7 Traits of a Narcissistic Adult Child

[@shaykitoff25]

1. GRANDIOSITY 2. AGGRESSION AND RAGE 3. MATERIALISM 4. SELF-ADMIRATION 5. UNNATURAL AFFECTION 6. SHALLOW VALUES 7. ENTITLEMENT

[@changemyrelationship]

You got it

[@maryspry826]

Nice to see a video where they don't put all the blame on the parents.

[@changemyrelationship]

yes. I have heard that from many people. It isn't fair to blame the parents for all of it and in some cases, it isn't caused at all by the parents.

[@funkyfriday2543]

So true.. I was banned from a facebook group when I tried to get help or advice about this subject. Glad to see an video Thank you..

[@changemyrelationship]

@@funkyfriday2543 I'll give you all the advice you need. All my videos are for people in Difficult relationships and my books are too. Just wrote Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christian in Difficult Relationships.

[@annsteward5425]

@@changemyrelationship Karla, your devotional is EXCELLENT! Thank you for your hard work to produce something like this. I read "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships" every morning!

[@changemyrelationship]

@@annsteward5425 I am so glad you got it. I appreciate you letting me know. Please share with others who will benefit. God bless you!

[@rizwanqamar1974]

I am a teacher. I walked out that household one night without telling anyone where I was going. My adult son and my ex. They damaged me to the extent that I am still recovering after two years. I was taken advantage of my being humble, polite and soft at heart. I could not fight that battle. It's impossible to reason with devils. I have no idea where they are now. It took me 22 years to decide to leave. They have all those 7 traits which you have described, even more. Thank you so much for your teaching ma'am!

[@changemyrelationship]

When it comes to choosing losing yourself to be with them, you have no choice. Good job. Watch lots of videos and do lots of work on yourself and you will heal.

[@jessicaharvey7446]

So few helps out there for moms with narc kids. Always the mom. It’s sad Grand kids are taken away. Heart broken.

[@changemyrelationship]

I know. It is so painful. Watch my video on Surviving Cutoff from Grandchildren

[@staciamellendorf7745]

I can’t believe what my daughter has done to me. She’s making me miserable! She was spoiled and loved. She should be thanking God she had such good parents like me and my husband. We’re still married after 29 years. We did everything to make sure my daughter had everything she wanted and needed. Don’t spoil your children it backfires later on!! My daughter has taken my peace of mind and second guess God. She’s destroying my life. Now she had our granddaughter that’s 1 now. She uses her as leverage! I fear for her soul!😥😥😥😥

[@jilljones7600]

Same here. 😔

[@Sally-ih6ls]

It’s their choice, with choices come consequences

[@ta6531]

i was a stay at home mom and lived for my kids.... worked overtime to build their self image... 2 out of 4 are right here...its hell

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes. They take advantage of all that and don't appreciate it. Can you set some boundaries and give them a date to move out? You deserve to be happy and comfortable in your own home.

[@VENUS-bk3vw]

My son is in his 30s I’ve made so many sacrifices over the years been too soft gave him all ...I had tried my best have two grandchildren and all I wanted was too love them and have a close bond with a loving family but my son disrespect me ..hurt me all the time every time I visit ..I come away crying .. i could go into all the things he said and done but I would have to write a book ..it affected me so much I had to move away in the hope it would change him towards me .. I now know that’s never going to happen and after watching you tonight I now know I have to let go of trying to get that happy family I’ve been looking for ..Now I have to find my own happiness.. before it destroys me completely.. Thank you very much ..I also see that the schools ways are very wrong ... thank you again for helping me .... keep up the good work

[@changemyrelationship]

Watch my other videos on narcissistic adult children and surviving cut off of your grandchildren. Those will help too. I am sorry you are experiencing this. Yes, make a good life for yourself.

[@Sally-ih6ls]

That’s what happened to me…never said anything for fear of losing grandchildren, well it happened anyway so my fault that I didn’t set boundries a long time ago!!!

[@makaylahollywood3677]

I have been though this type of abuse- wicked, soul torture...horrific. And, I am a teacher- "oh my".

[@ta6531]

I woke up this morning after 4 years of this crushing pain and set aside time with the Lord.. My first few minutes I wanted to come here and say thank you for your videos.. Thank you for your deep insight and Godly wisdom. All of you are not alone here, most of all the Lord understands this difficult road.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Memorize Hebrews 4:15-16 For we have not an high priest which cannot be touched with the feelings of our infirmities, but was in all points tempted like as we are, yet without sin. Let us therefore come boldly unto the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy, and find grace to help in time of need.

[@invisible968]

How incredible to hear you speak and spell out what I have experienced. So painful and isolating. Here in the UK we are experiencing social and political chaos. It seemed to arise at the same time 3 years ago as I experienced the narcistic rage from my daughter. It feels to me as if we are living in the later days. I m 71. I have been told I will never see two of my grandchildren again and I rarely see the other two. All under the age of seven. When they were born we were expected to provide on a grand scale but keep away when not needed. I have a memory box for the two I don't see and eventually they will all inherit from me. In the meantime I do voluntary work with needy children. I feel I have love to give and hope and pray someone is doing the same especially for my one grandson.

[@bandieboo8102]

Diana Hall shite this is my situation. It is pure hell. I am stunned and shocked by what my adult narc children are doing. I never ever thought something like this would have happened to me. I fear for my Gkids. They are being groomed as supply! I am not allowed to see them. This sucks big time.

[@changemyrelationship]

We have political and social chaos in the U.S. too. You are doing exactly what I recommend when you can't see your own grandkids which is to get involved with some other kids and make a difference

[@alexandrajames8734]

I've been going through awful times with my son for years. Today I've had to turn the phone off as he was shouting abuse down at me. He's now bombarding me with emails which I try not to read. All this because he'd asked for money again and I'd told him to get a better job. Soul distroying feeling that your own child has turned into this.

[@ta6531]

@@changemyrelationship I am a foster mom and that helps ease the pain...Someone needs us! I was a super mom and I know that in my heart and so does the Lord. When I did not enable my daughter she became enraged as well...I read that we enable to take our own pain away... I have seen that with my parents and my alcoholic brother... terrible.. If I would have enabled I would still have my daughter around :( but on what terms?

[@changemyrelationship]

@@ta6531 Yes. We do enable to cover our own pain especially the anxiety and fear we have of what will happen when we don't, as you have discovered. I agree though. The cost is too high. If she is only around when you give her things, what is the relationship built on anyway?

[@lorieroe4657]

Wow,I so needed to see this today! My 27 yr. old daughter is raging at me now. Wanting her to leave my home. I have know that she has alot of overt narcissist traits. horrible as I cannot reason with her. She is very domineering and malipitating I'm a bit afraid of her. Praying that God will intervene here. Thank you for your video, comforting to know that I'm not alone in this!

[@changemyrelationship]

You have a right to live in peace. I hope you can figure out a way for her to leave.

[@letticecorless5520]

Lorie Roe I, understand what you are feeling. You are not alone . I’m trying to get my son out of my home.

[@beaglerescue5281]

I was delighted when my covert narcissist left our home in her mid 20s. She has not improved but has grown worse. My husband and I only recently learned her behavior is narcissism. We live with deep sadness everyday because she was such a lovely child until high school and a bullying episode that lasted 1.5 years. We see her once a month because of our grandchild. I doubt we would make any attempt otherwise. Our desire for a close knit family seems unreachable now but we pray for change.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This is exactly right!!! I never spoke to my parents or any older person the way my own children talk to me. They didn't do it at home because they would have been punished but they held it in their heart and it came out after they were adults. They knew I couldn't punish them so they let it all fly. They also married undisciplined snarky people who enhanced their new freedom to be mean and rude. They literally do not care about their parents and they have raised our grandchildren to have no interest in their grandparents. We see them rarely, once a year for a few days but that's all. They have no interest in what is going on in our lives, any stories we tell they are disinterested in, as though we have nothing good to offer. What we have done is to get on with our life without them. They probably will not receive an inheritance because I believe our money and goods ought to go to those who have loved us. We love them but it is impossible to have a relationship with people who cannot admit a problem and who will not listen to us. In that passage 2 Timothy 3 we see the words "perilous times", in the original language actually means "ragingly insane." Those of us who tried to raise them correctly was met with disdain from school systems and extended family. They were influenced by narcissistic family members on every holiday and birthdays.

[@changemyrelationship]

I am sorry. It is painful and all too common. I hope you find fulfillment in other things as there are many things that are worth investing your life in.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

@@changemyrelationship Yes, I have hobbies and many things to do, I hardly notice they are not around. There is a point one gets to where I forget about them as though they were not relatives but someone I knew once. I think it is because we know there is nothing we can do to make it better so we just get on with our lives. I am a Christian so I am never discouraged by hard things in life.

