Enneagram Types Getting Offended

[@AbbeyHowe]

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[@CareFreeCommuting]

It was spot on for every type...really good formula, to show two active types in each situation. 👏

[@bendadestroyer]

As a 9w1 I can tell you there are stages. 1. Keep the peace. This is what you describe. 2. Multiple negative interactions can lead to passive aggressive comments. This is a cry for validation. 3. The stress builds until seemingly out of nowhere we erupt in white hot rage... for 3 seconds and then return to "normal".

[@001Elvenwarrior]

I'm a 9 and when I get offended, I tend to swallow back whatever I *want* to say in the moment and try to "justify" where the other person is coming from. Not that I agree with them, but I do a LOT of mental work on trying to figure out why the other person would say what they did and where they're coming from. It's exhausting. No wonder I try to avoid conflict!!! *Almost* anything for harmony. (What happens if I say I'm offended, would I lose my friend? Would they think less of me? Ahhhh!) XD The joys of being a 9. (Although when my 8wing is activated, watch out. XD)

[@tongatapu6938]

Yes exactly when my 8w is activated it's game over lol

[@emnic1627]

Same!!

[@messyconnor583]

Haha it's painful how accurate this is.😂

[@justin9054-j8e]

Yup

[@feddedevries8890]

Totally. ouch. Spot on!

[@anjubatus]

i'm a 4w5; my emotions are intense but my logical objective side is trying to question them constantly and i get stuck asking myself who is really at fault in the situation; me, or them, both, or no one. who should i be angry at? where can i direct my anger? i vent to people, then i backtrack saying it's not actually that big of a deal while thinking of myself as irrational. self-awareness is high with me i believe but it's constantly battling with the intensity of my emotions.

[@marin3351]

Exactly! It's so confusing to even identify if I'm a 4w5 or a 5w4. Sometimes I'm completely detached and other times completely emotional. I don't know if other people are like this, but I don't even understand myself.

[@akpenguin1859]

@@marin3351 from what you said sounds like you’re a 4w5. Moody and misunderstood 😆

[@KKTanaa]

Exactly... I will be reactive first and then begin to question if my reaction was the correct approach

[@harsharnkaur2075]

Yes. As an INFP/ 4w5 this is very true for me too

[@savannahvest9053]

As a 4- yes! I get so mad if people aren’t upset when I’m upset 😂

[@oderflacarls4503]

I don't. But i'm a sp/sx 4. I also can have a calm deminor when people are yelling at me, the more mad people get at me, the more entertaining they get

[@messinalyle4030]

I'm a sp sx 4, too, and I get upset if people don't give me uptake for my emotions. A lot of the time I tend to stuff it down, though. Probably partly because of my subtype and partly because I'm a 459. Got that part of me that wants to logic things away, plus the conflict-phobic part of me.

[@pjmackall]

I’m ok if they don’t get mad, but if they ignore or dismiss me like the person did in that skit- I hate that! Acknowledge 4s, dammit. Lol -Sx4 😂

[@lunablue1002]

Oh my god me toooo - I’m only just realizing it over the plentiful opportunities I’ve had to be upset over the last two years. I have to take a deep breath and remind myself that there’s nothing wrong with others choosing to turn away or even *gasp* not care about what seems so obviously upsetting and important to me 🤦🏼‍♀️

[@test-kf2zv]

I felt very called out by the 9. LOL. That said, we can also be incredibly passive aggressive. Take "this is what the cookbook says." If I said that, it could be earnest, but it could also be me telling you to back off without saying it in so many words. I have a strong 1 wing, so I also felt the hat one.

[@LizzMo]

As a 6, I do get increasingly suspicious of someone when I'm offended.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for sharing, Lizz!

[@nereacalamardoalbert1103]

Same for me 🤣 im a 6 w5

[@AMoniqueOcampo]

Happy 2021! Type 4 Self-pres: When I hurt, I feel it, but due to ppl in my life constantly telling me that I'm being dramatic, I just listen to how I feel with appropriate music or vent to a friend.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Happy 2021! Venting to a friend (who loves you and listens with kindness) is a great way to deal with hurt. And, in perfect 4 fashion, the appropriate "I am hurt" playlist is ideal.

[@scilines]

Love the Shakespearean insults. 😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

THANK YOU 😭

[@mwatson4970]

5w4 and that logic-izing things down (and comfort traditions) is accurate, except it's usually preceeded by an instantly cold tone- still polite, still asking questing/seeking info- but clearly NOT ok with that person. Then later, if suppressed 5 feelings boil up too much, may vent dramatically to ONE friend like a 4 and expect them to agree.

[@rmtb7]

I completely agree! (5w4 here)

[@TheWhiskeyBlue]

Oh yeah that is me too! Or if I boil over when no-one else is there, lord help the inanimate objects in my house 😛

[@emmagrove]

Most 2’s I know wouldn’t react that way actually. Normally it’s more of a “I’m sorry I can fix that” but they’re super salty about it.

