5 Signs You're Dealing with a Covert Narcissist

[@NarcSurvivor]

They constantly play the victim. Nothing is ever their fault. All while they are secretly undermining you and pitting people against each other. They want to silence you. They don’t like it when you speak your truth. They are habitual complainers. They always have something negative to say. Even though they’re usually the cause of their own suffering. They bring it on themselves with their toxic behaviour.

[@LoudonMetal]

VERY VERY CORRECT and TRUE CHRIS !!!!! I am 66 yrs old, studied psychology most of my life and I have LIVED in the insidious abuse with the COVERT NARC !! Thank you...💯🙏

[@clintonnagy1662]

So true. I experienced this first hand. They refuse solutions because it shows vulnerability or they feel they owe youin return for your help & kindness. Their minds are wired differently.

[@TheCelestIntelligence9]

Are you talking about woman?

[@xav9156]

The toughest part of this video is to realize it describes my mother perfectly. It is very painful. Love Xav

[@mistiquefire3462]

Covert narc moms are sick. When the mask comes off it's pure evil and ramps up . We need to talk

[@gypsylee73]

I understand it being painful - my mother is incredibly covert.. She's in her 80s and I'm in my 50s and for decades I was abused. My younger brother (and only sibling) passed away in 2014 (drugs) and my dad left her in the 1990s. So it's just me (same old Scapegoat) and her.. And atm I have to live in her spare room!! But the pain can lessen and you can get stronger. Your mother fitting this video perfectly means she's predictable. That's one of our biggest advantages. Just admitting it is painful for you shows strength 😊❤🌹

[@anoninii]

Very painful to say the least.. No one can break your heart like your mother..

[@anoninii]

​@@gypsylee73 shiiiit...do you have an urge to get out of there and away from her??

[@lisalambert81865]

I have dealt with narcissists since birth, didn’t know what they were until I was in my forties. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m done healing and labeling and just live. Can’t change the past, can’t change anyone. Release it and let it go. All of this didn’t start with them or the past few generations, so who do we blame. There’s no one to blame because we have all made mistakes and we are all imperfect, if it doesn’t feel good and you can’t live with it don’t, that simple.

[@jokerpilled2535]

The hardest part of life is dealing with toxic people, that’s why it’s important to keep wise and experienced people around you who not only understand people but also want to help you avoid the same mistakes they made regarding their own relationships and struggles.

[@CalmBeforeTheStorm76]

I was in a relationship with one for almost two years. It caused more damage than I can describe. I was a high value man... I thought I was doing the right thing by helping her. But, the contempt.. She had contempt for my successes. She thought I was betraying her... so often. The most difficult thing is that my brain and body love her. But, what I experienced and witnessed tell me she can't love me, because someone who loves me wouldn't do what she's done.

[@theLamb-m3s]

theyre immature and insecure, you cant fix that..i know.😊

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Just realized that their hook with "I love you" is a play on our natural affinity to repair. It is masked as repair in order to install the cycle of abuse.

[@meancrank9039]

I have a brother who i believe may be a covert narcissist. He’s always the victim, and stonewalls about adjusting his own behavior at home, but always puts on a different face in public. My parents aren’t narcissistic, and they’re onto him too.

[@jokerpilled2535]

A narcissist can only control you if you have nowhere else to go to. That’s why it’s important to have many different social circles separate from each other. You never know who’s your friend one day that becomes your enemy in another. Having a large pool of options gives you the freedom to leave toxic people without fear of being alone. But even then, sometimes it’s better to be alone than to be around narcissists.

[@llkellenba]

Subtle insults embedded in any significant interaction. There’s generally a victim persona doing the devaluation and it’s hard to parse out the negative message directly in the context of a long interaction. This is a long term pattern. Always comes to this stage. A sister that has always had resentments and anger towards me - for basically everything. Not being a saved Christian, not being a perfect homemaker, not being married. Still talks about how “willful” I was as a CHILD. I was But the overriding issue after 60 plus years is I didn’t save her from our chaotic abusive family. I’m only 1-1/2 years older but apparently I was responsible for her and failed. Which by the way my parents frequently pushed that narrative. Every problem my sister had was somehow MY failing and fault. I’ve done much seeking and recovery work. This is dysfunctional family behavior and ridiculous.

