9 Narcissistic Patterns You Can't Afford To Get Pulled Into

[@dyoung2739]

With a narc,every single thing is your fault,not theirs.

[@janetwillis8670]

I’ve been going through it for 19 years. Dr. C, your videos are such an eye opener for me. I’ve also been taking notes so I can refer back to the lessons. It’s such a relief to know there are others who relate to me. I have constantly been beat down and get panic attacks now. But you are giving me tools to use going forward. God bless you.

[@dyoung2739]

Janet Willis I can't believe I didn't know that this was a disorder. So much stuff makes sense now. Over 30 years now. Not bitter,just thanking the goof Lord that I know now and can live the rest of my life in peace.

[@jnjw2001]

@@dyoung2739 Amen. I feel the same way. Helps me to now make better choices for myself

[@somyan8540]

Ask them to spell it to you, your mistakes. Your faults, ask them to point them out to you. Then you open your eyes wide. The conversation is over.

[@MultiFreddy34]

You got it.

[@andrewpratten]

Step 1. Narc creates a storm. Step 2: You react. Step 3: Narc ignores step 1 ever happened, therefore you're guilty for bad feelings because of Step 2.

[@quixotica222]

Exactly, you nailed it

[@i.m.watching5536]

Exactly.

[@Dragonfly_magictarot]

I stopped reacting

[@Viyvin]

Exactly!!!! Just like you said it!!

[@lilithschwarzermond7342]

🎯 You nailed it.

[@chadandrews98]

“They need to control (someone) and-be superior ( to someone) ... that’s where you come in” Good line!

[@naturefleur2062]

Yep. It helped me to hear as if from the N how they view me and what “supply” means. All I have to do is seem like a person who “needs” help or is unconscious and naive (any vulnerability showing or perceived), and they’re like flies to honey. I feel like the ultimate N deterrent is the statement, “I do that myself”. They only want codependent partners.

[@christar9527]

Doesn’t that sum these losers up well?

[@christar9527]

Out of the Blue I like your comment. I have noticed that if you show any of the signs you mentioned that they love to use you for that. They hone right in on you because they have found their source of supply! That’s what my father did and later everyone else in my life. Recently I have adopted the attitude of I don’t need you and I’m acting on it. Now he’s acting a little different.

[@1ajtg]

I wish I'd known this when I stepped into the relationship and how different things would have been with this perspective....

[@donnadavis4761]

Nature Fleur has

[@DeborahLArmstrong]

The storming out of the room, cutting you off, stonewalling, gaslighting, blameshifting, avoiding any accountability... that is my narc. But he insists that he has never been emotionally abusive. Conveniently, he refuses to read any articles about emotional abuse and has no idea what emotional abuse even is. But he insists he's never done it.

[@deetherider]

Because admitting those things would tarnish his perceived superiority over you. My narc is the exact same way. If you listen to him talk, he is the model partner who does all the right things and I am the callous, crazy abusive one. Because I used to react to his cheating and exposing me to diseases. Because I used to react to him grabbing me by the throat and then saying he didnt...then filming me being fully triggered after he let go of my throat and telling me how "crazy" I look and that he will show anyone I tell about it.

[@moneymagnetelizabeth]

After my experiences, I could never get wrapped up in any of them, through work, family . . .a lifetime of running into these creeps.

[@deetherider]

@RRY PHILL I AM planning.

[@avgonyma1]

@@joseenoel8093 you're right! :)

[@avgonyma1]

@@deetherider film him.

[@deetherider]

Living with a narcissistic person is like being in a real-time chess game. Always having to anticipate what is coming next. Being sure to have a healthy response and/or NO response to get through it without their ultimate "check-mate" is exhausting I end up feeling dead inside a lot of the time because any type of emotional reaction from me means....you guessed it....I'm crazy and abusive...when it's actually the other way around. I am financially trapped and doing my best to get through my college courses to obtain my degree so I can get out of this ridiculous situation.

[@MrJimmyTide]

Parent? Been there. It's fucking horrible.

[@tahiraabid8525]

So true! Same situation here! :'( It is like living in a hell, or maybe you can say more worse than that, where you cannot predict for what you are going to be punished!

[@deetherider]

@@MrJimmyTide no. I fell for the love bombing of a narcissistic man.

[@deetherider]

@@tahiraabid8525 exactly.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Bless your heart! I know how you feel. I just broke up with my ex a couple of months ago. It's tough financially, but I finally feel like myself again.

[@jamesdalecopeland2719]

They definitely don't share your joys, but you better make damn sure you are elated about theirs.

[@dianelafreniere1362]

I Couldn’t have said that better!!

[@julienewkirk2194]

James Dale Copeland Exactly!! My family did this to me all the time. I would sit in a room & listen to them talk about themselves and what they have going on. When I tried to talk about me or my family I got little to no response at all! I don’t sit in a room with them anymore!

[@Juliegrl4368]

Especially if their joys are fake.

[@AikoFox]

Sadly, this is so true. They won't share your joys but you'd better be able to entertain whatever sets their ego afloat. Its like they just want a puppet to entertain them and their joys or accomplishments. Unfair and sad indeed.

[@abseiduk]

No they share your joy, it's like your dog winning $50k in a competition, the dogs not going to get that money the owner will.

[@jeepwoman64]

When you finally realize what they are.....Don’t bother talking to them. Nobody’s home.

[@charchar6504]

Lights are on but nobody's home lol.. You got that right!

[@natoyabailey9439]

😂Ikr

[@ryangrundy4290]

Yes. This is very true

[@maryammeskienyar7412]

oh i wish it was that simple , they don't want you to stay away from them either .

[@CG-bt7oc]

Yes, being around a narcissist is absolutely draining! I could never figure out why...you help make sense of all this mess!

[@wendellignatin1228]

narcissists are broken people.I say that to myself constantly.If I remind myself that they are the broken one and that there is nothing wrong with me, then i don't get so upset.Thank you dr. carter.

[@andreabuntpercy]

Congratulations! That's a breakthrough for you. And compassionate.

[@wendellignatin1228]

thank you brother.

[@ladennayoung2939]

Yeah they are broken, but you have to escape from them to keep your own sanity and peace.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

I remember one time the narcissist was trying to goad me into a fight. We'd not seen each other for a while because I was upset over something he'd done and he'd come over to my house to tell me where I was going wrong all the time. I was beginning to see him for what he was and refused to bite. I didn't cry, didn't get defensive, I remained totally impassive. He just kept on trying to get me into a fight until he slammed out the door in a fury. It made me realise how the dynamics of our relationship had been working and it was so very toxic. I'm happy to say I'm now free of him after years of misery and confusion.

