6 Misleading Myths about Grief

Common beliefs about Grief are actually Myths. I discuss the Grief Myths that I believe are most dangerous!
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[@grieftherapist]

What have I missed? Which Myth of Grief had a negative impact on your Grief? Have a watch and leave a comment.🙏🏻 Consider joining our online supportive community called The Grievolution Collective. www.jomcrogers.com/grievolution-collective.html

[@LeobardoOscar]

Grief is absolutely messy and chaotic. Sometimes it's as simple as being aware of a date, e.g. watching a news video or reading a note about a recent past event, and out of the blue it comes to your mind: "This happened a year ago, she/he was alive at that time", and then you immediately feel a flood of grief.

[@margaretward7682]

When I had returned to work after my mom had passed away a co worker said, "why are you still upset, shouldn't you be over it by now? Aren't there 5 stages of grief, your not done yet?" At that time my mom was gone 1 month. I felt like I was punched in the stomach with that comment.

[@teresapetersen1690]

Just know that some day everyone goes through the loss of a loved one . The stronger the grief the closer you were to that person . Sending prayers .

[@encouragingword1172]

I probably would have punched them in the stomach! 🤣🤣🤣

[@alisonanthony1228]

I lost my husband 5 years ago and can categorically state that, from my own experience, it was the 3rd and 4th year that were the hardest because it was then that the permanence of his loss started to really sink in. I'm alone and he's never coming back. I finally feel like I'm slowly starting to build a life again. I've found that I only have 1 or 2 friends left from Before because I've changed so much. My new friends know what I've been through and that I'm still struggling with grief, but they only know me as I am now and accept me for what I've become instead of trying to get me back to who I was which is so much easier for me. I'll never be the person I was when I was with my husband, and now I don't feel like I have to try to be that way. I've taken off the mask that I had to wear every day to try and convince people that I was okay and just the same. I'm not, and I never will be. I'm becoming a new person and that's okay.

[@davidhunter5062]

Very insightful comment “it was then that the permanence of his loss…”. I think you are right. It is not the first, second or 23rd year that’s the hardest. It is the year when you move out of the deep “fog of grief” when everything is surreal and dreamlike (or nightmarish) and move into the fully conscience reality of the loss. THAT year will be the hardest. Sounds like you are progressing. Best wishes.

[@Rose_budd]

So sorry for ur loss! I can totally relate! After i lost my mom a year n a half ago, it really made me see who was really there for me. My best friend at the time, wasn't there for me like i thought she would be.. we dont talk much at all anymore, now. U learn alot after a death, thats for sure

[@dotthompson9146]

So sorry to you all who are grieving I can relate to you all having lost my son and best friend I am not the same person anymore it as been ten months since he passed away and I am sobbing my heart out most days and longing for him feel like I just want to scream out loud some days just can’t except that he’s gone my longing for him is breaking my heart in many pieces may god comfort each one of you as I feel you’re grief god bless you all ❤❤❤

[@dotthompson9146]

1:33 1:33

[@dotthompson9146]

1:33

[@stevehamilton9559]

My wife died 6 weeks ago today on 15th Aug 2022. So far I have heard the Time heals one several times, learn to get over it - which came from wife's sister who only got widowed herself 2 weeks ago and the it's God way which made me want to scream ! I get hit each day by a tsunami of tears at regular intervals each day and can't stop it. They almost seem to sneak up on me when I least expect it . Almost feel like I'm going slowly mad.

[@stevehamilton9559]

@@lisabennett1253 on top of this our youngest son was admitted to same Intensive Care Unit as his mum was 7 weeks ago and where she died. His blood pressure 213/155. Thankfully has dropped today but reckon I know the cause.

[@stevehamilton9559]

@@lisabennett1253 on meds to bring pressure back down and hopefully getting home today but they are still investigating CAT scan and MRI being checked. Been prescribed 4 different meds myself from my doc ranging from sedatives to sleeping tablets and others to stop me feeling like I’m emotionally falling off a cliff. No ups or downs anymore just downs and if I’m lucky things level off they don’t go back “up”.

[@sallyduplessis2264]

My husband took his life on 6th Nov 2022. It's taken my air away. I'm in the same place as you. Just getting by, one moment at a time.

[@stevehamilton9559]

@@sallyduplessis2264 my heart goes out to you. No easy route through all of this. Take care and especially be kind to yourself.

[@sallyduplessis2264]

Look after yourself and family too. We need to know that with love, support and the will to keep going, we are going to be happy again just in a different way

[@paraAA82]

Thank you Jo for busting these stupid myths. The one I hate the most is “go and make new friends! Keep busy with people!!!well, fuck that. I can be surrounded by hundreds and hundreds of people and still be alone. Besides, I don’t want to make new friends. Leave me fucking alone!!

[@65angelfish]

I lost both my parents within 3 months (age 85 and 86). What I hate is people saying that they had 'a respectable age'. As if that makes it any easier...

[@deegee6046]

People who make remarks regarding your loss are uncomfortable, they don't know what to say,I believe they are trying their best to be at your side. I have run into the same uncomfortable words regarding my wife's passing. Best to you

[@MsEssmess]

Or.. she had a good life...... which isn't true because I know how deeply unhappy she was... we wear such masks to keep the image right. I'd love to live with a tribe that knows how to grieve...weeping wailing chopping off a finger etc.....so authentic and real..

