Almond Moms & Generational Dieting CAUSED Your Overeating (The Science is SHOCKING)

[@courtneysmith3487]

When I was 11. My parents sat me down and mentioned I gained weight and was getting a belly. That caused me to jump across into eating as little as possible all through my teen years. And sometimes would jump back to the other extreme of binge eating. My parents felt so bad for this and how much it effected me (and still does). They then went to the opposite side and my younger sisters became overweight and obese as teens. I know they did the best they knew how. And I’m so glad that todays generation of parents is more about “neutrality”. My daughter is 4. From the beginning we treated veggies & cookies as the same. She is the only four year old I know who asks to eat carrots as a snack. She eats nearly every fruit and veggie because it’s what we offered from the beginning and never made any other food a big deal.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Your daughter is lucky to have you!❤

[@cloudyskiees]

i dont have kids yet but i wonder what if the kid had free choice like that and was just picky and always went for the cookies etc??? then wed have to force them to eat vegetables which would make them not want them even more

[@elissa3188]

@@cloudyskiees tends not to happen I think. I restricted all added sugar and sweets for my son before the age of 2 yrs old (which I'd do again if I had a 2nd kid) and started him on whole foods from 6 months (baby led weaning) - then slowly after 2 yrs old we began to add in little bits of sweets here and there. This makes sure he has a good strong palate for healthy food before going for the sweets. I have people who literally observed my son putting down a cookie to eat strawberries on his own. At Christmas I let him have full reign to all the chocolate in his stocking (at 3 yr old) - for a bit he ate more than usual, but he spent more time opening things and taking a bite and then putting it down and forgetting it. My dad tried to make old school comments about all the chocolate until I put him in his place and showed him how if you don't say anything, he loses interest. As a parent you still need to teach them (I say this is tasty but won't fill you up- so if you're hungry you need x y or z ,but if you just want it because it is tasty that's okay) about food choices and control some, but as a whole if they are brought up with a good food mindset and diversity- I think most kids will lean toward intuitive eating naturally.

[@elissa3188]

Sounds like my son is like your daughter- that said, I don't think most parents of "this generation or 2" are actually improving things. I think it's just a handful of people who have done the work themselves who are helping their children.

[@courtneysmith3487]

@@cloudyskiees When we first introduced foods we would place a cookie and the rest of our meal (veggies, main course, etc) on the plate at the same time. Sometimes she went for the cookie first. Sometimes she ate everything else but the cookie. We always have some sort of treat or chips / snack food in the house. Sometimes she asks for a chip for snack and sometimes it's her pulling a cucumber out of the fridge herself. She is picky now overcertain things at 4 (much more than she ever was before) but we never force her to eat and this is the food we are serving that day. We always have some sort of "safe food" at the meal that we know she likes and can eat. It helps that we started this the same time we introduced foods.

[@Jabberwocky869]

My childhood involved a lot of "finish your plate" with too big for a child portion sizes and "show love through food". Which taught me to ignore my fullness cues, overeat and turn to food as comfort. All very hard habits to unlearn.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Definitely a hard thing to unlearn

[@JJSavannah]

I grew up the same way, whenever I would tell my mom I was full without finishing my plate she would poke my stomach and say "Your tummy isn't hard yet, finish your plate!" now I struggle with binge eating.

[@OOool]

100% same here

[@emilymorgan334]

Dude yes this I have a distinct memory of being out with a friend as a young child maybe 1st grade my best friends mom cheering because I actually finished my meal and her excitedly telling my mom and my mom being excited too🙃

[@sarakjeldsen769]

Yes I had a lot of friends who grew up this way, which is the opposite of healthy eating. I only knew one family where the mom was actually an almond mom.

[@marybeck514]

At 9 years old I was a bit plump & my mom took me to Weight Watchers which started my lifetime of dieting. I’m now in my late fifties. My adult daughter recently referred to me as an “Almond Mom”. I had to look that one up lol! I’m now trying to heal my relationship with food and orthorexia tendencies. No more restrictions and wiping out whole food groups. I avoid influencer “nutritionists” like the plague.

[@Purplelemon5033]

Think most women became almond mums in the 80,s 90,s doing the Jane fonder videos. new many mums that would work full time on just a banana or a side salad with the occasional slither of something for tea or just skip tea altogether and have wine .

[@emily1570]

Wow that’s a huge improvement. I’ll pray you reach 600 lbs so you can really stick it to your parents.

[@hannahmitchell87]

what a weird thing to say @@emily1570

[@emmajessup3534]

i’m so proud of you🩷 good job, it’s never too late

[@twelvexstring]

I’ll never forget the day I came home from high school to find my mom pedaling furiously on the exercise bike crying. I asked her what was wrong and she just sobbed “I’M FAT” and kept pedaling. It’s taken me years to find a balance with exercise and food. Finding your channel was part of that journey. Thank you for the content you make. It has a big impact on me and I’m sure countless others.

[@donnarutkowski1627]

Oh, Amanda. Reading about your mum made me cry 💜

[@pancakequeen]

That’s so sad 😢

[@twelvexstring]

Eh she was kind of a mean mom so don’t feel too bad for her 🤣

[@_IH_]

That's traumatic af and completely messed up, I'm so sorry you had to deal with that

[@twelvexstring]

@@_IH_ thank you for your thoughts and words. I am happy to report 2024 is the first year I didn’t have “lose weight” as one of my new year resolutions 🥹 it feels like small steps but over time it’s adding up to progress!

[@frankiefavero1666]

I grew up in an "Ingredients Only" household... bread was frozen, there were no condiments or fats, except for olive oil, and the crackers, nuts and anything else my mom deemed as hypercaloric, were literally LOCKED away. I was never fat, just bigger than my tiny mom... this sent me into anorexia and occasional bulimia for decades! I am healthier than ever now and can eat intuitively and exercise normally, but it took me a long time!

[@chispitablanca]

My brother in law’s youngest son is a prime example of how drastically kids’ bodies can change during puberty. When I met him, he was a skinny little 10 year old. Maybe two years ago (age 12/13) he started to gain a fair amount of weight and thank god his parents didn’t bother him about it because the next time I saw him he was 14 years old and 6 feet tall. His body was just storing energy so he could grow!

[@someonerandom256]

My son started to get a little belly right before he grew about 10 inches. I grew 11 inches in 3 months and it took another 6 months for my weight to catch up. Everyone is different!

[@lindam156]

I'm a middle school teacher and the number of boys that I have in grade 1 that are big-bodied that grow an extra foot or so and lose all that fat in what feels like a week when they get to grade 3 is insane.

[@tdgonz4532]

My 11 year old recently looked heavier and my mom, love her dearly, tried to make a comment and I was not going to let him hear what I heard growing up! I love my pediatrician she’s said the same thing, he’s storing to grow!

[@EC_123-h8i]

My mom was a Weight Watchers mom for a good chunk of my childhood. My sisters and I grew up hearing "Just suck it in!" or "If you're hungry, you're probably just thirsty. Drink more water!" I ended up with BED, and later bulimia, after a traumatic relationship, and she still would say things to imply that I should try to lose weight. She genuinely didn't believe the registered dietician at my ED treatment center, because it went against what she'd been taught at WW.

