5 TIMES INFJS ARE FORCED TO DOOR SLAM

[@Wenzes]

In what situations where you forced to door slam?

[@CarlMassop]

When the disrespect became too unbearable and the cheating was very obvious. Loss of attraction and love for her as well.

[@petervervaene5301]

The trigger come in with the disrespect when you've been giving way too much - when limits have been reached and lines have been crossed .

[@sigmainfjbulgaria4478]

I'm trustfull in my Ni and it will never let me to a situation where my friend or partner turn's 180 degrees against me. I will know that this particular person is capeable of this right from the beginning and I will never step into such a possibility of toxic relationship. If it's not that way I will just dissapear because I will know that that person is actually not like he looks like now and he is some sord of possessed by some negative and destructive type of emotion and influence and he have to deal with it by himself.

[@illigirl768]

Frequent disrepect is the main reason. I just snapped and couldn't take anymore. No apologies, dismissing my concerns and minimizing their behaviours. I still am in contact though just a very limited basis and keep things superficial.

[@jessmason2112]

😔 It's over.

[@NotTodaySatan557]

INFJs are so tough and sensitive at the same time

[@RShanahan-dt2by]

Absolutely! You nailed it! ❤

[@pinkpeonyy]

So true. Big part of the internal conflict

[@sonjawalkerreactionscommen3501]

As many psychologist say, we are walking talking contradictions.

[@Mysticeve]

❤🙏🏽❤

[@Mysticeve]

I feel this deeply

[@ambraiezzi5037]

I enjoy doorslamming. It’s refreshing. The pain is before the door slam.

[@excrono]

When I slam the door, it’s a catharsis, it’s a release from pain.

[@jnl3564]

Exactly right. It’s a relief to doorslam.

[@Hannerloo]

Not that there isn't pain in the after, but there was much more pain leading up to it.

[@excrono]

@@Hannerloo The closure or slamming the door is a long term resolution to immediate pain. Bonus: Make the door transform into a solid wall before their eyes to the other person when you do it. That final act can also teach.

[@RexApplegate]

After becoming more self aware by the research we all do after breaking it off with a narc LTR, I door slammed my brother for a lifetime of toxic nonsense, and my life long best friend for getting tangled up with a narc and letting her abusively control him and disrespect both of us. In both cases calmly exploring reason and logic failed, and I walked away with zero regrets. I highly question the idea that a well developed and self aware INFJ ever dreads door slamming. It is to be highly contemplated but once that's done it's refreshing and reaffirms our self respect.

[@victoriabrand2777]

I did a silent doorslam- move in silence and keep it moving. loyalty has an expiration date- exactly.

[@R.S-1986]

Once you doorslam, never go back because you did it for a reason. Great video. 👍❤️💫

[@kimberlyadams1300]

How right you are! I've gone back a few times, due to feeling guilty and thinking the other person will change now. Nope. They never do and sometimes even escalate the offensive behavior.

[@momof1576]

I agree. The times I’ve forgiven and given a second chance I ended up walking away because the behaviour was worse than before.

[@tnt01]

@@momof1576 100%

[@sonicdewd]

Yeap. If it is a true doorslam, the thought just doesn't naturally enter.

[@cc1k435]

People you would be compelled to doorslam on in the first place are the type who would try to punish you more than ever if they get the chance to lure you back, without exception. Take care.

[@Megan6772]

"there is an expiration date to Loyalty" what a gem!! 💎

[@blaiseaimee7098]

I "door slammed" both my parents as an adult (for different reasons, at different times, they were divorced). Never saw or communicated with them again. It actually confused me - how I could do this - Who does this??? This was over 20 years ago and I am just finding out about being an INFJ and it all makes sense now.

[@cc1k435]

It's a last resort to protecting yourself after a long build up, and you just can't stand another instance of abuse.

[@getnanoed]

Hello Blaise... i have done the same in the name of PRINCIPLES. Parents get the door slam as well it's unfortunate but it has to happen some times

[@divinealignment2305]

true it has to happen sometimes..no matter who it is.

[@kyleoneill9273]

I tried to "help" my wife for 18 years trying to get her to set some boundaries with her parents she never would only thing she ever did was tell them to stop and refused to even consider my suggestion of cutting them off for a week or 2 to get them to stop the inappropriate and intrusive behavior and even compared it to abandoning them at one point wants to tell everybody that I just want her to cut her parents out of her life completely when all I ever asked her for was 2 weeks, took me 18 years to stop asking her and started demanding she did something other than the same thing that hadn't worked for the first 17 years when her mom was caught for a 2nd time going through my wifes phone and reading my messages to my wife now thats already bad enough but the first time she was caught she busted herself by twisting a message and taking it completely out of context and called the police on me which was the second time doing so for bs in my marriage, on top of all their character attacks on me lying to the wife about me and so on at least 1 incident a year and most for their behavior was trying to get rid of me and wanting to manipulate and control my wife and kids, the wife wouldn't do anything and only tied my hands by giving them unlimited get-out-of-jail-free cards no matter what they and would punish me if I complained about their behavior leaving me sitting at the house and go over there to run from the argument instead of resolving it wants to tell me her mom going through her phone reading her messages for a second time exactly almost one year apart was only an issue because I made it an issue because she took care of it by telling her to stop just like she had been doing for 17 years when she didn't even put a damn screen lock on her to prevent a third time and actually thinks that she would catch her if she did it again when she didn't even catch her the first two times she left because she got tired of arguing with me over her parents and her not doing anything but telling them to stop but refuses to acknowledge that her parents behavior and her not doing anything about it ruined our marriage and drove me crazy I had enough at that point I was going to make her leave or make her do something about it because I had no where to go and she thinks I'm to blame because all I wanted to do was argue about her not doing anything about her parents and letting them get away with everything they did