[@susanwoodsnonprofitsolutio7216]

I know what you mean. It’s so dismissive.

[@rachelheart843]

Omg. I’m so sorry I lost both my parents within 2 years my mom died of pancreatic cancer then my dad was so sad and depressed he wasn’t eating. He ended up with colon cancer, sepsis, kidney failure. It’s so overwhelming. My mom was 79 my dad was 81 how do you deal with loosing your parents in 3 months of each other? 😢

[@ftapete]

In the last three years ,I lost my sister, father, and most recently ,my mother . I don’t know how anyone can be the same after losing a loved one. I do my best to process all this ; and sometimes are better than others. I agree the stages f grief are all BS.

[@countrysister700]

"Staying busy" masques the grief and most of all relieves the do-gooder friend or family the pressure of needing to do anything else to help. The "busy" really just makes the third party feel better and less guilty

[@TINA-xu2bc]

My only child Jennifer passed away on 3-24-20. Metastatic Breast Cancer .. She was 40 … As her mom and long divorced from her dad I am really having a hard time. A sad time. I will never get over her passing. I find I can talk about her now without bawling my eyes out. I miss her. Thank you for your post. God Bless

[@carmellarkin4803]

So sorry for your terrible loss. I lost a daughter too. Melanoma in the brain. She was 26.

[@TINA-xu2bc]

@@carmellarkin4803 I find my life has changed forever. I know you know how this feels. It’s extremely hard. Text anytime if you want to talk. God Bless.

[@debranicholson9223]

I understand the lonliness as I'm alone in my grief as well.

[@glory1star]

@@debranicholson9223 how are you now? Sorry about your lost , I lost my daughter 9/22 I feel really alone in this

[@armidaAB]

@@glory1star I’m so sorry for you loss. I lost my sweet Malaya 11/22. I feel like my life is still in the year 22.

[@kathleenburke4728]

I lost my only daughter on 4/8/2022. I am broken and lost. People say being busy helps…no it does NOT. The grief hits me unexpected times. I can’t even go in her room without being drawn into a sadness that just over takes me. We were very close. She lived with me for the last 11 years of her life because she had a disability that required her to get a tracheotomy and sleep on a ventilator at night. Eventually she was always on the vent. And I was her care giver and friend. The other day someone said “she would want you to be happy”..I almost lost it. Last September her doctor told her she was in the end stages of her life. So we knew that she was very ill but with new meds she seemed so much better. Then suddenly I found her and she was gone….I don’t know what I will do without her.

[@glory1star]

Sorry about your lost, How are you coping now? I lost my only daughter child for 16 years! Unexpectedly in September 2022 She was my world I’m lost without her , I miss her smile, her guess what mommy moments and her always being here .

[@TRWoods914]

I’m so sorry.

[@lisabennett1253]

I just experienced another milestone. My first hurricane alone without my protector, partner and love. UGH! Life just sucks sometimes!

[@Thomasfrohwitter]

Hi Lisa, how’s your day going with you?

[@user-zj1ig9ni3r]

I was directed to the 5 Stages of Grief. Not true in my case. It’s been Four months since my husband passed away. Seems like yesterday.

[@kathleenhensley5951]

I don't consider them myths. They are just possibilities that may or may not work. I do try to keep busy... and, I have to be strong. I can't give up and I can't drown in a puddle of my own tears. When my husband found out that he was dying (pancreatic cancer) He asked me not to be like some wives that give up on life and die soon after their husbands... I promised him I would not follow him closely into eternity. I promised him I would live. I didn't tell him I didn't have a clue how I would live without my sweetie. I am currently learning to drive. He was always worried about my driving and asked me not to drive when we moved to the state I am currently living (saved tons of money, by the way.) ... driving after all these decades is the bravest thing I have ever done, except for one, caring for my beloved as he lay dying. I think I would want to drive even if I lived in the massive city we used to live in... I just couldn't bear the limitations of mass transportation. I have to be strong, there is no other choice, but I also have to allow myself to cry and grieve for him because I will break my soul if I don't. I have to allow myself to admit when I am over my head and need help. I thought time would start to heal the wound.. but it isn't. This is too great a loss. I've lost parents, friends, church communities... but, none of that, prepared me for losing my beloved, my best friend. NONE I am finding now, as I finish the third full year of this awful experience that i am like Janus... I look behind me and before me. My old happy life has ended. It will not return. The Grief is just sitting in my chest. I believe my heart has truly broken. My future life is forming before my feet. I am composing a new life.I want it to be a worthwhile life. I will cry always.. but I will also live.

[@Kjsparadigm]

I miss my son beyond belief - he transitioned on 6.11.22 ❤ the pain is unbelievable. Grateful I found this channel.

[@librarylover6414]

To lose a child , like you and both have, unfathomable grief. Against the order of the world. I send you love and healing through these torturous times.

