The SURPRISING way narcissists TEST you

[@user7-o9w]

Even if you pass a narcissist’s test, you still fail.

[@TheSentientSensei]

Literally. They don't want happiness for anyone, especially themselves

[@annekenney6914]

Yeah, because you're hooked into their world. You want to fail their tests from the start so they go away.

[@margaretlumley1648]

So true!

[@eniggma9353]

Oh well, great success.

[@LG-wi7li]

Narcs are; or, and, if and but all at the same time 😂😂😂

[@csfiskus610]

You'll never win in a narcissist relationship unless you leave

[@sakialumei4315]

this

[@AZ-su2vc]

🎯🥇100%

[@mochachaiguy]

Absolutely! Making plans…..

[@BSmiths100]

You can't leave a job because your boss is a narc.

[@ladyboywonder9139]

Even then there will be after shock

[@robertandlisathwaites3529]

Love the comment "You're going to get it wrong, you may as well be true to yourself"

[@loloworld593]

My malignant narc mother would rage and scream "you"re testing me!" when she wouldn't get her way. Typical projection! No one was testing her, but since SHE tests people, she assumes everyone does.

[@JadeyHad]

My malignant narcissist ex said he tested people all the time by asking them questions he already knew answers to.

[@JoshuaAnzalone-zk5ht]

​@user-dk3xm3qv1d what a loser

[@StellaAdler_]

My mother is a covert narc, father malignant. Suffice to say, it’s been hell. I worked on myself for yrs because all i attracted was narc. boyfriends, as an empath so, even more hell and suffering. I’ve suddenly woken up since this Mercury Retrograde and became even more severe with my level of tolerance - 1 fight and I ignore or ask mother politely to leave & go to the family home because I am entitled to PEACE in my OWN home. I feel i’m in the final stages of stopping contact & changing my life completely. I’ll be 40 25th of September, and enough is enough. I’ve had it. My physical health suffered immensely, my mental health suffered immensely. I am done done done.

[@yazajag]

​@StellaAdler_ Happy birthday, I hope all goes well for you 🎉 💕 😊

[@evemcfarland8159]

Exactly. I never got that statement until I realized that's all they do and assume we do as well. So twisted.

[@kathleenherron594]

“I’m your mother!” is the response that means I’m supposed to be obedient, subservient, and disrespected.

[@kathleenherron594]

A test is often used as evidence that you are mean. If you didn’t agree with the delusional crap, then you’re mean. That victim now can advertise that you are mean…even though you aren’t. You failed the first test but passed the second one (their evidence) with flying colors.

[@Seraphim7]

“We’re Sisters! This is how Sisters are!” -Covert Narc older Sister would tell me when I tell her to Stop being Nasty to me.

[@Katiadit]

Absolutely

[@Just_Hearts_NYC]

“We are family” means the collective is more important then you and you don’t count as a person the (cult) is more important than the needs/wants/dreams of any individual in the family. and you are responsible for maintaining that false image of a good family and keeping secrets, even if they’re toxic and detrimental to you or other members of the family because the public persona “image”, of family is more important than actual family.

[@ruqaiyatasneem8594]

​@MrsEd-fh2gsyou that father is supposed to be the God

[@DenisKeenan]

Narcissist accusations are always confessions. Always. Always. Always.

[@VisibleTimes]

Always

[@Hexadecimal_QueenofChaos]

They only know what they “feel” and want… don’t care about anything else… just leave crazy people to themselves….

[@loriwilde3977]

I needed this information forty years ago.

[@kristelsmart8318]

Yup. Spot on. The exhausting mind games never end.

[@BeachPeach2010]

Damned if you do, damned if you don't .

[@ruthslater6364]

Absolutely true. It's sadistic.

[@t200b-i7k]

The sooner we can break the spell and recognize what sick creatures we've been involved with, the quicker we can declutter them from our lives. Took me 8 years but I finally got rid of every last one of them. Hallelujah!

[@VisibleTimes]

So happy for you 🎉🎉🎉

[@sophial.6633]

It’s so incredibly exhausting.

[@jbuntine1255]

Very even after you leave , A bad taste provales .

[@lt827]

"Trying to make themselves look more virtuous." Yup. That's the narcissist's main goal while they're not angry.

