Autism and Childhood Trauma

Matt Lowry LLP:
www.mattlowrylpp.com/learn
Aspergers from the Inside - Paul Micallef:
/ aspergersfromtheinside
In this video we cover: ASD, autism, aspergers, neurotypical, neurodivergent, PDD NOS, rett syndrome, retts, CDD, kanners, stimming, masking, hyperactivity, attention, focus, triggers, toxic family systems, boundaries, truth, childhood trauma, inner child, inner child work, c-ptsd, ptsd, toxic parents, narcissistic abuse, healing, abusive parents, emotional abuse, childhood ptsd, repressed memories, hypervigilance, narcissistic parents, emotionally abusive parents, child abuse, narcissistic father, childhood emotional neglect, abuse, narcissistic mother, alcoholism, scapegoat, genogram, siblings, dissociation, trauma
Chapters:
0:00 Intro
10:17 Connect With Me
11:10 About Autism Spectrum Disorder
17:38 Alan Wilson
20:18 ASD / Childhood Trauma - Overlap
24:17 Overlap Specifics Explained
24:38 Masking
26:35 Communication Problems
29:54 Affect
32:50 Final Thoughts
35:12 Outro
Learn more about Patrick Teahan,
Childhood Trauma Resources and Offerings
➡️ linktr.ee/patrickteahan
MUSIC IS BY - Chris Haugen - Ibiza Dream
• Chris Haugen - Ibiza D...
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⚠️ Disclaimer
My videos are for educational purposes only. Information provided on this channel is not intended to be a substitute for in person professional medical advice. It is not intended to replace the services of a therapist, physician, or other qualified professional, nor does it constitute a therapist-client or physician or quasi-physician relationship.
If you are, or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
If you are having emotional distress, please utilize 911 or the National Suicide Hotline
1-800-273-8255

[@violetsmith6579]

As an autistic person it's so refreshing to see people agree that functioning labels for autism just dont fit. We are told day in and day out either you're too "high functioning" to know what it's truly like to have autism or you're too "low functioning" to have an opinion on anything. Either way we are discredited about our own experiences.

[@voidwalker7774]

... that sounds a little bit like gaslighting

[@kaworunagisa4009]

@@voidwalker7774 It _is_ gaslighting, and it's the story of our lives.

[@no_peace]

They say anyone who can share an opinion isn't disabled enough to know what it's really like It's disgusting

[@abathtub1411]

@@voidwalker7774 i as someone who hasnt experienced gaslighting i personally dont like to use that word in new contexts out of fear of overuse and devaluing its meaning. imo its the deep rooted stigma around autism and mental disability and how narrow-minded many neurotypical people can be towards the neurodivergent experience as they often dont have to do any critical thinking about it.

[@voidwalker7774]

@@abathtub1411 well, i as someone who has personally experienced gaslighting and narcissistic abuse, like to use the term gaslighting exactly then when it is apropriate. for example every time personal emotions and expiriences get invalidated and blatantly dismissed :) because it does not matter who does it, or for what ever reason, the effect is still the same.

[@MrsShirotora]

No autistic person who makes it to adulthood without recognition or support is entirely free from childhood trauma. Best case it's more or less constantly being overwhelmed, overstimulated, misinterpreted, misunderstood, rejected, and isolated - trying to find ways to cope and being shamed or punished for them. Trying to figure out neurotypical social norms through trial and error, thinking you've got it this time but you're as likely to get rejection or blame as not.

[@2okaycola]

Right

[@rachel_sj]

I can relate to this a lot. I got diagnosed a year ago (I'm in my early 30s) and before that my whole life was mostly just Trial and Error, especially when it came to landing a full time role, which is eventually what got me to get a diagnosis. In the past year, there have been ups and downs in learning about myself and how my brain is wired, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! 😊

[@crystaledwards9878]

Definitely!

[@crystaledwards9878]

Especially the part where you think you’ve finally got it this time…and still somehow missing the important social cues.

[@heatherferrell1954]

PREACH

[@bygrace2me]

There's so much overlap between AS and CPTSD because being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is traumatizing. We don't really know what healthy, non-traumatized autistics would look like.

[@evs9949]

Spot on!

[@KaldoniaKaldonia]

I would also add to this articulate post…what is a normal world? Do we really have a good grasp in our society? Social media certainly doesn’t help. We are on information overload. I would also like to ask if ASD is often misdiagnosed, when it most likely is PTSD/CPTSD? I understand the overlaps, so it’s possible clinicians “just don’t know.” I see an uptick on the dx of ASD but when one takes a look at a child’s home life…perhaps it’s a more trauma based response? Parents often exhibit trauma response themselves. Great topic, thank you!!!

[@artbookgaming]

@@KaldoniaKaldonia From what I've read, the up tick in asd diagnoses is mostly from spreading awareness and acceptance through the help of organizations like ASAN. (Note, Autism Speaks is not one of them, it's a hate group that tries to disguise a genocide attempt as a "cure" and "natal detection method".) Like about 10 years ago, I remember the main narrative around autism being that if you're diagnosed with it you can never find a job let alone hold one. That you would be the most extreme case, stuck being taken care of by others, not even able to cook, clean, shower by yourself. Which sure exists, there are autistic people with really high needs in all the aspects, but more often than not, some of those needs are going to be lower, and those people that need 24/7 care can still be happy and it's not a fate worse than death like it was depicted 10 years ago. Nowadays autism is depicted with a bit more variety, there's a better understanding that autistic people have independent thought and are humans like any one of us. So people are less scared to seek diagnosis and get accomodations. Kind of like left handedness had an up tick when the idea of the left hand being the devil's hand faded out. It's always been there at a set percetage, it's just more visible now because we, the society, accept it.

[@gayasparagus]

Well said. I can imagine non traumatized autistics as extremely curious and dedicated individuals who would be capable of moving mountains with their drive and passion twards the good of their special interest. Think Albert Einstein or Nikola tesla, without the hardships.

[@gayasparagus]

@Tiana Malcom 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 are you a bot?

[@ivanaa.1968]

When I was a child, I was a "typical" autistic- no expressions, flat voice, extremely to the point and linear, perfect/computer-like memory, couldn't read faces or act accordingly. But I didn't care, I was bullied and knew I was different, but I refused to change. I wasn't diagnosed, but it was apparent that I was the black sheep in any room I entered. Around age 12, the abuse got so much worse. I was constantly in survival mode and suddenly started losing my memory, talking too much, and jumping from one point to another, to the point where nobody understood what I was trying to say. I became way too animated with my face and body movement so I don't get misunderstood. Around age 17, I started thinking I might have Adhd, but with time it became clearer that I'm just an abused autistic woman that lost her core personality while trying to survive. My psychologist had a hard time diagnosing me, she still is unsure if it's autism to trauma, but I know it's both.

[@kpaxian6044]

Wow. This describes me! I had the complete lack of eye contact (I struggle the most with eye contact t9 this day...well....as far as typical autistic traits go) and was quiet (I even had language regression at 20 months.) But I experienced so much bullying and emotional abuse within my family (from my mum and also extended family). I grew up with severe depression that was never addressed and developed suicidal thoughts. I also became a people pleaser to try to gain more support and love from the people who were supposed to protect me and because my quiet, aloof nature was criticized so I forced myself to talk more and engaged and eventually had a pressured way of speaking that only a little year ago was diagnosed as severe social anxiety disorder (with severe people pleasing tendencies.) This made me even more of a target to others who readily manipulated me furthermore and I experienced abuse at home at bullying at school. Later on...my mum told me I had been diagnosed as autistic when I was a toddler when she was dying of cancer. An entire lifetime of trying so hard and feeling like I was going crazy... But even with my more overt traits as a child...I was a good kid. I didn't deserve to be treated that way. Now I am trying to go back and be the quiet, more inwards person I was when little because I get criticized for talking too much. But so much of the talkativeness was anxiety because I was told I was being moody and harshly rebuked....

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@adhdbookworm]

Seldom do they ever want to explore the possibility that it's both.

[@silverriver7866]

I’m

[@kseniaverlaine]

I am really sorry it happened to you. What you’re saying is also resonating with me in many points.

[@laurensomody8838]

To speak to the experience of masking, I’m both autistic and have cptsd, there is conscious masking for sure, intended to appear a certain way, but a lot of masking for autistic people isn’t intentional, and we often don’t realize the extent our own masking behaviors for much of our lives. Things like mimicry, at least in my understanding, come from a misunderstanding of how to be, rather than a wish to be different from how I am. The perception of being an alien exists on my end of relationships as well.

[@snippets981]

This!!!

[@echo_family_adventures]

💯 this!! While I can look back and see my masking, I was not truly aware of it until I learned what it was and was able to look back. I can remember very clearly from a young age studying people and copying their movements, even down to how people held their pencil and the style in which they wrote. I’ve since been learning to unmask, which has also unfortunately increased my sensory issues. But that could also be because I am more aware and understand what’s going on, where before I just dismissed my being overstimulated as being anxious. For instance my struggle with getting dressed has always been an issue for me. My husband noticed long before me my sensory issues around clothes and when I finally recognized that’s what my issue was and I told him, he was so nonchalant and said he knew. When I asked why he never said anything to me he said he just always assumed I knew I had sensory issues. 🙈 But for me I just thought it was anxiety because I was told I had GAD as a teen after my first panic attack, which I now 100% believe was actually tied to masking. But as a teen I just believed everyone around me when they told me why it happened and didn’t even think for myself despite being able to see that masking took a huge toll on me as a kid. Every year I’d start out wearing the “cool” clothes only to not be able to take it after a couple months, then I’d go back to wearing my normal clothes that felt right. Looking back I can see it was the same situation in high school when I had my “panic” attack.

[@anthonywyattStylist]

And it could also be said people want to get ride of the spectrum want to because they dont qualify for a diagnoses or want self diagnoses validated .

[@JoyFay]

Spot on!

[@OneCatShortOfCrazy]

I find that I am all of a sudden moving and talking like someone I've recently been in contact with (someone I guess I consider to have a good personality) without meaning too. It often catches me off guard and I have come to realise I mask so much I don't even control it anymore, it just happens.

[@azh753]

I’m Autistic, and like you said, it’s really hard to draw a hard line between Autism and Trauma because of the trauma inherent in growing up in an NT world, often with ableist parents and teachers.

[@keylanoslokj1806]

They can't understand us at all 😢

[@sharonjensen3016]

They won't even try to understand us. They tell us we have to "fit in" with the neurotypical world and that's that. Can't fit a square where a circle goes.

[@davezad]

The teachers were worse even than the other students. Way worse. I have so many bad memories associated with them. They would personally do or say mean things. Turn a blind eye to bullying. Sometimes even instigate it themselves or use the other kids to bully for them. There was also a lot of verbal ridicule and expressions of exasperation at social mistakes. These teachers created the opposite of a supportive environment. Fortunately not all of them were like this. I owe it to the librarian, music department and a German language teacher for providing quiet spaces that got me through to graduation. That plus my always present walkman and tapes. The music reduced sensory overload. I counted on the few teachers who let me listen in class as allies. More often than not, though, I was told to put it away. Or they would pry into what music I was playing and then mock Beethoven's 9th symphony. To this day I still encounter people who do that. It's bizarre. The societal allowances when it comes to neurotypical and autistic people seem like they're flipped. Bullying is tolerated, where autism is a huge problem. All these "normal" students and teachers joining in to inflict cruelty on some kids, since they obviously deserved it for being different. That feeling of injustice was bitter. I know it didn't just happen to me.

[@IJustAnimateThatsTheJist]

Yeah it's so much worse when you have extremely ignorant people surrounding you and forcing you to mask constantly. People who are uneducated are still capable of learning, but once they're willingly ignorant there's nothing but getting away from them.

[@Medietos]

@@davezadI'm so glad you had beethoven's 9th. It has comforted and elated me too. Glad you had some good teachers. Teh others, was it before Aspergers got so well-known and information spreead? I am so surprised and horrified at the number of abusers I have had on me in the very social security professions and doctors offices who are there to HELP and EASE illness and handicaps. Do you have a normal lofe now? Did you get support or assistence? Work/occupation? I'd be grateful for answer, because I so wonder why my whole life is being wasted and destroyed, all my talents, knowledge and love wasted and people around me afraid and sad at my strange situation.

[@Elizarge]

Thank you, as a female who has ASD and undiagnosed until late in life. I have trauma from being shamed and not understanding what I did wrong. This led me to hide and pretend to be like everyone else. Instead of outward stimming I learned to do it internally, tapping fingers or toes to syllables in words repeated in my head. I was taken advantage of as a child because of my gullibility and wanting to fit in. I am self diagnosed. I was told when I went to be evaluated that I can't be autistic because I am married. This is incorrect as many of us are married. I have a very hard time socially and aside from my husband and children I don't have friends. I want to thank you for talking about this and learning about it. We need more advocates.

