8 Ways To Outsmart The Controlling Narcissist

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Living with a narcissist can be incredibly difficult. They're often controlling and manipulative, and can make your life a living hell. If you've been struggling to find a way to outsmart the narcissist in your life, look no further. In this video I share 8 powerful ways to get the upper hand!
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🎓Rebecca Zung is an attorney who has been recognized as one of the Top 1% of attorneys in the country having recognized as a Best Lawyer by U.S. News and is AV rated by Martindale Hubbell. She is also the bestselling author of 2 books, Negotiate Like You MATTER (foreword by Robert Shapiro) and Breaking Free: A Step by Step Divorce Guide.
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The commentary and opinions are for informational purposes only and not for
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• 8 Ways To Outsmart The...
• 8 Ways To Outsmart The...

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Do you want to know more about how to outsmart a controlling narcissist? Join me in my free webinar where I offer tips and tricks. Reserve your seat here. icanslay.com

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

I'll see you all there!

[@legaleagle7226]

1. Don't take their bait (it feeds their ego). 2. Don't engage in conversations about the past. ( A typical deflection trick) 3. Set boundaries. 4. Don't try to change or 'fix' them. It WON”T work. 5. Remember that your self worth DOESN'T depend on them. Every moment you spend on them you are giving them what they want, not what you need. 6. Stay positive and upbeat around them. (Let it all roll over you and when see they can't use you any more, they will leave you alone (for now)) 7. Maintain your independence and individuality (but be prepared for drama and manipulation) 8. Get professional help if needed (don't tell the narcissist or they will use it against you!)

[@yukio_saito]

Thank you making a list. I can do this!

[@grandadneal8114]

I got 1 thing that works better than all of these. Just stop talking to them. Persona non grata.

[@lorelei340]

Thanks for the summary - I'm hearing 500x more words than necessary!

[@legaleagle7226]

If you get professional help of any sort, DON'T tell the narcissist. They will use it against you!

[@stardustsparkles22]

Can confirm. Geez they're not trustworthy at all. Show the slightest vulnerability and they're on it like a rabid animal.

[@Tempeststyle]

They will use it against you and they’ll probably call you a cheater if you’re gone too long.

[@carlydaniels4184]

This is true. I once overheard a Narc saying some disrespectful things trying to get a reaction--they can get nasty.

[@linagreco560]

I can do this

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Lina it's easy,you got this. Ignore them and go no contact

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Absolutely! NAMAslay! ❤

[@hushhushbee1647]

I can do this too👍🎉😊

[@jl9769]

Slaying the Bully right now! I told him I know the emotional stuff is never going to change. He didn’t disagree with me. I cannot leave because of financial reasons, and he is not a physical narcissist. Just emotional and verbal and tries to be a controlling bully behind closed doors. I certainly handle myself there. But Thanks to Rebecca I have decided to put her negotiating tactics to the test. He has some secrets that only I know that he doesn’t want revealed. And not about being a narc. So, I got over the guilt as I’m not the kinda person to hold things over people’s heads. He thinks I’ll tell but I won’t. I just say you’re going to be embarrassed not me if people find out. I told him 17 years you do want you want every day without regard. I said now it’s my turn. All I want is for you to keep up maintaining the house, our yard, etc without the bitching. I also made a wish list and told him it’s getting done by you whether you like it or not- the vacation he promised me years ago, a new(er) car, etc. I told him money is the only thing you understand, so from now on I’m going to get what I want. I’ve freaking earned it. So we agreed. Every situation every narc/ normal person relationship is different. I worded my demands with versions of her negotiation tactics. I have to say, leaving the emotional part out already feels good to me. He’s a very good, hard worker we’ve never had any problems there. Standing up for myself!

[@vicentelynn2308]

I agree. Same is with me

[@saygrey]

You are a perfect match for your narc. Poor me poor me Now you are being trained to fight back and hurt back and everything else. Never learning the way both can be healed. Go on to your next relationship and do it all again. Something doesn’t make sense to that system Everything is cureable. But why is only revenge talked about

[@jillr759]

Would a vacation and nice yard bring the marriage back? I don’t get it?

[@steveedward7572]

Ohh, I like your book title, "Slay the Bully" 🐂♉

[@jamespimentel1794]

I hate the narcissist start there.