[@LindaCutshaw]

Who does this? Me, a fellow INFJ! I door slammed my mother and only sibling...dad had died many years before. Life is more serene and peaceful now. I truly hope they are well and happy, too.

[@trendsetter8138]

We also door slam when we know we are not needed in a person's life and was just used as a steping stone. We see all this clearly and we do not comunicate when we know it's pointless.

[@westaweird]

I door slam on people that play both sides (that’s enemy behavior) and I door slam when people emotionally dump on me

[@troyanstone65]

A friend to all is a friend to none.

[@richardrenzetti4775]

The last two people that I door slammed were gas lighters par excellence and it felt good. I felt betrayed. They didn't see it coming either. Narcissist saying "how dare you ?". A certain type of person will see me as a "soft target". Nothing like under estimation.

[@psputsimply]

Very often the door slam is as much a surprise to me as the other person! I think because we function highly intuitively, unlike other personality types, our reason doesn't ever completely ignore and overrule the heart. I am highly rational and practical but I will always consider my gut feel and I hurt really bad although I mostly don't show it. So, maybe just me, but it's like the heart takes as stab, maybe one too many, protests or complains, and the mind or reason that has been quietly keeping score says, "okay, you're right, that's it, we're out of here! This is so over it's not even a memory! " And then there is no going back.

[@blanqui2040]

It's exactly this. And after quite a lot door slams these past years I keep getting surprised when it happens. But there's always something afterwards that proves I was right by doing it and I won't regret it. But is it a choice, though?

[@Twilyhtmist]

Exactly this, same deal for me all the times it has happened

[@grababundoberni]

My Fe does get surprised and disappointed the few times I have doorslammed, because I wanted to give a chance or try something else, but my Ni is not surprised. Then they hold hands and I forgive myself for taking that much time to cut someone that was giving signals of being off, not clicking, being rude under the pretense of not wanting to be harsh to them...and for thinking the rude one was me!

[@Andreas_Reuter]

That resonates very deeply with me. Right to the point!

[@videowilliams]

Quite right 💥👈

[@Multichick]

15:36 💯💯💯💯 an expiration date for loyalty. No actions.

[@maryfairy1532]

Door slammed my own toxic parents and I’m sure they didn’t see that coming from their sweet quiet infj daughter lol they are blocked and I have no regrets

[@bisibisbi]

Before those epic door slams of mine I was hurt and let down for years. I even voiced it, clearly and directly, but the other persons choose to ignore it. And then they think it comes from out of the blue... After each door slam I felt more relief than sadness.

[@infjmale91]

I recently had to door slam. Sadly, I can't say too much. But it was due to massive breach of trust, love and respect. I couldn't believe the depths people I cared about would go when they wanted to. People truly do show their worst when you are at your most vulnerable. Just look out for yourself, you are the one person who won't betray you.

[@excrono]

It’s gets easier after the first time.

[@infjmale91]

@@excrono kzbin.info/www/bejne/noPGiJ9uoJuKh7c

[@willowingwhispers2612]

The funny thing is we usually give people we care about numerous chances before the doorslam. It's honestly the last resort we do when they've hurt us and taken things so far that we can't see any way to fix the relationship.

[@APatriarca1]

That hit the spot - the reason why you are close is because you were doing the majority of the work

[@unforblue]

I had a friend gossip about a part of my life that was devastating. The worst thing I’ve ever gone through. I tried to let it go, but was reminded recently. I’ve decided I’m done.

[@OceanicPearlz1]

I am done with all of my school friends (“friends”) they all trashed me to the side. I have given so many chances to them they still haven’t noticed y I avoid them (multiple people) purposely. Burned🔥 Bridges 🌉 DONE. I hope you are doing better now you deserve better

[@nolalawrence2457]

I door slammed after 40 years of talking, and giving chances and ignored and dismissed and neglected.

[@verasmith1900]

When my ex husband passed 3 years ago. I found out he had been intimate with my own dam cousin, who by the way, lived with me for some time! I had to get professional help and have been doing so much inner work! I love my cousin and I have no hate in my heart for her, but I had to dismiss her from my life forever! #AmazingVideo💯😊

[@tnt01]

So sorry that happened to you. Good riddance to her.