[@mommalion7028]

Lots of autistic people are married. If a guy had a decent job or a gal is cute it's not hard to find partner. Wonder where your therapist got such a weird idea from. I don't know if I have asd but I did grow up in a substance abuse home and constantly feel like an alien and over stimulated. Things everyone else can do like driving simply involve too much input I can't process all of it at once. I can do things that let me focus (I graduated college with almost no effort whatsoever) but my general life and coping skills are way below par.

[@sarahmunoz5749]

When I read "tapping toes or fingers to syllables in my head" my eyes widened because I did that for such a long time and I hadn't heard of anyone else doing the same thing.

[@Elizarge]

@@sarahmunoz5749 yes and I will also get stuck on the word or phrase I’m tapping out. I have asked many Non diverse people if they do these types of things and all said no. For the longest time I thought it was normal. Haha!

[@ARA-ee9yr]

Exactly! I felt deeply recognized in a way & it felt emotionally satisfying to me :) . It’s a new experience to see someone describe something that I wasn’t even aware of doing until now.

[@baileyellison642]

I was just recently diagnosed with ASD less than a month ago and am an AFAB person. I’m just starting to figure out what was autism as a kid. I’m so thankful for my new therapist, I recognized the symptoms in myself a year ago and brought it up to my therapist at the time. He said because I wanted to make friends (I was struggling to make friends in college and was diagnosed with avoidant personality disorder at the time) that I wasn’t autistic. It was something I brought up when I met my new therapist and she actually took it seriously. If she hadn’t I would still be undiagnosed and thinking I couldn’t be autistic even though I really felt I was

[@kaworunagisa4009]

About masking. A lot of autistic people who mask don't even consciously recognise what we're doing until someone points it out to us. We are taught to conform and to 'be like everyone else', so in many cases we think of masking behaviours as rules we have to follow as a payment of sort to stay in society. Sometimes we create whole (-ish) personas for particular people and situations, other times it's just a set of behaviours we follow, but it's definitely less narrative based than pure trauma based masking, and it's a lot more performative. I smile while talking to people not because it would make me a nice person but because the action of smiling is expected of me by societal rules. And it's its own circle of hell trying to decipher _why_ I'm supposed to smile in this particular situation and what is _really_ expected of me. Because we all know that NTs say one thing and mean another. But I'm getting carried away. And I don't bother looking for deep hidden meaning all of the time, otherwise I wouldn't be able to have a conversation over 1 minute long without a headache and using up all of my spoons for a whole week. Also, Paul is definitely a great resource. I would also recommend Sam ( kzbin.info ), a British lady living in Netherlands who was diagnosed with ASD as an adult and makes very insightful videos and raises some very important points.

[@CherrysJubileeJoyfully]

Took 41 years for me to figure out I was masking

[@nojja803]

Although masking can manifest in specific ways for autistic people (holding back from stimming in public, for example) it is also important to note that many many people, 'NT' or not 'mask' to varying degrees, particularly in cases of social anxiety. I'm all for autistic awareness but do find the divisiveness of the terms neurodiverse/neurotypical very reductionist and breeds such a them and us narrative - we are all human beings each with our own strengths and relative areas of weakness and there is no 'typical'

[@kaworunagisa4009]

@@nojja803 And to you I would recommend this: kzbin.info/www/bejne/oaDYlWqenKysh5o Not the same topic but a few very important and very relevant points.

[@Lablbobla]

Commenting to follow comment

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@Tadwinked]

I used to think I was good at reading people, when really I was just assuming everyone was angry or upset at me. My dad has anger issues, and I grew up never knowing what would set him off. I could never tell he was getting angry until it happened, so I learned and perfected what to do after his outbursts to avoid things escalating. 1) Look sad, but don't cry because that makes him angry. "Crying is manipulative," according to him. 2) Always say you're sorry, but not right away. You have to show that you're sorry first, or he will think you are being insincere. (It doesn't matter what set him off in the first place, if you are around he will get angry at you and you will be expected to apologize for that.) 3) Make yourself as small as possible. Keep your eyes on the floor, but face him when you speak. 4) A few hours after his outbursts, hug him and tell him you love him. Not doing this may cause his post-tantrum irritation to fester. 5) On the very rare occasions when he apologizes, tell him that it is okay. This is the only acceptable response, and not responding is not an option. This is not a real apology, it is a test. He will not learn. Growing up with undiagnosed (I wasn't diagnosed until adulthood) ASD in an emotionally abusive environment was... an experience.

[@cdawg9218]

I really relate to this, and although it was almost triggering to read, thanks for sharing. I grew up in a household where mum was often working nights so my siblings and I (the oldest) were often left alone with my volitile father. He was also set off very easily so I was constantly trying to monitor for anger and outbursts with a hit and miss success rate, so I usually assumed anger. Once it happened all I could do was just placate, be small, quiet and obedient (if I could I'd make myself scarce) and hope it would all blow over. I have since been through councelling where they told me about my cptsd but I have since wondered whether it was just that or whether I was on the spectrum as there are other behaviours that might point to this also. Thanks again, its nice to know that we're not alone in our struggles ❤️

[@Raven-ll6zw]

I really really relate to this ❤️ it’s sucked for me because I generally do have trouble reading people so like you I assume every queue or change = anger. This has weighed SO heavily on my relationships though because people don’t really like to be told you always think they’re mad at you lol Such a challenging thing to fix though. I feel very stuck

[@LinYouToo]

Sending a virtual hug. I can relate to what you experienced.

[@taylorsmith4128]

That sounds painful. I'm realizing I probably had a routine for dealing with my parents' anger as well.

[@_sharpaxe_]

Had basically the exact same experience, even down to the behavior learned to keep from causing anything to get worse, alcoholic father in my case, but he had an extremely volatile temper aswell

[@Ash-vu1et]

I’m really grateful for this video. I’m 27 and within the last year I’ve been experiencing what’s referred to as ‘autistic burnout’ in full force, which has been simultaneously one of the hardest experiences of my life as well as one of the most healing, because it’s forced me to finally dig deep into my issues and really get to know myself. The funny thing about masking is I think a lot of us aren’t even really consciously aware of the fact that we’re doing it. Socializing has always been unspeakably exhausting to me, and I became progressively more of a hermit over the years after repeated exposure to abusive types of people, but I never made the connection until recently that socializing was as exhausting as it was for me because of the fact that I was never allowed to simply… be. I can’t put into words how much I envy people who can interact with others without constantly analyzing other people’s tones, facial expressions, postures, and trying to discern what they really mean vs. what they’re saying-and all the while monitoring my own tones, expressions, posture, words, and whether I’m doing something weird with my hands or acting more like an alien than a human being. I’m sure that’s all caused by a combination of my autism, CPTSD, ADHD, and anxiety. It’s so much fun to deal with! But my point is, despite how I was perpetually masking, I basically had no idea that I was. I thought everyone approached socializing the same way. Looking back, I know I started masking because of repeated rejection, both from my peers and parents, and learned through trial and error what was and wasn’t socially acceptable. I’m at a point now where I actually have no idea how to act around anyone. I no longer have the energy to mask the way I used to, so I’ve simply stopped seeing people entirely. I want to be authentic, but I’ve masked for so long that I constantly have to ask myself if I’m masking or if what I’m saying/doing is really what I want to be saying/doing or if it’s just what I believe I should be saying/doing. It’s actually almost as exhausting as masking 24/7. I can’t just “be myself”, because I was never afforded the opportunity. When I was too young to remember, I learned that whoever the real me is was unacceptable, and now it feels like that authentic part of me is just… gone. Or maybe I’m overthinking the concept of my identity too much-to a degree, I definitely am, but I also don’t know how not to overthink it. So basically: I can’t mask anymore, because I’m too worn out, but I can’t be myself either, because I don’t know how. Also, it is NOT easy to reach out and make friends in this state. Especially not when I’m still healing from narcissistic abuse and I have a fearful-avoidant attachment style. But I also can’t heal my attachment style or trauma without connecting with other people at some point. It feels like a catch-22. No one asked, but that isn’t going to stop me from screaming into the void about how much everything sucks. At least it’s better than masking all the time and only having toxic relationships, though.

[@PS-ys2rc]

Perfectly perfectly describes everything. Wow.

[@kdelka81]

While you appreciate the video, the therapy you would receive for it would be a gaslighting experience (by those like him) You would try to explain how you truly don't have the energy at the moment for this level of socializing, and they would nod sympathetically and say, yeah, its cuz ur depressed, you have to get out and FORCE yourself to do these things. So you either do it, and the consequences are that you call off work for 3 days after bc you pushed yourself to do something you didn't have the energy for and THEN you're further gaslit by the therapist for not being able to do it all, OR you know your limits, say, no, I can't socialize right now like you are prescribing, and they label you as resistant to therapy... Now that I listen to autistic adults I can get some tools that are specifically for autistic people during burnout bc the mental health field's advice is nt advice to treat depression and anxiety. Autistic burnout is different. Autistic ptsd is different. It is a recurring trauma that will ALWAYS be there. So while we're trying to recover during a burnout, we've got nt professionals telling us, hey, you know what you should do? I know you're trying to find your peace right now so you should totally subject yourself to further trauma and socialize w pple you can't be your authentic self around. I've repeatedly told my psychologist I'm not functioning. I'm going to completely crack and lose it if i go on like this. So, I cut back on work hours for now bc of severe burnout. Ive dropped from 12 hrs on one of my days to 8 hours & bc of burnout can't get my charting done on time. Her advice? Do your charting when you get home. You would have been working 12 hours anyway. I'm like 🤯 you are NOT hearing my experience when I'm telling you that I'm walking on a broken foot but have to in order to financially survive. So to decrease the further trauma I'm putting on this foot, I will cut back 4 hours of walking on it. Psychologist: you should walk on your foot when you get home.

[@tomaterjuice5095]

I have the same shit you have. Including the trauma. Thanks for explaining some things to me.

[@melammutumultus4654]

Right there with you, except I hobbled along until I hit 53 and became completely ground down. The fucks I now give = 0, totally on E

[@somanypetals]

Wow… Spider-Man-pointing-at-Spider-Man.jpeg

[@HundredPercentLuck]

Being on the AS and realizing that soaking up emotions around me makes my inner world chaotic, I just recently learned that empathy doesn't mean feeling the emotions of others as if I was in that situation and then having no way of progressing. This made me super involved in other people's trauma, while I already had to deal with my own.

[@HundredPercentLuck]

It did give me a better understanding of people, the way people think and how to deal with emotions. But as I already said, now that I can feel WITH someone, I need to keep in mind, that me listening and feeling for someone, should not make me feel like I was in their shoes. I always wondered why I wanted to understand other people so much, give input on how to deal with situations and so on. I still want to give that type of input, I just need to figure out how I can do that, without ending in Autism-burnout from not being able to change the situation that is not mine to deal with.

[@HundredPercentLuck]

The amount of times another person's trauma triggered my own and led me into a shutdown and made people think I'm mean and don't want to be there for them, because that's how people used to know me. Wish I would've known what I now know earlier. If anyone reads this and can relate, don't feel bad, you can only be there for others, if you are there for yourself first.

[@elyaequestus1409]

Holy shit, you just put my own experience into words. As a child, I grew up in a family that was being gaslit by other family members. My parents had each other, my brother fled the house into nature and I was at home and trying to proces what was happening. I couldnt. And now, 20 years later, I now start to understand that exactly experiencing the emotion of someone (enmeshment) =/= empathy. Empathy is asking, is being supportive and being kind. Enmeshment claims and expects. Experiencing enmeshment is highly triggering for me these days. ... Just writing it out is massively healing.

[@HundredPercentLuck]

@@elyaequestus1409 I can relate to that, thanks for sharing. Makes me feel like I‘m not alone in this and other people also went through this. I hope you get to heal and have healthy relationships.

[@SavannahElizabethG]

yes.

[@vivianriver6450]

You say that it is traumatic to tell an autistic child, "You are different." I disagree. I feel like it was traumatic for everyone to treat me as being different without ever explaining that I am different. When I was finally told as an adult that I could be autistic, that was not traumatizing; it was illuminating! That being said, that you for your discussion about the overlap between autism and trauma.

[@Psychodynamic431]

I agree..it is not abt being different but abt world not being okay about the difference..lovely video..thanks..

[@vazzaroth]

Agreed personally. I feel that I grew up being treated as 'other' but never really had anyone explain their perception of me to me. So I now feel like I have no sense of self. I have little to no identity. At least not a social one. I have my own identity that I like for me, but I have no idea how to show that to other people because all the feedback I ever got in life was that I was 'vaguely wrong' or, at best, "weird and shy". I still have no idea what labels are accurate for me. Am I just a nerd? Am I on the ASD spectrum? Does my 5-min ADHD diagnoses count and explain everything? What even AM I? I feel like some kind of monster fairly often when I try to see myself through an outsider's eyes. I kind of have a potentially, depending on your perspective, unhealthy obsession with trying to find and apply labels to myself now because I feel like no one ever helped me with this. And even now, I can't tell if that's CPTSD, Emotional neglect, ASD, ADHD, being an INTP, being a gifted kid, having dyscalculia, just being dumb, just being smart, just being shy.... or ANYTHING. This is why I love being alone. I can just do anything in the entire world of possibilities that I want to do and never have to worry about whether it fits into some kind of strange construct of identity that others have to perceive and package with a neat little bow else they'll flip out and try to burn you at the stake because you are cursed with the label of 'weird' if you aren't understandable in comparative context of other folks that individual has met within 5 mins of meeting.

