A HFY Story : "Hammer" is Verb & Get One Today! | 1990 |~ Deathworld, War, Terran & Humans

[@thirg424]

The difference between a tool and a weapon is the use.

[@stevedixon921]

Many of even vote for our tools. We put them on TV and even let them run stuff. Cheers.

[@МихаилРозов-ю9п]

Strictly speaking weapon is a tool. So... there is no difference.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

No, it's the INTENDED use. If someone forges axe for cutting down trees, it's a tool. True, in a desperate situation it can be used as a weapon, but it was not made to be one, its primary job is to cut down trees, not men. But if somebody forges battleaxe, that's a weapon, because it was made for the purpose of hurting somebody.

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

@@radioactiveassassin5218 The difference between a tool and a dedicated weapon is this: you canot use a weapon as a tool, without damaging it. A" battle axe" cannot really chop wood. Its too thin for that. A t best it will ruin the edge, at worst it will break. A sword is not a machette, it cannot clear brush. Not and remain usable as a weapon. A fire arm is not a hammer. you try using it as such, you will ruin its accuracy.

[@stevedixon921]

@@radioactiveassassin5218 From John Wick: "He once killed a man with pencil. A fooking pencil!"

[@TheLastGarou]

Story 1: Shad approves! Story 2: Humans! No assembly required! (Disassembly of Pirates may occur.)

[@Maddog3060]

Story 1: Anything can be a weapon if you angry enough. Story 2: The list of disclaimers and caveats was beautiful. We are indeed the best practical joke played on the universe.

[@gregoryfrechou]

fact pancake and waffle is annex 1 tells all you need to know about humans

[@ICountFrom0]

Sure, but pass me that murder kitten, I think I can get it to purr.

[@grey9803]

What's even more amusing is it's earth officials trying to get rid of humans XD Government leaders: ya know what would be funny? Making space people believe humans are great pets

[@Darksoulpoetry]

Aren't both just disclaimers?

[@xing3441]

H: do you know what "bonk" means? A: no, what does it? H: *smashes alien skull with sledgehammer* bonk

[@baronvonkaiser9912]

B O N K

[@Mike-ne3bu]

Telling the safest workers to cause "accidents" shows experience in what has nearly killed them in the past.

[@Caldoric]

I'm surprised the first story didn't also use the phrase "when all you have is a hammer, every problem looks like a nail" or similar.

[@Nicmadis]

I mean, that much is obvious. Oh, wait. Aliens.

[@marlinstrife5352]

"Hammer" is a verb... Operation "Pointy Stick" is a go! XD

[@robertstoneking7916]

Drill Sgt Saunders would approve. Weapons of opportunity.

[@Rawkit_Surgeon]

US Chicken fajita MREs are technically a weapon.

[@prestonjones1653]

The shovel conquers all! The shovel conquers all!

[@robertalexander5892]

@@Rawkit_Surgeon It's not the MRE itself that is the weapon, it is the aftereffects of eating said MRE that is deadly to those around you.

[@hardcoreholman303]

@@prestonjones1653 happy gas mask noises

[@whirledpeaz5758]

Aircraft Carrier engine room mechanic here, in the event of a repel boarders, my weapon was a 1" drive ratchet. The boarders would have had to get past the Marine detachment last. The rest of the crew of 5000+ was first.

[@taitano12]

Yeah, the Marines get the fun stuff most of the time. Let the crew play with the boarders. The boarders are pretty likely to be Marines themselves, so have the Marine detachment nearby and ready in case they get past the crew. IF they get past the crew, they will be pretty easy pickings for the Marines. Sailors on military vessels are VERY good at defending their ship. So, on the 50/50 chance that the boarding Marines* get past the Sailors that can be spared to repel a boarding attempt, they will be reduced in number and pretty beat up. * It's extremely unlikely that a pirate boarding party will have any success with a military vessel of any kind beyond injuring or killing one or two sailors at the most. Even if the military sailors are unarmed, they're not unarmed. Even civilian vessels can be very difficult to take.

