5 Reasons I Left Gentle Parenting

Gentle parenting has become a comforting guide many of us rely on. But have you ever had that nagging feeling that something's not quite right about it, yet you just can't seem to put your finger on it?
Let's dive deep into the heart of the gentle parenting dilemma. What began as a beacon of hope for compassionate child-rearing, a different way of raising our kids, stepping away from the punitive parenting many of us grew up in... this beautiful philosophy now seems to have strayed from its original essence, devolving into something unfamiliar and fragmented. What once stood as a beacon of compassionate guidance now appears muddled and distant, leaving many questioning its true nature and effectiveness.
You're not left without alternatives though - tune in and find out how we can best support our kids in being strong, capable, and resilient.
0:00 Why I Left Gentle Parenting
5:01 #1 Drifting Towards Permissive Ways
7:33 #2 Unnatural Parenting Practices
11:16 #3 Walking the Tightrope of Political Correctness
12:13 #4 The Shadows of Parental Judgment
16:15 #5 The Power of Tough Love
Be The Leader in Your Home and Build a Strong, Resilient Family With The STUDIO - hifam.com/studio
Books:
"How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk" by Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish amzn.to/3Vkw6Ka
"The Conscious Parent: Transforming Ourselves, Empowering Our Children" by Shefali Tsabary amzn.to/3VikUh0
"Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Rewards and Punishments to Love and Reason " by Alfie Kohn amzn.to/3TkQkRd
"Peaceful Parent, Happy Kids: How to Stop Yelling and Start Connecting" by Laura Markham amzn.to/3VmhD0e
"No-Drama Discipline" by Daniel J. Siegel MD, Tina Payne Bryson amzn.to/3vdG5X2
"No Bad Kids: Toddler Discipline Without Shame" by Janet Lansbury amzn.to/3PlV0oW
Other videos you might enjoy:
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What's your experience with Gentle Parenting? Share below!
#GentleParenting #Parenting #HiFam

[@vanessadecosta6353]

I’ve followed you for years and loved your content.. and this might be my favorite video yet!? I think subconsciously I’ve been moving away from the modern movement as well.. I remember joining a gentle parenting group on facebook and someone posted asking for guidance on how to get their child to brush their teeth without so much struggle. The comments were ridiculous and going so far as to say that it wasn’t that big of a deal to avoid brushing if it was going to create so much tension.. the few comments that mentioned teeth brushing being nonnegotiable were dog piled on and admins removed the comments since it went against “gentle parenting”. It was such a turn off and made me do some hard eye rolls. If “gentle parenting” = zero tension then it’s just permissive parenting with a new name. Tension is important. Boundaries are vital. Going through the “hard stuff” is what creates grit. And we can deal with tension, boundaries, and hard stuff together as a family.. we can support each other in a loving way as we raise each other up- that’s true parenting imo.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It's fantastic to know that you found it valuable. 😊 Just a heads up, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be discussing these topics further. I believe it could be beneficial for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@Beepbopboop19]

Yes! I got attacked so harshly on one of those groups once, I was like, uh you're not gentle adulting ladies. So odd to me.

[@lacienlw]

Amen!!!! Parenting was MISERABLE when I was trying to act unnatural and perfect and gentle all the time, obsessed with traumatizing my kid and revolving my entire life around “gentle” parenting, the slope is definitely slippery to permissive parenting…. We changed to authoritative and my marriage, relationship to my kids, and everyone in the households behavior (including me and husband) became so much calmer and happier and more respectful (which is funny, cause you’d think it would be the other way around)

[@jenavevesnowolf13]

I had a nice "peaceful parenting/authoritative parenting" moment the other day. My two year old stole a box of matches and scattered them on the floor. I could have screamed at him, and ripped the box out of his hand or I could have just left him to make a mess. Instead, I walked over, told him that it wasn't okay to take matches and asked him to help me pick them up and put them back. He did it with a smile on his face and I set the matches on a higher shelf. It is interesting to see how smooth it can be sometimes. Not always, of course, but sometimes.

[@NehaBeauty]

Yes! Speaking to them with respect, and explain the reasons because they’re honestly just exploring and wouldn’t know. Screaming isn’t respectful, and also leaving them to the mess is also not respecting them bc it’s careless. The key thing for me is to stay calm and remember that the kid is usually exploring and doesn’t know what danger, or mess they might get into.

[@katemiller7874]

I would have told him why it wasn’t ok but you did well.

[@meganc1539]

I think, going back to the beginning of the video, that this is right in line with what the original gentle parenting teachers were aiming for, as this movement started at a time where authoritarian was the norm. I think the problem has come in how the movement has developed an unrealistic perfectionism online that puts an unhealthy emphasis on the responsibility of the parent for the child’s wellbeing… and typically the mom. We’re implying that one person can correct for all the challenges their children will face, and it is just an excessive quantity of pressure for moms to give all the guidance that was once given by a community.

[@jenavevesnowolf13]

@@meganc1539 I think where it becomes hard for many parents is when they need to be more firm and stick to the behavioral correction, even when it makes the child sad. It is uncomfortable for a parent to listen to their child cry. The instinct for many is to desperately try to make it stop or be angry that the child is upset. Staying calm and firm with your children is exceptionally taxing. But beautifully worth it. With my older children, I explain to them that although they are upset by this, if I let them have what was denied suddenly after crying it teaches them that crying will get them what they want in life and that behavior would ruin them as an adult. Once they have calmed down, a compromise could be made, just like when they are older and I'm not with them any more. It is fine to try to work for what they want. On the high support side, a hug is always offered. It is okay for them to feel, so long as they also learn. Let them feel when they are little, so when they are older they will have a better time processing those negative emotions that will inevitably come. But I do think this is where most fail. It is the hardest part.

