Grief Expert Julia Samuel on the Secret to Coping With Death | Lorraine

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Julia Samuel talks about her long career caring for those suffering from grief. Victoria Milligan joins her and recounts how Julia helped her deal with the loss of her partner and daughter.
Broadcast on 07/03/17
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[@user-jz4qy4hp9e]

My son was murdered and this grief is overwhelming. He was 21 years old with a 2 week old baby. My heart is shattered. I miss him so much. I love you forever Ne'Ahmad Alfred💔

[@MsAlexis]

🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@AnnapolisGirly]

My son died last week. I cannot comprehend this. I know I have to be strong for my family but I’m just so heartbroken.

[@rayna3244]

I hope God imparts you and your family his peace and strength so that you can get through this together. I’m grieving also, being surrounded with family is such a comfort🤍

[@barmy_irooni]

My condolences to you on the loss of your dear son

[@greenhomestead6305]

Sorry for your loss, I can’t imagine what that’s like. I lost my mother a month ago and no one to talk about her with.

[@Planck944]

You dont have to be strong for anyone..... you have every right to grieve and mourn your son

[@deerocker6987]

Hang in there sister

[@3lttlbrds]

Something I remember from a couple years ago when I was trying to understand grief was that the person that passed away, wherever they are, they're resting, they're happy, and the people that suffer the most are those that lost them. But to always remember the passed soul is okay, and same will happen to us one day. So it can't be bad. Missing someone is the hardest

[@user-qv8hx1bt9i]

Julia you are not protecting from the grieving of others. I'm a remote healer and can also detect your brain and thoughts status remotely. If you want me to I can clear the damage you have sustained for free.

[@hannesRSA]

I can't get to that mindset. Because my son will never experience a full life. And before he took his own life, he felt unloved and even hated. All it would have taken is for him to confide in me or for me to force him to open up, but neither happened in time.

[@amazingjane2703]

​@@hannesRSAHe's still living, and he's sorry. He's around you still.

[@Ali08]

It is one thing to find comfort in knowing they are okay. It is a whole other ballpark when their passing impacts in so many other ways beyond the emotional and mental aspect of it. Your post is touching only the surface level of it all.

[@MsAlexis]

💎🙏🏾💛

[@ladicamille5932]

Grief is like a wound that heals daily but never really heals...And leaves a permanent scar. At a moments notice it can reopen and feel like day one, but somedays it doesn't hurt at all.

[@mfdoom0088]

said it perfectly

[@kraquin]

The only thing I can do with extreme grief is accept that it will never go away. I can share the pain with others, journal about it, or scream in a closet but it's still mine. Being somewhere between happy and sad became normal and I never know when my loss will make it all go dark again.

[@nellievaughn7755]

That is simply not true. I have suffered devastating loss, and your life can contain grace, beauty, and genuine happiness again. The pain gets to a point where it's possible to face, and to allow to wash over you.

[@kraquin]

@@nellievaughn7755 That's a broad stroke for an experience that is highly subjective. There are always polar opposite exceptions.

[@nellievaughn7755]

@@kraquin You're doing the same, except your opinion is provably false. People need to know there is hope. There is a light at the end of the tunnel, if you will, which is reachable. I am truly sorry your experience differs. Obviously your sadness weighs heavily on you, but don't you dare take anyone down with that pessimism. Life is hard enough.

[@kraquin]

@@nellievaughn7755 You can't prove my opinion to be false, that's illogical and highly dismissive because my opinion is a subjective feeling.

[@aishastrawberry351]

Same

[@lrice439]

The love of my life, my beautiful partner died in my arms Saturday, i thought she was sleeping on my chest. Rang an ambulance and started cpr until paramedics arrived. She was taken to hospital and put into itu, i hoped and prayed for 4 days that my partner would return, yesterday i was told she had catastrophic brain damage and that she wouldnt be able to survive it, the decision was made to stop life support and she passed today, i don't think I'll ever get over this, i miss her so much. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone and thats reason im still here, i want to go with her but realise i would only be passing my grief onto others. I must endure this pain and when im finding it unbearable i think what my partner would want and im going to make her proud and continue to honour her name. We will be together once more it just isnt time yet.

