6 Obscure Signs you're Actually Autistic

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💛WATCH NEXT💛:
The War on 'Autism Moms' Needs to STOP.: • Are Autism Moms REALLY...
The 4 Types of Autistic Masking: • The 4 Types of Autisti...
9 Signs You are Probably NOT Autistic...: • 9 Signs You are Probab...
📸 Instagram 📸 : / imautisticnowwhat
📹 My Videos mentioned 📹:
struggling with autistic burn out...: • struggling with autist...
The Best Theory of Autism you've probably NEVER heard of...: • The Best Theory of Aut...
📒 Sources 📒:
DSM-5 book: dsm.psychiatryonline.org/doi/...
DSM-5 Diagnostic Criteria: www.tricare-west.com/content/...
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Autism diagnoses could be twice as high: www.ucl.ac.uk/news/2023/jun/n...
Autism is Underdiagnosed: www.thelancet.com/journals/la...
Leo Kanner Early Work: autismtruths.org/pdf/Autistic...
Autism and Perfectionism: link.springer.com/article/10....
Eating Disorders & perfectionism:
pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7757095/
Eating Disorders and Autism: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/36213...
BPS Article - I Can Only Apologise: www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/i...
Donald Triplett: en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Donald_...
Panic Attack: www.mind.org.uk/information-s...
BPD and Autism: embrace-autism.com/its-not-bp...
Emerging unstable BPS: www.bps.org.uk/psychologist/a...
BPD Traits: www.verywellmind.com/borderli...
floridabhcenter.org/wp-conten...
Research on Burnout: www.liebertpub.com/doi/full/1...
Catatonia: www.rcpsych.ac.uk/mental-heal....
www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-...
Burnout Tips: www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-...
Dyspraxia and Autism: onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/e...
www.spectrumnews.org/features...
Dyspraxia Foundation: dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/wh...
ADHD and Autism: www.spectrumnews.org/features...
What is Autistic Inertia: autismawarenesscentre.com/wha...
Autism and Inertia Study: journals.sagepub.com/doi/epub...
📖 *Books I'd Recommend about Autism 📖 :
Aspergirls by Rudy Simone:
amzn.to/3xSZ6Mg
Different not Less by Chloe Hayden (read if you want to cry):
amzn.to/40fKx2m
Unmasking Autism by Devon Price:
amzn.to/3LhMV3j
00:00 Some things are missing from the DSM-5?
02:40 Can you handle mistakes?
06:23 The Most 'Disordered' Trait? (Skip here if you want to avoid ED talk)
11:30 Are you exhausted?
15:03: Should these two things be a separate diagnosis?
17:29 The most disabling part of being autistic?
19:39 Doctors need to learn about this...
22:29 Too social to be autistic?
*These are affiliate links. The channel will receive a small commission if you buy anything on Amazon after clicking through with this link. There's no extra cost to you; any money will go towards putting out more content. I'd love to post twice a week and put more time into research for these videos. Thank you so much - I really appreciate every like and comment!
DISCLAIMER: I am a second-year psychology student and a late-diagnosed #actuallyautistic individual. I am not a qualified healthcare professional.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

The War on 'Autism Moms' Needs to STOP.: kzbin.info/www/bejne/qHyxdqqihqicbcU 6 traits I’m always surprised to find are not actually in the DSM-5 diagnostic criteria for autism! Some of these are alluded to within the additional information in the DSM-5 e.g. for meltdowns it mentions “disruptive/challenging behaviors are more common in children and adolescents with autism spectrum disorder than other disorders, including intellectual developmental disorder.” And there is quite a bit about masking - so all these doctors saying the no eye contact thing need to have a re-read 👀 “Many adults report using compensation strategies and coping mechanisms to mask their difficulties in public but suffer from the stress and effort of maintaining a socially acceptable facade.” If you’d like to know more about what masking can look and feel like, you might like this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aWeQfGB-jJimr8U And here are 9 Signs you’re Probably NOT Autistic (the non-invalidating version): kzbin.info/www/bejne/ZovSnnqqodKZjqc Hope you’ve had a good Thursday!! 💛 See you soon!

[@hannekezijlmans6578]

Maybe the reason the DSM focusses so much on social skills is that those will have the most impact on others around the autistic person (such as their parents). I think in many cases parents will seek help for their child's odd social behaviours, not as much for what the child is actually experiencing themselves (because the child may not be able to effectively communicate that). The whole diagnostic criteria are written from a neurotypical point of view anyway. (What is insufficient eye contact, and for whom?!?) I only realised I'm on the spectrum once I started talking to actually autistic people. I couldn't relate to the DSM criteria at all, same for my teenage daughter. But once I started listening to the actual autistic perspective, things fell into place. Forever grateful for your videos, and those I found within the autistic community.

[@apoliticalSurvivalist]

13:52 difficulties crossing threshold get a close quarter combat course and make it your stim move like me ^^

[@schampout]

The trouble with this video is that the DSM isn't there to provide a full look at autism and everything that goes into it. It's there to provide a diagnostic criteria so that those who need treatment or accommodations can be given them on a simpler basis. That is why DSM is short for Diagnostic and Statistical Manual. So, it provides you with the criteria for having autism spectrum disorder, but not meeting the full criteria doesn't mean someone isn't autistic to some degree (hence why there's new research into sub-clinical autism), it just means they did not meet the requirements for having ASD. The diagnosis of ASD would then allow insurance to fill prescriptions for medication for those with higher support needs, and it would open doors to easier accommodations in school (or college/university), and certain legal protections for vulnerable adults. However, it also makes it more difficult to immigrate to several other countries and can interfere with getting a referral for any kind of gender confirmation treatment in transgender patients. People who have some autistic traits but not enough to qualify for ASD are now thought to have sub-clinical autism, or ASD-like traits in someone who can generally function on a level that day-to-day doesn't require any kind of treatment or intervention. If you have a sibling with full ASD, you are more likely to have sub-clinical autism, or generally a higher degree of autistic traits. Because brains are a bit funky, there's kind of a continuum and there is no true "neurotypical brain", just people with less of these traits and less of a difficult time functioning. The DSM requires for diagnosis that someone's autistic traits cause them to need some level of support. Level 1 is needs support, level 2 requires substantial support, and level 3 requires very substantial support. So, unless there is enough distress in someone's life in which they need support, they may not receive an autism spectrum disorder diagnosis. Again, this doesn't mean they don't have a sub-clinical form of autism. But, they don't qualify by the DSM to need treatment or support, which is the only thing the DSM is meant to provide diagnosis for, so there would then be no point to diagnose someone that way, because it can become a bar to certain things. As mentioned previously: immigrating to other countries (including Canada and Australia), gender transition support as well as your diagnosis potentially being used as an excuse for someone (usually a parent) to gain conservatorship over you which can be bad for some people. But not having a diagnosis should never be an invalidating thing. You don't need a diagnosis or any kind of license to go out wearing soundproof headphones so sounds or people don't overwhelm you. You don't need one to adjust your life the way you want to live it. In the US, you can request reasonable accommodations with an employer through the ADA, but sticking with minor requests is typically best if you don't have a different diagnosis (physical or mental) you can ask for a doctor's confirmation letter over. That being said, if you do have a separate diagnosis, you can use that in lieu of an autism diagnosis and have reasonable adjustments made in accordance to how you feel you can work your job with your traits regardless. I hope this helps someone out there!

[@dorjedriftwood2731]

I definitely have your version of autism but much of what you describe as autism I wholeheartedly feel are just human. People think don’t suffer with certain symptoms are actually incredibly impressive because most people are totally uncomfortable with their life. Anyone who grew up with mass media is suffering with neurosis. I admit that when you describe your version of perfectionism and the life and death exaggeration of emotion is definitely mine. But everyone is a perfectionist, it’s a survival instinct to not want to be excluded from the group because in ancient times being seperate from the group meant guaranteed death. So doing anything that might get you judged as not worthy of the group will trigger anyones fight or flight mechanisms to one degree or another. I am a Buddhist Lama, and the head of a entire lineage of my religion, which is an ancient school of Indian Mysticism. I am a artist and a writer, so.. you may enjoy connecting and having a discussion. I would love to speak with you as your way with words is very impressive. So please consider correspondence I think I may be able to offer you a very helpful perspective of what is human as I am genuinely an expert in practical psychology from being a spiritual counselor and guide in a religion who’s focus is perfect sanity. Ps. When I was in college I dated a borderline girl and she remains the most intensely passionate relationship ever for me. But their was no chance that she was merely autistic. She definitely was autistic but the BPD was an exceptional obsession with self destructive behavior, in absolutely everything from our relationship to her eating habits to her relationship with pain period. She was absolutely sadistic and even more masochistic and I don’t believe that is autistic. Frustrated rage yes but not delight with seeing others hurt or hurting themselves.

[@DeeneMuada]

propionic acid supplementation seems to make me autistic. have you heard of cortexin and cerebrolysin wich can heal the brain?

[@PurpleAmharicCoffee]

Me, as a child, reading that autistic people can have black and white thinking: No, I don't think in black and white, I think in full colour! 😆

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Love this!! 😂

[@Dionaea_M]

Hahahaha autistic minds are very creative!!! It makes no sense for a child to say they think in black and white. Specially if they thinking about their special interest. It will sure be full of colors. Unless you have this special condition that won't let you picture things through imagination...

[@BeeWhistler]

Ah yes… I used to think people literally screamed, “Bloody murder!”

[@arianewinter4266]

Like thinking literally IS one of the criteria but how one IS asked for diagnosing does Not Take that into Account at all

[@foggy922]

@@arianewinter4266 It isn't in the diagnostic criteria.

[@jenniferfootman3257]

My perfectionism came from a sense of acceptance. I thought that if i didn't make a mistake, I wouldn't give anybody else a reason to reject me.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Yeah, I think that was part of it for me too! The study did also mention that that might be a factor. It's so sad!

[@martinmckee5333]

Same here. I have always felt that someday I might be accepted if I can find a way to be "good enough". No luck yet.

[@Dionaea_M]

My sense of perfectionism came from my parents rejection for me never being what they expected from me

[@sweetdream242424163]

Same here. It felt like at least the adults accepted me if I had good grades and was well behaved in school, and apparently that was what mattered they would tell us. Hit a-levels, a million and one changes going on in my life all at once and it all collapsed. My self esteem left me as the grades hit rock bottom and it felt like maybe I would never be good enough for anyone now.

[@__julia___749]

​@@sweetdream242424163same🩷😭😭😭

[@Fenix_Kage]

FYI, The idiom "Out of thin air" doesn't have a lengthy, historical etymology. It was just a phase that Shakespeare invented. You could say he just pulled it out of thin air.

[@kittymeowmeow93]

I see what you did there.. but only because the air wasn't thick

[@eduardog3000]

Really you should just assume any idiom was made up by Shakespeare until told otherwise. It’s crazy how many there are, still commonly used today.

[@DrinkYourNailPolish]

​@@eduardog3000 I usually assume most idioms come from the Bible as I've discovered plenty from there. Like "forbidden fruit" being one of them

[@Postalpacifist]

@@DrinkYourNailPolish Nah you have it backwards. Shakespeare published his stuff long before any English version of the bible existed. The bible translators cribbed heavily from their pop culture.