[@ColorMyWorld]

I love that he "transitioned" and didn't die. I am going to start saying that. My belief system makes it impossible not to believe the soul just stops. It doesn't. Your energy doesn't just go away. It transforms and transitions.

[@tobyschoeneberger7126]

Love to you as you come upon this Angelversary June 11th♡

[@susangomm3568]

In August this year (2022) I lost my husband of 57 years. I am still having crying sessions and have been physically I’ll . We were well suited and were really good friends as well as partners. I am a strong person but his death has shattered my strength. I am enjoying reading your articles because they make me realise we all work through grief at different paces. My two sons have been very supportive but sadly we live on different continents . And so I take myself through each day one at a time. 💐

[@margotwilson539]

When people say you should be over this grief by now. in my case two precious dogs died within 6 months from each other., Both were in tragic accident s. One wascaused by a worker who was speedy, and one was caused by me, and I haven't been the same since

[@grieftherapist]

I found a picture of my old dog while scrolling.. took my breath away.... Wanted to be sure you have seen this...kzbin.info/www/bejne/pILcgKKHqc2haLc

[@mauramcferran2612]

💔 😥 xo

[@pudik2008]

So good to hear the TRUTH not the expectations of others! 💔

[@camillebood4719]

Grief is terrible. It starts way before the death. Watching parents deteriorate before they die is the worst

[@marilynbennion4696]

It has now been twelve and a half years since my husband died. I love how you talked about living beside your grief. Grief doesn't end. It shifts and changes forms but it is still so much a part of me. The myth that really struck me from your video was #6, "You have to be strong". In truth very few people said that to me (the notable exception was my sister in law who told me it was time to "put on my big girl panties".) What I heard over and over was, "You are sooo strong". It made me mad. I wasn't strong. I felt like I was completely losing my mind. Being "strong" was the only choice I had, and being told that I was just rubbed my face in my grief. This is literally the first time I have ever said anything about it because I know people were trying to be supportive. Anyway ... awesome video and from the perspective of someone who has lived with grief for a long time, it was absolutely bang on!

[@songsparrow4324]

In a desert that is pure Hell, you are a breath of fresh air. Most counseling is such Rot! In 3 months it will be 2 years since I lost my husband. The type of Shock, Horror and Difficulty changes - - it does not get better or go away, at least not if you loved them as much as I loved him. So often I just want to give up and join him. The therapist I went to in the early days, who Specialized in Grief, told me "EVERYBODY DIES'. That was not helpful. One 'friend' said at his wake 'Good, now you can get on with your life!' - - - - My life had just ended in shock and horror, I could barely stand another moment then. Another 'friend' when I asked if we could meet to talk said "No! I only want to be around Happy People!' . . . . OMG!!!! I never talked to any of them again. Most people are not much better. All of the myths, as you say are BS! And they are either not married or their husbands are still alive. I could go on, but will stop here.

[@hiddencreekgardensbethmcmi3720]

Keeping busy helps you get through the day, but it doesn't heal the sadness nor answer the questions of the future

[@lisabennett1253]

When I listen to your videos I wish I had you here to run interference. Even when you can stick up for yourself and tell someone they are not helpful or what they are saying is harmful they NEVER accept what you're saying. They assume you are just too "sensitive". So, can you imagine, not only are YOU the one grieving and the one being further hurt by stupid comments, the offender sticks by their uneducated remarks with no intention of learning anything, free to just skip off to the next victim and regurgitate it all over again. This video is SO spot-on and supportive. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

[@marceapardus6526]

Oh my gosh Lisa, you hit my experience on the head…I find myself in this weird void now since well intended folks make off putting remarks & any even subtle reaction is met with future avoidance of me…a very dear friend doesn’t want to “hear it” anymore cuz I crossed the year mark & now I should be moving on…thank you for sharing your experience, Lisa, many blessings as we journey on thru the Valley of Sorrow at our own way & pace ✨🦋✨

[@amor105a]

Parents should never bury their children. It hurts twice hearing this. Lost my 35 year old beautiful daughter recently. Our culture lacks knowledge on supporting those who grieve.

[@markbell9973]

Yeah....alas. But it is coming along almost 3 years into the grieving process. You can tell you are making progress when you don't cry anymore all night long night after night. ...when you can talk about it without falling to pieces. I'm a dad. It was our 3rd daughter, Stefanie. For 5 years "Stef" with an exemplary, calm valor took on that grim "sentence" that comes with stage IV breast C-word. She kept on saying to herself (and once confided to me) "It's like Indiana Jones: 'I don't wanna know the odds' ." Then ittt happened. I just fast-forwarded bc the details of such a fight are well known and need not be rehearsed here. Yes, there are times when a parent loses a child to whom they gave their all that grief becomes an unexpected, "nuclear" trauma. I say all this on social media less for myself and more--as a message in a bottle--to one and all called by "this frail Existence"* to go through this particular kind of loss. Do endure it as suggests our most articulate lady who took the trouble to share the wisdom she has paid the steep price to acquire. Do soldier on until "the finest moment I have seen." As written by the good Kate Wolf and immortally performed by Nanci Griffith. Both of you rest in peace. Here's the music: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oKTXaYKIZq-XbZYsi=y7be2pu2-3A7sHwC *the words of a hymn from my religious heritage. Cheers and ❤, Mark

[@MAvila744]

My gosh, you hit everything correctly. Yes, I have been introduced to the stages of grief and understood it was not intended for grief support. My husband knew that the grief of losing him would be very difficult for me. He cried over it and knew me well. I am most frustrated by the lack of awareness by others of just how traumatic losing a spouse is. They have not lived it, so they don’t ‘get it.’ Thank you for being the voice of truth.

