90 Day Fiancé (Nicole and Azan #28) - Therapist Reacts - Feelings Entitlement

[@icecreamroxkndnumber]

I find it hilarious how Nicole's family is so insulted at the fact that Azan keeps bringing up how has a legit fear of infidelity from Nicole due to her previous history with him, but do not notice how insulting it is that every 5 minutes they are assuming Azan is getting married just for a visa-even though he has not shown any history of just being in it for the visa. The hypocrisy.

[@catherineparis8678]

Leo Hochman why he’s said several times that he prefers to be in Morocco 🇲🇦

[@saras.301]

I agree with rhe fact that they act as if infidelity is not a big deal at all.

[@caseyw.6550]

They just can't believe any man would truly want to be with nicole. That's how little they think of her.

[@caseyw.6550]

@Leo Hochman what exactly is SO bad about his life in Morocco that he would deal with nicole and her family for YEARS? Or do you just really think that every brown person is dying to come here? Did you know there are multiple KZbin channels dedicated to helping POC get out of here?

[@aliciaclaire81]

Casey W. You took the words right out of my mouth. They’re provincial and cruel.

[@yoyoyo5621]

i love how dr honda tells you exactly what to say in these situations like feed us line by line to make the communication healthy...for those of us who never had that modeled to us while growing up it's such a mindblowing thing like I CAN SAY THAT??? WHAT???? lollll

[@goosebump801]

IKR 😂

[@lillikg5951]

So true!?

[@carlasclasses9037]

It’s so incredibly helpful. A true paradigm change.

[@Summer09824]

Healthy communication is such a bizarre concept to me 😂

[@user-yk9sk7pg6v]

:)

[@paulacr6941]

Nicole's mom: "He wants the green card to live in America!" Nicole; "We might live in Morocco then..." Mom: Nooooooo

[@LB-gz3ke]

Mom needs to call her bluff. Let her go. If she wants what is best for her daughter, she needs to let Nicole do whatever stupid thing she wants, and let her pay for it. And make her take May along.

[@bellissima78]

@@LB-gz3ke 💯

[@marzipanmerci1068]

The very thing that all moms should get a psychologist to help them cope, *that all kids are going to fly and leave the nest.* I know my mom needs one.

[@BeckBeckGo]

She would certainly have a more supportive family in Morocco .

[@SamuraiBre]

Azan: I wanna stay in Morocco Nicole's family: HE'S WANTS TO GET TO THE US!!!

[@juliefisk8066]

Thank you!

[@nineteenfortyeight]

They have no idea what he says. They can only go by what N says, and she lies.

[@catherineparis8678]

nineteenfortyeight but what did she lie about? The family is just assuming and being harsh

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@catherineparis8678 for one, she told them that he said he wants to come to America because he thinks they'll get along better if they live together. We heard him say the opposite. Her family said he's stupid to think that. She also told them he can't get over her cheating, but she left out the part about how she goes on dates with other men. She also told them he's keen to live in the US, which he clearly is not. Etc.

[@juliefisk8066]

@@catherineparis8678 she also failed to mention that she knows exactly why his Visa was denied, and so she'll just have to live Morocco. Therefore, scaring the ever loving sh*t out of mother! When she brings all the nonsense to her family, she expects them to support her every whim, but I have a very good feeling they have been down this road before with her and that's why they respond the way they do. There are a lot of missing pieces here...

[@LeanDoughnut]

Dr. Honda's analysis of this couple is probably the best so far because it covers family systems, intimate partner violence, attachment disorders, and parenting. I'd be curious to hear what he has to say about how May is affected by all of this.

[@lagomorph770]

If they do a kids of 90 Day Fiance show, we'll find out in 10 yrs!

[@lagomorph770]

@katj she'll repeat these behavioral patterns of mom & grandma!

[@marzipanmerci1068]

@@lagomorph770 either that or she develops depression or something, in order to cope with lots of frustrations she suffered and conflicts she witnessed throughout her life.

[@mikaylaneustaedter8427]

YES! Also how the effect of Nicole’s upbringing affects Nicole’s parenting of May

[@markijkhout5196]

hey deserving therapist

[@aimeesportfolio5149]

whos teddy

[@karlac6031]

The clips from this relationship are extremely frustrating to get through but I stay for the enlightenment.

[@johnharrison1456]

Agreed-it's literally upsetting to watch because this is real family drama that we can all relate to but listening to Dr Honda is always a good way to get through it...

[@melissanormand7817]

I agree

[@shannon4539]

Also the Story is becoming extremely dragged out , almost like groundhog Day ..Different Day , same Story. Tedious snd boring .So many more interesting couples to cover .

[@aimeesportfolio5149]

@@shannon4539 agreed

[@kokolatte825]

@@shannon4539 I'm definitely enjoying this series even though I'm late. But I've also learned I'm the scapegoat in my family. I would like to see him cover Kalani and Asuelu though. I just watched their first season and I think Kalani's family system as well as Asuelu's would be VERY interesting to look at.

[@TheNunududu]

I think the family assumes Azan has ulterior motives because they can't believe anyone could just love Nicole for Nicole.

[@amandaviolino4055]

The shade is true

[@Katie-kf4np]

You are so right

[@TheNunududu]

@LuLu VonCline 1) The family does not know how Azan treats Nicole so your opinion has nothing to do with my comment. 2) Have you seen how Nicole treats Azan? 3) That was a pretty toxic way to respond to a comment on a channel centered on mental health. Just an observtion.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@TheNunududu the family do know how badly he treats her, they just don't know how badly she treats him. She has reported to them all the terrible things he's said to her (in other episodes) such as how unattractive he finds her and how he wants her to shut the f*ck up. They also knew he took her money.

[@TheNunududu]

@@nineteenfortyeight Yeah but the family has been singing the same tune since before all of this even happened. Just a theory I have, could be wrong.

[@deborahg427]

Dr. Honda has helped us all learn what productive communication actually means and why it’s so effective.

[@mewsyra775]

I wish he would've made these videos 10 years ago, because everything I've learned about myself from watching these now is so crazy. I fortunately did have a wonderful therapist that I worked with for about 5 years, and have been able to stay sober from opiates for over 10 years now. Thank you Dr. Honda for these videos and always reminding us to take care of ourselves because WE DESERVE IT!! ❤️

[@deborahg427]

Amber Garcia that’s awesome to hear! 💕 I think we all wish we had this knowledge ten years ago.

