5 Things!! SAHMs, Cheating, Birthing Story, an Update on the Name Change Story

[@beautifulk2k6]

She was financing her own sahm life and allowed him to get away with no "chores". He's an ungrateful and entitled AH.

[@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022]

The man in the German story seems to be disappointed that his wife is less dependent and stuck than he’d hoped she would be.

[@Lysistrata2025]

What is up with these jealous, resentful and small minded husbands?

[@jasminejeanine2239]

He's just jealous that she gets to stay home and has a good career. He thinks she's getting a handout when it's really him that they're giving the handout too. No, back in the day, he'd been expected to carry the entire load instead of barely helping at all. At best utilities cost less then 200 euros per month. Moreover it sounds like she's probably done everything from the start like most successful women. No, the lazy person is definitely the man in this relationship.

[@jasminejeanine2239]

​@@Lysistrata2025guys don't understand teamwork. In their heads, you aren't safe until you're at the top of the heap. No they're basically practicing how to bully from birth and feel less of a man if they're anything but the perfect bully. Even if they succeed, they simply bc more and more paranoid. They fear someone will take over and treat them as poorly as they treated us. They assume everyone is after their money. No rich is their whole identity. If we don't want money, what was the point.

[@chronicfatiguehermithiker3022]

@ Women fail to understand what jealous, selfish, bitter saboteurs they embrace in their lives, people that are annoyed when life gets easier for her, even while she sacrifices her very body, mental and physical health😒.

[@beepbopboop7727]

Number 1; She had so much leverage in that relationship because of her financial independence. If she didn’t own her house, then she wouldn’t have been able to demand that he go to therapy. Take heed.

[@natcl9974]

I was thinking the same thing

[@copperredd]

This!!!!

[@Lee-ks1en]

She should have put him out for treating her poorly. What did she teach her daughter? These self sacrificing mothers teach their daughters to be doormats and endure abuse. He could have still been a great father to her daughter, while not allowing him to be a shitty husband to her.

[@swordchild0013]

@@Lee-ks1enshe taught her daughter that she loved her enough stay

[@silververnallbells191]

@@swordchild0013 And keep her in a toxic situation. Keeping someone in a toxic household is NOT love.

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

I hope the 1st woman divorce him , I’m so tired of these adult men not dealing with their issues and trauma and want to make people around them miserable

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

Getting to know how a person grew up is very important. It always jumps out in the relationship; negatively or positively.

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

@@VeeKayGreenerGrass you are so right and I’m grateful for these stories because it gives me the lessons that I was not giving growing up , learning from other women

[@katherines144]

"I didn't divorce because my child loves her dad." That has literally zero to do with the fact that he treats her like shhhh 😢

[@LetsTalkAboutItWithMara]

@@katherines144 wow I’m sorry you experienced that but also happy you walked away for you and your daughter 💕

[@shantavanee]

Agreed!

[@BlackandBlessed100]

2… she’s getting paid from her job to take care of her baby not to take care of him, he can wash his own clothes and fix his own food. We don’t do slave labor here.

[@unicorn73212]

Actually there supposed to be paying the wife because these are still considered labor services if you want to get someone like this to pay you then you will need a job or some form of monthly government assistance if he wants you to do all those services then you should never offer it to a man for free it will make them think your some kind of push over having a side gig is important for your mental and physical health even if it's working from home that way you can leave if you feel like the relationship isn't working out. If you have a job already then you need to charge the husband a weekly 600 dollar a week check for your services in his home if your okay with living with him but if your not then only show up to his house if he offers to pay you. You could do it that way too just live separately in a hotel like Melania did with her husband Donald trump and only show up if he needs help buying groceries or paying the rent. Homemaking services is similar to a caregiving service and if that's how they see the relationship going then you shouldn't live with them if you don't like them that way. That would be leading him on. But if there okay with having it set up that way then eventually they will back up and start wanting to pay you if you stay consistent with your job and you didn't just change your lifestyle for them. I'm not saying this will work for every guy that needs a caregiver but you have to be selective who you offer your services to don't let them take advantage of your kindness or generosity.

[@2stayweird]

Before I got married, the ONLY fight I had with my now-ex husband was about my name change. I was in my 30s, established in my career, saw no good reason to, and frankly didn't want to either. He immediately started huffing and puffing and I asked him to name me one logical reason why I should change my name and he shouldn't, and he blurts out "Because I'M a man, and it's what people do!" I was like, "OK this isn't logical, it's your opinion based on how you feel. And it's not a good reason for ME." He eventually calmed down and saw my perspective, but it really illustrated to me how entitled men feel and how they rarely stop to question social norms, especially when they benefit from them.

[@soul-deeplevel-up6179]

I’m sure your relationship ended on a more serious note, but I find it curious that all the women in the last day or so who admitted to marrying a man who was adamant about a name change refer to him as their “EX-husband”. I hope I don’t come across as victim blaming. It’s water under the bridge and I’m not trying to make anyone “take accountability”. But rather just noting that this is probably a red flag the rest of us women can use to gauge whether we need to exit a relationship. So thank you for sharing.