[@sadasivan6159]

I hated myself for breaking up suddenly after putting effort for many years in my relationship. Even though I knew that other person will never change and always consume rather than giving back, but my love sometimes forces me to feel guilty. It's been many years but still I could say I haven't healed completely. I was aware only recently from past one year about INFJ door slam. I started to understand that me breaking up was not my fault and I am able to remind myself that I am worthy and its helping me to heal slowly.

[@HaleyMary]

I went through something similar in 2015 when my relationship with my then boyfriend fell apart after seven years. I knew he would never change and wouldn't be able to be emotionally connected like I wanted him to be. I also realized that our spiritual viewpoints didn't match as I am very spiritual and my Jewish heritage is important to me and my then boyfriend wasn't very religious. I actually find it difficult to meet a guy who shares my spirituality/religious views as most guys I meet are atheist and they just aren't compatible with me. For now, I have to feel content being alone.

[@matthewbrown6163]

@@HaleyMary When it all hits the fan & you need their support = you see their true colours. Talk is Cheap but action does not have to be expensive !!!!

[@tracythomson2604]

@@HaleyMary it has been my experience that it is ONLY the people I Love - where I have allowed them to cross my boundaries - and it is THAT which could eventually lead to a "door slam" for me - I have realized this person is NOT who I thought they were. They are not 'there' for me when I needed them to be. It's a painful thing to SEE that person for who they really are. It's painful for me too. IF that person is unwilling to HEAR me - HEAR what I am saying - I can/will walk away (or simply stop investing in the relationship). This does not happen so much in 'relationships' that are more casual (less intimate). But once someone has crossed the line - the ANGER will emerge & I do not miss the target (I am able to hit the BULLS EYE) - it HURTS and it hurts BOTH of us!! The anger is what motivates the end/the door slam. *but I do not LIKE this side of me

[@ramonafeisley5732]

She showed up at my door 6 months post door slam, trying to make nice. I told her she wasn't my friend. Of course she projected the guilt trip like I was somehow abandoned her. I am not responsible for her childhood wounds or her dysfunctional life. My empathy and lack of respect for my boundaries after 10 years made me realize I didn't care anymore. I blocked her that should have been a clue, DUH. Never had anything in common anyway.

[@aqueen13]

Thank you for this! I find door slams to be extremely painful for a long time afterwards. One extra point I’d add is sometimes a door slam has to happen if you realize someone you thought knew you from a decade long friendship suddenly shows such a deep lack of understanding that you realize they don’t know your heart at all and are unsure if you can trust them with your thoughts and vulnerabilities any longer. The door slam protects you, even if it hurts because you still care about them.

[@lindateuling7862]

I am glad you mentioned that INFJs don't like the door slam. I certainly don't. It usually comes after a lot of painful interaction with certain people whom I've have cared about a lot and maybe still have some feelings do for, but then realize I just can't take it anymore. 1. We just don't have any more to give. I think that we all know when we have reached our saturation point. For sure. 2. Once we've been betrayed. That happened to me in college when I was living in the dorm, and a so-called friend deliberately tried to get me in trouble. That was when I decided it was time to move out of that room. 3. We now have a new image of that person. For sure. 4. Our anger finally comes out. Most people I know freak out big time when this happens Usually the ones who do, are those who before, have told me that I'm too sensitive!🤔 Figure that one out! 5. When we change so drastically that the other person doesn't fit into our lives anymore. In my experience, these are usually people who have given me non-stop criticism. This is a thorough and realistic sum up of the door slam. It's nice when we can make things right with other people and don't need to slam the door, but unfortunately, sometimes healthy self care demands that we make emotionally difficult choices.

[@aqueen13]

Love your comment! It made me wonder though… with the point on anger is their big reaction to seeing you angry at something else or only if you get angry at them? What do you think?

[@cc1k435]

Accused of being too sensitive sometimes means the other person is incredibly INSENSITIVE. My father always says this to me, when in reality, he's the one who doesn't understand either feelings or boundaries.

[@Stevie671]

The door slam hurts us too, it's like a sacrifice. You hope you are teaching the other person a lesson, but of course you have arrived at this moment because that person lacks awareness of their behaviour. Ultimately, you are trying to protect yourself. Good video, well enunciated .If I can say that.

[@erinmcleanbailie9734]

I recently had to doorslam a “friend” who wasn’t interested in an equal friendship, or even giving any concern or loyalty back to me. Once I started trying to equalize percentages, she lashed out and accused me of being a bad friend because I wasn’t serving her needs any more. I suspect some bpd was also at play this complicating the relationship further. She was not happy about boundaries, honest emotions, and feedback directed at her.

[@mercedesharrison5550]

Did the same thing last year to a friend of 14 yrs and suspect she was bpd too.

[@travelingcherrys9823]

I recently had to do the same thing with a friend.

[@bhartipandey9223]

After a doorslam, I personally feel hollow inside. I don't know if I can explain, but it's like I will stop myself from feeling any emotion whatsoever just so that I can avoid feeling the extreme pain and loss of self I feel after the door slam. I feel like I don't care about anything anymore for a while. I just get myself through the days without getting actually involved in anything. Giving up on people also feels like giving up on hope or giving up on self too.