[@mewsyra775]

Bella Cuantiverso and Deborah G Thank you!! It's been tough but completely worth!! Everyday without drugs is another day with my family!! ❤️💞

[@marleefrancis1576]

Does anyone else always say “because you deserve it, you really really do” with dr. Honda at the end of each episode?

[@Set5087]

👍😂

[@juliannacolombo5584]

Kinda made my morning seeing I'm not the only one! Love finding a random reason to smile..thanks !!

[@MsMichelle7890]

I’m so glad you brought up her younger brothers attitude. When the episode first aired, everyone on any thread I read was praising that kid. I couldn’t stand him and I thought I was in the twilight zone. I couldn’t imagine anyone in my family, let alone a younger sibling, speaking to me like that. And she just took it!

[@kokolatte825]

Girl, I was just watching the Nicole and Azan seasons thinking Azan is not the monster I thought people made him out to be. It was cute to me to see them in the first season, so I was wondering why people vilified him from the beginning. I get it, but it's so cynical for people to just jump to the green card thing off the bat before there was any indication of that.

[@yoginiishwari]

Salty Dr Honda "like the video... only if you like it I suppose. If you hate it... keep it to yourself" Is that, like, avoidant attachment style or somethin? 😂😂

[@caseyw.6550]

Lol! You know he has told us he has thin skin. 😂

[@marzipanmerci1068]

"Speak good or remain silent" This phrase had helped me avoid lots of red flags in my life, so he has a good point there. *Giving constructive criticism should also be done with proper ethics and gentle language,* else it's just an egotistical rants. So that phrase still stands.

[@MochaQueen22]

"You can't say that, grandma!" I don't know why but it really tickled me when Dr. Honda said that lol

[@simcat3871]

Isn't May at the age where this drama will impact her for the rest of her life? I'd like Dr. Honda to discuss that. Nicole seems to be making horrible decisions, with her daughter as an afterthought. She had May calling Azan daddy from the start. She left May alone when she'd go argue with and hit/push Azan. May could've seen this as well when cameras aren't around. She leaves May with her parents for months to go see Azan. If her parents didn't take care of May and let Nicole live with them, I don't think Nicole would even have custody of her daughter.

[@marleefrancis1576]

I keep forgetting she has a daughter based on her behavior. It seems like she only cares about what makes her happy in the moment rather than what’s best for May.. her daughter is a total afterthought. My dad was careful with bringing women home to meet us after he and my mom divorced but most relationships don’t work out. That’s just the way it is. I have abandonment issues from other things already so adding that, did NOT help. To this day I have an extremely hard time making meaningful and lasting relationships with women and my dad NEVER dated anyone as brazen and douchey as Yazan (I’m sorry I didn’t pay attention to the soelling). None of them ever treated my dad the way he’s treating Nicole or the way Nicole is treating him. It’s toxic and you’re on the money saying it’s going to have lasting effects. My dads current fiancé/partner (they’ve been together for forever but I don’t think she wants to get married again so I say partner) treats him kinda crappy when he does everything for her and even at 30 y.o I feel like it effects me. They’re both awful people in my opinion. If the little one wasn’t involved I’d say they deserve eachother but he’s obviously gonna yeet once the green card goes through unless he still wants in on the show so it’s doomed anyways. Gross. End rant.

[@annap.8709]

Yes, I would like that too from Dr Honda, because he is only focusing on Nicole. Everyone is focusing on Nicole, like she was a child or something 😐

[@dopeydiablo]

He did address it during a tell all episode.

[@CrimsonEclipse]

Too bad Nicole is using May to hurt and manipulate her family. Her mom was OK if Nicole does reckless things on her own but not when she constantly drag May into it. Based on the show the family are more worried about May than Nicole. They know Nicole is an adult and should make her own mistakes but dragging May along scares them more than anything else. Nicole knows her family would cave into her wants and needs since she holds the thing they love.

[@moomoocachoo9025]

I feel for Nicole when it comes to her family. Even if you try to act mature when you're outside, whenever you're with your family you can't help but revert back to your younger self. Leaving would help, as the distance away might give both a means to step back. But if you're living with them and can't leave, it's hard to stop repeating the toxic cycle.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

You can help it. You don't have to participate.

[@jacquelinele9170]

True a lot of studies show that when people go back home, even despite how far they moved or how long they've been away, people tend to revert back to their old self that fit into these family dynamics. I wonder how it's going for everyone who had to move home bc of COVID

[@moomoocachoo9025]

@@nineteenfortyeight It's easier said than done.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@moomoocachoo9025 I know it's not always easy. But we adults can NOT blame our parents for our behavior. Anyone who for real "can't help" behaving horribly around their parents should never see them.

[@moomoocachoo9025]

@@nineteenfortyeight It's not about behaving horribly, but falling into patterns that you may not want to do. It's not even about blaming your parents either, but understanding certain aspects about yourself. Even if you are an adult, that doesn't mean that you won't fall into certain patterns when triggered. I think watching Dr. Honda shows how easy it happens. That's why we're all deserving of therapy.

[@jawelage]

I just find Dr. H’s analysis of Nicole and her mother’s relationship fascinating. Here’s what I wonder though: Does the mother project some of her relationship trauma on Nicole? I’m assuming the first husband had issues. Second, if the mother embraced Nicole and got on her “team,” would Nicole organically lose interest in Azan, seeing him for what he is? Also, can the scapegoat role change in families, move from sibling to sibling as the years' progress?

[@Highlikeheaven89]

I'm also fascinated, it's challenging my view of their mother daughter relationship. I see the mom, for lack of better words... sick of her daughter's shit. And nicole pulling the same shit again - in a nutshell. I'm almost confused at Dr Honda's analysis, a little frustrated lol, but he is making sense about where this all probably stems from. Its forcing me to remember that yes on the surface it may seem obvious what's going on, but everything is not always what it seems. Hopefully that makes sense!