[@alycatt13]

my experience has been the same as yours. I feel like equating autism with "different" can be where theres a problem bc realistically theres no negative connotation to the word "different" but in the context of society and the expectation to fit in, it becomes negative. though I'm 22 and have been accepting my autism for a while, sometimes the reminder that society mostly just sees me as different is upsetting. other times its the one thing that keeps me feeling like I still have control over myself and what I do (strong autonomy). I think its best to be honest with children in all circumstances. I can remember both things I WAS told and WASN'T told in childhood where it could've gone better the other way. i think it really depends on caretakers, like thats what makes a positive or negative difference. I wouldn't know though LOL

[@vivianriver6450]

@@alycatt13 I was not diagnosed until I was an adult, about your age. If any medical professional ever suggested to my parents that I could be autistic, they never told me. I lived my entire childhood with undiagnosed autism and also undiagnosed gender dysphoria. My entire childhood, the message from my parents, teachers, and other children was, "Be normal. Fit in." I would have done anything to fit in. I actually had my father standing over me screaming at me on at least one occasion I remember; my crime was my discomfort with a handbag my mom carried around. The colors and patterns on it were offensive to my senses. I understood the message and I would have done anything to make the screaming stop and please my father, but alas, I could not. When I came out to him several years ago about my decision to undergo gender transition, that was too much for him and we cut each other off. Now, in my late 30s, I can't remember that either parent ever acknowledged me as being autistic or suffering from the trauma that I will most likely spend the rest of my life recovering from. This stuff cuts deep and I hope you have an easier time of it than I did.

[@knmcevoy]

I fully agree. The trauma doesn’t come from knowing, or being told, you’re different. The trauma comes from knowing you’re different and everyone around you telling you that you’re not. The trauma comes from “different” being used as a synonym for “deficient” or “bad” or “wrong.” I was recently diagnosed as autistic at 35 years old and it was the biggest relief of my life. I finally had an answer, everything finally made sense, my deep sense of being different was finally recognized and supported and validated.

[@truewantsaband]

Before I read up about CPTSD, I would have bet money I was autistic. The CPTSD diagnosis fits me best, but the way that I loosened my grip and accommodated my symptoms when I was thinking I was autistic was very healing.

[@Aries-Athena]

Same.

[@cdawg9218]

For me, even though I know about my cpstd, there is still a doubt in my mind as to whether I may be on the spectrum too. Especially my difficulty with eye contact and lip biting...

[@mistsister]

I've wondered the same about my husband. The triggers he has are what is telling, the autistic behaviors act up during particular trigger episodes but do not present other times.

[@mistsister]

Also good for you! It's hard but so important to question our beliefs about ourselves.

[@goetcetc564]

I am still not sure. How do you know if it's CPTSD, BPD or Autism... and does it even matter as an adult at this point? I'm so confused, I have been diagnosed with all three. Such a confusing time in life.

[@starlumpy]

I have went to 2 therapists, 1 willingly and 1 not. Both said I had a flat affect, I think now it would be considered a blunted affect because I can express what I’m feeling on the inside externally sometimes, but not very intensely. Neither of them said I had autism but I know that’s the case now. I was shamed heavily for always looking “mean, sad, rude, distant, etc” and the phrase “smile” or “you need to smile” still triggers me so bad it sends me into a meltdown.

[@grmpEqweer]

People, especially men, will tell unsmiling women to smile. I have been told to smile by male strangers. (I'm non-binary, but most people are going to designate me "woman.") It's often sexism. It seems kinda creepy.

[@starlumpy]

@@grmpEqweer I don’t think any male has told me to smile (most guys avoid me) it has always been my mom telling me to smile and that no one will like me if I’m not happy all the time.

[@grmpEqweer]

@@starlumpy Ah. Gotcha. Sympathies. That's about her. ... Honestly, there's only a small slice of people you will actually want to be friends with, anyway. They'll figure out you're the sort of person _they_ want to be friends with. So...I think your mom kind of means well, but is just incorrect.

[@starlumpy]

@@grmpEqweer my mom is a lot of things, I suppose she means well sometimes but she gets it across in the worst ways possible. long story short she’s done a lot of terrible things to me, good intentions or not, and I do not care about her in the slightest anymore. I know that there are only a few people out there I’d ever want to be friends with. In school I had a very hard time making friends because NT kids just thought I was weird and alienated me. I still don’t really have any friends and I don’t really know how making friends works. I see other people make friends so easily and I don’t know how they do it. Is it just being in the right place at the right time? The friends I do have don’t care if I smile all the time or not anyhow, as they’re all also ND and we kind of understand each other. The only friends I’ve ever had have been ND lol.

[@teamars3185]

I have never heard a male identifying person told to smile. Would love to know if boys are told to look more handsome by smiling. I have always considered the "you should smile" an overt form of control or even intimidation like catcalling. Our parents might have said it to encourage us to be more likeable but the public demands it to be more attractive. Anytime someone requested that I "should smile more" I suggested they "should talk less"(often using colorful colloquialisms they could comprehend). No one gets to tell you how to express your feelings(except law enforcement, but that is another topic of discussion). Anyone who needs your face to be different to be attractive is not worth even the best chosen comeback. Walk on!

[@lauravoytko]

As a person who’s neurodivergent (first of all I hope this makes sense by the time I’m done) and has childhood trauma. I can tell you the bullying that neurotypical people inflict on divergent people is crushing.. even the bullying a neurodivergent parent can inflict on their own neurodivergent child is STAGGERING!… I believe most neurotypical people are not just put off by divergence. But actually disgusted by it. Especially if you don’t know what it is or understand it or have loved someone who is… all 3 of my children are neurodivergent also. I come from a family with heartbreaking generational trauma and I believe in my heart of hearts that the abuse and trauma cycle is at least partially because neurodivergence runs in my family. I think it lead to abuse because even if you are neurodivergent, you were taught your whole life it wasn’t ok and you were abused because you were different and couldn’t conform. And you will treat your child the same because that’s what you were taught. But if you aren’t neurodivergent and you don’t understand it, either way it can lead to a child being mercilessly abused and bullied. Sometimes by parents that just want their children to be normal and may believe it’s for the best interest of the children… but down the generations it goes until someone finally says enough is enough. I remember being a child and knowing that when I was an adult I’d find a different way. Listening to my parents tell stories and my grandparents stories I genuinely believe that the two things were connected in my family. I am doing everything in my power to stop the cycle with my kids.

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@youretoopolitical8611]

I’m puzzled by it because the so-called “autistic“ features are usually so harmless and in offensive. They don’t come from ill intention either.

[@aclayinthelife]

As a childhood trauma survivor, and a parent to a child on the spectrum, this video is so very appreciated 💗

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@chocolatenailbar-adiynailc9767]

"My true self isn't acceptable"! Yes! That's how I have felt my whole life, even now, I'm 53! Everything in this video hits home with me!. I have been in therapy my entire adult life, and only just now I feel understood and ok with the way I'm different to nuero "normal" people! Thank you for sharing your words with the world!

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Here ya diagnosed 58F. If I look back real hard and focus it’s like a “big gulp” and knot in throat and stomach. The signs right there and no one discerned not even a teacher or therapist 😫. I do believe I was sa and had other trauma from growing up in alcoholic home. So sad that my ND likely although not all of it led me to being abused, used, traumatized. The constant masking w survival how do you break it when been rejected, demeaned by so many including most important humans 😣😖💔😪💞💙🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻👊👊

[@fnjesusfreak]

I've gotten it from both ends - "my true self isn't acceptable" - but trying to act normal isn't either because they can tell I'm faking...

[@criticalmaz1609]

For me, the main reason for masking is that I've always been met with immediate social backlash whenever I let my authentic/honest self show through. From being scolded, scoffed at, snubbed and ridiculed to having people burst out laughing in my face, I've learnt that almost everything I do naturally is considered "wrong" and must be hidden. This didn't so much as create a different persona but split my positive and negative traits into what _I_ thought of as "fake" and "real". I've been working on it for about a year now and am starting to see all of it as me.

[@ARA-ee9yr]

While reading this I recognized parts of myself in your words & it felt (graphical description ahead) like someone was jabbing knives into my chest over and over again. A quite discouraging feeling to say the least if you‘re aiming to live truthfully in your own way. Like the force of being myself in itself is a burden that keeps harming me. Or it might me the contrast between what other people expect from me as a person and my opinion about myself that clash with one another. I don’t believe this makes any sense but it certainly helped me relieve some stress while writing it :D

[@jkg2088]

Well done on your progress and I’m sorry about what you’ve experienced ❤ With my experiences overall I’ve either been considered too polite, brash, cold,bossy, controlling. I’ve had times where I’ve laughed in inappropriate situations which I get is not forgivable. Sometimes I feel I cannot consciously control my face.

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@fhrus]

please listen to some autistic female (and afab-assigned female at birth) creators too on youtube or tiktok, because autism can feel very different when your conditioning is in accordance to female societal norms (eg. masking can be so much stronger, we can be continuously trying to read people because we were forced to do so in childhood to avoid punishment, and we can get extremely good at it mainly using logic, we can be misdiagnosed especially as bpd, etc.) I'm not saying that this "different looking" autism can only be seen in women/afab people, I'm just saying afab creators are so so so helpful in understanding autism as a whole. Same for ADHD.

[@fhrus]

Most professionals still think that autism and adhd is more frequent in men/boys, when there is no way of knowing since it's much much harder to get diagnosed as a woman/afab. Plus male voices are still louder than female voices, but it's important to hear both.

[@melammutumultus4654]

There is a woman-sized hole in our entire society in all aspects. For instance - I go to home depot and all their glove deals are large and extra large. You know, because woman don't need work gloves or would like deals or anything 🙄 Its infuriating.

[@justlivinglife465]

I wasn’t diagnosed because I am just way too good at masking. The bar seems to be set really high in the UK to be diagnosed- you really have to be profoundly autistic and I found the entire interview extremely patronising. I build a personality by taking bits and pieces from everyone else (even fictional characters). It’s not even conscious, it just happens. Result: no idea who I really am Very normal! People just don’t know how hard we are trying to be a normal person.

[@HamSandwich159]

Furthermore, trans folks also get misdiagnosed for gendered reasons too. I’m AuDHD and transfemme, def socialized more femme and thus had similar experiences

[@f.u.c8308]

Yeah, also, many autistic women, many of whom are interested in psychology, prove that many autistic people do have social skils that sometimes can't be "clocked" as autistic. but the thought processes behind those skills are massively complicated as we use different parts of our brains and exhaust ALL our mental energy for things that come naturally to NTs

[@Sam-bf2fl]

As an autistic person, I really appreciate this video and the research you’ve done into the topic!! It’s nice to see professionals who don’t speak from an ableist point of view on autism 🥰

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@smallpotato5445]

Hearing the closing line “may you be filled with peace” in a video about autism makes this line hits extra hard

[@moonbread2334]

Re: your discussion of Alan Wilson, I identify as autistic and for most of my life have performed in musical theatre and choir performances. Far from feeling overstimulating/overwhelming for me, this practice has actually been incredibly soothing and fulfilling, which is why I've stuck with it for so long. Being up on stage and performing gives me a way to interact "socially" (in a sense) with cast members and audiences, without requiring the improvisational skills and reading of social cues that, say, a water cooler conversation does. Up on stage, there are lines and choreography and character arcs, all things that I can expect and plan for, a framework within which I could be expressive in ways I felt I couldn't offstage. I guess you could also say my love of performing is just a wild manifestation of my masking....but I don't think it's 100% that. Idk, I'm still figuring it out. Anyway, just wanted to add that in case it informs our perceptions of Alan at all. Maybe he was in the same boat with his performing!

[@kaciewolverton2692]

Same with me. I excelled at public speaking because there were clearly defined rules within which to operate - it is a performance that I can plan and practice over and over. Also love team sports because I get a sense of belonging on the field without relying on direct social interaction. Struggled making friends the "normal" way for years until I embraced these activities

[@missywoford1809]

Same here. I'm autistic and actually love acting, singing, and public speaking. It's much easier for me to perform on a stage than to socialize with folks I'm not familiar/comfortable with. I'm able to practice, and there's (usually) no back and forth exchange expected. And when it comes to public speaking, I'm probably talking about something I'm interested in or educated on, so it's basically me lecturing to others on a special interest; what could be better for an autistic? 🙂

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@PrincessMicrowave]

Same. Also, the people I've met in the community theatre circle have been by far the most comfortable friends I've ever had.