[@johnisaac2200]

I call it the "nothingness"

[@excrono]

The more you do it, the easier it gets. For me it’s doing the right thing.

[@excrono]

@@johnisaac2200 Gaslight them as a final act of revenge by making it appear the door is a solid wall that never even existed.

[@_Paul_N]

It gets easier beyond the 1st door slam. Trust me 😄. You’ve only experienced the honeymoon phase of it and I’m quite sure 1 or maybe 2 more door slams will happen in your lifetime. People suck and will have no conscious in hurting others (you) to match their own misery that’s buried within their soul. What you’re going through is “nothingness.” You don’t feel sadness, anger, or frustration after initiating the door slam, but you feel a tad bit cold and empty after getting rid of the threat. It’s hard to explain but you calling it “hollow” is the perfect description when you’re breaking the mold with a door slam. Your 2nd one will be effortless and you’ll probably reward yourself with ice cream afterwards lol. Stay strong 🙃😊

[@yopestevens1505]

For my own preservation, I am happy to be able to slam that door right off the hinges! But I highly suspect that the three different people I had to shut out (all long-term friends from high school) felt no pain at all, while I agonized over it for months. They probably don't even know why I ditched them. But at least I'm not mired in the muck with them! No confrontation, just GOOD-BYE....

[@LOVE_ALL_AROUND]

I have done the door slam with people who I discover lie, deceive, gossip and treat people/animals nature unkindly without skipping a beat.

[@maybee...]

Thank you Wenzes, You explained this perfectly! One day my bff violated my boundaries, she lied to me, to add insult to injury she continued by embarrassing me, then she accused me of being depressed, then she threatened to "get to the bottom of this if it was the last thing she did," the final blow was when she said "who do you think their gonna believe?" In that last phrase our 30 year friendship was over, I saw her full arrogance directed at me, of all people, me... That was it I was done! In the months that followed she never saw what it was that I was so upset about, she really didn't get it and expected me to "just get over it." Okay, I forgive her, but she became someone I can never trust again, not ever. She came to my home caused a scene in my driveway, bottom line I do not do drama, I don't do "bat $#it crazy.

[@momof1576]

Honestly I have given second chances and then ended up door slamming. By the time I’m done I’m really done and I don’t regret it. The people I have door slammed on are toxic human beings who would not abide by normal boundaries even when I told them to knock it off and have that second chance. These people used me, stole from me, lied to me in order to manipulate me, demanded undue attention to the point of demanding I neglect children for their sake and raged when they didn’t get their own way. I generally take some cool down time when I’m making the decision. I generally pull back and set boundaries and then give a second chance but some people who are drawn to INFJs are drawn to us because they think we are weak and they can take advantage of us. Not everyone is a good person. Not everyone is mentally healthy. If someone will not respect the boundaries you set and continue to mistreat you then you have every right to walk away.

[@shirleydaniels9310]

Exactly why I quit that job I was giving too much and getting nothing my light is not to be taken for granted

[@crystalIzed333]

I hate slamming the door! I had to slam some really close family members on the other side of the door! I am in my early 50s and finally had to do it. I feel soo much better and have moved forward very quickly! Sometimes there is no choice.

[@aniokay]

When I met my childhood friend again this year and she continued her line about not wanting to aknowledge that I've had a bad childhood and indicating that I am blaming my parents too much, I just couldn't do it anymore. I had to tell her that I felt forced into a role and felt that she was too harsh towards me, etc. - and she ended our walk with turning around and walking away. And I've accepted that we are not going to be friends anymore. She is projecting her insecurites about being a mom that struggles a bit onto me, thinking that I'm beeing unnecessarily harsh on my parents when the truth is that my parents were abusive, emotionally, physically and did almost everything wrong in the way that they parented me and my siblings. It has taken some time for me to accept that that was reality and then for her to go in and invalidate my experience because she think she knows better (she has seen my family from the outside) is just a gaslight to me at this point. And my reality and percetion of it is much, much more important to me than she will ever be. So naturally, I couldn't continue our friendship... But that is just one example of loosing one friend. I've lost multiple friends over some years and I've always over strechted myself and been doing way to much.

[@Jearl_Black]

That's how nature has made us. Forgive her.....ive truly looked at the things we feel and how we see the world from others eyes and it's unimaginable, unbelievable to them.

[@aniokay]

@@Jearl_Black I don't think it's so much about forgiveness, more about realizing that we are not a good match for friendship anymore 😊. But thank you for your comment.

[@Jearl_Black]

@@aniokay that's right! I was more worried I think that you would be mad at someone.....I see that's not the case (-: I made that mistake and it is a heavy load to bear....I don't want anyone to hafta go through what I did beating myself up everyday

[@aniokay]

@@Jearl_Black Yeah, I get that. I've carried a lot of anger as well - mostly towards my parents. That was a phase I had to go trough. Then grief of what is lost. Yeah, healing is brutal.