[@honeybun777]

Me too

[@obscurity7]

My parents both survived WW2 in Poland, and then communism afterwards, so food was a difficult subject in my house. On the one hand, a home cooked meal was really the only way my mom said "I love you"... but you can guess how messed up that became if I didn't want to eat the food she made. I was literally rejecting her love. So... let's just say I didn't really fix my relationship with food until I was in my late 30s.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Navigating our relationship with food and our parents is complicated for sure❤

[@cloudyskiees]

in case someone isnt aware - food during ww2 and communism in poland meant extreme food shortage (unless one was a part of/tied to the prorussian government in the communist stage)

[@Jennifer.villezcas]

The same happened with my dad, he did not live through ww2 but he did grow up very poor, so his way of saying I love you was with cooking food, but sometimes I did not want the food and he would get visibly upset.

[@unicornL]

I'm in my late 30s and not the same circumstances, but just now getting into a better relationship w food

[@jillcnc]

I think a lot of us who are boomers have variations on this story. I just shared mine here today.

[@laraejensen2157]

My story is this….when I was 6 weeks old, yep, six weeks, my pediatrician told my mom I was gaining weight too fast and to cut my formula with 1/2 water. There began a life long struggle with weight and body image. I started my first “formal” diet at age 12, took diet pills at age 18, have “done” just about every known diet including a 13 week medically supervised fast that was 500 liquid calories a day…Oh Abby if you had only been around for me back in those days!! I am now 73 years old (much older than the demographic you are talking about!) and m still trying, after all these years, to come to terms with my weight, body image, and food. Fortunately your information has been helpful to me in a number of ways, so thanks for the info, and keep it up!

[@pancakequeen]

Oh my goodness that is deplorable that you were restricted as a baby.

[@annawitter5161]

I am in the same position at 63. My BMI is in the middle of normal but I feel huge Because I am above the weight "limit" set by my mother and my beautiful glamourous aunt.

[@swilson5346]

So sorry that happened to you!😞

[@TheFlyingKitchen]

Sister I am sending hugs to you.

[@JaydaRoss]

My mom NEVER mentioned my body/weight, or restricted what I ate, and I ate pretty much whatever I wanted, but because I had the choice I learned that junk food made me feel bad, and started eating nourishing food at a pretty young age. My best friend had an almond mom, her mom would obsess over what she ate, and comment on her body, and she had lots of issues with eating disorders and body image, I feel so bad for people with parents who put pressure on them to be thinner or shame them for having unhealthy food.

[@abimorrisonpossibleplantba9783]

See you could be my friend Cassity and your friend me my mom is definitely an almond mom but she was overweight as well so I learned how she felt about her body and mine

[@SaigeElizabeth31697]

I am pregnant with my first child and I would LOVE any and all information about raising healthy eaters. It can be so hard to find research based information but I know I can trust your content to always be based in research.

[@mariahcrawford7373]

Just speaking from experience here, but I shared your concerns as a first time mom. My son is now 4 and eats “very healthy,” which I define as eating and loving nearly every fruit and vegetable as equally as sweets/treats. I attribute this to 1) exposure of all types of healthy foods and 2) my husband and myself eating and enjoying healthy foods. From a very early age I would let him pick out different types of fruits to try at the grocery store, like dragon fruits and mangoes, different colored apples, purple carrots, etc. then we would cut them together. His collaboration in prepping the foods also contributed to his interest in trying them. He didn’t always love everything but he loved a lot, and to me it was more important that he had a positive and open attitude towards trying everything. Overall don’t stress too much about it, good luck!

[@sarahgoldberg6614]

I have 2 year old fraternal twins, so from this experience, a fair amount of personality involved - my kids are three minutes apart, were basically the same weight at birth, and have had different food preferences and eating styles from birth and especially when starting solids. With personality in mind, my advice is to not be afraid of letting them try ANYTHING because the stakes are really low and their favourite foods might surprise you. (Mine love Indian curries and will eat spoonsful of hot sauce, but hate kasha.) Also, if you can get your child eating things like boiled veggies very early, they can have the control of feeding themselves, but also your life will be way way easier if you have to travel because you don't need to do nearly as much advanced preparation if you know they will be happy to eat a side order of veggies from basically any restaurant.

[@joartuk]

As a 90s kid, I grew up being on a 'diet' CONSTANTLY. Always being told I'm not thin enough as a flippin 10 year old!!!!! Never finding any clothes as stores only brought in teeny tiny sizes... the trauma. I ended up with a binge restrict disorder and then anorexia in my 20s because of that

[@StaceyUncluttering]

Remember that store 5-7-9 where all the clothes were juniors size 5, 7, and 9? The 90s were such a rough time for body image!!

[@joartuk]

@@StaceyUncluttering we had different sizing in europe but it was the same, only a few sizes and all too small. As soon as I eneterd a store they would look at me and immediately say 'we don't have your size'

[@AnnaReed42]

I would go to the mall with my best friend in the early aughts (she would happily starve herself whenever she wanted to lose weight), and we'd look at clothes for her, but the stores never carried my size. My options were basically all shapeless flour sacks at the old lady stores. It really didn't help my self-esteem when flat abs for your low-rise jeans were basically required in order to be fashionable.

[@joartuk]

@@AnnaReed42 💯 so damaging to self-esteem

[@mockingbirdnightingale7169]

My mom did her absolute best, even though she lived in a society that judged her and her body/weight extremely harshly. I refuse to blame her for any of my own choices. It wasn't easy for her ever. I'm glad she did her best to provide me with the healthiest diet she could. I appreciate her for everything, full stop.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

She sounds amazing!

[@SuperAblabla]

I actually experienced both: being the small and the „fat“ child. In kindergarten I was too small, was forced to eat until I threw up. My mom took me to the doctor who told me I had to eat because otherwise I would need some surgery. Obviously he was just tricking me into ignoring being too full and forcing myself not to throw up. Then I gained weight which was a good thing in the beginning but then I got a little chubby. When I was 7/8 my mom put me on the scale and said „if you lose 7 lbs I will get you a hamster“. Yup, that’s it. She just said I had to eat less to get there, she didn’t change anything. I wasn’t allowed any sweets and if I ate some I was shamed. I was never really big, my weight was never commented anywhere else than in my family. I was just a bit chubby but they made me believe I was huuuuge. I always wondered when my classmates would start bullying but it never happened.. because I wasn’t that big.. The cycle continued and now I am deep into an ED with bingeing. I am severely overweight which stops me from living the live I want. Thankfully I now have a therapist to unravel all of this but damn.. this video hits deep and seeing all of these comments with others who experienced similar things helps a lot

[@preciousgem881]

I am so sorry to hear you experienced this. I experienced similar things as a child too. It's great you are getting help. I wish you the best

[@alospm]

As a really lazy parent, the division of responsibilities is fantastic. I love it. I’ve totally dropped the rope in food. I offer a variety. Always a few foods I know they like. Then I let them decide what to do. And I don’t sweat it no matter what. Even if they don’t eat anything. They know when the next snack or meal will be. It’s honestly pretty stress free except for the fact that I still need to make the food and clean up.

[@pinklight]

There was just a letter in an advice column in Slate from a parent who didn't allow any sweets in the house (they said because diabetes runs in the family) but never said things like "sweets are bad" or that type of thing. They recently caught their young daughter eating chocolate and found drawers full of old wrappers; the daughter tearfully confessed her brother was secretly getting paid for doing chores for a neighbor and used that money to buy himself candy. When the girl found out, he had to start sharing the candy with her so she wouldn't tell on him. It's so sad to imagine these little kids hiding buying and hiding candy bars in their rooms because they saw the sweets as bad, taboo foods they'd get in trouble for eating.