[@peacerun]

Same for me! I had just added a comment trying to explain this but you’ve said it perfectly. I’m actually good at doing ceremonies, speaking at events, and being in a stage because it’s nothing like having to talk to people in random conversations.

[@missywoford1809]

So happy to know there are practitioners like you thinking and talking about these intersections. As an adult autistic (especially as a late-diagnosed AFAB autistic) I definitely agree with a theory I've read before that says "there is no such thing as an un-traumatized autistic". Just existing in a world that isn't made for us, especially in a society that so highly values "fitting in" and looking/acting/behaving "correctly" (and harshly punishes those who stand out). I also believe that is why separating the 2 is so difficult. Thanks for this very-well done video.

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@potapotapotapotapotapota]

"We often only see the person in the moment and not where they came from." So true.

[@CrystalMouse1]

My mother was always paranoid and sometimes actually abused by her partner and we were constantly in dv shelters. I know every shelter in every town in Alaska, Oregon and Washington states by abbreviations. My mother would abuse me in these shelters to the point where I had frequent nausea and flu-like symptoms. Often from catching viruses from kids or stress. Caught lice 12 times and typhus from the lice. Being constantly ill kept me out of school and isolated with my mother. It was horrible. Living in cars, trailers and bringing pets it was a mess. So many bug infestations. So much instability. I'd go to school and be unable to focus or connect. I'm disabled now with bulimia, fibromyalgia, Anxiety, depression, and I don't speak to my mother but I'm alive. I have my first good therapist that isn't federally or state funded and it's wonderful. Took decades because I lost trust in adults. My animals are my best friends and I'm grateful for the beauty in nature. Hugs to anyone who read this

[@sarahjensen2473]

Honestly, we know we're different because people don't hesitate to tell us. Professionals not being honest about the differences is gaslighting and doesn't help us. We tend not to do the value-judging when we label things, but we learn that you people do. The pussyfooting around facts is a neurotypical trait, as are lying and manipulation. It's very important to recognize neurotypical children because of these potentially dangerous traits. Speaking frankly, even to children, is the best way to interact with autistic people. I really appreciate your work because my partner and I both have autism and childhood trauma. We both struggle to not imagine neurotypical motives in the other (from 4 decades of social trauma trying to fit in and recognize the red flags of neurotypical behavior). Having to live between such different cultures puts a huge burden on us. Could you explain the difference between neurological conditions and psychological conditions? It seems to me that when people with neurological conditions are regularly abused for it the adaptations required might cause psychological issues, but the symptoms of autism alone are not psychological. This would create the overlap with trauma symptoms, since there are no autistic children older than 18 months without trauma.

[@mistsister]

Hearing some defensiveness there. You say you tend not to value judge but then use the words "you people" (which few of us here even are), followed by your claim of NT people being liars and manipulators. Humans as a whole fear what they do not understand, and an "us v/s them" mentality only perpetuates their ignorance.

[@sarahjensen2473]

@@mistsister Am I wrong to think that psychiatric professionals are judging others? I accept that calling them “people” instead of “mental health professionals” was lazy, but the intent was to reflect the us-and-them mentality present in the video. I could have written another paragraph on how people don’t act apologetic when talking about things that they don’t personally have judgments about. Imagine going to your doctor and she seems uncomfortable talking to you about a physical health issue. Now imagine half the doctors you see do the same, and the others often just ignore it and act like it shouldn’t impact you. It would be unprofessional, and it would harm your therapeutic relationship, as well as reinforcing the idea that you are not just different, but different in a way that you should be embarrassed about. I’m actually not being defensive. I’m trying to help someone I respect recognize a personal blind spot that impacts his clients and viewers negatively. Criticism isn’t always a bad thing, and feedback helps us improve our communication. I will try to be more careful and specific in the future.

[@mistsister]

@@sarahjensen2473 You're not wrong, most of them do. In fact, every one I've ever had. But it is less a NT thing and more a human thing. We all tend to judge each other. That's why it's so great to have Dr. Teahan around. He makes such an effort to be sensitive and question his own understanding, humbling to me.

[@kdelka81]

@@mistsister No, she wasn't wrong at all. You are placing judgment on her statement of fact which is entirely appropriate and respectful. You simply don't have the whole picture the way OP does. I understood her comment completely with NO mal intent behind it. It is actually a great example of a healthy minded way for an autistic person to voice their experience from trauma put on us by all of society AND mental health professionals. She had a TINY mistep in which she can be more consciousness of, but it doesn't equate to the level of judgement you are putting on it. It's entirely understandable to have gone with "you people" bc she's talking about abuse (doesn't matter that it's unintentional, the impact on our mental health is the same) perpetuated BY them. He still gets some things VERY wrong in this video and its harmful. She's trying to educate, but bc ONE LITTLE phrase "you people" you attached that to the entirety of her message, a direct autistic style of communication, NOT a trauma response) detracting from her original position being completely accurate.

[@kdelka81]

@@sarahjensen2473 I hear you and feel this to my very core. I understand entirely what you mean. You have more grace than I do when it comes to MHPs speaking on autism. I personally am in a place in my trauma where I'm livid at the mental health field for how badly they have misportrayed autism. They screwed it up so badly to the point where MHPs like Patrick who clearly are trying so hard, still don't get it, and the impact is that we are STILL judged by these people who truly are trying. They have to keep listening to autistic adults and continue learning. My lack of grace is my opinion that if you aren't an expert on the autistic experience, you shouldn't be educating about it, period. Let the autistic voices be heard. Bc what we have here is a video to educate about autism from someone who doesn't get it but is putting authority behind it he simply doesn't have. I KNOW people will misinterpret this as being against HIM, but its not. Its at the reasons why even he doesn't get it. It's one thing to never be able to be understood by a narcissistic parent, for example. It's a trauma we can't ever get them to realize bc they are narcissistic. It's another to be misunderstood, misheard, misdiagnosed and gaslit from MHPs because they AREN'T narcissistic. They are truly trying. Its infuriating that even good hearted people cause us trauma simply bc they weren't taught accurately.

[@elizabethoconnor1493]

You really speak to the trauma that clinicians carry after working at such difficult environments. Comforting to know I'm not alone.

[@reginacollins4347]

Same

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@emilymoran9152]

I have a close friend who is a doctor. She's in research now, but the stories she tells about residency and the trauma they experienced not just watching people suffer and die, but getting yelled at by grieving family, sexually harassed by patients, threatened by people seeking drugs, etc. - which in some cases led to self-harm - are really harrowing.

[@annie4150]

I wanna scream "THANK YOU, PATRICK" from the very bottom of my heart for all that you do, but especially this video. I have an 8-year-old little sister that is autistic (moderate to severe). My family has always been abusive/neglecting of me & my siblings, and I always fought it (Scapegoat!! 😂). But I fight the hardest for my sister, because everyone else doesn't get it. I'm really glad that you get it, and you continue to educate some people who might not. Thank you.

[@lambchop6278]

Good on you Annie. ❤️

[@sumdude1233]

My diagnosis of ASD is one of the worst things to happen in my life. My household looked good from the outside, but it was a toxic environment. In my old papers, the doctors thought my depression, anxiety, poor memory and suicidal ideation were solely related to my ASD.

[@aderyn7600]

I have tourette's, which means I'm more likely to have comorbidities such as autism adhd ocd depression etc etc. And lucky me, I'm your local mental health acronym collector. A lot of my trauma, I think, directly relates to how I've been treated as someone with a disability, both physical, mental, and neurological. It's incredibly complex to have to acknowledge that certain interventions did, in fact, save your life while at the same time traumatizing you as well.

[@Ichneumonxx]

When I saw that venn diagram on the childhood trauma I was like "oh hello, me". Also "My true self isn't acceptable" hooo boy that is so true. Even now that I know I don't want to hide behind dissociation any longer, when I go out and meet people I don't know what is me, and what is faking it. I wore a mask for so long I'm not sure what's a mask and what's my face anymore. And I'm not sure if I'll like what I see behind that mask.

[@bereal6590]

That's me, 56 years and until I saw a therapist in last year nobody had mentioned cptsd to me. Now it fits, my fam toxic, and it was simply accepted that trauma is somehow normal. Years of being 'taught' to wear a mask, a projection to the outside world. A fake false facade. I too struggle when im with ppl as to is this the fake me or the real me. I've been working on remembering certain events in my childhood and photos around the same time to try to identify which of these children was th most real to my closest self. My 5 year old self is the one I really identify with most (I had 3 caregivers from birth to 7 and one was more healthy). I'm doing Patrick work with that memory of me. It might help you to look back in time in your mind think of how you felt if there was a 'you' most like who you are. ✌✋

[@elfzeal]

@@bereal6590 thank you for this reply. I resonate with the original comment and yours. It's hard to accept that you haven't seen yourself, or at least not in a long time, as your true self, especially when people from your toxic family system pressure you to engage in traditions and so forth. These traditions for me have always been trying because consistency is painful, I guess I've learned to be a chameleon

[@mistsister]

If you don't want to hide behind dissociation any longer, who you are underneath the mask must be pretty awesome and rare. My problem is the dissociative amnesia; I don't know who I was. Looking at pictures of me at 5/10/20 yrs old is like looking at a stranger with my face. So I am looking at who I want to be (not someone living like a famous person, haven't had any luck with that) and emulating that. We have all become experts at masking by now, why not use it to our advantage instead of detriment? For me, I look around at my little house and think 'If I were King of my Castle how would I act?' and then I go do something related to that. It has taken years of struggling with consistency before I could even tackle it, due to learned helplessness. But in the past year of this practice I have stopped avoiding bills, which lowers anxiety. I've started keeping myself and my house clean, making my bed every day, no more huge piles of clean clothes that become piles of dirty clothes, I hang them up now, and even dust once a week which is huge for me. You can even tell what the King cooked and what I did by how tasty it is, because as King I put love and focused attention into my food and as me usually cooks from a place of distraction. It's been great.

[@Ichneumonxx]

@@mistsister thank you! For now I know I'm merely an injured and scared animal left to fend for itself. My family functioned in a system where absolutely no emotion was allowed whatsoever, neither bad nor good, because both were "shameful", a sign of weakness, and problems "didn't exist". Taking off the mask helps me figure out what my limits are, and I can better navigate my own life without putting myself into toxic situations. You're right about not knowing oneself too, the person in the pictures and the one in the mirror are completely different people to me. Sometimes I feel like I don't know either of them.

[@mistsister]

@@Ichneumonxx That's sad, for someone to be so disconnected that a child's laughter is only annoying, their tears a sign of weakness. I experienced the same thing. And yeah, always shocked to look in the mirror and see this is me, but I know there's someone in there who wants to break the cycle and that is sort of a base guideline to finding out who I am. Best of luck to you, sounds like we have most of the tools we need, it just takes time to become sufficient at using them.

[@jcjhudson]

Trauma survivor or ASD. I grew up in a dysfunctional, abusive family. My grandchildren are diagnosed as being on the spectrum, my son and daughter have self diagnosed as ASD. Also quite a few family members (cousins) diagnosed ASD and/or ADHD. People have questioned me if I am on the spectrum. At 71 it’s too late for a diagnosis (waiting lists in uk are 2+years). I guess I will never know but I’ve learnt to live with it.

[@rm6857]

No need for diagnose, just live your life as you want, many times autistic people are much better than "normal" ones

[@everythinghaschanged42]

My dad got diagnosed at 54, he always knew he was because as made apparent by my username I am autistic so he saw a lot of my behaviours in himself. His sisters always said I am identical to him behaviour wise (usually when I was doing something odd). One thing my dad has gained from getting diagnosed late in life is understanding his life. Why he’s reacted to situations in a certain way, his interpersonal relationships, his work life etc. I guess it was just nice for him to understand who he is a little bit better

[@gessrinky9129]

I have a very traumatic home life. Lots of screaming, aggressive parents. Physical and verbal abuse. In school I had terrible grades, teachers hated me because I couldn’t pay attention. Little did they know I had prolly cried myself to sleep the night before, watched my mother attack my dad or Was screamed at for hours on end. I’ve always thought I was dumb…heck, my parents called me dumb and I believed it. As an adult I now realize I was surviving and my brain was simply protecting me by zoning out

[@CamelFox5291]

I have ASD and childhood trauma. The childhood trauma obscured the ASD in many ways, leaving me undiagnosed until adulthood. On the point of identity, I masked heavily to fit in from a trauma perspective and also from an ASD perspective. I was so proficient at masking that it hid my symptoms from almost everyone. I had trouble connecting with others, both because I didn't have anything beyond superficial social skills and because others weren't seeing the real me. After working through much of the childhood trauma, there is still the trauma of being actively rejected by most people for my natural way of being. I have heightened emotional sensitivity, and it does hurt when others are put off. I masked to have connection, but I always felt disconnected because I wasn't being myself. In most of my friendships over the years, people, who saw aspects of the real me, rejected me both from dysfunctional trauma related behaviors and then from ASD type behaviors. Loneliness is common with ASD because they can't be themselves. This also increases risk of suicide. You end up feeling like no one will ever want to know the real you, and many people honestly don't. You are expected to me social standards to fit in, go above and beyond to understand everyone else's way, but pretty much no one wants to learn your way. You feel like a foreigner to the human race. Masking can help in some situations, but it is also emotionally devastating when that is the only answer. I hurt for so many years from masking, knowing I was hurting but not knowing why.

