A Refined Lady's Guide to Flirting and Virtue: 18th Century Tips

[@LaVaneBea]

Some of these would work beautifully when responding to certain rakes on the Tinderverse. "Not all the kings in the world with their fortunes could extort nudes from me".

[@nerdgirl7363]

Right?! Like "Your politeness, sir, is more conspicuous than your sincerity" is a great line

[@OstblockLatina]

The problem is most of those rakes would probably not understand half of what that reply consisted of, because even though accessibility to education has progressed significantly since the Georgian era, the willingness to make use of it among young people has plummeted dramatically.

[@phoebeyang8134]

@@OstblockLatina the important thing is that you entertain yourself at their expense in such a situation ;-)

[@tessat338]

@@OstblockLatina Yeah, in college, a guy asked me if I would spend March with him. Me: "You mean the month of March?" Him: "Yes." Me: "Hmm. I have a previous engagement." (Meaning "I'm already busy for the month of March.") Him: "You mean you're already engaged?" Me: "Essentially."

[@mrwiggiewoo]

Brilliant! 💙

[@oliviaschmucker5550]

My flirting is basically what Mr Darcy does, aka stare obsessively and accidentally slam their family

[@Gemmabeta]

"This is a lovely house."

[@incandescentblack]

:))))

[@saharbrown1751]

😂😂😂

[@adryanadiniz8453]

"This is a charming house" is also a great line for showing romantic interest

[@giggledust2130]

Now this makes me want to hear a story about falsely written letters, and someone trying to fix their reputation.

[@EllieDashwood]

😂Right? Writing unacceptable letters is part of the plot in the book I recently reviewed, Evelina by Frances Burney. It's funny how serious this was.

[@giggledust2130]

@@EllieDashwood Ooh! I should probably check that one out!

[@lauravalancy2521]

Wives and Daughters by Mrs. Gaskell has an element of that! 🤩

[@janedoefamily6458]

The comment about having breath so sweet that one's mother must have feasted on roses during her pregnancy was downright swoon worthy! ;)

[@EllieDashwood]

Totally! Fainting required as a response.

[@tessat338]

The request for the father or guardian's permission could go the other way as well. The father could respond, "You have my permission IF you can win her affection."

[@RufusTheBaptist]

The thing about not writing to someone you’re not engaged to, is that why Caroline Bingley writes to Jane to invite her to Netherfield and not Bingley himself?

[@cathipalmer8217]

Bingley wasn't even going to be there. That's why her mother made sure she would arrive a soggy mess and hopefully get sick from it. Which worked beautifully, so yay Mom!

[@kenna163]

This is why Darcy delivered his letter to Lizzie directly

[@lorisewsstuff1607]

I'm Captain Clueless. My wife has seen women flirt with me and I had no clue anything romantic had been said. She laughed and explained it to me and I was like, "Are you sure?" I'm just not very romantic. I guess I'm more like Robert Martin in Emma. Staring sadly and telling a girl that it's raining so she should take the high road home is about as romantic as I get. If she responded with a thank you I'd be over joyed.

[@EllieDashwood]

😂😂😂 Robert Martin has a fan club of his own I’ve heard so you should be proud of your resemblance! And the high road home part is so romantic!

[@LaVaneBea]

Robert was a man of good character, and that is important!

[@lorisewsstuff1607]

@@LaVaneBea ☺️ I hope the same can be said of me. That would be the greatest compliment of all.

[@angelicasmodel]

Honestly, that's far more romantic than some of these lines.

[@procopiusaugustus6231]

Same with me. My wife says you have to hit me over the nose with a rolled up newspaper.

[@meganbarham1199]

I honestly love how upfront these lines are.

[@gingerhalo]

“Compliment with awkward metaphors” 🤣🤣 *drama* 😲 This made me happy. 😌

[@EllieDashwood]

Yay for happiness! 😃😃😃

[@tessat338]

It wasn't "like a binding contract," it WAS a binding contract. There were legal repercussions over breaking an engagement if one person did not want to break it. People could sue for damages. People entered into engagements through mutual consent and had to leave them through mutual consent.

[@belindagarza3958]

For men it was legally binding. There was money that had to be paid. For women it was socially binding. She would be trashed publically for breaking an engagement. And she may never get another proposal.

[@sarasamaletdin4574]

Jane Austen broke an engagement, and I don’t believe she was socially trashed. She didn’t get another proposal but since she had I drowry and she was 27 it wasn’t that surprising.

[@kiarona.]

@@sarasamaletdin4574 I suppose it would depend on the kind of people that they surrounded themselves with. Some people I have no doubt would trash a woman for breaking a proposal and shit-talk her around town. Not everyone would do that of course

[@MsAngelique]

I'm surprised with how direct the refusal suggestions were.