[@KT-zp7ju]

My husband passed in march 2022.Some days I scream,cry at night. Talk to him at night.I was told you need to get over it.

[@angusmorrison9433]

I lost my husband (Angus) in March 2022 as well. I had just retired and we were to start doing all our retiree things. His death was followed by two good friends and three more family members passing through January of this year. I tried to be supportive of everyone in each of their journeys and couldn’t really grieve much with family or friends as they were going through their own tumult. Now I’m back to grieving my personal loss. I allowed my house to turn into a hoard, so I am working on digging out from that. One day at a time. -Kathy

[@edwardianspice1]

I lost my beloved cat three weeks ago and I’m still struggling.mi know there are those who think it’s not the same when it’s a pet but I struggle with my mental health and have never been able to love humans the way I love my pets. It all happened so quickly and he couldn’t tell me he was suffering and then I had to make the choice to have him put to sleep and I stayed with him because as his carer that is my job. But I loved him so much and it’s killing me that he’s not here anymore. I love this video because even though it’s about humans there’s something I can take from this xx

[@annatafoya4315]

In the first year following my Son Thomas's death, I had severe health. It required two surgeries, and my husband one. We both had to convalescent the year after. The year after that I had another procedure done. I continue have severe health issues. I don't think I have had the right time to deal with my grief. Thomas lived with us, and he was such a good Son and man. We were very close, and so very blessed to have him. He took such good care of me and his Dad. Early on, I heard...he's a angel watching over you, he wouldn't want you to be crying like this, you need to move on, blah blah blah. Thomas passed 12/27/2019. I will never get over him. I cry everyday 😢 sometimes several times a day. I try to keep busy etc. I tried to find a group but then covid hit. Thanks for letting me vent. God bless you all in your grief 🙏 still so broken 💔 😢

[@sherylheidecker9025]

I lost my wife 2 weeks ago today. We were married 11 1/2 years. We were together 21 years. I am not strong. Keeping busy is an avoidance strategy. It stops you from feeling your feelings.

[@Chris-kz3jf]

It’s scary, because a certain amount of grief stays with you for the rest of your life. 🥹

[@oliviacasino8888]

At 82 years, I find myself still and it appears forever missing my mother with such tender sadness and laughter whenever her beautiful green eyes and red polished nails come into view. Those we love are with us always, it is a part of this life…a part of the contract we sign up for when being born. To love is to know loss but to never love is unimaginable.

[@speak2theresafox]

Yeaaah, the first year is not the hardest. It is the numbest, if that is even a word.

[@marceapardus6526]

Ohhhh the numbed feelings of the 1st year…friends & family saw that I was “functioning” (had to I am caregiving to a family member), so they all thought, oh she is good & they left me alone…now in the beginning of the 2nd year, I find myself alone with these defrosted feelings…current situation: learning to cope & carry

[@speak2theresafox]

@@marceapardus6526 Exactly Marcea. It is a pretty lonely feeling. Plus the “you need to slow down, stop working so hard” as if that is a choice. I am trying so hard to be my loving self but I am not right now. God bless you and give you the strength you need and the grace to get through the tough and lonely days.

[@speak2theresafox]

@@lisabennett1253 I am so sorry for your loss Lisa. My husband also died suddenly in his sleep. I know the absolute shock of the sudden loss. It did help me to keep busy but I am exhausted now after 21 months of keeping it all together. In hind sight I would say that if anyone asks you if there is anything they can do, have your list ready and take that offer of help. Some dear sweet friends and neighbors just did what had to be done whether I asked them or not, like maintenance on the lawn equipment and clearing the driveway of snow. That kind of goes away after the first year so go ahead and get those projects finished up if help is offered. May your find comfort in those good memories that you shared with your husband and my you feel his presence and find comfort in knowing he is still beside you in spirit. (See, even I don’t know the right words to say). Oh and of the adult children, the ones who choose to get grief counseling seem to be managing a bit better.

[@jennyrook]

Very helpful…but I have to keep busy as I have to be out of this house within three months of my beloved husband’s very sudden death. The move is now next week: for three months I have been dealing with solicitors, undertakers, removals firms, insurance and pension firms, house clearance….I’ve taken loads to the dump, to charity shops and the auctioneers. I have three retrievers to tend and walk, Some days go by when I’ve hardly thought of him at all. I cry myself to sleep at night and wonder whether a crash will come, when I’m unpacked at the other end…. I used to counsel the bereaved and know that this is a long journey, with no end that resembles the past. I will be different, as I was when my dad died when I was 21. I’m now 69. Music and friends and family help. But my heart fails when I think of what is ahead.