[@mary-anncarleton7578]

" Your going to get wrong anyways; be true to yourself ". ❤❤❤. Fabulous quote. Thank you

[@thompsonlauren1004]

Ask them to do something for you. Something small. Something you would do for them with no hesitation. If they are narcissistic or otherwise toxic, it will ALWAYS go at least 1 of 4 ways (though sometimes these reactions may compound): They will act as though they didn’t hear you. Depending on how long you’ve been in the relationship, you may ask again. If it’s been long enough, you’re likely to drop the request right then and there. They will promise to do it, but never follow through. If you ask again or remind them, they will usually have some kind of excuse. In these cases, they will still never actually fulfill their promise. Their excuse is not a reason for lagging, it is the reason they should be absolved from all expectation whatsoever. Often this excuse will be meaningless or an outright lie.If you don’t buy their excuse, and tell them so, you will experience the wonderful segue into reaction. An argument will ensue The argument will be your fault. It could be a small back and forth contending against your request, or it might quickly devolve into them screaming at you. You never know which it will be. They might even say outright that you should never ask or expect anything from them. Usually they will express that you are asking too much, hurting them in some way (financially, emotionally, insulting them, etc), or attack your character. The argument will only end when you relinquish your request + apologize, or start ignoring them completely. If you can ignore them long enough, they may apologize to you. However, the conflict will never feel truly resolved. At this juncture they may actually end up giving you what you asked for. Often this does require you admitting that you don’t really need it, or that you would be fine with what they suggested instead. This leads us to reaction They give you what you asked for, BUT There is ALWAYS a catch. It might be small. They show up late with no apology. They buy you what you wanted, but it’s the wrong color, model, brand, etc. They take you where you wanted to go, but pressure you the whole time you’re getting ready because you’re going to be sooo late. Then they want to leave early anyway. It might be worse. They do it out of anger, and make a big display out of it to scare/hurt you. They hold it over your head until you do something for them first. Or, later on, they use it against you. “I did x for you, so you should do y for me.” No matter what, you never actually feel fulfilled, happy, or loved when they do something for you. Somehow, even from the getgo, there was this deep-seated feeling of guilt and fear, this sense that the “special” things they were doing for you weren’t so special at all. Eventually, you become afraid to ask for anything. You’ve been conditioned to believe you deserve nothing. Ironically, or not, the less demands you make, the worse you will be treated. Moreover, Catching a cheating spouse might be difficult, and knowing what local laws say you can and cannot do might be even more difficult. To simplify the process, consider hiring a private investigator to do the sleuthing for you I genuinely appreciate how incredible you are and your work! Thank you for a job well done [e-mail]

[@evemcfarland8159]

All completely true. And very hard and sad to live around.

[@meenawerner8084]

Oh my God, you described my life 😢

[@ginghambriarsoapery7817]

I desperately needed help with our kids, we have an autisic son, and one with dislexia, and the other two were teenagers testing me beyond belief, and nothing, ever. except to take the teenagers sides when I tried to set boundaries. 38 years have passed, he insults me and humilates me every chance he gets, he wouldn't even take up for me with this family ( step family at that) would't help me when I was being stalked and harrassed on two separate time periods in my life. well, he's already counting calories so he be lookin' good for the other old women out there because I told him I've had enough of him and his disturbing 5,000 habits. I'm finally leaving.he just looked relieved when I told him. that's fine, buddy, that's just fine, let's see how much you like the separation agreement. I'm also contemplating leaving several bottles of glitter emptied in his sheets and the blower vents in his truck when I depart, he won't be forgetting my sparkling personality anytime soon.🤣🤣🤣

[@PeterAlanA1234567890]

My ex was good at this.. also bread crumbing , future faking& bait & switch... I still carry the pain 10 years later

[@christymckee8133]

Well stop it. Its not yours to carry ❤

[@Flizflazz]

I know your pain well. It’s so difficult isn’t it? I’m so sorry.

[@idontknowyetwhoiam]

You're carrying that pain cuz you're still that person who would go for it again. Change what you're ok with accepting and it'll stop hurting immediately.

[@LairdSquared]

They're NOT psychopathic??? Wow, really?? I can't even imagine what a psychopath would be like if my ex wasn't one? She reminded me of Ted Bundy sometimes, her cold hearted comments and thinking she was smart enough to carry on all the lies

[@PeterAlanA1234567890]

@@idontknowyetwhoiam that is power!! Total mind shirt

[@Seraphim7]

I Think Narcissists Test to see if you have Boundaries + See if you Know about Manipulation Tactics.

[@hermessantos1601]

I think I'm being tested to see if I have boundaries. Although it's not a romantic relationship, I feel trapped in that dynamic.

[@dv52528]

​@@hermessantos1601Any relationship in fact

[@abigailandino6251]

I agree

[@tammekremer2138]

Even between neighbours

[@tarajo4836]

The Big Test usually comes when you and your life are on a positive track. It's like sabatoge when you seem to be doing good, theg swoop in and cause total chaos!

[@tungstenanderson5991]

Oh and the dread they bring when they show up, unannounced, after not speaking for months or even years, where enough time has passed and you should be "over it". Or even with some shitty gift to try to guilt you with the glorification of their own compassion being so giving. Been there, done it. The abuse starts again. Now I just don't care. Let them. No response is the best.