[@XhumpersX]

What's fucked up is all these mass produced corn syrup drinks and fatty sugar blocks are so readily available to children. Hell why not sell them some cigs and malt liquor while were at it. This whole diets cause obesity nonsense is putting the cart before the horse. Kids who struggle with binge eating in as children in our obesigenic culture will unsurprisingly also struggle with it as an adult regardless if they diet or not. It's just that kids who dont struggle with overeating will not be put on diets. Saying diets cause these problems is like saying ventilators kill people, not that very sick people who are about to die need ventilators.

[@heidi3963]

When I was a kid, a family in my neighborhood was that way. They had 6 kids, and the parents never allowed sweets. The kids could eat a couple of candies on Halloween night, but the parents took away the candy and gave it all to their coworkers the next day. Those kids were constantly sneaking sweets as often as they could! One day, my mom saw the three oldest kids at a local gas station eating big bags of M&M's as fast as they could. They were terrified that she would tell their parents, but my mom never said a word. She felt bad for them.

[@TattyDarling]

Yep I absolutely used to hide food in my room once I got my first job. I’d wait till mum was asleep and eat and eat and eat.

[@jillcnc]

That was me too. My mother would binge on sweets and we weren't allowed to have them because she didn't want us to be fat. I think my mother was angrier at me when she found my secret stash of maybe two candy bars than she was when she found a pack of cigarettes in my drawer. I decided early on that I did not want to smoke, but until I was widowed at 58 the "hiding candy" thing persisted even after my relationship with food got healthier.

[@lilnick3327]

That’s exactly what’s happening to me right now- I honestly just want something to snack on or something, but I keep getting shamed by my mother if I even think about eating more than 3 times a day. So I hide it 😅

[@hayleypflug7384]

Abbey, you nailed this topic. I always love hearing your perspective on raising children to reject diet culture. I don’t have kids myself, but I’m a teacher, and I take my job as part of their village very seriously.

[@shesgotit5209]

First off, thanks for acknowledging both sides of weight struggles in children. 14:20 speaks to me. When I was like eleven my pediatrician was going over results with me and my mom and started asking questions WHILE I WAS IN THE ROOM clearly digging for an eating disorder diagnosis. "Does she often run to the bathroom after meals? Does she binge? Does she hide food? Does she monitor her weight?" etc. as if I wasn't there. It was so callous, and while I can honestly say that while I have not struggle with disordered eating, it really messed with me to hear adults speak about my body that way. I was just a very active kid and my body type was completely in line with my father's side, but my pediatrician only saw my mom and made some inferences.

[@hannahaustin272]

I'm so thankful that my mom let me be a kid. She struggled with her own weight for her entire life, but honestly- I had no idea. While she was attending Weight Watchers in the 90s, she never once made single comment about what we were eating. She cooked balanced, homemade meals made from whole foods but we also had every type of snack readily available. I'm in my 30s now and I think always having the options of fresh fruit and veggies OR little Debbie cakes, gushers, fruit by the foot, Doritos- you name it, I truly think that's why I live so balanced today. I feel so bad for kids who grew up who had to deal with issues around food or weight.

[@wa6184]

Oh man it's kinda sad to hear that your mum cared for her kids bodies so lovingly but couldn't apply that love and care to her own body.

[@DannYeLLL]

Same

[@hannahaustin272]

@@wa6184 she does! She's 4'10" so I think its automatically harder for someone at that height to maintain a healthy weight compared to someone like me who is 5'6". She naturally requires less food than others. My mom is overweight but she is extremely active and takes care of herself. She hikes, does yoga and skis as much as she possibly can, being active on a daily basis. Her vitals are great! But I do think media back then was all about being tiny, so she felt the need to try to fit in that way.

[@jane-cn6nd]

I remember seeing my mother looking in the mirror and saying fat pig. She weighed 105lbs. She also forced me to clean my plate and started telling me that I had a big butt when I was 11years old. I developed anorexia, and it stuck in my head that I had to be smaller than my mother no matter what.

[@kaylalogsdon7973]

This is like one big therapy group. I relate to you all and I hope you all can find peace with your body and food.

[@wthleo]

my whole life i’ve been taught that wasting food is the worst possible “sin”, that you must eat veggies before dessert, and that sweets are “bad”. obviously, that led to a lot of disordered eating that i’m still in recovery from. healing your relationship with food is hard but it’s worth it! ❤

[@Em_Elizabeth]

As far as morality goes, I'm always caught between a rock and a hard place if I'm full and can't take the food to go. Because wasting food is a sin but so is gluttony. If I throw it out, I feel bad, if I force myself to finish, I feel bad.

[@angelgirlkcc]

I can relate to pretty much everything you said. My mom has been obese my whole life, and also literally on a diet (mostly WW) my whole life, but overall has only gained weight over 30 years. I have been overweight since I started puberty and the first thing my mom said to me when she picked me up from my freshman year of college was "oh you gained so much weight". Literally the first words out of her mouth. I have young kids now and my husband and I have tried so hard to just be totally neutral about their food choices (they are still under 4). We do a lot of things that I think I got from your videos, like not making "desert" a special treat or withholding it based on other foods they eat., and a few other things too. They are great "eaters" and can tell me when they are hungry and when they are full, which I learned to do as an adult. I get comments from other parents all the time that my kids aren't picky and I always say "well, they always get to choose what they eat."

[@Afrolovertje]

Exact same situation here, mom put me on diets from 7 years on. Honestly looking back, I wasn't even fat but she thought I was. Fast forward to now where it doesn't matter what weight I am. I still feel like I'm fat. I've been 45kgs to 130 kgs, it never mattered

[@alexandreadean3180]

You were speaking g directly to me! My entire childhood was that… my mom had an eating disorder that she knows she has but doesn’t get help for it. Now, as an adult, I struggle with an eating disorder! Thank you for making this

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Sorry that was your experience! Wishing you the best

[@reneepelletier3021]

Thank you for speaking up for our most vulnerable, innocent people! I’m a preschool teacher - I can tell just by the morning snacks sent in which parents are controlling with food. Really sad 😔 Children are growing and shouldn’t feel hungry! Great video, Abbey💓

[@OOool]

If you have more content like this, helping kind of identify some sometimes subconscious triggers and how not to pass it down, it’s super helpful

[@AbbeysKitchen]

noted!!

[@riseabove1256]

My mom never brought up my weight, what I was eating, or made me feel bad about my body and always told me I was beautiful. I never heard her criticize her body or others. And for that I’m forever grateful! There were plenty of other women and influences around me saying things, directly or not, though. So glad to be unlearning unhealthy habits surrounding food as an adult!

[@Z0mb1es]

This is exactly the reason why I made a promise to myself when I became a parent that no matter how crappy I felt about myself, I would never let my child know that. Growing up with a mother who was always on a diet of some sort, she obsessed about her weight. When I got older, that obsession with weight was put on me. She would comment when I gained weight and would comment when I lost weight. Watching her go through self hate and self loathing, was too much. Thankfully, I kept those feelings that I felt as a teenager and young adult, in my memory so that when I had a daughter, I knew to be more aware of words I used. I never talked about others weight or mine. For all she knew, I was perfectly fine with my body…even though I had issues with it constantly. I heard my mothers voice in my head when I would look in the mirror and noticed I had put on weight (getting a bit chubby!). I’m hoping, as my daughter is now 20, that I broke that cycle. I love and miss my mom but that was painful to live through. Thanks Abby for talking about this ❤

[@maddyG7414]

I relate so much to this. My mum did her best with what she had from her own mother, but I’ll never let me kids develop that body hatred because of me

[@AnjuliT]

I can relate too much to this. My mom always used to weigh us and then measure our height and say " Okay, now all you need to do is keep growing and don't gain any more weight" She was always on some sort of diet, weather it'd be extreme fasting or slim fast shakes. She always tried to micro manage our food intake, which in return always lead to us going to our dad for snacks, which he gladly gave to us. My mom tried her best from stopping us to get obese, yet it lead to the opposite - I am 31 and going to get WLS in a couple weeks, my sister got it a year ago... She regrets her behaviour so much but she always felt like being obese would be the worst thing a person could be because she was tormented for being bigger as a child and started starving herself back then - which lead to a life yoyo dieting for her.

