90 Day Fiancé - (Jenny & Sumit #2) - Healthy - Therapist Reacts

Dr. Kirk Honda, couples therapist, reacts to 90 Day Fiancé: The Other Way - Jenny & Sumit. Includes clips from 90 Day: The Other Way, Season 1.
Therapist reaction to the reality television.
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Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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#90DayFiancé #JennyandSumit #PsychologyInSeattle

[@claudiam9356]

**Eating popcorn until Dr. Kirk gets to the reveal**

[@nielubiezimy7290]

*And hoping nobody will spoil it in the comments*

[@Erigato2010]

@@nielubiezimy7290 he’s probably already seen it since he watches them in bulk

[@lanasalt1720]

😀😂🤣

[@sweetgirl4u247]

same!

[@Xengaa]

😬 🍿 SOON

[@elyseparker5333]

My whole "watch later" playlist is just Dr Honda in various blue shirts.

[@dedu98]

Same

[@PM.0000]

It's a great color on him

[@Lialia-z6o]

I am south Asian and my boyfriend is North Indian. We both are Americanized and have been together for 5 years. His parents hates me because the color of my skin. This has cause of lot of mistrust in our relationship because I did not feel secure. I did not know if he was going to someday go behind my back and marry an Indian girl that his parents approves of. My insecurities was ruining our relationship even though deep down I know that my boyfriend loves me and I know he is a good person. Dr. Honda, after watching your videos for over a year we have decided to go to therapy twice a month for the past 6 months. I learned how to trust him and not put my insecurities on him when he has always been by my side.

[@ChristinaChrisR]

❤️

[@jacquelinele9170]

This made me tear up a bit 🥲 happy for you

[@jenn._.]

That’s great, I’m glad you’re doing better :)

[@prairiehorse6168]

Good for you 👏👏.

[@isaacbacardi]

I'm South Asian Canadian. I hope it works out. It shouldn't matter the skin tone or what part of India you're from. Best wishes.

[@lanagustafson2905]

In a perfect world there would be no such word as "interracial couple". It would just be couple.

[@sistermadrigalmorning233]

I'm an American married to an Indian living in India. We had a lot going for us though Jenny and Sumit don't: my husband's parents were a love match themselves and never expected to arrange his marriage, he and I are the same age, and we're both Christians and for his family it is preferable he marry a foreign Christian than an Indian of another religion. Even so it's been *rough*. America and India have vastly different cultures and our ideas of things like respect are not compatible-- in India respect is one directional, from the 'lower status' person to the higher one. So when I was trying to demand mutual respect in my relationship with his parents, they took that as blatant disrespect-- because if I expect them to respect me it must be because I think I'm better than them or at best a peer, which is deeply insulting to someone older than you. It's incredibly difficult to navigate! This is why men are generally expected to marry younger women-- since Indians are expected to respect their elders but also wives respect their husband the idea of an older wife means a perpetual power struggle in this mentality because mutual respect between spouses is not the tradition.

[@rmmst22]

Christian American married to a Hindu Indian man - very different experience, especially as cultures vary throughout India. I am older but we have mutual respect and this is expected in his family. Arranged married was not expected of him or his brother. I find that his family’s ideas of respect are very similar to those of where I grew up, which is perhaps a little more hierarchical than typical. So yeah

[@sistermadrigalmorning233]

@@rmmst22 yeah, I'm kind of anti-hierarchial so it's possible that is much of it. I mean I wouldn't have described myself that way before but I recognise it now lol.

[@TaysTings]

Oh that’s so interesting! Wow. That makes a lot of sense. Wishing you and your family the best. Thank for sharing!

[@SnazzyParesh]

As an Indian living in Canada, why tf would you guys move to India???

[@sistermadrigalmorning233]

@@SnazzyParesh finances mainly. India is cheaper.

[@isabelamontgomery9182]

Lol the shock on your face was delightful. I was just as stunned as you! But I genuinely think he loves Jenny and despite some of the horrible choices he’s made I don’t think he’s a scum bag.

[@annaamericanaccent9184]

I think he really loves her very sincerely, but I also think that he also is a bit of a scumbag...

[@SirenAngelique]

I don't think he's a scumbag, I think he's a timid fool but I love him and think he really does love her

[@naomikropp4298]

Oh this story just gets more and more complicated Dr Honda you have no idea

[@Yolduranduran]

So what is currently happening with this couple? I get lost and don't know how to get actual current updates. I don't understand the order of the series.

[@naomikropp4298]

@@Yolduranduran last i heard they were engaged, he divorced his wife. Alot of backstory came out in the 2nd season

[@CraftystuffbyStacey]

Yes Dr Honda, we’ll get some hints as to why he’s procrastinating. However that being so, I think you’re on the right track. His family’s view and community play a large role in the decisions that lead him to this point in his life. I believe his ability to catfish runs deeper than it’s expressed in this show. Also, Jenny did something that surprised me and forever altered my view of who she is. In the end, I did think they were a match.

[@CraftystuffbyStacey]

@@Yolduranduran seems like pod wife, Stacey, is just pulling clips of this couple only. Either Netflix or Hulu will have the series from season one on. This couple also had a special about their journey.