[@Freethnkr]

No matter how old they get they still test you and play mind games. They never ever grow up EVER!

[@madelingomez4935]

The older they get the more childish they are.

[@VisibleTimes]

💯

[@DominieRobinson]

Dr. Ramani when you said once that what we are really dealing with is a three year old Temper Tentrum in a fully grown adult body , THAT REALLY RESONATED with me. A Huge Lightbulb clicked On in my head

[@suzanne4396]

😂😂 I told him several times after I figured out ( by watching literally every video Dr Ramani has made) that he's just "a Todd-ler ( his name was Todd ) in an adults meat-suit." The temper tantrums - literally like a 4 yr old - the defiance ( not going to do that just because I don't want to/ because I know you want me to) and the first time I replied with a "No." just a No with no explanation, and then repeated it several times, was the first time he physically assaulted me and went into a narcissistic rage; I ended up in the ER for 4 hours... later he blamed me and said it was MY fault - I MADE him angry so I had " hurt my own self!" ( Yes, he really spoke that way. Run now!! Don't waste ten years of your life like I did; it Never gets Better!!

[@annekenney6914]

This video had me laughing out loud, Dr. Ramani. 😂They are such children/babies with their tests. They act like they are so self-sufficient but they are, in reality, so needy.

[@mochachaiguy]

100%. I’m out running errands and GF texts me that I don’t seem to appreciate how she supports me. This after her hip fracture and me trying to work from home after a long bout of unemployment, helping her out of bed, to the washroom, minding the dog, cleaning, making all the meals taking her to medical appointments, and having to work till 3 or 4 am just barely getting my work done. Not much in the way of thanks given, and If I dare to mention how exhausted I am she says “you’re making me feel like I’m a burden”.

[@racebannon96]

@@mochachaiguy Run Forrest Run

[@mic396]

​​@@mochachaiguyprolly bcuz she is all of them are a burden!

[@FriederickKovacs77]

My last Employer was a Narcissist. She started openly bullying me in front of all of the employees. The very next day I resigned via e-mail. Bye, Bye, Narcissist 😊

[@OurDreamsInMotion]

Smart man. ❤

[@pinkmeadows]

A narc testing someone is such a pathetic way to relate to someone and live imo.

[@OjitosChiquititosmaquillaje]

They 100% know to the extent that they will never allow anyone to mistreat them like they do to others. No other human defense themselves better than a narcissist!

[@lt827]

Oh, yes I have been tested. And when I don't give the right answer, I am not a 'supportive person' and not a 'good family member'.

[@steggopotamus]

And the right answer is supposed to not just be the words but the tone. I think the issue was I was supposed to fake my emotions and be over the top happy, or empathetic, or supportive.

[@GeorgiaK0075]

I have this same issue with my sister. How are you dealing with it? I’m only just realizing what is going on and that I have been enabling her behavior towards me

[@lt827]

@@GeorgiaK0075just staying aware helps. Another family member avoids engaging on contentious topics. Saying as little as possible but acknowledging their feelings is a way to side step: “Oh that must be difficult” or “I see.”

[@davidkentlondon]

I’ve been given the silent treatment for not passing the tests my “friend” sets. One time he said “I really like you” early on in our friendship to which I responded “oh wow… ☺️ thank you”…. Red card penalty for two days. I was at an event with him but brought my lunch to save money and let him go out for lunch with other friends…. yellow card penalty…. that afternoon i had the audacity to get the bus home that went closest to my house rather than the bus he was catching…. red card penalty and silent treatment for two days.

[@mgast67]

My ex constantly accuses me of not caring. This video helped me realize that it wasn't *me* that wasn't caring, it was her projecting her uncaring behavior onto me. Thank you.

[@aleciawimer8506]

Their accusations are really confessions. Listen closely.

[@mariehughey5390]

Narcissists will test you when you’re not even there and are completely unaware there’s a test. And you failed that test too.

[@ellejee74]

Ikr, lol!!!😂😂😂

[@tigkokodevlosangeles5207]

Constantly walking on eggshells

[@mrsh810]

so many times I was responsible for my mother's distress even when I'm not there, or simply reading a book in my room. Then I got a beating by dad for upsetting mum. All I did was keep out the way and read. It's always impossible

[@krux02]

That's like in university.

[@tigkokodevlosangeles5207]

@krux02 atleast at university you get a degree but with a narc you are left with nothing to show for it

[@JosaFox]

My narcissistic father in law: "I always wanted to move to Hawaii!" to which I returned: "So why don't you do it? You have plenty of time and money, I bet it would be a great adventure!" He got mad, asking: "So you want to get rid of me?? I bet y'all don't want me here anymore." ;)

[@Ultralined]

He’s kinda right, no?🤣

[@JosaFox]

@@Ultralined self-fulfilling prophecy 😶

[@lynnmarieanderson1744]

Dr. Ramani, I can not thank you enough for what you do. For many people out there like myself, you can be a lone voice validating what we know and what we believe is true when other people around us doubt us and question us or think we need to work harder at trying to get along with a narcissist. Thank you so much.