[@c_dev_rip]

@@jenavevesnowolf13Agreed. I also think parents are trying to both learn AND teach healthy emotional wellbeing at the same time. How do we teach kids to regulate when we haven’t been taught? There’s also a feeling we know certain things from “traditional” parenting is wrong - but we lack confidence to know m exactly which. Calling into question our intuition in case we’re wrong or harmful, coupled with social media drilling into us what NOT to do. Folks are frozen in insecurity and doubt fearing they’ll “harm” their kids or be judged by others who seem to have it all together. And of course since parenting is to personal and tied to our fundamental identity, there’s so much emotional reaction to any slight or perceived judgement - if we’re wrong or our actions are wrong it’s a moral failing, values questioning, life or death situation that must be defended. Eeek its tough out there 😮

[@galina_niyazov]

I had the biggest arguments with my husband because i thought gentle parenting is the only way to prevent them feeling traumatized. Now i find that being loving and firm is the best way. And a great side effect, i don't fight with my husband as much about it

[@gg-op9kc]

gotta spread that that gentleness on your husband a bit too 😉😄

[@galina_niyazov]

@gg-op9kc yes, spot on!!!!

[@MW-gy6ut]

Gentle parenting is firm.

[@itsfrannywanny]

Thank you for this! My husband and I have tried Gentle Parenting but found we were so stressed about every parenting move we made. Even correcting each other in front of the kids 🤦🏻‍♀️. Now we are between authoritarian (boundaries and responsibilities) but very supportive, loving, and present.

[@bigiluetchford2586]

I'm a gentle parenting coach. Gentle parenting is not permissive parenting. If it seems that way, it's because parents are confused as to how to practise it and are being permissive instead. I'm sad to hear that you found gentle parenting so hard and felt judged and on guard. It IS a big learning curve, and it can take a long time to unlearn old patterns to make space for the ones that serve us (parents and children), but it's so worthwhile because it's literally life-changing.

[@Rosepineres]

My youngest just turned 18, and I don't regret a second of my decision. Gentle parenting was a perfect match for me and my 2 boys. It wasn't perfect but it works for us. My oldest is going to turn 22, I'm surprised that we are in 2024 and people still confused about this parenting style!

[@c_dev_rip]

The term isn’t officially recognized so while some understand it to mean something specific, cultural common use has shifted its meaning to a broadly defined umbrella term that describes a wide range of parenting strategies, including use by those using “permissive” strategies. It’s not accurate to suggest the creator’s issue with terminology means she doesn’t agree with core principles and is scared, unable to learn or unconvinced of GP benefits vs trad parenting. I find your comment a bit presumptuous and condescending which, unfortunately, has been a common experience in dealings with dogmatic defenders of GP terminology. The focus by some proponents to staunchly defend the explicit definition of GP far more than the methodology it promotes only adds to the negative perception the creator touches on. She clearly objects to the LABEL not the practice as she argues authoritative parenting -the officially recognized parenting style that most resembles GP in practice- is ideal. Her criticism results from misuse of the term by permissive parents, which happens often enough to confuse its meaning for many. Rather than convince everyone else their interpretation is wrong despite evidence to the contrary, a better solution might be focusing on the specific strategies and adopting more accurate & clearly defined verbiage. There’s so much nuance in parenting with so many roads leading to the same destination - what works for one person may not for the next. Being a parent is challenging enough already without assumptions, judgement or rigidity towards one another. The more support, kindness, flexibility, grace and understanding the better experience for ourselves and our kids.

[@Naimah0914]

I’ve been slowly moving away from gentle parenting without really realising it until I watched this video. I feel like gentle parenting can be like a season. When my son was under 2, i was definitely more gentle. As he has grown he needs more firmness or toughness as you said. He is for the most part very well behaved but has his moments like any other child where that toughness is needed.

[@bellavida7129]

Gentle parenting embraces being firm. It is just done in a way that still respects the child’s natural developmental process while still enforcing boundaries.

[@HiFamLife]

Thanks for your feedback! It's great to hear that you found value in the content. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be going deeper into these topics. I believe it could be beneficial for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@user-tm2le8yj8e]

My parents were very permissive when I was a kid. They never had any expectations of me, they had enough money that I'd go to swimming classes, other hobby activities, and i was only child. I never learned how to handle money, I never learned how to do things in and around the house, when I was bad at math at school, no help was there. So when I moved out at the age of 20, I absolutely had no idea how to be an adult. When I did go to the dentist and I needed to pay for it, I thought, huh? I got insurance???!!! Turns out it didn't cover all the costs. I would rather have my parents tell me a bit more (or a lot more) about being a adult. I didn't know what study to do, even then there was very little support. Right now, I'm 27 years old with 3 little kids (age 5, 3, and 1) and I have a VERY clear VISION on how to raise my own children. We don't have as much money as my parents did. We buy cheap clothes. We don't go on holiday. Etc. But I want to have expectations of my children. They have chores in the house. I teach them things they don't learn at school. I want to be their mentor even when they are older. I want to speak with them about feelings, about dreams. For my parents, their only concern was my happiness. For me, 2 things. First ofcourse I'd like them to be happy (but I know that's not my responsibility) Second, and that's definitely my responsibility, MAKE SURE THEY CAN LIVE BY THEMSELVES at a certain point. Please for anyone who reads this, Please don't think they can all figure it out by themselves. Teenagers need a whole lot of explanation, guidance, teaching, mentoring as well. Otherwise they cannot make it by themselves later on. Luckely, I have a loving husband and parents in law who support us and I learn every day. But please parents, TEACH, and do have expectations.

[@priskruger314]

I learnt that happiness is a choice. We can have problems but out attitude matters a lot.

[@amandarubio8491]

When I had my daughter, I thought I had parenting DOWN. Then I had my son and I was extremely humbled. I needed help! And I found your channel. I loved it and learned so much, but I eventually stopped watching them because I felt so defeated. I felt, if I can’t do this, my children are going to be ruined. I’m so happy that you are back with such an encouraging word about how okay it is to be human and that, even though you have found some great information in your junkie journey, there’s some stuff that just doesn’t vibe with reality. Thank you. For then, and for now. I’m back on board!

