8 Truths That Changed My Life

Therapy does not have all the answers.
Some of the biggest turning points in my life have had nothing to do with therapy or even psychology.
I'm sharing 8 of these because I know that getting to a place of more positive mental health will always take more than therapy.
I'd love to know what things you'd add to these. Let me know in the comments.
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Disclaimer: This content is not intended to be a replacement for receiving treatment. It is purely educational in nature. My relationship with you is that of presenter and audience, not therapist and client. But I do care.

[@catzrule5973]

For all those who feel like they don't fit anywhere(not my quote): She silently stepped out of the race she never wanted to be in, found her own lane and proceeded to win. 🏃‍♀

[@amazinggrapes3045]

Still looking for that lane. I have yet to find my people but I hope they're out there

[@breigesheppard8339]

Me too 😢

[@donnamason6522]

❤❤❤❤

[@TeaRose9]

Yessss!! So much this. Most were programmed to mindlessly follow the crowd and be a cookie cutter form of everyone else.

[@muzerhythm2242]

❤❤❤ Another quote I recently heard from Mel Robbins "Be yourself, let the world fit in to who you are"😊

[@clairewillow6475]

I’d rather be alone reading a book and drinking tea/coffee than hanging out with people who don’t “get me”

[@alicia_nicole]

Ditto. Unfortunately that's most people. I recently decided to do that and they still are confused (as to why I'd chill by myself than do something I don't really consider fun with them)

[@mimig6511]

Haha...describing me too.

[@margaretmaginnis2015]

Me too

[@ruthyoung1032]

I pray for you and everyone who is depressed. ❤️🙏

[@onceuponanexploration6048]

When he was like I don't relate to mentally healthy people because they simply don't match my thought patterns!! OMG!🤣🤣

[@farinshore8900]

Rule #1: There is no cure. We learn to manage our mental landscape

[@HolladayEndAtBohicaGarden]

this....

[@heatherbruce1668]

Truth!

[@grimsqueaker5333]

My BF constantly apologises to me for being 'boring'. I love that he is boring. He is safe and dependable and steady and calm. I tell him that every time. Growing up I had to walk on eggshells around my dad and sister. I don't need that constant uncertainty.

[@alicia_nicole]

I hope I meet someone like you (a man tho) that can appreciate my boring-ness. Good for him, well both of you.

[@eveleynce]

best person to have as a partner isn't the person that makes you feel the most intense emotions, it's the person who you still love even when one of you is vacuuming and the other is doing the dishes

[@mightymouse1005]

I love boring, stable, calm, safe. . .I grew up in chaos, uncertainty and trauma....my late husband was boring....

[@mightymouse1005]

​@@alicia_nicoleboring people are the most authentic and interesting. We spend a lot of time learning and being productive.

[@mightymouse1005]

Outside, I work and care for others. I take fair care of myself and great care of my animals. On the inside, I am shaking and screaming

[@ramenaddict1676]

I am absolutely SICK of vague self-help advice. A lot of that stuff makes me feel guilty that I can't do as exactly as I'm told. A lot of it is very victim-blamey, especially under a new age spirituality lense. You are one of those rare channels that isn't shallow as fuck and actually gets into specifics that I can ACTUALLY relate to. You talk about the nuances that no other channel or person does. If a self-help guru makes you question if your experiences are valid or not, RUN. RUN RUN RUN!

[@Hubcool367]

What do you mean "vague"? "Just be confident bro" "just love yourself first bro" is top tier, 100% concrete advice !

[@oliae2898]

yea.

[@mrsherwood2599]

You just aren't good at MANIFESTING 😅😅😅 Yeah, it's bullshit. Disgusting.

[@user-uu9yb9wb5b]

Im curious as to what advice you’re referring to? The stuff that vague or makes you feel guilty. I’m just starting with therapy and have been consuming a lot of “self-help” media about healing so interesting and helpful to hear others’ experiences.

[@fergusfitzgerald977]

I am conscious that there are very empathic very insightful and truly good human beings working diligently as therapists BUT for some maybe even more than some - therapy does not work or even help a bit ! What percentage ? Don't know - so YES it's worth a try ! Time for some is the only healer ! If you are somebody who gets minimum benefit from the Meds/ Therapy duo - do not give up - Do all the other good stuff and with TIME you may see some worthwhile results - keep working on yourself as you would your best friend brother sister child wife husband - or even family pet !)- keep working !!

[@Rachelle-ci8rb]

452 days clean and sober and turning 40 this month. I have lost 45 lbs and am so ready for this next decade because my 30s almost killed me. I nodded my head through this entire video. So relatable. Thank you for the work you do!

[@duhbluh]

Amazing!!! Congratulations you, as someone with a lot of addiction in the family I know that's no easy feat and it's nothing to be underestimated. You deserve to be so so proud of yourself x

[@Rachelle-ci8rb]

Thank you so much!! ❤️

[@denisealexander7317]

❤

[@denisealexander7317]

That's great! 🤗

[@Needless2say]

Hang in there, good quality Bvitamins and other nutritional supplements really help me with cravings.

[@daveanderson8776]

Stability is the key for my success in mental stability. I go to my studio to paint and leave the world behind 😊

[@emmagrove6491]

What I've learned is that real life is boring. Being able to find joy in the small things, the seemingly insignificant moments, is, I think, the true indicator of being mentally healthy. I try to see even my most spectacular accomplishments as just part of the daily work.

[@user-do3qz7kt2m]

Forgive yourself ❤❤❤

[@robertduluth8994]

Jesus thats sad man

[@bestiefswlady5251]

Well said! Being alive means everything, but most of it is ordinary. I wouldn’t have it any other way though because I’m not a risk taker. There’s a song made about 50 years ago that describes what I feel perfectly, although I heard the song for the first time less than two years ago. The artist was actually singing about a heroin addiction, I think, but in my case the addiction would be REM dreams which feel magical compared to regular awake life. In case anyone was ever interested, the name of the song is called Pleasant Street by Tim Buckley. The song brings instant tears to my eyes, but it’s also very affirming. AND YES I LOVE LIFE, especially because life allows us so many hours of sleep, each day, part of which can be filled by magical REM sleep ;)

[@maryptacek3453]

After losing my husband of 38 years, being able to find joy in little things is what got me through, just seeing a pretty sunset or listening to birds singing.

[@nycrae]

Just started bird watching and... Would have never thought in a million years... It's brought me so much peace to watch their interactions. Also not brooding about myself...

[@gabrielakarl3859]

I just LOVE LOVE LOVE that you are so genuine and you dont read off a script. This is why you dont "fit" in.. You are authentic in a world where most are not

[@susanmeadows627]

I think I've found my KZbin therapist. He's so easy to listen to and very relatable. Excellent. 👍⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ I also got his book.

[@rndm4642]

I’ve just lost a 15 year marriage, and more, due to mental health struggles, which lead to physical health issues. People just can’t understand what it’s like to struggle for decades. When even a basic conversation is soo taxing. You want to love and be loved, but it’s like only 20% of it is able to come through.

