A Day in the Life…of Protracted Withdrawal | Benzo Free Podcast #91

[@julieadams5389]

Hi D. A great podcast. Thank you for sharing your day with us. Sorry to hear that you lost your beautiful and much loved dog, Bear. Animals are such a comfort and a huge part of our family life. . Also sorry to hear about the tremendous work you have undertaken concerning your parents needs. So much work. So much time and so much energy. What a great son you are to honour your parents in this way.. The stress must be enormous for you. It was good joining you on your morning walk and different moments throughout the day. Some truly peaceful moments and some emotional dips. I like the way you say it as it is and don’t just give us the lovely moments. Your honesty is truly refreshing. I am now 12 months off Clon. I am struggling very much with debilitating depression. Despair really. Though I’m sleeping better I have no energy and even have to return to bed for a lot of the day. Going out for walks while in this state is not an option. I have a new baby grandson and I cannot really be any help with him. I avoid getting into self pity but unfortunately I find myself there. It will pass, no doubt. Anyway, thank you again D. I never miss a podcast. ❤️🙂

[@easinganx]

Hi Julie, Thanks for the wonderful message. It's always nice to hear from you. Can you believe that we've been corresponding almost a year now? I am truly grateful for friends like you. It was hard to say goodbye to Bear, and we still mourn him. But, he lived to 14 and had a good life. That's the most we can do. As for my parents, I just keep reminding myself it's just my turn. We all go through some semblance of this at some time in our lives. For me, that time is now. I am so sorry to hear about your depression. I hope you can find help with it. It's so easy for us to find ourselves depressed in the midst of all this, but it's also okay to seek help and find support for it. Please keep writing. Love hearing from you, D :)

[@kimnovak3068]

Hello D. I am so sorry to learn about the passing of your beloved dog Bear. I totally understand how hard it is to lose a dear fur family member as I have been there too and will be there again. My deepest sympathy to you and Shanna. I feel for you going through all the work and emotions regarding your parents. My mother too, is now in memory care as of a few weeks ago and is 99 years old. First she entered assisted living in February of this year and we sold her house back in July. I really understand all the work and energy it takes. Plus, you are doing much more because of the travels to another state to see your parents. You are such a good person for helping them and all of us out there that share a common experience!!

[@easinganx]

Hi Kim, So good to hear from you, as always. Sorry to hear about your mother. 99 years old is great. My dad just turned 90. Thanks for the kind words. I know most of us go through this at some time, and I guess it's my turn. Hope you are well. Take care, D :)

[@gregrhodes2171]

You know it's one hell of a ride getting off these things. I read "The Art of Compassion" too. You helped me realize that I have some control over myself and how I treat people. I've never been this angry before. I've always been the super sensitive empath. I felt so angry between the original trauma and the health care system. I'm ashamed of myself. I hope you're in the confession booth. You're the benzo priest. I hope your family is doing well.

[@easinganx]

Hi Greg, You are too kind. I had the anger too, but I had to let it go if I was going to heal. I'm so glad you found the empathy too. Anger is poison while it is completely justified based on what we have been through, it doesn't help us get better. Take care, D

[@karene.364]

Hi D . I always enjoy your podcasts they help me deal with my own benzo situation. I have just come down to another dose of the one I’m on and with each one I am going through I notice a pattern. Emotional, and the other terrible side effects. Currently I am also having to do therapy for a badly sprained ankle and it is just too much, everything at once. But I really love listening to your calming voice and you know I like your talking. I’m a talker too. My husband says I talk too much and that is how I am since I was young. I loved listening to your day unfold and to the end of the day. You are an amazing son taking care of your parents this year. It sounds challenging for you. But you have a positive attitude and that’s great. I didn’t know your dog bear passed away… that must have been hard. So sorry to hear this. 🤗 Thanks for sharing your day. And the mediation at the end really helps calm me. Take care 😊

[@easinganx]

Hi Karen, Thank you for your sweet and sincere message. Some of us are talkers, and some are listeners. I try and listen more often, and I've made some progress, but I still talk when I have the opportunity. Bear passed away a couple of months ago. We fought the cancer for about 18 months, but eventually there was nothing much we could do. We will get another dog, but probably wait until 2022. Too much other stuff going on right now. Thanks again, D :)

[@plannergirljones2551]

7 years for you and you can’t work still and still symptoms?your up at 5Am do you not sleep that’s my most terrifying nightmare I went cold turkey from sleeping pills and didn’t sleep for 10 days I ended up psychotic and swore I just stay on them forever

[@easinganx]

Hi Plannergirl, Thanks for your comment. I know my story sounds bleak sometimes, but I surely don't see it that way. I can work now, I just haven't been able to return to the high stress and cognitively demanding world of IT. Nor do I want to anymore. As for sleep, I usually get seven hours a night now. I do have times of 3-5 hours, but those are not common anymore and I sleep quite well. Nice improvement there. As for staying on the meds, that is your decision to make with your doctor. I am not a medical professional, and I don't give medical advice. I truly believe that is your decision. I just want to make sure that people know there are consequences for some of us when taken these drugs are taken long-term. And those consequences can be severe. I wish you well and hope this works for you. Please take care of yourself and thanks for writing. Best, D :)

[@gregrhodes2171]

What medications should I not take?

[@easinganx]

Hi Greg, I talk about different medications in my book if you want to check it out. Fluoroquinolones are one class that can cause problems and which Ashton says we should avoid during benzo use. There are others, but this is a subject to work with your doctor on. D

[@Cheesygarlicccc]

Are you able to work?

[@easinganx]

Hi Brian, Great question. I have not returned to my previous profession since my withdrawal. Initially, I was unable to do that due to my anxiety and lack of concentration and memory. Is that still the case? I really don't know. I used to be a screenwriter and database programmer. The latter of those paid my bills most often. Unfortunately, IT can be a very high stress job, and demands high-level cognitive functioning. My limitations might still hinder me in that profession. The good news for me, is that I found a better career in the process. Unfortunately, it still doesn't really pay, but I truly love what I do here on the podcast and as an advocate for people harmed by benzos. So, do I really know that I can't return at this time to IT? Not really. I do some programming here at home for some research papers I've been working on, but it is on my own pace and without the pressures of a corporate environment. Hope that answers your question, and please remember that my case is an extreme one, and that most people do recover and can return to work. Take care, D :)

[@Cheesygarlicccc]

@@easinganx how do you pay the bills? Also, what do you feel like you are not able to do because of protracted withdrawal? What are your worst symptoms?

[@Cheesygarlicccc]

Also did it get better for you or just plateau?

[@easinganx]

Hi Brian, As for paying the bills, I am blessed to have a wife who can help support me. I do have some income via side jobs, but it is not enough to cover my expenses. I realize that many people do not have that luxury. I don't feel I can return to IT primarily because of the stress and cognitive requirements. I still struggle with those. My worst symptoms at this time are akathisia, formication, some anxiety, some cognitive issues, and most of all pelvic floor dysfunction and all that entails. Other symptoms come when I have a wave, but they ease in my window. As for plateau, not really. It's basically, 5 steps forward, 4 steps back, and again. It's definitely a roller coaster, but when you look back at when you started, you often are reminded of how far you've come. Take care, D :)

[@garysimone4977]

@@easinganx you are a inspiration