[@hannahjohnson4582]

How fitting that right as I am watching this video, a pair of finches are flirting with each other right outside my kitchen window! 🐦🐦

[@EllieDashwood]

Aw! Cute!!!!

[@hannahjohnson4582]

@@EllieDashwood Thanks for the reply! Love your videos!

[@davidponseigo8811]

My grandfather was a true Southern gentlemen from Louisiana his grandfather was a cotton plantation owner. He taught me to always be a gentleman to women and how to charm and flirt and my friends thought it was a joke but I was genuine and and I must say it worked and even after a girl and I split up they never had negative things to say. I never understood guys who treat women like crap and expect them to stay with them. I wish more women were like you Emily.

[@riam3906]

Where has this type of quality content been all my life

[@belindagarza3958]

I loved this. I kept trying to figure how we would say each one in modern English.

[@aabidahsiebritz3839]

This was very helpful, I mean like I really needed to know this. Also how dare a young rake hit on me while being engaged to Ms. johnson lol

[@EllieDashwood]

Right?! These books hold the real life lessons we need to know in life. 😂

[@ruriclarkson]

"It has been most instructive. " as Lizzie says in P&P 05. haha! I love your videos❤

[@werebuffalo]

I just realized that your TV stand isn't a resting cat's tail, and now I'm sad. I'd been hoping it would twitch. Your video is still awesome though! Extra awesome when I noticed the kitty on the cat tree!

[@Red-in-Green]

I’m binging your videos because I’m trying to write a fantasy novel set vaguely in this time period in which one of the characters is extremely competent socially. Writing a conversation between someone who is very good at social customs and someone who’s generally very bad at them, but of a MUCH higher ranks is really hard for me, since I don’t know how to flirt in the modern day!

[@elisa4620]

Hello. :) Is it a standalone or a series? I have a similar project and Enlish is not my first language XD

[@Xxxjoannetje96]

In Pride and prejudice mr Darcy gives Elisabeth a letter explaining his side of the story. So this would not actually have been allowed right? Since this is would not be premitted? However, in the book nothing is said about that. However, it does explain why Elisabeth does not write back to him.

[@EllieDashwood]

This is a good point! I think that's because it was a one time, exceptional incident where his motives and intent were very clear and understandable. Versus him trying to start a secret correspondence as a lover.

[@andrealaurenzano4893]

Also he delivers the letter in secret while they were alone. So there was low risk of it being discovered.

[@FranciscanGypsy]

The last part about the things to say when fortunes change really shines a new light for me on the behavior of Lucy in Sense And Sensibility. I still find her to be disingenuous and petty, but I see now that to take Edmund up on his offer to release her might not have been something that she felt she could do based on the etiquette of the time. Her then running away and marrying Edmund’s brother in secret is still the worst, but your video at least helps me understand, in part, some of her actions. Thanks for another interesting video. I always look forward to your posts!

[@akgwriting9481]

Spoiler!

[@FranciscanGypsy]

@@akgwriting9481 sorry; guess I assumed that everyone watching this channel has read all of Austen. Oops! I don’t have anyone at home who has read (or wants to read) Austen and so I always get excited to discuss Austen online.

[@akgwriting9481]

@@FranciscanGypsy that's fine. I've read Pride and Prejudice, Emma and Persuasion so if you want we can talk about those?

[@cathipalmer8217]

LOL At least it's not to much of a spoiler to say that Edmund doesn't marry Lucy. What kind of terrible romance would that be?

[@FranciscanGypsy]

@@akgwriting9481 haven’t been ignoring you. Just exhausted. I’m chronically ill and don’t have a lot of energy. I will try to give spoiler warnings in the future. I just didn’t think. I should have.

[@cemace90]

I feel this would be an amazing stand up routine.

[@Ambina2]

Time to memorize all these instead of doing my homework.

[@MaySwenon]

As a young man, my husband was slightly pretentious in his eccentricities (he could probably say the same about me, if asked), and we both did pretty well when it came to “wooing in festival terms.” This episode would have served poor little Catherine Morland well in her encounters with John Thorpe.

[@faithful2thecall]

As a guy with an older soul I have on occasion commented somewhat in jest that I would be more at home in the time of Jane Austen than our present age. However my flirting style would probably be closer to that of Mr. Darcy than Mr. Wickham or Mr. Willoughby.

[@vineethg6259]

Was an ad hoc fainting fit considered a valid response too? Or was that reserved for other occasions?