[@changemyrelationship]

@@gwendolynwehage6336 That is the best way to live. And yes, a relationship with God gives us strength to endure. I have a new devotional you would love. It is Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships. It was just released on December 1st.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

@@changemyrelationship Thank you!

[@KittyCuties33]

It is definitely okay to request respectful communication in any relationship, and then have healthy boundaries of what you will do if that doesn't happen. However, just as parents have deep feelings and pain behind their words that don't always come out kind, so do adult children. If we want our adult kids to take interest in our lives and recognize what we have to offer, we need to show them mutual respect and care and be emotionally available and take interest in their lives and for who they are as separate people. It's a two-way street to be healthy and close. I can understand not wanting to give inheritance to people who are not kind, not rewarding poor behavior. However, I encourage you to be very careful as many adult children already don't feel much love and genuine care from their parents and that the parents' love is overly conditional on doing things the parents' way or no money or help, especially if conditions are controlling or unhealthy or not respecting adult children's decisions or different needs. While I'm not saying this is your situation, it is the situation of many. And many parents are then playing tit for tat, which only drives the wedge further. If the relationship means a lot to you, I invite you to try to hear and understand your adult child's views and pain and both work on things that have hurt each other. We as parents cannot fix what is wrong if we aren't willing to truly listen and own ourselves without becoming defensive or blaming our kids right back again. I hope the two of you find healing in the future. You are both worth the time and effort to make healthy changes. ❤️

[@jeanmarie9797]

This is so very accurate! When you try to work anything out with the narcissist, they attack big time. Very traumatic to the family.

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes it is. Watch more of my videos to get ideas on how to live your life.

[@bandieboo8102]

This is ME! I am beside myself coming to terms with the fact that my adult children are Narcs. Thank you for your wisdom 😉

[@changemyrelationship]

I'm sorry!

[@lorieroe4657]

Yes indeed.... it's very hard.

[@changemyrelationship]

You are welcome!

[@funkyfriday2543]

Same..at first I thought that my oldest daughter is a narc..but now I suspect my youngest is one as well. She seems empathic but sometimes I have the feeling that she fakes it. I feel negative energy that makes me sick(litteraly) The hateful looks and negativity is very real.

[@swhite8381]

Parents have a very difficult time with adult narcissistic children . We feel guilty and just want to “ fix” the damage and heal the child . But it gets to a point when we realize we cannot do the fixing. We cannot continuously take abuse in order to try and make this picture perfect family image that we have in our minds. No matter what I do I realize in order to have a relationship with my child I will have to accept abuse and disrespect. I just can’t accept that any longer . I have decided to stop with the trying to make it right and have distanced myself from the relationship. If my child wants a relationship with me of course I am open to that but boundaries will be set firmly in place and I will make that clear. I will also not ever help financially again. Too many times have I helped and promises been broken. Will my child still want a relationship when those parameters have been clearly defined? Most likely NO. And I have accepted this.

[@changemyrelationship]

You are spot on. The reason parents try so hard is that they realize if they don't the narc child is threatening the loss of the relationship. Yet if they do everything the narc child wants, it costs them their own soul and it only gets worse with the demands. Stepping back allows you to see if your child is open to any kind of change. If not, the loss of the relationship was inevitable. God bless you. Live the life you deserve. Check out my resources if you would like more support.

[@deborahryan2654]

I have given this whole situation to the Lord. I miss my children terribly, but since they have shunned me, at least there is no more abuse.

[@KittyCuties33]

@swhite8381...If you take your comment and flip around the roles of people, this is exactly the way some adult kids feel about their relationship with their parents and the lack of respect and unchanged harmful words and behaviors. It's incredibly sad, and often the decision to distance is painful for adult children too, especially if they don't feel heard and seen too. Loving from a distance is sometimes necessary for a time. I hope the two of you can come to a place of healing in the future.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

This has happened to us and I have met several other families where this has happened. It seems to be a trend now to push parents out of their lives except if they need something.

[@changemyrelationship]

True.

[@TuxieTude]

Yes, I agree! I see all kinds of posts on Instagram about shutting out people who, as my daughter says, "don't serve you" & it's usually the parents. 😔 🙏

[@KittyCuties33]

While I can understand this may hurt, not all hurt is bad and can lead to tremendous growth. Based on your comment, I would like to challenge your thinking a bit. Wouldn't it be healthier to interpret it as "I am still important and needed by my adult child, and I can respect them and their decisions. Our relationship is supposed to look different now, and that's okay. I am still loved. I can live my separate life happily and continue learning and changing too while still remaining available to sacrifice and offer help to them and supporting and cheerleading their growth and learning." This thinking is healthier for parents and for adult children: a mutually respectful and not emotionally enmeshed adult relationship, which was so needed for me. I feel the freedom and safety to be myself and make my own decisions, and we both feel loved and secure in our bond, even if we don't talk or see each other as often. For many parents, it's very hard to let go of our image of them as children and own and process our own feelings sometimes, but that is exactly what our kids need from us as they become adults. Differentiation is an important part of our development (just like it was for you from your parents) and finding our purpose and mission in life, and adult kids need to trust that parents will encourage them to fly and find it, not stifle our growth as young adults. We want to feel trusted and encouraged from our parents that we are capable of making wise decisions and that they will be there to support and encourage us to try again when we mess up. I hope you find healing.

[@gwendolynwehage6336]

@@KittyCuties33when our adult children treat us disrespectfully, using us and ignoring us except to use us, then we should not maintain relationships with them. Why would I maintain a relationship with a wicked person who hates us just because they are "relatives"? When our children left our home we considered them as on their own, even endorsing some of their choices. But for those children who were abusive emotionally and verbally, we will not have a friendship, these are the kind of people who steal from you, abuse us in our elderly years and continually show disrespect will not be our friends no more than any other bad neighbor or acquaintance. It is foolish to keep these kinds of adult children in our lives. Once our adult children have left home they are responsible for their own lives, we are no longer responsible for them. I know from experience that giving adult children more things or everything they want will not help them and will not make them love us. We can easily let go of adult children when they are abusive, I am so thankful that they are gone and unless they become born-again with a completely changed heart I have no desire to ever see them again. It is a terrible thing to live with adult children who abuse us and use us without an ounce of gratefulness or help to us. They make every day a misery for those they live with.

[@brighteyes3445]

My 28 yr old son is living with me. He's like a child very irresponsible, no empathy at all, and destructive. He have such a mean streak when things don't go his way. It's sad

[@changemyrelationship]

It is sad. Do you have to let him live with you?

[@realliving7340]

This is spot on! I thank Jesus for opening my eyes to narcissism and for channels like yours. God bless❤

[@changemyrelationship]

You are so welcome. Consider getting my devotional. It is super helpful. "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships." It is on Amazon.

[@jamiereneeanderson989]

This situation is rough, to say the least. We are going through this with our 24 year old daughter whom has terrorized our household beyond belief. The only way we've been able to keep our sanity is to trust the Lord, live every moment in truth, and allow our morals lead our household. The hardest thing for us to do is treat and react to her behavior as we would any other adult whom isnt related, and be consistent.

[@joym824]

💔

[@mandyconnecteddogs]

your comment resonated with me. my brother growing up, who is not of the new generation and now it seems my daughter. it's so sad. I often feel like I've failed by being such an indulgent parent and now have to lay boundaries down and lose out on the most amazing next step.. hugs to you

[@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244]

God bless you and your family in Jesus name Amen. I understand.

[@beaglerescue5281]

@@mandyconnecteddogs There are plenty of young people who’s parents gave them the same as you did and their children didn’t become a narcissist. The narcissist chose to be this way. They know what they are and what they’re doing. Please don’t be so hard on yourself.

[@SanctuaryGoodLife]

Wonderful presentation. I agree with the values shift, except one thing - the younger generation wasn’t born with that way, they learned those shallow values and entitlements from quite a few adults in their environment. And it’s not automatically from their parents, or both parents , as so much of the literature claims .

[@changemyrelationship]

I agree. I hope I didn't come off as blaming the parents for all of it.

[@kellysue7554]

Is it common for an adult narcissistic child to accuse you of being a narcissist?

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes. They project their own characteristics onto you.

[@kevywilliams3304]

Yes!!!!!!!

[@karenshaw607]

ohh yea

[@leebee2268]

Yes. At least that’s my experience. This video is a bit relieving. When you’re rejected so painfully and lose grandchildren, it can feel like you’re the only person this happens to. All of the comments are what my life is.

[@anhpam9205]

Thank you. In the midst of this with yet another of my adult kids.It's its own kind of hell. They were raised modestly with solid values but sadly, heavily influenced by wealthy friends and society at large. Had some of children in late 30's so a bit older , now long divorced raising them on my own for most part, I'm exhausted and rained form this obnoxious behaviour. Nothing I've said or done has ever helped. I hate the passive aggressiveness which they inherited from their father, for sure!