[@SB-mm9zh]

My mother is one. It took me years to realise you could never please her because she always wants to play the victim. Playing the victim is part of her story I finally realised in order to place the spotlight on her. This dawned on me eventually when I, as a child, time and again I desperately tried to jump in to fix her so-called problem (whatever it was at that time) only to find that she actually got angry when I did because I was removing her problem and therefore taking the spotlight off her. Quickly she would find something else which she presented as a dramatic and tragic problem to her. Years later I realised why my poor father would always say to me "don't bother you're wasting your time" - poor man.

[@Michelehoffman-q7c]

Yep. Successfully flunking every test for 63 years now. My in laws (covert and overt narcs) brought home a family portrait last year and showed it to my husband and myself. "Lovely," I said. They stood at the table and waited for us to elaborate and we wouldn't. You would have thought we shot their dog, they acted so betrayed. I really loathe these cumbersome demons, with a passion.

[@maha_sage]

Q: Will you remarry after I die? Correct Ans: "You are so great. You will never die."

[@soniasteephan7929]

😂

[@MeandMyself-r3i]

😂

[@b.blue111]

this is brilliant

[@moniquejackson7741]

Brilliant. Whoa, once you can see what it looks like, it's clear it's happening all the time. Thank you for the clear and usable examples, and the reminder to keep being authentic as You Can't Win with a Narcissist.

[@777ttaylor]

"You're gonna get it wrong anyhow." Wow, exactly spot on!! 🎉

[@EirikAmundsen]

I really believe Dr Ramani could become a standup comedian. I know these kinds of stories, and all their variations, very well - and love the way she managed to retell them with a comedic tone and perspective 🙂

[@ginkgo2021]

Shortly before discard, he told me that his father physically abused his mother during their marriage. This was the first time he mentioned it during our decades together. I was perplexed. I didn’t say anything. I couldn’t tell if it was a threat or a test of my empathy.

[@davshavu]

It's an impossible relationship. Devotion, love, caring, thoughtfulness, throw them out the window if you're dealing with a narcissist. Ultimately they want you to sell your soul to them... and then that's not enough. So to get their sick twisted jollys they harm you on top of all the above. So far from true love that it amazes me they even exist, but they do and we're aware of this behavior more than ever today. We're onto to them! Thank You Dr. Ramani.

[@mic396]

Yeah n there everywhere, my therapist is a narc

[@annekenney6914]

I guess this would be considered a 'test.' My narcissistic mom would always play this 'Lucy and Charlie Brown football' game with me every time I would come home to visit her at the holidays. She would say, "When I die, what heirloom would you like?" She didn't really have anything of value to me, but I would be polite and play along. I would say "I'll take this lamp (that I had bought for her) and she would say, "I'm giving that to so and so." Then, I would suggest something else, and of course, that thing would be going to someone else. Every year she would do this. I dreaded this game. So finally, one year, I just said, "I don't really want anything." She then suggested that I take some 'artwork' that she had created in a class. Nobody wanted her mediocre 'art.' She never supported us, her children, in our creative endeavors, just pooh poohed everything. So to conclude this game forever, I agreed to take her 'artwork" knowing that I would throw it in the trash when she was gone. Crazy-making.

[@deemaysie6568]

Hmm ... seen the same theme at play with interactions with my mother. She will offer you something (to be fair she is very generous) and then when you make your choice she will immediately cut you down by saying that "another vastly more important person in her estimation" actually got dibs on that!

[@lesabrydson2526]

I am a teacher, so I give tests, I set the tests, and so desire my students to pass, such joy. However when a narcissist "gives you a test' they really want you to fail so they can do their next steps: gaslight, rage, devaluing belittling smear campaign.....demons 👿......Lord have mercy help!!!! Persevering in Prayers Psalms 1-150🤲👍👑🇯🇲🙏

[@trishsassy9042]

Hi, I'm from Jamaica as well. These people are draining. Married to one.

[@jws3925]

You described the next steps (after failing the test) perfectly-----better than I did in my comment.

[@trishsassy9042]

@@lesabrydson2526 can we communicate?

[@krux02]

Nah, I don't think it's their plan to make you fail. They are just a bit delusional expectations and this actually get disappointed. But instead of looking at them self and their expectation they just look at the other person failing to meet those expectations. I don't think a narcissist is intentionally hateful.

[@jws3925]

@@krux02 Boy, it sure feels like it however.