[@luztye]

So sorry for your loss, totally same feeling here, it is extremely difficult to face.😭

[@sussexseaangler1858]

Yes the huge chasm and sense of loss is crushing. I really feel for those who have lost someone. Knowing they are unique and can never be replaced.

[@barmy_irooni]

My condolences to you on your loss

[@melissahanna2815]

I’m only in day three of losing my better half, he was only 48 years old. He was my everything it’s so unbearable I feel sick. How do I go on, I don’t know if I can

[@themrfabio2459]

@@melissahanna2815so sorry for your loss. Don’t try and fight the grief. Feel it and allow it in. I hope time will allow us a reprieve

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

my mum died 2 weeks ago and i cannot bear the loss. i miss her every day. i wish i could sense her. i will never get over this. i don't want to be alive any more. i had no idea this would be ongoing pain. i thought it was a process to get through then it would be okay but nope. i will never be okay.

[@Beth1300]

My mum died just over 2 weeks ago and I feel the same as you. The only thing that's helping a bit is watching Long Island Medium clips on KZbin and reading books by mediums - currently old Doris Stokes books.

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

@@Beth1300 Yes, same. I'm looking up tyler henry on YT and podcasts, James Van Praagh and other mediums. It's my only hope really. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. It's hard huh? I'm still in shock and it has already been 3 weeks now. It's so strange to feel such an absence. I thought I would at least have some communication. I asked to see a blue bird. So far nothing. Did see a medium, though. You might gain something from that yourself? Feel free to keep in touch if you want to talk about anything.x

[@Just4Todayandmt]

I’m so sorry for your loss. It’ll be a year that I unexpectedly lost my mom next month and I am not ok. I don’t sense her at all. I am probably getting worse with each day and I don’t know how to move forward. I am stuck in this place.

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

@@Just4Todayandmt thank you and sorry for your loss too. I feel the same way. My mum was such a presence that it makes no sense that I don't feel her at all any more. I can only hope that she has gone to a better place and doesn't want to return to feel suffering. I think certain spiritual meditations can help us connect to them, though. I can understand things getting worse. I thought they would get better. In some way I am better as I am not looking to take my life as much any more but in some ways I am worse as it is the loneliest I have ever felt. My mum is my foundation. You will be okay and you will make it. Have you tried group grief therapy or anything similar? Keep chatting if it helps. I wish you well.x

[@Fgbutehh]

I lost my mom 20 days ago and I am completely lost. I don’t sense her or feel her near me and it hurts even more to know I can’t feel her presence. Life is so numb I feel like I am absolutely In a dream that I want to wake up from. I am sorry about your loss as I know exactly how you’re feeling.

[@shadowfeather3094]

My mom recently passed and I feel like maybe inside I've been handling it 'well', but there are these moments, like for example while doing laundry for my dad and cleaning some of her things..... I get this feeling of disbelief. It feels like I'll have her things clean and she'll be in the living room to speak to me while I'm folding it all.... but shes not there. Thats why I came to this video; to look for advice from someone.

[@triggercky9928]

Dad passed away saturday i wasnt even in the country and found out sunday as mum didnt want me to know something was up while i was helpless away. Im having such vivid memories of all the times we went on holiday together. His voice. School holidays staying at his place. I feel guilty as he fell into hard times financially in the last part of his life and i didnt see him enough my own mentao health caused overwhelm to try and help. But still illness would likely still occur just wish had more recent memories rather than just from the past. Rung him friday before i went away we ended saying love you never thought these would be our final words.

[@greenhomestead6305]

Sorry for your loss. I lost my mother a month ago, she was my best friend. I don’t know who to share fun experiences or stories with anymore.

[@sussexseaangler1858]

My partner is slipping away in hospital. She has a brain tumour. Only this year she was fine. This has come so quickly . I find this huge chasm which was us has appeared. We were together nearly all the time and the sense of loss is crushing. Luckily I have much love and support from family and friends.

[@stellameii]

how are you?🍀

[@bluebellbeatnik4945]

I'm sorry.

