🚩🚩🚩 7 CRUCIAL Red Flags To Know BEFORE Marriage: Must-Watch Advice For Muslim Women

[@dimenizzle]

Also, another red flag is if he tries to encourage you to do what is haram

[@alasryh]

YES! Thank you for adding this! 100%

[@Amira-bh8km]

Huge one may Allah protect us all Ameen

[@alasryh]

Ameen! @@Amira-bh8km

[@kinndah2519]

That's obvious.

[@Katniss_cosmos]

My #1 red flag that lead me to reject 2 proposals.

[@manharocks2799]

The 7 red flags 1. When you are in the talking/getting to know each other stage, he makes it clear he doesn't intend to meet your father. 2. A man who doesn't pray his salah 3. He is not financially stable, as in he is not serious about work or job. 4. A man who has rules for his wife. (Different from expections and roles) 5. A man having an argument in the talking/getting to know stage. 6. A man who cannot criticise himself, as in he is perfect with no mistakes. It is always the other persons fault. 7. A man who talks down to people or speaks badly about people. Do watch the entire video for the explanation. I wrote this for a quick note of it all. :)

[@alasryh]

Thank you SO much for taking the time to write this out!

[@idiegirl]

Jazakallahu khair for taking the time to type this up really appreciate it :)

[@xD-saleem]

refusing prenups also.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

@@alasryh maybe add to the description with timestamps?

[@AromaX11]

Conflict resolution is so important..good video.

[@hannanshahid1107]

Focus on yourself. Build your relationship with your Lord. Be kind to others. Find your purpose, work hard in your career and the right person will come

[@alasryh]

Yes! Personal development is a huge part of preparing. But "the right person will come" narrative unfortunately is just not how it works for the vast majority. You do have to actively seek it out. We're in a marriage crisis among Muslims so being proactive is important isA.

[@hannanshahid1107]

@@alasryh I'm married. From my own experience, when I was proactively looking it wasn't falling into place. But when I diverted more attention to my Lord, health, family, career, and purpose then marriage ended up happening.

[@muhammadzeeshan303]

@@hannanshahid1107that’s because you’re parents probably found out for you. Or you’re really lucky

[@Dean9033]

Thank you for this, eventhough im a dude, its always better to look the red flag in myself first before pointing to others.

[@alasryh]

Beautiful perspective 🙏🏽🙏🏽 just filmed one for women as well

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

​@@alasryhsalaamwalaikum sister I'm a guy too and groom to be soon InshaAllah and all you said in this video is correct may Allah bless you and reward you Aameen and ramadhan mubarak to you and family.

[@JalalUddin-us9ez]

12:37 ​​@@alasryhtalking about faults. My wife to be could be person that notices 10 mistakes in me but doesn't pick because she doesn't find serious issue she just let's go but as guy I could be noticing 5 minor mistakes of her but always picking on it. Alhumdulilah I'm not like that I have patience and I pray Allah grants me more patience because I'm not the person that argues over trivial little issues which is why alot of married couple argue fight and divorce. May Allah protect and bless my marriage and everyone's marriage Aameen.

[@alasryh]

ameen ya rab, this is such a powerful tip for marriage, we overlook the small faults and discuss the big ones so neither get to have power over our marriage or invite shaytan in@@JalalUddin-us9ez

[@numberone22459]

Such a great video! More people need to take the vetting process more seriously and avoid being infatuated too early on

[@alasryh]

JAK sis! Agreed 100%

[@Anwar-AT]

Like the fact that u root a lot of the advice in Islam. It’ll be nice to see more of that.

[@sadyadey782]

I don’t know if can remarry due to difficulties I went through in my previous marriage but these are almost all things I didn’t look because it was an arranged marriage from a man who was just walking out of turmoil one and almost 10 years I tried my best to fix him but I paid the price of almost killing myself due to depression Alhamdulillah my strong faith in Allah I was relieved but not easy to go for another Allahu A’alaa who is what and not all men are the same but it’s hard to say may Allah guide us all 🤲🏾

[@alasryh]

May Allah bless you sis, so sorry to hear about your experience. May Allah grant you healing and blessings and relieve you of any struggle associated with this. ❤️❤️❤️

[@saadhsyed915]

This is a good video for men as well to analyze ourselves and work on areas where we need to improve

[@rukeeyabdullah5497]

I wish I knew abt red flags 6 years ago but Alhamdulillah lesson learned

[@Arunima-e8k]