[@loresmith4470]

Yeah that's definitely closer to how I react. I will immediately start doing whatever I can to correct whatever is upset or wrong, especially when it's because of something I did. I feel very bad about letting something be too messy or not what someone needs or wants, and knowing that someone is upset makes me feel nervous about losing them and/or guilty. *But* I do get really sour about it. Sometimes I get sort of passive-aggressive or aggressive without even realizing it... and if someone calls me out on that I will normally deny it as a way to deflect away from admitting my negative emotions to myself. (It's definitely something I'm working on right now.)

[@duckduck1342]

The other day someone offended me and I immediately repressed my emotions. Because the logical thing to do was ignore it. When that moment passed I found myself needing to rant about it and find justification for my emotions. I seem to go to one extreme of full blown logic to the other of full blown emotions. Great video!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks Leighla! And thanks for sharing your unique perspective when someone offends you.

[@BanjoPixelSnack]

As a One, hearing my husband suspiciously say “what’s that supposed to mean?” When we’re arguing, really winds me up because I’m a One - I say *exactly* what I mean ! There is no “suppose” about it. Lol

[@sarahmountstudios3188]

As 4w5 I find myself swinging from dramatic 4’s emotional over-reaction to a completely opposite 5 logical stoic reponse and I even confuse myself 🤪, it feels like there’s two people arguing over how I should react in my head😜 not to mention there’s always a 9 in me empathizing with the other person

[@amused6076]

I'm a 4, I love these videos because even know I don't think I'd ever act that way, its definitely a mood.

[@AbbeyHowe]

it's a mewd. 😂 glad you love them!!

[@fernandadealencar1158]

YEEEEESSSSS

[@roberta9643]

I am a type 8w7 and the the description of how we react was accurate, but the sketch was a bit off in the sense that we would be much more agressive than quoting shakespear. Yes, we would maybe use complex vocabulary to try to outsmart our opposer but we would get more phisically mad, usually getting up, use a lot of hand gesture and be more agressive and straight to the point than that. Btw a LOVE your videos and learning about the enneagram has actually helped me a lot in my personal life. I realized that I get very angry and worked up about stuff and that other people may feel hurt by heat of the moment explosion, so I now ALWAYS take time to calm down and find a way to resolve conflict in more soft and gentle ways and I can tell that it’s a lot better this way. Is you are an 8 as well, go into your room and kick your walls to help calm down and than go and resolve your issues with a cool head, your friends will much appreciate it

[@AbbeyHowe]

I actually agree with you. When I was writing it, it felt perfect. But acting it came out softer and sillier than I thought. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I think I secretly just really wanted to do some Shakespeare. But I appreciate your kind words and feedback!!

[@sarahbarger4895]

I have an 8 friend who always uses Shakespearean language when squashing down others arguments online. I thought this was perfect. If you wanna argue with her you better have your Thesaurus out!

[@joeingram2262]

Nice to hear an 8 that isn’t totally blind to self

[@crustycrabburgers8608]

how does the whole enneagram wing work? i have my type but what's the second number for

[@chrispinter7368]

I don't know....She is a type 3 after all. Us 8 wold put more "passion " into it.....with some colorful words.

[@shawna2154]

As a 9, I always think “Well, I’m mad now, but maybe if I give myself some time, I’ll get over it. In the meantime, I don’t want to say anything out of anger that I can never take back.” So, like - hoping that the storm will just blow over without me doing anything - and sometimes it really is the best thing to do - dont talk until I get my temper under control. Trouble is, by the time I get my temper under control, I’ve lost the motivation to have the hard conversation that needs to happen.

[@oscarl.3563]

_"One third of adults still sleep with a comfort object."_ Hahaha. That just got to me. Would any 5 confirm they do this?

[@crypticcorvid]

I still sleep with plushies. 10/10 experience.

[@AbbeyHowe]

uh.... same .... hahaha

[@Senu461]

Yes, my 🧸

[@ibelieveinyou1696]

Yes!!

[@mwatson4970]

Same. 5w4, though it's just ON my bed... until I am sick!

[@AriesWarrior69]

As a type 8 I almost want to step in for 9 to whoever said that their cooking is gross and tell them to cook it their damn self! Shove the cook book in their hands. I don't like seeing people's efforts thwarted when they're trying really hard. This 8w7 turns off the stove and takes 9 out to dinner of their choosing. A chill restaurant. While whatever enneagram is back at home with a cold stove top, a confused face, and a cookbook in their hands. 😂

[@KS-cz9qc]

Other possible 9 reactions: Optimistic spin: “Yep, broccoli does smell pretty weird sometimes, but this is a 5-star recipe and you can’t judge it until you see how good it tastes!” Passive-aggressive: “I think I’ll deliberately make this soup again next week and stink up the place before her friends come over. That’ll teach her a lesson.” -or- “That’s it. She’s never invited to my house again and I will shun her for the rest of my days.” (Not exactly healthy, but I’d say these might be accurate responses.) 🤭😋

[@AbbeyHowe]

hahaha these are perfect!!!