[@jawelage]

@@Highlikeheaven89 Agree. I've been in Robbalee’s shoes, as I have an LD and ADHD teen. It’s hard to maintain your cool when you see the same repeated mistakes and tried everything. And the times we were in therapy, she was manipulative and ran circles with the therapists

[@kokolatte825]

@@Highlikeheaven89 sick of what "shit"? Nicole's only 22 here. I mean I get it with allowing herself to become pregnant when she has no means to care for a child or commitment from the baby daddy (assumption). And she seems to need to be validated hopping from relationship to relationship but why? I think that is what Dr. Honda is driving at. The more they ride her, the more they seem to be driving Nicole to making her shitty decisions. They are perhaps reinforcing this teenaged dynamic. I actually don't even think Nicole likes him. I think Nicole's interest in Azan is rooted in the attention she's getting from her family. Total speculation.

[@methosimortal]

@@Highlikeheaven89 I do think the mother is sick of Nicole's shit. but she is also unable to cut her off which is what would actually force Nicole to stand on her own two feet. Perhaps the mother would do that if it wasn't for Mae, though which Nicole seems to sense because she does use Mae against her mother, and the rest of the family, when push comes to shove. the whole reason why her father finally relented to sponsoring Azan was because Nicole basically threated to relocate to Morocco.

[@heathertrice2636]

Nicole lives with her mother most of the time so that is also a reason to tell her.

[@hairbeauty8083]

plus I think that maybe since some people are use to bad treatment they just continue these odd relationships plus Nicole seems to have no friends to talk to

[@SampfanCresta]

Before her last trip to Morocco (not aired) she lived jobless in her sisters trailer, with their young family.

[@heathertrice2636]

@@SampfanCresta That was before the cancelled vacation they were supposed to go on. Before this most recent trip during quarantine she was living at her mom's again. The one time we see her and May living anywhere but with family it is when she was leaving for the "wedding" trip. They were living in what appeared to be a rent by the week motel room.

[@bellissima78]

@@heathertrice2636 Turns out it was some Christian church housing project.

[@stephanieclark1487]

@@SampfanCresta where is the sister? I’m surprised she’s not on the show too

[@ShaynaDomina]

Her mother saying "it's too much to think about" and "she aint goin" strikes me as being very similar to Nicole saying "I can't think that far ahead." and "I'm sure he'll trust me when he's here for a few months." There's just so much magical thinking on both sides. as if both imagine they can make things happen just by wanting them and thinking ahead is unnecessary to achieving their goals.

[@kristinbagani2811]

Shayna Domina I know. Sounds like a lot of wishful thinking.

[@NoahNerina]

When Nicole replies to her mother about going to Morocco if things go wrong, she's all the time smiling. I don't think she's behaving like a child, I think she's doing it because she enjoys that her mother doesn't have control over her about this.

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

Yeah just like an rebellious teen...Not like an adult...

[@im_camilas_fav]

Yes! Nicole smiles while putting her mom & family through this. Stevie Wonder can see Azan is just not that into her. He STRAIGHT UP SAID HE'S ATTRACTED TO HER 55%. And she just Sat their with a smirk on her face. What?? She is Forcing this relationship. Maybe to prove everyone wrong. It's been well over 5 yrs & it doesnt look like they're any closer to getting married.

[@joywebster2678]

That enjoyment is the childish part

[@chrisrogers8033]

Nicole is someone who takes pleasure in another person's pain. It's not because she's young. It's a personality disorder.

[@Iferist]

I think the smile here is 'I guess you should have helped me and not tried so hard to keep him away. Bet you wish he was coming here," look.

[@TwoBitColorPencil]

People in the comments railing against Nicole for "still" living with her mom seem narrow-minded imo and even triggering for me. People live with their parents all the time, especially in the Global economy being the state that it is. Just because you live with your parents doesn't mean they have a right to control or mistreat you.

[@dany56698]

Exactly. Nicole is not the most mature person, but does she deserves to be mistreated by her family just bc she lives with them? Absolutely not.

[@JournalNthoughts]

It's very normal in a lot of cultures for kids to live at home until they're married or financially secure. I think people have a problem with Nicole living at home and having her family support her and her daughter financially while she sends money to Azan. It's no excuse to treat her poorly, but I guess people feel like because she is so reliant on her family that they should get a say and try to keep her from making a mistake that will impact all of them.

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

Well your already admitted that your comment isn't objective...because your triggered...so not worth reading the rest..

[@TwoBitColorPencil]

@@JournalNthoughts I think that that's true in the sense that, if you live with someone, then their lifestyle decisions often can affect your own life. But what I see Dr. Honda reacting to (and what I react to as well) is how they're going about expressing their worries and concerns. They treat Nicole like she's stupid and incompetent, and use that as a justification for taking her decisions for her. No one deserves to be treated that way, and it is not helpful if they are really trying to have a meaningful dialogue. In my culture, it is normal for people to live with their parents for a long time, like you said. It is distressing to read people from the US just assuming that because someone lives with their parents for any reason, they must be in a state of arrested development, or that the "natural course of things" is to necessarily move out for or after college.

[@JournalNthoughts]

@@TwoBitColorPencil I agree the way they treat her is horrible, but I also think they believe Nicole has given them reason to think she's incompetent. It's hard to trust someone's judgment when you constantly have to bail them out of their messes. I really think this situation was her attempt to prove herself to them, but they're still going to see her as a screw up who can't be trusted. They need to get help and set up clear and firm boundaries.

[@ModernSouthernBelle]

I often wonder how much of these stories are just for the cameras. I was approached for a reality show on the WE network YEARS ago. If things are still similar 99% of these storylines are fake. I did 3 interviews. The first 2 they acted so excited about my life and my story. In the 3rd interview with the "senior" producer she tried to get me to completely change my story into something that wasn't even real. It's very sly the way she did it. She would basically be like "Well....maybe we could say XYZ" and I was like "...but that's a lie..." She kept pushing for me to lie and I refused. So I wasn't picked. Now that I'm older I realize "Reality" TV is really just playing a fictionized version of yourself. You have to be comfortable lying about pretty much everything.

[@butterflygirl141]

That’s a different network...

[@hairbeauty8083]

I would guess a lot of people might be comfortable with it if it means getting on TV and getting more followers or whatever

[@_Summer.]

Michelle A a different network but the same genre, and a genre which is known for being incredibly fake despite the name.