[@karmAnonymous]

​@@soul-deeplevel-up6179we know that now. a lot of these women are older that didn't necessarily have social media in the same way we have it now & some of these women are MUCH older that didn't have social media at all. your opinion is totally fine, but I think it should be pushed on to the newer generation because there are very little excuses.... I mean... that's not to say that we all have access to this information equally but DEFINITELY more so than years previous. I'd just keep that in mind.

[@2stayweird]

@@soul-deeplevel-up6179 Oh absolutely, I agree with you. I would absolutely call this a red flag now. But of course, I was way more tolerant of things 10+ years ago than I am now. :)

[@UneEtincelleNocturne]

They don't question societal norms because all the societal norms benefit them.

[@missmia3920]

OMG

[@Sunny-tc3ul]

The 1st person just taught her daughter it’s ok to be treated like crap because you have children. The daughter will be writing burb because her relationship is crap as well. Stop teaching our children to normalize narcissists behavior. The saga will never end.

[@kellyguarano8864]

But what did she teach her daughter?!?! She taught her to allow a man to mistreat her

[@NOYB28]

Exactly what I said, children deserve to see their parents loved. Showing them these unhealthy relationships is very damaging to them, especially girls because they think that’s acceptable from men.

[@constancep7632]

Yep. I wasn't teaching my sons that, unlike my ex-MIL taught her children.

[@katherines144]

That's all I saw from my parents. Bitter unhappiness and resentment but staying together "for me" WTF 😒. I have such a hard time with relationships to this day and am actively trying to unlearn the crap. I feel for her daughter. 😢

[@adams8830]

Right. I don't care what anyone says: every child does NOT need to be in a two parent household.

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

She definitely taught her daughter to choose abusive, petty, jealous, narcissistic males.

[@soybeans8139]

The story with the woman giving birth and asking the men to leave, I get it. It’s good that she followed her instincts. I personally had a home birth and everyone that assisted were all women. When it comes to anything related to women’s health, I prefer women caregivers. I just feel more comfortable with them.

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

Males must be submissive to women in all aspects of reproduction and marriage. We are in charge of all of that.

[@catcoffee7958]

True

[@evergreenforestwitch]

Re: the birthing story. Disclaimer: I'm childfree so haven't experienced birth. To me, what that whole situation demonstrated is that her husband does not gaf about her physical safety. He was trying to restrain HER so the doctor could do what he wanted to her, without her consent, and her husband still does not see how he completely violated her bodily autonomy. That he does not understand why what he did was wrong also displays a stunning lack of empathy. She learned in her most vulnerable, painful, in-need moment that her husband not only will not protect her from physical harm but blames her for protecting herself. I do not know how you could share a bed, finances and a home with someone who does not care about your physical safety or your right to autonomy. That is a deal breaker to me.

[@natcl9974]

She literally has nightmares of him restraining her. I think it’s her subconscious telling her consciousness that he does not have her back, he doesn’t support her and I actually don’t have faith the marriage would last…

[@evergreenforestwitch]

@natcl9974 I had a similar thought. It's either PTSD flashbacks or her subconscious, but the message is the same - you are not safe, get out.

[@umhi9778]

​@@natcl9974It shouldn't. She was about to be cut open against her will and his first thought was to fight HER. He literally turned on her. She can't trust him.

[@umhi9778]

She should divorse him. This was a massive betrayal.

[@Babybunnyxox]

@@natcl9974it’s terrifying! I need to know if there was an update, cause it’s just wrong on so many levels 😮😢

[@sjor3569]

Someone told me to get a pet with a partner before having kids. It’ll give you an idea of what they’ll be like with their children.

[@comkver]

I guess depending on the pet? I was in a relationship were he enthusiastically wanted to have a pet. I am an animal person but more towards cats. Anyways, he got fish and then he gave them away. We ended up adopting a tortoise and a sulcutta turtle and when we broke up he kept it which was fine because he was a reptile fan same thing he gave it away. The tortoise wasn't well at one point during our relationship and I paid for the vet bill on the turtle because he didn't have a job. He also had a bearded dragon and that one must have gotten a parasite or something because he went somewhere and the lizard died on the heated stone burned. His family had a dog that they got from his brother's girlfriend (had cancer and she gave it to them because she was in the thick of treatment) and the dog was never spayed and they ended up with two litters of puppies. He never walked the dogs at one point the brother accidentally ran over the dog and there was a lot of blood and he didn't handle that really well. Yeah, I don't think that's a good litmus test plus adopting a pet together is a way to keep ties with that person. I've seen it happen with my male best friend. He kept the dog and would go over his ex so she could see the dog.

