise a few other things about myself and I love that by sharing your experiences, you've helped me think more about mine and be a bit more reflective. I think I needed this!

[@miiinaan]

Thanks for sharing! Love the cozy vibe you set up for this video and how you shared your own learnings & experiences so genuinely 🩷

[@MiaMadr]

The video I didn't know I needed! This is incredible ✨

[@RebDay]

This was such a great video, thanks for sharing Lucy!!

[@samanthapenman4857]

Thank you so much for sharing, this was very helpful!! ❤

[@judithmbakker]

As a 20-year old, I relate a lot to a lot of these, especially the last one... Thanks for sharing Lucy 🙃

[@Katie-iq2vw]

Thank you so much. This is such a helpful video. I recognise myself so much in you! Thank you so much also for providing resources that everyone can access for those without access to therapy :)

[@milliemop6015]

You are INCREDIBLE !!!! Your videos are honestly the best they’ve ever been, and I’ve been following for years ❤❤❤ thank you for how intelligent and beautiful your work is

[@stylea1019]

I never comment but thank you so much for this video! I really needed it and I really appreciate how you don’t put pressure on the act of « trying to fix yourself »

[@analimalimon.]

Thanks for this very much-needed video. The world needs more of this!

[@sabinapaneva3101]

Recently checked myself into therapy, and planning on staying for as long as I can afford. Therapy is wonderful.

[@carinen8119]

Great video! Thank you for sharing. Love the topic of cultivating resilience - so important

[@stelamo6747]

love you for this!!!

[@maya9236]

loved this videos Lucy, also your hair looks lovely ❤

[@annak9225]

I relate to all of these so much. Also for me it's been really hard accepting help: although i seeked therapy myself and got social support aid for it, i still constantly worry whether i am "entitled" to therapy or not. It's this survivor mentality, a type of "grind-set" (ugh), that you need to just get up and forget your worries, when in reality that means suppressing your emotions and making things worse.

[@oliviaamelia9862]

Love the is vid!!! Especially the part about Trauma and Good Girl

[@lillibetmonbelle5665]

Completely off topic but my GOD your hair looks incredible in this

[@TheBerrylicious95]

Love this!

[@johannatampogao3922]

The moment you said how u were in therapy due to anger made me saw myself again that i have so much anger, frustration in me towards my upbringing, the world, and the me right now that it's so hard to heal

[@user-bq2ic9wf1d]

Love this

[@benjaminmanchett1507]

Interesting video I definitely relate to the anger thing only realised recently I internalise it. I just thought I never got angry always thought it was weird when anger came up in therapy always said I don’t get angry. Love your videos you are awesome good luck on your journey sounds like you are going in the right direction, positive vibes 🥰

[@Ruthbernard98]

Loved this x

[@emma-ye3ji]

are we the same person??? i could literally relate to every single point you made. most of these are things i'm aware of but i feel too comfortable to try and change. i almost wanted to stop watching because i felt so called out and didn't want to have to hear you talk about my problems...........this is old news but yes, i need to go to therapy and deal with my issues lol

[@Hannah-dr1rl]

Good girl complex is such a useful term !! It really seeps into every part of life, currently trying to unpack it in therapy myself. It can be hard when these traits that are harmful to us internally are actively encouraged and rewarded externally. Thanks for sharing your experience :)

[@b33tta]

The perfectionism thing resonated so hard with me!!!

[@AmyClarkesinger]

Wow I am currently struggling with boundaries and confrontation and this is really useful

[@Nothingness_itself]

Great video idea! Definitely a great video :)

[@Zedstergal]

wow this was super helpful Lucy, so many things that sound like me! 😱

[@smileitsalright7]

The anger stuff is one of the things I unpacked in my own therapy. Would highly recommend the book Rage Becomes Her: the Power of Women's Anger

[@bonike9941]

I love this

[@phoebeel]

I used to always feel like I was at fault in everything. I constantly went into freeze mode. It had me stuck in a horrible relationship for 5 years - I thought if I just changed, he'd be nicer to me. He ended the relationship 2 years ago and just. Afew days ago I was able to text him how much of an abuser he was in our relationship. I'm finally over being solely responsible for failures around me. If my mum is mad at stubbing her toe, I felt bad about existing. Not anymore. I push back nowadays if people behave badly. Therapy and my new partner helped me to be more confident.