[@aniokay]

@Unit in Harmony Thank you. I has been a process, it has taken 4-5 years in therapy, but I'm getting there slowly with my friends. Romantically, it's a different story, so for now I'm choosing not to engage with romance :) I'm happy that you've done the process as well. I bet it has been hard for you too :-)

[@dr.abhasrivastava7304]

There is a sense of relief after slamming the door,soul feels so light world feels so bright and what we did finally felt right 😄😄😄

[@swanzilla1982]

Someone disrespects me 90 percent of the time it's probably my own fault People pleasing being overly nice people tend to take advantage

[@russellbarton7565]

I’m a Virgo. An INFJ personality. I thought my wife was a narcissist but in reality she is a Gemini which is very close in personality traits to a narcissist. I try to understand my wife but it seems impossible. She tells me she wants a divorce at least once a week. At some point I’m going to have to accept her offer and move on this emotional rollercoaster ride is putting my stomach in knots and I just can’t be myself around her.

[@moonphase6032]

I am also a Virgo INFJ but female. My husband is a Gemini and this comment really struck me bc I also felt as if he was very narcissistic but the Gemini factor of two face I believe is the issue. I wish you luck. Can I ask your age and about where you are from? ✌️❣️

[@russellbarton7565]

@@moonphase6032 if you look at Gemini personality traits and compare them to narcissist personality traits they are extremely similar so sometimes I can’t tell if my wife is being Gemini or being narcissist

[@codreaming9304]

@@russellbarton7565h 🤦🏻‍♀️ ~ I’m an INFJ/Leo and I door slammed a narcissist (6) months ago. I just met (not in person yet) a Gemini and we have a ridiculous amount in common and we vibe so well over the phone. I haven’t picked up on any narcissism and I will be so bummed out if he is. I had no idea Geminis had that kind of reputation (for lack of a better word). His personality type (ENFP) is an ideal match and we have identical love languages (all in the same order of importance).

[@russellbarton7565]

@@codreaming9304 I hope everything works out for you and your new relationship. My nephew is also a Gemini but he doesn’t act anything like how my wife acts. I think my wife is a covert narcissist with Gemini traits. The only time she tells me she loves me is when she wants money. And when she is on Instagram or any other social media platform it’s like she is living a single life. I’m sure at some point this marriage will come to an end. I’m at a point now that I’m just not going to react to everything she says to me and just basically ignore her but of course everything is always my fault.

[@codreaming9304]

@@russellbarton7565 I am so sorry 😞

[@vangothengirl]

I used to not like it, but now I think it's absolutely nessasary and I have no problem kicking people out of my life, especially if they just entered and already giving me a headache. Nope, good bye, block, delete. I'm door slam happy lol

[@junemacauley6813]

Re: #3 - If I tell them a behavior I don’t like, they may change it & then better hide how they achieve their goal. I’d rather trust what I perceive and stay away from toxic people.

[@macoeur1122]

I recently described this pointto someone by saying ....My "try-button" has just lost it's spring from overuse. I just don't have another ounce of "try" in me. And the thing is I wasn't trying to be dramatic. This came out in a resigned and fully accepting and even respectful way....Like "I respect you enough to be completely honest and give you the truth so we can both move on.//this is just the fact,, and I don't even have the available energy motivation to engage any further about it. It sounds almost cruel when I spell it out like this, but believe me....If you knew the entire history, it wouldn't sound that way.

[@TIMP-g2k]

So true. Bare minimum, see you. Don’t have it in me anymore. Sucked dry.

[@jcoop49]

I have warned people in my life 'that when I'm done' 'then I'm done' and there will be no going back',this has usually happened when I have got the feeling that they are using me,betraying me or they have ignored my bounderies,really all the above that Wenzes speaks about, they don't know why I've said this phrase to them,but I do ! ,I'm giving them a warning. I more-often that not do it almost within days of saying it, The saying I once read was ', 'If I cut you off,chances are you handed me the sissor's'. I'm in my 70's now,I used to put up with it other people's bad behaviour towards me,not any longer.

[@BlindingDarkness1111]

I wish more people understood this...

[@tracythomson2604]

I agree! This has happened to me (more than once). It can be very painful for both the person who gets door-slammed AND for me! I don't WANT this to happen - but there is a LIMIT to the energy I can give. In my experience it is NOT sudden - I have attempted to TELL the other person - there is an issue; but it seems to fall on deaf ears; as though the other person believes I will ALWAYS permit them to take advantage of me (even after I have informed them - this is not working for me).

[@shirleydaniels9310]

true i had to door slam my sister shes a narc /borderline i cant i tried for years to look pass her toxic ways no more i cant

[@tlhogid663]

On reason 1: People often try to "hoover" me back when I apply the 30-30 or 50-50 technique. They will step up briefly to reciprocate on some things where I carried the weight, but they (very soon) soon comment on how it's too much effort 🤦🏾‍♀️ I mean, you might have carried the relationship for 3 years and the person gets annoyed after 3 months of trying.