[@aria_cinquantuno]

Same. He just died a few days ago and I can't breathe. I hate cancer with every fiber of my being, killed my mother too when I was very young. Took him in under two months and I can't cope in this world without my soulmate. He was too young

[@stellameii]

@@aria_cinquantuno I understand this so much. Losing someone is awful. Sending love

[@newflower8974]

🙏🏽

[@boundariessetinstone5893]

The grief has ahold of me like a sharks teeth my heart is shattered. 😢💔

[@dogsareprecious4842]

I'm so sorry! I feel the exact same way !!! I hope you're feeling better soon! I'm watching lots of grief videos, hoping it'll help. (( hugs )) to you!

[@fjb6631]

I agree with you there. I lost my long-time husband a few months ago and I just feel like I died too they just didn't bury me😢

[@cristinaevans139]

My mother in law died on Mother’s Day,the next morning I found my paretner in bed deceased17 years together ❤

[@fjb6631]

@@cristinaevans139 I'm sorry for your loss 🙏

[@neilcoppard63]

It is six months since I lost my darling Gill. We loved each other so much and were so good together that we were one. Now she is gone I feel as though I am not even half. The emptiness is unrelenting, as is the finality - the realisation that there are now only fantasies of her, that she is never coming back, not even for a second, and I hope every night that I will dream of her.

[@aria_cinquantuno]

Same. It just happened a few days ago and I can't even breathe properly. I am completely devastated without him. Nothing makes sense anymore

[@broonstame3390]

I get it, my wife died of cancer last month, it's absolutely crushing. We have 2 young kids and I don't think it has properly hit them yet. However, even though I'm not religious, I don't believe physical death is the end, consciousness or spirit or soul, lives on in my view, and in many ways is more real and vibrant than physical life. I think our consciousness will be reunited after death

[@PositiveDuality]

My father died 3 months ago. I'm struggling very badly.

[@askewedlife]

3 Feb for me. My dad was my favorite human. Every day is heavy and heartbreaking.. the grief admin, the denial, the flashbacks, the nightmares. Sending you love

[@PositiveDuality]

@@askewedlife Thank you. It’s been very hard. I hope you’re doing as well as possible.

[@piyath9137]

I loss my grandma today, something in me died today along with her. Its very hard cause she is someone soo special to me and there hasn't been a day that passed without talking with her, i regret not being there with her in her last moment cause im studying in another City. I wish i could go to the past and hug her and tell her how much i love her. I miss you so much bobok❤

[@mymichelle745]

My mum was cremated yesterday, my rock has gone, don't know how to stop the pain in my heart

[@fjb6631]

I'm so sorry.

[@zimkhitha.h]

So so sorry 😢

[@Lornawhitney]

Michelle your mum lives on through you. Live for her. Everything that’s wonderful about her you can continue to put out into the world. You got this x

[@ryderhard]

My mom died suddenly of a stroke 2 days ago.. I'm trying to navigate this. Its extremely painful I know.. I dont know where to start

[@gillianasmr]

My mum passed away 2 days ago and I don’t know how to cope :(

[@christinamoreno9212]

we need to focus on the truth. The truth is our loved ones are both flesh and blood but also spirtual....They dont leave! you have to connect to the spirtual side so you can still feel them. I lost my best friend my love my soul mate of 30+ years in a tbone accident. I was driving and hit so hard we both flatlined. I was revived he wasnt. i had to watch all that. pls try and connect with your spirtual side and realize they are with us. (Still...and after we die as well.

[@kizzyrock]

This is so true! I wish this can be pinned. The void in the fleshy realm still HURTS because it's a lost However, some people feel like they lost someone forever. God will use things such as nature, strong winds, birds, etc to help us connect and confirm that they are OK. It's very subtle. They NEVER leave us.. the spirit never dies but it still hurts...BAD

[@hannesRSA]

I don't believe in an afterlife or spiritual side, it's a coping mechanism invented for this exact purpose.

[@Lownly1]

@@hannesRSATo each their own. May you never know loss to change your mind on this.

[@hannesRSA]

@@Lownly1 I grieve the worst type of loss. A child suicide. In the worst way - without deluding myself.

[@Lownly1]

@@hannesRSA I’m very sorry for your loss. That is incredibly hard. Loss is loss and yours isn’t so unique that you are omniscient to all the answers. May your heart soften to let others process and find peace without anger or dismissal where people are trying to find their own.