[@mitchelloates9406]

"Wrench" can also be a verb. I spent 20 years in the USN, operating the enginerooms on submarines. I usually carried a 6 inch crescent wrench in my back pocket when on watch. It wasn't for adjusting or tightening equipment. When a new crewman that wasn't yet qualified on submarines, came back into the engineroom to learn about the systems and equipment, and I saw them reaching out with their hand to touch some piece of equipment they were curious about, I would pull said wrench out of my pocket, and give them a hard swift rap across their hand with the wrench. Now having their full attention as they stood their grasping their hand in pain, I would tell them quite loudly, "If you don't know what it is and you're not qualified to operate it, THEN KEEP YOUR DAMN HANDS OFF OF IT!". Thankfully, during those years, given the quality of personnel that volunteered to serve on submarines, such a painful "lesson" usually was not needed to begin with - and if it was, it usually only needed to be taught once.

[@brendamayfuller8803]

A tool is simply the non violent use of a weapon. Back when I was a very green electrical engineer right out of university I and the other new hires spent a training day with a senior electronics technician who showed us a multitude of ways to either deliberately or accidently turn something harmless into a device of wanton destruction. To this day I still look back with a great deal of respect and gratitude for that training. I would like to think I managed to never design or work on something that would accidently turn lethal on someone. But just how creative humans can get when it is time to improvise is something that can be truly amazing.

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

"A Tool is simply the non violent use of a weapon." Uh huh. Does that work about, idk, sword for example? Or a gun? Shouldn't it be the opposite way? "A weapon is violent use of a tool?"

[@brendamayfuller8803]

@@radioactiveassassin5218 A sword is just a large vegetable chopper or meat cleaver in the right hands or even a machete for clearing weeds. Equally a gun can be used to safely start a small avalanche instead of letting snow build up and become a much larger and bigger threat.

[@dairoleon2682]

@@brendamayfuller8803 A gun is just a long-range hole-puncher. It is up to the wielder to decide what it punches holes in.

[@roycsinclair]

@@dairoleon2682 And a cannon is just a long reach excavator/demolition tool.

[@taishoukinjiro]

In 2 years training studying Reactor design, the first year was learning how to not accidentally make a bomb

[@thatotherguy8138]

That first story really needs to have a scene where a miner approaches a group of aliens with a cup of tea, kills one with the teacup, then points to the spoon and smiles a smile that doesn't touch his eyes.

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

"KILL THE RIDDICK!!"

[@RealengoPrimordialDemon]

Damn, those humans have more side-effects than most drugs in the market.

[@zacharyhawley1693]

To be fair. A weapon is an offensive subset of tool.

[@artyd42]

You've got that in reverse. Tool is the non-offensive subset of weapon. Absolutely everything started as a weapon. Even a spoon. See Ginosaji.

[@snidecommenter7117]

@@artyd42 Like Riddick's teacup?

[@DarkT-Sama]

@@artyd42 I understood that reference! 🤣😂🤣

[@westcoaststacker569]

New Zealand is still trying to ban all weapons.....

[@Zael_Moonblade]

Or defensive.

[@Talon1124]

Human language is an odd thing to the greater galaxy. One thing that comes to mind immediately is they have two completely different words that translate to: Item used to perform a function. These words are 'Tool' and 'Weapon'.

[@kingnekogon]

Even as a human, I'm sold. Where do I pick up my human?

[@someoneawesome8717]

Well I'm currently on discount, I might be slightly damaged but I can still fulfill the assigned duties as long as they don't involve reaching for something too high up

[@jamielonsdale3018]

@@someoneawesome8717 I have a step-ladder, so high shelves aren't an issue. You wouldn't have many duties besides being my conversation partner. I dislike solitude, but I also dislike crowds. I've coined the term 'monovert'. Starting wage is 200% the standard amount of hugs.

[@kiritotheabridgedgod4178]

Your local night club might be a decent place to start.