Assalam aalaikum waramatulahi wabarakatu I hop you see this sister because I cant express my gratitude enough for this🥺 Mashallah sister thanks for sharing this because as a woman whose just turned 20 and plans on marrying soon after graduating college this guide is actually quite helpful because sometimes I can be very submissive when someone gets aggressive. I am not a muslimah at the moment but looking forward to taking my shahada soon after moving out from my parents' place❤ The argument and salah one is so true I remember while I was dating a guy whom I did wish to spend the rest of my life with was a muslim who did not even pray 3 times forget 5 times and was scolding me later on when I wasnt able to since I was new to it and praying was so difficult for me. Emotional intelligence one is true as well because when he used to get angry he used to raise his hand at me and leave me with scars which I kept brushing it off painfully that maybe its cuz he loves me which is why hes expressing it to me. I was still hanging on with him despite my parents clearly not happy with the situation ( I want to be a musoimah but we arent muslims by origin). After watching this I realized and broke up with him because when you cannot stick with the basic teachings how do you expect me or our children to do our salahs happily or be respectful to others? Inshahallah things will get better for me soon and Im sure he has better plans for me and him as well❤ May Allah always look out for all the sisters and brothers and guide us to the right path❤

[@alasryh]

Yessssss! Wa alaikum asalam love

[@Arunima-e8k]

@@alasryh Omg yess I would love to sister absolutely its a dream come true🥺❤ and I did mail you now.

[@Amaan_Azmi]

I came across your channel today and almost watched 3 full videos, thank you sister for providing us with such informative content, May Allah make you more knowledgeable, its good see Muslim influencers among the social media who spread the good while making the deen a priority keep up the good work sister thank you 🎉

[@alasryh]

Baarak Allah feekum, thank you for the kind comment. Make duaa for the growth of the channel please 🙏🏽. It’s still in its toddler phase but I hope it can reach new heights and help more Muslims than eber

[@nishat_zaman]

This was a great advice sister, I am a Muslimah and your videos are helping me a lot. May Allah bless you

[@halalnews]

Great video mA! I think a lot of these go back to seeing how they treat themselves, their family and friends, and strangers, nad recognizing that he’s also going to treat you the same way

[@alasryh]

I agree, the way they treat others can be a very powerful window into the person they are

[@salsjas724]

Subhan Allah it's interesting that you can type a whole paragraph but when it comes to mentioning Allah you abbreviated it wow.. MA for ma sha Allah!! I leave it up to you to make a sound judgment

[@ben11551]

A valuable analysis Keep Up 👍

[@alasryh]

JAK!

[@mrsamirza4392]

I ignored so many red flags and still paying a decade later 😢

[@alasryh]

So sorry to hear this! May Allah make it easier for you, whatever is causing hardship.

[@mrsamirza4392]

@@alasryh Ameen

[@batoulxoxo4433]

Hey may I ask what the red flags were? I dont want the specifics but I'd love to learn from you. If youre not comfortable then thats completely fine. Insha allah everything will be alright in your journey of healing💞

[@mrsamirza4392]

@batoulxoxo4433 1 love booming 2 controlling 3 isolation 4 doesn't like me having friends or family close to me even via the phone 5 Financial control 6 wound let me work ,hold a bachelor degree of Special Education

[@EmHussa6382]

@@mrsamirza4392What red flags did you miss before marriage?

[@aburrazzaaqabdullah4403]

As salaam alakum Auntie شكرا لك على صنع هذا الفيديو لأنني اعتقدت دائما أننا جميعا إخوة نذهب إلى الكلية وأننا مرشحون غير مرغوب فيهم للزواج وأخوات تجاوزنانا للتو خذني على سبيل المثال ، لدي سنتان أخريان متبقيتان حتى أحصل على درجة البكالوريوس عمي عمران ، وقال كل من BABA الخاص بي بمجرد حصولي على درجة البكالوريوس ، سأتزوج إن شاء الله ، لقد كنت أرغب في الزواج منذ أن كان عمري 19 عاما Thank you for making this video because I always thought that all of us brothers going to college that we are were unwanted candidates for getting married and sisters would just passed us up Take me for example I have two more years left till I get my bachelors degree my Uncle Imran, and my BABA both said as soon as I get my bachelors degree I’m getting married InshAllah I’ve been wanting to be married since I was like 19 I come middle class family so resources are very stressed then

