I hit that breaking point earlier this year you referred to. It scared me intensely and I started going to therapy. Learning about childhood emotional neglect has completely shifted my perspective on many things throughout my upbringing, and I'm still unraveling and making sense of it all. I feel a lot less alone knowing that there are actual terms for what I'm experiencing and that I'm not an inherently damaged person like I believed I was for all of my life.

SUCHHH a PROFOUND video. Sooo well explained! Loved it ma'am, thank you for this. Much love to you and your work ❤️

Thanks so much. Learned I am not a narcissist.

Where the video

Okay WOW! When you described being rewarded by a let up of abuse when you would finally explode and have a reaction, I swear I have never related so much and I never could find the words as eloquently as you did. So THANK YOU! As soon as I couldn't hold it in anymore he would get this like smile of self satisfaction on his face and would back off of me. The way he looked in that moment! It was scary. Like that's what he had wanted all along for me to get to that point where I felt so small and irrelevant and disrespected and disregarded like so NOTHING- that i physically couldn't hold it all inside anymore and he like enjoyed. To see me that way and to be the one who did it. It's heartbreaking to see someone you love be able to treat you that way. I'm having a hard time with acceptance bc know my relationship will never be healthy but I also know I miss the person he pretended to be. 😢

My father was a narcissist, but really I was one of his favorites. My mother, who was the most lovely, perfect, good kind quiet person disliked me because I was one of my dad‘s favorites and he she was down Troughton by him all the time. So, my mother, as I even went from youth into teenage years She treated me with a narcissistic behavior, I was a problem I was spoiled, and I was kind of sarcastic and all that, but she labeled me and would tell all the relatives that I was as horrible child and if I did something wrong, she would shame me which I didn’t really even Realize what she was doing then. I don’t think she meant to, etc. So I marry a narcissist, emotional abuser, married for 1721 years with dating. I did become a different person. I was a shell of a person, to this day 20 years later I am retraining myself to be at peace in my inner self. No one really believed me if I told anything that happened so I kept it to myself. I’ve had tons of physical ailments, but I know the truth. I know God‘s will and goodness for me, but it is a treacherous awful life to live. I have never looked for validation. I have very strong self-worth, but even then I questioned myself. And those who should’ve been there for me would tell me I was just had such an anxiety problem. I I had a problem and I need to go on medication

My father was a narcissist, but I was one of his favorites. My mother, who was the most lovely, perfect, good kind quiet person disliked me because I was one of my dad‘s favorites and he she was downtrodden by him all the time. So, my mother, as I even went from birth through teenage years She treated me with narcissistic behavior, I was a problem I was spoiled, and I was kind of sarcastic and all that, but she labeled me and would tell all the relatives that I was as horrible child and if I did something wrong, she would shame me which I didn’t really even Realize what she was doing then. I don’t think she meant to, etc. So I marry a narcissist, emotional abuser, married for 20 years. I did become a different person. I was a shell of a person, to this day 20 years later I am retraining myself to be at peace in my inner self. No one really believed me if I told anything that happened so I kept it to myself. I’ve had tons of physical ailments, but I know the truth. I know God‘s will and goodness for me, but it is a treacherous awful life to live. I didn’t look for validation except from men. I have very strong self-worth, but even then I questioned myself. And thos who should’ve been there for me would tell me I just had such an anxiety problem and should go on medication. It’s been a long road, I’ve learned a lot. Suffered a lot God has been with me and show me my worth and power again.

Great video. I stumbled across the yellow rock technique, it is a more pesky version of grey rock. I think it doesn’t hurt to mix it up a little, so that the whole experience does not feel perfunctory

My X-spouse was so Covert & Passive Aggressive, that when he came over to the basement stairs as I shared a thought with him . . . I supposed that he was just being unusually attentive. In reality he waited for me to turn around and head downstairs to sweep his foot under mine and send me several feet upward. I landed on my forearm and tore my shoulder in three places. My daughter had given me a flight ticket for Christmas so I could go visit her in Colorado for a few days . . . I never dreamed it was him till he started acting out aggressively during the discard phase a few years later. What a journey it has been!

