The euthanasia debate and a mother's 'lonely death' | Australian Story (2017)

One morning in October 2015, two police officers knocked on the door of writer and newspaper columnist Nikki Gemmell. They were there to inform her that her mother Elayn had been found dead in her apartment. An apparent suicide. Did she know of her mother's plans? Had she inadvertently contributed to her death in some way?
Blindsided by shock and guilt, Nikki was left not only devastated but desperately searching for answers. A vibrant and independent woman, Elayn had been suffering from chronic pain. Recognising that her mother had been forced to die a lonely death to protect her loved ones, Nikki dived down the rabbit hole of the euthanasia debate and unexpectedly found herself an advocate for change.
#AustralianStory #euthanasiadebate
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[@ABCNewsIndepth]

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[@MummaMia5]

Sadly this is the position I’m currently in. I’ve been sick and in severe pain since 1997. Now my specialist won’t write me a letter so I can go to Dignitas in Switzerland for voluntary euthanasia. Without his letter I’ll have to take this matter into my own hands. I can no longer suffer the pain from chronic pancreatitis and other pain. I have no quality of life and I’m just existing because doctors want to play God. Sad but true. Pain doctors I’ve been to in Brisbane have said that pain medications are addictive and their sim was for me to be taking nothing. That’s their words. I’m done!

[@marnyfrancesca2526]

@@MummaMia5 I'm so very sorry you are not receiving the compassionate understanding you so rightly deserve. I too have chronic pain, though not to the level you are experiencing. I tried to take part in a 6 week hospital course on managing pain but due to not being able to sit upright in a chair for 2 hours, could not continue. It was run by, and in, a hospital, so I asked if a empty bed could be wheeled into the conference room so I would be able to lie down but apparently, that wasn't an option! Are you able to find another specialist who may view your situation with empathy and prescribe medication, regardless of whether it is addictive as at least it would give you some relief from such relentless pain. Also, if you can, continue researching re. Dignitas. I wish you all the very best.

[@rubytuesday1316]

@@MummaMia5 I hope you you're able to transition peacefully on your terms. Your statement is that of empowerment and Dignity. USA is up to 12 states allowing this choice. It is not suicide nor sin. Your legacy is what you leave for others to gain strength from. Thank you for sharing

[@B_Bodziak]

People who haven't experienced chronic pain really have no idea the toll it takes on one's physical, emotional and spiritual sides of one's life. Daily chores are often impossible. I believe people do cry out for help but the severity is often not understood. If someone tells you they don't want to go on, believe them. Don't dismiss their feelings, including their physical pain.

[@debralucas2224]

Yep it's one of those things that no one understands unless they've been there..

[@ScriptiCat]

Completely agree, and many doctors, nurses and even pain clinics don't get it which does make sufferers reluctant to follow up as 9 times out of 10 it doesn't help or you are not believed/seen to be exaggerating.

[@AW-pz3qc]

@@ScriptiCat Moreso if you are female and in an older age group

[@carolynbrightfield8911]

@@ScriptiCat yes, it's so much simpler to not believe them until they request to die. Then, believe them & hand 'em the jungle juice.

[@CO2isfake]

I have chronic pain, fatigue and major depression disorder. I am extremely lonely. I’m waiting for my dumb attorney to get my affairs in order. I will spend all I can, I deserve to go out with a bang.

[@dianacalzadias1064]

She didn't want to be a burden to any of her children. She made her decision. All these children knew what she was suffering through it seems no one understood and were too busy to see it.

[@marjoriejohnson6535]

True...,

[@taylorheart4018]

So sad 💔💔💔💔💔💔

[@victoriousvalentine9779]

@Plump Pumpkin to be fair, it seemed that Mum lived a fairly selfish life even before her tragic condition took hold. She obviously did not always make good choices and was secretive about her final arrangements and never fully shared them in over a decade, telling no one, not even attentive friends. Maybe taking her life quietly, with no chance of the kids being implicated, was a final, unselfish act. On another note, neither mother nor daughter were easy to like, but that is no reason to treat their behaviours so harshly.

[@B_Bodziak]

In my case, I complained and complained about my physical pain. The physical pain eventually and in short time also took on psychological pain. I can only assume that my loved ones heard me complain so often, initially, that they became numb to it. There isn't a whole lot our lives ones can do to ease the pain, but they can help a bit by making sure we have way access to meals, a clean home, walking/tending to our pets. I hate saying this, but chronic pain has made me feel like some body-hating martyr. I had a 3-3.5 hr surgery a week ago and I actually looked forward to the anesthesia. The thought of sleeping for 3 straight hours was pure joy.

[@vanessamcdonald1071]

None of them gave a shit is what i see,they were as hard and self centred as their mother

[@suemount6042]

Never underestimate how pain affects a person it’s hellish it tears your life apart as it affects every aspect it’s merciless

[@ExoticF7savannahmom]

How beautifully said .I am suffering from a terminal illness. I always new somthing was wrong . I live off Gab**** & Ibuprofen, prescribed by my neurologist. I receive Chemo neurons pumped through me every 6 months. Now , every month .I'm 44 years old , was diagnosed at 36 . I truly believe , more then ever , every human being should have the right to say ' enough is enough ' and go out with DIGNITY.

[@patticakes74]

@@ExoticF7savannahmom gabapentan and ibuprofen will destroy ❤ heart @ liver .. I just lost A uncle 😢 💔 same scripts... we do have options LOW RISK ???? safer ways than what we normally do...

[@ExoticF7savannahmom]

@@patticakes74 My new options are eating really clean ORAGANIC , Gluten Free , Zero meat ,nothing cooked , all fruits and vegetables. Oh and lots of stretching in morning and before bed . I also Miss/Mrs. Pat are very new to the potential of medicinal marijuana. I do prefer the gummies , cuz , I don't want people to know when I'm smoking down. 👍💯 I should add , I have been doing this since I was told of my diagnosisamd it helps a great deal , but still in a l o t of pain . But , I just try to be the strongest person I can be mentally to get through and if one day I can't take it anymore then I know what I need to do about that. Let's just say I strongly admired + Jack Kevorkian. ❤️ 😳💯👍

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@stephaniely1187]

When your elderly parents live alone. Pls everyone come check on your parents and call them

[@liurodriguez5964]

I have mine with me and my grandma died next to us....No more dumping the elderly! Please!

[@Swist1213]

I wish I could give you more than one thumbs up! People do not realize how lonely most old people are until they themselves get old.

[@susanbrown4137]

Not just elderly, I am 47 and have not had a phonecall from anyone in years including my daughter's.

[@jinglebells6864]

It's so sad that when our loved ones were still alive, we could never find time for them. But now that they're gone, we have all the time to investigate and track the few weeks of their lives.

[@Vickygarcia73]

This 💯💯🤬😢

[@MommaZim2]

Agree

[@LozzaTx]

100% agree

[@patb-d2264]

I don't know if this happened after covid&lockdown.l marvel at how veey little covid&lockdown taught us... It took just an announcement on radio,t.v;whatever to stop our diaries-business&private! The world went on. We were locked indoors. Yet,we still are back to 'busyness';no time to look out for each other-not even our closest and dearest! The HUMAN race!Indeed!

[@jacqueline8559]

The daughter and son are hypocrites. She had no time, or inclination, to spend time with her mum. To REALLY listen to her. NOW she's, suddenly, got all the time in the World to find out how much her mother was suffering!? She's just doing this to further her own career and sell her book

[@noodles5004]

Elayn wouldn't go to a pain clinic because she was a proud woman and society has made anyone who needs help with pain feel/look like an ADDICT. Rip beautiful, no more pain 💜

[@kimgregory2781]

Or perhaps she’d lost faith in the medical community. Here in the US, when I and others go to a doctor for pain, it’s like they’re suspicious of us, that we are trying to get medications for other reasons. I’m 61 and wouldn’t complain about pain or take anything that I didn’t think was helpful, but they act like I’m a dope head or are wanting pills to sell. So until I actually break, I don’t think they’re really going to give me any relief.

[@monicaluketich3106]

@@kimgregory2781 I even have a problem with a doctor about my depression and anxiety increasing during the virus. I wanted places/services where I could get support for this, but all he thought was that I wanted was more medication. Doctors and friends don't listen.

