Addicted Family Dysfunction 🚧

[@PutTheShovelDown]

🚧To learn more about HOW TO HAVE HEALTHY RELATIONSHIPS, watch this next:👉 kzbin.info/www/bejne/raGthGZslLB3hMk

[@saskiaguy1940]

I love how you deliver the hard-to-swallow Truth in such a gracious, kind way. Thank you, Amber 💜

[@PutTheShovelDown]

I love how you're always so kind and considerate😊

[@saskiaguy1940]

@@PutTheShovelDown awww 🥰

[@kristlejamieson7356]

Thank you! I just came across your videos recently. My hubby has been sober for just over a year. We have both been getting so much out of your content. I definitely am in the "You have to see me as" box. My hubby's box is "self-pity."

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hi Kristle, I think it's great that you guys can watch the videos together and have conversations about them. It shows just how well you're doing!

[@nmoneer]

Thanks!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Wow! Thank you so much!! 💖💖

[@juliejarrett4508]

Amber…..This is excellent!!! Thank You!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful!

[@allisonb.8492]

WOW LOVE this episode. The ideas of the boxes sure hit home!! Whew i identified w several of the boxes :(.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You and me both!

[@dorariggs3473]

Honestly, there is a 'Dora was here' poster in all 4 boxes 🙃 i think the better than / worse than boxes have an Expresslane highway connecting them (two sides of the same coin) but my favorite go to is the 'need to be seen as' box too. Rewatched Frozen recently and Elsa's advice from Dad of "conceal it, don't feel it" is a 'protective' mantra I'm still trying to reprogram. Being the good girl leaves very little room or permission to be human and vulnerable 🙄💔🕊💝

[@taylernoelle1]

Whoops. I’m definitely get in the “I Deserve Box” At times. Great video, Amber! ❤️❤️❤️

[@PutTheShovelDown]

You're definitely not alone in the box, Tayler!

[@tinkershell1856]

Need to be seen as ❤️ I knew this, of course, but not as clearly. Very helpful!

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful, Shelley!

[@paulasuprenant1435]

Thank you Amber for these helpful drug recovery videos.i have learned alot from them.i am still trying to get sober though

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Hang in there, Paula! You got this😎

[@paulacate448]

I finally finished this incredible book! So many helpful concepts and strategies for relationships.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Glad it was helpful!

[@LisaNEdwards]

Catching up now!!! Love this video! The better than box, I deserve box... I think we get into these boxes at various different times, so good to be aware THANK YOU 😊 XXX

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Lisa N Edwards thanks Lisa🙂

[@aaronbrodsky5527]

Leadership and Self Deception is the other book I've read by the Arbringer Institute. Being "in the box" is not a good place to be but this video helped me remember that my behavior and reaction is just as triggering to my NA wife. Thank you for the calming reminders to not take things defensively.

[@laurabeigh283]

Bowenian Family Systems theory at work. Miss Amber, you are a true blessing ❤️

[@frankiesmith9186]

I can relate to ALL 😮... I've got some work to do . Thank you Amber ❤

[@matakali78]

My boyfriend's father was an alcoholic, smoked weed, cigarettes. His brother died from an overdose. I realized his whole family was messed up, he needed to be away from his father, but I was still scared to live with him. I wasn't convinced he wouldn't do drugs again. I still love him, and miss him, but I don't want to live with him. I always told him he needs regular counseling, sober house, and they need to get him a job. I had an addict who's in recovery telling me I made the right decision to turn him away. She meditates, and prays now. I needed her to talk with me. Told her she should create a group for people who love addicts. She said when her parents kicked her out it helped. She said she's a few decisions away from using. She now has a bf that's also in recovery, cat. She looks good. She use to be unhappy. I told her when she came back to work at the cafe she looked happy. She got the piece she was missing, meditation, and prayer. I use to think she was miserable, and mean, lol, now we are good friends.