[@kateledbetter2013]

Betrayal is a huge one for me. I count the betrayer as a liar, and a liar can have no place in my life. They are dangerous, and you can never truly know a liar. They sell everyone the person that doesn't exist. I want real. I want to be real, and I expect others to be real in return. When a phony person turns and shows you who they really are, it's impossible to go back to the ignorant bliss you had before.

[@excrono]

When I door slam, the door ceases to exist. I derive pleasure from a person suddenly staring at a solid wall because of their actions. They’ve deserved it.

[@jazz_and_tea]

We need to remind ourselves constantly to be more of matchers than unconditional self-sacrificing givers because that’s who we actually are by our very nature.

[@kahlodiego5299]

It's survival.

[@amyj.4992]

When i try to prevent it, they call it people pleasing. Toxic ass Friends, family, lovers it don't matter. They say im pandering and clinging, but when I'm tapped it then i bow out gracefully and keep that shit pushing cuz i am done investing into the stress

[@shaegallegos3457]

We all judge based on values. I judge on intention. Being ignorant or insecure is one thing. Purposely taking from others or trying to hurt people is quite another.

[@myredrose45]

I wish I would have known that I was an infj many, many years ago. So much of my life has been wasted. Thank you Wenzes

[@merlebrown7664]

How has your life been wasted ?

[@sagebay2803]

No, don't think like that. I am 60 and felt the same as you...but, decided to think: HEY, it is just beginning. Now, I am free. So many have not had that chance. You got this!

[@KRobs601]

Nothing is wasted! You have a plethora of experiences and lessons to draw from. Wishing you an amazing rest of your life🙂

[@k.c.sunshine1934]

Life is never wasted... In my opinion, you were being spiritually protected and guided just as you were ready to. They say that God acts in His perfect timing and in very mysterious ways. Best wishes...

[@merlebrown7664]

I’ll like to add that using simple healing spells is so important when it comes to improving your life, whether it’s your finance or a romantic relationship a partner and I urge people to try this more often.

[@taraarrington2285]

It used to take me a long time and many chances for people before I would door slam but now I do it right away as soon as I see red flags I'm like I don't have time or energy for this.

[@leeannsummerfield3989]

Thank you. As a schizoid, I am like a special-needs friend :) After years, a “friend” yelled at me and made very arrogant political statements, as if my own thoughts were of no value. I took a lot of time to write my feelings, rather than get into a telephone argument. I was quite thoughtful. Sadly, as usually happens, the response was horrible. Made things even worse than ever. This is what we experience - one disappointment in life after another. The other person hasn’t got a clue - believes herself to be the victim. But I could not go forward with a false, masking, role-playing “friendship!” This seems to be the same phenomena as the INFJ :) Thank you so much for this. We are not bad people.

[@sagebay2803]

This was SOOO helpful! I find myself always (in my head) sticking up for the friends that I am only an afterthought. I will think, "oh, they are busy or Oh, they must be having a hard time"...when they get back to me whenever it is convenient for THEM. Ugh! I need to work on this. Thank you so much for helping me!!

[@elaineschultz9897]

We really don't like doing this.

[@kalinadesseaux8011]

"allow them to be human" but keep boundaries; that's good advice to the world over. I can't count the number of times where I had a relationship where they freaked out when it turned out I am human too

[@41Wanda]

Biggest lesson I have learned is radical acceptance of how people are and to match another’s commitment level. It saves a whole lot of heartache. ♥️🕊️🙏🏼

[@davidepigliacelli3787]

I agree with all 5 points, I put a sixth.... I close relationships, but without anger or other negative emotions, with people who are too intrusive, and who want to convince me of something, or even with people who believe they have found meaning in life in some of their purpose, and they want you to join, example they like basketball and they want you to go play with them because it's good, or similar stuff (example). Do you Infj also get bored when people want to intrude, and you have to pretend that you like it, but that it is a closed and short parenthesis, otherwise you have to move away?

[@_ketty_2825]

I'm an infj and I have a story about door slamming. (I don’t like to just open up a piece of my life to strangers, so I’ll try to convince myself that my story will help someone.) I have a friend from school who is an infp. We both love deep conversations and everything, but a lot of times we just stay quiet. We meet a couple of times a year, even though we live in the same city. at some point I realized that I didn’t see the point in continuing this relationship. and infp this is one of the personality types that I don’t like. maybe they just trust me, but hearing about their insecurities, self-deprecations, and low self-esteem makes me feel anxious. so, I was thinking about the fact that I have been friends with that friend for quite a long time and I would like to make an effort to find common topics for conversation in order to somehow catch on to something, but I feel that I don’t have energy for it. I think this is the end of our friendship, and I feel sadness to some extent, but I also feel detachment and feigned indifference. I won’t decide to put an end to our relationship for a long time. but I think I will find the right solution by looking into my heart.