[@braeutchen41]

@@janetamplin7318 the pain clinic was the very worst experience of my life. While my r hip was deteriorating So badly that the hip socket ground the acetabulum into dust......when I was admitted to Mayo, I was put to bed....given oxycontin and put at the head of the surgical list......but u have to get somewhere where real doctors work and not just pompous asses w a God complex .......

[@sharonkeller8367]

When I went I didn't feel like they really were able to help me. One brushed me off, she was getting married in a few weeks and probably shouldn't have been taking patients. Another wanted to do some kind of epidural thing that wasn't even really for what I was diagnosed with. I was able to get some relief from the additional fatique, I think being in pain constantly just wears a person out. But after taking a high dose of vitamin D weekly the fatique was much better and the pain more manageable though not gone.

[@braeutchen41]

@@sharonkeller8367 yep.....I hear you ! 🙌🏻💝👑

[@debbietrabeau3764]

I live in chronic pain as well. I refused to go into a nursing home. Have talked to my children about this. I told them if they ever felt I needed to be put in a home to give me 2 weeks. I will go to my doctor and get pain meds and take myself out. It’s my spine as well. Getting comfortable is a chore everyday every minute. It’s been 15 yrs now and I’m a recluse. Don’t feel bad about ur mom. I understand completely y she did what she did. Chronic pain is a killer.

[@JEBBY123IFY]

I can't tell my kids because they tried to have me committed for talking about it before!😞 I live in severe pain and have no life and they don't come around and I was a nurse and never want to go to a nursing home! I wish I could get them to just listen but they won't. It's a terrible existence! I wish people would understand and give us the dignity and love and selflessness and support so we didn't have to do it like that. And we worry about how the kids will feel guilt and sadness but what can we do? It's terrible

[@alexajessop5590]

I cry myself to sleep in pain every night. I have told the kids that if pain relief no longer works I want them to do what they need to assist my exit. Whilst pain relief is here and works I am happy. I am in a Care Facility and everyone is very understanding of my situation and for that I am truly thankful to them for their care and understanding. Govs should stay out of the business of Healthcare and leave in the hands of Patients and those who tirelessly care for all of us. They give us money, but it doesn't buy people's happiness or peace of mind .

[@teribacon22]

Are you still there? I just read your story and I hurt for you!!

[@debbietrabeau3764]

@@teribacon22 thank you

[@techwaveau]

I have cerebral palsy PTSD I tried your idea it didn't work

[@WesternAustraliaNowAndThen]

I wonder what kind of society would prosecute someone for letting a dog suffer chronic incurable pain but would also prosecute someone for relieving a human being suffering chronic incurable pain? Our lives belong to US not to a government, not to a religion, not to others. We SHOULD have the right to make our own decision about when enough is enough.

[@AZ2PM]

There's a lot of nuance to this issue that I feel you're not considering. So grandma (or any elderly family) says 'its too painful to go on' and is legally allowed to commit suicide, it sends a problematic message to the rest of society. Take for example, the 17 year old who thinks their life is 'too painful to go on' albeit because of heartbreak/teen dramas/emotional instability (list of reasons why suicide is a leading cause of death of young people and rising), and they equate that suffering to their grandmother's and then see how they escaped it as a template. I think it creates a very problematic message. And the argument would be well it's different, if they are in chronic pain etc, but the young person doesn't see it that simply, and physical pain and emotional pain share neurological similarities. I think the way we clinically approach these things misses the point of how we as a society value life. I feel the option should be for better pain treatment over simply opting for death.

[@WesternAustraliaNowAndThen]

@@AZ2PM Firstly nobody is even suggesting someone gets the right to turn themselves off just because they are having a bad day, a bad week or a bad month. This is about the decision to end life because there is no quality of life left. Where constant pain and suffering make life no longer worth living. Of course it has to be managed properly and anyone who has decided they need to put an end to their life has to be counseled and given other options. If they still choose to end their life, then that is their choice and nobody has the right to take that choice away from them. People will kill themselves for varying reasons and nothing is going to change that but we need to give those with terminal or chronic conditions the right to end their lives with some dignity. Making it illegal and forcing it underground has never prevented suicide and it never will. It just means in cases like this that people die lonely deaths when in a more humane world, they could be surrounded by love and family.

[@AZ2PM]

@@WesternAustraliaNowAndThen I disagree with the conclusion that it'll lead to more lonely deaths, especially considering euthanasia has been illegal across the board, around the world, for decades. Palliative care is there specially for that reason, and medical advancements have also helped. Their "decision to end life because there is no quality of life left. Where constant pain and suffering make life no longer worth living" - this is exactly how any person views suicide. This is my argument; that a 17 year old, a 35 year old, a 51 year old could all say that exact same quote regarding their personal circumstances. It doesn't have to be physical, people in despair think this way. That's why I feel letting frail/sick/elderly commit suicide in these specific circumstances does murky the ethics for others contemplating suicide outside of those circumstances. And I think this is where the debate is valid and the reason why it is still illegal in many jurisdictions. So when you say 'wonder what kind of society would prosecute someone' well a society that values human life and living, and that understands a full human experience includes good times as well as bad times, and that can include pain and suffering. But humans are not dogs and we can try to make the exit comfortable while not complicating the message around suicide, which is such a significant scar on our society.

[@WesternAustraliaNowAndThen]

@@AZ2PM Suicide (let's use the real term not one designed to hide what the subject actually is) has been illegal mostly due to various religious beliefs. Beliefs that are starting to lose their hold over us as we begin to mature as a society. While pain management may work for some people, it does not work for others. Why should they be condemned to a miserable existence just because society isn't mature enough to accept that everyone has the right to make a choice about whether they live or die. Pain is not the only issue here. I have early onset dementia and I watched my father die from the effects of Alzheimer's. I have no intention of having my life end the way his did. I will make arrangements to end my life well before the chance to make that choice escapes me. That is my right, no government or religion or group of people has the right to deny me my choice. It would be far more humane to allow me to make that choice openly and to involve my family. As things stand, I cannot do that and society would condemn me to becoming a living zombie, a thing that in the end cannot even feed itself and lies on a bed until it starves to death. That was how my father died. I WILL NOT die like that.

[@AZ2PM]

@@WesternAustraliaNowAndThen Firstly, let's clarify the basics - Suicide is not illegal. Assisted Suicide is. Assisted suicide is illegal (in most jurisdictions) not because of 'religion', it's illegal for multiple reasons. 1. When is it assisted suicide and when is it murder? 2. Who signs off on assisting someone's death, where's the 'line' and what are the ethical implications of it? 3. How does a society that upholds value in human life also counter balance that with systems that then clinically end human life? While your case is personal and emotive, you are neglecting some of the fundament dilemmas here that have real world implications. People could clearly take advantage of the circumstances so there needs to be a very strict protocols around this just to ensure points 1 and 2. Which is what Victoria were able to sort out prior to the state passing their euthanasia bill. But my argument is mainly point 3. I have genuine concerns around society being ok with one form of suicide while working so hard to reduce suicide in the remaining 99% of the population. I feel the 99% majority should win out, as I fear a diluting of the message around suicide, in any circumstances, will lead to continued increase in suicide rates that are already near record highs.

[@uyoebyik]

Omg now she's trying to guilt the old man. There's something seriously wrong with the daughter. She'll know all about it if she ends up disabled and in severe pain herself

[@entrepreneurialendeavors2613]

Do not have ever underestimate the excruciating world of people living with pain just bc it’s intangible! If someone says they’re in pain believe them and fight for them ! Pain takes away your ability to fight for yourself and unless you’ve been there you’ll never get it ! But it’s real and under treated due to crazy laws restricting people who really need them!

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@tt4days346]

the laws arent crazy, the us is going through a drug crisis rn , cant blame the laws -blame the addicts instead

[@brendaseager7371]

This is so sad that elders get pushed to the last. All your life, you were number one, and that never changed, but, when their children move on to a family of their own, they haven’t got the time or won’t take the time. One day a month is all it would take to keep the lines open. Think of this before you find it to late because no since feeling sad afterwards.

[@FreedomofSpeech865]

As someone that is getting in with age, I don’t expect my adult children to put me first. I want them to live full lives. They are too many things to busy myself.