[@KatherineGrey-pz9on]

For me, the covert narcissist comes across as a people pleaser. They like to be in the spotlight to get the validation that they crave for, as other narcissists but at the same time, they pretend to be humble, simple, generous, over giving. The covert narcissist will take time to build a relationship/friendship with you. During this period, they will show their admiration and their devotion by helping you with everything that is you need. They will try to convince you that you are soulmates and that they understand you deeply. At the same time, you will see them being overly altruistic, maybe helping society by engaging in charities, activism. They feed the poor, take care of the homeless. All this makes you think how lucky you are for having met such a beautiful soul. You want to be by their side for ever. However, soon you notice how much they enjoy being invited in galas to talk about their achievements. But they don’t admit that. They still play the humble guy who doesn’t want all this. Who is beyond money, beyond fame and recognition, who wants to share the floor with other people. But their acts don’t match their words. You come to realise that this selfless soul is actually doing whatever it takes to be in the centre of attention. When you do something together be it at work or at home, they want to control everything about it. They just exerce their control in a more polite and implicit way, making you believe that your voice was heard whereas in reality you did what they wanted you to do. Covert narcissists have a smooth way of leading you on. They don’t shout, they don’t give orders. They are master actors. They convince you that you are together in this. What makes them a narcissist is that when the time comes for them to use you in order to draw certain benefits, they will do it without a second thought and you are not going to believe in your eyes. And when you stand up for yourself and raise your voice against them calling them for their phony identity, then you will see their rage for the first time and the mask will fall. Covert narcissists manipulate less with rage/exhibiting superiority and more with people pleasing behaviour/playing the eternal victim. They are not aggressive as overt narcissists. They are more cunning. What they both have in common is self-centered ness and lack of empathy. In the case of coverts, it will take you longer to find out.They knew what they wanted to get out of you from the beginning. They created a whole theatre play to fool you about who they are and their true motives. You will trust them with all your heart but when the time comes for them to prove their loyalty by choosing your bond over their personal gain, they will choose the latter with no remorse, without even taking any responsibility. Unlike the overt narcissist, they will have an eloquent excuse for doing so, rationalizing why they had to f@ck you over. They will pretend to be sorry about it because this is something that matches the image of modesty that they want to project but in reality they are not sorry at all. You will see them partying with your own money when they said they didn’t have enough to pay you back. You will see them being unfair and untrustworthy to other people as well. When the mask of the victim will fall, you will see the cruel smile of a perpetrator who managed to get what they want without deserving it. If you decide to unmask them run for your life. Additionally, If you need to uncover the truth about a cheating narcissist, send your request to MetaspyHub@gmail. com for discreet and effective assistance.

[@reettaelina]

This is so important😢because the anxiety level is too high if you don't listen to your truth

[@jeanahill8756]

So good! This is so was my reality. I am so happy to be on a road to healing. Thank you for the spot on information!

[@lifetimeactor6789]

They insult you so subtly that you don't even notice you've been insulted until a few hours later when you feel like crap.It's like time-release poison. In my case therapy helped me pay attention to what I was feeling and explore where it was coming from until I could trace it back to realize why I felt like that. What they said, or implied along with their tone, etc... So sneaky. The thing is, I needed to be away from her before I even noticed anything happened. It's so crazy because during the time of the visit it seemed like everything was nice. After I left, I was flooded with feelings of being a pathetic loser, out of nowhere, which was when I realized where they came from. (My friend's covert narc wife was jealous of me & her husband's friendship). I pray she sees the Light and comes to repentence while she's still drawing breath, but I don't ever want to be around her again if I don't have to be.

[@jasminebarratt1809]

Yes I think the insults can infiltrate your subconscious so it can take a while to process. Someone told me once, whatever you don't consciously reject, you subconsciously accept, so I guess you have to be careful what you expose yourself to.

[@alexandrugheorghe5610]

Your nails are awesome. Also, thanks for covering this topic. My father was a covert narcissist. Not full blown npd, though high on the spectrum.

[@tenningale]

6:29 Yep, had to fake like I was interested in a certain career I didn't want with my covert narc mom, then pretended like I failed at it. It's like you're a sock puppet. Then she wants to know financial information. She can't believe anyone would ever do my career (for me, it's vastly better in every way) even though she doesn't understand anything outside her narrow view.

[@JamieR]

When you are happy they love to bring up terrible world events or subjects which bring you down. Then as your mood gets brought down, they become cheerful. Energy vampires.

