5 SIGNS you are NOT a FJ (INFJ, ENFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ) Personality Type | Fe Extraverted Feeling

Diane and I list 5 signs you are NOT the FJ personality type (INFJ, ISFJ, ESFJ, ENFJ).
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Hi there! I'm Joyce, a certified MBTI® Master Practitioner, Enneagram Coach, Jungian Typology Expert, Master NLP Practitioner, and Gallup® CliftonStrengths Coach.
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#INFJ #ESFJ #ENFJ #ISFJ #16types #mbti #cognitivefunctions

[@hfortenberry]

INTJ here. This was fantastic! ❤ The concept of emotional appropriateness is something I never considered when typing someone. That’s so true!

[@RetroXRicardo]

As an ESFJ, I learned a lot and can confirm these statements are true about the FJ tendencies. Great discussion!

[@icanrelate]

Thoughts on sarcastic fjs

[@rose_yts]

Interesting. Thanks for bringing light to this section of the FJ personality types. I am within the FJ bracket, definitely.

[@ryank4955]

Thanks, Joyce, these videos have been very useful! I was surprised by the last two personality tests I took, ENFP and then INFJ before I had always gotten INFP. INFP makes the most sense based on my understanding of cognitive functions and these talks definitely helped clear things up!

[@adamahoonie]

You’ve nailed why I get frustrated by IxFPs. As an ENFP I can relate to how they feel being “swept up” in a current emotion, but I’m much more conscious of when the emotion isn’t appropriate, and I’ll “store it” for a better time. The IxFPs in my life seem to struggle a lot more to do this.

[@leogrrrl5876]

That’s so funny about the Dopamine comment! I was just texting someone about the difference of Te & Fe in this the other day, too.

[@leilacarpenter10]

I love this series of video discussions. The description of Fi as not being related to context was fascinating.

[@00Klingon]

As an INTP, married to an ENFJ with both INFP and ENFP kids, this is very accurate, and I have observable examples to compare! :)

[@getreadywithmemamma6973]

Oh my gosh my hubs and mom do this! They are right and will then consider the group members opinions, but I see this as a super strength. Holding their personal truths in a side holding tank can actually filter the real truth out ti style. I just trust them more though since they aren’t going to landslide me, or if they do I’m really really wrong. Their patience and ethical meters are insanely good. The direct thinking of Te we need sometimes, but ENTJ father exhausted me of this and while I do think we need that it can be hard to live with 24/ 7. My parents balanced each other way out and their dynamics were truly interesting. It was like having the whole world of Mbti cognitive functions in one house.

[@ekaterinal8631]

This was awesome thank you guys

[@stevepeterson5943]

You two have a real good rapport, just my opinion : ) Not much wavering from infj self assessment so far, these videos really help. And especially, that you compare the opposites! if you get what I mean. Some typers miss that, so it gets a little ambiguous, could be, maybe, kinda . . . Argh. Yes,(#4?) the juice from interactions "vs." goals. I'll happily work alone for hours and hours to an end, but one quick stimulating text or phone call is like a soul vitamin!! I'll replay it as I go along, definitely fuels my spirit. : ) Thanks as always! Infj, I believe, it seems . . . .

[@sns_taunoraka782]

My mother is an esfj and one thing I've noticed is her opinions come out in very immature ways. Like a child begging to he listened to even if the opinion isn't thought out at all. And with all fe I've met their bluntness often comes out in comoletely random ways cause they have No control over it, it's quite entertaining 😄

[@hfortenberry]

Yes I totally agree. My ESFJ stepmom acts childish at times, making everyone else very uncomfortable. She one time lashed out at my teenage nephew who has Asperger’s because he was not being well-behaved at the Thanksgiving dinner. He wasn’t even doing much but just pouting about the food. He was being quiet so we just overlooked it but she had to make a big scene and embarrass him. Everyone just got super quiet (😱). She made herself look ridiculous and childish. She’s the adult and she does not have a mental disorder and yet she behaved worse than him. I later told her so when she tried to bring it up and talk about how he was “being rude”. I told her her behavior was worse. Although not usually that extreme, that is not unusual for her. I’ve also had ESFJ coworkers who seem to have no problem being rude to people. It’s petty.

