6 Reasons Highly Intelligent People Struggle Finding Love

[@Psych2go]

Which anime is your fav? Mine is Jujutsu Kaisen!

[@imyarek]

Anime is for people with low IQ who can't comprehend good movies or books.

[@corvanphoenix]

I generally find the limited character tropes present in most Japanese media, boring. Not to mention the cultural conservatism & generally basic gender roles.

[@moseslalmuanpuia8988]

​@@corvanphoenixIn other words you like western woke culture

[@corvanphoenix]

@@moseslalmuanpuia8988 Not at all what I was saying, but as this is a forum for highly intelligent people, that should be assumed.

[@noumanahmad308]

Naruto

[@ShaddyRaddy]

Finding someone who is emotionally intelligent secured and not manipulative is the real challenge.

[@balsamon69]

Bigger challenge is making them actually love you

[@doctorsketch7476]

true

[@deltacharlieecho4732]

There’s no such thing as emotional intelligence. There’s emotional competence, but emotional intelligence doesn’t exist.

[@TheGoodVibez_Squad]

Not to flex or sound like that but I am. LOL..

[@LazyBastard69]

@@balsamon69 Thinking about it less in terms of making them love you, and more in terms of making already existing love deeper could help you.

[@jonathanbrooks1857]

"The intelligent person understands that their happiness is their own responsibility, not their partners" nailed it.

[@Komodo...]

So true

[@innoxent_poonam2630]

True

[@luisvelasquez4368]

True

[@vhyu9040]

True so I’m intelligent

[@confusedcat9674]

@@vhyu9040 your other half feel kinda out of place but suit yourself

[@indomee4742]

0:45 they overthink 1:49 they love their indepentence 2:33 they prioritize their job 3:11 they have high standards 3:44 they think with their head,not their gut 4:27 they are single by choice Waiting for the right one is way better than risking your peace of mind❤

[@indomee4742]

@Utb00 007 😻

[@stephanc6138]

well...there are no brains in the gut....

[@MaxPaxy]

There's really no "right one", because it would imply that there's only ONE person you can be with. There are millions of people like that, problem is that they are scattered around the world and super hard and rare to find in this society (especially with Instagram making unrealistic expectations and Tiktok ruining some parts of mental health lol).

[@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314]

You are sooo right

[@madhvishukla4332]

Thank you

[@guitaro5000]

Something worth pointing out: The socially awkward smart guy trope is not representative of all high IQ people. There are those who are socially graceful, not syper analytical, and easily find love. They just happen to be extremely smart. They may leverage their intelligence to figure out how to thrive socially. The awkward smart guy trope is inspired by high iq people who apply their intelligence in non social pursuits, like the hard sciences. Thus, high iq is not synonomous with issues socializing, just that those who are that way are over represented in the high iq conversation.

[@Forgottenace9]

"not super analytical" I don't think anyone intelligent is like that. Intelligent people tend to think about everything all the time, that's just their passion and it's good for brains

[@SpaceDisco1]

Eh, disagree. Intelligent people are always thinking about SOMETHING, that's for sure. But definitely NOT always thinking about EVERYTHING. Some of the smartest people I've got to known were people that could actively decide when to apply analytical thinking. Trying to consider everything all the time is just inefficient. With good pattern recognition skills (which smart people usually also have) it also becomes unnecessary. The mark of true intelligence is the ability to figure out WHAT warrants active thinking. Not just trying to think about everything all the time.

[@harshpandya4357]

One size fits one. Intelligence is a spectrum. Thinking is just one factor to measure IQ(which we will never be able to truly measure). Someone you know is just mesmerizing with cooking or drawing or making music, would you not call that person a genius if they are world class at what they do? There is obviously no assurance that the same person may hold a good conversation or even have the same views. There is obviously so many scenarios you can play out with different people in different fields and the only conclusion that comes after this, in regards to the topic of love is that its a choice and not a feeling.

[@sz9443]

Not super analytical = not high IQ 😂 you can’t be an athlete without continuous training 😂😂

[@guitaro5000]

@@sz9443 having a high IQ has a lot more to do with genetics than training. Some people are born with great genetics for sports, but simply don't have the interest in pursuing it. I know guys who stay lean and strong despite only casually training, and they can do all kinds of physical feats with ease in their spare time. These people are gifted. But no plans to train hard or do anything professional with it. Same with brilliant people who have potential but don't have the interest. They might score well on an IQ test despite never pursuing typical high IQ activities. I have a friend who can outsmart anyone I personally know. But most of his time is spent at bars drinking with friends and snowboarding in the winter. He went to business school in his 40s on a whim, aced the whole thing, graduated, and went back to the bars. Doesn't even use his degree. Very social and charismatic guy. He just wants to party.

[@MetalHeadbanger7]

7. Highly intelligent people are much more aware of possible consequences when a relationship turns sour and often find that it's not worth the risk.

[@AnonYmous-spyonmepls]

8. People are boring, social patterns are always the same. People talking to me makes me want to fall asleep half the time. General question general answer, repeat. Nothing counterintuitive to be found there.

[@Lavrec]

@@AnonYmous-spyonmepls Find people that are not boring, yes they exist :p

[@AnonYmous-spyonmepls]

@@Lavrec True, but the odds of that are extremely low. Most gifted people study and work all the time. They produce extremely good results and often get opportunities taking them around the world, so even if you find someone the odds of anything that lasts is low, on top that you may want different things to begin with, usually neither of you wants to compromise their goals. Then there is the problem with age differences, I usually don't care, but a 4-5 year age difference is likely to break people up, because of kids someone either already has kids or wants kids while the other person has it different. These are just some issues, that are likely to come up. On top of this, you are already limited to a small fraction of the population. So even if you optimize your search, the odds are quite terrible. This is not about wanting perfect, just anything that has the potential to last. I would calculate the exact odds, but I don't think knowing that is going to help.

[@Lavrec]

@@AnonYmous-spyonmepls I dont think you can calculate that anyway, yeah thats why we say someone can have bad or good luck in love, the possibilty of finding perfect partner for them to tell you that they dont want kids or something thats exact opposite from what you want is a bit terryfying. I obviously agree the odds are low, i just may have too high of a standard myself wchich i know is wrong but its very hard to get rid of

[@tulipmars]

LITERALLY

[@Embeeech]

This is painfully accurate. I’m not claiming to be overly intelligent or anything, but after years of psychological growth, hard truths and life experience, I have set almost impossibly high standards for both dating and friendships. I’m very kind and friendly with everyone I cross paths with but it’s been very difficult to find “close” friends and partners that I actually trust with all of my personal growth and knowledge. I will always prefer being solo over settling for someone/something that doesn’t feel right, though. Single by choice for now and loving it. ❤️ (loved this video btw!)

[@anica7438]

same here- lets hope we find love. Someday. ❤

[@CandyHatsuneWolff]

Sorry to call you out, but downplaying your own intelligence is sus. 🤣 I'd suspect you are quite smart. ❤️

[@Lucky-vu6hw]

Same story and same traits bro ✨

[@solonada9602]

@@CandyHatsuneWolff The averagely intelligent man can also underestimate his intelligence, just as how someone with an IQ of, for instance 130, can be complacent enough to hold the belief that he is Albert Einstein. The truth is that an average level of intelligence, or any other level downwards, does not always act as an immunity shield from the waves of intellectual underestimation, just as high intelligence does not always preclude the effects of overconfidence.

[@nenmaster5218]

I cant bring myself to Respect this KZbinr here, ever since they f-cked-up-so-hard-im-still-in-shock.

[@lyndonlives638]

I think all of this gets even harder when the intelligent person has never had the good fortune of personally experiencing a good relationship previously. Then they're much less likely to even feel motivated to pursue one at all, especially as they get older.

[@jakovbrkic3716]

I can relate to this.

[@aves.]

very true.

[@luisvelasquez4368]

yeah

[@jfaustin1742]

I still would like

[@treehouseconstituents6402]

Maybe. My IQ was scored very high as a child in school. I don't like quoting it much because they're all perceptually scored tests. Either way I struggle with relationships because I can't communicate with someone the way I'd prefer. I'd like to talk philosophy and solutions to serious issues Instead of the Kardashians. And the women who want to discuss the same things I do, are academic and proper while I'm a tattooed jokester. I attract Kardashian like simpletons while dreaming of the librarian who can school me in a wise debate.

[@fokhack4868]

I was called stupid in 6 ways

[@ChristianDall-p2j]

No, just not intelligent! 1st answer!

[@Willowy13]

😂😂😂😂😂😂

[@analisantos3207]

Don't think that. This video is highly simplified. Emotional vulnerability can be a choice. What this video fails to represent is that intellectual and emotional intelligence may or may not go hand-in-hand. The intelligent person in the video is intellectually intelligent but not emotionally intelligent. They aren't able to be vulnerable because their intellect is all they can rely upon and they are otherwise insecure. I have been with some very smart men. I consider myself to be a smart woman. None of these applied really because we all knew that love does come first and there is something much more unique about love and relationships than fulfilling goals such as delivering a thesis. No-one on their death bed ever said "I wish I had delivered my thesis earlier". If intelligence turns you on, go and find someone who is intelligent but also vulnerable enough to depend on you a bit. Don't go away from a KZbin video thinking you are not worthy of someone smart. Good luck and have a great day!

[@MarcelDietz-h6s]

Just mentally challenged

[@ShubhamKumar-gd4sn]

Same bro

[@Jerry.anthony.c]

0:48 - 1. They Overthink 1:50 - 2. Love their independence 2:35 - 3. Prioritize their goals 3:12 - 4. Have high standards 3:28 - Pretty strong boundaries. 3:44 - 5. Think with head not guts 4:28 - 6. Single by choice

[@yrden99]

I match all those points. And let me add another : 7. gave up as the dating scene is a massive clusterfuck full of entitled spoiled promiscuous brats not worth our time, money and energy.

[@glowshine8102]

Thank you 🙏🏼❤

[@kerdart351]

All of them excepted 6 maybe. It is never a choice when you have literally no choice...

[@atdzsny]

Let's simplify these: they think.

[@jazhavefaith]

I can relate

[@AstraVoid]

"Loneliness is often the byproduct of a gifted mind"

[@bno0on32]

Singed?

[@AstraVoid]

@@bno0on32 maybe

[@boogly3716]

Whose quote?

[@mr.lonely_xi1829]

Would like to know who quoted this

[@shanemitchell5807]

Or just ugly AF.

[@dyderich]

This explains so much about my wife. She is an incredibly intelligent person. She simply decided to love me. I brought into the relationship everything she lacked, vehicle care, lawn maintenance, and grabbing things off high shelves. It has worked for 22 years. Also she says, it is too much work to train a replacement and the kids say she can't fire me.

[@montserrattorresnadal5087]

😄😂😂 lucky you!

[@TheKiaraLady]

Romance goals right there

[@dyderich]

@@TheKiaraLady Romance is great and we do that too, but she loves it when I warm up her car and scrap the windows in the winter. It's the little everyday things that we do for each other that makes the difference.

[@TheKiaraLady]

@@dyderich Oh I was being serious, my partner and I are very similar. Acts of service and sarcasm are our biggest ways of showing our love for each other

[@emeraldocean7885]

That last line got me laughing cause I’m exactly like your wife lol

[@sebastianswanepoel]

Highly intelligent people don’t struggle with love, they struggle with finding people that are up to their standards and not just playing games.

[@thehalobro9622]

Real shit

[@PatrickThorup]

AMEN

[@Fr3nchCat]

This is the first time anyone has ever put my thoughts into words. Around every corner all I hear about is so and so getting with/breaking up with so and so. I wish people were more respectable these days.

[@ChicagoFaucet.etc.]

I think a major point that was overlooked in this video is that since intelligent people don't see the usefulness in pointless socializing, and they fill their lives with what they see as worthy pursuits - regardless of whether anyone else is there with them - they spend a lot of time alone. A majority of their time alone. This drastically reduces the odds of finding a romantic partner.