[@Yolduranduran]

@@CraftystuffbyStacey what? What did she do?

[@katiegarber]

I’m a white, American woman and was in a relationship with an Indian man here in the Midwest. Once he told his parents about me, his dad found so many ways to insist that he shouldn’t be with me- Because I was white, not Buddhist, 4 years older than his son and even said that my parents are upper middle class so I was ‘rich that must make me a bad person’. Even though I’ve spent over a year traveling in India and learned so much about the culture there, it didn’t matter. He didn’t care who was was or our comparability, it was just how others would view me and how it would reflect on the family. Luckily, my ex’s mom was supportive of our relationship and I spent time with her when she visited. But the judgement from his father weighed on our relationship a lot throughout the 2 years we were together.

[@Cristinamk]

Dr. Honda speculating if Sumit could possibly be a scumbag is what I’ve needed my whole life.

[@mipsimips5627]

It’s extremely suppressing to grow up in a culture like that. Decisions are made for you in order to meet societal standards. The worst part is that it’s completely okay to have a miserable marriage/ life, because it’s not about the individual‘s wellbeing. There is only one way of living, without acknowledging the complexity of life. I understand when people from different countries/ cultures try to be as respectful as possible by not criticizing that, but it’s - in my view- a form of abuse.

[@JulesA5266]

Very true... I grew up in a conservative Chinese family and finally moved to the US to get away from all that cultural pressure. I'm a "bad kid" of course for doing what I did, and even worse is how I'm queer. I didn't marry another Chinese person, and I married the same sex. >_> It was suffocating being a Chinese kid growing up in a conservative country where all expectations are placed on you to be a certain thing that you don't want to be.

[@mipsimips5627]

@@JulesA5266 you made the right thing. I wish you the best for the future.

[@JulesA5266]

@@mipsimips5627 Thank you! I am definitely a much happier person now and living the life that I want to, not because society wants me to. :)

[@chewah]

Thank you for holding off judgment Dr. Honda! As someone who was raised by very traditional parents and had a lot of cultural pressures placed on me, I can certainly empathize with Sumit. I can recall in my teens having this thought that if I ever wanted to marry outside of my culture, I would wait have to wait until my father passed away. What a terrible and sad thing to consider but that was the fear instilled in me. Fortunately I didn’t wait for my father to pass before marrying. I did end up marrying outside my culture and my father did not attend my wedding.

[@JulesA5266]

I hear you Choua! I am the same... I am the "bad kid" - my parents have come around now after so many years but my extended family still hasn't.

[@iwillrest4155]

My goodness! 😮 I'm sorry for you guys! 💕😭 I'm from Europe and my parents were strict with us but it sounds like it was on a totally different level for you guys. I can't even imagine the pressure you both lived under!

[@laurend8140]

Aside from Dr. Honda and his great videos, another thing that I love about this channel is the pleasant and respectful comment section. Most of social media seems to be so hateful and angry these days, so this is a refreshing change!

[@MsJeanneMarie]

I don’t even think it would be okay with Sumit’s family if he married just any Indian person. I think they need him to marry someone from their ethnic group. I know that’s the case for many Indian families.

[@smrithirajagopal]

Yup. Indian woman here. The arranged match is based on religion, region, caste, sub-caste. Since, the search becomes really focused and narrow at this point, the one thing families look out for is that you don't come from the same patriarchal lineage. Beyond that, there are cultural expectations on age, looks, demeanor, financial and societal status especially for prospective brides. Men, typically, are not subjected to intense scrutiny with respect to marriageability when compared to women, although that is changing now.

[@unverstanden9995]

i think that generally families from any country want their kids to marry someone of their area because of language and culture for example

[@unverstanden9995]

and that its not always racism

[@MsJeanneMarie]

@@smrithirajagopal thanks for the context. I’m American and I’m really just speaking from something I saw on a show. I’m glad to get a better picture from someone who knows more about it. lol I’ve been watching Indian Matchmaking on Netflix. Hahah

[@MsJeanneMarie]

@@unverstanden9995 I’d agree that’s a very common phenomenon around the world though not the rule.

[@Xengaa]

I've been waiting anxiously to see Dr. Honda's facial expression to Sumit's secret lol

[@susannahlouise7608]

I’m British and living in India. I was going to get engaged to my Indian partner but when he told his family his father said if he married me he was going to go to his lawyer to officially disown him as their son. His mother was distraught and broke down crying. She told him “I want to choose MY daughter in law”. The stress and pressure on him broke up our relationship.

[@dogtrainer4645]

That's so sad.

[@glamurous_lookbylaksh11]

First marriages are chosen by parents second one if failed first the groom responsability and choice. Not only racism is endogamy. In Southindia dont mind marry Europeans specially Christians as were much French, Puducherry, Goa LusoIndians, Kerala AngloIndians mixed from European father ancestry from British and Portuguese men that married local women that were cheaper than bring by ship a European bride from homecountry.And British Govt encouraged alliances giving birth to Angloindian race and Portugal Lusoindian. Much people settled there with their indian wives. Northindians are more closed specially Hindus respect marriage.