[@sandrabentley8111]

One day a month? Good lord, is that all a parent is worth? What kind of society have we become?

[@sandrabentley8111]

@@FreedomofSpeech865 You put them first! Their respect is important, yes, even as an example to their own children. Elders in society are very important, they have much to teach and give. Making the excuse that your kids need to live full lives, is missing the point. You need to be part of their 'full' life.

[@trinidadwhyatt6189]

@@sandrabentley8111 Looking after parent in time of their need, is very much part of making your life full. Being able to express our gratitude to someone who cared for us, is what makes our life full.

[@iseeyou2810]

Why do westerners think your own childern abandoning you is something to be proud of? My grandmother died sounded by her four childern and grand childern and grade grand childern. I am so sad that childern in the west are raised their life is more important then those who loved them and have been there for them when they couldn't care for themselves. Most people who eccept such behaviours are those who themselves abandoned their own parents in their time of need.

[@ronelllambert2040]

Sounds to me that she did what she wanted! The children are not looking at it from her point of view

[@virginiasantillan2267]

People have to believe it when a loved one says they are in pain . Nerve pain isn’t visible and the worst is having no emotional support I have lived this many years . Keep reaching out until you get the help of need and remember God loves you

[@Swist1213]

I dealt with nerve pain in my foot - thankfully for only a couple of months. I don't know how people deal with it!

[@soniczforever5470]

I have cluster headaches in both eyes that can go on for days no migraine neds work unfortunately stress has led to their return and failure of once successful medication. I lose the ability to talk and most of my sight for days at a time.

[@petersmith9771]

Your mother was empowered no doubt in the world.. We should do more to make this available without it being a crime.

[@christinesbetterknitting4533]

Maybe we should pay more attention to the older people in our families and see their value.

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@shari9721]

@@christinesbetterknitting4533 seeing her value wouldn't have taken away or reduced her chronic agony and exhaustion.

[@tt4days346]

@@shari9721 but it would have made her realise that her pain isnt a burden to her family and that they want her around pain and all , she was simply a prideful woman and didnt want to have to reduce herself to leaning on her kids. :( my mom is similar but luckily i know how she feels about suicide and know this wouldnt be a route she would ever consider no matter the circumstance

[@jogould1045]

My mum has a Do Not Resuscitate Order. We have spoken about what she wants and why. I am as prepared as one can be. I hope that never have to make that decision but love her dearly and will respect her wishes when the time comes. Living with chronic pain myself, i can relate to this.

[@aprilapril2]

Dnr in place is all well and good. However, you’ll still get antibiotics, operations, and be kept alive no matter how much of a mess you’ll be. I need a living will to allow myself to die , withdraw all treatment except pain killers, if or when I get dementia.

[@joecheffo5942]

Wow, that's horrendous what they do. Torturing people just to bill insurance.@@aprilapril2

[@lisaeischens2352]

Living with chronic pain is a very lonely situation. I’m only 50 and have had it for over 12 years already. I think about how long I can keep living like this and have thought about what I might do when I get older and unable to manage things on my own. I don’t want to burden my kids and will do what needs to be done. Hopefully it doesn’t come down to that but for someone suffering, it gets to be too long.

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@E-Kat]

Oh, I'm so terribly sorry for you! It's a long time to be in pain. I'm in pain all day and night for over ten years and before that, the pain wasn't so constant. I had some breaks during the day. Morphine is too weak now but doctors won't give me anything else. I keep googling for some new treatments constantly. I so hope some treatment becomes available soon for you. In the 21 century, it's so hard to believe that we have to be in pain constantly, isn't it. I keep thinking, good job I'm not a dog, as they would've put me down ages ago! I'll say a little prayer for your pain to get better. All the best, Lisa♥️🤗🤲

[@laurarebb6923]

I live with chronic pain, too. I’m only 55. Some days are just rough. I feel and see you. Sending you love!

[@gabriellejudd1]

Everyone dies sometime, why linger in pain ..its not about the Grandkids... Quality of life is most important. Nikki plays it out like she's feeling guilty.

[@tundrawomansays5067]

Of course she does: *Guilt is a normal part of the grief process.*

[@Retro_Disco]

In America the doctor that prescribed those meds would be sued and put in jail. Literally.

[@miaballester3978]

She should feel VERY GUILTY.

[@patticakes74]

@@Retro_Disco that's what u think ?🤔 the doctor @ lawyer relationship is no different than REPUBLICAN AND DEMOCRAT. 🤥💔🏴‍☠️💀👊🤨👀🙄🤣😅😆 STAY INDEPENDENT...and believe in yourself... I'm trying 😪

[@janedoe1347]

I thought this would be about mom, it’s more about the daughter and her difficulty of not being there for her mother

[@mw12349]

yep she didnt give a shit about her mother its still about her

[@ruthkletke]

Guilt

[@tundrawomansays5067]

*Guilt is an inherent part of grief whether the death was an Anticipated death or a Sudden death.* You’re welcome.

[@margarethernandez8098]

Can you imagine if she put that much time, enthusiasm, energy, and research, towards her mother BEFORE SHE NEEDED TO DO FOR HERSELF TO UNDERSTAND HER MOTHERS PAIN...And try to release herself from her guilt of not being there when her mother needed her most...(how wonderful a gift that would have been for her mother)...This woman seems to be a self-absorbed, sympathy sucker, who is using her mothers sad situation to benefit herself...RIP.

[@lanam.3386]

Absolutely spot on. I am an older person with chronic pain and absolutely no one cares for me at all. My only daughter got mad at me 11 years ago and hasn't spoken to me since. I made the mistake of making her a "princess" her entire life. I gave everything I had to her. Emotionally,monetarily.... everything. So when I FINALLY told her she was wrong,the "princess" couldn't deal with it. Her husband was a saint and put up with her infidelity several times in order to keep their family together. She started having yet another affair and was "in love", she wanted me to condone her behavior. I wouldn't. She ended up divorcing her husband, marrying this man and having another child that I have never been able to meet or see. The man ended up dying of brain cancer. She married his best friend immediately afterwards. Yet I am the bad guy. She knows I have many many health problems and in chronic,chronic pain and she could care less. I finally got through the pain of losing my only child. But the pain of absolutely no one caring is still difficult. God Bless those parents out there who are unloved because their narcissistic children are "too busy" to bother with them.

[@peggythursby2033]

I think her mom was depressed more than in pain. Felt all alone and not needed. I know, I’m 70 I have 2 daughters that has used me up. And now they don’t need me. Ignore me.

[@zoe9632]

She was in pain. She had a FULL life. That's why she told the daughter that she wouldn't be expected to look after the grandkids all the time. The doctor told her to go to a pain clinic for her pain.

[@prettybabyelephant6161]

I have lived with Chronic pain for 20 years! Not a pleasant life! They finally found a pain patch that takes care of the pain! It’s very depressing! My prayers to her daughter and family!!!!

[@katrinaemily6601]

Same. It’s awful. I want to end my life most of the time.

[@europianbob]

Phentinol does the trick huh? For me as well. :)

[@europianbob]

@@katrinaemily6601 Please dont do anything like that. Find something to hang on to. It will get better. You sre here for a purpose!

[@carolinepercy1216]

✌\m/✌

[@joecheffo5942]

@@europianbob Why do people have to hang on? Maybe we have a purpose maybe not. What if our purpose is finished? Maybe our purpose is to show people it's OK to die?

[@carolynlong9148]

I have suffer from chronic pain since the age of 9. What my mother didn't know was that I was suffering from pediatric Fibromyaliga. The pain in my feet felt like a pitch fork stabbing me. I was walking over active nerves in my feet. By the age of 24 I had enough of pain and finally went to my college medical clinic. Then it took a year to get diagnosed with Fibromyalgia. After that I learned that I had another pain disorder called Costochondritis. At 25 I felt alone I was sick I couldn't socialize and felt helpless. I'm going to write a book it's called Getting Past The Pain. My emotional journey living with chronic pain.

[@zoe9632]

I'm sorry.

[@lisaeischens2352]

I know the feeling and it’s not fun. Hang in there my friend.