[@cazbee6126]

As an INFJ I don't doubt my own opinion (point 1). I'm very open to taking in fresh knowledge, and debating an issue, but my prior conclusions (now knowledge) are unlikely to to suddenly be invalidated by someone else's beliefs. Of course social decisions are a VERY different kettle of fish. It's pretty well always someone else's choice 😄. But that Ni-Ti powerhouse is not often swayed by the incessant ramblings of other random hoomans 😂. Great content x PS. I grew up in an NT-dominant household, so...

[@JoyceMeng22]

Yeah, that makes sense! The first point applies more to Fe dominants. Especially growing up in an NT household, I can see how that would supercharge your Ni-Ti.

[@PriHL]

Same here, I know what I think and one really needs to have a strong argument to make me change my mind (which almost never happens). My mother is an INTJ and her way of thinking really influenced me, we also share Ni, so some things just make sense to us without words. She often says that I don't even need to explain because she knows what I mean although my Fe wants to communicate ;) But yeah, intellectual values are very cherished in my family and so I can't imagine any other way than that. I often wondered about those kinds of people that seem really not to think and go: "how is that even possible?".

[@aufderscholle]

I can relate to this experience. Even so I am an FJ, being raised by NT parents that made me a very independent thinker. However I am very aware if people don't like my point of view. I have developed my strategies to get it across as save as possible.

[@dogdonut3]

This video pretty well convinced me that I'M not an fj...but most likely everyone's mom in the comments section will be.

[@JoyceMeng22]

That's where learned behaviour vs innate preferences comes into play! Becoming a mother will bring out Fe development in everyone, even if they do not have it in their conscious stack, because the role essentially requires you to be in tune with your child's emotions. For instance, I have an ESFP mother who looks like she uses Fe sometimes due to her role in life, but she is still very much an ESFP, but it can definitely make typing her more confusing.

[@Claego]

Yeah, I guess I instinctively check if everything I say is considerate of someone else's feelings. It's really annoying 😅

[@VortexThePrime]

So, I've always liked this video series, and I identify as INFJ. However, number 1 really makes me wonder. I'm all about the truth and I am very much an independent thinker. But I will prioritize social harmony since as you said "It's just not worth it" in most cases. Not to mention you can't change anyone's opinion if you just upset them more and more. I however won't change my opinion unless I believe it. I'm always open to what others have to say and don't assume I'm right. It bothers me if the majority of people disagree with me of course, but not because I think I'm wrong but it makes me feel less connected to humanity, more alien... Or that there is something wrong with me or humanity. It's not that the truth is wrong so much as the negative feeling that comes with it. I feel like I'm the only one who can see the truth sometimes and I hate that feeling because I know that can't be true. I'm not super special or anything, but it sometimes seems or feels like I'm alone in my observations, like I can see more layers of the situation than most. I've always identified that feeling as having dominant Ni. So now I'm a bit confused, I definitely feel like my Ni is dominant, but I have always had concrete opinions that only change if it sounds right to me. Of course, I will prioritize harmony, but that just means I'll bite my tongue or remove myself from the situation if possible. Im 35 now, but when I was a teenager I got INFP, but we all know how reliable those sites are. I definitely don't see myself as an Ne user because I may brainstorm a lot, but I'm always trying to narrow those ideas down, pair them down. An example being designing a board game or tabletop game. My friend who uses Ne, just keeps adding stuff to his game, a million ideas which are all cool but my job ends up defaulting to the editor as I try to cut away the fat to simplify the game, to distill it into the vision that we had. Apologies for the long winded response, and great job on the video.

[@JoyceMeng22]

Out of all the 4 FJs, INFJs are the closest I would consider to being independent thinkers. Especially if their Ti is well developed. They can be quite independent in how they arrive to their conclusions. However, there's still a checking in they do with other people's opinions and feelings while formulating their thoughts, as there's a desire to factor in truth while maintaining social harmony

[@dulcesancho3550]

I relate a lot to your comment! That feeling of social isolation when others don't see what you see, and I'm not talking only in terms of personal opinions, but analyzing things in an objective way. You feel so out of place and maybe it even gets you to second guess yourself. Thanks for putting it into words so well!