[@VictoriaMorrisa]

Which show was it for? How did they discover you?

[@joywebster2678]

I saw a behind the scenes for say yes to the dress......the producers interview your friends and relatives and they pick who will attend the show fitting with you. Making sure they choose one person who will act up or be oppositional. No wonder so many walk out without a dress.

[@HappyDia01]

I would both love and hate it if Dr. Honda could analyze my interactions with my mother. 😂 I think about this a lot whenever he reviews their conversations.

[@lagomorph770]

I wish my parents could've had a therapist like Dr Honda! Everyone needs a Dr Honda!

[@HappyDia01]

@イチカラ村Tarrey town Yeah, my Mom and I are really dysfunctional. Although it's better now that I'm an adult, I still have clear defenses that I put up when we're talking. I don't even give her the chance to hurt me. I immediately stomp her down even if she clearly didn't mean it in a negative way.

[@rkat]

@@HappyDia01 lol I feel this. My mom and I are also pretty dysfunctional. Growing up, she had a short fuse and when it went off, it went _off_. My defense mechanism is to shut down and not communicate because I learned that not saying anything made the problem go away faster.... however it's affecting my adult relationships now because I won't speak up if I have issues. I am aware of my defense mechanism and also aware of what the healthy choice is, but I find it very hard to push past the mental barrier.

[@sasher1022]

It seems that Nicole lives at home and depends on her mother for childcare, monetary support etc. I would assume that she involves her mom because this will impact her as well. Not that she goes about it the right way, but if her decisions impact her mother shouldn’t she be involved in this decision process?

[@bree00osd]

THANKKK YOUUU 👏👏👏🙏

[@ashleybconnolly]

Yes. If Nicole wants to be treated like an adult she needs to act like one. I get that she’s been the scapegoat in the family, but she’s an adult and needs to act like one. You can’t blame the family dynamic for the rest of your life. If she would be able to support herself and act on her own, she wouldn’t need to keep being drawn into the toxic relationship with her family, but she chooses to act like a 12 year old and I can guarantee the family continues to bail her out.

[@jasminehouston-burns1691]

I agree, I think it has a lot to do with a tacit/passive request for money.

[@crystalhogan3834]

When her mom would not sponsor Azan she said she was going to Morocco to live she knows she can't ever ever ever live in Morocco

[@Madmarsha]

@@crystalhogan3834, oh, I forgot she asked her mom to sponsor him. Look, I agree with everything Dr. Honda says but the Mom is in a really bad place where Nicole has sort of forced the Mom to be as involved as she is in ways that either they haven't shown or he hasn't seen such as asking her Mom to sign to be responsible for Azan for 10 years. How involved in Nicole's life would she NECESSARILY become involved then?

[@mainialee]

As always, Dr. Honda never disappoints.

[@Nicoleinanutshell]

You make a great deal of sense and these vids are greatly appreciated as they help the viewer understand themselves when it's relatable to their own circumstances. Thanks Dr. Kirk!

[@Carla47156]

I really mean everything I say to regarding your assessment of the relationship of Nicole and her family. I have read so much regarding family relationships and watched many videos from various counselors. You are an excellent therapist and anyone that you counsel would benefit greatly as long as they as serious about improving the relationship with a member of the family and the entire family. I had therapy with an excellent person and I know how valuable therapy is. You’re the best

[@idzit]

I have found these videos so enlightening. It's one thing to read about situations in a book, but to see "real" examples roll out and he pauses the video to insert what would have been a better way to comunicate their feelings, and also what they did right, is very helpful. I'm hooked. These videos have definitely helped me be a better communicator, and helped me be more differentiated in my interations with people in my life. So, thank you Dr. Honda for your ongoing efforts and videos!

[@Beesbeeswhatsonthemenu]

Agreed. I feel like I’ve learned more from our deserving therapist than my psychology classes.

[@moyga]

I think the reason they are so skeptical about Azan's motivations is because they don't think most guys would want to marry Nicole for any other reason than coming to America. I mean, they probably don't see her as being a super desirable partner. They think that shes not bright and makes bad decisions and in addition to that, shes very overweight and she is a single mother with a minimum wage job and little to no future job prospects.

[@marisapetrucelli5574]

Undeteable

[@sophs5570]

Does anyone get inspired to study psychology after dr Hondas videos?

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

NO!!

[@sophs5570]

LiveLoveLife and TRAVEL OKAY!!

[@sarahapple5844]

I’m the opposite. I couldn’t be so nice and soft with people being full on idiots

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

@@sarahapple5844 LOL...Yeah I don't have the patients...

[@annap.8709]

Not really

[@SampfanCresta]

All the focus is on Nicole because she's a cause of worry: no education, hasa young child but lives with her sister or in church chatity motels, no job or sometimes part time.. And she distracts from the other big family issie (irl, not shown on 90df) her dad is a hard drugs user and got arrested several times.

[@barbarawhite4055]

Yes, Doc, you're making perfect sense (as always). I so appreciate your work and hearing your insights.

[@dychondra]

Thank you for introducing “Differentiation” to me/us. It’s been so helpful in my life and getting better perspective.

[@ninajohnson9540]

I don’t know if you will be watching the reunion shows but on a reunion the mom revealed that Nicole sends all her money to Azan and then asks her mom for money to pay her bills. And her mom gives it to her! If her mom is so worried that Asan is using her then the quickest way would be to stop giving her money. Then Nicole would be forced to stop giving him money.

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

It wont matter the Doc doesn't like the mom..that is very clear...whatever the mom says or does will be wrong in this Docs eyes...He dismisses almost everything she says..never takes any, "data", that the mom gives as facts..

[@nineteenfortyeight]

In the mom's defense, she didn't know what N was doing with the money before that show (Nicole lied to her). Doesn't look like she cut her off though.

[@inesolujic2534]

@@livelovelifeandtravel865 soooooo true!!

[@bellissima78]

And he should analyze Nicole's infantile behavior at the Tell All reunion. Never in my life have I seen a woman in their mid-20s yell and cry "staaaaahhhhp! Don't EMBARRASS me Mooooom!" "Shhhhh shhhhh don't tell them thaaaaat!" while covering her face or hiding in her mom's bosom. Like GTFO.