[@Lydiazylowski]

This is incredibly sad 😔 I'm sorry that happened to you

[@maryshell]

My friend moved to India. She went on an extended business trip to India and loved it. Sold everything in the US, took her son and has been living there for years now. She just truly loves the culture. Her situation was a bit similar to this couple. She dated an Indian guy. When his family realizes he’s involved with a white American girl, they forced him to marry an Indian woman thinking that this would destroy the relationship with the American girl. I wonder if this is what’s happening here on the show. In case of my friend, her bf left the arranged marriage, they lived together for years until his family sort of accepted that nothing is going to change. My friend finally married him a few months ago. I understand this is a quite unusual situation for India, especially because she also has a son from her first marriage with her and her Indian husband raises him as his son.

[@tanya4691]

They want her to be younger and able to have kids. Sad because i love this couple. They are lovely together. He doesn’t confront his parent’s because the guilt and pressure they lay on him is immense, even to the point of his mother threatening to commit suicide if he marries jenny

[@jillsinanan6777]

The parents are used to their children especially the men will get married and usually live with parents, so they can take their care of the parents as they age - Jenny at 61 years same age as parents is a problem....too old, no kids.

[@irene_f.]

Lovely together? Jenny and Sumit do not have a healthy relationship - it is based on lies with each lacking in personal accountability.

[@jillsinanan6777]

Irene F. : There has to be conflict/drama to keep people interested in the couples...if they were to get married and walked off into the sunset, what will their storyline be - "we're done...'bye"?!

[@irene_f.]

@@jillsinanan6777 Yes they should leave, they were never a "new" couple (10 years already) - should never have been on the show at all.

[@itspeachypiiie]

"Is he a scumbag?" I wheezed! X'D

[@claraluna7436]

In India, what society (i.e. neighbours, relatives, etc.) thinks about you plays a major role in the decisions people make, and so that can also be a reason as to why Sumit's parents are against their relationship

[@smrithirajagopal]

This is my time to shine. Indian woman here and I have been waiting to chime in on Dr. Honda's videos. With respect to American stereotypes, the most common stereotype would be that Americans or Western society in general does not place emphasis on family values, that they do not appreciate familial relationships, are quick to abandon spouses and children, and are too individualistic. Indian families expect to be very involved in each others' lives. A little too much so. They carry a lot of influence on their families, especially kids, no matter the age. So, in their mind, an American is the antithesis of those values. Also, the fact that she is older and was married before is a definite no-no. Divorces are uncommon in India and so, divorcees are typically looked down upon and considered damaged goods. It plays into their perceived notion that Americans do not value relationships.

[@ChristinaChrisR]

Oh please continue to comment through this series with Jenny and Sumit! Awesome to get to hear your input. Thank you

[@smrithirajagopal]

@@ChristinaChrisR I will try my best to. Thanks for your reply.

[@ChristinaChrisR]

@@smrithirajagopal oh, absolutely no pressure on you! Only if you want to - it would be very appreciated.

[@reginayfavors]

Perfect analysis. Thank you.

[@susi9242]

This is what I have experienced also is the most common stereotype, and not only americans, I am swedish and I know this stereotype as well, it is against the more individualistic culture and also I think in ways: an attack on people in general with the freedom in their culture to get a divorce etc. As people we are all different and you can marry an individual who values family alot no matter what culture! And vice versa. It is only percieved as more "safe". When in fact safety has little to do with it as you are always in hands of others will if you cannot choose for yourself. It is a deception and also a grave punishment to withdrawal your love for your child if they choose differently. In fact I think this is The family values they are projecting and this is a great issue for The family.

[@dariusf.1960]

I understand what Summit is going through, my wife had to go through a similar dispute over our marriage. My father-in-law and sister-in-law didn't attend to our wedding either. My wife is European and I'm Mexican, and we would be moving to my country after the wedding. The sister insisted that I was "stealing" her to enslave her. My wife had her own reasons for wanting to live here (she is a political scientist with a specialization in Latin America Studies and indigenous human rights, she had lived in Latin America before, and was living in Chicago at the time we met... besides she couldn't find a job in Europe, and I was the provider for our first year living together working two jobs. Moving was our mutual choice). Anyway, things blew up right two days before the actual wedding when my wife's sister stopped speaking to her. Her dad sided with the sister. Things got messy. They didn't come. It's been two years and the whole pandemic for my wife and her dad to finally go to online therapy. I don't think her family will ever truly accept that she wants to live here in Mexico. To them, Mexico is this third-world dangerous country with no cars and no electricity. They don't understand we also live in paradise, we live in Playa del Carmen, it's not like it's an unknown destination. Her dad told her he will never step on a plane, neither if it means never seeing her again. Her grandmother always ask her when she's coming back. So even though I know my wife loves me, and that we are a family, and that she wants to be here, I'm still insecure that she will one day give in to family pressure and go back to Europe. It's so sad to see here being pressured like this. She is a genius and has her own business here... she's a star.