[@vitalule8889]

You are the most caring person to help people that are suffering

[@candybradford6468]

This Thanksgiving I am giving thanks for the wisdom that you share, Dr. Carter. My only regret is not having this knowledge years ago. It would have saved me from a lot of holiday drama. 🥴

[@Walsh25]

Candy Bradford amen that didn’t know what a Narc. Was or even what word meant until it was too late -- lots of drama and money wasted when if knew could of put a end to it immediately. Thank god we know now and it will NEVER happen again Ever thanks Doctor your wisdom is priceless ❣️❣️☀️☀️

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Candy. Received with gratitude! Dr. C

[@nd8610]

Candy Bradford: Dr.Carter is the best. And another thing I agree with you on is, I wish we had this information long ago. It seems that this was not talked about for the public to know or maybe the psychs didn't know. Why keep this forced turmoil on innocent people that narcs do? This is criminal behavior, almost like a rapist but in another abusive form. Why hide the Narcissistic abuse and not make parents or people aware and tell us how to see them coming or even behavioral traits that we had to try to find on our own on the net? This needs to be diagnosed from these abusive ones that scope out people like us. I wonder if it was covered up or the lack of findings, who knows. Will anyone tell us? I wonder. But, we will get strong again no matter what.

[@sis2943]

Oh yes,I get that, I use to enjoy the holidays, now I dont

[@sis2943]

Dear one , I know, but we really can only go forward and learn from our past to not go back. Dr. Carter really understands What a Gem.

[@cherylferris4723]

My "better alternative," the necessary alternative, was to go no contact and remove the narcissist from my life. As painful as that was, Dr. Carter, your videos are a reminder that I had experienced all of these narcissistic patterns until it was tearing me apart. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for these precious lessons.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Cheryl. I wish you peace. Dr. C

[@mrsmucha]

Yes, going no contact is essential for one's sanity.

[@Despondencymusic]

My ex contacted me a month ago via text. I didn't respond...but I want to because I want to stick it to her that I've learned what she is. But...I won't.

[@sixthsense8836]

@@Despondencymusic if you don't respond to her you can forever be "the one that got away"..... That will make you so attractive, forever.... 😉

[@Despondencymusic]

@@sixthsense8836 indeed

[@Iulia958]

True especially the one with joy! Never understood why the narcissist wasn’t “there” when something good was happening in my life

[@charchar6504]

Always said he was a joy sucker, he would suck the joy out of everything and anything.... Now I relize the condition... He just suck the energy of life from me in all situations... Thank God for these good people with these videos for the enlightenment and knowing we are not alone in this!

[@laurenmascolo9555]

Char Char so true. They are resentful and jealous of our happiness because they are miserable. Yuk

[@rosettesionne9139]

Those I knew we're there for my moments of joy but not in my moments of sadness and vulnerability and I believe that it hurt much more

[@masteryourdesire.4463]

Never worry about the Narcissis focus more on developing yourself to a level where you do not allow anyone to miss treat you are your own battle.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Precisely. Dr. C

[@catnc1]

It really helps to know their patterns so that I am not conned into internalizing their mess. 🙌

[@deannadove3505]

Dr. C. even though, we have never met in person, you have brought sunshine, hope and encouragement to me through your videos. You are supporting me through some of the worst, hardest times of my life. Thank you.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Deanna. I'm so pleased to be on your journey with you! Peace. Dr. C

[@bereal6590]

Same here 😊😊

[@melindabess]

I have recently removed myself from a narcissist. I have had some friends and coworkers tell me,I look so much better. Thanks for your help. I am on my way back!

[@debbiehallums966]

I’m leaving a 3 yr relationship with a narcissist. I have no family for support. Your videos are my life line in trying to keep me on my journey to a mended and healthier me. I’m so grateful for your knowledge.🙏❤️😊

[@Daysleeper1000]

My mother in law took my blind dog to the animal shelter when I was away on a ship in the Navy. My husband never stood up to her. I've been married 35 years and this beast of a mother in law despises me, and the fact that her son and I ARE A TEAM. It was rough going until I became aware of narcissistic personality disorder. I was the scapegoat of my family, and it took me forever to realize I am a narcissist magnet. I have a strong faith, and with God, I've set strong boundaries with all the bullies in my life. Sometimes, it heals .... Like my marriage. Other times, no. I walked away from a bully boss and currently pivoting my career. I'm at peace. Your videos are life changing. 👏👏🙌🙌

[@susannakotoff7095]

MY sister in law is the covert narc in our life and her husband is on her team along with my mother in law

[@faminzhorse5728]

You can have her charged with theft. Animals are property under the law and if she stole your dog and had it killed then you have a legal case

[@Daysleeper1000]

@@faminzhorse5728Thank you for the supportive words. These forums are a great way to connect with others. I wish I had thought of that , so many years ago. I was mentally abused and as I mentioned, I was the scapegoat of my family. At the time, I thought that's just the way people are 🥺pathetic, I know. My husband's response was "do you think you're the only one who would rescue a blind dog?" ...sadly, I knew nothing about gaslighting. We are still together, but it was a long hard road, peeling the layers to unravel the crazy. We are now a TEAM and he rarely visits his mother. God worked a miracle.

[@Daysleeper1000]

@@susannakotoff7095 OMG. I understand COMPLETELY. if you try to tell someone unfamiliar with cluster B disorders, they look at you like you're the crazy one. Nope. You're in the right community here, sharing the crazy stories. It really does help others bringing experiences to the light. Thanks for sharing. Hang in there. Personally, my faith helped me. 🙏

[@moneymagnetelizabeth]

oMG, moving on is the best thing!

[@joannajohnson696]

I am taking notes; & as I am writing, I understand narcissists in a new light. Yes, he is worn me down the last 10 years, nit picking, arbitrary, demands, we never engage in any meaningful conversation & all he does is fight or project ugliness on me. There is NO JOY left in this marraige on ANY LEVEL!

[@crystaldefelice1602]

I was always saying “Your not listening to me!”

[@bigtreecombatacademy2927]

Crystal DeFelice same !! Though I more screamed it at times lol

[@daisie222]

Yup, and they really don't. They have the "devil may care" attitude, cause they are the devil. :(

[@echase4790]

I'd see mine looking off. Not really 'present'. Glad to be done.

[@pelicancovebeach2873]

Me, too.

[@debrahelgeson6677]

Oh Dr C, that’s been my life from childhood into adulthood. Finding your own peace is key, which I’ve found. Sad to think of lives wasted because of narcissistism.

[@marylim1494]

You will move on well! Just focus on moving on and away from them.

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

It is not wasted if you embrace it as part of who you are today.