[@tamibenz6626]

Love your videos!! I’m a Sag INFJ. I’ve door slammed a few times! 1 don’t abuse my child!! That’s an instant door slam!!! When it comes to myself I give you 3 chances then you are done! Which honestly they should only have 1 chance??! I’m not going to go into details but it was bad & everyone else says I’m too hard on them, they don’t know what happened. When I’m done I’m done

[@brandonfisher2350]

Wenzes I feel like you’re talking to me directly today. Yesterday I snapped and quit my job. I feel bad about it. I wish I hadn’t stewed for so long, but I did, and there is no fixing it. This is really helpful to listen to. I appreciate you

[@merlebrown7664]

I’m sorry you lost your job! I recently got a remote job that is recruiting users to be panelist’s for paid surveys. Currently they are only accepting 5000 applicant for this month, so I could show you how to get started.

[@brandonfisher2350]

@@merlebrown7664 hey thanks so much … I didn’t lose it though, I quit. I’m an electrician I’ll have another job next week

[@verasmith1900]

You will have even better this week!!!! Great job for standing in your truth!💯💯

[@grababundoberni]

Good luck!

[@merlebrown7664]

@@brandonfisher2350 Nice, thank God 😊

[@jordangann7438]

My sister, seems to think that giving me a break is travelling miles to be a silent house nanny for her kids. Now I wouldn't of minded watching my nephews of course I would love that however I am allowed to have my own thoughts and feelings and I am also allowed to express them not just my sister who seems to forget more than normal that I have added struggles in my life such as seizures where I go literally unconscious. The last time I spoke to her she tried to tell me that it was my fault our brother stole from me because I went to my mother's house without offering an alternative solution as to what I should do when the hospital won't let me stay on my own because of my seizures. So I door slammed and now she can pay for a babysitter.

[@jmonie02]

I first started door slamming when I went to college. First my dad, grandma, and mom. They literally try to tear me down to build themselves up. I'm the child bought into the family, I've done nothing but achieve greater things, never on drugs, masters degree, always fit, always positive. Somehow they just a source of negativity. They come around sometimes because they felt that I couldn't slam that door, but its a powerful tool. My life always gets better when I door slam people like them. Always 100% of the time. Somehow little bastards snuck in my life, but they are easier to give the boot. Years later, I find out these people clinically labeled as narcissists. Basically the relationship is never the same again and they only get a trickle. The only people I can't door slam are my siblings.

[@HaleyMary]

I used to suppress my anger so much when I was younger, but it just festered inside me and then I would end up having fights with my mom when I was really angry at the bullies at my school. Now if I feel anger at a particular person, I'll express that, even if that makes the person uncomfortable. Sometimes if a family friend is in support of a war when I don't support a war, we can't talk politics as a family/friends because it will end up as a heated argument every time.

[@FrozeMoments]

I’ve door-slammed so much at 45 I’ve had to get creative in my last words to them. Haha.

[@mcdon1000]

Absolutely brilliant video. I realized about 2 years ago that everyone was using me, including my family, and I wasn't getting much in return. So I pulled the plug, and do things that satisfy me, be it electronics, playing guitar, writing, or experimenting using some way out ideas. If someone want's something now, I act only as a consultant and advise them how to go about whatever it is they want. Funny how these people realized that I wasn't going to be around to do their bidding, and they just drifted away into the background of my life, leaving me more time to do things at gave me satisfaction. If they didn't like it, that's their problem. Not mine.. More content now than I have ever been.

[@chrisyisouth]

I’ve decided not to give anymore. With people it’s really become a case by case thing. My furry friends deserve love and care. And willing to invest my time with them.

[@jnl3564]

I door slammed my parents and it freed up so much emotional energy that setting boundaries in my other relationships became almost effortless.

[@kammellioo]

I trust my judgement 100%. Im right at least 8 times out of 10. So if I took a loss on a miss judgement i'll still win in the long run. Then with the world in its current state of "my truth" or "his/her truth" confronting others about their behavior is a trifle, they call you "judgemental" or "insecure" or claim that "only god can judge" so I usually just shut the door on them with my "truth" lol

[@katepopovic6054]

Am currently in a situation I did the door slam to a friend who became disrespectful to me and above all their life. I just started feeling sick hearing their horrible stories of social interaction and promiscuity. Plus they are whining on their life in some aspects and they have the privilege to change that situation, but they say they can't be bothered. Also, they are doing the work they hate and expect me to do some portion of the work by outsourcing some tasks to me who has her own demanding job and much more struggle in life. This was building up for a year and then they did a final disrespectful thing and I was like "That's it. They will never see me again." But I am not telling them the truth exactly because they will for sure fight to either come back to my life or will fight to prove me wrong. And then I get very rude and don't choose my words at all. There are things they did, that make me still have a certain level of respect for them. But I am not letting them back in ever and I feel much better without them in my life. I have never regretted any of a very few door slams I did and they would be happening usually after years of me putting up with their disrespectful behavior towards me. I do have moments where I try and talk it out for about 2 to 3 times. But if all stays the same, that is it. No explanation. I am out for good.

[@snowyowlz5992]

Enough of the one-sided relationships, no more.