[@normanosborn1277]

Socializing is vastly overrated in getting wmn, because your "friends" are not going to make the opposite sex find you attractive, which, actually, shows how useless "friendship" is, as a whole. Also, if you really want to, you can go out on your own and cold-approach or warm-approach by joining a club, in order to use manipulation tactics during a longer period of time. Honestly, if you struggle, it's because you're not good-looking.

[@omni4376]

To be more precise: it does reduce the odds of finding a less intelligent partner. Possibly a evolutionary mechanism to maximize offspring intelligence.

[@waynerose8613]

This is true to me

[@ivan.457]

Fax tho. You can't meet a possible partner if you don't... meet people.

[@Zett76]

You might wanna read about the dynamics of social status. Women (or, more generally, people) DO estimate your social value by evaluating your social circle. (next to other factors) It's way easier to get a woman's interest while being out with 2 to 5 friends, than being out alone.

[@PraetorGiba]

I would also add the controlling perspective. Being in a relationship means having an "out of control factor" in life. Intelligent people usually want to have everything under control.

[@devdream9277]

That's it for me

[@codenamezz9993]

That's me

[@jasonmai4595]

Totally. It might sound a bit narcissistic but it’s true that I hate things that uncontrollable.

[@michealdrake3421]

"Had to be me. Someone else might've gotten it wrong." - Mordin

[@Silly-LillieOvO]

Fr if I don’t know what gonna happen I wouldn’t bother

[@Gladuos1]

I definitely felt that part about being "whole" from a relationship, as if you're somehow less of a person or complete without one. I feel like a relationship isn't worth it until both people are secure by themselves beforehand, then it's not because you NEED them but because you WANT them around - it's frosting on the cake of life, not the cake itself, so to speak. Dependency is fucked up in a relationship.

[@lilverson1333]

Exactly independence from both parties and being secure in where you both are is essential to any working relationship. I think if you start to feel too dependant on your gf/bf then it becomes a problem and you might need time to work things for yourself without them.

[@ImNotFine44]

I just stay away from relationships as its easy to lose everything cause of it. Especially since the law usually favours women in divorces and other relation disputes

[@hobojofreb5121]

Yin without yang is nothing. It could be the most powerful thing, overcoming all, but without it’s equal, it is still nothing. Something is something because of nothing.

[@Gladuos1]

@@hobojofreb5121 I don't get it, are you agreeing or disagreeing? lol

[@KnownNiche1999]

I would disagree. Codependence in a relationship can be a strong bonding experience as long as two people are compatible. This goes for emotional dependence too. The most romantic thing imaginable is two people who can't imagine being without one another, not two individuals who can walk away any moment with no regret. There is nothing wrong with one partner providing for another, in fact many people prefer it. Many women like their men to provide for them and many men are happy to be providers - it is simple human instincts that didn't go anywhere just because we invented civilization or became smarter.

[@Mr.MR2111]

I can relate. When I am more sleepy, and when by brain is just too tired to think, my whole concept of love just switches.

[@pneumantic6297]

I feel like one key factor you missed is interaction with emotional immaturity. It is really hard for me to connect with someone that does not understand their own emotions or how to communicate without letting their emotions take the better of them. When I communicate with people I expect to be able to discuss my feelings, hear theirs, and then communicate on how to move forward. When it comes to romantic relationships, I have found most get too emotionally invested into a conflict and in doing so never truly figure out a solution to their feelings.

[@dashnyamkhurelbaatar1318]

I strongly agree with you. I broke up because of this reason. But I’m the one who emotionally immature. She is good at expressing herself. But I don’t even understand myself to fully express myself and it made her frustrated. So she left. She said she’s okay with us being friends. But I still feel very awkward and now our communication became even more murkier 🥲

[@BlackFirelight]

That part.

[@crunchygs8771]

u assuming u smart ?

[@Szystedt]

@@crunchygs8771 It seems quite obvious to me that they’re quite emotionally intelligent? Sure, at first glance talking about yourself like that may be interpreted in a negative light. But, from their comment we can assume that they’re good at setting boundaries and communicating how they feel. Which is honestly more than you can say about most

[@crunchygs8771]

@@Szystedt did I find the jackpot of intelligent internet speakers, u managed to disagree with me, explain you own thoughts, WITHOUT CALLING ME A DUMBASS OR SMT OML I love you guys

[@TheAttacker732]

An important point that was missed: As the intelligence gap gets wider, it gets increasingly difficult to *meaningfully* communicate and build any kind of rapport. This isn't just for romance, this is for *any* kind of relationship. You can still befriend others around common interests, but you might struggle to build a deeper friendship outside of those common interests.

[@christopherthompson5400]

I personally disagree, but I don't wanna discredit your point. I'd say a good example to combat this belief is the loving relationship between pets and man. They may not be able to fully grasp as much, but that doesn't make their love and support any less valuable. Perhaps youre suggesting that if someone finds intellectual stimulation valued in a relationship that it might become a requisite for their personal satisfaction. But I like to think that some people don't mind searching for that joy in other things, or their conversations with other people, and that they can still fully love, and desire to be with someone despite the iq gap. But honestly I have no idea, I'm just shooting ideas in the dark here.

[@enriqueperezarce5485]

@@christopherthompson5400 Pets are way different their like family members, they give you unconditional love and are emotional good, while people can vary from person to person (of course their is generalization). A pet will always love its owner no matter what as they depend on them.

[@random22453]

yeah i 100% agree, one of my friends is not the most intellectually gifted.

[@matrixmeme482]

Oh my god thank you for putting it in to words

[@OctIce]

Hello, I see a WoT player here! Yeah you said it right. It's about all kind of intelligence and especially emotional intelligence I'd say (Sorry for bad english lol) I came to the point where I pretty much understands what makes me happy und I can control very firmly the way I act in presence of someone. I mean emotionaly. Showing kindness at all times, and expecting same thing. But as you said, with this gap, it's hard to meaningfully communicate and convect feelings. I feel like that other people usually don't understand how unique and awesome the life is. At least, it's a gift, and it's limited. As so, only knowing that I exist and interact with you, who seem intelligent, makes me happy. I deviated a bit, I'm sorry. Yeah. People usually can't control themselves enough. They might only care about themselves, not intentionally but they don't do anything toward you in particular I think. But this gap is also synonym of misunderstanding. As you try to build strong relationship, they do not appreciate rightly the value of the friendship you're building. You're ending up with some superficial waist. I'm so sorry for not being comprehensible, I just threw down these words without thinking too much (english is not my mothertongue) Fortunately, some of them are a bit more able to meaningfully communicate. Just damn thrive lol Grind

[@tttiff_27]

I was in a relationship with a highly intelligent person, and this is really relatable. I asked them out and it took them 3 months to finally make up their mind, and throughout the relationship they focused on solving our problems rather than building a deep emotional connection with me. I was extremely insecure and clingy at that time, and they knew what they want which means that they don’t want to be relied on and attached by me. We finally parted ways as they realised that he couldn’t give me what I want and I couldn’t keep up to their standards. It was quite a painful experience, but on the good side we had lots of in-depth conversations of various topics and they had an incredible sense of humour, which gave me lots of good memories. I still regret that I didn’t understand them at that time, but they surely taught me a lesson and it enables me to move on and cherish my current relationship. edit: i didn’t expect any discussion over this comment so it surprised me a bit haha i was a young, insecure person when i was dating them and i didn’t know what i want in my life. all i valued back then was someone who listens to all my problems and gives me the affirmation and attention i wanted. i understand that he wanted to help me but i didn’t back then. i didn’t blame them for wanting to solve the problem and i know this is the practical solution, but i had a huge emotional need which they failed to give (which, by all means, isn’t their fault at all!) also the use of they/them pronouns is just a habit that i developed when i hanged out with a gender neutral friend. i’m not a native english speaker too so please forgive me if i’ve made any grammatical mistakes 🙏

[@aurora_boketto7746]

:") that's sweet. It works out, it sucks but we realize what we need to improve on. And maybe what we need. I like that

[@19powpow91]

Ah. this is so sweet.

[@MaiWonders]

i love this interpretation. thank you for sharing

[@atsukana1704]

I’ve been on the other end of this so many times relationship wise. I just hope that the people I had to break up with are ok. I didn’t want them to feel hurt or bad, I’m just a bit of an atypical person to date…

[@orangx8575]

Wow impressive You not only talked good about your ex, what is very rare, you also reflect your and his/her actions and thanked him for the lesson while making it clear that your over him.

[@laiamorgan9128]

4:34 Leebit! Wasn‘t expecting him to accompany us in this video. Love this small detail

[@PurpleStay4]

I came from Pinterest to see if leebit is actually in this video 😂😂

[@Chrizztopurrrrrrrr]

​@@PurpleStay4 same💀💀

[@L_Withers]

I am not sure if I would call myself "highly intelligent" but dang did this hit every nail on how I go about relationships.

[@rao803]

Same, I can relate with at least 3 of the 6 reasons. I don't know if I am highly intelligent, never tested my brain lol. But I like to spend a lot of time alone because I can't talk with most of my friends about topics I find interesting, same with my dates. It's frustrating to struggle with finding people with a similar brain and interests, and I think that's the key problem why intelligent people is single or engage themselves less in relationships.

[@tulipmars]

Maybe you’re a logical person. I think people who lean toward logic more than feeling would definitely resonate with most of these.

[@Kereck666]

@@tulipmars This. I think this video is more about being a logic/rational person than being very intelligent, although if you are very rational there is a good chance you are also quite intelligent.

[@darsandevs316]

Same

[@yummieplays]

This

[@smegskull]

I would also add. "They are power imbalanced". Being self sufficient and capable makes it very hard to find someone with equal influence. It is easy to feel exploited if you are always giving in a relationship and never need to ask for anything in return.

[@buffuniballer]

I suspect it's not all rainbows and unicorns for the other one either. My ex-wife had never lived on her own, while I was just this side of "free range parented" I'd been an officer in the Army and graduated with dual degrees from a top 50 university. Pretty big power imbalance. She wanted to be a SAHM and I had the means to make that a reality. Well, I thought I did. Turns out, she self-medicated with retail therapy and never having had to meet a budget, etc (mom and dad paid for everything) she was both unaware and dependent. So yeah, a pretty big power imbalance. When she failed to follow multiple budgets we mutually agreed upon, it came down to spend less or go to work. She chose work and eventually an affair. I'm sure much of it was taking some power of her own. Instead of using her words and having a discussion with me about how she felt or what she wanted, she just acted out. My mistake. I chose more wisely the 2nd go around. Someone who brought more power of her own to the table. She will freely admit I'm the higher IQ person. She's the higher EQ partner. We make it work and both leverage our relative strengths to make for a great relationship. Power imbalance is a serious issue that we seldom consider.

[@tulipmars]

YES OMG. this is how I’m feeling right now with my best friend. Not sure if I’m overthinking it but I feel like she needs me to do everything thing for her. There’s only so much I can do for another person before I get tired of continually servicing them. I feel like this in a lot of my relationships with friends and even with siblings. Like why am I always the one who’s thinking and planning for the the both of us? Why I am being considerate of you all the time , while you get to run around all brainless and free because you know I’m gonna be responsible for everything. One thing that keeps me from jumping into dating relates directly to this. I need someone who is self sufficient and not so dependent on me. I would like to feel taken care of for a change. I’m tired of feeling like a servant or like I’m babysitting. This is a requirement.

[@dedymario659]

Quite true, not just romantic relationship. People tend to rely everything on you, feeling secured because you are next to them, and in the process, making them lazier to suffice themselves. That passiveness is annoying and exhausting.

[@sydneyliu4825]

Idk if it's just me but I even feel uncomfortable to need someone else

[@PickledRick87]

Being self sufficient and capable is not a reliable indicator of intelligence.

[@ControveryDisturber]

I was lol'ing at this video so hard. It perfectly describes how my husband and I approached dating! We're both super analytical and independent and never found someone interesting enough to date before meeting each other. The passion for each other followed though, so being thoughtful didn't stop romance. It just put the lovey-doveyness on hold until we both felt we had gathered enough information to determine we would be a good match for each other.

