6 Types of School-Based Childhood Trauma

In this video we cover: school, school abuse, bullying, bully, toxic teachers, pressure, fighting, intimacy conflict, empath, clairvoyant, triggers, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, C-PTSD, PTSD, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood PTSD, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters and Journal Prompts:
0:00 Intro
03:38
Number 6: Crushes
1) Were you the apple of your parent’s eye? If no, could that be related to those crushes.
2) Were you in valid need of being valuable or lovable to someone…like in a deficit.
3)Did you long for maybe living in another home with them? Somewhere safe and more connected? Why?
06:41
Number 5: Not Getting Help - Just Expected to Perform
1) How were you parented if you struggled with grades and keeping up?
2) Do you currently have problems: starting things, believing that you’re dumb when that’s not true do you still hide and not ask for help academically or intellectually
3) What would have getting help about writing or math done for you in grammar school or high school? Would you have felt differently about yourself?
Side Note-help would have looked like, parenting and school discussions about resources for delays, learning disabilities, behaviors, without blame and shame around performance.
10:09
Number 4: Abusive Teachers
1) Would your parents believed you if you told them?
2) Do you struggle with the integrity of those in authority or power?
3) What did you need from your parents as well as the school specifically in terms of justice?
No one advocated for us.
12:12
Number 3: Teasing, Ridicule, and Vulnerability
1) How were you set up from home to be singled out in school for vulnerability?
(desperate to be accepted and loved - wanted to be popular? )
2) What did you need from a parent if they were safe about ridicule, teasing and vulnerability?
15:14
Number 2: Social Pressure
1) How would a healthy parent have guided and helped you through those school pressures and took them seriously?
2) What would have been good enough?
3) Who was responsible for how you had to hide and conform?
17:37
Number 1: Bullying
1) What did you need if you had healthy parents?
2) What did you need from the school?
3) Was it really about you even though it was so personal?
4) What did the bully get out of it and do you value that?
25:02 Final Thoughts
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know, is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[@annatheres3]

My school years were so turbulent, and I had so much anxiety. My parents didn’t talk to me much, and I was labeled as a “quiet” kid. But it felt like I had such a deficit in my communication skills because I didn’t have anyone at home to talk to and learn those skills.

[@realhealing7802]

Same here!

[@Flowerpelt3]

I understand this one, I even changed my name to Shy because that's what everyone wanted to label me anyway.

[@cherylthompson6786]

Exactly, but instead of being labeled a "quiet" kid, I was called "stuck-up" because I kept myself. Little did anyone know how hard I tried to be invisible.

[@opalizard]

Yup my experience as well, still learning to communicate in my 30s

[@roselyntelk520]

I also dealt with this. I learned English (my first language) from text books and my sister. I didn't talk to other people to the point that I just didn't really know how people would talk to each other normally. It causes me to come off as to formal sometimes I think.

[@jenrenby]

For future videos like this, I think including the "loner" kid would be helpful. When I was younger, I had a few friends but I hardly ever invited them over or hung out with them outside of school because of my parents' hangups. In high school, I had no friends and just floated on by. I wanted to be invisible, and I mostly succeeded in that. I was so depressed, anxious, and lonely.

[@truewantsaband]

That's a great point; I remember realizing as a kid that if I didn't have to go through the bullying alone, it would have been bearable. My bullied isolated me through the social pecking order, threatening anyone who interacted with me. There was a perimeter of empty space around me always. Sitting at the lunch table, standing in line, ect.

[@catherinebullock9748]

me too

[@laurajohnson7519]

Saaaaaame

[@pambrown5382]

Ditto

[@lenny7877]

Yes I vividly remember thinking "It's not worth making friends, we'll move again or something anyway, plus it's only like 3 years until the end" and the depression and anxiety just amplifying everything

[@StellaIrisandTess]

My high school math teacher would get so angry that his face would turn purple when he screamed. He had a bucket of yardsticks because he was always smashing them on desks and breaking them. The lockers across from his door had a dent in it from where he threw a desk. I was so utterly terrified of him that I had panic attacks. About 20 years later, I found out that his first wife ran away from him and that other adults knew he had a serious anger problem. AND YET NO ONE TOOK STEPS TO REMOVE HIM FROM THE CLASSROOM. Blows my mind. No, I am not good at math and yes, I still panic when I have to do any.

[@davidbrentslifecoach]

Sorry you had to deal with that. I had a needlework teacher who was so awful to me on my 2nd day at my new high school that my knees would shake before every lesson, and I could hardly ever do any work because I was so anxious. Luckily for me, she was incompetent and never noticed. I absolutely have no idea how this woman was allowed into a classroom.

[@janineanderson1]

I remember saying something my teacher did not like. I was struggling with a concept and was probably getting frustrated so I don't remember what I did. I probably sighed, did an eye roll, or something to that effect. The teacher snapped. She started screaming so loud at me that her face also turned purple and red and she had tears streaming from her face. I also had a loved one who raged and I would hide from him as a young girl. I dealt constantly with bullying at school so my coping mechanism was to tell myself that the storm would always pass and that all I needed to do was to be quiet, take it, and realize that emotions are for those who are weak. Unfortunately I brought some of that mentality into relationships as an young adult and I think men found it easy to abuse me since I learned not to be emotional or retaliatory as I was getting abused. However, after 3 kids and putting up with my husband for years, you get to a point where you grow tired of just taking it but I still find myself avoiding conflict in situations with my husband.

[@marcelusdarcy]

I have a lot of trauma from school from being undiagnosed autistic/ADHD and not getting the extra help I needed, being called lazy everyday for years, being told I was going to ruin my life if I didn't perform well on my GCSE's, enormous pressure from teachers/parents with no help or sympathy 🙃

[@duncanbug]

Me too. I bombed and now I’m in Uni later in life but almost done! For me it was the opposite though. Still bullied but they viewed me as completely incapable. Nobody would say it. But in the 90s and 2000s even specialists thought disability meant inability and low IQ. I was given braindead easy material and now help on college entrance exams. Found old records saying I had a 140IQ as a kid lol. (thought I was autistic but it’s actually undiagnosed ADHD)

[@whichwayifly9856]

Me too with ADHD! Patrick described the school downward spiral so well! Despite showing chronic problems doing schoolwork across every single year grades 1-12, nobody even questioned it. It's hard not to be angry about it now when I consider how different my adult life could have been if teachers or parents were able to give support then. And I was in a fancy private school no less!

[@gojiberry7201]

I was bullied terribly at school. When I came home, I cried a lot, and my mom never asked why. She would make fun of me crying and mock the crying sounds: "She's crying again! BOO-HOO-HOO." Only now at 43 am I learning how despicable my family life was. It's interesting that I did have desperate crushes through middle and high school.

[@BrandiFink]

I had an opposite but just as damaging experience in school. I was “too smart”. I was born in 1975, and my elementary school was probably behind the times even for the 80’s. After a series of tests at the university of Georgia, it was determined that I should skip 2 grades. To my mom’s credit, she only consented to one grade. I moved up to 2nd grade after only 6 weeks in 1st grade. I grew up being teased in every single grade and every school because I was the teachers pet and a nerd. But the teachers after 2nd grade with only a couple of exceptions loved me. I grew to learn that if I wanted to be accepted and loved I had to get 100’s on everything and really wow my teachers and prove to my parents that I was worthy of love and attention. But if I wanted friends I had to pretend not to be smart. I had to remember not to get too excited about learning and to not raise my had to answer too many questions. To this day I still do this. I always feel “other”. Like I can’t be myself. And like I am only worthy of love and acceptance if I achieve something or have the right answers. But not too many right answers. It’s a catch22.

[@ezb6798]

I went to school in the 60s and early 70s. I was a good student, I was fat, and I wore glasses. These characteristics made me a social outcast after about the 6th grade. Girls were not supposed to be smart, but they were supposed to be thin and pretty. I was not physically bullied, but I was made fun of, jeered at and rejected by my classmates. I also had a mother who criticized my looks, belittled my accomplishments, and couldn’t handle any “negative” emotions from me, and a father who was kind but withdrawn from the family. So I had no safe place to talk about how I felt about the bullying. I remember the one and only time someone stood up for me really vividly. I was a freshman in high school; a bunch of us were waiting to board the bus, and one of my usual tormenters was making fun of me loudly. A girl I knew who was a junior lay into him (verbally) and shut him up. I was so surprised! That had never happened to me. This happened almost 50 years ago, and I can still feel in my body what it felt like to be cringing under abuse and then be defended. Looking back on this, I wonder, why did it only happen the one time? And why was the person who stood up for me a fellow student, not a teacher or other adult?

[@ls6720]

Fatphobia is ubiquitous to the point it’s not even noticed. I gained a ton of weight in high school due to psych meds. It happened quickly and was pretty terrifying. I wasn’t bullied but was sort of a non-entity, surrounded by friends who were constantly making nasty comments about how this person is fat or that person gained weight. Or they would cry on my shoulder about how “disgusting” they were for gaining 10lbs. If I mentioned they were still several dress sizes smaller than me. This went through our 20s, when I moved away for several years. I’d see them during visits in our 30s. All but one of them grew up and grew kinder. The other one doubled down. When I moved back (still fat) she was still making fun of random fat people just minding their own business. I was laughed off when I addressed her behavior. I have cPTSD and abruptly cut the friendship off with no explanation during a bad moment. The thing that surprised me was that everyone was as mystified as she was. It probably shouldn’t have.

[@Luubelaar]

I was skinny but not pretty. I had a weird looking face and big teeth. My father was my first and most prolific bully, setting me up as a perfect target for school bullies. I only had a couple of times when someone else stuck up for me, and it was never an adult.

[@Derlet30]

I'm happy to know that the one who stepped in was a fellow student. It shows you that all of us have the power to be that one soul who stands up for another ❤️. I am happy that student stood up for you. She did the right thing!

[@annastone5624]

@ezb6798 Why did it happen only the one time?? That’s a really good question! I guess maybe it never ever happening is the norm and you experienced an exception.. I always ask myself why am I ‘attracting’ xyz.. yes certain things can make us targets.. but now the way I look at it is, it’s basically scapegoating.. and scapegoating needs no reason only that the group/ institution is full of toxic immature people. You could be the most socially considered perfect lookswise and it could still happen to you. The problem is the environment.