[@inesolujic2534]

@@bellissima78 I think he'll blame her mom like he always does 🤷‍♀️

[@kamillaazim4862]

Can we just appreciate the fact that we get these amazing daily analyses for free?!

[@spiralmewtrix]

You ARE making sense to me, Dr. Honda! Thank you so much for all that you do for us in making these videos.

[@Amanda-oq4vl]

I hope he watches Angela and Michael one day it’s all I want in life

[@kokolatte825]

Big Yikes. What would be the point? An old American nationalist buffoon and a man willing to emasculate himself for a green card. The end.

[@lavinder11]

The practical reason for why Nicole informs mom is because that's her meal ticket. She supports Nicole and her daughter financially and from what I remember, lives with mom still.

[@everythingiseverything9920]

"Don't fuse. Atune" t-shirts coming soon haha

[@nautsrenata]

You make so much sense. So many any of us wanted you to do more reaction videos to these 90 day fiance people because we knew you would have insight & understanding of what we have been seeing on the show. You have a huge heart & it's wonderful to hear & watch you have reactions I have when watching the show. You're right, it wouldn't make for really great tv if it wasn't for these kind of relationships on the show, it's really interesting to hear your take on things. You make it make sense & I love how you give all the potential scenarios to what could be going on in the situation. Thanks again for taking the time to do all this, you truly are making a difference, I bet so many people have had their eyes opened to different points of views, that they would have never imagined.

[@fujidenzo_kid4147]

Some parts of me think that while Nicole hates being treated like a child, she likes to toy with her mom's feelings. Like in this episode, I feel like she throw the possibility of moving to Morroco to her mom so she can continue to depend on her, if you dont support me financially, I may live in Morroco and of course the mom does not want that so she will be forced to do things the Nicole way.

[@annap.8709]

That is exactly what is happening.

[@maschinka_]

That could very well be what’s happening, Nicole probably doesn’t really know or any other way to “get what she wants” cause if she tells her family stuff directly, they completely dismiss her

[@johanforsenberg4180]

I mean just look at her face when she says "we'll see what happens." in response to her mom being upset... The mom doesn't treat Nicole well but Nicole doesn't treat her well either. That smile is a pleased smile. She loves tormenting her mom.

[@amandahoward8620]

I’m dying to know if your advice for mom to withhold her opinions also includes her withholding all the financial and child support she provides for Nicole. Since she needs to treat her like an adult

[@DANNYTHEFROG123]

If she wants to be independent she needs to be completely independent . Not pick and chose.

[@tinyelephant77]

His point is not for her to necessarily withhold advice... It's for her to be differentiated and own her own feelings. For her to not be pushy and controlling. She can help or not help her daughter financially, but she can do either in a healthy way or a controlling way.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@DANNYTHEFROG123 she wants to make her own decisions, and have her family pay the price for her.

[@amandahoward8620]

nineteenfortyeight exactly this!

[@DANNYTHEFROG123]

@@nineteenfortyeight I wont do it for my kids.

[@KaylaCruz.]

I LOVE YOUR SHORT INTROS. straight to the point yet so welcoming 😊

[@agricolaregs]

She informs mom because mom is supporting her and raising her daughter. She’s a moocher. And she’s trying to continue to mooch and she needs approval to do this so she doesn’t get cut off.

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

EXACTLY!!

[@inesolujic2534]

💯 This!!!! She has to tell her mom because she relies on her mom for housing, to raise her daughter (because it's gone way beyond child care, her mom had May for 5 MONTHS while Nicole trotted off to Morocco), money, etc. She treats Nicole like a child because Nicole ACTS like a child. This is like a chicken or the egg situation. Which came first? Dr Honda is convinced that Nicole acts like a child because she's treated like a child. Anyone who has looked into Nicole's story knows its the other way around 100%. They treat her like a child because she acts like a 12 year old and time and time and time and time again has made messes that her family had to clean up 🙄

[@agricolaregs]

Ines Olujic i think Nicole is probably mildly special. I bet she was in special Ed classes in high school. I’m not saying that to put her down. I say that as someone in the educational system. She’s not a fully functional individual. There’s not a lot of forethought. I think this is why she has been babied. But she’s high functioning enough to know she’s being babied and manipulate the situation.

[@bisibisbi]

Hi Dr, Honda! There might be another possibilty, why Nicole tells her mother about the K1 visa. I think she still hopes that mom says: "You did well, you were persistent, you fought for it, you are a capable grown up, I´m proud of you, my child."

[@leege4257]

I suspect Nicole has displayed an inability to properly care & be responsible for her daughter

[@bumboom7352]

This man needs to watch Colt and his two girlfriends.

[@danielleblackburn3008]

Virlonna Chavis 4 girlfriends! Larissa, Jess, Vanessa, and Debbie 😂

[@stephanieclark1487]

@@danielleblackburn3008 don’t forget those eight women he sends pics too. But he has reviewed Colt in the past. Good videos.

[@OMSOFFICIALS]

Nicole is one big teenager who's ungrateful. She's not paying for the Visa sponsership her parents are. I'm sorry but it's just Disrespectful.

[@brainfluidZ]

But she’s only this way because her parents and the rest of her family are childish and incompetent.

[@brainfluidZ]

I really don’t believe falling in love with somebody from another country is disrespectful. The way that her family has been treating her and keeps treating her even as an adult woman is fucking ridiculous and that is disrespectful.

[@brainfluidZ]

The only reason Nicole acts the way that she does is because the way that she was raised and treated her entire life and right now. There’s not really much room for a woman to grow when everyone around her is calling her stupid and making her feel like she can’t make a decision or trust herself. She asked for help and is provided with that help because she’s continuously shown that she cannot do things on her own and told that she’s in capable and told that she’s stupid. Which is disrespectful and selfish because of whatever the fuck they’re going through they like to put her down because she’s the chosen one in the family that everybody shits on.

[@brainfluidZ]

I think honestly you’re disrespectful because you’ve never been in a situation like this. You’re not trying to put yourself in anybody’s shoes to understand their emotions or their past or what they’ve gone through or what they ARE going through so I don’t think you have room to speak on somebody else’s relationship or family.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@brainfluidZ are you saying she's an adult who should be respected? Or are you saying she's a child whose parents are responsible for her behavior? Can't have it both ways.