[@dominiquecowens2826]

You nailed 3, of course, LOL! As a fellow 3 I am so guilty of suppressing my emotions and becoming passive aggressive. I also throw out punchy one-liners for maximum impact LOL 😆. I recently just said, "I do care about opinions, just not yours anymore." Hahaha! Btw, you nailed Type 5, my husband is a 5 and I've seen him make a smarty pants comment in order to divert attention from himself and in turn make the other person feel stupid. Good job on this sketch! 👏🏾👍🏾👍🏾

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing Dominique!!

[@bone_apple_teeth457]

Throwing the whole cookbook away is so me 😂

[@stilljt2864]

Type 4 was so sooooo accurate

[@lalaudat919]

7s dont wanna look lesser then, & we have two reactive wings on us. For the most part we reframe but in stress usually i react & im very very vocal (7w8) .

[@cherisebeekman]

Type 1 here! “Moral perfectionist” is SPOT ON. But it’s interesting that you say we approach things logically… I find myself with 1000 very logical, rule-based reasons to be extremely annoyed with people who break the rules and don’t follow common sense, which leads to a very reactive outburst which I share with my poor type nine husband😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

Ones are also called "the improvers" so that makes sense! Thanks for sharing!

[@michaelluzecky4026]

1s also STRESS to 4s, or carry on unhealthy habits of a 4 under stress. Haha!

[@fadhilmauls811]

Why is this so true, as a type 4, this is completely accurate 😭😭😭

[@AbbeyHowe]

😭😭💛

[@fernandadealencar1158]

As a 4, I really admire the enneagram 1, cause I can relate to them when it comes do self criticism and perfectionism, and the way they react to difficulties is the way I would like to naturally respond. In general I am very emotional, mostly when I am not healthy, but when well I believe I can put my feet on the ground and respond in a more logical and mature way. However, in general, I am totally the girl who says that somebody is not being fair and nobody understands my feelings. Many things to be learned.

[@ramsankar.p2256]

Well thought out, well presented video. I especially like the structure of the video(sample acts(1-9)>intro of self and topic>explanation1>detailed acts1)

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you Ram!!

[@katiemorris7427]

As a 7w6, I was cracking up! I do try so hard to stay optimistic & positive in situations with people I know and am comfortable with. But when it comes to being offended by a stranger, I just get quiet & let it bother me more than I should.

[@joeingram2262]

I guess I do stay optimistic- but you really don’t want to be a repeat offender to this 7...

[@thirstwithoutborders995]

You rock! That's all I came to say.

[@Meg_intheclouds]

Omg same! I always turn things to positives, especially when people criticise me. When I have legitimately done something wrong I admit that and apologise as soon as I realise though

[@caitiesweet6851]

Yes and no. As a 7 (balanced wing), I'm also in the "aggressive stance" triad with 8s and 3s for having our needs met. I'm a glass half full person when it comes to life circumstances, however when people say offensive things to me or become a hurdle to a goal/aspiration of mine - I'm not fun to be around as we will feel like we have to work against people to get what we want. My mom and brother are 7s too, and interpersonal conflicts aren't all sunshine and roses for us....

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing!! Can you give an example circumstance of how you might react as a 7?

[@caitiesweet6851]

@@AbbeyHowe tough, but great question! I read that we're a bit on the rebellious side, so for me that shows in different ways depending on my relationship with the other person. Husband or sibling? I'll probably be confrontational and throw it back in their face, sometimes playfully, sometimes not. Friend? Probably a bit defensive but in a joking way. In the workplace? Will either try to explain my viewpoint, laugh it off, or just ignore them (but will probably silently resent them...). Stranger? Say nothing, be silently annoyed. I've always envied 8s for being able to defend themselves so easily. I fully acknowledge these are not particularly healthy reactions, I'm working on it 🙈🙈

[@joeingram2262]

A rebellious 7? Guilty as charged.

[@Lin-rs9pw]

7s can be really histrionic, and act in a 'reactive' manner if someone limits their freedom or, essentially, if they don't get their will. as a kid I would always make a big show of my emotions if I didn't get my will.

[@tigerkitten8352]

As a 4, I am again attacked! Yeah, definitely emotional reactions. It has taken time to take a step back and try to be more logical and trying to be more optimistic, which is useful when my hubby (a 4) and I get into an argument or heated discussion. I am pretty close to a 5 it seems, but fall entirely into 4, so some of 5 stuffs rings a little true at times.

[@AbbeyHowe]

My husband is a 4 too!

[@_aprilshowers7]

I’m a reactive 9 because of my very palpable 8 wing. 🙈

[@AbbeyHowe]

🙈💜

[@aetherealarqusol1837]

As a 7w8 I am just dying out of laughter after I screw up every time about safety and say "At least I didn't die"

[@AbbeyHowe]

that makes a lot of sense Aethereal!

[@crochetcatlady]

As a 4, I definitely react emotionally to situations, but process all of my rants and roller coaster emotions internally, and most people don't know generally when I'm upset about something.

[@marishaten7399]

Great video! My personal reaction when someone offends me? Nothing would come to my mind at the time, and then, over the course of the next 5-10 years, I'd come up with 1000 different things I could have said to that person.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Absolutely!

[@NatalieBrownMusic]

Haaahaaaa same. I am a 2w3

[@emnic1627]

Love the slightly passy agressy over compliance from the 9 😂 i do that!

