8 signs of a disorganized attachment style (sage sessions #15)

[@Hiyall985]

Glad you are back and doing well, on all counts. We all need a respite on occasion. Thank you again for sharing your knowledge and wisdom with all of us. You are a beacon of light and hope to many people.

[@mandarinadreux9572]

This is very true for me. I always thought I was avoidant but that's not all of it. I am mostly avoidant but that's because people are the trigger and relationships make my ego disappear because of my compulsive caretaking and hyperfocusing and hyper attuning to the other person. I lose connection to my inside and I become like a robot without desires, just the perfect mirror image of what is needed at the moment. I exhibit both, the anxious and the avoidant side but I dwell more on the avoidant side because it is more bearable for me. But yes, I realised recently that i am actually disorganised in my attachment. I mean, with a BPD mother, an NPD father, a lot of conflict, divorce when i was 2, being the oldest child, that's what you get.

[@marconius2020]

Dr. Kim, I can (unfortunately) say yes to all the signs you talked about. I started learning about attachment styles about 2 years ago after I experienced a huge flashback. I was diagnosed with CPTSD. My father was a passive, distant man who left when I was a teenager. My mother is an anxious, controlling person who parentified me so I essentially became my father's replacement for her. And, despite trying to have a couple conversations with her about these things a few years ago, she will deflect or otherwise not acknowlege anything I wanted to discuss so I gave up. She is also a master at guilt-tripping others or at least trying to. I have an older brother who is similar to my mother and we are not close. Loneliness is a huge thing for me. After that flashback, I started seeing a different therapist who works from a "ground up" approach (EMDR, IFS) and has been very helpful. I'm in my mid 50s and I admittedly become angry and well as sad that it has taken me this long to start to really unravel this stuff. While I may never fully heal, my goal is to one day be in a place where I feel at least some sense of contentment in my life. I love your videos and many thanks for posting them as well as sharing your own challenges with us! This one truly fits me to a T.

[@Patrice11300]

Wow! This nails it. A perfect explanation of how I feel. My husband always accuses me of making things up or that I’m too sensitive. He must be in a blissful emotional state since he never looks beyond himself. I must have developed the super power of reading other people’s slight twinge of a facial expression, a tone change in their voice, a eye shift, breathing. It’s utterly exhausting which is why I prefer to be alone. Yes, at times I’m wrong and I’m projecting my fear of rejection or being yelled at into them when the person meant absolutely nothing by it but other times I have read someone else correctly. I picked the wrong career by being a nurse since being yelled at is a constant. I feel so much better since I quit the profession 5 years ago.

[@victorialong3813]

Sending you healing ❤️‍🩹 vibes 🙌 and appreciation for your content. It truly resonates!

[@pdk9903]

This is me. Thanks for explaining this so clearly!

[@Ukraine4thewin2.0]

Thank you 🙏 for all that you do.

[@chicanaa]

Hi! Thank you so much for this thorough explanation of fearful avoidant. I’m crying through the video because I can identify with everything you’ve mentioned.

[@lorimoulton17]

This was a really helpful explanation. I thought before that this was my attachment style, but now I know for sure. Thank you!

[@stella4977]

Thank you for this video. I think I definitely have this style, and all of the characteristics you described apply to me. It is still very hard to have people over at my home, so I rarely invite anyone over. It feels like my sacred retreat and alone-space

[@SeeCSeesCC]

That’s right I was an expert in hypervigilance, and as I learned, fear was a motivator for me and I have drawn that back in and managed. I’ve had to learn new skills and I’m just a tot some days.

[@rita.amstlv]

This resonates so well. I didn't even know that I might have this attachment style. Thank you 🍀🌞🌠

[@zak-a-roo264]

"There's a world where I can go And tell my secrets to" - Brian Wilsons "In My Room"

[@ATTENUATOR28]

Great educational Kim, very helpful. 😁

[@Daily_Bread84]

I can definitely relate to disorganized attachment. It is so rough. * Hope you are doing well.

[@nyxcole9879]

I'm in a situation right now living with a friend where I am vigilant to the fact i am being manipulated, and this triggers the crap out of my disorganized attachment (psychopath dad narc mom) and the thing i have the hardest time with is seeing where im wrong in holding my boundaries but i can see where im repeating them to my friend over and over so i shut down. I fear my situation is toxic right now but i cant see if its toxic for real or if it's my attachment. Our relationship has gotten harder since I've been healing my family stuff.

[@bearants]

totally explains my relationship style and totally consistent with my angry psycho stepmom. thanks again for your videos that put things into words that make sense to me.

[@susanvasquez6167]

Excellent video! ❤tysm!!

[@savytigress]

wow this was a owerfulllll message - thankYou !!

[@edwong4178]

I think disorganised attachment style is inseparable from C-PTSD and basically a trauma response. We seek the safe harbour we’ve never had, but every potential harbour is viewed with suspicion as early caregivers broke our trust and we never feel safe anywhere.

[@HeatherPaulo]

Happy healing!

[@professorlayabout4878]

Well wishes with respect to your medical issues. Looking great as always! 😊

[@cassiestevens8382]

Thanks🕊

[@flyygurl18]

Praying for your swift recovery Dr Kim ❤️‍🩹 This video is a revelation !

[@GunjanChavan]

helped so much

[@iloveTool]

I've never heard the "storminess" concept for disorganized but that

[@kellyschroeder7437]

Thank you for this. You are explaining me to a tee. How to break this ???

[@karentyndall7948]

Big loves look after yourself. Amazing video my childhood. Love you lots xxx❤❤❤❤

[@NYtoNC]

How do I find if you've done a video on boundary crossing mom/daughter relationships? I'm 50, mom late 70s. Watched needy parent one, helped. How move forward?

[@valkolakk]

This video makes me 95% certain now that this is my attachment style, unfortunately. I've never seen it explained as well as here.

[@JustMyAutisticalities]

Thank you so much! This is the first explanation of an attachment style that I can fully resonate with. Dr. Sage, how though would a therapist differentiate this from autism, as ASD is neurological and attachment styles are lernt? Can they be co-occurring? Thank you so much for your hard work and help. Best wishes for your health and a speedy recovery ❤

[@Thechangelingpnw]

In many ways, I was my mom’s caretaker when I was a kid due to undiagnosed and diagnosed health conditions she had. If she got upset, her health conditions would be triggered and I’d sort of get the blame from my dad. At 44, I’m seeing how that shaped so many things later on.

[@YusufPeeally]

I am anxious attached person ,as you said in this video a person who have a desorganized attachment can developed a hypervigillance, mood swing like me sometimes i can be happy and the same time i become very silent angry and sad i v been through this so many times but i didn't understand it i can even sense someone s mood emotion when they angry or sad i can read By their tune of voice .

[@max-cs9ko]

Is NARM therapy helpful in disorganised attachment style?

[@YusufPeeally]

I really hate this feeling the hypervigillance , but i don't know how to heal it

[@Rollacoastertycoon]

Can you have fear if your parents were not bad but they to prison once or twice. Cops breaking down door was scarier than my military training. I feel moody around my mom I’m 33 now tho

[@Spikypotato.]

Dr Kim🤗❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

[@LorE_aka-midwestmemaw8555]

Thank you. This would have been me, until 5/10/17 when my worst fear became my reality. I lost my only son, not only child! And the trauma continued. Again, thank you. Do you offer courses in grief and loss? Please 🫶.