[@Bronte866]

My worst bullying was from teachers and other adults at school. My parents gave me an unusual name and the teachers & other parents would say to me, “Who do you think you are??” As if I named myself. I was pretty and they were always harassing me to “bring me down a notch.” The other kids were fine. Teachers knew I was beaten & abused at home but enjoyed it thoroughly. I would either put my child in Montessori or hire a private teacher to home school them.

[@ourtravelingzoo3740]

I feel like I entered survival mode as a young child and stayed in it until my mid thirties when I left my abusive husband. I’m still waiting for trouble around every corner but at least have realized it is not my fault

[@cherylthompson6786]

I'm glad to hear you were able to leave the abusive situation safely. Easier said than done, but I hope you find joy around every corner.

[@crystaledwards9878]

Here! Here!

[@nancyzehr3679]

Wait. Are you me? :)))

[@Krissy_K888]

It is so mind-boggling when people say a kid lies. Why on earth would a kid ever make up abuse? The child shouldn't even have a concept of it. All kids care about is playing and having fun. It is such an obvious and shameless cop-out.

[@ThatsWhat-She.]

School was hell, home was hell. It's actually a miracle I didn't follow through with any of my suicide plans & survived to adulthood. I would have no idea how to navigate childhood these days, in some ways it's so much worse now.

[@cbahm]

I escaped into books. I was the isolated only child of a widowed working mom who knew the limit of books our city library would let me check out at once (23 was my personal experience - I read multiple books a day). Books were a pleasure, of course, but they were also escapes from loneliness and from the social & physical isolation of rural life in a sparsely populated area. Most of all, books were an adaptable medication I could apply all by myself: Sad? Read comics or joke books. Angry? Read apocalyptic stories. Bored out of my mind? Read mysteries again to see if I can find all the clues and red herrings. Just HAVING a variety of books gave me comfort, like a well-stocked pantry soothes a survivalist. Books also gave me verbal quickness, which was both a defensive and offensive tool. I was intensely ostracized at my very small school by teachers and students during my senior year, and it messed me up for YEARS. No one really knew what was going on in my personal and private life that also weighed on me and left me without resources or support. I was also bullied by at least two boyfriends, which added to my confusion. I’m 61, and I still feel the emotional impact of self-doubt and feeling “less than” today. I don’t know how to heal that fully, at least not with the rational and emotional tools I’ve gathered over the years. I feel like I still have a lot of emotional scar tissue. It’s such a drain to feel the grip of panic and dread wash over me again whenever I feel like I’ve let someone down, disappointed them, or offended them. Oddly, I’ve had a quasi-public career for most of my life and am no stranger to navigating scorn and misunderstanding there too. Even my career successes have felt like I attached too much of my personal happiness to others’ approval or disapproval of me. Retirement has been peaceful and has left me feeling - for the first time in my life - that I have “enough” and can just “be” rather than endlessly “do.” Of course, it’s also a financially tight time so I feel vulnerable there. Thanks for your thoughtful video and for giving people like me a forum to explore these issues.

[@linden6756]

Hi I just wanted to say that I've never heard someone share a story so similar to mine and I appreciated yours :) I never thought I'd live to 20 and I have passed that but it's still amazing to see someone at 61

[@Manas999_9]

🤎

[@barefootrealist246]

Wow, I too dove into books as my refuge. I still feel that my sweetest moments are in those pages and that I live my outward life as an act. I often got in trouble in school because that is how I coped through the day - in the pages of a book. (Nothing more embarrassing that being the quiet, good kid who is called out in class to write on the board or whatever when you were not paying any attention.) So much of what you have said here rings true for me. Thanks for sharing! The comments sometimes give me as much strength as the tools he teaches.

[@jessicakwok2013]

❤❤

[@stephaniewebb9474]

I STILL can't watch embarrassing scenes in movies or handle being mocked (not teased, MOCKED).

[@moonbeams4999]

Something I've never seen being tackled are people who get sexually assaulted/harassed in school by their bullies. I've always seen it covered in the context of physical and emotional abuse, but never sexual abuse. Never seen it talked about has made it absolutely difficult for me to process my trauma. It's such a difficult subject for anyone to bring up.

[@thomasdoyle9748]

Sexually harassed in middle school. Didnt talk about it. I'm female.

[@mohamstaz3618]

My parents' idea of helping me get through bullying was to tell me to fight back. I am (still) tiny and female. School was a vicious cycle for me that I'm glad I never have to go through again.

[@mireillenadeau2348]

I was told to ignore it. On the days it felt like too much, i was told i wouldn't get basic Necessities. Imagine, a growing girl.

[@peacefulpossum2438]

@@mireillenadeau2348 I was also told to ignore it, which just seemed dismissive. After advise like that, I quit going to my mom with problems. I felt really alone.

[@Mouse_Metal]

I was told to ignore the bullies and that was the biggest mistake. I was and still am a weak, short girl but I can be vicious fighter if provoked and I did kung-fu as a kid. I would be able to kick the bullies down the stairs. I should have done that. My mother threatened me with detention for misbehaving kids, which was described as some dystopian prison to me, so I was afraid to fight back to not end up there. I was also blamed for provoking the bullies. Because kids apparently don´t bully someone without any objective reason (sarcasm). Well, their "objective" reason was I was ugly (skin disease) and from a poor family (old, ugly clothes) and had the best grades from the class and had non-mainstream hobbies. This basically stuck with me for life. Adult bullies are as bad as kid bullies, or worse.

[@mireillenadeau2348]

@@Mouse_Metal oof it's like you described me there, minus the kung-fu. Martial arts was only for the boys 🙄

[@mireillenadeau2348]

@@peacefulpossum2438 through the years i kept hoping i would explain it in a way they'd finally aknowledge.

[@GrowthGuided]

38 years old and still can find myself ruminating on bullying from elementary school and high school days. You can’t hide or pretend this stuff doesn’t shape us (: much love friends

[@Starpotion]

Your sense of humor continues to shine throughout your videos. Despite the heavy subject matter, it's absolutely relieving being able to smile while processing it.

[@Bronte866]

I guess I missed the humor of this video.

[@angryalice5629]

I’d like to add about girls who were often told to choose “an easy career path” like literature or philosophy because they were incapable of understanding math/science related subjects a priori. Also many middle and high school girls faced sexual harassment from their PE teachers.

[@Bronte866]

Not just PE teachers. Any male teachers.

[@1MacSara]

My fourth grade teacher was such an abusive man, he was always screaming at us from the top of his lungs whenever we got in trouble. This tall man towering over us, he screamed at me twice in front of the entire classroom, I felt like no one saw me the same after that.

[@cherylthompson6786]

Same. Mine was my 5th grade teacher. It was so traumatic. I remember every detail of that day decades later.

[@avaford9092]

This comment made me realise that teachers screaming at you in front of the class isn't normal. From my experience teachers enjoyed getting in on the bullying just as much, but had to find sneekier ways of getting away with it.

[@Luubelaar]

My first grade teacher clearly didn't like little kids, which makes me wonder why she was a teacher. She very clearly had favourites, and I was not one of them.

[@andrefalksmen1264]

Teachers play the victim so well, claiming they our selfless Heroes, willing to put up with children when no one else would. However, most people get their first taste of the Injustice of the world from teachers. Teacher set up some students to be the scapegoat, some students to be The Golden Child, and use their position of the adult in the classroom to get other children to bully the child they dislike. Going back to the days of Pink Floyd, we all know that many teachers are sadist, it's just Politically Incorrect to say it.

[@waynesolum4877]

My mother teased me relentlessly, revelling in retelling the stories to others in front of me right up to her death when I was 54.

[@BD-yl5mh]

I would say watching these videos and hearing the types of allusions Patrick makes, I was kinda lucky. In all honesty, I think my parents were OK, but I do remember my Mum did love to embarrass me when I was growing up. It wasn’t necessarily venomous or vicious but it was just belittling, or continuing to tell a story about me that was infantilising and factually skewed to play up my fuck up even after I’d asked her to stop. It’s weird because she played loving mother well enough that I never considered that to be a thing. Thanks for your comment coz it has helped me to remember some of the crap I used to get from her.

[@wilpri]

It has come to me (now an old woman) that the acting out of a child is his/her way of telling the other party how he/she is being treated by others, through mimicry.

[@carlyann7518]

I think an often overlooked issue is the over-performing child. I found that I could succeed at school through grades and extra curricular activities and could make adults "happy"/get the positive attention I desired. I threw myself into people pleasing the adults at school, church, work (in high school) and often received negative attention from my peers. I put all my effort into pleasing responsive adults and had little time for a social life because I was anxiously obsessing over how to achieve. Looking back, I wish an adult had recognized my desperation for positive attention and helped me to find balance and self confidence. While this has followed me into adulthood, I'm on the road to recovery thankfully, and your videos have played a big part! Thank you for your work.

[@ann-cathrin860]

I have been looking for that comment. Thanks for sharing, I have a similar story. Good luck with everything, I believe we are strong and we can learn to built our value and confidence on other things but success, achievements and being "the nice one". Have a woderful day

[@carlyann7518]

Thanks for sharing! I hope you have a great one too :)

[@mayajones3759]

I see you. I hear you. I agree deeply. Overachiever in every part of my life. The adults loved it and let me sit in a corner and read. Thankfully kept me safer from peers.

[@theladyamalthea]

Sooooooo relatable!! Academic achievement was the one way I could “earn” love from my parents, while simultaneously being mocked for being a “nerd” or “brainiac” from my peers. What a thing to do to a child!

[@renoia3067]

Your videos have helped me a ton in the process of setting up weekly sessions with a counselor. Without you, I never would have been comfortable talking to anyone. Tomorrow is session 2. UPDATE: It's been a couple weeks and it's going really great!!! Everyone in my life is telling me that I seem to be doing better and actually getting ready and getting into the Zoom call isn't as terrifying as it was at first. Advice: TELL THEM EVERYTHING! TELL THEM!! You have reservations about therapy? TELL THEM! You have reservations about them?? TELL THEM!!! Tell them right now!!!! Do it!!!! You will feel better or you will find another counselor!!! It's going to be fine! TELL THEM!

[@marleyofficialmedia]

❤❤❤

[@steffi5945]

Yay. Go you!