[@allyson87]

i'm pretty sure i'm an INFJ, but i don't back down from a debate if i choose to engage. but i also choose my battles and don't generally seek them out; guess it doesn't happen often, maybe 1x a month now, if that, but it gets intense. if i'm engaging, it's something i know i'm correct about and likely around a theme of injustice/protecting others... like i've gotten in trouble for refusing to stay quiet and "keep the peace" while a family member, or someone from my hometown, spews hateful misinformation, especially when it goes from prejudice and stereotypes to have an undercurrent or tone of violence. i'm also very sensitive to pick up on dog whistles, which i think makes sense for Ni-Fe-Ti... they often get surprised by how well i understand their rhetorical games and that they're very much emotion trying to look like logic (and I don't just bring thinker data or run around chasing what-about-isms)... this has made some people afraid to talk about certain "issues" in my presence, and i'm more than ok with that... that was actually my goal; gave up on changing their minds long ago

[@stevepeterson5943]

This sounds a lot like my sister, an infp. Maybe look around that area? I'm no type pro though : ) just reminded me of that specific thing with my sister, and how we differ there. . . I may have been more stalwart, younger, but overall discernment and energy conservation have buffered my investment to those exchanges. Not older sis though : ) she's up for it, and others, look sharp! Ha ha: ) - Infj (my best assessment)

[@allyson87]

@@stevepeterson5943 If you take the letters as dichotomies, I’m INFP or INTP. But by the cognitive functions, I’m fairly certain I’m INFJ. My approach to “debate” might even demonstrate that. The goal is always about community/environment safety and I’m focused on the bystanders/witnesses (Fe). But then, I’ve pretty much systematized the process (Ni/Ti), lol… I have a checklist for offenses, focused on impact on other people, to decide if it’s worth engaging. Then I assess the individual on a few factors and choose a strategy… but this is after many many years, on and off, sparring and learning about these political groups and how they work on individual/social/community levels, including the theater of “debate” (innuendo studios on KZbin has a great crash course series). it was something of a weird hobby (*cough OCD) since I was a kid and noticed similarities between people I knew irl and characters in historical fiction set in 1930s-1940s Europe… at one time, studying helped soothe my anxiety about history repeating... *laughs in Cassandra syndrome... Yes, debate theater can take a lot out of me. That’s why I don’t engage more than necessary, but after “cracking the code”, it’s more like an athlete on game day than just throwing away my energy I imagine the INFP process is very different… In my imagination they would be either extremely effective or totally counterproductive at debate theater but might not have a clue why… but gotta respect their tenacity :)

[@ErikAdalbertvanNagel]

As an ENFP I really can't relate to these 😄. Rules are made to be broken. Especially #1, I would burn from the inside if I had to follow others' opinions.

[@ninibugg6203]

After years of being mistyped as an INTJ (I was in middle-high school, tbf) and studying the cognitive functions, I've realised that I'm definitely a Ti Fe Ni Se user, mostly INFJ or ISTP. All the loops I get into have to do with me overanalyzing how I may have interacted with someone, if I said/did the wrong things, and how that'll affect what happens (Ni-Ti or Ti-Ni loop or Fe-grip). I want an opinion on my typing based on this and the TP video 1. Normally, I definitely am opinionated, and I typically "march to the beat of my own drum", according to my mom. The only time people's opinions may sway me or make me doubt myself is if I say something, and then EVERYONE in the group looks at my like "wtf, that's wrong" or they may come with tones of evidence, while all I did was make a logical assumption. Then I start to feel like "wtf did I do" and I loop or grip

[@kindauncool]

Lol, yeah, this sounds like ISTP with their Ti inferior. How direct is your communication?

[@infinitysconcinnity2418]

Very silly/trivial but important question related to the use of the word 'group': Is the implication of the word related to a) multiple people in a room at the same time or b) even a single 'other' individual (that is not yourself)? I would think that some FJs would still be really warm/caring/adapting, etc. with even a single other person in the room, where that FJ can definitely attend to and care for that individual's needs above and beyond what is considered for ones' self. As long as there is another person (or more people) in the room, they can reach out and reflect the values of the other people around them. On the other hand, if 'group' has to equal MORE THAN ONE other individual in the room (excluding the self), then this has a different connotation, especially when ONLY ONE OTHER individual is with them at any instance. Thus, can you please clarify what you mean by the word 'group' and how that affects the way that I should interpret how FJs operate. In other words, if there is a single other individual in the room and the individual naturally adapts him/herself to the other individual, is this included or excluded within the FJ domain? Thanks!