Wow the thought that other people are allowed to be angry seems so simple but my brain is rejecting that thought😂 I wanted to unfollow a former classmate from secondary school and I felt very bad like how will she feel if I unfollow her that I didn’t later do it

I was a child of a narcissist parent, I came from a very difficult life with him, and was homeless with him for a very long time in the past and never had a good home life growing up. I managed to escape him, and had to go great lengths to get away from him. I was lucky to have known the people that had helped me and allowed me to stay with them. I went to go be with my extended family that had found me on the internet. They flew me in first class to go be with them, and I genuinely felt that I would belong with them because they’re my family. At first there was this honeymoon period, they thought of me as a gift from grandma that passed away. But what seemed like a gift from the universe, only turned into something that had psychologically wounded me. I was only with them for 3 months because of how difficult they seemed to have been to live with, and how strict and conditional their love and regard was towards me. I felt like I couldn’t really be loved or accepted for just the way I am, or that I had to constantly fit in to their idea of how I should live my life and be like to them. I felt like I was some kind of flawed and inadequate kid. I would hear them say things like “but he wasn’t raised that way!” “oh it’s just gonna take time”, “I just think he just wasn’t raised properly” …and it felt like I had to constantly jump through hoops in order to be loved, and if I don’t, then it’s basically ‘bye peace out can’t live with your family’. To this day I feel this deep, inner wound of rejection and unworthiness that I carry each and every day. My aunt would ask this weird question “what are the advantages that you think you have of being here?” but in my mind I’m like ‘I didn’t come here just so I can gain some kind of material advantages, I came to have a life here with my family just like any other kid would with their families, not a quid pro quo’. But I just told her “I don’t know” , and she replied “then why did you come live with us honey?” and she didn’t even have any idea why I went to go be with them, even though she invited me and said “why not come stay here?” I had unfortunately received some invalidating comments from others that I’ve tried to speak to about my trauma, they’ve said things like “why should they love you” and “who are you and why should you be loved and cared for” and another person said “you don’t seem to realize that you’re wanting a warped and distorted image of your family” “you are not your brother you’re not their kid” and I’ve basically been labeled as having some kind of “sense of entitlement”. So for a kid or young person to have an innate desire and need to have a family home or to simply live with his or hers own family they would have a “sense of entitlement”? What kind of cold world do we live in? Isn’t every kid or young person deserving of what I believe to be the most basic, simplest thing that any young person could have, which is a family home, or to simply live with one’s own blood relational family, in a home? With parents, caregivers, siblings, etc? Shouldn’t it be like the norm and standard for every kid or young person? But for some reason, I’m being considered by some people as like bad, evil or reprehensible for trying to have that with my own family? I tend to think if my friends can live with their families, why can’t I live with mine? I once had a former friend who I thought would always be validating of my trauma, but he one time went against me and invalidated me and said; “Well they raised your brother! They raised him and not you so he’s their kid!” and he laughed at me. So whose kid am I? Where does that leave me then? and so after some years later I came to figure out, that perhaps the reason why I was treated the way I was treated by my family, was all because they raised my sibling and they never raised me. I can’t believe that, I went through that whole process, of getting away from my father, and finally got to be with my extended family and my brother that I never got to grow up with since we were born, and after going through such a nightmarish life with a narcissist father, only for it to, pretty much, backfire on me? all because ‘they raised him and not me’. So in order for a kid or young person to live with his or hers own family they have to be born and raised into it? And it’s unfair to me how my brother got to have what they called a “privileged life” while my life and upbringing got robbed by a toxic father. I have had someone that recognized the validity of my feelings though, and that person said ‘how in the world can you not be allowed just the same if not more’. I remember I stayed with a friend of mine and his family because his mom couldn’t sleep at night knowing that I was sleeping in a car in a parking lot somewhere with my father. They treated me as equally as their two boys, I wanted that with my family and my brother. It’s incredibly sad and disheartening to me that, I go to my family expecting all the love and care in the world, only to seemingly be met with sort of the opposite, I just don’t understand that if they can love and care for one kid all of his life why can’t they do just the same for the other? I believe every kid and young person deserves a good home life with their families. But I guess I can’t have that with my own family all because they raised him and not me. I used to envy other kids that had normal family homes, I stayed with some of them, but couldn’t actually live with them or claim it as my home all because I just, ‘wasn’t their kid’. They bought a condo and now my brother is living in it for free… I was told that there was only one baby on the table… We never chose our parents. and I never chose this life…

I feel so responsible for how others feel

This is soooo me… it made my friendship dynamic sooo unhealthy for me

My father… when he angry he is really angry so I always tried to be the little perfect girl so he wouldn’t be angry with me… is this still valid?