[@mar97-c9s]

Thank you sister for this video! May Allah bless you!! This was really helpful!!!!❤

[@Justaisha23]

Thanks for the video! It was really helpful sis❤

[@alasryh]

Thank you for watching sis, may Allah protect you

[@salvadorpeters7375]

Best to let Allah guide you... Pray, Fast and wait on Him

[@Zealiyadiaries]

Love this video! You’re such a powerful and knowledgeable speaker SubhanAllah may Allah bless you! ❤

[@alasryh]

So happy you enjoyed it habibti ❤️

[@Joo20231]

Sister , men who are not financially stable once they decide to marry better wait until they are then ask for the woman s hand ! Marriage is a big responsability , you must be capable of before committing to your wife!

[@wadadparker957]

This comment shall be to those brothers who came here to understand whether they have any of the red flags to improve themselves: You maybe happy right now that you don't have any red flags & that you should be "better" choice to get married to for a muslimah right? Let me pop your bubble for you. Being a green flag != Guarantee a woman would choose you. For a woman, her feelings towards you is more important than your flags. You can be the greenest flag in this world yet the woman might not choose you simply because she has no feelings for you. She is not wrong for this, she has a right to choose sm1 who she has feelings on. If she wants to choose a red flag guy because she is attracted to him, she is fully entitled & accountable for her choice. But I want you to keep this expectation out of the mind that being green flag would get you married 100%. And please don't go on to become a red flag now, that won't work. The women who rejected you for a red flag guy aren't attracted to red flags, they are attracted to a guy enough to ignore his red flags. That's the bitter harsh truth you have to understand and accept. And don't be discouraged! The verse "You were created in pairs" is exactly the reason to not be. There is a woman out there who was created just for you n you for her. So work on your relationship with allah, cuz only allah can make you meet that woman. Be good, help lots of people genuinely so that they make dua for you from the bottom of their hearts. May allah get you & me married asap

[@alasryh]

بارك الله فيك! Insightful for sure. The women who ignore the red flags might be attracted to the brother, but will not stay with him long term and not be in a healthy relationship. For you brothers who work on yourself, for the sake of Allah, know that Allah is going to bring to you the woman who is deserving of that. The one you “want” may not be the best for you. Allah will never let us marry someone destined for another person. But, the most important thing is too, that your green flags don’t just attract the green flag woman, it helps you be the man to build a righteous family and your legacy and akhira! Keep doing what is good, make lots of duaa, and you will isA find Allahs promise is true when He tells us “the righteous men are for righteous women”. Allah make it easy!

[@wasimmomin1128]

​@@alasryh Any red flags for men to check out in women before getting married? Or is it just a Women's only space? Let's balance both sides.

[@alasryh]

@@wasimmomin1128 I just posted a video on this! It should be up (the newest one). But remember, even if I didn’t post about it doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist. Sometimes we just cater our content to specific populations 😊

[@saradigota7201]

Exactly this; the guy says to be interested in me but drags me, delaying stepping up or asking about the parents. So i checked out. feeling lil guilty as he still asks for me when i bump unto him sometimes

[@alasryh]

Salam sis, there is 0 reason for you to feel guilty. We feel guilty when we "owe" something to a relationship. You owe nothing. If he is interested, he has to be making the moves in his deen, character, finances and manhood to demonstrate that. That's the burden laid on the man. We don't carry that burden for them. You are your own person and not attached to him by promise (engagement) or marriage yet. Don't let it weigh on you, it gets to be too much drama subhanAllah

[@dr.khanitha]

Exactly same wasted my entire 1 yeae

[@MohamedMohamed-sr9dq]

What do you say to those of us men who might be seeing someone yet are struggling with these things? I 100% agree with you and I believe all men need to work on these things as they don’t come overnight. I appreciate you putting this content out there because it’s good for us men to reflect on. 🙌

[@alasryh]

Super powerful insight sA. 1) Start working AGGRESSIVELY on these qualtiites, give yourself a solid month, document your progress (via google docs, video, doesn't matter but something to keep you accountable). If you're not progressing appropriately, get a coach to help you (look up muslim life coach, self improvement coach, etc) and invest financially to get yourself there.

[@numberone22459]

Is it okay to ask a guy why his past relationships didn't work out?

[@alasryh]

Absolutely! It is a must in fact. It goes into the accountability side of things and also gives insights into how he views marriage.

