Setting Boundaries In Your Grief

[@grieftherapist]

Healthy Boundaries can be challenging on a good day... Creating and maintaining strong, supportive boundaries while grieving, is especially difficult. Learn how to set Boundaries that allow you to focus upon your Grief! Follow these other KZbin accounts for more support about Boundaries in General! Dr Nicole Holistic Psychologist. Purchase her new book How To Do The Work. kzbin.info/www/bejne/monZnaqOgrOVjqs Mel Robbins. A no B.S. Channel that helps you to become your strengths rather than be shadowed by your fears. kzbin.info/door/k2U-Oqn7RXf-ydPqfSxG5g

[@petemoss8125]

Good seed boundary. No tku. It won't hurt

[@petemoss8125]

Good seed 4 Boun

[@gerry498]

My grief has made me selfish. This is about me and my healing.

[@jillb7402]

Thanks for giving suggestions on how to word responses.

[@marystele1197]

Words of Wisdom. Very supporrive andd so true for me at rhe moment at this difficult time learning to cope. Thank You Jo. 😻👍🌞🇬🇧 X

[@marleneriddell6284]

My husband passed in July 2022. I listen to your video daily sometimes twice a day always at night. You have helped me So much with my grief and understanding it. I will continue listening to daily.❤

[@shirleymogensen]

I was told today by a loving coworker that I needed to keep busy and to have spend time with people and I said with all due respect I think I’m better able to determine what I should do with my time and that I feel like I need time to think to journal and to reflect on where I’m at now and what I see in the future for myself

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

My sister pushed my boundaries while we stood by Dad's coffin, me crying, her insisting that "It's all OK now." Me: "No I'm not" Her: "No, everything is fine." Dad: ... I stopped talking because she pushed it to the point of escalation. Later another relative, who may have observed, told me "It's OK not to be OK." I've been blessing her ever since.

[@carolynl5445]

Socializing is tough. I stick to only the friends who are most supportive of me (2!) and my family.

[@tammygonzalez4144]

My son pasted away five months ago. We had been estranged for almost 8 months his choice. People seem to think I shouldn't be grieving so much, I do have good days but I really don't want to socialize and I cry, have lack of energy, for about 4 days then I'm good for about four days. Thank you for letting me know it's OK to set boundaries.

[@katherinep223]

❤️‍🩹 grief is unending

[@jenr8k848]

Grieving does fluctuate absolutely. It’s affected my friendships because they really have no idea.

[@annanouri5298]

My son passed 2 months ago. People who love us mean well, but I have set a full on boundary from day one on almost everyone. A good friend insisted on getting together a week after the funeral. When i said no, her immediate response was "You need to pull it together as you have your daughter to think of". That felt disrepectful and violent. I am a loner by nature. I do not avoid my self and I never run away from my feelings. When it gets unbearable, I have my own way of comforting me. I fully followed my intuition and still do. I need to grieve for my beautiful son. He was only 32 years old. And i will do it in my own way. People keep sending me messages that they are there for me, which i appreciate but unless i feel I am ready, i wont be seeking for their company.

[@MichelleBrown-mk7np]

I often grieve alone because I tend to be a private person. I've learned to give positive affirmations in my mind as well in setting boundaries. I don't carry pictures around with me because then it makes me wish I could be with them when I know I can't. When I feel ready for something then I'll let others know at the right time.

[@paulinecraig1327]

Michelle I like u grieve alone I'm a private person too it's hard x

[@BG-os7sh]

I am a very private person. I grieve and cry alone. At times, it feels like I am going crazy.

[@maurakennedy5952]

The poor lady who found her husband dead God love you I promise to pray that you will you find a way to get your life back you owe that to yourself and your family my heart goes out to you please try and love yourself to morrow is the start of your new life a big hug to you

[@jacquelinebrutus8297]

My passed away on June 5th. Sometimes family has no boundaries. Their advice is to go on with my life, think about yourself and your husband and kids. I completely understand that but at least be sensitive to my feelings. This is why I decided to grieve in silence. I will heal the way I want to.

[@deedavis2479]

The best advice, you need to listen to yourself. Kind people want me to go for coffee,go for a walk, meet somewhere. Some I have said yes to and I feel it was a mistake. I should have listened to myself. From now on, I will. Thank you.

[@annebeyrer728]

So hard to do this with my Mother, she lives with me at 91. My sister Judith died in August. Her grief is different than mine. I need to be kind but say “no” like when she wanted to use my sister’s purse for the Fall. I said no, it was too much for me but regrettably I yelled about it. I did apologize later and try to explain. Finally I put up a boundary, no touching any of Judy’s belongings for 49 days ( an old Buddhist tradition). Im so glad I did. Every day I have to save myself, save energy for my own healing without giving it all to care for my parents. Dad lives 5 miles away, with a caretaker on hand, at 90. It takes a little work to set the boundaries but it is so important, or I’m going to get sick or crazy or both!

