"Handling Disrespect and Abuse From Your Adult Alienated Child" Dr. Joshua Coleman

[@cuddlesanddaisy]

Sometimes one parent makes the other their scapegoat, blaming everything on them. The children then learn to aim their anger and blame at the scapegoat instead of taking responsibility for their own choices.

[@OwenNDawe]

As a parent I found the years of trying to keep the family together the most painful and hurtful. It's the constant snubbing, never being able to be good enough or able to do enough for family members. Forever saying sorry. Forever being forgiving became totally taxing mentally and physically. Four generations, grandparent, parent, siblings then finally adult children, years of joy stolen. Now finally the lid has blown off. Relief, peace and bliss. Hopefully at 82 I can now spend the rest of my life at peace with God and His creation. No more going without and tippy toeing about to please everybody's sensitivities.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Praying for peace in your life.

[@7oclockmiracles88]

I’m so proud of you. You will have so much more energy to enjoy life by letting your family grow up! You deserve fun, joy and happiness. Keeps you young and enthusiastic about life and God💕💕

[@mamas-jeep1984]

I did Sunday dinners to keep my family together.. I work full time in my 50s and none of the adult kids would help cook/ clean up dishes.. I was exhausted! I was refereeing fights/ drama on a weekly basis. Dealing w my adult kids using their kids as pawns in exchange for money.. I am happier than ever after going no contact! My bp I'd dwn.. My weight is dwn from continuous high cortisol.. I had no one in the 1st place to reciprocate anything when I needed them.. No one talks about the grief/ shame we experience going through this and we need to talk more about how children( adult kids) can wreck your health/ life

[@vanlifebayou]

@@mamas-jeep1984 so very true. I find now after time, I do not miss the constant trying on my part with nothing ever good enough. They made me hurt the worst, and the last time. I find now, it is true that time can heal the deep hurt.

[@billyb4790]

You should have been more like my mother and told everyone that family is shit and worthless and when her kids finally stopped falling to her, she didn’t care.

[@ms.fabulous2555]

You can't communicate with an abusive person.

[@gkarenstratton]

Yes ... nor uncommunicative, even ghosting, ones. One (of hundreds) of reasons for cutting off/even hostility, has always been when a parent (or any other relative...or former friend...becomes a real Christian/falls in love with God ... I'm not talking about those who may push their new belief/feelings on them. God's Word said this WILL happen to those who become believers.. ("They (all unbelievers) hated Me first.") We HAVE TO love GOD above EVERYONE ... otherwise the consequences WILL take over (constant tears, depression) and destroy you ... which is a terrible victory for Satan ... it makes the believer totally ineffective/useless for Him and anyone else.

[@michellemonet4358]

That includes a toxic abusive parent.

[@michellemonet4358]

"HON0R the Child" .. please.

[@diantinatalist6686]

@@michellemonet4358❤no child consented to birth. Parents took that liberty😊

[@user-sr1kc6jj2b-p1q]

@@diantinatalist6686 Not all parents are created equal.

[@janettepolt2815]

I can't believe so many people are going through this. At work, I hear co-workers talking about how wonderful their kids are and how they're visiting them all the time. I guess I'm odd man out-I get nothing but grief from my kids. I haven't seen my son in 6 years and now, I no longer want to have anything to do with my daughter. I won't let her hurt me again. Thank you so much for getting back to me. And thanks for helping so many others. I hate to admit it but it's a relief that I'm not alone in this. THANKS!!!!!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Never are you alone!

[@janettepolt2815]

Thanks!!!@@FamiliesDividedTV

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@janettepolt2815 so welcome. I hope other of our videos can help you.

[@valeriegabriel4456]

I haven't talked to my daughter in over 10 yrs. Do not know my 3 grandsons. Her choice. NO GOING BACK.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@valeriegabriel4456 so very sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help.

[@sandratankersley8470]

Wow!!!! Did not realize so many elderly are going through the same verbal abuse. It helps to know my situation is not isolated. Bless all that are suffering in this manner at a time when life is so challenging at best.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

You truly are not alone.

[@jita14]

@@FamiliesDividedTVthank you - just found your Chanel 🙏

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@jita14 glad you did! I hope our videos help you.

[@NickyM_0]

@@FamiliesDividedTV I am so glad I found it today too!

[@Adrimarigo]

I am no contact with my ex mil. She treated me horribly and after her son (my deceased husband) OD and died (she enabled his addiction since he was a teen, her other son is an addict too) she took his life insurance, trust fund, and gofundme that was made for me and our babies. I asked her for family therapy and she refused. She threatened to have me killed and I had to get a vpo. But tells everyone I’m the abusive one. Make is make sense

[@lisamayo7657]

I don't want reconciliation with my kids. They are good to others, have good careers but they are mean and disrespectful to me. I don't even know who they are but I don't want this in my life. (I've suggested counseling for all but they refused)

[@dleyba3199]

good for you! keep up in your strength in doing so.

[@thebrennans4955]

I’m trying to get to the point where I can just let them go because it’s just to painful to be attacked all the time. I cry daily

[@clamboat6075]

I'm starting to cry just reading this. Today, as usual, my daughter verbally abused me for some abstract reazon only she knows. She is always telling g me how to act, spend money and what a piece of crap I am. I don't fight back since it's like adding gas to her flame. I get a nervous suck feeling when I hear her texts coming through.

[@thebrennans4955]

@@clamboat6075 I’m sorry I’m have the same thing. But I recently blocked my kids. Enough abuse

[@nancystreet6566]

Same experience

[@christinecanavan7333]

The foul language directed at me was too much. After several years I was positive that i did not love this side of my boys. The boys i loved dont exist anymore. My grandkids I missed terribly but i still adore them and prayed they would come to me when they were older. I moved out of state and had no toxic people to harass me. I was healing. Happy New Year to everyone and wishing you peace in your heart and mind.❤

[@annaintili1777]

@Christine. I hope you're well and your situation has changed. If not, give it to God. That's what I did and just can't forgive! I honestly wish you well... Working with God, it's on His time, and I'm also working on patience.

[@pcf6618]

Thank you for addressing this. I thought I was alone in this. Many sleepless nights.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

You are definitely not alone.

[@vickichadwick7508]

Sadly very common

[@jabbermocky4520]

It's the stuff of nightmares. But we now live in "upside down world" where the fake is "real" and lies are "truth". You are not alone in your loneliness and grief. It's no consolation to KNOW that the choices your and my kids made will hurt them terribly down the road. Drug addiction is not the only killer of loving families. But we suffer the same way when our kids become willfully cruel towards us. It's like drugs without the drugs and all the suddenly "abused children" in their 30s and 40s do it. Well, most, not all. Peace.

[@Bella17367]

It is horrifying to be estranged from my daughter. I have grandchildren I’m missing out on …what a huge shame! I feel badly about anyone feeling what I feel!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am truly sorry for your situation. The videos here on our you tube, our website and our conferences can help you. Stay strong and trust God.

[@Bella17367]

@@FamiliesDividedTV thank you very much!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@Sally-ih6ls So very sorry.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@tcrypt25519 who are you referring to?

[@lisagrimes4801]

You’re not alone. I miss my daughter too. This parental alienation is the worst kind of pain I’ve ever had.

[@bonniegamez1461]

You have no idea how comforting you lecture is. I’ve struggled for over 30 years with a broken relationship with my daughter. It started after her father and I divorced and she married at 19 to a very young self righteous young man who blamed me for the breakup of the marriage. For years I’ve been shut out of major events and now I’m in my 70s and time is so short. Your insight has freed me from a lot of guilt for things I have no idea what I did. I’m sure I Wasn’t perfect but I see no path for reconciliation.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am so glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos are.

[@eleanorsmith971]

This type of situation is spoken of at Romans 1:31. This verse speaks of “no natural affection “ one of the attitudes that would be prominent in the Last Days. One of my sisters just passed from a stroke, her oldest daughter stopped speaking to her about three years before over something really stupid. She knew she had been deathly sick and still had no words to say to her. This girl was never neglected, she was spoiled. Another daughter worried her to death about her terrible marriage and two days before her passing told her her house was going to be foreclosed, she was worried to death about that, calling family to see if they could help save her house. She was in very bad condition, lupus had caused her lungs to become harden and fluid was all through her body, that caused her to have congestive heart failure. She had been in intensive care for 2 weeks. She had been on oxygen continuously for about a year. She seemed to know that she was passing away. My daughter and her husband took thousands from me and moved away. She came back and apologized and said she would pay it back, I told her to keep it, I don’t need it now I needed it back then. I’m glad I am aware of the times we are living in. This was the 2nd time she did me dirty, believe me there won’t be another time. It’s disgraceful how kids show no appreciation. Don’t worry about them. You gave them life. Live your life.

[@NickyM_0]

@@eleanorsmith971 Most of them are demon possessed and you can spot it from their cold, cruel hearts and souless, evil actions.

[@deborahoshea2507]

I am in the same boat. I'm giving up.

[@brendahand2369]

I’ll pray for you, I can relate, my situation is similar. Missing out on my grandchildren is the saddest fact. Asking God to help me forgive so I can have peace! You are not alone 😊

[@39Wednesday]

"Parents with low self esteem" i felt that! Slowing but surely growing stronger and finally learning to love myself.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Stay strong and trust God.

[@michelleboyer1950]

Maybe the parent has been beaten down by the kids.

[@kathyl2620]

You know what. Thank you for giving me the freedom to reclaim my life. I'm finally FREE from all shame and guilt. 😊

[@armyofone13]

Why is this not being talked about more widely??!!! I’ve been wracking my brain looking at the current content around estrangement bc it is so one sided and it feels like the next wave of cancel culture. Blaming parents for everything is a way of creating more victim narratives while demonizing parents for…being parents? Lots of people are conflating dislike with abuse.

[@jenniferwickert68]

Because no one wants to hear the truth. I was incested by a violent brother who my mother doted on. He got everything. I was the bad one. Parenting is a CHOICE. I chose not to have children because I was terrified of being like my Mother. Parents need to wake up and realize the time, $$$ and patience they signed up for.. they ruined my life.

[@TessaJonker-fj2rn]

@@jenniferwickert68. You say: they ruined my life…. Think pls. You allow….. them to ruin yr life…, please keep trying to not not give them that power over you. Takes time to realise you, not they, are in control over how u feel. Never give up. Never give in. Be happy with yoursel. Good luck.

[@jenniferwickert68]

@@TessaJonker-fj2rn I appreciate your words but I am very ill with CPTSD and BPD, along with depression and anxiety. I am 29 years sober. My husband left me because of my mental health. I am 59 on ODSP and poor. I have worked so hard on recovering from my experiences and trying every day to pass as normal. I pray. I meditate. I love. But my behaviour is slow in changing. I have never been to jail....oh yeah my brother incested me and beat me up. My parents adored him. I do my best.

[@mgkos]

@@TessaJonker-fj2rn victim blaming. We do Not allow injury. Injury is inflicted on people physically, morally or psychologically. May you never find yourself having an accident or disaster, but if/when you do, remind yourself “I’ve allowed this to happen” 😂

[@DianaCarolinaGirl22]

From my experience the best thing to do is leave them alone and eventually they will come back if they are ever going to. Mine did once we went on with our lives, the more you try to beg them and show emotion the worse they will get.