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It means a lot to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@AnnaFedor]

I couldn't agree more. I am a sleep consultant and I also see how the gentle parenting trend is sliding more and more towards permissive parenting and what harm it does to parents and children. I think the reason is partly that the message of the original books got simplified and got more extreme in social media, but also that times has changed. When authoritarian parenting was mainstream, emphasising warmth and gentleness was a great message. Now, most parents (at least the ones I talk to) already know that high support is important and all this talk about the attachment and the connection is just too much. It makes them feel guilty when they can't do gentle parenting perfectly, and it paralyses them - they can't decide what they want, and don't dare to set boundaries because they fear that they would ruin the relationship and traumatise their kids. One question that I hear too often is "But won't I ruin my child forever if I do this or that?" I partly blame Dr Gábor Máté. Have you heard about the thesis-antithesis-synthesis theory? I think it explains well what happens to parenting trends.

[@krissycus]

I have so much respect for you sharing about the evolution of your parenting. It would be really easy as a parenting guru to just toe the line and stick with the movement no matter what. But you have grown and pivoted and it's such a great example for all of us. It's as cathartic as when Marie Kondo admitted she can't fully stick to all she preached once having kids complicated her space and her life. We need more of this!!!

[@Emirichan317]

AMEN. SOOOOO many kudos for the awareness, acknowledgement, and humility to admit! Beautifully done!

[@badassbackpacker]

Here here👏🏻 agree 👍🏻

[@maryamsharif5608]

I love this. You’ve hit the nail on the head. Gentle parenting is not authentic. Our kids need a dose of real character!

[@ChalkboardCreativeHomeschool]

This was beautiful!! I have felt like such a terrible parent for so long when my six year old is mean or yells at me, thinking I am a rotten parent who has ruined her. Thank you for the encouragement

[@mrsevergreentree]

Also PLEASE stop taking parenting advice from people with young kids!! Listen to experienced parents who raised successful ADULTS bc that's the real test of wether what they are promoting actually worked...All these inexperienced parents need to stop .it's not your season 😅

[@jonipresson]

The biggest thing I never related to with gentle parenting was not having consequences. Our job as parents is to prepare our children for the reality of the real world. As young adults and older there are consequences when we don’t follow society’s rules as well as legal rules or rules in our job sites. So if we are not preparing them for consequences then they will not be ready for the real world. I do however believe in bonding with my children and taking the time to explain the why’s, because I remember growing up in an authoritative home that the rules didn’t make sense to me so I didn’t listen.

[@emilyshaffer4402]

I found you 6 years ago when pregnant with my first, trying to figure out what parenting style I was. I remember feeling so much peace listening to how you take what works for your family and are not dogmatic about it. I have been moving away from the whole “gentle parenting” mostly because it wasn’t working for us but deep down feeling like I might be damaging my child. Thank you for your video and your willingness to speak the truth.

[@vshubi1]

I love love love seeing so many people finding the balance, understanding the damages gentle parenting made, and follow this method which gives them boundaries and for our kids to grow up to be strong good people!

[@asmaamin1183]

Thank you Avital for this video. I have been a big fan of gentle parenting until my son starts to show his strong willed personality. Sometimes I have to set the limits so I have to be firm and non-permissive. Of course he doesn’t like it but I was sure I was doing the right thing but as I have to keep reminding him about the rules I felt the guilt you mentioned in the video. Not only this, the idea of gentle parenting or being the super conscious parent all the time is actually not realistic. Measuring every movement or every interaction and feeling guilty about how much did or didn’t do is really an extra burden when you have many other important tasks to complete. Many of the specific concepts or behaviors or approaches that are trendy in the conscious parenting realm can be very distracting or stressful for moms such as making sure I have no work on hand when my kids are back from school or I have to give my complete attention to my kids until they sleep is honestly a recipe for disaster. We are not preparing our kids for the real world. As I was navigating my life with two kids and another one on the way I realized being too picky about each of my interactions and my goals and plans for my kids is not going to make me a happy mom. But deep inside I needed someone to tell me that what I was thinking in my mind is actually true and you did that! Thank you so much for your hard work and your generosity to share these important and timely topics with us❤ Much love and good wishes for you and your family!

[@MilaDanceSport]

I love this! We've always considered ourselves in the middle and felt good about it. It's nice to hear you word this so well.

[@adrianaquintero2088]

Thank you Avital for the ultimate example of evolution in thinking and continuing your path of exploring what is best tor us, our relationship with our partners and that for our children. Thank you for not getting bogged down to sny one single approach, but exploring all with curiosity and discenement. Brava! Beautifully presented with impeccable logic. Happy to explore this with you

[@laurenpabon3395]

Thank you for this video. I needed this today after a rough bedtime routine lol. I love the “good enough parent “ and yes kids need and thrive with boundaries and healthy firmness. We need realness in our parenting

[@september4877]

THIS!!! This is exactly what I’ve been feeling and struggling to articulate to my husband. I related to every word of this video and I’m so grateful. I love what you said about it feeling too restrictive. I’ve been so overwhelmed learning about gentle parenting because it feels like I would have to change EVERYTHING about myself in order to be a good parent. It left no room to be human, or even just myself. I feel like gentle parenting has taken on the dark side of the feminine…it’s just too permissive in an effort to be kind. Authoritarian seems like the dark side of the masculine where it’s just too strict and lacking empathy. Definitely ready to meet in the middle and find the balance as much as possible! And I’m sure my husband will be much more on board with that. No wonder it’s hard to get men on board with something that’s literally the direct opposite of how they’re wired!

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It means a lot to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@RachelDee]

I have felt so alone in between the two extremes for years. You put words to all of this in a way I’ve wanted to. Glad I found this channel.

[@HiFamLife]

It's fantastic to know that you found it valuable. 😊 Just a heads up, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be discussing these topics further. I believe it could be beneficial for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@dawnforlife]

Hmm..not an expert and only have one super strong willed child (3.5 years old) but..I think respectful parenting and gentle parenting, at its core is not permissive or causing parents to self blame. My strong willed kid can really drive me up the wall, I've shouted, I've smacked her leg more than a few times but what I like is that I can apologise and mend. I don't think we can go much wrong with respect and connection. Most of the time, I noticed when I am disconnected, she behaves worse. And I don't think that is me blaming myself but an awareness that can be worked on. I set boundaries day in and day out and she used to and still will sometimes, throw herself on the ground and scream on top of her lungs but holding consistent boundaries have helped her manage better. I think gentle/respectful parenting is important, at least for me because my initial response would be authoritarian and angry because that was how I was parented. The gentle way allows me to take a moment, pause and see how I can help her meet my boundary. I'm genuinely curious in terms of time out. For me, I've walked away many times because of frustration but the more I disconnect the harder of a time she will have and it will last for hours until I reconnect. So I can't see time out as being "high support". Am I missing something? Additionally, if we use scripts not like an actor memorising but adapt it to our own use of language..it shouldn't feel unnatural?