[@elizevaneeden2000]

So sorry, wish i could wish your pain away for you, but i know what you are going through,i suffer from chronic pain after a very bad freak accident,past 2 years just pain on pain. What i have realized is most people including family become tired of hearing complaints, i have stopped this and really try and just take it day by day. Wil be thinking of you and sending you love.💞

[@patticakes74]

HAS ANYONE EVER HEARD OF I.V INFUSIONS ???? FOR PAIN .............

[@sylviaa4974]

Yes I have incostal neuralgia its just awful ..

[@katalinrobin6222]

I wish the daughter didn't act that much...

[@ClarZoeLe]

She’s not acting, I think she is just eccentric and bubbly as a person.

[@user-ne4vh8hi1f]

Daughter is as fake as they come !!!

[@jacqueline8559]

She's so false. She'd drive me crazy 😧

[@youtubehandle-]

Her Mom called crying I don't understand how they were unaware? OMG

[@taylorheart4018]

I know.....💔💔💔💔

[@miaballester3978]

I ve called while hospitalized and it always "Mom I can't. I have work..........................Finally I ve given up. And just a matter of when........

[@decker8202]

@@miaballester3978 Sadly, I can relate.

[@FC-hj9ub]

I see w lot of denial in these comments. Even as a non professional you can see the narcissistic dysfunction in this family

[@decker8202]

@@FC-hj9ub I agree and I see it in my family as well. It's sad and I don't know how to make things better.

[@TheTonialadd]

I finally got referred to the pain medication management program. They treated me like a drug seeker. What are we to do when we can’t get help from the people we look to for that help?

[@Hope44903]

Your mom's death was not lonely death....She went peacefully in the manner she wanted.. What you are feeling is maybe regrets of not being more there for your Mom...Or not listening....I'm glad you have found out the truths and are helping others to better understand....God bless..🙏🏾🙋🏾💞

[@mistressmozart]

i have llived with chronic pain for 30 years. I'm only 44. i don't have kids or a partner, sometimes I'm only hanging on for my dog. I can't leave her. But people who don't live with pain every day have no clue how horrible it is. I don't know if i can face another 20-30 years of this.

[@sylvieweijsenfeld8747]

The daughter is so busy with herself....I do what I always do: writing. There certainly was not any feeling of responsibility towards her mother at all. "I am 3 suburbs away"?????? I can totally understand the mother, too proud to beg. Too proud to demand care. Shame on both the daughter and the son. Very selfish. We all have busy lives, you set your priorities.

[@mw12349]

completely agree this is exactly y the mother never told them and they knew she was in pain they didnt give a shit ! bit late now for the daughter to cry crocodile tears!! I bet all she was worried about was the will cause she never gave a shit in real life about her!!

[@electricdreams9446]

@@mw12349 the daughter has plenty of money though. She made a lot of money from that rubbish book she wrote. it was an international best seller. God knows why.

[@nicoler2939]

What a horrible thing to say. Hindsight is 2020. I guarantee Every single person who has lost a loved one weather it’s suicide or a family member with cancer and believing they won’t die , not accepting they will all say they wish they spent more time and did this or that with them .

[@mw12349]

@@electricdreams9446 exactly I also felt the tears were false at the end very forced! She even says she never told her mum she loved her and wish she'd said it once to her her whole life just awful

[@electricdreams9446]

@@nicoler2939 agreed. i had someone die who I was not close to and I still looked back on it wishing I had done differently

[@msimpson2779]

I'm in chronic pain. 4 years now. Supposed to be getting surgery in Dec. Already decided if surgery doesn't end the pain I'm outta here. So so sick of the pain. And I won't be telling no one if that turns out to be the case.

[@alexandraappeigyei1724]

Please don't

[@zohrawaiz]

Hi Simpson, my prayers with you. I have no idea how hard it is to have pain all the time, however, I have some sense of it. Hopefully you will be better after surgery... please please please don't do anything in a hurry.. please think about it... I will keep you in my prayers. God bless you.

[@anitasweet454]

Praying for your pain to go away, I have terminal cancer and don’t have a life because of all my pain I have had 28 surgeries and I can’t get any relief

[@B6east]

I respect your choices.

[@kamipersonal2687]

As long as we breathe, there will be choices! 🙏🙏

[@nicolastevenson189]

I have fibromyalgia weekly headaches and RLS and am only 35 and am on so many meds I’ve had to give up my job as a PT. if I didn’t listen to my body am bed bound or in hospital with the pain no sleep and crying for someone to take these illness away. plus my dad has Parkinson’s and dementia so I moved back home to help my mum so am studying and helping my mum while looking after myself. The hidden pain only people know who have it. I fully understand why her mother took her life. Wish allowing to end their life’s would be allowed in this world. Love from Scotland 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

[@zoe9632]

I'm sorry for whats been dealt to you 💜

[@theinkbrain]

They ignored their mother when she was alive and now they are wringing their hands because its still all about them.

[@marycole716]

Too bad the daughter didn’t pick up on her mother’s needs..

[@noobie7719]

I have to agree, but now it’s her “forever burden”. My 27year old grandson committed suicide last November, and there’s guilt enough for ALL of us...forever.

[@opalessence4818]

@@noobie7719 I’m so sorry. So tough. Sending love.

[@lislenz670]

I believe that you have the right to choose. Your body, your choice.

[@Retro_Disco]

In America they'd put the doctor in prison that prescribed the drugs.

[@junecooper4688]

Totally agree

[@yashathebelgianmalinois348]

If only people thought the same about forced injections that are still in experimental phase.

[@lisaduprey2829]

:( I wish other countries would get on board with this. Its not fair that we let people suffer or how our selfish ways make us believe that the pain someone else has is not as bad as they say.

[@moniqueengleman873]

Thank golly that I live in California. We have "The Right to die" law. This has been very important to me. I feel the same exact way. I have Metastatic Melanoma. I write letters to my children, and hope to have a high quality of life. But having it in my hands feels so good. We all want The Good Death.

[@marilynfranklin8924]

So heart wrenching, so raw, sad and true. I too am suffering chronic pain, I have osteoarthritis in my hips and lower back, I still work and function as I’m supposed to do, but the truth is, I’m in massive pain every day. Some days I hurt so much I can hardly walk between the rooms of my house. I don’t go to my doctor for pain relief, every 6 months when I get new prescriptions for my antidepressant he gives me 20 simple panadine fortes. I make them last 6 months. I also feel like I’m useless. I cannot walk more than about 30 steps or stand for more than a minute. I don’t know what to do.

[@GUCC1197]

Try listening to Louise Hay💗

[@nikkimclay5474]

ask your GP for pain relief, fentanyl patches are dispensed for your type of pain

[@kathycuster1714]

I had both my hips replaced. It has helped. Barometric pressure changes absolutely knock me down. I also have fibromyalgia. I go every 3 months to get my meds refilled. I ended up applying for disability and got it. My heart goes out to you!

[@jaxoneddins4852]

Why spend your time now looking for answers but you couldn't give her your time when she was alive.

[@wildlifegardenssydney7492]

Absolutely , so true!

[@dapperdoggy]

I think she died the way she wanted. If you feel bad it's because you have guilt over not taking care of her. I took my mom into my house cared for her until she died.

[@ramblingrosie3762]

Thank you for sharing this wonderful story. I happened to be watching this on mother's day. My mother passed away 3 years ago in a way that was not of her choosing.i wish more than ever I had been brave enough to open a conversation with her about her choices, cried a lot while watching this.

[@elizabethbadior9966]

It’s AMAZING how NOW HER DAUGHTER found the TIME to go to her doctor and speak to him ...FINDS TIME to write a book...FINDS TIME to go to her friends to talk ...FINDS TIME ...etc etc etc ...sad thing is she could NOT FIND TIME FOR HER MUM 😭😢😭😢😭😢😭...believe me it’s YOUR CHOICE IF YOU MAKE TIME OR NOT

[@nr1785]

Exactly right.