[@aprilchow-chee5281]

Would you rather test this on your pet or your kids? Cause you can have the kids and then FAAFO later ​@@comkver

[@FS-qk5uq]

​@@comkveryou kinda proved their point. Your ex showed that he's immature, unreliable, and unwilling to do proper research in how to take care of something which would mean that responsibility would fall on you. BTW as someone who likes reptiles, the use of heat rocks are discouraged as many reptiles can't really sense that they are getting too hot when it comes solely from below. Getting burns and dying from overheating is kinda common when using heat rocks. It's best to have a heat source from above with a rock or tile to capture the heat, not produce it. It could have been the heat rock itself that killed the BD.

[@silververnallbells191]

@@comkver He proved he was unreliable and not a care taker. WHY would you give someone like that another human to raise?

[@comkver]

@@silververnallbells191 I didn't mostly because he didn't have a job. Secondly, I didn't like the way he couldn't keep a job for less than a year. He could never finish anything he was going to a two school and didn't finish that. Some many red flags. Anyways, bounced and I've been happy ever since.

[@studiosandi]

My ex tried to annoy me to death when I was first starting my business. The goal Post kept moving and moving and moving and I kept getting gas lit. Leaving and pursuing my business was the best thing I ever did. That being said my annoying partner was actually a woman. I think anyone could do this if they're jealous of your success.

[@mariapaz6379]

A lot of people grow and never learn how to be happy for others, they only see others as competition and that ruins any relationship.

[@ElizabethGeiger-ye1sf]

​@@mariapaz6379My ex purposely sabotaged my education because he was jealous.

[@studiosandi]

​@@mariapaz6379amen to that❤

[@o_oLISSo_o]

The first story just told me that men resent women no matter what they do. She did everything the right way and he resented her being successful. He was needed her to fail to feel better about himself. The mind boggles that she stayed with him. Her child may be grown but he learned nothing. The same thing will happen the next time she want to do something or set herself a goal. I just listen to a podcast about men unaliving themselves and the world not caring and all I can think is that this is a mess of their own making. Why is this man comparing and competing with anyone let alone his wife. Who set the standards for men? It certainly wasn’t women. Men created the game, they set the rules and now they blame everyone else, bitch and moan when they aren’t "winning”. I could not be with some as malicious as this man he was prepared to ruin what a good happy marriage because he was jealous of what?? Her discipline and organisation…? At this point I’m like "throw the whole man away". There. Is no man on earth that can justify this man’s behaviour. Explain why he behaved the way he did? Yes, but justify it? No I’m sorry, the man is a spoilt man child who couldn’t recognise how good he had it. Imagine the privilege to be upset about your wife is doing well, achieving her goals, not struggling like your mum did and and making both your lives easier.

[@sjor3569]

The minute this man said who does his child get a sahm when he didn’t was the minute I was filing divorce papers. Forget the resentment towards me. You’re supposed to want better for your children not be jealous of them.

[@MC-gl8ob]

💯 you said it all!!!

[@Cynophileandavianenthusiast]

I laugh at the young red pill guys whining about society's demands on them. They're so uneducated, that they think women created the game and rules. Lol.

[@mariapaz6379]

men hate when they are not the center of the world.

[@EmyN]

These men straight up read like children, it’s like they never matured mentally after their teenage years

[@rossothecrimson7]

I would be empathetic to my husband missing out, but I would immediately say that society lacks empathy toward women giving birth, doesn't talk about women dying during birth and the horrible recovery. Doctor needs to get tf out of that area.

[@natcl9974]

He shouldn’t be a doctor at all, especially in labor and delivery. He has no understanding of women other than what other men have said i.e medical institutions

[@videofan1010]

I have zero desire to give birth. Full stop!

[@umhi9778]

Same I'd literally rather die

[@hippie1252]

The birth story. The husband can get over himself. If he's an adult, he can regulate and realize that his wife had to do what was best for herself, since he didn't want to advocate for her like a supportive partner. The mom is such a champ. I'm glad the nurses and female doctor rallied around her. I think her resenting her huband is understandable and the correct response.

[@lililululalabooboo]

20:19 a big reason why this happens is because women are birthing while lieing on their backs. This is an unnatural birth position that makes things convenient for the doctor but increases the need for interventions. I've had 3 natural births. The last was was on all fours. I didn't even push, it was a million times easier.

[@ButterflyBree]

In the first story, a male can't be a "good father" to their children, while being an abusive husband to his wife. How a father treats h8s children's mother affects her overall health. 😒😒 Im the second story, it's wild that her husband isn't happy tgst she receives the majority of her salary for maternity leave. He's a class A asshole. She definitely needs to make time for herself. Third story, not to mention all the costs of women changing their names after marriage and changing back, in the event of divorce.

[@KatrinkaGivens-yh1fh]

She should only wash, cook, clean ect for herself!

[@KatrinkaGivens-yh1fh]

A snake doesn't become aggressive until it has its prey!

