A Book of Funeral Etiquette From 1952

Kari the Mortician found a book of etiquette and shares with you the rules for funerals from 1952 so that you are following the "social" etiquette. A fun find and presented with some humor. What do you think of the old school thoughts?!
‪@KaritheMortician‬
‪@theickfactor3894‬
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[@randyfritz333]

Kari Thank you for sharing this info from 1952. People used to go to a viewing or funeral dressed up. Even weddings, but nowadays it seems people have let their dress code slip. When attending a wedding or funeral I dress in a suit, to me it’s a sign of respect for the couple, family and deceased….I think this is a form of etiquette….

[@bonkers5016]

Karri...maybe it's me...but I was born in 1966 and I am totally agreeing with the protocol. People today...go to town in pajamas. I'm ashamed. We need these rules back. ❤

[@babycakes1402]

No, it's not just you, I was born in 1969 & I totally agree.

[@PotterPossum1989]

1989 here. It would be nice. 🎶those were the days🎶

[@Kwameking1]

Bravo!The book is desperately needed in every house hold today.

[@KaritheMortician]

truth

[@PotterPossum1989]

Maybe available on Internet Archive?

[@lorao8161]

My mom who is in her 80s still goes with these customs and puts them forth as if they were law. When she was in college in the late 1950s, there were all kinds of rules and restrictions for the women students (called co-eds). There was women's convocation held every week. Amy Vanderbilt even came to the campus and gave a presentation on table manners. Lol. Oh how times are different! 😅

[@Mianlos]

I wish we could return to those days showing respect. For the procession from church to cemetery, my Dad always washed our car to show respect. I was born in 1952 and thank you for this video.

[@resetsetmefree478]

so nice you mentioned washing the car, I had to get my mom's car washed when her funeral was held. I wanted to make a proper stop at my grandma's old house too but couldn't because the was a long line at the car wash.... bummer 😞

[@jacccaro]

While I was not allowed to attend my father’s funeral in 1962(deemed to be too young at age 6 years), I remember that for an entire month following his funeral we weren’t allowed to have the TV or any music on inside our home. My older sister and I were also not allowed to go outside or go anywhere with our friends. Thirty plus years later when my mother died, I didn’t impose these restrictions onto my own children, however as a family we refrained from going out to parties and the local theme parks for several weeks following my mother’s funeral. I still believe that it’s important for those attending a funeral to dress respectfully and not wear tee shirts and denim with holes. A generation later, my husband and I have given instructions to our children that there will only be a brief and private graveside service for both of their parents. Thanks so much for sharing this book with us, absolutely fascinating!

[@Luluisraging.86]

❤️ the Pearls, Kari! Very 1950’s!!!

[@lisabeth479]

I was told by a Florist who lives here in Nashville that the Covenant victim Families are still receiving flowers at their homes. But, they have placed notes on the door, to not ring doorbell. When you said that about the bell it reminded me of this sad story. And just how disruptive that bell would have been for bereaved. In the south, we still use a "funeral home" and put on our "Sunday best."...usually. Many are too poor to dress up. And, the younger generations are buried in what would've been comfortable for them to wear. I wonder what it will all be like seventy years from now!

[@KaritheMortician]

oh goodness

[@deniseroe5891]

I do agree with most of this, especially the part about the most bereaved not making the arrangements. When my sister in law died at 42, my father in law and her husband made the arrangements. They were made to purchase three plots. One for Susan, one for Mike and one for Blake m their son. Mike has moved to back to Missouri and remarried, Blake is married with four kids. So Susan is alone. Costly mistake. My dad died at 94, born in 1923, he was buried in jeans a plaid shirt and ball cap, mom died at 90, born in 1924, she was in a pretty pink dress. My husband and I are going to be cremated, I don’t want our one and only son to worry about the up keep and putting flowers on the grave. We live 100 miles from my parents graves and my father in law and sister in law. Saddens me that I, as an only child can’t up keep and put flowers on my parents graves.

