A Controversial Take

As it's World Cancer Day I thought I would get together some of the things that helped me and answer some of the questions that I have had from people when they haven't quite known what to say or do when someone they know has been given a Cancer diagnosis.
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[@mikemitchem4846]

Well said Mandy. You are a survivor. I was a pharmacist for 40 years and had patients that went thru the cancer journey and thought I knew how they felt. Not till my wife was diagnosed last year did I realize how just how crappy this journey is for the patient and the caregiver. Of course it's hard on you, but is difficult to watch the person you love not only deal with the cancer, but with the treatment. After my wife finished chemo for 5 months, then 28 weeks of external radiation and the god awful brachytherapy for 4 doses, she had a PET scan yesterday and it looks like everything was negative. Then comes the worry of the next scan. The journey and fear never ends. Watching you and John have helped me, help my wife. Thanks!

[@BobbinAbout]

Hey Mandy Thank you so much for this video 😀 I’ve been diagnosed with Kidney Cancer in the past couple of weeks and currently waiting to have my Kidney removed. Hearing from someone who understands what you’re going through is just what I need at the moment. Keep doing what you’re doing 😀

[@unadventurousmandy]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@dubdaz1]

As a man , an old one, over my life theres points where someone says something that really sinks in and re evaluate how you see things, this vlog is one of those times. Lessons learned Mandy, superb vlog 👍🏻💕

[@sharonhines7527]

Thankyou for this video, you have said everything I have been thinking. I had 18 months of treatment which all ended 10 months ago. I have been clear now for nearly 2 yrs. The battle I am having with myself and others, is the expectation I should be better now and back to my old self! I had prepared myself for how shit it all was going to be, but not the aftermath and the recovery, rediscovery of myself again. I had a manager at work the other day say 'well it was 2 yrs ago now' when I saying how I was still struggling with fatigue! Thankyou again, I have always liked your videos.

[@lucyernst4958]

Dad’s journey still continues, sadly his cancer has returned in his neck and a bit to the outside of his skull. Tomorrow we are seeing immunology and will see where this leads and how he responds. But thank you for sharing and being brutally honest. As a medic, i get it, and to be honest, I’m proud of you for saying what you needed to. Well done, Big Squidge. Lots of love, Me and Teddy (my 4 legged fur baby). Xx

[@berylmcnally4127]

It was great to hear someone saying things that are going round in my head. I have cancer and are at the stage of you are going to live with it they won't be able to clear it. Again thank you, and lots of love

[@allannettleship4035]

Thank you Mandy for telling us your thoughts and feelings during you'r cancer journey, none of us knows what goes through your head when this happens. It's good to know what not to say, because, I, for one would definitely say the wrong thing (not nastily!). May your life be full of joy and laughter from now on, because laughter is a great medicine. 😅😅😅😅😅

[@HeatherPulsford]

Thankyou Mandy for your honest thoughts ,my Daughter has been having cancer treatment last year and still has another operation to get through ,it helps me to understand more what she is going through ❤

[@geoffcampbell7846]

Thanks for that Mandy, your words are very valuable, and thanks for the wonderful NHS people who work so hard to fight this disease every day. It's difficult when you want to do your best for someone who is ill, no matter what the issue, but we can't all be at one's bedside to gauge the moment, and sometimes words do not come easily, but your comments tonight might just help smooth the messages that folk might wish to say but struggle to find the words, fearing that they may say the wrong thing. Once again, thanks for your sage advice. Take care. 👋🇬🇧🇪🇺🇺🇦🇮🇪

[@jeanettegris899]

Thank you so much for this vlog. My husband is going through prostate cancer treatment and we know it’s going to get harder before it gets easier. Hearing your advice makes perfect sense to me. Blessings to you and John from Australia.