[@deborahryan2654]

I pray for my children every day…this describes 4 out of 5 of them. Thank you so much!

[@changemyrelationship]

Wow. Something is different in their generation. Praying for wisdom for you. Check out my books. They will help

[@jessicaharvey7446]

The best thing we did for our family was to let go. We feel so free to be ourselves and not to always be and do as we are told and expected. We loose much with our grandchildren but be being quiet and staying safe we feel in time perhaps it will change....however in the mean time we are caring for ourselves for the first time. It sure feels good even in the sad. Prayers for you all.....its good to have others that understand.

[@changemyrelationship]

That is such a healthy place and so hard to get there and yes, there is sadness but feeling it is healing and helps you with acceptance and loving your life. I hope you have gotten my book "Change My Relationship: 365 Daily Devotions for Christians in Difficult Relationships." It will give you lots of tools and comfort.

[@jessicaharvey7446]

@@changemyrelationship Just put it in my Amazon cart....thanks for all you do!

[@mama-cant-dance]

This definitely describes my two sons who went off to college but came back hate filled and disrespectful.This is not what we sent off to be educated and it is disturbing and heartbreaking dealing with these very unexpected personality changes.

[@changemyrelationship]

That shouldn't happen. I am so sorry.

[@beaglerescue5281]

If I could go back and do things differently, I would live off the grid and homeschool, and absolutely no college education. It’s an absolute cesspool.

[@mama-cant-dance]

@beaglerescue5281 Definitely, us as well. Co-signing college loans in order to help our kids through college was the biggest and most expensive mistake we ever made. Once your kids turn on you because their Marxist college professors teach them that their parents are their enemy, there is no loyalty left. We got all their student loans dumped on us to pay off. They have no shame whatsoever.

[@campergal6140]

Thank you so very much! I've been searching and searching for help to understand what was going on. Everything I found just talked about surviving nar. Parents. Although I've been blamed for a lot of the unhappiness, I knew there was something off. Thank you so much. I am now listening to your other video about this. Thank you!!!! God Bless

[@changemyrelationship]

So glad this helps you.

[@denisereed799]

I’m amazed at how much you understand! I’m so thankful for you and what you offer to those dealing with difficult relationships. Thank you!

[@changemyrelationship]

You are welcome!!

[@7oclockmiracles88]

Thank you for the best articulation of this relationship dynamic and not blaming the parent. Yes, we made mistakes as did our parents but NOTHING that warrants the abuse and punishment happily doled out by our adult children. There is some SERIOUSLY WRONG in our society. It’s like the kids are being programmed to hate their parents and scream abuse. Most of them think abuse is having to get a job and actually show up! But it’s their parents fault! No, this is the new Plandemic! And if our adult kids catch us comforting each other or having an opposing view they radically punish us by taking our grandchildren! They hate us, yet we adored and sacrificed incredibly for them. The selfishness is OUT OF CONTROL. Every where you go you hear adult “ Children “ talking about how abused and traumatized they have been! It’s demonic! So unnatural. Take NO PERSONAL RESPONSIBILITY and expect parents to baby them when they are 20, 30, 40 years old. My heavens are they delusional!

[@changemyrelationship]

I hear your exact response over and over. It is an epidemic and very bad for our society and families and the causes are not being corrected. They are getting more entrenched so it is going to get worse.

[@KittyCuties33]

I respectfully disagree with your comment. I don't believe that most are wrongly chanting abuse or disrespect from parents, as I am one of those adult children who has been faced with some painful decisions in relationships for my mental health. Many young adults are waking up, sometimes through therapy, to the abusive/ dysfunctional or unhealthy behaviors and patterns in their families that they want to change moving forward. Sometimes that means finding healthier influences for our kids to be around more and loving the person from a distance if the other person isn't making healthy changes and willing to grow and learn better too. Many adult children, just like parents, want to be seen, understood, and respected by their parents as equal humans and feel safe and secure that their parents will be emotionally available and encouraging of their good, but different, decisions.We all want to be treated kindly, and it's sad when we're not, especially if it doesn't change on either side. Mutual accountability, respect, and parents accepting feedback and influence too are very important for many adult children, and these are needed on all sides for healthy relationships. Some adult children do still choose to act wrong, but many are trying their best to make healthy and wise decisions for themselves and their children. There's so much more for all of us to learn and better change so we can reach our potentials.

[@brendatanner1259]

This is soooooo my daughter. She has only gotten worse as she gets older. I have wasted years of my life trying to please her, trying to understand why her supposed perceptions of me are twisted. Just glad I finally figured it out.

[@changemyrelationship]

Me too. It helps to end the craziness in your own head.

[@karliann1]

Same

[@Keep-on-ok]

You just described my daughter.

[@changemyrelationship]

How old is she?

[@Keep-on-ok]

Change My Relationship 41

[@funkyfriday2543]

@@Keep-on-ok 😔 I understand what you're must be going through..my daughter is 31..all the best 💜

[@jillm.3027]

Mine is 44 is she fit the description for the most part

[@karenshaw607]

this is my daughter. Society blames me, what a mind fk

[@changemyrelationship]

I think it has a lot to do with society.

[@ta6531]

Also, would love to hear what others think... My son was so verbally abusive and finally said " sorry" but that was it. The scars are so deep so I I wrote him a letter. I asked him If I could send it to him. I can't talk on the phone because he is so rude, and will talk over me and bully me more. He said no to the letter, but phone only. I respected that , but refused the phone call. Weeks later a light came on for me... The letter would not give him the ability to control me while I spoke my heart and feelings, wonder if I am right on here? Therefore keeping him in total control....I will never be the same from the damage he has done to me. I was always told how great a mom I was and felt I did a good job and had 4 successful kids. But now he kicked that chair out from under me. I have grandchildren too..... I walk on eggshells and wonder if I can live this way ...Its toooo painful.

[@changemyrelationship]

You are right. It wouldn't allow him to argue. You know the truth though so that can help you set boundaries and take care of yourself. Don't let it make you feel bad about yourself. He chooses to treat you this way. It isn't about you and doesn't mean you have failed. Don't take what he says to heart. It comes from ugliness in him, not in you.

[@ta6531]

@@changemyrelationship Thank you for both responses. All my 4 kids are living out and successful. The oldest is just very demeaning when no one else is around. He also has a great impact on a daughter that was very sneaky several years ago. Going to go to read your book!

[@changemyrelationship]

@@ta6531 Great, the book will help. "When Love Hurts: 10 Principles to Transform Difficult Relationships."

[@angelique1508]

Never had the aggression….They would gaslight with offence and hurt. Explain how I was the problem for misunderstanding and demanding.

[@changemyrelationship]

That is crazymaking covert narcissism. Wonderful that you are clear about it. That makes a huge difference.

[@LayDeeTee1]

Apologies for the long post, but this is the first video I've ever seen that doesn't blame the mother! Thank you!! My adult, single, 36 yr old, only child daughter, started going to therapy about a year ago & now treats me as you're describing. She blames me for why she is unable to have "healthy relationships". I've tried to lovingly talk to her & have asked her to please tell me what I can do to help our relationship, but then she insists that she's NOT discussing her therapy with me. I've told her if it will help, we could have a "virtual" meeting with her therapist & she can say ANYTHING she needs to say to me & I will just listen. That angeted her more & she said I'm trying to insert myself in her therapy & NOT to ask again. She says I need to go get my own therapy because I have "issues." I walk on eggshells around her because everything I say is wrong & seems to trigger a confrontation. I no longer look forward to her visits home. 😢 When I see other "mothers-daughters" out in public laughing & enjoying each other, I mourn for what I don't have with my daughter, but I'm clueless as to what to do about it...other than pray.

[@changemyrelationship]

Write me at my email at [e-mail]. I want to process this a little more with you. I would like to know what problems your daughter has in her life that she is blaming you for and why she would be blaming you. Therapists should help their clients to own their stuff and understand why they are rather than just blaming someone else. My dad was a violent alcoholic. I understood I was affected by his drinking and the dysfunction but that it was my responsibility to deal with my problems as an adult rather than blaming.