[@sadie45]

This is exactly what my husband is. Says he loves me but is abusive to me later in the day. Tried to make me feel like I'm a bad person but he still loves me anyway because he is such a good person. No-one else but him would put up with me.

[@mistiquefire3462]

EXACTLY. ITS SO SICK

[@anamericanman]

Still producing great content, thank you

[@Shadowman...]

_My mother tells me that she loves me all the time. Same person who_ 1. tricked me into going to a cookout knowing the person who disrespected me ( who I was trying to avoid ) was there 2. lied about the start time of the cookout so I was 1 hours late 3. tells everyone my personal business ( has an addictive need to betray ) 4. made fun of me when I accidentally stuttered while talking 5. pretended to not hear what i said so i would repeat myself- just to get screamed at half way through my sentence 6. tricked me into going to a restaurant knowing there were two people there i was trying to avoid 7. would gaslight me taking conversation into the twilight zone 8. would turn up the oven ( and not tell anyone ) to purposely burn the meal so she could SCREAM HER LUNGS OUT@YOU 9.would walk away from a hot pan on the stove and make a phone call just to blame you for turning it down and saving it. 10. I could go on but you got the idea~ Lots of yelling, Lots of Guilt, Lots of blame, Lots of anger _This is the person who says she loves me. They LOVE the IDEA of YOU THEY LOVE HIGHLY SENSITIVE PEOPLE that they know will be affected by there abuse_ But in her defense I can say, PEOPLE ONLY CAN LOVE TO THE EXTENT THAT THEY WERE TAUGHT. I WISH HER CHILDHOOD COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER.

[@michelleb4940]

Every. Single. Video RESONATES WITH ME 😭

[@Truthteller1s]

Their apologies usually sound something like, "I'm sorry but..."

[@clintonnagy1662]

" I'm sorry YOU feel that way".... " I'm sorry you felt I was being mean". " I'm sorry that you misunderstood me" " I'm sorry, but you made me do it ".

[@Drogonmoon]

If they say something demeaning just before they leave - ghosting is psychopath within covert NPD. There is no cure, or therapy that works - they always fall back into their old ways and cheat with multiple partners - that’s how they get their kicks by hurting you emotionally.

[@BryaDen76]

Some narcissists will pretend to be victims of narcissists in order to manipulate and gaslight you. I dated someone that claimed every guy they dated was a narcissist but turned out she is the narcissist she accused every person in her life if being .

[@clintonnagy1662]

Exactly. Same. That's why I'm thinking about reaching out to her ex, and asking him about the relationship he had with her. Unfortunately, I did that with an ex years ago, and turns out...she was RIGHT !! Her ex was such an A-Hole narcissist, I regretted calling him for answers.😮

[@rebeccahesser8057]

Dealt with this for my whole life with a parent and now just out of a 15 year relationship with someone that had these tendencies. My whole system was screwed up. I already have health problems but now I can ACTUALLY feel the real symptoms instead of everything being massively magnified. Things are looking better at least somewhat now thank goofness

[@TaeglicheNarzisst]

Thank you Michele! ❤

[@kathyskeens1930]

You can't be you over time, then you've lost yourself, run...

[@davidlee1176]

God bless you 🙏🏻

[@clairexxx0405]

This was too close to home it must be my fault as I've been in more than one abusive relationship 😳 including abuse as a child. I'm so ashamed of myself for getting into these things. I am very low in my self belief thank you for these helping things.... That was unloving and unkind. Thank you.

[@Livfree73]

Not your fault. ❤❤❤ to you and all of us who survived this

[@clintonnagy1662]

I've been feeling the same way since my last break-up. Self reflection is hard to do... Unfortunately, I fall back into the same TRAP and get my heart broken. I have a track record of dating toxic women.( Covert Narcissists ) I'm embarrassed and ashamed. I try to keep my emotions out of it but it gets sexual and I get too attached and the cycle repeats itself. I want a healthy relationship but keep making the same mistakes and trusting the same toxic women. Then I blame myself because it ends the same everytime. My choices are keep making the same mistakes, or remain ALONE.

[@leonasweny1525]

@@clintonnagy1662learn to love yourself and try to recognise these people before you get too involved. ❤❤❤

[@psalm1197]

Have you ever come across a CN who makes rules about what conversation topics must be avoided? My DIL does not allow my son or his social circle to talk about travel, vacations, work overseas, as she has never been anywhere and she says it’s hurtful to her to listen to other people talk about such types of “adventure””….and everyone goes along with this rule!