[@anne.enrique]

Hi Dr H. Yes you make total sense. Also, I've really evolved in my feelings towards Nicole and not as frustrated toward her but looking at the family dynamic as a whole, and that's all thanks to you ❤. It feels good to have empathy v dislike. I just need to work on her whining- still grates on my nerves, but it helps when you explain why she does this. Ty for these videos and your amazing analysis.

[@sacmakiz]

i've read that nicole's dad has been to jail many times for drug possession etc. so my speculation is nicole's mom got married and knocked up with kids too early on, it is her biggest trauma and by being controlling with nicole, she thinks she is protecting her from the same pain, she thinks this is the best she can do. that's why she is devastated when nicole says 'i'll go to morocco with may' whatever nicole's mom been through in the past with her first husband and father of her kids, she is so afraid azan (who has no job currently and may never have a steady job and life for her as an immigrant for a long time) is going to repeat the same cycle for her, therefore she will suffer the same trauma twice. i wish she could express her pain to her children so she can learn from her a bit, instead of forcing it on nicole to 'do better'. nicole grew up in the same family so whatever happened to all of you, she did develop dysfunctional ways to get love too so instead of blaming her, hold her hands and do your best to provide that safety and security she's looking for in other man (who are most likely not going to be there for her anyway hence she is chasing an impossible man, by making it possible maybe she is trying to prove herself she is not abandoned unless she doesn't give up... but there goes out all of her other needs the window... anyho..)

[@dorazilwriting]

That was one of the more mature conversations that they ever had on this show. I think.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Complete with mature eye-rolls.

[@dorazilwriting]

@@nineteenfortyeight baby steps. Lol

[@LamiaEra]

Hello Dr. Honda! I'm a counselor-in-training studying to become a couple & family counselor. I just have to say that I'm really enjoying your channel and these types of videos you're doing. I'm really benefiting from your openness to share your knowledge and perspective. Thank you!

[@normajean2110]

Dr. Honda could you please do a reaction to Paris Hilton’s new documentary that she posted on KZbin about the real Paris?? I think people would really love to see it!!

[@ijeuna12]

Omg yes please! That doc was SO GOOD

[@lynnie6633]

Why are they letting that child roll around on the floor under the table??? They rarely (if ever) pay attention to her at all. She is going to be pretty screwed up as she grows up. I know that this is about Nicole and Azan, but am I the only one who cares about the child??

[@juliefisk8066]

No, you're not. She is constantly being ignored in all of this nonsense!!

[@nineteenfortyeight]

You aren't. I'm losing confidence in Dr Honda because he ignores her as much as her mother does.

[@jocelynnmariah2993]

It’s important to keep in mind that we are seeing moments in time. We don’t know what’s going on behind the cameras and I’m her off seasons.

[@jocelynnmariah2993]

In*

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@jocelynnmariah2993 some of us have watched the full shows for many seasons now. It doesn't get better.

[@bree00osd]

Why Wouldn't Nicole's mom question the motives of Azan? The guy is ripped and attractive, and has expressed frustration with her weight and overall health Many times. He admitted he's only slightly attracted to her. And, Nicole supports him financially, even tho she doesn't have money to give, she's financially dependant on her parents, and her mother is raising her daughter. .. What more evidence do you need?? I think the mom should straight up kick Nicole out of the house, and let her fend for herself. That'll Force her to be more realistic And give up ridiculous, unhealthy fantasies... And she'll finally be forced to take care of her child, and put her little girl's needs first.

[@Monokuroboofan]

hi Dr.Kirk, would really love to see your take on Deavan and Jihoon, where it's the US Citizen making the movie to the other country (in this case, Korea) instead.

[@annalovel5475]

Yes! That dynamic sounds interesting. I haven't seen those episodes but I would watch Dr. Kirk's reactions to them!

[@dogtrainer4645]

You made a lot of sense. Love your videos, Dr. Honda!

[@theworldisgreenerandgreener]

You make all the sense in the world. Thank you!

[@penneyhenry3523]

This is so weird ..this was the same explanation they gave on family guy on why they treat Meg so horribly

[@paulavaleriaarenas9339]

Did they call Meg the “glue” of the family? Maybe it was from something else :

[@penneyhenry3523]

@@paulavaleriaarenas9339 not exactly but they did show what would happen if she stood up for herself. and at some point she said almost the same thing the doctor said about Nicole and everyone focusing on her...its a interesting episode

[@paulavaleriaarenas9339]

Penney Henry Thank you! I was probably thinking about another show... 😅 I will check the one yOu said right now!

[@moyga]

Why is that weird? Dr Honda didn't invent this idea, as he has said, its a common thing that occurs in family systems.

[@penneyhenry3523]

@@moyga I thought it was weird because this topic was covered in a cartoon..that's all 🙂

[@mollyvann4221]

Dr. Honda - a bigger issue is the birth of May and the mother being supportive and financially responsible. That entanglement is a big piece of the equation. Hard to be an adult and still rely on the mother for her primary needs.

[@bengawrong]

you make so much sense queeen!!:> been watching u for a while, now in the middle of deep dive of ur channels episodes > finally something normal

[@juliefisk8066]

The main problem I have with Nicole is that she leaves out a lot of information when speaking with her mother. Azan has said, he doesnt want to come to America. He has said why his Visa was denied. Nicole left that out when speaking to her mother. She lied about the store. She is not always honest with her mother. I think her mother knows that she is remarkably immature and makes these terrible decisions off the cuff and without thinking beyond what she wants RIGHT NOW! I hope that when they were able to watch these episodes they learned a lot from them. I do think the mother is over bearing, she shouldn't allow the little brother to act like an adult, but nicole shouldn't be going to him for advice either, the mom knows things that we dont. I believe she has every reason to be highly concerned. At 20:52, I think nicole enjoys holding the fact she can, indeed take May from grandma..just by the little smirk on her face

[@crystalhogan3834]

She not going to be able to live in Morocco

[@secretsquirrel7374]

We haven't got to that bit yet. I can't wait to see what Dr Honda says about that!