[@AbbeyHowe]

🤣

[@CastIronBabe]

Learning and laughing at the same time!! Thank you.

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you enjoyed it!

[@mariebednarova8888]

As a Four, I went into watching thinking, hey, I don't get that dramatic in a conflict, but after watching it, yes, that's exactly what I do :D

[@heatherbryant4197]

As a 5, I find myself more often offended when people lie to me, whereas many others seem offended by truths that are harshly delivered or hard to accept. The idea of being offended by the truth seems totally ass-backwards to me. But many people use denial as a defense mechanism, whereas the 5, I believe, is more likely to intellectualize as defense mechanism. There's a reason why tone-policing is considered logically fallacious; a person's tone is largely irrelevant to the substance of an argument and has nothing to do with whether what they say is true (unless sarcastic or something that directly dictates meaning). Besides, people can smile and speak to you in a nice tone while backstabbing you or lying to your face, so it's potentially misleading information. I'd much rather hear someone tell me the truth in a blunt, brutal, or unpolished way than have them lie or omit the complete truth to "protect my feelings" or "keep the peace." So I constantly find myself in these conflicts where I offend people by speaking truth, and I get offended when they lie to me. It's insulting to my intelligence and powers of perception when people think they can pull one over on me. If it's someone I'm not particularly close to, I'll often say nothing and just make a mental note to self about this person's credibility. Or I'll let it build up and give them just enough rope to hang themselves with. If it's someone I'm close to and care about, I've been known to get 8ish and demand that they come to terms with reality, grow up, admit they were wrong or that they lied, which sometimes requires hours of explanation to get them to recognize their contradictions and inconsistencies, and sometimes months to get them to see I don't punish honesty and finally admit it. Btw, the 4 was pretty accurate! "They're emotionally reactive to situations and expect others to react that way as well" > This is exactly the problem I've always had with 4s; I can't summon or fake the emotional reaction they're clearly expecting and act outraged and offended on their behalf. Then they assume I don't care because, despite giving them my full attention and understanding, I don't react in the way they feel is warranted. The 2s I've known often do this thing where they say, "Let's not talk about that right now. I want to have a happy day!" Those might be 2w3s though.

[@marienguessan8520]

Lol, I'm a 4 but you talked about the truth a lot, do you mean everyone should match the 5 perception of the truth or are you too (me as well) part of the problem with biased preconceptions? Is there something that creates cognitive dissonance in you that you think the other is wrong or just emotional and should not be, or you are the sole guardian of truth? I just want to know but realize that mercy is what I need myself to better see and interact with others. But I liked how well expressed your thoughts were and how 5s can rationalize their points.

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

I love this -- this was such a Five answer. ^_^

[@mwatson4970]

You are my spirit animal! I literally just had a lady in line behind me object (INTERject) to my tone, saying it was sort of rude. I walked her back and laid out this is what I said ("if X, I'd like to buy this. If not, I'll just buy other stuff"), but what the cashier did was exactly opposite what I said. I then corrected them by just saying, again, I didn't want the item. The tone police are real!

[@heatherbryant4197]

@@mwatson4970 Lol Thanks :) I often find that people attribute emotional subtext to my words where there is none (especially through text, but even in person if you have a calm, stoic, or matter-of-fact demeanor/delivery), and this is often the source of conflict. Of course, to be fair, I do believe some statements can be "rude," in a general sense, regardless of tone, simply by virtue of word-choice and objective (not subjective or associative) meaning. But the kind of statement you used as an example is not inherently rude. It sounds like the woman was assuming the cashier had some kind of vested emotional interest in whether you bought a particular product lol... and I doubt they work on commission. Actually, now that I think about it, what she did could be easily seen as rude -- causing a scene in public by tone policing a stranger and possibly insulting the cashier, as if they couldn't handle it themselves and needed her to intervene on their behalf. But the other problem there is likely another that I've been astounded by the frequency of: failure to understand basic conditional logic. Even if you lay it out like, "If and only if P, then Q," people will still go, "Okay, Q it is then!" without any understanding of P as a prerequisite, or regard for whether the premise is true. Or worse, you say "If this, then this," and people gasp, "Is that a threat?!" while clutching their pearls. "No, it's a syllogism." 😆

[@heatherbryant4197]