[@smaragdwolf1]

please use the Formulars Filtersettings to narrow down the potencial list of candidates. There are humans of different Gender, Age, skincoloring, intellectual level, Size, Strength, preferences, etc. Do you look for a human for physical work? generally Spending time? a variety of Discussions on the long Flights in Space? High probability that you will find a Human that matches your personal interests. Dont choose a Human to be your Pet, unless the Human clearly agrees to the Terms^^

[@blackblade99009]

@@smaragdwolf1 *in small little text* people who agree to be a pet require further instruction and must be read to prepare proper accommodation and care.

[@merendell]

Ok I lost it at murder kitten, danger noodle, and good boy. So true.

[@fgregerfeaxcwfeffece]

6:06 "And whatever happens next is all a blur But you remember 'fist' can be a verb And when you finally regain consciousness You're bound and gagged in a wedding dress And the prison guard looks the other way 'Cause he's the guy you flipped the bird the other day" Fitting "Bloodhound Gang" lyrics

[@ICountFrom0]

First story: Absolutely Accurate. I might not be willing to lift a hammer, even then, but I'd be willing to be a spotter for that pipe drop, and I'd help sharpen sticks. Second story: The notes about (anex 3, 4, and 5) or (Do not let human handle weapons) and so forth really sell the story.

[@jgkitarel]

Do not let humans handle weapons without supervision. Should probably have an additional caveat in there on whether they are young or have not handled weapons, as well as how to deal with ones who are former soldiers (plus side: they won't touch the weapon without cause unless it is handed to them, and they will WANT proper training and qualification on it before using it).

[@Nicmadis]

@@jgkitarel Small child, average guy when given the opportunity to shoot a freaking energy weapon... Both sounds about the same.

[@RevokFarthis]

Love story 2's overlap of things we find edible (7-24) and things we will packbond with (12-56)

[@csweezey18]

I didn't even notice that until reading your comment!

[@jgkitarel]

And if it remotely attractive to said human, read annex 34 in DETAIL so you know what said human might attempt if said packbonding subject is remotely amenable to it, high proof alcohol and brain bleach is recommended after reading or witnessing.

[@RealArcalian]

Greetings Mentlegent! For the Rhyhtm that is Algo! Story 1: We brought down the heavy end of the hammer Story 2: A clever inversion of the "Humans find aliens cute" story

[@LegendStormcrow]

My time working in a prison has taught me that everything is a knife or a hammer, or a war pick.

[@alfredsutton4412]

Afro, you have the most entertaining channel on KZbin. Your story telling has restored my sanity. 😊

[@AgroSquerril]

Glad you are enjoying the content and that has helped

[@skyrere]

if you were being funny, then yes... if you had a typo... Then AGRO... not afro. LOL and yes... he does have the most entertaining chanel. Both he and Netnarroator.

[@carlfromtheoc1788]

1st one - given a bit of fabric, some string and a decent sized ball bearing, and some folks will have a weapon. Ditto putting a pool ball in a twisted length of cloth. Some of us will even decide to see if you can push a head through a table of concrete slab. 2nd one - "Aw he is such a good floofer." "NO! We cannot bring a X'laxian death wolf on board! It is a death wolf!" As said 1 meter tall at the shoulder killing predator is lying on its back getting belly rubs from a human. "And human, why do you try to have sex with EVERY sentient space-faring species we encounter?" "I have a song by 2 Live Crew that explains that one boss." "And how can one person use up 10 petabytes of computer storage!?!?"

[@Nicmadis]

"12 petabytes, actually. You see, I consider myself a man of culture, open to new experiences, and some of the stuff that's free to download out here is pretty wild."

[@TheStarMachine2000]

You will have PTSD after seeing a human in combat, especially if the term, "disarm" is taken literally

[@jeanannd]

LOL, humans sometimes come with premade attachments, like cute furry things that have paws that can turn into murder mittens and need meat. Or a large omnivore that barks called a dog. Do not worry, these creatures will probably form an attachment to you as well as the human. ;)

[@Allantitan]

Especially if you give it treats and belly rubs

[@cliffsimmons9692]

Kind of let down when the mine boss didn't say "Stop. Hammer Time." before he bonked the xeno.

[@Allantitan]

Glad I’m not the only one who was waiting for that 😂

[@sgtwhisker26]

Anything can become a weapon if you’re creative enough

[@SH-qs7ee]

Or just swing it hard enough.