[@Venusbabe66]

I hear you, and 100% understand! I've been there, and it does get better at being able to cope. Good luck! ❤

[@lisajohnson6351]

❤

[@beez991]

Don't be hard on yourself take care of your health mentally and physically that comes first above anyone or anything. The rest will follow, just focus on your health first. I'm not a therapist but the best advice I can give. Be kind to yourself. I understand what your saying I feel the same way, but I've been neglecting myself which makes it hard to show up 100 percent. And it's okay to not feel 100 percent all the time, that's normal.

[@moonchild.619]

This comment tugged at me because I want to give love so much more but don’t know how and I never really knew it was weird or different until my bf told me. It was so eye opening. He didn’t say it in a mean way. He just asked me if I really loved him. I said yes. He asked, “why don’t I feel it then?” That crushed me. I felt the worst and still do when I think of it. 😞 I’m praying for you and want you to know that “this too shall pass!”

[@harmeshs6388]

Take care of yourself...one step ,one day at a time.

[@stevec404]

It will always bug me that peope who never experience the psychological blows that we did...never have to fight for balance as we do. When early trauma, fear, anxiety, depression, becomes PTSD over time, our lives become ever more burdened. While clarity of thought and healing can be initiated and progress with good results...it is a tremedously difficult path. I was already on my healing path with good insights and skills when I found this channel. It has been immeasurably helpful to me as I continue to learn healing perspectives and skills. Thank you just seems so inadequate for the relief you bring. Thank you.

[@candaceriffel8974]

Thank you for putting these feelings into words for me: Dr Scott is absolutely amazingly helpful to me. His book is also fantastic.

[@candaceriffel8974]

Thank you for putting these feelings into words for me: Dr Scott is absolutely amazingly helpful to me. His book is also fantastic.

[@beverlytaylor3864]

I appreciate your ability to articulate how it feels to have taken the harder path. Thank you. 🥧☕

[@brera2434]

I agree, I have made so much progress already, and as you say, it is a hard journey. And this channel is still helping clarify and putting into words things that I felt, an know by now they are ok, but couldn't really explain why. So helpful on this lifelong journey!

[@Christ_Is_Life10-10]

We can never know what people have gone through. Even “mentally well” people can mask and perform in a way where they have everything going for them. Money success fame doesn’t buffer anyone from depressive thoughts anxiety or bipolar mania or depression etc. assuming that they don’t struggle or suffer is faulty thinking.

[@Zar2244]

Partying, alcohol and the likes, is a well known cause or aggravater of depression and anxiety for some people. Absolutely excellent advice!

[@TheSuefriend]

Your point about not "fitting in" with mentally healthy people really hit home. I hadn't thought of it that way, but that's exactly how I feel. Thanks again for these videos, they're very insightful and helpful.

[@umida.mukhitdinova]

Agreed. That was very insightful ♥️

[@muzerhythm2242]

Same ❤❤❤

[@kathleensmith644]

When I was young we used to ask, What is Normal. Everyone has a different experience of life that is all and we have to learn to adapt to life and it’s changes. Now everyone needs a therapist, or to blame someone else.

[@Islander185]

Turns out I'm neurodivergent so I never fitted in any shaped hole, didn't find out until I was 40. The standout one for me is No. 6 it's saddening how many books on mental health assume everyone has an intimate partner. It made me stop reading some of them.

[@teemarie1580]

same!!!

[@askew9976]

I’m almost certain they’ll be a mental disorder named after me one day. I don’t fit anywhere.

[@mrsherwood2599]

You do have an intimate partner.

[@Christ_Is_Life10-10]

I agree. I’ve been divorced for over 20 years and haven’t had a partner since.

[@KLOUTMISFIT]

21 never had an intimate partner or relationship, besides pornography

[@jadeybabes33]

Not fitting in with mentally healthy people is 100% a 'thing' omg. Even with my own fabulous husband - he trys hard or pretends to undestand my mental health issues for me - but because HIS personality is steady, optimistic, practical and calm, deep down he thinks you can just 'decide' to have a better attitude or outlook on life, the way he does. Which is of course not always possible for us with mental health issues.

[@bossyboots5000]

Maybe having a conversation with him about privilege would help bridge that gap. Because what you're describing is privileged: steady, optimistic, practical, calm. And part of living with privilege means (1) having empathy and (2) believing the reality of people with less privilege. Perhaps show him video shorts of YTs who share what their symptoms are like, how it affects their world. For example, Kallmekris does great shorts on intrusive thoughts. I found another YTer who demonstrated what ADHD is like for her, and it helped me understand what my best friend deals with daily.

[@lailanitukuafu]

It really is so hard. My religion is one of the most important things in my life to me, but I have literally always struggled to relate to other people in my church. A lot of them are mentally healthy, and almost none of them share any interests with me. I stay because I'm there for my beliefs, not other people. But whenever I express myself on any level to them, I can tell they don't understand and don't intend to even try. They often say pretty ignorant things like "You just have to have more faith and pray more." And they say that as if that's gonna fix everything immediately. It's really frustrating. Then as soon as I try to connect with people who share my interests, I discover that there are very few who share my beliefs and values. So I can't relate to them either. This is one big reason for my social anxiety. I feel foreign to every social group I try to join. People just say "Oh you just have to find your tribe" and it's just like Dr. Scott said where I think "Oh wow, thank you so much. I've never thought of that and I've never really tried to belong anywhere before. Let me just go do that now." Like bro I don't want to wait decades to find the "right" people. I really appreciated that part of this video. We just have to make our own space in this life in order to be happy.

[@jadeybabes33]

@@lailanitukuafu It's a long process finding your 'tribe' and I totally understand how hard it is! All the best.

[@ashley9776]

My mom is like this..we are very close yet she doesn’t understand that I have hard time focusing on positive.

[@ANME1rocker]

My dad likes to focus on the positive. But instead of it being healthy. It feels more like toxic positivity. Because it's one of the few things he can control in his life.

[@emmafrost6806]

I live very close with my parents who are both nearly 80 and always think that soon they wont be here. But that's way to sad and I force myself to not think about that and just enjoy the time I have with them.

[@carolynl.anderson6761]

Me 2

[@brnjones9]

Yes- just listen, love, and ve there. 3 years before my Dad passed I was sitting with him and he was telling a story I'd heard probably 100 times. As I felt the eye roll, I stopped myself and thought, 'one day he will not be here to tell you this story. Listen to his joy and invoked inflection and passion while he tells it. After that I listened intently to them no matter how many times I'd heard it. He passed away unexpectedly in 2022. I am glad I took the time to stop and love him in that way.

[@sherileyva5908]

At 49 yrs old I cannot describe how hopeful it is to find another human that had felt the same way I have my whole life. I am learning so much from your channel. 😊

[@carlabamford9154]

Part of the whole parenting thing is that there’s a last time for everything-I recognized that long before the last times happened but every so often it just stabs my heart that I am all done having a pile of kids on me while I read or watching them come downstairs on Christmas morning. And that’s ok because if you don’t miss something it’s because you didn’t really care that much. Grieving is part of caring.

[@paulaswanson7377]

I totally get this- I miss it too. And realizing that grand kids are amazing - but they moved away- I had to learn new joy sources! Loving myself!

[@jsa-z1722]

Your words are very poignant. ❤

[@liamlynch2115]

Keep your circle small, be present, first things first. 👍

[@musiclassica]

Hi Scott, only a few minutes in but let me tell you, i’m 53 and in all my years i’ve not yet met a 100% mentally-healthy person. You just have to talk long enough to someone and you’ll notice. Thanks for being so open on the www.