[@brahman-atma8839]

Hugs

[@ZebrasAreAwesome011]

Good luck!! I'm hoping to do the same by the end of this year :)

[@Whoamidontknow17707]

Wow. I’m connecting the dots between being bullied at school, expected to preform without help….and how this ties into, even at age 41, I still feel completely abandoned & let down by society, my parents, my extended family and the school system. The moment that I started showing up to school with bloody self inflicted cuts, should have been everyone’s “a ha!” moment. But no. Here I sit, wasted potential, alone but the company of my pup, avoiding all participation in society. The human heart can only completely shatter once before it’s broken for all time.

[@yvellebradley2502]

You’re not alone. You reached out and wrote a heartbreaking commentary. I read that commentary. Others, kind members of the KZbin community, people who are on this platform, feel for you. You are alive, many years left. Oscar Wilde said that living well is the best revenge! Totally recommend therapy.

[@se2533]

Dear Kem M2, I feel so with you. I'm 42 now, seen from the outside reasonably successful, but that's just the image or shell I've built for self protection. In reality I'm also sitting alone with two dogs, wasted potential, avoiding people as much as possible, and with three decades of pain and bitterness inside. I'm in therapy and it helps a bit, but it can never undo what's happened. Kem M2, I can't help you, but I want you to know I feel and share your pain.

[@myosotismalva]

You're more than a broken heart 💔

[@utubeuserintheusa]

Ken, I totally understand what you are saying and please know that you are not alone in what you are feeling. I, too have felt the same most of my days on this planet and despite all of those people that let you down before .... there are people that understand your hurt and suffering, that do care and that want you to have a chance to be your best self, the man you want to be. Please watch this video , it really helped me feel that pain again so that it could start seeping out and allow me to start healing the old wounds. kzbin.info/www/bejne/omqUlJqae6iegJI The struggle is real, the pain is real and love can heal.

[@mikasablackerman6776]

You are not alone. I’m 30 and I always felt ashamed of being still affected by childhood bullying. I feel like I could have written this myself

[@chateaumojo]

As a teacher, I would try to figure out which kids were being picked on, then I would treat those kids with a little extra attention and confidence. That set an example for the class, which they often mirror. Also the other kids knew the kid had adult allies present. Kids with friends and allies get picked on less.

[@rainbowconnected]

I wish I had had a teacher like you. I'm sure tons of kids and adults feel the same. Small acts of kindness like that matter more than people know.

[@Bronte866]

I did the same when I taught. I go to law school now. I worry about those kids constantly.

[@taylorbrown7625]

The worst part is when my parents advocated for me the teachers became more hard on me. And the school administration wouldn't adress the issues with these teachers. It was seen as no big deal by administration. These teachers were allowed to completly psychologically traumatize and because the other teachers were friends with these abusive teachers, they favored 10- year and contracts verses students and parents who complained . You just mentioned bringing a gun to school! I remember saying that to my counselor and she said i didn't mean it! She didn't understand and i was judged by her. I told her school was that bad with bullying! So scary how bad the school system is on children! I didn't want to hurt anyone, i just wanted to feel safe and protected !

[@karebear7764]

I told my best friend that I know for a fact, had there been social media when I was in HS, that I would NOT be here to write this... the bullying still effects me to this day, and it happened over 20 years ago.

[@Embracetherandom]

That's exactly what I told my husband. If the internet was around and I couldn't escape the bullying I definitely would've ended my life. I was on the edge every day. So sorry you had the same experience. It's heart breaking.

[@drezdogge]

I was bullied mercilessly as a child at school and came home and got in trouble for it when my teachers told them

[@374c3]

I'm so sorry that happened to you... i hope you're doing ok 💙

[@drezdogge]

@@374c3 I'm not not ok

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@drezdogge I can really relate to you, man, totally relate. I've been through it myself. College was better because you can advocate for yourself. F the whole 4 yr plan, do it on your own schedule. Hit a community college first. Take your time, don't do a full load. For one thing, you are gonna have to KNOW the material just to get through the test or you might freak out and bomb. So go S L O W. This is for you, not all those A holes out there. YOU CAN, YOU CAN DO IT. I know you can. This fear crap comes from parents and teachers, even HS counselors have f-ed me up, are useless! You can learn so much online now, the whole world is available to you. Sign up for any tutoring or program the school offers you. And maybe confide in a close friend if possible (That's hard, terrifying, I know.) Or pay a student a little bit to work with you. If you find a counselor or teacher that's empathic, that's great. I never have. But I was able to get through WITH STRAIGHT A'S because I Know all that sh-it is something other people put on me, it's not mine!!! And you will begin to see for yourself, with clarity, as you start doing it, that you can do it. Just get away from toxic family and people who attack you. In college, most people don't know you so you get to start clean. There are people there of all ages and walks of life. Without all those malignant and oppressive people around you, your life will be better. Find a good therapist, if possible, or go to whatever local 12 step meetings that align with you. If you can't find local, many now offer phone or online. And there are many supportive people who do videos like this one here. Journaling is great, you can see the negative messaging (introjects) toxic people brainwashed you with. Take those negative messages and make them positive. You aren't stupid. You learned to survive. And you are strong. Stronger than you know. Best wishes for a beautiful life.

[@drezdogge]

@@pauladuncanadams1750 yeh I'm 45 with a PhD, and I agree, higher education is on your terms so it's easier to learn because you are doing it for you. Therapy can be a lifesaver. But life still finds a away to trigger you after you survive traumatic parenting

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

@@drezdogge My apologies for assuming. It sounded like you were struggling with education. At least I was right, you are smart! Look at all you've accomplished. Sorry that you were triggered. That's something else I understand all too well. Wishing you peace and love.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

All forms of neurodivergence are heavily bullied, my adhd and mild dyslexia were always misunderstood and ridiculed, and I had no idea what was going on in my body and brain. I was actually only able to get diagnosed at 20. I’m 24 now. This video from beginning to end was something that reminded me of many parts of my past and helped me connect the dots. I was abused and bullied in all ways by girls, boys, adults, teachers, plus the narcissistic abuse in my “family”. Thank you 🙏

[@Nakia11798]

Yeah, kids treat "different" people as if they're terrible.

[@winxclubstellamusa]

@@Nakia11798 definitely. Kids fear the other and the different and they manifest it into forms of overt (physical and verbal attacks) and covert violence (mockery and psychological and mental attacks and schemes).

[@mrs.quills7061]

@@Nakia11798 and it’s not just kids that do this, grown adults still behave like this. It’s disgusting.

[@asteries8958]

@@mrs.quills7061 fr, my mom thinks hitting kids with adhd would 'cure' them

[@AlastorTheNPDemon]

It's things like this that have me looking at school shootings and thinking "They brought this upon themselves." In my more heated (and psychotic) moods, I hail them as heroic avengers. I'm neurodivergent myself and there is no greater enemy to me than other people, who I am in a constant state of cold war with. I do not trust authorities, groups of teenagers are all criminal gangs to me, I see women as conniving and duplicitous, and there is a special interest I have in seeing other men scream in pain as I revel in it. As far as I'm concerned there are two types of people I interact with: 1. Narcissistic sociopaths 2. Their complacent neurotypical lackeys

[@MaureenWHamblin]

I was one of like three black kids in my secondary school in Ireland. There were teachers who did not even bother to learn our names and would refer to us as the black or African kid 😢😢! Before that I had spent over three years in a boarding school in Kenya!!! The school had no running water, I’d asthma, I “lost” my shoes and socks all the time which got me in trouble with teachers!! One of my bullies at that school was my cousin who ended up coming to leave with us in Ireland!! Before that my narc mother had abandoned me and left me with my narc grandmother. I remember always feeling alone and I never had anyone to fight for me. If I said that someone was mean to me, I was asked what I did to provoke them 😢😢!! So I learnt to survive by being a “good girl” in school, church and home!! I got good grades because that meant less beatings from my teachers in Kenya and from my caregivers!! I was desperate to fit in and to be loved!! I know that now and it explains my promiscuity!! I dated one of my bullies from primary school for years even after leaving Kenya and was in and out of that relationship till my mid 20s and needless to say I sent him money and did everything for him!! I never met my dad. And my narc mum wanted nothing to do with me. When I went to live her at the age of 12 I was her cook, cleaner, and childminder!! No wonder my school trauma felt so heightened!! I’d spend all day trying to survive and when I came home I’d also try to survive by parenting my mother, my stepdad and their kids and put up with my bully of a cousin who was living with us!! Thank you Patrick for your videos!! They are so affirming, informative and healing!! May God bless you abundantly and may you get all your hearts desires!!!

[@retronightmare7043]

I was heavily bullied from first grade to sophomore year. It was verbal and physical. I was always a tomboy and people did not like that. There were times I would sit at a table in the cafeteria and kids would get up and move away from me. Teachers would see me bullied, hit, threatened snd they just sat there and ignored it. Nobody cared, nobody said anything. When I came to class covered in cuts and would just sit there and stare into space, I was a ghost. Teachers never tried to engage with me, they saw but didn’t care. I never got help from my parents because they were just as bad and even worse. Humiliated in public, beaten, life threatened, sexual abuse from their friends and they allowed it. I felt safe at the library. I would skip class and go to the public library. I had three suicide attempts by the time I turned fifteen. I never even expected to live as long as I have. Now I’m almost thirty, married with a kid. I still have no friends and spend time with books and reading. I still feel very alone but I’ve learned to love myself and set an example for my kid. I did get two years of therapy but it’s still a lifelong healing process.

[@donatello9482]

You sound mentally strong to me

[@diatribe5]

I imagine that of all the pain and humiliation, the worst part of all was the teachers witnessing that and doing nothing about it. The one time I fought back, was after a boy shoved me into the locker bank, and I punched him in the nose. I went up to home room, where he sat there with a damp sponge to his nose, and my teacher didn’t hesitate to send me to the vice principal’s office. The boy’s friend ridiculed him out loud, saying, “Haha, Mike, you pussy, you got hit by a girl!” The bullies get away with everything, and if you take the worst parental advice of “just ignore it “, that gives them a green light to continue, but if you do finally fight back, the teachers punish you. It’s a no win.

[@theladyamalthea]

I’m so sorry you went though all that. You did not deserve any of it!