[@thecoldglassofwatershow]

Womp womp 🙄

[@kevinbyrne4538]

1. Perfectionism 2. Meltdowns 3. Burnout 4. Motor skills (dyspraxia) 5. Inertia 6. Masking

[@simpson6700]

checking all the boxes

[@Amiyuu0]

ty i didnt have time to watch it

[@Xacris]

that quote about perfectionism, the "even minor mistakes can have serious consequences" is something that shows up in my job as a web developer/programmer constantly. One little typo WILL break EVERYTHING! I've seen it happen, I'm not crazy!

[@Ytinasniiable]

Aye, but in programming, those mistakes aren't actually small mistakes, they're big mistakes that the layman might think are small because capitalization and spelling are usually minor mistakes in most contexts

[@erin1569]

I could swear I've seen problems that were solved by loading a backup and rewriting the same code character by character without changing anything else

[@natassiatavares4568]

Do you also review your own PRs a hundred times to check if there's something wrong? I'm very anxious about open PRs because of this and I feel terrible when someone comments something "stupid" on it.

[@Cuchilain]

I could probably be a fairly successful cartoonist, drawing strips, but ever since i was little i would just draw pages and pages of characters in different poses, expressions, and interactions in order to learn to draw them perfectly every time. If i couldnt master them or if they started to evolve as i drew them more, i would scrap them and start a new character.

[@goodguywithapun]

​@@natassiatavares4568uuuuuuugh yeah I prolly spend more time "reviewing" my PR's than actually working on the issues 😅

[@Beyondthebinarybrain]

Me when my doctor said I was “too empathetic” to be autistic and made me fill out an empathy quotient with the question “did you cut up worms for fun when you were younger?” (The correct answer was apparently yes….) don’t even get me started on the “library or party?” Question lol

[@duikmans]

or the "museum or the theater"?

[@unluckyomens370]

I feel like its also super underestimated how learnable an empathy approximate is. Like it wasnt intuitive but I and from my understanding a lot of other people were able to learn something similar

[@vexywexypoo]

THATS REAL? Definitely see the problems with that. My brother is autistic and would always save worms when he found them (which just meant putting them in the dirt bc they were on concrete.) He's also very sociable, just doesn't understand what's appropriate to say around new people and what's not. I remember being scared of having to cut open a frog in 7th grade only to skip it bc my teacher was on maternity leave.

[@vexywexypoo]

​@@duikmansme, a history-loving theatre kid 😬

[@-starrysunrise-2908]

As a kid I did that with termites and silverfish, which is weird because I’m OTHERWISE hyperempathetic, especially towards animals……. I guess it’s just because they were “bad” bugs, and linked to my (literal) garbage living situation at the time (it’s better now)

[@hugbunnyaudio553]

"A lot of autistic traits are kind of like normal parts of the human experience but with the volume turned way up." I like that description a lot.

[@leenaparsons9876]

"We can pick up skills. We can learn. We can grow." THANK YOU

[@ganondorfchampin]

There is a uncertain irony in that the treatment paradigm for autism is based around teaching skills but the diagnostic paradigm is based around assuming autistic people can’t learn those skills.

[@laurencewinch-furness9450]

I was describing what a meltdown feels like yesterday and said "there's not really any emotion like fear or anger, it's more a sort of primordial anguish - which is a phrase I shall be adding to my list of good names for rock bands"

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Yesss!! That's it!!!

[@claraheitkamp2516]

How so you know the Differenz between an Panik Attack and a meltdown?

[@Dreykopff]

Rock's too soft, that is clearly a metal band name. That reminds me, Judas Priest has a song "Metal Meltdown"...but it has nothing to do with this here, naturally. I think at least, haha.

[@laurencewinch-furness9450]

@@Dreykopff yes - probably metal. I also have a habit of spotting people who look like Soviet politicians. I was once able to combine this with my collection of names for rock bands when I saw a lady who looked like Brezhnev's lovechild.

[@silentlyjudgingyou]

Sky falling world on fire and NTs with gas cans and lighters asking me what my problem is .

[@Hexane88]

I think the Borderline and Bipolar criteria including references to meltdowns is why female children/adults are more likely to be undiagnosed as autistic and misdiagnosed as one of those two. It fits perfectly into the "males stoic, females crazy," societal narrative, and dovetails with/bolsters the "gurlz cnt b autistic!!1!" narrative. It's harmful and frustrating and causes all sorts of unnecessary suffering for thousands of people

[@ZeonGenesis]

So true! It just highlights that the diagnostic criteria are still based wayy too much on how men and boys (get to) express their autistic symptoms. We are not treated the same by society, unfortunately.

[@joyful_tanya]

Yes, I agree. Misdiagnosed since the 1980s, here!

[@CarnivoreHipposinBikinis]

Agree! I was misdiagnosed for 30 years. Largely because special interests were called mania & obsession, and meltdowns called psychotic episodes!

[@Kaye09MNchick]

Most hospitals inpatient units (where a lot of us Autistics end up with meltdowns, shutdowns, etc)...don't diagnose for ASD/ADHD/ND. They are labelled as "acute" settings for when people will harm themself or others. I work in one and, a LOT of Autistic people come onto our units. Adults and children. Which goes back to the statistics on Autistic people who have struggled with mental health conditions like depression, anxiety, and SI. Also, some providers refuse to do the diagnosis until the person's Bipolar/BPD, etc. is stable. Which, you can have multiple things. I just question if people really have a diagnosis or, if it's actually Autism and the person was just mis-diagnosed. When I got my diagnosis it helped my mental health so much and, honestly probably saved my life. Before my diagnosis I was IN an inpatient unit myself. Not saying I don't have bad days or days when I do have sensory overload/meltdowns/spirals. It's just a LOT easier to manage and I feel I have more space in my life to enjoy it and, care for myself in the process. I feel that without my diagnosis and realization, I was probably not going to reach 30.

[@maggierestivo5256]

Honestly, as someone who studies history (especially women's history), I've come to the conclusion that, in many ways, "borderline personality disorder" is the 21st century version of the 19th century, "Hysteria." I'm no doctor, and I'm not saying that borderline personality disorder is not a real thing, BUT... in my experience, I've heard people (and one who IS a doctor) refer to women as having BPD with a sneer and such condescension that I think to myself, "She's probably fine, you just don't like her because she's a strong woman with opinions who intimidates you and who you just don't LIKE.... she's INCONVENIENT." Grrr..... Sorry. This is a really big peeve with me. I completely agree with your post!

[@alejandro-314]

I went for a diagnosis after a major burnout (and previous years of research in autism). The day the phycologist gave me my official diagnosis she told me: "You don't need to change anything in the way you live your life, look at all you have accomplished so far". WTF! It's like she didn't even care the price I was paying to accomplish whatever she thought I accomplished.

[@user-pv3qk7qi1w]

Oh wow, unbelievable... You would expect more from a psychologist who actually gave you the diagnosis.

[@stacypepsi9708]

This is why I can't be bothered getting diagnosed.i know I am I'm not having a stranger judging me

[@romicor9]

Reminds me of my carreer orientation course: several tests, interviews and exercises later I was told I could be "whatever I wanted". And my family paid them for that! PS: when I finally chose pre-med, they told me "sure, you can be a doctor, but we didn't tell you that because we don't know if you can handle the stress to become one".

[@thecoldglassofwatershow]

This happened to me to too, she said “just keep doing what you’re doing”. And things right after got MUCH MUCH worse.

[@Sariyamari]

My meltdowns had always had the form of a incontrolable crying. It's like... my eyes were throwing up their tears, I simply can't stop until everything is out.

[@yourfuturewaifu9061]

Yeah that's how I use to describe it as a kid. I said my face felt like crying because I felt like I couldn't control it. Then people would get mad at me for crying lol.

[@EmeraldAshesAudio]

I'm over here trying to figure out if 'crybaby' and 'snappish if unable to flee while overwhelmed by sensory / social things' are bad enough to count as meltdowns.

[@crowqueenamps]

My last meltdown was about a year ago. I literally couldn't calm down nor stop crying. Since crying is more socially acceptable than, you know, screaming and yelling. But it still sucks, and it went on for about an hour.

[@karowolkenschaufler7659]

oh shit. I hadn't made that connection yet. I thought all my exessive crying in childhood and teenage years was to do with being depressed or someting. I'm seriously just now considdering that a lot of that might have been meltdowns. "has trouble calming down" is what it still says on my report card from my first year of school. and there were more incidents where I could not stop crying. it was a regular thing. it was like cramping but with tears. it was noticed.... by teachers and so on.... but never followed up on. no one ever did anything beyond trying to calm me down in the moment. they didn't even ask what it felt like. they always just tried to make me be quiet again.

[@milenamartins21]

But what does it feel like for you guys? Cause I'm also autistic and I've been wondering if my meltdowns are the crying crisis I have so often, but I also have depression, so it could be that? For me my crying is pretty uncontrollable, but my emotions are of sadness, what about for you? Is it anger or anything different?

[@bernard832]

I hadn't heard about autistic inertia, but that describes me very well. It's incredibly difficult for me to start doing things, but when I do, I just keep going.

[@DemiSuaton]

This!!

[@boop3260]

Likewise!

[@ArtistInNewHampshire]

Task Initiation struggles! Like a mountain between one and a task.

[@clicheguevara5282]

Executive dysfunction is very real.

[@annjepsen1621]

I had to force myself to slow down during the pandemic and now I can't get going again.

[@blackjackel3622]

I feel like there is so much emphasis on the social aspect because that's the part that impacts NTs, not just the autistic person, so they notice it more. I might be being overly cynical though.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

I think there's probably some truth to that!

[@ZeonGenesis]

Exactly. That's what sticks out to them

[@clicheguevara5282]

Such a good point. I’m good at masking and instead of not picking up on social cues, I’m actually HYPER aware of them - so I’ve always been able to fit in when socializing is necessary. (Though I much prefer to be on my own) The part of autism that really makes my life the most difficult is sensory issues, executive dysfunction, overstimulation, and burnout.

[@SarcasticShrubbery]

I agree. Even if you want to look at it a bit more charitably, in the sense that it's not necessarily about what bothers NTs - the social ones are just the traits that are observable from the outside. It's bothered me from day 1 how much the DSM focuses on observable traits rather than interior experience. I can kind of see why that would be necessary for an objective diagnosis but it does invalidate the person getting the diagnosis and implicitly assumes they can't convey their experience accurately.

[@jbrubin8274]

Sadly you’re not. I was recently diagnosed late in life. At which point my near 25 year marriage ended. It was “too hard on him”. It’s heartbreaking to see, think, hear harmful things or deeds caring little for our needs. We either conform or everything ends in a flash.

[@MoonbearStartiger]

I wish people understood that it does not help me at all when I'm overwhelmed and already dysregulated, yelling at me, screaming at me, punishing me doesn't make me "stop acting like this" - it probably makes it WORSE and I get EVEN MORE overwhelmed and heightened.

[@Beckyg1016]

"even minor mistakes have serious consequences" - This feels like my response to the trauma of always getting it "wrong" in social situations but never knowing why

[@stephenieolson8535]

I really love your breakdown of how meltdowns aren’t specified in the dsm for autism, but they are for BPD and bipolar. “Challenging behaviors” is THE vaguest way you could possibly describe autistic behavioral struggles.

