How To Stop Overthinking with Ethan Kross

Psychologist Ethan Kross explores how we can stop overthinking and get our inner voice working in our favour. Instead of trying to silence your chatter, you can educate it, motivate it and reason with it.
This conversation with Dr Mark Williamson was recorded at a live Action for Happiness event on 14 Nov 2022 actionforhappiness.org.

[@caitlinlouiseee]

Personal: - remember that inner voice is an asset not just a liability - consider if you would ever say your harsh inner voice out loud or to another person - distanced self talk (using your name and ‘you’) - temporal distancing (how will you feel about this tomorrow, next week, etc) With others: - be intentional with who you discuss inner chatter with External: - create order - seek out awe - go into nature Also just love the term “psychological jiu jitsu move”

[@jaberhh]

Some simple notes: Personal - what is inner voice? introspection. - ability to silently use language to reflect on our lives - powerful tool, like a swiss army knife! - helps keep small nuggets of information active for short duration; seems linked to working memory - lets you simulate/plan; can rehearse, visualize, anticipate hostile question or situation as well - 'come on', you can do this - inner coach - inner voice helps to process events and situations - can be used to tap into inner wisdom; for some leads to rumination/suffering - chatter - negative thought loops, affects abilities to think and perform. - many consider the inner voice as an a-hole vs an asset (negative bias) - bad is stronger than good in psychology (bad more salient) - sometimes being hard on self is good - important information to take responsibility and take appropriate action. - harshness toxic when goes on over and over - inner voice is useful (e.g. of neuroscientist who experienced stroke and lost this ability) - Tool - distanced self-talk; use own name in second person pronoun - Hey J*** ; leverage language to give self advice - easier to work through problems objectively. - Solomon's paradox - we are much better at giving advice to other people rather than ourselves! Do as I say, not as I do! - e.g. of Djokovic winning after the self pep talk in the middle of a match, Come on champ, you have got this, You can do this! - Tool - temporal distancing - human life evolved to travel across time in the mind - 2am chatter strategy, every 4-6 wks chatter incident; how are you going to feel about this tomorrow morning? how am I going to feel about this next week/month/year? - eventually would fade, over time. we have experienced adversity and this reminds of that and gives HOPE! antidote for chatter. - this too shall pass. - these tools - about perspective - broadening; zooming out; writing expressively - another tool. Relational - think carefully who you share chatter with; general tendency to get it all out. - venting to someone - could make chatter more active. - better to have a person who can nudge - for chatter support (chatter advisor - carefully curated!) - supporting someone - listen, learn, and then help broaden perspective - e.g. of wife coming in with chatter - be artful how you approach - have an idea? ask and probe if the right time or keep listening. World around us - External - create order; you feel like mind is taking the reigns - human beings - control freaks! - can compensate for lack of order in the mind by exerting it out - Tool - outer order -> reflexively clean environment, make neat and tidy - gives a sense of order and control. - athletes performing ordered sequence of behaviour even if looks bizarre. - Tool - enhance exposure to green spaces - walk out in nature - helps restore attention otherwise consumed by chatter - surrounded by interesting things that capture attention. - sense of AWE - trees alive for 100s of years for e.g.; you feel smaller - chatter also feels smaller! e.g. of plane - worries about deadline - becomes a bit smaller as a result. - additive effect of multiple tools being activated and used; the more healthy tools used - the better! - chatter is actually normal! - helping others - giving people information without shining the spotlight; being artful, not volunteering when not asked for advice. - have a PLAN for when you catch yourself going down rabbit hole; 3 things you'll do -> implementation intention. - CUE when are you slipping into the rabbit hole: Not making any progress on a problem, really weighing you down and issues focusing, or mood plummeting and not having as much energy. -F*&^% - humorous spin to it reframing to how you want to be in this world -> friendly, useful, calm, kind - shift the chatter spiral. - Anticipating news - zooming in - nothing you can do; knowing is better than not knowing. - What if-style catastrophizing; ask -> So What If? - Develop mental fitness so you don't dwell on things for too long. - if chatter drags on for over 2 weeks and interfering with life; seek support. - have good social media and news hygiene - Victor Frankl - Man's Search for Meaning - virtues of the human mind; Human freedom; reframe. - Familiarize with all the tools out there, figure out what works best for you!

[@alicequayle4625]

Thanks JB 👍😊

[@cuca_]

Thank you so much for posting these events on KZbin :)

[@valli1951]

Thank you for such an interesting conversation! Excellent!

[@lillyrose4709]

Excellent talk - will certainly buy the book. So grateful for this platform 🙏🙏😻🥰😄

[@silviapio6122]

Thanks, thanks, thanks. These meetings are life changing.

[@sallyeasterbrook7372]

Excellent 👌

[@ajitjawale217]

Thanks a lot Ethan…. I just brought your book which I am going to read & share with my family too.

[@tara4turkiye2]

Very interesting and thought provoking thank you! My inner voice is more the "critical parent" when negative, (than a*hole 😆) versus the "mad genius" when positive! 🤪 It's all about finding that healthy balance within ourselves l guess. 🤔

[@michellechang2538]

It’s very insightful and informative podcast, I learned a lot from it, thank you for sharing this great interview from the experts !

[@Transform_with_Tea]

🙏🏾 thank you

[@pfoggin]

Your content is inspiring. Thank you. I find your hands moving in front of the camera distracting.

[@pato7274]

Re 44:00 The difference between advice & criticism is advice is requested (unknown)….

[@theopark7583]

👍

[@farnazsaghafi8180]

So rediculous. You repeated a 10-min talk over and over to cover 50 min??!!