[@Lifeishard237]

Yup! One of the many reasons I don’t talk to my father.

[@KatrinkaGivens-yh1fh]

He is only giving lip service.

[@blueravenchick]

My mom said she was restrained and given "gas" that knocked her out to give birth..... my mom swears she almost died both times giving birth.... you can guess that I'm childfree lol

[@blueravenchick]

BTW my mom would've only had one child, but I was an accident seven years later.... don't worry she was happy to have me, but I was not planned and I understand why. My mom was a stay at home mom that didn't even KNOW how to drive so she really stayed at home and my dad wasn't the nicest man......

[@MayaMaya-tj7kw]

Prenup, Prenup, Prenup, Prenup. Or else the husband will steal the house

[@Gn-dc5lb]

The first story: I'm confused how he was a 'good dad' while he said he resented that their child has a mother at home to rear them. Wtf? That on top of hating his child's mother for basically living her dream happily.

[@lucindabreeding]

I so struggle with this. If a man is kind and present with his child but absent, angry, or abusive to the mother of his children, how tf is he a good dad? It's not like children don't see how their parents treat each other.

[@CharlieApples]

That’s not a good dad. Good dads do not resent their children. Good dads do not mistreat their child’s mother, let alone in front of the child. Good dads put their children before any petty jealousies or hang ups or unresolved childhood traumas, and do not pass their own issues onto the next generation just because misery loves company. He is selfish, immature, and mean-spirited with a mindset that never evolved past the sulky “me me me” stage of early childhood.

[@CharlieApples]

@@lucindabreeding He’s teaching their child that this is normal and these are the gender roles they should expect in their own relationships as an adult. That is not good parenting, it is negligent and dysfunctional parenting.

[@Egg_Apron]

The birthing mother in your story is showing signs of trauma. She needs a trauma specialist.

[@lynnp456]

Embarrassed?! SIR SHE IS LITERALLY PUSHING OUT A HUMAN BEING ITS NOT ABOUT YOU FOOL!!! 💯 oh my goodness and yes good on here for choosing to be "one and done". Glad the mom and her innocent baby are okay 🙏🏻💜

[@constancep7632]

Just don't do it. It's a no win scenario. My experience was similar to OP1. I wasn't as financially independent as her, but we would have been fine if he didn't spend half his paycheck on his hobbies. But according to him, everything was my fault, and he criticized everything just like OP1's husband. Unlike OP1, my ex refused to go to therapy. When I found a job, I got my ducks in a row and kicked him out 10 months later.

[@Bubaluve]

That woman who had the baby was trumatised and she did so good in that moment. She needs to divorce that man cause in she is incapacitated and he is her next of kin he wouldn't advocate for whats best for her. He will allow them to do what ever they wanted with no thought for her and her wishes. He dosent have her best interest at heart and only cares about his image.

[@adrienneschugren9790]

That husband in the birthing story would rather traumatize his wife than be "embarrassed" in front of a man he doesn't know and will never see again. Anything but break the bro code! He does not deserve her.

[@BlackandBlessed100]

These men does the switch up having affairs and treating you horribly Don’t say anything Get your plan and leave A month a year or ten years This is your plan in Your time in life

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

🤦🏾‍♀️ extensive premarital counseling not less than 6 months from engagement, needs to be compulsory. Men appear to be completely unprepared to adjusting to married and family life. 🤷🏾‍♀️

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Because they don’t think _they_ will be the ones having to adjust. They’re only thinking about the ways they benefit and everything else is for the “woman” to worry about

[@trisha1989]

I agree but do it BEFORE engagement so you’re not locked 🔒 in to a wedding date. It should also include financial planning with full credit reporting/tax returns and background checks

[@VeeKayGreenerGrass]

@@trisha1989 absolutely... Children and child care, views on money, debt, past health (physical, mental and hereditary), sex, future career and education goals...

[@luthorforpresident9353]

Yes so they can refuse 2 get married. The women will be sad but eventually realize they dodged a bullet. Counseling can't make ppl be who they don't wanna be. A man who is marrying 2 get a roommate w/ housewife benefits isn't gonna change cuz u pressure him 2. Just leave him.

[@luthorforpresident9353]

​@@trisha1989Having a wedding date doesn't lock u in. Weddings r canceled or pushed back all the time. Weddings don't even lock u in--hello annulment or divorce.

[@daffodilunderhill7066]

Kohls not letting that person change her name reminded me. I changed my and my 6 yr old daughter's names to my maiden name. Guess who wouldn't let my daughter change her name without a copy of the court order? The frickin' school librarian! She said my 1st grade girl couldn't sign the library card with her new name until she had a copy...

[@ythelldoineedahandle]

Bet that woman was a fossil

[@Bonniebluetours2010]

That last one is a villain origin story. 😈 I love it.