[@AlexisTwoLastNames]

i haven’t gotten to that part yet but woah. i have been diagnosed with bipolar and have felt like partly why i am not autistic is cuz idk if i’ve had meltdowns (started questioning in the last few months) this is really baffling me.

[@stephenieolson8535]

@@AlexisTwoLastNames I have had a BUNCH since I developed PTSD, because my brain just can’t cope with my autism like it did before the trauma. But before that happened, I’d only had one full on meltdown. Shutdowns are much more common for me.

[@jimwilliams3816]

@stephanieolson8535 That sounds familiar. While I had autistic traits as a child, I’m not sure if I really did meltdowns. I started having obvious shutdowns as an adult, and implosive meltdowns, and eventually explosive meltdowns, as life stresses built. The last type was very much CPTSD. That I also have ADHD confuses matters further. I think I’ve come to make sense of it in much the way that you describe. I know I have always had a predisposition toward stress, and an overactive flight or flight response. This left me vulnerable to worsening mental health issues, not just from trauma but from cumulative life stress. Both autism and ADHD are talked about by many professionals as being a childhood problem that can get better in adulthood, but simply can’t get worse. Which I now see is nonsense. Persistent stress degrades all systems in humans, and neurodivergent people can be especially vulnerable, not just because we experience more stressful situations, but also because at least some of us are predisposed to an outsize stress response. It’s recognized that ADHD symptoms (I chose that word intentionally in this context) can increase in adolescence when “demands begin to exceed capacity,” and I’d say this happened to me heavily in my fifties. Russell Barkley, the ADHD specialist, has noted that, while traits don’t increase later in life, impairment can, and he was basically talking about this. I’ve seen a lot of comments online from older autistic people who also lost ground as they aged. There is even a straightforward mechanism to contribute to this: ambient inflammation increases as adults age, and inflammation worsens many conditions. So while it still weirds me out a bit that I have meltdowns that I never had before, some including SIBs, it no longer seems nonsensical to me. There are a lot of neurodivergent adults having the types of meltdowns that are associated mostly with children, it just isn’t talked about that much.

[@stephenieolson8535]

@@jimwilliams3816 I whole heartedly agree with you. If I wasn’t burnt out right now, my current demands would not exceed my capacity. I’ve honestly dealt with more. But masking and cumulative stress and self neglect from trying to perform in ways that aren’t natural to me - they’ve all lead to a massive impairment that I didn’t have before.

[@Xand3rCha0s360]

Not bashing ur comment btw! But I've just started the vid as I'm replying and I wanna these are things that overlap with not just BPD and Bipolar, but autism as well! I'm an autistic being evaluated for Bipolar and eventually BPD at another place (I just have to get in first), and I learned that all these overlapping features just make all of them so complex- but to me even more interesting as a result (I have a special interest in medicine/psychology lol /lh)

[@mayowhishes]

when your special intrest is ✨⭐ yourself ⭐✨

[@lorikambel6052]

Omg 😂 I feel called out

[@caiseejc]

When your special interests include…stuff that’s normal for someone of your gender (fashion, makeup, and hair) but you end up being even more obsessed than normal and wasting too much time and money on them..

[@dn3305]

I wondered if that is possible, because I think I am my special interest since I try to overcome my depressions by trying to understand and "fix" me to be more comfortable for me and the peoples around me 😝

[@mayowhishes]

@@dn3305 Yeah you go pookie ! Special interest in 😍⭐✨ self improvement 😍⭐✨

[@emmageyman8621]

​@@caiseejc I feel you...I spent many minutes in the dollar tree and couldn't stop picking out glosses and lip oil and not to mention artificial flowers (my other special interests is flowers) I kept buying more and more and more 😅

[@craiglaing2417]

Wow. The part about internalizing until you reach your safe space at home is spot on for me. Now I realize why I become very detached from everyone when I get home. Explains why I feel suffocated when I’m in a long term relationship, so I generally bail out after 6 months as I need a lot of “me time” to recover and reset for the next day out in the wild.

[@craiglaing2417]

Worth noting, I’ve recently started looking into ADHD as a work colleague has it. Well it’s lead me down a rabbit hole of research and have learnt I most probably have ADHD, childhood trauma, autism or a combination of all. If anyone can recommend a specialist in Australia for a diagnosis that would be greatly appreciated.

[@BeeWhistler]

How many times is perfectionism a side effect of being constantly told you’re making mistakes, though? Feeling someone will drop down on you any second out of freaking nowhere to punish you for something you never even knew you’d done, or that it was wrong to do? The severity of the outside response may vary but we all know the experience of having people be angry at us for actions that were never taken with deliberate animosity. It can not only make you never want to make a mistake again but cause you to want to make damned sure, even at the cost of your own health and well-being, that no one can say you didn’t bend over backward to do the right thing. I am actually HAPPY when I get sick because I feel like people can’t expect anything of me. But yeah, when I was little I had a very distracted and unaffectionate mom who never seemed to notice me until I did something wrong. She had a lot to deal with, I get it, but the result is that I guiltily wonder to this day whether I really am Autistic or whether, in some rare cases, doctors might have been right about the effects of refrigerator mothers.

[@Catlily5]

Refrigerator mothers would certainly cause issues. The issue would not be autism.

[@arianebarnes]

I haven't found anything besides monotropism that is common among autistics. Almost every "common" stereotyped trait is not found in all autistics. Oddly if you don't have a common trait you might have the exact opposite. A common trait is the need to have a schedule and stick to it. I don't have that, I have the can't follow a schedule if I tried. A lot of autistics are on the asexual spectrum, others have hypersexual needs instead. Some autistics are super clean, some literally don't care much about cleaning until it gets bad. The thing all of this has in common is that they are all sensory issues. Bottom line I really think that there needs to be a lot more autistic research and a new diagnostic criteria that is not so "child" centric.

[@Xacris]

this makes sense to me. A lot of my specific needs/traits are a result of my reactions to my specific sensory issues. Other people just see the outward signs and take those signs as the issues/traits rather than looking at the underlying causes

[@emmynoether9540]

What about not being able to read facial expressions and having to conciously learn how to read them and how to make them? I don't have that, which is why I ruled out Autism for me, even though I relate to a lot of stuff, especially struggles with sensory input and switching tasks.

[@orbismworldbuilding8428]

Thing is the things that are common in autistic people are common, even if they're not something all autistic people have. There has been research in the form of brain scans and such on autistic people, and one of the qualities noted are: Brain not purging connections, and very easily reinforcing them (which would mean habits are easily ingrained, boost associative and longterm memory (which note, also are the theory behind how synesthesia works)) Brain starting to grow earlier, brain overgrowth Strong short-distance connections in the brain and grey matter (that do the brain activity stuff) And varying but often really feficient whitematter and long distance connections (things that typically coordinate info through the brain and are important to skills) Its literally part of the neurological data that autistic people have uneven and generally atypical skills. I'd describe it as an autistic brain has less functional preset/built in skills but has the ability to easily gain skills and qualities.

[@orbismworldbuilding8428]

​@emmynoether9540 communication and social cognition involve long-distance connctions in the brain, which are noted to be absent or poorly formed in scans of autistic brains Uneven skills are also a quality predicted by the long distance connectivity. Other things noted/theories of autism involve overactive fight/flight and that does impair communication

[@Dionaea_M]

Maybe what is needed is more field research over the autistic community, with people sharing their symptoms

[@edward8597]

EDIT: Please do not go looking at the thread below this comment as it devolves into ableist nastiness, and none of us need any more of that in our lives. On eye contact: I was looking at my diagnosis yesterday, and it blew my mind to note that the doctor spoke about my level of eye contact *during* *a* *part* *of* *the* *process* *done* *over* Zoom. As should be obvious, "eye contact" over Zoom is nothing at all like eye contact face-to-face, and it was wild to me that the doctor didn't bear that in mind (small complaint about an otherwise excellent diagnostic process).

[@imautisticnowwhat]

You're so right!!

[@theGhostWolfe]

Yikes. After my diagnostic interview, the interviewer noted “frequent and appropriate” eye contact (or something like that) and I’m thinking “nope, I spent most of the interview looking at the aquarium over your shoulder, you should probably move that”.

[@calidabrisadeverano]

@@theGhostWolfeWhen I have job interviews or online consultations, I position the camera so I'm not looking at the other people, but myself on my phone, though it looks like I'm looking at them. Great autistic hack 😆

[@patriciaannvines4536]

I have a difficult time even looking at at the screen on zoom. Where do I look? I hope they aren't if looking at me. If I look past the screen will it look like I'm looking at them. Are my eyes looking in a weird direction. they think I'm not paying attention. How long do I need to hold this pose.

[@christah9416]

From their time speaking with Neurotypicals, they know what eye contact looks like on Zoom.

[@hannahmoore7652]

Yikes, that quote on perfectionism is real. It gave me the excuse to blame everything on myself, even other people’s feelings. “If I comfort everyone well enough then they won’t feel sad anymore”

[@MrCorpsy6]

The DSM is not about classifying people based on patterns, as lots of people (including some psychologists/psychiatrists) may think, but it is about classifying people based on patterns that negatively affect either their life or the rest of society. Hence an autistic person may not be autistic from the point of view of the DSM if their life isn't particularly filled with "uncommon" issues. There is, by design, a negative bias in the DSM; it is about pointing out problematic issues, not about pointing out eccentricities.

[@thecoldglassofwatershow]

Well originally it’s written by Rothchilds/Rockefeller owned schools that only allowed white men in them.

[@cathleenc6943]

One thing that is important to note in the first three criteria that must be accounted for is that it specifically says that it can have been present historically, meaning " I did that as a child but I don't anymore" is as valid as doing it right in front of the person assessing you, and anyone giving an autism assessment that isn't taking that seriously into consideration is not correctly trained or doing their job.

[@miau384]

This!

[@victoria_m13]

in raads-r there are answers like “done that before 16 yo” and “after 16 yo”

[@sergiomorozov]

More important thing was JUST above that one - that those criteria are only for the people who had a diagnosis established previously.

[@cathleenc6943]

@sergiomorozov I'm not understanding specifically what you're referring to.

[@sergiomorozov]

@@cathleenc6943 People in the comments (and as far as I understood the video itself) talk about a set of criteria seen in the video (in a table) as it is a set for diagnosing autism. BUT the header of the table itself says that those are for people with already established diagnosis, for the purpose of narrowing it to whatever varieties there might be. Consequently, without already established diagnosis even checking 100% of the table means nothing.

[@shapeofsoup]

The DSM isn’t just missing autistic characteristics/traits. It fundamentally mischaracterizes the condition as a cluster of observable psychological traits. It’s a problem with every neurodivergence, really. These conditions fundamentally don’t belong in the DSM in the first place.

[@imautisticnowwhat]

For sure - it's all about observable behaviours.

[@shapeofsoup]

@@imautisticnowwhat exactly. And granted, the purpose of the DSM is identification, i.e., diagnosis. And it is fairly effective in that regard. But it simultaneously completely misses the mark when it comes to identity or definition. It’s kind of ironic to me, honestly, because it’s basically a neurotypical estimation missing the specificity of a monotropic condition.