[@kamipersonal2687]

That is only one side of the story. The other is Gemmel's mum wasn't too keen to help with grandkids, also. In a way, she set an example... 🤦‍♂️🤔😌😪

[@lovealways729]

coz she is forwarding her career haha

[@lovealways729]

also trying to get herself rid of her selfishness

[@elizabethbadior9966]

@@kamipersonal2687 … my mother was not a help either BUT that is NO EXCUSE what so ever

[@Fiona-sg9wh]

I have spent most of my life either watching people fight to live or watching them die. I worked as an ICU nurse for many years. I have now changed to hospice. What I did notice about people choosing to stop fighting in the ICUs over the years is we have gotten a lot better at helping people die better. It is not perfect but for the hospitals with comfort care, we are able to really medicate patients well. I am an advocate for euthanasia should one wish to choose that for themselves when dealing with a terminal or too painful existence. I do believe we should be able to choose to die in the way we want at the end of our lives. This was a great documentary and love story to her mom. I too have lived with chronic pain for 20 years now and I know how exhausting it can be. I was on opioids for 9 years but stopped them 5 years ago. I was tired of being a slave to drugs. It is not easy and I do wish there was a better drug than opiates for pain. I can not take NSAIDS so that leaves Tylenol or cannabis. I am not a fan of cannabis except when I feel like blowing my brains out from the pain. I will then take it for relief but I can not function when I am high. I can not smoke as it hurts too much and makes me cough so I will use edibles when needed. There are a lot of other things I do to help with pain to manage my life. Some days I can do nothing and every day is a struggle. I understand why your mom did what she felt she had to. Thanks for sharing this story.

[@bduidang7193]

When parents are old it is always good to make them stay with you.

[@carolinepaton9718]

We are focusing on the physical pain, and that in itself is horrendous, but the emotional pain of not being able to share with your family, or have understanding is in itself more isolating and lonely beyond belief. I feel very sorry for her daughter, she never got to say goodbye, to hug and hold her, tell her she was loved. So many elderly people are just crying out for that special touch that only family can bring.

[@CricketGirrl]

Not just elderly. A whole world of disabled people are treated this way.

[@AskAlex1999]

The son said he doesn’t believe her pain was as bad as she said it was. WTH. 😤. Have some decency.

[@elaineburch5397]

This isn’t about your mother. What she must have been going through. It’s about you and your family.

[@soniabechus5122]

I thought that as well. I found Nikki to be an absolute narcissist. Such a beautiful mum.

[@yukiefromoz2573]

We need to learn to listen to one another more. I've seen a few docos about ppl who travel to Switzerland or Belgium to get euthanised and I think we as humans have a right to be given that option if there's no other way. Living in physical pain is difficult to control and no quality of life.

[@ParArdua]

I saw a documenary about an English professor accessing Dignitas, and I was very unimpressed at what I saw. I do understand that Dignitas were under opposition from politicians at the time, but although quick, the death was neither dignified nor in the man's control.

[@yukiefromoz2573]

@@what.the... Sorry, I wasn't sure what you were getting at.. that it should be an option for ppl who are suicidal because of mental health issues as well?

[@yukiefromoz2573]

@@what.the... Well that's why I asked, so why not answer properly, not sarcastically? 🤦‍♀️

[@atomicstyle7344]

I’m Switzerland there is a euthanasia members only facility. Membership isn’t too speedy. It’s called Dignitas. Like dignity.

[@kamipersonal2687]

@@ParArdua me too, i watched a doco where the guy who chose euth.he was given some tablets and they made him incredibly thirsty and uncomfortable. I felt like he regreted the choice, but was too late!

[@andelkajovan8260]

Some of these comments break my heart that the daughter is portrayed so unkindly...personally I would and do avoid adding any burden on my children...I have sort help from a pain clinic but was advised due to not filling in a questionnaire (which I had but obviously something went wrong in the mail) I was no longer eligible for their help...this caused me so much angst as I had waited months for a reply...when you struggle to walk to the bathroom and no longer capable of keeping a clean home; life does not have any joy nor quality...I have tried to enjoy time with my family by making adjustments (temporary wheelchair) to have a family outing still puts limits on my capabilities and causes so much frustration...not to mention being wheeled in front of the lions at the zoo and they were told that their meals on wheels had arrived (now ex husband; has a sense of humour)...due to the government putting strict restrictions on pain relief prescriptions; forcing me to go to the doctor regularly like a naughty child is demoralising...eventually the exhaustion of keeping up appearances becomes too difficult...much nicer to finish with a favourite drink and a long sleep.

[@Carylina1]

I am so sorry for our suffering and the health system and pain clinic which has failed you. Much more human compassion is needed. Thank you for writing so honestly.

[@coomessa4002]

@Andelka JOVAN It is demoralizing. I've been with the same (and only!) pain management clinic for 12 years. I've been with my neighborhood pharmacy for 15 years. Notwithstanding an established patient can become addicted, no matter how long you've been an established patient, not matter how long you've 'proven' to comply, no matter that you've signed a patient/doctor contract, no matter that you've been drug tested every couple of months for years, there is no pathway to removing *some* of the many hurdles placed on patients with a proven long-term record of compliance. I think that if we made a new agency or branch of federal agency who's purpose is to establish a system/pathway to becoming an established pain management patient, like an ID card of sorts, that is kept in a nationwide registry/database of patients, that it would not only help ease the burden on patients, but also aid in identifying abusers, scammers, drug seekers, doctor shoppers and the like. I think that it would assist in identifying doctors, pharmacies, middle men, and patients who abuse the system. Hell, even if you can't can't be added to the database by your doctor until you've been an established and compliant patient for 3 or 4 or 5 years, at least it would be a pathway!

[@B6east]

I hear you 100%. We are treated like criminals for needing pain medicine….they SAY we must go through all this to keep these medicines off the streets and out of the “wrong hands”…..but of course those who obtain narcotics illicitly still get plenty ! (while legit. patients are cut off. ) In fact the whole bootleg fentanyl epidemic was a result of drug cartels seeing a great business opportunity at a time when prescription opiates had become increasingly difficult to obtain. Despite this “crackdown “ on prescription analgesics, opiate overdoses and deaths have increased dramatically . Add inadequate relief to the other burdens of living with constant pain, and you’re right - a lovely glass of absinthe with a sprig of hemlock sounds just the ticket !

[@cq9882]

Elaine’s Daughter, nor her Son has no idea what chronic pain is like to live with every day. I have watched this story several times and never made a comment until now. Our parents are so often neglected by us when our own marriages and children become a first priority. In non anglo cultures parents are revered and cared for by the family. This is a tragic event that this beautiful and wonderful Women choose this path. I can’t stop thinking that her neglect by her family played a role. My comments may upset some, but I have a right to voice them. I have had chronic pain all my life. Despite this pain, I lead a courageous fight against it. An amazing career in critical care and international health and a treasured personal life, I never stopped trying. My life now is in a worst state. My precious friends have been so incredibly caring and supportive. My family have not. I never married, a decision I have never regretted. There are so real life lessons in this story for those who do not want to wait until it is too late to notice or play a loving an supportive role to their parents, sisters, brothers etc who are so often neglected by us in the pursuit of their own families. All the work after the event is too late and will never bring closure, particularly what Elaine’s daughter is now seeking. 🙏

[@ruthwalton3457]

Myum and I discussed years ago about not letting her go into a home to die or helping her if she was ill . Got that removed as she was taken into hospital and never left . I got told to shush when I said I should explain the shunt to her for morphine she died without as not explained fully . She needed that morphine . If we had been at home things would have been different My poor mum dudnt forgive me I don't think for making her go to hospital . She has a massive break in her femure where the cancer had eaten her bones . I cannot te you how angry i still am ay the local gp the doctors not explaining fully the morphine shunt and relatives telling me not get myself in trouble and the govenments all over the world need to implement assisted dying it is CRUEL NOT TO HELP

[@tundrawomansays5067]

Absolutely! Thank you.

[@wildlifegardenssydney7492]

Thank you Ruth, this is so true. GPs and hospital staff need to urgently listen to patients/ their children or carers when they request morphine. It is criminally negligent to not give pain relief (duty of care) and leave them. So , so sorry for the heartbreaking loss of your mum.

[@ruthwalton3457]

@@wildlifegardenssydney7492 thank you x 🙏🙏🙏 both my sister and I are huge believers in assisted dying if someone has had enough .