[@debrasamson6154]

I don’t like it when people tell me “ Christopher wouldn’t want you to be sad”. My sweet son. 41 years when he passed. Of course he wouldn’t WANT me to be sad but on the other hand he would MUCH rather be here with his children. Please don’t tell me how to feel Thank you. I love your advice

[@goldieoldie4543]

My husband of 46 years is gone and I am trying to get my footing while figuring out a new routine. I hate it when my sister says “ I’m divorced. Its the same. I know what you are going through”

[@colleenh]

That was an inconsiderate remark to make. I’m divorced too and it is so NOT the same thing.

[@catz2505]

Yep I think I've gone thru the five stages of grief like fifty times!! I lost my mom...then my dad..then I retired, so I lost doing something I had done my whole life, then I lost my heart dog Sadie...and then I broke...and I'm still broken. I can't move on, I try but I"m still stuck here. The pain, grief is deep and I hurt and I'm all alone and have no family...noone...but grief. It's hard and overwhelming and I don't kow how to go on anymore. I've tried everything and I'm so depressed and sad.

[@susanvivian5697]

I was told about the 5 stages of grief by a few people who even sent me the links after losing my husband and soulmate after an aggressive cancer took him at 57. It was only 13 months ago. Your videos are very helpful ~ thank you!

[@patriciagibbs4191]

This wonderful women who talks on grief is a gentle soul I have listened to her many times she is full of love..grace and empathy she has certainly helped me get through the last six months ...❤

[@biondna7984]

This list of the 6 Myths About Grief covers everything I've heard so far. I've also been told how much I'm admired, because I wrote and published a book about, and through, my late spouse's decline in Alzheimer's. I AM proud of the book, and DO hope it helps others. I know the praise was and is to help me feel better. What we all want is a Pass on grief, to not feel it and not witness others feeling it. I thought that the grief of the six years I cared for him and watched him leaving, might give me some kind of credit ("Paid in Advance") when the grief of his actual death came. Nope. Didn't happen and ain't gonna happen. I'm still going through all of it.

[@maryannbova9212]

Thank you,I’ve been married 57 years and caregiver for him for 4 years and we both cried and knew the end outcome . It had been slow, we still enjoyed walks and being together and then WAM it all changed fast and in 6 weeks he was gone. I had been caregiver 24/7 for 4 years, little support and now I’m alone and I don’t know who I am or what to do with me.

[@biondna7984]

@@maryannbova9212 You will find yourself again. Just keep going out the front door every day, even if only for fifteen minutes.

[@dianeoconnor7546]

I lost both parents two weeks apart. Its just over two years and i cry every day. Time does not heal but i can generally choose now when to take time out to remember and cry rather than breaking down on the street or in the supermarket.

[@alive4627]

The first year is the hardest, time heals all? Nah. Here I am in my 23rd year of grief, suffering more than ever, simply because I am now in retirement. I no longer have the distraction of a demanding career, of study, of caring for my family, etc. The trauma now becomes top of mind.

[@vincents3334]

My wife died 6 weeks ago. I know I'll grieve forever, but I'm determined not to walk around like a living dead zombie for the rest of my life. I know people will say "oh it's way too soon" but I am actively looking for a female companion and see where it leads. Someone to talk to, take a walk with, hold hands, watch a movie, go on a day trip. There's no reason I should spend the rest of my life alone, board out of my mind, with no direction or plans for my future.

[@eleanorwherry9223]

I hope that you have been able to find a compatible female companion. I, too, have had that reaction. I loved my husband, and I want to honor that by continuing to enjoy life and companionship of a fellow human.

[@vincents3334]

@@eleanorwherry9223 yes I have. I prayed for help and as always my prayers were answered. I found a loving woman and good friend. Best help for grief. Still have moments but I see a bright future.

[@eleanorwherry9223]

I am happy for you and wish you a wonderful future.

[@ashleyrichardson6267]

When the doing ends and the being begins 🥺 I felt that deeply. I’m finding milestones hard. Yearning to share and celebrate with those no longer in the physical.

[@ColorMyWorld]

I am 6 months into my grief for my Husband. I said to myself I had to be strong for my kids until I am alone and then I gave myself permission to fall apart. Thank you so much for this video.

[@lindavezina6224]

I grieved my husband suicide. Then I lost my father with dementia. Then I lost my boyfriend to another boyfriend. Which I thought was the worst thing in the world. But when my daughter stop talking to me for 4.5yrs.And I lost my grandson that was my world. I ended up with mental breakdown. I cried. Bad depression. I tried to come out of it. I couldn't. After 4.5 yrs. He was older and we spend lots of time together. But the pain of the pass. I will still cry because I never in a moment thought my daughter would betray me. So for me there are so many kinds of grief and some just don't get better.

[@maryannehaffner3294]

"How are you keeping busy?" I am asked. Being busy does not actually help me. I chunk my activities so I may have time to think, reflect, and check in with my online widows' group. That is a help to me. I am beginning my second year. My first year I spent with paper work and taking care of all my responsibilities. This year is harder, but I am doing more self-care to help myself along. TY for this superb video.