[@juliefisk8066]

@@crystalhogan3834 what do you know that we dont? Inquiring minds what to know! 😂

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@juliefisk8066 maybe dhe meant because N is not married to a Moroccan, has no job there and no money? You can't just immigrate wherever you want.

[@juliefisk8066]

@@nineteenfortyeight true...

[@chelseawhoelsee]

Dr. Kirk Honda you are a great human being!

[@rosas4851]

Thanks Dr. Honda for the informative en educational videos

[@MariaVictoria-nw9yp]

Excellent content!!! Thank you for showing us how to bond and be on the same team with our daughters... This felt sooooo good😍👏😍👏😍

[@aj-dg1lj]

Yes Dr. Kirk, you make all the sense 😁 ..❤ watching your analysis videos... Keep doing what you're doing 🥳

[@snizzlefrazzy]

I think the grandmother is more concerned for May, and I think Nicole uses May in a way that will make her family comply with what Nicole wants. Just my opinion.

[@stanley3384]

where is that blue short-sleeve button-down from?

[@msbananas4333]

Some back story on Azan that kind of explains the family distrust.. Azan was caught cheating on Nicole when another woman released a video clip of him, he also has tried to get a visa to other countries through other women. And he asked Nicole for quite a lot of money (I think it was lik 2k) to start a "makeup shop" which never happened and the money was just gone with no explanation.. im sure there is more but I wouldn't trust him what so ever either

[@koipen]

Some of this resonated unexpectedly with me - I remember my grandma showing certain trepidation about me moving abroad to study when I was 18 - at the time I didn't think much of it but as the years have gone by and I have continued living abroad (changed countries, but that's details) her emotions seem to have shifted from 'are you gonna be fine' to 'I guess I'll never see you again'.

[@stephanieclark1487]

I just at this point don’t understand why she’s so willing to fight for the relationship at great emotional, financial expense, and putting her kids education in jeopardy. Does she love him? She’s already cheated 1.5x and acts like she doesn’t even understand a real relationship. I’m just baffled. I feel sorry for May, Nicole is never shown considering her own child or even caring for her on camera.

[@marisapetrucelli5574]

If Nicole were an adult and responsible for her life, she would not be living in her mother's house and asking for money for all her financial needs.

[@pituk08]

Finally, someone here brings up exactly what I think! It's a disservice to take one conversation and say oh the mother and the brother are horrible and don't treat her as an adult (which I am not discarding) but can we talk about Nicole can't have it both ways. How every time she needs help the mother is there to take care of May, to give her shelter, and money. I wonder how much of that has affected the brother too?

[@lilianatintin1943]

Dude that makes no sense... just because you are an adult doesn't automatically means suddenly you yave to uave your whole life settled. I am an adult who had to come back to her country after years of living alone in another country. And because of circumstances of life I ended up living with my parents again and being financial dependant on them again... does that mean I am not an adult or responsible of my life? No. It just means that life is complicated and sometimes we need help. Its okey to ask for help even if you are an adult.

[@pituk08]

Liliana Tintin but your statement comes from a place of responsibility. There is a difference from needing support in a specific moment vs making them a core part of your back bone (ex. Nicole asking the parent to co-sponsor Azan) I see clear differences one is support in a time of need an another one is depending. Thank you for your reply ❤️

[@pituk08]

Bella Cuantiverso To some extend I see your point then I think of Nicole and the emotion goes away. See when she asked to be co-sponsored by her parents because she doesnt meet the financial threshold or when she left her child with her mom when she traveled and then Covid hit those things also have an impact in on others is not like she is demonstrate being capable of taking care of her self and needing support here and there. Her actions are more of someone who thinks after she does.

[@crystalhogan3834]

She borrows money from her mom to send to Azan

[@Okyouright]

Once again thank you for your work I am growing to be a better person with your content.

[@xosammyj09]

Yes, you are making a lot of sense! 👍

[@ohno8322]

IDK why her family assumes he just wants to get into the US for a green card. Honestly, he looks pretty happy in Morocco, and his family there is awesome. People who assume EVERYONE is just dying to get into the United States make me laugh.

[@brennanwilkes]

Dr Honda, you make ALL the sense!!

[@Peeegoska]

I love that I have Kirk's voice in my head now these days. "I have a feeling. What do I do with that feeling?"

[@Katie-kf4np]

Dr. Honda you always make sense . Thank you for all you do .

[@nadjakari1752]

I have a question. Dr Honda mentions that the system (family) might pull her back in in case she is finding her own way in order to avoid the tension/problems/etc that really needed to be focused on ( to cure them). But could it be that by now, so many years of this behavior, it has become a habit? Like, the original issue, that made Nicole into a scape goat,has disappeared and they maintain this habit/situation because whatever caused the original issue might cause other issues to surface? Thanks

[@ashleecarrero1466]

I know it’s an odd angle but would love to see your family analysis for the family in the Horror film Hereditary that came out a few years back particularly the dinner scene.

[@Anthonyhopkinslvr]

I watch your videos everyday. I love listening to what you have to say it’s so interesting

[@methosimortal]

I actually have a friend who has a similar relationship with her mum, in that her mum always has relatively bad reactions to what she tells her but she continues to tell her mum EVERYTHING, even things that most adults wouldn't tell their parents. For my friend, at least, I think what she is hoping will happen is that her mother will magically just react differently. Of course that never happens so they end up in the same cycle: she tells her something, the mother loses her mind, my friend gets triggered, they scream at each other and stop talking for a couple of days, then rinse and repeat.

[@bree00osd]

Idk, you seem a little harsh on the mom... I'd slap the crap out of Nicole at this point if she was my kid... The mom is literally raising Nicole's daughter and still financially raising Nicole. I'm not understanding how the mom SHOULD respond to solve the legitimate disagreement they have with Nicole's life choices... choices that Impact the entire family. Nicole is LIVING with her parents, so she may be an adult legally... But pleeeease, she's absurdly Selfish and immature.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

I agree with him that their dynamic is gross, but the mom is dealing with such a tough situation because he granddaughter is involved. Dr Honda could have more sympathy for that. Also he's way to hard on the family about their incorrect beliefs about Hassan. They can only go by what Nichole says, and she lies her face off.