[@jordanhendrix2619]

That’s actually an adorable story in its own way. Thank you for sharing!

[@alphagt62]

You are very lucky. I’m like that, but most everyone else isn’t. I like to know a person before I jump in the sack, but by that time, I’ve slid off into the, “Like a brother”, zone.

[@ControveryDisturber]

@@alphagt62 It might just be that you just haven't found the right person, not that there's anything wrong with you. My husband and I didn't sleep together until after we got married. There's no guarentee that starting with casual sex will turn into something more meaningful. If you and a potential dating partner don't have the same perspectives on sex, that might point to being incompatible long-term.

[@ayuumorienjoyer5913]

hello everything I've ever wanted-- that's the cutest thing I've ever heard

[@xue.0w0]

I hope I can meet a person like that in the future because I will consider my future relationship to be a lifetime thing and not just a long relationship, I want to communicate with them properly, solve problems together, and get to know each other so meeting the same person with the same mindset as me will be great and reassuring.

[@Icegoddesswolf]

I don't know if I'd say I'm "highly intelligent" but i am extremely self aware and strive to better myself in all ways. If my partner doesn't match my maturity or ambition, it's hard to keep the love going.

[@vulpes6144]

It is strange and quite the paradox: highly intelligent people seems to be better prepared to have a healthy relationship. All theses points can be easily trade by "6 reasons why you are in good shape for a healthy relationship". The point is: most people don't take these point to the heart. Sure, "high standards" can be good or bad. Good if you focus on core values, now if you are picky and every detail needs to be exactly as you picture, than it is a problem.

[@nick27march]

I totally agree with you.

[@raven4090]

I agree with you too.

[@poetfrost]

Unfortunately, the point in high standards is to qualify pickiness as discerning. From a certain point of view, only a lush will buy anything they can afford.

[@khalilahd.]

Yeah I completely agree with this

[@marksullivan00]

I am on agreement with this, good source of statement.

[@boukm3n]

Reason 1: *Overthinking* Reason 2: Independence Reason 3: Goal Prioritization Reason 4: High Standards Reason 5: Thinking with their heads and not their gut. Reason 6: They’re single by choice

[@Daisukiii]

I identified with everything but number 3, the best is that i wasn't using Confirmation Bias.

[@kaili5050]

thank u!!

[@noonegirl]

Thank you 😊

[@knovation877]

@@Daisukiii me 2 Edit: I mean Me too

[@xces_fn]

I hope both sides of your pillow are cold tonight

[@garrettledford1147]

Personally being at least fairly intelligent, my struggle has never really been finding relationships or people I was attracted to, but finding a relationship actually worth anything when I could tell months in advance things were failing and still couldn't do anything about it. In other words, finding the right person feels damn near impossible.

[@sandervandeneynden253]

I am in a relation, and everything is going great, except for the fact that I have known for months that she isn't the right person. I have trouble with communicating that, because the relation is going great and she has done nothing wrong in the slightest and I don't want to make her feel like she did. Just hard to tell someone you have taken an objective and rational look at the relation, and have come to the conclusion there is no logical reason to continue it anymore.

[@_drivEN_]

@@sandervandeneynden253 I would say logically, if you don't see a reason to continue romantically, but you won't exactly be on the market for a new SO, using a relationship as a support system can still be a good way to avoid falling off socially or run into career burnout

[@heatherjohnson6247]

"when I could tell months in advance things were failing" I relate SO SO SO hard. So many times I could sense the instant there was a shift in the other person but when I was younger I wasn't as good at putting it to words, so I had to suffer through it in a sense until things played out and really did go south.

[@gladiator_2581]

Depending on your age say your still in high school hypothetically it doesn’t matter if you know it’s gonna last at most a month ask him/her out anyways because who cares but if your an adult yea good luck

[@alphagt62]

My most recent affair was like that. During the Summer we got along famous! Enjoyed going and doing things together. But as soon as Winter set in, and we were confined to watching movies on tv, it didn’t take a few days for me to see she was flat out insane! I didn’t break it off., but I knew our romance was doomed. And sure enough, as predicted, I didn’t hear from her for 48 hours, and she had married her ex, right out of the blue. I guess it hurt, but, I knew it was going to happen, long before, and was glad she was gone for the most part. As the old saying goes, better to have loved and lost, than never to have loved at all. A year or more later she called me. Said she was doing well, and was I still mad at her. I told her I would always cherish the time we spent together. She asked if she could stop by, and I said no. I see couples break up and get back time and time again, I just can’t do that. Once it’s over, there is no going back.

[@Lightninghawk1144]

That “finishing other tasks” and not feeling like I need a partner, and overthinking felt so close to home. I want love but I want someone I can live with like a friend.

[@firestarterri]

I think one of the things biggest things I have found, is much of society seems to WANT the “polite” lies. They want candy coated platitudes, etc.,while I see it as pointless and harmful. It really blew my mind just how off putting people find my honesty. I also don’t just “want” logical responses and clear communication, I NEED it. In a society that prefers facade over substance, straight forward people can find themselves incredibly isolated, by choice but also by a quiet ostracization.

[@t0xic661]

Man I'm so grateful for what I have. I wish you luck brother inshallah

[@cormoranoimperatore8413]

Yo I have been like this since I was child I also think it’s crazy people can rely on “white lies”. It shouldn’t be a matter of whether to say the truth or not but of HOW to say it, for example if a friend asks you if you think a dress suits them you might say “I don’t really like that dress but if you do go for it”, nothing offensive in that regard even if it might pass off as paternalistic but I’m not going to refine that phrase, another thing is if you say “you look like s*it with that dress” unironically which makes you honest but also an asshole. The greatest problem I find with lies is that they uselessly complicate things because maybe someone by being “polite” will alter your perception of reality and you can’t really do anything about reality if yours is different from what it truly is and a problem might just grow bigger or an error becoming unknowingly repeated, I don’t think someone asking something is asking for a lie unless otherwise specified and if I had a mildly bothering behavior I would want to know because I don’t want to be annoying. The other greatest problem and probably even more so is what I call “compliment inflation”. By always being “kind” and not reporting what you truly think out of fear of upsetting someone or wanting them to be happy utilizing “white lies” you’re actually detracting value from those compliments because most people know this social dynamic exists. At the same time while compliments go lower in value because people think about the possibility you might just be kind or just don’t feel them as much as they would otherwise (not like all people behaves the same but it’s stuff I see being talked about so it’s still an unhealthy mechanic that is present), insults and negative feedback bears the same value, because you wouldn’t assume someone was actively trying to hurt you unless they have an history of stuff like that, in which case, wtf are you doing around them? So if they don’t want to deliberately give you negativity just because it means they are being sincere, while if you receive a compliment they might be lying. Such is the great paradox of this social mechanic

[@UnshotSpy]

Being on dating apps for a while now, I can say without question that I 100% agree with this comment. That last line is a great quote.

[@whitezombie10]

Yep, quiet ostracization, you perfectly described my situation

[@Andromeda823]

I 100% agree. Most arguments I've had with others was me just seeking clarity in what they're saying instead of relying on implications and they just get angry and assume I'm thinking the worst. Almost as if they forget that certain sentences gain multiple meanings as you get older because they're no longer just casual conversation. They're now social cues describing the current environment and/or sometimes innuendos to communicate sexual interest. eg. I used to love talking about cats and snakes as a kid, but now as an adult, i need to first get a understanding of the person talking to me before I continue sharing about my different levels of fascinations and be very selective of my choice of words and it's excrutiatingly frustrating. Because i often think i've reached a comfort zone and think i can talk freely and it's not the case. I have to emphasize that i'm talking about owning a pet cat or snake and their behaviors each time just so when the person next to me (who may or not be influenced by the media gallore of overly sexualized content - even in kids shows now) doesn't think i'm having a weird bisexual fetish and am trying to cue them in. (i'm not even bi) I literally skipped the D&D phase in my teens for this reason. Cant have a Snake Tamer Druid with a contract to a Drake Basilisk (giant petrifying snake) and be yelling at the dungeon boss "I got a huge snake and i'm not afraid to use it!" for reasons I'm sure men will understand quicker than the women. Only close friends would probably enjoy the joke, while everyone else reads too much into it and suspect im into "dungeons" and "dragon toys". I suppose what didn't help is where I lived, where the bottom line of the culture was tellng their sons they're not men if they're still virgins... at 11 years of age. And us girls had to deal with that by building a fortress of standards as a boundary or conform to being a "proper girlfriend" to someones little prince. Again, at 11. The standards get more flexible as we get older, which is logical, because we mature and you're not of legal marital age until 17-21 depending on your state. But still. The constant "How dare you not comply with my need for fornicating pleasures." attutude I got for most of my life has been extremely offputting. Being an adult trying to find connection with another adult doesn't make it any easier. Because as the video stated, most adults now are extremely impatient. They believe that because were both adults capable of making big decisions we should be more than ready to couple because there's nothing legally stopping us from doing so... But making rash decisions based on a fleeting tingling feeling we got when we met eachother is exactly how we wound up arguing about abortion in the first place. I'm not here to discuss the complexity of the topic revolving unwanted fetuses. But i will state that i don't want to bother risking one based on a tingle as oppose to whether or not I feel invested in a person.

[@mayleespann4552]

To me, as the thoughtful, analytical type, the most romantic thing someone could say is not “I need you” or “You complete me” but the accurate, straightforward and honest, “I really want you in my life.”

[@kenzieb5800]

I would fall in love with someone if they say that to me

[@mayleespann4552]

@@kenzieb5800 I hope you find someone that makes you want to say that and who will say that to you.

[@andrearomero3226]

I’m not sure that’s the best idea, that exact idea turned my last relationship toxic and codependent.

[@mayleespann4552]

@@andrearomero3226 which idea? If you mean saying “I need you” leads to codependency then I totally agree. If you’re referring to someone saying “I want you” then I am a little confused. Can you explain?

[@andrearomero3226]

Sure, I meant the “I need you” “You complete me” “can’t libe without you” etc. At least for me, these words created a toxic codependency to my last boyfriend which I’m still struggling with today. I think for me it’s more important to let the person know you love them and care about them without convincing yourself that you NEED them to continue existing.

[@sweember]

Actually I don't consider myself as a highly intelligent person, but I still can relate to the most of the issues you mentioned in the video. Overthinking takes a huge part in causing troubles in relationships. Last summer I've got a crush on a guy and insted of thinking 'okay, so I've got a crush' I started to analise WHY EXCACTLY I've got a crush and what should I do about it. Now when I think about it, it seems hilarious but also helped me a lot in understanding my emotions. And the part about being afraid of losing independence hits really hard.

[@nicktheninja3166]

Asking why, is apparently a massive part of intelligence, it's wild that something so basic is intelligent. I don't hold much merit in IQ test, but it is a measure of it, but take one, to mess around and find out. Because I think you'll find your smarter than you think. The scary thing about intelligence is knowing how much you don't know, and the more you know, the more you don't know. Because you are always asking questions. Cos I was blown away by how big that test number was, and I was like, hold up, lies, I'm a fool, this can't be accurate. So I went to my friends (which I like chilling with people that I can see intelligence in), and they are like, no Nick, you are a genius, you just need to apply yourself more.

[@simiktek]

Usually intelligent people don't think that they are intelligent...Daning Krueger effect :D

[@anton6125]

​@@simiktek Not as common as usually.

[@se_eikeboom6891]

Inspired by a Greek philosopher I assume? 😉

[@garfield_thedog1188]

You can be intelligent in different ways. I mean you don’t have to be obsessed with math or science, or be super smart. You can be smart in your own way. I feel that I have high intellect but may lack some common sense. Some people just different.

[@pepperonipizza2531]

I agree with all of these but tbh the one thing that made finding a partner so difficult was probably my dad's advice. He told me I had the power to choose whoever I wanted to love, none of that "the heart wants what it wants" or uncontrollable hormones and emotions as he put it and it's been that way ever since. 😅

[@GetYourLifeBetter]

In my opinion, highly intelligent people usually feel secure physically and emotionally on their own. There is no one around them who’s making their lives complicated. They can make any kind of decision without putting someone’s feelings into consideration. They are already comfortable with who they are, with what they have, and with where they are. They don’t need someone else to make their lives complete. This makes them not really good at socializing, that's why it's hard for them in finding lover.