[@karenmiller8269]

Dealing with a 38 yr relationship with a 60yr old repeat addict/alcoholic

[@megcarter9112]

Now, i understand how being 'in a box' often could be problematic. But isnt it also healthy/ boundary/self care to think 'i deserve...(not to be hit/monogamy/safety/sanity/insert -- here)

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Meg Carter absolutely, your right. Those types of things are out of bounds for sure!!!

[@mindinmybiscuits]

PITY BOX, but I often bounce into others.

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Right there with you, Rachael!

[@j.f.aleman3041]

Definitely pity box for me.

[@wmurphy632]

My alcoholic accuses me (when drinking) of thinking I'm better than him. He's definitely in the "I'm worse than box". I know I'm doing some things wrong and can't see it, so maybe he's right. I try to look across the world as realistically as I can and as equally as I can. It's hard being with him when he talks accusatively. It feels like I'm living with Linda Blair with her head spinning around when he's drinking. I have nowhere in my mind to run away to and I withdraw from everything and everyone.

[@ritchieification]

You are so cool.

[@matakali78]

I liked it better when I could see my bf twice a week, but living with his father is bad. He's mad at me right now. The little girl in me threatened a restraining order. He's actually never been violent towards me. It was a fear reaction, because was nervous to live with him, told his mom, and dad. His dad took him back, but his dad is bad news bear too, but my house is completely sober, I eat organic. He has a long way to go to heal, I didn't want him to feel suffocated. I want him to be himself. I always thought I needed to see he could care for himself, love himself on his own, without me controlling him. I believe in free will. One of my friends said you can visit someone in a sober home, but he's mad at me now, blocked me, won't speak to me, because I said I'm scared of him. Mostly I'm scared to watch him relapse, come home to see that again. He slowly slips back into weed, cigarettes, pills. He still jokes about having vodka. I don't know why anyone would want to live like this. I have compassion, was so in love with him, mostly we are compatible, but get sober man, for the love of god!

[@TukuDey-p9r]

Ty😊

[@mariewinter8869]

I told my drug and alcohol addicted 25 yr old son....He had by this friday to show me he looked into rehab. If not then we need to discuss other living arrangements for us. He told me he will have a job in Alaska next month so he is moving. So he chose no rehab or treatment. The reason i did that was because he was using meth once every 3 months before. Now its every 5 days to a week it got worse. I cant be around him anymore just can't he is my son but it's gotten so out of control. Plus i deal with him becoming very rude and talking back. Now i feel okay about it but still there's that feeling of worry. He is getting his BA graduates in a week. So he will at least get a decent job but he may not last long with it. It's letting go im dealing with right now.

[@megcarter9112]

Hang in there

[@PutTheShovelDown]

marie winter Having to draw a boundary like that with your son is so hard. 🙁It’s against our motherly instincts but sometimes it’s just what we have to do. I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts Marie.

[@matakali78]

My bf's mom sectioned him. He got locked up for months! There's always that, lock him up. My bf, or who was, I always still love him, feel him, he liked the first program, they even taught meditation there. He once begged me to section him again. I got so tired of that too, like section yourself, but as a parent, you can section them if there is no other option to free yourself!

[@dcn2266]

Where have you been for the last 10 yrs of my life? I have 2 topics Im dealing with that I need help with. Not sure which videos may help 1. Using suicide as emotional blackmail or for sympathy (the addict). My spouse has threatened, been hospitalized on a Form 1 (Canada) more times than i can remember in the last 9 yrs. He almost succeeded 2 yrs ago and actually went into cardiac arrest 5 times and on life support for 6 wks yet still threatens it. Always with taking pills prescribed by his psychiatrist! 2. How many times is too many stays at a treatment center? Why cant he get it like others do? I lied, 3 topics. 3. My spouse read an article about ECT treatments and is now convinced that they are the answer to his depression and ptsd from his dad and his ex "taking his kids away" and will help him stop drinking. What are your thoughts on ECT treatments?

[@PutTheShovelDown]

Here's a video about using suicide as emotional blackmail: kzbin.info/www/bejne/gpXMhp-rmaZnfNk