[@chloelavender9964]

Excellent teaching on grief. My 48-year-old son Benjamin died January the 17th of 2022 he died at work just dropped dead in his office. I've read several books on grieving I've listened to several people on KZbin without really much information as to really what's been going on inside my body or my brain. As a retired hospice nurse of 31 years I know the stages of grief, knowing about them and living through them as a whole different ball game. I thank you so much for explaining the physical and what happens in your brain so that I can actually begin to get in touch with the grieving process. Wonderful friend information about self-expectations. Thank you so much for the gift and the wisdom that you have shared with me today. Sincerely Chloe lavender

[@whitneysmith6752]

I am so sorry for your loss -of a child which I know is beyond-and the shock of how suddenly you lost him. I just lost my father 4 weeks ago and he was my life anchor - and I don’t have my own spouse and any children. He was the person who loved me the most in this whole wide world. I have been really grateful as to how much grief discussions , on line groups, therapy, blogs, essays- abound. What I realize in a profound way we are all as humans most connected by our griefs- not our joys. I just don’t know how I am going to cope with never seeing him again. ❤I hope he and benjamin are in a heaven we all will join one day.

[@gradosa8272]

people are busy with their lives and trying to understand and comfort a grieving person is too much for them. many times I received condolences from people and they are in a rush to get back to their stuff. Other parents run away like the death of your child is contagious. I’m happy in a sense that people avoid me. I’m using my time for the things that bring solace to my loss. Drawing to keep myself grounded and positive. Most religious people tried to tell me “oh, you going to be reunited with your daughter “ No one can be so sure what’s going to happen. 🙏🏼😭One day at a time.

[@kittybanni]

When my uncle died by suicide people asked me questions about what how he did it, "why" he did it, wondering if I saw it coming, etc. I felt like I had to respond to these questions. It was awful to have to grieve while feeling completely misunderstood by so many who have never been effected directly by suicide who were making things worse by the questions and the unwanted platitudes they offered without asking if I wanted to hear them such as "everything happens for a reason" or "at least he's not suffering anymore." These types of comments are so not wanted. Telling a suicide loss survivor that everything happens for a reason says your loved one died by suicide because it was "meant to be" and that is too messed up.

[@yokimawhittaker5193]

I'm an introvert and my safety is in my home and not have to deal with people pissing me off!

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

BTW, I appreciate your eyes. Your grief has made them beautiful!

[@elieenfoster1811]

Jo I listen to you each day and everything you touch on I am attached to those feelings you make me understand it’s ok to grief for my husband unconditionally love you👍❤️🙏

[@sm3296]

I lost a son six years ago, I was so deeply devastated and felt literally broken. It’s taken me up until last year to start feeling I’m getting myself back. On May 18, 2022 I lost my son James. The grief is manifesting in physical pain, more than the mental broken I felt before. I also notice myself able to switch off my feelings, and go somewhere else in my mind. I’m so surprised by my friend who has on,y texted me a few times to say “thinking of you”. I don’t know what to say to that other than thank you. It leaves me hurt and feeling very alone that it’s all I get.

[@yvonnepetty3400]

I can relate to you. We lost our only Daughter 6 years ago. Then on 7th May 2022. Our only Son died in a Accident. We are devastated. My Husband's brother never even phoned us. I was disgusted & told him so. I have found out who my friends are. It is the worst thing to happen to lose your Chldren. All our family are overseas. My Sister has been wonderful. I have never heard from my old best friend. Heartbreaking. My love to you all. ❤️

[@sm3296]

@@yvonnepetty3400 I’m so sorry for your losses too. It’s beyond heartbreaking to see the future stretch ahead without them. When I raised my four kids by myself I always comforted myself in our hard times that one day life would be easier, and I looked forward to lots of grandchildren, I have one granddaughter who is three, and I think she will be the only one, she is so precious to me and I moved here to be close so that I could be a big part of her life. She gives me joy, I don’t know how I’d cope without her. I wish for you that somehow you find your essence and some joy in doing what brings you happiness even for a short time. I do find being in nature, or creating something helps me cope. Sending you hugs and love.