[@manifest2203]

Me too 🥰

[@fburnsDubstepEnderFox]

The reason why women give birth on their backs is because of King Louis... if I remember correctly. He enjoyed watching the process and the suffering. It became standard practice that everyone just accepted. I'm of the opinion that we need to be reporting doctors who treat us badly so they are given less access to vulnerable patients (especially pregnant women).

[@seabreeze4559]

wow what a sadist

[@eyme.x]

The story about the childbirth: that honestly makes me sad. Like I’m about to cry. You’re practically fighting for your life, and your own husband is ignoring your needs and restraining you. That makes me even more scared to ever have children. And then to be as heartless as to only think about how he and the doctor felt, and not his own wife who he’s supposed to protect. I don’t think I’ll be able to do it. Some women were built for that type of sacrifice, I don’t think I’m one of them, I’m way too terrified. If that means I will have to die alone, oh well.

[@dnw75]

These dudes are a trip. They need to wash their own fonky clothes, make their own appointments & learn to cook & clean. They know how to pick up a phone when they decide to cheat, but can't pick up a phone to make an appointment? Make it make sense.

[@jenoakborn]

Thank you for this birth story! It illustrates so many issues surrounding the American way of birth. I could go on and on, former OB RN & childbirth educator & VBAC mom...

[@BurbNBougie]

How women are treated during birth is DEPLORABLE

[@oakborn]

@@BurbNBougie Thank you for being such an invaluable truth teller! Regarding birthing in the US, all women are treated badly, black women so much worse. A book that was so eye-opening to me, and I think fits right in with your work, is "Birth as an American Rite of Passage" by Robbie Davis-Floyd. It talks about how hospital birth is a ritual that strips away a woman's autonomy and individuality so she conforms to expectations to be quiet, submissive and grateful for everything that is done to her.

[@seabreeze4559]

@@oakborn example? isn't a lot of that stuff necessary?

[@jenoakborn]

No, many of the things we do to normal birthing women are not necessary. Medical VS. Midwifery model of care.

[@seabreeze4559]

@@jenoakborn Yeah my knowledge on this topic is lacking but I have read gyne books.

[@yujuy.1329]

That First Lady is delusional. Tf you staying married to a man whose a “good father” but terrible husband and your kid is in college?? She thinks he’ll change and treat her better now that the kid is gone and that won’t happen. It’s his job to maintain a relationship with his kid anyway that has nothing to do with them being married

[@ousontmeslunettes9891]

The birthing story lady have that nightmares about her husband because he's on the side of the doctor who tried to force her. The husband side with the doctor "agressor" therefore her subconscient portay him as one in her nightmares. She couldn't even rely on her husband in the delivery room. He should have staid in the man cigar room, drinking whiskey instead. This woman is my hero, she took charge and did it on her own. True goddess!!

[@thewrongshoes]

I want to know how she saved enough for those stay at home years. I need her skills

[@respectabletampodcast]

I loved this collage. That first Reddit post was insane. Imagine doing all of that planning just for him to come in and ruin everything. Just wow. I love your takes as always!

[@Caseinpoint1777]

That birthing story is infuriating.

[@TheRacqgrl769]

Why do women believe that the male we're leaving deserves an explanation? They know what they did, and we don't need to say what made us go. They will see that we're gone when they come home to an empty place. This is how we should depart from them. It is dangerous to leave them, so talking about it only increases the chances that they'll harm us as we are attempting to exit. If he's leaving your home, get the locks changed and alert the police, through the non-emergency line, that your estranged spouse may try something when he learns that he's got a new address wherever he ends up. Women advocating for and defending ourselves should not be a novel experience for us. Yes, we've been aculturated to be doormats for males and parental figures. Social media has been around long enough for us to have learned that these things don't work for us and that we must choose ourselves above all others. Yes, this includes children. If we aren't in a good, healthy place, then our children won't be there either. I have almost nothing to do with my family, and I will never feel upset about it. They don't deserve my presence, so they don't have it. With the first story, I believe that she should still leave him. It feels like he gave her the answers she was seeking, after he found out that she went to the internet for advice. It was all too "perfect" and reasonable, when he wasn't that way at all before. It feels like the precursor to a "shut-up ring" and is foreshadowing for how he will be after the wedding.

[@jungersrules]

I started watching a Kdrama show last night. I discovered they have some on Tubi, lol, so free. It addresses several taboos in Korean society, and I thought to myself, "These are mostly all against women. No wonder women no longer want to date or have kids." I think if I lived there and actually wanted to have kids, I would definitely change my mind because it just turns you off to men and anything having to do with them, which includes having their babies.

[@manifest2203]

Name of the show?

[@jungersrules]

@@manifest2203 Something in the Rain

[@seabreeze4559]

Men try to act like the sexual selection of the species and the women just quit.

[@kated3165]

A colleague of mine broke her tail bone while giving birth... something which apparently can only happen while giving birth laying on your back.

