5 Negatives That Come With Being Autistic

[@buttercxpdraws8101]

It’s so frickin lousy that a group of people would deliberately get up and leave a lunch table where you’d joined them. Like, what the f is wrong with people that they would purposefully wish to make someone feel like crap for no reason. Lousy lousy humans. 💕

[@taoist32]

I remember being with some college friends going to the Renaissance Faire. A few of my friends are neurodivergent like me so it was fun. But, at one point I got lost and after an hour I was “found”. Staff workers literally treated me like a kid. They gave me a bottle of Coke and talked slowly to me. I’m hard of hearing, but back then I could hear much better so it was very off putting to talk to me like that. At least my friends treated me like normal.

[@deesparklebazinga7706]

I really connect with the experiences your describing. It really hurts when I get lonely. I also struggle with connecting with others and don't really have friends now as I've isolated myself. I often wonder what it would be like if there was a community especially for us ASDer's so that we could feel less lonely as the people around us would have understanding of our quirks! To be honest I still struggle to communicate even with fellow ASDer's! Life is SO stressful!!!

[@Broken_robot1986]

I've isolated too. I've always tried to maintain socials and realized I was doing it mainly to feel like a regular person, regular persons hang out with others. It's nice to just say no to things. Life has the difficulty level set to high. I'd check out early if it wasn't for my cats. There isn't anything to look forwards to.

[@shearerslegs]

I wish I could say I didn’t relate to these feelings but I have experienced these things. I think it’s the social model of disability that says the differences you have aren’t bad but the environment in which we live disables us. I feel that is what you are describing and it’s the model of disability that I feel fits autism better than the medical model of disability. I’m lucky to live in supported living because of the number of problems I have so I am surrounded by people however I still feel lonely because many are much younger than I am which is challenging although there’s positives and I wish there were more places like this available. My biggest feeling stupid thing is when I tried to learn the drums I am pretty sure he expected me to be a mind reader because giving instructions seemed beyond him but I had only recently been diagnosed so wasn’t able to advocate for myself and I felt like it was my fault. I gave up on the drums, I didn’t have the coordination for it anyway but a better teacher might have helped me continue to be a mediocre drummer just for fun. Trauma is such an individual thing, my biggest trauma was repeated small events when I was bullied at school like I think many of us were. I’m lucky enough to say that I didn’t suffer anything worse in my life and I recognise that I am lucky to be able to say that. I still sometimes have nightmares about school though. I had to give up karate lessons because they were moved to the school gym and I just couldn’t face going back there, it’s been decades and I still feel sick if we drive past it. I’m lucky enough that my psychiatrist is helping me with medication for my anxiety, I know some people would be horrified at the idea but it’s helping me, I think it’s got to be an individual decision whether to use medication or not. I’m hoping it’s temporary and that therapy is going to equip me to live life without it so I work as hard as I can with my therapist. I’m crap at making friends except with dogs who I prefer to humans anyway to be honest. However Dana you seem to be a great person and anyone you make friends with will be lucky to have you as a friend. I wish I could tell you how to find friends with your interests but I haven’t figured it out myself yet. I do know that even though special interests vary it’s easier to get along with other autistic people. I’m not saying you would definitely make lifelong friends but you aren’t going to be judged as harshly if you do something a neurotypical would judge you for. It’s not some kind of guarantee of friendship but it’s a more comfortable environment. I mentioned before that I had been to Autscape and there you get a lanyard on which you can display a coloured paper saying what level of interaction you want with others, one of the most common is the colour saying that you want to have conversations but you don’t know how to get them started. It’s absolutely the colour I wore for my time there. It’s something I wish we could adopt worldwide so we knew who was out looking for friends or who wanted nothing to do with anyone that day. It would just make life easier. I wouldn’t change being autistic despite living in a world that seems hostile sometimes. It’s a massive part of who I am and I’m not a bad person I haven’t done anything wrong I am different from the majority and being any minority is tough but it gives us something to offer society that is different than most people. It’s like my little sister has ADHD and she’s a designer. She has to go to the gym at six every morning and run until she is exhausted so she can sit still at her desk and work but she’s able to produce beautiful designs for her employer. She is afraid that if she treated herself with medication she would lose what makes her design so well. We don’t all find our place in life so easily as she has but I believe we do have a place in society. The only thing I find is absolutely intolerable and that I would eliminate immediately is sensory sensitivities. I’m sure some people are using their’s in some positive way but for me they just cause stress and pain. I have really gone on about this, I am sorry this is another essay length comment.