[@KaritheMortician]

thank you

[@katherines9023]

None of these are "wrong" but some may be misundertood today. My dad had told me that years ago the bereaved had a wreath of flowers on the front door to indicate there was a death in the family (similar to what you had read). Thanks for sharing!

[@58etown1]

Here in Canada, I still see homes with black ribbons on the front door or a black cloth around the front door frame to indicate there is a death in the household. It's a way to say 'please respect our privacy during this time of grief'.

[@geraldwalker7609]

Yes, yes, yes to Thank You notes....... Yes, on paper or card and in an actual envelope. Yes, yes, yes!

[@flournoymason8961]

He looks so natural. You should have seen him this time last year.

[@margarethutchens5463]

For me, as one who has presided over countless funeral services, proper etiquette is what gives comfort for the family and helps the others grieve. A biker funeral looks way different from an infants funeral from an elderly matron in a nursing home from one who clowned in children's hospitals to make them feel better. There was one f8neral I know of with a strict white only dress code including the hearse that took the white coffin to the cemetary where it was met by another white hearse pulled by white horses.

[@robertsherman9975]

Very interesting ! When my grandfather passed away his wake was held at my great grandmother’s house. My mother was but eight years old and remembered it very vividly. He passed away in the early 1930s. My grandmother remained a widow until her death in 1981. Times have definitely changed, some being positive others not so much. It was common practice to hold a wake in the home at that time.

[@Mari-B]

In the south, we still do many of the same things. The family mostly wears black. If the viewing is at home, there is a black wreath beside the door. In small towns, all cars in the procession have on headlights. Cars will pull over and stand beside the car. Men remove their hats until the procession has passed.

[@kennmills4382]

Fascinating…..how times have changed!

[@kimicatcyprowski1781]

Thank you for sharing Kari it was very interesting I think some of that you should bring back because the way some people come to a funeral home it's disrespectful

[@KaritheMortician]

you are welcome

[@user-yu6qb1xw5e]

What I was 6 years old in 1956. Our Grandpa, passed away. I remember being told. That my Sister's and I had to stand up and greet others with a polite handshake. And sit back down. He used to tell all of us. "Chicken should be seen And not heard." I guess that's why I was always a shy person.

[@carolynsteinecke]

I knew a lot of this, being both in the south in '59. If someone had a wreath on their house, one was expected to play quietly in the house, whether you knew them or not. It's just like how Sunday mornings used to be. If you hadn't gone to church, you stayed inside!

[@markmorris6034]

Great information. Interesting to see how times and funeral etiquette have changed. Thank you Kari

[@KaritheMortician]

you are welcome

[@RanalynnNaipo]

When I was little I remember small children not being allowed to attend a funeral. Im so glad things have changed. I do see not a lot of people being buried with their jewelry. It handed down to family members. My grandma body was taken home but I remember my father measuring the door. And asking that the front door be removed so the casket could fit through the door. That made it so much easier for elderly neighbors to attend and back then nit alot of people had cars back then.

[@TUPSinvestigation]

Fascinating! I have a book about Victorian Funeral Etiquette...so interesting!

[@KaritheMortician]

Love that!!

[@juliebauman3998]

I love how "proper" you look, with your pearls.

[@kathycowan2221]

That is so precious. And largely Southern!

[@denniscahill734]

Being of Italian and Irish descent. Lord that describes a Italian wake 3 days spent at the funeral home . Dark outfits and women veiled and crying. But even back then the Irish side know how to celebrate one’s life . Yes three days at the bar across the street from the funeral parlor. Celebrating life . ☘️😀

[@danmilosevich]

Irish wakes are "wonderful". A true celebration.

[@KaritheMortician]

yes very true!