[@bullybunch2021]

My daughter was loved but made responsible for her lies. She seemed to begin early as a grandiose narcissist, but from being bullied at school for her behaviors, she's become a covert narcissist who tells people we physically tortured her and brought men to our home to rape her, for attention and sympathy. She's an expert at everything, but rages when anyone criticizes what she thinks she's the best at. She accused me of being the narcissist. I was so concerned, I asked my psychiatrist if it could be possible. He chuckled and said, "Not even a little bit". She was my whole life by discarded me nearly 4 years ago for failing to protect her (from her own actions and perceived injuries/slights). I grieved for 3 years until she publicly lied about me and my small business on social media. The anger I felt helped me overcome most of the grief. Now, she stalks my blog. She lives off of others because she can't get along with anyone who won't make her their full priority. She has almost no friends to speak of and has always been angry (jealous?) that I've had many many friends since early childhood. I once convinced her to see a psychiatrist. She only went twice and was almost immediately diagnosed with BPD. I'm certain if she'd continued, she wouldn't received the formal NPD diagnosis. I've wracked my brain and heart for how I failed her. All I can come up with is that I loved her too much and her biodad passed along his mental illness genes.

[@sgraybritt]

I mourn for our relationship how it could have been. That is all I wanted as well…loving family knowing there would be some small issues but not the hatred spewed at me and abuse to the animal and emotional to me! I always tried to be loving mother I’m sure I made mistakes but not to the extent of hatred to me. I don’t know how to go on and be happy when I put all my happiness and life into my children. All I do is sleep wanting to just forget about it all

[@elizabethjay3227]

Same with my daughter. One of the podcasts I listen to also says that therapists create problems to keep the client. My daughter says her therapist told her I was the narcissist and she needed to walk away from me. She got married last weekend without me or my mother and she was supported by her father, who makes all the money.

[@beaglerescue5281]

@@elizabethjay3227 I do not trust therapist. I have learned so much off the internet about my child’s behavior and my reactions that would have taken years and a fortune in a therapist office.

[@andrewbeckman7687]

It's heartbreaking to set that boundary with my children because they are MY flesh and blood, but the manipulative people in my life, I've just had to pull away. It's been so hard, but I know I am safer.

[@changemyrelationship]

My heart goes out to.you. when it is a choice between them and you, it has to be you. I hope you find a rich and fulfilling life. You deserve happiness. Remember, by their behavior, they made a choice too.

[@jackieking3417]

My oldest son was difficult from a teenager but then calmed down some in his 20s, then met and had two sons with a full blown narcissist girl. The last 6 years has been pure hell with the both of them while I tried to develop relationships with my grandsons. My Son has become absolutely impossible to be around now. He already had the tendency for narcissism and this relationship he’s in has made it much worse. The abuse from him and her has been awful. And I have tried so hard in every which way. It was never enough. I was constantly accused of not doing enough. I have finally been able to pull away for my own physical and emotional health. I do not communicate with my son, I don’t see my grandchildren and as sad as it is, I am learning acceptance and Letting Go. Thank you for the wonderful video..

[@changemyrelationship]

I am so sorry. You have come to the right place though and I am so glad you recognize that it isn't your fault.

[@jackieking3417]

@@changemyrelationship It’s been a long painful road to get to this place. Thank you for all you do to help.. 😊

[@missally3333]

I feel I am living a nightmare. I know there is no cognizant therapy for narcs to make them grow a conscience. I am now afraid of my daughter and what she will do next to throw me under the bus. I read comments from others, and a great deal of them say they have no relationship with their narc adult children out of necessity. I fear I am headed there. From all my research, the mother daughter bond I so long for is doomed.

[@deborahryan2654]

You are not alone…many of us are suffering that loss too.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Keep educating yourself on narcissism. Knowledge is key. They’re very predictable which gives us an advantage. I gave up the dream of a close mother daughter relationship. I’m focused on being the best Christian person for my Lord, not anyone else. He has everything I need. They do not care about us so the sooner that is accepted the better off we will be. We cannot expect any validation. If we give, we cannot expect anything in return. This a trial that will make us the best version of ourselves. Embrace the journey and do it well; and pray!

[@ACLTony]

Excellent presentation. Very accurate! Every parent in North America should watch this.

[@changemyrelationship]

Thank you. Feel free to share.

[@ta6531]

This is my last comment today! I had to share this... At our high school several years ago the students started calling the teachers " Hey Smith" etc. It is widespread. No miss, mrs, mr.... All teachers are called by last name period, like their buddies. I was livid when I heard this was the norm...

[@changemyrelationship]

That's part of society's contribution. A complete lack of respect at every level. You are right, it is very bad.

[@changemyrelationship]

Not good

[@jilljones7600]

I wanted to add that a lot of kids today refer to their parents by their first name, not mom or dad.

[@Tuesdaywhitt1]

This describes my experience perfectly

[@changemyrelationship]

It is unfortunately all too common.

[@elaineproffitt1032]

Oh my gosh!! I loved your video as it was right on!! My 33 year old twins have decided I am not to have anything to do with the grandchildren or them. I haven't seen them or my grandchildren in almost 2 years. I went to my sons house to try and reason with him and he slammed the door in my face. He couldn't even tell me what I did wrong, but I was to apologize for it and have supervised visitation at their discretion. I was divorced when they were 2 y.o. and thankfully had help from my mother. Their father left with another woman and didn't pay child support. I could not have made it without her and I always let her and everyone else know this. One of my children doesnt even believe in God. I raised them in church and Sunday school. I did the best I could with what I had bug I see now that I gave them too much! This video has made me feel so much better! According to my children and daughter-in-law I am severely flawed and should just stay away. I am close to 68 and thought my retirement would be filled with grandchildren that I dearly love. I realize now that this is not going to happen. I will find something else to do to occupy myself (maybe write a book?). Thank you again for reminding me about the scripture. I will continue to watch your videos!

[@changemyrelationship]

What about starting a support group for parents of narcissistic children??

[@invisible968]

Elaine proffitt You are not alone. There are so many of us and our stories are so similar. I send you love and prayers

[@lisablakeman7675]

Wow, thank you so much. I have hope i may have a life now. From a grateful parent.

[@changemyrelationship]

Fantastic! You deserve it!

[@blasttorres]

Thank you so much for sharing, I really needed encouragement

[@changemyrelationship]

I am glad you found it.

[@creativevisiongaming]

Nice to see a video that explores how adult children can become narcissists unintentionally, instead of just painting them as soulless evil people or their parents as bad parents. Mary Spry inspired this comment.

[@changemyrelationship]

Glad it is reassuring to you.

[@alaysiakayebutler6299]

I left a covert narcissist, when my 2 kids were under 3 yrs. Knew ex was disordered before the terms were avail to use but knew it by the traits. 1999 it was, and worked to provide all of our needs and was so content with the relief from that cohab. Stayed single to this day. But I never witheld our kids which the courts wouldnt have allowed anyway.. You are describing the relationship with my daughter: the double standards, exploiting my values and love, and setting a limit or expecting some consideration -respect, the rage, no brakes scorched earth.. Damaging my person and property.. Same as demod by and was reinforced by the dad, til the day he died and not one word against his carelss deadbeat, uninvolved ways. He had a great cover in a really funny sense of humor and I trusted him. I couldnt even fathom the ways he undermined my life.. I was a single mom who loved it. Set a Mindful example of autonomy and being responsible. Its crazy but the kids are very respectful, polite to others. Just not me, and I see all the dynamics. Its heartbreaking as I coparented hands on my 4 yr old grandson for first 3 yrs of his life. My sidekick, learning skills helping me and tgen had me rocking him every night, and he didnt have to be in the middle of the drama his mom and equally selfcentered father, or neglected when they would suddenly break out in destructiveness. They would make up by redirecting their anger towards me.. it was obvious; and I was mindful not to add to the problem, because my grandbaby was counting on me to get things back in balance. For a year now they have been living in the house the dads parent bought for him, as a family...and its been frought with difficulties. Im looking att, for how to open a dialogue with daughter who is stonewalling after I got worried, when no call as promised, came on christmas; and Id mssged that I felt that a well check on them was needed.. Finally got a reply that cursed me out, but at least she was alive and I could go to bed.. Theres been d.v. and a no contact with the dad ordered by the court. So, yes, she should get that Im worried abt her and esp my gr.bbboy.. They are across a mountain range and weather bad now.

[@changemyrelationship]

I am so sorry. It will take time to figure out how to detach with love from her and live your own life taking good care of yourself and enjoying your life and hopefully enjoy your other children/grandchildren. She will likely come back around when she needs you and you will have to figure out the boundaries you need.

[@SoulMaeven]

I am living this reality. It is so painful and confusing. Did I raise them to be narcissists? Did I create the narcissist? And now I’m paying a price.