[@MattyLiam333]

My God I needed to hear this. It's so true. When I just move on with my life she is so good to me. When I tend to her every mood she treats me like absolute shit.

[@Evewasfraimed]

My fear is that if too much time goes by. They'll feel awkward getting in touch..😢

[@katejones2172]

Yep what does that tell you it's just a selfish generation I'm sorry if that sounds judgemental but there's got to be something missing from them like maturity they all think they are victims

[@katejones2172]

Also they are more wordly in a lot of ways & are very bright but they lack depth imho things like basic manners even the good ones are a bit remiss in that way

[@francopp1124]

@@Evewasfraimed I would feel awkward now if they got in touch after no contact in 3 yrs. 1/3 daughters talk to me.

[@anderson49100]

I can relate to all of this and have kept it to myself cause I didn’t think others were going through the same thing. I hoped things would get better with age but for now i just need to be patient and try to enjoy the rest of my life I have left. I tried everything, now I continue to pray for them and put them in Gods hand.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I hope some of the other videos here can be a help to you.

[@brandyk]

@abderson49100 omg I'm starting to feel like a troll n I don't mean to offend all of the hurting parents even those who may very well have harmed their adult children immensely n are in denial n certainly not those who no matter they're mistakes don't deserves to be treated so contemptuously by adult children going no contact without at least trying to talk with their parents about their feelings. But again I don't see any acknowledgement of any mistakes, shortcomings, poor decisions, occasional selfishness or any mention of the amends letter. Why is that? It's easy to say n even convince yourself that you did everything but of course you didn't. I'm not saying you should but be honest at least with yourself. Just say as much as I love my kids I'm not willing to do certain things for them to feel better about me n our relationship. I think they would at least appreciate your honesty .

[@rhondar828]

It's quite astonishing how many are going through this, isn't it? Joining you in prayer🙏🏻

[@rhondar828]

​​@@brandykmany folks have tried very hard including letters of apology and invitations for discussions of those things that we may not know about, etc. Many. In which case hardened unforgiveness or the complications mentioned in the video are factors. Life is complicated, and short...and it is very sad to leave such an important relationship fractured...just so sad for everyone involved.🙏🏻

[@valeriegabriel4456]

It's an epidemic

[@MsJamieburns]

The only time I heard from my son was for money or babysitting. After some horrendous abusive behavior from my step grand daughter I spoke out. I was told I was lying, and was booted from their life. Thank you God… so much better.

[@normagarrett7039]

Lovejoy attitude

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

You can't have a conversation with him? do you know how to have constructive arguments and conversations are you leaving it up to him how to like you more or what

[@kayereese1809]

Same here. Only hear from my son & daughter in law when there is a game my grandson is in or to babysit..that's it.

[@angier5106]

⁠@@kayereese1809your message resonates with me because I would give anything to have that. remember to cherish even just that. What you have is better than nothing. I used to be completely involved and because my son’s wife is mentally ill and did everything she could to isolate my son from his only living parent and one brother. I mourn him. It’s like a death and my son only lives 45 minutes away from me. My heart is forever broken because my husband passed at a young age so I must live alone without my son and my two precious grandchildren. So I say this to say, if you get just breadcrumbs, it is better than absolutely nothing. I’d be happy with just that at this point. Please be thankful for anything. It could be nothing. I’m happy you get something. I hope this helps you to realize that something is better than nothing.

[@chriscampbell9207]

@@MsJamieburns who needs that??? You dont deserve that!!!

[@jusjeany]

some treat you with only contempt and disrespect yet demand you still "parent" them unconditionally with resources, support, rescuing and enabling

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So sorry for this. There are many videos here to help you.

[@datrajones7797]

I am going through that right now with my 22 daughter and she has a 2 yr old

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@datrajones7797 so sorry for your situation. I hope it gets better for you. I hope too our videos help.

[@Tamarahope77]

Yes, some say the parent deserves disrespect because the adult child feels invalidated and has the right to put down the parent. I have heard an adult child tell his mom that she shouldn't insist on respect as he doesn't know how else to converse and that if she continues to insist, she will responsible for his suicide!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@Tamarahope77 there needs to be much therapy here. So sad.

[@jmadsen6118]

This webinar was a God-send. We finally closed the door on our 38 year old son who has spent his whole adult life blaming us for everything while his abusive mother who actually raised him gets a pass. Stockholm Syndrome. Thank you so much for validating our endless attempts to heal our family through therapy, workshops, seminars and endless self-help work. ENOUGH! No longer his punching bag! 💕

[@elyse443]

So not raising him is why he resents you. Makes sense.

[@anitakinnear6735]

Hello. I am shocked to see that I’m not alone in my confusion and sadness missing my oldest son. I grieve for these families, and how our children don’t understand, or grasp, just how important the older generations are for the younger generations to move forward. We describe it as a sort of passing on the baton. I remember the rise of the “me” generation in the 80’s. Remember the cash grab, when cash became king? I can even recall tv commercials promising “instant, total, gratification.” We went from “We the people,” to “me the person.” I always remind my other kids that nature favors the community over the individual. I feel like the measure of success changed in the 80’s. It used to be a man’s character was his measure of success. Now, the measure is only about the bank account. I just decided to ask my son what I could do to make this better? I’ve always offered to go to counseling with them if they needed to address past wrongs. I did not pursue my son any further. And, he came around. We are not yet close, but he communicates a little bit. I need my own time, because their father walked out when the were 6, 5, 4 and 1. He went back home to his parents, who lived about 3 miles away. Not only did he completely abandon them, yet his parents, their grandparents, his two sisters, their aunts, also abandoned them. They were the only grandchildren. They didn’t get a card, a visit or even a phone call, from any of them, for more than 12 years. In that time, I took the children and me and we all went to counseling. I always told them none of this was their fault. Their father not only abandoned us, but he did everything possible to make my life so so hard. He’d turn off all the utilities, he’d change jobs to avoid paying child support, he refused to provide the kids with health insurance, and when I finally got him back to court, he pulled the kids’ health insurance cards out of his back pocket, thus avoiding punishment. They has been insured, but never notified me. Meanwhile, I had been paying out of pocket for our dr. visits! So, you name it, he’d do it. Now, my beautiful son is buddies with that same absent father. He’s gotten a pass, while I’ve been held to unreasonable standards. He comes to town with his lovely two sons, but doesn’t even tell me. We hardly see the boys. Thank God he married well. His estranged wife is a great mom from a nice family, but they live far away in Europe. When they visit their father, he doesn’t ever bother to let me know. I don’t get to see the boys. Trust me, I know your pain. It sucks, but like you, I’m not going to defend myself anymore. I smile and pray for better. It’s all I can do. Love and peace to you. ❤

[@lindahelmbrecht1248]

I just came across this video, and I’m glad I did! My oldest son, 58 yrs old, blames his father and I for how his life turned out. We divorced when he was three and he lived with his father part time, and me part time. I admit I was not the best mother, and his father was abusive to him and me. My son has said some really hurtful things in the past and just recently. The most recent time was because I had told him not to speak to me in the manner he was….very disrespectful! As usual he showed his hateful side. He sent me a hateful, accusing message, telling me he didn’t like the person I have become, and felt we shouldn’t spend time together. I cannot go into detail about the full content of the message, it would take more writing space than I have on here. My son is a very self centered person, narcissistic, and like his father, mentally and verbally abusive. He is the same way with his current wife. He and she claims he has Lewey Body Dementia. I don’t believe he has this illness, and he won’t go to a neurologist to find out what his problem is. He does have something going on, and he shows signs of Parkinson’s. Nothing diagnosed to support that. He constantly says he is “terminal”, and in my opinion, and nursing experience, I feel he uses his illness(?) as an attention getter. I told him and his wife that until he got a professional diagnosis, I would not accept that he has dementia! Lewey Body can not be diagnosed until after death and an autopsy is completed. There is research being done to find ways to diagnose Lewey Body. Sometimes I feel he doesn’t want to see a neurologist because he will be told a different diagnosis. He is my son, I love him, I do not condone his actions, or some of the things he and his wife do. His wife has her own mental issues, and by “ researching the internet “ they have decided his symptoms are caused by LB. I am 77, and I have few health issues……I went through abuse as a child, and in my marriage….I refuse to allow my son to verbally, and mentally abuse me. Im done! I have been so hurt by his remarks, and his actions that I’m ready to walk away and have no contact at all!

[@ingenuity168]

Soneone said having their daughter was the best thing to happen to them. That's what most parents think when they have newborn babies. Not in their wildest dreams would they think their children will treat them badly....unfortunately.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I never would have imagined as close as my son and I used to be that we would be like this today. Heartbreaking.

[@ingenuity168]

@@FamiliesDividedTV This is happening to so many parents. They just don't go around telling the world about it so new parents don't know the dark side of being parents.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@ingenuity168 this is so true.

[@LeahDyson-kq4bd]

Please do me a favor and study some psychology some psychoanalytic theory generational trauma something anything!!!!!

[@MitchBoucherComposer]

'Babies are the best!' only because they are dependent and able to be controlled. Once they grow up and define their own selves, that's when some parents become unhappy.

[@merrymary5912]

I am a parent in the same boat. My daughters were happy and we were such a close loving family until they graduated from University. They became complete strangers, they went from loving me to hating me and when I asked them what I did wrong, they couldn't even find an answer, which leaves me NO closure. They walked away from me in 2020 with no contact, not even for special occasions. I spent so much time trying to contact them to tell them I love them and all I got in return was they blocked me from all platforms and means of contact.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. I do hope the videos help.

[@DianaCarolinaGirl22]

Stop reaching out...the woke left got to them and they drank the kool-aid. Let them come back to you because that's the only way it will happen. Been there and know.

[@stupensardi2783]

I am in the exact same situation. It hurts so much.

[@lorraine739]

Same here. Complete u turn while at university

[@dianahummel1874]

I'm betting that ypu paod for their higher education. I'm so sorry for the way you've been treated! Maybe send your kids a bill for all of their expenses that were paid from the money THAT YOU WORKED FOR.

[@jackgoodings]

It was a long slow painful death of the relationship. All finally ended when I finally stood firm with my boundaries once and for all.. and that was enough for them to stop being involved in my life. I finally stopped apologising for everything because there was nothing to apologise for. Having a relationship with them was simply based on conditions and on me not being a parent and being on my best behaviour to avoid them ghosting and receiving a hurl of verbal abuse .. and on one occasion physical abuse. To have allowed it to continue would have been unloving to me and to them. It doesn't teach them well. I moved, gave them my address, and I now keep getting cars driving by beeping and I believe my last longterm partner who was massively abusive to me, I believe she has paid me a few visits too. I did nothing wrong to my children .. I didnt deserve their behaviour towards me .. I've finally sadly had to say 'no more'. I was / am a loving good dad.