[@jaimeschmidt1264]

This is a neat channel. I just saw this story and enjoyed it. One thing that's really hard to think about with social media is people messaging or posting before official notification has been made. My high school principal was killed in a car accident. People were posting on his wife's FB before she was notified. Can you imagine that? After that, i had a long talk with my son about this. I told him that yes, social media is great but wait for the family to post something. After that, its absolutely fine to make your condolences. I'm so glad this stuck with him. In highschool he had a classmate died in a car accident. I overheard him talking with his girlfriend about not posting any condolences until the family posted. While social media is great tool for the family to use for funeral details, don't get me wrong. It's a quick go to for sending the family a little note. Timing is the key. I hope somebody on here reads this comment. Hopefully they never have to go through this.😢

[@KaritheMortician]

thanks so much!

[@KaritheMortician]

that is terrible. the media sucks by exposing more than they should at the start

[@ldswife5339]

what a wonderful woman you are

[@Howiesgirl]

I'm 58 years old & became a widow nearly 3 years ago, during the height of the pandemic restrictions. I was so very disappointed in the behavior of family & so-called friends. In expectation of sympathy cards, flowers, & donations to the Cancer Society, I had purchased the "Thank You" card package from the funeral home who took care of things. Since my husband was a really well known & popular guy in our small town (we'd both lived here since childhood), the funeral director, a long-time friend, suggested I get at least 100 cards. So I did. I recieved 3 sympathy cards... THREE. There were 3 flower arrangements sent to the funeral home. Because of COVID restrictions, I was limited to only 20 visitors for his memorial service/visitation (he was cremated). Only 9 people came. It was awful. Apparently someone in his family dropped the ball & didn't contact the people I'd wanted there, though they'd told me to "just leave it to them" as I was so distraught at the time. A few days later, I was hit with a barrage of questions & complaints as to why certain people weren't invited to attend. I was horrified, as I'd sat there the night of the service, wondering where these folks were. Now, back to what I really wanted to say... I mentioned that I only recieved 3 sympathy cards- but I recieved many quick "RIP"s on Facebook. Ugh. I just assumed those were just a quick acknowledgement until they sent an actual card. Silly me, thinking that anyone still had any manners these days. I don't care how modern things are... would it really kill people to pick up a card at a Dollar Store when they're buying their toilet paper & slap a stamp on it? I have no children, & no extended family in my area. My brother, his wife, & daughter traveled from some distance, to be there for the service, thank God, or I'd have been an even bigger wreck than I already was. But as far as Ms. Vanderbilt's etiquette- after my experience entering widowhood, I think everyone needs to brush up on some of her rules! Not all old ways are bad. A decent hand-written note goes quite a long way in helping a grieving person get through the initial shock & sadness. Or a phone call even. It wasn't that long ago that people came by the family's home & dropped of a gift of food, just so the bereaved didn't have to bother with cooking while going through it all. I was going through cancer treatment at the time (still am), & would have loved to have something in the house to eat! I didn't feel like going shopping or cooking, so I just didn't eat anything but saltine crackers for a week. Please people, think about how the family must be feeling... especially if, as in my case, the person is left totally alone. Keri, I do apologize for going on so long, but I appreciate the opportunity to get this off my chest. It's been weighing on my heart since Nov. 13th, 2020. Please know that I really enjoy your videos. I'd wanted to be a mortician when I was young, but life got in the way. All the best to you. 😊

[@KaritheMortician]

Oh my goodness :( What if you maybe hosted a gathering now with no restrictions

[@Howiesgirl]

@@KaritheMortician Thank you for your reply! Maybe I could have some kind of memorial/celebration for my husband now that the pandemic mess is behind us. On his birthday possibly, rather than the anniversary of his death... less depressing. He was such a jolly, happy guy- he definitely should have gotten a better "send off". I really enjoy your channel, I've been interested in your line of work since I was a teen. Keep it coming. 😊

[@sheilaheinrich2656]

For many years and even today attendees sign an attendance register at the funeral or if attending a funeral tea at the family home. The register book for my paternal grandfather (d. 1952) is still in the family, and if there were books for my parents ' funerals i don't remember. But it's interesting to look back and see who attended in 1952 and how far they drove as roads weren't as good back then. (Western Canada)

[@rebeccaschanlaub2863]

I love that you shared this with us! Love your laugh!