[@claudine98052]

I really can’t thank you enough. Your channel, as well as Tim Fletcher’s, is the reason why I bought a KZbin subscription. I have Asperger’s, BPD, ADHD, and I had an extremely traumatic, if not horrible childhood, with a sadistic mother, brothers and sister. I was beaten, bitten, burned, humiliated and abused. I don’t know how I made it so far without successfully committing suicide. But I am glad I have lived to hear someone talk about those issues.🙏

[@PS-ys2rc]

I hope that you have found or will find true peace and silence. I’m sorry to read what you went through.

[@ARA-ee9yr]

I don’t know how your experience has turned out to be after the attempt to end it. I found myself in that time as well and realized pretty quickly that living was worth it. Even whilst experiencing immense pain, something inside me knew that it wanted to live. So I had to obey and keep carrying on. With less baggage this time. It was like a wake up call indeed. Isn’t it interesting how we can develop so quickly in a rather short period of time ? The first person I came across after drowning in my pain who really helped me was Tim Fletcher. It was a godsend gift. To this day I‘m still mesmerized at how I managed to live through the initial stages of death like emotional states. I hope you‘re still advancing in a graceful way as the decision to shift from ending it to living is a rather immensely graceful and powerful one. I‘m glad I came upon someone that maybe is able to understand me in that aspect :) , you don’t have to. Either way I‘m happy that we met for this brief time here & I wish you the best ( in whichever way you decide to define the best for you ) .

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@yveqeshy]

Ever since I started watching Tim Fletcher's channel, my while perspective on complex trauma has changed. His outlook on shame has really changed everything for me

[@SB_McCollum]

I really appreciate you looking at the tension of autism in relationship to trauma. My path of figuring things out began 10 years ago with a diagnosis of ADHD, finally facing my family of origin trauma (betrayal, narcissism/codependency, narratives/denial of reality), and then a diagnosis of autism 17 months ago. The spectrum quality of all three of those things is quite the midden to sift thru, every new vantage point is so appreciated, especially from a professional who is willing to look into it and help sort things out with a new tool. I feel like I'm trying to reconstruct myself from a mountain of broken pottery and castoffs, if I really work at it and put some creativity into it then the results might be far better than what I've experienced so far, but I'm 60 and this takes Enormous energy to do. Thanks for helping along the way.

[@bolinhong2598]

With the gradual using of dr Oyalo herbal recommendation for autism, whom I met on KZbin, my son is totally free from Autism with his speech cleared and behavior ok as he can now respond to name, orders and act right. Thank you doc Oyalo for your help.

[@wendyrathbone5478]

I completely relate to this. I got the autism diagnosis first, then ADHD, at 53 and seeing the world through a new lens is scary, enlightening, upsetting but hopefully worthwhile in the end. Patrick's videos are so helpful and this one was so sensitive and considered.

[@JackiJinx]

I've been told by friends and coworkers I've grown close with that I have been called an ice queen by others when I'm not around. I hadn't seriously considered that I might have autism until the past year and everything feels like it's clicking. I wanted to go and get a professional diagnosis, but when the clinic said it was $1500 to get evaluated, I decided that as an adult, I don't think it benefits me to be officially labeled anymore. I just know that the answer is likely yes and to try not to get upset with people who make assumptions about my thoughts and feelings. Explains why I can't predict when a family member gets upset, and it explains why my dad asked me why I hated him back in the 6th grade when I didn't even consider that as an option. Also explains why I was "tutored" after school for my social skills by my middle school for a few weeks (that is a whooole other mess that involved the teachers having snacks and just wanting me to talk with a girl my age that I never talked with. My mom was fine with this). Sorry for the rambling

[@2okaycola]

They don’t know how to handle weird girls so we will explain

[@jeffbrownstain]

'One of the main causes of trauma is telling a child that they're different' You have no idea how refreshing it is to hear an actual mental health professional say this. I think our society has become very obsessed with being told they have a mental disorder in order to get some kind of pill to stuff down their throats. It's entirely possible to fall into a long line of supposed 'disabilities' that do not effect your life in any way. Autism is not a thing you 'have', nor is ADHD or some of these other DSM labelisms.

[@kurootsuki3326]

This was so helpful. as a child i always felt i had to "learn" how to interact, and asked my parents if i was autistic multiple times but was dismissed. im still not 100% sure but the validation that its more likely i just didnt receive any capacity from my family to have emotions and social skills mirrored is to blame lol

[@darkamerika]

As a very mature adult (over 60) with ASD, I still have traumatic memories of the constant bullying I endured in grammar and high school, despite being somewhat of a masking overachiever. Neurotypical kids seem to be able to sense when peers are neurodiverse with exceptional ease. I'll wager that few on the autism spectrum got through childhood without experiencing trauma in the social sphere.

[@rbrown4454]

yup! people can smell the difference on us I'm almost certain of it now

[@verzeda]

why are there so few videos like this online? People discuss childhood trauma or autism, but hardly ever both. Almost all autistic people I met got severely bullied at school and many (including me) by their own parent(s).

[@annaolofsson6205]

Thank you for an excellent video! I am a woman in my sixties, who grew up in a dysfunctional family and who’s recently been assessed for ASD/ADHD. The overlap makes an assessment really difficult, especially for a person my age. I didn’t get a full ASD or ADHD diagnosis, but the assessment document states that I have significant traits of both autism and ADHD that should be taken into account. As the assessing psychologist said, ”not enough to meet all the diagnostic criteria, but definitely enough to mess up your life”.

[@Ninsidhe]

You may find going to another therapist useful, because it can be notoriously difficult for females to get a proper diagnosis, *especially* if we’re over 50- the misogynistic bias of both the medical and psychiatric professions have made every aspect of being female an uphill battle; consider the new information coming out now about how so many females who are actually struggling with cPTSD are being misdiagnosed with Borderline, compared to the rate of *male* Borderline diagnosis and you see the bias simmering along happily. Finding a non-gender biased assessment expert can be one of the biggest hurdles; I’ve known individuals rejected for an autism diagnosis on the basis of the now debunked myth of ‘well, you can make eye contact so you can’t be autistic’- like, seriously, have you not heard of SOCIALLY ACQUIRED MASKING? I hope you get the support you so much deserve. Xx

[@messinalyle4030]

Patrick, thank you for opening a dialogue on autism and neurodivergence, topics that are not discussed enough within the fields of mental health. I would like to share some constructive criticism. Beginning when you included masking as an item on the list of "problems" or "symptoms" that autistic folks have, with the implication that it was hard-wired like all of the neurological traits that you mentioned, I had to grit my teeth through the rest of the video. Because, as an autistic person myself, I badly wanted to leave a comment saying that masking is not hard-wired, it is a survival technique. It really blows my mind that the mental health professions approach masking as a hard-wired "symptom" when society as it is is the reason why we have to mask. And mental health professionals all too often contribute to that need, particularly ABA practitioners. This really feels like a "mind eff," to borrow one of your expressions. The world tells us we can't be who we are, but then our not being who we are is treated like a problem. Early intervention is helpful? Depends on your definition of "helpful" and depends on the form that the intervention takes. A large contingent of the autistic community considers ABA unethical. It frequently leads to the client developing PTSD, and also, autistic folks who have been through ABA often become more likely to be abused later in life because ABA teaches them that they can't resist or they will be punished. I don't think that the risks of either of those things happening is worth, say for example, an autistic person learning not to shout disruptively in the middle of a lecture. It is possible to do speech therapy and occupational therapy in such a way that is respectful to the autistic client. ABA is by definition not respectful. Not least because it more or less forces kids to learn to mask--one of the "symptoms" of autism, remember? :) I'm glad that you are at least open to feedback on your theory that autistic folks might not be driven to construct our own identity. I'm not sure where you heard that, but as an autistic person who has met many other autistic folks with varying levels of needs and skills, I can tell you that that theory is out and out bullshit. I really related to the nine year old in your story because I have a hard time transitioning from one activity to another as well. That is common for autistic folks, especially when we are in a high level of emotional distress. I could feel his panic as the adults were trying to pull him away from his only source of comfort. Thank you again for sharing your information on autism. It seems that the study of this neurodivergence has come a long way--we now know that the high functioning and low functioning dichotomy is misleadingly over-simplistic, for example. From my experience, I agree with you that being autistic in a neurotypical world is a traumatic experience in and of itself, unless you are damn lucky regarding the parents, teachers, and peers you ended up with as a child. Perhaps this is part of the reason for the overlap between autism and trauma-based mental illnesses.

[@elysificated]

Boost

[@ushere5791]

in a way, this video was triggering: even though our parents were middle class and never divorced, as someone on the autism spectrum, i nonetheless suffered a great deal of abuse and neglect. i had to hide my stimming, lest i get yelled at and hit. (i still only hand-flap when nobody is looking.) one time, my mom was contemplating beating me up (she knew not to leave marks)...she started biting her lip...and then decided to yell at me rather than hit me. that's when i started biting my lips--i figured if it calmed her down enough not to hit me, it would calm me down, too. it's a habit i still have that i'd like to be rid of. to be fair to my mom, i think she was on the autism spectrum, too, before they knew there was such a thing. my parents really did do the best they could, and i was able to heal the relationship with them--for which i am thankful every day.

[@singabouteverything]

The best they could was the worst and you at your lowest still was worthy of better.

[@tonyasargent57]

Thank you for validating how hard it can be for nerodiverse people. This scenario helped me realize how abusive my mother was. ❤ it also validates my experience.

[@torkgems]

This video was extremely triggering for someone (me) with ASD and CPTSD but important to watch. Thank you

[@littlelion8350]

I really needed this video. I've never related at all to autism, but whenever my autistic friends share their problems about social difficulties and masking and so many other things, I've related very strongly. But I've always known and felt that our reasons to these feelings were based off of different things, and could still not relate to them. I know I've lived with my childhood trauma for so long, and I'm just so happy to get all these pieces put together where it finally makes sense why I'm like the way I am. This clicked with me so hard. Thank you so much for recognizing people who are dealing with these issues but don't fall under the autism spectrum. I've felt so alone, but this was exactly what I needed.

[@elfzeal]

I feel this too

[@snickthegreat]

I'm like this

[@linden5165]

You did a really good job Patrick coming at this from a compassionate, curious, and neurodiversity-positive position. It's always a bit nerve-wracking when people talk about autism. I'm late diagnosed autistic with cPTSD and it's very complicated stuff. I really want to heal trauma but not try and "fix" autistic traits but rather understand them, embrace them, celebrate them and accommodate them. It is not always obvious to me what's coming from trauma, what's from being autistic, often it's both. It's a lot of feeling things out and learning as I go. You're very right that being neurodivergent in neurotypical society is often traumatic, and we often have a lower threshold for trauma too. Masking is complicated. It varies quite a lot among autistic people. Some know how and when they mask very clearly, some don't; some people practice scripts and facial expressions and some don't; some are in touch with who they really are behind the mask and some sadly feel like they don't even know. I think probably most of us are driven to eventually being in-line with authentic self as veracity and authenticity are often very important to autistic ways of being. And masking very often comes at a big cost of energy, self-esteem and mental health so it's not great for our well-being to do it too much. With me I find doing it a little as a purely voluntary thing is sustainable and saves bad and distressing interactions, eg during casual interactions with strangers. A good concept to understand communication is The Double Empathy problem - showing that autistic and non-autistic people misread each other and there's misinterpretation on both sides. Autistic people communicating with each other are often efficient, open and compassionate and we can have really comfortable, supportive and interesting discussions. But things do go sideways sometimes and often I suspect that's when trauma comes to the fore and there's triggering going on. It's pretty regular in online autistic communities which makes sense given the amount of trauma in these groups, but it does often resolve with care and patience. Affect has been a big factor in my life. I often look neutral or angry when I'm not, or if I'm masking I can look happy and relaxed when I'm not at all. It's led to some bad outcomes in healthcare situations for both physical and mental health issues with professionals completely underestimating my level of distress or pain. I think the big thing to remember is behind a flat or neutral face an autistic person can be in a very heightened state of stress or emotion, maybe even on the verge of meltdown or shutdown. I appreciate your work a lot Patrick. It's so helpful. (This is a long comment, but that's a very autistic thing too!) 😊

[@Hazlhazl]

im still remember when i work on my 1st job, being bullied because im different. i need to talk a lot or be 'open' or friendly to survive on that industry, i need to smile always. after a long time working, if someone scolding with me, i just smiling and look at that person. i want to scream and cry that time but someone told me im smiling, i dont even know

[@shezalright4217]

I’m at the point where I like your videos before I even watch them. Thank you so much for the information, tips, etc you give out.