[@kimmi9697]

i didnt think i was, but this confirms i'm not an FJ 😀

[@yokami9]

Hi, I was wondering if you can maybe give me directions how can I discover my mbti better? I am very calm, quiet and peaceful person, who loves people, animals and plants. I love art, and I draw, I love to play my piano, and music (I can't live without it), take photos with my camera,... I also love to read books and to learn languages. People often call me "artistic soul" because of that, likewise, I am creative, full of ideas and etc. People always say that I am well-mannered, kind and always willing to help and to sacrifice myself for others. But, I am introverted and I can't really always be with people, it's important for me to have a alone time for myself. Also, even though I am friendly, I barely have any friends (but I am happy that I have them), because people usually misunderstood me, or think that I am too much. Okay, there's of course more to it, but here is what I think so far. First test was: INFP. I can see why I could be INFP. But I am not always in my head, but I wouldn't say that I am down to earth too. I'd say that I am both imaginative and realistic. And also I know for sure that my friend is an INFP, and we have a lot in common, but our ways of thinking differ from each other. And I also can't really relate to them. So I've decided to try doing this test again. Last time, I missed "planing thing" and "procrastinating" I don't really understand why I put that those things are true, when they are not. I finish my tasks on time, I am lazy sometimes so I can say that I delay some things sometimes, but It's like for 2 or 3 days, and then I get down to do it. I don't like routines, because I can't really keep up with them because, someting always jumps in and destroys my routines, and I don't see point in it really (for me at least). But I do plan my days, and always look at the future. Also, my INFP friend will always say that she needs more time to recharge ( like a whole week and even more); she is very introverted, while I need just 2-3 or 4-5 days, it depends. I am friendly towards people, but I can't really trust anyone so I am really reserved. I heard that some people say that I am sophisticated, so they are either afraid of talking to me, or they just don't notice me. I am okay with anything really, because if I don't have anyone, I can be alone. But I prefer to have people around me. Also, I analyse everything, like every single stuff (not to mention overthinking too and doubting myself). I am also trying to be moral. And also justice and freedom, two things that go with me. Second test result was: INFJ. But I always read that they don't have a lot of energy. Around people, I am really like really quiet, you won't hear a word from me, unless you ask me something then I'll be glad to talk to you or answer the question, but when I am alone I can be quite crazy. I can't even explain it. Or when I am with my friends I am the one who cracks jokes, makes them laugh and etc.. So my guess was, maybe ISFJ. But then they are down to earth, and they are like "mom friend". But I wouldn't say that I am a "mom friend", I more like: I will listen to you, try to help you if I can, and give you some tips, but would also tell you that you are the only one who can save yourself, I am only here to support you. So I don't think that I am ISFJ either, especially because they love routine and loves to be in their comfort zone. While I am always opet to learn something new and to experience something new. And I also put others first, and hide my emotions all the time, and I have a hard time understanding them too. So now I am wondering if I could be ENFP. Also, putting my diagnosed depression aside and anxiety as well, cuz that can only make things harder. (I am working on it every day because I can't stand negative feelings, am I always trying to be optimistic). Sorry if this is long.. But I hope that you can help me. (:

[@celiasdream145]

That’s curious because I’ve known a lot of ISFPs and INFPs that avoid conflict!