@@marienguessan8520 I remembered writing you a response a long time ago, but it appears either it never posted or I forgot to post it. Fortunately, though, I save almost every draft I write, so I was able to find it: Here's what I believe: No, I am not the sole guardian of truth. There are different kinds of notions one might inherently consider "truth," some more subjective, some more objective. For example, the notion of the existence of God might be considered a sacred truth to some, yet none can really prove it true. It is a deeply personal "truth" and touchy subject. Statements about feelings and preferences (e.g. "Is it true that you love me") are inherently subjective and can be difficult to qualify, nevermind quantify. They can be difficult to really "know," even if you are the subject from which they originate. They are not always directly observable. These are the kinds of "truths" I am careful not to pretend to know or make bold claims about. No one can tell you "your truth," i.e. your feelings. Something like 1+1=2 is another kind of "truth." The measurement of a physical object is a kind of fact (though we could object, "what if the ruler is misprinted?" "What if the measurer was wrong?" "What if it changes over time?" like a block of ice melting or something lol). There are truths dictated by conditional logic (e.g. "if all humans were born with legs, and some things with legs walk, is it necessarily true that all humans walk?"). Some notions of truth we piece together from what our senses tell us (what we directly experience) combined with our understanding of facts. Of course it is true that we can misinterpret sensory input and "facts" can actually be untrue, but the most correct interpretation will stand up to logical scrutiny and prevail against all rebuttals as the most plausible explanation. For example, let's say your neighbor calls the cops on you. You hear them on the phone, there is a recording from the 911 dispatcher, and the police tell you that your neighbor was the one who called. By all reasonable accounts, it would seem factually true that your neighbor called the cops. But let's say you ask them about it and they deny it and play stupid. Maybe they even blame someone else or try to say they were out of town. Would you be offended? Or let's say your husband cheats on you. Sure, there are misunderstandings and paranoid baseless accusations sometimes, but let's say in this case you catch him in the act and it's pretty obvious. At first he gives you nonsensical excuses. Then he eventually admits to it but says it's not his fault. Then he eventually accepts responsibility for his actions, but gets upset when you dare make mention of the fact of what he did, because he doesn't like to be reminded of this simple, yet embarrassing, truth. That's another kind of offense to the truth in which the question is not "whose truth" but whether you want to acknowledge it or not. What I'm talking about is taking responsibility for yourself, your thoughts, your words and your actions. That includes assumptions or preconceptions that turn out to be wrong. We all make mistakes but some of us correct our mistakes as soon as we realize them because we happen to value truth & being right _now/from now on_ more than having been "right" in the past. We, as human beings, all have biases, but some of us aim to become aware of them and work to eliminate them more than others. We are all self-aware on varying levels, and I believe, from my experience and observations over my life, that there's an enormous degree of variance across humanity on this metric. I see everyone as having different values, or sometimes the same values but we prioritize them differently. Some people prioritize their reputation and guard it with their life. Some people value being friendly, likeable and nonconfrontational. Some people value strength, stamina, beauty, power, prestige, or wealth. Some people want to appear infallible. We can argue about from whence these values stem, be it insecurity, fear (of judgement/punishment/retribution/loss/etc), negative reinforcement, positive reinforcement, life experience, social or cultural conditioning or religious beliefs, or whatever the case may be. But at the end of the day we still have different value systems. And to prioritize one value inevitably means to deprioritize another (when they conflict or when time is finite). I happen to value honesty, so I uphold my values by telling the truth (as best I can see it and explain it), even if it doesn't paint me in the best light. I tend to prioritize this over a lot of other things that are also important to me, including being kind and understanding. I've come to realize, at least in the case of my life experiences, that honesty is usually the best policy, and the only way I can live with myself anyway. I fear & loathe hypocrisy. So of course it is natural that I have tacit expectations of others to value honesty like I do. I think we all do this to some extent. It can be reflexively baffling to us why people don't prioritize the things we personally consider important. Over time, you realize people are just different and they have every right to be, so you try to surround yourself with people who share, or at least respect your values. And if people don't like that I expect honesty, they are free to leave my life. This is, I've found, actually one of the best ways to avoid cognitive dissonance; to ensure your actions and boundaries align with your values (and be honest with yourself & others about what you are actually valuing). I'm a 5w4 for whatever it's worth. And a Ti dom. I also think I have a 1-wing twice in my tritype. So perhaps that explains some of my obsession with "truth" and "rightness" lol Good questions, btw. I would expect no less from a 4 :)

[@MedievalMelanie]

I always hated that I was so reactive, as a 4. I always considered it a flaw and felt so guilty for reacting so emotionally. I wish I were more logical and optimistic!

[@EllePlowPlow]

Abbey you are hilarious!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you!!

[@mckenzieleonard4285]

It can be hard being a type 1 surrounded by many type 4s. When they get upset I’m just like ok calm down 🤣🤣

[@Terry.W]

How could anyone say anything nasty /bad to me ..I am always right and perfect.

[@AbbeyHowe]

well of course!!

[@rodrigopisco7602]

I loved the video! I've been into mbti and objective personality typing for quite some time now, but I've just recently started doing some research on enneagram in order to get a wider range of personality related ideas that can help me improve myself and my relationships with others. From the little I've read, it would only make sense for me to be 8w7, and this video was SUPER USEFUL, cause I could totally relate to what you explained and that really made me realize how my emotions move. Before learning more about personality, I'd always seen myself as a calm, peaceful person, whose emotions don't get in the way of their life, but people arround me are starting to tell me that I can come off as agressive when I'm stressed, and I feel like this totally explained that. My enneagram 5 friends tell me to just move on and ignore whatever I'm feeling attacked by, cause that's the logical approach, but I'm just so reactive, I can't control my emotions when I feel as though someone's going against something that's right or when they're in favor of something that's inherently wrong, and I always end up standing up and getting physically mad at them, not using Shakespearean insults😂, but proving my point and for no logical reason offending them, something I have to work on! This might sound like a personal rant, but I just wanted to sort of explain what goes through my mind and add that, besides funny and entertaining, this video was really helpful and it made me discover more about myself, so thank you for that!!! ;)

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks for sharing Rodrigo and I'm glad it was helpful! TBH I think the Shakespearean quotes may have missed the mark but it sure was fun to film LOL

[@ericajoy6315]

I’m obsessed with your videos. Like...... the skits are perfect. 🙌🙌🙌🙌🥰

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you like them!