[@melissa8696]

They be like I’m sorry you got angry at what I said or what I did. Or lie and say I apologized when no they did not. Or if you say sorry to them even if it wasn’t your fault or your issue and it was them and you say to try to keep peace they say ya you should be sorry. 🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬💯 Omgsh they get on my last nerve.

[@Shadowman...]

My brother in law wouldn't even make a simple phone call to check on his elderly father because of all the anger and abuse from my sister. ( sadly, his father passed away a short time after that ) And this is a guy who in the past, Built his own home and worked for a major company, and used to stand up for himself. Learned helplessness ~like a dog getting an electric shock, her anger had him in fear of every thought, desire and dream. ( at least he could breath the air around him without asking for permission ) _for now?????_

[@FantasticMrGhost]

Thanks for the info. Quick question for you. What mic are you using? I have a Blue Yeti but it sounds a little tinny. Also, do you use any filters or an EQ? Thanks and sorry for the off topic comment.

[@DennisD-yv4ys]

Those implied non-verbal impossible to achieve expectations! Sometimes with a moving goal post😳 terribly insidious form of abuse 😕

[@weronikawyszkowska3345]

This is my mother:(

[@DawidJakubowski7]

Don't. Wait.

[@Dan0rioN]

The crazy part many of them seem to actually believe their bs

[@andyserkiz3384]

I think if you could specify the times for these zoom sessions that would be really useful.

[@jeffbray190]

Best advice is to leave you've become a puppet

[@janettekreulen54]

I think that a covert narcissist as husband trying to let you feel that you are his child, he knows everything better, he is a moral knight, you don't pick flowers that is not from you, you dont walk on the grass you stay on the side walk. When you do that he embarrassed you when others are there Everything you saying is wrong he knows it better and when you want something he said no. And if you says no he does it. Always the upper side

[@Exhaustedbutresilient]

100% true. Funnily enough, I dated a covert narcissist man who condescended and snarked at me for walking on the “wrong” part of the sidewalk, the devaluation stage was coming in hot. Anything they can, they’ll nitpick just to mess with your mind and criticize you to feel superior.

[@reettaelina]

You are beautiful😊

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

The notion of a flawless marriage or relationship is a myth. There's no set formula for success; what works for one couple may not work for another. Yet, I've discovered that there's always a way forward, even in the most challenging times. Five years ago, my wife and I encountered significant hurdles in our marriage that nearly led to divorce. Despite the adversity, we managed to weather the storm and emerge from it with our bond renewed and revitalized

[@GregMunro]

There is a lot of sense in what you just said and I hope mine works the same way too, we are currently separated but I cant live without her, I love her so much. wish I can get her back I can do anything to have her back, we have tried therapy amongst other things

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

Its always difficult to let someone you love go, but in my case I had the help of a spiritual adviser who saved my marriage from collapsing her name is shelly renee white

[@TrentReeves-c2k]

You wont regret it

[@cassiebennet4262]

This has absolutely nothing to do with pathological narcissism. You haven't experienced this type of abuse.

[@kingsix2000]

One thing that i noticed it's that a lot of their manipulation has an insane amount of sadism in it. Why would she triangulate? Why would she ask if you ever loved her? Why would she say that she needs you to feel as miserable as she feels when you are apart. All these things are so manipulative and so sadistic. They are in it for your pain.

[@clintonnagy1662]

I noticed her sadistic manipulation. She would challenge me to engage in the things that included pushing myself beyond my comfort level. Example: once she asked me to walk with her on the coldest day of the year. I mentioned the windshield was 5 degrees but she wanted to go anyway... She mentioned stopping halfway for hot coco in a local restaurant but refused to go in because it looked packed. We continued to walk 2 miles back home but she had a smile on her face encouraging me to push on. I knew I had to show it didn't bother me but later gained her respect. She said she NEVER dated anyone who could push through the elements ( next to her ) without complaint. I realized my discomfort ( in the cold ) was her pleasure. Ironically this concept carried into the bedroom. The more she got me off, the more her ego would build even tho I killed myself to climax 4 times in an hour. 😅 sadistic!

[@patrickdaigle5239]

🔥😍🔥

[@KATOGOJIRA7223]

First all this wouldn't go under the radar or us to runaway or the favorite it's not about us crap if we face these demons call them out more expose them

[@sksainc688]

you're* ... Your title has a grammatical error.

[@FromSurvivingToThriving]

thank you!!!