[@JoyceMeng22]

Yeah. Those with Feeling and Introvert preferences seem to be more prone to being conflict avoidant in general 🙂

[@sara.the.muggle]

Sometimes Fe gets so intense that absorbing another persons emotions feels debilitating . I recently felt like I was feeling someones emotion so strongly, that I couldnt get out of it. It made me physically sick. When I described it to them, they confirmed that they were feeling the exact same way. Weird! It feels like you're not your own person, that you belong to the group. That sounds dramatic and sad 😅

[@benjaminfast5496]

Hm, I've thought I was an INFP for a while, but every one of these points hit hard for me. It's strange though, I'm certain I'm a feeler, but the Fi/Fe have always been the functions that I get stuck on. The more I'm around other Fi users the more I think I have Fe. But then I meet people that are quite intrusive and ALWAYS focused on other people or trying to control/influence other people and that stresses me out, even when it isn't directly affecting me. That makes me think they are dominant Fe/Te people. So then I think, maybe I'm an IXFJ. I can say with certainty I'm not an ISFJ. I know way too many of them and our brains function so differently. Their dominant Si controls/restricts their entire life and change stressed them out so much. Then I consider than I'm an INFJ, and it seems to fit sometimes. Except that Ni is supposedly very future goal oriented and that is their constant mind frame. I think into the near future, like "what shows are on this week?" "Do I have plans this weekend?" "I can't wait for this new game that's coming out in 2 months!" I don't set goals for myself though. Also, with Fe, I am not really thinking about others' needs until I'm actually with them. When I'm alone, I'm completely tuned out to reality and other people. As soon as I have someone around me, I have this underlying anxiety of trying to ensure they're content and happy, being thoughtful/tactful in how I say things, and most definitely beating around the bush to spare their feelings. It's why I enjoy being alone a lot of the time. I can truly relax and tune everything out.

[@JoyceMeng22]

A lot of these points apply to Feelers in general too! So, I wouldn't use any of these signs as definitive evidence to determine your type, they're just additional data points to consider. Something you might want to look into: FPs who are Enneagram 9 (or 2) relate to Fe more strongly. So you may have a unique intersection of qualities from different personality systems such as the Enneagram and MBTI.

[@gracemaple1060]

What you said actually reminds me of myself, and I'm an INTP. When I'm alone, I'm very tuned out just like you said. However, I am a huge people pleaser when I'm around people. Its that inferior Fe that always gets me haha. It definitely stresses me out trying to ensure other people are happy, and being tactful and careful of what I say around people. People told me I was sensitive and emotional for the longest time when I was younger. It was because emotions that I ignored would build up inside me and burst out at inopportune times. The reason I know I'm a thinker and not a feeler is how I think about people when I'm not around them. I am always trying to figure out their patterns of behavior and I think up rules for how I should interact with a certain person. Its all very logical, and doesn't work that often because people are too complex. I also just prefer thinking logically, and I it feels most natural when a conversation turns to something like philosophy, or trying to figure out why something is the way it is. I also definitely have Ne. I tend to think up ideas in an 'bunch of different fuzzy things all at once' manner, and I have a hard time not playing the devils advocate even with my own opinions. The combination of imagining others' possible judgement and the ability to think up counter arguments makes it hard for me to settle on my own opinions. I need to really understand the inner workings of something to decide I believe that thing (although sometimes I will act like I have an opinion around other people when I don't). I would ask yourself about your values and opinions. I've noticed Fi users tend to be way more attuned to their feelings on things than I am, even if they aren't good at explaining them. I can sometimes have a hard time differentiating between my own emotion and another person's emotion that I've taken on, and some of my wants can sound super robotic (ie: I want children so I can pass on my genes and life lessons).

[@VortexThePrime]

From what I know and feel, Ni isn't about planning... It's about looking into the future consequences of your actions. So you can get an idea of what will happen if you do a particular thing. An INTJ is more likely to be goal oriented to that level and plan their future. INFJ in my opinion are more like forecasters, we can see what's coming by knowing the patterns that have occurred.

[@benjaminfast5496]

@@JoyceMeng22 Very interesting that you bring up Enneagram. I am in fact a 9. I think 9w1, but my 8 can come out sometimes too. I've been researching a lot of these systems for a few years now and I find it fascinated. I consume it almost daily. But for some reason the MBTI throws me a lot. I think because the stereotypes are so prevailant that I have a hard time fully relating to any type. I study the functions a lot, but while I can see them in other people I can see them more clearly. Looking at myself, I just feel like I'm so complex and I jump back and forth between who I used to be and who I am now; when I'm alone, with friends, or at work; so many factors to consider. It's also hard when all of my friends "humour me" when I talk about this stuff, but don't actually research it themselves. So I never actually learn anything from them outside of my own oberservations.