[@lizogon29]

This video helped me finally understand why my mom told me I could decide which parent to live with when she and my dad split up for a while when I was a kid. At the time I thought it was an unfair question but she assured me she wouldn’t be mad. I decided to do what I was taught with my Christian upbringing and tell the truth. I chose the parent who wasn’t constantly being confrontational, my dad. My narc mom immediately blew up at me and said I would be living with her. But that was a horrible way to start off the next few months of living alone with her.

[@VS-ky8yg]

I have taken to thinking of this person as: “my toddler husband.” Keeps me grounded.

[@turnbacktime65]

Hey, you copied me. 😂😂

[@deeogle763]

Only way to make it through the day…. Did you do such and such, did you need blankety blank, on and on….ugggh!

[@HamperofHats]

I have a toddler father-in-law. Good times. Can't do anything without his hand being held. "I have this mouse bait I should spread around the camper before the mice get in, but YOU have had too many other plans on the weekends, so WE haven't been to camp." Makes projects without any desire to complete them. Makes tripping hazards, but is extremely particular about how his hairbrush is placed on the bathroom sink. Thinks cooking and cleaning is "b**** work", but constantly buzzes through the kitchen when I'm cooking to drop little judgemental comments. He is the king of avoiding responsibility and will roll over, drink himself sloppy, and play victim at the drop of a hat.

[@VS-ky8yg]

@@HamperofHats Poor You! A narc & an alcoholic? You win! I had alcoholic parents from a young age, but at least for me I didn’t get dealt that hand. Wow, a combination of my parents and the child I’m married to all in one. I mean I did have to deal with all of them at the same time, but separately. I truly am sorry you are having to deal with that. Do you at least have help, a time of respite? A counselor?

[@ektaupadhyay903]

😂 that's a great coping mechanism.. Going to use it next Time 🎉

[@dralism123]

i just wanna say thank you! These videos have helped me in knowing that I have been in a relationship with a narcissist. I used to think everything is my fault but slowly upon analysing I have got to the conclusion that it was the other way around.

[@rosiereal]

Dr. Ramani your timing is perfect! I have a friend who got divorced a year ago & moved about 800 miles away. Thanks to your video tutoring I realized that she was narcissistic. She texted me yesterday saying she was worried that the wrong story had gotten out about why she got divorced & she was leery of what was being said. I was stunned. I realized that any attempt to tell her how I really felt about the whole situation (I thought her husband did the right thing, he'd put up with enough) would go nowhere. And I refused to let her start ex-husband bashing. So I told her the truth-that nobody really cares anymore. Not what she wanted to hear I'm sure! But I'm not biting on that bait.

[@NikkiGRocks4Ever]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. This video is a great reminder of how consuming is the narcissist’s need for reassurance.

[@snownotwhite]

Something has changed in me abruptly. I'm not taking any narc's baits, I'm confronting or mocking them at every step, and I'm putting myself over everyone else. Idk if something snapped in me.

[@lilkimig]

Same thing just happened in me, this week! Doesn't it feel great?!

[@snownotwhite]

@@lilkimig It does! Feels refreshing too. I can't believe that now I'm able to recognise the baiting when it's first happening. "Disengaging" really works.

[@ashleykennedy2824]

Congrats! You have officially entered your Villain Era™️! This era is SO much fun. (Totally serious, not sarcasm)

[@snownotwhite]

@@ashleykennedy2824 Their chase to bait me has increased. I'm even disengaging whenever I can. Looks like all of this only makes them want to chase you more. 🤦‍♀️ Now they have formed entire groups to bait me. 🙄 I wonder why these people have so much time and energy?!! I have deliberately started playing hot and cold with them. I'm playing them whenever I feel like going against my basic nature of empathy. It's crazy how predictable they and their reactions are!! 😂 It's such a pity that their every move is calculated. Idk what changed in me but I don't see them as worthy of existence anymore.

[@DominieRobinson]

The 'thing' Is, No One should Ever be Testing Or Con-trolling Anyone ! Us Empaths seem to UnderStand this Instinctively and Intrinsically , Narcisissts Never Do !

[@rlnnhdz]

Well said

[@charettebyreddog]

"You're going to get it wrong anyways, so you might as well be true to yourself." Yessss.....

[@KevintheBarbarian]

It’s truly liberating being yourself and breaking free

[@edweirdmassey]

Yes I was tested until I finally failed and realized what I had married. In fact I was tested pretty much daily for 27 years.

[@ScarletAlchemist888]

Good afternoon Dr ramani thank you for the insight cosmic blessings to everyone reading!