[@katherinep223]

❤️‍🩹 OMG so very s Rory, I hope you are ok, and have supporting people…mine is limited.I text my people who don’t live by me 🍀❤️‍🩹✌️😊😊

[@marceapardus6526]

YES this video is so comforting & helpful….I resonate with the idea that during grief, boundaries come from intuition…current situation at 3 months beyond the death of my husband, I am learning lots about my personal power, control & influence…I have lots of time because friends & family have moved along without me, they don’t even ask to take me for coffee…blessings to all of us in this crazy valley of grief…✨🦋✨

[@grieftherapist]

That is an accurate description... Crazy valley of Grief. People are always surprised how much they learn about themselves and boundaries while grieving. Your loss is till so fresh... sending strong healthy boundary energy your way. 💪

[@enjisorial6223]

My dog died and 3 weeks later I knew I was pregnant and everyone was like God is compensating you with something better. You have good feelings but you should stop for your baby. I hate it. My dog was my first child, I lost a child.

[@carolhovingh6877]

My husband died by suicide. I found him. It's been 2 mos and I feel my children are done with me grieving, they want me to move on. I cannot. I cannot feel my emotions around them.

[@grieftherapist]

Carol your loss is also trauma... 2 Months is still SO recent. A spouse's Grief will look different from a child's Grief. Be gentle with yourself.💟

[@sm3296]

This is such a short time later when you write this comment. I so understand you. I’m grieving my son who died almost two months ago and my eldest son who I live closest to just doesn’t understand my pain and I feel like I lock it away around him.

[@helenkornilova9849]

My deepest condolences. My partner died by suicide recently. I truly hope you are getting the support you need. Wishing you lots of strength!

[@faithohara5230]

I lost my son to suicide almost 2 years ago. It still feels fresh. It is painful when I try to talk about him, and it seems to make others uncomfortable. I feel like I’m not allowed to talk about my son. That is so wrong!

[@christinabruce7245]

Carol, my husband died from suicide in July. He wanted to die because he was in horrible pain and his doctors were more worried about addiction than helping him through the pain. Take your time to go through the process of grieving for your husband, its no one else's journey or business ❤

[@karenmulcahey76]

I have had to cut off my family because 3 days afterwards I was getting told by a very controlling person that I should have had a financial plan .. we overcame that but then recently I was told they were worried I was turning down jobs because I was struggling to get a dog sitter ( I wasn’t but they always catastrophise) and I should consider selling my little rescue dog that was mine and my husbands! My husband died 3 months ago and I was getting a long list of what I should do because I’m nearly 50. If I disagree or say I can’t deal with that right now the response is ‘please do not treat me like this! I do not deserve this!’ I have had to keep a distance many times but right now I need to feel mentally safe and that means no contact. So apart from friends I am alone but that is better than toxicity. It was suggested I sell my house, They were meant to help with my garden ( I suggested practical rather than emotional help) then told me it would cost them a lot… it is just always very complex and difficult. Easier without.

[@rebeccaconn389]

I just recently lost my husband (just over a month ago). It was sudden and unexpected. I’ve never experienced a loss so personal before. I’m glad I found your videos ... I am searching to educate myself on grief so I better navigate through this new world I’m in. You are great at explaining the different feelings and emotions that occur. I’ve already experienced a few incidents with boundary issues. One bring advice to go thru his things right away and keep very little. The other is where a friend (who is also grieving the same person) is projecting their needs on to me. Both of these people are wonderful ... but I’ve had to take their ideas and suggestions and set them “aside”. I feel it’s good to be educated on grief management ASAP ... thanks for the videos.

[@grieftherapist]

Rebecca, Not taking things personally is so helpful... and so difficult when we already feel vulnerable. I really like your idea of " setting them aside". Thank you for watching and commenting. 🙏

[@TreDuece01]

These simple but necessary steps really hit home. It’s very easy for us to make excuses about how we feel instead of just setting clear cut boundaries.

[@iicejj]

I feel comfort if people say thinking of you. or OK? knowing that only expect a short answer, I usually say thanks its still difficult. I won't answer people that I feel are wanting to 'know more'

[@janbethel6447]

My mum’s depth of grief for her sister led to the happy marriage to my dad and me, it only recently is being acknowledged by myself in my middle sixties Thank you 🙏 for how you feel like to me so gently there 🧚🏻‍♀️🧚🏾‍♂️with humour 🌷🌹

[@lozb1631]

Wow thankyou for this. I feel like you've given me permission to follow my head and heart to keep me safe and happy with myself and this is ok.

[@grieftherapist]

Yes Loz... follow that head and heart....❤️

[@Maria-jo6nn]

Is isolating ourselves from people is that part of grief?

[@aprillacey8125]

I have experienced all of this.

[@annettekohn-lau1506]

There have been times in the last few months when I could not even make a phone call, so I asked my husband to do it for me. And then on another day, I feel the need to take over so I have total control. It feels crazy making..for me...and I am sure, for my husband.