[@tabitha6461]

Yes!! Love all of these points and totally agree/relate!

[@mariellad]

I love how articulate, warm and authentic you are. Your vibe is great. Thank you for your hard work on your content.

[@lanel-2904]

Avital!!! Girl!!! I LOVE THIS VIDEO!!! I have appreciated your vlogs so much, but I felt this in my soul! This is everything I have been feeling about gentle parenting.

[@meganadams1118]

I first found your videos 9 years ago when I was feeling lost and alone trying to figure out how to change the narrative I grew up with as I began raising my own family. They were such a rich source of many thoughts and ideas that I resonated with, that made sense to me, and helped shaped my own parenting choices for many years. I'm truly grateful that I found your channel so long ago. But the truth is that I'm still a product of my own experiences, and that our kids have their own (sometimes big!) personalities, and that despite my best intentions I rarely live up to my own ideals. For this reason I also drifted away from gentle parenting, and I appreciate your thoughts on this very much. This was an encouraging video, full of grace and empathy, and I feel like I'm not as off-track as I felt previously. Thank you.

[@mariemiranda2115]

This was so refreshing to hear. Thank you so saying it all so clearly. I especially appreciate you using the word "fake" because that's exactly how I've felt watching and listening the gentle parenting approach gone wrong. Yes, let's speak the truth, and losing up abit here.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It means a lot to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@rachelmccoll7778]

So good! I love that you are able to embrace many of the aspects of gentle parenting but also know what to reject and the risks of it all. It's so true they need that authority figure but they also need love and connection. Having boundaries makes them feel safe.

[@logicalconspiracist7741]

Amazing video ⭐ thanks for the honesty!

[@jaimyklever4574]

I have been intuitively moving away from gentle parenting as well. ❤

[@mariastav2613]

me too. gently moving away that is :) as my child gets older i feel he needs a bit more firmness (with kindness) to navigate daily situations.

[@stefanyshimada279]

You’re absolutely amazing. Thank you for this honest breath of fresh air.

[@EsraLilianMusic]

Thank you❤ this is something i have been feeling for a while

[@dani8274]

This is wonderfully put, thank you!

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It's fantastic to know that you found it valuable. 😊 Just a heads up, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be discussing these topics further. I believe it could be beneficial for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@simplesero2354]

Woow i am really impressed its like you rearranged all my thoughts that were running in my head about this topic ..🌸

[@swatisahoo8373]

I am glad that I have always been this parent firm and loving. Great video loved it

[@emilygardner-hill3919]

You rock for speaking this truth!! We’ve tried all 3 forms of parenting 😂 and your take on being kind to yourself and trusting that if you care that much you’re doing great is very refreshing and encouraging!!

[@diananesimov23]

Amen 🙌 THANK YOU AVITAL!!! If only I had this affirming message a few years ago I think I had less grey hairs and wrinkles! For sure! You are a lifesaver in this mad modern parenting time we live in🙏 Hibuk from your Israeli sister❤❤❤

[@jeanne_guitton]

Thank you, Avital, this is a fantastic video. So many good points! I left gentle parenting because of the unnatural way of communicating that you mentioned. My three-year old rejected the scripted way in which I spoke to him and which I had taken from the gentle-parenting playbooks. "You always say that," he'd say in an irritated voice. "Why don't you just speak normally?" I was immensely proud of him for detecting that and changed my ways immediately.

[@ih2439]

I agree, gentle parenting “speak” feels infantile and weirdly condescending towards kids.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'm glad to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop I'm hosting on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@jeanne_guitton]

@@HiFamLife Thanks! Wow, that sounds like another amazing resource. I'll be sure to check it out. (Already taking and loving Married U!)

[@karolinaska6836]

Thank you for this nuance! I was confused about how what I thought I was applying turned into the controversy I keep hearing about. You've explained using synonymous words (permissive parenting an extreme of gentle parenting). I thought I was a "gentle parent" but since it's become permissive parenting, then that's not me. Great explanation!

[@OrangeVilla]

Thanks for putting this video out. It’s just what I needed.

[@HiFamLife]

Your feedback is much appreciated! I'm glad that you found it resonant. 😊 By the way, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. I think it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@louisenaude4467]

Awsome video! 🎉 Good for you! Willing to say on KZbin that you are correcting your path, well done!! I'm following your channel now after just seeing this vid, you seem authentic and I will be following you now

[@HiFamLife]

I'm grateful for your feedback! It's wonderful to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 By the way, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be exploring these topics in more depth. I think you'd find it insightful! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@angelinababy5123]

Needed to hear this especially today! Love the way you speak, you couldn’t have said it better. So thank you!

[@HiFamLife]

Thanks for your kind words! I'm thrilled that you resonated with the content. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@heloisebrunet330]

WOW you are amazing! I think I have been watching all your videos, and I love so much that you take position this way today, first for the sake of growing and changing your opinion. Your points are so true, I was so much into the 'robotic gentle parenting' that led me to increase my tendency to try and be perfect, so frustrating! I am very concerned about the poor expectations parents have sometimes too. Thisvideo is definitly one of your key videos!!

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you so much for your positive feedback! It means a lot to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@coreymiller7586]

Yes! This. I see it and feel it everyday w my kiddo and the lovely families around me. Kids need boundaries! They need high expectations yes! Love this avital! Been following you for years and you always have powerful and family changing perspectives that help me love parenting more and more ❤

[@BrianaClear]

You hit the nail on the head!!!! Completely agree.

[@non-violentparentingbyaart6648]

FINALLY!! Thank you Avital for your courage and honesty! We need more influencers like you!