[@andreakoroknai1071]

same :) especially since I asked this question in the comments in of the previous ADHD video

[@ClandestineGirl16X]

I agree!

[@douglas1428]

Could you give me some pointers then?🤔🤞 more you know coping skills I think the better it is for me.

[@mayteblass4031]

I wrote this. I haven't gone to get an official diagnosis. I'm scared to. So I just did what I tend to do and wrote something. The World That Didn't Want Me: I was dropped off here. Into a body that didn't feel like mine. I would watch everyone But did they ever notice me? The real me? No. They couldn't. Because my body wasn't mine And that was all they could see. So why then Do I feel as though They're the ones who rejected me? It's because when I'd feel as though The world was ours to share And I could love them for them Accept them for them They couldn't accept me for me Not really. I had to change. Adjust. Learn. And when I felt ready for one thing They had already moved on And it was my fault for not keeping up For never being fast enough. What's interesting, however, Was finding I wasn't the only one That felt it was too much. But I was still alone. Because they all had given up. Because this is the world. It's just how it is. And how can I get over it? This world never made sense to me. And if I just don't have a place here Then I guess the world never wanted me. I'm still wondering if that's okay. I mean...I live here too.

[@muscularclassrepresentativ5663]

Preach! I’m a therapist with autism who specializes in autism/neurodivergence and in treating trauma. (When I’m not doing bodybuilding and personal training lol) This is gold. We are so vulnerable to emotions and sensory experiences due to our enlarged amygdala, and thus obviously very sensitive to trauma, which reaches the brain through these pathways and affects the amygdala. The odds you escape any developmental trauma when you have unique needs not understood by parents and society is 0% in my opinion

[@jessl1934]

Just some feedback about stigmatizing language: While I respect that ASD has that D attached to it in clinical language, I think that it's preferable to refer to it without attaching "disorder" to it. Where possible, referring to it as a condition rather than a disorder reduces stigma as it validates the fundamental differences that autistic people experience while avoiding pathologizing it. When it comes to things like intimacy and norms (and appropriate levels of disclosure of information) it's important to recognize that while these things are socially negotiated, autistic people have their own understandings of intimacy and norms. To say that autistic people are averse to norms or that they can find intimacy difficult or draining is only true insofar as you are examining the autistic individual from the perspective of neurotypical norms and neurotypical intimacy. As an analogy to illustrate my point, if you spoke about a person who is hard of hearing as "rejecting communication and norms" that would be grossly unfair, and for obvious reasons. In a similar way, an autistic person will have _different_ norms and a _different_ mode of experiencing and expressing intimacy, but that does not therefore mean that the autistic person in question rejects norms or finds intimacy difficult; the person who is hard of hearing will have all sorts of ways of communicating but their condition determines the ways that this communication is best received and expressed by them. That's not a rejection of communication, that's simply different preferences and different needs that are mediated by their condition. The same can be said for autistic people.

[@pelletier4432]

Very valid points, thank you for sharing

[@waynepolo6193]

Fantastically put.

[@tracik1277]

I am reading all the comments and noticing that Patrick does not like/acknowledge any of the comments that point out and provide these constructive criticisms.

[@jessl1934]

@@tracik1277 There are over 200 comments on this video and mine is a particularly long one. I'm not reading too much into it, to be honest.

[@tracik1277]

@@jessl1934 The way they have changed the commenting process for iPad it makes more sense for me to respond to comments than post separately. If I make a typo or a mistake it’s next to impossible to find it again to correct it and it disappears as soon as it’s posted. Quite a few commenters have pointed out similar criticisms to yours, so to use a naff phrase, I was “just saying” 😅

[@christinecraze]

John Elder Robison , who wrote the book "Look me in the Eye" also traveled with a band and had a similar experience as the band member you were speaking of. His book is worth a look how he endured not being diagnosed until he was in his fifties I believe. My son is 31 and on the spectrum. I can't imagine that poor child living like that, with their need for routine.

[@no_peace]

Autistic people are diverse. We don't all have that kind of need for routine. Routines can look really different and can be compatible with travel. I love traveling to a new place every day. It's not "their need for routine" but *his* unique need for routine I'm sure it sounds like I'm being nitpicky but this is the kind of thing that prevents people getting diagnosed, if they don't fit a stereotype

[@melammutumultus4654]

I have ASD and ADHD and was raised by a neurotypical mother with narcissistic and histrionic PDs. Think the ASD both saved me and made my CPTSD worse. Didn't discover I even had ASD until I was 53 🙄 the relief I felt when I learned what was actually wrong with me was immense. Spent most of my adult life in therapy but found Buddhism to be the most helpful, never had a good CT therapist though. I love your channel, you are a great therapist and have already helped me more psychologically than anyone else. Thanks! ❤

[@berthaantoinettamason9207]

How was Buddhism helpful?

[@melammutumultus4654]

@@berthaantoinettamason9207 For one the monks taught me how to differentiate between love with attachment and love without attachment. Also, how during meditation to look at my thoughts neutrally. The desire to break free of a karma trap, that the past does not define me and is behind me. To recognize triggers, sit in them and defuse them, which gets easier and easier over time. To finally put myself first and cut out the toxic relationships. Last but not least, to feel genuine love and acceptance from a group of people (my Buddhist group) who have no intention of harming me.

[@berthaantoinettamason9207]

@@melammutumultus4654 Thank you for explaining. I didn't know a religion can be that useful for mental health. I'll look into some of those.

[@melammutumultus4654]

@@berthaantoinettamason9207 you're very welcome. It's not so much a religion as a philosophy, I follow the original teachings btw.

[@hautecouture2228]

@@berthaantoinettamason9207 Buddhism is paganism. It’s an idol worshiping religion which leads to satanism ( self worship) . Meditation and yoga are strictly forbidden to Christians

[@rebeccakoch5392]

I'm an autistic woman who wasn't diagnosed until age 25. Most of my childhood trauma comes from not being diagnosed. I wanted to unalive myself by age 22 from masking my entire life.

[@debbied9501]

Thank you for this video. My son diagnosed at 3 yr old. He had many struggles in school w bullies and few friends. He also had to endure his father and I fighting. I wish i could take that part back from his experience growing up 😔

[@adamwestbury7928]

I am a heroin addict. I also am neurodivergent who experienced a significant amount of trauma. I am inclined to drop all of these labels and just embrace I am different and experience the world in different ways. Understanding myself more deeply and healing has been critical for more informed healthy positive action. Somatic psychotherapy has been a life saver. Peter Levine, Gabor Mate, Jeff Brown to name a few.

[@irenehigginbotham6392]

Spot on.

[@ayla4686]

Thank you for sharing ❤

[@joedatura1023]

As someone who is both on the spectrum and a trauma survivor, it is a real struggle sometimes. Most therapists dismissed all of the autism symptoms I showed during childhood before my traumatic events because they didn't want to give me too many diagnosis at the same time. Another aspect playing into it is that I'm a woman. However, my whole catalogue of disorders fits each other very well, all being comorbidities of each other and appearing with a higher likelihood in people with CPTSD and autism. I myself would've never figured that I could be autistic, nor do I have or had the desire to be, as it tends to set you up for a lot of shit down the line. But when one of my therapists brought it up, for me, everything clicked into place. However, everytime I go to a new therapist, they think I'm desiring the autistic label for reasons that are not me being autistic apparently?? They'd rather give me the label bpd, which does not fit at all (I have a lot of close bpd friends and a few professionals in my friend group that say I don't match the core criteria of bpd, which I agree with, but apparently my self perception doesn't matter at all, according to therapists). Idk, over the years, I lost trust in the mental health complex. It feels like therapists don't trust the self perceptions of their patients. I get the bpd label slapped on me after the first session by most. After talking for an hour!! Just because I'm honest about my trauma and my previous asd diagnosis.

[@berthaantoinettamason9207]

I had social anxiety which was bad enough that the autism was hidden underneath. Then depression removed the social anxiety and now that both are gone the autism is clear. In hindsight I think the autism was always there. So you're not alone. Keep doing what you know works for you.

[@joedatura1023]

@@berthaantoinettamason9207 thank you for the kind words! I just wish I could get adequate help for my daily struggles caused by autism. It would be nice to have someone who helps me to structure my life better so I can actually do things efficiently that come naturally to other people. The only referrals I have gotten were for trauma therapy, which I have already done two and a half years of. I think DBT would be a good choice, regardless of my diagnosis, but I can't seem to get a professional to refer me. I hope that you get the care you need now and the ability to learn better how to cope with being autistic. :) wish you the best!

[@Liminal_Galaxie]

I'm just starting in special education and am neurodivergent myself. Could you talk a bit about the differences in autism between boys and girls? I'm working in a developing country at an English immersion school, with a lot of kids that have experienced multi generational trauma. Your videos are amazing and your tone is so easy to listen to. Much appreciated 💗

[@2okaycola]

✊🏿

[@RoxyKatGlass]

Im so glad you found him and pray for these children 🙏🏾💜🌟

[@shortycareface9678]

I am autistic, and I indeed dislike autism being likened to personality disorders. I think it reinforces the stigma surrounding ASD. Are there overlaps which externally might look similar? Probably. I simply dislike my neurology being compared to someone else's disorder, though. I was diagnosed last year, at 22. Had a lifetime of being misunderstood by parents, teachers, peers, etc. I, to this day, struggle to go along with and connect with people my own age. I have a wonderful group of friends from senior high (most of whom are neurodivergent), but in general I tend to find interaction with people my own age to be draining. Most of the people I consider friends are in their late twenties or older. People keep telling me that "it'll get better when I turn 30", but people said the same thing about turning 20... Realizing I'm autistic has helped me make sense of many experiences, though. It was like everything that had been floating in limbo and never quite made sense about my life/me, suddenly clicked into place. I've been told on multiple occasions throughout my life that I'm "shouldn't be so sensitive", had people wonder "why I'm so angry" when I'm simply trying to have a conversation, etc. I've even been accused of "not grieving the death of loved ones" or being "too cold" when people want an emotional response from me. It's incredibly unfair; it's not that I don't experience emotions (though I also experience alexithymia), but I don't always know how to translate the internal into something external that can be shared with other people. I think those constant misunderstandings and "corrections" has made me invalidate my own emotions/reactions/thought now as an adult. I had a turbulent relationship with family members, etc. as well, due to these constant misunderstandings. Luckily, having made my family aware of this and becoming aware of it myself, has helped me rectify much of it.

[@TheSnakeh]

Between this and the ADHD video, I don't know if I'm autistic, have ADHD, or if it's just my childhood trauma. Maybe even a combination of two? No matter what it is for me, I always wondered how childhood trauma affected all the way into adulthood... and how to treat it. I'm really glad to have come across this channel! It's really insightful. Thank you!

[@misspatvandriverlady7555]

I have all three, this isn’t uncommon in autistics. In fact, ADHD and autism co-occur enough that the term “AuDHD” was coined especially by those first identified ADHD, only to later realize we are autistic, too, to describe ourselves. Shouldn’t require much in-depth analysis to realize how this combo tends to produce childhood trauma! 😵‍💫

[@vidoxi]

i used to wonder if i was autistic but your videos youve made like this made me realize that my traits that can seem autistic are very much effects of childhood trauma and not autism. extremely valuable video. i'm grateful for it. thank you patrick.

[@ClandestineGirl16X]

Patrick, your videos are the best on the internet! Seriously you have helped me so much (and so many others, I'm sure). Thank you for everything.

[@Ocelot1962]

I wasn’t diagnosed until I was 44. Baggage? I have a truckload of it from nearly being bullied to death well into adulthood.

[@amybe3]

@@Ocelot1962 I was just diagnosed at 42

[@Ocelot1962]

@@amybe3 Welcome to our neurotribe, Amy.

[@rebeccaellison7192]

Thank you for this video. There is so much coverage out regarding the stress social isolation is putting on school age kids right now but it is important to understand that it is what many, many students with disabilities deal with all the time. Can you imagine being in a school with same-age peers and still being isolated and socially neglected? I really wish people could make this correlation and work harder to create a true inclusive environment in school settings.

[@wrenreed9310]

It seems like the diagnosis process of autism needs an overhaul. Not only is there the issue of people being missed because they don't fit the stereotype, but then doctors also have weird personal hang-ups about it. My psychiatrist said she knew I was autistic at our first appointment, but she didn't say anything until I specifically requested a diagnosis years later, all because she "didn't know how me or my parents would react" and that "some people didn't want to know". Lacking any diagnosis as a child came with its own trauma. I knew I was different, but I had no words for it. I was told that anything that gave me trouble was under my control, which was supposed to be empowering, but just caused a lot of shame.