[@takeishaarmstead4686]

I sure hope there is an update for the woman that's divorcing her husband. I'm courious if she tells him the reason or not.

[@islandgirl8067]

Her husband didn’t contribute financially at all? 😮 She taught her daughter to stay in a horrible marriage “for the sake of the child.” The husband in the 2nd story was probably jealous that the wife was getting money to stay home with their child. I’m glad the woman giving birth stood up for herself. I read the last story on Reddit, that woman is my shero! 😂😂😂👏🏾👏🏾

[@spreadyourwingsandflybutte768]

That’s exactly what the first woman did. Taught her child to accept mistreatment.

[@mysexpressions9604]

What I love about this channel is that even if the situation does not apply to you personally the conversations are being compiled here in a way that will allow the girlies coming behind us to have access to searchable resources.

[@peaceandlove197]

I really dont believe you can be a good parent while treating your spouse like crap. It links together and studies have shown that. Same with violent partners being good parents, not possible instead children end up in dead in murder/ suicide situations. Better live happily separately than miserably together.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

I hate how people always want the woman to be the bigger person. She doesn’t have to tell him why, the same way he didn’t feel the need to tell her ANYTHING. The sassy comments are so unnecessary. Okay, your partner cheated and you suppressed your feelings to “coparent”, good for you. Having the experience of being cheated on doesn’t make you an expert on every situation involving infidelity 🤦🏽‍♀️ Let her get through the initial emotions, so she can be clear headed. Stuffing them down will do more harm than good

[@passionliving]

I get the sense that these men think that women only love them when they sacrifice their own happiness. From your examples, the man gets more and more upset when the woman just "adapts" to their criticism, makes adjustments and continues to enjoy the lives they have created for themselves. I guess since their Mothers sacrificed, so should their partners, girlfriends or wives.

[@seabreeze4559]

that is basically a working definition of sadism, they cannot be happy unless another is miserable

[@beautifulk2k6]

As a women we have to advocate for ourselves and asks lots of questions to our ob regarding birth and their methods.

[@sjlewis271]

It's all fun and games until your wife starts charging for them services you believe are owed to the household. Nannies can run by the hour or daily rate. Housekeepers can run by the hour. Family management is usually a salary position. And don't get me started on how much SW can charge. Y'ALL BETTER TIGHTEN TF UP BEFORE SHE LEAVE YO AHHHH!🗣🗣🗣🗣

[@candypettynettie487]

S1- I would've left. I don't give 3rd chances. In my book she gave 20 to many. I'm not waiting for him to work out 💩

[@cortneyjayy]

My ex husband once came to wake me up when I had a kidney infection bc he couldn't handle giving our toddler a bath.

[@lililululalabooboo]

16:22 about the name change. Can I just say its a nightmare trying to change your name back to the original after divorce. When married young, it wasn't as much of an adjustment, but middle-aged, there are a lot more places to update the name and it's a huge task.

[@tlrcarroll]

I hope the German lady on maternity leave takes a bit of the salary the government is paying her and invests it for her future. It’s her money and she’ll need the investment in the future.

[@Caram3l_Bombsh3ll]

I have no family so it was just me, alone dealing with everything. I told my SO (now ex) I was stressed out and needed help adjusting to motherhood as this is my first kid. He said, “You’re not the first woman to have a kid! My mom raised 5 kids all by herself. You can do it too”! At that moment, it was clear that he didn’t care about me or my child’s well-being.

[@Simmonsgladys]

Story 1 and 2 are clearly jealous. This was my experience in my marriage and eventual divorce. I realized it at year 10. He would get mad and tell me I needed to get a job. I wouldn’t and he only got worse. For context my husband made plenty of money he is a Officer in the US Navy 20+ years

[@Simmonsgladys]

Occasionally I would work because of his behavior. I found as long as I was working and not being a SAHM he was quite kept. Moving a lot kept me starting over and we had 6 children total. Sometimes it was not enough pay for all the traveling and turmoil. I would talk to him about it and eventually quit with his encouragement. However his ugly behavior would just start over and get worse

[@Caseinpoint1777]

I hope the last name thing is phased out soon. It’s antiquated and doesn’t make sense when so many mothers are both single and custodial parents. It makes no sense for them to have a different last name from their children.

[@seabreeze4559]

I think it should be illegal since the woman isn't property. Double barrel the kids' name if parents are married and let the KID PICK at 18.

[@karmAnonymous]

It is soooooo evil & twisted to be jealous that you child gets something that you didn't... here's the thing... this story PROVES why all these dudes are dead beats .... because they are in competition with CHILDREN THAT CAN'T FORM A SINGLE WORD OR EVEN CRAWL YET... let that sink all the way in 🤮

[@HaughtyHedonist]

Just A Fun Fact About Spanish Women To Add Some Depth To That Specific Comment: Their Culture Is Matrilineal, Meaning That The Men Take The Surnames Of The Women They Marry. Certain Chinese Cultures Is Matrilineal Too.