[@marianaamoedo5942]

When I was a little kid I was one of those uninterested in food, quite a picky eater in a household of war scarred adults (you had to be chubby to be healthy). As soon as I hit puberty my body started to change and my appetite grew, but since I was encouraged to eat more and celebrated when it happened I kind of overate. Then everyone started to ask me to eat less, so I got mixed messages (luckily I was very active up until my 30's and eating a lot wasn't a problem). Now with my kid I'm approaching a relaxed relationship with food, teaching her to pick better choices, eat what her body asks for and forbid any kind of celebration and insistence on her meals. I insist on picking more protein and complex CH rather than brand cookies and candy, but no more than that.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Thanks for sharing this!

[@dizzygirlsweats]

THANK YOU for talking about the relationship with food you can have when you’re underweight! People would make unsolicited comments about my body all the time because I was skinny… including “accusing” me of being anorexic when I wasn’t. I literally wasn’t able to start putting on weight until college. Really damaged my self esteem. It’s definitely different treatment than overweight kids, but still hard to go through nonetheless.

[@getJENNArated]

I remember my mom being a chronic dieter and I internalized that so much, I would habitually eat 1200 or less calories and did this until my first or second year of college. I’m now a tLMHC and love your content Abbey, I appreciate the gentle approach and am glad that I have a better understanding of my body and mind. It was never my moms fault but societal standards and the pursuit for happiness within ourselves.

[@maddimaher8147]

Yeah, I wonder where that 1200 calorie thing came from? So odd. That was my mom's magic number.

[@da8083]

This was so eye opening for me…my mom grew up with food insecurity so when she became financially secure she gained a lot of weight from over eating…the worst part was, bless her good heart, she wanted to make sure we never felt that so she basically stuffed us full of food…she had no idea about nutrition so she assumed junk food was also good food and we basically grew up on that. And fast forward to my late twenties, I developed an ED trying to lose all the weight from eating junk food my whole life and I was so ready to get married and have like 3 kids but watching this video made me realise that I would’ve just continued the cycle with my kids by being the opposite: an almond mom. It made me realise I have a lot to work on before I’m ready to have kids.

[@milenaj.l.7996]

When I was 8 (I was a chubby kid) my nurse told me to weigh myself and one day she told me to seat on her lap and then she told me to see all the rolls that I had. It was sooo bad, it made feel ashamed and then I started a very strict diet that lead to an eating disorder. I will never forget how bad it made me feel and that I felt so ashamed of my body.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

That's terrible! I'm so sorry you went through that

[@veatrikhblana6437]

My parents divorced when I was 3. My mom was always dieting and she was never happy with her body which in turn meant she was never happy with my body. Always saying if you lose a little more weight you'll be perfect. On the other hand my dad was part of the clean plate movement and he was bullimic. Making me always eat eveything on my plate and forcing me to eat seconds while calling me a little piggy. I am 29 years old and I am still feeling the after effects of this. There are days that I am struggling to feel happy with my body and only in recent years i healed my releatonship with food and i stoped binging. I am not mad at them as Abby says they are a victim too but the right information is so readily available now that parents should try to do better. Stay happy and healthy out there❤

[@leesue8752]

My mom taught me to emotionally eat and binge eat. I think the moral of the story is that if you are a parent unwilling to heal your own disordered eating, your kids will also likely struggle with food in some way.

[@worthyyou923]

Thank you for sharing this Abbey. It really speaks to me because I grew up in a family culture of overeating and excusing obesity as ‘love’. Now my dad has lost a leg to diabetes and my mom is has been overweight my entire life. I’ve managed to address my own relationship with food and have stayed at a healthy weight for over a decade from outside education and lifestyle changes but now that I have my own 4 kids I find myself saying things I heard growing up and being highly aware of what to say and not say about food. It’s so hard!! Especially cause I’m a New Zealander raising my children in the USA which runs on convenience and processed food! You only know what you know when your parenting yourself!

[@cinephile1712]

Ugh. I totally remember the whole “moment on the lips/lifetime on the hips” bit from my mom when it came to sweets or the occasional junk. She didn’t say it much, but the few times she did made an impression. I also recall her talking about having “thunder thighs,” which then left me self-conscious about my own body, even if she never said it about me.

[@tianamarie989]

I feel that we send mixed signals sometimes but we are getting better at it. It's hard to change course when telling your kids that 2 bites of food isn't enough to say you're hungry, to saying ok, I'll save it for you for later if you get hungry. That in itself was hard to change especially with me AND my husband doing it. I was from the finish your plate/no junk food Era. It's been hard to change all of it for our kids but we are slowly making the change while simultaneously losing weight ourselves to be more healthy. We really just want to be able to walk and run around f with our kids without getting winded, so we're all on a journey and I can only hope that our kids see how much we try to succeed in 'raising them the right way' when they are older and possibly have issues. Fingers crossed it all works out.

[@vesa8730]

In my family it's so common to talk about people by referring to their weight like "yesterday I met one of your neighbours, the fat / thin...woman" etc. There is ALWAYS this subtle negative tone when talking about people with a little more weight. Also there has been 90s diet culture. Sometimes I feel strong enough to start an argument with my family about how triggering this can be for me, hiw disrespectful it sounds or what message it sends (like "you are only ok if you have this or that weight"). But nobody ever even tries to see a problem. - My cousin was set on diets since he was a child because of putting too much weight on with the result that he has been struggling with weight problems for all his life and in childhood had his secret places to hide tons of sweets from the eyes of his mother. I remember going shopping with him and his mother - she was literally telling the whole store that her son is too fat and doesn't fit into any jeans there. Now he has a beautiful girlfriend who - because of an illness - does not fit into the "perfect weight" according to his parents - his dad once said it is disgusting for him to watch her. How rude is that??😢

[@Samuel-ku1qb]

Most of what I ate as a child came from stealing. We weren’t poor or anything, in fact both my parents and I were always overweight. My father just held an iron fist around the kitchen; he cooked the food, you ate it. No regards to my undiagnosed autistic sensory issues. Which is actually how I became a vegetarian like my mum, cause her food alternatives (albeit bland as she didn’t make them) always had a kinder texture. I also couldn’t eat a lot in school even though we here have free lunches, the sound in the cafeteria were so nauseating that I rarely ate a lot. Mum and I were allowed to bake so we did that a lot. We had freezers full of baked goods along with hunting-meat. I grew up having no idea why people found meals good, because I overate on anything I could steal or make and hide in my room. I’d be caught a few times and ended up learning how to do it better. So I went through all kinds of eating disorders. Today I’ll still have those relapses living alone, but these days I don’t beat myself up for it, I just allow it to happen until whatever is triggering it disappears. Oh yeah, and my father (always the size of an evil Santa) would often comment on my size. He’d also make fun of me and mum if either of us tried to change, but if he lost weight we needed to praise him.