[@suewarner5287]

Absolutely spot on Mandy, I as a survivor of 13 years now from two stage four cancers, I understand exactly what you are saying and here it is 13 years later, and I still have survivors guilt because I saw people that were grandmothers fathers mothers that did not survive that cancer fight, and for some reason I survived and I don’t have any children. It’s still guts me today cause I would’ve given up my life for someone with children or grandchildren to live. And unfortunately, you really know when you get sick that my God some people have some extremely radical views out there. I had people pushing me to go to the alternative route alternative medicine and stay away from man-made medicine, but it was the man-made medicine that saved my life. And everything taste like dirt the only things I could enjoy to eat was bananas, grapes and yes, every now and then I had chocolate not a lot but just that little bit that I had the feeling of eating something that tasted beautiful made me feel really good just for a few minutes and it was worth it. And some people can be really cruel when talking to you about your treatment and what treatment you should be having, And the worst come from a family member who said I wasn’t paying much attention to her when she visited ( even though I was that sick with all my treatment, I could hardly hold my head up) and even said probably the industry I worked in caused me to get cancer and said it was my fault that I got cancer even though there’s no cause listed for my type of cancers, That I had, and I can tell you that person I no longer have in my life or see because that sort of negativity when someone wants it to be all about them when you’re the one going through the cancer treatment well, they say you can’t pick your family can you? I’m so happy you’re improving. It does take quite a lot of time to come back from something like that. Love you girl keep going keep telling the truth how it is.

[@unadventurousmandy]

I’m sorry you had to deal with all that on top of your cancer fight.. glad you are still here to tell the tale ❤️ I think most people have the best intentions but that doesn’t mean it’s ok.. I’ve learned to speak up now as I always put myself last. Good on you for doing that too ❤️

[@suewarner5287]

@ thank you lovely I’m out enjoying my beach time tonight. Thank you.

[@pamelaselway6669]

So sorry to hear you had people who thought they knew better than you about your illness. As you say you need to make your own decisions. Thanks for the truth, Mandy. I have just had a major operation and i know what you mean when people say anything you want me to do. Please ask. A friend of 92years walked to my house and brought me a meal it was wonderful. My husband appreciated it also.

[@dafadowndilly8919]

This video is spot on Mandy. Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Love to you and your support worker (John) x

[@terenceseymour-tf8rptassie725]

I read all your comments before I watch the video and notice a lot about people saying the right words at the right time. I do feel that saying things like " you are strong" or " I will pray for you" might not be whats needed so I dont say anything .This goes for anyone trying to cope with a medical diagnosis .😊

[@vivienne3757]

Love this video, as an ex oncology nurse who had breast cancer I understand what you’re saying. Everyone’s cancer is different, don’t feel guilty that you have survived, even though I knew what to expect I saw it from the other side, good to make lists as everything goes out of your head at the time. I think you are amazing and thank you for doing these videos through what must have been a difficult time but being the trouper you are has given insight on what it’s like. Take care of yourself and enjoy your time away, well deserved 💚xx

[@SarahClough-ef3dx]

Your so luvly, ❤

[@mumbell2000]

Hi Mandy I’m so proud of how you have managed to speak about your cancer Journey and your clear now 🎉 so happy for you, I’m 2yrs 10months in from kidney cancer surgery I went the other way and wouldn’t tell anyone For 2 mo until I’d got surgery date Im still here and hoping for 5 year clear then five more years, keep going I love your Chanel stay strong you got this (un) no way, adventurous Mandy all the way 🥰

[@sewjojosewingandcrafts3679]

Hey there, gorgeous! What a powerful video this was! Survivors guilt is not something I've had myself, but a fellow breast cancer survivor really struggles with it. My daughter really found it difficult to process her cancer once she finished her treatment for Hodgkins Lymphoma aged 20. She has been having regular therapy this past year, which has really helped her. She'll be 23 soon 😊. It's important to know that this is available should anyone need it. Mandy, you've had quite the roller coaster of a cancer journey this past year which will take quite some time to process, but as you've said you've had a good team that you can contact if you need to. Isn't it amazing how much richer ones life is from going through something, so shit? Things you never thought you'd learn and meeting so many different people. I always loved a bit of dark humour, too, when I was having my treatment. I remember this complete stranger coming into my room on operation day to mark where the incisions were going to be on my boob. Never met her before, but there I was stripping my top off. I ended up with two or three potential nipple placements by the time my surgeon joined in! I said it looked like some satanic ritual was going to take place. It was so bloody funny, that and the fact the surgeon had never seen the programme Naked Attraction 😂😂 . Long may you continue to recover, thrive, and have lots of wonderful adventures. Lots of love to you both 😘😘

[@gina50gina]

There is so much value in what you have expressed in this video. I appreciate your honesty, and will remember what you have said. Much love to you Mandy, Suzane

[@marjoriewatton8546]

Bravo Mandy. So so hard to understand unless you yourself are going through this awful thing. My husband went through awful times with his cancer, and heart problems.Was just happy to be there for him to suppose and help him through his treatments. Not the same as suffering the disease but caring for a loved one has its own stresses. Enjoy your escape and enjoy the warm sunshine.💕