[@changemyrelationship]

parents may have contributed to it but it absolutely is also caused by society education and culture. Watch my other videos to get more insight on that. The ones on narcissism

[@maryhunt3083]

This is spot on when you have a child like this its the hardest thing to deal with they destroy you and you have to leave situation. I agree its part of the way we raise them and there is an epidemic. I love my two daughters very much (twins). One was always from a little baby throwing tantrums if she could get what she wanted. I didn't give in and thought shell grow out of it but sadly no. My husband was a alcoholic but a provider and he loved all his children, but my son was very I'll from epilepsy and could have many seizure day or night and I think this caused a lot of disappointment and depression in my husband. But our children were loved didn't get designer clothes or toys. They were brought up with goodly principles but as they got older I left church at times church was too judgemental. But as my daughters grew up they became one in particular very dominating , smearing and her aggression and tatrum frightening, her sister would also join in. When my grandchild was used against me , which I knew was coming I had enough, had to go no contact. Every few months there were attacks , rage or smears. I always was walking on egg shells. I know now nothing I do will be right for my two daughters. I suppose society has made those in the western world feel they are entitled to a wonderful childhood but illness and problems happen. Nobody has a perfect childhood but I know I loved my children and did what I could under the circumstances. But this selfish world tells them you were short changed. Still they could become victims and heroines like in the silly romance novels that do harm . Oh well at least I can live with the fact I didn't do that to my mother nor did my five sisters its the world that has dazzled them and told them your entitled to more loves not enough it seems.

[@changemyrelationship]

I'm sorry. You did a good job and holding on to that gives you peace. I'm glad you see it clearly although the kids is great. Yes sickness in a child affects the whole family but you cannot control that. Enjoy your life. You deserve it.

[@maryhunt3083]

Thankyou

[@snyda9857]

This is my oldest son he’s polluted my youngest Never would I imagined my life like this. My oldest is 16 years older than the rest he’s a massive body builder no one at all but me challenges him. Oh I’ve made mistakes but to the extent he’s ostracized me from my sons and my grand. Feeling hopeless he’s not going to change he’s 35. No calls of love only what I can do for him. All along condemning me at every angle he feels the wind hits him. I used to believe I am here because of my kids love now that I see how easy it is for him to rule it what he seems perfect. Doesn’t matter anymore it really doesn’t matter

[@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244]

I'm sorry. My step daughters are doing this to my husband and I. My husband is a good man and he works hard. He does it for them and they treat him like it's nothing and he does nothing for them. They view him like he should be everything they want. They talk to him like he's trash. His oldest daughter is a narcissist. We had to throw her out for her illegal and disrespectful and destructive behavior . And now she has lied and manipulated them until they have just hated us. I feel bad for the kids. But I feel worse for my husband. He's worked and provided and always shown up for them with love and forgiveness and help. And they aren't just demanding things, they hate us. I pray every day several times a day. But I have to stop thinking about it. I focus on God. It just is nice to say it and vent. But I know God is in control. May God bless the truth tellers and protect his people and animal's and earth and even so come quickly Lord Jesus we need you. God let today be the day of salvation for all of those lost with good hearts and all of those we have been praying for. God give us strength and courage and peace. Thank you Father for all of our gifts you are truly worthy of all praise and glory. I pray all of this in the mighty name of Jesus the Christ Amen. Let's pray without ceasing and finish strong. Believe God, he is in control. And we are not alone. 💚

[@christinehefner9301]

Wow Barbara, we share exact same story. So sad...

[@blessedmommy7349]

we have a 20 year old daughter who is a narcissist, and possibly a sociopath. We adopted her at 2 years old, gave her a wonderful life just for her to go through her adult life using others for her own benefit, with zero empathy, treating us nicely do get what she wants from us all while actually treating us like we have zero worth to her. She uses sex to get attention and hurts every partner she has had because she'll sleep with others, and has zero remorse or understanding about how and why this would hurt someone. It's always someone else's fault, It's so incredibly painful. Thanks for the video. It's nice to be reminded that we are not alone

[@Lover-of_TRuth]

🙏🏾 I have been blaming myself that I am doing something wrong.. @ 5:00 is so true! No choice, but to go no contact

[@changemyrelationship]

that is a great awareness and so freeing. If you had that much power, your child would be different. Make sense?

[@beaglerescue5281]

What an excellent video and your responses to the comments are really amazing. Grateful for your channel. Sending to my husband.

[@changemyrelationship]

That is a sweet comment. Thank you for noticing I reply. Please let me know if you have any questions. You are welcome to send more detailed questions to my email through my website.

[@debbiebelden4359]

After just having had door slammed in my face for washing dishes at apparentely the wrong time, I am exhausted with the open hostility but yes have a grandson . Thank you

[@changemyrelationship]

Email me at [e-mail]

[@lilefanvids]

These youtubes are so informative. I wish there were a notated list in the actual video with the bulleted posts. Thanks so much for this series.

[@changemyrelationship]

email me at karla@changemyrelationship,com and I will give you a pdf. Remind me which video.

[@JEBBY123IFY]

I am so sick and mine have abused me and abandoned me...lied about me. I was a single mom nurse and their dad was an alcoholic and left and now they welcome him and ones wife is using grandbaby as a weapon...my God I can't take anymore 😭. They have no empathy or compassion or feelings at all...I am so ready to be with Jesus

[@changemyrelationship]

I am so sorry. That is so painful. Can you find joy in other places?

[@JEBBY123IFY]

@@changemyrelationship no just my sweet cat and a couple people I text with and online. I have so much pain I can't bear it and there's really nothing else I can do. Grieving is just as bad. Seems to be almost a fad now w the kids. So different from our time for sure. My mother wasn't good to me or protected me from father's abuse and still I took care of her at the end. It's sad.

[@changemyrelationship]

@@JEBBY123IFY You are right. It is an epidemic and it is partially due to respect not being taught to this generation and the next. This is the result.

[@KittyCuties33]

Respect for older generations does not mean tolerating disrespect or abuse from them, nor does it mean we are obligated to have close relationships if the dynamic is unhealthy/dysfunctional, even with family. Speaking the truth in love and mutual accountability is not disrespectful. Respect is a two-way street for any healthy relationship.

[@changemyrelationship]

I totally agree. This isn't saying that you have to tolerate disrespect or abuse nor is it saying that you can't speak the truth in love. Narcissistic traits are completely different.

[@Mistycreekdogs]

I have been dealing with this with my 27 year old daughter for years now. The other day I finally decided enough is enough. I have been paying for her and her 30 year old husbands cell phones for years without even so much as a thank you. Helped them with bills and stuff for the grandkids. So I completely understand the entitlement. This time she near broke me financially. And then immediately turns it on me and starts to rage, name call, swear at me, belittle me and guilt trip me. I have done nothing but help them and I just get treated like garbage and I have had enough. Even my son in law got involved this time and joined her in telling me to go %&( myself. After they abandoned a business I built for them, leaving me to handle it all. But somehow that got turned into my fault. I am exhausted with dealing with this and am going to start to set boundaries and demand respect. Its ripping my heart out because there are 3 grand babies in the situation :( I have to walk away for my own sanity! And its Mothers Day to Boot. Not a word from them today. I have a 17 year old daughter as well who is the complete opposite to her sister. So very odd how I raised both these girls and they turned out so different.

[@changemyrelationship]

You have done too much. Set boundaries and say no and be thankful that your other daughter is different. Focus on her and on taking care of yourself.

[@tracieriley9688]

Our adult children, can’t make us do anything if we as parents have always paid for all the items above and allowed them to be unappreciative, yet they still received from us, then how can we blame them? We have unfortunately taught them how to be entitled. We are in control of our check books, cash, and cc right? Please know I’m not being mean I’m trying to help as I went through this when mine were very young. I finally stopped blaming them and had to take accountability for my part and ask myself why and how this entitlement began and it all came back to me. When I changed my ways of thinking, knowing that if I keep enabling them to be entitled by giving and giving then I also had to understand that I would also have to take full accountability for crippling them and to always be dependent on me. We don’t set out to hurt our children/adult children, however if we keep enabling them unfortunately it’s exactly what we are doing. Just say I love you so much and I’m sorry I have enabled you for so long However I’m going to love myself and you even better by showing you the right way to adult. 💗💗 P.S please prepare yourself for a temper tantrum and loving excuse yourself.

[@christineterpens3136]

Sorry to hear your story, you deserve much better and good you woke up to the situation To many kind parents are being treated badly.

[@bengali481]

Nailed it!

[@gloriaalbert7285]

This is a terrific and reaffirms most of my thoughts about my adult child.

[@changemyrelationship]

Watch my other videos on the subject for further insights.

[@Beardman29]

Wonderful summary. Ordered the book and subscribed!

[@Warrioraunties177]

Omg you described my daughter

[@changemyrelationship]

You aren't alone. There are many others like her.

[@theywontknow710]

Mine too!

[@zukielife]

Great video,But what about the Covert Narcissistic children with family values, that dont want fame?

[@redfo3009]

Not religious but I am happy to hear advice from anyone who knows what they’re talking about! Thankful so much. When you say god, I just think “universe “ and it’s great! If there really is a god he wouldn’t condemn that I know 😌

[@changemyrelationship]

You are wise.