[@Z4RD4N34]

Or stupid enough.

[@Netscape-kd6mg]

yup even an elevator shaft. you'd be surprised at how fast an elevator can go with enought explosive force pushing it

[@Allantitan]

@@Netscape-kd6mgor even without an explosive force if falling from a high enough floor

[@Netscape-kd6mg]

@@Allantitan true but we are talknig about weapons here. the point is to hit something not falml on something. elevator shaft make good smooth barrels i've heard

[@Asriel_Dremr]

Cannot go wrong with a good boy!

[@BitterWillow]

Im fucking cackling at the operation "pointy stick"

[@skyrere]

hehehe... I totaly love the second story in this cluster. Well done. I must say that I am totally number 2

[@Netscape-kd6mg]

that first story remembered me when an other mine transformed their elevator shaft into the biggest slug thrower of the universe.

[@Gabryal77]

Where do I sign up to be the Intergalactic version of a Ship's Cat?

[@UNSCPILOT]

Agreed, especially if I can bring a couple friends

[@britishneko3906]

I will be a kot

[@ritafryer8134]

Between lady luck and murphy's law humans will always have the upper hand.

[@Allantitan]

And don’t forget spite

[@calvingreene90]

A weapon is a tool we're making your opponent change his mind.

[@ledocteur7701]

a weapon is a versatile tool used to protect, acquire, or/and destroy all that one might think of.

[@giancarlobacosa2546]

Alien 1: did you disarms the Human's Alien 2: yup Boss Alien 1: g- *get neck broken* Humans: you morons forgot our limbs are weapons too Alien 2: *gets yeeted out of the airlock*

[@killjoy4009]

You fool, I AM THE WEAPON!

[@Allantitan]

Alien 3 :*properly disarms the humans* Human engineer: computer self destruct sequence 3 seconds

[@mlogan2k2]

'My hands are registered as lethal weapons in twelve interstellar empires, the Interstellar UN, three independent star clusters, two mercenary bands, and one tiny island nation on Earth.'

[@dragonwarrior1013]

I thought Hammer was a question because every time someone sees me with one lol

[@covash1]

a bunch of angry miners and builders nope im good thanks.

[@johncochran8497]

All weapons are merely tools that concentrate energy in either time, or area, or both. A club takes a significant fraction of a second to accelerate, and releases that energy upon impact in a much smaller fraction of a second. A cutting edge concentrates its energy over the small area of the edge. The sharper it is, the smaller the area.

[@Eboreg2]

"All weapons are outlawed immediately!" My brother in Christ, you do not know how many everyday objects can be turned into weapons given enough willpower and outside-the-box thinking.

[@Allantitan]

Or just sheer boredom and spite

[@BeerHeart]

"Where are you going with that pipe wrench Human?" "I aim to tighten your nuts with it!"

[@thorin693]

Pointy stick is a Go!! 🤣🤣

[@tabitharatchford7404]

Ok. I’m sold, I want a human. Preferably a heterosexual male who likes the national parks, dogs(I have 3), chickens (I don’t have any yet but with the price of eggs…), gardening, and is in their 30’s (I’m 32). All applicants can respond to this comment. 😁

[@theInsaneRodent]

Hmm... Well, why not? Check; I like going camping and national parks are fun; dogs are fine; I once brought our pet turkeys to kindergarten for show and tell; It has been a long time since I did any gardening, but when I was in highschool I spent some time in the summer doing farm work in South Dakota; I turn 31 in about a month. Are you a heterosexual female who wants children? (As the second son of a second son of a second son, I have to at least try to carry on the tradition 🤣) It is Valentine's day in a few hours. 😉

[@tabitharatchford7404]

@@theInsaneRodent alright then. Yes I am a heterosexual female who wants children. I will gladly be your anonymous valentine (you can terrify all your friends and family tomorrow by telling them that you net you valentine over the internet on KZbin 😂)

[@theInsaneRodent]

@@tabitharatchford7404 Well, you'll be my first Valentine, then 😁 Now the real question here is whether either of us is serious about this. 😘 How about this: during Memorial Day weekend there is an anime convention in San Jose, CA called Fanime. I will be the Argentine Tango dance instructor there. If you want to meet me, you can come to that. If that is too far away or anything then we can just be anonymous online Valentines.