[@babycakes1402]

ALWAYS send appreciation cards! Even if there is no money in the card because if they can make the effort to think of you & send a card, you can return the same courtesy & let them know you received the card & appreciate that they were thinking of you. Be sure to have a separate document about your 'end-of-life/funeral' decisions because a will is usually not read until AFTER the funeral. When it comes to the cost, my paternal Grandpa passed in 1963, his services came to just shy of 1K, then when Mom passed 40 years later (2003), her services were just shy of 10K for practically the same style services (neither were cremated).

[@KaritheMortician]

thank you!

[@riler19]

Back then if they knew how easy it would be to get the obit out there now they wouldn't believe it. It's just mind blowing

[@KaritheMortician]

right!!

[@deborahyoung9713]

I found this video very interesting. I was born in December, 1951. Also, I have a collIection of etiquette books as I find them fascinating. I think that it is good that funerals reflect the person who died and the family. Personally, I wear a dark suit out of respect for the deceased. My Father died in 1957. He was a businessman so I remember my Mother writing thank-you notes for a long time. Thank you for a wonderful video - as usual.

[@tomklock568]

Yes, very appropriate language and customs FOR 1952. Of course many things have changed since then, but this was the "way it was" then. I'm glad to say that this was before my time (well by a few years at least)...and by the way flowers not always wanted today due to allergies (of the survivors!). Ha ha. Thanks for the video always interesting!

[@joegarcia4157]

I remember my great grandmother always wearing black after the passing of her husband, my great grandfather. What I most remember about his funeral was the huge very dark black funeral veil she wore at the funeral. I was very young and it scared me but at the same time it fascinated me.

[@lotstodo]

May I add that people get several copies of the death certificate. It's something you will need.

[@ShowMeMo]

I learned recently that you don't have to do an obituary. I find funeral customs or traditions interesting. My husband's family are located in a very rural farming community and some of them give a blanket to the grieving family. I guess it's a thing.

[@KaritheMortician]

Yes some areas do a lot of blankets!

[@joannalloyd3076]

Very special tribute. Keep your loved one warm as they journey forward.

[@martha7811]

That was so interesting! I want to read that book....I truly (really) want to know ..."the correct way to meet a commuter train".

[@corinag.hernandez9959]

Very interesting and very different from t-shirts and jeans that I’ve worn at funerals,sometimes I’ve worn a Dallas Cowboys jersey/t-shirt when the deceased was a huge fan or just plain colors if the deceased family requested it. Since 1972 that my dad’s twin brother passed away things haven’t changed much except the jerseys favorite colors. At deceased home they celebrate his life by drinking beer and Mexican food.

[@roxieeyeleers4465]

Kari, i thought you were going to say, "Oh, no" and you would have reappeared in a black dress!! When my uncle died, his sister was writing down who came from "their group" of friends, and what was everyone wearing!! She sat in the back with her husband, even though she was supposed to be up front. We nieces and nephews couldn't stop laughing during the "reception". It is 2023, and I am 30, but I still wear black to funerals. My family is Catholic, and we recently heard the priest say that, if the deceased wanted to be cremated, ALL the ashes had ro be buried together in a cemetery. No putting grandma's ashes with a teaspoon for each granddaughter in a necklace!! No putting grandpa's ashes in the river, or the ocean, or on the mantel in the living room or in the flowerbed!

[@libertinadarbini]

My oldest brother died in the recent past. He was also cremated and the Catholic deacon for the parish told me that I could not remove any of the ashes just like you were told. Also the deacon said me that cremation was only okay in the Catholic Church for about 50 years like it was wrong for him to be cremated. 50 years! Geez man, get over it!