[@pianolearner7]

@@wisconsinfarmer4742 My counsellor said similar. .."now is your time Dianne "

[@mariaseidi4764]

I experienced all this behaviors ,I'm totally schock how accurate Dr Carter is,all this is so tiring,mental and emocional crusching...no wonder people get very sick dealing with Narcissist.

[@snowflake343]

Me too!!!

[@mariaseidi4764]

@@snowflake343 I watch many narcissim channel here in you tube ,I was almost going to engage in a relationship with a narcissist ,I see the red flags and run ,afther that I become very interested in knowing everything I can about narcissim in all angles ,I need to know ,I need to understand what this is ,I search for the spiritual side of it and it was the one that makes more sense in my head ,please look here in you tube videos about the spiritual side of narcissim ,Jazebel spirit ,thank you greeting from Germany 🇩🇪

[@tomaskacicka8200]

Me too. I was not expecting that also women can be a Narcissist. I have literally experienced 8 patterns and the last one I saw to be applied on a friend. We broke up and I felt and still feel horrible because of that. I have also apologised and want to discuss the situation and w/o success. I was only blamed and passively verbally attacked.

[@notesbynaq]

I think we end up hyper vigilant and picking out things in others when the narcissists are causing/have caused so much strife...we end up acting narcissistic too.

[@crochetrodeo]

I really agree with this and how we can I quit blaming (this is me - not implying it to anyone else’s pain). I just want to improve me (wash,rinse,repeat)!

[@lindajosendale8979]

No More This is so true! We become narcissistic being around them. Makes me sick when I realize I do this . Think it’s a form of self protection. Difference is that I realize my behavior is to control myself, not them & stop the craziness for a short while.

[@notesbynaq]

@@lindajosendale8979 Right! At I self reflect and kick my own butt for it and apologize. I detect so much of it on my kids that I think sometimes I go out of my way/maybe overboard to try to teach them that their narcissistic behaviors are NOT okay..especially when they mirror him and treat me like he does. I'm like oh HELLLL no! You may NOT treat me that way. I have taken it from him but I will NOT take it from my own children!

[@wisconsinfarmer4742]

Thank you for your awareness. So many recollections of when I could have responded without descending into the game.

[@Ski7440]

No More ...hyper vigilant is the word. My grown up daughter, 29 yrs old, sat in the back of my car and without even asking me took out my bank card from my purse and used it to purchase something . She then told me what she had done, and that she would reimburse me 😳🤯. I was so cross, but remained calm externally. I thought it was a really weird, bizarre thing to do , and totally insanely disrespectful. Please can anyone explain this awful, rude , crazy making piece of behaviour. Did she do it to wind me up, piss me off, make me feel powerless as I was driving, ?? I am totally bewildered but such obscene behaviour.

[@avgonyma1]

Narcissistic patterns: They need to control someone and be superior. They have low level of insight into themself. 1. They make arbitrary demands. They net-pick you to death. They criticise your behaviour at social gatherings. 2. They remind you of your duties and obligations, they don't like you to have free choice. They create the rules."you owe me and need to keep me happy". 3. They speak words of guilt and shame in you when you don't agree with them (he thinks he is above everyone and wants you to conform to them) 4. Their demands on you leave you feeling drained and depleted. (And defeated). 5. They don't share your joys with you. They don't ask follow up questions. Because it requires empathy. 6. They can not recognise their contributions to communication brakdowns (the interrupt you, they missinterpret, they walk out). 7. They can turn simple discussions about differences and preferences into a disagreement/argument (they are thin skinned) 8. They find it impossible to act in sacrificial manner. There may be times in a family/friends setting when you need to make a sacrifice for someone. 9. They can not discuss emotions objectively (if you feel angry, insecure etc. They can not discuss it but teaches you who is right). These results are the consequence of their history of brokenness. You need to avoid getting dragged into their pattern.

[@natashagodley462]

This is/was my mother, she's slowing turning around since her 4 strokes. But her older sister is a carbon copy of all nine of these patterns & uses religion to justify her position. I remember years before my mom's strokes that the two of them got in an argument over the pronunciation of a word (#7)!!! Recently, I got a looong essay of a text from my aunt blowing me out (extreme narcissistic rage) about my comments at her dads (my grandfather's) funeral from over three months ago. I gave her a short response stating that since she didn't have a hell to put me in, I could careless what she thinks. She didn't respond. So, I know that I'm on her vindictive radar.

[@avgonyma1]

@@natashagodley462 lol. Sorry to laugh, but my (currently still) bf with many (but not all) narc features has very similar "issues": fighting with people that they should understand what he meant when he clearly pronounced it wrong (to sound like another word- but we should all figure out that it was impossible he meant that. Obviously!!). Never accountable. It's everybody else's fault. He literally has the same conversations/arguments with different people! (Except he wouldn't come up with a thing 3 months later- he literally forgets about things the next day and moves on). So " funny" you should mention that- because it's very specific.

[@avgonyma1]

@SealedTilRedemption lol. I hear you! Always deflect from the cause. They are ready to fight for hours/days about your "faults" and what you should do (according to them) but the minute you mention their flaws/injustices they deflect. To you again! Or an alternative: totally ignore that you even brought a claim up. If you reformulate to see what happens, you might get missinterprated or again deflected. "Mine" has another "logical feature" : he is preaching everyone else what they should do (keep order, keep healthy sleep habits etc) while he often is incapable to follow his own advice. But never mind: do as I say not as I do. :) he will say I am a lot better than him so I should not compare myself to him. But my argument is: if you don't manage to do it yourself then it's a proof it's not that easy to reach. So how can you expect me to do it if we don't even know how much it takes, or if it's that easy? In theory we all know what is best, but what is a realistic expectation?

[@avgonyma1]

@SealedTilRedemption it's just very one-sided not objective (unjust).

[@speedskater5613]

SealedTilRedemption she definitely has narc tendencies. My mother was like that too, she loved to tell me I owe her and when I didn’t jump when she said jump I was a horrible person. She claimed to be saved but I am not sure. I guess I’ll know when I get to heaven. She was extremely cruel to me my whole life. She passed in 2015 and still to this day I will have nightmares about her. So I know where you are coming from. I believe because of how I was treated I chose the biggest narc on the plant to marry. Lol I had no idea for a month or two because he was still faking being nice. I was so gullible. Fast forward to 22 years of unbelievable verbal and emotional abuse. Just me typing this gives me anxiety

[@Canaday291]

The only thing that works for me with my narcissistic ex husband is no contact as I have to keep telling myself don’t react to his constant provocations and attempts to bring me down and I cannot ever reason with insanity

[@daringgreatly8473]

“Don’t let them set your pace.” --love it!

