6 unexpected reasons of doubts in relationships that say nothing about whether they're the one

In this video I’m going to talk about 6 unexpected causes of doubts in relationships that say nothing about wheter you’re partner is ‘the one’! Having doubts in your relationship can be quite maddening but also very lonely because there is this taboo around doubts. Let’s dive in!
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WHAT IS FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE?
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HOW TO HEAL THE FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE: • Healing Fearful Avoida...
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6 LESSER KNOWN CAUSES OF FEARFUL AVOIDANT ATTACHMENT STYLE www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yDPq...
-- CONTENTS --
00:00 Intro
00:38 Everything is quite good in your relationship and still you’re unhappy
04:11 Your relationship is not build on patterns of the past
06:45 You’re afraid of intimacy
08:58 Fear of rejection
12:23 You might not cope well with fear
16:10 Fear of faillure
#fearfulavoidant #healingattachmentstyle #relationshipdoubt #paulientimmer

[@nikstar1313]

I feel like I’ve unlocked years of answers watching your videos.. I sent one to my therapist and she was very impressed and happy that I’m researching my FA style from someone who has so much insight and inspiration and has also herself healed from this disorganised attachment style. I am so grateful for your work, thank you. Your videos will blow up or should for so many people who have this attachment style and haven’t healed from it. Love from Australia 🇦🇺

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I am so happy to hear these video's are helping you get answers. You deserve that!

[@coreygeiger81]

You nailed it again. The more and more I want to control, or the more I think about the future, the more tired I become and I think about how it’s just not worth it. I hope you will do another live stream soon when you find the time!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ah yes, it can just kind of drain your energy, can't it? I will think about another live stream soon!

[@sunbeam9222]

This so helped me understand why my relationship with the FA ended thank you. He was forever in his mind, doubting him/me/ us. I just wanted to live for the moment and felt our relationship was beautiful as it is but he always wanted guarantee. There's no guarantee in life. He left me over something trivial, refused to communicate. I now realise it is better that way. Still have lots of affection for him. But we were not a match indeed as I ended feeling unseen myself when he would doubt my loyalty every other day. Thank you.

[@zee_1141]

Perfect timing with this video 😩! Literally had doubts all week. And, yes to a video about the illusion of control!

[@77devon]

WOAHHHH the points you addressed around 15:00 made my entire school career flash before my eyes, i quit college (mbo) SIX DIFFERENT TIMES when there was so much shit going on in my brain/home life (controlling parents) and every time i did it i felt so liberated because, like a break up, quitting college is also a big decision and i was taking my power that way because my parents were freaking dictators 😮 mind BLOWN!!

[@dan-arebjrngrnvik3513]

I'm going through your videos now, and your content is absolutely incredible. The insight and understanding you offer from having experienced this, and not just read about it, is so rich. Thank you so much for sharing what you know. :D

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

Ahh that's so kind of you! Thank you for being here!

[@RayRay29wu]

This one really hits home for me as someone that is/was(not sure right now) dating a FA. I think she’s aware of her attachment style and she’s brought up a lot of the things you discuss in your videos, including control and passionately at the beginning and out quick. She told me on a trip that I was the one person she finally wanted to relinquish control to because of how safe and comfortable I made her feel. We went to the orchestra and during the intermission she said she’d not wanted to ‘live’ as much as she did with me in such a long time. We talked about another kid(she has an 18 month old) and all of that stuff. Then she told me she wasn’t worth me moving across the country for. I made sure I moved for work knowing this was possible. Anyways, we have never had really any sort of argument. The last trip away was our longest time away since we met and she started getting cold. She broke up with me for a day and realized she overreacted to something completely erroneous and said she missed me and overreacted but no apology. A couple of weeks ago on my next trip down, immediately she said she didn’t know what she wanted anymore and it might not be what she did a month ago. Then we had a great couple of days. After being intimate, she finally gave back in to her loving side and said how stupid she was to feel the way she was. Complimented me to the highest regard. About 30 seconds later she sat up and said I can’t do this I think I need to end this. The reason was ‘something just isn’t right’. The next day she changed to ‘my feelings changed’ with no elaboration on either. We are on a break/break-up and I move down this weekend. I have stuff at her house I’ll pick up after her birthday next weekend. I’ve always known what I was getting myself into, and chose her and have supported her no questions asked. Any advice when I see her and talk to her the first time in 21-28 days?

[@MissSarahGM]

Paulien, this is so very insightful and helpful! And so much overlaps with Relationship-OCD, the need for control, certainty, perfection, and scanning for flaws and constant monitoring of feelings, to the point of feeling numb. I wonder if you could heal from these doubts and fears without exposure therapy and CBT?

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

The way I healed was through EFT, the Emotional Freedom Technique! You can find a demonstration of that technique in this video: kzbin.info/www/bejne/aKqreoBpicd1jsk Hope it helps knowing there are other ways!

[@bananali2676]

thank you so much for taking time of your day to make us videos for us to relate to and help us not feel alone ! i cant thank you enough

[@katiemckenzie2425]

What did it look like in your relationship when you had the doubts and fear? How did you manage communication and connection?

[@Soleil.m]

Your videos are very comforting to me. I really thought I was going mad whenever I kept re-entering doubt.

[@johnsegura1093]

Your videos are the most helpful than anybody has ever been to me on KZbin for this problem in fact I didn’t even know or understand myself fully until I found your videos so thank you for what you’re do and please don’t stop

[@nicoleharber8038]

You’re doing great, important work. Thank you so much. It’s been helpful to me.

[@destaniehugs67]

i needed this so much. thank you so much

[@anonymousbee]

I relate to everything you said especially where feeling like 20 years later it doesnt work out.

[@johnsobieski3642]

You're an Angel, thanks for sharing your knowledge and experience.

[@nickyseize7097]

Thank you 🙏🏼 you’re amazing ❤️

[@laia_constelaciones_terapia]

Thanks a lot for all this information, there's a little good information about this attachment style and It os helping me to understand my partner's attachment style

[@SaminSays]

i catch the ick SO easily!! and trying to meet people during a pandemic through dating apps does not help lol

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

It really does make the whole thing so much more challenging!

[@DD-ic1bd]

I love your videos... they are SO helpful, thank you! Please talk more about the Fear of Commitment! This is one of the biggest fears I have when dating and starting a new relationship.. it really triggers my hot and cold feelings, when the guy starts talking about plans in the future and wanting to be boyfriend and girlfriend... panic sets inside me and I feel like running... ive handled it much better since becoming more secure, but struggle with the, what if this is the wrong guy for me, etc.. thanks again!!

[@paulientimmer-healingthefe9870]

I've put it down on the list for future video's!

[@petrahorzelenberg5410]

I'm so glad I found you 😻 you made me laugh when you said "it wasn't helping my relationship, ... obviously..." 😇😅🙃

[@MindGymMeditations]

Guilty

[@johnsegura1093]

❤️❤️❤️❤️