[@adobemastr]

I hear you friend. I penned a similarly long post where I explained my situation with my three alienated children. And your conclusions are spot on. You wrote: "It was a long slow painful death of the relationship. All finally ended when I finally stood firm with my boundaries once and for all.. and that was enough for them to stop being involved in my life. I finally stopped apologising for everything because there was nothing to apologise for. Having a relationship with them was simply based on conditions..." I agree with you-100%. Fathers in our situation have to face reality and the brutal facts of an unfair life: we either accept the bad deck of cards fate has, for some reason, dealt us, or we put a gun in our mouths. We have to move on with our lives and let bygones be bygones, no matter how impossibly difficult those bygones and memories are. We have to steel our hearts against the unfair abuse and pain thrown over our lives by our own severely brainwashed and psychologically damaged children, not allowing their hate and false allegations destroy us. And destroy us they will if will let them. Will our kids come back to us one day and "see the light"? Maybe, but the odds are against us. Hoping is what causes the pain, and until we kill off the idea of "hope," we cannot move beyond the pain and find peace in our insane lives. Best of success. I'm with you.

[@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886]

@@adobemastr….so which of you two actually has more estranged kids? Just curious really.

[@adobemastr]

@@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886 As I stated in my reply, I have three estranged children. I'm not sure how many "jackandthenarcs" have, but I'm fairly certain we would both agree that having only one estranged child is one too many. How about you? Are you an alienated parent? Or an adult child of alienation?

[@jackgoodings]

@@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886 Both of my children are now estranged from me, one more so than the other. The narrative and reasoning they give makes no sense either. Example "you've never tried to get to know us, we've had our own place for three years now, had a partner for ages etc" .. yes, I know, because I visited many times and you told me about the partner, and I'd reached out time and time again and never forgot birthdays and Christmases etc. I was also alienated from my father and his entire side of the family by my mother, who also contributed to the alienation of my own children against me. My original family and I have just now started reconnecting and it's taking a lot to re-form those original bonds; it's strange, it's like I feel I have to let go of my alienating mum to embrace my other family who I actually grew up with in my younger years .. and that's because of the conditioning and brainwashing. I know I can embrace both sides, but I can't, because the relationship and bond with my mum is rooted in the separation and disowning of my original 'other' family and therefore it's not possible to embrace both sides .. I have to temporarily disconnect from my mum who I grew up with in order to re-engage my primary attachment system to my original family. And that will be the same situation my / our children are in, which is why they had to disconnect from us, and they now use our reactions to justify estrangement from us, but they actually had pulled away and started becoming dismissive and, well, there's a whole lot they started doing, and it was heartbreaking and confusing, desperate feeling, no control over it, just deteriorating and there was nothing I could do no matter which way I tried. I'm almost 60 now. What is your situation?

[@alasshewasthehighwaywoman8886]

@@jackgoodings just lovin' life away from the weasels that raised me

[@margaretnorris5840]

When my children started getting abusive with me, both verbally and physically, I got a dog. I like the dog. She never allows anyone to hurt me. And she doesn’t hurt me. The children were never really ‘mine’ , they are Gods children. The children have free agency. I did what I could and to the very best of my ability to raise the children well. Either they were a total waste of time or they are going to work for good one day. Not my call. I like my dog.

[@ThatBerkleySingerPoet]

Thank you, this is a really good way of looking at this. !

[@margaretnorris5840]

@@ThatBerkleySingerPoet it took awhile for me to sort it out. I thought maybe it could be a shortcut for someone else.

[@catagogo1]

perfect! very healthy way to think! that's what parents in that situation need to do!

[@johedges5946]

Your dog cannot answer you back , not call you out. Your dog gives unconditional love. Human children require a darn sight more investment - no wonder you prefer the dog you can completely control.

[@margaretnorris5840]

@@johedges5946 no hard feelings. Thanks for your opinion. 👿

[@rabiakeeble1265]

There is nobody who hasn't made a mistake. Kids who "over punish" their parents are really people who choose to act out. My mom wasn't perfect, I never mistreated her

[@SummerLeigh12]

Absolutely 💯 My mom was a functional alcoholic. She had trauma in her childhood. She apologized for not doing better. I never held her pain against her. I never alienated her. She just passed this past Jan. I kissed her face as she was taking her last breath. I accepted her humaness with unconditional love and grace to the very end. I miss her every single day! Take good care of yourself! Xxoo

[@i.a.2247]

​@@SummerLeigh12 This breaks my heart. I experienced a simular Situation with my parents, but when my dad passed, I never held grudges and still miss him today ( He passed in 2008 ). Now I am taking care of my mother. She was never able to show me Love, she was never there for me emotinally, but I know she loves me in her own way. My two kids ( 17 & 22 ) got all this from me. But I feel very much disrespected by the way they talk to me. It's like walking on eggshells and it hurts me deeply. I tried many times to talk to them about this, asked them, what I do wrong but these conversations go nowhere. Many times they reach out only If they need me for something. I'm 48 now and I feel depressed, thinking how close we once were when they were small and now I feel I am no longer meaningful or importent in their life. Their father makes much more money and has a big house. My daughter moved in with him a year ago, because we had conflicts , like lot's of parents and teenagers have. But their dad lets get her away with everything she wants. My son moved out with friends closeby my home but never stopped by to visit . But he does hang out with his friends many weekends at his house in the Netherlands to party. I don't have that space. I can't take them in vacation or buy them a lot of stuff. But I raised them most of the time all by myself and I was a loving,caring mother. Of course I was not perfekt, nobody is. They were born and grow up in the Staates, but due to a financial crisis I had to move to my home country Germany when they were 6 &11. Sometimes I get angry at them and can't control my emotions. Then they never make the first step. I always find a reason sooner or later ro contact them again. I know when I did them wrong and always appologize If I was wrong. My son rarely does appologize, my daughter never ever did. She suffers with psychlogical problems, possibly borderline, but this will not be diagnosed officially till she is 18. My son has no problems. He is very social, succsessfull and knows what he wants in life. But money does mean a lot to him and dad always gives it to him. I wonder If this might be just a phase and they come around later in life or If this is their character. Parental Alllianation is for sure going on between my daughter and me. I know her dad talks bad about me many times. Something I never do. But I wonder If I just let them go. Maybe they come back one day, maybe not. This wondering about all this day in, day out makes me slowley really crazy and depressive.

[@i.a.2247]

@Tim B We all make mistakrs,that is perfectly normal.and human. You , I am sure did too. It depends to own your mistakes and to make them right. Of course , I am not talking about beaten Up my child and then say, Oh dear, I am sorry I beat you up. I talk about normal daily life problems, which accour for sure, once your child becomes a teenager.

[@i.a.2247]

@Tim B First of all, I never said it 's just a mistake parents make, who beat up their children. I have no understanding for this and this is never OK. Your question I can answer. Actially, I had to think about it for a while. I had to think about things I did wrong and regret regardimg my children. One big mistake I did was arguing with their father many times in front of them. I do have ADHD, so I have a tendency to become impulsive when I am frustrated and say things before I think. My former husband ( their dad) is a very quiet person, but also pushed my buttons with his passive aggressiv behavior toward me. When I was a child my parents did fight terrible when I was around and I hated it. So I should have controlled my emotions around my children , especially since I knew how this makes you feel as a child. I did appologize to them every time and promised to not do this again - I broke this promise to many times. The other thing I regret deeply is that I am a very chaotic person and I never was able to keep our house cleaned up for long, after I separated from their dad and just the three of us moved into an appartment. I was working full time and on my off days I just to often could not get myself to start cleaning up. So thatfore my kids rarely could bring their friends over, at least not without giving me notice days in advance. I was to embarressed about my place for their friends to see. So there you got my answer. I feel really bad about those things, I can't go back in time to change this. But on the other side I know that my kids always knew that they are loved and I did many things really well with them.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

This is the difference in generations I believe. This generation are the "me" generation. All about themselves.

[@susangray45]

I handle it by not speaking to them. My life is finally peaceful ❤

[@simoneHaritos]

I wish.

[@roadrash76]

@@jondhoe7023seems like quite an assumption

[@joanlevy6341]

This message is not relatable! Just click bait

[@chriscampbell9207]

Absolutely. I cant win and quit trying. If i text too short i dont care. If too long, they criticize and analyze everything i say. So i stopped all the way. Any communication will have to come from them.

[@sherriehice8539]

I have cut my older daughter off.I can't handle the Disrespect any more. It's not what she says so much as her behavior over the past 18 years. She never shared with me how she felt. I made many mistakes, not taking into account how she might have felt about things like me getting married again .Having another daughter. Or not being in my grandchildren life's as much as she wanted. I was a single mom.My 2nd husband was to a cocain additic.the marriage lasted 3mons. My Olds daughter has always been jealous of my youngest daughter. I never thought about how it made her feel. Or how my oldest son must of fealt. I have 3 children. All I could see was how much they rejected there baby sister. And my youngest daughter suffered from all that rejection too. My oldest daughter that I have chosen not to talk too for a year now . I found out 3 yrs ago that my youngest daughter, her half-sister, and I are not in her wedding Album.And we were there. I blame alot of that on her stepmother. Lynn was a big influence in my 1st 2 children's lives. They lived with there Dad and their stepmother. The biggest problem is how my oldest daughter talks behind my back. And she wants to use my grandchildren like a pone in a game. And the pain she has caused my youngest daughter son. And she wants to the parent in our relationship and blames everything on me because I am Bi-polar. She's never wrong and I deserve what happens to me. Even writing this makes me hurt.And am better not seeing her because I don't think she will change any. I don't think I am strong enough to keep my boundaries up. She's 44 years old and I am 65 years old.I like what he said about writing down all the good things I have done as a parent.

[@CascadeEarthNW]

Thank you for this video. Im right there with all the parents who’ve been disrespected and insulted. I feel like I’m in the twilight zone. There must be something in the air, food or water because this is epidemic. I’m living my life and pray I get a call someday. In the meantime, I’ll leave him alone because that what he wants. 😢

[@Drumbeat52]

Same here, his choice and his loss. Blamed me for everything even starting WW2. Damn, kid has a bachelor degree but cannot see past his nose. Unbelievable!

[@donnastarnes3306]

You are not alone and so I will say don't blame yourself. It has almost made me crazy but God has given me peace. It still hurts but I can no longer grieve. It is not healthy to live this way so I had to find a way to move on. Most days I'm much better but I will admit some days it's like it just happened.

[@johntriplett5407]

As much as it is hard to do; sometimes the only answer is is to walk away from the relationship for good……live your life as if that part of your life didn’t happen at all …… I had to choose between my sanity and mental clarity or daily abuse, and I chose me.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I do understand. I do hope you never give up and trust God.

[@Gemmarose9012]

@@FamiliesDividedTVAlways trust God yes, but to hold on when we’re being abused is insane.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@Gemmarose9012 each person must do whatever they need to do to have peace.

[@kdpunshon3073]

I agree with you. My son would not stop his canceling behaviour. I finally had to protect myself and block his access to my heart.

[@dawnricherson2604]

Did you ever ask for forgiveness for your role in the damaged relationship? My husband and I have when we we are wrong, and things are dealt with swiftly. The inability for many to repent causes so much unnecessary suffering.

[@anitawelsh1635]

Thank you for this. You are right, I never spoke to my parents like I'm spoken to by my adult children.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am glad that this was helpful. I hope other of our videos are helpful too.