[@emma_motema]

I’ve lived in Nepal and spent a few months in India, and the cultural issues facing a mixed-race couple in those countries are enormous. You aren’t marrying a person, you’re marrying a family and a female coming into that family is the lowest person on the hierarchy rung. I’ve lived in quite a few different countries (Ethiopia, El Salvador, Indonesia, Laos) and India and Nepal are the countries I would least like to marry in - not because the cultures and people aren’t awesome - but because of the control that society tends to exerts over women. Sumit would be under a MOUNTAIN of pressure to conform and marry a person his family approved of.

[@xenia_maria]

as a biracial person with a white mother, i don’t believe sumit’s family is racist towards jenny as a white person, but rather prejudice as possible safety concerns and/or cultural tradition. in my own family, any negative response to my mom being white had to do with historical associations of white people not wanting to learn the language (jenny literally even says his name incorrectly), not wanting to learn their culture, and often times fetishizing and dehumanizing POC/black folk. I don’t think it’s fair to compare their prejudice with how white people will do the same to POC/black folk due to global history.

[@lizparker88]

They aren't racist, they're ageist

[@gemjule]

Same as a biracial Indian, I agree

[@ChristinaChrisR]

Racism is racism.

[@lindarhodes7453]

I had dated a man from India who was raised in India but came to the States for his medical training. When he obtained his MD, he decided to stay in the States but he remained close with his family. His family was very traditional and believed only in a marriage that was arranged by them. Needless to say, it was a barrier in terms of our relationship that was very difficult to overcome. In his words, he struggled with honoring his relationship with his family and respecting his/their culture while at the same time trying to be true to himself and following his heart. I do understand Sumit's position but he is married and his decision to pursue this new relationship not only affects him but his wife in India so it's complicated.

[@shabnasiraj9508]

My two cents on Jenny and Sumit as I am an Indian woman now married to a foreigner (not the US). All the things Dr. Honda had listed in the beginning of the video is factual. I moved abroad to study and met me now husband when i started working here after my masters degree. My husband is the same age I am (he is a couple of months younger) which was a huge problem for my parents other than him being white. Indian parents are not big on dating and teach their children to only opt for an arranged marriage. Sex outside marriage is a taboo for even the most progressive parents in India. I wouldn't really blame my parents or even Sumit's parents because that is what they think is the right thing to do when you want to protect your children from future heartbreaks and have been taught their whole life. Parents, or people around late 50s or early 60s (assuming that's how old his parents are) are highly influenced by religion and would not only disown their children for marrying outside their caste or religion but go as far as trying to do harm to them (not exaggerating). However, I do think Sumit can do far better than what he is doing currently (or what i did get to see in the edited version of the show). My parents for example were not happy about it being ME who chose the person I wanted to marry, although my husband is good person, has the same educational qualification, earns similar (a little more actually) than I do. They weren't happy about me being in love with this person, get engaged or get married. They were not part of my wedding and I only had my husband's family at my wedding. My parents do know that my husband makes me happy and they couldn't have chosen a better guy than him, but it was still about "what will the extended family and friends think?". But sure, I went ahead married my husband and that's the best thing i ever did. My parents are now coming around and have started to talk to me again and get along with my husband just fine. Sumit on the other hand is on the fence, he should either just go ahead and do what he feels is right and let go of his parents or let go of Jenny rather than stringing along both. Jenny, as being the older woman thinks that she may never find love again and puts up with his indecisiveness which is not what a woman around his age would do.

[@akirebara]

This couple always makes me so sad tbh because outside of family obligations and put-downs and stereotypes, I think it would work if they're just by themselves.

[@issy8849]

Thank you so much Dr. Honda! Watching your videos I've learnt so much and feel like I can understand certain things about myself and others around me! Really appreciate you doing these videos

[@MsJeanneMarie]

He IS just legally married as the relationship itself has dissolved. I don’t think Sumit is a scumbag. I think he might be a bit of a coward but then again, it’s difficult for me as an American to understand the situation he’s in. I would probably be terrified to leave my entire family forever too.

[@MsJeanneMarie]

@@MissPop93 yeah, he was lying to both his wife and Jenny. But he wasn’t in a relationship with his wife. As in, he wasn’t pretending to love her, or sharing a home with her. He was living away from her because he wasn’t happy in the relationship.

[@lavinder11]

No, he was sharing a home with her.

[@MsJeanneMarie]

@@lavinder11 we saw that he was living with Jenny.

[@SecretVixen77]

Put out another Jenny and Sumit video pleasee😁 watching you watch this couple is addicting 😂

[@justcallmebon2684]

I’m a black woman married to an Indian man. It is going well and did from the beginning. His family is Hindu, “high caste” and very cosmopolitan and progressive. Though it wasn’t spelled out, I believe that they were more invested in my educational status (I’m a physician) and family background and wanted to make sure it was a match. Since it was, there weren’t many issues at all.

[@Afritrini1]

At the 3 minute mark: I would argue that Black communities that live in the Americas always feel a community "dread" if you will, when a Black person has done some sort of wrong. That is the result of having to deal with anti-black racism so I must say that it is not true that American culture does not have a collective shame in certain communities when wrong has occurred. I guess the folks who have certain privilege, like for example White folks and some other folks of colour in North America, do not feel that sense of dread when a White person/some folks of colour does something "wrong".