[@tinkastep1321]

I can do this! 😊

[@Abracadabra1111]

Great video. I can do this. Stay safe sisters and brothers 🙏❤️

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Thank you Rebecca. I enjoy your videos because I always learn. Item #5, in my humble opinion, I say do not rely on anyone especially the narcissist in order to obtain your worth or value. People can be fickle and change their mind about you. Love yourself. Know that you have worth and value. You deserve to be loved and respected. 😊❤️🌺🦋

[@taraarrington2285]

Yes I can't imagine doing any of the things that you

[@KQMcKinnon]

I can do this!

[@FeistyMimi024]

Agreed! One topic I’d love to hear about is how to deal w/a narcissistic male sociopath!

[@carpediem6431]

Can you “no contact” them out of your life?

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@stardustsparkles22]

Thank you for all these tips about moving forward!! I don't ever want to be stuck living in the past, and it's just getting past the trauma now. Please give us helpful tips on healing trauma triggers.

[@George-wx5nv]

So true I’ve been moving forward for some time and my narc always tries to drag up past things but now I don’t care the past is the past It used to bother me but not any more now I just walk off I’m now in the future wit

[@izawaniek2568]

Slay the dragon! Thank you Rebecca❤ your help and assistance are invaluable. ❤ God bless you❤

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@ladonnawilburn]

I can do this 💪🏾 😌 🙌🏾 💫

[@oselkhandro4416]

love you! thank you.

[@DawsonDave-YZF-R6]

😍😍😍Thank You !!!!!!!💯

[@jamespimentel1794]

I cant believe your so smart I am humbled and I always fight back thankyou

[@ahsamv1992]

I love this channel , I in abusive relationship with my gf who is extremely narcissit and materialistic and I am trying to understand her

[@susanbarnyak7393]

You are awesome. Thanks for another great video.

[@Sw22944]

Spot on! I’m going through this, thank you for the encouragement!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@alfredbenedek3398]

Everything is so, but I went through asituation, where a, a certain group, got ahold of me, & tryed to Zero me out, financially. Including my home, etc. Thing were smoothed out, but I'm positive, they are N O T going totake it well, and they still are harressing me, with tempting styles. How should I handel such a situation/ What should I do, against them? Thank you.

[@AFAskygoddess]

You are my hero, Rebecca. 🥰 Thank you soooooooo much for this video

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Glad you found them helpful dear!! This might help you better as well slay.rebeccazung.com/home

[@Sonofgod384]

Yes I do

[@janniestanley]

Thx Rebecca. Just in time.

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

Glad you found them helpful dear! So how can you starting slaying? 😊

[@georgelopez81100]

I Can do this!

[@CLHS1944]

Omg so needed this info! Tyvm! NAMAslay! I’m ready!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

NAMAslay! What is one point that you want to start using today?

[@CLHS1944]

@@RebeccaZungEsq continue focus on me and who I am!

[@charlesthorogood3325]

I can do this 🤗.

[@wadelinn3059]

Good morning. Rebecca. I. Love you. 🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠🤠

[@shawndozier2034]

I can do this! Thank you for you!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@shawndozier2034]

@@RebeccaZungEsq hello,Rebecca! Staying strong against my auntie,the narcissist! Every day is a challenge with her but,I'm determined to be free from her. Can't wait to be set free from toxic relatives,! Thank you for your advice. Been trying it and,for my sanity and,faith so far so good!.

[@diane19456]

I can't divorce him but I can emotionally separate myself while still living with him because we are both needed to take care of our disabled adult daughter! Your advice is lifesaving!

[@ishrathahmed8077]

I can do it

[@marisastecca6425]

I can do this.

[@rgboyte]

Wow !

[@davecobb6348]

I can do this!!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@morningglory3681]

I think rape is a very personal hideous crime and resexually abusing that rape victim over and over again is also personally destructive. 🤔? Idk if that narcissistic or just depraved criminality?

[@20ASilva]

pure evil however you look at it.