[@terriensberg5487]

I’m a 66yo grandmother. Excellent list, and I agree about Andrew Huberman. I would add one thing to this list: the people in this world who have fun are the ones who insist on it. The world tends to work against having fun.

[@raggedyantoinette]

51 year old new grandma that agrees with you. I'm bout sick of the current iteration of society sucking the fun out of everything when it's hard enough to have fun as it is.

[@karenrader2160]

This is why I had to stop listening to Andrew Huberman.

[@raggaahmed8626]

❤

[@Lino75]

This is another wise and extremely helpful video. I recognize myself in all the things you mentioned. Specifically, I often fall in the trap of comparing myself to others and always feeling defective and inferior.

[@melidacartagena8355]

But you’re not, we are not. We just live in a deeper plane, that is all 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼 we can do this together. I know you’re there, and now you now I’m here…looking at us. We are not alone 💪🏼🙏❤️‍🔥 feliz año nuevo 20224

[@Mom_Luvs_Tech]

I don’t think it’s about being nihilistic. I think it’s about appreciating the moment. Having gratitude.

[@11Garrett11]

The book ‘the magic’ is changing my life it’s a 28-day deep dive into gratitude🙏🏼

[@butterpecanrican_]

I've never felt like I fit in anywhere. I've always felt like an alien walking amongst humans in search of my people and I've only ever felt comfortable around the "outcasts" of the world. Those that others deem "weirdos" are where I feel I naturally fit. Then at 43 years old I was diagnosed as autistic, so there's that lol

[@michaelshannon9169]

Same. Would be great to actually talk to someone else in that situation right? 🤔

[@user-lk9sb5ne4k]

2 hours ago my long time girlfriend died. I didn't return her last call. I had no idea she was ill and neither did she or her family. This talk really helped me with my feelings tonight. Thank you.

[@sunsetstormx]

I'm so sorry for your!!!!!😢

[@user-qi1iz5di2e]

I’m so very sorry . Hugs

[@SaarLeestMee]

Much love to deal with this ❤️‍🩹 no words...

[@diamondsngunns88]

I’m so sorry for your loss 😭😭😭

[@mcschaschlik]

there are no words... im so sorry. i wish you all the strength to get through this difficult time.

[@marilyn111111]

I had the exact same experience when I envied a couple who were posting endless “fabulous” things about their marriage on FB a decade ago. I was shocked when they divorced (bitterly) and I have never, ever trusted social media posts about anything ever again. When I see posts like that now I literally roll my eyes!

[@bossyboots5000]

While I was trapped in an abusive relationship people would come up to my partner and I, both together and individually, to tell us we were "the perfect couple." One woman even said she modeled her relationship after ours. Now that's all mostly a testament to how good sociopathic narcissists are at creating a false reality to show everyone else, in part to keep their abusive actions hidden. But seriously, yeah, you may think you know something about someone's relationship or lifestyle, but the reality could be dramatically different.

[@Venusbabe66]

@bossyboots5000 Totally agree with you! The actor you described was my ex-husband's superpower. He had me fooled that I wasted 17yrs with him, and everyone thought we were the most loved up couple because of our amazing chemistry... including me! Once that mask came off, it was like I never really knew who he was. It made me question everything.

[@bossyboots5000]

@@Venusbabe66 I'm sorry you experienced that too. It takes such a toll. I hope you're in a safer, happier place now.

[@Venusbabe66]

@bossyboots5000 Thank you. ❤️ The split happened 22 years ago, and yes, I am in a safer, happier place now after struggling with c-PTSD and financially for this whole time. It took about 15 years of self-searching and research to make it to sanity and a bit of peace. Although it's still hard because for the past 10 years, I've had to go back to live with my parents and become carer as my dad had a stroke. He's a 77-year-old narc and quite toxic, so I have to deal with him and my poor, emotionally wrecked mother. The negativity, resentment, and emotional drain of their relationship is difficult some days but I'm looking forward to receiving my retirement funds to be able to travel in a decade or so. Can't wait!

[@bossyboots5000]

@@Venusbabe66 I feel better by you sharing your story bc I'm 10 yrs out and my life is still not back together (I have to rely on others for housing, I have to be on foodstamps, I'll never recover financially bc the experience left me disabled) and I have raging CPTSD that I only manage through heavy medication and avoidance of anything remotely triggering. I'm like "why aren't I past this yet? How has he affected an entire decade of my life and Im not even in contact with him?" My plan is also to take off and travel when I finally get SSDI or hit retirement age. I feel like I'm only going to have freedom and quality of life when that happens. It sounds like you're in a very challenging situation. I went through my own challenging living arrangements after I was homeless (after I left), so I know it can make the recovery process more difficult. You sound like you are in a good strong place mentally and are healthy. Very happy for you. It sounds like life will only continue to get better 🙂🤗

[@Jayne278]

I have crohns and colitis. My body demands I stay calm and healthy. Anything else it shows me I have to change and to do what I have to do to protect myself and stay healthy.

[@StephanieProbably]

I think I understand a similar experience to what you are talking about. I would love to be calm like you said. Anxiety and stress has been one of the reasons I developed Rheumatoid Arthritis. If I am not calm and healthy I get plenty of pain in response.

[@a-hagirl]

I feel you both. I also have both physical issues along with others- one little downturn in my body and my anxiety is high, then body is worse, around and around 😨

[@claraclaraj]

Lion diet will heal you in less than 30 days.❤

[@miriam2909]

This was brilliant advice thank you. Last night I just felt like a bag of bones filled with pain totally baffled about how people around me seem to live such shallow lives completely unaware that there are many people like me around. Definitely a square peg in a round hole. I spend 99% of my time alone since my best friend died, so I invest all my time looking after my dogs and house. I felt sad that I’ve lost so much compassion for others and I don’t know how to get that back. Keeping mental balance in my life takes all my energy and it’s exhausting. I feel lighter after listening to your advice..enough to get through for the week. Thank you.

[@katejones2172]

I've learnt that there is only so much compassion you can give when life doesn't give any of that back after 50 yrs plus & you STILL HAVEN'T GOT ANY RESEMBLANCE OF A NORMAL LIFE You have to Intellectualise & compartmentalise (are they real words? ) your feelings & get BUSY , do YOUR BEST 😮cos u can't change people or world events

[@miriam2909]

@katejones2172 yes you're right. I think a lot of it is grief. We lose so much in life don't we. I wonder sometimes if its self pity so I try not to think about it and let myself heal if it's grief. There's a fine line between them. And most of us are not used to looking after ourselves either. Sigh. Sometimes it's so hard. I only get by one day at a time. 🫠

[@melidacartagena8355]

I love you 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼 we are in the dark, away from each other, but we can feel each other through our hearts and we connect through these videos 🙏💪🏼❤️‍🔥

[@melidacartagena8355]

Love is our compass and light in the dark 🙏❤️‍🔥💪🏼🌷 feliz año nuevo 2024

[@katejones2172]

@@miriam2909 oh bless you I know we try so so hard & nobody knows not even those close to you because you don't want to burden /worry them especially if you know they couldn't handle it & that's not a criticism but it would be nice if we could give a little bit of our internal struggles & they say I don't understand but I believe you that would be lovely

[@debbiedelong8633]

I can’t thank you enough for your time and encouragement. I struggle with everything so much and you know how to give me back hope. Even if it’s only a small glimmer. I have almost always been in a poverty situation so affording help isn’t always possible. Watching your videos really helps. God bless.