[@papperogue]

Thank you Abbey. I was a normal/slim child and my grandparents often took care of me while my Mom was at work. My grandmother was the "Weight Watchers generation", so foods or eating habits were labeled as good or bad. She never partook in eating during family meals but made sure that I would finish my plate. Even when my younger cousins were present with their parents and had different/relaxed table manners I had to follow my grandmother's authority. I was a playful kid and didn't pay any attention to my appearance, but I've now realized how my grandmother's behavior affected me subconsciously (body shaming herself, pushing diet culture, perfectionism, and conventional beauty standards on me, etc). Years later, I became an obsessive and anxious teen/young adult with an eating disorder. After +15 years I'm still struggling. Obviously, there's no 1 reason why I got sick, but realizing my grandmothers 'example' as an adult is quite sad and traumatic. After all, she did her best with the knowledge she had while deeply loving and caring for me. Childhood in the 90s... it was f'd up.

[@h0llasamantha]

i don’t have an almond mom, but rather an almond grandmother. i, as well as every member of my family, were raised with fatphobic comments and toxic diet / exercise culture. it’s caused many tears and at time damaged relationships. now that i’m nearly 30, i’ve learned to tune it out. in one ear and out the other. i know she has good intentions. i know she loves all of us deeply and is concerned about our lives and health. while i wish she would find a different approach, i know that she’s doing the best she can and it comes from a good place. it took a long time to get there, but i’ve come to accept she wants what’s best for us even though her approach to getting there leaves a lot to be desired.

[@Ruth-tbk]

I struggled with disordered eating basically all of my life. During my pregnancy with my now three year old daughter I learned to eat intuitively. Before I was a mom myself I had such strict ideas about how I was going to raise my children on „healthy food“ only. Thankfully I now know better. We offer a vast variety of foods and don’t comment on anything other than our enjoyment of the food. Sure, she can be picky (what toddler isn’t?) but she’s really open to new foods and doesn’t obsess over sweets because she can have them all the time. Hopefully she’ll grow up without the struggles that I went through.

[@littlejuicebox]

My house was like an ingredient only household due to necessity since snacks were expensive. So whenever snacks came we binged them and craved them like crazy. Now that I'm older and can afford them, i buy alot sometimes just to realise I'm not even interested in eating them. So having enough chocolate and chips in my house helped me to eat less of them. Crazy turn of events

[@frankiefavero1666]

Omg same! I have all the snacks I would have loved to have as a child and teenage, but was denied of... yet I don't crave often haha

[@rachelsnook3550]

Same, the amount of crisps that I have that go out of date is ridiculous. Sad when I remember them and can't eat them

[@craftingemily]

My dad had many affairs and lied a lot to my mom and I. Before I knew what was what was going on he used buying high sugary food for me to his his grief. This led me to binge eating and eating my feelings. Later on he would get so mad when I would hoard my packing of what I binged. Brought a garbage bag a trash into my therapist office. This year I finally confronted him what he had done to my childhood. He said well I thought you would stop if I did this. NO YOU SCARED ME.

[@elisabethgent1532]

I had an almond mom and a dad who didn't care what she did, and my husband had parents who forced him to eat what they wanted him to eat. I was a kid who loved all food, but foods were demonized, and I remember being obsessed with exercise as early as 6 years old. I was on a slim fast diet by age 12. Unsurprisingly, I'm overweight now and both my husband and I have horribly disordered relationships with food. My husband struggles with trying new things, and I struggle with binge eating disorder. Even now, my mom is incredibly judgmental about my weight and my husband's family bullies him constantly about being picky. It's a struggle. I'm so glad for therapy.

[@jjanon2371]

I'm forever grateful that my parents understood that it was abusive to force children to clear their plate. They witnessed and experienced that kind of force-feeding (they did come from homes in Africa with occasional food insecurity by the way) and they still grew to a point to realize that it was wrong.

[@pinkbunny6272]

My parents forgot about snacks and had a ingredients only household. I was never told to things were bad or good, but I still have to seek out snacks and unhealthy foods because they're not going to be in the house.

[@nkirk0912]

I was part of both clubs when i was little i was forced to clean a big plate of food then as i got older my parents would comment on my weight and whether i should be eating so much got told i was gonna be bigger than a house for eating a banana 🙄 i don't remember an enjoyable meal hardly in my younger years and I'm proud to say I'm working on myself on creating a non toxic relationship with food. Thank you for your channel because you've helped me so much

[@annawitter5161]

I can really relate to this. I put on a lot of weight in my early teens, well, maybe it wasnt so much, but my mom was very critical. It wasnt even so much about health as a number on the scale and a waist and hip measurement. Anything over the limit was fat, big as a house, huge, etc. To this day I am obsessed with those numbers, which I will never reach

[@kristyb5821]

I remember being 6 or 7 years old and hating green beans. My mom force fed me a whole can of green beans. I’m still traumatized to this day from it. Another incident I was about the same age, my mom got a Burger King breakfast for us as we were traveling. I was car sick and didn’t feel like eating. I told her I didn’t want anything that my stomach was upset and she still made me eat the damn sandwich. I promptly threw up all over her car and got a spanking for throwing up all over the car. It’s no wonder I’m so messed up when it comes to eating. I am finally in my late 30’s coming to terms with all of this. We were poor and while food wasn’t scare, my grandparents had a huge farm and provided us meat, milk, eggs and all the veggies we wanted/needed my parents hated asking them for help so instead they would force us kids to eat even when we weren’t hungry or eat things we didn’t like. I’m not sure where they got this attitude from because my grandparents had a 2 bite rule, you had to try 2 bites of something and if you didn’t like it after 2 bites then you didn’t have to eat more of it, they also never forced anyone to clean their plates or have extra food. They had a very healthy attitude towards food and food consumption, there was no “bad” foods just some foods were treat foods like cookies, chips and soda and fresh fruit and veggies were anytime foods which is what I am raising my son on.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

My mom was like that too. Though she’s really nice to the grandkids. It’s a little unfair to see how much better she treats the grandkids. Though, that’s not to say I want her to be mean or harsh with them. No, not at all. It’s just a little souring to see the difference between how parents treat their kids vs grandkids. I guess, she believes being a grandparent means getting to spoil the kids and never have to be the one to say “no” or teach any lessons.

[@florenceroses]

Being parented by a single mother who grew up in food insecurity I definitely lived in a home where I was always told to finish everything on my plate. I still struggle with this now. It's not something I want to lass on though so being aware and conscious of it i think is a good thing

[@lindafogarty3924]

I enjoy learning from you, and want you to know how much I appreciate you sharing your talents, experience and knowledge with us regarding food and nutrition. One more thing, that color top looks great on you!

[@AbbeysKitchen]

thank you!! so glad you liked.

[@guyarianator3510]

Hi Abbey. Thank you very much for making this video. Though it opened up wounds and scratched at scars from my childhood as someone bigger than kids my age, I learned a lot in regards to where I am in my relationship with food and health. Will for a bit in a sec, but this is really something that I need. I do not want to hurt my kids if ever I have some one day

[@gailm.8190]

Excellent video! Between pointing out overweight people in public, fat shaming us, and growing up in the “starving children in Biafra” era, my sisters and I have all struggled with weight issues and cycling through success, rebounds, and failures over the years. I have never heard of almond moms or ingredient only households.

[@liliang-j47]

during my childhood I was Always the skinny kid, Mum would encorage me to eat more but never in a forced/ agressive way. In my early teans she took me to the GP because he said she was worried about my weight. I remember it was the worst experiance of my life,I cried the whole way through and I hated my mum for weeks afterwards.I became so ashamed that I was skiny I would eat way past my fulllness ques and even quit some of my many sports clubs witch I loved because I thought I might burn up all the food I just ate. Although I did finaly gain some weight I was misreble and embarased that I was eating nearly twice as much as my friends at lunch time.Eventualy I started listening to my hunger ques again and coming to peace with my pettite body.