[@jdog1785]

Feb 1st My mother died, then march my grandmother, then may the man I have spent last 21 years with. I am shattered. Mom's song was Alone again Naturally. I remember it as a kid, but never paid attention to the lyrics until after she died, I played it. I cried for weeks. Everyone has advice, stay strong, they wouldn't want you to go through this, or grandmother was in her 90's she loved a good life. Or about my significant other he is at peace now.

[@wendystevenson6726]

I’m in my second year of grief and yes I totally agree with the 6 myths you have mentioned Jo. I’ve heard and have been encouraged by well meaning people with all of these myths. They just didn’t resonate with me, people want you to get over it, you’re not the only one who is going through this, be strong or you will become stronger because of this experience 😢 Thank you for this video I feel as if I’ve been let of the hook of others expectations of how I should be handling my grief. I love my husband today as much as I have for the 33 wonderful years we had together that will never change. From my experience thus far I’m learning who I am now and how will live with this grief. Baby steps for me and self love is how I’m going to try and start❤ Thank you again Jo❤

[@kaylweatherly3247]

What ticks me the most is when someone tells me to take one day at a time!! How in the crap can you take more or I would!! My husband died 4 months ago. Thank you for your input and helping us.

[@julieandpinky]

Excellent. 2nd year has been a different kind of hard. You're so right! Thank you for this video.

[@dotthompson9146]

Thank you joe so much for you’re videos on grief I can relate so much in what you are saying ten months on from losing my loverly son who died of cancer at forty nine years old he was also my best friend loved him so much my grief is getting so much harder to bear my mind is tormented daily I long for him so much my mind is in a total torment my life as changed so much since his passing feel deeply it should of been me that died and not him somtimes I feel I am going crazy long for my son Andy my heart will forever be broken just feel like I don’t belong in this world anymore thank you joe and may god truly bless you for you’re good works ❤❤❤❤

[@carmellarkin4803]

The second year has been definitely worse in my experience.

[@marceapardus6526]

I am at the 15 month mark & I now find my self defrosted & alone to face my future, it is very hard…blessings as we journey on ✨🦋✨

[@erikafranco609]

Yes the second year hits because we need to process what happened

[@mariannejohnson6529]

Everything you say is exactly what I have experienced concerning my adult daughters death from alcohol addiction being found at 6;30 in the morning in her backyard after a full night of drinking and drinking until she died. I am stuck by the comments are being busy. After she died 3 years ago I would wake up each morning and remember, Then I would lay in bed in the same position for 15 or 20 minutes unable to move. I always felt like there was an iron anvil pressing me down into the bed. 3 years later I sit in my chair for hours and have to force myself to move. One saving grace is that I am retired so I didnt have to face the need to move. I still wonder how I would have been able to deal with the everyday tasks of my job……elementary school teacher….after my daughter died.

[@lindalipuma5392]

I’m 2months into the loss of my husband of 42 years and the love of my life. You have been so helpful . I watch you at least once a day.. Thank you

[@jlf1309]

I was the youngest of 5 siblings. I was a miracle baby born in 1966. My mom had placenta previia. The obstrician came to the waiting room and told my daddy that it would be a miracle if my mom and I survived. My daddy was a Christian man with much faith and my strong mother and i both survived. Daddy spoiled me and we had the perfect bond (even named his boat after me) Around Oct 2022 daddy got dementia, was not able to walk well, needed help to get up off his chair and became weaker each day. I left my home in the Fl Keys and mived in to help my mom. My daddy had no control over his bowel movements I needed to bathe him, change his diapers, rinse out his sheets if he had an accident, make sure he had plenty of fluids and that he had food that he would like to eat. Finally on the first night of December 2022 he took his last breath while I was sitting right next to him holding his hand. It was so heartbreaking but at least we kept daddy home and out of the nursing home. Now my mother is 91 years old.

[@jlf1309]

I am so terrified that I am going to have to go through the same thing soon with her. 😞 I have the disease called lupus.. my father's death it's actually very real and just started to take a real toll on me. . 😞 I know that the Lord will give me strength to deal with it again but I just pray that it's not this so close.

[@catherinefell3414]

😮I hear you for the 1st Time… When I was 17 my father died and I was told: « take care of your mother, you are the « MAN of the house now » because I looked like him… although I was a GIRL… Then, I was 25 and my brother died. He was 20 and I was told: « Take care of your mother. It’s the worst for a parent to loose a child ». My losses of an adored father and a beloved brother were denied… Your words help me a lot … And now only, I understand that the five steps described by Kübler-Ross are NOT about grief and I am so relieved to understand that I haven’t been… just a bad student 😉 I’ll now listen to you regularly … THANK YOU 😢

[@sharonhearne5014]

My husband’s illness and death after almost 50 years of marriage gave me the chance to gradually break out of a co-dependent mindset that had endured throughout the marriage. I wasn’t not just grieving the loss of a lifestyle with a man where there were very complex emotions, challenges and pain so that the complexity and mixed emotions which came after his death complicated the process. It is positive to have pulled my self image independently of the destructive aspects of the marriage.