[@fearcebad000]

So needed to hear this today! :)

[@lisahepworth7462]

Breath of fresh air, this! Thanks for sharing. Will be checking out the community.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'm glad to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop I'm hosting on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@MC-kt6mt]

I really appreciate it! True is, I stopped listening to you because of the gentle parenting, I'm so happy you got off the vagon! Definitely firm boundaries with love ❤️ I'm happy to be listening to you again!

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled that you found value in our video! 😊 Just wanted to share that we're running a free workshop right now that explores these topics further. It's pretty insightful! Take a look here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop Hope to see you there!

[@lauralu04]

Oh my word - this is so healing!! Goodness, the pressure of gentle parenting was so real! Kids need to know how to understand and deal with authority and boundaries. Thank you for addressing this huge issue.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for sharing your positive feedback! It's truly rewarding to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just a heads up, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe you'll find it insightful! Here's the link for more information: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@samiyaferguson9177]

Avital I love your hair you look so pretty and fresh ❤ short hair is a rebirth! Thank you so much for guiding me on my mama journey, I have been following you for 5 years now and I am a young mother of 3. You have helped me so much especially with play room development ❤

[@calamitypip1066]

Thank you, Avital. This really needed to be said. I agree with literally all of it. I have been ranting and railing and thinking what's going on is people have lost it and what they are calling gentle parenting isn't gentle parenting, as gentle parenting isn't intended to be completely flabby permissiveness. It is a pity this is what the current upsurge is and it does make complete sense in the light of that to cut loose from Gentle parenting as a label, also for all those other reasons you cite. The cognitive dissonance of reality in the trenches with our children if one believes it's essential to stick to all these utterly unreal ideals all the time. Yes, Absolutely. Everything you said. Children are going to feel it if we are being fake and tense and insecure in ourselves. What must it do to them? What does it teach children about life if parents are never real, or if parents castigate themselves if ever they are real. What does that do to this generation?

[@AstrologyWithMaia]

Agreed avital beautiful video, so happy to see more awareness around this 🕯️♥️

[@HiFamLife]

Appreciate your support and glad you have resonated with the message! 😊 If you're interested in diving even deeper, I'm currently offering a free workshop that expands on these topics. I think you'd enjoy it! Check it out here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@LoraJacqueline]

We are learning mama! I agree. I tend to oscillate between strict authority and gentle. You called it out! SHAME AND GUILT sways me to lean towards more gentle making up for my strict firm and even rage fits. Power and control is inevitable in all relationships. We also have different sets of values among each family member. Where is that balance between gentle to firm authority guiding?

[@jamibee277]

I really needed to hear this thankful

[@HiFamLife]

So glad to know this has been helpful! I wanted to share that I'm currently running a free workshop that expands on the ideas discussed in the video. I think you'd find it valuable! Check it out here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@Ostsee89]

Great video! Puts words to a feeling I've had about gentle parenting for some time.

[@HiFamLife]

It's wonderful to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 By the way, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be exploring these topics in more depth. I think you'd find it insightful! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@meganc1539]

I really appreciate what you are saying here. I think one of the key things that stands out for me is that strain of perfectionism - of always feeling not good enough as a parent and getting stuck in “I should have done better” - and the propensity of any online community running towards the most extreme of any philosophy, regardless of what the experts might intend to teach. I spent many years as a parent feeling like a failure because the collection of examples online of people who have done this or that part of parenting ’better’ became the idea that other parents were superhumans doing ALL THE THINGS RIGHT. I finally realized that anxiety I was constantly suffering from was exhausting, made me less able to function day-to-day as a parent, and affected my kids subconsciously to leave them less secure and resilient. I’m trying to right the ship with my teens, but in the meantime, I am much more centred parenting my youngest and I see that she is both she is kind and confident as she goes out in the world.

[@HiFamLife]

I am so glad to hear that this has resonated with you! I also wanted to share that I'm currently running a free workshop that expands on the ideas discussed in the video. I think you'd find it valuable! Check it out here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@barbaravoto451]

Authenticity is so important, love this video

[@DAZEY_iz_healing]

Outstanding work!! I was more permissive with my oldest when i was in church; and was freshly sober in 2017. 2 years prior, i escaped an extremely abusive relationship with a diagnosed sociopath narcissist. At this time, My son had undiagnosed ptsd, and autism and ADHD. I had undiagnosed complex PTSD and ADHD. Obviously, we got the diagnosis figured out now. Looking back it was so painfully clear. From his 2015-2016, my 2-3yr old SCREAMED when he didn't get his way and i was desperate for the noise to stop (noise sensitivity) when he did, anywhere at any point in time. When i was with his dad, I had to give him what he wanted or fear an angry outburst from him... he'd throw/break stuff, yell at us, call us names, even attack. in 2016, on my own, I was burnt out and alone, i had no help from my family. Then in sept 2017, i had a SA from a person i was seeing... I was a shell of who i was, and ended up joining church and got sober and tried to pull myself together. As the video described, My son clung to a mom of 5. Everything i wished i could have been, she was firm but sweet, yet i welcomed the break from my overbearing child. I worked, and picked my son, and toughed it all out. I went thru SOO many sitters over the years hearing stuff like "he's too much, how do you deal with it? I cant take it anymore." Try being me... He was a ball of chaos and i was fighting thru it...plus the unexplained vomiting (it stopped when we left our home state-trauma related im guessing?) When i say trauma related, he was physically abused, as was i. Neglected severly, if i wasnt around. I was the protector against his bio dad, and would take blows instead... In 2018, i met my current spouse. Thru learning and encouragement, i slowly transitioned to authoritative parenting. Once we both received mental health care for the post-abuse effects that became obvious once away from the home state, diagnosis weren't a cope-out but an explanation, and a guide towards more effective parenting and betterment of self. EMDR(eye movement desensitation reprogramming) with my therapist has been helping with releasing 24 out of 31 years of trauma!! Im more confident and stronger in my sense of self and really got away from permissiveness!!

[@HannahBeWhitty]

Love your channel. You’ve put words to what I’ve felt for a long time! Especially when you spoke to over-editing ourselves. Sticking to the gentle parenting scripts made me feel like I could say anything original lest I traumatize my kids. It felt very forced and frustrating for me as a parent.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback on our video! It's awesome to know it resonated with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free Common Sense Parenting workshop where we dive deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@grkoloratur]

Wow. Thank you for that video. Also for the courage to point out some uncomfortable facts.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your support! I'm thrilled that you resonated with our video. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm currently hosting a free workshop that delves deeper into these topics, and I think you'd find it really insightful! Feel free to check it out here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop Happy learning!