[@MiAowWow]

It's remarkable how entitled these selfabsorbed narcissists are. They think they can come into our lives and start dictating everything. Your description is so spot on, it's like you're describing my ex (narc). Thank you as always Dr Carter! 😁💕

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, MiA. Dr. C

[@MiAowWow]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Happy Thanksgiving to you Dr Carter and Gus. 😁🙏

[@MarlanWarren]

Such a blessing to hear this today. All the men that I had in my life fit this pattern. Today I will not feel down as I get ready to face another holiday season alone...just bearing in mind how rough it once was...with N's in my life.

[@MarlanWarren]

@charlotte webber Thank you so much, Charlotte! Same to you! (When he mentioned how they can get rid of clothes in your closet...Bingo!)

[@s7449]

Sometimes the peace of being alone is better. I know it's hard...it gets better!!! We are all in this together!!! Wishing you a wonderful and blessed Thanksgiving and Christmas season!!!💕

[@golightly5121]

Marlan Warren : Alone can be very peaceful.

[@golightly5121]

Marlan Warren : Maybe treat yourself to a few simple pleasures, a few tasty edibles, walks in nature, a visit to a kind person who could use some company, looking at Christmas lights and displays,ect. Your time to have fun without drama!

[@christinelamb1167]

Marlan Warren I am alone again this holiday season as well! I left and divorced my narc ex-husband 3 years ago, 2 years ago I went no contact with my narc sister, and my relationship with my narc mother is just about over, as well. In September, I made a boundary with her that I will no longer celebrate holidays with her. It's a long, stupidly crazy story, so I won't bore you with the details, but basically I just want no part anymore of her outrageous and stupid demands of how I "should" act and behave regarding holidays. It was hard on her birthday and mine, (both in September), but I stood firm, and I will do the same for Thanksgiving and Christmas. It's not what I want, but I am more happy and peaceful alone than with horrible, crazy-making people surrounding me on what are supposed to be "joyous" occasions. I wish you peace and joy in your heart this holiday season, and always.

[@robind2727]

My father is a toxic narcissist. My mom is in a nursing home. My dad uses this as a means to hold people hostage to his endless rants. He will talk until he’s hoarse and still keep going. My poor mom can’t visit with people bc he takes over. It’s sad. He wonders why she doesn’t get more visitors. It’s because of him. He inflicts guilt on us kids that we are not visiting our mom every day! We are all so broken bc of him and cannot mentally withstand him to visit frequently. If you’re not visiting, then he’s calling you 3 times a day never caring about your time. He talks for at least an hour, never letting you say a word. If you say something he doesn’t like, he hangs up on you. I am worried for myself. I no longer even want to get out of bed and have no interest in anything that used to make me happy. She has been in a nursing home for a year now and he is approaching 90yrs old. He is just not happy unless you give up your entire self to cater to him. I have been taking care of my mom off and on for 8yrs now and have to deal with him. I am exhausted. He is never happy, talks badly about everyone and everything and is so negative that it just drains the life out of you. How does one survive this type of situation?

[@ggbouvier9897]

Robin, I feel for you. I have to deal with a narcissist woman, and I can just imagine a male model of that! You are doing great looking after your mom. Maybe if you tell him you have a brutal headache because of a sinus infection (sorry about suggesting fibbing, but...) or whatever, maybe he won’t go on for an hour.

[@elainesmith5313]

Dr. C.......I stopped sharing anything joyful with my deceased narc husband, because his facial expression was that of distane, so I just stopped over timr. He would try get me to tell him about my day.....stopped small talk too. Because it was an opportunity for him to give me unselicted advice, advice if I gave to him he would not take. It's foolish for us to try to operate in a normal way because they , the Narc ate not human, just robotic!!! Gray Rocking away in North Carolina!!! Thanks Dr C.

[@violetgypsie]

With the covert narc they don’t tell you anything, they just operate at their own speed, with their own priorities as it pleases them. It doesn’t matter what anyone else’s opinion or needs are. They will not be told how and when to do anything.

[@jayaom4946]

These patterns really helped me to see my dad more clearly. He passed away a year ago and I still have so much anger about how much time & energy I gave him like he was a real dad, really giving him that image in front of his "friends" (employees & customers). He ignored all responsibility for me while I was growing up and I didn't know who he was until I met him when I was 9. Yet I developed a pretty tight codependent relationship with him as an adult (my mom got in on it too, it's like we were in competition! for my dad's attention). But educating myself helps so much. I understand the truth which is what I was missing all these years.

[@m.f.richardson1602]

@Toughen Up, Fluffy Me too

[@golightly5121]

I have low contact but after some recent truth telling I will be disowned.

[@andreabrunkow9314]

Lol my mother didn't like the way I SWALLOWED. lol. I ended up leaving home at 16. ESCAPEgoat. I'm no contact and live 900 miles away from the insanity.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You didn't read the instruction book on how to swallow? Dr. C

[@andreabrunkow9314]

@@SurvivingNarcissism lol

[@christinelamb1167]

@@SurvivingNarcissism ROTFL!! 🤣

[@djb1164]

@@SurvivingNarcissism Is that your next video? :D

[@lovejoy8674]

Wow!

[@Celt_Downunder]

Sometimes I feel that the narcissist is so jealous of our perceived normalcy, that they can hardly breathe. Their internal self loathing is fuelled by happy, joyous, popular empaths and they set out to destroy you and all that makes up your life. Thank you Dr C. You’re so insightful into these broken beasts who have no chance of any kind of ‘Awakening’. They deserve our pity. When you become skilled at recognising s the patterns it’s quite amusing. But as you say it’s an exhausting game. I share a place with a Narc and I can’t wait to move out, but it’s like having a scenario play out for me when I’m not invested in him. I’m watching the movie Narc IV LOL. Because I have always tried to ‘fix’ them with love. But no way, never ever again.

[@susancosgrove7821]

This is so spot on! A simple discussion or observation becomes a battle ground. I liken it to trying to pass through an opening in a briar hedge wearing a wooly jumper....looks straightforward, right? But it doesn't take long before you become are stuck fast and hooked on. Trying to untangle yourself from one point, you find yourself entangled at another point. Ending frustrated, bewildered and blamed with nothing resolved. I find so much value and peace with your insights . As always Dr C, thank you so, so much. 😚

[@aliceroberts1980]

Really good video lots of examples that describe the narcissist’s bad behavior. Like them turning everything it to a contest simple things like putting out the trash turns into a 3 hour fight you need to know what their doing so you don’t get sucked in to pointless arguments. I wish I would have known he wasn’t even listening to me I could have save years of misery . Thank you Dr. C

[@mariaseidi4764]

I see other narcissim channel here in you tube but this one is the best ,100%acurate about Narcissist behavior ,almost everything that DrCarter speak about I experienced it ,it's fraigtening...