[@1Kaileegirl]

People don't understand chronic pain and the depression it causes on top of all the physical pain. Hardest part is to let go of who you were and what you used to do You learn to do everything differently, have to pace yourself, be grateful to still be alive and most important of all love the new you Stop trying to be the old you because sometimes in life you can't go back. These days I've done things I never would've done before my accident I learnt to slow down and smell the roses and life is good

[@Terri330]

Pain clinics are a joke, in fact all dr are a joke today! They dont care! I've suffered 6 years w lyme disease and not one dr will treat it unless your rich! Even then cure is not garrennteted! It's very painfull! I took measures upon my self to find help, I'm doing much better, but I can relate to this ladies pain💕

[@amy109]

Look into Kratom. I have stage 4 endometriosis and it has saved my life.

[@Terri330]

@@amy109 I tried it, I got very sick from it, but thank you 🤗💕

[@cassieoz1702]

So, are you in USA.

[@Terri330]

@@cassieoz1702 yes

[@cassieoz1702]

@@Terri330 the rest of the world just gets tired of general stuff that tars everyone with the same brush. The US system is seriously sick but not everywhere is like that. I don't envy you trying to stay well in USA

[@loiscassels8966]

Thank God we now have medical assistance in dying (MAID) legally here in Canada now. It’s about time.

[@yashathebelgianmalinois348]

The daughter whose a writer chose to use her mother’s personal account with chronic pain as a hot topic to write about. Her emotions didn’t seem genuine.

[@michellegore472]

No one. Ever ever believes chronic pain......I tell no one except. Dr

[@lisaeveleigh1334]

It is a shame that it wasn’t more about the mum to give other people an insight into what she was living with, but I guess it was hard for the family when they really had no idea what she was living with 24/7, and now they feel guilty cause they were to busy or ignorant to be there for their mum and notice her pain, very sad 😞

[@soniczforever5470]

I've a mother just like that I have severe depression due to disturbing thoughts And Severe physical pain. Have horrendous condition I have no interest in living but scared of the idea of death. I'd one fxxxd up thought and my mind pretty much snapped.

[@soniabechus5122]

I found Nikki to be an absolute narcissist. Such a lovely mum.

[@mokz91]

We island people never abandon our parents. Even having our own children. Never ever ever leave them alone. Once they have gone. Thats it. No use crocodile tears after.

[@heatherbowlan1961]

That’s so true , we put are parents the ones that gave us life , cared ,loved , sacrificed other things for us or to protect us , gave us all of her attention always , now we can’t find the time in this crazy world for her , if she’s down , lonely , depressed , or sick , she would hide it from her adult kids , she would never want to burden you , like all her life always smile thew tears or pain just wanting to give you the most rememerable childhood , no matter what she had to sell , or work extra for , to bring out that happy face and loving touches and beloved stories , nomatter what’s going on in her life nothing mattered in the world but you , when she was with you ,you had her 100% love and attention .Mothers have the unconditional love , the Best friend YOULL ever have , with the best wishes and prayers for you always with honesty ,and love in it ,, how we forget the bests of things in our life they seen very tiny , but when the time comes that there gone you’ll miss that solid love from mom .

[@lanam.3386]

Amen

[@miaballester3978]

I hope my daughter and son could read your words.🙏❤️ Thank you for saying the words this mom feels but is afraid her children would Still not understand.

[@donnamariedavidson5065]

@@miaballester3978 ditto.

[@sandrabentley8111]

I don't think this daughter really liked her mum at all, otherwise she would have made more of an effort to see her.

[@AW-pz3qc]

After reading the comments below, I'm not going to waste precious time watching the video as there are too many family members claiming they are 'too busy' when they really mean to say 'don't care' but really they 'do care' when it comes to the Will and division of assets. Unfortunately my family are no different so they will be rewarded when the time comes!! Like so many of us, they have never once asked how I cope with the pain. If I wish to end my own life, nobody will stop me as it is 'my' life and nobody elses so I have every right to do as I wish. I have very strong thoughts about Euthanasia and will never change my mind.

[@francesslubik5677]

As one who has been very ill, struggling to hang on takes unimaginable strength. Even exploring medical resolution is an overwhelming undertaking, especially when one is alone. I have watched numerous family members live amazing lives, then wither away without a sense of dignity. Why isn't euthanasia a legal medical practice? Who wouldn't prefer a moment with family than a peaceful end, to prolonged misery with no hope in sight?

[@epenesajennings4725]

Mother's suffering are our sufferings. She was in constant pain, and we were with her all the way. Wish we could have done more for her. We love he dearly.

[@nancymosby7369]

Mom told me she was going to end her life and we didn’t believe her…… yikes!

[@drsylvietourigny5428]

My mother was positively vicious in her attacks of me during the 30 years of my debilitating, often immobilising, chronic pain. It was only after an injury very similar to my much earlier one, and subsequent chronic pain of her own, that she has retracted (to me, but not to her much broader audience of our extended family) her virulent accusations of drug abuse, ĺaziness (despite my ongoing high-level professional work), self-centredness, and more. Elayn's daughter opens vistas often not accessible to the healthy. She must not forget that her entire life was a gift from Elayn. She's not been self-centred... only self-directed just as Elayn wanted.

[@cathytauscher6760]

I can’t believe there’s so many negative comments regarding her daughter. It sounds like the mother became more self isolating. No one can really know the workings of another’s mind. This is a sad story, but not a unique one.

[@liurodriguez5964]

Many children become very self centered in their lives and they just forgot where they came from.....I am not blaming or judging I am just saying...

[@sandrabentley8111]

The daughter herself said she didn't have time for her mum. Or more likely didn't make time. Priorities upside down.

[@B_Bodziak]

I assume it's very hard in the loved ones of someone trying to live with debilitating pain. I think that my loved ones have heard me complain so much and so often that they had to become blind and deaf to it. It's likely become the only way they can handle it. If doctors and surgeons are unable to treat to stop the pain, there isn't much the lived ones can do about it. They CAN help by visiting, by preparing meals, by helping to keep a home clean.

[@nr1785]

The daughter said her mother would ring for help and the daughter would tell her she ‘was 3 suburbs away’ and couldn’t help. The mother was reaching out but why would she bother to continue when her daughter was neglecting her?

[@B6east]

I agree. Mother had been a strong minded ,independent person who had told the daughter she would not be a babysitting or cookie-baking grandmother, and Mom definitely became increasingly isolated . (I believe we all become more isolated, in our pain 😢) In the same vein, daughter had emphasized how busy she was, and not near-by. The degree of closeness in a family can be a legacy, or at least an unspoken agreement.

[@rajimac]

This mother wanted to take her life into her own hands and she should be able to do that. We all have a unique destiny and she had hers. Aside from the physical pain she also seemed to be a woman who wanted to live life to the full and nothing was going to stop her except herself. I admire her.

[@lindareiswig4436]

I can't believe her son said he didn't think his Mom was in that much... Well that is so disturbing, I hope he never told his Mom that.. How dare him !!!!

[@susanl8478]

I will do the same. Going to get everything cleaned up ... finances, house etc... I will leave a note(s). I've told my kids ... they don't believe me. Seems like the sanest thing to do after watching parents and others deteriorate slowly, painfully, helplessly, uselessly and costing themselves and everyone around them financially and emotionally. And yes, we don't do this to our cats and dogs or suffering farm/ranch animals . I imagine some want to hang on no matter what. Not me.

[@whatmyohmy]

If your family doesn't believe you than set up a dinner and invite the ones that can come. Put it to them request your presence to attend a I Love You Dinner. Than while they are all there if you can write it all down than read it to them. They will believe you than but remember your not alone. Tell Them about your will etc. Believe me it's best to know stuff face to face than after the facts. A big hug from someone who cares!

[@jessikajess9290]

I will do the same 🙂

[@Truth1561]

My daughter dropped casually into a conversation with a friend that she was suicidal last year when she was diagnosed with multiple sclerosis . She was blase when she repeated the conversation to me and I expressed shock that I had been with her 23hrs, didn’t know and that she disclosed it so casually to a friend . She was angry saying I had no right to make her feel guilty for considering this option if things get too bad for her. I hadn’t said anything - just apparently looked devastated and started to cry. It’s such a personal and complicated subject . I have actually got on to a waiting list for counselling to deal with this ( she is already receiving counselling thankfully ).