[@106andie]

My mom was the opposite of an Almond Mom, she always pushed for me to eat more because I didn’t really much. Due to Depression during the last few years I could it hard to eat and my mom supports me. I read about Jameela Jamil criticizing about Weight Watchers app for kids saying Parents should teach their kids healthy habits. Unfortunately a lot of parents don’t have the knowledge of that and can be an Almond Mom, a mom that doesn’t eat healthy themselves. I was set up with a nutritionist and it has helped a lot.

[@brittanygg92]

Great video! I have definitely worked hard to break free from diet culture, especially since becoming a mother myself. Reading Intuitive Eating was super helpful as well as reading Ellyn Satter's research. Would you be able to do a video about DNA tests and ideal diets? I keep seeing ads for companies that will analyze your 23&Me/ Ancestry DNA results and then determine your best pattern of eating. Seems suss

[@AbbeysKitchen]

Ellyn Satter's work is so helpful. Thanks for the suggestion!

[@sini234]

If that does help: It might be a scam and legit at the same time. Theoretically, it might be possible to tell your ideal diet from a gene analysis in the future, as dietary needs and ideals are very individual. (You might want to look online for an israeli study on insulin spikes for different food and different ppl, but i forgot what to google exactly. Really do that, the results they got erased most of what we know about healthy eating.) But the corresponding studies only came out recently, and the follow-ups are not finished yet. There was (until now) no knowledge gained about how genes play a role in that insulin response to foods. That means that it might be possible to infer best diet from your genes in the future, but there has not been enough data collected to do it right now; not in a lab by scientists and not by a business. Even if said companies use a different mechanism, them not being able to factor in this information would render every conclusion they come to useless, as they would have not factored in an important part of „healthy“ eating. I hope that answers your question.

[@april4524]

yes i’ve been trying to explain this to my mom my whole life in a way she wasn’t too bad but there was enough

[@knavickas]

I survived trauma multiple times as a child and found comfort in snack foods and ice cream. I knew this when I was eight. I also knew society viewed my larger body as “less than” around that same time. Instead of finding me the mental health resources I desperately needed, my mom dragged me to Curves and introduced me to Jenny Craig. Those 90s priorities! I wish I could hug my younger self and tell her she is loved, she is worthy at any size, and she deserves actual relief/support.

[@Robby_strong]

My dad never outright told me to follow any diet. But I grew up listening to him use EXTEEMELY diet-culture-y language and fat shame other women. Then my mom also used a lot of diety language and always talked about how she was fat even though she's actually really skinny for her age and she's just so insanely beautiful, it just doesn't matter. It definitely affected my sister and I. My sister ended up severely underweight, anorexic and bulimic. I ended up gaining weight as I yo-yo dieted. Luckily my sister is recovering as far as I know, and I am too. Thank you Abby for all the help

[@AbbeysKitchen]

I'm glad you and your sister are doing better🥰

[@jan-bean]

unpopular opinion I guess but I’m personally really thankful for my mom being so healthy. As a result I tend to crave vegetables, fruits, often and loved them as a kid, because she knew how to make them tasty. I never had to struggle with my weight and always had a healthy relationship with my body. I don’t feel guilt over eating “bad” foods and actually don’t really have much of a taste for them since I seem very aware of how horrible they make me feel after eating them. Not because of guilt.. but because I’m not used to eating them, and they often taste sickeningly sweet and give me a tummy ache or a headache etc. that being said though when I do have cake, ice cream, pizza, I’ve never once felt guilty about it, even though my mom never had that stuff in our house.

[@amygingras6210]

My sister was the picky eater and this the genesis of the “clean plate club” In my house. I DID NOT need it, but rose to this occasion and I do believe that it has impacted my entire life and my ability to eat intuitively. It is only recently in my 30s that I feel semi healed.

[@maiapapaya4643]

HA! You need to look up creative snacks from an ingredient household. That tortilla and cheese got me through childhood! Great video!

[@adelinaprentice4703]

I thankfully never had to deal with a judgmental parent, but we did experience food insecurity while I was growing up. My husband has helped me a ton with trying to let that go because if left to my own devices I would never buy “snack foods” for exactly the reasons you mentioned 😭

[@raveenahayer808]

Honestly thinking of it with a perspective of compassion, I think even parents are sometimes victims of diet culture just as much as we were. Thank you for what you do ❤

[@emyc.634]

Thank you for this video. I have troubles with eating since high school, when I was able to go to town from time to time and would eat entire bags of chips and cookies, because we never had those at home, same with any kind of sweets or other salty "bad' things. I also can't eat most of the vegetables, because just the thought of it makes me sick (like, literally) because my mom would oblige me to eat my vegetables when I was a kid/adolescent, almost to the point of me vomiting because I really couldn't handle the taste. Now I am studying to be a dietetician and I try to eat as well as I can, while being a vegetarian with generalized anxiety disorder and deep rooted problems with many types of food, and sometimes find something to eat that feels right and is "healthy", without restricting any type of food, is a real challenge. So thank you, again, for your channel, which helped me find what I wanted to study in life and began to make me see that eating only "healthy" foods wasn't the best option when it made your own brain work against you in the end.

[@skinisonfire]

wow, I've never heard of an "ingredient only household" before, but it seems like such a great idea! presumably parents buying the ingredients have meals to cook with them in mind, so the fridge will probably almost always have a pot of something cooked; if not, it encourages you to 1) teach yourself some basic cooking - one of the most beneficial skills you can spend your time learning as a teen; 2) snack on something nutritionally dense, like fruit, veggies or - the horror! - some of the healthiest and most calorific foods in the world - almonds! - that will give you the actual nutrients you're craving; 3) wait for the meal, meaning you will be hungry enough to eat more during it. satiating hunger with hyper-palatable foods and having no more room for anything that would actually make your chronometer scales go green is a very common problem for kids and teens. . i swear, it's always something ridiculous with these suburban americans. can't imagine complaining your parents had the desire and the means to help you grow up healthy (which includes healthy weight, too). and putting this way of living right next to yolanda encouraging her daughter to (continue to) starve herself! complete nonsense.

[@xtinaj7450]

Whew, being from a Carribean family....anyone in the family will bring up your weight, parents, cousins, aunts , uncles.....the triggers 😅 Definitely glad I shielded my son from it

[@katelijnesommen]

My parents tried their best, but especially my dad talked and still talks about his own weight in an incredibly negative way, constantly belittling himself and commenting on his body every time he caught sight of it in a window or mirror. He never talked about anyone else that way and never pressured me to eat or look a certain way but it still had an effect on me. Even today it makes me feel so sad when he does this. It's one of the few things I can't really talk to him about.

[@justthat_mezzo]

My family would always have the “if you try it and are still very strong in your stance that you don’t like it, you don’t have to eat it, that’s fine, and you can try it again on your terms.” And I’m forever grateful to them for that

[@ayevee5349]

My mom grew up in with an extremely abusive father and she experienced a lot of food insecurity. When my grandma started fostering her she would hide food in her room all the time. To this day she loves having a huge, fully stocked pantry. So when she was raising me I almost never heard a "no" when it came to food - if we wanted something she would give it to us. But at the same time she would go through weight cycles, on an off fad diets and spoke negatively about herself a lot. Just goes to show how powerful modeling is for children because I can't remember a time I was self aware and wasn't uncomfortable/ unhappy with my body. I also turned to food as a coping mechanism when I started experiencing anxiety and depression because it was so accessible. On the plus side, she did manage to create an environment where we grew up loving veggies, so at least that's not a struggle lol.