[@DrScottEilers]

This information will always be free❤️

[@Mermare]

I think sometimes those of us with trauma expect too much from friends. Friends aren't going to meet all your needs like in a movie, and it's unfair to expect them to. I have two really good friends, who would probably help me bury a body. But they don't know about every detail of my trauma before I knew them, because they get too upset on my behalf. We're adults with busy lives, so we only see each other in person once a month or so. We text every day. The rest of my friends are more casual. They're usually separated by my interests. We don't interact much outside of our common interest. I sometimes wish I had more, but that's my problem. Not theirs. What I have is great.

[@ingridwang3664]

Thank you for giving me a hope that there might be a light in the end of the long dark tunnel

[@oliverselle2861]

Great message. I'm married. My wife and I are so different, in personality and age but most importantly we have different mental struggles. People who don't know us say that we look beautiful together. People closer say, our relationship is a burden on each other. And honestly, yes, it isn't always easy. But my wife knows I'm going to be there, no matter what else is going on. I'll stand in front or hold her hand, advise her and have her back at all times. I'll love her even when she is trying hard not to be lovable. On the other hand, she is loyal, loving and honest. I can accept her opinion. I can trust her judgement. She will tell me straight up what I'm doing wrong. But most importantly, she makes me feel safe loving her. She still has an aura of innocence about her. Even in her mid 30s. She has a child, but left the father, her first man, after only 12 months. It troubled her as she had been wronged seriously. So maybe I'm her first real partner, friend, lover and it feels special to me. It always felt special and we have put much effort into getting to know how to help each other and make it work. In this day and age many people expect imidiate results, forgetting that some things need time and effort.

[@annelbeab8124]

Impressed. This reads so well balanced and with good prospects, if she is into knowing what's going on with herself AND you as much as you.

[@Lilbitatatime]

That's lovely❤️

[@raggaahmed8626]

Wisdom! Good luck.

[@jazzsoul1695]

This is wonderful. Ive been v rejected by my older sister who's badmouthed me to my aunts and nephews. Took alot of damage for me to step back from both sisters. Its a bit hard but I remind myself that Im really on a high level of understanding and compassion. Its not always reciprocated. I have to remind myself that Im a very good person even if certain people want to trash me.

[@rescuelover7891]

I am so glad I found your channel. I am 71 and have had to work on the anxiety and sometimes depression on my own all my life. It really kicked in when I was a teenager. I have 3 friends I've had most of my life. They thought I had it all together. That was shocking to me as I felt I was falling apart inside. I am an introvert and I am happy with that. I never envied other people for what they had. I only need whay I have now. The things that make me comfortable. I like structure and being alone. It has always worked for me. Crowds and people either bore me or irritate me. My husband died almost 2 years ago, and we were alike. Missing him has been the worst thing that has ever happened to me. My psychologist suggested I may want to just go out, even to stores. I said, no, this would make me worse. I hate social media. Too superficial. I do introspect and have for years and I am fine with that. You change what you can but accept wholeheartedly the things you can't. I do get let down when one of my friends says something I am strongly against but realize it is their life and they have to live it, not me. So it is great to have some validation, even though without it I would still be the way I am and happy with that. It is hard enough to navigate life itself without having psychological problems too. Ive accepted I am different and in a strange way, I am glad I am. I've always taken the road less traveled. There are aways things to learn though, and I am now looking to you for that.

[@pearlfeather9326]

Thats me all the way and its so hard to live in this world of superficiality and to make connections.

[@chrisvalery3678]

Amen to that.

[@heatherbruce1668]

So true for me as well...71 this year. Thank you for your post..it helps to know others are out there too!

[@rescuelover7891]

@heatherbruce1668 I am sorry to hear you had to go through this, too. Mental health for young people in our time was not even on the radar. I am happy for the young kids today who are able to be diagnosed and helped.

[@Trufles1234]

SUCH great advice!!!! I feel that I belong to the “island of the misfit toys”… for the longest time I felt there was something wrong with me because I just could not fit in with other women. Thank u for reminding us that it’s ok to not have a “ tribe”. I has really helped me to relax and enjoy what I have much more. I am a fan!!!!

[@annadonahue4119]

Yup... island of misfit toys!

[@gwenbrowne9900]

Now at age 65, I've realized that not only are there different phases in our lives, but we, ourselves, change too. As I've gotten to know myself better, how I see myself and how I relate to the world changes. I always thought I'd be the same person forever, but that is not necessarily true. Great Video!!

[@sherri-rook0220]

That is absolutely true. I will never be the same person I was when my Husband was alive.

[@shirleydoubt8837]

I feel I’m always bombarded with advice that begins with “you should…”, and I am 77 yo!

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I feel you… and none of the people that seem to want to give the “you should“ advice seem to have ever experienced what you’ve experienced…. They don’t actually see a relationship behind closed doors, and for some reason don’t listen to or believe you when you say, I’ve tried these several things , including your advice right now, and this is what happened…. they still want to give advice as if they have some deeper understanding of your relationship or situation. I think our society has forgotten that sometimes all people need is for you to hear struggles and be there to put your arm around them and support them, and give advice when asked . I know the people I want advice from and it’s from people who either seem to be doing better than me and have something figured out I don’t or someone I have seen struggle with the same things I have and are older and figured out things farther ahead than me… I love advice, but I know who I want it from and am very discerning/careful of who that is. So if I go to someone telling them about my issue and not asking for advice, I am looking for shoulder to lean on and encouragement because that’s the role that works best for our relationship. I’m in my 40s and if one more person downplays the occasional mental/emotional struggles I have daily because I am “just a baby” when they have no idea the hell I’ve lived through and the struggles I’ve had to work through from my childhood, and past… all to the point so I could be relatively healthy, standing in front of them and a wife and stay at home mom of kids seeking their support as an elder person…it makes me hurt more. That joke got old after I was 30 and with 2 kids. I get considering 20 somethings “just a baby” to adulthood but someone in there 30s/40s is a full on adult (especially if you see them homeschooling and working hard)…. People need older people for advice and even at 40 now, I would never give an older person advice unless directly asked.

[@pickledherring8759]

Right off the bat, I related to not being a "tribe" person. I'm always lamenting that I don't really fit in anywhere. I like all these "rules." I will call them guidelines because I hate to be so rigid. lol I get it, though. The one that got me the most is number 5. Healthier to have no peer group than to have unhealthy peers. I almost feel like that's where I lost my way, so to speak. The abuser I always mention was the unhealthy peer, and I feel I've been clawing my way back to "normal" ever since. I have made peace with myself that I'll never be the picture of normal, but I'm just trying to find my way forward alone. This was very helpful. Thanks, as always, Dr. Scott. 🙂

[@bossyboots5000]

FWIW, I've been in both situations - the wrong people, and no people - and having no people is SO much healthier than the wrong people. Because the wrong people are not helping you heal or claw back to normal, as you put it. The wrong people can actively make your life worse, while isolation is at least a neutral state. But even so, it really does suck to have to go it alone, with literally no one in your life to help you along. Best wishes.