[@floraguildford1268]

I'm coming up to my 21st birthday and I've finally started therapy. Its been a really nerve wracking process for me, so thank you for sharing this because now I'm more confident that this is going to be one of the best decisions I've ever made xx

[@jenniferbuhler461]

I really resonate with the "good girl complex"😂 So glad I can go to therapy!!

[@loopywithoutlucozade]

the body keeps the score is a very interesting read! I would say to check out the vast criticisms of it though, a lot of what Kolk says doesn't really hold up to a lot of further studies and a lot of clinicials and trauma scholars are very sceptical of him for his treatment of staff too.

[@agirlwithajournal]

@emmmabooks talked about it in her most recent video. She's a therapist as well so that was quite insightful.

[@loopywithoutlucozade]

@@agirlwithajournal oh interesting thank you! I work and research in trauma studies particularly popular perception of trauma so super keen to hear views on it!

[@littlexbitx]

Your make-up looks amazing in this video! The colors suit you very well 🙂

[@kaylee1975]

Will def be bringing a lot of these up in my next therapy session lol

[@Anemone81502]

God this was such a personal attack lmao, I really need to work on myself with these things. Thank you for making this video :)

[@LovethosePNWVibes]

Therapy taught me that not everyone has the same experiences as me. I know, it sounds simple enough, but I grew up surrounded by people who died of very rare diseases at very young ages, which made me terrified that I would die of something super rare at a young age - this, of course, has so far not turned out to be true, but it is a specter I live with every single day. And when I went to people with it, they couldn't understand why I was so afraid that any symptom might be representative of a much larger problem. When I was 20, I'd easily gone to at least 25 funerals - most of which were for pretty rare things - I had a friend die of colon cancer at 27, another from a brain tumor at 33, another an undiscovered heart condition at 17, another from leukemia at 18, and the list goes on and on. She gave me permission to have compassion for myself in this area, because based on my life experience it makes total sense that I would have some anxiety around my own health and the health of those around me. It just means I go to the doctor more often to make me feel better about my life. This manages my anxiety, and that is nothing to be ashamed of.

[@korokshiding]

Seriously, I feel like you're articulating (very well, by the way) my whole psychi by talking through these lightbulb realisations you have had through therapy. I could never afford good therapy (I've been able to do some free community-offered group CBT things but not the really in-depth psychoanalysis I would prefer). Instead I've had to talk to a lot of people, watch and listen to a lot of people, and also undergo a LOT of self-teaching/training. It is gratifying that I have been able to come to some of the same conclusions that you have while not being able to afford therapy. Lucy goes to therapy so we don't have to 😅🤣 Thank you for your content - I really relate to this and will continue to explore your other videos because you're very good at explaining your thoughts (unlike me!)

[@luluf330]

off topic but ur hair looks stunnin

[@rribbonss]

I struggled with severe perfectionism my whole life and I told my friend in high school once that I felt like I was a perfectionist and literally the whole class was like dude wtf you have such bad handwriting how could you be a perfectionist 💩 so I stopped applying that label to myself until I went to therapy when I was in uni, and was able to see that I was in fact a perfectionist lmao

[@pumpernickel_nica]

Can you do a video on how to work on your self esteem? 🙏I don't really know how to approach it

[@charlym7088]

for number 1, see also audre lorde's essay "the uses of anger"

[@gstra9577]

I have always wondered how the the hitting/breaking things helps someone to deal with anger. I would love to read/hear someone's experience in depth. Because I just don't understand it.

[@rribbonss]

I’ve had a similar experience with therapy. I agree it’s very helpful, but really will not solve all your problems. In my opinion, literally everyone (and the people around them!) will benefit from going to therapy at least for one period of time in their lives, and perhaps every few years just to fully digest whatever events (big or small) have happened in their lives and start to see things more clearly.