[@chriscampbell9207]

Never

[@kimielambert9613]

And you didn't speak to your children like that. I was never disrespectful, called names, put them down - the opposite! To my detriment! I say these kids are on prescription drugs. I'm sure the parrels are aligned, prescription drug use and disrespectful estranged adult children.

[@Rebel377]

I chose you when I was raising you....Now I choose me. It's complicated grief.. Don't get stuck in anger or bitterness. You can be estranged and have a wonderful life. It's a choice and decision to move forward and offer your adult child unconditional love and grace.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Everyone must choose whatever gives them peace.

[@valeriegabriel4456]

Have dogs now

[@maybethgaikens7143]

Very well said!!! I did the best I could for my son...I won't allow myself to be heartbroken by his on and off estrangement with out explanation any longer...Time for me to nurture myself for the time I have left...❤

[@kayereese1809]

@@valeriegabriel4456 same here. Unconditional love is wonderful.

[@karlasnyder9856]

This is the most beautiful response to a heartbreaking rift. I’m adopting it as my own. I choose to forgive as God has forgiven me. Cannot do this without His help. My heart is broken but God can heal.

[@nomad7540]

There is so much information about bad parents and getting toxic parents out of your life that you become convinced that if your child estranged himself from you it is without question your fault. Finally, a resource that confirms that sometimes it’s not about you can’t pick your parents but “You Can’t Pick Your Children”. Thank you.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

well said.

[@NickyM_0]

Exactly! Western society tells you that it's ALWAYS the parent's fault whilst at the same time managing to demonise a parent if at any time they try to implement even the mildest form of discipline/consequences for bad behaviour and it is reframed later down the line as 'abuse'. This thing is spiritual and it manifests in different forms of narcissism, narcissistic abuse and a narcissistic discard. And it is all there to destroy the family and get people on board with 'Self Worship' = Narcissism. New age is one manifestation disguised in love & light and crystals, the trans situation is another more aggressive, extreme & blatant idolising of Self and destruction of the family and here we have the social contagion of narcissistically abusing, disrespecting, hating on and abandoning elderly parents and going 'no contact', if the parents aren't 'forced' to put the brakes on the abuse and go 'no contact' themselves as a protective measure only. Whatever the case, it's all spiritual warfare. It's all the same thing in different forms. You breakdown the family unit, you breakdown society. Virtues like loyalty, morality, trust, compassion, empathy, sacrificing for another, collectivism, etc. all become obselete with the individual's concentration on Self (their mantra being, 'do what makes YOU happy and forget about anyone else'). Individualism makes society so weak and creates division, chaos and confusion.

[@francopp1124]

Love that!

[@anitawelsh1635]

A lot of it was my fault, that said I raised my kids in a loving home, but in retrospect I don't think I was a very good mother.

[@theodorerooding3536]

@anitawelsh1635 I'm proud of you to admit that. To yourself and to others. I wish you well on your healing journey.

[@autumnmeadows4079]

I question myself and how I raised my children. Lately, things have not gone well with my two children. Something inside me has changed. I do not feel the same about them anymore and am not sure if I ever will want to be around them like before.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

We all sometimes question things. Take a step back. Remember these are your children God gave you. Never give up on them.

[@Missladybug62]

Its the not giving up on them that keeps you in the pain of their abuse, there is only so much a person can take, mine kids are in their 40s Ive been a single parent who has always been there for them and my grandchildren and yet Im bullied, used and abused.. at 61 Im done 😢😢

[@Drumbeat52]

@@FamiliesDividedTV Then God better have them make the first move towards reconciliation because he also gave me a respect thy self line in the sand. I'm done carrying peoples waste buckets.

[@MTown-qj9ok]

It's hard your heart is broken like never before I say the same thing I never see our relationship like it was before

[@anitab6055]

Why should we accept any abusive relationships ? Us walking away ourselves may well be the healthiest thing for us.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Have you tried to sit down and speak with them?

@@FamiliesDividedTV that can only work if the individual wants to sit down and talk but narcissists who use parental alienation to tie children to them alone and to remove other parent from competition never ever wants nor can sit down and talk. They thrive on being inconsistent, elusive, in power, in control dominant. They know talk at table is place they get confirmation of reasons to be insecure and hide behind fake image, and to them sit down to talk like two mature healthy adults is death to their fake image. To them they are perfect so no need to sit down and talk. Others are to just obey what narc wants and demands and be their slaves.

[@DTM45]

Agreed

[@BinZiegler]

Yes, so true, I blocked my older daughter last months, felt much better after it.

[@MitchBoucherComposer]

Thanks for speaking some sense!

[@PenelopePitstop888]

I'm moving on with my life but still subbing for your continued support from afar, as I've never found a therapist who gets this repugnant phenomenon so well, and how extremely painful it is. I'm never going to not be hurt by my sons total rejection & abuse, so your channel is my most valuable YT find this year. TY❣

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am so very glad that it is helpful. Praying things change for you.

[@alc222]

So did these therapists try to hold you accountable for your parenting or what?

[@TheDreamhouse2010]

This entire alienation thing is demonic. I cannot think of any other reason for this to be so bad. It is fkn horrible, evil, mean spirited, and unbelievable that someone can do this to a parent.

[@susanwilson5504]

It really is so very cruel

[@LR-yu3mx]

Well said. I feel the same. I was abused ad achild, but always did my best that they have a happy childhood. Family said I spoilt them The father was not much involved

[@JB-3794]

​@LR-yu3mx Truthfully, it sounds like success in such circumstances might be very difficult. Divorce and abuse are harmful.

[@sunnyadams5842]

For some of us it's sheer survival.

[@sunnyadams5842]

​@@LR-yu3mx'did my best'.... grrrr... Stop that, please. There is an implied assumption in that😢assertion that that must have been good enough, in the exact ways your child required. Obviously, the proof is in the eating. Its not for you to decide that the pudding was yummy good and hit the spot exactly. Only the recipient of your 'best' can determine if that worked well or not. Please think on this. Let your ego go out for ice cream and ponder this deeply. It might just bring your child back if you can admit your best might not I have been wrong, but it might not have been the right thing for your particular child's needs. If you are still breathing, there is still time to work to correct your relationship and die happy. Signed- a broken, but healing😅 Child who's Parents did no wrong...and can't talk to them but wants to desperately. I love them so much but they don't even like me. 😢

[@dolittle6781]

Appreciate hearing about this important topic, which seems more prevalent than people might think. No loving parents wants to be alienated from their adult children. Yet, life is short. I say let them go if they are abusive. People ordinarily don't change their behavior and also don't have time to become a self-taught psychologist to navigate the never-ending stream of conflict. Parents, it's time to eat healthy food, exercise in moderation, spruce up your garden, surround yourselves with genuine people, and reboot your spiritual life (no cults please). Basically, self-care is the order of the day. What has happened has happened. No need to spend the rest of your life revisiting any of it. If your kids find a way to forgive and forget, great! You, too, should try to do the same. Be happy, happy, happy!

[@teresaalbert5518]

It is helpful to realize this is a common problem with people. I didn’t spoil my daughter as a single mom because I didn’t have support to do so and didn’t make enough but I did invest my whole life in my daughter - and then my niece later on who had no parents when my daughter was in college - and now there is just disrespect and disregard and they only want to communicate when they want something. I came from an abusive neglectful family and have suffered from it until my mother at 100 died last November. I never set boundaries because my family didn’t and I didn’t even know what they were until a few years ago and I’m finally learning how to make them for myself. That leaves me alone but it is also freeing. I am learning to text them both and say hello and say I love them but am moving on. They have their own issues now because of their upbringing, though their lives were better than mine in many respects. I’ve spent my life in therapy and am nearing the other side. God forbid they will wait until they are old to get help but I have apologized enough and have pointed out good things and am moving on. I won’t be abused anymore. I’m almost 70 and deserve some peace. Even if alone.

[@39Wednesday]

I just typed in the search bar and am now down this rabbit hole. Thinking I'm the only one or dang near the only one this is happening to. I am so grateful for this channel and all the comments. I spent 8 years with a narcissistic man. I feel my sons have mastered and learned behavior. While the youngest son is finally coming around. As soon as he left the home, my 19 year old quickly followed suit. It's been really crushing my spirit. Triggering emotions/ptsd from the exhusband ( who is not t heir father) Knowledge is power and now I have tools to arm myself. Firstly I'm highly sensitive and they know this. Everytime I try to speak, I'm being ridiculed or shamed. I've started feeling like I cannot speak any longer. Now I must learn not to react as i have been. But try to remain calm or dismiss myself from the situation for a bit. Holy Moses, thank you everyone!🙏🏼❤💪🏼

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So sorry for your situation, but so very glad the videos are helping.

[@SuperCaliforniaBarbi]

Spot on. My ex was an abusive drunk. I realized far to late I was letting my ex teach them it was okay to blame and abuse me.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@SuperCaliforniaBarbi so sorry for this. I do hope our videos help.

[@lovejoy71422]

Hello, I feel you and your pain. I'm a single parent raised my son alone except for some help from my father he was a narcissist ,controlling and misogynistic. He was my son's role model so it is learned behavior. God bless you and I do pray things get better 🙏

[@rebeccahale322]

My goodness sir.. Anyone that's dealt with adult estrangement have thought of and tried all of your suggestions.. Sometimes all of these efforts just don't work.. It then becomes necessary to move forward with your own life..

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Whatever gives you peace.

[@jordanbetts1572]

I can imagine this must be painful but sometimes lack of insight and culpability is the problem. Narcissistic abuse is rampant and only the solution is non-contact. The one with narcissistic tendencies knows no other way, sadly, and will blame the victim.

[@way_truth_life_of_love]

This was the best talk on estrangement l have ever heard, and l have been researching for two years. A wealth of practical knowledge and information, compassionate suggestions , ways to understand issues, and believable hope for the future….can’t express enough gratitude

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So glad it helped.

[@sweetesthawaiianprincess8086]

Good info - lots of repetition

[@kathyclawson5146]

Thank you Lisa for your reply. This is the exact same situation in my family. I was confused and blindsided at first when my son started being hurtful and disrespectful to me. He is married to a really sick woman and after listening to Joshua talk about daughter and son in laws, I have an even greater understanding and validation of what is happening. That is what I needed so I can move through this grieving process and get to a place of acceptance of this ordeal. Thank you Joshua too and everyone who has commented.

[@cyndimoring9389]

this is exactly my experience. My son told me only a week before our argument how I had always been there for him, how important I was to him. Over a series of angry exchanges, he cut me off, telling me I was embarrassing him in front of his wife. Now he doesn't reach out at all.

[@xxkittymeowxx8093]

Same here exact situation.

[@BessieKrom]

Child or neighbor, an abusive personality is their choice and you're their target. In a perfect world, you would think that an adult child would be mature, forgiving, have empathy for the person who raisesd them. So, once we, the alienated parent, gets that these Godless children, enjoy emotionally hurting their parent, and that they are people you would never hang out with if they were anyone but your kids,... as a parent being victimized by a dark entity who doesn't love a parent, I moved on. I have a self respect and love me. I pray for them.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Sadly this is spoken of in the bible in the end times. Who would have thought it would be any of us.