[@MsCeegee3]

Love this conversation- and the way you explained it- totally makes sense!

[@derAtze]

​@@shapeofsoup if you want to diagnose a cancer, you do laboratory tests and scans and don't just ask when and how you experience pain and if you're sick in other ways. There should be ct scans and encephalograms and other tests to check up the neurological differences that are observable. Not just "what did you teachers think about you when you were a kid"

[@unluckyomens370]

@@derAtze as nice as that sounds if these diagnoses get any more expensive itll be an even larger barrier

[@Magis_Ghast]

I've been considering autism for myself for a few years and the more I learn, I both get more certain and more uncertain lol I have experienced both meltdowns and shutdowns, and both suck so bad. I spent many years convinced I should be alone forever because I accidentally hurt someone during a meltdown.

[@rochelleesser7961]

11:30 Yes, absolutely! No one, including myself, knew that I was on the autism spectrum until I began my ASD discovery journey back in 2017 when I was in my early 50s. So back in the mid-1990s when I was 30 years old and going through a very traumatic divorce from an abuser, I was misdiagnosed and prescribed SSRIs, which scrambled my neurodivergent brain circuits. I snapped one day and tried to permanently check out. So yeah, it's extremely important to not get misdiagnosed and subjected to the same kind of crap I went through. I'm so glad that autism is a lot more understood now than it used to be!

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

9:32 That part about a child behaving "well" in school and then emotionally "collapsing" when they get home reminds me so much about my youngest. But they are AFAB, so they were diagnosed only with ADHD, whereas my son got the dx AutDHD. For me the time between my ADHD and autism confirmations was 13 effing years. It's a ridiculous prejudice.

[@futurespin]

My youngest daughter is the same and she's so high masking that when the school tried to get her assessed they said no she's fine, but she has monumental meltdowns at home.

[@Asharra12]

Yeah my husband just went through a full diagnostic process. They ignored everything that was said about his autistic behaviours and said, they're all just because of his ADHD and hearing issues. I'm really glad they diagnosed the ADHD, but I'm still pissed off that they just completely dismissed everything I had to say about the very clearly autistic traits he has because he presented well in an interview with the psychologist 🤦‍♀️

[@tealkerberus748]

Autism is about 80% - 90% genetic. If a full sibling is diagnosed autistic, the psych should be required to show their reasoning before declaring that another sibling is not autistic.

[@amandak.4246]

you can just say female. it's not a dirty word

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

@@amandak.4246 You can just mind your own business regarding my kids. Shoo! Begone.

[@Problempossum11]

Whenever you show the footage of you as a teen in shutdown mode, it feels like looking at a video of myself and I get really sad. I remember my parents and teachers always remarking about how angry and miserable I looked all the time. Its frustrating to know now that the reason for this was I was just so overwhelmed all the time. I wasn't an inherently miserable child, and I didn't WANT to walk around with a scowl on my face all the time, but I was constantly under pressure to do things I didn't want to in environments that were extremely over stimulating. I wished we could go back in time and tell our younger selves that what we are feeling isn't our fault and that some day we'll have things more figured out and it'll get a little better.

[@brittanyk6651]

This

[@Dionaea_M]

The fact that they pressure us to look happy after making us miserable by pressuring us over everything at our lives is so abusive. It's like: "you made me like this and now you're angry because I'm not okay??? I didn't choose this!! YOU ARE THE RESPONSIBLE ONE"

[@clicheguevara5282]

Yup. Evidently my parents’ friends started commenting about how “serious” I was when I was still just a baby.

[@LunarWind99]

I resonate with this so much 😔

[@helenayamez]

Exactly this...and I have very deep frown lines because of it.

[@remotepinecone]

Wait, you mean we are allowed to make mistakes?

[@Hi_Im_Akward]

The social/masking thing is why i repeatedly was denied even so much as a referral for an assessment. And I believe that because I also have ADHD, the two kind of compensate for each other in some ways, especially externally, so I'm "to organized" to be ADHD (which organization became a special interest of mine, especially since i struggled with it so much), and "socially competent" to be autistic, which I've been learning to mask since kindergarten. I also have a lot of subtle stims because of the learned masking, and i have a lot of tools in place to help me compensate for my horrible memory and time blindness. And the whole perfectionism thing is very true, but its always been "all or nothing" and often times i was so depressed and burnt out that it was just "nothing". And yeah, I was originally diagnosed as bipolar, fought the diagnosis and ended up with a BPD. Even went through a year of DBT, and it was helpful but a lot of the things my therapist told me I was supposedly struggling with, I wasn't... And a lot of the significant outbursts that are present in the BPD were really only a thing for me when I was in the depths of an abusive relationship, so by the time the conversation about the BPD was happening, I actually didn't have the emotional outbursts she was talking about but still diagnosed me because I "technically qualified". Finally saw a therapist at a clinic that specializes in Autism and ADHD, and after a year of therapy she diagnosed me. I'm still on the wait-list as far as Im aware for an assessment, but she has the full credentials to diagnose me and told me she waits a year for it, but she could tell within a few sessions. Honestly, I think the diagnostic criteria is really focused on external observations and doesn't cover internal experiences a lot. ADHD is very similar. At least now they have it all under one diagnosis, with different presentations. I think that is one of its main issues. I also think for the laymen to try and interpret it is pretty hard. Like, I totally qualify for the stimming criteria but I didn't think so at first because I was told over and over again its rocking, spinning, hitting yourself... And that may be true for some people but it absolutely is not the only types of stims and masking has massively influenced the type of stims I do now.

[@futurespin]

I can't stand being watched either, I feel like an ant under a microscope, I can be great at something but as soon as someone's watching I get the shakes and can't do it. Also had/have eating disorders 😢

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Ant under a microscope describes it perfectly!!

[@FreeManFreeThought]

Honestly had to leave a restaurant 2 weeks ago because I felt a couple of the staff watching our table a little *too* intently. I just didn't feel comfortable anymore.

[@futurespin]

@@FreeManFreeThought I can't eat out anywhere unless it's a drive through and it's not me ordering 😆 I've always used my fingers to eat when I was a kid, I found a knife and fork confusing as a child and much easier to 'feel' my food before it went in my mouth, I use cutlery for some meals these days but I still eat with my fingers a lot. Me and food have had a bit of a battle🤣 didn't like the texture of nearly all good when I was a kid, still have trouble now, onions are just way over stimulating for me and I think I might be allergic to them since I feel very ill if I eat anything and don't realise it has onion powder in or something. So I was a toast, Weetabix, porridge(only if done right) and biscuit kid, I think my mum nearly had a breakdown thinking I was going to die from not eating enough🤣 I also had a few hospital trips to the A&E as I would choke on red meats and pork meats and chicken once too. I remember it like it was yesterday and I must have been between 2-4. When I eat now if people cause me distress my throat constricts and I can't swallow my food and it's only got worse as I aged. I have a tumor on one of my parathyroid glands so it makes me wonder if all the stress in that area contributed to that?

[@rebeccachapman1231]

I completely froze up in the grocery store self checkout a few weeks ago because a store clerk came up and asked if I found everything I needed when I was just trying to get an item and get back out of the store as soon as humanly possible. Then after I said "yes" in order to get rid of her faster, she started bustling around me with the bags and everything and then when she noticed I was still standing there holding the item, she commented, "it doesn't look like that went through." I said, "I know. I'm waiting." When she asked what I was waiting for, I said, "I'm waiting for you to be done." She said "Me to be done?" My reply, "Yes, for you to be out of the way." Of course it was rude and I didn't intend it to be (or even had any desire to talk to anyone at ALL in the first place), but I felt like I had no control over things by that point and just needed to get the heck out, and when she moved away and I could finally finish checking out , I dwelt on the horrible encounter for over a week, and obviously I'm still to some degree dwelling on it because now I think "what if it happens again?" whenever I go back into that store. In short, I don't like people hovering over me, being in my space, or watching me do things unless I'm specifically in teaching or training mode. It REALLY makes me uneasy if not freaks me out entirely.

[@futurespin]

@@rebeccachapman1231 yeah definitely, I hate going into stores as when I get to the tills if anything goes slightly weird which 99% of the time it will I will start sweating and overheating, my mind starts racing and I'm stuttering. It takes a moment for anything someone says to process in my mind so for people who ask something but don't wait before needing the answer it's like my mind got scattered all over, I often describe stressful situations like my mind is being pulled in many directions almost like it's a physical feeling, one person talking, a person making irritating noises, the lights, echoes in the store, smells from people or products, this is my world outside my home and occasionally inside my home if too much is happening at once, further each part of my mind is being pulled and twisted or even pushed in the closer I get to shutdown, sometimes meltdowns but I internalise a lot so I have a tendency to withdraw completely.

[@cammie49]

Remember that Autism is a brain of extremes…so some of us are on the other extreme from dyspraxia…insanely great coordination (dance, sports, gymnastics , martial arts, circus arts etc).

[@annjepsen1621]

Yes, the one physical activity I was good at was dance. I still walk into walls all the time but put on music and I'm as graceful as can be. 😅

[@gabrielledaniels7318]

Yes to this! My late-diagnosed husband is an incredible athlete with exceptional spatial awareness. Can't dance to save his life!

[@jessieevelynriera2590]

yes! I can pick up a dance style easily bc I listen to the rhythm to the music BUT P.E. during my school years was the hardest thing to do for me.. my classmates would make fun of me all the time bc I was poorly coordinated to perform well during Phys. Ed :( and funny thing is I was never able to learn how ride a bike or roller skating which I remember I had a meltdown bc I felt and scraped my knees at the first try, I was around 6 years old when it happened.

[@rosariojailene]

Yup. I figure skate, inline rollerblade, dance, and skateboard. But I can't ride a bike or stand on the 4 wheel rollerskates

[@Kkubey]

I was recently challenged to stand and balance on one leg, and it was so easy for me that it wasn't an exercise. But I am very imbalanced and struggle with other motions at the same time, my spacial awareness is a bit... curved? and things like the logical order a door opens were something I had to figure out over time. Like it is very simple to understand once you think about how the locks work, but not thinking about what the lock looks like underneath, I didn't get it. I have a pretty steady footing overall and good awareness of the surface I am walking on, but I do overestimate the space I need to fit through somewhere horizontally and often think I will hit my head while I am rather short and nowhere close to the branch or whatever. I was a natural at horse riding as a kid but riding a bike didn't work out, once time I practiced I could only do a circle and move in circles and once I tried to go straight I hit the wall and didn't try again for years. When I practiced again as an adult, once again, circles were the easiest, while others told me turning and circles are the hardest on a bike. While my spacial awareness seems to lack behind, I also think of a lot of my environment in some sort of shape when I am familiar with my environment. I also don't recognize faces I do not expect at a certain location at first, so I am thinking something about my processing is just a little delayed and filtered weirdly. Back in physics class, I once came up with a formular we did not learn yet from trying to understand the process behind it, I struggled hard to learn it but once it reached me it fell into place. I was sure I was failing the test, just to get praised by the teacher because he said my understanding was advanced.