[@salyndalindyhogsett2804]

I feel so seen. Thank you, Abbey 💕 I'm also adding Stutz to my watch list immediately!

[@Sandra-p4r1z]

I know this is an old video, I got here through one of your shorts. :) My caregiver when I grew up had diabetes. That ment we had to eat at exact times and when we were "late", being at someone else's house or at a restaurant, I was always scared that my caregiver was going to get low blood suger and possible die. I WAS FOOD-STRESSED ALL THE TIME! Now as a grown up I HATE the "rules" about what times we're "supposed" to eat breakfast/lunch and the typical foods we associate with them (like oatmeal for breakfast, sallads for lunch and so on). Living alone I now eat what I want, when I want, how I want (within reason!!!).

[@taylorfrancis1413]

When I was a kid my granddad gave me 20$ and told me to get running lessons for my birthday gift 🎁 ❤

[@snoopygonewilder]

My mom didn't deny me sweets, but she also didn't let me run wild with them. I also have no recollection of eating fast food before the age of like 7 or 8... I think it's just a matter of kids learning moderation at an early age, and that there are a lot of tasty things out there besides chips, cookies, and chocolate. If your parents mostly feed you healthy things as snacks, and then once in a while give you chocolate, you won't always go for candy when you want a snack. Don't get me wrong, I loved candy, but it wasn't always my go-to as a kid... I didn't even like soda until I was in my teens, I think it was the carbonation, but also because my mom didn't give me a soda when I was very small.

[@Rakhi_the_sloth]

I was a binge eater at 11,on diets and diet pills on 12-13, I've dealt with anorexia and binge eating (mostly binge eating) at 14 and I'm finally getting better at 15 And I just really wanted to thank you for your help

[@allysonphelps6105]

It would also be interesting to know what the stats are for families sitting together for meals, at least as many as possible. Feeding tummy’s but also feeding each others souls while reconnecting instead of so much eating alone likely in front of a device.

[@AbbeysKitchen]

yes, this is well doc in the research that there are major health benefits of family meals. probabluy the most important thing we can do.

[@megangodfrey626]

Thank you for this. It gave me a lot to think about. My daughter is beginning to start puberty and is gaining weight. She is also very active. I don’t want to do the things my family did. I think sometimes I have accidentally. I’m going to encourage her to eat what she wants when she is hungry and offer a great variety of different foods. Hopefully she won’t have the same struggles I had.

[@thatbee3585]

Thank you Abby for this !!!! This video needed to happen !!!!!

[@kaleighstickel7898]

I had a dieting mother who pushed me into years of unhealthy food habits and many years of ED. While I still struggle sometimes with the seeing food as “unhealthy” or “healthy” and not loving my body all the time, I work every day because I want to be better for when I have kids because that is the last thing I want to repeat because of how badly it impacted me. Your videos help so much! Thank you!

[@CAMarg-zs1xq]

My mom kept me on so many diets that some of my friends thought I was food insecure at home. I grew up thinking there was something wrong with me for wanting to eat multiple times a day.

[@heresjohnny23.7]

My parents were meth addicts. When I would eat at my grandmas she said I would eat three times as much as a normal kid and hide leftovers in my pockets. My overweight mom would criticize my diet choices because her father did the same to her mom and siblings, only much much worse. She ultimately admitted years later she preferred addiction to dieting and that her own broken self image from her aforementioned trauma is what caused her to need to lose weight or be thin in the first place. I never really made the connection until I started my better health journey. It’s taken years into adulthood and losing 70 pounds for me to realize exactly this. Thanks Abbey. You’re a shining light and always help me stay grounded

[@suzanchristiaanse8972]

my parents never did ANY of these things. I was never conscious about it, but am so grateful now that I have never been on a diet and have a healthy relationship with food.

[@caitlinphillips4294]

Being an obese child with a mother who never weighed more than 100 pounds outside of pregnancy caused soo many food and body issues. Court ordered nutritionist (divorced parents that hate each other and used my weight to point fingers of blame), diet programs, gym membership starting at 8. By high school i developed binge/purging disorder as well as an addiction to exercise (7 days a week, sometimes twice a day) and i would have panic attacks if i couldn’t perform these rituals of “health”. I was still classified as overweight even at my lowest in high school, which was 180. Fast forward to now I’m trying to undo the effects of going to the polar opposite direction in college and stopping all exercise and allowing myself to eat what i want. Such a hard path to navigate without going too extreme and setting yourself up for failure. Of course, my mom grew up in extreme poverty with food scarcity and was in her twenties during the “heroin chic” phase of society, so she was just doing what she thought to be best. So sad that it’s such a universal experience

[@wakeupstylellc]

I was forced to eat, had to sit there for a minimum of 2 hours until I finished. It was horrible. As a teen I had an E.D. And only now almost 40, I am learning that it’s ok to eat when your body is hungry and it’s ok to stop when you are full. 😢

[@giuseppeferrara952]

That's good. Unfortunately, society today has been taught to clean our plates and eat every bit of food just because it is available in front of us. There's nothing wrong with you if you don't finish your plate because you're already satisfied beforehand. People nowadays tend to overeat anyways, hence the obesity rate has increased over the years.

[@L_W748]

I was weight shamed pretty badly as a kid. My parents were divorced and my dad would always order fast food, pizza, sweets and fried food that I enjoyed to make up for the toxic environment there, and then my mom and doctors would shame me for being overweight and would try to control what I was eating. In middle school, I remember going on a very restrictive diet where I ate 1,300 calories a day and lost 35lbs to fit in with my peers. I got sooo much praise for that, I kept on dieting on and off throughout my teen years and developed a very messed up relationship with food. When I was a young adult, I was told I better “keep my figure” to keep my husband around. I am 30 and a mom of three boys. I am trying to heal my own relationship with food while teaching them a better way. It’s not easy! Sometimes I find myself stressing over them eating healthy because they love snacks. It’s definitely a journey. Your channel has helped a ton with reframing the way I look at food and helping me break that generational curse!

[@TheMinlou]

i came from a plus sized family, including my extended family. i was the only thin one. it was drilled into my head that my thinness was what i had to offer. i was made to feel like it's was the only thing i had to offer and if i gained weight, i'd have nothing left to offer anyone. yeah that messed me up for years. they even policed what i ate and how much i ate. i was even told grapes would make me gain weight because of the "sugar" meanwhile, they ate whatever they wanted

[@leonlol9465]

When I was around 9-12 years old I ate a lot because of trauma and stress unrelated to food (Immigrating, Abuse, SA and a lot more) food became my way of reducing stress it didn't matter what I ate and I felt safe when I ate so I was constantly eating to feel safe and reduce my stress then when I was around 11-12 the comments from my parents started and my mom set me on diets around that time and out of no where even food as a safe feeling for me was taken away from me because I constantly was either eating too much or not enough to the point I passed out and I still struggle with my relationship with food sometimes but seeing content like this showing me that I'm not alone really helped me

[@jessicacarron1588]

I resonate with all of this - Diet culture was a huge part of my life. However, one concrete anecdote: My aunt was watching me one night and made broccoli. I didn’t like it and wouldn’t eat it. She wouldn’t let me leave with my mom until I did, so I sat there for hours. My mom was a single mom, so she didn’t want to stand up to my aunt about it and lose a babysitter. I don’t remember if I ever ate the broccoli, but I haven’t had broccoli again since.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