[@k.popper2620]

Amen!

[@JB-3794]

Praying isn't enough. You need to try and repair some damage. Take some responsibility.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@JB-3794 everyone does.

[@MyChihuahua]

​@@FamiliesDividedTVno, they don't.

[@angelaweber5879]

After ten years of the icy hell of total estrangement, I suddenly developed a serious cardiac condition called tokotsubo cardiomyopathy, also known as "broken heart syndrome." This condition can be fatal, and in my case was solely due to the grief and stress of having alienated adult children. I made every conciliatory effort, but the silence was total. I finally decided to respond by disinheriting them. I should not reward them for their emotionally abusive conduct.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. More of our videos may help you.

[@gioarias75]

@@FamiliesDividedTV I had a neighbor where her family of 5 lived in her mothers house and paid very little rent. She managed to kick her brother out who helped her mother financially and protected her When she kicked him out she forced her mother to sell the house and with the money, she bought herself a new house and made sure she was the only one on title. She now makes her mother pay more rent then she ever did when she lived with her and she’s constantly telling her I’m gonna throw you out after taking her house.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@gioarias75 how extremely sad

[@normagarrett7039]

Perfect call

[@gabrielleferris952]

Excellent advice...wish me luck 🤞

[@anderson49100]

I didn’t talk to my mom for 5 years when I felt she was wrong. Gave me 5 years to think about what a brat I was. I wish I had those 5 years back. I did reconcile with and had 15 great years with her before she passed. I miss her so much. I am 64. She was 88. I cherish my memories with her. Once I put myself in her place and thought about her life and trials my whole perspective changed. She let me figure it out. She taught me alot but I was also willing to listen. I never ever talked back. It just wasn’t done to mom. You knew if you did you were in trouble, didn’t know what would happen but you didn’t want to find out.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am so happy you reconciled and had 15 beautiful years together.

[@rebeccamartin2399]

Perspective, what it's all about. Good for you.😊

[@vickichadwick7508]

Glad to hear that adult children can see the parent as a human who makes mistakes.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

wow. This gives me hope. My mum has been giving me the silent treatment for 3 years and 5 months so far. She came over to speak to me finally at the three year mark but told me it was merely my ''perception'' that she was giving me the silent treatment. So I felt gaslit and I told her what I thought and she ran off crying that she ''should have known better''. So I guess it will be another few years of silent treatment now.

[@pamleonard7330]

@SusanaXpeace2u I'm so sorry. There is hope if she took the initiative to speak with you. If you want to re-establish contact, see a therapist for a couple sessions for help in discerning how to do that and how to deal with the communication issues between you. It would have been useful to know why she thinks the period of silence was only your "perception"! If your mum is emotionally immature and/or lacks communication skills, the burden will be on you to sort through this. Only you can decide if it is worth it to make the effort.

[@LoreeStidham]

It's so good to realize that I'm not the only one who is being shunned by my child. I admit that I wasn't perfect, but how long do I have to be punished?

[@mj3845]

You shouldn't be punished. God will help you.

[@dzulez]

You should spend every waking day making amends until your child feels safe to include you in their life again. Saying you're not perfect doesn't cut it.

[@deeprollingriver52]

@@dzulez you obviously are delusional

[@deborahthomes3383]

​@@smokeykitty6023 22:07

[@CharlotteCrummMarketing]

@@dzulez exactly. These parents are so obviously unwilling to show much less consider actual remorse.

[@petrawhite4265]

It’s unbelievable, I’m tired of begging my grown sons to act like they were taught! They constantly deflect because they are NOT doing what they as grown men should be doing. Their entitlement is Ridiculous!!! And unfair for me to have to deal with

[@janettepolt2815]

YES- my kids are definately entitled. And I did it. My parents were awful parents and so I did the opposite-gave way too much and they are entitled and don't need or want me in their lives. I am finally coming to terms with this.

[@Ckny718]

Oh my lord…. I have news for you. No grown man should act anyway another person tells them too. This is called control. No human wants to be controlled by anyone. Let alone parents. It’s bad enough living in a world with slave like working conditions and absolute garbage pay and treatment that as adults we also need to “act” how abusive parents want us to? Omg.

[@etheleh5115]

That's the word - Entitlement - so ugly.

[@staceystrukel1917]

Just based on your comment I would have a hard time being around you. Read your comment again and see how you would feel if someone spoke that way to you. I hope you take the time for some self reflection to heal your family. Lead by healthy behavior.

[@janm9610]

I think the reference was to respect your elders. Honor thy mother and father ❣️......

[@GreenTurtle181]

Thank you. Yes this is a culture that is obsessed with trauma and if anything is wrong it is all down to the parents when they were growing up rather than looking at anyone else in their lives or circumstances! Particularly it is always the mother's fault!

[@gloriadenning3860]

You are so right in everything you said !!

[@flowergirl-pp7vz]

It is amazing that so many people are going through this. I don’t feel so alone now.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I can assure you that you are not alone. Stay strong and trust God.

[@estherlajoy9539]

I have a daughter that lives out of state and can get very disrespectful in conversations with each other. She flys off easily and cusses at me, I haven’t talked to her since April on the phone! She swore at me and hung up on me when I asked her a question, evidently she didn’t want to answer! I’m elderly and feel very sad about this situation!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry. I do hope our videos help you.

[@jenniferrevilla5298]

I call it walking on eggshells around them. It shouldn't be.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

@@jenniferrevilla5298 absolutely right

[@Hislittlelamb]

I’m estranged by my daughter, and 7 years later and after several months of therapy I estranged my entire family of origin, extended family & family friends. Upon examining my early childhood with my therapist I was able to remember the abuse vs the cover story or family image story. My therapists response to my actual childhood memories helped me to see how I had internalized & normalized the abuse. I saw for myself the many times I’d been scapegoated by my FoO, sometimes horrifically, programming my entire family and myself as the family scapegoat. I, in turn, taught my children and others to scapegoat me. Always too willing to take on the blame even when I knew I was innocent as a form of self-sacrifice. The only way for me to stop that cycle was to go completely ‘no contact’. It completely changed my perspective of my daughter estranging me. I passed on the dysfunctional family system to her and she showed me the way out.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am truly sorry.

[@elyse443]

At least you are taking responsibility for the fact that you passed the dysfunction into your daughter. That’s a lot more than most people have the guys to do. Good for you for doing the true healing work.

[@after-arts4708]

It’s the generational or family curse. I commend you for doing the work and breaking the cycle. I wrote a book (from a Christian perspective) on how to gain closure similar to what you describe with your therapist, except anyone can do this on their own through the workbook. It’s a free audiobook on my channel. God bless.

[@francopp1124]

Wow! If it stops the cycle of abuse it’s worth it. You can still have a meaningful and loving life and you deserve it.

[@SusanOltmans]

We heard for years from our child how grateful he was to have grown up in our home, what awesome examples of parents we were and how thankful he was for learning about marriage from us. All said with the added comments about looking forward to future with us after his marriage. And that has now become “well…you made choices for your family” as an excuse that it is ok to cut us off from fellowship with his whole family. The world has gone nuts.

[@marilynKre8nSew]

Thank you for your suggestion to write 10 things I did well as a parent. I've lived with my oldest son rewriting our family history into something that never happened. Because he has all the power in the form of withholding our grandchildren, I had no way of protecting my heart from his hurtful narrative. After listening to this podcast I decided to write the 10 things and it really helped. I wrote it in my Bible which seemed to help by bringing permanence to a truth in my lost that seemed to be lost by his rewrite. I remembered the wonderful sacrifices that I willingly made so that his life was better like starting a roller hockey league since he and his brother so much wanted to play hockey but we couldn't afford it on one income. Being a stay at home mom was important to me because I knew I wouldn't be good at dividing myself between work and home wouldn't be a good plan for any of us. This was a sacrifice but it was worth it and I wanted to be there for them. Thank you for your advice. I've just thought of more so I will add to the list. Thank you.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very glad it was helpful. I hope more of our videos will be as well.

[@dianahummel1874]

Bless you, you were a good mom. 💜

[@deepost2604]

One of the aspects of being an estranged parent (15 years) is that I don’t discuss this separation with my current relationships. This is a topic not well understood by those who have not gone through it. Finding this site is acknowledgement of just how many of us have needed to somehow “detach” and claim our own lives. My son has the right to live his life as he chooses…So do I. There’s MORE to me than being a parent. I’ve come to consider this as liberation from a role played in a Grade B movie. Let him BE. Let ME Be as well.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I hope our videos help you.

[@kmadvisor8775]

This comment is a help ... hope I can get there some day.

[@deepost2604]

@@kmadvisor8775Frankly, my comments represent years of processing. Some days I had waves of sadness. Yes, it is SAD when things turn out this way. Despite many efforts to improve the situation, I had to ACCEPT, that there were things I CANNOT CHANGE. Admitting my own short comings and forgiving myself for not being Super Mom meant I left myself off the HOOK.

[@francopp1124]

When people ask you if you have kids what do you say?

[@deepost2604]

@@francopp1124 I say, “One that doesn’t count.” This is as honest as I can get it.

[@jak9483]

I'm saving these videos to watch over and share. I am a parent of a child who ostracizes me and berates me to strangers. Thank you for sharing your Wisdom.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos help too.

[@truthylucy7068]

My son hasn't treated me very nicely since he went off to college. Actually, he speaks to me & treats me a lot like my mother did. I was raised with a narcissistic mother. My son witnessed firsthand how little I was valued, never consulted about decisions regarding him. For example, I get a call from my mother telling me my son is getting braces on his teeth. And he's sitting in the dentist's chair. I need to get down there & fill out the paperwork! The thought of consulting me about putting braces on my son's teeth. Wasn't even a consideration! This woman has done everything in her power to let me know how little I mattered! Nothing was ever allowed to be about me. Not even the birth of my son. She intentionally set out to ruin my life & drive me crazy. Why? She has 150K life insurance policy on me. She almost succeeded! She did all this knowing I had a son to raise. He's now 28 & married & expecting a baby. It breaks my heart, the only person I cared about in this world. He doesn't talk to me & his wife sent me a very mean & abusive text I didn't deserve. Furthermore, I would never speak to anyone the way she spoke to me! The fact that my son thought it was ok for her to speak to me so horribly. It broke my heart! My mother is leaving her inheritance to my son. I couldn't care less. Money means everything to my mother & apparently to my son. As he's willing to cast me aside to stay in her good graces. As painful as it is, I will NEVER speak to either one again. I didn't deserve one unkind word from either of them.

[@WendyJones-zx7is]

2nd book Timothy chapter 3 verses 1 to 5 Read it it's the narcissists disorder and a very loaded scripture WOW ! So true today

[@truthylucy7068]

@WendyJones-zx7is It's very true! I've been surrounded by these people my entire life! Friends, family, co-workers, etc. I no longer surround myself with people. I have as little contact as humanly possible! They see me coming and pounce! Not any more! I surround myself with pets who give unconditional love and don't expect anything in return. Except the same, LOVE! These people are parasites on society, and they're growing in numbers! I read that narcissists make up 40% of the population! I believe it!