[@pickledherring8759]

@@bossyboots5000 Thank you. Yes, I know that intellectually, it's just been hard because I've never been alone before. Two years post-divorce that have flown by in retrospect, have seemed like an eternity at times, living through them.

[@bossyboots5000]

@@pickledherring8759 As someone who was isolated for much of my childhood, necessitating being alone, it's sometimes hard for me to understand people's fear of being alone. (Not necessarily a good quality, it just is what it is.) But you mentioned abuse and that will wittle down your whole sense of self and of worth, making it seem like you can't survive on your own. And I think that makes the solitude of no-friends vs. bad-friends much more difficult. It's difficult to overcome abuse on your own. Have you found any helpful support groups?

[@bossyboots5000]

@pickledherring8759 I'm not saying the process isn't difficult, but there is so much freedom in being alone. You get to do what you want, when you want, where you want. You're not carrying someone else's mental load, which gives you more energy to devote to things that bring you happiness. Turn up the music really loud, play your favorite song 10x in a row, watch any movie you want (without the derogatory "chick flick" comments), go some place you've always wanted to, wear whatever you want (no matter how outrageous), do something bold with your hair, take a whole night to read without interruption, try something you've always wanted to do, make a home the way that suits you best, rediscover your passions, try a hobby you've always been interested in. Those little toe-over-the-line steps can give you confidence and fulfillment. And it's like a perpetual motion machine: the more you do it, the easier it gets, so the more happiness you derive, so you do it more.. etc. 🤗 Plus engaging in these activities gives you the opportunity to meet more people, which helps with loneliness and may give you support on your journey. It's hard when you feel like you're having to start over in every way. It can feel daunting. But it can also be a reset button to rediscover the self that got lost in the last relationship or unhealthy friends.

[@pickledherring8759]

@@bossyboots5000 I'm already doing some of those things, but going places by myself and meeting new people is a whole 'nother enchilada.😜 I appreciate the pep talk, though. You seem like a decent person. 💟

[@maddie8415]

Thank you for mentioning how a lot of well-meaning advice is actually impractical for many people in the real world. People telling us we need more sunlight (even if it's currently in short supply where we live), or health relationships (when we can't just "make" that happen immediately) can make us feel more hopeless. Like we're "doomed" because we can't easily access the "solution" that's being offered to our problems. We really have to do the best with what we have and find what works in our current life circumstances.

[@traceyhumphreysartist]

Every word you said. Now at almost 60, I've finally begun to find people who think like me, have been through stresses, trauma and abuse like me. I was affected by witnessing physical and emotional abuse at 4 and I became a caretaker of others and my people pleasing while being treated and labelled a doormat, has been my downfall. Now I'm in the last stages of Divorce, out of a 38 year abusive, narssacistic marriage, and every new thing I learn about myself is now making sense of my life up to now. Your videos arrived on my newsfeed this morning and it is like you know me 100% so I guess the world is no longer as alien as it has seemed to date. Thank you 😊

[@crystallevin]

Dr. Scott Eilers, as a mental health therapist I can relate a lot to what you are saying. I have a mental illness (OCD) that I don't share with clients (though I'm not opposed to doing so). For you, it seems to me, you can't find a pre-made tribe because you are truly unique in this world -one in a million. You seem to be someone who has these characteristics. 1) A strong independent-minded natural leader and deep thinker, 2) Extremely insightful and empathetic (likely derived from your own mental health struggles and observations), 3) A bit cynical of trite surface-level answers to deep mental health struggles that other therapists and people have in this world (think every other KZbin channel out there by arm-chair psychologists). Whose gonna be your tribe then? You are a rarity in this world. One in a million. Thank you for your hard work and willingness to go a little deeper and share your own personal experiences and struggles. It's these personal insights from your own experiences that bring me back to your channel over and over again.

[@DrScottEilers]

I really appreciate you saying this. #3 in particular is spot on ❤️

[@jessinelson1796]

I just want to stop and say thank you for putting this video out here. You really touched on some major points that A lot of people wouldn’t consider when giving advice to others. I’m also grateful that someone else shares the experience of not fitting into the mold so well..

[@heatheredwards2982]

You could use solar therapy lights to substitute sun exposure and remember that gathering people around you who are meaningful and productive to your life takes time and doesn't mean a lot of people it can mean a few people that have multiple benefits each.

[@autumn2859]

Even when your kids read on their own , keep reading to them as long as they'll let you, and keep offering occasionally when you sense they might be open to it. It's an amazing, sweet, special bonding experience. My teen daughter still occasionally wants me to read to her if I offer, and I treasure those times. Enjoy your family time ❤

[@jeanablake2302]

I read to the kids at night even as they grew older... fantastic bonding time!

[@KILITZI]

❤

[@stevec404]

Desperate for connection, I hung on to a platonic 'friendship' for decades as it seemed okay. The signs of toxicity started, and I ignored them. Our verbal communication was essential for me...until the toxicity took over. I knew I had to end the friendship, as she was intent on pulling me down. What she knew, but eventually did not honor, was that down was already where I lived, and have been struggling to get away from. I got away from her - no regrets. Was she trying to end the friendship that I knew she valued? Possibly. She succeeded.

[@amethystrocks6433]

I've recently discovered that I have adhd (I'm in my 60's). This has led to the realization that, as a neurodiverse person, I don't fit in well with neurotypical people our brains work somewhat differently! This explains much of my social struggles over the years! However, I generally do get along well with other neurodiverse people! I was at a small dinner recently, where everyone was neurodiverse, and it was the best time! I didn't want to leave early like I usually would & I felt relaxed and comfortable and had a wonderful time. Maybe this is something to consider if you struggle with some of your social interactions.

[@irina383]

I also have adhd, I have just been diagnosed a year ago, since then I spot adhders everywhere. We are not rare.then there’s people with anxiety and depression, social anxiety, ocd. When you get to the bottom of it, all humans are more alike than different. We can make connection to almost anyone if we dig deep enough to find a common ground and are accepting of others’ faults.

[@grmpEqweer]

I'm not diagnosed, but I can say I have most of the ADHD symptoms.

[@mYcRiSpDiScK]

The chaotic, "exciting" lifestyle is something I chased after to fill in a massive void, but the stimulation never satisfied my yearning for acceptance and belonging. I fell into the same trap with productivity because I was afraid of being worthless and typical. However, as I look within, I realize those were learned behaviors from powerful, intense personalities as an inherently sensitive child.

[@sandraoxford883]

I’m relating so much to the beginning of this video. I find I can talk to someone catching a bus, or someone randomly talking to me in a lift but going out with people and talking about things, it’s not my comfortable place. My interests are just random like watching spiders and getting really joyful over little things. But I do have really bad social anxiety. You are great!

[@lindabowles5962]

Aren't we all just special little snowflakes?! I love that!! We are all so different yet so similar in our struggles. You are so smart!

[@skidcaesar]

This was my first Dr. Scot video! And today's newsletter brought me back here again. Thanks, Dr. Scott! We appreciate what you do for yourself and for others and that you share it with us on KZbin.