[@ericablaschke3497]

Wow . As a kid I had language, speech delays, speech impairment, learning disability, motor skills problems, surgery etc. my mother experienced inter generational trauma and had mental illness. My problems started off as minor but my mom projected her problems on to me. My life revolved around evaluations, testing, special schools, special gym class, etc. my mother put so much pressure on trying to fix me she forgot to accept me for who I was and see my strengths. All this supposed to help created chaos, made me feel something was horribly wrong with me and I was different. I did not feel my moms love only her anxiety to fix me. Because of this I did not attach to her and develop that bond. My problems became bigger. Treatment became the focus. I felt like I was a target. As a teen I developed behavioral problems which again focused on treatment. This rejection and emotional neglect and targeting made my behavior and anger worse. Instead of focusing on loving me and emotional being there. Treatment was the route. My life revolved around treatment day treatment, medications, individual and family therapy, psychiatric hospitalizations, special school, etc. I hated it and how it made me feel again something was deeply wrong with me. I resisted but it didn’t matter what I wanted. My mother felt it would be beneficial to me. My wants and emotional needs were unimportant to her. Her coldness, rejection, and distant and seeing me as her patients not her daughter. Our house was extremely volatile with my crying yelling screaming. My mother anger towards me. My mom wanted me out of her house and contacted dcf. She didn’t care about my feelings in regards to this. We got in a fight over me not wanting to attend family therapy I felt like the scapegoat to put all the family problems on me.. both me and my mother got physical my mother called the police. She wanted them to take me to the hospital instead they arrested me brought me to jail and told me it was jail or shelter I chose dcf shelter. But my parents presented my behavior as the problem and my mental illness as the problem and they were just good parents getting me the so called help I needed . But they just put all the responsibility on me and made it seem like my behavior was the cause versus emotional neglect, narcissistic traits of my mother her coldness rejection of me. Everyone believed them. My mother was a social worker for the public defenders office and my dad was an adult probation officer with all the professional help it appeared that they were good parents and I just couldn’t accept my disability. But my life centered around this disability or whatever it was. I did ok in school I didn’t really need special Ed. I took normal classes graduated from high school and college lived on my own in my own apartment my senior year in high school. So if I had a learning disability it was minor but my life revolved around help. I just wanted to be loved and accepted and feel normal. No one understood me no psychologist they only invalidated my feelings and made me feel crazy doped up on so much meds that probably made my behavior worse.

[@cherylm5002]

Feel so sad reading what you went through. My son suffered of dyspraxia, had problems with fine motor coordination, so had trouble in school. I thought he was acting difficult, thankfully I happened to see this movie Tare James Par about a boy struggling with dyslexia, it was eye opening to say the least. He did get help with coping in school but I kinda backed down and allowed him the space is evolve. Today as an he is doing fine. Wonder what would have happened if not for seeing the film. Good luck in your life journey, much love

[@leilap2495]

I’ve been incorrectly diagnosed bipolar then BPD in the past, then finally found an autism assessor who subsequently diagnosed me with autism and ADHD. Both diagnoses run in my family and one of my sons is autistic with moderate to high support needs. While I did experience invalidation as a neurodevelopmentally different person from a young age, I also did feel loved by my family. My parents went out of their way to accommodate my unique sensory needs and need for repetition. My dad loved playing music and I loved it too. It still was very clear that a lot of my behaviors were unacceptable to them. They tried to meet my unique needs as best they could, but I was reminded how I was not “diplomatic” and “street smart” (whatever that is for a child) and coached on saying greetings and pleasantries. My pickiness with food and my honesty was seen as being spoiled and ungrateful and social awkwardness as rude and self-absorbed. I recall being forced to eat things and wear things that I didn’t want to, be put in glass elevators repeatedly even though I was terrified. School was difficult from the start in preschool. I couldn’t socialize in groups. Kids found me to be different and bullied me. So yes, trauma and autism are often so intertwined, as was my experience. I appreciate your take, explanations, and graphics. Thank you

[@theaspiebridge]

In some circumstances- we can feel safe socially without a mask if people are willing to accept us, but put us into a room with highly controlled or toxic people- we need a mask in this situation. I find I have to be “small” on purpose as our true self as an Asperger’s individual with high level of intellect threatens insecure covert narcissistic behavior

[@jenniferwood78]

I always enjoy your videos & have been particularly intrigued by recent discussions relating to neuro-atypical experiences & childhood trauma. One observation: "people-pleasing" kinds of masking behaviors are often presented as a negative coping strategy ~ & they are, overall (bad for self-esteem, makes one feel inauthentic). However, for those of us who, due to things like ADHD/ASD/learning disabilities, always seem to be "messing up" in some way, they also serve an important protective function: if people like you, think you're agreeable & "cute," they're more likely to overlook your blunders. This is a real thing. We really are vulnerable. Not saying its good, just that we need all the protection we can get sometimes.

[@Authentistic-ism]

Thank you for doing this. I'm part of that lost, undagnosed generation of children from the 80's and before. I went 40 years before I received a diagnosis and therefore, insight, into the trauma that comes with developing as a neurodivergent autistic person who has no idea and no way to tell others how they are differently processing the world.

[@Authentistic-ism]

I've been dismissed or kicked from shelters, services, and mental health providers for autism traits and symptoms. Lived experience of homelessness and violence was my actual path to recieving assessment and diagnosis. I went in thinkiing i'd had a brain injury from my ex. Nope. autistic all along

[@Authentistic-ism]

@NEW HOPE INSURANCE LTD I don't have any children so I don't know why you are telling me this

[@Dancestar1981]

I am too I have dual diagnosis ASD and Combined ADHD along with Anxiety, Depression, CPTSD, RSD and complex mathematics disabilities

[@matthewanthonydecurtis3242]

This makes sense because I all through my life was diagnosed 1st with Asperger’s than High functioning Autism then PDD-NOS and moderate to severe Autism which doesn’t make any sense to neurological dissociation. I have several alters and paranoia and ASD like symptoms but I’m not autistic. I had several diagnostic categories thrown out the window

[@thatcrazyhindu]

This is amazing because I am constantly confused whether I am autistic or just so hilariously traumatized that I am displaying all these autistic traits. One of the things that really confuses me is that I was diagnosed with BPD and I only feel the symptoms internally I never take out my abandonment trauma on others, which seems to be one of the key characteristics.

[@blugru6366]

I got diagnosed at 51 with ADHD inattentive type, and ASD at 52. They made so much sense of my childhood experiences. I also had my diagnosis of EUPD changed to CPTSD - EUPD never felt right because I didn't have all the symptoms, but did have emotional lability/mood swings. But then I also had PMDD and those mood swings came as a result of hormones and went away the moment my periods commenced. My mood swings got intensely worse as a result of trauma and was more situational than just there all the time and for no good reason. And then perimenopause took it all up several notches. HRT helps with that, as does being on meds that addresses the ADHD - regular SRRIs didn't touch the sides of my symptoms. And that is why getting the right diagnosis is so important... Shame it took half a century. My life might have been different had there been knowledge and help, but it's good to finally know that I am 'different' because of neurodivergence and that it's not anybody's fault. It just is. And that takes the sting and pressure out of it somehow. For me anyway. I can finally breathe. I don't have to mask so much anymore. That's partly my age now as well - I don't feel like I have to impress anyone or fit in so much these days. I do still get rejection sensitivity but it doesn't destroy me like it used to. Again - mellowing with age? Or just relieved to have these pieces of the puzzle finally? (I was also adopted, and only found my birth mother at 40 and my birth father at 51. And half sisters and cousins on both sides. And I finally know where my people come from. Again - puzzle pieces - my identity is more settled somehow. I'm much more at peace with life now.

[@wendyrathbone5478]

@blugru6366 you have had so much to deal with and I'm pleased you feel more at peace with life. Long may it continue

[@esabris2151]

I wondered whether I was on the autism spectrum until I was diagnosed with CPTSD, and then everything made sense to me. Your comments about social support for neurodivergent and/or needy children really hit home for me. Looking back, I was already exhibiting classic signs of CPTSD when I started kindergarten. I clearly struggled with childhood trauma issues throughout my schooling. However, I was a child of the 80's and people weren't as attuned to it. But my siblings and I also showed obvious physical signs of abuse and neglect and NO ONE ever did a thing. No questions. No reports. No shows of concern. No help. I struggle with this even now - how can any adult ignore a child in danger?

[@juniormako6184]

Get the best remedy to improve your child’s autistic condition from doctor Oyalo as his herbs have helped my child improve in speech and social skill very well. He now respond to name, point at what he wants and call mama/papa. God bless you doctor

[@marshfilm]

"When you are born you are so fragile, so vulnerable, so weak... ... and my parents looked at this bundle of weakness, shook their head and said,"not.. weak.. enough!" - Doug Stanhope

[@sachinmistry1]

I was in special ed from 1-4 grade. My parents told me that I was behind in speech and needed special help. When I was in 6th grade, I transferred to a Catholic school. During middle school, I had to see a tutor. It made me feel defective, and that I wasn't as good as the others. I would say that throughout my youth, I felt like an outsider. I didn't think I was smart, and didn't fit in with the rest of the preppy crowd. As an adult, I'm learning that I'm on the spectrum and that people around me appreciate my artistic ability vs my math skills. I grew up feeling very depressed, but now I'm trying to learn how to love myself and acknowledge the good attributes. Dating has been hard, and I think a lot of it is trying to get over the baggage from the past.

[@scp1234]

OK... here me out for a sec... I think I have both. For sure I have ptsd/cptsd. But with ASD, I'm not sure enough to even be self diagnosed... I know I had speech therapy as a kid. I have a hard time socializing. Parties are a nightmare, i misspeak often, large groups can stress me out, I over share and have since childhood, and I prefer solitude. I also have extreme food aversions, I don't like specific fabrics, and I have to dance and/or sing to destress. I've spoken to 4 people about this. 3 of them told me I don't have it, one being my family doctor who, for other reasons, I am trying to replace. Also where I live I need parental involvement to be diagnosed but I don't trust my family. They say they don't remember. They also say that about the trauma they caused me. Basically, I'm confused, screwed, and don't know what to do.

[@jessicabennett9915]

The majority of the autistic community prefers identity first language vs person first language. It makes us who we are. If you removed the autism we would be a different person as it influences all aspects of our life. Many of us also dislike the euphemism "on the spectrum". Being autistic isn't a bad thing so just say autism/autistic. The reason why so many girls are undiagnosed is because the diagnostic criteria is centered on Caucasian boys/AMAB. Autism in women, girls, and AFAB often has characteristics, traits, and markers that differ than those of their male counterparts. We are also conditioned from a very young age that we need to "act like a lady", "be nice", smile even if something's bothering you, etc. We are forced to mask and live for years not knowing who we really are but always knowing that there is something different about us and that we don't fit in. In my opinion autism and childhood trauma go hand in hand, especially if the person received ABA therapy as a child. Being neruodivergent in a neurotypical world that constantly "others" you causes trauma, even if its just mild trauma. Being the kid that is constantly left out, that doesn't get invited to their peer's parties/sleep overs/other events, and just generally misunderstood cuts deep and leaves lasting scars.

[@PJay-wy5fx]

Well said, thank you. I haven't watched the video yet but went to the comment section first. The reason is I like this channel a lot, but mostly whenever allistics talk about autism, some sort of problematic stuff surfaces. So my question to you is: what can I expect? From your comment I gather PFL is used (eeeek!), but are there any other red flags?

[@amiaswolfgang]

@@PJay-wy5fx Another red flag I noted was the statement "Children are traumatized from being told they're different" and that just made me fume a little bit. I love this channel, but that statement is so disconnected from autistic lives, feelings, and sentiments. We already know we're different, and the entire Autism Acceptance movement, which is run by autistics, is based on the saying "We are different, but we are not less deserving of respect, and we deserve easy-to-access and competent accommodations when we need them." Saying that these differences are bad is what is the problem (especially if those sentiments are targeted at mostly non-problematic behavior like stimming and special interests), not in saying that we're different from allistic people. We ARE different. We know! We've known our entire lives, diagnosed or not! Part of respecting autistic people is not being afraid to say that being autistic is different than being allistic/non-autistic. And most of us don't use the term "ASD" either, many don't even call their autism a disorder because autism is not an entirely negative experience for most autistic people. We mostly say "autism" or "autism spectrum. Any autistic traits that cause us to struggle and/or need medical intervention are seen as connected to our experiences of autism but typically not wholly defined by them. I'd say my autistic experiences are much more defined than non-typical social interaction (neutral, partially good and partially bad) and special interests (100% positive) than it has been by my sensory issues (100% negative) or auditory processing disorder (90% negative, occasionally genuinely funny). They're all present, but I relate to my autism and identify with it because of the good times that sp-ins and my style of social interaction has brought me during my whole life. Edit: IMO this video *really* needs to be redone with someone actually autistic making most of the commentary. ALL of the short fallings are centered in Patrick taking a medicalized, removed, allistic approach to talking about autism, which is NOT good autism advocacy. The medical terminology is DECADES behind how the autistic community talks about autism often to the point of being blatantly offensive and dangerously incorrect.

[@jenrenby]

I don't know if I'd say a majority prefers identity first vs person first. I'm okay with either and know several other people that are okay with either too. I also don't mind "on the spectrum." So, it's important to ask each person how they feel instead of assuming. But I totally agree with the rest of your comment.