[@rribbonss]

Also yeah about the not even realising you’re drowning out your emotions through your coping mechanisms… literally as soon as I try to stop doing whatever form of escapism I’m doing and try to exist in reality, I have to evaluate why I’m struggling to be in reality, and suddenly this massive wave of emotional pain just hits me which I would have had no idea was there if I’d just stayed in my comfort zone of escapism. It can be a very overwhelming when you realise that this emotional state is your default state so if you quit your unhealthy coping mechanisms you have to put in the work to regulate your emotions and make yourself feel better in way that doesn’t involve just avoiding the problem. I find this super difficult and I’m still working through it because I can latch on to literally anything around me and turn it into an unhealthy addiction

[@glohare]

I really like Mel Robbins resources she has a lot of free work books which I have found pretty helpful

[@IsTheSkyUp]

woooooow nothing really surprised me (also a long-term therapy gal!) until you said the good girl thing.... damn

[@risamaeve]

Where did you get your bedspread?

[@eggsdraws]

The video is great, nice work! But let me be a little bit off topic here: Girl, you are super beautiful. Like very very beautiful and stunning. I hate my face format and many times I feel somewhat "masculine" idk, but you have a similar face shape and you're super beautiful, feminine and charming. This makes my heart light up a little bit. ❤

[@VanessaTS28]

As a fellow enneagram 9, I feel immediately attacked by the anger point 😂 Edit: what you're saying about comfort and fearing confrontation is also coming for me omg 🙈 Never mind, every single thing was so spot on that I'm actually crying now. Thanks Lucy 😂

[@really-quite-exhausted]

"Anger is not a shameful emotion." My jaw hit the floor lmaoooooo sounds like i should see your therapist

[@margaritatowl7248]

Can anyone recommend a wreck room in London? I need this;

[@lunarlite]

rich reflections !

[@Torsee]

Very interesting. I’m glad you’re in a betting space. It would take five shrinks to unpack me..😂😢😊 Don’t have the money..

[@alexmcginness8859]

Oh girl, trauma is something that gets you the moment it happens and many many many times after it happens. Yaaaaaay. 🙃

[@snehavenkatesan1406]

i am you, you are me

[@Mualulu]

TO CATCH A KILLER ARGENTINA MENTIONED 🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷🇦🇷

[@chloepitre2657]

Bruh catharsis doesn’t actually help anything, it actually just makes people more aggressive. What a shitty therapist who encouraged screaming.

[@livisinsideagain]

Anyone who's resonating with this video: I highly recommend Dr. Gabor Maté's books. Happy Healing 💙

[@kmjh4720]

All the enneagram 9's are quaking

[@shaadfncjl92]

I really didn't expect a sponsorship in this.

[@misstimetosleep]

Bro it's still her job

[@shaadfncjl92]

@@misstimetosleep Sure, and I support sponsorships when it's a labor intensive video, not a sit down one about mental health. However, influencers monetize everything, so why stop at their and their viewers' mental health...

[@MargaretBelle]

​@@shaadfncjl92 I completely agree. felt completely out of place. it would have been better suited to a vlog. hell even if the sponsor was better health if would have made sense. I'm not against ads but this didn't feel right at all. disappointing.

[@nikkifeltman8523]

it’s more of a sit-down casual video anyways ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[@MargaretBelle]

@@nikkifeltman8523 I don't think the subject of mental health is anything but casual. it didn't fit in the flow of the video. felt like it took me out of it completely and did not feel especially relevant

[@user-tj2he6mq5h]

Woah the # AD felt slightly out of place in this no ?? Kinda lessened the whole mental health aspect. I get you’re an influencer and have to create # content but in this instance, I think putting a sky advert in a discussion about therapy and mental health felt extremely irrelevant and insensitive

[@Nzu98]

It’s an ongoing partnership that allows her to make this free content available

[@ell.100]

ads are usually always irrelevant to the content. i'd rather be someone be properly paid for a mental health vid than a zara haul...

[@sadhbh3285]

I would much rather a sky cinema ad than a better help ad. Stop being so negative

[@yvettemadelaine]

Yep but it pays for excellent content, and enables Lucy to earn a living. Not a big deal.

[@beaniebaby138]

You're entitled af to expect her to hand over this content for free, the ad revenue is her compensation. Sometimes you need to acknowledge when something is a YOU problem

[@user-ku2zx7wm6c]

Lucy, I have been a longtime subscriber and I have to say that your latest content is the best yet! From a fellow recovering perfectionist and “good girl” (aka people pleaser): authenticity and vulnerability look great on you 🫶🏻

[@zoemaver2327]

Love this