[@vicentelynn2308]

Thank you

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

You are so welcome! NAMAslay! 😊

[@mes1220]

How do you get rid of them forever,when they're a professional in your lives An interfering, extremely unwanted professional narcissistic person with much power over your life, which's being abused?😢🌳😥🌳😰🌳🙏

[@thecustodian1023]

Dont play to win. Play for endless stalemates. Every time you stalemate them on whatever they are after, they will take it as a loss and have to double down and expend even more effort and resources. At some point, they will expose themselves for what they are and have no way to walk it back.

[@dereklemire1392]

I can do this if you do an impression of the duck shaking it out 🤣

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@diadax8189]

i can do this.

[@theresajimenez3604]

I can do this. 😊

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@GloriaGonzalez-zz4wp]

🎉🎉🎉🎉I can do this

[@user-xg4ij5uk7u]

Can we find balance.. Healthy People make healthy choices for the relationships in our lives. Unhealthy people who are in the Squirrel cage of self sabatoging and blind to it and sabatoging other's without conscience Let's get out love em from a distance of a healthy boundry. The solution is in being wise in our choices and accountability to deal with the situation and change your situation and position promptly.

[@billliecola9358]

I can do this!!!!!!!!

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@WinterWarlock261]

My main problem is that when the narcissist triggers me, it is more overwhelming anger to the point of rage. And then it becomes my number one mission in life to knock them off of that hill and "put them in their place" to the point it becomes obsessive like Captain Ahab's obsession of bringing down the Whale (Moby Dick reference). And yes, I am fully aware that Captain Ahab's obsession destroyed him in the end. And I know deep down the narcissist is too toxic/stupid to even ever acknowledge or accept reality and will always claim "victimhood" no matter what, but continue their toxic ways endlessly. But it just becomes so "necessary" to destroy them as a form of justice. An emotional reaction, not a logical one. But it is REALLY HARD to just turn away from injustice like that. I could NEVER stroke the toxic ego of a narcissist, no matter what "benefit" it might bring. I would feel like I'm prostituting myself by doing it. It is just SO WRONG on SO MANY LEVELS, no matter what. Rebecca Zung: Please NEVER refer to a narcissist like a "hollow chocolate Easter bunny". Narcissists are extremely toxic. Chocolate is amazing. Who doesn't love chocolate? Maybe a "hollow Easter bunny made of feces" would be more accurate. But chocolate?! NEVER! Not for a narcissist!

[@WinterWarlock261]

@Sara Fox I know. You're right, of course. It's just so hard to let go. I have so much anger and hatred towards these toxic pieces of crap, and no where else to put it. And there is no one more deserving of anger and hatred than toxic narcissists (and ALL narcissists are toxic!).

[@Ask_Daisy]

LMAO 🤣🤣🤣..I feel your pain , unfortunately I am going through the same thing in my relationship right now and it seems like this dude gets some high from watching me act really crazy after triggering me with one thing I hate most which is gaslighting and deflecting..the bad part is that in all my dating life I have never experienced this level of toxicity and right now I am getting really scared of myself cos I am already having anxiety disorders and I have become very violent 😭😩💔 Everyone on the outside thinks I am with the perfect man and wishes to be in my shoes but they all don't even know what's going on 😔

[@lucybraun8969]

What about communications for the purpose of keeping them busy with things other than you?

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@alfredbenedek3398]

It occured to me? Since various otheers advised me, to stop cominicate with such people, how would I ' will I know, what they intend to say, or what they intend to do? But I definetaly, will & do minimize the communication with them.

[@simplyone200]

How to stop getting stalked? I am not fully sure

[@ninjagirlnomeansno9403]

This is absolutely tremendous Rebecca, Thank you so much for all your help and advice, You have stupendous understanding, An amazing, compassionate woman, Peace, love to you Rebecca and everyone, Thank you universe ⚘️😊🧝‍♀️💎😃✨️🦄🤍🐈‍⬛👁🌌🧿🐺🐺😁💞🌈😍🐴👽😀🐉😊⚘️

[@mamabear8177]

That's how I feel like today I was screaming and yelling because I'm at my breaking point all the crap that he has been doing behind my back?

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

I want to tell my dad, the narcissist "I know what you're doing; stop it, now!"

[@freedomtobeintheknow-kryst9705]

Is the book available now? I want it!