[@EllieDashwood]

😂 That is brilliant question. I think that all depends on whether your sensibility gets overwhelmed at the particular moment. You must let your refined emotions guide you in the ways of fainting. 😂

[@archervine8064]

@Vineeth G only if there was something soft to faint onto. 😜

[@vineethg6259]

@@EllieDashwood I thought a well-timed fainting at that crucial moment would give the Lady some breathing space to consider the appropriate response she needs to give her admirer if the proposal was a bit unexpected. Unless the said admirer were to be a Mr. Collins who would be inclined to consider that act of fainting as the affirmative reply in the usual manner of _elegant females,_ that is. 😀

[@EllieDashwood]

😂😂😂 He so would!!!

[@LaVaneBea]

@@vineethg6259 girl! Mr. C would so assume a fainting to mean a "yes, take me!"

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

I am so pleased I have found your channel.

[@EllieDashwood]

Yay! I'm so glad you found it too! Welcome. 😃😃😃

[@courtneybermack]

Can the father break the engagement if the guy suddenly loses his fortune? He's the one who negotiated the contract for how his daughter would be taken care of...

[@EtzEchad]

Have you ever done a video on Sense & Sensibility? I looked through your video list and couldn't find one. With a name like Ellie Dashwood, I would expect you to have a great interest in S&S.

[@shoshanaudelson4481]

Like the cat on the bookshelf 🎉

[@marylist9732]

Young ladies could use their fans to flirt, there was a whole language of the fan. They could also flirt by the positioning of beauty patches.

[@EllieDashwood]

That’s super interesting!

[@ElizabethJones-pv3sj]

There's very little evidence this was ever used except as fan marketing material. Sure there were plenty of young women reading magazine articles about how to flirt with a fan or a handkerchief or a glove but were the men reading them? I doubt it was a topic coming up in men's magazines and they weren't reading the ladies magazines.

[@marylist9732]

There were smoith operators even back then, and they knew what was being signaled with a fan placed against a lady's lips, or a beauty patch at the corner if her muoth

[@LaBonnieBelle]

@@ElizabethJones-pv3sj That is a VERY good point hahaha

[@LRB9498]

Wasn't there also a lot of symbolism and meaning in the types of flowers a man would send to a woman?

[@bhavikachuttar3932]

I just finished watching Bridgerton and was trying to know more about the Victorian Culture and I found you! Ngl, I'm hooked! Keep doing the wonderful work that you do Ellie! :)

[@ivylasangrienta6093]

Bridgerton is set in the regency period, not the victorian, and this video talks about the Georgian period. All three very different eras.

[@EllieDashwood]

Yay! Welcome to the channel! Thank you so much.

[@h0rriphic]

No man on earth is better than a solid nap.

[@jxlol1]

This channel is perfect for me! Love classic literature and history!

[@yashtandon8464]

I am very glad on having found your channel!! Can't find much content, so precise and concise about history and classics nowadays!! :)

[@standinthegsp6858]

Do you have videos on the “language” of fans, flowers etc... there’s also a language of stamps--the placement & positioning of stamps used to mean something--of course now that we all have to put the stamp in the same place, this is passé ☺️. I’ve been told there was a language of paranoia too but I’m not sure on that.

[@l.jagilamplighterwright9211]

So charming! So delightful.

[@screamingnspace]

What about when Mr. Darcy writes to Elizabeth? Was that a no no or was it okay because she didn’t write back?

[@sarasolomon4812]

Oooh! Good point!

[@roadrunnercrazy]

This was so funny! A very entertaining video. I'll just add that I am very glad that I did not live then. I don't think I could have stomached it.

[@EllieDashwood]

Yay! I'm glad it was entertaining. I think if I lived then I would have died of laughter all the time. 😂

[@jodytaylor434]

Can you please make a video also on Riding horses in Georgian Era and Victorian Era England and America?

[@EllieDashwood]

I’m writing this idea down!

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

Side saddle always❤️❤️

[@katmandudawn8417]

Well, I guess I’d have been an unmarried blue stocking. Most of the flirting lines I find vomit worthy. But I imagine I’d have been a tart tongues country lass in all probability. “ Where are you going my pretty maid?” “ I’m going a milking, Sir “, she said. Who is your father, my pretty maid? “ My father’s a farmer, Sir.” She said. “Then I can not marry you, my pretty maid.” “ Nobody asked you to! Sir. She said. “

[@cmm5542]

I think I could do it. I couldn't say those kinds of things TODAY of course, because I'd just get weird looks! But if I had time to learn in a society where it was expected . . . I don't think I'd be QUITE so flowery though, but I could express the same sentiments my own way, I suppose. Of course, most of these lines come from books or letters where the writer had TIME to figure out the perfect turn of phrase: I'm sure that when people were actually talking it was still polite and conventional, but a bit more natural perhaps? Or maybe this WAS natural if you were raised then.