[@vivekkarajasegaran2664]

I was also a tomboy in class. Being in an Asian family in an Asian country didn’t help much. I was told constantly to sit like a girl, walk like a girl, talk like a girl, behave like a girl, or even worse breathe like a girl. It was so infuriating. The guys in my class were slightly more accepting compared to the girls. The guys’d talk and connect with me in class but would ignore me outside of class. The girls never once accepted me bc I was considered a ‘pick me’. I was literally told on my face that ‘girls like me would never find love’. I was just shaking on the inside but couldn’t cry in front of these girls. Plus I always hid in the toilet cubicle if I ever felt like crying. Then in secondary school, I was bullied again. The same rumours from primary school circulated in secondary school as well. I gave up hoping that things would change and it did change when I went onto college but I still have residual feelings from the past that can’t be completely healed. And recently, I bumped into a classmate from school and it felt like something struck me so hard that I couldn’t even move. I just froze at the sight of her and realised that I may have moved on, but I have not forgiven myself to even be unaffected by the people in my past. I would like to forgive myself and let go of myself from being stuck in the past

[@Bronte866]

I would sue a teacher who did that as well as the entire school board. Seriously.

[@truewantsaband]

Four things I'd like to add to the convo; one thought that I have that causes me so much despair is realizing now as an adult how obvious it was that I was being abused at home but the teachers and other adults didn't call social services. This compounded the feeling that I was worthless. I would duck and cover my head if a teacher looked at me with any intensity, I wet myself which is a sign of sexual abuse, I was essentially mute, ect. I'd like to point out that young children can feel suicidal. We tend to associate that with teenagers but I remember wanting to end my life at as early as 5 y/o, and indeed young children have committed suicide. I've seen some of my bullies as adults and it's astounding to me that they came up to me at all, and not with an apology. They acted friendly, which was honestly sickening. I want to forget their existence because they essentially ran a several year long campaign to destroy me and they came up to me as if it was all good fun. Disgusting. One thing about being bullied that's hard to explain is how it stunted my social development, and how as the years progressed, it compounded. Not knowing how to play as a kid is now 50 different relational skills I didn't learn. I think I would have been a fantastic candidate for homeschooling because really, none of the relating that I was doing at school was healthy. I was stuck in a bizarre world where all we did was torture and be tortured, and normal kids were unaccessible to me because I was so maladapted. It would have been better to have limited interacting than to now have to unlearn 18 years of cat and mouse. Point being; being socially outcasted has long, long term effects - it's like my bullies/abusers are still successfully isolating me to this day.

[@nancyzehr3679]

You must have grown up in rural Ohio.

[@truewantsaband]

@@voncrowne6603 im talking about an ideal scenario, no it wouldn’t of worked out with my home life the way that it was. I was a kid like any other and I needed guidance, so with my home life the way that it was I would’ve failed home school. Really a boarding school for the blind would’ve been great, but really nothing would’ve replaced Secure attachments to trustworthy parents. My school life was miserable, but my family definitely did more damage to my psyche. So I’m just curious, what exactly is the point of your comment?

[@oliveoil4380]

I’m so sorry for your feelings of pain and abandonment; I relate so well. I wet the bed until I was 10.

[@oliveoil4380]

@@voncrowne6603 I think you should go away, troll. If this site is not helpful to you, fine. But many of us find it a place of compassion and understanding; not victim hood-more so a place where we can speak without feeling like fucking freaks. Please leave the room, fool.

[@lv9265]

I can relate to this so much! I felt for years like my school bullies still have power over me, I still feel like that sometimes.

[@jg3094]

The boy who bullied me relentlessly for years in school took his own life 2 years out of high school after being kicked out of the Marines. The bullying occurred daily on school days and the teachers saw it, heard it and did nothing. I still try to process the degree of pain that person must have been experiencing to end his life before it really even got started. I sometimes think that his early departure saved some other person from worse pain or even a murder-suicide. Some situations maybe cannot be reconciled and we just need to move forward.

[@Mouse_Metal]

Good riddance! One jerk less in this world. Ignorant teachers are the worst. I was also bullied at school, teachers knew it, ignored it, there was even one teacher who joined the bullies. Totally unprofessional! Then when I decided to leave that terrible school and go to another one they were suddenly surprised and my main teacher was like "If you change your mind you can still attend this school the next year." No, thanks!

[@oliveoil4380]

The takeaway that I wish all victims of bullying could take solace from: Bullies are the weakest of the weak. They prey on the most vulnerable in society because they are cowardly weaklings. I’m glad your weak, cowardly abuser felt

[@oliveoil4380]

I’m glad your abuser felt just as bad as he tried to make you feel. No abuser has my sympathy.

[@blodknut5595]

@@oliveoil4380 remember that @J G was describing bullying from another student - a child. I am not justifying the bully’s behaviour or minimising the harm. When the bullying is from an adult, particularly a parent (which I experienced) this is reprehensible and not worthy of sympathy. For me what is the saddening element in the account of school bullying by @J G is that seemingly the adults failed the children- the parents seemed unable to protect one child from bullying and the other parents enabled/caused their child to bully others. The teachers failed both children.

[@geetagill9243]

Unfortunately he was probably bullied at home, I'm SO SORRY you went through so much trauma. I hope you realize that you had NOTHING to do with any of that bullying ( Some people don't realize this and That's why I am writing this). I was abused by a psychopath and it was horrid, may you feel PEACE for the Rest of your days!

[@allieshepherd1144]

I’m 53 years old and still affected by middle school and high school memories, also ashamed of it because I feel like I should get over it, like my parents said once, I never felt safe talking about it at home and I developed anger and lack of trust later on. Needless to say this conversations are so uncomfortable and painful I have trouble writing a comment because I’m shaking so bad.

[@Purplenpinkk]

I can see why you didn't feel safe talking about it at home - your parents feeling like you should just get over it, instead of listening to you and empathizing...maybe even looking at their part in it and helping you to heal. I'm so sorry.

[@cosmicfoxglove1047]

I'm 50 and I am still trying to process my childhood bullying. I never talked about it at home either, I was too ashamed to bring it up.

[@Purplenpinkk]

@@cosmicfoxglove1047 It's so sad when kids don't feel safe going to their parents. I had the same issue(s).

[@deehubs1353]

Yes, I’m 63 and won’t even go to my hometown.No reunion’s either, and it’s only 50 minutes away. For me, elementary school was the worst.

[@MusicalMarble]

I feel you. Middle school was the worst. Ironically this is my fourth year in a row as a middle school teacher in Korea. I went from crossing the street so I wouldn’t have to walk by middle schoolers (as an adult) to now creating an environment where middle schoolers feel safe and most of them treat each other and their teachers with respect. Do the journal prompts he recommends.

[@oliveoil4380]

Bullying parents-or even neglectful parents, produce children with fear and low self -esteem, which attracts school bullies. My friends here, I love you. Thank you for listening.

[@Tristan0712]

you described my exact experience 🦋

[@nancyzehr3679]

Yup.

[@robincrowflies]

I've felt like I was missing something, some protection, and not only was I missing it, but my whole family was missing it. I was bullied for years at school, both my brothers had times when they were bullied, and both of my children were bullied in school. The hereditary nature of it is ...ugh. What to do? I want to change the whole damned system. Humans are monkeys--we think we're better than the other animals on Earth, but in a way we're worse.

[@oliveoil4380]

@@robincrowflies we never had protection. Or safety. Or love. I love you from afar. Xo

[@robincrowflies]

@@oliveoil4380 Love to you as well, OO :)

[@Conrad772]

I ended up in special ed after being bullied by a teacher made me dysregulated at school, and special ed is basically an engine to produce trauma so that's where the rest of it occurred. My parents were incompetent to help with any of this but otherwise loving and good enough parents and it's so hard to convince professionals or myself that things really happened as I experienced them because long-term disabling trauma is supposed to come from the home apparently

[@smallpotato5445]

I’m googling “what should I do if my child is bullied” cause my family just told me to ignore my bullies, and they genuinely think that’s the best they can do

[@iknitbecuzmurderisfrownedupon]

The "system" needs to provide a safe environment. Especially when it's not voluntary.

[@brendad6856]

I was bullied (verbally) relentlessly in middle school. I was already quiet and didn’t tell my parents anything about what was going on with me. I frequently missed school due to being “sick”. It got to the point where the school did try to intervene and referred me to a psychologist. It took a lot for me to able to tell my mom about the bullying (she is extremely naive and just would not understand the extent of it). When I did tell her, she immediately dismissed it saying “well I’m sure that’s not true!” She pointed out ways in which she thought I was NOT bullied. Her “advice” was to compliment the bullies so we’d become friends. My parents refused to get me mental health help, as recommended by the school because basically, ‘that kind of thing goes on your permanent record’. Just recently I was talking to my mom about kids today having to deal with online billing. She was completely confused saying “don’t they know it’s just words…I just don’t understand how that can affect someone. They just need to realize it doesn’t mean anything.” This, coming from a woman who if someone said anything in the slight against her, she would be troubled for days. Yet, she expects a 12 year old to brush off horrendous verbal abuse. she just could not see the irrationality in her statements, and of course tried to turn it around me for getting “so upset” about the discussion.

[@bonnie1097]

She wasn't naive. She was lazy and careless. You didn't deserve that.

[@storydates]

This hits hard. I always had an intense attachment to my teachers (men or women, not necessarily in the form of a crush). I'd bring them flowers and make them gifts and want to talk to them during recess (not helped by a lot of bullying from classmates). In my case I feel like I didn't necessarily have a crush, but it felt horrible when my classmates said that I had a crush on my teacher. Later, I was in high school and I would stay after school every day and a teacher offered to give me rides home every day. I thought he was the best person in the world. Home was such a stressful place to be, and he was the first person to talk to me about abuse and trauma that he noticed going on in my life. I wished that I was part of his family, but I still don't think that I had a crush on him--I sometimes think of it as, I loved him but I wasn't in love with him. Then he solicited a relationship, and after some pressure I agreed, which involved a sexual relationship for a few months. I agreed because I trusted him more than anyone in the world, because there was added religious and psychological manipulation (he literally said "I can see God saying, these two kids could really use each other" referring to himself and me even though he was more than twice my age) and because he was the first person that brought sense into a world where no one around me talking about trauma or dysfunction. He was the first person I ever told about dynamics in my family or about earlier sexual abuse I'd experienced from an older child. It would have continued for longer than it did if he hadn't been forced to "resign" after being caught in a compromising situation. It only added insult to injury when I found out that parents on the PTA board gossiped about me, saying that I had a crush on that and a different teacher, and that at least one of my friends was told to be cautious about spending time with me for that reason. But yes, my family was mostly not there, and was very stressful and chaotic in the dynamics that were happening. I had a lot of school issues, and I didn't get help for them.