[@snorlaxgender]

Whenever you show the similarities and inconsistencies between BPD and autism, it soothes my impostor syndrome in such a good way. It wasn't a correct diagnosis for me, but I can see how it was mistaken, and how the same goes for so many people. Thank you for what you do, Meg ❤

[@biscuitwithtea2275]

That comment about „postponing“ a meltdown really hit. Because I used to „breathe the emotions away“ when at school and in public and had a designated „crying time“ in the evening, where I laid down, put on fitting music and let the emotions out. I just kinda unmasked. In retrospect this felt so weird, because I planned it. Like I would think: „Oh okay, so first I feed the bunnies, then I watch the daily news with my parents, then I cry and after that I can watch Netflix.“ (I’m not diagnosed or anything, it just reminded me of when I used to do this)

[@Adam-pk2te]

I'd hypothesize that the reason meltdowns aren't in the DSM is because they can be quite subjective to each of us in terms of trigger and severity. They also probably just wanted to avoid potentially conflating it with generic childhood tantrums as the two are difficult to distinguish for outsiders. Although there's no reason why shutdowns shouldn't be in the DSM

[@Dionaea_M]

But the DSM descriptions are way more subjective and vague

[@miau384]

@@Dionaea_MI mean, you can write special interests more vague as restricted interests with examples. But you can't really write 'reactions to overwhelm can include meltdowns. Meltdowns are either violent, or verbal, or shutdowns, or flight response, or can be masked and not observed at all. Meltdowns means that the autistic person is in overwhelm and can't control behaviours, however, you can often not observe it, because it can be hidden, masked, or just be crying and hiding. Meltdowns are basically every possible fight, flight and freeze response to overwhelm.' That's way more vague.

[@marocat4749]

Also shutdowns should be in it, its probably way more common, due getting less attention.

[@jimwilliams3816]

Yeah, I think that’s basically it. It’s worrh noting that the DSM still does not address emotional dysregulation in ADHD, even though (to quote various experts) ADHD has been recognized for centuries, and emotional dysregulation was always part of it until ADD was added to DSM 2. I’ve heard it theorized that this was because emotions are hard to quantify by observation. They tried to add it to DSM 5, but according to Russell Barkley, were overruled by higher ups who did not want to do anything that would “affect prevalence.” My sense has been that, while there is a lot of handwringing over possible over diagnosis of autism and ADHD, no such concern exists about the potential over diagnosis of BPD and possibly even bipolar.

[@Dionaea_M]

@miau384 I think one of the issues there is exactly relying on what can be seen. A lot of people mask their meltdowns and internalize their crisis turning it into different behaviors. There must be something to the core of it where it's perceptible and common for all autistic people but it's not on the outside. For example the feeling of being socially isolated is one. The pression to function in society, the huge rates of bullying, the fear of being different. Might not be something that EVERYONE experiences, but most of the people who will search for a diagnosis do, because this is why they are there, bcs they are usually in pain.

[@wellthisisembarrassing1242]

A lot of other people have already said it, but I've noticed with both adhd and autism the major criteria seem to be related to what inconveniences other people the most... (hyperactivity and social issues for example) Finally getting diagnosed with one despite never having most of the visible symptoms really put it into stone for me 🙃. I had to frame every issue i knew i had in relation to how it affected other people and my job, not how it was making my life as a whole painfully difficult to navigate

[@mffmoniz2948]

So true.

[@aepigeons9375]

It's probably a bit 'tin-foil hat' of me, but sometimes I wonder if there's a reason some disorders' symptoms can be so vague, even contradictory at times. It's no secret that schoolteachers are overworked and spread too thin, and often, putting the disruptive kids on Ritalin or other ADHD meds is just easier than finding the time and resources to adjust the kids' individual environments and lesson plans. You can't just put a kid on fairly hardcore psych meds without a proper diagnosis, but then, it can be pretty easy to get A diagnosis (if not necessarily the RIGHT diagnosis) when both 'not paying enough attention' (inattention) and 'paying too much attention' (hyperfixation), which are already a bit subjective to begin with, can both be seen as signs of the same disorder.

[@romicor9]

With one notable exception: there was a time in which you had to be a genius (regarding your IQ test results) to be diagnosed with Asperger.

[@salhooper]

I’m diagnosed with BPD but definitely autistic. I’m a perfectionist, mixed with the fact I have an autistic father who used to watch me do things has meant I’m massively triggered by being watched. I can’t handle failure/ always feel like a failure, I find it hard to accept some things are the way they are as I feel they just aren’t right and it makes me angry, I’m often misunderstood when I get upset/ angry, I’ve had eating disorders for most of my life, I burnout far more easily than others around me. My last relationship drained my energy caused me to burnout for about 2 years. I am so clumsy and have never learnt the correct way to tie my shoes, I still do the two loops and tie in a bow method 😂 I have run into a lamppost and broken my nose, I can’t walk in a straight line and I hit myself on the doorframe whenever I leave a room. I find it hard to transition from one thing to another, going to the toilet, getting out of bed, even if I’m lying in a really uncomfortable position, I don’t just move. I stay there until it really hurts and I can’t bear it anymore. Hard relate to this video 🥹

[@clariceramos10]

I was recently diagnosed with Level 1 Autism months ago at 27. I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder & ADHD first. The autistic inertia describes me well. When the object stops moving I usually describe myself as feeling disconnected. I can't tap into my usual skills mentally, like I won't be able to do a cover letter or interview because the flow isn't there. My perfectionism is there & I feel anxious. It's not even a lack of self esteem. It goes beyond procrastination. When the object moves= I feel connected, there is a flow I can mentally tap into those skills and I can feel more creative as well. Creativity isn't the full picture though. Cover letters & interviews I can connect to everything well, my perfectionism is still there, but I am moving. I do have a fear of rejection for sure.

[@janeyannachicken9053]

A meltdown for me is the feeling that, on the inside I am screaming and shrieking and shaking, while on the outside I am desperately trying to calm myself down or find an outlet that isn't actual screaming. During a shutdown I kind of turn into a five year old who only communicates by whispering to mom with her eyes cast down and a desperate need to get out of the situation. I found that moving and exerting force - like going for a bike ride - helps to regulate me during a meltdown. Shutdowns... I sit them out until I can be by myself and recover. Though when I'm really at my limit, after the shutdown there'll be a meltdown. Took me a while to figure that out.

[@JenIsHungry]

I call mine the "internal tantrum". That's just what it feels like, like I'm crying and screaming internally but externally I'm frozen.

[@jessicavigil9144]

This....opened my eyes...I think my teenager is slowly switching to this. Mainly because he's trying to avoid external screaming. I might have to ask him if he wants to go for a walk next time.

[@janeyannachicken9053]

@@jessicavigil9144 Thank you for listening :) I hope it helps your child!

[@mason4615]

My school is considering making a big poster about autism acceptance and my first thought was to use this channel as a idea that can go on it !! 🙂 Also this video is very helpful for me personally

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Aww, that's so sweet! It's lovely that they're doing the poster! 💛

[@mason4615]

​@@imautisticnowwhatThank you, I really love learning stuff about autism and would love to share it to people

[@war-painter]

Some guy made a video about Asperger’s some years ago when my son was in Middle School designed to play to the class. It explained to the classmates re the behavior and what it was (it was called Asperger’s back then). It was kind of cute- “Are all kids with Asperger’s geniuses?” and funny lines like that….But really, until he grew to 6’2”, and the teachers let him hang out in the computer room, the bullying was intense. Back then, it was hard to even find a therapist. I had to do a lot of reading. I’m surprised he turned out to be such a social butterfly, due in part to social skills classes twice a week for FOUR YEARS all through High School. Lots of driving though, and endless waiting.

[@coreference]

Thank you for putting all the resources in the descriptions - I so much appreciate the research that you’re doing and the easy-to-understand format that you’re putting it in. Please, continue the awesome work that you’re doing!

[@elizabethstreit5203]

Hey I just wanted to thank you for these videos. I've just recently started to realize that I might be on the autism spectrum, and I've been watching your videos to help understand that side of myself a bit better. They are SO much easier to understand than the medical language you find in more formal settings. Thanks :)

[@m4rt_]

... I spent a long time picking a favorite color, since I like several colors, but I felt like I needed to find the correct one, the perfect one. This also happens with other things, like books, movies, TV shows, food... I am terrible at picking favorites, since I feel like I need to pick the perfect one.

[@queerqueen098]

This is so relateble!

[@Mjolneri]

It was a revelation to learn that when neurotypicals ask what my favorite anything is, the real question is "What color/tv show/band do you like?". I always tried to pick one single favorite while considering every possible angle.

[@dawnkindnesscountsmost5991]

Oh, I despise "one favorite" questions, because the premise of "one favorite," in my opinion, leaves out _SOOOOO_ many valid choices! Like, one favorite song. There are millions of songs in existence, I like thousands of songs, I love hundreds of songs, and trying to narrow down to even a dozen favorites is nearly impossible, because it leaves out hundreds of valid options! Favorite color- well, for what? I have a favorite color to wear (blush pink/dusty rose), a favorite accent color for my kitchen (cobalt blue, especially glass), a favorite neutral (light grey), and so on.

[@EmeraldAshesAudio]

I just had a conversation with 2 family members (1 diagnosed autistic) & we all agreed that "favorite" questions were the worst because we contain multitudes and you can't get them right, lol.

[@steggopotamus]

My favorite color is "warm colors" and i prefer yellow-orange usually but it get persnickety. Also, It takes me 5 minutes to give the full explanation of favorites in colors lul. The shortest and most specific answer is "yellow-orange usually" I put a lot of work into that answer. But I still can't drop the "usually" no matter how hard I try.

[@dudemetslagroom8065]

i've been burned out for years noww... I'm just so goddamned exhausted all the time and i've really started to struggle more and more wwith even managing to go outside

[@Night7Crawler]

I feel this. It's almost like any potential for human interaction is just exhausting. I used to love walking back the bike trail by my house, but since I've moved back here, I swear the population increased (or tourism did). And everytime there's another person on the trail, it ruins my peaceful walk, because I have to act normal because I'm being observed. I like to be able to just sit in random places when I feel like it, talk to the bugs and animals, make random noises... yknow, be myself lol. I love nature, but sitting in my room is like the only thing that doesn't cause me a meltdown and anxiety.

[@dudemetslagroom8065]

@@Night7Crawler exactly. Iused to do the groceries. Always get big hauls and stuff. Now i can't even get some drinks wwithout getting overstimulated. When the sun shines even a little bit i MUST have my sunglasses. Just walking along the street is a pain due to cars and people existing. I live with my mother who does NOTHING to bother me but simply sharing a room with her as i anxiously anticipate her trying to talk to me is even to much (and i repeat she does nothing to deserve any ire from me. It makes me feel very guilty). Every family gathering is a source for anxiety attacks before i'm even there and afterwards i need 2 days of being comatose in front of my laptop to recover. Literally just existing is becoming to tiresome at this point.

[@scottfw7169]

I hear ya. Still remember when my physician looked at me in 1995 and said "The part of you which processes anything more than the most minimal amount of stress is gone, burned up, burned out, and most likely never coming back." I was only 32.