[@snowflake343]

@@mariaseidi4764 True! It's like Dr Carter summed up all of my marriage life..

[@christinelamb1167]

Alice Roberts Yes! OMG, the POINTLESS, STUPID ARGUMENTS!! I am learning to not get sucked in, and little by little, I am getting better at detaching from their crazy-making behavior.

[@aliceroberts1980]

Christine Lamb Some times I don’t,but keep trying it getting easier when you know that’s what they want for you to lose it. They love to upset people.

[@natashagodley462]

My narcissistic mom has had 4 strokes & is now in a nursing home. She controlled almost everything in my life. It was a vicious Catch 22. If I started to succeed in something, I was met with harsh criticism & I caught hell if I failed. I felt defeated & worn out all the time. But I thought I was covering it well. One of my church friends recently told me that she hates that my mom has had a stroke, but I seem to have blossomed since she has! It's because, I feel free to be me. I'm now dealing with her sister who has every pattern discussed. :(

[@m.f.richardson1602]

RUN. RUN. RUN. Now is your chance to get away from HELL

[@marysteelman6534]

I’m there. Thank you for sharing. 🌹

[@ruby-qv5bd]

Lord help you, girl. Oh my goodness, what a shame. Hang in until you can do more.

[@sillycrow3834]

NATASHA GODLEY Hang in there, dear! Doc C has taught us how to recognize it. That’s half the battle right there. You see it now. Once the realization hits, it’s the biggest breath of fresh air you could ever breathe. I can’t thank Doc C enough 🤗 sharp tongues of narcs have no fury against Doc C’s wisdom

[@marloh967]

My mom is a narcissist and it is exhausting people or normal people who don't have to deal with a narcissist have no clue.

[@kindwords9667]

Thankful today for your wise words. I believe my mother is a narcissist . Growing up I would regularly end up in my room crying and wondering what the heck did I do wrong? At 18 I move out to get away from the craziness that I could not understand. At 29 with 2 babies I moved out of state to get away from my mother. After 27 years my now adult daughter and son in law moved her to be near as to take care of her as she is now 85 . Her first Thanksgiving with me in 27 years and her first Thanksgiving with her granddaughter , son in law. She spent the day in her bathrobe, in her bedroom watching tv. My entire life regarding her has been walking on eggshells. After 27 years with only five visits I still walk on eggshells. And after only moving her her 3 weeks ago she has already conveyed to me that she is not happy with the move. I forced her. ...etc, bringing up things from my childhood , my decision to move out of state 27 years ago....and I am still wondering, what the heck did I do wrong to this woman.

[@merrinadeem6582]

Been consistently listening to you daily for the last year. I call you my KZbin doctor🥰🙏🏽 you’ve helped me reevaluate my life and break all my walls. Boundaries are my thing now. You’ve provided the vocabulary I need to keep from explaining. Keep the vids coming Dr. C!

[@abseiduk]

I call him my KZbin dad

[@dashapulkova581]

"Nobody will love you as I did"- the favorite sayings of the narcissist. And what made me feel creepy was that when one day I recalled something funny and burst into the laugh, he just stared at me with no facial expression at all! I was laughing quite long, but he didnt even smiled back. A healthy individual would at least smile a bit or laugh too. But he just stared with zero emotion on his face. That made me feel weird....😮🤔

[@petercrutchley6085]

Have followed a number of channels on this topic and found your inputs to have been the most representative. Many thanks Dr Carter.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Peter. Dr. C

[@un-diluted7444]

best channel on narc topic

[@Picca65]

Yes, i agree 100%!!

[@ladennayoung2939]

I would always wonder how he could watch me cry due to him doing something that hurt me deeply. But turn around and do the same thing that would hurt me the next day. I didn't understand narcissistic personality disorder at the time. Videos like this, and others that I have seen on KZbin helped me to understand, and enabled me to be able to let go of the so called relationship that I had with him.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

Ladenna I had the same. He would watch me sobbing my heart out due to his behaviour and just walk away saying he'd got stuff to do. Then he'd do the same thing again. They are so cold. No feelings whatsoever. I've shed my last tears for sure.

[@maryroraff1822]

This has helped me recover from a relationship I had years ago. I always wondered what happened and why things worked out the way they did, so thank you.

[@MalloryJay95]

"You're crazy if you think I'm abusive. Why would you even make that up about me?" These videos have helped me realize I do not want to get back together and it was not normal.

[@duckiegirl58]

I've been listening for a long long time. Thought I'd worked thru it all.. this one took my breath away. The belittling of my needs, my choices. Amazing how some of it still lurks just beneath the surface, even after 14 years. Keeping the forward momentum to release it! Thank you!!

[@krejados1]

It's the dangdest thing: my daughter never asks questions. She 'hopes I'm well' but never asks how I'm doing. Her lack of interest has led me to no longer disclose anything about myself or my life (I live abroad). I have realised that I am essentially her audience and she hasn't commented on the fact that I've started only responding minimally to her texts - as brief a response as I can give (there was a specific event that led to my changing how I respond to her). This video series has shown me that I do indeed have a narcissist on my hands. Thanks so much for posting.

[@randyskolrud7920]

This video was especially appropriate for me right now... 6 months ago, my soon to be ex (wife of 30 years)dropped the hammer with separation (and now working towards divorce) and accused me of being the covert Narcissist.(Right when I started thinking that she was of course) Now I am trying to re-learn or rather have my eyes opened to what has been going on for a very long time. It's hard not to get sucked back in to those older patterns and pointless arguments! And I am so completely grateful to the Doc and this channel for helping me "see the light" after feeling confused for so long.

[@FrancesShear]

Frances Bernard here. I am sure that when the narcissist is getting his way from A to Z then all will be well according to him. The minute you make any assertions regarding your own beliefs and needs then right away in their mind it must be according to them only a weakness of yours that would become only ever an imposition on them instead of any possibility of a new beginning compromise with some sacrifices being done for both. According to them all the sacrifices no matter who all is doing them should not be theirs because according to them since they are the superior one then all are all supposed to be continuing in sacrificing to them.

[@deborahkalfon-berzon6953]

Just the other day I was driving with a narcissist. All I could do was laugh hysterically at what he was accusing me of because he did not realize how every accusation of me was really him. I actually had tears running down my face! Man, that annoyed the heck out of him!

[@auntiemsplace]

...drained...defeated...yep. Mine came at me again yesterday, insisting that I refile HIS unemployment as I must've done something wrong (according to him) and that's why he's not receiving it. I pointed out that it is not my duty to handle it in the first place. Looking back, for years it has been me applying to jobs for him (it was sort of unspoken that if I didn't do it, he would just continue to stay unemployed - after all, he doesn't want to work - he hates being told what to do), as well as filing for unemployment, etc., etc., etc. When I told him it was not my job to handle this for him in the first place, he smacked me with the newspaper, then screamed at me, "OK, FINE! I'll just get my money and up and leave your @$$!" (For a minute my heart leapt for joy! He won't go - no one would take him...)