[@shearerslegs]

@@artemisXsidecross it’s funny you should encourage me to try music again. I just got a guitar and I think there’s enough free lessons on KZbin for me to play something. I’m never going to be a great musician but I can have fun. I’m glad you found a job that you suited your skills. My only paid employment was in McDonalds and it wasn’t right for me, I didn’t mind when I could work alone at my own speed but it is all about teamwork there and I ended up having a breakdown. My sister has got a pony for her autistic daughter and they’re getting along great, I hope that when she is older life will be easier for my niece than myself as she knows who she is. I have always wanted to be a physiotherapist and if I had had a bit of support in school I think I could be earning decent money now. I consequently hope that whatever my niece wishes to do the whole family will support her in doing it. It would be nice if she could do something with animals though as she really responds to them. I’m hoping she becomes a vet but I don’t tell her that, I would never want to put pressure on the kids, her big brother studied something I don’t understand with computers so he could have a nice career if he chooses to as well. It’s great that in my family at least the younger autistic people are getting better support and consequently have options for the future. I hope that they suffer less anxiety and trauma by being diagnosed young. It would be great if the problems Dana described could be reduced by the young getting support we didn’t have access to. Thank you for reading my comments, this really is the nicest comment section I’ve come across. I hope you are well and happy today.

[@nadinel.1773]

As some famous psychologist once said: try imagining the very worst and continue that image -for example when you’re invited to a party. Imagine the very worst that could happen and then go to the party, maybe it won’t be so bad.! Thanks for the video , I identified with quite a bit of it!

[@crystalokeefe197]

You truly speak the true true.

[@gothboschincarnate3931]

I could yawn you a story about the first time i met ole Georgie for the first time.... eye to eye...

[@gmlpc7132]

A lot of what you say resonates here. One thing I'd add for me is always feeling in the wrong in a social situation, no matter how hard I try, always being seen as an outsider. In terms of friends one of the great benefits is to self-esteem - that someone else values you - and being without friends can damage self-esteem. Friends are also important sources of support and advice, sometimes we also learn from them just via watching what they do; therefore the isolated person often lacks that support and advice. I don't think autists have the same deep desire for friends as neurotypicals and we can cope on our own better than most people but that doesn't mean we don't suffer due to lack of friends either.

[@tj4234]

8:20 former lifeguard here. Basically, it's easier to swim with your face in the water than with your head out. If you have your head above water it pushes your lower half down further into the water meaning that there is more resistance as you move through the water. If you have your face in the water it helps keep your body flat so it takes less effort to swim

[@tj4234]

@@artemisXsidecross oh I understand. I'm just explaining what the lifeguard was talking about.

[@Broken_robot1986]

Man they need to train you guys better. You should know that people breathe with their faces.

[@tj4234]

@@Broken_robot1986 you take your face out to breathe. Swimming with your head above the water puts your body in an awkward position and is less efficient. It's therefore more tiring.