[@caralena1988]

Thank you! This ist just what I feel!❤️

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled to know that it struck a chord with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll explore these topics further. I think you'd find it valuable! Here's the link for more information: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@judithuchennanwachukwu8649]

Thank you so much for being original

[@debbiefytopoulou3881]

One of your best videos! Thank you! For years I thought I was the worst mother on Earth for being strict and not bending backwards but now that my kids are older I see that kids need someone to rely on as much as loving and taking care of.

[@HiFamLife]

I'm glad to know that it struck a chord with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll explore these topics further. I think you'd find it valuable! Here's the link for more information: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@nataliemondon810]

I’ve found this video really thought provoking thankyou ❤

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It's awesome to know it resonated with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free workshop where we dive deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@danneyrodriguez4796]

Love your video! I taught for almost ten years and to different extents with behavior specialists and groups with learning disabilities. I understand our personal children aren’t the same as a child in a school setting and child rearing is not the same as educating . Still, I include this because by the time I had my children, I had seen many personalities of children and adults (some parenting styles, if you read between the lines, are evident) and the relationship between the two. I have come to a conclusion, for myself, that children do need you to be many things for them at different times in their lives. And this hot parenting style, I feel, is asking parents to be the same parent always. Not in the way of being a consistent parent. But in the sense of giving your child a parent who is not actually living a life. Like, giving the best to your children can also include you being a parent who will themselves have to work through things as they parent their children. And some days are fiery, a darkening storm, or a day of absolute joy. And THEN you show your children consistency in a way that will help them in life. Propel them forward to know you can get up again and do it a different way, a better way, a brand new way. Not everything is about how we feel, what willingness we have or not and what all options do I have. Sometimes (many) you just get the thing done because it is required of you as you live! You’d think we’d have a bunch of resilient and composed children going out now with all this under their wings but it’s not what we see. Many times we’d be in meetings and workshops with things administrators wanted us to implement and work into for children and on paper it’s swell. But it’s really just not real life. Empathize with your children, connect, communicate, teach, give choice, show respect, understand them, be a peacemaker but by God, give them a flair to live life with! Do you want your children to have a parent who was always trying to walk the line of perfect parenting or a parent who knew they were going to get some things wrong (and admitted it) but gave you what you needed to stand on your own two feet when they are no longer around? That’s all, Thank you for a great video!

[@saramikkelson8859]

You nailed it!!! Thanks so much for validating all I felt! The gentle parenting community made me feel like something was wrong with me. The first two years of parenting were so stressful! My personality isn’t that of a “typical” sweet, gentle woman/mom. My kid was (is) very smart and very strong willed from an extremely early age and really needs some clear authority.

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled that you resonated with this. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@kathryncoursey8066]

You are such a breath of fresh air!!

[@chayaperelweinberg9677]

Love this so much! You nailed it! Most parents love their kids and can connect validate empathize more easily - and boundaries is just not fun and hard for parents to do.. I know I need to work on boundaries more then anything

[@chayaperelweinberg9677]

Also I found some of these “gentle” parenting spaces had a lot of virtue signaling because no one is actually a perfect parent….

[@HiFamLife]

Thanks for your feedback! It's great to hear that you found value in the content. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be going deeper into these topics. I believe it could be beneficial for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@Maripissini7]

Love your hair Avital!!!❤

[@ThisBraveHeart]

This is so perfect and exactly what I've been talking about!

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'm glad to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop I'm hosting on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@analiachyrnialisnichuk2125]

First video ever that i came accross. I got subscribed within 17 seconds. Your analysis is on point; I got tired of being unperfect with GP to the point i started to loose myself and my daugther developed speech delay because i was being unnatural with my communication

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled that you resonated with the content. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@roseredremix]

I feel like we're all finally pushing back on an era of overthinking to the point of exhaustion. I myself have spent year upon year on self help... fixing myself, my parenting, trying to figure out how to be better or heal. I did ferber than attachment than conscious. I'm finally at a point of just trying "me"... Video message is great

[@HiFamLife]

So glad to hear you enjoyed and resonated with this! 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop we're hosting right now that explores similar themes. I thought you might be interested! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@ingramwifey2016]

I love this so much!!!!

[@christiana_mandalynn]

So for years I thought I was a “peaceful parent” but it turns out that my husband and I actually parent from the “authoritative” (?) model which includes high standards, boundaries, and expectations whilst also checking in with the child’s emotional health and noticing when they need more love and comfort and one-on-one time and building very nurturing relationships with them. I do try to respond peacefully but sometimes I have a very firm tone and yes, I do raise my voice. I try to make sure that I am not getting overstimulated or burned out and therefore reacting to triggers in a stressful way. There’s no possible way I can take the mental load of “editing myself” for my kids to hyper-analyze every action I take, being permissive or uncertain, letting the child dominate the house, etc. I would LOSE. MY. MIND. And I hadn’t noticed that “gentle parenting” had devolved into permissive parenting. I have certain “neurodivergent” children who NEED more firm boundaries or they lash out with extra behaviors and it takes a toll on the family atmosphere. But they also respond so well to rewards and consequences because that is something that makes sense to them in their brain, and the stipulations and expectations are already set ahead of time so there’s no guessing or uncertainty. It’s very comforting for them to have boundaries and to know exactly what Mommy and Daddy expect, but also that there’s grace and it’s not scary if there’s a mess-up. There are so many moments in this video that blow my mind! I had never thought of the connection between children desperately seeking authority when they don’t get it from parents, and getting easily engulfed in the wrong crowd, other sources of authority that have very damaging ideologies, even cult-like ideologies. WOW!

[@GraceandFranz]

They’re different names for the same thing. They’re all just different names for authoritative.