[@kirito3082]

When I was at school I was deemed a genius I was often asked "how do you come up with this type of stuff?", "how do you know things before the teacher explains them?" or straight up told "I perfectly understand it now that you explained it, but I would never come up with something like this, let alone in a test!", "you're not human!", people respected and recognized my intelligence because they could see I was the best in the class with no effort and they liked me because I helped others and was a good teacher. Coming out of school/college everyone is suddenly convinced that they know the truth about everything and I have the wrong opinion, especially feminist women.

[@nick27march]

Agree 💯%

[@monopolizedopamine]

@@kirito3082 you're not as smart as you've been led to believe if you have a problem with feminism my guy.

[@kirito3082]

@@monopolizedopamine Feminists are bad partners because they are too dumb to tell friend from foe, every feminist I've met in my relationships or career turned against against men who helped them because of petty and verifiably false reasons created by their own victim mentality, and then they went on to social media to complain that they earn less.

[@kirito3082]

@@monopolizedopamine Also, I wasn't led to believe anything, I have verifiable accomplishments that I don't need to mention because I have no need to dox myself.

[@Tejas05]

Hello fellow highly intelligent single people😂

[@TW33KTW34K]

Im not single. Ig that means im highly stupid.

[@EduardoReyes-rn3kh]

Nah, im dumb but love this videos

[@Psych2go]

Hi to you!

[@Tejas05]

@@TW33KTW34K Just break up & join our club 😂

[@Lilaclightning12]

Hello fellow stupd single people

[@rubenvanderlaan4234]

Speaking from personal experience, an important thing that is missing here is that Highly intelligent people are actually also highly sensitive. In the dutch academic world they find more and more causality between the two. Their curiosity and drive to see things through comes from their strong emotions. The curiosity part comes from a positive one and learning new things makes them happy. However because they set such high standards not just for others but also and maybe even especially for themselves, seeing things through and completing their tasks is their attempt to meet the impossible standards they set for themselves. The sad truth is that they will always fail because they could have done things faster and more efficient. They will say things to themselves like: "you finally get it." or "you moron why did it take you so long to learn such a simple thing?".This gives them incredible low self esteem. So having a love relationship with others is indeed difficult for highly intelligent people. But having a love relationship with themselves is sometimes even more challenging.

[@lighthousem.9641]

so true!!

[@breadcrumb2893]

I like this cmt. You say lots of right things about setting standards for that other person and me. How this suffering of mine will come to an end? Idk…

[@rubenvanderlaan4234]

@@breadcrumb2893 one thing that might help is giving yourself compliments and say them out loud. Not just with the difficult tasks but also with the simple ones like cleaning the toilet. Everytime, when i have cleaned the toilet I say "well done" to myself. I know this sounds incredibly childish, but hearing a compliment about my work does trigger a positive thought in my brain about myself, thus releasing a positive feeling about myself. In other words you have to consciously decide to feel good about your work. Give it a try. Being highly sensitive also means you have a good sense of self reflection. Giving yourself compliments will be easier than you think. ;)

[@mind_system]

"You finally did it" and "why did it take you this long" hit too close to home, ouch

[@joshs8685]

This comment rings so true I copied and pasted it for later : )

[@Stressnot]

I can't believe that I found a video that describes my life perfectly, literally every aspect of the video talks about my life in detail, I thought I'm the only one like this and I was starting to have an existential crisis, thank you for this video, it really means alot

[@Stressnot]

although I did find love and planning to get married in the next 4 years, but still the thoughts in my head and the "prioritize goals" and "over thinking if i should make a move" is too accurate for me.

[@derektrammell911]

My problem is as many have described here - I have a litany of expectations. I want my partner to be emotionally mature (understand their feelings). I want my partner to be straightforward with their goals (don't "beat around the bush"). I want a relationship that has clear intent. Let's not vaguely talk about the purpose of why we like each other and our future. Let's push forward as a unified front and make each other more alive and productive. That, to me, is a good relationship :)

[@meranicle4955]

Damn we're the same :(

[@jayc5756]

Nothing wrong with that.

[@helenacorreia7613]

I don't think that's irrealistic

[@jiahaotan696]

Unfortunately, very few are like that who are in the dating pool...

[@Monaleenian]

Yeah, there has to be a goal to it. It has to be something like "We're together to have children and we'll raise them in a way that we agree upon beforehand"

[@rakkowakko4921]

Perfectly describes my gf. At times it was hard to understand her. I’m more clingy and needy type, so I felt hurt on many occasions. But she always assured her love for me while she puts her dreams on priority. I decided to just be supportive and giving her everything I can because I love her so much.

[@Psych2go]

You sound like a very supportive partner and your gf definitely communicated well to you.

[@Alex-up9dj]

Support is the best thing you can give her. I always tend to put my dreams and goals on priority as well, but unfortunately, some of the people I have been with simply do not understand this. It is very easy to hurt someone because they think you do not care about them, but this couldn't be further from the truth. This is especially true for women as society does not see us as hard workers/over-achievers. But some women are just wired this way and there is not much we can do about it. Getting to meet someone who accepts this wholeheartedly is hard but worthwhile. I'm sure your support is highly valuable to her, she is lucky to have someone like you by her side.

[@jonathansy513]

I'm in the same situation as you. Thanks. I needed this.

[@mve9899]

Definitely do not forget yourself and your own wellbeing. I was like this in my previous relationship, ended up taking it too far and mentally drained myself to the point of needing therapy (didnt really help my ex-gf had toxic person disorder but alass). While supportiveness is an amazing trait you definitely should cherish: Do. Not. Forget. You're. A. Person. With. Needs. That. Need. To. Get. Respected. Too. Things in a relationship should be balanced, as all things should be. You deserve to be with someone that gives you the attention you need and vice versa. Watch out for yerself, lad.

[@icravedeath.1200]

@@Psych2go I don't feel loved.

[@mustafarajkotwala4942]

Can definitely relate to this on another level. Especially, the part about being single by choice. There are times where you do feel that the presence of someone in your life will make your life better; but in reality you exactly know how you can keep yourself happy.

[@mr.giraffe7076]

I met someone. Not all that attractive, but nice. I immediately had my boundaries pushed. It felt like I was dealing with a naughty child. I decided I would rather be single than be with her after the fifth date.

[@chahinezwasmou8670]

Is it only about happiness? Are lovers always happy don't think so media made up all this stuffs not sure

[@chahinezwasmou8670]

@@mr.giraffe7076 I felt the same being around a toxic partner and it was my first relationship as well so that made me think about staying single for ever XD

[@andreimircea2254]

@@chahinezwasmou8670 The need for romantic love is real. You can live without it, but there is something within you that wants to share some affection with someone. And in a healthy romantic relationship, it’s kinda hard to feel lonely when there is someone who gets you and gives you the desired affection.

[@DoremiFasolatido1979]

By exterminating the human species? Because really not much else is going to do it for me.

[@its__VP]

Between the content of this video and the comment section, I have never felt more seen! Glad I am not alone.

[@trillionbones89]

Took me until 24 for my first serious relationship. Now two years and going strong! There was another comment here that actually lists point 7 really well: they don't meet many people in casual social settings, since they see less value in them - therefore less potential partners. My problem was also point 1, but my gf was tenacious enough to overcome me 🤩

[@vaidik03]

You give me hope! I’m 20 and lately I’ve been feeling that I need to be in a relationship. But, at the same time I want to develop myself and become independent. I think I will have to be patient for now. I wish you the best for your relationship!

[@yin_xing]

@@vaidik03 yes, go for it, naturally, calmly

[@dvegan314]

Could you elaborate on "[your] gf was tenacious enough to overcome [you]"?

[@trillionbones89]

@@dvegan314 It's mostly a combination of her initiating contact(in contrast to previous women) and her pushing through my seasonal depression induced reclusion. During our 3rd/4th week of dating i was difficult to get ahold of, but she didn't give up. I recommend not doing the same reclusion. Not healthy. I should've gone to therapy for many other symptoms of depression and a girlfriend is not a cure no matter how great the relationship is. But I'm better at giving advice than following it😉

[@chatgpt4135]

@@trillionbones89 I am the one who never fell in love so easily, thinking I'm surrounded by immature ppl who can't understand my deeper expectations from a future committed relationship Also I'm introvert , so I don't like dating some random person wo emotional maturity just based on looks, I am not that materialistic But Somehow I did Fell for one of my classmates, Maybe he passed the test of 'great conscience, maturity and good vibes and was also good looking', even my parents knew him, but LoL , I understood very late that he isn't interested in 'COMMITMENT', And Even I failed to make him believe in it So, I am Single ,and haven't found a person like him 'WHO MUST ALSO BELIEVE IN COMMITMENT ' till date 🤣🤣🤣 And Am Fearful of dating now lol🥲

[@maxwellkowal3065]

Frankly, I'm not even sure I would be able to handle a relationship right now. I'm going through college, I'm introverted and shut-in because of my own self-loathing, and I just feel empty for most of the time. I don't want someone to have to have that experience in their life and I don't want to burden myself with that when I am currently in no mental condition to maintain something like that along with despising myself. Really, though, I'm lonely and feel detached from society, and I can't seem to make friends because of my inability to have clear, concise communication skills with others which is amplified from my ASD. If anyone reads this, I appreciate your time.

[@Zephyrus0]

Everyone wants something from a relationship, be that love, care or the the acknowledgement that someone is thinking about you. The thing if you want to have any of these or something else you also have to provide something they want from it, do you think that you are capable of doing that? Ask that to yourself. Self-loathing, feeling empty, alone laying on your bed doom scrolling on your device to find something that doesn't exist. Looking for situation for your brain, how long you plan on doing this, one hour? one day? one week? One month? One Year? How long? Ask yourself. I know that me, a random person on internet saying this will not change your condition, only you can change yourself but do you want to? And if you think that you aren't capable of changing things, then ask for help, don't be afraid to ask for things thinking what others will think of you or are you even allowed to ask. Just ask as many times as you can, someone will help and help you. Don't take too much time thinking about asking and just ask, it might not result like you wish but you will get useful information out of it. Take care and have a good day.

[@dariuspalmer2829]

@@Zephyrus0 good comments this

[@_dreamscape]

I’m in such a similar position, it’s tough!! I honestly think it shows a level of strength some never have though, hopefully you can reframe the perspective in that way somewhat and I hope we can both find more connection

[@edi0157]

Same except having ASD, even if I met the "ideal match" I have in my head they d probably hate me given how stupid I am these days. I am just a shell of my former self at this point, I wish I could go back to high school when my brain actually worked properly and I wasnt anywhere near failing my classes....I have a few friends though

[@aurora_boketto7746]

@@edi0157 I feel u. Being out of hs my attention span has dropped so much

[@mak4rno]

As an overthinker and overanalyzer I found out the best strategy is to reject the typical flow of love (meeting someone and then get to know) and go straight for just have friends. Then feelings can come from a person you already know, accept and like to hang out with.

[@CVV000]

I think the same! It flows easier and more naturally when you already connect mentally or emotionally with that person.

[@jackoberto01]

I definitely agree it took me being friends with a person for 10 years before I took the step to go beyond that. By that point we already knew we liked to hangout, were compatible and shared an incredibly strong connection

[@nyamate4205]

I’ve friendzoned many unattractive or much older guys like that😬 Still gonna die alone tho most prob…

[@clorindatine2610]

Same I don’t even consider having close relationships even if it’s with a friend. I keep friends at a distance and never get closer. It makes everything not complicated

[@michaelcondrey3510]

I suffered so much being in the friend zone by a friend

[@Nuggetsofthenight]

Currently saw a Leebit in the 'Single by choice ' part which I relate a lot, so nice to meet you STAY 💚💙

[@StayHereMinnie]

relatable. it's good to see another stay here.