[@cairosilver2932]

I get that without autism you would be a different person, but how does that conflict with person first language if you would still be a person?

[@amiaswolfgang]

@@cairosilver2932 When being autistic is part of your identity or sense of self to a point where you cant imagine yourself or understand yourself without it, people saying "person with autism" sounds wrong. It implies that autism is something extra on top of us rather than intrinsic to our lives. It implies that being autistic in itself is horrific and not only needs to be linguistically separated from our personhood, but is separate from personhood. As if autism makes someone less human. It also separates autism and disability from other minority statuses. You don't say "person with a transgender identity" or "person who is black" or "person with a Jewish religion," you put their describers first. You say "trans person" or "black person" or "Jewish person." Disability/mental illness/neurodivergency is the ONLY time that people insist on putting personhood first because they think being disabled, mentally ill, or neurodivergent makes you less of a person and that no one would want to identitfy with their condition, when that is an ignorant perspective of an outsider. Really, its just projection from abled people as to how it got started. Generally, just say autistic, and save the person-first versions for individuals who prefer it. It's fine when individuals perfer a certain kind of language to describe themselves, but person-first labeling is a minority in the autistic community, and the language to talk about us generally should reflect what most people use, which is describer-first.

[@kcjones1439]

I’m late diagnosed autistic, my trauma was being undiagnosed until adulthood and being gaslit that I was normal

[@AmericanBaker]

I found this extremely helpful. I think I may be on the spectrum and I have some childhood trauma as well as I am leaving a narcissistic relationship.

[@annatheres3]

You talk about everything that has been brought up in my own personal journey to healing childhood trauma. It's almost like you're reading my mind, but it reminds me that so many of us have shared experiences.

[@erinm3567]

Personally I strongly dislike small talk & I think it's bc I see it as often trivial, especially when it's a family member who neglected me etc...,it might be triggering bc I needed so much more all these years so why should I listen to such trivial crap? Patrick, you said maybe "it's a trigger to childhood fakeness in the parents." That resonates with me big time. Then regarding affect...all my life I felt I had to pretend things weren't as bad as they were. I mostly acted that way with my grandma who was a worrier and I had learned early that I wasn't going to be listened to or believed so I might as well pretend I'm doing better than I am. The inauthenticity is so damn exhausting.

[@birichinaxox9937]

The generational trauma in families with undiagnosed asd that have patterns of partnering to dominating ppl and then constant isolation though lack of drive or success to connect so much ripples. The constant ego of ppl engaging not to understanding but to judge leads to a lifetime of being exhausted and isolated.

[@melissazigler500]

This sounds like my job last year working in an inner city school as a one on one occupational therapist assistant. I had to leave! So triggering to me. The autism, learning difficulties with adhd was not as triggering as the adult behavior surrounding the child. I have adhd and dyslexia. I do feel like individuals need more education on how to deal with these types of children.

[@angeljaceherondale]

I'm in a process to get diagnosed for possibly autism and adhd, and I have a childhood emotional abuse / neglect diagnosis, I feel this to my bones.

[@felixq723]

Thank you for covering this topic. I finally have the tools to communicate effectively about this with my therapist and get help learning the right skills. I had a very complex family system with generations upon generations of many kinds of trauma. I've been in and out of therapy my whole life and had a few psychiatric stays, but very rarely has any of it been helpful, which has been such a frustrating struggle. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only person who can't get better, because nothing anyone does to try to help me actually helps. After watching your videos for several months, I had my first therapy intake appointment at a new place last week and I'm hopeful about it. You helped me see that I really can get to the bottom of why I struggle so much, and I can get the right help, and I can heal. Over the last few months, I've been learning about ASD, and also making strides in recognizing my childhood for what it was. In that, I've often thought, "Wow, that kid really should have had an ASD evaluation," about myself, but it's been so hard to put into words why I think I'm autistic and so what to communicate in explaining why I think I need an evaluation at my age. Everything you said about the child's behavior in your beginning example describes me as a kid, and everything on the Matt Lowry ASD chart you showed is me to a high degree. I hadn't even thought about the fact that my constant lip chewing was yet another stimming behavior, or that being told over and over that I was stuck up, excessively introverted, and "hate fun" might not have always been gaslighting, sometimes it might have been a neurodivergent/neurotypical communication issue. The "agoraphobia" I've been dealing with for many years is probably less about an anxiety disorder, and more that I am constantly overstimulated by the large city I live in, I don't understand how to interact with people I don't know and so it makes me incredibly uncomfortable (which is not the same as anxious), I'm too exhausted to mask like I did as a kid/teen, and will sacrifice things most people think are necessary and healthy in order to avoid dealing with any of that. So, thank you, in general, but especially for spending a video explaining how trauma and ASD can interact. It was very meaningful and important, at least for me.

[@jasperkanes8522]

As an autistic person, it's so refreshing to see a therapist talk about autism in a way that's not pathologizing! A few points you may be interested in: -if you haven't read about the double-empathy problem, you should! There's a lot of research coming out backing up the notion that NTs and autistics are both perfectly good at socializing with people like themselves but the breakdown happens when they mix. Autistic people are oftenperfectly good at socializing in an autistic way that's easily readable by other autistics, and in fact autistic communication with other autistics transfers more information with higher accuracy than NT-NT communication -most autism symptoms can be atypicality in either direction. So while some autistics avoid intense sensory experiences, some are sensory seeking. While some don't like making eye contact, some make too much eye contact. It's a condition of extremes but not unipolar extremes. -Many ASD differences actually are trauma symptoms. Not all of them obviously, but many of the diagnostic symptoms are symptoms of autistics in extreme distress. Growing up ASD and having everyone constantly gaslight your needs and treat you like you're broken is inherently traumatizing. The psychology world doesn't have a clear idea of what a healthy autistic person looks like.

[@kylemonkiewicz2803]

This dude is so awesome I never seen such an experienced therapist In autism.

[@jkg2088]

Excellent video - I’ve noticed I’m often torn with following norms to avoid punishment and being true me. I wonder do I trust certain people to let my guard down. People can tell I’m hiding and cannot quite put their finger on it - I’ve had someone think I’m a narcissist. This video is great - gives lots to reflect on. 🌷

[@MsMastress]

Wonderful video Patrick! As someone who's been diagnosed as on the spectrum (much later in life, around 17 years old) and currently reckoning with my traumas, I couldn't discern whether I had just cptsd or both. This video is helping me understand the overlap and differences much better than any other resource I've found, so thank you :)

[@debbied9501]

Hugs!

[@Firegen1]

💙 Big empathy vibes. Sending kindness

[@azlizzie]

I love this series of overlapping symptoms. It explains why so many people perhaps think they are autistic or have ADHD when really it might just be unresolved childhood trauma. It helps me wrap my head around my confusion around the explosion of people identifying with these categories, my own confusion wondering if I am these things. Probably not. My anxiety is just that, rooted in financial trauma.

[@nojja803]

I second this. I'm a psychologist who works in an adult assessment service..Sadly we see so many people with early unresolved trauma, who naturally seek a label of asc as a way to give a sense of validation to their difficulties, yet offering a false diagnosis does not ultimately touch the underlying areas of psychological distress

[@donttalktomebye]

i know you've done one with adhd and childhood trauma as well, i'd really love to see a 3 way venn diagrama between childhood trauma, adhd, and autism for those of us who have all 3😣

[@savagehockey7165]

My dads side probably has some of the autism genes, and my mom’s side is extremely social and out going. So sometimes my dad misses out on important events for his work, and so my mom raised me to not be like that. And while it’s good that I was given some guidance, some it was just way too much, for example my mom always wanted me to have more friends in my developmental ages and never said “just be yourself”, she constantly told me what to wear and to “stick to two sentences so you don’t lose everyone”. I understand trying to learn some of the basic cues just to make my life a little easier but I just wish she hadn’t made me feel like it was my (or my dad, grandpa, or brother’s) fault for being behind socially or whatever. I have a pretty good social circle now, and people think I’m pretty funny ig, and I think I was always decently funny but I didn’t have the confidence in words and interactions so things were forced and in the past it made my interactions seem more odd then they needed to be. I just think that neurotypical people should be more aware that brains around them may process things differently and that’s okay. Listen to those people, give them space, try and include them by maybe altering events a little and whatnot and please don’t make it seem like it’s “our problem”

[@tracik1277]

Most nt’s generally do not think.

[@savagehockey7165]

@Dr Yuching Lee stop pedaling your stupid oils

[@keylanoslokj1806]

​@@tracik1277yes. It's all emotions and insticts for them

[@basman5591]

My mom has recently been diagnosed with high-functioning autism. It got me thinking and reflecting on how I handled past situations and tended to act. I've been thinking a lot about how I perhaps appeared to others. On the one hand I seem to have tendencies that could be a sign of autism, but on other I also have signs of childhood trauma. I'm not sure. I'm either way going to talk about it with my GP upcoming. I really loved your explanation of affect as a concept. I personally feel like I tend to be somewhat defuse emotionally compared to others, which can make conversation feel less natural to others. Very informative video and came at a good time.

[@gregoryburne5251]

I’m 53. Self diagnosed at 50 after hoovering up all I could on Autism for about a year. Uta Frith, Simon Baron Cohen, Tony Atwood, etc. I’d previously hoovered everything on Narcissism( Sam Vaknin), and a host of other disorders/conditions. What threw me off considering Autism, was that I am gifted in sports. Always have been. I was riding my older sister’s bicycle at about 3-4 years old. Pedalling a girl’s bike( no horizontal bar from seat to handlebars) with the handlebars above my head and the seat at about my shoulder height while stand-pedalling. So I was always winning individual sports and being selected for “A Team” sides. It turns out that rotation is my thing. Everything I deal with, rotates. Tools especially. Obsessed with good engineering tools. I learned to unicycle at 11. Unicycling is my special interest( or at least, along with motorcycles, is my oldest obsession). So, all this ability with proprioception and reflex sports( 2nd Dan, Kimura Shukokai Int) and yet, the human interaction thing was the polar opposite for me. Have been considered “eccentric “ by friends from the beginning. Bc of sports, I got by interacting with boys/men but was nowhere with girls. Never been married. Been single 99% of adult life. 15 years w/o sex from 95-2011. Lol. Worked as a self taught craftsman for 27 years. Love my workshop. It’s the safest place on earth for me. Anyway, thanks for the insights. Oh, and I must have had autistic parents bc these are the things that were never said to me growing up. ( mom died when I was 19). Dad still alive( I look after him bc he’s in a wheelchair, minus a leg at 83). “I Love You”, I’m so proud of you. You are very smart. You can be anything you want to be. You are so handsome. You are so talented. Etc etc. Not once by either parent, and yet they did their best. It’s been a long road to sanity, given the childhood trauma on top of the confusion growing up….until age 50. I have so many powerful stories that indicate autism in my life, but not today. Thanks again.

[@KatKittyKK]

As a late self diagnosed autistic, I would like to respectfully ask that you not use the term Asperger's. It is not a recognized diagnosis and is problematic for a number of reasons. I am really enjoying your insights and your work to date

[@SaturdayCrunch]

Having gotten to the middle of your video, me personally I struggle with sensing my body properly unless I'm specifically doing something where I'm very highly interested just naturally. It's a struggle to genuinely do things that my brain doesn't find an interest in period I still do them because I'm an adult and I have too. But like for example I could drum for 4 hours straight no problem and be happy with that and be constantly moving. But the moment I'm trying to operate my body for just normal executive functioning, it all just starts to break down. I have to genuinely focus on tensing the muscles in my legs so that way I can walk up the stairs and not fall down. It takes a lot of mental effort to do these things that way I can just walk normally and functionally so I can actually take care of my kids and my house.

[@shellysworld8752]

I loved it! So very helpful and educarional. I self identify as ASD, a childhood trauma survivor of various abuses, violence and fighting, addiction, antisocial behavior,..mainly criminal in nature. Thank you for the insight, references, and compare and contrasting of trauma and ASD.

[@everythinghaschanged42]

What do you mean you identify as ASD? have you been diagnosed or not 🤨

[@BuckarooBonzai]

🎉I was this kid. Your love and concern made me cry, my friend. Thank you so very much for this.🎉

[@ambcook]

My whole childhood therapists said I had bipolar or bpd but as an adult it's been shown to have been a misdiagnosis. I'm actually AuDHD with CPTSD and OCD. I had a really abusive childhood and my brain protected me by focusing my brain on controlling my body and my environment. Now that I'm on the right meds for OCD and am seeing a therapist and CNP that believe me and listen to me, I've been able to focus on taking care of myself and maintaining a routine so I can cope with everyday life. My anorexia and polysubstance abuse was the first thing to tackle and once sobriety kicked in, I had to face all of my underlying conditions. I feel like my ptsd is somewhat manageable and likely in remission if that's possible? I still have meltdowns related to lack of control and overwhelm from stimuli and situations but the right diagnoses are what is allowing me to life a stable life right now.