[@bassfayce7740]

read “no bad kids:toddler discipline without shame” and “good inside” the authors do not pretend to be perfect and do not endorse unnatural “scripts” rather they describe concepts of what “gentle parenting” or better phrased “respectful parenting/responsive parenting” truly is. An authoritative style that provides clear boundaries, clear family roles and validation (NOT the same as condoning resulting behaviors) of every family members experience. Listen to the audiobooks if you don’t enjoy reading 😬

[@smileyface5610]

That is how we parent our children authority but loving environment. Boundaries are very good for children and they become well rounded individual because we are real. I never had any problems with our child because we have been honest and upfront

[@FlaMarriotts]

A much needed video in the parenting world 👏

[@rebeccafalkner2876]

Yes on the toughness aspect also. Some kids need consequences and discipline (not physical)- not just gentleness and talking about their feelings. Especially many boys. Cheers to warm and respectful authoritative parents ❤🎉

[@danad2307]

Wonderfully said ❤🎉

[@tabitha6461]

As a long time subscriber (like 7 or 8-ish years), I found this video confusing? I guess as gentle parenting becomes more popular there are more people misunderstanding it? I've always thought of gentle/respectful/peaceful/attachment/RIE etc parenting as falling under authoritative parenting. Respectfully holding boundaries/setting limits, age appropriate expectations, empathy, natural/logical consequences, connection, being a strong leader/guide for your child(ren) etc. I've never gotten the impression that "gentle parenting" (in this developmentally appropriate authoritative sense) needs to be done perfectly. Maybe this exists in spaces that I'm not a part of? or maybe parents put this pressure of perfection on themselves from their own interpretations of gentle parenting? I've never seen material that shames parents for not practicing it perfectly or suggests it's even possible to practice it perfectly. The goal is to repair if you make a mistake and yell or speak disrespectfully to your child. Scripts are there as a resource and you can get ideas from them, you don't have to follow them line by line and be robotic about it 🤷‍♀ I don't know, I've been loving the shift in content lately and the recent podcast episodes, but this one was disheartening and, though there were a couple of good points, didn't totally make sense to me. I feel like negative talk about gentle parenting leads people to justify authoritarian parenting and champion it (or a watered down version of it) as the better way. Respectful parenting (the authoritative way, not permissive) takes more effort, personal growth, and practice and I feel like some people are looking for "permission" to stop putting that effort into it. It's SO much easier to simply send your child to their room or punish them by taking away screen time than it is to guide them through the situation/feelings, set proper boundaries, problem solve, and apply the practices taught in the books suggested by Avital in the description. I never really thought I would see the day that she would encourage time outs or consequences as beneficial tough love, but I guess I can appreciate the honesty & transparency? I personally don't believe any child *needs* time outs or illogical consequences. I think it's possible to parent in an authoritative way and set boundaries/be an authority and strong supportive leader, without resorting to traditional punishments. You can show empathy AND be an authority. Empathy doesn't mean you hand over the reins to your child and are automatically permissive. None of the authors suggested in the recommended books would support time outs or similar methods of "tough love" which was another reason I was confused and frustrated by this video.

[@CJBruce]

I agree with all of this!

[@malagatanic]

Best video❤ Thank you for putting it out there so gently. Love it!

[@HiFamLife]

I'm grateful for your feedback! It's wonderful to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 By the way, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be exploring these topics in more depth. I think you'd find it insightful! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@thetaliabelle]

Thank you for sharing this! I’m in a couple gentle parenting groups on Facebook, and when I ask for advice it seems very much like permissive parenting. I couldn’t quite figure out why gentle parenting was making me feel bad!

[@HiFamLife]

Appreciate your support and glad you enjoyed the video! 😊 Sorry to hear about your experience with the Facebook community! Just a heads up, I'm currently hosting a free workshop that explores similar themes in more detail. It's pretty eye-opening! Here's the link if you're interested: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@shenanigans1232]

This was amazing🙏❤️

[@nourishedbybri5107]

This is so timely, thank you Avital - I’ve found times where I’ve said “screw this gentle parenting garbage” and in the same week criticized my mom for not doing the “connect and then correct” approach. All at once judging her parenting style of me and my own slip-ups with my kids. Yes, yes, yes - take what works and leave the rest. Over analyzing led to completely giving up on being patient with the situation. Thank you for giving us permission to just be authentic and connect with ourselves too, not just our children. ❤❤❤

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for your positive feedback! It means a lot to hear that it resonated with you. 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. It's definitely worth checking out! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@hayleychewins2435]

Having just read Magda Gerber's books, I really don't think RIE should be lumped in with the other approaches you're describing! She believed that children need to know the rules and not disciplining a child was akin to neglect. She talks about how important authenticity is in your relationship with your child -- for instance, if you feel tired, you don't have to paste a smile on your face! All the RIE thinkers I admire (Janet Lansbury, Lisa Sunbury, for example) describe parenting with boundaries, authenticity, and room for messing up.

[@kristen4050]

This is what authoritative parenting is. High standards, high support/love. Firm boundaries.

[@HosiePosie13]

Thank you thank you for this video. I’ve watched you for years and I find myself slipping out of gentle parenting because I think I’ve become a more passive parent instead as my sons have gotten older. Being a normal mom or a “good enough mom” has left me feeling guilty because of how deep the gentle parenting was in my soul. I’m coming out of it now and am so happy that I have some room to not be a perfect robot.

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts! I'm glad to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop I'm hosting on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@LindaSevers]

Teachers are REELING with the impossibility of dealing with a classful of permissively patented children. Thank you for calling out the slippery slope down to it with the newest trend in gentle parenting. We've got a whole group to influence and manage and instruct, not just one at a time. Gentle parenting is not classroom management-friendly. Love your comments on authoritative combining the best of both extremes. That is what we need to use in a safe classroom to function.

[@Adr1anoSantos]

THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!! Thank you for the courage to speak up!!! As mother of 3 under 2 I struggled so much listening to gentle parenting content and feeling sooo guilty all the time, it was only when I decided to trust God and mute these unreachable ideas that I found joy in motherhood & parenting! So thank you for being a voice to say this I wish many parents can resonate with this! ❤

[@HiFamLife]

I'm so glad to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 Just wanted to let you know about a free workshop I'm hosting on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be delving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@Nikki-ks6wi]

We do CONSCIOUS parenting now. It’s based on what my kid needs firm or encouraging support to be a good friend, partner and more.