[@whatmyohmy]

@@Truth1561 The person is more inclined to tell a stranger or a friend than family. To many people don't listen an than it happens. Watch to see if she starts giving stuff away etc. Don't I' am just saying if anything ever happens take it to heart! Yes it;s your daughter believe me I understand how you feel. But no matter what we are not the person who is hurting. We are just the one's that love them and worry about them. Just keep giving her hugs and telling her how much you love her everyday! If she's in physical pain that calls for pain killers. You might think about massaging the area or even a hot water bottle. Have her learn how to meditate with slow breathing. it helps me a lot! Don't forget your not alone!

[@Truth1561]

@@whatmyohmy thank you . It’s not so much the pain- she has been living with chronic bladder pain and ibs for 10 yrs. she had lost her sight and new lesions were appearing quickly in her brain . She was grieving the life she had planned ( including climbing Machu pichu) and hadn’t adapted to the diagnosis . Her boyfriend dumped her, she lost her job and boyfriend demanded they sell their flat immediately . It’s a lot for anyone to deal with .She’s been having counselling and I think is doing a little better atm . I converted part of my house into a self contained flat for her so she can live rent free and heal . I think I am grieving as well tbh because she had such a bright future ahead of her, but she will I’m sure find a different path that is just as fulfilling.

[@smarie3874]

I have chronic pain. My family has been amazing and I am blessed with good friends as well. My heart hurts that her family didn’t know how to help her. As a society we need to do a better job of treating chronic pain, supporting/believing patients and confronting ableism. Let’s focus more on making chronic pain patients lives worth living. It should be their choice, but if society doesn’t provide options there’s no choice at all.

[@kathycuster1714]

We are branded with the drug seeker reputation.. It's not so much that we drugd as it is relief from the pain we have!

[@sandyrickard994]

How much do these pain clinics cost to access I wonder. Drug companies profit by hundreds of billions of dollars per year directly tied to distributing pain medications with kickbacks to many medical professionals. This has to be one of the reasons why this much needed debate is so contentious and not encouraged. If I want to end my life with dignity, for any reason, that is my choice.

[@michellegore472]

Alot

[@michellegore472]

In switzerland over 13,000. Not include buriel or other things

[@cassieoz1702]

In Australia, the clinics are free

[@christinaadams1235]

America pain clinics have stopped giving opioids for the most part they try shots in your spine and physical therapy.

[@gaylebateman2317]

It is so very, very sad that people have to die on their own due to the ignorance of those in power that don't allow euthanasia. Everyone should have the legal right to make this decision and have their family with them without the risk of being implicated in a crime.

[@ottohome]

It’s sad to see so much criticism of this daughter, when she has voluntarily put her shortcomings and failures out there, to help other people see, and avoid, doing the same. It is a sad sad tale. 💔

[@monicabastardo6898]

The thing is that the daughter sudenly found the time, when it was too late... That is surprising, to say the least.

[@sandrabentley8111]

It helps alleviate the guilt. But it's still about herself. Had she put in half the time with her mum before she died, as she has put into all this writing after she died, maybe her mum would be alive today, maybe. This writer seems very self absorbed.

[@victoriousvalentine9779]

@@sandrabentley8111 I think that would also be a fair comment to be made about the mother also. She doesn’t become an angel just because she has passed.

[@Wheresbibby]

As a person who lives with chronic pain my kids have no idea how I am feeling… they’re adults who have their own lives … life gets busy don’t blame the daughter she probably had no idea how bad things were…

[@jont.a83]

@@monicabastardo6898 dont we all do we often don’t realize how bad things are until it’s too late ,,don’t speak bad of others if you don’t know they also have a fight that they’re fighting

[@sarahemily597]

Nikki, Seriously rubs me up the wrong way! She feels guilty for neglecting her poor Mother hence why shes speaking out now! Very frustrating! Once your Mother has gone that’s it! Time is precious!

[@sandrabentley8111]

I don't think she liked her mum at all.

[@DErika-ks6tp]

Almost an opportunity to garner visibility for her writings.

[@createinmeacleanheartohgod6871]

Her mom needed help from her kids but they ignored her. That is why their mom died lonely. It’s really not because of their mom’s physical pain, but it was her desire to have her family around. What a callous kids she brought into this world. Her kids are very apathetic to their mom.

[@christinesbetterknitting4533]

They are very sensitive to their own image and pain, now, aren't they?

[@tmfromdenmark9158]

@@christinesbetterknitting4533 No they are not !

[@josephinelovsin4961]

@@tmfromdenmark9158 n6

[@crystaldawn9255]

Yeah well Mom was also super toxic and we encourage others to walk away from those kind all the time

[@michellesmith27]

I can relate to this. If I get to the point where I cannot live a good life - I will take matters into my own hands. ❤

[@maryberon4193]

Me, too. I was diagnosed with terminal cancer. I would like to end it but have no idea how.

[@vallivergano239]

​@@maryberon4193me too

[@TanyaThapliyal]

Sad irony, now u want a closure, however when she needed you the most you ignored her and neglected her needs. You were never there for her. She was all alone, u sound and look like a fool for desperately looking for answers now when she’s gone. It’s too late now babes!

[@ceramicvases]

Hear, hear

[@Lisabug2659]

I commented earlier that there is something “off” here. This was a short film highlighting the daughter’s experience and a journalistic approach to euthanasia. The sister/brother relationship and their attitudes are rather telling. It appears the daughter never felt she “fit in” with her Mother’s expectations. When she finally moves back to AU her Mother makes it clear she is not the type to participate in actively taking care of her grandkids. I get the impression neither the son or the daughter were very emotionally “close” to their Mom. Why would her son just up and say he did not believe she was in chronic pain - just sat and popped lollies and drank Baileys and Cream? Almost like a slight inference that the Mother used chronic pain as a reason to pop pills, Doctor shop and drink. Clearly, daughter has a responsibility to her family and is dedicated to her journalistic career. Did she ever look back and see that her Mother wanted to work, clearly enjoyed modeling and was very attractive. Perhaps aging, losing your looks, loneliness and physical/psychological issues exacerbated her pain. It’s a shame she did not participate in the pain management program. Instead, she gets involved with Exitas. Who knows if the Mother was self-absorbed, or if the daughter is as well. I end my comment where I began “something is “off” here. Disturbingly sad.

[@juliahfl]

Sometimes, you just know it's time. If you're going thru this, know you're not alone.

[@aprilapril2]

I know exactly how her beautiful mum felt. I’d do exactly the same.

[@JEBBY123IFY]

I'm going to do this. I cannot go to either hospital here now because I am prescribed opiates that don't help, Prednisone does but they now say I'm abusing them! Once you are labeled, it's just desperation and rejection so I lay and cry and I am ready to go! Family doesn't come around, don't believe it's so bad...such a lonely existence. Scared of the nursing home if I fall or have a stroke and I was a nurse I never want to go there. I pray for everyone to find comfort and get laws passed allowing us to die

[@andihunter6908]

Oh tears at the end for herself

[@mw12349]

this was all about the daughter she didnt give a shit and its still about her and her crocodile tears! no wonder the mum never told her never seen such a selfish person as this daughter!

[@electricdreams9446]

@@mw12349 the mother was not overly involved in the daughter's life either. She chose that.

[@mw12349]

@@electricdreams9446 thats YOUR assumption GO AWAY! You sound like the daughter!

[@electricdreams9446]

@@mw12349 comment section is for comments and its not an assumption. it's in the video

[@lindamiller8767]

@@electricdreams9446 Maybe because of her pain. When you get older, people and most families don't want to listen to someone complaining about their aches and pains. Jmo

[@LRyan-li9wr]

Daughters, you take care of your mothers. Watch out for them, protect them. God bless.

[@FC-hj9ub]

Don't be a narcissistic emotionally abusive parent and be surprised when you're alone in old age

[@iseeyou2810]

@@FC-hj9ub culture of narcissistim is encouraged in the west. Children not caring for their parents are excused. Crying and playing victim after they realise what they have done to their parents will happen to them. The law of of give and return.

[@Skarfp]

Excellent documentary about growing older, about living with pain, and about our right to stop our lives when we choose.

[@AskAlex1999]

Can’t watch this anymore. Too self serving

[@Wheresbibby]

My father begged me to let him die… he was so sick I couldn’t get his normal meds into him but he died at home in my arms like he wanted…. 8 years earlier My mother suffered after the hospital ignored her DNR!! Chronic pain sux I live with it everyday..