[@joannedobkin3363]

When my mother at 91 died people said at least she lived a long life. That doesn’t comfort me especially when the last years were horrible dealing with dementia and the neglect of my siblings. My mother could have lived 10 more if family listened to me about getting her care so no I don’t want to hear she lived a long good life it wasn’t long enough and the quality was terrible. After dying those siblings didn’t even show up to show respect.

[@leoniegray6404]

Lost my only child to acute t cell lymphoblastic leukemia on the 16th of Sept this year . I can't stop crying , I can't eat and I don't want to be here anymore.

[@gerryzadanski5772]

I'm sorry..and praying God gives you some peace..

[@librarylover6414]

I understand completely. I lost my daughter in a tragic accident in October and have breast cancer. It is not metastatic but I don’t want to deal with treatments beyond the lumpectomy. I just don’t want to be here.

[@mariannejohnson6529]

I am so sorry. I have also had a child die. Please except my condolences for you loss. It is an agonizing painful experience losing a child.

[@armpitfuzz]

i thought keeping myself SO busy and so tired that I would just sleep would help........ It just postponed dealing with my grief !

[@debralocklear3972]

I was told about the 5 stages, bull poo lol. My truely loving humble husband means so much to me and I feel always that I've been separated from half of myself, we loved worked an walked as one as a whole, so like the necklaces that lovers gift each other of a heart that's divided I feel he is carrying half of my heart an I carry his half till we reunite as a whole again. Ty for what you share an do it's so real so healing.

[@l.u.5862]

Oh the myths. I've heard all 6. Thank you so much for your videos🙏🏻♥️

[@LyndaDixon-tm7uz]

For me and my grief ....most difficult everyone acts like it never happened never mention names or memories or how are you doing or what's next for you nothing absolutely nothing not even a tissue

[@josieg1111]

You touch every topic, and it hasn’t even been a month I lost the love of my life! 😢

[@cynthiaminks8636]

Yes, I had people ticking off my five stages of grief. I'm six years into my grief and the scribbled ball much better reflects my feelings.

[@MsEssmess]

My husband kept saying.. I'll be glad to being back to how you used to be after my father died. I still experience grief over it now years later.

[@lakecountynaturalist7617]

You’re the only medical professional I’ve run across that understands. I thought I was going crazy for the ball of emotions that I’ve been since my husband died. Your advice is greatly appreciated.

[@Kay-pb8tm]

If this is what I'm going through now, how can i possibly see in 1, 2 or 3 years without my soul mate, beautiful Husband of 18 months. 😢😢

[@starlightblue8552]

“The roller coaster ride is over.” “Your life is going to be so much easier in the long run without him.” “This is a blessing in disguise. All you did was worry about finding him dead in his bed.” “You know this is for the best. I know it doesn’t seem that way now but all he did was drain you.” “You always feared he would die from his own choices. Now you don’t have to fear.” “One day you will thank him for freeing you from your 30 toxic relationship.” “Now you can finally focus on your life instead of trying to save him.”

[@LouisavdRietVanDerRiet-ix3oz]

My husband died 3 years ago. He was 47 years old. How do I go on without him. I am dying inside my heart is broken. I miss him so much It is unbearable. . Will I ever get over the pain in my heart. Louise v d Riet in South Africa.😢💔

[@judygrubaugh5424]

Thank you. I have to admit my favorite part is the bullshit. " Karl would want me to be happy" is the biggest bit of bullshit of all. I knew him. He knew me. He would really tell me to be where I am....that he understood. He still would.

[@joanneg665]

Me too 🙂 Jo is very excellent anyway and then when said BS, completely won me over 🙂

[@myrnahernandez6244]

18 months into the loss of my only son due to Covid. It is harder each month. Erick 😢 my loving son forever 33💔🥹🙏😇

[@a.5003]

Thank you. 🙏

[@mauramcferran2612]

This makes so much sense .great video .Thankyou 😘 ♥️ 🌹 xo

[@mandybell7884]

I am glad I did not watch this video within the 1st year after I witnessed the horrific death by suicide of my husband . - I needed hope to get to the 1st year mark - if i thought it wouldn't some how get at least a little more bearable- more than I was experiencing - I would have left the planet- very much the truth - I was dangerously on the fence - I wanted to leave just to stop the flashbacks and extreme pain & horror extreme symptoms of ptsd. I'm still F-ed up seriously - but at least I'm still here - I still am struggling - everyone ignores me - I have learned to be silent - I get triggered alot still - but not as huge and not as often - grief sucks - I'm glad I watched your video now, as I can deal with this grief better than the 1st year ! - next month will be 2 years - God bless - there is hope that it can get better . It has some !

[@LarryCleveland]

My friends get it. My family sucks. Lost mom after 9 years of taking care to reduce her pain and suffering. They are completely clueless.

[@RealTalk-mq2ug]

I am tormented and tortured and haunted and terrorized and raped: deep inside my soul. I cannot breathe. I am breathless. Choking on stale stagnant air. A 999-trillion pound weight atop my chest. The grief is unbearable. UN-FUCKING-BEARABLE! He left me. Replaced me. Discarded me. My "best friend". The only friend I had. The ultimate betrayal. Complete abandonment. I wake up every morning: breathless and panicked: praying desperately just to die... How the actual fuck could he do this to me? We went from speaking every single day about every damn thing, and now we're strangers! Complete fucking strangers. 55 days: not a word from him. My heart and mind cannot process nor comprehend: how this is even possible!! He replaced me for another. The pain is unbearable. I'm in hell. Hell with no escape...