[@bribri0786]

Yes, I agree. A lot of the time black people are judged collectively by other races based solely on the actions of a few. Even though I know I’m not responsible for that I still feel that “community dread” when I hear about something. I think, “oh boy, more ammo for the racists/bigots”.

[@sapphireofthemyscira8257]

Agreed, it sucks

[@misbahahmed9646]

it was going so well until the end hahahahaha

[@rachellllllla]

I am so hype to see Dr.Honda’s reaction to the freakin BOMBS that drop during the season

[@m_piper]

Haha Dr. Honda's reaction was ALL of our reactions when we heard it the first time. I legitimately think these two love each other though.

[@smrithirajagopal]

Beyond the fact that she is American and older than their son, the shame for the parents actually stems from the fear of society judging them on their "poor" upbringing and "lack of control" of their son. Indian families pride themselves in raising kids that obey and defer to their elders. Sumit marrying Jenny is an open defiance of their expectations and thus an apparent poor reflection on their ability to raise respectful kids. The other angle is the disrespect to your culture and the perceived dilution of your family's values and traditions when you marry out of your community.

[@gemjule]

Yep

[@lorip9600]

So, Sumit catifished Jenny, hid the fact that he's married, keeps promising her things and then does not carry them out, right? Is she really that desperate that she refuses to see that these are huge RED flags? Where is her self respect? What bothers me more than anything is the fact that she 's denying him the opportunity to have children. She's already had her kids. Fine, perhaps Sumit does not want kids at this point (and I stress "this"). However, IMHO, they are both disrespectful of Sumit's culture/beliefs. And, 30 years difference. OMG. Really?

[@maryjane2965]

I think prejudice and bias is the right term for whatever Sumit's parents feel towards Jenny, certainly not racism. She is still the one with all the privilege,whether it is in the US /India or globally. It is not racism!

[@naviwatson1846]

my step dad is a higher class Indian that grew up in Chennai and none of his family had an arranged marriage and its interesting how its different for Sumit's family

[@carr0760]

A couple of years ago I dated a guy from Sri Lanka. His family moved to Canada to escape the war when he was 3 or 4, so they had been here more than 25 years when we met. When he told his mom he was in a relationship it went something like this: Mom: what is she? Him: she's white. Mom: well, be careful then. Him: I'd like you to meet her. Mom: no. She is not welcome in my home. She refused to meet me because I was white. I wasn't even allowed to go to the door to meet him for dates. When he told her we were planning to move in together, she said she would disown him if he did because he had to marry someone of her choosing, from Sri Lanka. 25+ years in Canada and she was still insisting on an arranged marriage, and still hated white people. Ultimately, he chose his family.

[@gemjule]

No offense, but white people had literally been colonizing India until this most recent generation so like doctor Honda said, from previous experiences, they may have prejudice. Racism requires a power dynamic. I understand he was from Sri Lanka but brown people do have valid reasons to distrust white people. Also, if they were forced out of their country by war, they might have wanted to feel as though they could keep their culture through traditions and while I'm sorry you still feel hurt by this, I can see why him marrying out of culture might feel like a loss to her

[@Afritrini1]

@@gemjule Thank you!

[@gemjule]

@@Afritrini1 ♥️

[@carr0760]

@@gemjule I have literally no feelings about it...Dr. Honda asked for stories/experiences with arranged marriages, so I shared.

[@joywebster2678]

This is an example of what we ask immigrants to Canada not to do. This is a nation that works together, we ask people to leave their prejudices at home, and yet they can certainly have their own culture. If they don't want to be part of the new nation, don't come.

[@leeeyannn]

i forgot how young sumit looked in his first season 😂

[@bradnoddings3049]

So glad Dr Kirk is reviewing this couple. It’s a beautiful love story.

[@DaBower]

It strangely is, isn't it? You can actually feel the love between the two despite everything they are confronted with.

[@lizparker88]

I love how half of these comments are always going to be speculation about how to pronounce Sumit's name. (I'm still not sure).

[@MsJeanneMarie]

I suspect Sumit’s problem with Jenny has less to do with their own fears about race than it has to do with what their community would think. From what his parents say throughout the season, him marrying her would bring shame upon their family. I don’t remember them bringing her race into the discussion at all and if they did, it wasn’t the focus of their discussion. I’m guessing race has a lot to do with the cultural acceptance of Sumit marrying her, but i don’t know if it’s their main concern. They also seem very concerned with his ability to have a family with an older woman.

[@nellybarrett7]

I dated an Indian guy for 2 years the family’s opinion broke us apart because I didn’t want to be a doctor like he was going to be so def cultural differences are something to be aware of lesson learned! Ha

[@isab2376]

During most of the video, I was like “ Procrastination… yeah, sure… Oh, Dr. Kirk, you’re in for a treat!” ;)

[@yourexptravel7838]

When I watched that scene, first time in my life I screamed at the TV "whaaat?!".. I was soo rooting for them... So, watching Dr Honda'a possible explanations for Summit's procrastination etc etc i was thinking "poor Dr Honda.. So much talking.. Just wait.."