[@michellebraude1419]

Best video ever!! 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽

[@HiFamLife]

Thank you so much, I'm grateful for your feedback! It's wonderful to hear that you found it resonant. 😊 By the way, I'm currently hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be exploring these topics in more depth. I think you'd find it insightful! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@TheErinj10]

Thank you.

[@Jer.616]

This is excellent!

[@rebeccastevens2903]

Great topic! I never identified with the terms 'attachment parenting' or 'gentle parenting' per se, but did read some books and content that had a lot of the gentle parenting themes you speak of. I read one well-meaning book that went as far as suggesting to virtually never using rewards or punishments. It sounded lovely in theory, but doesn't prepare the child for the real world- you fail to show up to your job and you get fired, you do an outstanding job and get a huge tip, etc. I do think the word trauma sometimes gets over-used and makes people feel like victims. I definitely relate to obsessing over being perfect and feeling immense guilt. I also think sometimes there is harm in these models/ideologies when child professional parents go to for support (therapists and teachers) hold these views and then the parent doesn't feel comfortable being open and never gets thorough help. Say- the parent really does have an anger problem but is too ashamed to tell their family therapist. They miss out on help out of fear that they are abusive or traumatizing the kid. They fear harsh judgment and accusations. Sometimes these ideologies cause people to feel less comfortable being honest. I'm still on the fence about yelling- I know it's become almost taboo now in a lot of parenting circles. A lot of people consider it to be emotional abuse. I also think the term abuse itself is such a grey area in modern culture. It isn't clearly defined!! In some states, it's legal for TEACHERS to spank/paddle kids. In other states it is not. Spanking is still legal countrywide, yet most parenting content I've ever come across says it is abuse. It can be so confusing!!! Overall, I've felt overwhelmed by the sea of content out there. Personally, I’ve been very permissive in some periods and then became exasperated and tried the other extreme- authoritarian parenting without realizing it. Then I felt guilty and have been trying to just be an ‘assertive’ parent instead. Generally, I’ve had the impression that permissive parenting is healthier than authoritarian parenting because it involves more love and empathy. I’ve had the impression that authoritarian parenting is emotionally neglectful, tends to be abusive, and can be associated with narcissism. Still working on how to figure out my own parenting path, but really appreciate this video!

[@DAZEY_iz_healing]

Your statement of abuse: if you click newest comments, and read my comment above yours, Im pretty sure abuse is clearly defined in there. What my son and i went thru before he was three was abuse. He had nightmares for over a year... No grey area with what we survived. Now, hes turning 11 in a month. I havent spanked my kids since leaving this monster. His little half brother is 4. Sure, my autistic son is still difficult, but spanking isnt necessary. My brother and were hit as well as spanked, by our parents as discipline, it taught nothing but fear. NOT respect. Teaching respect*should* be a goal as a parent. Teaching fear leads nowhere as i lived thru fear of my parents since i could remember (they were drunks/addicts and violently argued) I'd walk past broken furniture, dishes, and knives sticking out of wall from my parents' latest row. I understand your comment, and even agree with swapping between permissive and authority. My aim is this reply is sharing the "other side of the fence" viewpoint as someone whos survived damaging parenting, involving both yelling and spanking. The past 5 years ive been undoing damage done with EMDR and my therapist.

[@rebeccastevens2903]

@@DAZEY_iz_healing Wow, that’s a lot to go through! Yes, in your case the abuse was clearly evident. I’ve found myself confused when the descriptions of abuse I’ve read about can vary in intensity and frequency to a large degree. I’ve wondered- is all spanking abuse or does it ever have a place? Things like that. I also have experienced some situations that clearly were abuse and can relate. With situations that are more subtle, sometimes I have found myself confused over whether the abuse label would be harsh judgement over a parenting mistake or legitimate. Best wishes for your healing!!

[@DAZEY_iz_healing]

@@rebeccastevens2903 ive come across big meltdowns and tantrums(theres a difference, though theres blurry lines between the two), and even just blantant disrespect and misbehavior and never seen a moment that courh justify spanking. I dont necessarily see is as abuse, but moreso damaging. Through being a head start teacher, Conscious Discipline has proved to be more fruitful and more effective at bringing awareness to a child's action/feelings then spanking ever could. I highly recommend looking into conscience discipline!!

[@rebeccastevens2903]

@@DAZEY_iz_healing generally I agree and am less confused than in the past. Spanking doesn’t resonate with me and I think too many parents can get out of hand with it. I do resonate with a lot of conscious parenting/discipline!

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled that you resonated with the content. 😊 Just wanted to share that I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll be diving deeper into these topics. I believe it could provide valuable insights for you! Here's the link: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@nathalyariasgarces935]

OMGGGGG My thoughts exactly!! I couldn't have said it better

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled that you resonated with this! 😊 Just wanted to let you know that I'm currently hosting a free workshop that delves deeper into these topics, and I think you'd find it really insightful! Feel free to check it out here: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop Happy learning!

[@zandreamoore8128]

Thank you!

[@melianthasoenaryo5345]

Love this..thank u thank u..me too feel so overwhelm and often guilty with "why i often lose temper and cant be always like script in the gentle parenting book?" parenting became sooo tiring and like i erase my self.. while we are trying to escape from old way of parenting we got from our parents that in extreme way, we can became extreme in gentle parenting if we cant get whole perspective that yes...sometimes we yell, sometimes we lousy, feed up and thats okay.. our kids not that fragile and we are not that ignorant parent..just we re human beging..both our kids n us..no one perfect but its okay 😁 im still need the reminder n thats for points u make through this video..really comforting ❤

[@HiFamLife]

I'm glad to know that it struck a chord with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll explore these topics further. I think you'd find it valuable! Here's the link for more information: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop

[@dionisoaps5100]

All the things you said, SPOT ON!!!!!❤❤❤

[@HiFamLife]

I'm thrilled to know that it struck a chord with you. 😊 By the way, I'm hosting a free workshop on Common Sense Parenting where we'll explore these topics further. I think you'd find it valuable! Here's the link for more information: hifam.com/commonsense-workshop