[@karissahammond4587]

Me as a four: What? I'm not reactive. If I'm offended with you I just leave. You might never see me again. 🤷‍♀️ Me after watching the clip: Oh. Oops. Guess I am reactive after all. I definately talk about how offended I am with someone I trust. 🤣

[@sarahbarger4895]

6 was spot on for me....now get off my couch!😂

[@AbbeyHowe]

hehe 🛋

[@the_real_littlepinkhousefly]

I had to laugh -- I'm a Six, but the whole One thing on here was exactly me. You have to be properly prepared for unfavorable circumstances, so rather than feeling like a conflict thing, the One skit felt like me trying to get my family to BE FREAKING PREPARED. (Though that does CAUSE conflict in my household, and then I do react like a Six. -- "You don't trust that I'm looking out for you, do you? You just wish I would go away or ... or DIE because I make your life so difficult!" ;)

[@AbbeyHowe]

oh gosh what a pickle!!!

[@radiyhakhatun1041]

I definitely react logically. Type 1/5.

[@AbbeyHowe]

that makes sense!

[@ExFundieDiaries]

Type 2 here! You got my offended tone of voice perfectly haha :)

[@AbbeyHowe]

😁💛😅💛

[@nat1XP]

I've been thinking I'm an enneagram 7 for a while but responding to being offended (which is usually related to not being productive, being boring or being selfish) I have two responses. I'll use positivity to kinda back myself ( "my intentions are better than you think" ) or I'll not say anything and accept it on the outside but internally be upset. I then become even more busy and look for more happiness to try to battle those feelings lol.

[@margaretjudice8944]

I'm a 2, the 2 in this video was sweet about the dish comment. I tend to laugh at people when they make a rude remark like that. Lol funny video!

[@fml2247]

as a 6, I constantly accuse and overanalyze people’s tone and words EVERYDAY 😭😭 this made me laugh so hard

[@saradoka4539]

Oh my goodness, I'm a type 4, I was in the exact same position when my teacher didn't choose me to participate in the school choir and picked a girl who was out of tune instead. I cracked so hard when I saw this 😆😂😂, that was totally me when I got home to my parents 😝

[@tyeshaswanson3461]

9w1, and accurate. I'm afraid to tell people what I like because I've been criticized for an interest of mine. I even went to college for a year for something I didn't want but was told I should do. It took me a bit to realize it wasn't what I wanted but I am swayed easily to go with other's opinions to keep the peace!!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

I hope you are following your own path now Tyesha!!!

[@lindaweedmark6025]

The dirty dish complainer has got to be a 1! 😂 Aww, poor 4!

[@dragon_nova_luna]

im 5w4 but i related with the type one on the living by morals. humanity should do that more.

[@AbbeyHowe]

amen!

[@natrjardim]

As a 4w5, yes, I react in one of those 2 ways or both of them together. 😂😂 very accurate actually indeed.

[@natrjardim]

Yes, I am a contradiction myself ;-;

[@erinwernlein287]

Wow! I'm a 6 and that is SO accurate!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Yay! Glad it resonated, Erin!

[@PegR38]

As a 7 I do reframe things all the time. I spend a lot of time with a 5 and a 4 who seem to be kind of on the depressed side a lot. They really challenge me to find the bright side of their problems.

[@AbbeyHowe]

I'm sure you are good for them!

[@PegR38]

@@AbbeyHowe I think so. I sure try to be.

[@juls_krsslr7908]

I'm a type 6. When I'm offended, I get very quiet and standoffish, but I will watch people carefully to try to figure out what's going on with them. Are they ignorant or dangerous? If I feel safe enough, I will ask them to explain what they meant, and usually we can work it out. If I think the person will react badly, I'll just stay away from them as much as possible in the future.

[@BarberPhotography]

I'm a 9 married to a 1 and I totally agree with this. If we have conflicts, it's usually because I'm hearing about some rule and what is the right and most efficient way to do something. I found it funny that your skit on 9's had to do with be micromanaging in the kitchen because I feel like that's where a lot of my husband's rules lie. For years, I used to just nicely say why I'm doing something a particular way, all the while feeling suppressed because I want to be able to do things the way I want them, not be told I'm doing them wrong. After studying the Enneagram, I realized that I was not vocalizing that having rules about housework bothered me and my husband and I had a great conversation about it. I admitted that I've been suppressing emotions for years and trying to be easy going to keep the peace but often I'm taking on the stress of not voicing that I'm hurt by something. So my husband now tries to suppress some of his rules and I feel more at peace.

[@acu123123]

Good video; I stop my reactions until I snap, then I lose it and yell. I try really hard to just be calm and ignore barbs and snide comments, but it is hard work.