[@Mark-kq6ye]

sister please consult a trusted scholar or sheikh, not this random woman who is encouraging you to ask him to further reveal his sins

[@ifraahhassan4901]

جزاك الله خيرا وبارك الله فيكم جميعا

[@alasryh]

و اياكم!

[@priusa8113]

What’s your psychology background? I see the term trauma coach and it got me curious trauma is quite serious. Thanks Salams ❤

[@alasryh]

Salam! Yes it’s quite serious and good catch. I have a psychiatry background (medicine), health psychology degree and did continuing medical education in trauma integration and psychiatry.

[@TheTravelingMuslim]

Jazak Allah sister. Our kids are getting older and this has been weighing heavily on our minds. Still years out but time passes faster than you think.

[@alasryh]

Wa iyakum, Lots of duas isA, one of my duaas was "Ya Allah protect me from evil men in the marriage process"

[@JemilaSalih-y9q]

Salam Hanna, New subscriber❤! loved this video, super beneficial for us young sisters who are trying to get married. Going to binge watch all your videos hehe 🥰 Keep it up. Much love from Australia 🇦🇺

[@letsdraw493]

Salams Hana!! I saw your video thumbnail and I was heeeey I know her! lol, from Hijama!

[@alasryh]

Haha! Wa alaikum asalam! Super cool ❤️

[@dawah_power]

Beautiful tips

[@loriahmed3775]

Oh my gosh yes yes yes. My ex is allegedly such an awesome muslim. Ugh. Sisters pay attention... Be picky and if anyone thinks he must remake you. Run. The guy dumped me and married his first cousin and after a dozen pregnancies never got his male heir... And now screwd he cant get rid of number #2 to get a #3. Wow... Allah gave us an awesome daughter.... But heart still aches i was ever married to him!😢

[@alasryh]

May Allah make it easy for you sis and bless you and your beautiful daughter! I can't tell you how often I've heard the story of "they said he was a "good muslim" so I didn't think to investigate more..." and the regret that comes with it. There will always be the cruel and conniving ones (men and women) who slip by because they're incredible actors, but if we could equip Muslims with these tools of discernment so they can stack the odds in their favor, it would save so many of us from a lot of pain and difficulty!

[@selenaputri9482]

Tips for dating apps please!

[@4evrmind]

These are golden advices for young ladies who don’t have a clear point of guide. Good job sister 👍🏻☝🏻

[@alasryh]

JAK!

[@Katniss_cosmos]

I think ( at least in the culture / area where i live) social CULTURE norms rule over religious rules and expectations, and this is the first doom to hell for a marriage. It's so hard to find a man of religious value and knowledge and good character, to the point I'm scared to even think about getting married and the ( only ) 3 marriage proposals i got were a disaster. No taqwa, job is questionable??? So income is questionable both in stability and halal or haram terms, asked to do inappropriate things like talking on phone for unreasonable reasons when only it is a proposal NOT MARRIAGE (playboy redflags), have attitude issues from the start, lying. Like girlllll I'm fed up.

[@alasryh]

Girllll don’t even get me started. But they’re out there I promise. If I told you how many proposals I went through before my husband, you’d be absolutely shocked. But I remember hearing it’s a numbers game. Sometimes you have to get through 10 of the wrong choices to find the right one.

[@mariatoulowe1965]

Great video sister❤❤❤

[@alasryh]

Thank you sis 🥰🥰❤️❤️

[@nabihanasir]

great video please make more❤

[@anantsharma3853]

Nice video sister

[@alasryh]

Thank you 🙏🏽

[@anantsharma3853]

Welcome sister

[@jnbaloch]

JazakAllah khair ukhti this was such a great message. I’ve one question, what if we have to make the other person realise and accept his mistake but when he sees things are getting out of hand and accepts his mistake is this a red flag or not? I’m single getting proposals rn wanna know about this

[@theredomar]

Red Flag #4 makes no sense to me the husband is the leader of the house what do you mean that he cant set rules?

[@alasryh]

Salam, doesn't make sense to you, that's okay. You may not have understood what I meant. He can set "rules" for the household. It's the way he frames it and what it says about the relationship with his wife.

[@sydnie452]

Setting rules for his wife in a way that controls her, and they aren’t things that have anything to do with Islam. Example: you aren’t allowed to go out in public without husband, you can’t buy anything without asking me if you can first.