[@joeschmoe7510]

Your a generous man for helping people out for free (except your you tube royalties) I would like to ask all your subscribers to recommend your channel. Its the best one on the subject..

[@brandonizaya948]

Listening to this I'm looking back and my narc was only "empathetic" through text. Makes sense! Thanks Doc!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Glad you can see it!!

[@tammyw.4779]

Thank you very much!! I was always exhausted around this group of people, and left hating myself completely. I felt constantly looked down upon and picked apart. It wasn’t until I’d been away for a few years that I began to see things from a different point of view.

[@JasonHyde32]

I spent 1 year writing and illustrating a children's book. When it was completed and uploaded to Amazon my kids and I where excitedly dancing around. My spouse just looked at us uninterested and with no emotion. Se la vie.🥴🙄😤

[@nonabardin9162]

I made it through Thanksgiving! I was told by my young 31 year old son that my narc mother (who I have been no contact with for a year) wanted to have "one last Thanksgiving at her house." She told him that if I wouldn't attend, she wouldn't be having it. The day came and I had ZERO plans to attend. My son and his wife were the only ones who showed up! He was told by mom that "he and his wife were the only ones she invited!" What a lying bitch! I do not need her manipulative abuse any longer! I'm so proud that I made it through this holiday! Didn't give her a single thought! Yay me!!!!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Boundaries! Dr. C

[@opinionatorX]

There is only one sure way to stop a narc. LEAVE!!! I know it may be hard for some in situations but make plans and just do it. It's not worth staying.

[@andrearush6209]

Man, this is so hard some days. The past few days, I've struggled with the loss of my father to my sister's narrative of who she says I am to him. He is blind to what has happened between us and is happening now. In less than two years, I've watched a once functional relationship with good elements fall to pieces, as they have zero empathy, zero insight, zero understanding of a differing perspective, zero accountability. I have zero voice in the matter. Speaking up and using my voice is quickly shut down and framed as "overly dramatic and too sensitive" by both of them and since he is the one who started that narrative long ago, my actions are still judged as such. I don't want to give up and walk away but I don't know how to crack through this. Just sad this morning and there's no place where I can speak the truth except Jesus and here. I had no idea there were answers to the questions I've had for so long. Now that I know, it helps to understand but it sure still hurts some days.

[@mrsmucha]

This is one of the best videos about what the narc does and how to recognize it. Thank you Dr. Carter!

[@davidnyro19]

OMG! The socializing post-mortem Dr. Carter touches on was completely one of her things, right down to the example of laughing that he mentions, criticizing me about the way I laughed, or I laughed too much, or too loud, and I was a social butterfly, or I talked too much, or my jokes weren't funny, and on and on. Later, I realized she was super-insecure and wanted me at her side the whole time. But that was part of her narcissism.

[@kesmarn]

One of the best Dr. C talks ever. This is one that I'll need to watch more than once. Hugs to Gus!

[@andersb5007]

Agreed! So accurate it’s scary!

[@ms.vscorner]

Thank you for your videos! I have been no contact with my narc mother for exactly these reasons! I could not deal with it anymore and I am slowly healing from her madness. This is my better alternative!

[@LarissaBedrick]

So true about them not being able to share your joy. It’s like they can smell when you’re in a good mood and will find some random thing to nitpick or be negative about. I’ve had so many occasions that should have been happy ones that I wanted to share with him (and he acted like he really cared and wanted to be there) ruined by his incessant negativity during or immediately afterward. Like an entire car ride home of nothing but criticism of me/other people/the event/the meaningless of whatever the good thing was. I didn’t expect him to love it...just not beat it to death. Good times.

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Larissa Bedrick,Hope you are not with a narcissist…

[@sarahbarr5149]

Thank you for helping me to grow in establishing my own responses and not be dependent on reacting to another's behavior!

[@martyrose]

And there's that dismissiveness that says this conversation is over regardless if your talking or not.

[@pamcarter6595]

WOW Dr. Carter I think you hit all 9 describing my NARCISSIST.. Its total hell... Thank you for your time making these videos..💜💜

[@oscarwilliamson1128]

Pam Carter,Hope you are not with a narcissist….

[@dawnjoys8]

I absolutely would not have made it through this summer without videos like this! Crazytown visits with my family member plus racial divides and COVID 19 have made this a tough one to stay sane in. Thank you for being there.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Dawn, keep leaning forward. Dr. C

[@eph2vv89only1way]

I had a thought at school tonight and I thought it might help others. The thought was, “The best way to beat a narcissist is to succeed at something they told you that you were too stupid to do.”

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

I'm with you on that! Dr. C

[@djb1164]

@@SurvivingNarcissism And then they mock you... "Well, now you're the big know-it-all college graduate..." while looking at you with disgust. Sometimes it's the way they look at you more than anything they say. THERE IS NO WAY TO "BEAT" A NARCISSIST. YOU WILL NEVER WIN. The closest thing to "winning" with them is going grey rock, and leaving them as soon as you can. It really hurts to be slapped in the face with your success... a success you worked hard for, partly in hopes of making them proud of you, which will never happen.

[@Jessica-zf2df]

I once told him I was thinking of trying my hand at writing a book. His response was to laugh long and loud in my face. A year after I left him I phoned him to say I'd written my book, it was about my life living with a covert narcissist and it was being published soon. He wasn't laughing now!

[@eph2vv89only1way]

@@Jessica-zf2df awesome. I’m so happy for you

[@isaiahharrell20]

He is 100% this. That is so accurate how you are defining someone I used to call a friend.

[@cymbolichuman433]

Yes I've been afraid of being just like them and every New Year's I make a resolution to give up those bad habits that I picked up from the narcissist. Like quit talking about myself so much.

[@TheNikki284]

NAILED IT on the "worn-out/defeatedness approach to life". It occurred to me recently HOW much mental exhaustion it causes me to just play Mind Chess with them on a daily basis. Trying to figure out exactly the "right" words to say or not to say (that task is even worse), I'm truly spent after an encounter with her. And then I have no more energy to do what I need to do for myself. It does feel extremely defeating.

[@LinYouToo]

I finally caught you live. Excellent content once again. You have perfectly described my mother.😞

[@chokinonashes61]

I'm very sorry. Having a narcissistic parent is devastating to a person. As a woman with a narc mother they tend to be misogynists in my experience.

[@ilhamjaa5059]

My mother too

[@Picca65]

And mine... BUT now i know, i am the one who is in charge. With dignity and respect i keep my boundaries better and better :) Keep on going!!