[@SR2858]

This guy is simply a genius - he is giving us a better understanding of the things we go through as parents and that's already a LOT.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Glad it was helpful. I hope other of our videos are helpful as well.

[@melissaphillips3113]

Love this video. My trauma therapist tells me in so many words that it's all of my fault that my 39 year old daughter is abusive because of trauma that she experienced when she was growing up. I believe part of it is the fact that my daughter has a chemical imbalance and that her father turned her against me after we got divorced. Yes I made mistakes, but not to the extent that I deserve the horrible things that she has done and the disrespect.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I hope our videos help you. So sorry.

[@greyfox243.]

I’d find another therapist. What a jerk.

[@moony77]

Dump the deadbeat, abusive therapist! NOW!

[@melissaphillips3113]

@@greyfox243. I quit going.

[@elyse443]

So your daughter and the therapist are wrong? Did your daughter have a traumatic childhood or is the therapist making it up or hyperbolizing it?

[@gkarenstratton]

SO MANY things Im realizing now that Im coming out of looong-term, severe depression. Understanding the reasons why grown children (and all other people, related or not) are unloving-and-beyond cannot fix a relationship, but it can be one helpful factor in healing. It helps me from keeping myself from banging my head on the cement wall ... day and night) What i DO know is that i would likely not be alive, at least functional, were it not for giving my life to (after asking for forgiveness) my living, loving Savior Jesus Christ 💜

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Same here!

[@margaretpare8206]

My daughter doesn't believe in mental health diseases. So my treatment is just doctor trying to control my mind. I've been in a psychic hospital twice this year and she told me that I was doing a disservice to my family and showing how much I don't care about them. She and SIL have changed so much in the last 2 years it's unbelievable. They've gotten into webinars , podcasts, books that teach them about clearing their lives and getting rid of toxic things and people. Their lives are now about them. What makes them happy and their experiences. Not even my grandsons, they just are tag a longs. Their vacations are about them nit the boys too This is all new to me. Been screening lawyers about getting my grandparents rights. I'll let you know how it goes

[@SusannahPerri]

I consciously raised my two children with respect and positivity, encouraging them in everything they did and never shaming them as my parents sometimes did to me, (although my parents were good people who never intentionally hurt me). I loved being a mother and was proud of the job I did. Yet now they are over 40 and seem to go out of their way to hurt and shame me. At any given time I am cut off from one or the other, like it's a game where I am thrown into sadness and feel like I am living half a life. I never would have treated my parents the way they treat me. It's cruel and heartbreaking. Maybe I should have tried my parents' old-school way. Or never have had children at all.

[@SuperCaliforniaBarbi]

Oh if only we had a time machine

[@giab1188]

I regret having children. Sad but true

[@labrigful]

My children are young, and they hit and scream at me, threaten me, and call me names. My oldest daughter us 10 and I don't believe would ever do this, but all my 4 boys are aggressive. I am trying to see doctors, but they really don't know much about children and mental health. I never have been so mean to my mom, and I thought I was treating my children better. I guess I just spoiled them. You can't win.

[@lesleewaggener]

same

[@susanzimmer1776]

my husband divorced me after 45 years,last year. I have 3 adults, but one has is just like him. Manipulation, gaslighting, and the father basically walked out. Their feelings are NOW coming out, about their father,and it's extremely difficult to be around them,as I am trying to move on!!! Thoughts???????

[@sportsman4545]

Its taken me 3 years to figure out what happened and your one video has hit every nail on the head. However, my 3 year journey was necessary to deal with the horror, disbelief, anger, understanding and acknowledgement.

[@rcjdeanna5282]

We had a close neighbor who died of Covid. He was a widower and Vietnam vet who had raised 2 natural and 6 foster children. When he died his long gone children came to divide up his apartment and take away his little dog. They were the most deriding, joking, materialistic grown brats and we had to listen to them for several days...they were actually ashamed of their father for not being well off and leaving them more. They drove giant SUVs and had boats. Such people need to remember others are noticing. As the economy worsens the grown children who grew up in the 90s are going to look around for somebody to blame for their debt ridden lives. Many of them scorn church and prayer and look down on believing parents or peers as well.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sad, but true.

[@user-ix1pg3nw6v]

A few yrs ago i was sending my adult daughter 3-4 thoughtful videos a day - something wise, beautiful & humorous. She lectured me not to video bomb her saying she gets tons of videos per day from friends & its stressful & most of the time she says she doesn't look at them. I was stunned i was lumped in with everyone who sends her videos like i had no priority at all. I didn't identify this as narcissistic or abusive until much later. So i cut way down & sent a few per week & now the attitude is like "it seems like you don't care at all!" So its a no win. My mother is a borderline personality i turned myself inside out trying to get her to understand me & have empathy for me craving her attention my whole life. It was such a shock believing if i gave my child attention & comfort i never received my child & me would have an amazing close relationship always. I feel i dont know her anymore

[@kimberlyn.2096]

What happened with me was, I finally determined that God was going to be my center. I live with the scripture “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.” Joshua 25:15. When they understand that, things will change. They can act however they want in their house….don’t come here with that attitude… It works. Pray for them and be involved where they let you. I no longer try and interfere with their lives but they know where I stand. God bless you. They ran my life, until God did.

[@worldupsidedown1]

So good that you've found a way to work it and that God is number one. My youngest adult son recently cut me off bc he thinks I interfered too much when I went through divorce with his dad 20 yrs ago and we had a conflict recently which brought it all out again. My situation is actually really complicated (have 2 sons, oldest haven't spoken w/in 4 yrs), and they're close to their dad who was abusive and controlling...somehow they managed to forgive him, but if I make a mistake it's held over my head forever! I hated going to either of their homes bc they are involved with false religion and they don't want to hear what I have to say about it. I'm leaning on God, but the latest thing has me in knots. I'll continue to pray.

[@rhondasmith7413]

@@worldupsidedown1you are not alone

[@worldupsidedown1]

@@rhondasmith7413 Thank you. ❤

[@imisseveryone2716]

​@worldupsidedown1 - I can't help but think that sometimes our child IS MORE LIKE OUR SPOUSE (inherently) than we realize. Your sons personalities very possibly line up with those of your abusive ex-husband's. This would explain their ability to turn on you and turn to him as they became adults. I say this because I see it so clearly in my youngest son. It use to break my heart, but now that I see it for what it is, I don't get heartbroken anymore. Sad, yes, but not paralyzed by heartbreak. It's not a pleasant place to be, but I'm not physically and emotionally sick over it anymore. You will be in my prayers and I will pray for your son as I do for mine, that God can open their eyes to a kinder truth.

[@worldupsidedown1]

@@imisseveryone2716 Completely agree! I came to terms with my oldest son's (whom I've been estranged from for 4 yrs and whom I believe has a personality disorder) estrangement, and I handled that conflict and subsequent silence rather well. The latest with my youngest kinda threw me for a loop as he came at me pretty strongly verbally that I didn't see coming, saying that he no longer trusted me to be around his family and that I need to submit myself to a godly church authority. Wow. It was over a conflict involving his son that in my mind did not warrant this kind of response. He knows I've been searching for a trusted church, it's not that I don't want to attend, but I submit to Christ. And, just as you said, as adults they have gravitated to their dad. Up until their early 20's I was very close with them. It really is sad. Anyway, it's amazing you've reached a very healthy place in your accepting it and not letting it take over your life, I think that is so key. I'll get through this one, as well, with God's help and I do appreciate your prayers for me and my sons. I'll be praying for you and your son also. May I ask if you currently have a relationship with your son if I'm not being too personal? God bless.

[@dessiecoder9446]

We were “good enough” parents and far better than our self centered parents and they are still to this day! Nearly 80! They still could care less. I’m not sure how I ended up alienated when I was 21 when I had my kids a devoted my life to giving them what I never had, my love and my presence and a big cheerleader supporting them their whole lives. Unreal. I’ll never reach out. I made them have a life better than mine and apparently I made them too good for me! Unreal but true

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I pray things work out for all of you.

[@adobemastr]

Dessie, your story mirrors mine and I have often said similar things, like, "My kids never experienced anything abuse wise like I did when I was growing up" and I tried to be the most supportive dad to my kids as I could. Was I perfect? No, but my kids were raised in a household that was a night and day difference to how me and my brothers and sisters were raised. What happened with you and your kids and why do you write you will never reach out to them?

[@caliblue2]

I haven’t spoken to my eldest daughter for seven years. She got on meds and started acting crazy and projecting crazy stories of incest with my now deceased parents who never Ever babysat her even one time. Told her husband she had to be protected from me then dumped him cold to become a lesbian with one of her patients. Then Years later dumped her claiming she didn’t know what she was thinking when she got into that relationship. Doted on and loved sent to 12 years private school and college.Still acting hateful and I just finally had it. I told her if she ever wanted to apologize she knew where I lived. Never heard from her again. And she’s a therapist!

[@dessiecoder9446]

@@caliblue2 Oh. 🤗 it all seems so unbelievable for us all.

[@patriciaholloway]

​@@caliblue2That's awful. I'm so sorry. A therapist?! Good Lord I can't imagine it. It's so hard. I always imagined my kids and I would be so tightly bonded, because we only had each other. I'm still close with two but the third one is gone and I fear she'll just be a memory. It's awful having to grieve your very much alive daughter.

[@ella-vm6vf]

I couldn't hurt my parents, I loved them so very much. My Dad passed thirty years ago, still miss him every day, Mom needed lots of care the last seven years of her life, we took care of her. My adult son could care less about me or their Dad, only wants money from me, no respect. Broke my heart but I can't make him love me.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.

[@MountainGirlwIPA]

My son pretty much wrote me off 2 years ago. He was 17 at the time. His dad played a huge role. It happened because I asked him to apologize to me for cussing at me. I tired for a year to get him to own his behavior. Fast forward+ he got into drugs dropped out of school. I was locked out. Of course it was painful. Worse was the emails i got how he wished i would burn in hell. I never hit him, never moved in with someone, kept the family home etc. ive racked my brain to figure out what I did. Counseling everything. In the end the hardest part is that one parent was locked out and everyone got hurt. Well except for one person. My point is that I have to live with the fact that I eas probably a grade b as a mom. Honestly I can live with that. I love and miss him but I don't speak to him like that so he can't yell and cuss at me. Hugs to all the parents that endured the pain caused by allienation.❤

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help.

[@susiekopp1806]

I've been putting up with everyone for decades and my husband and I decided it's the time for them to have a good look at themselves as they're old enough,all of them are over 30's😂 We set the boundaries last week due to an incident and they are in shock and sulking, stop talking to even my husband to punish me😂😂😂😂 but we're too old to be bothered by it,at least we're trying. We just want to be left alone and concentrate our lives what's left of it😂

[@wedjr97]

Your emoji’s make me sick!

[@nancychandler768]

You’re 😂 emojis are unsettling

[@kissmekate59]

I can relate. Called my attorney and we are setting up our will. No way am I going to reward two spoiled, entitled , arrogant women, my daughters, with our money we worked so hard for and still working.