[@theredomar]

@@sydnie452 Rules are made to control people to make sure they don't cross the limit. The husband has the right to make rules for his family and that includes his wife as long as it doesn't go against our religion. The two things that you mentioned in certain cases could be implemented by the husband and would be completely valid.

[@dysaniaasmr7242]

@@theredomaroof

[@leilaw5255]

I disagree, there should be a line. I wouldn’t be with someone who completely forbids the wife to go out at all without the husband. That includes going to the supermarket, visiting her own family, go to the park etc. If he’s working long hours, who, when and how buy food, forget delivery options etc. If someone doesn’t allow their spouse to go out of the house, even in the event of an emergency, that’s not a marriage.

[@rejiakhatun2599]

Thank you very useful

[@alasryh]

You're welcome!

[@leenaahmad7860]

salam, i really enjoyed your video subhanAllah and found it super beneficial! may Allah swt reward you super generously for your channel! would you be able to make a video about the red flags in a woman so i, as a woman, can work on those early on if i have any, so im deserving of a good partner in the future inshaAllah? its totally okay if thats not something you might to do so no pressure! thats just something i would want to learn more about in correcting myself before i even think of starting my search for a potential spouse inshaAllah, jazak Allahu khair

[@zubairansari4579]

I don’t know why KZbin showed this video. Anyway, What is feminism leading to. I was told all the responsibilities are for men and women has none, in fact my wife showed fatwa in this regards. Husband has to fulfill all the Islamic rights, western society rights and she is free to do whatever she wants, she has 0 obligations in the Marriage. she doesn’t have to do anything but sit and command the husband to take care of everything for her, children etc etc. Husband has no rights over her, the poor person has no right to even ask who is she communicating andwhy? He is living only to serve his wife and her orders. Why the men stay put? Children!! Subhanallah No wonder Muslim homes are so busted. By the way you know what is husband rights?wife has to obey. Any home where wife doesn’t obey, are a complete mess because she becomes a rival. Yes you will see 7 or 7 thousand red flags in this situation. Anyone can imagine what life can be living with a rival in their own home that is built with blood sweat tears and every days selling your self-respect. Unfortunately a vast majority of Muslim houses are busted and it is no wonder there is no “real” leader coming out of Muslim homes. This is what will happen in next few years, even Muslim men will stop marrying because they have everything to loose and nothing to gain so think carefully. Lastly there is a saying, just one good woman build’s family from where leaders comes out and just one bad one destroys the whole village/ family. Think and really understand, the power allah has given to women

[@alasryh]

I have a video on red flags in Muslim women too that touches on so much of what you are saying. I actually think you did a really good job explaining this. Any person who thinks they have no responsibility in marriage and the other person has to always serve them alone is not mature enough for a marriage nor do they understand the sanctity of a marriage in our deen! Our deen has rights and responsibilities for both husband and wife, forming a single unit that raises the ummah. You're 100% right that it will lead to the destruction of our ummah as we know it if it continues in such a self-serving hateful and distrustful way. This is why we work to change the narrative isA. Thank you for your comment.

[@soubermed2175]

Well, personally, i would be pretty comfortable meeting the dad and go on date him 👉 👈 😅

[@thespacedude8420]

What if my rules are like, "You can't be friends with other men. You can't talk about the ups and downs of our marriage in front of other people bc it's our private affair. You can't go on a trip/vacation without a mahram guardian. You can't expect me to be ok with haram or shady things because you were used to having/doing them in your life prior to marriage"? Am I still guilty of a red flag? Because I will have rules that can't and shouldn't be broken and I will expect her to at least improve herself in implementing them in her life even if she's not there yet 100%.

[@alasryh]

Those should be shared expectations, boundaries and norms. Rules imply punishment if you break them and that is what we do to children or subordinates. Not to our life partners. Norms/expectations means we’re working together and it comes from an authentic respect, not from coercive respect.

[@deedeee6271]

@@alasryh Shared expectations is a perfect way of describing it, thank you

[@Kijal-gp8lj]

A mann who is stuck in his past and not ready to let it go of it A mann who has alot of trauma work to do

[@ZettaiKatsu2013]

Salam Alaykum all. Does that mean that people who need external help to eat, drink, communicate, sleep are left outside marriage ?

[@alasryh]

Wa alaikum asalam. So long as you are still mentally functional, marriage is on the table for everyone. It is a matter of finding someone who is willing to take on such tasks of support. Being physically disabled is not something that keeps us out of the market islamically.