I had an ex that accused me to not critizise him for not going into the gym! I had no clue that they want that. I liked him the way he was. Sexy for me but i as well would have supported him if he would liked to be in muskleshape. So carefull here! I push noone not in "good" and not in "bad". How you do ot its wrong and thell find a way to accuse you of whatever!

Very good video!!!! Thanks!

This is why when I confronted my x / he called police in fear of his life ...2x Work environment lolo ..any compliment publicly i would get he would back bash me

1. It wasn’t your fault & there is nothing you can do 2. You will be blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family (they think it is okay to scream and yell at you & you are not allowed to be angry; you are not listening and are a problem vs you are setting boundaries and have a sense of self ) 3. They smear your name to everyone especially when people like you which makes them feel inferior so here comes the smear campaign - lies. Rejection is projection. 4. Triangulated to control the narrative 5. The realty of how many times you have been set up to look like the problem ( **Letting go is better for you in the long run

1. It wasn’t your fault & there is nothing you can do 2. You will be blamed for everything that goes wrong in the family (they think it is okay to scream and yell at you & you are not allowed to be angry; you are not listening and are a problem vs you are setting boundaries and have a sense of self ) 3. They smear your name to everyone especially when people like you which makes them feel inferior so here comes the smear campaign - lies. Rejection is projection. 4. Triangulated to control the narrative 5. The realty of how many times you have been set up to look like the problem ( **Letting go is better for you in the long run

Honestly and respectfully, I don’t care if they are a narc or toxic, they’re both bad and I refuse to deal with either one. I’m just grateful I know how to deal with either one if I HAVE to (short term).

It's said that an animal is more afraid of you than you are of them. Well, that's the way it's been with my SIL. After a while, I realized she's afraid of me. One time I was deflecting the bait, and I inadvertently triggered her. She had a collapse that I had never seen before. Now she has turned to other targets. I attribute it all to what I've learned in these safe, well-informed, and generous online resources and communities. I wish you all a better-than-ever 2025.

They make you dependent on them and then shame you for it. They're evil. They hate you and they hate everyone because they hate themselves. They're really trying to punish their original caregiver(s).

Ending it forever means leaving forever

I'm the fifth child being a lost child i had eight siblings no1,3,7,8 stated in gold child no 2,4,6 stated in scapegoat child and mine stated in no 5 as the lost child. Now i understood why my moms kept blaming me about the reason for my delivery into this world i assumed she had tried to abort me however unsuccessfully

The 1st 90 seconds is so REAL!

I had a nervous breakdown earlier this year where i lost access to most of my emotions and then i repressed the emotions i had left to punish myself for abusive behaviour because i thought i did not deserve to have emotions if i do not radically change my life and i do not believe i can change my life so i numbed myself even more to have consequences for bad behaviour. I do not feel safe feeling emotions because they represent a future i do not feel capable or worthy of achieving and i would feel the trauma of my past.

Something you said that I found interesting, "ignoring them is what gets to them". That's the exact advice my mom gave me when I had a problem with someone at work. When I used it on her several years later everything exploded. She was telling me how to defeat her and is part of the reason I learned who she really was and that I didn't have to put up with it.

I recognise it in myself..you are absolutely right. The change is difficult though.

A narcissist is controlling YOU TUBE

Yes hunter dezerea

Variation 2 has me trapped right now. I was told if i was honest about my experience, that they would lie about my behavior with my son and advocate for him to be removed from my care. This person has the administrative power and network to make that actually happen, unlike many threats. Most others, i would tell them to f*ck off, call CYS. 😅 I've already been investigated because of my ex husband and i have NOTHING to hide. I do not require my family to be a closed system, like they needed. That isnt fathomable to this type. I am working to get to a place where i can be totally cut off and not be destroyed by it.

So the rest of the world isnt like this, right? Like theyre willing to say what they want, normal people? 😅

Thanks alot!!! Exacly like this for me ❤️🙏

This is the first time I've heard anyone describe the dynamic of basically love bombing the scapegoat's significant other as a means to further isolate the scapegoat. This is exactly what happened in my marriage decades ago... only "the narcissist" wasn't my parents. It was my older sister who was basically running the show in our family...while our parents were blind to most of it. No one knew what narcissism was or how it manifested back then.