[@whoops8412]

LOL when you found out he is married and you called him a scum bag I laughed so hard!!!! He’s the same as Brittany 😂☠️

[@jesssc402]

Uhh I thought Jenny already knew he was married when she came to India the first time. She initially came to India and was introduced to his family as a friend. Sumit was in an arranged marriage. She had photos with Sumit’s mom all smiley several years ago as she was introduced as a friend! That was why Sumit’s family became extremely against her. It was like she was accepted as a guest by his family but they didn’t know they had a relationship and were sleeping together under their own roof. That’s why I wondered why a lot of people wanted you to react to this couple as they were very disingenuous!

[@aaartnaz]

Another reason for procrastination is that some believe that procrastination brings out a determined fire that will overcome all failure. That’s my experience.

[@saras.301]

Dr Honda is in for a surprise...hahahha Summit is not just chosing between her and his parents😬🤦🏻‍♀️

[@MsFluffyninja7]

This is might be the only age difference couple on this show that the is actually healthy like think about it like almost none of the age difference couples in the 90 day franchise are healthy. I might be wrong but Jenny and Sumit might just be the only healthy age difference couple

[@NurseAndie]

Michael and Juliana are a beautiful couple. I’m lucky to be acquainted with Michael, who is just such a great guy.

[@sareenab1000]

Hey Dr Honda, with regards to Sumit's name I'm a bit confused. I'm not sure what part of India he's from, but I'm Punjabi and we pronounce it 'suh-meet'. With regards to marriage - it is a big deal to marry someone who is not only Indian but who is from the same religion and part of the country. I'm a second-generation immigrant, with both of my parents born and raised in the UK like myself, and they both had arranged marriages with no say in the matter. Although I'm only 22, they have expressed to me that I can choose who I marry but they have to be Indian, and ideally from the same ethnic and religious background (even though my parents are not practising religion). Although my parents are very westernised and have many white British friends, they hold many stereotypes against British people such as they are promiscuous, alcoholic, don't have family values etc., and will bring shame on the family. It's a real shame, and the family pressure is real, so I feel empathy for Sumit.

[@Chee235]

Can’t wait until he finds out Jenny’s relationship with the parents

[@jolee9782]

thank you for your videos!

[@thornor85]

Yes, this is why I wanted you to watch. 😅

[@lyndaplancarte4895]

During Jenny's first trip to India, she apparently stayed with Summit and his parents in their home. Apparently Jenny and Summit's Mother were even friendly towards each other but at that time, the parents were not aware that Jenny and Summit were involved with each other...then he kept his marriage from Jenny and when he wanted to divorce his Indian wife, he needed $ help from his parents...like $10,000!...so now he is single, committed to paying his father back and when he sat down and was finally honest with his parents re wanting to marry Jenny, the mother stated she would kill herself if he married Jenny...it is a no one situation for this couple!!

[@naomikeenan951]

He’s not a scumbag. There’s an explanation. A bad one. Arranged marriage he is miserable in.

[@MissPop93]

so that justifies a lie that makes someone else give up everything ?

[@DaBower]

I love that Dr Kirk is talking about schemas and really going into some depth about possible cultural issues but nope. It's just that Sumit is married. hahaha. Enjoy the rollercoaster, this is one of those 90 day storylines for the ages!

[@duckduckgoose3496]

Yes my favorite couple. I honestly think these two love each other very much and I'm happy you're reviewing them. Some if the couples are so awful I stopped watching reviews for a while haha

[@sasher1022]

How do we differentiate between racism and cultural differences? If the roles were reversed I think people would automatically call it racism, but in this situation we are coming up with other words or excuses for it.

[@BarbaraThorndyke]

Racism = prejudice + power. Power is usually the key to differentiating from just plain prejudice. In America, his parents would be prejudiced. In India, I assume racism may be the more accurate term because Jenny would be a minority.

[@sasher1022]

@@BarbaraThorndyke thanks for your response, I’m not sure I completely agree with this. By this rationale, if a white person did not like Obama (the most powerful man in the US at one time) they would be prejudice against him and not racist?

[@BarbaraThorndyke]

@@sasher1022 That's one individual. Power is referring to the entire ethnic group. White people have more power than biracial/black people in America.

[@BarbaraThorndyke]

@@sasher1022 But I also see what you're getting at. I think people tend to focus on racism as an individual issue when it's much larger (systematic). Even though Obama was president (a very powerful person), the bigger picture is that he was the first non-white male to ever hold that office. That's the systemic issue. Prejudice against black people + power (voting restrictions that favored white male property owners) made that possible.

[@sasher1022]

@@BarbaraThorndyke I see your point, but does that mean black people cannot be racist against white people? Only prejudice?