[@unadventurousmandy]

It really does.. John has been talking today with other men whose wives have had cancer and they all know how hard it is to be the partner looking after the patient.. you all need hugs and medals too ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@sweetpeainfrance6729]

Bravo Mandy... Lymphoma has shown me even more kindness from hospital nurses and doctors, my singing group and the kindness of strangers. It tokm 8 months for a diagnosis and a call from a doctor speaking emphatically " GET A TAXI .. I am waiting... chemo " .I couldnt get a taxi so a friend too ask me and that doctor wasnt waiting for me but the next doctor had bedside manners and explained why i had been called as an emergency. That was the end of November sin ce when Ive passed to a different doctor... and soon I shall be asking as the 21 day cycle will start again soon and the blood test results keep getting lower and off the scale.. I ate the first big meal today when I took myself to a restaurant .. something I rarely do, since Christmas day when my daughter cooked for me a simple roast beef. Treatment goes onuntil May but end of February a PET scan will show what's what... The administering of treatment is fault less or so it appears but administration and communication is poor AND almost everyone i speak to says it is so in this French hospital. Would I go elsewhere? NO not on your nelly... We sit this out unbtil May and hope they can cure this partcular type of blood cancer as they cannot cut it out! You've done well Mandy managing to report all the not good days too and I wish you all the. best. On y va!

[@dianne9146]

Thank you ❤

[@annedmondson53]

Sending big hugs. Thoughtful Mandy helping others on this , World Cancer Day ❤ xx 🥰🌹

[@traceyneedham3718]

I send you a big virtual hug. My partner has had his pacemaker operation today and fingers crossed he may be at home tomorrow. But looks like he can’t go back to work for about 4 weeks xx❤

[@unadventurousmandy]

🤞🏻❤️🤞🏻❤️🤞🏻❤️

[@joyharding6052]

Such an insight. No doubt this will be so comforting for some. You're so inspiring. Huge hugs x

[@fionawoolard2169]

Watching this is so much help to me as I support my husband through a cancer journey, I agree it is good to acknowledge it is shit. It is also lovely to see you back on your travels and making more memories. Wishing you and John all the best on this day.❤

[@clairethorne5121]

Mandy! That was raw, as it should be. Thank you for helping us all see it from the other side, for making us more aware & armed with an idea of how to handle be aware of what we say when people are on their journey xx

[@stephenjones4588]

Hi Mandy, that was right on the mark, not sure if you remember my situation but I’ve had throat cancer over the last 5 years and have had all of the nasty radiotherapy, chemotherapy and immunotherapy then had to have a laryngectomy and have had my voice box removed. I also lost my wife to cancer afterwards. The one comment that used to irritate me was when people would tell me that I was brave. I then pointed out that I wasn’t brave because that would suggest I had a choice in first having cancer and then having the truly terrible treatments. I would tell them I’m not brave I just want to live.

[@unadventurousmandy]

The one thing I do like about the brave comment is that it’s all about how they see you and is a testament to your strength.. like you say though - what other choice do you have? It’s not bravery when you’re trying to survive ❤️

[@peakyparttimers9362]

At least, i understand 100%. some folk are so patronising aswell. Im on immunotherapy now, but the oncologist was talking about the funding saying it was expensive! I couldn't believe it! My life! is a life worth funding! Omg! And apparently i will have it for 2 years then it stops.Crazy!

[@helendolan7716]

Thank youfor helping others understand how a person feels so so true every word

[@ritalemonis8789]

Sending big hugs enjoy your travels with your kind and caring husband john must have been hard for him as well god bless you both❤

[@sueb8270]

Nice one Mandy 👍 ❤

[@sallydavis1345]

Thank you for having the courage to share your story . Very insightful words and ideas to help others. I appreciate you.