[@AbbeyHowe]

What type are you?

[@acu123123]

@@AbbeyHowe I’m pretty sure I’m a six

[@tessaisgrigg1965]

Accurate! I'm a 4, my sister is a 6, my mom is a 9, and my close friend is a 7. All of these are accurate to us! Good job!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thank you! 😊

[@sln6886]

I can confirm more than once I have said the words... At least I'm not dead! 🤣🤣🤣

[@arcadiovazquez9054]

Your description of how 9s react was spot on for me! Though I think I look more like the 7 in this video. Haha.

[@KendrixTermina]

îm here for bob the plush koala and the shakespearian insults

[@dottiesundling6034]

I'm a Type 2 w1, and the reaction I express is definitely like type 1. I want others to follow conventional rules!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for sharing Dottie!!

[@Himeko-wv7fu]

New sub you are an amazing actress 😂💖 8w7 this is amazing.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you! so sweet!

[@Kohay114]

As a type 9w8 my reaction depends on my stress level and who I am talking to. With friends and people I am not as securely attached to or don’t know, I tend to reframe and keep the peace. Unless I’m already stressed, and then my temper starts showing. With family, I go straight into reactive 8, snapping back, but eventually I try to deescalate with sarcasm and jokes… depending on how mad or hurt I am.

[@rocketsaftermidnight]

Could your dishes BE stacked up any higher😂 this has Chandler Bing vibes

[@rocketsaftermidnight]

Or maybe not, idk

[@AbbeyHowe]

YES YES YES

[@melaniehunter2742]

😂 right ? My response, sure they day as still young

[@stephenwells9224]

13lbs of ice cream a year? That’s it?

[@AbbeyHowe]

hahahahhahaha

[@etbedtalksAOH]

Please do a video on how to move to our less dominant type i.e the wing. That would be great:)

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks for the suggestion, Alen!

[@buttermycroissant2223]

I'm type 4 and this is the most accurate thing ever!!😂😂 this is me like every day! Like how tf dont others feel what I feel ?!?! It makes me even more mad omggg

[@AbbeyHowe]

😂😂

[@yippeehaha24-y1y]

This is SO helpful! Thank you!

[@AbbeyHowe]

You're so welcome!

[@FindingMyMuse]

Time and time again I’ve been typed as a 1 but in all your videos type 8 resonates more.

[@christopherdukett4158]

My parents used to call me Mr. 180 because of my optimistic yet passive aggressive compliance to conflict doing exactly the opposite of what got me in the conflict to begin with...yeah, I'm a nine and mostly I hate it

[@enneagramandcoaching]

Love this video! So good!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Thanks Hillary!

[@mickeyfreedomfighter9236]

I love your videos. I'm wondering if we would respond to conflict from our stress number sense conflict tends to cause stress except maybe us 8s because conflict is more natural to us. I go to five after the conflict to analyze it and check facts

[@heatherbryant4197]

Interesting theory! I love unique theories that can be applied systemically. However, when I think about it, I don't think it holds true for me. As a 5, I really don't see myself putting a positive spin on things when offended or during conflict. I do sometimes shut down but only externally; inside I'll still be seething (maybe that's the 4 wing and 9 in my tritype). After a conflict has passed, however, if I'm stressed out by it, I do tend to do 7ish things to decompress. That's actually the only way the stress # makes sense to me though -- as stress relief.

[@AbbeyHowe]

thanks Mickey! that sounds like a good topic for a future video!!

[@Andi-y8e]

I’m a 9w1… exactly how I act, I always try to be kind 😢 lol but I hold so much in then I cry a big river

[@EllePlowPlow]

Oh wow, that’s why people I don’t like no longer exist to me. This taught me something about myself. - Type 385

[@morningglory.213]

I’m a type 5 and I swear I sleep with a teddy lmaoooo

[@AbbeyHowe]

I love it! What's your teddy's name!

[@morningglory.213]

@@AbbeyHowe nm creative, just snowy cuz its white like snow lol

[@noemirojek7896]

I'm type 4 and I'd be happy not to be invited as it means I can just stay home and chill 😄

[@joannegonzalez2812]

I'm a 1 and you crack me up so much! Your videos bring much needed fun!

[@AbbeyHowe]

Glad you like them Jo Anne!

[@glendaw5221]

I didn’t get the 8. But the 7, my type, was spot on.

[@carolinethompson3305]

That type 9 response would be if I was in an unhealthy place. I often try to see situations from the other person's POV in an attempt to find some way past the issue. But the thing about burying anger... it comes out. For me, if I'm pushed beyond my limits, I tend to get passive-aggressive. "Fine, I'll just do everything! See if I care!" Of course I will feel ashamed about it later.

[@kathrynmiles2671]

I am 9 but a wing 8. So they’ll hear about it... just quietly and only if I trust them with my life😂

[@kassiopeia1232]

Agreed! 9 with a strong 8 wing here.

[@rajashreeagrawal4540]

I finally get "Yebba"!