[@indigo.it00]

i agree with you for all of them! also, beautiful video, sister

[@yuukyy4426]

i also want to comment on "power dynamic" thing in terms of authority you are not equal to man in marriage (contribution you mentioned is correct however) Quran 4:34 Men are the caretakers of women, as men have been provisioned by Allah over women and tasked with supporting them financially. And righteous women are devoutly obedient and, when alone, protective of what Allah has entrusted them with. And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said: “If I were to command anyone to prostrate to anyone other than Allah, I would have commanded women to prostrate to their husbands. By the One in Whose hand is the soul of Muhammad, no woman can fulfil her duty towards Allah until she fulfils her duty towards her husband. If he asks her (for intimacy) even if she is on her camel saddle, she should not refuse.” Narrated by Ibn Maajah, 1853; classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in Saheeh Ibn Maajah. man have clear authority in the marriage and if he sets up rules in the house to you or says no internet for a week, you must follow as long as it's not contradicting commands of Allah swt we have been given resposibility to take care of something and without authority it is 100 times difficult if every time i make a choise i have to explain to you in detail why i made decision it is time wasting and anoying.we man are expected to understand the world and make difficult decisions. when a capitan makes decision we don't start asking why i have to pull the leader if people don't follow capitan fast enough ship is gonna sink.

[@nabihah2674]

misogynist

[@arashshukran8788]

As a man, i agree with most of these however i only disagree with the rules part, as long as hes not forcing her or physically/verbally abusing for not getting his way, he can set rules if she doesnt agree he should then release all liability towards her.

[@maisonenafrique]

i guess i am a citizen of this country 🚩 lol

[@alasryh]

LOL Awareness is a good first step

[@marufgazi9025]

01:10 .. 17/07 wed

[@alasryh]

You got married, congrats!

[@marufgazi9025]

@alasryh Haha no I haven't yet ! Pls keep me in ur du'as. I was looking at this video for guidance

[@alasryh]

@@marufgazi9025 Oh! I thought it meant you were wed on july 17 haha

[@marufgazi9025]

@@alasryh aww haha.. noo.. pls keep me in ur du'as still !

[@CrazyTributeGirl]

Salam sister love ur vids! Idk if you’ve ever talked about it but how did you meet your husband?

[@alasryh]

Wa alaikum asalam, never talked about it, but if I hit 10k subscribers isA, I'll aim to do a video with him talking through this.

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

number 4 one sounded weird but it did seem specific to a point so I do understand it too., maybe you could of said is not a considerate leader? Allahu 3lim. I think society teaches unheaIthy unrealistic ideas of how both the brothers and sisters should behave, not good.

[@alasryh]

That's a good way to frame it as well!

[@yuukyy4426]

thanks for insight i want to give you little bit of information about 3rd point "financially stability" Allah SWT says in the Quran Marry off the ˹free˺ singles among you, as well as the righteous of your bondmen and bondwomen. If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His bounty. For Allah is All-Bountiful, All-Knowing. i think advising muslim woman to not marry for that is not very wise since allah is the best of providers and if your husband is true worshiper it shouldn't matter to you that much. our prophet saw used to live in a simple house with a simple matress. i also understand where you come from but my advice would be to look into how pious he is and ineed pious man will eventually want to provide and protect and work. don't marry lazy guys ofc especially this day and age where zina is free and marriage is so complicated it would be pleasing to allah swt if we marry more and not try to find 40k income guy

[@alasryh]

Salam! Thank you for your insightful reminder. There’s a bit of a debate among scholars on the implications of that verse. But by and large, the advice still holds. Look for financial stability. Not richness. The prophet SAW gave a similar advice to youth to marry but if they didn’t have the resources to (money), then fast. He actually advised a woman away from a man based on his financial mindset as well. And the prophet SAW’s marriages were sanctioned by God, so certain things simply didn’t apply. Given the strain finances put on marriage, it is one of the top 3 divorce reasons, I still would not advise to marry anyone who isn’t able to provide or isn’t working hard to.