[@60seconds529]

You are so wise, watching your videos to actually see how far I have come, thank you

[@joanneg665]

Thank you for such a loving video. ❤️ I'm grieving my mum and my 2 pets in short space of time and have shut myself off quite a lot. Thought I wanted counselling so set up counselling through a work scheme and now I just don't know what to say. I'm just flat, sorrow and lost mojo. Thank you for asking peoples feelings/experiences because it is helpful x 💜

[@hayleyburnett9143]

Thank you so much. You have given me the best advice/wisdom l have received thus far. 😊

[@mariakoutsounadis2339]

Thank you very much I really appreciate it

[@sesvaoffice8331]

I'm so grateful to have found these videos. They have been invaluable in helping me to work through the loss of my partner while I wait for my appointment with a grief counsellor here in Perth Australia. Not sure how to deal with the hostile family of my partners family who seem to believe they are primary actors in this situation and I'm an insignificant inconvenience, despite their absence during last two years when I was struggling to care for him. They are cold and bullies. I'm wondering if this is because I have never been able to set boundaries and they have no respect for me because of this.

[@phoenixd9679]

Thanks 🙏 I really needed, this proofs to me I am not wrong, my griefs to my mother now 3 rd month she passed is different than my sister’s. For that she gave me a cold shoulder , she’s10 years younger than me and … my relationship with mom was different than hers, I am the scapegoat and sister is the golden child, I am learning this everyday and I can find explanations of the dynamics in the family!

[@barbarahanks-ut6zn]

I just lost my Dad, and my sister (7 years older) seems to be trying to control MY emotional response. It's not the first time she's done it, and I think it's because she doesn't want to feel her own sadness.

[@jennifershort3104]

I have been pushed to the point of delaying a response to phone calls and texts of well-meaning people because they just kept on and on. It wasn't enough to respond. A barrage of questions came after my initial response so I just had to mute my phone and leave it in another room. They may have wanted to help but I just needed to be left alone in that moment.

[@dianelindenberger6941]

My boyfriend cannot understand how depressed I am since my mother died....he thinks I should get out more but I am so anxious and depressed that I can't even drive alone to the store......I have no family ...an only child and divorced no children......do people go on antidepressants for grief? It has been one year and I am on klonopin because I can't sleep and I can't live alone so had to hire my mother's caregivers.......the pain of loss is terrible and so is the anxiety......when will it end.....???

[@carolmusselman8859]

I'm grieving too, I am struggling with depression also, I hope you are feeling better

[@bridgetmenham6686]

💘 💘

[@LittleSuzi86]

I really needed these videos😪, Im so very sad for your loss as well. 🌹🙏🏼💙

[@tinastablein9529]

Thank you for your video. It helps me i loss my husband 1 year ago. 40 years.

[@cathyP1961]

I was rushed within weeks with the loss of my son .

[@jinnefersmith5388]

I was adopted by abusive adopted parents. I was trying to get to know my birth father better. I found out in July 2021 he was murdered. It is hard dealing with this.😢

[@miltonvann646]

Wife of Milton Vann: Emotional boundaries have been the most difficult to keep. I think maybe because of how alone I feel. I realize now how I have been willing to except peoples garage just to feel like I am not deserting them. Yet I am the the one who feels deserted. The guilt mixed within my grief is showing up in unexpected places.

[@MargaretMichelle1912]

Thankyou so much 🙏🏼

[@MsEssmess]

My adult children organised a surprise holiday in a place I love for my birthday. I'm grieving the loss of my mother. I would have loved it if they had asked me if I was free on my birthday or what I might like to do. I felt I had to say no to going because I felt disrespected and railroaded. I apologised and gave them the money for the cottage rental. They still went. I ended up feeling crap..

[@houstonwells3404]

I feel like since my best friend died in her sleep 6 months ago some of her associates have preyed upon me with their Charities. Keep in mind these are good people abs good causes but they are exploiting me while I am grieving by asking me for money constantly. It is disgusting to me because I truly do not need any new friends, I have plenty of friends, but this feels like being fleeced when I am walking around mesmerized. I'm not even sure these people really like me

[@houstonwells3404]

And then when I socially share my story in casual settings when with these people at casual meetings I look and feel like a freak who is on the outside

[@speak2theresafox]

I subscribed. Thank you.

[@annabennallack672]

Thank you for your channel. I lost my 43 yr old Son. He was Murdered June 14th 2021. At the time of his murder we were more or less estranged for the prior year of his life. Do you have any advice on how I can make peace with our issues we had. I will Never get that chance to resolve them with him, but what do I do with this grief.