[@PenninkJacob]

Narcissists are really soooo lucky that there isn't a way to actually measure sacrifice (giving & effort) because if there was a way to measure it, it would break the chart of how much we give and sacrifice and how much they take, even though they say they are ALWAYS the "victim"...... Thank you so much, can we invent a sacrifice-measuring machine? Can someone invent an A.I. that proves narcissism is real? 👍❤❤❤ (Projection is confession!!!👍)

[@mysticzyoga]

So grateful for your channel. I believe I just evaded an N. only met three times but, within one week the phones calls and love bombing was so strong. Date one, and two (or rather meeting 1 and 2,) he ignored my boundaries consistantly. After meeting two he chose to call me late at night, (knowing I go to bed early,) and then turned around and called early in the morning, (during my morning routine.) I broke it off with him. A couple hours later he called back with a 'new to me' reply to this and I gave him another try, agreeing to meet a third time, (at an outdoor place midway between our homes.) I met him and realized he definitely was the same person I elected to end it with. Had a cordial time, while he continue to violate my boundaries left and right. Yet, when we left he said he would call me, likely late that night, I said okay. Meanwhile he had already agreed to help me with an errand the next morning. When he didn't call that night, or show up to help the next morning I thought... oh, he is pulling instead of pushing... this is my chance to break free, (only three meetups and the irony of realizing I needed to break free wasn't lost on me.) Several hours later he texted that he would call me later. I thought, oh, this is a good time to block and delete his number. I know I didn't need any more of this. Clearly I felt tested over and over in the less than 6 hours total we spent in each other's company yet the love bombing phone calls and texts...were just more than enough. OH!! Also, very bad is that not only was he kissing me during those six hours and what not but, also biting, and pinching, where he absolutely should not have. Definitely more than an N. SOOOO glad I got that second chance to pull the plug but, followed it up with block and delete!! Also glad that he managed to ask about my home and I told him how every neighbor around me is like family and we all look out for each other and they have called and checked up on me in the past when they noticed if I was out late, (as well, he does not know my address. Phew! Def trouble. Thank you Dr Ramani!!

[@candycollections3246]

Oml ! It’s like being in films you didn’t even know you were the character to master the script !

[@turnbacktime65]

😂 you are so right. He’s the only one with a script.

[@candycollections3246]

@@turnbacktime65 kinda wished they utilized that energy to invest on creativity instead of real people 😹

[@andreajimenez1626]

Dr Ramani is so on point. Whatever you do or the person you are is never gonna be enough for them, and your self worth gets so affected in the process. The only way you get peace and your confidence back is walking out.

[@michaelt825]

Your absolutely correct. I was in a similar situation. Had to walk out on my X to save my sanity.😊

[@hrogarfyrninga3238]

I had a friend, whom I didn't realise or refused to believe was narcissistic at the time. We got into a serious political argument. He sent me a video of a comedian grossly exaggerating a politician's involvement in crimes. My response was to debunk the claims that were untrue. Apparently, the "rational" thing to do was to say the politician was an a-hole. Later on, he made the mistake of telling me it had been a test. That's when the penny dropped.

[@caraziegel7652]

this is totally cracking me up. this was my daughter. she was always picking fights in the weirdest ways. I remember she asked what would happen to her and her siblings if i died and i started talking about options and she freaked out and said i had no idea how upsetting this is for her. I was so confused - she asked a question and i took it seriously and somehow i was wrong? another time something happened to her, and we were at dinner and her step-father and I kept asking her questions because it was a bad thing and we were definitely wanting to understand - suddenly she yelled at us and said we weren't asking her about her FEELINGS. Uh . . . uh . . we had been completely focused on understanding but not . . in the right way. Oh and when she said i didnt hug her enough, and her therapist suggested I make an effort to hug her more often. the first time i did she screamed that it doesnt count if i'm doing it because someone told me to. could not win. She went no contact 10 years ago and it took me 5 years to realize it may have been the best thing for me, despite how incredibly hard it was. I mean, i wouldnt have minded skipping the 2 years of deep depression, but i came out of it.

[@jws3925]

OMG! This was my life for 17 years. There were times there was a right answer but many times there was no correct answer for whatever I said she had this amazing method of taking ANY answer and finding fault with it. Example using one of your hypothetical situations: "If I die will you re-marry?" One would think the correct answer is as Dr. R says: "No, I would never re-marry because no one could ever take your place in my heart and life." Sounds like a winner doesn't it. Well, if I gave an answer like this she would call me a liar and go down the trail of accusing me of being a perpetual liar and asking why I always lie to her and that she can never trust me and on and on. I was simply amazing how she appeared to have this sense of making sure whatever answer was given during these "tests" it was a wrong answer. I imagined it like one of those flow charts that must have been in her mind. You know, "if he says this then I respond this way, if he says that I will respond in that way" with all these strategic bifurcations to make sure it always leads to the wrong answer and inevitable "scene" or argument completed fabricated out of thin air. After years of being confused something clicked and I realized what she was doing and it absolutely amazed me how she could do this on the fly seemingly with no real effort to do so as if she was given this "gift". It was truly amazing (but painful) to experience this.