[@benjaminfast5496]

@@VortexThePrime There seems to be confusion about Ni which I why I struggle to identify with it. Lol. I definitely foresee outcomes of my actions before I don't them in terms of how I interact with others and I has helped me to have great friendships with people. They see me as a warm and understanding person who give great advice. But I never really feel understood by anyone. I'm also not a quiet, anxious or timid person outwardly, but inwardly I'm second guessing myself a lot (mostly when it relates to other people.) I rarely make a decision without considering other's opinions first because I don't want anyone to feel forgotten. So when someone else tries to take charge and make decisions for a group without consider my opinion, it bothers me A LOT. A wall goes up and I struggle to be present with the group. Also, if INTJ with their Te is more goal oriented, than I wonder how other INFJ's feel about making future goals? Do they even think about it? I rarely do, and when others try to challenge me to consider my future more it stresses me out. I can think about it and search online to ideas, but I can never come to a conclusion. I ask my friends/family what their opinions are (because I don't want my decisions to affect others poorly or have them think poorly of me), but I almost want to deny their opinions (because they don't really know me and what's best for me), but also don't trust my own opinions. So I remain stagnant.

[@itsmeraz3008]

That's such a strange concept of fi= emotion= lack of appropriateness. Highly simplistic and possibly offensive even. Many fi users do not evaluate their feelings until they are out of the group setting. Many fi users will certainly judge the situation and act accordingly. It's possible to find an immature fi user that will make it about them and not the group setting.

[@JoyceMeng22]

Yes, our interpretation of Fi could be butchered due to us lacking a first person perspective of how it's like to have Fi, and the time constraint of the video, as we are trying to keep it to 10 minutes max. So thank you for pointing this out. My apologies if it came off as insensitive!

[@itsmeraz3008]

@@JoyceMeng22 thank you so much for your reply. I have been thinking about fi quite a lot over the last day, and I think for me I have realised that I have learnt to decipher my feelings and understand them very clearly. And I use that to make choices. I generally do not act first but ponder a whole lot. So feelings do not necessarily govern me in immediate action per se. Hence I didn't initially understand what was said in the video. And thank you again Joyce for your kindness and thoughtfulness ❤️

[@NerdyNightingale]

I'm trying to figure out if I'm more Infp or Infj. So what if your hyperly aware of what a group needs from you, but it's more work than you know you're capable of, which then puts you into a state of distress internally both during the situation and for weeks later. You want to regulate the emotions of the environment by making sure the needs of everyone there are met, but can't even map out and address your own needs which is also a source of distress. You value the needs of others above your own, but not genuinely for their wellbeing. You feel that way because you cannot experience independent happiness without it being filtered through and expressed by another person. Or in another instance, feeling deemed wrongfully inferior by the crowd and therefore fulfilling that role within the crowd, but seeing yourself as superior when in independent thought away from that group of people? Thanks in advance.

[@NathanPatto09]

It sounds to me like you are more of an Fe user.

[@NerdyNightingale]

@@NathanPatto09 Thing is I dislike and distrust most people. But Interacting with people can either be draining or fulfilling depending on their mood. I need interaction, but I spend more time isolating in thought because I'm scared of awkward/ uncomfortable interaction. And in my head I have total control. In my head I can play out every good, bad, and otherwise interaction without the risk. So I'd rather be with 1 really good energy person than alone, but I'd rather be alone than with a group of people that drain me.

[@writerducky2589]

@@NerdyNightingale Still sounds like Fe. Fi does not automatically dislike or distrust other people, nor does Fe automatically like and trust everyone. Both of them can do both so that's more of an individual thing. Ni likes to stay in its own head, which checks out with what you said previously. (That said, so do the other introverted functions, I believe, but Ni is particularly notorious for it in the community.) INFJ and INFP don't share any functions, so comparing other pairs, i.e. Ne vs Ni, might provide some more insight.

[@schmoyoho8997]

What is Diane's type?

[@JoyceMeng22]

ENFJ!

[@m2pozad]

There had better be independent thinking FJ males, along with enneagram 8, or I'm off to the land of misfit toys.

[@fatimamarchini8622]

what about a Ni Ti Ops?