[@Sad.Purple.unicorn]

Me for the last 3 years

[@helenayamez]

I can relate. The tiredness it causes ceases to become worth the effort. Getting out of the house and living a healthy life is important though, it's just finding a thing you like to do, where and the amount of other people involved. You find this and it can help ground you and bring your equilibrium back.

[@lunadefuego779]

Thx for making these kinds of vids, they make the diffuculties on getting diagnosed more passable and give me some feeling of being accompanied in the process

[@HappyHoney41]

The eye contact thing... Everytime I talk to someone I see my mother's face inches from my face; screaming 'Look at me when I'm talking to you!' Still. Every time I talk to someone. Every time.

[@ZhovtoBlakytniy]

A "fun" part of perfectionism is searching for pure or original forms of things, things that may never had existed or never be able to find because they are absolutely elusive and lost to time.

[@MIOLAZARUS]

Platonic ideals❤

[@user-lr6mk8sx6y]

Hi, can’t wait to watch I am a 16 year old girl in the UK that has started the diagnostic process for Autism and you have really helped me in finding out this stuff about myself, and feeling like it is ok to be yourself :)

[@Selfdestructingwii]

Aayyyy same here. Except the girl part (in terms of identity,anyways) . But other than that, same. Start of last month had a phone triad thing, I forgot the name

[@joyful_tanya]

Absolutely! "Be yourself, because everyone else is already taken"!! This quote blew me away when I first heard it. I hope it encourages you!

[@Skootfairy]

I have been diagnosed with adhd, but also planning to seek autism diagnoses thanks to videos like yours. I live alone 19:07 and it is hard for me to "switch gears" as i call it. Going from eating to cleaning (ie my own dishes) is very difficult. But when im doing dishes, i also vacuum, do the laundry, clean the floors. If it's time to sleep in wanna keep doing research. If it's time to wake up my sleep brain will convince me to fall back asleep. I think that might be like the inertia thing. Sharing some things that have been helping me. I'm still in the middle of my discovery journey so i appreciate tips for living on my own in terms of self care and by extension house management. One thing I have done that feels helpful instead of restrictive, is that I have made the lighting in my house be no blue light after x oclock. I'm talking the whole house is amber lights instead of normal lights. If you dont live alone amber glasses is great. Make sure blue bic pen colour looks black when wearing them. You may wonder what that has to do with me eating and going to the washroom i stead of hyperfocusing, but I argue a big part of the the sensory thing is that we do actively live in a society with more sensory stimulus than ever before in human history.

[@MrBrukmann]

You have helped me so much since I found you shortly ago. I just lost my dream job, due to personality aberrations and a host of compromising Midwestern situations, salved by things you said in this video. I am not saying this with the dread many are facing right now, I will figure things out. One love everybody, there isn't always this conflict. People in the future can live a whole life without violence.

[@lyndallbronkhorst939]

Burnout is such a serious issue. It should definitely be part of the criteria!

[@moonstar_draws6283]

Can you make a video about what happens when you have ADHD and Autism at the same time? As someone with ADHD who is potentially Autistic, it would be super helpful as I haven't really been able to find much online

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

There are at least a couple AutDHD KZbinrs, let me go check their usernames...

[@Yuuteimiya]

I believe The Aspie World shared he's both autistic and adhd

[@ZeonGenesis]

Also interested in this, since Meghan has such intuitive insight into psychology!

[@joannedavies4958]

Check out Purple Ella. I started following them as they have EDS like me. But they have AuDHD too.

[@ronjaj.addams-ramstedt1023]

Yo Samdy Sam Oakwyrm Lyric Rivera, Neurodivergent Rebel I'm pretty sure there are more, but those were easy to find (I cannot remember names to save my life, unfortunately)

[@bradiedean7466]

Congrats on going back to school! If I had to pick a different major than the one I went with (anthropology), it would have been psychology or sociology. I just love learning about what makes people tick and how much diversity there is in the human experience. I'm in grad school for it right now, and am taking some sociology classes, and I've actually noticed what seems to be a disproportionately high amount of neurospicy (coded or diagnosed) people in those classes (usually seems to be between roughly 50-75%) compared to my physical sciences or history classes, where is usually just me and maybe one or two others out of 15-30 students. Idk, I wonder if there's something about being neurodivergent that makes you more curious about why people do or think what they do

[@cowsonzambonis6]

SUCH a good video!! I feel so validated- in my self-diagnosis as well as my lived experiences! THANK YOU for putting together such well-thought out videos ❤️

[@sharxbyte]

I've been considering making a channel about being an extroverted autistic person.

[@tealkerberus748]

The more people talking about autism as autistic people, the less space is left for hostile allistics to talk about us as if we were the problem instead of how they treat us being the problem.

[@Catlily5]

I am an extroverted autistic person! That would be cool!

[@nuitarik]

That would be really interesting. All the autistic people I know are very introverted, which is obviously totally fine, but hard to relate to as an extravert.

[@Catlily5]

@@nuitarik I like introverted people just as much or more than extroverted people.

[@ZeonGenesis]

I personally find there to be a difference between meltdown and panic attack. Meltdown feels like you're a shaken bottle with so much pressure (often mixed with pent up frustration) that needs to erupt out, as if you're exploding with overload, whereas a panic attack is an overwhelming feeling of, well, panic (fear).

[@imautisticnowwhat]

Oh yeah, they're definitely not exactly experience, I agree! But I think it's a good way to think about them - as something uncontrollable rather than just 'bad behaviour' as some do

[@lynnhettrick7588]

I’d agree with this. I’ve had at least a couple of each of those. Meltdowns, for me, were related to being overwhelmed, over-stimulated, and not being able to handle another thing. Panic attacks were high anxiety and hyperventilating and my mind spinning 100 mph. Very nuanced differences.

[@copiouscat]

Id go as far as saying the panic is the feeling of going on a roller coaster ride and that flighty feeling where your heart SINKS when the G force hits but Dragged out longer

[@ACertainMonth]

18:58 not sure if this is a sign of autism or if it’s normal, but the amount of times I have been jumpscared by my mum bringing in dinner when I’m focused on the damn algebra tasks on mathspace is scary 😮

[@makeitwithpam2795]

Back when I still worked, I had to set up my work space so my back was not towards the door, because when I was deep in thought I would jump *every time* someone came up behind me and said something, which my supervisor interpreted as me feeling guilty for doing something that I should not have been doing. I would sit in weird twisted ways so I was at least sideways to the door, and often had a little mirror on my desk so I could catch signs of movement of someone coming up behind me.

[@niki1321]

Thank you for this vid! I have an assessment scheduled in a couple weeks and like you said, I was one of the people who sought it out because of how it impacted my everyday life - mainly causing issues with my job. I didn’t know about autistic burnout until I came across your channel and I think it may be something that’s affected me since college, but it’s always been brushed off as depression and anxiety. I’m actively taking notes to prepare myself for my assessment 😊

[@teawitched]

as a teen i thought i had BPD bc of my frequent meltdowns, but as an adult i don't fit that profile anymore (i think it was due to being in a dysfunctional home). i still get meltdowns from time to time, but they're not violent anymore, more like a panic attack or intense crying. a lot of the time i am unable to speak to share my feelings with others during this, too ps: i love ur red plumbob earrings

[@lovelyxrosez6589]

3:49, Oh my goodness this quote of always wanting to find the "right" answer and always seeking perfectionism is ME. I was never able to really articulate this feeling until you/this study described it, but inside my head, whenever I'm thinking or overanalyzing a situation/social experience I've had, I'm want to always find the "right answer" the one that will make me feel at peace. I try to think of every single possibility i can to keep myself in check to make sure that I'm not missing something in order to make sure what I conclude is correct. It's exhausting. To give an example, I often do this when im thinking about a social situation where I'm not sure if the way I behaved was correct or not. I'll try to think about my feelings at that time, then ill be thinking if those feelings are even correct, then ill start thinking about the other person's actions during the situation, and even go as far as to think about reasons the person could of acted the way they did. Whenever I want to make a conclusion about a situation to stop dwelling on it, I fear that I may of missed a factor and I, in the end, didn't think of the right answer/the right way to feel. This is the mental turmoil I often face and it can be so tiring!! I'm glad to know it's just apart of my autistic experience though.

[@Asptuber]

I've been fighting this tendency since forever (or it feels like it). Weirdly enough one thing that really helped me was a maths class in school when I was maybe 12 or 14. This class was about strategies to guesstimate answers, and how you can use this to quickly check you answers. What's this got to do with anything? This one hour of school introduced me to the concept of "good enough", and in a very thorough way. It explained WHY "good enough" or "near enough" is so useful, and therefore GOOD (rather than "almost there" or "close but not quite"). One could say that it happened to coincide with exactly the right developmental stage for me - I was ready to take on board a utilitarian approach, and break free (a bit) of right/wrong. Though wrt social skills it still took a decade or more before I really could internalise this "good enough" philosophy. (Various basic things from communication theory really helped in my later teens.)

[@Emnms68]

For me, my perfectionism is from thinking that I have to try extra hard to be as good as possible because my best is most people’s baseline. I think it might be partly from having an older sister who only tries things she knows she will be good at, so growing up she just seemed naturally amazing at everything she did.

[@bluexroses414]

We just figured out my dad is autistic (no formal diagnostic but... he definitely is), and the bit about dispraxia rings so true! If I had a nickel for every time I thought "why is he holding the [spoon, scissors, etc] like that??" I'd have SO MANY NICKELS. Personally I don't relate to most autism/ADHD symptoms, but I probably have some executive dysfunction issues and the hyperfocus and inertia is what first clued me into it

[@m4rt_]

I too hate being watched while working on something, since I want to show it when it is good, and it's not good yet when I am working on it, and I am terrified of what people will think of it when I turn it in.

[@ZeonGenesis]

Very good points. If doctors considered these 'symptoms', they would catch way more autistic people, and indeed the high-masking ones that often go under the radar, particularly women. The DSM-V is just kinda shite, to be honest. I also find something wrong with autism being defined as a social communication disorder. It's very much from the perspective of a puzzled NT who has no idea how our brains function. There needs to be way more about the way we think, experience the world, etc., and also the variety of it, since autistic people can experience either hypo-sensitivity, hyper-sensitivity, those two interchangeably, and just a mix of them in various areas. Usually symptoms are defined by what NTs notice sticks out from themselves the most, and that just seems wrong. I really enjoy your psychological analyses a lot (special interest), thanks for these videos!