Going on strict Keto from ages 8-11 definitely effected me. (It was a medical necessity for me in order to control my childhood seizures. Seizure free and med free for the last 18-19yrs. Mom did Keto with me.) It did potentially give me issues with food. Issues I possibly could’ve avoided all together. I never had weight issues as a young child, I was actually always on the smaller side. While my mom and brother both struggled with weight, I never did during that time. It was only after Keto, I started to struggle and this was despite being relatively unfazed by the diet. Being keto for the 3yrs never bothered me. I became chubby in 6th grade and throughout middle school and obese by HS. I think I was 180lbs or so at graduation (though I wasn’t weighing outside the doctor’s), but 3months into college, I had gone up to 228lbs. I’m only 5ft 0in. Maybe 5ft 1in at best. There were other factors at play as well and while it’s possible I could’ve continued being the skinny mini of the family, there’s another scenario where I may have gained in my teens regardless. Mom did not teach me or my brother healthy habits. That in itself could’ve become a problem even if it didn’t start so early. I don’t think the answer is to not teach children healthy habits. Possibly, a diet if it’s necessary. (The ED angle is kinda ridiculous, imo, because if your child is overweight or obese they already potentially could have an ED or some addiction and it’s probably because their family struggles with the same, too.) That was kinda the whole issue in my family home. No healthy food habits to speak of. The reason I got big in the first place (outside Keto and other factors). Why my brother got big too. It was because we were allowed free reign to eat whatever we wanted. We all went through a few different obsessions like Cheetos, breakfast fast food, candy and sweets for my mom and brother. Pop was a continuous one for the household. All technically, mom’s addictions which transferred to me and my brother. Mom also probably overfed my brother judging off him almost always being big even at birth no matter how active he was. I might’ve been smaller because I refused food when I was full or disinterested. Whereas, my brother was mom’s yes man. Before Keto and after Keto, I ate whatever I wanted. Even more so afterwards and mom let me because she didn’t want to tell me “no” after Keto. I think the reason I’m losing weight now and trying to undo these habits given by my family is because I’m making it a lifestyle. A sustainable one I can continue forever. It’s also because I wanted to for myself and I’m the stubborn type who wouldn’t do it for any other reason.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

On the other hand, I might’ve gotten my insane talent for will power from being on Keto and having lots of will power practice. I may even be having an easier time losing because I’ve been on a strict diet before. Though, I’m taking a more lax approach. I still eat what I want. I just try to maintain a deficit. Usually with intermittent fasting. Skipping breakfast and lunch. (I do have coffee and cream during the day.) Then just eating in the evening. I’m taking the slow route. I want to keep all my losses with very little backtracking.

[@debra_boyer]

I'm doing my best to have the best environment for my little girls. We are primarily an ingredient household but I like to keep a handful of good quick snacks on hand. No food is bad food and we eat until full not until done. I grew up in a household that was primarily an ingredient based but I was never taught how to cook with what we had on hand. Thankfully I married someone who is a wonderful cook and I have now taken the time to learn how to cook deliciously nourishing food. As far as body shaming comments my mom never says anything about anyone besides herself. However, I have had to stop her multiple times when she is talking down on herself in front of my very young daughters. All this to say, thank you for creating a place to learn about nutrition in a way that is comfortable.

[@msmiseree1981]

My mom went in the other direction. While she watched what she ate and exercised almost daily, when my weight started to creep up as a child, it was basically ignored. I could have benefited from some guidance or even just maybe doing things as a family to be more active. Things like going for a walk after dinner or riding bikes. I did that alot until I was about 12 and thats when my weight really started ballooning up. By 14 I had to shop in the women's section because teen clothes didnt fit. Now im in my early 40's and have been struggling for years to undo all the damage and habits i've been living with for 2-3 decades. It's hard and I backslide a lot, but im working with a really good RD who has the same additive philosophy and we have been making some good progress.

[@FullmoonPhantom-dn2sr]

I was the same. I loved going out and riding bikes as a child. I loved swimming. I was in gymnastics growing up and really good at it. Then when I was no longer a child, I didn't want to do active pastimes. I was never all that into typical sports like my brother. I got really into the internet and online communities. Since I was not very active anymore, my weight started creeping up. Mom didn't teach many healthy habits either. I've had to learn healthy living myself in my 20s after running into health issues earlier than I bargained for.

[@SusanaXpeace2u]

I've noticie that some really thin mums (who work at being thin) feed their children a bit too much. It's sub-conscious, they are feeding somebody else to compensate for not feeding themselves enough. It feels like nurture though. They don't mean to be feeders but I think it can happen if the effort of staying thin is really hard.

[@shoesbox223]

When I was 10, my doctor told me I was too obese for my group. I was 5’2” and 140lbs. I am the same weight and height now at 24 and I’m struggling still. This video helps me understand how the food abuse I suffered really messed with me. Thank you

[@Cattiva]

Great idea on uploading this now since the ultimate Almond mom has come up , by Gwyneth's trial .

[@maddimaher8147]

Yup. Went on my first diet in 4th grade... my parents have the worst diet mentality. Thank God for intuitive eating. My kids have a waaaay healthier relationship to food and eating than I did🎉🎉🎉

[@Thejennmachine]

Could you do a video on food insecurity? I grew up poor and I’m trying to heal from this. I tend to try to hoard food (I don’t because I’m aware but I want to)

[@hollywinchell3412]

I am a Gen X-er and grew up with very disordered eating habits modeled by my parents. It took me a long time to realize this. My dad (75) appears to have binge eating disorder or bulimia whereby he eats one gigantic meal at night -- 3000 calories or more -- and works out at high intensity for 2+ hours a day, in spite of injuries. It's taken a toll on his body and he can barely walk up/down stairs or stand up anymore. My mom (79) always talked terribly about herself, calling herself "fat" and "ugly" almost every day, and tried to cook low-calorie, low-fat meals when I was growing up. I was chubby as a child, succumbed to the societal pressure to be thin in the late 80's, and developed anorexia, followed by bulimia. Mixed messages from my parents: dad is all for "work out intensely every day" and mom "restrict your calories." At 49 I still don't have a peaceful relationship with food or weight in spite of professional help and medication. Thank you, Abbey, for bringing such important, difficult topics to light and opening the conversation.

[@salhooper]

As an autistic person who didn’t find out until the past year or so (and I’m 28), there is A LOT to this topic for me. I would eat barely anything as a child, only meat and beige food. The only veg I ate until the age of 22/23 was sweetcorn and carrots. I would never dream of eating anything green apart from green grapes or green gummy bears. I went on holiday when I was 2 and all I ate was chips/ fries for two weeks. My parents relentlessly tried everything with me but then gave up. I had to learn to try different foods myself, in my own time and without people watching! I would gag at the thought of trying certain foods but by my mid 20s I ate/ at least tried most things. I have struggled with disordered eating in the past from the age of 14 until a couple of years ago. I went through periods of starvation, binging, my weight yo-yo-ing everywhere. I taught myself to intuitively eat through watching KZbin videos, learning about other people’s experiences and I have been at a stable weight for the past 2-3 years whilst eating whatever I want. Intuitive eating is the only way to go but unfortunately I wasn’t taught that as a child, I was only taught that there are ‘good’ and ‘bad’ foods and my mum was constantly on a diet. My mum still diets now and I try to explain to her about the above but she doesn’t listen.