[@ivylasangrienta6093]

I know single ladies would/could correspond with their brothers, but are other male relatives acceptable? I mean, in P&P Elizabeth always writes to mrs. Gardiner and not her actual uncle. Why is that? And could they write to male cousins? Or maybe they couldn't since they could potentially marry them, lol.

[@lauravalancy2521]

Elizabeth writes to her dad while she’s visiting Charlotte 😜

[@FranciscanGypsy]

I wonder Elizabeth’s writing to her aunt and not her uncle has more to do with 1) a close personal bond with her aunt and 2) the fact the women were in general considered to be better letter writers (concerning personal matters)? I seem to remember Catherine Moreland and Henry Tilney having a conversation to that effect, with Tilney pointing out that women’s propensity to write detailed diaries made them better letter writers. So maybe more people than Tilney held that point of view during the Regency era? I got the feeling that men were simply “too busy” to be bothered writing much outside of business correspondences... that they left letters between friends and family to be done by the womenfolk, just as the morning visits were.

[@Rubys_Rouge]

So they are each other servents?

[@cmm5542]

That's actually basic courtesy in a Christian based society like nineteenth century Europe - ALL Christians, not just prospective husbands and wives, are expected to 'serve' one another; it's in 1st Peter, if you're interested 😅. But what this 'service' means is simply putting other people first, being considerate, which most people would agree is essential for good relationships regardless. Think of 'service' industries nowadays: 'the customer is always right' and so on. I've worked as both a cashier and a waitress: serving people can be fun! It doesn't make you 'inferior' to them and you still have every right to their respect; it's just the word isn't in popular use nowadays what with the vanishing of the actual servant class 50 or so years ago.

[@chantalehoule9002]

Euh!... You're a pretty good flirt you know? You flirt with your audience every time you put together these videos. I mean your entire video is a flirt! " Are you a refined lady looking to upgrade your flirting skills? Then this video is for you!" is a great pick up line! Flirt!:)

[@EllieDashwood]

😂😂😂 I never thought of it that way!

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

Miss Dashwood, is for the foremost, resembles her nameand shows many qualities that are sadly not seen today. Yep! Agree!! ❤️❤️

[@ammaleslie509]

The jump cuts are jarring and the opposite of flirtatious. I enjoy the videos but the jump cuts take the human feeling out of them.

[@lisawall9068]

That’s an expansive cat tree!🐈‍⬛🐈

[@kasialeparska2480]

LOL! 😂 I loved it! 💞💐💞

[@claraharmonson2181]

PleAse tell me that there will be a part 2!!

[@KeeliaSilvis]

This video wants me to reread Evelina!

[@virgoyogini5377]

Lovely 🌸

[@mayamellissa]

Hey, Ellie? I got another question for you: If a man had obtained permission to marry a woman in the regency times, did she normally go and stay with his family as a visitor prior to the marriage? Like I'm trying to figure out if Fanny ever stayed at Norland before she and John Dashwood wed but I'm not finding any answers. I know post weddings that a couple went on I think they're called bridal visits but did the Regency couple have a meet the family stay?

[@Hugin-N-Munin]

Probably not in the way you are describing If she did meet the family before the wedding, it was probably in a slightly different context. As a guest of the family (rather than his guest), or the family met her on slightly neutral ground (various social occasions could suffice). But I don't think she'd typically be visiting his family between proposal and marriage. Those two events could be fairly close together (~3 weeks, just enough time for the banns to be read). It is entirely plausible they'd have already met (or some relative had met her, and disseminated the gossip)

[@lauravalancy2521]

In Jane Eyre, Rochester invites Blanche Ingraham AND her mother to Thornfield when he’s courting her. Then he spreads a rumor that he’s not as rich as they thought and they dismiss him. 😜

[@edclark6543]

More guys should see this!

[@audreybourgeois4626]

What she said about rejecting a proposal sounded almost point for point like Jo March's rejection of Laurie...hmm

[@MalcolmTurner-k2k]

And, subliminal, Fragonard's painting, 'Lady on a Swing'. Flirting doesn't always need words (why doesn't often appears in an unthinking moment as doe snot, evil languagel).

[@sofiaroura9652]

People in the past: "Your smile warms my heart with the strenght of a thousand stars. Farewell my dear, for even though our present may be hard, our love will endure eternally" People now: "ok ily bye!"

[@fatalrob0t]

How are those awkward? To me, even if you think they're trite, if it's with sincerity then, yes, a prison could well become a palace with the object of your love. And without it you would be bereft of that gleaming aspect that such a cruel thing bearable.