[@epenesajennings4725]

As children, in my culture, we are responsible for our beloved parents who brought us into this world. It is a great privilege to do this. The memories linger on forever in our hearts.

[@tenderheart7530]

Your parents are fortunate. 👏

[@electricdreams9446]

See you think its always been like this. it has not. Australians used to take care of their parents in their own homes up until the Baby Boomer generation. So don't be so smug. You will see.

[@tenderheart7530]

@@electricdreams9446 In the US it started with the ww2 group and if you think nursing homes are bad now you should have seen some of the fire traps they put their parents in.

[@electricdreams9446]

@@tenderheart7530 can't argue with that

[@mrsb9101]

Everyone attacking this daughter for being insensitive etc, if you listen to this story, the mother was no different and how they showed love to each other was very discreet. She does say in one of the clips "we love you nonna". This daughter unfortunately is a product of her mother and this mother knew exactly what she was doing. She was too proud long before the chronic illness took over.

[@debrarodriguez32]

Are you a mother? I know for a fact I don't disclose what's going on with me with my children that's what Mother's do it's not pride its protection. However she tried to tell her daughter her response was don't you want to see the kids grow up or mum I'm three suburbs away and the traffic. They are not the same

[@nancyrauch2644]

Reminds me a lot of how many people (Mothers and Fathers) mean so little to their children nowadays ! The parent calls and it just so happens the child can't accommodate them each time they're desperately needed. Then, the Mom or Dad does exactly what her Mom did...commit suicide because she was absolutely alone and fearful and in pain. This story it seems is about the children trying to validate why they couldn't be there for their Mother ! I certainly hope she and her brother's children don't do that to them when it happens to THEM. Their Mother went through a long, depressing, painful illness by herself. And, unfortunately died the same way. To the children : Please stop trying to make excuses! :(

[@janetamplin7318]

Nicky. Agree 💯. The children discarded their mother

[@AWanderingEye]

It's more complicated than that: the mother had been researching for years on how to suicide. Their family didn't have good communication and no one had the ability or realized the incentive to change that. The course was set A L O N G time ago. The mere fact that the mom had a dr but then didnt shift to a specialist shows just how strongly rooted her ambition for suicide was. We can only hope the remaining family members address how they interact and actively work to improve their emotional quotient.

[@daydreamc5079]

I live with chronic tinnitus, it was hard at first getting up in the morning. I couldn't sleep, I was always tired. I saw so stressed I couldn't even eat. At that moment in my life hearing nothing was better than anything at all. I adapted to my circumstances luckily. I am thankful. But I do not blame others for giving up. Especially people with unbearable chronic pain. I just hope they took enough careful thought before doing so.

[@umaimauneeb]

I have earache weightloss ibs gastritis I can't have normal life , I wanna go

[@ceramicvases]

Why so much yelling in that household, jeez..

[@lindamiller8767]

Right! No wonder the mother didn't want to watch the grandchildren.

[@nikkikidd8428]

Omg what a beautiful couple your mother and father were when they were young!

[@E-Kat]

She must've been in unimaginably strong pain, most of her awakened life. I'm in so much pain for over ten years, it feels like someone is sawing through my bones, that I can't even call for help; it just takes my breath away. On the top of that I have another chronic pain in my belly and there's nothing doctors can do about it. I have severed tendons in my both arms, some completely have come away from the bone. I have arthritis too. I'm on two kinds of morphine for over ten years and it only takes the edge of it when I take them both but it doesn't last. I can't do anything at home now, can't walk much as the bones in my toes are too fine and they keep getting dislocated. I had a surgery but it didn't go right and now my other foot is getting as bad. I have chronic sinusitis and had two surgeries. It's so hard to type on my phone. But, killing myself would never have come to my mind as there's always a hope that tomorrow I might get better. I have children to live for and couldn't do that to them. But, we are all different I suppose. It's so horrific to imagine what she must've felt apart from the pain. Maybe we should come up with a different phrase instead of "committed suicide"? I think, it was an impulse she had acted upon, and unfortunately she had had the means of terminating her life. Probably more people do that than we know. 😭❤

[@marjoriejohnson6535]

I am sure the mother tried to reach out...the son got it right.....

[@miaballester3978]

I have been so close...🙏 Totally neglected as a person, mother, friend......

[@coric4990]

The daughter has far too many regrets and blames herself too much. Hopefully the daughter stops blaming herself and respects her mother's decision.

[@brendarawlins9417]

The daughter did not have to be that busy. If she was organised she ashould have been able to make time for her mother. Writing yet another useless book was obviously more important. The kids seemed bloody unruly and could have been more help tidying up and doing chores and she could have seen to her mother. Sorry the mother had such a busy daughter he thought she was so important.

[@jab4019]

Making time for one initial visit to the pain clinic with a support person to and from could have had a different outcome I would imagine. Very sad & we will all get old…hopefully, we must include our elderly in our care plan, they have reared their children and lived through so much in their generational age💖every one of them😘🧚‍♀️

[@antebellum45]

This is what's being human is all about!! It bypasses any and all superfluous things we think are important in life, and focuses on what's it all about. Thank you for another well researched documentary. ".... Just one minute..." says it all..., as time goes by.

[@Ultrawicked]

Wow she was in pain for a long time. My son was in chronic pain for 2 years with a rare condition. No doctors believed me because everyone was saying he was having behavioral problems because he is special needs. Took him 12 times to the e.r. than gave up and waited for his gastro appointment that took me 6 months to get . When people dont believe you , you suffer mentally ! It gave me Ptsd. Everyday I'm scared I lose him to chronic pain.

[@vincentmaldon7707]

Her mom calls - in pain - asking for help, and she says she's can't do it because she's an hour away? I would drive for hours to get to my dog even more so for my mother! Her brother seems even less caring. Guess this family was really never that close. May their mother RIP.

[@laraoneal7284]

Emotional pain and depression is just as debilitating.

[@eleanorjaya4706]

I am 62yrs old & have been suffering from rheumatoid arithritis, fibromaglia & stenosis of the spine. All chronic painful diseases that there have been times that I didn’t want to be here any more. Dr’s. are afraid to prescribe pain killers, pain clinic never helped me & no one understand chronic pain until you suffer it. In this case I’m amazed that this woman wanted to die after just one yr of suffering. What I believe is that her children were so busy with their own lives that she didn’t get enough support, from them that she reached the point of loneliness & didn’t receive enough help from her own family that she gave up. I must admit my family supports me greatly but there are times that the pain is so great that you lose hope. I’ve cried many nights in unbearable pain that I have wanted to end it all but then I think of the damage done to those left behind. When you suffer chronic pain your life comes to a stand still & is never the same again. I would give up everything I have to stop the suffering.

[@roxy4158]

Sounds like a lot of guilt from the children. And so they should feel guilt!!! They ignored their mother's cry out for help. Now the daughter boohoohoo yada yada yada. Still all about herself not about her suffering mom. Sad

[@mohmeegaik6686]

The children neglected the mother they said they loved. So sad, regrets is no use. The mother's isolation, feeling of neglect. But this mother neglect is quite common nowadays.

[@electricdreams9446]

😭

[@lindamiller8767]

So true!

[@scottymc7611]

this is too real, unfortunately CRPS is a killer. The right to end your own life with dignity should not be a debate.

[@spiralpython1989]

This was a difficult watch. I have CRPS from a MVA in 1990. I have great support through a wonderful pain clinic, but still every day is a struggle, but I ‘look well’. Unless someone has experienced living with chronic pain, it is absolutely impossible to empathise. And often just washing down a pack of endone with one’s tipple of choice seems like the only way.

[@scottymc7611]

@@spiralpython1989 Wow you are doing amazing, 30 years and you are still with us, Please do not give up on life and work with that pain clinic. I have found that the UK are so far advanced in treating this type of pain and that Australia is really lagging, specialist

[@scottymc7611]

"for some reason the rest of my reply has disappeared" Specialist in Australia are few and far between so if you have found one stick with them. I have a great GP and pain specialist based in Western Sydney that I am working with.

[@vallivergano239]

Agreed