[@AbbeyHowe]

hehehehehehehehe

[@HmmNamey]

I'm a 6, definitely accurate for me 😂😂😂

[@seeevilproductions6620]

I'm an 8w7 and my roommate is a 2w1. I definitely got to experience the cycle of an unhealthy 8 life all the way to exploding at my roommate. I isolated for a while, and tried my best to be what I thought was patient when I was around my roommate, but then I just went off! *sigh* I was very big and scary and made my roommate cry (I'm only 5'3" and my roommate is 5'10") ... I'm thankful for her patience and willingness to patch things up once I simmered down (deflated haha)... afterwards I just wanted to feel small and be held. My boyfriend (3w2) came and did just that. This kind of situation is not a norm for me. I tend to bring up stuff that bothers me and it usually gets handled more peacefully, but I guess there was some stuff I hadn't been saying for like over a year. My roommate and I are ok, thankfully.

[@karinaxoxo5149]

YES.I think you nailed it really well. I’m 2.Your 8 one made me laugh. My mum and sister are type 4 and when you said about how they let everyone know I was like YEP...it’s pretty interesting having 2 4’s so close to me...my sister didn’t even want to take the test cos she felt so strongly she’d be ‘just the same as mum’ . My 15 yr old brother is 6 and you nailed that one too!I don’t know personally as far as I know any 1s,3s or 5s. 7 and 9 are completely accurate too in my experience, you are so good at this!

[@AbbeyHowe]

thank you Karina!!! xoxo

[@rolifely8444]

I’m a 4 but don’t react like that although I know lots of low 4’s who react exactly like that!! My sister is a 6 and reacts really similar to that haha

[@girusaurio]

hey! enneatype 7 was shorter :( AT LEAST YOU MENTIONED US

[@joeingram2262]

Yeah! And we were last for the Christmas gift ones tooo!!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

sorry guys, no offense intended! please don't be offended hehe

[@girusaurio]

@@AbbeyHowe I'm not offended, I'm only using optimistic coping style

[@annietobin2049]

As a 9, If I’m comfortable with the person, I might make a joke about how the broccoli is gonna smell later once it’s traveled through the body. If I’m not comfortable with them, it’s a guarantee I’ll never cook for them again and maybe they never get asked back to the house.

[@Bialcure]

As an 8 I am a big fan of using sophisticated insults.

[@lain4821]

I’m a 9 with a heavy 8 wing, and both the 9 and the 8 are pretty spot on for me! 😂 Generally, if someone has said something offensive about someone or something I love, I’ll have the 8 response. If it’s about me, I’ll have a 9 response. But, sometimes, I’ll realize the other person is being unfair towards me and I become reactive. Since I usually respond to criticism of me optimistically, though, they’re always especially shocked when I become reactive instead.

[@HolisticHomemaker]

I’ve heard 6 referred to as the Loyalist and Skeptic and the 6w5 as the Guardian. Is the Guardian a term for 6 in general or 6w5? Thank you so much!!

[@AbbeyHowe]

All 3 of those are different names for the main type 6!

[@jeremeyellis16]

There are 9 members in my immediate family (in-laws included) and, this is absolutely crazy, but we represent each number on the enneagram. This video is SPOT ON and freakin' HILARIOUS!! (I'm the oldest and am a 9. My wife is a 1; mom = 2; youngest brother = 3; middle-child brother = 4 and his wife = 5; youngest brother's wife = 6; dad = 7; single middle-child sister = 8. And yes... in case you're wondering, family get-togethers are insane!)

[@lisajohnson9278]

I'm a 9, and for me, it takes some time for my brain to start trying to understand where they are coming from because unless my daughter or husband are threatened (8 wing comes out/mama bear), initially I get upset/angry and either shut down or hold back what I really want to say. Then as I calm down, that's when my brain starts seeing the other side or trying to think of reasons why they did that, even if the reason is that's just how that person is or talks and I don't want to get close to them because of that personality clash.

[@_rybug._]

I'm a four with an eight and even though I am younger, my feelings get a little out of hand. My best friend I knew for six years is an eight. We get along really well, but when she's upset about something she can only express it in anger because she's doesn't want people to think she's weak. I'm the only one she opens up to aswell. She wants to know how to feel safe. How can I help her with that?

[@roberta9643]

Hey girl. First of all, say this to her “I want you to know that whatever o say to me I will take to my grave, no one in the entire world will know whatever o tell me and, even if you are not completely right, I will be on your side”. Second of all, every time she opens up to you, say something that makes you vulnerable as well. And lastly, maybe try to make the conversation easy going, maybe even make a couple of jokes. Hope you guys are able to help each other 😘

[@AbbeyHowe]

I think that learning how to be vulnerable in front of safe and trusted friends would be really helpful for her! But, as always, I recommend speaking to a licensed therapist. They are well-trained to help people with deep-rooted issues!

[@_rybug._]

Thank you for the help! She's getting therapy right now and I just wanted to do everything in my power to make her feel safe.

[@_rybug._]

Thank you! This is great advice, and I just wanted her to feel safe and welcome with me and other people. I needed to know that I'm doing everything in my power to help her and support her. ❤️

[@macaelajoy]

This is the most I’ve ever related to type 4 in your videos