[@sm3296]

Anna it’s been a long time since you posted this. How are you doing? I hope you’ve found the supports you needed to be able to process this all. After my son took his life in 2016 I was diagnosed with PTSD, and received treatment for it. I am so glad I did, I would not be able to cope otherwise. I was a mess. There is so much additional pain when a loss is a child, and when there is conflict or pain unresolved before their death. I sincerely hope you are able to find peace. ♥️

[@bransonbeattie3441]

❤

[@Kay-pb8tm]

I find it very difficult setting my boundary about my Husband's recent passing most with my late Husband's Family. Always seems like their grief and experience is worse than mine..it can be awful because it comes out halfway through the conversation.

[@katherinep223]

I had to stopped my interactions with my three sons they don’t understand…and say hurtful things..I say don’t chat with me until you understand the Hell I am in.

[@suehildreth3998]

How soon after the death would you recommend having counselling?

[@barbararuiz2690]

I would like to know that too. After 33 years with my Lover, he passed away unexpectedly last summer. We had been married 28 years and I was more in love with him when he died, than I was when we first married. It has been 13 months without him. I think I will miss him to the day I die. I have recently started to think counseling might be a good idea.

[@coreyduke8753]

My children and everyone wants me to move along It's only been a few months And I feel really bad

[@mareeeksteen8409]

People just say to me get over it and that hurts

[@mareeeksteen8409]

I lost my son age 30 his was my first born and we were very close then I lost my husband 4 yrs ago and I'm hurting everyday and it does not get better and some does are werse then other days and I just can't copy with it

[@robertwiegman1]

I can relate...when my beloved Husky passed away a long term dance student of mine violated my boundaries by with the best of intentions being too needy, demanding of my time/attention and arguing with me.

[@deborahlea5669]

Grieving is difficult. Dealing with a Narcisstic Mother makes everything much worse. The lack of her empathy is so difficult to endure at this time. Her entitlement and victim hood makes me sick. Christmas is coming and she is no longer invited in to my space.

[@grieftherapist]

Grief demands protected Boundaries. Sounds like you are making that happen. 🙏🏻

[@Laytec187]

Would love to hear more of this sort of stuff. Do you have any information/opinion on grief and how it affects relationships because I lost my partner because she couldn’t tolerate my grief symptoms

[@grieftherapist]

Sadly Grief can impact relationships negatively in so many ways. I am sorry to hear you lost the relationship with your partner also as that just emphasizes Loss in your life. We all grieve differently and sometimes that presents incompatible experiences. No one can fully understand another's experience of their Grief, but it does still need to be respected and supported...the end of relationships usually revolve around that point more so than the loss itself. Perhaps I should post more in another video about this as it is a common Grief experience. Thank you for this question. 🙏

[@margaretward7682]

I just found your videos I wish I had found them sooner. Do you have an email address available? I have some very personal questions that maybe you could help me with especially with your many years of work in the mental health field. I think this would help me in handling my grief. Thank you for any help you could offer me.

[@susygibson5673]

I am not as polite as you. Two separate occasions in public, 2 separate busybodies; I said Not here, Not Now; First one I was able to get up and walk away. Second one I said Not here, Not Now. She asked again. I said Not here, Not now, she asked a third time, yes just that rude....I can't print what I said. I was very offensive. She was not a friend, and my actual friends were walking into the room (back of a restaurant) so they inadvertently created an end to further conversation. This has happened twice. I might have responded differently if I had seen this video first but I doubt it. I generally don't start out by apologizing to rudeness or insensitivity. Both of the women have experienced losses in their lives. I would never have approached them in public. Has no-one heard of a condolence card? A telephone call? I was approached at another social event where yet another woman was doing the same thing and an acquaintance stepped in between grabbed my arm and pulled me away.....I was raised by parents that taught manners. It's why I've hesitated to go into social situations. You were spot on with all of these situations. I cannot possibly recount what happened; I saw things I shouldn't have seen; what saves me is how kind others have been. They extend their sympathy and don't play 20 questions. Sorry this is so long.

[@michellepenney8218]

Why do people say...'go out and have a coffee.' To me it's the most useless 'advice' or 'help' when you are deeply grieving. Does it make them feel good?!!! Dosent help me at all.

[@carolmusselman8859]

Grieving is so lonely, my Mom died 5/1/22, and I'm struggling with depression

[@ib4359]

Get out of the house each day and walk. Talk to people on the way. Irene

[@jodiegall3366]

I’ve been told don’t cry anymore I can’t be around you if you’re feeling sad or grieving

[@katherinep223]

Negative energy