[@adriadri1958]

Lol I was waiting in Dr Honda to see when Summit said that he is still married 🤦🏼‍♀️😂

[@bs4e]

It's so hard to explain the societal pressure south asians, especially south asian women, face. And when you try your best to explain it, your white friend will disregard your feelings and just tell you to "grow up, it's no big deal, I did and I'm fine" 🙄 only other south Asians understand what we're going through

[@molli9230]

How did the reveal not get a yikes! 😂

[@solangiesway]

I had a long distance relationship with a Indian guy and yes, they are very traditional. His parents accepted me but the rest of the family were really conservatives. One day we decided to publish our relationship on Facebook and they were againts his mom, saying like "Why do you allow this... blah blah blah". They made him delete me from all the social media (for real), and he explained to me that it's not well seen to publish a relationship or be so demostrative when you're not married, and even more with someone from other country. So, I can relate to some things here.

[@TaysTings]

Oh, Dr Honda isn’t ready.

[@amandareeves4450]

Jenny screams desperation.

[@Doreana48501]

Jenny knew he was married and fans found out that Jenny already knew this but didn't tell us. It's the main reason why fans turned on her and called her a homewrecker.

[@krystlemac6855]

I live for the whaaaats?? and what...is happening? lately. Lol 😂

[@momokoraphaelishida]

14:10 replayed it soo many times 🤣

[@rafaelrotellini7141]

Jenny and Sumit deserves each other.

[@touchofclass3836]

He then said he will not marry her, then his mother smirked!!! It was horrible!!!

[@Ellie-i7q-t5w]

The fact that I quickly figured out why Sumit can't marry Jenny tells me that I dated way too many scumbags.

[@isaacbacardi]

For many South Asian families, at home and even in the diaspora, we are still pressured to marry within our own subgroup. That means not just someone from India, but specifically Gujarati, Punjabi, etc. They have to be the same religion, same sect and, believe it or not, same caste (It's still a huge deal and even posted in your bio on matrimonial websites). Any mixing (Gujarati with Tamil, intercaste, etc), can provoke severe backlash in the family and the whole community to the point where it becomes dangerous and tears families apart.

[@brendakauffman2222]

We find out that Jenny always knew Sumit was married prior to going over to India. They pretend she is just a friend and gets a visa and stays with his family as a friend visiting. They choose to disrespect the parents by sneaking off to her room all the time and they find out. That's why the parents are against her. She has brought shame on the whole family in their culture. One has to wonder if the whole thing is the family scamming Jenny. Is being on 90 day fiance a quick way to raise the $20,000 they owe family and friends for the divorce? Is there really a divorce? We see no proof, and the only thing they show is them coming out of the court. Anyone can walk down the steps of a building. Is Sumit scamming Jenny to get a green card? Is he really divorced or will he attempt to bring his wife he says is the ex with him once here? One thing to notice is Sumit says all the time he loves Jenny and wants to marry her, but his words and actions don't match up. Later you note that when she talks of marriage and being together, he never looks her in the eye and doesn't seem excited. He's living off her SS money and the money from doing the show. I mean Sumit has already defied all cultural standards with this relationship so if he wants to marry her he will right? He's already said if it's her or his family, he's choosing his family.

[@lavinder11]

I actually like these two together, but think they were BOTH frauding for a specific outcome.

[@bahanasabu]

Okay so I really *don't* like Sumit (typically pronounced su-mee-th) but growing up in a somewhat similar culture in another part of India and studying cultural psych and going to lots of therapy, I get it. There tend to be very specific criteria when it comes to choosing marriage partners (height, skin tone, education, caste/religion...) and it's deeply problematic for everyone involved. Plus the parents/elders of the community get a LOT of say in who you get married to. So Sumit getting married despite being in love with Jenny is unfortunately very understandable and far too common culturally, esp for young people. My parents are considered rebels for fighting this system and trust me, it could've been impossible to recover from the fallout if they hadn't had amazing social support from their primary network.

[@silver5866]

So while it’s definitely not something he can keep going forever, I can understand Sumit’s wish to drag it out a little. As long as he puts it off, he gets to enjoy Schrödinger's relationship. He can have Jenny & also not lose his parents. He shouldn’t have to choose, so I totally get how he wants to just NOT choose. But he’s gonna have to stand up and “be a man” (stand up for his choices & he relationship; be an independent adult, to be more accurate & less sexist).

[@roxylady79]

I love this couple I believe he loves her... in stuck in a culture that he doesn’t want to fallow :( and he is scared

[@lucylohan8894]

Dr. Honda said wait what?!….

[@dandan2934]

My brother is white and it living/working in South Korea. He has a girlfriend who is South Korean and her family does not know about him because they would not approve.

[@Diomedes99]

I feel like sumit is a man that is trapped between his family and his need to be an individual and make his own choices for himself.

[@jillsinanan6777]

Racism in India is all about skin color and in some case hair texture. They will have no problem with Jenny's skin color and her hair, her age yes, but no to say, a light skinned African 'swirl' they would have a problem with hair texture.

[@decemberblue9307]

One thing to note about Indian culture is that it is heavily driven by society expectations. Unlike western minds, Indian people think based on what society thinks. Hence why marrying an older woman(who is an age of a grandmother in India), society will talk about their relationship heavily and as a result the family (I.e. Sumit's family) will lose their honor or respect in society. Any kind of act that is uncommon/taboo is looked down upon and it affects the entire household. While sumit wouldn't mind being with Jenny, his family would be affected and that's unfortunately the concern

[@heatherh5795]

It seems healthy for now!