So liberating knowing

My mom will call me, only to complain about my sister’s and dad. She never asks anything about me or what I’m doing or any other subject. If I try to talk she will purposely talk louder and over me. After about an hour of this I end up having to hang up on her. I feel both angry and frustrated and at the same time guilty and ashamed for hanging up on a mother who is upset. I know she is a narcissist and doing this to regulate herself but it ends up disregulating me every time. She knows nothing about my life because she is never interested in anything I do. I’ve finally moved 3 hours away from her, even though it was hardship for me financially and socially but I feel like my mental health has improved a lot and it was worth it.

They really tried to ruin the day but 😅God had other plans ❤yay for being able to have a thick armor and his grace. Felicia you failed, bye 👋

Yess indeed this is how they are

I feel like I don't matter. I'm not married and single. So since my son's girlfriends parents are married and they have her 2 sisters and their husband's and kids, they get to spend Thanksgiving and Christmas day together. I must wait until they let me know when we can have ours together and I don't get to know with much notice. Today mid-day, I found out that no, we would not be having our Christmas dinner together because they were going there instead. The reason is above. Same thing happened on Thanksgiving, and I responded by saying, that's fine, we can rotate. Take turns. We can do Christmas this year and Thanksgiving next year. We'll as you already know, what I said and how I felt didn't matter. Now, I'm the bad guy. So, is this narcissistic abuse or am I just causing trouble and being unreasonable?

Where I am at in my healing journey.... I recognize that narcissistic abuse or any abuse for that matter, affects the nervous system, causing emotional disregulation, which can cause inflammation and other sicknesses in the body. This is all in the psychological/neuro-science literature. Emotional disregulation causes a chemical imbalance in the brain. And if you throw an addiction in there, you can have a vicious cycle of self-abuse coupled with abuse from others. for me, after a while with my mother, the negative emotions just kept building. Because narcissists pull you into every detail of their thought pattern, dominate conversations, interrupt the natural communication and behavioral patterns of a family, you are in constant flux as to what they might say or do. This affects the nervous system. We all have our limits of patience. Anger and resentment can easily become every day feelings. Yes I felt trapped and helpless, lost in an invisible web. My father already was a victim of my mother's covert sinister narcissim. He became a passive, timid mad, who could hardly speak up for himself. She literally destroyed his self-worth. He acts like a robot trying only to please her, afraid of her sharp comments. I had conversations with my narc mother in my 20's, and told her things I don't appreciate you does. I told her she needs to speak nicely to me if she wants a relationship. I moved out and cut off dialogue for three months because up to the day I was moving out my mother was rolling her eyes and yelling at me, sputing insults. She started to treat me better when she realized I was serious when I said I won't have a relationship with her if she speaks to me condescendingly. Now being 35, I have moved onto another stage. I realize my mom has only changed so much, at least with me. But my anxiety and anger is unresolved. We all know how it feels in our mind, heavy and just cluttered. This is what a narc does. I realize now that I need to regulate my emotions. I have turned to simple meditative strategies and positive self talk, journaling, and talking myself down when I feel anxious, and limiting seeing my parents for no more than 3 days. It's a long journey to weed out porn addiction, but realizing I turned to that because I felt anxious and angry now shows that it was the emotions I needed to deal with, and we do need to deal with the emotions. You cannot change the narc in the end, focus on emotional regulation and positive affirmations. And if you need to speak your mind to the narc every now and then, do! Tell them directly what they are doing and how it made you feel and be firm. They need to hear it.

Camilla Lindström

Narcissists basically do everything nasty that our parents teach us as kids, NOT to do to others. They have NO integrity, No empathy, No values, And no concept of a deep spiritual awareness. I call them _SHALLOWBOTS_

I once tried to get in on a conversation where I knew I was being ignored and the person I was talking to said " _Your the only one who seems to care about it_ " then walked away quickly.

Thank you 🙏🏽 it’s amazing the incredible impact on mind/body overtime from consistent impact…. from childhood and into adult hood And what if you are trying to get space from a system that has major narcissistic tendancies? That had had major influence through the whole life… deep into adult hood…That changes the game (family for example that has been major influence whole life); that’s an extra layered thing… there is pre healing which I’ve done pretty well to get here (and post healing which is layered but getting closer to spaciousness) My feeling is no contact or better support and space first and very hard boundaries - anyone have thoughts?

I can't tell you how many times Ive been ignored in a group setting. And when you say how others don't notice~well, there not empaths like us and they just don't value emotions. Were all controlled by the SHALLOW BOTS as I call them

I've followed you for 10 years and you are aging backwards!

I’ve never seen this explained quite this way. Very interesting. I’ve seen some good ones but this one really hit home