[@dragonson04]

Ah, the one I wrote for the Writing Contest...and this is the 19th one of mine that Agro has read

[@brianlips8346]

Thanks for the story 🙂

[@Mustangofold]

Everything is a weapon if you have intent, knowledge lets you get creative with what you have.

[@adamglover6948]

Operation pointy stick. I'm going to remember that.

[@merlinathrawes746]

How do you disarm a human? You have to literally disarm him, disleg him too.

[@mychaeldark1007]

Where can I sign up as a Volunteer for Story 2. I'll be some aliens human. LOL

[@Allantitan]

Hell I’d even do it for free if it means I can travel the universe on someone else’s dime

[@MJSmithGroup]

"Operation pointy stick is a go"

[@GuukanKitsune]

At any given time you are no more than ten feet from 24 different things you can use as a weapon. MORE if you're creative enough.

[@leechowning2712]

I work in agriculture... There's 24 within six feet of me. 50 within 10. And that's not counting me being creative.

[@Allantitan]

@@leechowning2712and probably not including any animals that might be around at any given moment

[@nolol9907]

for the love of hammers 🔨

[@dracodraconias8096]

If there could be a favorite button this would definitely be on that list

[@tabithachastain6999]

Hell, even if a human were to have all their limbs removed, we STILL have weapons. Our jaws are strong, and we are living biology weapons.

[@Asriel_Dremr]

Love your videos Agro!

[@AgroSquerril]

Glad you like them!

[@Kualinar]

Hammer is a verb : No projectile weapon and no blade ? No problem, we can still use pointy things as weapon, AND blunt things for the same effect. Then, the wall and floors CAN become weapons...

[@shadowwatcher5042]

Pointy Stick! Pointy Stick! Pointy Stick!

[@SuperGamefreak18]

Stop hammer time

[@radioactiveassassin5218]

Can't touch this

[@Belgas173]

Operation pointy stick 😂🤣

[@PopoSimTalia]

I love thats its called operation pointy stick

[@Allantitan]

And yet I can see one person carrying a hammer and playing “you can’t touch this” really loud on a speaker 😂

[@richardprzybylek5847]

Love all the warnings about what not to let humans do there the best

[@tehrankizaki9627]

You will not stand between me and any and all good boys

[@slimeinabox]

“Hammer time”

[@jimschuler8830]

Not all languages can English it and verb anything.

[@SergeyWaytov]

#1 is really interesting take!)

[@klappstock943]

For the Algorithm the story and the voice

[@insanecrazyman7637]

second story, if not friend why friend shaped? ;)

[@z0ro_62]

But it would be cool and hes a good boi

[@TheLazyComet]

hammer is a verb and anything can be a hammer (albeit a poor one)

[@elfeater1760]

For the Algorithm11!

[@SergeyWaytov]

#2 is really funny!!!

[@peterwalls-qf7ii]

A mine is a dangerous place, especially i the miners don't want you there. Nice add ! You want to sell the idea of a human companion , or you like shitting on humans ? Cause the way its set up, most ship owners will skip.

[@Curbinout]

Nice

[@Lord_Azrekahl]

OPERATION POINTY STICK!!!!!!!

[@genericuser984]

cool

[@asandrewsilvaw]

For the algorithm

[@kerwinbrown4180]

😀

[@jeradking7257]

Died laughing

[@merlinwizard1000]

7th, 28 January 2023

[@Rawkit_Surgeon]

Hello detcord.

[@kirkbarber4040]

Miners

[@peterwilks4391]

Team waffle

[@alexzanderroberts995]

Pleaseeee, use real plants in your tank. They flow a lot more beautiful, keep the tank more consistent ecology wise, and can be a food source

[@fluffmaster8930]

Operation pointy stick 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

[@dracodraconias8096]

Operation pointy stick 😂🤣