[@ezgiltnsk]

My daughter just passed away a day ago I still can't believe it's real

[@undereternalskies496]

Personally, i dont feel that my grief is something that I will ever recover from. Im trying my best to manage it one day at a time. I lost my mother, grandfather and i just lost my friend to a motorcycle accident last week. Im struggling.

[@MrMmoadeli]

My dad died 2 weeks ago. Now I gave to make it all alone.

[@taramarie2358]

I'm so sorry, so sorry for your loss, and my loss. It's decrepid and vile, and it will NEVER go away... 7 years here, n it don't go away

[@rosencocoa4636]

The three of us her husband, son and myself the daughter experienced our grief differently and rarely at exactly the same intensity over this past year. I have found it often of benefit, especially where my brother is concerned to lean on him in his stronger moments and although he may not lean on me I am there always to listen. Dad seemed to be delayed in his immediate grief or maybe only in sharing it with words. I told him I certainly felt we are all allowed as much time to struggle and succumb and struggle again with our own grief and their is no set time. I wish I had that last hint in this video 6 months ago. It has almost been a year of me just doing the minimum to stay working, now I need to exercise more, that is a good step I think. But in moderation I have had to pack up my photo album project for the moment. It doesn't appear to be the time yet for it, plus that is just more sitting and I already sit for my job. Maybe dust out the cobwebs and walk or bike. In 8 days it will be a year. My brother and I will go see the ocean in her memory. I don't want to ever forget mom, but I have to find my balance to walk forward again. I want to carry her memory beautifully in my life. I am not quite there yet. Maybe changing a few things this year will help

[@oxBadiaxo]

I know Ive got seperation anxiety daily. Its been about 8 years since my dads heart attack. I go visit my sick mom every other weekend and only when i dont see my boyfriend every other day i get these gut wrenching episodes of despair and loss... and i miss my brother and sister as they moved away.. being 28 feeling like i lived my whole twenties alone Therapy only helps when i go, but when im done with the 12 sessions or other, it comes back worse. Motivation to work out comes and goes, and the self deprivation on seeing the outdoors comes from lack of confidence. I know i can be better but somedays its a fine line of a suicidal thought.

[@DavidZMH]

“Be strong” “Time heals” “Heavens gained another angel” “Try not to think about it” -all phrases that diminish grief which I do not like. It annoys me and pisses me off

[@YOURHOTMUSIC]

Usually from people who have not been thru anything or on a small level

[@itsalrightgigi2846]

the amount of times ive gotten "everything happens for a reason!" in response back is devastating

[@Galaxie500IN]

I hate those all, too. I also hate: It was their time.

[@nessaearthangel]

Be strong is the worst. I’ve heard that all my life and this is the one moment I cannot.

[@withlove6435]

@@itsalrightgigi2846 I lost my dad to cancer barely two months ago. The only thing that calmed me a bit is I accepted the fact that no matter how sad I am or how much cry I’ll never get him back to life again. I accept the fact that one day I will die . Being on this earth is temporary. We are all going to die at one point and there is no much we can do about it.

[@MelissaAuthority]

My dad died yesterday from a heart attack, it was my birthday. I'm broken and alone in another country.

[@cristinaevans139]

The greif is killing me rest in peace Luke ❤australia

[@traceytranter8281]

Thats true Julia my dearest Mum and darling Husband died 2021 for the first year i thought i was going mad

[@waynebrewer8908]

i hate life with out my wife.the only thing that keeps me from blowing my brains out is my grandson.

[@blatantenigma3374]

Read the book during my binge reading of grief literature after my mother passed suddenly from camver, good read.

[@YolandaMarant]

This was so helpful as my Mom passed away I’m about a week and a half ago… I believe I’m in shock but but I love this information this is really good

[@shereeknight6426]

Bless you. I buried my only grandson in April and daughter two days before Christmas last yr, and my dad and BFF this past summer and fall. It doesn't get easier. She was my only girl out of four and only 21. My only grandchild thus far was only 2.5 months of age. He was my first-borns son. Prayers, honey. ❤

[@livelovenow8862]

I wish that Victoria, who lost her daughter and partner, could have spoken more.