[@bobbiejean864]

Thank you for explaining what grandiosity is. I thought it was something else and can now see this trait in someone who has many other narcissistic traits.

[@changemyrelationship]

Glad it helped

[@rosebeanvalentine7725]

My son came over to my mom’s house for our Christmas with him. He already got tons of his gifts from his father’s family. After he opened the gifts we gave him his response was, “Is that it?”

[@changemyrelationship]

Yep that's entitled and ungrateful. Don't feel like you have to compete or try to please him.

[@beaglerescue5281]

Gave my nephew $40 for his birthday and he said the same. I have never given him another gift and he is also not allowed in my house because he attempted to steal from my purse.

[@susanmacaluso5218]

Children and young adults who treat others with disrespect are a direct result of our sense of Distorted Guilt while raising them. Guilt and Compassion are both components of Free Will. They are necessary feelings that have been built into our system so that we can navigate through life, bringing balance to our decisions, as opposed to, say, animals, who live naturally and effortlessly without guilt or shame. If we feel others constantly looking over our shoulders (the Internet, teachers, other parents, etc.) the distortion can occur. We may hesitate in our decisions to discipline our children. We might doubt ourselves, fill ourselves with fear of what others will think. Now pair that with all of the abundance that surrounds us, and that can be a recipe for over compensation due to our distorted guilt. It is not a good cycle, but it can be easily corrected, for even our adult children are continually looking to us to lead as examples, regardless of whether we think they are. This behavior is not permanent. Standing one's ground on what is right will eventually bring them around to respecting others. Abundance is not to blame, nor are our children overly involved in themselves in such a way that makes them truly "narcissists" or actually vain. Their negative behavior is the result of struggling to fit in, and they unconsciously sense our struggle to discipline them correctly, which is confusing to them.

[@changemyrelationship]

I agree that guilt and compassion can lead to parents over compensating for their children's behavior and giving too much. There are other things too that strongly influence children and one of those is culture and the second is education. If the change is made early, there can be changes. It is difficult to do it later. It sometimes works, but often the reactions are so strong from the children that it cuts off the relationship.

[@doramariagarcia4633]

An excellent explanation. Please let me know if you would ever consider teaching that class through zoom or other means. Thank you for your support

[@changemyrelationship]

I teach classes with tools for people dealing with all kinds of difficult relationships on Zoom. "Transforming Difficult Relationships" starts in January if you want to check it out. I do need to do a separate webinar on Narcissistic Adult Children and I do want to write a book on it. Just need more TIME!!!!

[@KittyCuties33]

Please consider other aspects too; relationships are often very complicated. If our adult kids are showing toxic behaviors, there's a very good chance they learned some of it from us as parents, many of whom also seem to feel entitlement, specialness, and are self-absorbed in their pain themselves, without considering their harmful behaviors or words or the pain or needs of their adult children. We would be wise as parents to self-reflect and change deeper our own disrespectful words and behaviors. As young children, we are all narcissistic, but with proper nurturing, guidance and right choices, we begin to see others' needs as important too and the bigger picture of life. Much of the narcissistic traits and emotionally abusive behaviors can stem from emotional immaturity and enabling without consequences, things that were often learned from the parents. Many parents are also emotionally immature and are used to controlling or demanding their way without consequences, without respecting the different choices and transfer of authority away from parents as kids become adults. This has been a generational problem for many families and in society.The natural consequences backfire. Many young adults are challenging incorrect customs of tolerating anything from family, as this teaches children wrong messages and is not healthy or promoting growth for anyone. No one is entitled to any relationship with family. All healthy relationships are built on trust, honesty, ownership and positive change, and mutual respect. Both parents and adult children need to be respected as equals humans.

[@changemyrelationship]

I totally agree. There are narcissistic and dysfunctional parents and there are poor parenting practices. There is also an epidemic of narcissistic children and adults stemming from our cultural shifts and giving them too much and not enough discipline. There is a cultural shift away from family ties and obligations. When it gives a child permission to walk away from a toxic family, it is good. When it gives them permission to walk away from a non-toxic family and rip grandkids away, it is good for no one.

[@KittyCuties33]

I somewhat agree with what you said. I agree some factors are cultural. But there's much more to the puzzle. If there was too much given and not enough accountability and responsibility, though, a large part of that accountability is on the parents, especially if parents act in similar ways, and we should own our wrong parenting and work to change it moving forward. We shouldn't use cultural norms as an excuse for not making better choices or learning better skills as parents, whatever age we are. Accountability and responsibility is a huge problem with all generations right now. I also think changes in family ties and obligations are what I talked about: that many adult kids are focusing more on mental and emotional health of themselves and their children and getting pickier with the influences we want our kids around. While I agree that there are some that no longer care, many still do. Many still will gladly help care for parents when they can't for themselves and still value family ties. But I think some of the shift is due to young adults choosing their own family's health and well-being as a higher priority over their parents' feelings, which is healthy for them to find their mission in life. Many of younger generations are coming out of the shame and wrong-placed guilt for what are expected obligations (which may not be healthy or right expectations) and shifting to healthier mental states and motivations of love and genuine desire, while keeping it in balance with caring for ourselves and children. This has been part of my journey too, and it's improved my mental health a lot. Parents can misinterpret these actions or changes as narcissistic due to their own immaturity or projection of their own unhealthy traits if the truth is different. I just think it's more helpful to really talk with and understand and treat each adult child as a human worthy of love and respect too. So many relationships need help, and sometimes that means challenging incorrect beliefs and paradigms.

[@changemyrelationship]

​@@KittyCuties33 I agree with everything you said. That is a huge part of the decision-making adult children are making to put their own and their families mental and emotional health first. I agree that there are some good aspects of that and in some ways it is more balanced than loyalty and obligation that negatively impacts your own nuclear family. It is part of the overall cultural shift that is occurring. Some kids are completely narcissistic in the way they do it so I agree that finding a balance is the goal. Each family is so different that the balance would look different for each. I just know that the pain so many good parents are feeling at being cut out of their grandparents lives is evidence that the balance isn't happening in a lot of situations. Your comments are very articulate and make good points. I appreciate you taking the time and I will bring this aspect into future videos.

[@KittyCuties33]

I agree there needs to be balance. Thank you for being willing to accept influence and feedback from a younger adult and show mutual respect. It means a lot to me. I wish more from all generations would be more open to influence and feedback from each other, both old and young. We could all learn so much more that way and better reach our potentials.

[@changemyrelationship]

@@KittyCuties33 I agree. You are welcome to add input anytime.

[@theartzscientist8012]

They condone the narcissistic actions in others.

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes. They do because they believe those are normal and virtuous.

[@kamirichardson4535]

Very helpful information. Thank you

[@changemyrelationship]

You're welcome. I love your name. I named my oldest daughter Kami.

[@charityhouze647]

Yes please, it started in early teen years and has been 14 years. Im exhausted and literally have been Ptsd.

[@changemyrelationship]

You need to take care of yourself.

[@clarencewilliams1525]

You just describe my son an overt narcissist! Extremely volatile and dangerous! I said to my son, when I handed my granddaughter to him and said because she was screaming crying your daughter doesn't like you! He went into a serious rage, & got very physically violent with me and said I disrespected him! & that I would never see my granddaughter again!!! Sick ass demon!!!😡😂😂😂😡

[@beaglerescue5281]

You are not okay.

[@marianncarroll6763]

How can we heal from it as parents?

[@iamasoldierofgodkingofking1244]

Pray. Give it to God and keep praying. I listen to scripture and put pastor Hagee on and do some chores and think about what I have to be thankful for. I am doing it and I pray and the more I do it the better I feel. It's not lip service, the closer you get to God the closer he gets to you. And may God bless you and keep you forever and give you his peace in Jesus name Amen

[@beaglerescue5281]

My husband and I feel a lot of sadness, but we are using this trial as an opportunity to focus on us and build a life of our own. We have mentally let go a lot. We can only change us, so that’s what we’re doing.