[@karenholdaway8284]

Thank you for sharing ❤❤

[@AnneDay-r6q]

Thank you so much for this video Mandy , it is really helpful to know what not to say to friends going through treatment. You are a wonderful person to have shared your experience in this way. It is a joy to see you and John enjoying Spain. ❤❤

[@helenvwalker7919]

Thank you. Wise words❤

[@andreaPat70]

Well said ! Humour was something that I found a great relief during my treatment. I saw one of my colleagues in the supermarket and she complimented me on how much weight I had lost. I laughed and said thanks but I really wouldn’t recommend the diet. She was absolutely mortified but I genuinely wasn’t offended and found it funny. The at least and survivors guilt was also something I found challenging. A good friend got cancer a year before me and didn’t make it. The fact that I was struggling during treatment and still struggle with the arduous road to recovery and significant risk of reoccurrence has left me feeling guilty and people have commented that at least I am still alive. We are all different and have different ways of coping and it’s good to share your experience as it does help others who may be feeling the same way. Good luck and let’s hope we stay ned.

[@unadventurousmandy]

It’s so lovely that people’s first reaction is to compliment or try to give perspective - at least we’re still alive but my goodness was it hard to get here! Yes..!! NED for ever 🤞🏻❤️

[@suzz366]

Thank you ❤❤

[@LorraineIllingworth-d8d]

Well done flower a great vlog 100% right. Big hugs darling xxxxxx

[@unadventurousmandy]

❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@carolinebutterworth5563]

Excellent video, cancer is so unique and everyone deals with it differently, my husband got his diagnosis ( multiple myeloma) after 6 months of test , was a pulled muscle at one point, the first question he asked was how long are we looking at , he was told 6 months if your unlucky and up to 10 years, we are now 7 years in , I know everything that there is to know about this disease and he doesn’t want to know about anything won’t discuss it so that’s his way of dealing with it and as I said we are all so different. But I’m there every step of the way . I’m so so glad you are coming out the other side and hopefully not worrying too much. Spring is coming and I’m sure you have lots of trips planned. Sending love ❤️

[@vivienchilvers1980]

Bless you XX

[@karinawalker7534]

Thank you Mandy for this video - I have a friend going thru a diagnosis of possible bowel cancer and I found this video really helped …. Thank you for taking the time to make it xx

[@skybloom3622]

Really excellent caring informative video Mandy. You will have helped so many! 💕👍👏 Xxx

[@Davidsseekingsolace]

Mandy thanks for sharing this video. I have mentioned to you before a year ago I had stage three bowel cancer which had spread to eight lymph nodes. I had surgery and chemotherapy, sadly today I had a further procedure to remove two more tumours . All this has gone on while having to cope with my wife going off with a kid from the gym. Strangely I haven’t felt anything about her infidelity or my cancer. I’m back at work and until I listened to you in this video hadn’t given any thought to me. I’m dealing with not being paid by the company I work for, my mortgage company chasing me my car finance company chasing and I feel weird about it ie I don’t care, nor have I been able to look forward, I know the prognosis for what cancer I had removed has left me wondering when will it take me . I want to plan to do things for me but feel trapped. It’s been lonely this last year, family live a long way away , my wife’s family haven’t been in touch. I think I’ve just put it all in a box and am just getting on with life. I’m positive but about what I’m unsure. Anyway thanks again, love you guys and your adventures . David

[@unadventurousmandy]

Ah David, I’m so sorry you’ve had all this to deal with alone. Maybe the cancer groups would be helpful for you too? ❤️ keep fighting for yourself, there’s no one else more important

[@Davidsseekingsolace]

Thanks Mandy. You are so right in all you said in your video. ❤

[@annedmondson53]

I could tell how my nephew's treatment was going, by how funny his jokes were . He is doing great at the moment 🤞🤞🤞 . Mandy I am so happy for you. Looking great. xx🥰🌹

[@cazicature]

Thankyou ❤xx

[@PaulineBreen-b3l]

Well said mandy, ive had breast cancer 4 times and im now terminal constant chemo till it stops working then try another chemo, i know what you mean about groups, they are a life line xxx

[@unadventurousmandy]

❤️❤️❤️❤️

[@kay-waterandwander5601]

This is an amazing piece Mandy. Having been part of two support teams when my two of my best girls have had to go through this journey, your points and advice on the dos and dont’ts are spot on. The two that really resonate are the impact of all the well meaning but not helping positive cheer sections. One of my girls said it made it so draining as she felt she had to manage their expectations especially when she was facing set backs. Also the bit about not to expect responses to messages, my girl that’s going through it now says sometimes it’s just so hard even just being, so responding to messages however well meaning not on the list. I flew out to spend time with her last month, our Saturday night was me watching a movie and her doing a puzzle coz she struggles to concentrate. We chatted, not a lot just bits n pieces but otherwise that companionable silence that come with those very special decades long friendships ❤ all she wanted from me was my time, to be present with her. Gosh I’ve rambled haven’t I, sorry Mandy (and everyone else) it was such a powerful piece it really touched me and made me think about me my girls ❤

[@unadventurousmandy]

❤️❤️❤️

[@christinee3126]

Good to know this stuff. Hope Spain weaves some gentle warmth into your life.