[@_bluephoenix_]

I kept thinking of the Simpson's episode where they try to help rebuild the Flanders' home. As it falls apart again, Ned Flanders says "we can't all get by on good intentions!" I feel this whenever people offer advice or support that falls short of what is actually needed.

[@CarolynJohnson-fi3ot]

Love that episode! Ned Flanders turning the page of his book with his feet. The hurricane blowing through the harmonica store😊

[@hedgiegal3340]

There is a sweet spot in all grief. Something beautiful that we had is now gone.

[@kathleenkayk]

Dr. Scott you talk like a person who needs depressed/anxious people to feel good enough. OMG, you are a Dr., extending yourself to help desperate people. You certainly are enough! I hope you have a loving spouse that you allow to support you sometimes. You are not an imposter by any means. ❤

[@beckysciba2685]

I gained so much insight from this video! I watched and listened to this twice last night, and twice today. Dr. Scott, you have no idea how this has really helped me to feel like I am 'ok.' I do not feel so weird and different after all. Bless you, for sharing all your wisdom with so many of us. I have become a loyal 'listener' to your channel!

[@Gypsy680]

Dr Scott, million thanks for this I'm 66 now and sometimes, I feel I know absolutely nothing about anything But then I remember that I'm still learning And that will do for me!

[@DrScottEilers]

We all are ❤️

[@curiouskitty7972]

Wow. I feel exactly the same! Sometimes I forget that, Thanks for the reminder cos I actually learned a lot today ❤

[@christinegagne4262]

At 56 years old I recognize the power and usefulness of good sleep going forward. I am a shift worker living in.Canada so much of the ''science'' is hard to apply to my situation. Thanks, you've lifted a weight off my shoulders. I'm going to incorporate habbits that do fit in my life and, let go of the guilt and feelings of being doomed!

[@salvadormonella8953]

That whole being a shift worker thing is horrible. I had a job in college where I worked Tuesday & Thursday graveyard, Friday evening, and Saturday & Sunday day time. I could never put two days together to take a break on. I never had a weekend. I couldn't socialize because people generally do that Friday & Saturday & I was either working, or would be working soon. I could never get a sleeping rhythm going because of the two graveyard, two daytime and one swing shift schedule each week. 4:00am was the worst. My body wanted to be in bed, but it couldn't be. I was dirt poor and needed the job and deemed "too white" to get public assistance. Count your blessings.

[@therealdeal3672]

Not to throw a ton of acronyms around but what the hell. As an HSP and an INTP, with PTSD, GAD and MDD, I always have felt like a square peg in a round hole. I've come to understand that the first two acronyms make me neurodivergent. The last three feel like big weights always holding me down. But in the first two I find my comfort and joy. Noticing my high sensitivity to the world as well as my keen curiosity to always be gaining information so that I can put it all together, these things that make me feel different also are things that I appreciate about myself. Does make it harder to fit into the world so to speak. Thankfully I don't have a lot of things that I regret not doing again. I learned at a certain point to really relish what I love. Sometimes it's tough when I'm really depressed. Trauma left a big imprint on my life. I'm really curious what percentage of mental illness springs from being trauma survivors versus people who have not experienced trauma but suffer greatly in spite of that. I do have a friend who once told me she never understood why people got depressed and couldn't relate and never experienced it herself. I had to make sure not to drop my jaw in shock. Sadly I guess I've always known depression. Trauma and anxiety came later.

[@barabaralund2913]

I have just started reading your book, Dr Scott. Thank you so much. I feel like you're writing from inside my head. I've already recommended it to 2 other people. I'm 66 years old. I've tried several counselors. None have them have actually been able to help me. I'm starting to understand why. Keep up the good work.❤

[@Cheesus4jesus]

This video depressed me more than I all ready am, because at 61, nothing in my life has changed no matter the self help philosophy I applied and still trapped in a toxic relationship I can't escape.

[@ritvarskarklins9901]

Do mindfulness meditation, be active, eat vegan food, read books, be nice to other people, go out and put yourself in uncomfortable situations. Go for a walk daily.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

yeh advice to get out into the daylight! try living in Ireland between November and February. It's not so bad now in March, it's light at 0700 and the clocks go forward soon, but in the depths of winter you're going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. Summer is our reward. Still light at 2300 in the middle of Summer.

[@nnicollan]

Call it a parasocial relationship but damn i like this guy. Every video so helpful and relatable. Carved from the same wood 100% 😅 Sharing stuff and being "vulnerable" which is kinda just being normal imo is unfortunately all too rare these days. Combine that with tons of very smart realizations and abundant professional knowledge and it's just👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻

[@Better_Call_Bulba-Saur]

That one about making a place for yourself resonated strongly with me. I'm always getting the idea that I don't belong in various environments I've been to before yet I've never really thought of actively making me fit in there.

[@amberc1034]

My grandfather lived in Northern MN off the Gunflint Trail on Poplar Lake. Visiting him up there while growing up, are my happiest memories. When his health declined and he had to move, I experienced a lot of grief. I still do grieve that and now him as he passed on a few years back. 😢

[@mernaloy2269]

Are you Amber from the outward bound canoe trip back in 1980 ? It was in Ely Minnesota. We were in the Pond group. This is Mary. I love Minnesota and wish I could go back. Condolences on the loss of your grandfather.

[@colleenmcdermitt2189]

I haven’t fit in since I was in my 20’s . I have always found myself attracted to complicated people,it is what is, it’s who I am. I am ready to have an exciting life again, or at least more exciting than what I have now. That would make me very happy, and I don’t need much to be happy and at peace.

[@AnonYmous-ic5kd]

The last one really touched my heart.

[@montanabirdmommy]

The part about process goals vs outcome goals was especially helpful for me as I’m trying to escape burnout or npc mode.

[@kathcares]

It's the lived advice that really hits home with me.

[@taranorthover]

I 100% relate to having wrecked my mental and physical health from years of partying, and wanting more than anything a peaceful life now. Sober almost 10 years but unfortunately realizing now that my "upbringing" (still enmeshed at 51) was all a lie, and ive wasted my entire life being put down. Thanks so much for helping me/us feel less alone, and for reminding us that health is health. This country is so fake and hypocritical with its view on mental health. My family is the biggest hypocritical monster with that.

[@lhmccool67]

Your last point is really about being fully present in that moment...not ruminating on the past or anxious for a future moment. Learning to "Be here now" (Ram Dass) is so challenging and so important. So many mental health issues take us out of the present moment. ❤

[@Jazlow]

"This could be the last time I ever get to do this thing".... I started going way too dark with this when my mental health struggles were starting. It was such a profound, scary moment but I was in Trader Joes of all places, grabbed a container of oats off the shelf just like I would do every week and thought "someday I am going to grab these oats for the very last time". That started a bit of a spiral with alot of other things and basically launched me to some awful existential OCD issues which I am still trying to eliminate from my life.

[@lmiller1413]

Brilliant! Those of us who seem weird or broken to the rest of the world, we rose up in unison and shouted "Hurray!" Finally! Someone shows the genuis of being different, the importance, the ambitious part of being gifted in "not fitting in"! If you who are reading this can't see that in yourself yet, hang in there. It's coming. Sometimes those God awful kick you in the stomach times are the training ground for your greatness, and the pain you felt can develop into intense compassion for helping others. That, my friend, is priceless. It may take several years and tears before you can see how great you truly are and the good you bring to the world.