[@TibiSum]

Thanks for your brave share. I'm so sorry you went through that.

[@storydates]

@@TibiSum thank you ❤️ that means a lot.

[@barbarazurek4648]

This is so sad. There is no bigger evil than when someone uses difficulties to get attached and then to use. But the worse part is that ambivalence in yours filings when it happens to you. Such person is the first one to get childs love, unconditionally. And when it breaks you fill fullish, angry, used, misstreated, you tend to blame yourself but still it takes a lot of time to get over those good filings that grew for that person. Much love for you, so brave ❤️.

[@storydates]

​@@barbarazurek4648

[@tracyzimmerman7912]

We had some similar aspects growing up. I would pick flowers and give them to certain teachers. I was always referred to being the teachers pet by the kids. I talked a lot to my teachers. I don't remember how much I shared with them about my experience at home or if at all. I was bullied by the other kids at school and in my neighborhood which were a lot of the same kids. I still hung around them because that's all I had. I learned to settle from those experiences. I was abused at home by my dad most of it verbal. Sometimes it was physical. I could go on. So I understand looking for love and acceptance. I can understand wanting to be somewhere safe. I still struggle with this at times.

[@saraa3418]

I didn't realize how traumatized I was by my school experience until my oldest started going to school and I started having what I now realize is that trauma coming up to the surface. I've started to tell my kids my story to let them know that I have no normal meter on bullying that I was so bullied and abused by teachers and students that most of the stuff they tell me about doesn't seem like a problem to me. So I'll ask them what they would like me to do in response and offer a few options, like I can call the other kid's parents to discuss their behavior, I can email the school about what the child is doing, I can listen to you talk and agree that the other kid is mean, and so on. My kid has responded positively to being given options about how I can respond to what's going on in her life and talking about what happened in my childhood has helped me to begin processing it. Honestly, seeing my kid get really mad about how I was treated was cathartic. I felt seen.

[@gamewrit0058]

It's awesome that you give your kid agency in the decision making process! ❤️👍

[@bucherwissen2153]

I don't want to be rude. In fact it is really great you can start to heal, but don't you think you shouldn't tell your kids your trauma storys? I get that it is great to feel seen, but it is not your kids duty to do so. I think it's great you give them options on how you could act in their behalf and don't act without talking it out with them first. Just make shure to not accidentally burden your kids with your storys. When I was bullied in school the first few years I didn't tell my parents. Partly because they never really have been helpful to me partly because I didn't believe the isolation in school could be considerd bullying (no one ever threated me or anything, but instead they would make jokes about my clothes, steal my pencils and play the game where I wasn't allowed to be touched by others because then they would infect themself with some illness or something). My parents don't exactly have friends and they wouldn't go out so I didn't learn how to interact with others from them. My dad is very bad at expressing emotions and it is very hard to tell what he's up to until he explodes for no obvious reason whatsoever. My mom on the other hand seems to be listening to me at first but then just starts making it about herself somehow. That is just what happend when I finally told them about me getting bullied. Dad sayed something like 'oh that's not nice' and continued to work and mom listend to me rant about how I couldn't bear the situation anymore and then told me about how badly she got bullied in school herself by her best friend for what felt like hours and expected me to pity her. And when I didn't say much (because I simply didn't know what to say, as she also didn't really reply to my story) she'd tell what a bad daughrer I was. In the end the only advice I got from her was that over time the kids at school would get more mature and eventually the bullying would stop at least when I'd graduate. That was in eighth grade so I still had four to five years ahead of me. I'm not saying your doing the same mistake here (as I only know about your situation what little you wrote in your comment), but please just make shure you don't.

[@Stephie_L]

@@bucherwissen2153 not a parent, but I hope that one day I’d have a good enough relationship with my kids where they are comfortable enough to stop me if I’m rambling (which comes from trauma). If you keep things honest and open with your kids and if you’ve taught them about healthy boundaries, sharing with them should be fine. I certainly wish my parents shared some stories when I was a kid instead of pretending to be “strong” all the time. Their lack of vulnerability caused a lot more hurt in my case.

[@saraa3418]

@@bucherwissen2153 My kid has been dealing with some complicated stuff this year and I couldn't gauge how upset she was or how serious the situation was because of my trauma. So at dinner one night with the rest of the family present, I told her a kid appropriate version of what my life was like from ages 8-13 and how what happened to me could never happen to my kids because of the way schools have changed. I told them that my normal meter is broken in these situations and that going forward I would try and listen to what's going on in their lives and then ask them how they would like me to respond. I offer them a few courses of action I could take and let them tell me what they want me to do. My mother would always play devil's advocate when I came to her with my problems, which I still hate to this day. It made me feel like she was never on my side. It also made me feel unimportant. I remember when I was dealing with religious bullying I didn't even tell her about it because I was convinced her response would be something about how I needed to ignore them and think about their problems.

[@moonchild708]

@@bucherwissen2153 they may not have gone into detail but i also agree with you. my mom told me this horrible story about a friend's wisdom tooth removal going horribly wrong while i was literally a day into recovery. i felt like she could've waited until my experience was over to let me formulate my own thoughts and feelings on it instead of prioritizing her need to tell me a traumatic story.

[@lindy4justice]

Thank you for this topic- my childhood was horrific on many levels at school and home... no safe place to fall.

[@kristyp2585]

I am really surprised I turned out as good as I did, though I'm obviously still working through some stuff. Having nowhere safe..that's exactly how I felt every day at school, then at home. Thank God I had my grandmother until I was 26..without her butting in to my moms life while I was growing up, I'm sure I wouldn't have made it to 43.

[@theresat8379]

So much to unpack here. What an excellent video! I was the chubby girl with thick glasses that was relatively smart. Came from a family of 14 and oddly all my sisters and brothers that were in high school as the same time as me, were popular. I was picked on and bullied right up to the day I graduated. Getting hit over the head with books, not letting me sit down on the bus and having the driver yell at me because I was standing, etc. I had a group of girls that the leader picked on me only to find out in my 40's, they thought I was making fun of a chubby girl of that group when it was actually one of my only friends that was doing it and saying it was me. I found this out when I had 5 kids!!!!!! They brought this up to my sister in law!! All I wanted to do was be as unnoticeable as possible in high school. There was no telling my parents about it. I was being abused by a family member at home. My dad was not hands on and my mom didn't care for me. In our family there were 4 favorite kids and I was definately not one of them. I was 16 when I started my senior year, left home and was on my own at 17. Never got a thing from my parents. Put myself through college but in their old age, I was expected to drive an hour once a week to take care of them for 10 years. I ended up homeschooling my kids until they reached high school. They are all well adjusted great kids who are confident but caring people. It was very hard listening to this video I wish I had someone to talk to as a child. My kids didn't have a lot of material things growing up but they always had my time and I always made sure I was there to listen to their problems and give help when they asked for it. I lived 20 miles from the nearest town on a 500 acre farm. One day I was walking the property and fell asleep under a tree. When I woke up it was dark and I was 1/2 mile from home. I was 12 years old. I remember the walk home knowing that No one was even looking for me. As an adult, to this day that upsets me. So many issues I've had to work through Thank you for all that you do. :)

[@thomasdoyle6931]

Wow. Your kids are lucky to have you.

[@Hydrocarbonateable]

I got lost in the woods once on my birthday and after hours of being lost in a panic, I finally made it back to my mother. She was sitting in a lawn chair reading a book, right where I'd left her. She looked up from her book and said "eh, you could have been gone longer, I would have appreciated that." Like...wtf. I also remember SOOOOO many nights running to my room crying and no one ever, EVER checking in on me before bed. I remember once my parents mentioning they were happy when I was gone in those moments so they didn't have to engage. And yet, if I didn't come home my mom would freak out and yell at me. She didn't want me around but I wasn't allowed to be anywhere else. So much for trying to have a life of my own to figure out what they refused to teach me. >:/ So yeah, knowing no one is going to come looking is a particularly unsettling and upsetting feeling. We're in that boat together.

[@theresat8379]

@@Hydrocarbonateable So sorry that happened to you. It certainly is a hollow feeling. It's something I would never intentionally do to anyone.

[@liza-kf1dd]

I'm ukrainian. Thank you for supporting Ukraine! It meant a lot hearing it here

[@Bronte866]

I entirely support & love Ukraine.

[@nancypatricia511]

This morning it struck me that the same roles that children find themselves assigned to in families may also be the same in the classroom. There are what are often called Teacher's pets, Class clowns, scapegoats, and the unseen or quiet ones. Never thought about that before.

[@mooncarrotarts261]

I would love a video on religious trauma. What really hit home was when you mentioned having a fundamentalist household bolstering feelings of being “othered.” My family saw that othering as a point of pride: that we must be right for satan to work that hard to separate us. I know my parents loved me but I truly believe that strict religion, poverty, loneliness/bullying, and undiagnosed ADHD worked against me big time, even though my parents tried their best.

[@smpittsburgh264]

For me, my public school experience was akin to the proverbial 'running of the gauntlet.' I did not know to speak up at home to talk about my negative feelings or experiences but neither do I think that my situation would have changed if I did so. I was fortunate in that the bullying was confined to school hours; I can't imagine what young people experience now with 24/7 bullying provided via social media. The dismal architecture and classrooms, the odors (smoke), the bullying, the unkind or unfair teachers that disliked me, the boredom, the constant comparisons to others, and the difficulties with friendships or lack thereof were constant stressors to my sensitive make-up. I did not suffer much or succumb to peer pressure probably due to my small or non-existent social circle. I am thankful that I survived; too many young people today do not and pursue self-harm.

[@MrLuigiFercotti]

Your instincts were probably right about not speaking up, you already know that your experiences/feelings did not matter.

[@Jao-sk4kd]

Remember don’t ask/don’t tell Military policy?