[@camm8832]

Yes! Enjoy it to travel or do whatever you want for yourselves. ☮️

[@billyb4790]

But wait....this forum is for parents who are ESTRANGED from their adult children. That means the kids aren't talking to you. Yet I keep reading many posts like yours talking about "boundaries". There should be no need for boundaries if no one is talking to you.

[@vickigonya9432]

I dealt with it 25 years. 4 years ago I told them if they cannot treat me with kindness and respect don't call me. Before that they asked me to do things and the more I did the more they hated me for it. It was sad but if they only have hate for me they can carry that to their graves!!! I adopted them from a very abusive neglectful drug abusers situation. Nobody else was willing to step in and help them. Now I'm free , happy and peaceful on holidays. I spend time with people that I enjoy and who enjoy my company.❤ and my dogs!!!❤❤❤

[@joannerodriguez2088]

If you are single I think it’s worse, since being a single parent my children have done nothing but try to manipulate me and disrespect me, so over it.

[@Free-flyBE]

it really is; I was mom & dad most their lives - now I don't exist:(

[@xxkittymeowxx8093]

Me too.

[@BassBossLwYr]

Agreed and especially if alone. I have no family left and I was adopted. He's my only son and true blood relative. I also have a chronic pain disability & CPSTD from childhood abuse. He undermines all of this and constantly leaves the house in a mess for me to clean up when he's here. He uses alienation as a weapon. This is the 2nd time now, I can't go through this hurt again until he does it again. I won't live by his rules and abuse.

[@Patricksstealthvanlife]

Cannot thank you enough for your insights. Going through hell with my 30 something children . Gobsmacked at their calculating methods of cruelty. But working through it with the help of your videos.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So glad it was helpful.

[@Patricksstealthvanlife]

@@FamiliesDividedTV much much more than that 😇🙏🙏

[@Drumbeat52]

Is the 30's when this insanity hits them? My only son was 37 when he pulled his crap. I can't figure it out so I just live my life, still analyze it all the time, total insanity.

[@Patricksstealthvanlife]

@Drumbeat52 totally relate. And it is total insanity.

[@elizabethivey9326]

This was exactly what I needed. Thank you. Our eldest son is mentally ill and abuses drugs and alcohol.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry. I am glad that this helped. I hope others will as well.

[@reginafisher9919]

My son has been completely horrible to me, but I'm trying to understand him and I forgive him every time.

[@emmaester5284]

Al anon or Nar anon-life saver x

[@wendyfromtheblock6743]

I think I’ve had my last conversation with my 22 yr old child. I can’t take it anymore she’s too disrespectful. I’ve tried to make sense of this and I cant. It’s not about her going no contact I’m going no contact. 💔💔💔😞😞😞

[@emmabovary1228]

Many have been in your shoes. 22 is still quite young and most people mature in the coming years. Boundaries and self preservation are a parent’s best friend.

[@ravenmckinnon5526]

Good for you

[@Princessbubblegum567]

Ask yourself why she hates you first. There is always a reason why children hate their parents and 100% of the time the parents abused and traumatized their children. Happy children don't just leave their parents

[@mechalemurphy3022]

And you know for us as Black Americans culturally…disrespecting a parent is seen as pure evil. I think it’s harder for folks from cultures where there is a high regard for respect from children

[@xxkittymeowxx8093]

Princessbubble are you smoking crack with that statement ?

[@marylor9349]

This really sheds light on how my parent might see me. I was never abusive, just reactive to her bullying and abusive behavior. Did many of you other parents watching this get told by your teen “when I’m 18 I will never talk to you again?” Or did you ever tell them they were overly sensitive? I will not share my mother’s behavior, but it was bizarre and damaging to say the least. In the end she is the one who cut contact after I didn’t want to be friends on Facebook. I didn’t think it was such a big deal that my mother would shun me and her granddaughter, but if that’s how she is, who wants that around anyways? I was always told I was disrespectful, but respect is earned. My parents never earned my respect, only pity.

[@bradley244ify]

Thank goodness I found this channel! That lady that does all the pieces on narcissism makes me feel like someone is scratching chalk on a blackboard . I raised 3 children and am disappointed in how they regard me. I certainly was not a perfect parent but all of them grew up and have established families of their own. No one has come back home defeated. They all are doing a good job raising their own children. I’m 73 and bumping up against the approach of mortality. I never realized that I would still be finding new life situations so challenging. What you have said about the changes in social responsibility in the younger generation has been helpful. Right now I am backing off while they are hot and heavy getting their own children launched. I will try to keep the conversation going.

[@estherlajoy9539]

What makes an adult child constantly criticize you to the point of even finding a cobweb on a door wreath? This child has a very critical husband, and she is a perfectionist! She is the only child that lives close by and I know she loves me but the constant criticism hurts, I am almost 85 and live alone and I do the best I can.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry about all of this. Have you sought counseling?

[@georgescaife549]

American moral decline in society through violence movies, music, video games, social networking, Hollywood voyeurism, and the loss of spiritual development are major influences in the broken families

[@lilasfaves7846]

Ouch! I’m sorry, my son has changed since his narc partner wants him all to herself. She’s an entitled “spoilt brat” as my mother would call her! I’m 74 and it’s agony to have this at our age! I’m learning to love and comfort my inner child and to not repeat this abuse on myself. I’m learning to take the Mickey out of them now, their ignorant ways and reflect back to them … cobwebs? Really!!???

[@lilasfaves7846]

@@CassieDavis613 yes, but then I once was also, so it helps me to remember that. I always have hope for change..

[@lilasfaves7846]

So sad to hear this.. Have you ever explained to her how hurtful this constant criticism is? I’ve told my son I hold back on me criticising him, so please do the same. And look at the positives in the person. I stopped doing his washing when he visits (he lives abroad) that soon got to him!

[@Revert2017]

My son’s new wife just does not like me. I was a single mother who worked hard and made mistakes. Her face is full of contempt when she speaks to me. I spent the last couple of years jumping through hoops trying to reach some standard that might make her, and my son, accept me. We started family therapy and she brought up things from when my son was 7 ( he is 33 now). The behavior my son has been showing toward me is new in our relationship. He has never talked to me like this in our past. I thought it was just kind of finding his place in his new life as a married man. I don’t know anymore BUT I am not pushing him. A man takes a wife and must be present in that relationship. I am here for him if he wants a relationship with me. He has to succeed, or fail, on his own. My heart is broken. The entire situation has had a negative impact on my mental health. All my mistakes will never replace the fact that he has always been my greatest love.❤

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you. Stay strong and trust God!

[@marycrawford3460]

don't do this to yourself. I am in your situation and the daughter in law will never change. I am in pain but know that my son and his wife are just not good for me. Find someone else to shower with love,

[@savageinkstudios2969]

If theyve cut you off, thats not disrespect, thats self respect. You don't have to respect someone just because they are older. We are breaking the chain of abuse, starting by cutting off the toxicity in our lives. There is no conversation once youve been cut off, thats what estrangement is. We're done talking. Thats the point. You want to know what you can do as an estranged parent? If theres any chance for you, which for many there is none because the damage is too great, it all boils down to the three As. Accountability, Apology, Action. Take accountability for what youve done. Apologize, genuinely. And let your actions reflect real change. Stop making the mistakes that pushed them away. If your response to this is "ive done nothing wrong, they cut me off for no reason" there is no hope for you. That is narcissism. No parent, no person is perfect. If you cant find a single thing youve done wrong, you are most certainly the problem and you are not in a place where you can successfully reconcile. Kids do not cut off their parents for no reason. It just doesnt happen. Stop blaming everyone else. Self reflect. Do not make excuses like this man is clearly doing. This mentality will get you nowhere. You know youre dealing with a toxic narcissist when you keep hearing the word "control", because that really is what its all about with them. Thats not what its about for kids who cut off their parents. Its about freedom, happiness, and protecting the family they make from the poison they were forced to endure. This man thinks that being faced with the truth of the damage hes done is abuse. That a child being honest about the mistreatment theyve faced is just disrespect. This is not the case. It is not abusive to confront someone about how they have treated you. This video is not going to help you. Its only going to hurt you.

[@aromamom1]

I tried to appeal to all my children to love each other, my family is so divided 😟 all I want is peace and respect towards each other. It’s so painful that my children who are alienated from me have some “stories made up in their heads” I don’t know where it came from. I was such a kind and loving Mom!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Bill Eddy did a video on brainwashing on here. Perhaps that would help you. Sorry you are going through all of this.

[@progressivedragon6664]

Kind and loving moms do not respond to their children's trauma memories from childhood as stories made up in their head. Kind and loving moms listen and validate their children's experience, even if they don't agree with them.

[@Drumbeat52]

Been there, done that! Made up stories sounds familiar. Is there a playbook these kids/adults are using? My son's stories were read to him by my ex-wife. Hearing him say those things was like talking to her. I didn't do anything to either one of them, she cheated and I divorced her, end of story.

[@lulu-qw8xy]

@aromamom1 Understand ❤️

[@veronicaknight5068]

i know what you mean, i go through the same,, and all our recollections vary , and when i try to clear the air and get to the bottom of things, both of them get aggressive and treat me like a child ,and abuse follows with me being pushed out and away again,and ignored for months,,i have tried and tried

[@havetohavehoya4598]

Wow, what a great video! Thank you for helping me understand why this is happening. This is the exact situation with a daughter in law. In order to survive, I am starting over with a move away. I love my son with all my heart and always will, I can keep that love in my heart always and no matter how life work out for us.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So glad it was helpful. Dr. Coleman will be a guest presenter at our virtual international conference next weekend. Today s the last day to register.

[@katrinamullis6943]

I told my son he was hurting me. He said it made him feel better. I haven't spoken to him in 2 years and I'm better for it.

[@Lulu5771]

Thank you so much for this video. I got really good information and ideas about going forward. My daughter cut me off 90%. Every once in a while I get photos of my grandkids and sometimes my daughter with generic info about photos. She sent Bday and Christmas gifts. It’s so confusing. We had issues when she was around 18, it took a while but we both did therapy and worked through all the stuff. After that we were very close again, talking on the phone almost every day, spent a lot of time together and with my grandkids. I was very close to all three kids and it was really special. My youngest grandson is autistic with speech problems. We were very bonded and I know he loved me very much. I moved across the country, with my daughter’s blessings, she was not angry or upset about it, but that is when she cut me out. It seems like she is dipping her toe in the water and trying to communicate every so often. I’m so hurt and don’t know what I want to happen now. Part of me can’t imagine being close again, like I can’t ever trust her again. I have asked to talk about what happened and why, I offered every possible way for her to communicate, email, letter or direct phone convo. She has never answered me and I can’t pretend that this isn’t happening. ❤. So hurt in Phoenix

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So sorry for your situation. I do hope these videos help you.

[@moyagreene9590]

My daughter was diagnosed as a teenager with Bipolar 2. I believe her very poor / angry / resentful relationship with me is partially attributable to that. I did my best .. I tried to make allowance for her as I understood that even though she is very responsible about taking medication, she has great challenges in her life. She blames me for everything and therefore feels she is justified in treating me so badly. It is heart breaking. I now want to get to the point where it does not affect me so badly. She is certainly supported in this behaviour by her husband. Your lectures help us , all the alienated mothers out there. Thank you.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Sorry for the situation. I do hope these videos help.