[@daarianaharis]

The obedience stuff makes me positively shiver in disgust ...

[@sarasamaletdin4574]

Did it watch the video for guys? It had the same stuff about being a servant.

[@pat4005]

The terms are not used exactly the same way they are interpreted now. You are just being too woke about it, and misunderstanding the time period's terminology.

[@mariaefstratiou7427]

It was the same on the other video! Guys said they were your loyal servants and ladies said they were in your command

[@jenniferschmitzer299]

May I be of service to yourself? It’s just a game, it’s a word game.

[@cmm5542]

@@mariaefstratiou7427 Yeah, everybody back then signed letters 'I remain your obedient servant.' And there's a lot more examples of men vowing obedience and eternal servitude to their ladies than the other way around!

[@the.empress.missjena]

The rejections gave me flashbacks to virtue lessons at church in my teen years.

[@megalagrion]

If they couldn't write letters to one another before engagement, why does Darcy write the letter to Elizabeth?

[@EllieDashwood]

He felt like he an important reason of business (answering all her charges against him). But he was not trying to start a secret correspondence. He had no expectation of her writing back to him, nor does she.

[@orionspero560]

One thing I don't seem to solidly understands . Where can a lady in making the 1st move fall the scandalous scale? For a peers daughter were to propose to a gentleman at her mother's ball and been excepted how big a deal would it be that she did the proposesing?

[@EmeraldsFire]

13:28 sounds like he's calling her a goat 🐐😄

[@maggiesatterfield2402]

Now I understand why the Lord chose for me to be born in this day and age. I would never be able to be a "lady" in the old days. Some fool tries some of the that crap on me and he would either be carried out or walking with assistance. Not happening...ever...I would become a nun first. Yes, I was married for over 35 years to a dear man. (I have been a widow for the past 9 years - due to cancer).

[@paolapugh5387]

I like the part when she sais..talk to my father!

[@ccburro1]

I guess Regency Era males and females did not build a friendship (get to know if they even like the other person?) before offering these lines of romance/love….what percentage are sincere?

[@cmm5542]

With the standards for polite conversation even among close friends and relations back then, this kind of talk WAS a way of developing friendship and getting to know the other person! It wasn't excessively romantic actually, because everybody did it.

[@MagickalTara]

All sorts of creepy guys will hit on you. So... Nothing's changed then?

[@gwillis01]

hello dear friends

[@EllieDashwood]

Hello 😊

[@angelcollina]

Could I flirt well in the 1700’s?? Hell no! I can’t flirt now! *cries in single*

[@theguest4516]

I rarely ever realize someone is hitting on me!!! I'm a real dumb🍑 but, I'm picky and not attracted to the vast majority of them. I did the dumbest thing once and regret it to this day. I met a very hot man who also seemed super nice and let him go and he was into me!!! How often does that happen. I blame my brain injury!!! Woman were just stating at him!!! I really mean he was hot 🔥🔥🔥 Damn!!!! Take care and have fun!!! 💃🕺💃 😷😎😷

[@theguest4516]

P.S: A man recently looked at me and his his mouth just dropped!!! What a compliment!!! 👍😁👍

[@misseli1]

Make sure he thinks he's the king of his castle of romance 😂

[@primodernious]

i was taught real manners from my grandfather that knew how to treat a lady and be a gentleman. when i grew up i believed that my family was dysfunctional and that most people in the general population was like my grandfather but i was wrong. the way my grandfather was to me was how humans used to be to each other but now in the modern era. now days people are more similar to cavemen and big foot.

[@ABeautfulMess]

Hope these work on these lines work in plenty of fish because go away doesn't Bahahaha

[@brandonaldaymachuse6669]

I honestly think i could do well as a georgian vixen 😆 im naturally always putting myself down and submitting 😂😂😂😅

[@FairnessFobe]

No I couldn't do it. Not as the person I am today. I'm glad those days are gone!.

[@maryannangros7538]

Gag

[@bookgirl2]

By the time you say all that, your virtue has gone. That's what the face slap is for. Also, why isn't loss of all his money grounds to cancel the marriage? If she lost her dowry, wouldn't he break up with her?

[@army4chair345]

lol

[@noxfox4758]

I would be single forever in this time period lol. They are so blunt but cringe

[@caseylochridge]

What if he loses all his money the day before the wedding, but you are a gold-digger?

[@dougearnest7590]

Karma.

[@jameshetu6885]

Young women can learn from this stuff these days.

[@carolinelynch2823]

I'd speak anyhow I'd like. Not say some of these stupid women lines from the 1700s