[@oliveoil4380]

“Running the gauntlet.” Excellent analogy. Imma steal it. 🙃

[@SweetiePieTweety]

My 4th grade teacher falsely believed I knew the answers but was shy and after consulting with my parents that I never talked at school yet she believed I was “smart” she said she was going to call on me to answer a question every class. I am smart but now I know my brain doesn’t move facts from short term to long term yet I can comprehend concepts, storylines, and narratives. My mind was always a complete blank every time she called on me every day and it was incredibly humiliating to not be able to answer the question. And today I know my silence from first grade to 5th was selective mutism. All I heard at school was “what’s wrong, cat got your tongue?”. At home I just got told to not be stupid 🤷‍♀️ And when I didn’t speak my mom or dad would say I was shy. I’ve never been shy, just no words would form in the presence of others. Once I started working post school and home life I started talking and now you can’t shut me up anywhere with anyone and people don’t like that either 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[@jones2277]

everyone has their battles.

[@lindaelarde2692]

I was bullied through school. I still struggle feeling good in my body. But I have been an educator in high school special education for 22 years. I had the opportunity to get closure by providing a safe space, affirmation of students however they show up, and full validation of their humanity, academic or sport ability notwithstanding. We have a Queer Prom alongside our Prom. Feedback from LGBTQIA+ students and staff was that it was fun, safe, and well resourced, so just as cool as Prom in general. That brought me to tears and healed much of my old stuff. Thank you for all you do!!

[@autiejedi5857]

This year is my 35th class reunion. I haven't gone to a single reunion since I left there. Going to a small school where you were in a group of the same kids from 1st grade through 12th was horrible. I had trauma from all 6 of these constantly. The trauma is real!

[@Dorpmuller]

My wife tried to get me to go to a high school reunion and I'm like, what are you, kidding?? I'd go if I could take an Uzi. I was bullied 24/7.

[@user-kj5ce8bi3y]

Auntiejedi5857, I agree with you 100%.

[@user-kj5ce8bi3y]

​@Dorpmuller me too. It was a classmate. I said no. It was too many bad memories for me.

[@user-kj5ce8bi3y]

​@@DorpmullerI agree with you 100%. Especially about the UZI part.

[@katrinavons.]

I went to my 20th reunion and regretted it instantly. I got even bullied there by the same four (now) women, who constantly had picked on me at school. We had been in class together for 8 years. That evening it was like they never really grew up and started right off where their 14 year old selves had stopped before our ways parted. The other ex-classmates remained silent as ever and nobody came to my rescue. The dynamics were the exact same as 20(!) years before. Needless to say I grabbed my friend (who then had been an bullied outsider too) and left the table enraged. Then the bullies said I exaggerated because that what I heard them say about me (they loudly wondered if I would ever have kids being 34 at the time) was meant to take lightly and no, no abuse had ever happened to me in school. One of them even offered to take me home. Why the hell?? Needless to say I turned that offer down and texted the next day that I was sorry for the other classmates who never bullied me, but I didn't want to go to reunions anymore as long as these few awful persons were involved. My friend felt the same way. These four women apparently never left their small village we grew up in and were so narrowminded to feel only their way of life was the kind of life anyone should lead. Btw I had dared to successfully pursue an academic career which they haven't. I should have been warned by their all too conformist looks and apperances (no visible tattoos, piercings or special hairstyles) beforehand. Other nonconforming people had stayed away from the reunion for a reason. Obviously.

[@taylorbrown7625]

I was bullied and traumatized by teachers nearly every year. Why? What's wrong with these people!!! I have so much anger and pain! I'm 23 years old and I'm just now having flashbacks in which I was dragged around and shaken during panic attacks. 😭

[@nazcarcup]

As someone who's been through hell in school and at home, THANK YOU Patrick.

[@nathanrohde3440]

A fair amount of parental neglect happens without malice and is due to incompetence because generally the parents had even worse parenting. While my dad was aware I was heavily contemplating suicide, the only thing he did for me was tell a story about how back when he was suicidal at my age he came to the conclusion it wasn't worth it because his neighbor died in a fire after falling asleep while smoking on a couch. I can understand why this was a pivotal experience for him, but his failure was he regarded enduring trauma as simply a part of life. He was never given any support and it didn't occur to him that things could be different.

[@BD-yl5mh]

My mum has been similar throughout my life. Both her parents were abusive/traumatising (products of the Depression and WW2), and she very openly told me about her adolescent suffering. I understand that I was somewhat lucky in a way to have an emotionally literate parent who was able to talk about deep issues and share some of their teenage experience, but a lot of it came with this air of “oh yeah, you’ll be depressed and suicidal in your teens, that just comes with the territory.” I definitely was brought up with this “life is gonna be shit, it’s about struggling through it” thing, which I think is a warping of a more normal “life contains challenges, build resilience and you’ll be ok.” Also got a lot of the “you’re a (insert surname), we’re different/of course you’re a bit fucked up.” There was meant to be a positive leaning acceptance there, but I was basically conditioned from a young age to never have a chance of connecting to my peers

[@myosotismalva]

Sounds like my father. Emotionally absent and detached

[@Purplenpinkk]

In my experience, the parental emotional neglect I suffered came from the fact that my parents were so busy/distracted/self-absorbed with their own emotional problems that they could not even notice what I was going through. Working, feeding me, clothing me, and making sure the house was clean was what they could manage.

[@user-fc7yi4ud3m]

Thank you for this video. I was bullied severely in elementary school. There wasn't anything about me that made me stand out, I was just very quiet, very shy, and I cried easily when teased. I was threatened, called names, had trash and school supplies thrown on me, was outcasted even by teachers, etc, and that was on a daily basis. I went for help from my parents and from the school, made it clear to them what was going on, received no protection or understanding, and suffered in silence after I realized I was to struggle alone. To this day I still can't confide in others or ask for help, and it's difficult for me to make new friends because I dread conversations, I always have that feeling that I'm being made fun of or that something bad is going to happen. At 23 years of age, I feel very much like a scared child.

[@ololusername]

when i told my mom what happened to me at school with bullying in sixth grade she would bring it up whenever she got upset with me and blame me and say "this is why that would happen to you" so i stopped telling her anything, then later she would ask why i never talked to her. i wonder why.

[@lv9265]

my mom did/does the same. yikes

[@hyenaedits3460]

That crushes one hits home. I felt that desperate need for connection so much that it reached sensory overload territory. I went nonverbal and couldn't stop shaking around the people I was attracted to. I never had a crush on a teacher but definitely looked up to some teachers as parental figures way more than I should have. Any teacher who showed me kindness, even false kindness, became basically my mom/dad. I was a huge teacher's pet and obsessed with impressing teachers in any way I could. Getting teased and bullied for crushes definitely contributed to my shame around my sexuality that I'm still struggling to unpack to this day. I had the feeling that it wasn't safe to have these feelings. Even though everyone else around me had them, I got the sense that my having them was somehow different and wrong. Like it's fine for cats to meow but if a dog meows that's very disturbing. In general in middle school, because of my autism and emotional neglect/isolation at home, kids and often teachers looked at me like I was a different species and I began to see myself the same way. Autism and trauma is a bitch of a combination.

[@Peanuts76]

Hei, are you still okay? I kind a relate on "it's not safe to have feeling for someone" bully kind a leave a very bad marks on us, idk about you, but at home, im also being left and neglected since i was teen...

[@ourtravelingzoo3740]

My 1st grade teacher told us the first day she would paddle all of us before the end of the year. Still used large wooden paddles. I was 5 and terrified. She got everyone but me and my cousin with a couple weeks to go. I dared to talk in the girls room and she got me. My cousin escaped without being hit. What do 5-6 yr olds do that deserve being beaten with a wooden plank?

[@daringgreatly8473]

I’m so sorry you experienced that. I went through similar things. How do they expect kids to learn with so much stress and fear.

[@user-dk7le3zh8w]

Interesting Getting canned in Africa is actually the norm so u can just imagine the things we've gone through. Going through a day without strokes was and still is considered a strange day.😂 Take that as u will.......

[@m.e.studios1109]

I think I was emotionally neglected at home, and after my parents chose a strict school where teachers would yell at me for having a blackout, I eventually changed schools to one I wanted to go to. I hoped it would get better there, but soon the bullying began, and I was often the one to receive criticism. I think this may have resulted in me having no save space at all, distrusting anyone, and considering my grades and toxic home situation as my environment. I became quieter, having to work so much harder, and even with the challenges I graduated somehow. Now I battle with depression, social anxiety, burn-out and low self-esteem. As a 22 year old woman this also resulted in being sexually abused of course and me quitting college, now realising school systems are not the one for me. I find it sad that after my mother failed me emotionally on many points, I didn’t get recognised or understood at all. I always found this the hard parts, as these should actually be the opportunities for more help and learning, not more non-cognitive difficulties. And while adults always say they know better, this is the only thing that I have never believed. I helped my own friends with hardships while the adults never seemed to understand for some reason, and I’ve always seen ignorance as a tool to determine someone’s understanding of experience outside of themselves. I always understood my own discomfort, but the hard part was just that no one seemed to care, which I used to punish myself for not fitting in, because I just seemed to be hated everywhere (as no one ever asked how I was feeling or doing). Now I’m healing, waiting for my EMDR and as a response to quitting school I’m having my own business for almost 2 years now, being able to pay for my own atelier. I see power in choosing my own pace at healing, and having to only do things my way, hopefully getting rid of my burn-out. I do hate the hardships of my youth, especially the not escaping part, but I do see a lot of wisdom hopefully that I can share with more people in the future. My latest steps are working with the government to create a plan for the struggling youth in Eindhoven, The Netherlands, and I may be sure I wouldn’t change a thing of my experiences, even though it sucked.

[@cyndimoring9389]

you are a hero in your own life. Good for you! Even if schools don't help, learning is a lifetime gift we can choose anytime.

