A Man's Worst Nightmare | The Roommates Podcast

This week on the podcast Hafeez and Chris are joined by Byron to discuss A Man's Worst Nightmare, Life After Divorce, Discovering Yourself + More.
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[@jenmalfoy215]

This story is important, I agree with his perspective that their perspectives on marriage were different. But it’s also important to note that in the longer version of the interview when his wife mentioned she was unhappy in the marriage he assumed that it would all blow over. Not to say that he didn’t take it seriously,but perhaps he didn’t comprehend the magnitude of her words because his baseline is different. This is a beautiful testimony about getting through the unthinkable, while also gently reminding all of us that sometimes we can only do what we can do from our end. She was unhappy, and she needed to leave. That is a personal journey, and I’m glad he has a relationship with God that got him through that.

[@joannadziokan3267]

Very sad....... thank you for sharing your story. Hope you find your happiness again :)

[@GoldenRose822]

From a womans perspective, I've definitely seen how we are fed that marriage will be the ultimate purpose of our lives and motherhood will be the end all be all, but women and men are multifaceted. We are layered. We have wants and needs and ultimately look for purpose in many areas outside of biological needs. But we always narrate a womans purpose is to be part of a half instead of being a whole individual who is a partner with another whole individual. And when you break away from that ideology, that marriage is the end all be all narrative, you want to see all the power you can achieve as an individual. It is changing, but the millennial women who were "trained" for lack of a better word, with traditionalist views and now seeing the freedoms and realities of opportunities, it creates so much identity confusion and sense of worth. And we see how we give men more freedoms to sow oats, not in a sexual sense, but in everything. "Go do it, go try it, get it out of your system, so when you're ready to settle, you can" but we rarely do the same for women. We only condition them to look forward to their big day. Even with that sentence. If you thought wedding was her big day and not something else, the question is why? If marriage is as important and as sacred as being something worth calling the big day, why are we also not saying the same to our young men as consistently?

[@2livenoob]

lol search for "What makes a real man?" See if you can find anyone defining a "Real man" as an individual rather than human cattle who's sole existence and purpose is to give everything to society and to women. lol @ pressuring women to get married as if women aren't out here pressuring men for a marriage they don't even want. Its almost as if women live in a vacuum in this world you've imagined.

[@GoldenRose822]

@@2livenoob Traditional ideology doesn't care who you are, as long as you're boxed in. That is what traditional gender roles created and then scrutinized to the point of shackling people to that identity. The only way we change it is to do it. We need to change the culture and that starts with us. We see the problem, we can change it, but it requires us to be uncomfortable. It might just be that we are the generation that needs to suffer through the change to allow our kids/their kids to reap the benefits. This type of societal change takes years. Look at the womens movement. Every man can confidently say, maybe not out loud, but can confidently say yes, that even in 2020 theyve seen or heard some sort of degrading, whether in intellect or appearance, comment about a woman, from a man, and didn't say anything otherwise. For fear of ostracism. That's an opportunity to change the culture. Why is the ostracism towards those doing the right thing? Who is reinforcing that mentality. Who created it? Who is teaching it. Who taught you what constitutes a man? Why is it not discover through exploration and individuality. If we all know that, why are we also not teaching that in our own households. Screw society for a minute. If we each held that standard in each of our house holds, would that not change the societal culture once we interact? We want society to change but we are not changing. Instead we complain about the faults in each other instead if saying, both of our faults are created from this mentality, we both need to change. From scratch. That is the only way to change society. Unlearn to relearn. And that starts with reflection. How many people willing to face their own toxic traits. Everyone has them. Because unless you are questioning everything in your life and why you've come to prioritize it, you're never really going to grow. Accountability when no one is keeping you accountable, is humanity's weakness. At the end of the day, we've been conditioned to expect certain things, and we attribute that to that's how we operate as humans biologically. Monogamy was created with religion. And humans outlive holy texts. So how is that a "natural" human trait? It's not, yet we put so much credit into holy text about that being fact that we conditioned humanity into believing that. So everything outside of that is taboo. Essentially what I'm saying, we created these standards. They were also attributed to the times and resources, prejudices and oppressions of the time. Remember that. Society has been operating from a system that has been slowly reforming from one of monarchies to democracies, again, to fit the times. Our culture and societal expectations shift accordingly. We need to shift in order to change. Both sides. Not one side first. Both at the same time. That's why in my opinion everyone should be a feminist. We've been living through a patriarchal structure that created these restrictions. Not the feminism you see of men hating (that's toxic femininity in response to toxic masculinity) but feminism where the need to eradicate existing structures that barred women and theyve been playing catch up, to a structure where we regroup, reorganize and create equity in order to reach equality. That was an extremely long answer. The bong hit was worth, clearly. Anyways. Shit needs to change. We control our lives. Dont let anyone box you in. Not even for a relationship. You know your worth.

[@Terrapin47-s8y]

Men have everything to lose. Women have nothing to lose. End of story.

[@GoldenRose822]

@@Terrapin47-s8y definitely end of generalization, I dont know about story. That generalization is still aligned with male oppression. So if you yourself think that, how are you changing that? Are you blaming women or recognizing that the indoctrination of women, to expect everything from men, is a result of patriarchal ideals. Like who started saying thats what men have to do? The argument is that women have to change that? Why? Can you tell your boys (if youre a guy) that you dont want to be the man, according to society, and they won't laugh at you or make you feel bad? You can say you dont want to wear the pants in the relationship and they respect that? So if your boys will do that to you, continue the problem that men historically created, whose fault is that? I hope you dont have friends like that.

[@usmanfaraz2057]

Where's the rest of this interview, send me location.

[@marcleon1513]

Probably a side-dude.

[@marcleon1513]

Froggy Noddy That’s 100% true.

[@1_jahwarrior]

Pray for this man's healing. But marriage ain't the move these days bro. The times have changed. The game has changed. Marriage is still possible but the odds are so slim it seems futile.

[@brandonblackshear9154]

Men, DO NOT get married! I SAY AGAIN, Do NOT get married.

[@meetthetables6803]

Why’s that I’d love to hear your point ?

[@PhdMusic03]

whats the stat on women initiating divorce? but hey aint no good black men out here...right?

[@elijahbarber6006]

@Taylor Jones in each individual case out of millions? That's not realistic or logical.

[@elijahbarber6006]

@Taylor JonesI acknowledge male failure. Both can be toxic in a marriage/ relational context. When men divorce it is often villanized.

[@jasperm.8093]

​@Taylor Jones Those stats are very likely skewed as men do not report abuse as much and men being abused is belittled (less nowadays than before but its still a thing). Fatherless homes are equally female's fault as male's fault, its not only indicative of poor male behaviour but also of how women make shit mating decisions and how a lot of women are not on their P's and Q's once they get the ring (same frequently goes for men)