[@frigginsane]

Theory (made by myself, an autistic person) based on your video: Maybe autism is 'caused' by being traumatized for failing to respond 'appropriately' (according to societal norms) in which the autistic has a delayed response due to neurology or some other form of muscle/action impairment/condition/difference which interfered with the autistic person's ability to perform the expected action in response to the other people around them.... This theory would line up with my life for sure. So far across my 46 years of living life, I never met an untraumatized autistic person. ... My impairments (not counting autism) would be dyspraxia, bi-polar, hypersensitivities to light/sound, and another undx'd condition I'm 99.9% sure I have, is a little known condition called "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome" which has a negative impact on my quality of sleep across my whole life. Elaborating about Alice in wonderland Syndrome: Since I was two, to present day, I find I may hallucinate/have visual/perception distortions when I have been laying flat on my back... I had a severely strong episode of this distortion that lasted over 6 days last month, where I was even taken to the ER for overnight observation... I have almost no recollection of the ambulance rides (plural, I had to be relocated after the first ER did not have the facilities needed for my condition). I remember my visual distortions when I was two, very scary to watch the room shrink and grow, unaware I simply needed to adjust my sleeping position to resolve the illusion. Standard hospital beds and positions further aggrivated my condition, they kept having me in that lying flat on my back pose, I couldnt get out of that state until i was moved around a bit, woke up in the MRI machine of all places. I suspect I was pulled out of my hallucinatory state when they had to turn me sideways to lift me up to have me moved into a position for the MRI machine. All I needed was to not be laid flat. I wish more doctors were aware of this condition instead of mislabeling me hostile... in the hallucination, I thought I was dead and/or dreaming. I had genuinely thought I was dead from a nuclear bomb, and felt like the hospital environments was me in the body of Deadpool in some kinda mental hell. For almost a week, I was 'out-of-it' last month (Feb 2024) until someone tilted me out of the flat position. I may also have EDS and/or Chrons in which doctors are failing to comprehend I'm not just simply constipated. For most of my 'conditions' I am not able to afford/obtain dx safely, due to being too poor and too ... um... HATED by general populations, including medical professionals, refusing to "deal with" me, when what I see/hear is their ignorance and misjudgement of my intents. Mislabeled hostile so many times, when I'm not wanting to hurt anyone. The ignorance and misconceptions are interfering with me living a life where I'm not constantly in survival mode.

[@makeitwithpam2795]

I remember when I was about four, commonly feeling like I had a giant head and a tiny body just before falling asleep. Sometimes it would be a tiny head and a giant body. When I was five, I realized that the sensations could switch, which really felt odd! The room would change while my body changed, too. Is this what you mean by Alice in Wonderland syndrome? I still get it sometimes, but not every night like I did as a child.

[@frigginsane]

@@makeitwithpam2795 Yeah, you describe some of the feelings I sometimes have too. Alice in wonderland Syndrome, a friend of mine told me there was a name for these feelings.

[@Evoleaper]

I'm one of those that internalized everything. My family is super religious and I'm the firstborn. I feel tremendous pressure from My family, especially now that I've turned from the belief. My home was not violent at all, but I never felt safe enough to speak. That went on for 25 years. I'm terrified of the fight I could cause, the pain I would feel and cause others, and the broken relationship with My family. I probably need therapy

[@simpzjeb]

Recently I started thinking that I might have ADHD, maybe also autism but I'm not sure I need to go and get tested for that. And your videos help, like a LOT. Also I cant believe I'm this early. Like wow

[@agoodwasteoftime]

I think everyone has different parts of autism that they find the most disabling part. For me the most disabling part of my presentation of autism is communication. I just really really struggle with verbal communication and interacting with others, and its incredibly disabling for me, and on the other hand i don't really struggle with meltdowns or inertia as much. I think the key thing to know about the DSM is that it seeks to summarise all traits of autism in these umbrella sections, within which the more specific traits of autism can fit in. Perhaps they need to give some more examples within their listed traits, cause most doctors don't seem to be able to work out what fits in them and what doesn't lol.

[@Catlily5]

I couldn't figure out if the criteria fit me. Granted I am not a doctor.

[@fluxish]

just got diagnosed, and it is all thanks to your channel! thank you, i wouldn't have known without your confirmation and i appreciate it a lot!

[@serenediipity]

"it can be difficult to see a real person" summarizes so much of the dsm/icd guidelines

[@reddenedone7270]

For me, it was the tie of the physical symptoms with the mental. Seeing one doctor for mental troubles and having my physical symptoms be just "odd" to my doctor. Needing to get both of my doctors together before they agreed with me about this being plausible. Forums clued me in on a lot of shared experiences - the vivid, one after the other nightmares/dreams during all sleep times. Increased REM cycles compared to others, sometimes 2 or 3x the amount of cycles. waking directly out of REM. Random nerve pains, sharp pains that last 2-5 seconds. Twitching hard when falling into sleep. Headaches, meltdowns, inability to regulate body temperature. Perfectionism is unbearable. It feels like I will be dragged out into the street and murdered for the most minor failures. Being the best came with too much attention, so I always aimed for my version of good enough... Depression, anxiety, body flushing, etc. all of these symptoms align with ASD... and only bits of them fall into other categories. A build up and burn out cycle. Inability to express emotions during times of stress and then a random thing weeks later can cause a meltdown that brings it all flooding in. Blazing through work tasks for 2 weeks and an inability to think or problem solve for the following week. Being a genius one moment and staring blankly for 5-10 minutes after.

[@Night7Crawler]

I had constant nightmares and intense dreams, waking up constantly, anywhere from 10 minutes to an hour. Got medical marijuana, and I know it's controversial, but it's helped me be able to sleep at least 4 or 5 hours before waking, with far fewer dreams/nightmares. Just wanted to share what worked for me for sleep, because I know none of the pills did.

[@Night7Crawler]

If only I could figure out a way to remedy the headaches and regulate body temperature. I had been going to the doctor for years, thinking I had some sort of serious chronic illness. Chest pains, severe headaches, overheating or freezing, out of breath or hyperventilating. But when I stay home all day and don't interact with anyone, I'm fine. Learned that after moving back home. But as soon as I go to work and start interacting with people, I ultimately feel sick and like I'm going to have a meltdown.

[@reddenedone7270]

@@Night7Crawler I feel like the cannabis helps me get to sleep - which is usually, basically, a fear of falling asleep. But it doesn't stop me from dreaming. I absolutely do stay asleep longer. No more hourly wake ups. But I also feel locked into my dreams longer. I have 2 a night now, average, instead of the previous 5-8. Your point on fewer dreams is true. I just feel they are longer dreams in my case :D. Thank you for relating on the dreams!

[@reddenedone7270]

@@Night7Crawler Only thing that helps me with being HOT is having bare feet. My feet in their default state are ice cold. I allow this to continue in order to keep the rest of my body cool, maybe the sensation of cold there interferes with the hot sensations elsewhere. I cannot sweat. I cannot sleep anymore with blankets. if I get too cold, it does seem like it takes an eternity for me to warm back up. Headaches... magnesium helps me a lot with this. At least, it helps with the length of the headache.

[@Catlily5]

Some of your physical symptoms sound like POTS which is more common in autistic women (and occasionally men).

[@jmgajda8071]

Biochemist and genetic genealogist here, with a long standing family history of both Autism and ADHD (17% of each for related individuals on my mother's side). I know for a fact that it's linked to a rare chromosomal anomaly in my family but I was very surprised to find a small group of distantly related individuals who only share this particular stretch of DNA and I think has easily been passed down for at least ten generations. This has caused me to hypothesize that both Autism and ADHD are actually the same disorder and will eventually be merged into one diagnosis with subtypes based on primary symptoms, level of support needed, and ability to mask, as well as which particular areas of life are most affected. I also know as a biochemist that there's no way such a large stretch of DNA has been passed on virtually unchanged for this long without there being genes that are highly beneficial which I think is very interesting. I, myself, have ADHD and one of my daughters has AuDHD, so I've been finding this content quite fascinating!

[@faeriesmak]

Mine is highly hereditary as well. I can look back with the knowledge that I now have and see it in many, many generations of many relatives. It’s fascinating.

[@jamesphillips2285]

My theory is that autistic people are selected for to keep society from collapsing when the power goes to allistic people's heads. Allistic people worry a lot more about social hierarchies. This has the benefit of allowing larger group sizes. But when the person in charge starts going [down] a destructive path: people who don't care about the social rules need to step in and speak up.

[@FoxxyCandyFloss]

I literally cried watching this video because you've literally just described me and now things make so much more sense. I'm so glad I found your channel!

[@kellyschroeder7437]

It breaks my heart that it went on and on in me and went unseen and undiagnosed until a year ago. Extra sadness that doc doesn’t necessarily believe it is a reality in my life …..💔😥

[@futurespin]

I would shutdown and withdraw in a toxic relationship but if my kids came to me I would still smile at them and give them little hugs. They would draw for me and write little love notes ❤

[@paulfitzpatrick6566]

Me too, had 2 toxic relationships, the ex wife whom I met at age 18 & lived with for 3 years, left her at age 22, married all future r/ships but hey 👋 ho 😃 People require too much input tbh, had plenty of lady interest cos I’m so outspoken ( Sigma INFJ ) & they so they tell me love 🧡 my quirky soh. For me, R/Ships are over rated 😆 😃👍

[@futurespin]

@@paulfitzpatrick6566 I'm an INTP apparently a rare personality, I've only met one other and we were like twins mostly. As for relationships I ain't interested in physical only the amusing company of my boo. 🤣

[@ZeonGenesis]

You know, I also feel like perfectionism is what makes me feel like I lack a 'manual' in life. It's like I think that there must be these perfectly thought out answers to why everyone does what they do or why something's done or made a certain way, but I've only just recently realized in my adultlife that nobody knows wtf they're doing and that everyone just kinda goes with whatever works. That has blown me away. Assuming I don't know the rules makes me feel very anxious and why I feel like I can't do anything until I know EXACTLY how it must be done or what is expected 100%. I have to catch myself thinking this ALL the time and then realizing, that, oh wait, right, nobody fricking knows, they just wing it. I just can't fathom how they do that without a meltdown, lol.

[@HappyHoney41]

I was diagnosed as a child, I'm 60+ now. I was not told, because they didn't want me to limit myself by having the 'label'. I've also got dyspraxia. I was not told, so I never got any accomodations or help in life, after leaving home. The focus was on teaching me to move and act like NT's. It was so hard to go through life without knowing. I'm not surprised so many decide to not deal with it all, and end it. Don't keep it a secret from us. It's too much a struggle to do it blindly.

[@Coss122]

This is connecting SO MANY dots for me. I've long suspected that I might be autistic, but I've been so high-masking for so long that I feel like people wouldn't take me seriously if I were to reach out for help.

[@selecttravelvacations7472]

Find a skilled therapist. They will help you find out. If it’s not that, you can deal with what it is. If it’s connecting so many dots for you, that’s a major, revelatory statement. Listen to yourself.

[@sabinajoh]

The perfectionism and artificial social pressure to be perfect was/is my most visible trait! If that was included I would’ve gotten evaluated while still in school!

[@tinkrtailr]

My meltdowns aren't nearly as bad as they used to be. Of course, this is thanks to my CPTSD to my own anger so now if I get too angry I just immediately switch to a sobbing anxiety attack. Edit: also, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder Type 2 twelve years ago and the medications for it have fundamentally changed my life for the better. I am both Bipolar and have AuDHD. Bipolar comes with a variety of other symptoms, and if someone is diagnosing you with it just because of sudden explosions of anger then you need to see someone else to get a proper diagnosis. Other Bipolar symptoms include: mood swings, hpyomania/mania, depression, paranoia, hyper sexuality, and can include hallucinations in Type 1.

[@KattoTang]

Also bipolar AuDHD here, and yeah. Mistaking other things for bipolar is so wild to me, since I'm pretty sure you have to have experienced mania or hypomania for bipolar disorder to even be considered? The hypomania I experience is very distinct from anything else in my life, I know that much.