[@briannamontoyasantana4399]

I agree Nicole is really immature but the Grandma (Mom) had a huge part in the way nicole is now. She raised her to be incompetent whether she intended her to be or not. She's a huge enabler.

[@secretsquirrel7374]

You can still live at home and be a functional adult.

[@livelovelifeandtravel865]

He's been very harsh with the mom...She's not perfect but most mom's aren't but you can clearly see she's just trying do whats best for both Nicole and May and the Doc just never gives her any credit.

[@bree00osd]

@@secretsquirrel7374 I absolutely agree... Especially in these times where even the most responsible and educated of young adults have no other choice... even tho they work Full time. That said, Nicole's mother is raising her child, and Nicole isn't making decisions with her kid's best interest in mind. She's selfish, not financially stable, and immature as Hell. Oh! And Nicole is sending Azan money, and spending money that she doesn't have to travel to Moracco and back.

[@barbarabenoit3667]

Dear Dr. Honda, you are making a lot of sense.

[@KoraMuse]

To answer your question : YES you are making a lot of sense :) thank you so much for the education you are providing!

[@jak0425]

The mom: Nicole, you always bulldoze your way through everything. Also the mom: She's not going to Morocco. It's not going to happen.

[@ericfelixcisneros]

Dr. Kirk Honda’s hair is a W

[@AngelVocal]

Her mom grosses me out with how controlling she is.

[@trinejensen1707]

I love your videos, please don’t doubt that for a second ❤️

[@Emily-lh5kq]

I think there's a lot going on here, like you've been discussing. Nicole probably has a lot of resentment and unmet needs from all the times she opened up to her family and got vilified or controlled. The mom is terrified from all the times Nicole made impulsive, irresponsible decisions. Nicole seems to be in that rebellion, teenager-esque stage of assertiveness where she is intentionally trying to spite the mom to prove that she can't be controlled (like you said), but it tends to blow up in her face. Then her conditioned dependency kicks in as she "flops" to have her overfunctioning family members come and save her. Then they enable her and take control, and the cycle continues. In order for her to truly grow up, she's gonna have to make some more messy, horrible mistakes all on her own and look reality in its ugly ass face with no one to save her. But having a poor little kid involved makes that so much more complicated. May doesn't deserve to get caught up in all of this, and she's going to have a very rough life if the system is as dysfunctional as it looks on this show. I hope they all get the treatment they need and deserve.

[@aladdout9454]

how many episodes of azan and Nicole are there??

[@lisaess6514]

I think you’re on the money about the grandma but Nicole has issues beyond the childlike reactions her family helps perpetuate. You’ve seen it in the coercive control and hands on behavior she’s exhibited with Azan. I believe he also says he’s not working because of Nicole and her need to be in constant communication with him (I might have mixed couples up here though). That she’s supporting him while she works a minimum wage job means she probably can’t get by without her parents monetary help. I thought she had an apartment but have seen people say she lives with her mom. She certainly has left May with her mom for extended trips to Morocco. This is a tough one for me as a mom. I can’t imagine having the strength to tell my daughter, no, she’s your child and you can’t leave her with us while you pursue this relationship . I think would be the right thing and the differentiated thing to do but that one is really hard because than she’d no doubt take May along. It does enable her to travel without a care in the world and she ended up getting stuck for much longer in Morocco because she had to go while the pandemic was amping up. I can’t wait till the whole beauty store fiasco reactions.

[@zepling999]

She did have her own studio apartment and I remember hearing that the apartment was subsidized housing. If that's true it is likely that Robalee was not giving her money at that time for living expenses. I think she lost that apartment and lived with her mother briefly. On the last season she was in she had a trailer. That was after she asked for $6k and told her mom there was no store.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

@@zepling999 the supposed apartment was a homeless shelter run by Nicole's grandparents. A viewer matched the photos to Google maps. Nicole has never supported herself or her child.

[@lisaess6514]

@@nineteenfortyeight wow, that’s pretty shocking but not really since working minimum wage isn’t going to support independent living. How sad.

[@tanya4691]

zepling999 it was filthy too, the floor looked like it had never seen a vacuum

[@maddid]

love everything you do Dr Honda

[@briesthoughts2261]

Dr. Honda is so kind and empathetic. I wish he knew about Azan taking $5K from Nicole, etc. He seems focused on how he feels Nicole’s mother is overbearing. We just don’t know if Nicole’s actions are a pattern of hers and her parents already tried treating her like an adult. Nicole didn’t even seem to care about finding May a good pre-school and school to attend, etc. Nicole’s parents are probably exasperated by Nicole’s using them for money (she sends Azan a large chunk of her income from Starbucks) and her pattern of finding partners that are not really into her.

[@nineteenfortyeight]

Actually she sends him money she gets from her family "for May", she doesn't work anymore

[@thorazinedreams381]

I gain a lot of insight from these videos. Relatable content.

[@whoopsay]

You should take a look at Ron and Sam’s relationship from Jersey Shore. I would love to hear your thoughts on them!

[@gerafinali4384]

I wish my parents would scapegoat me the way Nicole's mum scapegoat her. That way they would take care of me and my kids financially and I won't have to work. I would get a babysitter for free for months whilst I go traveling and could afford a good looking bloke from abroad. I think I could handle the downside of my family telling me to make other choices. I'll just ignore them anyway.

[@catherineparis8678]

I think they’re trying to cripple Nicole. Her mom goes on stage to the tell all’s with Nicole. The mom monitors Nicole’s bank account etc. my family is like that. In order to get away I’ve had to act very hostile towards them and be secretive. It’s the only way they back off without therapy. Curse them out a few times they’ll get the message .

[@marsukarhu9477]

I hate the way the family puts it like Nicole is so unlovable that Azan must be only after the Green Card. There just isn't a possibility in the world that he could love her...

[@nineteenfortyeight]

She told them he said he's not attracted to her.

[@marsukarhu9477]

@@nineteenfortyeight Yeah? Well that's not cool.

[@esther94619]

It's obvious Nicole has issues: Jeez there's a reason she's 300+lbs or more, look into that first! Somebody call:. Florida CPS!

[@Walklikeaduck111]

Dr honda what about a scapegoated adult child of an enmeshed family and the kind of people they attract or are drawn to in romantic relationships...?? Dont we repeat these attachment patterns...?