[@yuukyy4426]

@@alasryh asalamalekum warahmatullah. can i ask you refrence to where prophet advice that im curious thanks

[@yuukyy4426]

@@alasryh i think it is very difficult to achive financial stability if you are not blessed with your fathers property or something like that i think very outside the box but avrage person can't be expexted to be andrew tate

[@alasryh]

Wa alaikum asalam, I think if you rewatch the part I talk about , you'll see I didn't say diss the men who don't hav enough just yet, but rather, and I say this after reviewing research on it, learning from teachers of our deen and seeing divorces plus being married and seeing the strain financial instability can bring, it is not a smart idea to marry someone who isn't financially stable intentionally. It's different if they're trying, or make just enough or are going to school. But a man who is just lazy and refuses, you as a woman will have to become the man to provide and that is a recipe for disaster. I'm having a hard time finding it because I can't remember the name of the sahabis referenced but maybe someone will remember, essentially a woman came to the prophet SAW telling him she had 2 men proposing and didn't know who to go with, and the prophet told her to not marry man A because he is stingy and not marry man B because he "walks with a stick in his hand" or something along those words to denote he was abusive. This was later understood to take deeply into consideration money mindset and how a man provides for his family. The scholars also mention in regards to Musa who, as part of getting married worked diligently on his father in laws land to provide. And then in regards to the hadith of "marry or fast", it is understood that by "not able to marry" the prophet was referring to not having the means financially. Ali ibn abi talib was still an incredible provider and remember other sahaba supported him to get married by providing the financial needs in different ways.@@yuukyy4426

[@alasryh]

Perhaps we have different ideas of financial stability. Stability doesn't mean wealth or riches. It means you can pay the bills, buy food, clothe your family without needing charity which is very attainable for many alhamdulillah.@@yuukyy4426

[@kakashizet7496]

Sister Hana, referring to your fourth red flag, "if he has rules for his wife!" I want to disagree with you . I understand you wanting to soften the power dynamic by not calling them "rules". but at the end of the day a man is expected and supposed to lead the relationship and there will be boundaries that should be respected on both sides. I don't know a better term to describe the situation other than rule. boundaries operate like mini rules.

[@nabihah2674]

It’s good to have open communication and understanding of each other, this includes boundaries and expectations for one another in a healthy way where neither are discriminated or left with that icky feeling where you break a rule and get scolded for it on ends. I think what she meant was don’t get mad if your wife does something wrong or something you didn’t like, but be open to her mistakes and take the situation to a good direction. Calling it rules is a bad way to word it.

[@alasryh]

@@nabihah2674 you hit it on the head ❤️

[@alasryh]

You response was super respectful and I love that, just wanted to share that I appreciated it! There was another reply to your comment that explains it. It’s not to soften the power dynamic, but rather to ensure that it’s not abused by existing under a parent-child dynamic. What actually inspired this red flag was a video I saw on Instagram. It was a young man who listed the “rules” he had for his wife, yet he wasn’t married, he himself actively engaged in haram publicly and his language around marriage and wives made it apparent he had a self-serving view of it. There’s a maturity we must bring to marriage as Muslims, one that sees both the humanness of another person, has compassion and still upholds Allahs boundaries. If my husband started off the conversation with “here are my rules”, that would throw me off.

[@saradigota7201]

No response or advice on my message? Kinda dissapointing hh

[@alasryh]

Salam, please consider I have SO many comments to get through, it's easy for me to miss one. I'll reply now :)

[@tasawurali8769]

Sister Hana, referring to your fourth red flag, "if he has rules for his wife!" I want to disagree with you . Well, traditionally in our Asian and Middle Eastern cultures - not specifically Islamic ONLY - there have to be certain "values" which are regarded as desirable in each spouse. Unfortunately, a lot of new-media influences and fantasies etc. sweep out those values and replace them with unrealistic, materialistic or Western models. Having to live a traditional life becomes a "compromise" and the one feeling "compromised" considers 'herself' as a victim. Then the 'traditional' is perceived as 'frightful', eventually terminating in a divorce. Consider, the fruits of giving up traditional roles of women/spouse for the sake of equality and feminism, then also see the consequences of such 'enlightenment' in certain parts of the world too. The solution for this or the best way for both is to agree on the "values" before hand, and if those are acceptable, both will indeed have a really compatible partnership.

[@alasryh]

Salam! Thank you for your insights, I actually agree with you wholeheartedly that spouses should agree on like values and expectations. Not sure if you watched the videos, but I explain further why labeling them as “rules” is not the best thing.

[@kakashizet7496]

@@alasryh I understand you wanting to soften the power dynamic by not calling them "rules". but at the end of the day a man is expected and supposed to lead the relationship and there will be boundaries that should be respected on both sides. I don't know a better term to describe the situation other than rule. boundaries operate like rules.