[@conniesheraw4702]

Just be on your guard with her,be nice just stay on your guard with safe bounderies with her.

[@astriddhillon4801]

I was an emotional 'punching bag' for many years. Diminished, bullied and dismissed. I turned the other cheek through guilt. It was punishing. I tried everything to bridge gaps. His behaviour became very critical and demeaning. I realised that it is beyond healing since he has for almost a year stopped any communication in the form of 'ghosting' As painful as this is on some level it is a relief. Not easy when you're getting older and have been 'abandoned' I find your videos very helpful in coping with this alienation.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So happy they are helping you. I do hope other videos help as well we show.

[@audraconnors8568]

I have learned to just be thankful for the peace I have created in my life not playing any family hate Drama....Love is love.. My children were loved so much more than my own parents loved me yet are mean,hateful and resentful the marriage broke up after 27years. I know social media gives anonymous fuel for kids to hate on their parent;,catch phrases such as" Ghosting" or 'Dead to Me' are acceptable one sided explanations in their circles, so expecting a breakthrough is nothing more than false hope. So treasure the time you had with your Little Darlings,and wish them well ,you did your job. Perhaps they unpack their bags of anger and held issues and come back with grace ,forgiveness ,and acceptance that you did the best you could....Until then just live your life , keep setting those goals, and move forward beyond their negativity. Someday they will wonder how on earth you lived without them, yet is was up to them the whole time. Attitude is everything...don't settle for their abuse.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Agree

[@changlyn100]

My mother was far from perfect but I always respected her, never talked back to her. If my husband had disrespected her I would have divorced him. My daughter in law does not want us to have any part in our son's life. She flies off the handle at me every time I see her. She only wants my son to take part in events with her family, Sunday dinner with her family, holidays with her family, birthdays with her family. We live six hours away and drive there just to be ignored or made to feel unwelcome. I'm the one who taught my son to respect his wife! We are left out of everything. So I have let go. I'm tired of being accused and yelled at by my DIL.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. Stay strong and trust God. I hope our videos help.

[@cindyfischione6525]

Same

[@xxkittymeowxx8093]

I was in the exact situation for 13 years till she ran off with my 3 grandchildren with a punk gun toting criminal drug dealer.

[@francesbernard2445]

The opposite can turn out to be just as bad when it comes to having a future daughter in law (or current daughter in law) who is only covert in her dislike of her inlaws when she starts mentally and physically abusing your son instead because the rest of her family members are not on board with that dislike. We just cannot be in any kind of win-win situation with someone like that. So be prepared ahead of time for that possibiltiy so you can be there for your son when he really needs you most. When you must be there for your son in a situation like that be careful to not run down your daughter in law to him. Let him come to his own world view concerning her too.

[@seeker1026]

I have Three grown daughters and now I have One. The other two are disrespectful. Through out my life Ive been in their corner helping them from advice and Money. Never requiring them to pay me back. Now I leave them alone. Let them see how its gonna be without the Father. It may not do anything, but Ill be a little more financially richer. Im done. I've kissed their asses long enough. Now to live my life without Drama. Ill leave my assets to my youngest daughter and if she wants to give them something she can. Im not. Period. Their lost. Ive never asked or required anything from them yet its time I cut them loose.😊

[@laurenhamilton3537]

Same situation for me except 3 sons. It would be ludicrous to reward someone for betrayal. So, it's their loss, in more ways than one. 'Ching ching', if you get my drift. It's important also to make sure the untrustworthy ones don't have any power of attorney for personal care if that situation ever arises. Live your best life. Peace

[@laurenhamilton3537]

Same situation with me except 3 sons. It would be ludicrous to reward anyone for betrayal. It's their loss in more ways than one. 'Ching ching', if you get my drift. It's also important to make sure the untrustworthy ones don't have power of attorney for personal care. Live your best life! Peace

[@jenniferrevilla5298]

How do you do that? I wouldn't put it past one of my estranged. I thought of going to the local judge before time.

[@salliecolletto7215]

I just redid my trust last April prior to going to Greece with my significant other. I made him my power of attorney for personal care in case anything happened overseas. I left my home to my 4 grandchildren and my investments to my 2 adult daughters, who were semi-estranged at that point. This past week things escalated and due to stress, I ended up in the hospital. My significant other called my brother, who is local and mutually decided not to call my 2 adult daughters who live 6 1/2 hours away. My brothers girlfriend took it upon herself to call them, so they found out. My youngest daughter called the hospital and wanted to see me, probably out of guilt! I did not want to see her. They can't return my phone calls or talk to me when I'm well but want to visit me in the hospital. If Tim had not been on the advance directive for medical decisions for me, he could not have made any decisions! You can complete the form with your doctor and put a copy with your trust. If their behavior continues, I will seriously consider removing them from the trust and leaving everything to my 4 grandchildren when they reach a certain age. I never thought I would ever feel this way but now it is a consideration@@jenniferrevilla5298

[@Chris-Werab64]

Some of the younger generattion has lost there minds. Exactly respect!! You have one mother and one father that put you first an and they are due respect. Im glad I grew up when I did. Sure mt mom drives me crazy but I would never walk away from her.

[@mcdermottclaire]

So because you had your child, YOUR CHOICE not theirs. They HAVE to respect you??? The entitlement from you is disgusting, if your kid doesn't respect you that says alot about you, not them. I hope they have cut all ties with you you sick narcissist.

[@jodellmoon483]

Thank you for this- My oldest son has cut me out of his life, I have missed out on the past 2 years of being a part of my grandchildren's lives. I still don't fully understand where his anger comes from. He has blocked me on everything. I am able to still connect with my daughter in law, and send my grandchildren money for activities and gifts for birthdays and holidays. I know that having his alcoholic father live with him is a huge issue with his anger. I feel like I have had to move on, deal with my own issues to find myself and my own life without stress or distress. I am happier than I have been in a long time, I don't worry about not measuring up to his expectations.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

SAo very sorry for your situation. I do hope the videos help.

[@Glowie34765]

After 27 years of being tormented and abused by my parents, it's only fair for me to tell others the truth. Yet my parents label me abusive and the scapegoat.

[@ellenaparicio6416]

I felt the same way with my oldest daughter. I cried, at first, and learned to keep a distance. I have done soul searching and some meditation. I only show respect and love towards her. If she reciprocates, that’s fine. If not, learn to listen to yourself and really love yourself. All things will balance. I have a much better relationship with her.

[@charlenecrane2050]

Thank you for addressing this problem its going on 9years and it hurts very bad that i cant see my grankids the youngest one ive never seen i pray for all who go through this😢

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am so sorry. I do understand. I hope our videos help you.

[@dianababb8641]

9 years for me too

[@conniemaniaci3612]

All this time, I thought I was the only one experiencing this. This video was so helpful in helping me understand the complex issue. Thank you Dr. Coleman, more than you can imagine.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Glad it helped! I hope other of our videos do as well.

[@jessicabullard5806]

Yes..!! There's a spirit of dishonest and disrespecting parents in today's generation. Things that are consequences of their own actions and decisions they are blaming back on the parents.

[@Ray-uk1uh]

I big enough to assume the role i have To play. Deranged.

[@gailconlon9507]

No matter what the age of an individual. Each of us are human beings and deserve to be treated with respect. Treat people the way you would like to be treated. There is NO excuse for rudeness. 👍🕊

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

Well said!

[@dulcilass]

I'm going to disagree with the no excuse for rudeness. Rudeness can be used as a tool to get a point across to someone who has been consistently rude to you. I think that hitting 'em right between the eyes sometimes helps in getting their attention. Sometimes you have to take your gloves off.

[@sunstar4044]

Straight up!

[@havetohavehoya4598]

My son’s wife is a narcissist who hasn’t spoken to her mother for years- In the back of my mind, I knew that could happen to me too. Last year it did happen, but my son said I wouldn’t be cut off from the grandchildren, unfortunately that wasn’t true. This year has been one of the worst in my life. It has also been one of the best in terms of personal growth! I am feeling so strong and authenticity happy just on my own. I’ve realized I’m only responsible for me-I’m 72 and feel like a phoenix, rising from the ashes! Love the freedom and being able to give my Love to me! I am at great peace knowing that my son and his family are doing well! Love is what it’s all about and it’s all within ourselves! Thank you for your amazing posts!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. I do hope our videos help you.

[@ftoniaromano6480]

My grown sons (in their 50’s) have changed to different people. They can’t stand that I have a TBI from a horrific accident I was in & I have changed. My memory is terrible. They’ve stolen from me. Unfortunately I have come to terms with this & probably will never talk to them again. I give up.😢

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I am so very sorry. I do hope these videos help you.

[@SaintTrinianz]

The trauma of being alienated and rejected by the people I love most has driven me closer to my dear Father in the highest heaven. He also, has been rejected by those he loves. The fellowship of His suffering has comforted me; “That I may know him, and the power of his resurrection, and the fellowship of his sufferings, being made conformable unto his death;” Philippians 3:10

[@ThatBerkleySingerPoet]

Same here. Jesus is the only one who can heal me. "My yoke is easy, and My burden is light."

[@TheNELSEN]

we just attended our daughters wedding out of state.. I took out money from IRA to attend.... it was a horrific experience ... I was screamed at, embarrassed, belittled, told to get out of my daughters face, and ignored the day of the wedding.. we are already estranged from our oldest who has a mental illness.. this past weekend was one of the worst in my life.. today I went to grandsons soccer game and our daughter ignored me. I really don't know what to do with this we have five children.. we are close to only one who lives far away.. I literally felt like my life was worthless and I must be the worst parent ever.. thankfully I have a loving husband of 40 years he is hurting due to the abuse as well.. but it always focuses on me.. Now I find out the bride, is infertile.. I want to support her but she hates me.. I am heartbroken

[@Free-flyBE]

So sorry - I have 5 as well. Since they started to marry I have lost them one by one. I raised them alone & we did fine so I am like Mom&Dad. I never thought my golden years would be this way:(

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry. I do hope our videos help you.

[@terrigelbaum8066]

I am so sorry you were subjected to this nightmare. I wish you peace. Reading your comment made me cry for you.....the pain is insurmountable .

[@danielleray394]

Thanks Dr Coleman. This has been the most well balanced talk on this subject that I have listened to. Having issues with my 35 year old son.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So glad it was a help

[@pmdiazg]

I did everything you mention, therapy for both, went to therapy with her, stayed in a marriage, then left an abusive marriage to protect her, didn’t give her a stepdad as she asked me to, spent money and gave her the same opportunities her siblings had even being a single mother now. I tried my best. I’ll make the list and have it ready for when I start crying and feeling guilty.

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

So very sorry for your situation. Stay strong and trust God.

[@lisavivino1404]

I feel this so much! I can let go of my adult children who are abusive. The hardest heartbreak is my young grandchildren who tell me they miss me so much. Their selfish parents are hurting them! So selfish!

[@FamiliesDividedTV]

I truly understand. So sorry for your situation. I do hope that our videos help you. Stay stronmg and trust God.

[@mamagherbear7082]

ChildREN!? As in PLURAL!? Multiple?! You seem to be the common denominator?