[@constancep7632]

Oh, and thank you BurbNBougie, for responding again and again to the "WhY dId YoU mArRy HiM" crap

[@JettSettingBengal]

Better 90 days then 10 years. She should have left.

[@etam1616]

Last story, her husband didn't protect her when she was most vulnerable, which officially makes him unf*ckable, so she should leave. There's no living that down.

[@alwaysfabulous9965]

THAT LAST ONE ❤❤❤❤ and im so proud for women who advocate for themselves and always have a way out!

[@intercat4907]

Glad that marriage survived that name thing. "It's what I'm used to" is a totally human response, especially when big changes are happening and there is so much responsibility. It's also one of the most dangerous traps. He dodged a bullet - what a dumb, sorry way to lose your happiness ... over her last name.

[@christamarch947]

Changing your name for marriage should be done away with. We now live lives where our identity is recorded in a million places. I changed my name when I got married and again when I got divorced. For my job alone there are still places in the system where my married name comes up and no one can confirm how to fix it all in a large corporation. Too much hassle for someone else's ego trip and it literally affects nothing.

[@ItsMeAshley0347]

I’m not switching from Boars Head to Great Value for no one. His ass would have been put out right then.

[@Knoboddie]

STAND UP FOR YOURSELF!!!!!!! I'M CRYING YESSSS 😭🤟🏿💛💛💛🔥🔥🔥🔥. PROTECT YOURSELF!!! you should never have had to but you were flawless even in such a state 💔💔💔💔🖤 DIVORCE!!!!!! He did not protect you. He harmed you. He is Disgusting. He should be outraged not offended. These are brutal men 💔 you need to heal in safety.

[@Blech-h9z]

I gave birth to my oldest with just my Mom, but otherwise same story, except I don't know if the doctor cut me, but I did tear from front to back . Yup, tore me a new one. 26 years later and I still have problems. And I got the husband stitch! It changed my anatomy In a bad way. My Mom's doctor had a nurse hold her legs together til he was ready.

[@CatgirLinKC]

@sarahmajor5945 that's awful :( i was lucky and has a very understanding midwife, a tub to labor in so i could stretch to accommodate a 10.6 lb baby without tearing. In your tearing so much, the stupid doctor sewing you up so tight for your husband... it's like the American Medical Association's version of Female Circumcision. 😢

[@creolenola]

For the last one, she owes him no closure.

[@copperredd]

I wish the first lady left him anyway...they could coparent successfully if he was a committed dad

[@ccannon1]

I’m so happy I don’t have kids and it didn’t work out with any of the men I dated in my 20s

[@amyyaku5022]

Birthing Story: Oh HELL no! I'll do a c section before you put scissors anywhere near my 🐱 Also sounds like another "nothing" reason to leave the marriage

[@Bubaluve]

Ok i am making it an priority to get my two sons in therapy, I cannot contribute in anyway to inflecting any of these find of men on any woman. Nope they going to be emotionally healthy if its the last thing I do. For their own good as well as any future partners, this has to end with us future women cant be treated this way.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

I watched all the ridiculous crap and paperwork my sister had to do to change her last name, it took almost 3 friggin years, even though she was on top of everything on her end!🙄

[@Jac527]

The changing of last name is ridiculous and more work to women. What happens if they divorce and she happens to remarry? The woman would have to again keep changing her last name just because the man wants to boost his fantasy ego 😒. Hell no, if she doesn’t want to change her last name that is okay unless if himself is ready to do the same because trust me most of these men will never change their last name for their wives.😒 Talking about the double standards 🤡

[@erzabetf9544]

I can’t comprehend the betrayal of a husband subduing his wife so a man can hack at her vadge with a pair of scissors. 😳 That’s unforgivable. And the idea that he’s embarrassed … he’s a garbage-person, and I’m so sorry this woman had a baby with him. He doesn’t love her. He doesn’t even like her. Because he would not have behaved that way if he did. Also, male doctors aren’t qualified to treat female patients for anything that requires the removal of pants. A male obgyn is the most suspect, suspicious POS I can think of. Ditch that psycho. File a complaint with whatever regulatory authority oversees doctors in your state. And tell everyone what he did.

[@seabreeze4559]

nuremberg violation

[@zebraskin]

First story reminds me of my ex, he still criticizes everything about my parenting and I feel he hates that I can be a stay at home mom. I do come from privilege, I inherited my home and some properties, while he had a single mom that really busted her butt. I also have a great relationship with his mom, even 10 years after our spilit (when our child was small). Last name story. My husband and I are changing both our last names to one of my grandmothers maiden names. I would definitely be pausing though if my husband acted like hers.

[@omejiam.2301]

Why don't these men stay at home, if it's not a job!? Why wouldn't they choose this type of "relaxation" that they deem it to be!?