[@leejay2418]

I only door slam when the person yells at me after I’ve given so much and thinks I will take it. I will door slam and not look back. Bye bye.

[@HollyHilton1969]

Wow!! I had to slam the door on my ex. I just knew that no matter how much I bent over backwards to accommodate her, or loved her, it would never be enough. Love doesn't conquer all.

[@fhajji]

"There is an expiration date to loyalty" -- Wenzes. I'm framing that and putting it in my living room!

[@user-fs6ou3fk9p]

With therapy I no longer have to rely on extreme responses. It's so freeing. Having boundries, even if they are unsaid ones, is life changing. I'm stilled very uncomfortable with conflict but I can now deal with it.

[@jessicariddell1976]

Sometimes people do things to where you just cant see them in the same light anymore, even if you wanted to.

[@pinkpeonyy]

This is a very good video. I benefited from listening to your encouragement about telling people how we actually feel when they bother us instead of doorslam. It is really hard to tell people how I feel

[@sujata_155]

So true, when I started having boundaries with people and not sacrificing myself but wanting something in return, the toxic & narcissistic people went away from my life. We shouldnt be martyrs and sacrifice ourselves❤

[@julieb3432]

This is so good I had to watch it twice. I'm evaluating certain relationships right now. This video helps me articulate and defend my position and decisions. Thank you.

[@alexandermunroe1961]

Ya thanks now i know why i don't take any bull crap. I like the strength i have.

[@Megan6772]

It's all about reciprocity. 🎯💯 Love it. So important, thank you.

[@Mmmmkaaay]

My ex husband, ex friends, ex coworkers...I have a long fuse but at some point, I'm done and there's no looking back.

[@GoingSomewhere-o3p]

my door slam is like a steel 200 year old one from a death row imprisonment waiting center. i do not unslam. this is difficult for others to accept and i truly truly dont get how basic decency expectations rile up human beings. new lows have been reached.

[@patsyballantyne9886]

Forced to walk away

[@fabiolucianodasilvaluciano9984]

Sou INFJ e já bati a porta...e com esta atitude eu retiro para sempre da minha vida quem estiver do outro lado.

[@prschuster]

A few door slams were over money, when someone constantly borrows money because they don't have their own house in order. A few other door slams involved women who brought their baggage from previous relationships into our relationship with an all around sour attitude toward men. You can't fix broken.

[@Funuga]

I’m proud of this strength of mine.. saves so much time and energy for everyone ❤

[@Jamiereid6166]

No we certainly do not like door slam,, it's the last straw and we're done 🫶✨

[@jazz_and_tea]

It’s somehow sad that we need to even take into consideration the fact whether such a basic thing that should be a natural foundation of any human interaction which is the respect is existent in a given relationship or not, or actually even before it becomes a relationship.

[@mlbullbooks]

Great video. 💯I’m sure it’s relatable to many INFJs, though I haven’t done many INFJ Doorslams as I’ve been a loner most of my life for various reasons. Btw, you’re okay, Wenzes. I just can be blunt, direct, and assertive sometimes. Hence, why I often hesitate whether to comment on videos. Sorry…lol 🙊

[@anna2736]

I couldn't have explained it in a better way

[@kalinadesseaux8011]

Really good video, love the breakdown, thanks❤ really solid advice Infj: we don't like it. We do all we can to avoid it. It's the last resort, its life or death or sanity Painful hollowing, (More often it's a very quiet but very permanent) But we know. The situation was beyond us, beyond help, I've never "liked" doorslamming and for our efforts am hard pressed to even call it that. But. I do think that the times I made that call? Saved me.

[@Kemp757]

I think this only counts if these are people who you have not witnessed being manipulative and taking advantage on purpose and who you know is this way with multiple people.

[@digimei2143]

as a fellow INFJ. i door slammed my ex in 2020. but to be honest it hurts me more than it hurts her. i really hate to do it but its for my own good 🙁

[@ldawson1383]

I am so grateful for these videos- I am really learning so much about myself as an INFJ ...I always felt misunderstood and outta place and now I understand why 💛

[@russellbarton7565]

I put up with my ex wife’s abuse for 8 years until I finally had enough but it had to come at a great cost. I had a heart attack because of the stress and I just couldn’t do it anymore. She walked out of the house and left. It was the best day of my life. Now 8 years later my new wife is stressing me

[@mellyd2825]

I see your side of it but I finally cut off by birth father cause he is an alcoholic and verbally abusive narcissist, there was never any moment to talk to him in any healthy respect. He’s shown his true colors to my adult daughter by blocking her in a childish manner cause she had to cut a phone call short with him. Sorry, we will put our energy in those who don’t drain it.

[@HypnosisforHealing]

She has a video about narcissists, too, definitely check that out!

[@mariaevaortega1102]

I have never felt so understood, thank you! This video has been super helpfull❤

[@AmyStClair]

Thank you. These videos explain a lot about me and my life. I did not completely cut off my mother, but I shut a door between us, and was able to deal with her from a safe place.