[@Shaheenart24]

​@@alasryh😅😅

[@feliciathal4144]

Feminism in the west gave women the right to own money and banking. Pay equality also improved as did access to education. Feminism is too broad to throw out completely. Men were and still are in many cases oppressive towards women. Feminism was a response to men's tyranny and abuses. As a convert I am a product of my culture just like born Muslims from outside the West. There is some good in feminism (where it aligns with Islam). I never want to go back to being property, not having a bank account without husband's permission, not having a right to vote, men having all the power and dominating women completely, not having career or education choices that align with both interests and Islamic principles. Peace of mind and contentment are too delicious to sacrifice for a substandard man

[@feliciathal4144]

Rules are for dogs and children. I have never seen a man set "rules" in a relationship except that he was abusive and controlling.

[@rekakhanom6931]

Hide half your income before getting married so when you need something you'll have it. Never keep all your eggs in one basket.

[@malaykamudassar2678]

I don’t think that “hiding” is beneficial or healthy in a relationship. Sure, “saving” and keeping things to a side where both partners agree and acknowledge is what is needed.

[@marlonharris906]

A man is head of the house hold. It's my way or the high way

[@Nina-pe5uu]

Single?

[@BlacFireSan]

I’m sorry but I am not equal to my husband. We respect each other but we are not equal. I do not agree with red flag #4

[@alasryh]

Allah created us equally in the value He holds us to but with different roles, responsibilities, essences and strengths (and shortcomings). I welcome your disagreement :)

[@BlacFireSan]

@@alasryh Hi, Yes Allah created us equally in value but that’s not what I am disagreeing with. I am only saying that I am not equal to my husband. We love and respect each other but he has the final say. He is my leader. He is my hero. We also both do totally different task for the family and appreciate our roles. I do not believe him and I are equal. I am under his authority.

[@alasryh]

@@BlacFireSan then your *roles* are not equal which is fine and it’s beautiful to have such respect and admiration. That varies from saying *you* are not equal. 😊

[@BlacFireSan]

@@alasryh I guess we can peacefully agree to disagree. I still agree with all your other points and respect you! Keep up the good work girly ❤️

[@alasryh]

Thank you love! May Allah bless your marriage IMMENSELY, we can learn a lot from you

[@mohsenakhtar7868]

Ref flat is your making a video, 1) Femenist idealogy, 2) disobedient and doesn't listen 3) Judges a lot 4) shouts and raises her voice 5) feels shes empowered and thinks being independent is the way 6) Who refuses to cook or clean 7) who tells the husband/man what to do 8) who has male friends 9) who excessively talks to her brothers and sisters 10) who spends more time with their parents instead of their husband 11) who goes out at night 12) who makes any excuse to you not to work things out 13) indirect disrespect by negating you and approaches from you 14) Who doesn't message you back, or call back within a week. 15) who sides with her own family to attack you and take their side over yours. 16) whos ungrateful to the favours you've done 17) who demands money from the get go 18) who uses religion to make you feel bad 19) who's manipulative 20) Who has a past or a ex and talks to them or has their number saved 21) who deleted her phone messages to cover up 22) who is a trouble maker

[@alasryh]

Hang on, let me understand. Did you call my video a red flag?

[@blasianboy9636]

@@alasryh dont listen to that jahil

[@falsesectslikeshiaarejudeo6543]

sister hana is trama and pa some sisters said some ppl didn't know how to give nikah advice to see red fIags 1. A guy that says I won't speak to your father. 2. Who does't pray salat. - why does this need explanation. Every person is a sheperad, a man has to protect from predators, including in a spouse! 3. rizq stable - can a man take care of fam? maybe students live w/ parents! he should try and not be lazy 4. says rules, but means not see as equal? says why run nikah likea ceo business, power dynamic, maybe she is scared no emotional room? way ppl say things shows on their mind. I worded it as being a considerate leader or not. 9 :00 5. arguing in getting to know stage. we show best selves in beginnig, will get worse later. 6. can't critisize self! learn from your mistakes (shows narcism otherwise) 7. talks down to people - can be window of character! this can leave bad affect even if they do talaq.

[@sensei121]

Although I agree with some of your points it does go both ways......

[@alasryh]

Funny you mention that, there’s a video for red flags in women coming up soon isA!

[@sensei121]

@@alasryh jzk khair I'll watch out for it.. Much appreciated