[@seabreeze4559]

minimisation

[@TaliPolk]

If i put up with that for years id divorce him. He would have sucked the lpve right out of me.

[@umhi9778]

Giving birth on your back is actually one of the worst ways to do it! It makes the process longer, more difficult and more painful.

[@monkey.dchomsy9464]

I say don't tell him and make he was never good enough just like he did to her.

[@jayp3324]

Number 1 Terrible mom lol worst example for her daughter by staying terrible. She has no self esteem staying in that relationship

[@allaboutstace77]

5 things. You’re spoiling us

[@iminmypjs3428]

Whoo boy that last one was some next level cold planning a d I LOVE IT! 😂 I wish more women moved like this, I'm all for leaving him without telling him why, he will know. Also sorry, but he was the one who cheated and yet she is supposed to compromise and worry about him holding a grudge while co patenting. This is just another way to make women walk on eggshells and handle all the shit. No sir, not this time!

[@KatrinkaGivens-yh1fh]

Let him do everything for himself!

[@TheArnaa]

Australian here. Paid parental leave is 18 weeks, about to be updated to 20 weeks, with unpaid leave up to a year with the rest unpaid. Superannuation (retirement fund) is a percentage of your wages that is automatically contributed by your employer and you can add to it. A law just passed that will come into effect next year where the employer must continue their contribution during the unpaid part of the leave.

[@DuskaMartovich]

I started my stay at home mom life when I started my home business in my 40s- every time my husband complained about the way I did something, I just wouldn’t do that chore for him again and it became his chore to do for himself. He stopped complaining.

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

28:26 and this is some gone girl shit. Brutal af

[@PraiseJ-Pope]

2nd story: i'm german and this maternity leave does not only apply to women. He could AT LEAST take 2 months paternity leave, also get those 67% and bond with the baby, see for himself how much work it is...but the majority here still doesnt do that. In germany. We're supposed to be so progressive and equal and shit.

[@kylaarmstrong-benjamin8066]

Story #2 same my ex didn't think i did anything while staying at home with our 2 kids too!!! Even said as much out loud. Even though when he had to watch them for just 4 hours the entire house was a total wreck!

[@Aquariusly_QNatti]

I have been divorced over 10 years and still get mail with my ex husband last name 🤦🏻‍♀️🙄😂

[@moreni2nd405]

I legit started crying at the birthing experience of that woman.🤧 Men have no empathy for us at all. The last woman has my heart!!!😂😂😂😂The dedication🤌🏽♥️

[@KERIMA13]

I had a bad experience with a male ObGyn when I was 19. Ever since Ive made an effort to choose female physicians whenever possible. PCP, Midwives, ObGyn, Oncology team have all been women and Ive never felt more seen and heard. Im a nurse and Ive witnessed how dismissive physicians can be. For me, its important for the doctor treating me to be able to empathize- this can be based on gender, race, culture. If you dont have breasts or a vagina then you cant relate when treating me for issues with those body parts. My only male physician is my dermatologist -but he has black skin like myself and has been able to understand and address my issues better than previous practitioners who werent African-American.

[@Nasha-y9i]

Lolol..every single day I’m reminded why Single is the wave 💅🏾

[@Tina06019]

24:34 I delivered both my sons lying on my left side, with no episiotomy and no tears. I am a physician who delivered about 100 babies during my training in the 1980s. On rare occasions, an episiotomy is necessary (if there is fetal distress), but with alternate positioning it can usually be avoided.

[@Karina_Engr]

Awesome stories you shared today. This ish is REAL yo. I don't want any part of THAT.

[@IdrisFenn537]

Have you seen the video of the husband who asked his wife WHO HAD BEEN DISCHARGED FROM THE HOSPITAL 2 DAYS AGO TO MAKE A ROAST FOR HIS MUM AND DAD'S VISIT? He even complained that there were used cups on the table and he complained 'she was just sitting about'. And oh yes, he didn't give birth but he wasn't sleeping well either. There was a nice dollop of weaponized incompetence when she suggested he make the roast, 'he mad it sh*t and she made it better'.

[@constancep7632]

Shiiiii... That triggered me, but that's because when I had an ovary removed because it had ruptured (which almost killed me from shock). One or two days later, I was resting on the couch, not doing any chores. My ex-FIL decided that he needed to work on the pool deck during that time for some reason (he's a number too, believe me). I am not kidding, my ex and his dad were *angry* that I didn't cook for them, they went out for food and didn't bring anything home for me!!! What the F***?????

[@IdrisFenn537]

@@constancep7632 Simpathies. I was happy to se EX all over that.

[@TheePrincessBrat]

Still skeptical about the name change story. She better get herself an airtight prenup. At this point, he still has more incentive to let things go, than to drag arguments.

[@cosmosadorabilis7677]

Am I the only one who finds the 1st guy scary?

[@a_noelles]

Story 2: OP absolutely should take this advice. But not just once. She should do it REGULARLY. Once a week.