[@JW-pb8fg]

Bullying: I wasn’t bullied but my younger brother was short and he got bullied often. I remember him going to my (useless) mom and asking her for help. Mom’s response was hands off and she told him to handle it himself which didn’t make sense to me because I figured that if my brother had gotten to the point where he felt he needed help it must be serious and that he really needed help. As the older sister I stepped in and helped my brother by paying a visit to my brother’s perpetrator and talking with him (Howie) about the bullying. Howie told me a bit about his life and it turned out that he was new in the neighborhood because he’d been forced to live with his grandmother because his parents were entangled in a bitter custody battle over him. He showed me the garage which was filled with all kinds of toys… bikes, sleds, etc. His parents were trying to buy his affection! So sad! 😢 I got a good understanding of why Howie was the way he was and I befriended him. The bullying ended then. ❤️

[@KA-mq4wj]

Brilliant video. School was so damaging and toxic to me that when my own children went through school I froze and couldn’t help them like I should have. I didn’t stand up for them. At the the time I felt like a bad Mother but now I see how I was victimized myself growing up at school and at home. Thank you so much for validating me.

[@dionnajenkins3335]

Definitely had attachment issues in high school. One of them (I just realized a few years ago) was most likely an actual crush. But the other ones were surely rooted in a desperate need for connection. I guess I can tie that to my earlier years. Was always a "good kid" - quiet, did well academically. Always flew below the radar but home life was definitely off and only got worse as I got older. But no one really saw that, or me for that matter, for better or worse. So I guess in high school things came to a head and I was looking for someone to finally SEE me

[@Bootricia]

I relate to your story 💯

[@riotsquirrelz]

Your "old man" impersonation was spot-on, you had me cracking up 😂

[@Serenitynow958]

Yes! More impersonations, please!😂

[@REGjr]

“And for me we can’t really separate school abuse from home abuse because not knowing what is going on with your fourth grader, not noticing their trauma response if they’re being sexually abused, not believing them about a teacher who is bullying them, or even giving them horrible advice about how to handle a bully who is say four grades ahead of you…that is also abuse in the context of what is going on at school” Not believing was the big one at our house “I’m just playing devil’s advocate” though there were times I asked when she’d say “I don’t wanna say anything because it’ll be my fault if it doesn’t work out” lol. I knew it was bullshit and that she didn’t mind telling me other times when I didn’t ask but I was stupid enough to think it meant she LOVED me🙄. There’s just something so selfish about a PARENT not being able to hear themselves failing out loud when their kid says “Yeah but Mom I want your advice, nobody’s gonna think it’s your fault if they asked”. There’s something very darkly telling about her own way of operating within that bullshit, too and I’m just glad I didn’t understand it quite for what it was at the time because I think the perception of their unconditional goodwill is probably the crapshoot that determines whether the kid abandons his own empathy or not. I did notice and always think it was weird too that when she was mad she would not say I love you before leaving or goodnight, either (nor say it back to me though I mean if you’re bitching someone out it’s kind of up to you to say the equivalent of “but of course I still love you”, not up to the kid after you just ripped them a new one) and I’m just SO grateful I did not know what that was really telling me about that cunt-because I was stuck with her either way.

[@_Gianna_R]

one of my teachers told me that it was my own fault I was being bullied. not knowing that i was just quiet.. I had undiagnosed ADD plus I was an only child so my communication skills were basically non existent... I was 6 at the time. I resonate with points #4 #3 #2 and #1. I always like to think that my problems just root in my ADHD but its probably a lot of traumatic things that shaped me too. when I scrolled back to my high school days in twitter to find my first tweet about a band I like, I fell into a pit of flashbacks and suddenly remembered all the awful stuff that my mind had put away. After coming back to my normal self, I really cant believe I am living such a carefree life these days even though life is not kind to me right now. My life seems drastically better, but the behaviours for coping back in those times, those stayed and bring problems in daily life. I will definitely write something down to talk about with my therapist... Thank you for this video, you made me realize some things.

[@oliveoil4380]

The evil triad: physical and emotional abuse at home; major emotional abuse by the neighborhood kids (who went to public school); moderate emotional abuse at the Catholic school I attended. I was attracted to and attracted abusers (Duh) and at 58 am a bit of a mess, but trying to wade out of the muck. Love to all of you! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@articxunodorseggnej8016]

I’m so sorry. I hope you are healing well and finding solace now. God bless and stay safe

[@oliveoil4380]

@@articxunodorseggnej8016 thank you 🙏🏻 peace to you!

[@DR-nh6oo]

I get where you are coming from, except pointing out the ‘public school’ kids, could be argued to be on the bullying spectrum, sorry to say, but it triggered me.

[@dannymarie]

This video is so important!! It took covid shutting down my private college for me to recognize the trauma I was still trudging through. I dropped out to focus on exactly what you're talking about here, creating a safe home base. I do think there could be more attention given to the neglectful family system in this context though. I understand you focus on abusive systems more, from experience, which is equally important. But I think it's equally as damaging, being the A+ student trying everything you can to get noticed by your family, and not receiving the desired praise or love. I'm speaking from my own experience here, and as the youngest of 8 raised by a single mother(very chaotic and unstable), my good grades were just perceived as "ah I don't have to worry about you, then". And subsequently treated the same way at school and church. The good one goes unnoticed. It lead to neglected eating disorders, unnoticed sexual abuse, and unrecognized religious trauma. Thanks for the video Patrick, you've been a beacon for my progress.

[@alexandrialeonora6542]

School was...an experience for me. I was virulently bullied by other students for my looks, especially my hair. Right from the bus ride that would start the day, all the way to the bus ride home that would end the day. In 10th grade, I also had a teacher who singled me out for my hair. Even though her hair was actually quite similar to mine, she would make fun of me in front of the other students, saying things like, "Oh, it's raining today. If you're all not careful, your hair might start looking like Alexandria's." Things like that. I still don't have my self-esteem, even into my 30s now. Still trying to find what was lost at such an early age. I also had a teacher who, when her partner passed away, took it out on her students. I worked hard in school because that was all I really had going for me, and I knew I had created an A+ project for her class. However, the teacher gave me a C-. And she explained the "reason" why at the top of my paper. She said, while I would have gotten an A+ (100), she took 25 points off because I didn't staple the rubric to my paper. (Even though I don't even have a stapler at home.) All that work, amounted to nothing because she needed someone to take out her grief on. I had so many experiences like that in school (and haven't even mentioned the middle school teacher who made fun of me in front of the class for a guy I was crushing on in the class - seemed the whole school knew about it). Definitely a lot of trauma came from there, and not having parents who I could talk to about any of it most certainly did not make things easier. Thank you so much for this video, truly!

[@lestranged]

I think it was maybe 5th or 6th grade when I came home and told my parents I was being bullied. (before that I had faked being sick a few times because of my dread of going to school, so my first strategy was avoidance, then when that wasn't sustainable, the second strategy was talk to them. Talking to parents was never my first choice) Their reaction was basically "What did you do to them to provoke them? You must have done something to deserve it." Anything I did was my fault but anything someone else did to me was also my fault. I must have "made them do it" with my magical powers which only ever worked to make people do bad things. I never figured out how to 'make' people do good things. So I never tried that strategy again. Never spoke to them about any problem I was suffering with after that. Fast forward to age 16 and a failed 'S' attempt. (Not the first attempt, but the first time they caught me and knew about.) And the questions of "why didn't you ever say anything was wrong?" I mean...instead of asking "why didn't you", ask "why WOULD I say anything?"

[@gamewrit0058]

I'm sorry they treated you like that. I'm glad you're still with us and hope you find more compassionate people in your life.

[@scooterbob1408]

I got slapped and my lip split by an angry teacher slash coach. He suffered no consequences. At 59 I still struggle with this and other childhood bs. My siblings think I'm exaggerating and tell me to get over it. I have nightmares. My childhood looked idealic

[@Auxend]

It's creepy how timely this is - I am so grateful you are here with some tools and alternatives to help unpack this both as parents and kids who are growing up as adults! Keep doing what you do!

[@juanitamayes6329]

I have so much of my childhood "missing" and this really helps me understand my childhood better.

[@briannafederowicz7463]

I have a learning disability and adhd which went undiagnosed all through college. I didn’t start learning until hs when I went to a private school. In public I was told I’m not going to college and I should drop out at only 13 years old. Luckily I didn’t and I’m now a college graduate. I still have a debilitating fear of speaking in front of people because of my education in my primary years.

[@ktryushi4744]

My adult brother was severe bullied as well, severe emotional abused and tortured,raped and developed anxiety issues in his 18-20s and more not going to go into details….Now as an adult 31 he show his frustration, anger towards Gen Z teens. He come up even with butterfly knife and give death threats towards them, he still live in the past….My parents and my friends call him: ‘’sadistic indifferent person’’ he’s very cold….It’s sad how trauma issues can change person mindset into a psychopathic person….

[@pauladuncanadams1750]

Went to Catholic School because my kindergarten teacher refused to move me up. There's a whole story and back story to my parents response (mom) to being held back that would shock even you. And then severe abuse from nuns. But hey, my mom was scarier than any nun, or guy in a hockey mask for that matter. I have all of the examples you can mention and a few you can't even imagine. You can't talk to parents they just hit you for being stupid and useless.

[@CSDAdvocacy]

Get this: disabled and kids want to do you “favors” - No means you are being mean about being given a “gift” and having your wheelchair pushed down a hill for “fun”

[@BeRightBack131]

I remember being in grade school having a 12th grader beating me up. When I didn't come home from school, my dad came looking for me and found a 12th grader beating the crap out of me, maybe a 4th grader. He yelled stop that and told me to get in the car, and stop crying. We went home and not a word was said about how a 12th grader shouldn't be beating me up, how I felt, never asked if I was OK, nothing. Life went on as if nothing had happened at all. This went on my entire childhood. Even in middle school there were 12th graders beating me up. I never understood why a 12th grader (several different ones who didn't know each other) thought it was cool to beat up little kids. 🤔

[@shangao2252]

Patrick you are so right about bullying. I knew that I was bullied starting from kindergarten but I didn’t connect this with my family upbringing. It’s not until these years I see that both my parents are very toxic to me and that they set me up for my recurrent bullying continuing to my adult work life.

[@IIcorrinthians519]

I had a block in math because of abusive math teacher, and fear of making a mistake.

[@natalietaylor2009]

I was so traumatized by school plus stuff at home that I couldn’t complete my college education until I was in my late 30’s. I would basically run from authority figures, even if they were probably okay. Took me a lot of years to reset that. Unfortunately, the authority figures I had to work with in college were pretty bad too! Add to that having an abusive ex husband who loved to humiliate me in public. At this point I just come out and say or ask whatever, because I feel like I’ve been so humiliated throughout my life that the part of my brain that detects embarrassment has died. This is probably a blessing and a curse. I wonder if anyone else has experienced this. Not that I don’t feel shame from time to time, but I’m not particularly hesitant about sharing things when I probably should be. It’s like whatever and who cares what I say anyway. In the end I’m not going to be protected in any way, anyway.