[@danielgilleland8611]

In our media-saturated culture, most people mistake prominence with significance. Everyone has an innate need to feel significant in their lives - like we matter and have purpose. But too often we can think that the way to achieve that is to become "popular" or to have a "following" (be it Twitter, KZbin, etc.). But that's a straight-up "bait and switch". Just thought I would share something that I found helpful in my life. Cheers!

[@bossyboots5000]

"mistake prominence with significance" is astute. What I most dislike about social media is that it has created entire generations that continually look outside themselves for validation and approval (no one Liked my pic, I'm not good enough - or I spent 20 minutes writing that post and no one has commented, no one is interested in what I say). It keeps people socially (and then personally) stuck as if they're all still in middle school and it's not healthy.

[@katieplaysguitar]

Changing the people I hang around and healing through healthy friendships and relationships has helped my growth immensely!!

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

It’s so true… it can be hard though, because what you thought was healthy may not have been healthy. And sometimes people don’t show their unhealthy side until you’re really close to them . I just experienced the ladder when my husband and I went through a difficult culmination of 10 years of marriage struggle … our friends ended up giving advice that did more harm than good… which isn’t a huge deal. But when your friends yell at you for having emotions that you’re struggling with, and tell you not to have them … that’s not OK. Just because I’m struggling with feeling a certain way doesn’t mean I’m going to act on it but I do need to face it and deal with it and doing that with others is a good idea . Shutting down difficult, moral, and personal struggles of others, normally tear them down, but blows holes in your relationship, especially if you’re yelling at somebody who’s bawling on the phone with you. That’s when I took a step back . The advice I was getting was not only not healthy, but when I wouldn’t follow it (None of these people are professionals ) and I continue to struggle they doubled and triple down on their “advice“. I ended up, pulling away and staying with the friends who were challenging me, but we’re also emotionally supporting me during the tough moments … they knew when to correct me and help and went to just “be there”. Pulling away from my closer, friends, kind of hurt them, but they have to realize once you yell at somebody at their darkest moment, you’ve kind of sealed the deal for where the relationships going … I’m dealing with that with my husband. I don’t need it from my friends.

[@originalnilson]

So spooky how accurate this is. Not in a legit spooky way haha, you're just really good at what you do mate. I've been watching a few of your videos and as a 41 yr old woman, recently widowed, with anxiety, ADHD and depression - this is just tops. You're making me feel so capable right now. In my last appointment psych helped me to begin to remove my inner critic. It is a facet of your mind that was created in response to possibly trauma or just masking if you have autisim/adhd. You don't need them; they're not propelling you in fact they're holding you back. Listen to your compassion. You love yourself; you care for yourself, and your compassion believes you deserve it - because guess what? You do!

[@klynn6736]

This is such a helpful video. Especially the part about taking "optimal life habits" with a grain of salt. The supportive relationship piece, and not having that is something I would beat myself up with and catastrophize about... and still do.

[@GinaMFlorida]

This IS a matter of life or death. At one time I was suicidal, went to a behavioral center for a week, and it took me a year to come back to myself. I didn't talk, I didn't respond, I had no emotions. That was very scary. I also have epilepsy so I have another bucket of things in my life I must stick to.

[@BubblGrl]

As someone who has always kind of felt like I’m on the outside looking in…1,4 and 5 seem really intertwined to me. I’ve never had that group of friends that a lot of people have. I’ve been in various groups of friends but inevitably I’ve been rejected in some way because I’m just not like them. I remember a moment in my teens when I had the choice to go to a music festival with a different group - I knew that would lead me down a bad path and I didn’t go…I’m in my 40s and my only “tribe” is my family. As far as friends go I have them dotted here and there - but I’ve always felt that people matter more to me than I do to them because I’m the one who truly wants that thing that seems so far out of reach. Envy is ignorance and also a touch of despair. I believe number 3 is something I have adopted from your teachings. It still feels like there’s that arbitrary categorisation between body and mind which results in a stigma of “weakness” from the ignorant…but I do my best to enlighten and change perspectives now I know the impact the mind causes on the body. I didn’t choose this brain or these malfunctioning neurochemicals…(Meningitis threw an interesting curveball into that already toxic mix) but I have the strength to persevere despite it, largely thanks to the knowledge I’ve gained from your channel.

[@Jaxmusicgal23]

I feel you on that. I mostly deal with friends who come and go not because of anything major but because either they believe a lie or gossip from the one person in the group that secretly doesn’t like me… Or they don’t like something that I’m doing and they don’t tell me because they’re too “nice” I don’t want to rock the boat … when telling me is what is needed so that I know what I’m doing to bother you and stop it. My healthy friends have told me the things I’m doing that is causing them problems. I have worked hard to alleviate those issues. I’m shocked when people say either, they didn’t realize how easy it was to talk to me about that stuff when I’ve always been easy to talk about things … They don’t even have a reason other than they have either had someone else that was “ friends” that warned them I was difficult to talk to… Yet nobody has ever bothered to test that out . Now that a few of my friends have they realize that was a lie from somebody who didn’t really know me or didn’t like me. I’m trying to be positive about my friends, but most of the time I’m just waiting for them to hear something that should be completely unbelievable based on the time they’ve gotten to know me, yet they still believe it, and it destroys our relationship…. Usually it’s something that’s not true. So I’ve learned to just accept that people will sometimes believe things and not corroborated and if they’re willing to do that, instead of check back with you about the truth , they aren’t your friends really. So I guess I had a lot of acquaintances, and I’ve had very few friends

[@anne-marieh6128]

Thank you for sharing that- I relate to the sense you shared of feeling that you value others more than it appears they do you.

[@dianep6335]

There are a lot of relatable things in this video, one of them is the last tip. I realized by myself about soaking up what's important to me but like he said it can backfire some. For instance the one thing so important is walking on the nearby beaches here in Alaska. I'm a loner with not much going on in my life so this is the one thing I have to do. But my health is going down, severe back pain, osteoporosis, arthritis, depression and anxiety. While walking I'm keenly aware that someday these walks will be taken away from me. This actually spoils the walks some; even though it is a beautiful place out there, it's still like music out of tune. Like I'm already having sad nostalgia while being there. I try to use cognitive therapy language to work myself out of it but that sadness doesn't go away. Then that leads to anticipatory anxiety about the next phase of life....nursing homes?? Wheelchairs?? Abusive caregivers??? I don't know how to make that spiral stop.

[@mimig6511]

I feel like that too. Never really fit and so desperately want to...and at 68 years old..bloody hell...still can;t figure it out. Thank you for your insight...it helps

[@ericar2856]

I so agree, just create healthy relationships and no problem, Just find them. So hard.

[@stkslasher]

Yo you are one of the top most genuine people I've come across online. The culmination of what you've done for yourself has definitely made you more unique. Your viewpoints, heavy emphasis on the plurality, cover so many aspects of thought from various directions as I feel I'm thinking real time. Basically without the prolonged fan boying here, I find it refreshing to find your well rounded vocabulary easily explaining all these trials and tribulations people. I could go on. Keep doing you man I hope you can find help and peace with your own issues as well for all the help you provide.