[@daniellesunshine4389]

Your such a blessing thank you

[@Elbalchc]

Breaking of not just the 5th Commandment with promise, but the breaking of entire scripture Ecclesiastes 12:23-14

[@KittyCuties33]

I'm glad the scriptural commandments are to chasten both parents and children equally and acknowledging the responsibilities of both sides: parents to treat their children with love, respect, kindness, not stir them up to wrath, and to nurture and teach them to follow God and strive to model what they teach; and children to obey their parents in righteousness (which means always obey God 1st, and that the main authority as parents largely transfers to God and our kids themselves as children become adults). I'm glad that honoring parents doesn't mean agreeing or not having our own views as separate people. While honoring does mean recognizing the weight of their influence, thanking them and God for the right and good they did do, and trying our best to treat them with kindness and respect, it does not mean tolerating disrespect or harmful words or behaviors from parents, nor that we cannot hold each other accounable or talk about hurts or speak the truth in love. Sometimes we need to be very careful not to misinterpret scripture (we are all prone to at times) and instead seek understand about how God views these issues and seek to follow His counsel. We all need loving feedback from each other to better become like God. I believe this is a powerful reason why God gave us families. We are all here to teach and help each other. :)

[@KittyCuties33]

Ultimately, we honor our parents as we follow God's plan for our lives and seek to model the things they did right and humbly correct the wrong given to us. I'm glad we are all asked to learn to please God, not each other. Understanding this commandment deeper has lifted heavy burdens off me and given me peace. God is so good!

[@iwonasosnierz1421]

Thank you very much Madam. Bec I am a retired pl teacher I recognize a teacher at you. I have a N son bec I believe mainly INHERITED AFTER his father who was a N alkoholic. However we got divorced when son was 6 and me and my mom tried to take care and create good family life. My son now 30 plus live with me but tried one or two relations with women living with them coming back to my flat. In Poland you are registered as a child in your parents flat and they cant clean you unless you clean yourself. Starting working life late after studying not finishing. Yet SOON he plans to leave and work in another country. Very difficult life with him drinking beer but less than father banging the door in case of my saying sth he does not like but mostly NOT TALKING. OR HARDLY ANY. Anyway thank you for your video.

[@changemyrelationship]

I am glad he is leaving and I hope you can prevent him from ever moving back in with you.

[@iwonasosnierz1421]

@@changemyrelationship Thank you for the comment I cant prevent law in pl allows to live in the flat he is registered and he will own it when I die. However starting a job abroad in Old eu countries where salaries are higher will keep him there visiting pl sth like twice a year. And he is my Child Nice to see sometimes.

[@lauranewme8331]

The Narcissist would make you happy laugh with you smile with you then all of a sudden they want to make you mad and angry and sad they are really dangerous and bad people they hate my personality they hate how come I am they literally go and rage because of my personality

[@rpm3305]

It is embarrassing hearing entitled statements from 30 year old college graduate. The victim mentality is like a disease; entitlement starts with victim mentality. I believe that the connection between hard work and success is lost among narcissistic adult children.

[@changemyrelationship]

Absolutely correct. And that message comes from the culture and the government and the school. Parents trying to teach that have to fight against all of those and that's why they so often lose

[@FreeJulianAssange23]

My grandma says everyone except my mom and I abandoned her. I want to tell her that it’s because she’s a sort of liar. She lies by denying my uncle and aunt the sick truth. For example spreading rumours about my uncles wife. She can’t blame them for reacting to the things she did. Yes, she can, she does all the time.

[@changemyrelationship]

Adult narcissists continue to display these traits and more into adulthood.

[@bandieboo8102]

Let them start their own business and see how they go with that attitude...

[@changemyrelationship]

Won't work.

[@kevywilliams3304]

Forget the relationship . 26 year own daughter has twins of her own. Her own key words . I’m done . Never want to know her again.

[@changemyrelationship]

That still sounds painful.

[@monicahocking1507]

My daughter just recently said those same words to me" I'm done". She's done this silent treatment on ne twice. Once for 3 years and another a year and a half. Both times i reached out to her mostly for the sake of our grandchildren. She's terribly abuse and very very sad to say i can't cope with it anymore. I will continue to hope that one day our grandchildren will come to us when they are grown.

[@changemyrelationship]

@@monicahocking1507 The choices are definitely limited. take the abuse or disengage. Each person must judge what he/she feels is the least harmful. There are times that this wakes the narcissist up, but you cannot count on it. Go in peace and live life fully.

[@jessicaharvey7446]

So helpful thanks

[@Trust_N_God]

OMG! Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[@changemyrelationship]

You're welcome!

[@lauranewme8331]

I've been trying to get help for so long but they block everything

[@changemyrelationship]

You can get help from me. Take my classes and learn my principles. They work. The classes are super reasonable and you get a support group of others learning the same thing. Check everything out on my website. Sorry for the late response.

[@lauranewme8331]

When they read my comments they come around me and say everything that I said in my comments they let me know that they are watching me and why? that's the stuff narcissists do

[@beaglerescue5281]

Change your username.

[@lovearttherapyalways]

I think they are narcs because they have been entitled. I tried to raise my son with values and proper consequences for wrong behaviors but his grandmother constantly meddeled and enabled him to the point where he continues to think he is better and entitled to this day as an adult parent himself. He is disrespectful and abusive to me. He has even slandered me. I understand I made mistakes and was not a perfect parent but he does not need to slander me... That to me is evil.

[@changemyrelationship]

I agree. Feeling entitled is the root of narcissistic behavior that often comes from being pampered to as children. Slandering your parent is absolutely wrong and not uncommon in these types of situations. Take good care of yourself. You deserve it.

[@KittyCuties33]

This is also the situation of many young adults who are being disrespected by their parents trying to be with amd influence the grandkid, not always in healthy ways. While you can't change the past, your situation shows that sometimes boundaries need to be set with grandparents to protect our children from harmful influences and so we as parents are respected as the main authority figures in our children's lives. Grandparent's feelings, wants, and needs, and advice can be taken into consideration, but they don't bulldoze over parents' authority and decisions for their own children. Many adults seem to be facing this disrespect from grandparents, just as it seems you did. I hope you and your son find healing in the future.

[@beaglerescue5281]

@@KittyCuties33Do you believe it’s possible for a young adult to become narcissistic despite having good parents?

[@KittyCuties33]

@beaglerescue5281...I think my other comments on this video somewhat answer your question. But I am willing to go into further detail if you are seeking to understand and find answers and healing. Stating my boundary beforehand, I will not further respond to any hate or disrespect. First, it depends on how "good" parents are being defined. Our behavior does not define our worth of "good or bad," for anyone, so I don't like using that term. I prefer "healthier or unhealthy" as it gives more hope and shows possibility of change and healing. We are all "perfectly imperfect" parents who don't always model correctly what we are trying to teach, and our kids tend to model more after our own behavior and our own internal emotional and spiritual states than they do what we say when we teach. There will be some things in our parenting that have caused hurt and probably harm to our children, even without intending to; it's part of being imperfect humans in imperfect families. If parents acknowledge their humanness and seek to apologize and fix the behaviors and mindsets/attitudes that are hurtful or harmful, validate the reality of the adult child's real experiences and real pain without defensiveness or excuses, and adult kids do the same, relationships can mend. But when the parents (or grandparents) put on a facade of perfection or "my child has and is always the problem, not me" attitudes and behaviors, and they don't treat their children/grandchildren as equal humans worthy of respect and care and humility, the natural result is often strained relations. We don't need perfect parents; we need humble and genuine parents who see and treat us as worthy humans too, whatever our age. Human nature is often narcissistic, but it's not a bad thing in general to have legitimate needs in any relationship, as long as our expectations and requests are healthy and mutually respectful. It's natural to only be concerned about our own needs and self-absorbed in our own feelings and experiences. Our young childhood life depends on it for survival because we can't care for ourselves. With proper nurturing, teaching/modeling of empathy and accountability, and boundaries and accountability as children too (no double standards), many of us grow out of it and can see and consider others and their needs too equally to ourselves. Some (children and older adults) don't fully grow out of it for various reasons and are emotionally immature and stunted (often where unhealthy narcissistic behaviors still manifest and can lead to abuse and neglect on either side). But regardless of age as adults, both old and young, we are all responsible to heal from incorrect programming and lack of modeling and choose to learn and mature and choose healthier behaviors and consider others as well as ourselves. I speak passionately because these are wrong and unhealthy things that I am striving to make better for myself and my own family. Often when we talk about "good" parents, I see people talking about giving our kids physical things or providing financially, which are normal responsibilities of parenthood and should absolutely never be held over the child's head or to guilt-trip or manipulate them. We chose to make choices that led to having children; we are responsible, not our children. We are here to care for ourselves and them, not the other way around. Many who are shown this respect and definition of healthy boundaries and responsibilities between the generations often are more willing to help care for parents when they can't care for themselves. However, we often miss that emotional, mental, and spiritual nurturing and modeling are also part of our parental responsibilities, and adults can help support each other. Unfortunately, many of the older generations were not mature enough or couldn't model these well enough due to their own unhealed pain and not overcoming their own childhood dysfunctional dynamics or other pain from their past that influenced their unhealthy parenting and incorrect views of themselves. While we cannot change the past, nor should we hate ourselves for being human and messing up, we are responsible to own it and move forward with different choices in how we interact and model for our adult kids as well as make right what we did wrong that harmed our kids. Adult kids are also responsible to heal their own childhood wounds, own their own wrongs, and make healthy changes moving forward. Both are allowed to have healthy boundaries for themselves and respectful requests (not walls or tit-for-tat manipulations out of fear or pride/ego), and both need to be respected as friend-like adults and have each's needs considered. With two healthier individuals, a lot of this tends to flow naturally. So often, it seems like saying "we were good parents; we gave them everything" is used as an excuse to avoid accountability, being humble and owning our mess ups to our kids, making healthy changes ourselves, and acknowledging that those attitudes themselves show unhealthy parenting practices and mindsets of victimhood instead of ownership and growth. Many adult kids just want mutual respect, honesty and accountability, and kindness from their parents too, without double standards. The good news is: we can change all that! There is hope, but each side must choose to do the deep work in themselves in order to get better results. Many adult children are striving to do the work, though some aren't. Parents are more likely to get the deeply desired good results they want if instead of blaming their kids or making excuses (creating further distance and harm), used that effort and energy towards healing and making healthy changes themselves. No side can do the work for the other, and both are needed to mend the bond. My response is many words, but I see different aspects as very interconnected. I hope it answered your question, and I hope you find healing for yourself and in your relationships too. ❤️