[@Catlily5]

I am bipolar and autistic also. I thought it was strange to misdiagnose autism as bipolar as well. Hypomania and mania seem different to anything autistic. Hyperfocus might look similar to hypomania if they didn't take mood into account. But bipolar is a MOOD disorder. Strange. BPD (Borderline) is a more understandable misdiagnosis. Especially if someone has trauma and autism.

[@eltoro92630]

Mental health clinician here. There is so much that I could say about the DSM. So, so, so very much. Many of us in the MH field expect it to go away eventually. Here in the U.S., we make our diagnoses using the DSM, but then have to convert a DSM dx to ICD in order to bill...begging the question, why don't we start and end with the ICD? But in re symptom overlap between diagnoses, it's almost never one symptom, but a constellation of symptoms, with various thresholds in various categories, depending. A good clinician will look at the differential diagnoses listed, and if the choice isn't clear, you do a staff consult or in supervision. Any many times a dx will change as a case unfolds, or you might inherit a patient, look at their diagnoses, and wonder of the previous therapist/psychologist/psychiatric provider, what they hell were they thinking? Lovely channel, you're educating the community and the world beyond, keep it up.

[@readingroomcafeproject]

The not wanting to go to the toilet because it interrupts thing is a massive one for me. my partner occasionally prompts me. literally this conversation last night: "Emma, do you need a wee?" "Yes." "then go." "BUT I DON'T WANT TO!" "I know. but you still have to go."

[@landetinuti758]

The part about picking out clothes for your son and that there are no right answers is exactly how perfectionism works when we have this signal to noise ratio that plays on so many aspects that we find meaningful. I will often approach work that has systems that I do not understand and spend excessive amounts of time trying to adapt it to my own systematic thinking BECAUSE I try to be perfectionist about it but I find it incredibly difficult to follow other’s rules and routines.

[@SeeAndDreamify]

Hmm, it does seem wrong that social deficits are required to get the diagnosis. I don't really think I have direct social deficits. I have indirect ones, I can't maintain friendships because there just isn't enough energy for that for example. With how imprecise the diagnosing process is, that was apparently enough to qualify as having social deficits though.

[@lellachu1682]

I've been diagnosed with ADHD and this describes me well. I don't have overt social deficits, but I don't have the energy to maintain friendships unless highly motivated.

[@wendydomino]

I was viciously tortured by my second grade teacher. She'd come up with an excuse every day to hit me with a thick ruler on my butt and I'm not sure why I was targeted. I may have spoken too directly sometimes or things like that. One time I colored a drawing of a girl with blue hair and she ripped it up in front of me because people don't have blue hair. She was really mad at me when other kids would come up to ask me to help them with spelling things or ask me questions about things instead of her because I was really gifted academically. I think that's what set her off at the beginning and then after that she'd just come up with excuses to hit me. She started out smacking my hand with a regular ruler to the point where I had pains in my hand even when I went home and I'd complain to my mom that my hand hurt but my mom didn't know why. Then this teacher started hitting me on my butt with a big thick three sided wooden ruler that was shaped like a scalar ruler. It was more like a big club than a ruler. It hurt so much. Just extremely intense pain. On a daily basis. I didn't even have to do anything wrong to get hurt. She'd just accuse me of doing something wrong. She'd catch me looking out the window, or moving around too much, or my direct answers to her questions might have come off as disrespectful, or whatever other excuse she could use to come after me. I'm in therapy for the trauma this woman caused me right now. I never felt safe and I was constantly scared and trying to be as good as possible so she wouldn't hurt me but I could never be good enough for her. I really started to think I was a bad kid because otherwise why would she constantly be spanking me? I think this contributed to my developing perfectionism and OCD.

[@feasterfamine836]

As someone that tests as distinctly autistic, I think it’s interesting to note that I started life as a perfectionist but my experience in woodworking and coding eventually caused my focus to shift from perfectionism to consistent improvement. This has had a profoundly positive affect on my mental health and productivity. Surprisingly (to me), I still appear to be a perfectionist to casual observers.

[@cpottervlog8122]

I internalized everything when I was a kid. Still do to an extent. I was in constant statue mode but somewhat mobile

[@lesliewit]

I struggle to support CHILD clients with a diagnosis, so I can't imagine the struggle that adults go through. I'm dealing with a situation now where Autism was ruled out by a speech path (which apparently some can do in the US) primarily because the child had no speech issues and could make eye contact. Like, my son NEVER struggled to tell me EXACTLY how he feels and make eye contact all the time! In the meantime this little one is putting the headphones on herself, having regular melt downs, displaying a bit of demand performance, and sometime self harming. There was no parent assessment or teacher, OR childcare provider assessment. 🙃 It's the Wild West in this country.🏇🏾

[@martinmckee5333]

I sometimes think the fact that I am autistic (undiagnosed at the time) made it easier when I worked with diagnosed students. It seems easy for some people to become crippled by the letter of the criteria and miss the holistic experience of the person - at least when they don't have similar experience.

[@zekova]

Ugh, shit like that is why I'm so afraid to seek a diagnosis 😭🫠

[@Farren246]

Thanks again for another helpful video. I also went from needing to be perfect in High School and University to burning out and getting lots of F- grades at the end of my first semester and being kicked out of school, also at age 17! At no point did I ever make any connection to mental health, I just assumed I wasn't good enough and destined for failure in life. It certainly didn't help that I was doing more studying than ever before, and all of my family blamed my slipping performance on not doing enough... leading me to double down, get more stressed, and slip further into the burnout and depression hole. Took a long time to get past it and get an education, though I still experience burnout at work which is worse because it adds anxiety of not performing when you desperately need to perform, and can't just tell the boss "sorry I'm not able to be useful today."

[@DaveTheGM]

I believe perfectionism is a struggle for me as well, I threw away a dust mop head that I wasn't supposed to yesterday. I went home thinking about it, depressed and feeling like a failure. I went to sleep thinking about it and woke up this morning thinking about it.

[@tisamimara9456]

I've been watching a lot of your videos the last couple of days and I just wanna say: Thank you! Since I was a little child I always thought literally everything about me must be wrong because the whole world seemed to reject me, starting with the fellow kindergarden kids at the age of 3. My former therapist said he suspects me to be autistic about year ago, but I was kinda okay at the time so I didn't pursue it. Since it's getting worse again I decided to dive into the issue and found your channel. I can so heavily relate to a lot of things you explain and the storys you share. Your videos really helped me to understand what might be going on, so I got a psychiatrist appointment to check it out. This is the first time I don't feel like an abnormality or alien anymore. I don't know how I feel aboout that yet but I have real hope that it might get better. So, TLDR: thank you and keep up the great content!

[@bvf8611]

Has anybody ever felt like not having strong enough instincts? Like if that were the reason for masking, which is actually a way of having learned how to behave in situations where normies naturally, instinctually feel it?

[@Ethan13371]

I feel like a lack of intuition or “sixth sense” for things is the primary reason for internally (or externally) systematizing many of the things we do (at least in my case)

[@Elora445]

No, rather the other way around. My instincts seems to be on high alert all the time.

[@frigginsane]

7:29 Oh oh I LOATHE being interrupted. My CORE TRAUMA when I was two... I was interrupted, and suddenly punished for whatever I was doing that my parents felt was "wrong". What I was doing was playing with my toys in the middle of the night (sensory aversion, hell yes, I sure was, the bright lights, the demands/expectations to get up and walk that was painful when I fell) I was two, not yet speaking, I remember visuals and feeling very well, but cant remember a damn word, but I remember what I felt, what I wanted, what I saw, and they took my favorite toy away, later saying I didnt understand consequences, when I very well knew, angry parent = I lose joy. Yeah well I guess my awareness of consequences didnt travel very far, nor did my awareness circle (at the time I was two was like 3 feet in front of me at the time), and my parents were angry I wasnt considering their feelings. I WAS TWO. dammit (1979). Even now I am not very well aware of how other people would feel reading this comment. Not that I dont care (I care about everyone not being hurt) but because I tried so hard so long ago to be considerate of everyone for decades ..... I lost myself in the process of trying to avoid punishments and angry people.... I settled on: You like or you hate, I am not, nor ever will be, the one to make that decision (deciding if you love or hate me) for you. I'll get punished regardless, cause people are going to think whatever BS they wanna think to kick me to the curb or deny me something I wanted, because they wanted to beat down on someone, and I end up being scapegoated often, so here, me, all my unrestricted blathering, because I have hope that some small sliver of humanity exists out there that my comment might be helpful somehow, somewhere, in this hopeless life I would not wish for anyone to experience. I like to story share. That is why I say anything at all anymore. I like to share. I learned to talk when I was a kid because I wanted to ask for my damned toy back. They lied about giving it back, they lied. I know exactly where it is, right now, 44 years later.... It will still be there in that hole in the kitchen corner if nobody has torn apart that old house yet. Different minds indeed. I seem to excell in areas that are not well-to-do according to social /norms/ (or whatever society calls that thing I cant get along well with most of the time). Sincerely, A 46 year old autistic here with undiagnosable form of PTSD. P.S. PTSD undiagnosed because... because... 3 years and several thousand dollars not enough money to get this trauma (and it's detrimental reflexes which impair my life every second of everyday even now) diagnosed/recognized for dictation upon official documents... damn Amaerica not recognizing cPTSD yet, even now. Maybe someday. Also, nobody ever made sense to the ideaology we should not "share" like seriously, I have asked so much and so often to so many people, nobody has ever made anything of that "you shared too much" make any sense, other than someone else's persona annoyance... TL;DR: To read or not to read, this is your choice. I aint forcing you.

[@tealkerberus748]

Speaking of things that are perfect, the silver glitter in your hair is gorgeous. Kudos!

[@Cuchilain]

The reason that i think i might be autistic is that i was told by several people in the last ten years. . .but then when i looked into it i found that a lot of traits applied to me when i was younger. A lot of stuff i learned to hide or control. Im 41 now, and when i was 30-35, i just gave up. I spent 40 years and 20 years at work, learning to play a game i despise, and losing that game with no clue why. I played by the rules they set and dont follow, but im the one always losing. I couldnt keep pretending and going along with everyone else who will just lie with a smile, steal your wallet, and tell you how crazy you are. Some of my old behaviors started coming back as i spent more and more time alone, but it felt like i was being childish because this is old behavior that made me comfortable.

[@heartsfqe]

so ive been watching your videos for 6 months now i think & i started noticing that i related a lot to all the stuff that you’d talk about. i started doing some more research & after awhile i reached out to a professional (my psychologist). we talked about it & did some tests. turns out im autistic! I’m really grateful for your videos because you’re the reason i found out about my autism! thank you for making these videos 💗

[@alicecolton3305]

Thanks so much for this video, myself and my therapist both think I am autistic and my mouth dropped open when you described your autistic burnout and catatonia. I had a very similar experience in college when I’d left secondary school and done my GCSE’s, it was like I had nothing else to give. I missed so much college and I watched perks of being a wallflower every day (sometimes twice) as I couldn’t take in anything new. I also vividly remember being a 5 minute walk from my house and asking my parents to come pick me up in the car because I physically could not move my legs and walk home. This has really opened my eyes and I think I am going to pursue a diagnosis. Thank you again!!!