[@PrettyParodys]

Being in a relationship with another highly intelligent person is probably the best thing that's ever happened to me love wise.

[@alphawolf6482]

then you better not F it up

[@Tori-5507]

Same, it makes it a lot easier to understand each other

[@renren47618]

The problem with me and relationships in general is that other than high standards and making what's better for my own life as the main goal I don't trust people, no matter how loyal someone looks to be, i'm always expecting betrayal/cheating and i never even went into an actual relationship to think like that or anything It's just that literally 99% of the internet apparently had awful "love" stories that ended in shit

[@Fuck9oogleAskMe]

@@renren47618 not to trust, is not equal to intelligence? Of course a lot of people cheat. But mostly it is a form of either stupidity/impulsiveness (not a part of intelligence..) or lack of interest in the relationship - already half way out. The video, and I concur, states that the intelligent person does not deeply invest in the other person, as to which if someone is prone or chooses to cheat - the intelligent person does not care/mind that. The other person did not want/like or need the relationship anymore, hence the intelligent person does not care that much. Of course it hurts to have been cheated, though it is lack of truthfulness or communication from the other part that is the cause for the deed

[@renren47618]

@@Fuck9oogleAskMe I never sair that i was inteligent i just watched the video because i was bored (and because it got relatable to a certain extent, also i think that calling anyone with the things mentioned in the video "Inteligent" is stupid)

[@bantapanda2254]

Point 2 is actually a really healthy relationship characteristic in general. I believe that it’s really important to be able to be independent and not ‘need’ your partner in an unhealthy way. It is important to be able to depend on your partner and receive love and support from them, we all need love and support, but it’s also important to be able to be happy and enjoy life when you’re not with them. I think it’s important to be able to have separateness, as well as intimacy. I think they should add to your world and bring joy and delight to it, not define it and become someone you can’t live without. It’s about being free to be ourselves and having the space to do things on our own, and support each other in the process. Having friends and other people to spend time with and be supported by is also really healthy. This is me speaking from what I’ve seen and learnt from very healthy and happy relationships, but every relationship is different. As long as both are happy in the relationship and can be who they are, that is what matters. Great video 😃

[@wonjez3982]

Can be tough if it's the only person you have atm, which is probably also the reason why it's the only person you have. You have to be strong and take it slow.

[@comedyarchive3402]

It’s finally here: kzbin.info/www/bejne/j57JpqagZryYncU

[@isalilbella]

well said!

[@rudolfdirks9253]

Can't agree. Adding to one's world allows for only so much love. Of course I understand, having the ability to be independent is great (and also needed, no question), but your partner should be you should be able to depend on. That's what makes us human. We are a social being, who can't live without dependencies created through a social environment (emotional support, ability to share thoughts etc.). Most importantly, if two feel love for each other, they should want each other in their lives. Perhaps not not every wake minute, but daily still. I get the point you're trying to bring across, but if you really want to love someone, then just "adding" to the world of someone isn't enough. The phrase "I can't live without you" doesn't come from the one saying it thinking he can't survive without the one important to him/her, but rather from the emotional dependency to the significant other.

[@bantapanda2254]

@@rudolfdirks9253 yeah I completely understand and agree with what you’re saying. We all need love and support, especially from those people are in relationships with. The important thing is that both people are happy and free to be themselves, and receive what they need from each other. Obviously they will be a very important part of your life, but I meant more in the sense that I don’t think they should become your whole world, as it’s really healthy to receive support from Others as well such as friends and family, so you’re not completely dependent on your partner. All the things I’m saying is from what I’ve seen and learnt from very happy, mature and healthy relationships. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, I really appreciate and respect your insight 🙂

[@onyxflame]

7. High intelligence doesn't necessarily mean high tact. We're used to being smarter than other people, and tend to assume they won't understand us. So either we never talk to begin with, or we sound like a know it all, which doesn't make us very popular. Also, usually intelligent people want to tell the truth as they see it, and forget to think about how it may affect someone else's feelings. For all our overthinking, sometimes we think too much about the wrong things.

[@matthias4522]

This happened to me, I had a friend who liked me, and she was curious about why was I single, and why wasn't I making any "moves" on anyone, I told her my view of humanity and it's nature and why I preferred not to take part on it's continuity.. she started crying and that broke my heart, now I'm a lot more careful with how and whom to share my ideas with, and accepted that sometimes it's better to let people think whatever they want and learnt to be far less affected by people having the wrong ideas about me

[@adzylin2010]

Lol I totally agree I feel like I always need to correct someone when they are wrong and that gets… complicated.

[@mriguana_chad]

Facts .soo true

[@CrusaderLegFoot]

I'm glad somebody else said it, because I didn't want to sound arrogant. Knowing me, I probably would have worded it in a way that would make me sound full of myself, lol.

[@itsnottoolatetostart]

Like an INTP.

[@courtofink6970]

I’m an INFJ and yet I relate so much to this, along with past experiences. Love doesn’t really sound great, especially when everyone in this world seems to hurt rather then love others

[@NietonoNoShana243]

I struggle with these letters. Sometimes I'm INTP, sometimes INTJ... to me, that scale isn't very accurate of what your personality is..

[@jpraise6771]

What is infj

[@ayuumorienjoyer5913]

@@jpraise6771 an mbti personality type. I think it's Introverted, iNtuitive, Feeling(as opposed to thinking), and Judging. I'm a steady INTP, Introverted iNtuitive, Thinking, Perceiving, but personality traits do sometimes shift as you mature and depending on your mood. Something cool to me is that INTP seems to be a detective type, since Sherlock Holmes and Edogawa Ranpo are both INTP types. You should look up the test, it's always fun to retake for me!

[@jpraise6771]

@@ayuumorienjoyer5913 wow.....no offense but kzbin.info/www/bejne/gqPVkImMqd6Id5o

[@gektoast4968]

@@NietonoNoShana243 I mean it’s just letters. It’s literally impossible for a label to sum up your entire, unique personality. I may be an INFJ, but I’m likely very different from the guy above

[@Notcoco438]

“Should I make a move? Are they just being friendly?” Got me!

[@noneofyourbusiness4830]

Very legitimate concern. If I misread someone who's just being friendly, I'm in for an awkward situation.

[@promochannel25]

@@noneofyourbusiness4830 exactly

[@wouter8596]

@@noneofyourbusiness4830 heres the thing though, you will never ever really know, untill you ask. And if you ask and its awkward, at least you know the truth. If you never ask because you fear it will be awkward (which is short last anyway) you will never know and have the possibility to progress. Try to think that they might actually say "yes" :).

[@whitezombie10]

These days where a woman can easily accuse a man of sexual harassment with no reason you have to be careful

[@Senki207]

"Struggling" to find love implies actually looking for romance and feeling like one's life isn't complete without it. A lot of people (myself included) simply don't prioritize having a romantic relationship. It's sort of like "if it happens, I'll give it a chance but I don't feel the need to be working towards it."

[@Zesserie]

Same, wouldn't call myself smart though, but it's scary how accurate I felt this was for me atleast :D If something comes up that peaks my interest i'll give it a go as well!

[@Senki207]

@@Zesserie I've also found a great response for when people are pestering you about not having / looking for a relationship: "Love is a lot like a fart: if you have to force it to happen, it's gonna be shit."

[@DazsdWTP]

@@Senki207 I hate that I kind of laughed at that. I do agree with it though

[@Senki207]

@@DazsdWTP I laughed out loud when I first read it. It's very accurate, though

[@Senki207]

@Preston Hunt The video is about finding love, not having sex.

[@ForAnAngel]

All of these are true for me. Whenever I hear someone say something like "What does your heart tell you to do?" I think, my heart doesn't say anything. The heart is only a muscle, designed to pump blood throughout a person's circulatory system.

[@gojo_kun8105]

I consider myself as an overthinking person. Many times I have a hard time sleeping because I stay up all night thinking about every single action that may affect me or my relationships. In my opinion, you nailed it. I also relate a lot to having high standards, it's really hard to find someone that can make me want to be with them all the time. Amazing video!

[@jackmccabeorganist849]

Hey just thought I would reply to say if you find it hard to stop thinking when you go to bed try writing down what you’re thinking of. I do it when I have a lot on my mind and it helps me not think about it when going to sleep

[@ClaimedEagle]

When there is nothing but me to think about it, all it's fine. As soon as some woman catches my interest, everything in my mind is set on fire and barely can sleep thinking how I should had done differently last time I saw her

[@darthporoto9567]

HELL NUSH BRO gojo_kun gojo_kun hace 1 día I consider myself as an overthinking person. Many times I have a hard time sleeping because I stay up all night thinking about every single action that may affect me or my relationships. In my opinion, you nailed it. I also relate a lot to having high standards, it's really hard to find someone that can make me want to be with them all the time. Amazing video! 73 Responder

[@ussarizona2201]

Same one action keeps me up for so long.

[@gojo_kun8105]

@@jackmccabeorganist849 thanks👌💛

[@jamesquinn8958]

#1 is the biggest problem for me. I always get stuck in my head and overthink things. It really messed up a lot of potential relationships. And I'm not posting this to try to make myself seem highly intelligent lol I can just really relate to that one

[@KBQuick81]

Same here

[@ilyasovich]

You're not alone bro...

[@jamesquinn8958]

@@KBQuick81 although I'm glad I'm not alone I hate to hear that other people are going through the same thing

[@jamesquinn8958]

@@ilyasovich sorry to hear that. keep your head up.

[@haymakerkubrick7196]

yeah bro, you're so smart bro. damn, i wouldnt know what that's like cause I'm a dumbass

[@kayvalle8843]

I felt so described here and I like that some people will watch this and understand why we just don’t jump into relationships like kids jumping from puddle to puddle

[@TheH1st0ry]

I never had one and all what I read here 100% describes my feelings. Its kind of scary but makes all sense. The only thing I question if I am "highly intelligent" xD

[@martapalazon8410]

@@TheH1st0ry hahah feel the same way!

[@Cryseris]

r/iamverysmart

[@kittenlizard4997]

I don't consider myself a genius and I don't usually trust KZbin channels I've only seen on video of, where the title starts with "6 reasons why..." But dang. Spot on.

[@vaishnavkanhira6216]

ya. seriously, the sheer amount of time a relationship takes away is HUGE. Why jump to one if it ain't worth that time?

[@josievaleri1350]

This video cleared up insights drastically thank you so much. Felt alone in the tendency to use intellect as a means of understanding intuitive reasoning.

[@mohammadrezanargesi2439]

People lie and think we don't understand it. This is my biggest issue, honesty is rare

[@favourafinni]

Fr

[@sami_lynn]

Frrrrrrr

[@locomotive9000]

What have the ladies lied to you about this week, Mohammadreza Jan?

[@rune.theocracy]

You may have abandonment issues, perhaps more so than me... I recommend reading about attachment personalities from both parental and romantic perspectives, helped me reflect more on myself.

[@rune.theocracy]

@@locomotive9000 perhaps he does not have a problem with women (or men?), give him the benefit of the doubt...

[@kaemonfernweh223]

"They have the luxury of already having a good time on their own" That is such a good summary of my personality and unfortunate biggest social struggle. So many people don't get that I'm super happy on my own, but also me myself I often think "I'd honestly rather do this alone" when I'm thinking about doing an activity

[@naofuieu2477]

Same

[@Greg_Boing]

Yeah, it was definitely the point that most related to me

[@pisces2569]

Someone put it best. Finding licras an introvert is finding someone you value more than your alone time

[@RyansColoradoRailProductions]

I’m especially guilty of overthinking every social situation I’ve ever been in. Being a perfectionist too, I always nitpick every detail and every word spoken and I always find something to worry about because I always think I mess up in every conversation I have

[@AM59342]

I’m that way too, I always feel like maybe I said something wrong because I tend to over analyze people’s responses to me, but I found that the problem is within myself, and my own insecurities, I’ve had to work on that, to somewhat fix or at least diminish the overthinking.