[@carriered4715]

Dr.C - Your videos are Saving my Life. I have nowhere else to turn to, and although I don't live with my Narc Daughter any more, she's still in the edge of my life, and it's So Hard to cope with her. I get great Comfort from hearing your words. Thankyou.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Carrie, that is major encouragement to me. Thanks. I want you to keep leaning forward, knowing you can figure it out even if your daughter doesn't.

[@coregts3504]

Thats Spot-on my narc partner has never shown any interest at all or given any input towards any hobbies, passions or things i find that make me happy, the silent treatment kicks in once any topic is abt me, its like they cant hold attention zero nothing, its so crazy making. Also when she speaks abt her day i get a gut feeling its a tall tail and not really the truth altho at least she gets my attention, you do feel like playing their game some times but my personality just wont let me bat the ball back, as a few peeps have said dont get dirty with the pigs as they enjoy it.

[@coregts3504]

@Quiche LorraineTbh My narc would hate it if i was in a position to make money from a hobby and be more independent as it would be seen as threat to the control she thinks she has over me financially, with her being the bread winner just adds to the control, i dont see or even know her salary annually after 7 years, jst food in the fridge thats it lol, I still have a use to her whilst the kids are young im not blind to that, perhaps lata the discard will begin once she has all the bases covered and her stepping stones are soild. Simply put If i dont serve a use im a gonna.

[@bookbeing]

This was so helpful! Some I know are driven to always be right, (be the winner) rather than do the right thing(act in the best interests of others and nourish his relationships). The like to be right, not do right.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Yes, we're on the same page! Dr. C

[@jennyzaczkiewicz4811]

Narcs get pissed when you can;t hear them... When they know you have a hearing problem, still get pissed off and scream at you. WoW what a psycho

[@victoriousjoy9338]

Yes. My narcissist constantly mumbled and I kept saying"what?" for many years. They want you to get mad at them. Eventually I just ignored what he said unless he spoke clearly enough for me to hear. By the way, I don't even have a hearing problem!

[@ryansegura8566]

This makes me so happy, not that that this has happened to us, but rather to know that I’m not alone in this exact situation. I went to hearing doctors and did tests to try and solve the problem because I couldn’t understand why it was so difficult hearing her, then I started realizing that she mumbles, or chooses odd times or loud places to say things. And then I’m the target of anger, stone walling, or passive aggressive ignoring (silence to show what she has to go through) etc. so thank you for sharing this, it helps me in my resolve to leave.

[@jennyzaczkiewicz4811]

@@ryansegura8566 I can not imagine another human being being pissed off at anyone who was blind , or deaf. I asked after he yelled at me for not being able to hear him. " would you be angry if someone was blind and could see?" He replied YES " He often has called me and gets so pissed off and yells at me because I can't see the billboard ad he's looking at. I am at home and he's 1500 miles away in a truck. How the hell could I see it?

[@jennyzaczkiewicz4811]

@Sky Dream They do this and much much more. They use anything to start a degrading session on you. Nothing you do right is ever right. It seems to me they are in 24/7 anger criticizing state. There compliments for you doing it right normally is " It's about time you did that"

[@monkeybearmax]

Let me offer a different perspective on hearing issues ( not saying you don’t have a narc) I get pissed at my mother bc she refuses to wear her hearing aid! And I’d actually like to have a communicative relationship with her. I don’t have energy to repeat myself but so many times bc I’m sick. You have to scream when they can’t hear and then when suddenly they can hear you they complain ur screaming! It’s a huge issue tha negatively impacts relationships and not wearing one can actually cause dementia when people refuse to wear a hearing aid. Also makes one feel like they could care less to talk with you and completely disregard their health which is upsetting to loved ones.

[@moreblessinghungwe7563]

I'm in one narcissist relationship almost 3yrs and trying to get out of it.. So emotionally draining. I'm always in the wrong, always.

[@amandatoler2132]

Thank you Dr. C, for all of your great information and tactics to help those of us who have to deal with narcissism. You are very wise and VERY appreciated.💜

[@lionharehart]

I'm so happy to have found this channel. I was too involved in a friendship for too long, not knowing why my stress was so high when I was around this person.

[@janicefeny2223]

Example: It's been noticed by those of us on the outside that whenever we visit & someone talks about a success they had (and the rest of us congratulate him), the narc abruptly chimes in "Me too - and 'I'..." about THEMSELVES and how much bigger & better THEIR victory was...happens ALL the time - UGH😤! Thanks for all these wonderful tips Dr C💕🙏🌞. HAPPY THANKSGIVING🦃!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

Thanks, Janice, and I hope you have a Happy Thanksgiving as well.

[@danielschauer1806]

I've watched four of these videos and I am absolutely amazed at how accurate they are! I can hardly believe it. Somebody understands. Thank you so much!

[@twopurringcats]

You describe my parents, especially my high level narc mom perfectly. Conversations are turned adversarial, constant negating, challenging, then blaming it on me (I have always been peace loving, not trying to fight at all). She would find a problem in the most simplest of conversations, take huge offense, drag my spineless dad into it and they would attack me in tandem. As a kid it was so terrifying. As an adult, I see how demented, sick and sad they are. I had to let them go. Its such a pleasure, alone in my house, with nobody giving me grief. Meanwhile, at their house, the two of them fight like cats and dogs. Clashing big egos with no supply other than each other. I truly think karma exists.

[@FunwithBooboo]

Thank you for uploading these videos. I have been twisted and tortured by my narcissistic Mother all my 60 year life. I didn't fully realize until recently that it had a name and that others suffer from this too. No matter what I do, it has never been good enough but crazily my Dad is a Sociopath so she appears to be the better one next to him.

[@evemcfarland8159]

Holy cow. This is a description of every Thanksgiving and Christmas I've had with the narcissist when we go to visit his family. I must go to this function, I must do this activity. I say that I want is for everyone to go have fun and that there is no obligation for anyone to do anything. But I catch the ultimate wrath if I want to do anything different that the narcissist's expectations.

[@maudemathildeh335]

My narc mother was dumped off on me by her narc siblings after her "stroke" for 4 yrs she was here and as a hoarder she totally trashed my home. She would sneak on her phone and tell the others she was being starved and mistreated. When she went in nursing home she continued with the lies and now that whole side of family has turned on me, my son and even my little dog. They insisted upon bringing all her junk from storage in this already trashed and small apt. She is in hospital now with Uterine Cancer but I am not welcome to visit. The Holidays are here and they still treat us like dirt. My doctor of 23 yrs said the he honestly feels that they all want us dead. This time of year is so depressing. If it weren't for my son and my dog Id go jump off a bridge.