[@SweetiePieTweety]

100% Spot on!!! Sending you love and validation. I have a theory…. seems to me if there is autism in a child there is narcissism in a parent or parent figure and this equals a trauma devaluation experience for the autistic individual. It’s heartbreaking 💔 I tell people, if you want to know the character of someone in your life, throw a party and lock arms with your autistic friend and then be aware of how that other person reacts and responds to someone who is a bit “different”. Are they kind and accepting and continue to engage politely with the individual or do they distance or even insult, belittle or invalidate devalue the autistic person. Truly, I would rather know a persons character with this experience up front and fast and remove them from my life experience and not the autistic individual. One is brave and being authentic, the other is too vulnerable to be vulnerable in the presence of someone who is a little different than them. You are awesome! Yes, it’s lonely. Yes, the recognition of the patterns created anxiety based on real experiences, yes there is micro and often macro traumas. The developmental anxiety and trauma responses increase the depression and isolation. All we really need and want is to feel safe. But people and environments can feel very unsafe. I always say, I can forgive but my brain won’t let me forget. I do believe it is the looping rumination that drives the pattern recognition groove in the autistic brain so deeply. Stupid brain simply don’t process information enough to get their pattern groove on and walk into danger like it doesn’t and never did exist. Emotional and physical injuries make very deep groves because our brains are trying to protect us from that experience happening again. Someone in our environment early on didn’t acknowledge or validate or respond appropriately to our cues. And possibly disciplined us inappropriately for our behavioral cues or responses and this put our autonomic nervous system on high alert for threat. Once there it got it’s groove on to perceive threat at micro levels and didn’t turn off. That’s my theory. I do believe this brain development can be altered in a generation and passed down. Not saying your mum or dad was an add home parent lol. But, parents raised by those strong in narcissism tend to end up with autistic children or grandchildren. Just a theory based on pattens I see in families with autism. What I see is patterns of narcissism and autism co-existing together for one hella hell experience for the autistic individual.

[@tbacon2784]

Looping rumination! I have never had it explained so well to me... I have not been n diagnosed with autism yet, husband says he is sure I am and there is no need to spend money on a diagnosis at 65 yrs of age, especially since there is no cure. But every online test I have taken says it is highly likely. Thank you for bringing up the looping rumination as I have always thought I was the only person in the world with all the symptoms and stims that I was always in trouble for. I believe my mom may have been autistic as well. My stepdad was a misogynist and possibly a narcissist, so you may be on to something there too.

[@veronikaljungberg7149]

I love that you mention the fact that our anxiety, and specifically social anxiety isnt unfounded. Which is why CBT might be harmful. I feel it made me blind to my own needs and boundaries.

[@gmlpc7132]

it's very good that you've raised this issue of trauma and you put it very well - that autists have often suffered a series of minor traumas which can add up and leave them badly damaged. Sadly some autistic people have suffered undoubted traumas but for many it's more a demoralising catalogue of bad experiences. For example I have particularly bad experiences related to how I left three jobs. I don't want to go into the details but suffice to say I always think back to those events (more the build-up rather than the actual end) and I will never forget. In a sense I am haunted by those experiences. Isolation amplifies those feelings as there's so much time to brood on what happened but maybe with less isolation those events could have been prevented (e.g. by getting advice and support) or the damage reduced. In recovering from any bad experience or trauma support is crucial just as it would be when recovering from a physical injury. Trauma or bad experiences would certainly be a good topic for a future video.

[@wimeeckman6270]

Altho we are all different , we strugle with the same stuff . I had a late diagnose .it was like comming home but at the same time accepting to be verry different and weard sometimes . Your a verry nice lady ! Love the way you explaine thing . Somwone who speaks the same langwich .love your video's ! Sorry for my english , love to see the next ! Biing

[@Broken_robot1986]

Let's get into it?!? This isn't Self Sufficient Me! 😂 Love you! I def don't believe that I'll ever feel like i belong anywhere.

[@Ruth-hf2ct]

Really enjoy your videos. Sounds like you’ve been through some awful trauma’s. I would call them quite major especially the party one. I have similar problems making friends too.

[@MrKevindj24]

It's still relatable 😂, late to the party, but thank you for sharing your story.❤

[@eltrem2708]

For the first two I feel so with you because it is the same for me. (I don't think or know that I am autistic though.) For the other points I am very sorry for you. Greetings from Germany