[@Beth1300]

Yes it bothered me as she obviously wanted to speak at times but wasn't given the chance

[@dianemiller6440]

I agree. The interviewer needs to allow her guests to speak.

[@stellafreeman7964]

I'm currently going through Grief now my husband passed away suddenly on 12th April 2024 found him passed away next to me in bed he was only 52 , he was my husband my Everything My rock I miss him so much I'm broken 💔 😢

[@rodicag7309]

My sincere condolences to you. My husband also passed suddenly 2.5 years ago at 53 years old and I miss him every day. He is the love of my life, forever. Sending lots of love.

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from?

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

@@rodicag7309 I'm very sorry about your husband, trust me I completely understand how you feel, I felt the same way when my wife past away June 4th 2018 grief is hard to deal with but we learn to live with it, where are you from?..

[@stellafreeman7964]

I'm in the UK 🇬🇧

[@ChrisJohnson-lh9qb]

@@stellafreeman7964 I would love to know more about you.

[@elizabethjenkins6448]

am writing a play to perform about grieve a 5:15 5:15 sanctuary summit in Summertown, Tennessee United States…., It’s a three day festival theme is grief….. I became a widow at age 44… in my writing of this production on grief of researching the effects on the brain and the nervous system thank you for re-enforcing that and help him bring awareness that death can just reek havoc on the mind body, soul, and spirit We don’t know what to say to each other and even right now I’m struggling how to say holding you in space for your experience. I always say I get it. I definitely don’t know how you feel nobody knows but you and you’re doing an excellent excellent job processing grief and then using yours to help others…. Much appreciation you help me tonight as I’m writing this thing I’m actually going back through all the stages of grief he’s been gone 9 1/2 years and honestly I’m not sure that I actually ever totally did the acceptance one but anyway, thanks for popping up on my feed. Blessings I’ll look for more from you.🙌🙏🕊️💫💜

[@yoanapatrishkova5341]

It will be 6 months tomorrow since my mom passed away. It hurts so bad! I'll never understand why it happened and I torment myself as to why I wasn't more harsh into making her take better care of herself and stop those pills...

[@calehutchings2836]

Thank you ❤️❤️

[@SnakePlisskin.]

Just lost my cat its so hard not to be upset......

[@RafaelbySuzannah]

tears thank you

[@lisapiccirilli4908]

My sister died 3 days ago. I'm crushed.💔

[@andrewjoyce9038]

My mother died 4 days ago from cancer. Lost my father 5 weeks ago to a brain tumour

[@anabra874]

Such tremendous loss within such a short period of time... My heart truly goes out to you. ❤‍🩹

[@pvsk10]

What if you have no one to share with? I lost my daughter to suicide.

[@barmy_irooni]

I’m sorry for your loss

[@Planck944]

My condolences

[@nicolethoff2920]

I am so sorry. I would go to a grief counselor

[@amymarie266]

I’m so sorry for your loss.

[@BluePrincessAzula]

Your message made me tear up. My heart is with you. I hope my warmth reaches you. Calling you a brave mother would be nothing but the truth. 🤍

[@maritkristianehauganwick7721]

My dear father took his own life i am destroyed 😢

[@treeman-ui6ic]

I'm so sorry for your pain

[@barmy_irooni]

I’m sorry for your loss

[@russneho]

But getting help from others is fine but they have their own lives. I have no kids or anything to keep me going but everyone else does. I can't face the future because it's too hard. Thanx for trying to help

[@theresachiorazzi4571]

Grief will not go away with a expert. It’s different for everybody to talk about it only keeps the hurt there. There’s no magic fix.

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

Your absolutely right. Their suggestions may help different ones. However, the pain of agonizing grief is devastating to the soul. One is forced into the deep, agonizing, frightening pit of grief. It's a hard, hard sorrowful journey to get to the shore of sanity and even then, the rain, wind and clouds will always be there, never to leave one in peace for who knows how long. For many, forever.😢😢😢😢😢

[@nicolethoff2920]

I lost 'just' my mum 5 weeks ago. 79 and with moderate dementia. It is hard and painful. Grief is weird. I have bad days and less bad days. Grief is exhausting. How do you cope with work?