[@amichi7559]

How can you live like that ?, seriously, it’s incredibly exhausting. I was married to one and I was in denial for years believing everything was my fault, and now I see things clearly and I can’t believe I put myself through that, but I’m glad I did, it made me the woman the I am today.

[@ymmij388]

Mine would often say “you don’t care about me, you only care how I make you feel. I never knew that projection was such a fine tuned art

[@k60891]

Wow. So spot on. My ex was always passive aggressive and expected me to “fix” all of his issues or do everything perfectly.

[@PandoricaLost]

I needed to hear this one today. Thanks Dr. Ramani! 💐

[@georgirancour198]

it's always out of the blue, and then u wonder, what just happened? how did this happen?, I was just passing by with an armful of laundry and now i'm in a knockdowndragout ruin my day fight? i gotta pay more attention.

[@HillaryMarkham]

Thank you for your work ❤

[@MissieLotus]

Thanks!

[@Spirit.Wanderer]

Thank you Dr. Ramani. The last thing you said in this video was EXACTLY what I needed to hear and somehow no one has ever said it to me in such a clear and moving way. Your channel has brought me so much solace as I work on healing from a narcissistic abusive relationship and attempting to parent a child with that person; the absolute hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. How is it that I’m surrounded by narcissists (in my family, at work, and in my romantic relationships over the years)!?

[@Nina-w7m8q]

They'll say something like, "Well, you have options. I don't!" to get sympathy and attention.

[@deewright3111]

Its exhausting to always be on guard. Ugh! Can you think about doing a video about an alcohol narc? Thank you for your videos. They grounded me when our narc daughter used our grandkids as weapons against us. Poor children.

[@NPPREMA]

"You're going to get I wrong anyhow so might as well be true to yourself" !! Best advice❤

[@ChengueRengo]

Well done Ramani. Please more of this kind of videos in the future: short, informative, straight to the point (not 20 minutes,..) and most importantly, great examples of how they think, what they expect, what would be a normal healthy response vs what should be / is the response both from the narcissist and the partner.

[@abhilashagupta8934]

Brilliant maam...!! The last sentence was so heartfelt...❤❤

[@katewatson5011]

Classic- I was just told (and felt as if I were gutted) that he took a contract on the other side of the country when we haven't seen each other in person for 17 months! I knew it was a test. I knew that I shouldn't truly say how I felt (betrayed) as he'd done the whole ...leading up to a climax...just to drop me off the cliff...yet again. However, I said a milder version of how I felt. I kept it brief and as least dramatic as possible. Then, I told him the empathic words that I need to hear as an individual. I could feel the little swell of tension in my bones, because how dare I? - He went silent on me for 3 days afterward. Then, in classic fashion, I had to be the one to break the ice. Again, I kept it brief and unemotional, "I noticed that you haven't responded..." elephant in the room much? He literally acted as if nothing had happened, saying and I quote, "Oh, sometimes responding just slips the ol' mind!" (he's 43) So, now, to square the circle, I realize that I've been manipulated into what he covertly suggested will/needs to happen, all on his terms, of course which is for us to wait at least another 14 or so weeks to "see how he's feeling" under the guise of "see if he has time" to spend time together again. 3-year relationship which was in-person for the first year. It's abhorrent behavior. I've done some therapy, watched many of your vids and others, and I do CODA meetings. It feels empowering being able to detach enough to see his behavior objectively as opposed to being a pick me girl who sees through an emotional lense.

[@rimk988y89]

Can we have the intro back please? 😀 When I hear it my brain wakes up in preparation for some serious Dr Ramani wisdom.

[@lyareys5434]

Fantastic!! That explains a few things! Good thing I'm authentic!!

[@IzabelaWaniek-i1x]

Keep being you and responding in ways that are true to you. Thank you 🙏 ❤

[@radiatedspore]

My aunt always wanted sympathy for someone else's suffering. She would mention (insert person I never met) how sick this person is and then she would get extremely irritated when I would ask her who she is talking about. I think it was her attempt to make herself look caring and compassionate and my questions were turned into, me being insensitive to her needs. I roll my eyes at it now thinking back, but she still does stuff like that.

[@steelbeachsiren]

The advice at the end was beautiful

[@QuixoticSara]

1:31 "Who the hell knows" is spot on. 😂

[@lauragreaser3461]

I love it when she says stuff like that. lol

[@Hexadecimal_QueenofChaos]

🤣🤣No point in wasting precious brain energy trying to figure them out… it would be like trying to figure out why a 5 year old is having a tantrum…

[@soumyajoseph7429]

I fail my tests on purpose. Ex said that he thinks it wouldn't work out between us. I said ok.