[@Bradoobradont]

Seems you and I are quite similar. I’ve watched a few of your videos now and your specific details and thought processes, and even some of your experiences are astoundingly familiar. You’ve given me some peace in a sense, I’m a very mentally chaotic person due to my high intelligence and traumatic past, which for better or for worse does make me so unique that I never fit in and I definitely see that in you. Cheers to continuous growth in the face of adversity, your open candor is definitely appreciated😎

[@ellairax]

I relate so much to not really finding a space that I belong in as well as not knowing the last time you will do something you love. For me, one of those things was riding horses. I rode throughout most of my childhood, but when I was in middle school, I had to stop because of my parents finances. I didn’t ride again for 5 years and didn’t think I would get to again, at least not with the same instructor and barn which I loved so much throughout my childhood. By a seemingly miraculous coincidence, I was able to reconnect with my old instructor and start riding again. Now, every time I have the option to, I go and try to appreciate it like it could be the last time again, because one day it will. I realized on the flip side, is that you never know what moments or people you meet will become important and formative until later on. Every time you do something or meet someone, you never know if they are going to become one of your closest friends, or if this decision will lead you to one of the greatest joys of your life in unexpected ways.

[@amymyers5503]

Dr. Eilers - Recently, I turned 50 and write a list of 50 Things for My 50th Birthday, advice to my younger self. I wish I had thought of your first point about creating your place in the world. It's kind of how I've been living, but I've never articulated the idea the way you did here. Thank you.

[@debblackburn1]

‘What if it’s the last time’ haunts me with every interaction with my family! I can’t wait for you to get licensed in other states! 🤞

[@wizwocn]

I love that you use your own experiences to show how we are all so similar. We all mess up, we do dumb things, make mistakes, struggle...it's how we handle those setbacks that make the difference. Struggling with depression and anxiety complicates our struggles, but we can still do hard things! Thank you for making your videos and sharing your story and knowledge with us.

[@opossumdreams]

On point one…I nevvvvver fit either. At 55, my husband just passed and I realize…I CAN get what I need in parts, with different people. As long as I don’t go to the poverty place as often. I still struggle. I’m an introverted dyslexic sort, that had an exhausting “self edit” habit. I don’t edit as often and my circle is growing from none. Trust is an issue but I’m learning to trust in pieces. CPTSD and bad choices all crashed when I got cancer. When I needed…the people I trusted were gone and I was booted. I fell into the basement in rock bottom. I’m standing up slowly. I can’t fit in anymore and….I’m ok with it now!

[@Sus-si2kg]

Thank you so much Dr. Scott. It was like you were telling my lifestory. I have never fitted in. I've tried and tried but always ended up getting overloaded, hurt etc. and in the end alone, with a deep feeling of being the odd one/wrong one. It hurts. 56 years old and have still not found my "tribe". It's okay. I've have finally found ME, and I'm good now. Still a lot of work as you say, but now I love it because it allows me to grow every day. You are so right regarding therapy vs insights coming from other sources eg. a meme or something like that. It can really shift ones perspective. And I love the analogy about the waterhose. Don't spread your self thin. Please don't live with regets. We all make mistakes especially when we are young and especially if we fight with mental problems. I have learned to take my regreats, use them as a life experience and learn from them. Now I am abel to be more present, be in the moment and take it all in. In the moment I even "take pictures" with my mind (and heart) instead of with my phone. They last a lot longer and go way deeper. Love it. PS. To all the small people out there = english is not my first language, please bear that in mind before you choose to attack because you get triggered by wrong spelling. Thanks 🙏

[@robertovz5895]

Thanks that was wonderful insight. If it helps on the regrets.. I tell myself I have done the best I could with where I was at mentally and emotionally at whatever point in my existence so while it may be disappointing I choose to leave it behind me cuz I can't do anything about it except apologize if I hurt anyone and if they've already departed then I trust they'll understand me better now.. and you can still apologize

[@hannahdeforest9148]

I love your idea of creating a job description for what it would take to "be me." I am doing that in small ways mentally and it really helps me understand and appreciate myself more. I love the idea of taking it a step further and making a comprehensive list with descriptions about myself. The intentionality of it could potentially reveal a lot about why some parts of my life physically, mentally, and practically aren't working. I think it has the potential of helping me become more focused, gentle with myself, and productive. I am actually a productivity coach, and I have a lot of questions which help my clients think through what's going on in life, but Iike the way this is worded because it could include questions like "what are you currently working through?" or "what are your dreams for the future and are those dreams something you are currently working toward? Why or why not?" There's a host of things you could do with this. I haven't even begun to dive into them. Thank you for your channel and what you do. You have no idea how helpful your content has been for me.

[@elonas9487]

Dr. Scott, I think you should forgive your teenage self for being a teenager. You appreciated those wonderful experiences in the full-bodied, totally present way that children do when you were a child. When you were a teen, you did what teens do. If your adult self could go back, he would appreciate it in his own unique way. So, thank your teen self for this lesson that you learned early, but don't apply punishment in retrospect from your adult perspective. (As a former pro ballet dancer who walked away early from a career that i fought crazy hard for, i really do understand this kind of pain. But i also know how helpful it is to release the guilt if you can.) Thanks for all you do! You are an incredible, compassionate coach.

[@janiemiller825]

I love 💕 the advice of having no peer group over having neg or unhealthy peer group! It’s such good advice ! My motto - I’d rather be happy alone than miserable together.. 🤷‍♀️ I’ve learned to detach & distance myself from many over the past few years.. Less is more.. A few .. Quality healthy genuine friends is better than hundred dysfunctional or surface level or neg energy friends…

[@MarciaB12]

You are so in target, it makes me feel so almost normal. I relate to everything you say.

[@magdalenawiteska5538]

You. Are. Amazing. Thank you for sharing this! It will make so many people feel deeply understood, maybe for the first time in their lives…

[@cambert6799]

Hi from London UK. This morning it was yet another dark grey rainy morning!! Nooo sunlight for many months. I do use a sunlight lamp though. Agree about Hubermann. Some great stuff but I get totally overwhelmed! I'm a carer now for my 90 year old mother. As a result iv now got health problems & depressive episodes. Trying to figure out how to fit in certain health protocols & take care of myself is so challenging... maybe a topic for a new video?😊 Thank you so much for what you do!

[@kimgordon3695]

Check with Mom's physician re: getting some added support ❤

[@cambert6799]

@kimgordon3695 Thank you. Here in UK our nhs system is at breaking point. And not alot of support given. I think my depression is also about me becoming the "mother". Am trying to find my ground. Thank you for your reply. I will speak to her doctor 🙏

[@rlawson8471]

I don’t know where you learned all this, but it’s what I needed to learn. I have heard at least one of your podcasts and it resonated with me, but this one I had to pause, rewind it back, and take notes. All my life I have been stuck in unreality in some way or another. It’s going to take some doing, but I HAVE TO GET OUT. I like the thought you brought out of being high maintenance. I have to put my mental health as number one, and stop the 6 things. Now I know how. Thank you, thank you, thank you! Thank you for being vulnerable enough to express your experience, and for caring enough to want to help others.

[@natalierainey6260]

As always love your videos. Your honesty and way of explaining thoughts and feelings is so refreshing. Really appreciate you taking the time to share.