[@amymarie266]

Barely. My mom passed in January. My memory is gone. Work is difficult because of the brain fog. Weird thing is, I used to be a perfectionist and work was so important to me- now, I’m just kinda like “f” it.

[@nrtnrt6676]

Then Jesus spoke to them again, saying, “I am the light of the world. He who follows Me shall not walk in darkness, but have the light of life.” John 8:12

[@Bushcraft242]

Also my sister just died of liver cancer

[@tieashafrancis4398]

I loss my grandma Jan 3rd n I’m struggling bad my heart is broken I feel sick to my stomach idk what to do 🥺😢💔💔

[@skimpsycanuck6976]

I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 30 years on Jan 31st and you’ve described just how I feel. 😢💔😢💔

[@hoopdr3amz23]

Dealing with a death of a loved 1 right now

[@skimpsycanuck6976]

I too. So very sorry for your loss 😢💜

[@dnm5373]

❤Thank you

[@user-hi1se4ms4j]

I can't sleep since my mother died 3 years ago.....and feel depressed ......the doctor has given me klonopin and now gabapentin.....I don't want drugs

[@Hag591]

My identity was spread around the internet. I'm grieving from that too

[@bencollins7876]

I haven’t lost anyone ever but I have this fear of losing my husband he’s my everything and I just constantly obsess over it idk if that’s normal but I know without him I’d be nothing so I feel bad about people who actually have lost somebody I can’t ever imagine.

[@hannesRSA]

You can't imagine and you can't deal with it until you have no choice. A small mercy that the weakest of us can still put one foot in front of the other in the worst circumstances.

[@Bushcraft242]

6 days ago my wife passed away stage 4 pancreas liver cancer

[@jbellbird9050]

I understand your grief. My husband passed away 11 days ago, he had heart/lung disease. I'm sitting here wondering how to get through the next few days, weeks, months.

[@slopez1901]

My brother killed himself 3 1/2 weeks ago

[@bethglazier7404]

I can't seem be cart he grief is overwhelming.

[@Larry21924]

Such high-quality content! I recently enjoyed a similar book, and it was a real game-changer. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

[@yoqiu_]

I wish shows like this existed for men

[@bettina_s]

Im dieing because of my mothers passing..

[@shadowfeather3094]

Same.... came to this video to find advice from someone on how to deal with such a grievance 🤗🙏💚💙🌳 very much hope things will get better

[@BUBBLESPOGO]

I believe what the Bible states in Ephesians 9:5 "The dead are concious of nothing at all." Yes, all their worries, concerns and passions are gone. They do not exist anymore. That is the root of Grief. However, the Bible promises a hope for the dead. Jesus showed how he while on earth has been given authority to resurrect the dead back to life (see John Chapter 11). As King of "God's Kingdom Government now ruling in the heavens," Jesus will remove sin and death forever. This government will also be the means by which "all those in the memorial tombs (that is in God's memory), will come out and be restored to life again on earth under paradise conditions (Revelations 21:304). They will be given a chance to learn about God and make an informed decision whether they want to be part of God's Kingdom Government or not (Psalms 37:10-11, 29).

[@MsAlexis]

💎💯🙏🏾❤

[@Beth1300]

I was hoping exercise wouldn't be a suggestion. What are you supposed to do when you have crippling chronic fatigue syndrome?

[@louisejones3478]

Christine barely let Victoria speak

[@chadfaulkner6137]

Yes she did

[@Beth1300]

Yes she obviously wanted to say things multiple times but wasn't given the chance

[@Sch2155]

She's a marshmello

[@user-jz4qy4hp9e]

My son was murdered and this grief is overwhelming. He was 21 years old with a 2 week old baby. My heart is shattered. I miss him so much. I love you forever Ne'Ahmad Alfred💔

[@aldibag1]

I feel you. My dad was murdered, I couldn't understand the pain or losing your own child but losing my dad was also just losing a bit of me.

[@allindafac3]

My daughter passed 2 days ago I can’t with this pain

[@user-jz4qy4hp9e]

My son was murdered and this grief is overwhelming. He was 21 years old with a 2 week old baby. My heart is shattered. I miss him so much. I love you forever Ne'Ahmad Alfred💔

[@Kim-le4yw]

I'm so sorry..😞

[@hannesRSA]

❤