[@loremaster6828]

Yep, my narc expected me to be a mind reader and when I wasn't would either berate me like a child OR file it away in their little mental notebook and wait for the most opportune moment to spring it on me and make me look like a huge jerk. I finally called them out on their gaslighting and they wrote a whole rant down of all the petty mistakes and slights I had made against them and then read it out to me in a super long pathetic rant. When I told them it was ridiculous they said those things "needed to be said". I went no contact and have never felt better!

[@mironaconstantin]

Exact asa Dr Ramani!True!I love you forever.Multumesc cu recunostiinta!

[@darylnelligan6942]

I have learned so much from these videos and this community. I think the test is also about retention. Narcissist: “How invested in me are you? Here’s a test. Yep still gotta hold of ya.”

[@Hexadecimal_QueenofChaos]

Narcs will die if they go without attention for two seconds… pathetic humans with huge egos… no character so the only way they can interact with others is to start conflicts and arguments…. Don’t fight with them, in their minds these are great conversations and if you get emotional over the, it just feeds their fire… delusional people…

[@martinas8063]

Keep your head upright

[@brigidmueni]

I can't decide which one of your videos is my personal best cause they just keep getting better and are so spot on!!!!!😂😂😂😂

[@kaylamarie373]

Omg so true. He'd only bring up things after giving me the silent treatment for days. I'd say this situation couldve been avoided or resolved had you communicated with me. Then hed say he was more of an observer and that his silence was him preserving himself. 😐 everything was a test and i always failed.

[@L337Dratini]

Thank you for @6:25. It really makes me feel better. Ironically enough, my mother started this two days ago and sent me a "I'm disappointed" message (did not open but I could see the preview) because I did not respond to her life "falling apart" in the way she wanted me to; I've been ignoring the message as I've been sick, but I think I will respond with a grey rock "I'm sorry you feel that way" message once my spouse is with me to calm me down and distract me.

[@dailydedication2663]

Love the last line you said: you’re gonna get it wrong anyway; might as well be true to yourself

[@martymcfly4464]

I think Narcissism is more of a spiritual disorder than a mental disorder. Personally I think it is demonic oppression or possession. The main thing that demons can't ever have that man can, is humility. Humility is unthinkable to a narcissist. A large reason why they don't heal, because they're lacking the one thing necessary to heal, humility/repentance.

[@wadehilliard8147]

Thanks Dr R... sometimes I watch your posts to reenforce what I'm already doing...Thank you...

[@Anivasion]

He'd literally say the words "You're going to miss me when I'm gone" when he'd talk about his own death and my lack of a response must have been infuriating in his eyes. But I had already maxxed out the "Reasons to contempt me" meter so it's not like getting that right would have made him decide to be nice for a day. He was just looking for a reason to be shitty to me and found a fresh reason to hate me every time I responded with indifference. It's just how they are, wish I was this wise LONG ago...

[@urbanlee1349]

Amen sis, amen. Always by true to myself

[@teresamariearena4766]

Hi Dr. R, just wanted to check in on you to see how you’re doing? You do so much for others 🙏🏼 Lov ya! Hope all is well ❤

[@Misia-p5z]

My mother, who I deeply loved, was very manipulative and strickly critical towards anyone. As an elderly person she become nicer and more tolerant but I believe that she changed her behavior to stay in touch with her children

[@darcyroyce]

Keeping me sane on these streets, dr Ramani. ❤

[@LindaLouise625]

Being true to myself means going NO contact.

[@LindaLouise625]

I KNOW you're following me candy&kim. you 2 are pathetic.

[@ThisisPam]

Yes. Testing to see if you will validate them to the level they require. The test is un-passable. It’s just another way for them to manipulate you and temporarily make themselves feel better about all the terrible things they have done.

[@kirbyw.3451]

Thank you. I needed this today.

[@vasilikifrangou9215]

Like prison 😎 Never more !!!!

[@anthonystevens-gm6uh]

This video is so spot on it could be specifically about my exe. She does exactly that first example over and over again.

[@vanishivashankar2741]

Thank you so much for this! Puts things in perspective for me.

[@raanfo]

Mine was very interested to know my salary... this was on day 3 of knowing them. Naturally I recognised the question as a 🚩 and kept shtum. I let it go but since then not a week has gone by when they have not asked me for £. I keep saying no as I have been a victim of financial abuse before and I have explained this to the new person but that does not stop them asking me. Narcs have no boundaries and they rely on others without boundaries to abuse. I am staying strong here. Heaven help us all ❤

[@mic396]

Heaven help us all is right o Lord 🙏 keep us away from them 🙏