[@amvguerrero]

Yeah, I think it's more culturalism than racism. A younger wife from the same culture, will typically not upset the cultural norms, and she is aware of the customs and "rules" that the older generations would value, and would like their grandchildren to be raised with. Probably something to do with primal self-preservation.

[@irene_f.]

Please - Jenny and Sumit blame everyone but themselves. 😒 Jenny CHOSE to move back to India FULLY AWARE Sumit's divorce was not final. Who in their righr mind lacks such self respect? She has never had anything from Sumit except for lies, which is a bad foundation for any relationship. Jenny and Sumit are not ready for marriage.

[@utecanbolat3590]

Is he a con artist? I think he is and has been from the very beginning when he pretended to be someone else. 🤷‍♀️ He knew his parents were never going to accept Jenny, because in their society a non-arranged marriage with an American (not his religion, not his caste), divorced and twice his age who will never be able to give him children, was going to put shame on their entire family. All he wanted from the beginning was her money. But when she moved to India, things went out of hand. One of the hints that this storyline could be completely fake is that in all these years that Jenny and Sumit have been "together", she has not made any effort to learn his language. Wouldn't she do that if she seriously wanted to live in India for the rest of her life? Just a thought... Of course English is pretty much universal, but not everybody in the world speaks it. Like, the guy at the job agency didn't. And the average sales clerk in India doesn't , either, I suppose... My husband is Turkish, and even though we are not even living in Turkey, but in Germany, I have learned Turkish (like all the other Germans I know who are married to Turks).

[@sweetgirl4u247]

Oh Dr Kirk, just wait.

[@WolfieAndree]

It’s certainly possible that racism is going on here, although there’s not much to suggest it. Sumit’s parents seem to focus on Jenny’s age as their main gripe with Jenny and Sumit’s relationship. However, that being said, some native Indian parents are okay with their children marrying Indian Americans but not people of other races. This is mostly because they want to preserve the culture and to maintain a more intertwined family structure after the marriage, but there could be a racist component to their preference as well. Racism certainly exists in Indian communities. -an Indian person

[@julissahernandez8402]

It would be super interesting to see dr Honda react to Indian matchmaking on Netflix

[@simoneinsanity]

This story makes me really sad. Although they all are, It touches something personal for me. I feel for both of them to be honest. (Not to say that makes his actions okay.)

[@touchofclass3836]

I do not feel it's justified! We don't know how long we have, he may pass away in a year for all we know, she may live to be 100! No parent, of an adult child, should have that control of their decision making!

[@abigailtrumbo178]

I understand that in traditional Hindu beliefs, marrying outside of your caste (let alone race) was considered a mortal sin. It sounds like this belief is not as common now but I always wonder how much of its influence still lingers; I used to share an apartment with some Indian students and noticed that there was a lot of interpersonal bitterness that related in some way to which state each person had come from. They weren’t even romantic relationships but the roommate and friend situation was horribly colored by regionalism and differences in family background. I feel sad for him though, I married outside of my race and culture and nearly lost my family over it. It’s not easy at all. In the faith my husband and I have, placing any barrier to marriage other than consent and the character of the other person is forbidden, and forced marriages are actually religiously invalid.

[@huytondon09]

Submit has no ball, Jenny needs to make a decision, you guys don't need anybody approval, just go get married and go somewhere else to have a life and can still live in India

[@prairiehorse6168]

I don't think it's necessarily "racism" Dr. Honda because it's required a power imbalance I would assume...there's definitely prejudice tbere. There's a stereotype of white people, especially white Americans being promiscuous and not that family oriented. It's a very complicated situation because India was colonized by British for over two centuries but white or white adjacent beauty standards are still quite prevalent and revered to some degree. White and biracial actresses get a lot of work in the movies but they are also exotified...but then again people who are too "westernized", especially women (that includes Indian women) are looked as selfish and not "adjusting" in nature as per in-laws standards. So this would even happen to an Indian origin person who basically grew up American. Sorry if this is too confusing and makes little sense. P.S. I honestly believe his parents would've been okay with the relationship if they were in the same age group. You will see what I mean in future episodes 🙂.

[@sunmosaic]

“Wait - is he a scumbag???”

[@stephanie___5169]

What? Jenny knew he was married, they came to the house they were staying in? What's happening.

[@shawnmercercrain9727]

He really catfished Jenny. From the very beginning. Sad.

[@thedudeabides5695]

So weird how she didn't care.....just like Zeid with Rebecca.

[@jillsinanan6777]

It is Sue-mit, not summit ( like a gathering for a meeting/event).

[@JulesA5266]

I think Asian cultures in general just don’t like it when their kids marry someone outside of their race/culture. Also, in many Asian cultures, honoring your parents and family is held at such a high importance that if you don’t put your happiness/individuality aside for your family, then you are a terrible kid. Fun fact, I was (and probably still am) a bad kid who dishonored my parents’ wishes for me to stay in my home country and be married to a fellow Chinese. That I’m also queer makes it all the more worse. Thankfully for me, my parents have come around and are supportive of me now but my extended family is still not.