[@maudemathildeh335]

@@joseenoel8093 Thank you❤ That whole part of the family are evil.

[@wasode20]

Hold on Maude,we believe you and you will get away from these toxic people and have a better life.Youre in the thick of it .

[@ShannonDWaltrip]

You're not alone. I have had to go it alone and remove several poisonous people from my life. Live your life, and don't look back.

[@starlaeuropa]

I hope you piled all her junk into a huge fucking bonfire after her relatives dumped it on you. If they refused to accept it, why the hell should you have to hang on to it?

[@debbiecarson6958]

He Buckles When I Show Him Proof Of His Dysfunctional Actions ,🕊

[@darcyguill7933]

The narcissist in my life argued with me even when I was agreeing with him.

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

You can't fix stupid. Dr. C

[@sharon5081]

Thank you, may God richly bless u & all your loved ones in the name of Christ Jesus, Amen.

[@Texasboots]

They certainly do not share in your joys. In fact I remember my ex narc becoming irritated when I had something good happen to me. It's sick..

[@seektruth5119]

1. Narcissists don’t just make demands, they make arbitrary demands. (1:30) 2. They constantly remind you of duty and obligations. (3:00) 3. Use guilt and shame in disagreements. (4:06) 4. Demands leave you feeling drained and depleted. (5:26) 5. They don’t share your joys with you. (6:47) 6. They cannot recognize their contributions to communication break-downs. (7:56) 7. They can turn simple discussion into arguments. (8:57) 8. Almost impossible to act sacrificially. (10:04) 9. Cannot discuss emotions objectively. (11:24)

[@taylorjo3865]

They are the ones that say “yeah I hate drama. I really can’t stand anyone who starts it...” as they start it. And cause it the most!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So true! Dr. C

[@Despondencymusic]

After living with a narcissist, I've been able to identify other narcs. They have a common trait. They make it known that you offended them if you don't pay attention to them they way that they want. This is often compounded by you being annoyed by their general behavior...so you don't make them a large priority in your life as you would others. Non narcs generally don't make a big fuss if you need to cancel/reschedule plans...they understand.. because they know that you will make every effort to happily connect with them at your earliest convenience. The non narc may be upset that the plans won't happen but they won't blame you in any way.

[@andersb5007]

This is absolutely brilliant. Every word you said here is true! My narc parent does all of this! Thank you for explaining these narc patterns that are so pervasive and so troubling. Have been going out of my mind over this type of behavior in my elderly parent. About family money issues. But thanks to your teaching videos on narc behavior patterns, and limiting my contact with the narc parent, it feels like I’m slowly turning a corner. Reclaiming my life, my sanity and myself. I cannot thank you enough! 😌

[@sandrameander69]

I’m so thankful for you, Dr. Carter! You’ve helped me so much! Through watching your videos, I’m starting to develop an inner strength and peace that I didn’t know was possible. Happy Thanksgiving!

[@SurvivingNarcissism]

So pleased. Have a happy Thanksgiving week. Dr. C

[@OceanSound100]

Another one of your top videos. They are all good but some like this one are exquisite. "Narcissists will not join with you in your joy" >>> I saw that in my own family, but then that is where I always get my Narc education other than here. I sent my Narc brother a story - a very positive story of victory and joy about myself. My brother never responded to that Email. I knew it was his inability to be happy for me. So, I mentioned it to him and he said "I never got that Email" So, I sent it again. "I was just having fun with a Narc" The second time I sent it, again, he never responded back to me. Oh man! My own brother.

[@alexxdaye1]

Priceless info!! You are truly saving lives!!! Thank you! 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾

[@lynnross599]

I have been retired for 4 years and was stress about retirement. I now realized he wished I was back at work. He hates it when I am out having fun with my friends. He constantly asked what I was doing every day. Now, during the virus shut down, he is upset that I enjoy staying home doing crafts. He is upset that I am not buying a new car. It’s my car and my money. There is nothing wrong with my car except it’s paid off. He hates that I get packages,because I am spending my money. He and I have separate bank accounts. I pay more on the bills, but he said he has a car payment. Because he likes to impress people, he stays in debt. I pay more on the utilities and food, because I get tired of fighting. I realized it’s all about control.

[@zentient8840]

It won't get better ☹️

[@theprairierose4613]

My mother is almost 96 years old and in the nursing home. I speak to her maybe once or twice a month. She can hardly hear so when I call she does most of the talking because not only does she not hear she doesn't "listen". If I do say anything it is as though I didn't say a word. She just goes right on talking about herself. I'm sorry but I am looking forward to the day she passes. Most people do not understand this. Yes, that link to that generation will be gone, but I'm so tired of wishing for something I will never have with her. I have had to become almost non-contact just for my sanity but there are so many people that do not understand why. They also do not understand why I feel about her the way I do and think I am being disrespectful or dis-honoring to her. She is different with non-family, but she has also gone through many friends over the years. It is also hard to truly like myself because I'm afraid I am like her and I look like her and that makes like a constant struggle. I'm so glad the people here understand.

[@iamqotl]

The Prairie Rose Perhaps forgive yourself a little. You sound like you’re looking forward to guilt-free freedom moreso than wishing her gone. Good luck and best wishes.

[@deela262]

" so tired of wishing for something I will never have with her"... dear I belive this is where you can try to work on... she is unable to give because she DOES'NT have. How Can she give she's poor herself. This is enough to give up expecting from her. It's pointless. It's enough to feel sorry for her... and to care for her life needs. Really sad you suffered . She too had suffered... untill she's run dry. Accepting this will release you from the expectation... and hopefully you can Free yourself by freeing her.. These deep wounds take time to heal. At least you can think you have that much time ahead of you to heal, and to find inner joy .

[@theprairierose4613]

@@deela262 yes she suffered in her own twisted way, because none of her family wanted to be around her for any length of time. She has been gone now for five months and I have not missed her yet.

[@pianolearner7]

Just read your post and wanted to say how I totally understand you. My mother passed away last year and it was a blessing. I've never been able to grieve properly as I'd never known a mother's love only cruelty both physical and emotional. I needed counselling when she was ill with cancer because I was expected to care for her but I couldn't stand being near her even. Her funeral was hard as she was very involved in her church and to hear people praise her up was sickening. I hope you have peace now as I have. My sister is also narc and I've cut ties.

[@theprairierose4613]

@@pianolearner7 I understand about the funeral being hard. It has always been hard when I have been around others that talked about her, because she was involved and they always praised her and would gaslight me if I said anything negative about her.

[@aba9586]

Wow that’s my ex every single point . My clients my coworkers and friends kept telling me that I look happier and more energetic after few months we broke up or I got discarded . Thank God !!!