[@arandomguy1226]

Omg people like me exist haha

[@alexanderjanke1538]

Wait. I commented 3 months ago and my yt name is Ryan? Since when?? That is 100 percent me too! I am such a perfectionist and oberthinker that i often struggle to talk full sentences without some sort of stutter when i mix 2 words. I think of one word, but decide to use an other similar word eben though i did not finish the word before. I try to say perfect sentences but fail because i change and mix words to often. Then i stutter and cant keep my calm which makes it worse.

[@jarnoojasaar]

​@@alexanderjanke1538exactly the same here, I think about 10 variants of a sentence and then when actually saying it out loud, I mix everything up...

[@alexanderjanke1538]

@@jarnoojasaar Kinda nice to hear that others struggle with the same things haha And in the end the sentence does not make sence and you need to add more words to make it make sence.. Wow I hate even writing about it

[@vgrants1717]

As someone who’s supposedly incredibly smart, here’s my take Love isn’t logical Love is necessary for a “happy” life I know my flaws, making it illogical to love me People are untrustworthy I know I think differently, so it’s harder to form bonds 1/8000000000 means that I can have high standards, theoretically I know I wouldn’t live up to said standards, so I can’t expect it of them And finally, and most importantly, it’s a voluntary creation of a liability and vulnerability. No one can hurt you more than the people you love.

[@rabitwarior2]

Don't forget that the people we are interested in usually get "taken" by someone more forward/bold than us because the fear of the consequences of rejection and ruining a good relationship (friendship wise) can also cause MASSIVE anxiety

[@SLVx23]

Exactly 🙈

[@zonk45]

Goodness you just read my soul

[@Dipped1234]

Nailed it.

[@derpanator5671]

you consider yourself higly intelligent?

[@seeking6785]

WTF this just felt so personal to me rn

[@MultiFlash009]

As I always tell anyone that asks why I'm still single: *"I don't look for love, I let it find me~"* Though not that effective in practice, it's witty enough to make them stop asking. So good enough.

[@ndwerashinha3511]

Cool move 👍

[@TheBanjoShowOfficial]

I’d not consider myself to be super intelligent, but moderately intelligent, I’ve always been treated as such anyway, and this is all just about accurate. The overanalysis, the overplanning, the intentional and conscious reliance on logic and rationale over emotional romanticism is very true. That’s how my current relationship has panned out.

[@potatopc9410]

My ex told me that I don't even know what love is and it seems like she's right my logic is twisted now that I'm changing myself I noticed that I need to follow my heart but still maintain my rational thinking. If you know what's wrong with yourself then it's easier to improve unless you are already okay with what you're doing right now as long as you are happy then it's gonna be okay

[@Will-lh4lh]

Man I can relate to that so much Like at times I'm not sure what I'm feeling, cuz I'm fairly interested in that girl, but I don't see her as a crush anymore. Now I just use try to suppress such feelings, and to me music is the way.

[@Gnomereginam]

You sound very intelligent for a pigeon

[@ryanwisely5480]

@@potatopc9410 Right can't solve a problem if you don't know it exist

[@AugustoXRock]

Me too, but I think this doesn't have to be set in stone, you're not a category of person, you can learn to be less rational in order to engage with a part of life you're unfamiliar with, like emotional romance. Also, intelligence is only a capacity for abstract thought, it shouldn't be confused with creativity, introspection or some of the things implied in this video.

[@starboylz_dev]

I won't even try to get a girl, I'v been rejected by 3 girls, I wasted so much on them but they left me single. But thanks on them, I'v been focusing on myself more than ever

[@wraithen6839]

My last was someone I had a good feeling about, I gave her everything I could, however Im 22 and have Asperger's syndrome. I'm high functioning and still able to have an eye contact conversation and can express myself accordingly. When it comes to business it was easy to discuss and behave professionally about what was on my mind but love is a completely different animal for someone like me because it's more complex than just point A point B. It's hard to keep in mind that handling the situation takes more patience and understanding. I've done quite good for my age thinking logically rather than persuaded or peer pressured in my earlier years. It's difficult for me to connect with partners emotionally and I can't understand why. Ive been single for a long time and have started dating older women as a result of finding someone who's mature enough and set up. I'm dating a 39 year old woman because we have more in common mentally and we both think logically. It's rough out there but it is possible. I understand what my flaws are and self reflection can be the key to understanding how to get along with someone. Regardless of situation it almost always begins with self study and compromising to make a relationship with someone work. Depending on the way you were raised or if you raised yourself it's hard to break routine and be open to new experiences and to truly value those experiences. Our expectations for ourselves are not always found in others. Before I go off topic I'd like to say I hope everyone reading this finds love and truly experiences happiness in their lives. Wraithen~

[@hankhill3417]

Women don’t think logically

[@ale4315]

@@hankhill3417 You are the one who seems to not think logically, or you'd know that any person is capable of being logical.

[@hankhill3417]

@@ale4315 you just proved my point with your emotional response

[@voidl3s246]

Yea my friend good story good story. I barely made it through the first sentence. Very intriguing.

[@Wonkess_Chonkess]

@@hankhill3417 Tell that to my chess clubchampion.

[@josegimenez6604]

Number 1... is the biggest problem of all. Seeing that they can actually create more and more scenarios that can be both good or bad.

[@mbbuckets4509]

We're smart enough to know that these objects that wears makeup like a clown aren't important.

[@thornx2152]

You keep thinking of all infinite possibilities and end up getting lost in that. 1 and 5 is me

[@lordzombox]

@@mbbuckets4509 yeah that's why we choose better corpses

[@SacredMilkOG]

That's probably why it's number 1

[@alexander191297]

Many of those traits are present within my girlfriend, so I wondered how and why she acted in those ways sometimes. She has a high IQ and studies for a PhD. Eventually, I realised that she’s simply more logical than most when it comes to love, and that her calculated decisions aren’t anything personal! Once you realise that, being around a highly-intelligent person is actually one of the most refreshing things intellectually that are out there. Edit: There is more to intelligence than just a high IQ. There is emotional intelligence, social intelligence, and many other forms. She doesn’t lack in those areas either, however IQ does quantify “logical” intelligence, which is what I was referring to.

[@ZIbroweed]

Mad respect for your approach to this video. I suspect if you approach her this way you're probably pretty intelligent yourself. Probably just not what Meyers Briggs calls the INTJ personality type which I suspect is what this video is describing. It certainly correlates with intelligence quite a bit but doesn't have a monopoly on it.

[@ewrwrasggre4151]

education is not intelligence

[@Zoinks3245]

@@ewrwrasggre4151he literally said she has a high iq

[@abdoonyt9049]

Same with my partner but she is stupid

[@spidaman0112]

If women are more educated and successful than you. Good odds she will grow to despise and leave you. Heads up.

[@otakuguy6960]

4/6 of the reasons I can relate,but I dont think myself as an intelligent entity,instead,an overthinker who is heavily haunted by past experienced,I just dont wanna make a new move due to the fear of not living to her expectations or hesitating to kick off an uncertain romantic relationship when I still could not identify the feelings I have for that person. They're not like I'm head over heels for that girl but just an unexplicable confusion...

[@BCSchmerker]

+Psych2GoTv *Thanks for the signs of difficulty finding relationships:* 0:45 (1) Overthinking 1:49 (2) Love of independence (a Dismissive Avoidant trait) 2:33 (3) Prioritization of goals 3:12 (4) High standards (a Secure trait) 3:44 (5) Cognition priority (a Dismissive Avoidant trait) 4:26 (6) Single by choice

[@gothsinn23]

I'd thought for so long that I'm just incapable of loving, that my analytical nature is off-putting and that my autonomy makes it look like I don't value the connection I have with a partner. This video is immensely reassuring, as it very much hits the nail on the head for me and my behaviors. In past relationships I've always been needed, perhaps an unhealthy amount, and my partner would get offended when I'd say I'm not incomplete on my own. Maybe it's the Hollywood standard being internalized, as is mentioned in the video, and people who may not be one hundred percent confident in themselves as a person think that a significant other is meant to fill in those gaps. We're not supposed to be two halves of a single, full cake, but two full tiers of cake that make for an even better dessert than a single layer one. I've always been made to feel cold-hearted for my mannerisms and the ways I view love, and while I don't anticipate everyone being able to understand where I come from as a highly intelligent person, I at least have the comfort of knowing that the way I think is not the heartlessness I've been made to feel, but the over-abundance of caution in ensuring my relationships are exactly what I need. Thank you Psych2Go. 🖤

[@butchpeace]

100% same. I do have a bit of an avoidant personality, which I’m working on, but mostly I just think differently than most people do about love. I’m secure and happy on my own, so any relationship I get into needs to be better than being by myself. That doesn’t mean I’m cold or have too high standards. I can love as strongly as anyone else. My platonic relationships are a major aspect of my life. I just need relationships to make sense and not require me to sacrifice my own happiness or well-being.

[@tylerweibel8049]

@@butchpeace I felt the part about the relationship needing to be better than being on my own. I LOVE my alone time and already wish I had more so I tend to get to know people very slowly because until I’ve established a connection with someone, it’s hard to convince myself it’s worth sacrificing my alone time. But because I move so slowly I often end up friendzoning myself or accidentally convincing the woman she’s in the friend zone by the time I’ve decided if I really like her or not, and then I have a whole other dillema of “will turning this friendship into a relationship make it better enough that it’s worth risking the friendship that I enjoy.” Sometimes I wonder if I’m avoiding getting my feelings hurt by keeping my standards too high but I feel confident that I’ll meet a like minded woman one day, and I don’t feel I’m missing much by abstaining from typical modern dating practices

[@avaricsymphorian]

This resonates with me a lot. In fact, I recently realized almost ALL of my relationships (past and present) seem to exist because they needed me in some way, shape, or form. Which was a major bummer to realize. I want to find a partner who wants me, but does not need me.

[@adrim888]

its funny.. i was so codependant, i couldnt stand to be alone and was very needy and feeling rejected by minor things. I was also impulsive and would follow my guts. After a pretty shitty relationship with a guy that seemed more ike a sociopath, i kinda dove deep into psychology topics about codependency, emotional inteligence, trauma bonding and what not, and worked on my self. Nowadays things dont trigger me as much as before, and i found myself strangely enjoying lone time and having not much patience to respond to people.. Its so weird because this is nothing close to how i perceived relationships and life. Also I became extremely rational to the point if im getting to know someone and one little thing goes off track, i start rationalizing everything i believe self sabotaging to avoid getting hurt. Life is weird, our brains are weird.

[@darkangel3138]

Glad for you, but it's not easy to say when the people around see you as a crazy guy.

[@cak8132]

The “setting high standards” really rang true with me as well as loving my independence and overthinking. I’ve only ever had one semi-serious relationship and even that one fizzled out in about 6 weeks (geography was a big factor). Now that I’m older, I feel as if I’ve missed out on one of the fundamental experiences of life but I certainly don’t foresee at this ripe old age finding the love of my life. That ship has definitely sailed.

[@cameronray4107]

I’m sorry to hear that you feel this way. How old are you now that you wouldn’t consider the possibility of finding love?

[@cak8132]

@@cameronray4107 Trust me. I’m too old. It’s not going to happen. But thanks for your nice thoughts.

[@oliviahope3728]

I thought I was “too old” when I turned 28 and regretted that I spent all my time focused on work instead of building a relationship... The older I get the more I realize that I can connect with anyone at any age because there are so many people in this planet, it’s impossible that there isn’t someone out there praying to find someone like exactly who you are right now.

[@SS-rg5di]

I know.. I am a 32 yo woamn..and I have started to think the same.. the ship has sailed 😄

[@cak8132]

@@SS-rg5di You’re still young, @S S. But you need to decide if that’s what you really want. I was pretty happy when I was young and I was single - maybe because I thought I still had time to have a relationship. But I’m older now and I know it’s not going to happen and I feel like I’ve missed out on one of life’s experiences.

[@betsyzeller7403]

Smack, this is me. The feeling out of control element is also a big thing. Adding a relationship to your life and to your checklist of things to invest in puts a huge unknown factor in an individual’s life, and we really hate feeling uncertainty about anything.