[@maryspry826]

Love the scripture it is healing

[@changemyrelationship]

Wonderful. So glad it helps you.

[@Geekella]

I'm getting bad vibes at the hyper-focus only 3 minutes in of lifting older generations up and belittling the generations they raised, blaming it on school systems and how good the younger generations had it rather than the deficits of the parenting styles. Casting bright light on the older generations as being brought up "right" and being "appreciative", which is unfortunately the kind of narcissistic mentalities recent research has been focusing on as common traits of the narcissism of older generations. It's pretty ironic. Came here to learn about narcissistic adult children and instead got examples of the kinds of mentalities that might drive people away from their parents.

[@changemyrelationship]

If I'm talking about narcissistic adult children, I'm going to be talking about the children but I have other videos where I talk about narcissistic parents and I focus on the parents. They are different situations and different relationship focus and there are different causes based on what has gone on in our culture at a particular time. Try watching the ones on narcissistic parents and see if you find what you need. I'm not saying that parents can't be narcissistic because they absolutely can and some are. And it's very destructive but narcissistic adult children can also be destructive toward their parents

[@KittyCuties33]

I agree that many mentalities and incorrect beliefs of parents have been harmful for their children, and some of these beliefs border on abusive and hypocritical mentalities, sometimes especially Christian circles who maybe unintendedly misinterpret scripture. Children can be taught to appreciate the truthfully good and what parents have done right and well and the powerful influence they have, while still accepting their humanness (not idealizing they are perfect or always correct) and holding each other accountable to make healthy changes. No one should appreciate poor treatment or absent or unavailable parenting or disrespectful words of parents spoken in fear, jealousy, or anger. Respecting parents doesn't mean agreeing or not standing up to disrespectful behavior from parents and speaking truth in love. Loyalty to family should not destroy a person's health and ability to grow, nor come before loyalty to God. Obligations to care for family should be balanced with health of adult children and grandchildren and the responsibility of parents to help provide for their own care as long as possible. Both need to respect each other as flawed humans with needs. Many of older generations still carry some of these incorrect beliefs about what respect and obligation and loyalty mean from their upbringing, but sometimes those beliefs are unhealthy or disrespectful to younger people. We can all do better to change and mold our incorrect beliefs and expectations to be healthier and kinder to all people and grow in emotional maturity together.

[@WendyS8A]

Only overt narcissists are grandiose. Covert narcissists are not.

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes. I wasn't seeking to differentiate in this video but it probably would have been a good idea to do so.

[@WendyS8A]

Nothing against you💚 Sorry, I just wanted to leave a note for those that are new to narcissism💚 I wouldn't want anyone to continue to endure abuse because they see this and think their person can't be a narcissist because they aren't grandiose. Or to have this validate a narcissist that could see this to have them think, well I'm not grandiose so I can't be a narcissist.

[@pheedo7702]

Narcissist breed narcissists or codependents 🤷‍♀️ from what I learned, narcissism in their kids is learned from their family dynamics. Correct me if I’m wrong?

[@beaglerescue5281]

You’re wrong.

[@iamkxtv]

Thank You!

[@juliavillarreal9059]

This is so good!

[@changemyrelationship]

Thank you!

[@yvettebeyely7064]

Please , we need REMEDE on the situations .HELP !

[@changemyrelationship]

All of my videos apply to any difficult relationship. I will do one specifically for this.

[@sgraybritt]

Can this cause sickness? After a very bad argument last week( worse than the ones prior) I have felt so weak and badly. Idc if I sleep all day and not dress for the day just so tired feel exhausted even after sleeping 10t hours. I feel I’ve all but given up. Nothing to really look forward to. Sleepy all thru the day and just happy when it gets night to go to bed. Ty for explanation of this

[@changemyrelationship]

Yes, you can get sick from emotional problems. You can even get autoimmune diseases. What you are describing is depression. The question is whether it is just temporary due to this bad argument or is it continual and if it is, you need medication and therapy or something to counter it. My classes are very helpful as they give you tools to deal differently with it and to change your thinking so you recognize you have a life outside of it. I also have books and a daily devotional that do the same.

[@adrismit6084]

Spot on

[@jennaarmbruster2169]

It is like she is in my brain saying everything that I feel so what do we do

[@changemyrelationship]

She isn't in your head. She likely has had lots of experience and knows what you think and how you usually react. What is the effect on you when she says what you feel?

[@jennifergrimes5333]

Obligation to the parents? A child is a gift not a transaction. We learn through nature and nurture, if the environment you are raised in is abusive and by emotionally unavailable people how do you know any different? To expect a child to grow up to be a healthy adult when a parent was not one themselves is delusional. Addressing the issues on both sides would make sense if they are willing to work on it. This is usually not the case since narcissism increases with age. If the adult child is doing there part to try an make things work and set boundaries on both sides, once crossed that is it. You live what you learn it is extremely painful to be aware of this situation and your parents refuse to see what they have to change as well. Blame keeps you stuck so sometimes, in the end, ending the relationship is the most healthy thing for everyone.

[@changemyrelationship]

You are not a narcissistic adult child so this doesn't apply to you. You need to watch Narcissistic Parents. The obligation that I am talking about here is a healthy concept of respecting your parents which is a part of all societies. However, that is balanced with truth about who they are. If they are toxic, you have a right and responsibility to take care of yourself and distance if that is what it takes to be healthy.

[@KittyCuties33]

You are not alone. You are worthy of love and respect and genuine care and support too. ❤️

[@lauranewme8331]

My narcissistic family made a Facebook account and everybody think that I'm on Facebook it is so much on there that I wouldn't never say pictures up there that I want never put up there they steal my ID everything they do they say I do

[@changemyrelationship]

They don't see you as a person with boundaries

[@Gods_Harbinger_2_The_12_Tribes]

...thank you

[@chucknavasky3215]

I adopted my 2 children from birth...they are full blooded siblings...I have seen and have on videos when they were 2 and 3 years old raging at me and my wife over nothing,, can narcissism be genetically passed on?...these kids have made our lives not worth living, dying would be much better..

[@changemyrelationship]

I am so sorry to hear that. Yes, there is a genetic component to personality disorders as it is the way the brain is wired but the personality disorder is sometimes not apparent until early twenties. However, you can see it in children especially if you also have oppositional defiance disorder that becomes antisocial personality disorder along with narcissism.

[@KittyCuties33]

It sounds painful if that is still happening. As very young children though, they feel big feelings at 2-3 years old, and they need to be taught and modeled the skills of emotional regulation and processing in healthy ways from their parents. Without these skills, many often stay in narcissistic patterns (we all have these traits hah children) and have lower emotional maturity until they choose to learn and grow and make different choices. This applies from young adults all the way up to older generations. We can all learn from each other; it can help life be more beautiful. Many kids today are also very strong-willed, which they need to be to face the chaos of society, but sometimes it's hard to guide that will in the right direction so they want to use it to help build others. Strong-willed kids naturally test authority and boundaries to see if parents will remain kindly firm and consistent in accountability and natural consequences and model these things themselves as parents, but it doesn't mean they are bad kids. Many kids are great detectors of hypocrisy and lies, which can hold us as parents accountable too so we want to learn and be better too. I hope your family finds healing in the future.

[@marypoole6064]

go back to free range children---and free range parents--

[@tacticalheadlampwithstrap3184]

I’m slurping my coffee. I want to be more boomer. So slurp slurp. I don’t want to be a narcissistic xer. My next move is a large garage that rivals most full service auto salons. So I can build a custom car. I just want to be responsible. A responsible boomer.