[@myrah1600]

What an amazing vlog ❤

[@pamchurcher8833]

A very interesting video in glad that you had courage to talk about it all and what you went through .enjoy your time in Spain with John he’s been a brick and supported you all the way.❤❤❤❤

[@juliawhite9977]

What a kind and thoughtful video you have made Mandy. And I hope therapeutic in a way for you. ❤

[@jillchew-tetlaw3388]

❤️

[@yaminthegrey]

Hari OM 👏Well spake, that lady!!! 😘 YAM xx

[@nikthechick5099]

You’re a diamond 💚🙏

[@lindawest165]

Mandy our son has it Cancer which is going to be terminal I try to help but how would I get support please nobody I know has Son going through it you have been an inspiration Thank you.. our son is positive but its killing me and always positive to him

[@unadventurousmandy]

MacMillan has a great support network for parents of cancer patients ❤️ have a look on Facebook if you use it too, google parents then the type of cancer your son has too. I hope you find something to help

[@edithsymmans3273]

Hello Mandy, my prayers and hugs coming to you in a big way. You are the only person that knows what you are thinking and are realistic when it comes to yourself. I love the way how you have handled this video. You have an amazing husband, John. You are an amazing lady Mandy and I love the way you look at life and this is helpful to someone out there who will gain something from your video. Dark humor is a saving grace in times when you are suffering from the big 'Cancer,' my brother had this dark humor at times. Best wishes Mandy and John, you are in my prayers daily. Love, hugs and prayers. ❤‍🩹🫂 🙏🙏

[@Warnz60]

Cancer journeys are so individual. Mine is different. So pleased you are travelling again as getting your head into a normal space is important. How you feel has been so different to me. I had breast cancer first at 39, sent the MacMillan nurse packing as she was depressing, oncologist and consultant differed on length of time on Tamoxifen but went with the oncologist and stopped them. Second time I had only been in France for a couple of months, had lumpectomy, had chemo and never took any pills, carried on as normal except for tired days, my French improved quickly 😂. Third time last year, was fed up waiting for op, chose bilateral told I shouldn’t walk the dog, ignored it and walked her the day after and carried on. This time I have refused chemo and couldn’t have radio as you can’t have it again. Can’t be asked keep going to hospital. I never worried about having it. Friends said I was brave but I am not, I just looked at it like you would having your appendix out. When I went for the fitting for silicone inserts the lady said she was surprised I was laughing about them as the lady previously was in tears. In fairness, breasts are external so are much easier than anything internal. So now planning on getting out of UK altogether as I find it too depressing with the way it’s going, so my next adventure is being planned 😂 Good luck and positive vibes for yours. Sorry it’s a bit long.

[@unadventurousmandy]

Thank you for sharing your cancer journey, sounds like you were advocating like mad there to get what you want. It’s so confusing when everyone is saying different things so good on you for speaking up about it. As lovely as I found the MacMillan nurses their “pity face” was something that I couldn’t handle.. as you know I choose to laugh my way through.. anyway - full on cancer warrior status for you 💪🏻 ❤️

[@patrickh8602]

Thank you for telling us these things Mandy, its only by going through an awful thing like cancer that you find out. I'll never say 'at least' to someone again! 😂

[@marycummins3301]

100% The At Least is the very worst my poor husband heard this so much and like you it also made little of the fact that he has cancer and the no matter what it is one of the shittiest things that can happen to you and it hurts really hurts just think before you talk if you don't know what to say just ask how are you doing is there anything you would like me to do or just do something nice xx

[@suzanne403]

❤❤❤️

[@michellechapman6961]

Well done petal. Just that

[@sueetherton6698]

Nice one, Mandy. Well said. It's shit! ❤

[@mikeembe1261]

Have a Hug & a few Xxx's ❤

[@LadyFarrow]

❤

[@shaunwizard]

Hugz❤

[@alanwilkins139]

🇬🇧🏴󠁧󠁢󠁥󠁮󠁧󠁿🙏❤️👍

[@evemakarski9635]

❤❤❤❤

[@raymondstamp7066]

❤