[@BooDotBoo]

I'm intelligent, but I'm not sure I'd call myself highly intelligent, but I definitely do relate to this. I overthink about everything when I date, I love my independence and want to make sure it's still something I have in a relationship, I prioritize my goals and plans, I have high standards (that people try to talk me into lowering all the time to "not be alone"), I have good boundaries after some working on them, I love with my heart, but my mind has to agree with it, and I don't mind being single, so right now in my life, I'm single by choice. Not even sure I'll ever date again, tbh.

[@clorindatine2610]

Same And my friend still trying to get me to date. I think if someone was made for me, it wouldn’t ruin the flow of my life and waste my time

[@MrZombiepvz]

Same bro Especially that I stoppedtrusting anyone because they can potentially just betray me and break my heart.

[@davewenos]

Same here

[@2DarkHorizon]

I think one of the hardest parts of relationships is realizing no one is perfect and forgiveness is the only way. There is going to be faults in yourself and your partner that likely can't be changed but more accept and worked around with into the relationship. I think in this day and age people grow up in very small families they don't know what it is like to grow up in a big family where everyone is sometimes competing sometimes arguing, but at the end of the day you believe blood is thicker than water. The truth is families have tensions a lot. But if you grow up alone you maybe never realize how close people do sometimes argue and disagree but still care for each other. But since you only experience the best face of society you think relationships need to fit into the framework of this best face.

[@1mol831]

Wise ppl r better

[@aoiichika928]

SO ACCURATE! "...at the end of the day, blood is thicker than water". Though my family is not small nor big, we talk a lot, joke, and fight a lot together especially my with my siblings. And later, all the faults will fade away until we joke about a topic like: always forgetting to _________ or take too long to get ready (me many but not all times, lol). God bless!!!

[@cantgame4now152]

This. I've seen relationships where they find one thing they disagree on, and end it right there. But, that's not how it should be going

[@l.a.raustadt518]

Hmm I am the youngest of 3, gal the oldest of 3.

[@psyekl]

#2 They love their independence.

[@AquaticFeather]

This video really makes me feel better. I've never been able to find love because all people do is react to their emotions and then they realize it doesn't work out, so there are violent storms in the couple and they break up bad, and it's just nonsense to me. Like this video said: I need to "analyse" the situation before progressing and it feels right. But NOBODY gets it. If only people could just take a step back from their emotions and have a serious talk before engaging in emotions. If people were like: "oh, you love staying at home all the time? I love to go out all the time. This is either gonna be impossible between us or we will have to be very aware of each others needs. What do we do?" it would prevent so many fights and miscommunication. But no, people just go kiss and figure out this stuff too late and be sad; if you dare think before the emotions, you're labeled as weird, stuck, obsessive, or other stupid names... Thank you for this video, I feel less alone in this world.

[@Willowy13]

This!! That is me.

[@scottwilliams846]

I was the smart guy all throughout school, but if I had a gut feeling about something, about 96% of the time, it was right. So I learned, it doesn't matter who you are or how smart you are, your instincts are there for a reason and you should probably trust them. Also, fate tends to reward the patient. If you don't think it's the right time, wait. If you think you need to keep trying something because it needs to work, make it work.

[@EckiSchmecki]

Plot Twist: You are "just" highly intelligent and what you describe as 'instinkts' or 'gut feelings' is merely a psychological concept in your head - made and fueled by your information. It's all your brain. modern humans dont tend to have instincts that really have use in daily life.

[@Tomwebsterart]

You are correct in all of these points. I always want to prove to myself that I can be independent and self reliant. This has the unintended side effect of being lonely. Though I am independent and don't necessarily "need" someone to "complete" me, I still want someone to love. Thank you for quality content once again

[@Psych2go]

Thanks for sharing :) How do you feel after watching this video?

[@joanarohde6889]

On the "dating market" this should make you very attractive. No one wants a needy, dependent person.

[@pookiebible]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/aaDcg4yaZqx_edU

[@grigorirasputin6443]

No marriage or any other sort of relationship really, will last without dependency.

[@grigorirasputin6443]

@@joanarohde6889 Huh, what a mindset, no wonder divorce rates are so high in the western world.

[@jezuconz7299]

I felt completely identified by this. I'm not saying "oh, look at me, I'm intelligent", but I do feel like love is much more calculated for me than for people who just follow their emotions. I never find myself in the seek of a partner. I do currently have a girlfriend, and for longer than I expected before but, the reason that I'm so comfortable with her is the same than the reason I wasn't looking for a relationship in the first place: I'm good with myself and finding someone that likes me like I am and that I can also rely on not going bollocks if I don't put my full attention span onto her all day, it's very relieving. If I wasn't with her, I probably wouldn't be dating anyone I already knew, but she makes it be worth it, rather than "completing me" like other people's mindset

[@unitds27-delta]

I definitely relate to some of this stuff. I will say, I often feel I don't overthink about "why do I feel this way", I more overthink "does she feel the same way". And that's worse for me because that's hard to gauge, especially when I'm always overthinking.

[@paulamusik2509]

I feel so seen by this video! I don't consider myself aromantic or asexual yet I never really found someone interesting enough to get into a relationship with them and this video perfectly summarized how I feel! I am an absolute workaholic and I always prioritized feeling fulfilled in my job and in my life through myself over finding a relationship and the idea of enforcing one just seems completely alien to me. I do hope that I will someday naturally find love and somehow who resonates with me so much that I fall head over heels and forget all my logic and I am a hopeless romantic at the end of the day. But I also wouldn't want to settle for anything less than someone who makes my life even more complete than it is now.

[@georgesand1160]

I'm just the same, except I'm not a workaholic even though I find always something to do...I'm over 40 now and I have NEVER found a man who made my life 'more complete'. It was always the same: They never gave me as much as they expected from me...Because it is the woman in the society who has to follow the man, who has to clean, cook etc., who has to 'look up' to that 'most perfect' creature called man! All that sounds very feminist, I know....Fact is, that many-many women are happy alone and many single men become alcoholics or even kill themselves because there is no woman pampering them. And, of course, there are exceptions. But the problem is within it's nature: A man who is alone because he likes his independence and would be, according to his lifestyle, a perfect partner for me, is a person I will never meet because he probably doesn't want to meet anybody. Ergo: Relationships are for people who love to live cliches and enjoy it to be dependent.

[@twentyeight602]

You've perfectly described how I feel

[@paulamusik2509]

@@twentyeight602 absolutely off topic: but Detroit become human is my favourite game and I wrote a term paper in university about Conners storyline so I absolutely love your name and profile pic lol XD

[@twentyeight602]

@@paulamusik2509 holy shit that's so cool thankyou!

[@claudiam7275]

I am a highly intelligent person who also suffers from depression and low self-esteem. These 2 things have always made it difficult for me to not only find a partner, but make friends too. I always say that I'm not single, I'm self-partnered. I'm currently studying biology and pre-medicine in college, so I really don't let distractions get in the way of reaching my goals. People are always gonna let you down, so it's important that you have a good relationship with yourself first. 💜

[@sealsmarker]

No, people will not always let you down :) There are good people out there, stay tuned and positive. Have a nice day!

[@SacredMilkOG]

@@sealsmarker true. They're right about having a good relationship with yourself, though 👍 very important.

[@bradyrewell6130]

@@sealsmarker I'm intelligent but kind of the opposite of Claudia and basically the opposite of the way this video portrays smart people. I have ADHD and depression. I'm very intelligent but also extremely extroverted and I love being around people. Actually, I get bored and sad when I'm not around others even though I have creative and other hobbies that I love and enjoy doing alone but I can't do them for too long without having a break to talk to my friends or partners. This has a lot to do with extroversion and it's kind of a stereotype that smart people are usually very introverted and love being alone. I do often feel alone because a lot of my friends are either unintelligent or just not the kind of people I want to be around all the time. But two of my ex's (who I am currently good friends with) and my twin brother are all extremely intelligent and I don't think I could get through life without having them to talk to about everything with. I have made a ton of friends and if I don't have someone to always message or talk to I feel more alone and sad. ADHD also makes me impulsive so I tend to do some things without overthinking or overanalysing which helps a lot I guess! I 100% agree with Claudia about having a good relationship with yourself. Relationships are very important to me but I wouldn't be able to do them proficiently if I didn't understand and love myself first. Some people have let me down but others have been there for me through everything and I love them more than anything else in my life. Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

[@elsaaforges]

I can relate so much to you. I'm not sure I'm highly intelligent, but I have always suffered from low self-esteem. Nowadays it looks like friendships are a must for survival, just like eating or sleeping, and they are not. They are a choice. Solitude means freedom, and for highly intelligent people, freedom is a must indeed. They don't need or want to fit in because they are enough to themselves. I wish you all the best in your two-fold study. If you lead your life according to your own standards, you will always win and eventually, defeat low self-esteem.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

@@bradyrewell6130 Me too! I love people, particularly the likeminded sort. As someone who is autistic and has many peculiar interests, I struggled with connections a lot growing up. But in recent years, I’ve undergone some sort of paradigm shift where I weaponize my neurodivergent brain towards excelling at drawing people in with my energy and passion. Because that’s what life really boils down to imho; just getting out there and having fun, following your passion, and just being enthusiastic, you know?

[@teto85]

I followed my heart with my first wife. It lasted 3 years before marriage and about the same time while married. Subsequent girlfriend lasted less than 3 years. Analyzed relationship with the lady who became my second wife. Lots of thinking. We both love our independence. We support each other as we follow our career goals. We meet each others standards. Thinking with our heads and following our hearts has proven long lasting. 27 years and 12 days as of this writing. (That means our anniversary is February 14th)

[@mushrifahmed8107]

I didn't expect that I could relate so much to this video. I'm glad that I'm not the only person who thinks along these lines.

[@jaredkennedy6576]

This can also be a huge hassle in ending a relationship. Once you have found someone who does check those boxes for you, you can overlook a lot of red flags in other areas. Then, as time goes on, as those boxes become unchecked, you tend to stick together mostly out of habit, and some due to the lack of desire to deal with the process all over again.

[@BrunoFrancaA]

Exactly. Took me months before I found the courage to end what was already over. Just thinking of being in "the market" again was stressful. I've been single for 3 months now, after being in a serious relationship for 5 years, and it feels awkward and lonely, and it makes me realize how hard it is to find someone who is compatible with me. For a moment I thought I might have found one but it didn't turn out too well.

[@evank0385]

im in this exact spot right now...

[@Most_Trustworthy_Weasel]

That's called bonding.

[@surpriseguest37]

I can strongly relate to the content of this video. I have extremely high demands of myself and others around me. Most people label me as "difficult". And I'm not surprised at all by that. I'm also an introvert and it is very hard for me to make friends and even harder to find romantic partners. Worst part is I don't even know what it takes to get that kind of relationship. Is it arduous pursuit, oceanic patience or incredible luck? To anyone struggling with this I hope you get what you seek. Have a great day!

[@Lissitchka]

I can relate I also see myself as difficult ❤

[@pickyour]

I hope you get that relationship you’re dreaming of 😊

[@omokooyinkurocherley2870]

I’m always branded as ‘difficult ‘ or ‘proud’ It’s really hard finding a romantic partner for me as well

[@kssgpv]

Usually my crush is difficult and demanding because those people are the most accomplished and goal oriented which is very attractive to me. My problem is that I don't deserve such a person cause I'm not that good to meet their expectations.

[@kristyna9324]

It takes patience. I'd say that's the most important of them all. Also self awareness. But be careful, because being too self aware and not able to let go in the moment can ruin a relationship too.

[@Nunes_Caio]

The overthinking part hit hard, my god. I can't even begin to fathom the nights of sleep I lost because I couldn't stop overthinking stuff or the times I did nothing because I was too occupied trying to see all possibilities before making my move.