[@vimelendez4796]

Dear Keri, It isn't that I have no Faith, It was the technical talk you gave. Whereas to me, With God nothing is impossible. I don't need to see facts to believe. I don't question God but thank Him. But I love your videos, and you are amazing!. How do you do it? Well, I'm sure this is your vocation, and contribution, to life. Blessings, Vi

[@KaritheMortician]

thanks

[@RanalynnNaipo]

When I worked at a funeral home. I made a copy of a obituary’s form and death certificate. I filled it out and have it with my will and medical directive order.

[@anthonygriffo5338]

pretty soon 120K subs I think you doubled subs in under 2yrs

[@HugsBach]

There should be something added for those in wheelchairs. Wearing long skirts are hazardous as they catch in the wheels and or motors. Slacks are safer. I think if it is a short skirt it would be okay. But, I suggest those in wheelchairs to sit in it with the potential skirt to see how it hangs.

[@serbgirl502]

This was fabulous! Thanks. Now people wear joggers and flip flops.

[@KaritheMortician]

exactly lol

[@RanalynnNaipo]

My father would ask for six pallbearers and always have two staff on standby due to some being too emotional. Plus we know that most members of the family don’t get a lot of sleep.

[@williamrandall6472]

Tyvvm Kari,this is a great video. Amazing to learn about how things progressed through time

[@KaritheMortician]

Thank you!

[@williamrandall6472]

@@KaritheMortician yvvw,keep up with the great information that you bring to us.I for one certainly appreciate your time and effort

[@Decgyrrl]

Could i look this up online? Seems mighty interesting.

[@patriciaschuster1371]

Glad I know what I want for my funeral, including my cremation. Wonder...would I be able to have the ashes of my late birds be coming led with mine?

[@KaritheMortician]

so great to have a plan. Yes they can be comingled but not cremated with you

[@terrichastain8434]

What if you don't have a preacher? I know most all mortuaries have an area to conduct the funeral. I started watching your channel due to my cousin showing us how to embalm, about the hook going through the nose, and I wanted to know more. Now I found I have 6 months to live. I am terrified but the last chapter has been written. Thank you for you information.

[@KaritheMortician]

You can have anyone speak or no formal service at all and its all okay

[@terrichastain8434]

@@KaritheMortician Thank you so anyone can speak that's good to know.

[@davidp8915]

And if you want a Preacher/Pastor/Rabbi/etc., most Funeral Homes have contact with clergy that will officiate for those unaffiliated with a church or synagogue.

[@terrichastain8434]

@@davidp8915 Thank you that's good to know.

[@margarethutchens5463]

Terri I am 9ne of those clergy funeral directors know they can call when the family wants a church/ rekigious/Chrustian service but they don't have someone for any number reasons. ( family has moved away, new in town, their pastirvrefused because of how the person died, the church doesn't have a pastor or some other reason. ( I have done funerals for families I was close to and fir families that I didn't know the deceased nor any family member. In those cases I meet with the family to listen to their stories so that it isca meaningful service ) But if it doesn't matter to you or your family, as Kari said, you can designate anyone to speak. If you know what you want, put it in writing and tell people. Do tires don't always know how long a person lives so you may not need it for awhile but it will be in place. Feel free to do it your way. My fsther wanted a New Orleans style send off. That's what he got along with thec21 hun salute. One lady loved the quiet sunrise Wilshire drinking coffee. She wanted a sunrise burial as her closest loved ones had their coffee with a celebration of life over lots of food later in the day. It's whatever you want. 🕯🙏🕊

[@inthewoods5099]

Growing up my family took us kids to all the family funerals, and us kids would hang out in the lounge after paying our respects. There were envelopes on a stand with the sign in book that were used for monetary donations. You indicate if the money is for mass or for the use of the family. How did that envelope tradition start? Is it related to the depression era to help with the cost of the funeral? Is it a European thing? We grew up in a Polish family.