[@daniellec2172]

This video has hit the hardest. Just brutal times. Still dealing with it decades later. Not talked about very much either in any psychology/therapy vlogs, which only focus on the family.

[@yvellebradley2502]

Dealt with lifelong abuse and trauma. Am now dying, dying young. Lifelong trauma and abuse can trigger killer diseases. All this fight or flight response, hyper vigilance, can hurt you. Sending ((hugs)) to all and any that need one.🤗

[@gaeig]

i hope everything is fine right now

[@Saritabanana]

I can see that you are talking directly to me here at 5 minutes in. Good god somebody give this guy his own Netflix show.

[@btamulis]

Please do some role-playing videos of how a healthy versus toxic parent will respond to a child who is experiencing some of this school-related trauma.

[@MaryBethPetra]

I got “If they didn’t like you, they wouldn’t tease you.” Thus I got abused all through school because I knew that I wouldn’t get any sympathy or help dealing with bullying.

[@coramunroe]

My siblings and I were homeschooled to one extent or another, and one downside of that was that any kind of neurodivergence or learning disabilities were just seen as inherent personal problems and not diagnosed as what they were. I remember feeling a lot of relief when I got to college and was diagnosed with a learning disability related to math. I had thought all along that I was just stupid.

[@sws3013]

I had an absolutely horrid music teacher in school. She too smelled like stale coffee and cigarettes and she hated me particularly. She was also the aunt of her prized student. I felt like I was going to vomit every time I had to go to her class. She screamed in kids faces and made someone cry nearly every class period. Amazingly, I love music now.

[@aprboone1]

Excellent. Comprehensive . and nobody ever.ever was so clear about these important dynamics. Thanks for your honest sharing. ❤

[@Noelciaaa]

This makes so much sense where that disconnect and feeling of abandonment came from. My family was fine until I started getting bullied and it turned out.... they were unable to give me any support. My mom told me to tell the kids I didn't like it (seemed ridiculous to me, i tried it anyways, of course it didn't work) and then to just not let it get to me, while my father started trying to "coach" me to fit in better (basically came down to correcting even the way i freakin breathed). I told teachers and they did nothing. I tried to be the "bigger person" and ignore them but it only kept getting worse. They finally started backing off a bit after I've started getting very aggressive, in a very unhinged and scary way. That was the lesson I've learned from this.... that it is ultimately me vs the world. It's been so much time since then but it's still hard to really connect with people, and if I do, not going overboard with mutual protection, with really intense kinds of fierce loyalty. I've only had fake friends up until college (there most were fake too, but there were two real people, whom I'm grateful for) plus one who might've been genuine but turned obsessive and creepy at some point. I've kept being a chronic student because I found becoming a proper part of society by going to work terrifying. I saw no place for someone like me there. Now,... I'm very close to finally getting there, just one final step... I have to thank my last relationship for giving me the courage to do so, even if this person had left me. Well, wish me luck.

[@alizacelemcentauri986]

I remember that one of my art teachers had ✨a n g e r i s s u e s™✨. She would scream her lungs off everytime someone forgot their homework or materials (i have no idea how she still had functioning vocal chords), and if one of our drawings wasn't made correctly she'd straight up rip it in half and throw it in the trash. When she was in a good mood, she would hold entire speeches about how we were so lucky to have an education and to not be forced to do child labor or things of that nature. No wonder I didn't want to get out of bed the days we had class with her lol

[@mrs.quills7061]

Dang #5 hits way too close to home. No wonder I always feel I’m falling behind, hate asking for help, feel like a failure, compare myself or have to take on too much/overwork myself to catch up even at 29. I’ve been stuck in a cycle of burnout and trying to fix it, these journal prompts will definitely help me thank you! I appreciate you writing them in the description too so I can save them for later tonight. Your comment about left and right too shocked me because I’ve always struggled with that and looked into learning disorders that cause that, I absolutely struggle with basic math too. I have to think about left and right and pause and say this is my writing hand so this way is right the other is left or when driving I think of up and down like how the blinker goes and the light indicates where I need to go. Only a few people know about this as it’s something I’m very ashamed of, but I feel have learned to adapt to live with. And yikes with #3 I also freeze up and hyper focus on people laughing even when they’re walking by me. My inner child thinks oh no it’s me, I look weird, I smell funny, etc.

[@LeoTheIronLion]

I’ve read and watched so much content on trauma and so much of it focuses on the home, which is understandable, but my biggest trauma, with a capital T, was school-based, coming here as an early immigrant kid from the Soviet Union from a completely different culture and not speaking the language. And dealing with cold way hostilities and assumptions about us from both kids and teachers. Most of my community coped by staying somewhat insular (as many immigrant communities do) and sticking together with our own kind. But my family and I were very isolated away from our people and myself much more so than my parents who at least had friends they could see and socialize with. My family was also completely unequipped to help me navigate these challenges much less even understand any of it and only made things worse. I understand that this was also a trauma, however I’m really grateful to you for making this video, which is the only one I’m aware of that honestly confronts this issue. It’s almost like as a culture we want to deny the toxic and sociopathic nature of our educational institutions the sort of behaviors they can incentivize. And how people have a hard time conceiving that kids and especially teachers can be so nasty, unless of course they were on the receiving end of their nastiness. As a side my troubled youth resulted in some drugs and criminality in my late teens until I cleaned up in my early 20’s, which involved some jail time. But I actually found jail to be a less toxic, alienating, and dehumanizing environment with kinder people than public school in the 90’s!

[@jackharper2087]

I wasn’t bullied that badly in school, I got lucky and went to small/artsy elementary and high schools. But I did get sexually assaulted frequently in school bathrooms, and I think that needs to be a part of this conversation. Always by kids slightly older than me, and they were smart about evading teachers, but due to my parents, this was something I had to deal with completely by myself. It hurts knowing how young I was when it happened.

[@kgoudreau89]

I just have to say I love the outro. I had a therapist who said this at the end of our sessions and it fills me with a little bit of joy every time I hear it here.

[@mitcharendt2253]

I'm a transman with a learning disability who grew up in the 80's and 90's too and I appreciate you mentioned how much it suuucked.

[@TibiSum]

One parent used the school apparatus to get me repeatedly seen by child pyschs - it was all about the attention and the fight (can't they see what's wrong with my child). Provided them with false reports and would wind me up super tight before they did their tests on me so that they thought I was mentally ill and totally learning disabled. This went on from age 7 to 14. Constant testing and being told by child "experts" I would never be able to work, too disabled. I just had some minor neurodiversity brought about by traumas to a developing brain. Chronic toxic stress and a totally destabilized central nervous system from my abuser actively working to keep me destabilized as much as possible. They even investigated my parents, but left us there. I have held high responsibility jobs working with survivors of trauma in housing for nearly 20 years. I don't have a severe learning disability. The diversity I live with is completely something I stay on top of. I live with mental health conditions and mange these as well. I don't consider myself disabled, only that at times structural dissociation, CPTSD, Fibro and GAD can wear me out and I need to rest or try a new therapy. The school system became my abusive parent's proxy. I had nowhere safe to go and the damage to my self concept had me believing I was completely disabled for decades. I was unemployed for a lot of my young adult life. I'm a joyful person at my core and now my life is about where I go from here. But healing to that point after such deep harm has been quite the challenge. This is on schools.

[@lawdog323]

Munchausen by proxy syndrome.

[@TibiSum]

@@lawdog323 Yes, it does meet that criteria. Thanks for writing, my childhood cognitive dissonance tells me all the time that I'm the fabricator, despite that being wrong. We all go through that, though, minimizing our trauma. It always helps to have other's see it. Solidarity.

[@katiescott3354]

My husband needs to listen to this one. I was lucky enough that the super toxic bullying wasn't a problem in my tiny school. But he went to school a bit earlier than I did (90s) and physical bullying was very common. Also, the area wasn't/isn't great and some of these high school bullies have since been convicted of murder and similar things, or they died young because of criminal activities. The degree of violence from these kids truly made his travel to and from school, a matter of life or death. Usually it was serious bodily harm, but the potential was there. Either way, he mentioned these problems to his mother, who brushed him off. He said he would get beat up everytime he wore a certain outfit that she'd make him wear, and she would reply "nooo, you look so handsome in those". Very dismissive, and she was more concerned with outer looks - classic "perfect on paper" situation.

[@knitandcatboodle]

This video struck a lot of chords not just in my early school days but in my current school days as a teacher. I had a student who has since moved but she would constantly be coming up to me asking me if she could just come home with me. And I thought "oh, she's just a six-year-old who just really likes her teacher." Knowing a little bit more now about what was going on in her home life and after just watching this video, it really connected the dots for why she was so attached to me. I really hope that the situation she's in now will be better for her and she'll be able to get the help she needs

[@SuperLotus]

I was bullied at Sunday school for several years, but what made it worse was that my parents knew about and could have pulled me out and/or switched me to a different school.

[@isabelamer86]

I was bullied in second grade and then later in junior high. It never even occurred to me to tell my parents, it just felt like ships passing in the night, people that shared the same space. Normal parenting seems like such an oddity in my head, it just wasn't there. These videos are so helpful, I didn't know there were things parents do to raise kids, I didn't have any consistent parenting.

[@butterflysky2061]

Thank you so much for this topic. My 1st grade teacher was so abusive mentally, emotionally, and physically. She slapped me in the head because I didn't understand a problem on the math test. She wrote a sentence on the board that I was fat and all of the class laughed at me. My parents were made aware and came to school ,but I stayed in her class. After awhile I learned to keep it to myself because it made her angrier when my parents would approach her. My mom told me once that she could see why that teacher said a few things about me. I was 6 years old. I had no safe space. I'm still affected to this day. I'm 37.

[@joannahediger7820]

Not getting help-just expected to perform. Yes. And I’ve been doing that to myself in extremely difficult situations in my adult life over and over. Thanks for illuminating this. Nine!!! Expensive and highly qualified therapists had no clue or insight into this or any of the blatantly evident realities of the abuse in my family of origin or the red lights in the partners I chose…