[@mlg_rajgaming3406]

It’s annoying that I had pretty much found all of these out by just thinking about why I suck at dating

[@tabbylovesmath173]

I don’t really consider myself to be an intelligent person, but I do identify as aromantic. As an aromantic person, I related to this a lot! I’m glad to know that there are people outside of the aromantic community who share my experiences and feelings to a certain extent. Also you were spot on with the critiques of how the media depicts romance. Amatonormativity in the media is detrimental to our understanding of relationships overall. I wish it was less prevalent.

[@userm180]

hey, how did you find out you're an aromantic? what are some obvious signs? honestly i feel like i could never be attracted to anyone

[@theocool6367]

I am also aromantic and I relate to all the points in this video. I value good quality friendships but romance isn’t something I feel I need to be complete.

[@theocool6367]

@@userm180 for me it has just been a lack of romantic attraction all my life and that I enjoy my lifestyle and independence that not being in a relationship allows for.

[@airajin146]

I really want to understand aromantic people because I met a very important person and claimed to be aromantic which I am not quiet understand what it is. I just want to understand her deeply.

[@userm180]

@@theocool6367 hmm i think i relate. i'm still pretty young so i dont think i can know for sure as i havent met too wide of a range of people, but we'll see. thanks for telling me!! God bless and have a great day

[@defenestration-channel4836]

i think that many intelligent people (as in those who like to analyze their lived experiences ) actually suffer from a lack of a romantic relationship. They suffer willingly but they suffer nonetheless. They know that the person to whom they fall in love is not the true object of their desire, but very often only a fantasized personification of that which they desire. We can say that one should find fullness in one self but if our desire is socially produced by forces exterior to ourselves, I dont think it is possible to find fullness internally. Many smart people know this but they still uncontrollably yearn for this completeness. It’s a constant internal struggle. I am pretty dumb but I live with this struggle everyday.

[@henritaas9997]

I hope your last sentence was a joke, you said some intellectual shit there bruh, and I completely agree, it's a pain to have a fantasized personification of a functional relationship for yourself, only to not have courage to seek this relationship and end up noticing it was all a desire and not smth factual. I really avoid seeking for a relationship because of that, I don't mind if someone wants to try one with me (at least it never happened so far), but I don't think I would spend a good time by searching for someone else based on the relationship image I have in my mind. A lot of time and effort that could be utilized for smth else that I'm more guaranteed to achieve

[@hartfartpoptart]

Hit the nail on the head, mate. When I was a teenager, I would fall for girls that I thought fit into a fantasy I had developed, even if there was no chance we would work. I guess that may have been part of the appeal. I thought they would fill that hole. After years of that, I became a complete cynic towards love, and when I started dating my now wife, I had the hardest time commiting to her, because even though she was pretty much everything I wanted, she didn't fill that hole or give me that sense of fulfillment I hoped she would. In the end, I fell in love with her, but not the projected fantasy I had for the other girls. As for the hole in my heart, I think some things only God can fill.

[@ark7073]

Beautiful comment. I do still have hope that one can find fulfillment internally primarily because I’ve experienced it first hand, although the path to sustaining that internal love is a veeeerry long journey. I hope you get to experience that same internal love as well one day if you haven’t already.

[@Monstori]

I am so glad this video was made. I literally had to explain this to a friend recently. It was a difficult discussion. Now I can just link them this video if I get in a similar situation.

[@timothykarlsson3126]

Just be careful not to come off as rude.

[@Quebonitoeslobonito123]

Honestly, you shouldn’t do that. You may be smart, but that would be a dumb decision for your social life.

[@AllThingsConsidered333]

I was thinking the same. I hate trying to explain myself to friends or family. Why does it matter anyway? I am perfectly happy on my own and I feel that most people are emotionally immature and looking for someone else to “make them happy” or to “complete them.” That’s not my job. I do that for myself, you are responsible to make yourself happy and satisfied. Anyway… cheers 🥂

[@ryanthemostwantedfurry1281]

@@AllThingsConsidered333 Same here aswell. Many people who asked me if I have a girlfriend or if I am interested in someone and told them that no I don't nor I'm interested in they were shocked to hear it. Like, mate I'm happy with myself and I allready have people I love, my family, I don't need anyone else to look after, and yeah, that's your problem to complete and find yourself not mine. And I aswell don't like to be dragged down by someone who can't keep up with me, nor do I like to be the one who's commanded, since I was being raised to be the one leading and have the final say, because I'm the eldest of my siblings (I have two younger sisters, one is 15 and other is 7, I'm 19).

[@jakovbrkic3716]

Yet another proof of your brilliance

[@dragonballlover9913]

I’ve never considered myself to be all to smart, but recently (this month) I’ve been watching a ton of psych2go videos about intelligent people. The vast majority of the videos’ points correlated to my life and lifestyle. Not to mention, but in the past I had very high academic achievements, and when I didn’t, teachers and professors would tell me that I just needed to apply myself, a few even stating that the application and focus would be all it takes for me, thus I feel as though I am at least pretty intelligent. The points of this video specifically apply well, as it was a conversation I’ve had with a lot of people for a couple of years, and why I’m so uninterested in dating. I’m glad for videos like these that I can relate to, because it seems as though most people don’t relate to me, not because I consider myself to be better or even smarter than others, but simply because I have different ideas, goals, preferences, perspectives, and needs. Thank you Psych2Go. Whoever read this (that’s you, reader), You are the GOAT, and I hope you have a great day.

[@bubbelpop2274]

I don't feel like having strong boundaries should be considered a high standard. EVERYONE should have boundaries. I'm supportive to every partner I've had, attentive to their needs, respectful to their boundaries, and like to talk out every single issue in a healthy and calm manner. I don't consider myself a diamond in the rough. I think my behavior should be the standard for EVERYONE, and I don't waste my time trying to "fix" people to be emotionally mature anymore. I'm past that phase, I don't tolerate emotional childishness like unhealthy communication, disrespecting people's boundaries, vincdictivenes, or ghosting/the silent treatment. NOBODY should.

[@agentcoulson5581]

preach

[@trappedkitty5335]

This. And also, it makes us effing lonely. Involuntarily celibate because we know what we want and most people don't fit it. Conversely, what we want is very close to what people will get if they are with us. It's too high a standard for the majority of people and makes them feel like they don't deserve that level of care, consideration and integrity. We appear to be too much work.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

Indeed. I can’t stand people like that and fully concur with you on every point you made! I think more than anything I just need permanent fixtures in my life. Whether romantic or otherwise is immaterial.

[@ThomasCurrie1024]

@@trappedkitty5335 in my experience I’ve learned the people with the highest standards are the ones who most appreciate it when you rise to meet them. Never apologize for that, because the people who truly love you will always rise to the challenge. I pride myself on being someone who dedicates their existence to exceeding my closest friends’ absurdest standards. I don’t always succeed in that endeavour, but I always try as long as people are willing to give me the chance to prove my mettle. With that in mind, if you’re not opposed to it, I’m always open to chatting with more people. Being autistic has been a struggle for me my entire life, but I’d never use my disability as a crutch to justify mistreating others or not doing my fuckedest to be the forever friend they’ve always dreamed of. And honestly, as someone who really needs permanent fixtures in his own life, I’ll never hold anyone else to standards I myself am unwilling to abide by. Meaning that you’ll never be rid of me unless you cut the ties first, lol. I’m like a bad rash, you can’t get rid of me. 😅

[@spacemonkey2325]

@FS Appaneesty UOSC9B9 I very much apprrciate what you said. And I sympathize with you completely. Hearing you talk gave me more insight into my own mind, thank you. You sound interesting. If you're willing I would like to try connecting. I am also on the spectrum. I have very few friends and greatly desire more. I rarely reach out to peolpe, but this looked like a good opportunity.

[@Lillith.]

I relate more than I wish to admit. I decided a few weeks ago that I would be open to dating again. My current goals are long-term, so I have space for a relationship. Of course I let my friends know because they know me and could source a person that fits me. Is it guaranteed to work? No. Am I going to actively look? No.

[@Zaverda]

kzbin.info/www/bejne/bnW7ZGxujM9pjqM

[@chirsballer7133]

Should’ve never divorced him

[@Lillith.]

@@chirsballer7133 ?

[@saand9654]

Relationship is the worst thing you could ever have. Deny every single one of them

[@muhammadabuzar4622]

I know it's hard out there and people like you and me don't want to get into the relationship whatsoever, But hay the world is running on hope right... So good luck I hope you will find that special someone :)

[@zacharydacosta911]

I'm really glad that most of the comments I've seen emphasize the difficulties of finding a romantic partner rather than using this video as a crutch to reassure themselves of their high intelligence. I believe that I am highly intelligent - despite the fact that there can be many forms of proof that show how stupid I can be at so many times - however, I'm really glad that a video like this was made since I'm currently struggling to find love.

[@marieegel6740]

Hope you'll find in the future, we're the same on this point -_-" And being intelligent also often means being misunderstood and alone ^^" If you're feeling down, you can message me if you want 😊

[@battleharnetteam6824]

Sometime its just the pain of losing someone you love

[@HippieChick9]

I usually roll my eyes with the 'You complete me' because I don't need anyone to complete me. Everyone should be able to complete themselves and fulfill their own happiness. Their should not be a co-dependence. If something happens to the relationship, your completeness and happiness shatters. I also tend to define myself as having too much of a 'me-complex' to have a relationship vs a 'we-complex', which the video hits in different wording. I focus on me to get what goals I want done in my life. Put a partner in, all of the sudden, you have a 'our life goals' pushing into 'my life goals.' It just ain't happening. Anyways, I relate very much so to this video.

[@LeoLau-ip9bv]

k also 30th like

[@jennifern.5305]

I’d add that the longer such a person lives, the more time they’ve had to analyze the world around them, and gather more information. This makes it increasingly difficult to “take a chance” when there is empirical data showing the results of taking those chances. Such people, to their benefit, save themselves a great deal of trouble to be sure, but they’re also handicapped by their aversion to taking risks when it comes to matters of the heart.

[@elirevzen418]

As someone who has seriously struggled with what personally feels like a fairly extreme version of all six of these, this is more validation than I've have in a long time. I'd like to add a few more points to the list from my experience in case someone stumbles across them and finds it helpful: 7. being used to success in other areas in life but failing at romance significantly damages self esteem. 8. being put on a pedestal by others makes it feel almost impossible to forge meaningful connections. 9. It's incredibly discouraging to see other people acting in ways that seem irrational and as a result hurting everyone around them in the process. 10. It feels almost impossible to find anyone who can relate to this type of isolation The points I added have hit me particularly hard. I had a bunch of testing done by my parents pretty early on so I was always told that I was highly intelligent. One on hand it gave me seemingly infinite self-esteem when it came concrete challenges like my education. One the other hand it left me feeling like I was broken in a way that nobody could even understand (even reading through the DSM5 for psych left me stumped as to what was "wrong") since I was largely unsuccessful at romance and often bullied as a younger child. Eventually the extreme deficit in "personal life self esteem" grew so big it started eating away at my other "reserves" I had relegate for school which lead to many other issues.

[@GresterNandes]

Your 4 points are absolutely spot on! Literally have nothing to add. The thing that disturbed me the most is in every relationship I had, my partners at some point said I was too good for them.

[@elirevzen418]

@@GresterNandes I'm glad to see that people have been finding these resonant. I've found that the best way to get past people feeling insufficient around me is affirming that I'm with them because I want to be which is just that much more meaningful than if it was because I needed to be. Hopefully that helps you down the road but if not I'm just yet another internet rando so do what you will.

[@arvinsim]

I can relate with No. 7. You end up questioning why you are always failing and seeing yourself as such a loser.

[@UnnamedScholar]

I like these videos for that same reason. I don't need anything to reaffirm my intelligence. Its just nice to know I'm not alone. While finding happiness by myself its hard to see everyone else forming connections and not feel like a failure. I especially appreciate your last point because although people say they feel lonely it just doesn't have the resonance or understanding that a whole childhood of unintentional alienation does.

[@shina7418]

the only thing keeping me out from this isolation is my friends that have the same thought process as me.

[@austintucker5251]

My GOD why is all of the stuff she said so true I understand and go through all of this dang this is why I’m subbed for this stuff thanks for the insight!!!