[@ArmourKevin]

I've been in 3 relations in a row with narcissists women (grandioses, hidden) Learn to tell a narcissist : -I AM "xyz" years old and you wont tell me what to think, what to say, how to live- cut the relation, take the time to recover your inner sovereignty

[@mariafihn6874]

Can u practice in Las Vegas ? If not can u recommend an attorney like you?? Please Answer/Advise

[@pennypothoneypot634mimmahappun]

Like avoid confrontation . Who is responsible for who legally only that is total madness is there anything natural left ?

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@angiea8022]

Don't take time away from building upon yourself -- Don't give away your integrity.

[@joshuaanzalone2060]

Stay no contact forever

[@20ASilva]

wish i could give more likes

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@muzcadman3204]

Id like to hear about some tips for settlement with an ASPD

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@novel5027]

@@RebeccaZungEsq???? sending the same message to everyone ?spam?

[@jamespimentel1794]

❤️

[@ksiebert631]

Don't argue with Satan.

[@20ASilva]

Satan can't/won't stay on topic for one thing. Soon enough the conversation is about how abusive you were for making them lie about you to friends and family and work colleagues 15 years ago.

[@davecobb6348]

Try to trigger you👍👍👍👍👍👍

[@willkraus4233]

Protect us, I'll hire you,1 bill ,big suits, more than 1. Bill...much more..

[@samanthahughes2916]

What if theirs a kid and ur married

[@bronwest6984]

My other half sets me up… e.g we have horses and he even has his friends that have horses on the property… whenever friend is here, will help them with everything including putting there gear away feeding there horses no questions asked… me though and let’s say my personal horses couldn’t be bothered helping me, when I am outside, so won’t help me with my riding gear, can’t even be bothered feeding the horses I call my own with what I ask nicely for… will take blankets off friends horse but let mine boil away Then he has his friends that of course validate him in every way shape and form and think he is a “god” I want my husband to pay for the pain he has caused me and show the world what an idiot he is and how self centred and how he is the biggest idiot

[@peterhagen7793]

😔 Rebecca...babe in chining armor ...

[@damienwelch9067]

Don't take bait

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@novel5027]

@@RebeccaZungEsq????

[@edouardocastillo]

Hey! Narcissist here getting some training on your games. 😊

[@jackilynpyzocha662]

Don't waste your time/effort/money/whatever, on the narc. I don't have any contact or respect for my narc dad and his mind games. I see through his b.s.

[@adrianatamburini5114]

I wish there was a way to get him to understand what the fuck he did to me

[@user-tv4ul8ku9i]

I can do this!

[@carafloydpresley6584]

I can do this

[@MpumiNobiva]

I can do this!

[@user-di8nr3yl1i]

I can do this!

[@patricialawrence8430]

I can do this

[@FairouzAlbertus]

I can do this

[@narcmellanhimmelohelvete]

I can do this

[@ruba9111]

I can do this

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@danbride7221]

I can do this

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@George-wx5nv]

I can do this

[@RebeccaZungEsq]

How are you doing now? Hope you're feeling well and getting your power back! 💪 This might help - slay.rebeccazung.com/

[@George-wx5nv]

@@RebeccaZungEsq hi Rebecca than you for your reply , to behonest I don’t know how I’m feeling, I’ve just discovered that my partner has the menopause and narcissistic personality disorder, I’m at my wits end , I ve tried to learn more about the menopause in women to try and save this relationship, i told my partner of 10 yrs on Monday I know what wrong I m starting to understand what you are going through we will try to get through this together That aside last night we had a conversation and It ended up with her going back into this narcissistic behaviour Telling me I don’t care making me feel I’m stupid She triangulates around her adult children leaving me helpless and pushed in a corner so I cannot fight back these are my step children This morning she went to work as if nothing had happened 😞 this morning I broke down head in my hands crying She is 51 I am 53 To keep My self strong I go to the gym most nights, just to stay away of toxicity. Rebecca is there such a thing as narcissistic menopause in woman I’m trying to stay strong for my self I don’t know what to do or say I continue to watch your videos and many other I’ve even tried to learn about the menopause As I I thought it was me I the wrong I don’t know what to do 😞

[@George-wx5nv]

@@RebeccaZungEsq thank you I will have a look Ty so much