[@introfiant30]

Amazing how things have changed. Sometimes, depending on the family, usually an Italian family, EVERYONE is dressed in proper clothing, suit and tie, dresses. We are a predominantly an Italian funeral home so the old ways still exist in a way. I still love the old ways but things change.

[@squalli1297]

Practically all FH paperwork & county documents are digitized today which is convenient until systems fail. How people dress for funerals today has changed since more people don't own Sunday suits or dresses. Pants were not allowed to be worn by women in the church until the '80's. Today, younger people will attend funeral services wearing T-shirts, jerseys, shorts, flip flops, & ball caps while FH personnel & the deceased appear overdressed. Limos or family cars are almost non existent today with more attention placed on the funeral service. Thank You Cards & funeral programs can now be digitized & sent via email or text. For the most part, women have usually been delegated to arrange funerals requiring attention to details.

[@KaritheMortician]

Very true

[@smonroeh]

Doesn't sound like it's really changed that much.

[@KaritheMortician]

agreed

[@RanalynnNaipo]

Could you do a video on jewelry for deceased. Especially earrings. Not alot of people realize that like a dangle earring will,lay flat. Also can you explain why some funeral have a casket veil over so they can see the body but not touch it. I remember my father letting some family members know that it would be recommended that a veil be used so people won’t touch the body. What are your thoughts. My Filipino grandma would cover all mirrors, no music and television and wear black for two years. In Hawaii most funerals and obituaries would say casual attire.

[@Hannah-fs1oh]

I heard somewhere that years ago the mirrors in the house of the deceased were covered so the soul of the deceased wouldn't be tricked into entering the mirror and be stuck there for eternity.

[@joannalloyd3076]

Now it is more real! The old ways were just barriers, hiding emotion and going through the motion.

[@timw8228]

I just attended another interesting family funeral for my aunt last week. One aunt told a cousin it would probably be best that she not come to the cemetery. Wow I told my cousin I would have came. Dead people don't care! The service isn't about relationships between relatives but rather a memorial for someone who passed. Question, what is the usual way of placing a body in a casket inside a hearse? The head goes in first or the feet end of the casket. I told one relative I think they buried my aunt backwards based on from what I could see for the casket lid hinges. I kept saying if I stood on the other side of the hinges and opened the lid my aunts upper body would be away from the headstone and her feet at the headstone. I said you took a photo of the casket look yourself. Note to self: make sure the FH marks the head end of my casket.

[@danmilosevich]

I always though feet first in the hearse so the deceased "sees" where they are going. Clergy on the otherhand are head first so as they may "see" their "flock". As I said what I heard. You are buried though facing east so you may "see" the rising sun. (As far as possible?)

[@KaritheMortician]

a headstone does not always go at the head....which end was to the east?

[@timw8228]

@@KaritheMortician The feet is to the east I believe. Yeah I read that someplace if a buried person were to sit up they would face the east is the traditional burial method. My uncle who was a pall bearer said he thought her head was near the rear window. They removed the casket and the hearse was parked facing west. So her feet would have been last to come out. They turned right so now her feet would be facing north. When the got to the burial site they turned right again so her feet would have been on the east side. So if she sat up she would be facing east. Do caskets have sets of hinges on both sides?

[@johnallen1770]

To Kari The Mortification. Do you know anything about the story of 1972. A passanger airplane about 1,100 ft cargo door blew off & suck a colfin / Casket out of the airplane. A landowner found this squash colfin / Casket with feet sticking out of it. On his property

[@Turkeyinthehay]

My only thought is to dress right. Dress to the purpose or to the person, but don't go to a funeral in your cut-offs ans a tank top unless it's a beach-themed service.

[@briankennedy6427]

She died 22 years after writing that book

[@deannaburris905]

I think a new book needs to be wrote. But playing "Bad to the Bone" song is horrible.😢

[@kyle6838]

So I can’t be put away in my apple bottom jeans boots with the fur?😂boot👖👢🪦

[@KaritheMortician]

Sure you can!