[@damedolores]

Second year is TOUGH

[@beverlymoore7074]

There is and always will be a before and after.... life for me will always be missing an integral part.

[@jennymacallan9071]

The first therapist I saw after my oldest son passed talked to me about those 5 stages. That was my first and last session with him.

[@janemandelson6397]

Thank you !

[@margaretwansbrough980]

My husband passed 2andhalf years ago. Have just had a week from hell went thru that first week all over again Sobbing my heart out not eating lost 3kg nausea brain fog feeling totally empty and lost why am I still here unexpectedly met an old acquaintance triggered memories lifted a lid that I'd thought I'd closed

[@sarahreid9206]

I was directed to 5 stages of grief 😢😂 I miss my gran a lot and I miss her a lot she was my biggest cheerleader I miss her a lot

[@sarahreid9206]

Hi Tom not the best but I’ll ge okay thanks for caring

[@SuzanneKirshPianist]

Thank you so much for clarifying the five stages of grief. I never understood how it was changed from Kubler-Ross' concept.

[@aliciatgreenman95]

Thank you

[@cametientaucoeur]

I lost my husband of 50 years a year ago. I had 2 different organ surgeries 1 @ a Cancer Center in 5 days. Myth for me is how despite managing large amount paperwork & taking care of others needs, I still feel upset over the ending of his life. It was not a good last few days. The ending + my ignored marital issues keep circling me. I thought I put it all in boxes & jettisoned it a long time ago. I keep going back to similar unresolved childhood traumas. I look functional & feel anxious as also I have a terminal friend. I should know the answers but I can’t find the questions.Jeanne retired RN

[@user-xl9rs7lj3g]

My wife of 52 wonderful years died without warning she was 74. I’m so lost

[@tanyabilliot9688]

Thanks for sharing this video. it's very helpful.

[@finnajane]

Being busy has not really helped me with my loss. I have been busy trying to distract myself by writing music again. It was ok while I was in the moment until the song I was working on was completed. I then immediately felt deep sorrow. I felt like all the "busyness" had failed. I feel like I went back to square one or wherever I was in my grief when I started the project. Moral of the story "distraction does not help to process grief" at least for me.

[@shauwiishiwhite521]

OMG! This video is spot on! 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽

[@82sandyreynolds]

Thank you. I lost my Mom last September thank you

[@jorgearevalo1879]

You’re totally right, I’ve been is such sadness and feel sometimes along comes and go I’m busy working, I’m doing excercise an everything what people say to do . None of those things change my feelings. But I’m notice that I’m not the same anymore I feel connected with the people feeling the same .my loss was a dog I’m can’t go back to normal I was is a sadness that I have inside. 😢

[@genevia7569]

I lose my husband 3 months ago. 😢 the five stages more like five plus unknown stages for me. I dislike myth of grieving. When someone say it’s going take time. There no one sized fit all.

[@erikafranco609]

Going on the second year my son didnt die but i had to give him up for adoption it hurts becase it wasnt something i really wanted to do I was honest with myself I couldnt take care of him due to disabilities I feel the guilt sadness loss Dont feel like doing anything keeping busy dosent help you still break down

[@marybailey6166]

Excellent synopsis! So right on w my experience! Thank you♥️

[@indoodesai6896]

So true.

[@ML-HS]

I was refered to five stages on grief for my best friends death and now my brother passing. To me right from the get go didn't feel like linear thing, but a mess to deal with.

[@mihretshimay655]

She/ he is in a better place os the worst I have heard💔

[@DrQuest44]

100% true. Thank you for this video.

[@sarahreid9206]

Thanks for your responses Lisa thank you

[@Thomasfrohwitter]

Hi Sarah, how’s your day going with you?

[@lillyheredia9095]

In November 2021 on thanksgiving giving night we lost our son . He was murder. Know I’m experiencing the real side of grief.

[@joebrewer388]

Thanks. You've just convinced a lot of grieving people that, since things are going to get worse, what's the use.

[@grieftherapist]

Joe I am sorry if that was the message.. my goal is for people to know to NOT measure themselves against myths because they hold false goals. I do believe that Grief can change and be easier to carry. 🙏🏻

[@pennyoflaherty1345]

Oh how true Have any of you found almost everyone avoids you no calls even the church who we’ve been with since teens were 60 now lost our 43 year old son 5 weeks ago. It’s like a blanket after the first condolences nothing. You need friends more than ever but know it’s so weird. We’ve now decided to leave the church

[@pennyoflaherty1345]

Is the something wrong with me I have hardly cried my son & I were so close. It’s been 6 weeks 🤷🏼‍♀️

[@pammpowers3149]

The last mythbc when ppl who are and who you love say these well intentioned comments about how your deceased loved one would want you to react with me I just felt guilty that I was alive. Doesn’t make a lot of sense! Dr Kubler Ross’ book is On Death and Dying not Geief and Grieving very good video ❤